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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Cap-Sleeve Crepe Sheath Dress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. In college, a friend of mine always used to show up to our early morning exams wearing a great outfit and a full face of makeup. I usually wore sweatpants and bags under my eyes. Her motto at the time was “Dress well, test well.” As an adult, I’ve sort of incorporated that idea into my life, along with a “fake it till you make it” mentality. Along those lines, I’ve found that on my crabbier or more insecure days, a great outfit can help ease me out of a funk. This sheath dress from Donna Morgan would be perfect — it’s bright and cheerful and doesn’t require a lot of accessorizing to look fantastic. The dress is $39.97 and available in sizes 0–16 at Nordstrom Rack and Amazon. Cap-Sleeve Crepe Sheath Dress A plus-size option is from Eloquii. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

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254 Comments

  1. What’s it like to date a man shortly after his divorce is final? Recently met a man who seems interested in dating, we have great conversations, but his divorce was just finalized this summer. He has said the 4 year marriage was over for at least the last two years, but I imagine the actual divorce process / signing paperwork takes time to move on from. Anything to watch out for?

    1. Every single person and every single situation is different. He could be amazing, ready for a relationship and perfect for you. Or he could not be. If I’m generalizing, and this is based on a small sample size, but I found divorced men tougher to date than never married men – not as ready to progress in a relationship or open up, mostly. Kids also were sometimes an issue. But again, everyone is different and people can be just as burned and tough never having married, too.

      1. He may be OK, but then again, he could be like most men in a dry spell when their ex’s cut them off $exueally. Don’t be the first one falling for his line of stuff or you will be drawn into bad $ex with him well b/f you are ready for it. And don’t do it just to satisfy him, as I’ve heard men tell me and my friends that they will literally explode if you do not let them have full on $ex with you. It is NOT true. They can go home and do that stuff by themselves before any explosion would EVER occur, andeven if it did, you would NOT want to be on the receiving end of any such explosion. FOOEY!

    2. Many things to watch out for, in particular, whether he is actually emotionally available and ready for a meaningful relationship. A lot of people might think they are ready to date but they are so completely not ready. In my experience, people (especially men) often greatly misjudge this. They may genuinely want to be ready, but that doesn’t mean they are.

    3. I met my husband before my divorce was final. We’ve been married almost 20 years now so it seems to be working.

      1. I met my now-husband literally the day that my divorce paperwork was finalized, which was about 10 months after the actual split. It’s hard to generalize about timing, since it really does just depend on the people involved.

    4. I think a lot depends on what state the divorce is in and how fast or how slow that court process is. In some states it can take years for the paperwork to be final. I’d care more about how long they were living apart and not in a relationship way more than I’d care when they got the final order in the mail. I would also care how contentious a divorce it was. If they were in agreement on everything and just waiting for the order in the mail, then that date wouldn’t matter to me.

    5. When did they file for divorce? I don’t really think how long it takes to move through the legal system matters hugely – the process of getting legally divorced can be as quick as a month or two or as long as several years. A marriage is usually pretty over and done with by the time you file for divorce (but not when you start having discussions about separating or go to counseling). My rule of thumb is not dating anyone who isn’t one year out from filing – not saying there are no exceptions to that but I think most people take a year or so to process everything.

    6. The more pertinent question for me is how long he’s been separated, living independently, and presumably healing before opening up to a new relationship. My divorce took about 8 months to finalize, but we’d been living separately for over a year. Some states require you live apart for 1 year before even filing. It may be much quicker in other states.

    7. I separated in February, started dating in June. Divorce was final the FOLLOWING August. As in, over a year later. By the time the paperwork was final, the marriage was a long forgotten memory. I was completely ready to move on and date by April or May after the separation. Everyone’s experience is different of course, but I would suggest paying attention to the person in front of you rather than his divorce status.

    8. I think it’s definitely an individual thing. In Louisiana, for a no fault divorce, you have to wait 6 months with no kids and a year if there are kids. By the time I was divorced, I had absolutely moved on and was already dating someone, but he was someone I had known and who knew my ex. I recently started talking to a guy who was just separated and waiting out the year (he had a son) and he was soooooooo not over it. Every conversation included some kind of remarks about what his ex was doing and what she wanted and how horrible she was. I finally just told him, gently, that I didn’t think dating was a good idea because he was decidedly not over his separation/divorce. He’ll probably get there, but it wasn’t for me to help him.

    9. Met my husband before his divorce was final, but like your situation, they had been separated for awhile. Honestly, I think it’s possible for someone to move on emotionally long before the paperwork is complete, just because the legal process is so miserable/slow. Don’t let the fact that he only recently signed on the dotted line unduly affect your analysis.

    10. My rule is to wait 1 year after papers are signed. A) The first year after divorce is full of emotional turmoil and being separated is not the same as signing divorce papers emotionally. B) You want to make sure he actually is sign sealed actually divorced. He is not available until he is. C) If he is not divorced he could go back who knows. Tell him to call you in a year.

      1. Speak for yourself. I had zero emotional turmoil after my divorce was final. When we first decided to divorce, yes plenty of emotional turmoil, and signing the decree was a little emotional even though I was over him, but once that was done it was like a weight had been lifted and no more emotional turmoil at all. And B and C are actually not an issue once the divorce is final – it’s not somehow more final a year later than it is when the decree becomes final. My now-husband had zero emotional turmoil after his either because he’d already been living apart for over a year at that point. We met before either of our divorces were final, and I’m glad neither of us had a rule like yours because we never would have found each other – our perfect matches and a relationship that’s night and day different from our first marriages. It’s fine to have this rule for yourself but don’t generalize about “the first year is full of emotional turmoil” when that is by no means true for everyone and even most people. YMMV.

        1. Agreed. My sister starting dating a wonderful guy about a month after her divorce was finalized. (They had been living separately and in divorce proceedings for over a year). I am so glad that her now fiancé didn’t have any weird hang-ups or rules he was imposing on himself about dating divorced women. He is truly wonderful for her and I am so happy they are together.

    11. Agreed. My sister starting dating a wonderful guy about a month after her divorce was finalized. (They had been living separately and in divorce proceedings for over a year). I am so glad that her now fiancé didn’t have any weird hang-ups or rules he was imposing on himself about dating divorced women. He is truly wonderful for her and I am so happy they are together.

    12. I have read that many men don’t actually “get over” a break up, they just move on. I’m sure it depends on who did the breaking up, why, and the man’s other mental health habits. I’d look out for a feeling that “he did nothing wrong.” He probably did something wrong, whether it was when they were dating he ignored signs, or when things went sideways, failed to take action etc. It’s not to say it is his fault, but in relationships, it is pretty rare that one party has “nothing to learn.” I’d subtly try to learn how he processed things? Did he see a counselor? Read books, journal, spend time alone? Grieve, learn, etc.? Or did he just say “wife gone, better find a new lady to do the laundry and provide regular gardening!”

      Evaluate what still ties him to the ex. Kids are big. If there are kids, he really needs to have processed and got over it and moved on. If he still has to see her 2x a week for the next 15 years and he still wants to be with her, that’s not going to go well for you. Are their social circles pretty separated? Other family connections? Finances?

      Is he an adult? That is, did he move from Mom’s to dorm, to Girlfriend/wife, and has been living alone for only the few months they’ve been separated? I’m not OK with that. I want to be with someone who has successfully lived without a wife/mom/ RA for at least a year. Know how to manage your life, bills, social calendar, doctors appointments as an adult! But that applies whether he’s divorced or not.

      1. Agree with this. You are more then a cook and a sperm depositary for him. Don’t let him get away using you for that only.

    13. Totally depends on the situation. Agree with others that the legal process isn’t as significant as other aspects.

      I was on the hunt for – and truly ready for – a serious, let’s get married and start a family relationship, about 8 months after my divorce. We had been married for 8 years, and the divorce felt like parting with that sweet boyfriend you’d outgrown, more than some dramatic ripping a life apart.

      During that time I met a guy who SAID he wanted a serious relationship, to get married again, but the ink was barely dry on his divorce papers and he was sooooooo SO SO SO not over his divorce. (It was actually the ladies here who showed me he wasn’t ready – man, I’ve been around a long time!) In his defense, his wife literally snuck out and left him in the middle of the night, so he had some ish to work through. It’s been 3 years since we broke up, and I’ve heard from mutual friends that he’s still kinda screwed up. Good guy, but scarred.

      After him, I met my now-husband, and we got married after dating 15 months, and only about 18 months after his divorce was final. His previous 12 year marriage had legit been over for at least the past 8 years, so he was ready for a relationship.

  2. Beautiful dress! I’d buy it if I didn’t have to wear pants at work.

    Does anyone have a hair curling wand with interchangeable barrels? Do you like it better than multiple separately-sized curling irons? I’m interested in buying one, but have heard mixed reviews about them.

  3. I am going to start TTC next month. Besides starting a prenatal, anything I need to do now to prepare? I have a fairly good diet, although I am cutting back on sugar. That is my weakness. My exercise routine consists of walking for about an hour each day and some yoga. Do I need to step that up with either more cardio or weight training? Anything else? I don’t want to overthink this as I am prone to stress a lot.

    1. Make sure you’re up to date on general medical stuff since there’s a lot you can’t get done while pregnant. Go to the dentist, get x-rays, etc. if there’s any medical stuff you’ve been putting off get it done because you might not be able to do it while pregnant. Make sure you’re up to date on vaccines.

      I wouldn’t make any radical changes but gradual nudges towards being healthier are always a good idea.

      1. The exception to the vaccine thing is that they want you get to TDaP while pregnant now (to give immunity to the baby) so no point getting that pre-pregnancy.

        1. But OP might not get pregnant right away, so she should still get a TDaP booster if she’s due for it.

    2. Iron. Lots of iron.

      Strengthen your pelvic floor. It will be under a lot of stress during pregnancy, even before labour.

      Depending on your life circumstances and your own self, consider setting up an appointment with a psychologist. I had a lot of life changes, many of them bad, right before pregnancy. Add in massive hormonal swings (like I had never thought possible), prenatal depression, and the inability to exercise/sleep like I had before, and it was a disaster.

      Plan on having *no* bandwidth. You may be fine, or you may sleep for twelve hours a day, vomit constantly, or have other issues. Get your oil changed, house cleaned up, stuff donated to Goodwill, etc.

      Set up a system for all your medical bills that will come in.

    3. Order some cheap pregnancy tests on Amazon now, so you don’t end up impulsively running to the grocery store for the $8 version because you just can’t resist testing during the TWW. :)

      1. I second this! Also, my primary said to take folic acid before TTC, but I guess if take a pre-natal you’re covered.

    4. I’m going to go against the grain here and say don’t do anything else. It sounds like you already live a healthy lifestyle. I also did everything possible to prepare for TTC, and it turns out the process has involved a miscarriage and infertility. It’s been extra hard knowing that I’ve done everything right and am still failing at this. I’ve spent a lot of time wondering what if I hadn’t gone for a run, or what if I ate too much chocolate, etc. If you’re prone to overthinking things, I think it’s easy to get stressed and blame yourself if things don’t go quite right, so I’d take a step back and relax as much as possible.

      2. I couldn’t find the words – still so raw, but 100% exactly same here.

        (solidarity, busybee)

    5. In general, there’s no reason to go nuts. But I would recommend thinking about caffeine and cutting back now if you’re planning to (FWIW, I continued my standard 2 cups of black tea a day, but some people want to cut it out completely). You don’t want to be trying to break a coffee habit while you’re in the middle of the first tri exhaustion.
      Being a mom has honestly been much more fun and exciting then I ever expected. Good luck and enjoy it!

    6. Your exercise routine sounds perfect for a pregnant lady so keep it up!

      I agree with the other poster about getting medical/dental stuff taken care of. I’d also get some term life insurance now. There are several calculators online but I’d get at least $1 million, 20 year term.

          1. The process involves a dive into your health history. They ask about hospitalizations and weight gain in the last year. The process is just generally easier without having to explain anything related to the pregnancy. In addition, pregnancy can unearth health issues with could render you ineligible or increase your rate.

          2. Cholesterol can also go up during pregnancy, and they don’t seem to take pregnancy into account when looking at your weight.

          3. Yes you’re healthier now than you will be when pregnant. You never know whether you’re going to have gestational diabetes or other pregnancy complications while pregnant, and these would definitely put you in a higher risk, more expensive category.

            Generally you’re always cheapest to insure the younger you are, so don’t put it off any longer!

    7. They recommend you start taking pre-natal vitamins, so you can do that now. Also, as soon as you are trying they recommend cutting alcohol. However, plenty of women drink a glass of wine a few times a week while pregnant without much consequence. If you are drinking 2 or more drinks, you can work on cutting that back if it will be a problem to go cold turkey. Or, finish up the nice bottles of wine you already bought!

    9. Sounds like you are good to go! I cut out caffeine and alcohol before TTC. I’m not going to do that again if we try for number 2! Nine months is long enough to abstain!

  4. A beloved family member who is terminally ill has decided to stop treatment after a prolonged battle with cancer. When she was first diagnosed, I knew the odds were against her, but the news that she has decided to stop all treatment puts an end to the wishful thinking that she would beat the odds. She is at peace with her decision, but I am just so sad. I plan to visit her as much as I can during her final days and let her know how much I love her, but I’m at a loss as to what else I can/should do. Any ideas?

    1. Have you read the book “On Being Mortal”? It really helped me process my own feelings about a family member’s terminal condition.

    2. I’m sure your love and presence will be enough unless you really want to do something else for her. Hugs – this isn’t easy.

    3. Some people are comforted by others writing down their stories. Leaving a legacy behind. Is that an option? Or collecting treasured memories from others to share?

    4. Share your memories with her now. Don’t wait for the memorial to talk about what a great person she is and what she means to you. Bring food for her caregivers and immediate family.

      Hugs to you. I just got similar news about one of my close friends but unfortunately she is already in a coma. I’m so glad I told her how much I loved her before this point.

    5. The best book I’ve read is “When Breath Becomes Air” and although not specifically about dealing with your grief, the author has an amazing viewpoint and we all can watch as he prepares. “Being Mortal” by Atul Gawande is similar and both are talked about with reverence in some circles. I’m reading Being Mortal to try to deal with similar issues.

    6. Be open to whatever the person wants to talk about (and what she doesn’t). Some people are very comfortable talking about their fears and feelings, and shared memories can sometimes lead to those difficult places. IME, many do not want to go down that road and would rather keep it lighter. Also, be mindful of signals of when to leave. When my mother was dying, it surprised me how visitors would stay an hour or two, and my unfailingly polite mother would never tell them she was too tired (but she would tell me).

  5. I need two shoe recommendations –

    1. A house slipper with a substantial bottom that is either washable or non-stinky. I’ve got fleece crocs that are washable, but the stink came back quickly, and Lands’ End moccasins that I love that I’ve tried febreezing with only minimal success.

    2. Slip-on casual shoes that I can wear with socks. I’ve got Skechers that I wear sans-socks in the summer, but they’re not comfortable with socks. I want truly slip-on – able to put on while standing carrying bags and/or children.

    2. For the slippers, I love Uggs Coquette slippers. They have a substantial bottom and I’ve had a pair for many years and have never noticed a stink.

    3. You can try Haflinger for the slippers. I wash the soft ones in the machine and the firm-bottomed ones can be worn with socks to double guard against smell.

      1. Haflingers are great.

        I wear my Allbirds Loungers as slippers all the time. They are entirely washable, and you can also take out the insole and wash just that part.

    4. Maybe wear the slippers with socks? I find that my shoes work with bare feet do not smell as lovely as shoes I wear with socks (which I wear with my all-plastic crocs and felt clogs).

      Maybe problem can be solved that way?

    5. I have a knockoff Ugg-style mule from the river site that holds up very well, has a substantial bottom, and I haven’t noticed a stink. They are pretty inexpensive and have a weird name (probably bc questionable origins), Clpp’li is the name.

      For the shoes, would a classic Vans slip on sneaker work?

      1. My first thought was Vans as well, but you definitely need to bend over and use a finger to slip it over your heel. Sounds like OP is looking for something that literally slips on with no effort?

      2. You must get slippers with REAL sheepskin; the knockoffs may be fake, and trust me, fake fur absorbs stink. Dad came by my apartement and noticed right away my slippers stunk, and that was b/c I got some leather slippers with fake fur in them. I had tried to put baby powder in them to neutralize the stink, but it did not work. Dad took them and immediately threw them down the disposal chute and told me that no man would marry a girl who’s feet stunk like mine. He then dragged me down to the UGGS store on Madison and 58th and had them fit me with some beautiful sheepskin slippers that they told him would hold up well to odor. I have had them for 2 months now. I am not married yet, but do not expect my stinky feet to hold me back, thanks to Dad! YAY Dad!

    6. On the slippers, I’d look for sheepskin inside as I think it’s naturally smell repellent (is that a thing?) – I’ve got Uggs and something called the Wicked Slipper (lands end maybe?) and neither smell.

    7. I love my Glerups for slippers. They’re felted merino and Gotland wool, so they don’t smell at all and are very comfy.

      1. +1 – I love Glerups and bought my husband a pair as well. They breathe well and are very warm, but they don’t have the ‘cozy’ ugg type lining if that’s important to you.

    8. I have sheepskin slippers from Costco that are very warm and do not smell at all after maybe 5 years.

      1. I think I have these same slippers – Nanook brand or something? Love love love them so much that I bought another pair to float around the house for when I inevitably leave them in some random spot….

    9. My husband and I both wear all-leather Sperrys with socks in the fall/winter, though I know some people are very against socks being worn with boat shoes. I also like those short boots that have elastic sides.

  6. I have dark eyebrows and just found a white hair in the midst. I plucked it but is there any option (other than leaving them to accumulate)?

    2. You could try some of that brow “mascara” – not sure what it’s called, exactly.

    3. I’ve had random white eyebrow hairs in my very dark brows for a few years now and they haven’t really “spread.” So you may be able to get away with just plucking for now. That said, as my brows become sparser, I’ve started using Maybelline brow precise to make my brows look more polished.

  7. Do you think if there was a Universal Basic Income, your choices regarding working and your career would be different? How so?

    1. I don’t think it would change my overall career goals, because UBI wouldn’t fund the lifestyle I want. But I think having a safety net would be great for people to get out of toxic job situations, try innovating new things, etc. Curious how it would effect lower-wage positions (McDonalds, Walmart, etc.).

    2. Since it would be quite small, it wouldn’t make a huge difference, but any safety net margin would be appreciated in case of job loss.

    3. Not at this juncture, but it would have made my life harder when I was starting out. I worked a LOT of low paying jobs for the skills and to show that I am driven… and was only able to get them because people knew that I needed a job to eat.

      1. Are you basically saying that the job was given to you as charity, not because the people actually needed the work done?

        1. I read this to mean that employers trusted her to show up and do the work because they knew she needed the money. Maybe she’s suggesting that this would not have been the case if they knew she had UBI.

          2. But if everyone had UBI, that wouldn’t be a factor. Everyone would have just as much need (or lack of need) for money from a job. Presumably, if the work needs to be done, the employer will hire someone into the position anyway.

      2. Yeah, I don’t buy that. Everyone would be in the same position, so if they still needed employees, they would hire them and keep the responsible ones.

    4. Interesting question! With UBI, I would have been (would still be?) willing to take more risks to try to make a go of it in a creative field. But other than that, not really–I love what I do.

    5. I worked a full-time toxic retail job for 10 years putting myself through school, forgoing or f-ing up internships because of it. I think I would have learned a lot more from grad school had I been able to focus better. And I bet my career-oriented job search would have gone better too, it didn’t really have sucess till I was able to quit my side gigs because of family financial support.

      1. Oh, fwiw, universal health care would make almost as much difference. Good insurance was a big reason I kept the toxic full-time job. And getting on DH’s insurance was a big part of the financial support that allowed me to finally fully commit to my career.

      2. This is a good point – I was able to take low- or no-paying internships because I had family support, which then gave me the “experience” leg up when I applied for the paid jobs. I’m privileged and extremely lucky to have had those advantages, and I can think of a lot of peers and friends that would have benefited from that kind of safety net just at the very beginning. Unpaid or low-paying internships were simply not an option for them.

    6. I’m actually in the middle of reading Andrew yangs the war on normal people. It’s enlightening and I believe, broadly speaking, true.

    7. UBI wouldn’t make much if any difference for me. Access to healthcare/affordable non-crap health insurance that’s not tied to my job would though. I would be much more likely to strike off on my own and start a business or pursue an advanced degree – just generally less risk-averse. The ACA was a good first step, but the constant undermining and attempts to repeal don’t inspire confidence.

      1. This x1000. Only being able to get decent healthcare through work is hugely limiting. Not to mention completely nonsensical

    8. I might leave my job to stay home with my kids. I don’t earn that much and we basically live off my husband’s salary, but I like the idea of having some degree of financial independence and UBI would give me that. I would also imagine if we had UBI, costs for daycare would go up (due to higher minimum wages and having to pay daycare teachers more than the UBI in order to hire qualified people), and since it’s already close to my post-tax salary, it would be hard to justify continuing to work if costs went up much more.

      1. I am interested in UBI partly because right now, “domestic” work (keeping house, raising children, and caretaking) is mostly uncompensated (even though it’s absolutely crucial). I never want to create incentives that encourage essentially farming people for income, but UBI looks like a possible way to make the world safer for caregivers and the sick and disabled people who depend on them without creating perverse incentives.

    9. I don’t think it would change anything for me career wise but I struggle to see how the cost of living wouldn’t just increase to match UBI negating the whole concept.

      When I was just starting out in my career a $100 expense was the same as a $1000 expense to me now. I think UBI would just change what people consider affordable and costs are going to go up because of that.

    10. I recently finished the book Random Family, and it made me think a lot about UBI despite coming out about 15 years ago. (The book is awesome, read it!) I work in social services with mostly low-income people. The resources put into administering social welfare programs, especially determining eligibility and monitoring recipients, are enormous. Recipients often have chaotic lives and barriers to basic functioning, meaning the people who need this assistance most have a really hard time doing all the paperwork and attending all the meetings required for it. UBI would scrap all of this, which makes a lot of sense to me. It would not magically fix people’s lives, but it would eliminate a lot of wasted effort and establish a sort of floor for their existence.

      I realize I have not answered the question about how it would affect us personally. I’m just more focused on it as a social safety net concept for people at risk of homelessness, malnutrition etc.

      1. This. Given how much effort it takes to administer eligibility requirements for many government programs it would likely be more cost effective and also less stressful for receipents who constantly have to stress about correctly documenting eligibility

      2. Oh wow, you just brought up a very intense memory. My mom worked (mental health/addiction field) with the exact populations described in that book (same neighborhoods and everything), and she read the book and basically mandated that everyone she worked with read it too. She had me read it as a young teen, also (I think I was like 12-13) so I would stop being so angry at her when she was being more present for her patients than for me some days — because they really freaking needed it. Mom passed away this summer, and I hadn’t thought about that book in years until you mentioned it just now. SUCH important reading, and made me miss my mom this morning and remember all over again how proud I was of the work she did.

    11. I think UBI would work in flyover country (which is where I’m from), budget-wise, but cannot imagine it working in my MCOL city. At least when you’re old enough to get social security, in rural america, you often have paid off your house, so your bills should be lower at the time your income is lower. Not true in cities, which are so much more expensive to begin with (and rent just continues, and possibly increases).

      So maybe the parts of the country that are emptying out due to brain drain and no one farming as a profession any more will be more attratractive?

      1. That’s a really interesting point, and it makes a lot of sense. If UBI would incentivize people to move to a LCOL area to make a go of doing, say, a creative pursuit or schooling or starting an online business, that would seem to be a positive for that area and for those people.

    12. Any UBI would generally not be enough to fund an entire lifestyle, but for those on the lower income spectrum, it would help close the gaps between “not making it” and “just sustaining”. Say for example, UBI is $500 a month, that is enough for food for a family of four (if done very frugally) and a couple hundred to make up rent gaps from unexpected emergencies.

      Individuals that receive UBI and already have a livable wage would be able to use that money to pay for basic health insurance or COBRA which wouldn’t tie them to a specific job and generally better for labor movement.

    13. I would have made the same choices, broadly speaking. But I think my reasons are instructive here. I spent years in poorly paid jobs in order to build a career in my field. I was able to do that because my parents provided me a safety net. With a few exceptions, they didn’t directly give me money, but they would have bailed me out if something serious had gone wrong financially (I’m thinking things like substantial medical bills, prolonged unemployment, car accident, etc). Having that safety net made my career possible. It’s a big problem in my field that people without similar parental resources can’t make the up-front financial sacrifices required to get a foot in the door. I think a UBI would do wonders to diversify the field, and therefore to increase the overall level of talent.

      1. To put numbers on it: I earned $24-28k/year for most of my twenties, in a HCOL area. It was enough to scrape by, but there was zero buffer for anything going wrong. I had an Ivy League degree, and could have gone into consulting/banking and earned way more. It only seemed remotely rational to take the lower paying job because of my family safety net, and I’m extremely glad that I was able to make that choice. I now earn low six figures, so this field is not a terrible financial choice over the long term, but those early years definitely weed people out.

    14. UBI wouldn’t affect anything for me now. I may have gone part time when my kids are younger, but right now things are pretty manageable. But I’m 100% supportive of it. I know people talk badly about ‘free money’, but there are a lot of people who trapped in bad situations. If they could get a little cash, they could improve a lot of things and get their head above water. Who knows how that could benefit the country? I’m betting it could be pretty terrific.

    15. I should preface by saying that I’m in a country that is piloting UBI. For me UBI would theoretically cover my base expenses so it’s a good safety net. However I have an amazing job with great security and earn many multiples of UBI so I will likely never use it.

    16. My life would have been different because of my parents options if it had been around. At times, they used social services to make ends meet, and I think that felt really degrading to them. They used questionable childcare at times to try to make things work. I think they would have felt more secure, less stressed, and been able to provide more stability for us in those years if they’d had UBI instead of food banks/food stamps/earned income tax credit/ unemployment as social safety nets. Since that stress for them occured during my formative years, 2-6, I think I might be a less anxious person, though also perhaps less driven to make a lot of money to avoid a similar life.

  8. This dress beautiful! The dark green color would be a perfect pick for fall/winter weddings, and it looks like it’s still available in most sizes.

  9. A while ago on this site someone recommended Contrave for weight loss. I’m interested in experience, dosage, duration–anything the OP or anyone else has to relate. Thanks!

    1. There’s a gradual ramp-up period to the full dose (2 pills in the morning; 2 pills in the evening). I did fine while taking 2 pills a day, but when I started taking 3 pills a day, I got very intense brain fog and got very very sad. I stopped taking it to clear those symptoms and never started back. Might try again doing just 2 pills a day because it did curb my appetite.

    2. I’ve never taken Contrave, but I’ve taken LDN and Bupropion at the same time (though in different doses than Contrave uses). I tend to get bad side effects from meds, but I don’t have any serious complaints about these. Bupropion made me feel a bit revved at first (I was taking it off label for ADHD), but I got used to it. I would definitely not drink while on them, but that comes with the territory when it’s for weight loss. I think of Bupropion as having a “sweet spot” for me when it comes to dosing, so I would also be hesitant to keep raising the dose once it had started to help (the higher doses made me a little paranoid, but I think those were way higher doses than are used in Contrave).

  10. I have an employee who is trying so so hard to prove herself that she’s doing all the wrong things. Talking and interrupting too much and trying to show how much she knows when it’s really not relevant or just not good timing (I.e. first meeting with a new client). There are a few other problems here- like she doesn’t listen and so we have the same conversation a over and over again without the desired changes in her output. And the same happens with the partner we work with, so it’s not just me. I’ve tried a few different approaches, including trying to ease her insecurities so she can focus on doing good work (she does seem to be actually good at the job when she isn’t saying random things). Partner is concerned that pointed feedback will contribute to the insecurity and make the problem worse. I agree but she still needs feedback. So maybe it’s just a matter of how to deliver it? Help. We’re in consulting, it’s a new project lasting for about 2 months so not a ton of time. And I’m a manager and she’s a senior associate if that helps

    1. She needs direct, specific feedback of what she needs to improve. Check out Ask A Manager there are a lot of posts about how to address problems with employees. But the first thing you need to do is be specific. Being vague is not going to help her. You can point out specific examples and the larger pattern of behavior you are seeing.

    2. Is this insecurity or just her personality? It may be that you are being kind by calling it an insecurity rather than her not understanding her role / the company hierarchy / issues with authority.

      1. Honestly it’s unclear how much is a skills issue or maturity vs context specific. She’s been trying to get into this practice area for a while now and timing just hasn’t worked out and she feels like it’s her 1 shot at it and wants to impress. She’s been acting super neurotic and overbearing. I think some of it is personality, but my sense is that not all. others have said good things about working with her, but she’s not a rockstar.

        1. At the end of the day, whether is one or both, your approach is the same – specific pointed feedback with action plans for each feedback point.

    3. Until the last sentence, I expected her to be a new grad
      Isn’t a core consultant skill to let the client talk first, and as long as they wish because they are paying for your time?
      One thing that could help would be to explicitly define how you’d like her to engage in a meeting just before the meeting. eg. “Dear Associate, in this meeting can you please observe and take notes so that we have xxx for our analysis later” or even simply state the desired behaviours as the norm and process in your company. That way, she can focus on what you want her to do and hopefully that itself will alleviate some of the “new job” insecurities

    4. I know that you’re doing your job, but I also want to say that you’re kind to help her with this. Something that might be helpful is telling her what “to do” instead of what not to do. I’m in an internal consulting role and had a guy working for me who did similar. We talked about how it can be a “technique” to wait 7 seconds after asking a question to let the client get a little uncomfortable, or how it can be “enabling” the client to just answer all the questions for them, rather than saying things like, “I have some thoughts about that, but first I’d like to hear what you think.” Flawless Consulting and The Trusted Advisor (and its accompanying fieldbook) might be helpful resources.

  11. It’s 65 degrees and I was freezing all day yesterday at a meeting in Baton Rouge (it was mid 50s and windy and freezing in the meeting room). Probably overkill, but I’m in jeans, knee high suede boots and a turtleneck. But I LOVE sweaters and boots. I’m sure those of you in the north get so over it, but we definitely don’t!

        1. This is a problem in the south. We don’t have the appropriate gear, so when it gets chillier, so don’t actually dress warmly enough. “Fashion” pleather boots don’t actually keep your feet warm, nor do pantyhose keep your legs warm and oh by the way you might want to put on a hat, too! Cold is more miserable when you’re not adequately prepared for it.

      2. Nope, they blather on about the terrible heat and humidity, as if they know what that really is, all summer. And year round they opine about the racism in the South while their schools are still effectively segregated.

      3. Eh, it was in the 50s and blustery yesterday in the mid-Atlantic and I thought it was cold. Not cold enough for turtlenecks, though.

          1. Bummer. :( I find turtlenecks uncomfortable, so I usually put off wearing them until it’s closer to freezing.

          2. January, it’s the softly structured tunic from Free People and really cozy. I bought it last year at Nordstrom when I was in Chicago and didn’t have warm enough clothes with me. I wore it like crazy last year, but now it’s two sizes too big. I found it in tan at TJ Maxx a few weeks ago.

      4. Nobody up north complains about 50 degrees in December or February, but yeah on the first few really nippy fall days people absolutely complain. It takes your body a little while to adjust to colder temperatures.

        1. NOLA asked how we get “so over it,” which implies that she’s not really taking the long, brutal winters into consideration.

          1. I didn’t actually ask that. I grew up in the north so I know. I also know that, when it’s still in the 80s here and it’s October, we basically want to burn our summer clothes.

    2. I love your description of “windy and freezing” in the meeting room. Ha! I live in a state that ends in Dakota and we definitely have meeting rooms colder than outside sometimes…

      1. Ha! It was windy and chilly in BR and absolutely freezing in the meeting room. I think it was colder than outside, although we were on a lake. Why???

        1. Because it’s that time of year when all the programmed thermostat settings are still on the summer mode and the maintenance people either haven’t switched them over to heat, or the weather is too unstable or the particular system of thermostats not able to keep switching them back and forth between AC and heat, depending on the day of week or time of day.

          My office is alternating too hot or too cold or too stuffy this time of year — we need the heat to take off the chill in the am and the AC late in the afternoon and fresh outside air (which isn’t available) around noon.

  12. In-house lawyers (or others who know), could you share the job titles used at your company? Most interested in senior individual contributor roles.

    1. from least to most senior: Attorney, Senior Attorney, Counsel, Senior Counsel, Assoc. Gen Counsel, Assistant General Counsel, General Counsel. Lawyers with titles Senior Counsel and above can be (but not always are) managers.

    2. From least to most senior: Associate Counsel, Counsel I, Counsel II, Senior Counsel, Deputy General Counsel, General Counsel.

    3. From least senior to most senior:
      Attorney, Counsel, Senior Counsel, Assistant General Counsel, Associate General Counsel, Vice President, SVP-Deputy General Counsel, and General Counsel.

      Assistant General Counsel and above is director level. This is a large/multi-national company with a very large legal department.

    4. Counsel, Senior Counsel, Managing Counsel, Chief Counsel, Assistant General Counsel, General Counsel

    5. Counsel, Senior Counsel, Assistant General Counsel, Associate General Counsel, General Counsel

    6. Associate Counsel, Counsel (senior individual contributor), Senior Counsel, Group General Counsel, General Counsel, CLO

    7. If I may piggy back… do you all feel like titles matter much when moving from one company to another? In my org, my boss (who supervises myself and another specialist attorney) is a “Senior Counsel” – which I think is somewhat unusual. I’m an individual contributor with a title of “[Specialty] Counsel” and in our company that’s a 10+ years of experience role, but I know other companies using that title for those with 0-2 years of experience.

      1. I think in-house departments are aware that their titles won’t necessarily match up to other companies — and therefore do the math on actual years of experience by looking at dates on your resume and read your description of your role and responsibilities carefully.

    8. Associate Counsel, Senior Counsel, Assistant General Counsel, Deputy General Counsel, General Counsel (who is also an Executive Vice President). We’re all technically “Director level” or above, but the GC is the only one that also has a title that translates to the rest of the org.

  13. Has anyone broken their clavicle/upper arm? An elderly family member recently broke hers on her non-dominant arm; looks like she will be in a sling for the next couple of weeks. She lives alone and uses a walker or cane so that complicates matters a bit. She already has a shower transfer seat. Trying to think ahead for things she will need clothing wise, easy to eat meals, etc. Should I get stretchy clothes? Front clasp bras and/or tank tops with built in support? Looking for any tips on how to make her recovery easier. We are also looking at home care or respite care at least in the immediate future.

    1. Frankly, if she is using a cane or walker, she probably needs somebody to be there with her whenever she is moving around. (And she needs to have a phone with her at night so she can call for help in an emergency).Is that feasible?

      1. +1. A friend-of-a-friend experienced a break like that in a pickup football game and even as a 30 year old, the recovery process was no joke. In-home care or a temporary stay in a rehab center might be the way to go.

    2. I’m a PI attorney and many of my clients with arm injuries end up suffering falls while recovering because they are off balance. You don’t realize how much your arms balance you while walking generally until you have one arm across your body instead of at your side. I would do whatever fall prevention stuff you can do. Single floor living, no clutter on the floor, grab bars where she gets up.

    3. I broke my humerus near the elbow in my mid-30s. It was a bad break that required a surgical repair. Recovery was no big deal; my biggest challenge was boredom because I was not allowed to go to work, exercise, drive, do my hobbies, or really do much of anything. Activities like showering, dressing, and cooking took longer, but were still possible. Physio was painful and unpleasant.

    5. All good advice here. I don’t know how the patient is going to manage a walker with this injury.

      Also, please be vigilant in making sure that this injury is healing properly. A broken collarbone is relatively quick healing in children, but can take surgical repair to heal in older adults or the elderly.

    6. My husband broke his upper arm. It was very hard to sleep so we rented him a recliner from rent a center for a month. Really helped.

  14. I see they’re controversial on this site, but does anyone have a recommendation of a good, boyfriend-style blazer? Oversized but not the “swimming in it /fashion photo” kind? Thanks!

    2. I love the blog See Anna Jane. She just started a jacket company called One/Third that just released a cute tweed boyfriend blazer. It’s not really my style but may be what you’re looking for!

    3. I didn’t know they were controversial. For a more causal look I like the Nic + Zoe riding jacket, but it may only really work for talls.

  15. Looking for a soft, button up flannel shirt that isn’t crazy expensive. I tried one on at Macy’s the other day before looking at the price tag – it was $90. Looking for one under $50, preferably.

    1. J. Crew Factory. If you’re open to men’s sizing, there are also “slim” men’s options that I find flattering and I think are a bit thicker than the women’s shirts.

    3. Jeeze. I don’t think even Bean shirts cost that much. If you don’t need it to last 3,000 years I’d try a more teen-ish store like American Eagle.

    4. Land’s End does really cozy flannels, but they’re cut a bit boxy IMO. Sales and coupon codes are pretty frequent.

      1. Duluth Trading Company. The run large like LE but I don’t think they’re quite so boxy.

    5. Wait a few weeks. Bass Pro usually includes some kind of flannel shirt in their Black Friday specials.

    8. I have a bunch of nice ones from Gap Factory. They have the 2019 models out in the stores now.

    9. They actually have some cute and cozy plaid shirts in Target right now that I snagged for maybe $20.

    10. My son wears a flannel every day and his best flannels are from Orbis, second best from LL Bean. Look for coupons.

    11. I love Rails flannels… but not the price. I can get them for $40 on Poshmark, and I pretty much live in them.

  16. My best friend is getting married, and I am her maid of honor. I, along with her mom, are throwing her bridal shower – her mom and I are splitting the costs of the shower. Do I still need to get my friend a shower gift? Not sure what the etiquette is here.

    1. “Need” is a strong word, but yes generally the hostess brings a gift like everyone else.

    2. I would think you don’t need to, if you would feel awkward something small but sentimental could be nice. But throwing a shower is a plenty nice gift.

    3. Honestly, yes, it would be strange not to. Or if you don’t, don’t say anything about it during the gift-opening, like, “MY GIFT IS THIS SHOWER!” My stepmom did that at my bridal shower. It was weird.

    4. It is weird when there is no gift from you to open, but acceptable to get a small inexpensive gift as a token (ex. I’d get something on the registry in the 30-50 range). The bride knows the shower is part of your gift.

    5. Huh, in my mind it would be weird to get her a present when you’re already throwing the shower. I would just do whatever you want and not worry about it. She’s your best friend and likely just really happy and appreciative that you’re throwing her a shower.

    6. I would get something sentimental. I got my friend the cake cutting set with her date engraved and wrote a note about how I hope the cake knife helps her to celebrate all of her many happy milestones and celebrations in life.

  17. Thinking of getting my boyfriend a pair- do the mens styles they run wide /narrow? or any styles in specific that are wider?

  18. Thanks to everyone who answered last night after my comment was lagging in m-od. Reposting if anyone else has things to add.
    Can anyone recommend a good book (?) for dealing with constant disappointment due to high expectations? My life is chaotic right now and many things set me off – which, while frustrating, just lead to being persistently angry. I don’t have the means to see a therapist right now, which would be my preferred strategy.

    Calm? Acceptance? I don’t know, I’m just looking for coping mechanisms to deal with life when it’s going 70% well instead of 95% well.

    3. I would read The Wisdom of the Enneagram and the Road Back to You. Before it was trendy and cool, I used it as a means to become more self-aware and learn proper coping mechanism. It’s made my work in therapy, now that I can afford it, so much better–it made me incredibly self-aware and frankly, changed my life.

  19. Big thanks to this group for helping me land a new job! I had posted here several months ago about being unhappy and burnt out in my low paying position, and several of you said the salary sounded quite low. It took me a few months to get the motivation to job search, and I’m happy to say I perservered and found a similar position with a 40% salary increase. It is a huge relief. When I received the job offer letter via email, I started crying thinking of how much easier it’ll be to pay off my student loans and not live paycheck to paycheck. My life is seriously going to change, and I really appreciate the supportive environment here. It is often easier to ask for advice from Internet strangers than my friends, especially around compensation.

    4. This is just the post I needed this morning!! Thank you for posting.

      Congratulations on your life change! Your heart sounds happily full so go forth and have a wonderful weekend.

    7. That’s wonderful! Congratulations!

      I had a salary bump like that some years ago and it was fantastic — enjoy!!

  20. We are now casual at work. I need some jeans and I’m a bit of a pear / need a curvy cut on the bottom. There is a lot of junk in the trunk (which isn’t as perky due to a decade as a desk jockey).

    Gap Curvy — worth a shot?
    Athleta Scuptek Denim — also worth a shot?
    What else?

    And I probably still want some skinnies, but for the office, they shouldn’t be super tight / jeggings? Like if it works for weekend, it’s probably not OK for work. Concerned that Sculptek may be too tight / body con. But maybe not?

    I have boot-cut covered, but want something that would work with flats.

    1. Honestly, I love Express jeans. They fit my wide-thighs, medium-butt, narrow-waist situation pretty well.

    2. I have 2 pair of the Sculptek, and I love them. They are skinny, but I still wear them to work (most women are wearing skinny jeans in my office anyway though, so ymmv). I bought them in my regular size and then one size up, so I can have the option for fits depending on the rest of my outfit.

    3. I’m not an expensive jeans person (my favorite pair are from Old Navy), but I bought a pair of gray Athleta Sculptek skinnies on a whim last year and have been incredibly pleased. They keep their shape and mold to fit my body in a flattering but work-appropriate way. I can’t speak to your body type (I’m an apple’s apple) but they’re definitely work a try.

        1. Counterpoint: I am more pear-ish (saddlebags) and I don’t like the way the Sculptek jeans look on me at all. At a minimum, I’d size up.

    4. I just got two pairs of levis from Bloomingdales (on sale!) and I’m really liking the fit. i also fit curvy due to muscular legs.

  21. Question about spending tracking:

    Right now I track my discretionary spending on a spreadsheet by calendar month. However, it really is all on one credit card, and so I’m thinking of switching to tracking it by billing cycle on that card. I’m thinking it might be more annoying on the front end, but more straightforward looking back after each billing cycle.

    Does anyone do it this way? Any opinions?

    1. I track spending per calendar month because I like seeing the data correlate with time of year. Can you change your cc billing cycle to sync up to the calendar month?

      1. Hmm, interesting idea! I just looked around on my cc website and this wasn’t an option to do there. Maybe I could call to ask.

    2. Of course you can make your budget dates tie in with your credit card dates – it’s your budget! You don’t have to change your credit card cycle. The month is whatever you say it is. You are the boss of your budget!

  22. Has anyone worked for a place that had business formal dress, then went to business casual, and then denim casual, and then too back casual dress?

    My firm (BigLaw branch office, large SEUS city) is rumbling about not keeping it. I think we were a bit too sloppy in the summer (which is sort of fine with me, but I do like being able to wear jeans when the weather is yucky and I have errands I’m running before/after work). I probably still own 5 suits b/c of client meetings and presentations.

    1. No, and I think it would be rotten for them to change the policy rather than setting more concrete guidelines for what’s off limits. Buying new work clothes is really expensive and disproportionately affects the support staff. (Lawyers would always have held on to their suits and bus casual clothes for meetings, networking, etc.– and no one is going to “write up” a lawyer for wearing jeans in bad weather on a no-meeting day). I’ve been in house in jeans casual for 3 years — even I would need to go out and do a big shopping trip even though I worked in business casual law firms for 15+ years.

      If firm leadership thinks office dress has gotten out of control, the most effective way to change is for leadership (on the lawyer side and on the staff side) to step up their own game. More junior people will follow.

      1. Yes, I’m not sure why they just wouldn’t issue guidelines and keep the current jeans casual rule, e.g. no ripped jeans, no bare midriffs, no flip flops, no tube tops or whatever the problem was. Casual runs a spectrum and just making jeans forbidden is throwing out the good with the bad.

  23. San Antonio recommendations? I’m going for a weeklong work trip on Halloween! This will be my first time in the city.

    2. Pearl Farmer’s Market, walk the King William district, eat at Liberty Bar or Rosario’s, or maybe the Guenther House, have a beer at Beethoven Maennerchor Halle Und Garten, get coffee and a pastry at Commonwealth coffeehouse, do a little shopping at La Villita off the riverwalk (going to the Fiesta store on Main is also very fun), and the riverwalk boat tours are actually really interesting! Good way to get a sense of the city’s history and the guides are very entertaining.

    3. I actually loved the Briscoe Museum of Western Art — it’s pretty small, so you can knock it out in a couple of hours, but it was really beautiful and captured what I think of as the spirit of the West.

  24. I’m 99% sure I’m getting laid off today. I’ve been job hunting so hopefully I won’t be out of work too long. Please send your best wishes/prayers/advice. I’m scared but resigned.

    3. Thinking of you! If it happens, give yourself the rest of the day to mourn (binge watch a favorite show, etc.) and vow to get back to job hunting when you’re feeling fresh. Sending support from my neck of the woods.

    4. I have been thinking of you since I read this morning. Sending warm thoughts, whether you extra need them or not.

  25. Love the dress and that neckline works well w blazers for me. WIN. Two things… is that it’s poly-spandex yet dry clean only and unlined?

    What does one wear under it if its form fitting?

  26. We have a new boss who is very open about his religion – pictures of saints in his office, prayer books, etc. Whatever.

    We hosted a lunch yesterday where people were hesitant to go to the buffet line. He said to me, are they waiting for me to give the blessing? I laughed but then he said ‘at our Christmas potluck I will be leading a prayer.’

    I’m slightly concerned, although I am sure our one Muslim staff member is probably used to this, this being Texas. It’s also a state government entity.

    I guess this is more a rant because I can’t approach him after letting it go. I have Texas goggles I’m sure but this is all inappropriate right?

    1. Initially, my response was unusual, inappropriate, but probably nothing you can do unless he’s discriminating based on religion. But then you said it’s state government! That is totally inappropriate, and I’m fairly certain illegal (or at least it would be in federal government). Can you make an anonymous report to HR, an ethics line, or inspector general?

      1. What would your complaint be — that a person has outward manifestations of his religion? That he said in the future he would be leading a prayer? They are going to laugh at you if it is just “I don’t like that X is overtly religious in Religion X.” That could get a person bounced for wearing a cross necklace or hijab or kippah.

      2. I would take up a strong belief in Satanism and have paraphernalia up as well. Then both of you will be told to leave religion at home.

        For real, this is basically what the separation of church and state people do, and it has been effective.

      3. To the contrary, if he’s a state (or federal) government employer, he has first amendment rights and cannot be fired for exercising them. And those rights include freedom of speech and freedom to practice his religion. Trying to lead other people in prayer is murkier, but he almost certainly has a legal right to keep religions artifacts in his own office. It’s actually much easier for a private employer to fire an employee for being openly religious than it is for the government to fire someone for the same behavior, because of the first amendment.

        1. You were not permitted to impose your religion on others, which is what leading a group prayer is, especially when you are a supervisor. I agree that he can probably get away with the posters, especially if his office is not open to the public (their are some limitations if the decerations would appear to be more office provided than personal).

      4. She said she’s in Texas. I’m in Texas – probably the same Capital city – and I’m not sure who would care.

    2. I don’t think pictures of saints/prayer books is an issue. Leading the prayer would be problematic. Was he joking?

      FWIW, one of my colleagues is a very devout catholic who prayers regularly, including when we go out for lunch but it is subtle and he doesn’t engage others.

      1. I wouldn’t have a problem with your colleague and I don’t think most people would. However, even in Texas, even for a Christmas potluck, I feel like leading the entire group in a prayer is a little much. OP, what’s the office culture like? Would he get laughed at?

        1. OP here and no I think he would not be laughed at. He had one-on-ones the first week and asked me if I go to church. Icky huh.

    3. Boss leading a prayer at an all-staff function at a government agency is highly inappropriate, and counter productive as a morale booster.

      Limited religious stuff in his office could be ok, if it’s the norm to have personal stuff around and there are no policies against it.. However, not so much that you feel like you’re walking into the office of a member of the clergy or like he’s tying to convert folks or you don’t belong if you’re not a member of his religion.

      1. But he didn’t do that (yet); he talked about doing it in the future. This reminds me of hypotheticals. I don’t think that HR polices stuff that might happen in the future.

    4. The U.S. Secretary of State gave a speech last week on “Being a Christian Leader”, even though there are thousands of employees working for Embassies worldwide who are not Christian. Not saying any of this is ok, just saying I have little hope anymore that the IG or other personnel responsible for ethics and discipline will do anything about this, if reported, when at a higher level nothing changes.

    5. This makes my blood boil. If a government official, at any level, attempted to lead a prayer in the workplace, I would absolutely immediately start a disturbance of some kind. That nonsense is not ok in the workplace at any level, but particularly not in a government agency.

      1. I don’t disagree, but don’t feel as strongly as you do. But, if that is the case, the idea of a Christmas potluck is 100% inappropriate to begin with.

          1. Because Christmas is a religious holiday. If you object to people being religious at work and imposing their religion on others, it is pretty hypocritical to have group religious celebrations.

        2. I agree. Which is why every office I’ve ever worked in, government or not, has holiday parties not Christmas parties

  27. Does anyone else convince themselves they’re going to be fired every time they mess up? My boss and I don’t have a lot of face time (we can literally go weeks without seeing each other), rarely talk on the phone, and really only email when one of us has a direct question. But every time I make a mistake I convince myself I’m getting fired on Friday. I have no idea why. You can probably infer why I’m posting this on a Friday…

    1. I worked through the recession in a consolidating industry. People were laid off frequently, which continued out of the recession. 10 years later, I still think I’ll be let go in a semi frequent basis for any little slip.

    2. Hello! I am much like you. It’s anxiety. I am also still recovering from an unhealthy job situation so it colors my thinking a lot.
      First, find someone to talk to about your anxiety. While you’re waiting for your appointment, read Ask A Manager’s columns about mistakes. Mistakes happen at work and the most important think you can do is be upfront about it, fix what you can, learn from it and not repeat it. Finally, look at the evidence. How are firings handled in your workplace? I’m don’t imagine there’s a guillotine in the corner for people who miss typos. Is your boss impulsive? Vindictive? I’m guessing probably not.

      Also – I’d set up a weekly check-in with your boss, even if there’s no pressing business. Open communication between you two is good, and then you won’t fall into a panic spiral whenever you see an email from them.

      1. This is all really true and all really good advice! I also came from an extremely toxic work environment and I am not joking when I say I think I may have PTSD from it. I probably do need some therapy. My boss is literally the kindest person I have ever met and although I’m fairly new here, I don’t know of anyone that has ever been fired. It is 100% in my head!

        1. Ugh, I feel you. Unfortunately for me I went from one toxic workplace to another. The PTSD is real and I’m struggling.

      2. Yup. Anytime someone asks to talk to me and doesnt tell me the topic, I’m convinced I’m getting fired. But I also recognize that that is ridiculous thinking driven by my anxiety, because I frequently get great feedback from my managers and partners, so it helps me to name the cause and be able to point to that and rationalize why I’m feeling the way I am. But I’ve also mentioned it to my senior manager (in a sort of joking way) and told him he needs to tell me why I’m calling because if he just pings “call me” I freak out. He’s been somewhat good about following my request.

    3. OP, for the record, I talked to boss about recent screw up and am def not being fired. Safe for another week! LOL

    4. Yes. I was blindsided by layoffs at two jobs back-to-back, and I’m permanently gun shy from it. Experience taught me that thinking everything is fine was SO VERY INCORRECT.

      Even though I always get my ish done, and own up to bad calls or errors immediately, I’m in low-key panic mode at all times.

  28. Just found out that this job I interviewed for that seemed like such a good fit and so promising will not be moving forward. I got my hopes up and I shouldn’t have. What a crappy Friday.

    1. Sending sympathy your way!! But don’t beat yourself up for getting your hopes up. That’s compounding insult with injury: you are feeling things and then beating yourself up for feeling things. :) Very natural to get hopeful.

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