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Coffee Break: T-Bar Point Heels

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womn wears black t-strap pumps with low heel

I've always loved T-strap heels, and these ones from Boden are so cute.

The shoes are $199 full price, but $149 today with code. (They actually have a pretty big sale going on right now for them — I feel like it's rare to see more than 10% off sitewide and right now it's 25% off everything.)

The shoes come in a black leather, black mesh, and red suede in sizes 36-42.

Looking for something similar? Check out these options from Tuckernuck or Naturalizer.

Sales of note for 4/10:

129 Comments

  1. Does anyone have tips or strategies or resources for community building? I hear there is a loneliness epidemic and I kind of believe it. That said, i hear a ton of rhetoric online that says people love to cancel plans and actually hate most people. I’ve read things here that support that. How do you build a circle with rhetoric like that indicating that people aren’t actually lonely they just want to be alone because they dislike others? Fwiw I’m good at making individual friends but lack a cohesive friend group and I’m hesitant to reach out for those reasons.

    1. If you’re focusing on community building, I think you don’t need to worry about any people who aren’t lonely and who just like to be left alone. That is not who you are trying to reach.

      I think the best tip is to start showing up for things. If you have individual friends already, invite them to go to the Halloween dog costume event at the dog park, or the wine tasting at the local importer, or the fundraiser event for a local charity, or the book reading at the bookstore, whatever makes sense where you are. Meet people who already do community building work and that will help connect you to resources.

    2. I found that community building works best when there is something you have in common. Neighbors on your block, that share organizing block parties/potlucks and look out for each other. Clubs you join – your community orchestra, your cycling group, your book club etc… Volunteer organizations. Churches.

      I do have less success reaching out to folks randomly, if we don’t share something in common. Asking the random woman from my yoga class to brunch was less successful, for example. Sometimes friendliness at work/class are just social niceties.

      But this society where everyone is staring at their phones, often with headphones on anywhere they are waiting/being, even when they are walking their dogs, is a sad sign. I try not to hit these people with my car when they are not paying attention, but don’t reach out to them. Life is too short. Invest where people are open to it.

    3. I tend to have a lot of one-off friendships also. I feel like you should aim for groups of 3-5 friends who all have things in common, this is a good size for a group dinner or a group text message. Try introducing people via a party, or suggesting a specific group outing that aligns with the potential group interest, like going to a museum or doing a 5k or trading dahlias or whatever.

    4. The thing I remind myself of often is that “the internet” makes money by being “hard to look away from”, not necessarily by being right. So I don’t worry too much about “but there’s this article online telling me no one wants to go to a neighborhood bbq!”.

      Invite away! I don’t know, if it makes you feel more comfortable, give yourself an internal rule that if you’ve invited someone to a thing 2 times without accepting, you’ll stop inviting them (or will stop unless they’ve explicitly told you something like “hey, I am so swamped and depressed and can’t right now; but I really appreciate you continuing to invite me, please keep doing it”).

      “Hey, want to come to board games night on Thursday; a couple other friends I think you’d jam with are gonna be there” is a perfectly normal, human, non-imposing, kind thing to do.

    5. For the first time in my life, at age 45, I gained a friend group. The group already existed, but I was invited in and the group has since grown. The key was a regular weekly gathering at a neighborhood spot. It was fine to come alone because you knew there would be people there. Not always the same people, of course, but always a few and sometimes many. I am part of this group because I was happy to talk to people sitting next to me at a neighborhood spot. Next thing I knew, they invited me to the weekly thing. And forever more, I am part of this group. Those with bigger homes have parties and invite everyone. And we meet up at other times, at a few familiar spots. If I go to one of the local hangouts, I am likely to see someone I know. You may have to be the one to go out on a limb and invite all your people to the same place at the same time. If it clicks, schedule it again. Invite new people. Encourage your friends to add to the group. It obviously helps to keep it local.

    6. my neighborhood has a very very active facebook group. a woman who has kids in college recently made a post inviting people to meet at lunchtime at a certain restaurant and encouraged women to just show up since it can be hard to make new friends at that stage of life and like 40+ people game. they also hosted one in the evening for people who couldn’t make it at lunch. this has been going on for a couple of months now (and she keeps sharing the pics on facebook) and it seems to be a success

    8. If you don’t feel lonely, you don’t have a problem to solve. If you want more connection, you need to initiate plans more. If you want your friends to know each other, start a group – a book club, a monthly soup dinner, something easy. Keep in mind many people have their social networks and aren’t looking for this so you may feel frustrated. Many people solve their personal desire for connection by dating and forming their own family.

      1. Having a partner and a nuclear family does not solve the problems created by lack of connection to a wider community. A spouse cannot be everything to you.

        OP-my advice is actually completely different. Unless you are naturally the kind of person who is good at building friend groups, it is really hard to do that on your own. My suggestion would be to join a community organization of some sort and work on making connections that way. Which one works specifically for you will depend wildly on what your interests are. But also remember these do not need to be your best friends. You are building the proverbial village, not putting together a group of BFFs. The important thing is that they meet regularly and are large enough that it is not a problem if one or two people do not show. Churches are really good for this if you are even a tiny bit religious, but many other community groups serve the same function.

        And also, if you do join a smaller friend group, be sure you show up for things. I have three separate independent groups of people (3-5 people) that I probably see every 4 to 6 weeks. People can and do get dropped for being flaky on a regular basis.

        1. I wish there was something like church for those who are not religious. I would love to have a bigger social group and meet new friends, but I’ve never found a group that is good for that. Especially now that I have kids, I see how churches are really designed to fill that need.

          3. My Rotary Club fills that need for me — we meet weekly, we sing, we do service, we have social events and subgroups, but no Godbothering required.

          4. As a lifelong Episcopalian, I can confirm that a substantial number of people in attendance at any given event are not actually “religious” – they are there for the community and the volunteer work. We have an entire ministry team pf people (the thrift shop that raises money for our homeless ministry) that almost never come to a service. It only requires that you not be rude or dismissive about people who do believe and willing to say “and also with you” when someone says “the Lord be with you.”

          5. In some places (it varies depending on the branch), this you can accomplish this by becoming part of a Friends (aka Quaker) meeting (aka church).

          6. I’m looking for this exact thing. The closest I’ve found is Unitarian Universalist, but unfortunately there aren’t any of those churches close to me. I may look into my local Episcopal church based on this thread.

        2. Eh, disagree, a good partner can make a huge difference to how lonely someone feels.

      2. This perspective is why I felt so lonely when I moved to a city in the Midwest that is not Chicago as a single person without kids over 30. It felt like I needed to date someone just to make friends because so many people there are locals with social networks established at birth, or young adulthood at the latest. Having a SO and children complicates making friends because more people have to be ok with the relationship in terms of time and compatibility. On the other hand, many people befriend the parents of their children’s friends. Husbands usually die first, and children often move away. I am so grateful that my mom had a supportive group of friends to help her navigate her terminal illness before and after I moved back home.

    9. Chat with folks, especially neighbors! I have such strong feelings of community that I’ve built over the years just by going for lots of walks and talking with the neighbors (anything from hello to stopping to chat for awhile).

      It’s mostly little chats every now and then, but it really adds up. I’m in a stage of life that I don’t see my closer friends all that often, but I’ll probably see a neighbor when I go out for walk. Some neighbors have become friends, but even just a warm hello when I see someone I know really brightens my day.

    10. I don’t know that this tip would be applicable to you, but I just got to be a part of some great community building when my piano teacher decided to get his adult piano students together on a monthly basis for chit-chat and sharing music in an informal gathering. He said he recognizes how meaningful it is to have a community of people with shared interests, and just decided to convene this gathering at no cost to students (even though he is lightly facilitating). He also said he knows of other studios where adult students do this same type of thing without the involvement of the teacher. If you take lessons or classes somewhere, could you ask the teacher for help connecting other students in an informal way? With music lessons, there’s an obvious component of sharing our work, but I could see this working in various ways with shared interested in things like knitting, yoga, dance, cooking, etc.

      Actually, this reminds me that my wife is in a cookbook club, which involves monthly potluck dinners centered around a single cookbook–another great way to build community!

    11. I’m an introvert, and yes the memes about cancelled plans are true. But that doesn’t mean we don’t want to be in community with others. It does mean that because of our social battery most of us don’t enjoy lots of huge group gatherings. I don’t have a cohesive friend group either but rather many smaller group activities that I enjoy for community. Most of those are around personal interests. I would start there.

    12. There are a few different kinds of communities, and they take different levels of engagement:
      1. Going to the same place (a cafe, church/synagogue/mosque, a yoga studio, a farmer’s market) more or less at the same time, many days or once a week. Over time, you’ll be around the same people, and you can start up conversations or not — but the familiarity of people, including “strangers,” can create a sense of community.
      2. Find engagement — volunteering, for example. You’ll talk with people at least about logistics, and doing the volunteering repeatedly creates a sense of community.
      3. Invite people to something low-key — meet up at the dog park or yoga studio (eg, some place you might already be going)
      4. Invite people to something specific — eg, to meet at a cafe at a specific time.
      5. Invite people to do something specific, either out or at your house (lunch, a movie night, card game night, potluck)

  4. Hard pass on these shoes. The t-strap + hardware are dated, and the skinny kitten heel will be impossible to stand and walk on.

    1. I think T-straps are back, but agree with you that kitten heels are the worst for balancing.

    2. I can’t do pointy toes anymore, but i love a t-strap and I like this hardware look. Can;t do big buckles over the toe anymore though. Those are left in 2012.

    3. I don’t love these shoes particularly, but I do like t-straps and I think they’re back. However, I despise kitten heels — I think they always look dumpy.

  5. I got tired of wading through Poshmark. Has anyone tried selling items on Vestiare and if so, do you have any tips?

    1. What do you mean wading through? When buying I filter for NWT, brands I know I like, what items I want, and my size in those brands. That narrows it down pretty quick. Haven’t heard of Vestiare.

    2. As a buyer I prefer therealreal to Vestiare. I felt like the majority of the sellers on Vestiare were located in Europe which meant high shipping costs. As a seller, I’d worry that buyers are largely in Europe and wouldn’t want to pay shipping from North America (which is where I assume you are located).

    3. Poshmark gives me some really gross ads that I can’t seem to shake (and no, weird bugs crawling out of ears is not something my algorithm gave me.) So I stopped using it.

      1. What??!

        How are you even getting ads from Poshmark? The most I see are promoted blouses in the list when I search for blouses.

  6. just found out that my cousin’s wedding (which is this coming sunday) is planning to have an outdoor ceremony. the high is only 52. is it rude for me to wear my jacket? my kids are also invited to the wedding and their dresses won’t really look great with tights, and they don’t really own jackets that are nicer than their fleeces (they are 6).

    1. that wasn’t on the invite? How long will the ceremony be (I know some religions are longer)? Do you have a fancyish throw blanket you can bring for the family? I’d put the kids in sweatpants or leggings under their dresses, maybe a shawl or wrap instead of fleece but I think people would prefer quiet children who look odd than whiny girls in picture perfect dresses.

      1. we live in Houston and most of our friends dont own fancier coats bc we dont wear them very much. this wedding is in NY. and I’m with the below poster – I’m originally from the northeast and when the high is 52, your wedding should be indoors.
        maybe i’ve just been unlucky, but i thinke very outdoor wedding ceremony i’ve ever attended has had some issues. one the weather was gorgeous but it was SO windy that the bridesmaids dresses were flying up and everyone’s hair was in their face. another, it was cold and started drizzling during the ceremony. another it was unseasonably hot and so it was 87 with 90% humidity. another one, it was so sunny, that even with sunglasses it was hard to see the couple and people got sunburnt. i love weddings, but would rather be able to focus on the couple getting married than trying to deal with external conditions.

        1. I am an outdoor person, through and through, and I was a HARD PASS on having an outdoor wedding. Too much can go wrong.

          1. Yes. I was at an outdoor wedding that was beautiful, but a truck went by while the vows were being said. Ceremonies are hot or cold or the sun is too shiny or it *might* rain. Ugh just go inside

          2. Same. I love being outside in all seasons.
            Wear what you have to make yourself comfortable while also trying to be consistent – to the extent that you can – with the requested attire. You and kids wear the jackets that you own on top of the otherwise planned wedding attire. And if you need a pair of leggings under your dress, add those. A hosts job is to host, and hosting includes making guests comfortable. An outdoor wedding in November in NY isn’t going to be comfortable. And that’s on the wedding planners, whomever they may be. You don’t have to freeze to make them comfortable.

        2. +1. I’ve attended many outdoor weddings and only one was comfortable. If this couple wants a ceremony in 50° weather they can’t get upset when guests bring a casual jacket. Wear whatever you need to stay warm. Especially don’t worry about your young kids. What six year old owns a peacoat?

          1. We live in NYC and my 6 year old owns a peacoat! ;)

            OP – your kids can definitely wear fleeces though.

          2. My Midwestern kid has a peacoat too. I don’t think it’s super weird for a kid that age to have a dressy coat since that’s an age where many kids are starting to go to the ballet or theatre or other “nicer” venues. But agree it’s totally fine to wear a fleece or whatever you have.

        3. We had an outdoor ceremony and picking the date involved a significant analysis of the potential weather (thank you, weatherspark) on various options to pick the date with the best chance of good weather, but even then we had an indoor backup plan (weather turned out gorgeous, though)

        4. I also live in Houston and conceded defeat on getting a nicer, light dress coat after freezing one too many times waiting for the valet but refusing to wear any proper winter coats. It’s currently the holiday shopping card, so you can find a dress coat for 20% off at Tootsies or St. Bernard right now.

        5. Unless you’re in SoCal, outdoor weddings are a disaster waiting to happen. It rains. It rained and the seats were wet. It’s too hot or cold or windy or stifling with no breeze.

    3. H&M has relatively inexpensive longer non-puffer coats for girls. If they wear those with tights it would look okay. If you size up, you could get this year and next out of them.

      and +1 on the suggestion to borrow from a friend even something gender neutral like a black pea coat or navy duffle coat would be cute.

    5. Not rude, IMO. Having an outdoor wedding in late October is rolling the dice! I also wouldn’t buy new kids’ coats for the occasion. What’s the point? They’ll wear them once.

      1. +1 it’s perfectly fine to have the kids where whatever they need to be comfortable for the outdoor portion of the wedding and no need to buy special fancy coats. For adults, same, but hopefully you have a jacket that is on the nicer side to wear?

    6. Definitely not rude! Our wedding ceremony was outdoors and it was a bit chilly. I’ve also attended an outdoor wedding in both Jan and Feb in the Northeast, and believe me everyone had jackets on.

    7. Definitely have your kids wear tights or leggings under their dresses even if it doesn’t look great. (I disagree with a prior poster who suggested sweat pants. 52 is not frigid, and no one should be wearing sweatpants at a wedding.) Fleeces are fine for the kids IMO.

      For yourself, if you do not have a fancier coat/jacket, I would try to borrow one from a friend (or even your cousin or another family member if they live in a colder climate than you). If you have no one to borrow from, then just wear your nicest neutral coat.

      That being said, I would assume that there will be lots of heaters and probably even lap blankets available for guests during the ceremony. An outdoor wedding in November in NY is really rolling the dice, so I would guess that they have thought through guests being cold!

      1. If your kids are coming from Houston, then 52 degrees is definitely sweatpants weather for them. Add in staying still at a boring ceremony for 30 minutes and this situation is just BEGGING your kids to whine about being cold. I wouldn’t bother buying new coats (you live in Texas? when would they ever wear them again??) but I would bring a cheap, cozy fleece blanket to cover their legs during the ceremony.

    8. It’s totally fine to wear your normal coats or fleeces. 52 is chilly but not exactly frigid, I’m sure everyone will be fine. That was the weather today where I live and only like half the people here are wearing coats.

      1. If that’s the high though, it will likely be cooler by the time the wedding starts and people will be sitting

      2. Yeah, and wedding ceremonies are short (unless it’s Catholic but then it would probably be in a church). I don’t think sitting outside for 20-30 minutes in 52 degree weather is a big deal at all.

  7. I would like to have at least one nice holiday outfit to wear to concerts, church, and other events this December. I always struggle to dress for this kind of thing during the winter months because I hate wearing tights, so dresses and skirts are out. I guess I’m looking for nice separates rather than a dress or skirt. Maybe something velvet? I like this top, but what would I wear for pants?

    https://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=853120012&vid=1&pcid=3039577&cid=3040011&nav=meganav%3AWOMEN%3ADISCOVER%3AThe+Party+Edit&clickid=2WsSneW%3A3xycR0LUqmw9E3lnUkpUAr1Gx1fpXg0&ap=6&irgwc=1&afsrc=1&tid=braff010178&siteID=brafcid383276#pdp-page-content.

    I’m size 14, for reference.

    1. Why wouldn’t you wear something like the dressy black pants shown? Or winter white if you wanted to change it up.

        1. There is no reason you couldn’t wear a boot or other closed toe shoe.

          I really like the top and would wear it with a pair of slinky wide- or straight-legged pants, something with a little bit of movement to balance out the more structured material of the top. So as styled with a footwear substitution as appropriate.

    3. That’s a cute top. I think it would go with literally any pants that look good on you! Flats or boots are fine at parties too.

    4. I think the pant cuts shown with the tops are a really good option. Good shape and proportions. Since you’re looking at winter, you’d wear the pants with boots that had a shaft high enough that no skin was showing at the cropped length.

  9. What would you do? DH and I live in San Francisco, and the rental market has gotten crazy this last year. We moved into a beutiful apartment in February for $4,600/mo in a super cute neighborhood, but DH has gotten a new job since then in a neighboring city. His commute is an hour and a half each way via two trains, and it’s wearing him down. We were looking to move to a comparably sized apartment in one of the few neighborhoods with direct access to the regional train, which would cut his commute down to around 45-55 minutes. However since RTO has intensified and SF rents have increased 15% in the last year, most of the buildings start around $5,500-$6,000 for a two-bedroom apartment. The lowest priced listing we’ve seen has been $4,800, but none of these buildings are rent-controlled and typically increase $500-1,000 a year. Our current place is rent-controlled.

    The options I can see are:

    1) Stay in our current place but I drive DH to the train each morning (10-15 minutes each way). DH can’t drive to the train because there is no parking, and the traffic to the city can make it an hour plus drive.

    2) Move out of San Francisco to a neighboring cheaper city. This would cut both our commutes down, and apartments are around $3,000-$3,500. The most expensive one I saw was $3,900 for an apartment that’s 30% bigger than our current place (1300 sq feet). Only downside here is we give up the super charming neighborhood we’re currently in, with proximity to everything in San Francisco, and live slightly outside the city limits (so a 30 min train ride to downtown). The

    3) Get a one bedroom, 500-700 square foot place in one of the expensive neighborhoods instead of a two bedroom. That would be more like $4,000-4,500. Still not rent-controlled, but starting at a lower number so less strain on our budget.

    So: a) stay in the city in a great apartment and neighborhood but with 20-30 minutes on me each morning to drive him b) move to a bigger apartment outside the city that reduces the commute but takes us to a less desirable city/neighborhood or c) move to a much smaller apartment that’s still in the city with a reduced commute?

    I am not sure how much living in the actual city itself really matters for quality of life versus having a smaller/larger apartment. Would love any input from others.

    1. 2 seems like the obvious solution to me, but I don’t need to be in a city and am especially not fond of SF as far as big cities go, so YMMV.

      Also as someone who fled the Bay in the mid-2010s due to the crazy cost of living, I’m kind of laughing at “the rental market has gotten crazy this last year”… just in the last year???

      1. This is very helpful! And yes, I think it’s similar to how it was in the 2010s, or perhaps only approaching what it was like at its peak. We had a little bit of a break post-pandemic, but there was a NYtimes article last week about how insane it’s gotten in SF again. People searching for months and not able to get a rental, 30+ people at showings and the listing being snapped up within an hour etc.

        The nearby cheaper city is Daly City, so not fully suburban but definitely outside of SF.

        1. I don’t know much about the vibes in Daly City but it seems like it would be an ideal location for a couple splitting a commute between Berkeley and the south peninsula and I think SF is still plenty accessible for weekends.

        2. Can you handle the Daly City fog? I’m in a semi-foggy SF neighborhood (Cole Valley) but it’s otherwise delightful so I put up with the fog. I would have to have found the most amazing place at a screaming deal to handle the fog in Daly City. The damp and the gloom just eats away at me.

        3. I would do the drive to the train for a few months and see how you feel about it before you make any moves.

    2. Forgot to add, we are 29 and looking to buy a house in the next couple of years. We have our down payment saved, but want to wait until our jobs are more flexible and we can put down roots in a city outside of commuting distance.

    3. Instead of generalities, can you give specific cities here so we can advise? Is he trying to get to Los Gatos or Benicia or Emeryville or ??? Where you’re talking about will help us SFBay people give you advice. There are cute neightborhoods on the Peninsula and East Bay. They’re not SF, but they’re not complete suburban lameness either.

      1. Yes absolutely! Wasn’t sure how many Bay Area people are here. We live in Lower Haight/Alamo Square area, expensive neighborhoods would be Mission Bay / Rincon Hill / Dogpatch / Protreto Hill (since these are near Caltrain and Open AI HQ rents here have increased more than the rest of the city), and the cheap alternatives would be South San Francisco or Daly City.

          1. Re: living in the city vs having a smaller/larger apartment impact on quality of life–that’s only something you can answer for yourself. Personally I think SF is just ok and still plenty accessible from surrounding suburbs. Also depends on what your budget looks like. If you know you want to stay below $5k/month, I think your best bet is (2).

            Ideally find a rent controlled place and lean into the benefits (find something larger with a nice backyard maybe?). I think Mission Bay/Rincon Hill will be very hard; beyond sticker shock, supply/demand is so tight right now that you will really have to fight for apartments there. Daly City BART is pretty convenient into the city.

          2. Re: living in the city vs having a smaller/larger apartment impact on quality of life–that’s only something you can answer for yourself. Personally I think SF is just ok and still plenty accessible from Daly City. Also depends on what your budget looks like. If you know you want to stay below $5k, I think your best bet is (2).

            Ideally find a rent controlled place and lean into the benefits (find something larger with a nice backyard maybe?). I think Mission Bay/Rincon Hill will be very hard; beyond sticker shock, supply/demand is so tight right now that you will really have to fight for apartments there. Daly City BART is pretty convenient into the city.

        2. You might also consider Burlingame if you’re willing to do the train ride into SF anyways. There’s some cute neighborhoods and a cute downtown area. I wouldn’t want to live in SF proper and I love South Bay, so my advice might not be the best, but I think Burlingame is nicer than Daly City (more walkable near downtown, more amenities, etc.).

          Depending on where he’s commuting to, South Bay cities along the CalTrain line that stop along the bullet route make the morning commute MUCH more reasonable. When I go up to SF, I take the Mountain View CalTrain bullet up, and it’s 45 mins on the train + 20 mins walk to the office.

          Assuming he’s not commuting to East Bay, you could find rent-controlled apartments within 10-min walk of downtown Mountain View that would cut his commute time in half and still give you the cute, walkable neighborhood near Castro St. in downtown Mountain View (Palo Alto has a similar downtown and train proximity, though I don’t know about rent control, and Redwood City would be cheaper with train proximity and cute downtown).

        1. Would it make sense to budget some of the money you’re saving by keeping the rent control into an Uber fund and/or rent-an-ebike fund?

        2. this is a good answer — it involves the least upheaval and if it doesn’t work you know you tried.

          i would say if you’re 29 with no kids, stay in the city for as long as you can — once daycare/nanny fees get involved you’ll need the cheaper rent/mortgage and bigger living space.

    5. A or B, but it depends on how much you take advantage of the city/your current cute neighborhood. if you are outside SF by 30 minutes, seems likely you wont actually want to go in on week nights, but maybe you would on weekends if you’d be spending less time commuting?

    7. I would definitely try option A before you do anything else. If that is not sustainable, then you can consider moving.

    8. I hear you on not wanting to leave your neighborhood! But with a shortened commute and lower rents, I think B is the way to go.

      1. I have to commute to Berkeley 3 days a week, so unfortunately we can’t go too far south.

        1. Got it, that’s tough. I really hate South SF and Daly City, so I personally would either suck up a long commute for Burlingame (very cute downtown) or live in a rinkydink apartment on Potrero. Tough options!

        2. In that case I would look at Glen Park or Bernal close to a BART station. He can BART to CalTrain (or bike/walk to 22nd St CalTrain) and you have easy access to BART to Berkeley. But you couldn’t pay me to live in Daly City and deal with the fog all the time. If I were 29 I would find Daly City very boring.

          1. This is an amazing idea! I just checked and it would be a 45 min commute for both of us, and I love the Glen Park area. Thank you for the suggestion.

            I have never been to Daly City except driving through, so it’s also helpful to know others wouldn’t want to live there.

          2. Wow you are not joking about rents having gone up. I own in SF, but rented for 10+ years. Just went on Zillow playing around with the Glen Park area (every time we go to my son’s soccer there I think I want to move there) and it is really expensive. If you can do the edges of Glen Park (but still walkable to BART) you have much more to choose from.

          3. +1 to Glen Park or Bernal, I’d be a hard pass on Daly City especially at 29. Alternatively, how much would it cost for your H to uber to the train every day? Annualized that might be cheaper than moving

    10. I think it’s easy to choose B as a stranger on the internet just looking at the numbers, but you have to make the choice based on your actual life and how you like to spend your time. One thing I will say is that the “we’re only X minutes outside the city, we will be back all the time!” is a lie everyone who moves to the suburbs tells themselves, and 30 minutes sounds particularly far out. (Even if 30 minutes within the city isn’t that long to travel, somehow coming from outside the city is different)

      1. +1 to the lie. I’m actually not even sad about it? I think in the moment of moving it’s impossible to imagine the alternative favorite places you will find and suburb friends you will make, so when you move you have to tell yourself this. But as those things happen the motivation to go in definitely wanes.

    11. wait, am I the only one who says c? do you guys need a second bedroom? how often do you use it?

      1. We honestly only ever use our second bedroom for guests right now. We have two bathrooms, which is nice, but also unnecessary.

      2. +1 to c. I’ve always been on team it’s worth it to live in a smaller/less nice place in a neighborhood you like with as short a commute as possible. Doubly so if in an expensive place like the Bay Area.

      3. I would go with option D, get out of the Bay Area, but barring that option C sounds most appealing if neither spouse needs a WFH office.

  10. How long do you like your nails to be? My nails are probably 3 mm of white rim right now and which is too long for me. When I am cooking food gets stuck underneath my nails when they are this long. When I cut my nails I cut off the entire white part, almost down to the quick. I grow them out a little before I get a manicure, but the manicurist is still always surprised at how short my nails are. I cut my 5-year old son’s nails just as short, and now I am wondering if the way I wear my nails is a little juvenile.

    1. I can’t stand having much length on my nails at all. They just get in my way. Shorties for life!

    2. What? Short nails are not juvenile, they’re practical and not disgusting underneath the way long nails can be. Why is this a thing you are spending mental energy on?

    3. My nails are quite short – just a bit of white showing – but that’s just how they grow. (They break easily when they’re just a bit longer.) Some manicurists comment on them; most do not. “Yep, they are short – they don’t like to grow longer,” and we lapse into silence. I don’t think there’s anything juvenile about short nails by themselves.

    4. anytime anyone says anything I just say my hobbies need my nails short (I play guitar and do ceramics and both of those make long nails a no go). I keep them neat and clean and usually polished but often just buffed. I think it definitely does not read juvenile, if anything it reads to me that you have a full life.

    5. Are you sure about your measurement? I prefer a shorter nail as well but for me that means 3mm of white rim and I don’t have issues with food while cooking. That brings my nails right to the edge of my fingers. I cut my boys’ nails slightly shorter so no white rim.

    6. I finally got my nails to grow a bit past the ends of my fingers for a few weeks recently and I loved it. I became obsessed with maintaining the length. I felt like my hands looked clean and cared for for the first time. Alas, it did not last. They all peeled off and I am back to square one. I felt much cleaner with them a bit longer, honestly.

    7. I know it’s time to file them down when I poke myself taking my contacts out

    8. I file them as low as possible, if I can hear them clicking when I type they’re too long.

      Interestingly (maybe?) when I was 14 I had a piano teacher who I remember thought my nails were too long and threatened to cut them off with regular scissors (like the big kind you use for cutting paper). So a) I’ve changed my modus operandi and b) I’m not just operating to spite that lousy teacher.

    9. I cut my natural nails very short. I occasionally wear slightly longer press on nails, but they are still the “short” length.

      1. I think they’re trendy due to the proliferation of no-chip manicures. Many women don’t have the time or money to get their manicure redone often so long nails are unavoidable.

        I grew my nails out and got no-chip one time. They looked beautiful for about 10 days then I hated how impractical they were. Maybe short nails aren’t as glamorous but I know how people function with talons. Your manicurist can keep her opinions to herself.

        1. Short nails with light polish are classic and understated and classy. To me glamorous = short dark nails. Long nails remind me of secretaries from the 1980s who couldn’t open their own soda cans and dialed the phone with the eraser end of a pencil.

    11. I think cutting them down to the quick kind of looks like you bite your nails. Maybe try filing them to 1-2mm of white and see how you like it. Personally I like the LOOK best when they extend slightly past my fingertip, but in practice, no longer than fingertip. I hate having my nails hit the keys instead of my finger!

    12. I keep my nails short – zero to mayyybe 1mm of white showing. If I go any longer, a)they will always have garden grime under them and b) they feel scratchy to me and I don’t like it. I kind of agree that it’s not super common/whenever I look at professional women I admire, and want to emulate, they have longer nails nicely manicured, but this is one that I just decided I wasn’t going to do. I did start using one of those almost-clear/very natural nail polishes, and I think that gives makes it look a little more polished and intentional.

    13. I keep mine longer when I am wearing darker polish (like now) and longer when I am wearing lighter polish. They are always long enough to be over the tips of my fingers because I like the way that looks. But who cares what other people are doing? Unless your nails are so cartoonishly long as to be a distraction for your industry or so short that you are exposing the quick, which would be painful, wear them however long you are comfortable with. Shorter nails are not juvenile or unprofessional as long as they are otherwise neat.

    15. Hands, enough white that it is just passed my finger. Toes are cut as short as I can and I am forever confused at how people can have long toe nails without bruising them,

    16. No white at all, super short, cut to the quick. Manicured with a pale polish or red. Super preppy.

  11. I got the Divanne Mules from the river site and wore with cropped black pants and a festive top to lots of holiday events last year. You can do a statement flat with that outfit.

  12. Has anyone ever purchased shoes from Camperlab and can share your experience? I need a pair of simple black flats but have a lot of foot problems – bunions on both feet, wide toe box with narrow heel, heavy step so the sole can’t be too flat otherwise I get pain from walking on concrete, and my feet tend to sweat more in non-natural materials. The shoes would be used for daily city walking. I came across Camper lab and it looks promising, but I’ve never heard of them before. I’m specifically looking at the Casi Myra.

    1. Camperlab is one of the brands of Camper, a Spanish shoe brand from Mallorca famous by its quality with edgy design. Pelotas is the most famous model.
      Yes, I have several pairs of Camper shoes, different models (city sneakers and sandals mainly), they are confy and last decades (yes decades). They are the ones I always put in my suitcase for travels.
      Depending of the model you choose it could has a lifetime warranty

  13. Pointing this out will generate hostility in some quarters, but here I go: “these ones”? How about “this pair”?

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