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Updated: Oct 3, 2019 84 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Aby Large Shoulder Bag

Coffee Break

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I never did get anything for myself for my last milestone birthday, but Chloé is definitely on the short list of contenders, both because I've never had a Chloé bag, and I keep being drawn to beautiful details on bags like this one, with a cool trapezoidal design and a prominent (decorative) padlock. This bag is called a “large leather shoulder bag” on the website, but looks like it's big enough to be used as a work tote at 14″W x 12″H x 5″D. (Nordstrom classifies this as “medium,” which makes me wonder what counts as large!) In any event, this comes in black and beige, and is (gulp) $2,590 at Nordstrom and Ssense. Aby Large Leather Shoulder Bag This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

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Comments

  1. Anon

    Anyone interested in furniture/interior décor who wants to offer their thoughts? I’ve always lived in small (NYC) apartments which while small had a decent amount of storage – small closets but they had built in shelves etc. Now I’m in a semi suburban location where the main (walk in) closet is good but other than that there is NO storage – probably because they assume people will move in with more furniture than you’d have in an NYC studio. So the walk in is fine for my clothes, extra bedding, and luggage; and the tiny coat closets handles my coats and shoes. But aside from that – I find myself with a decent amount of stuff (even though I’m fairly minimalist) and no place to put it so it piles up on my one table which is supposed to serve as my dining table/desk. Looking to buy a few storage pieces and would like ideas.

    First off I’m thinking of something that could serve as a media table – my TV could sit on top and then any electronics related things (chargers, a flashlight, some old CDs/DVDs I don’t want to toss etc.) can go inside. But then is there any other storage piece/cabinet I could buy? I know lots of people say just go to Ikea/Target and buy storage tubs/bins but I feel past that point in my life and want real furniture. Ideally real wood furniture with doors so my stuff is stored but out of sight. Just don’t know what to get. I’m in a one bed so it can’t be huge furniture but I’d like to buy 2 quality pieces that can go with me if I ever buy a house etc. Would a sideboard/buffet or some kind of “hallway table” with storage underneath be good ideas? Or would it super obvious that I’ve bought a kitchen piece that’s now sitting in my living room? Any sites you all use for home décor ideas? (I don’t understand pinterest at all).

    • Dagmar

      I inherited a gorgeous buffet that I put in my living room. I put a bunch of art on top of it and on the wall behind it and it’s a great focal point for the room. I store art supplies in it.

      No one has ever asked why it’s not in the kitchen, but then I’m also on the west coast and run in fairly informal social circles so ymmv.

    • Anonymous

      I bought two buffets at antique or thrift shops – one is in my front hall and one is in my bedroom holding my t-shirts and underwear :) Both are brilliant pieces of furniture.

    • Anonymous

      Yep, I have a sideboard in my living room because I have no closet or other place to store stuff that belongs near the door. Looks pretty normal to me.

    • Sleepy

      I would look at the house tours on Cup of Joe. People have wildly different styles and the homes/apartments are different sizes. I think you could see good examples of storage solutions that real people use in their day to day lives.

      Also, are there any local companies that specialize in unfinished furniture? Could be a good source of solid wood furniture, and usually you can pay extra to get it finished.

    • Anonymous

      We have an antique buffet in our living room that holds board games and other flotsam and jetsam we periodically need. If anyone has a problem with it being there instead of in the dining room, they haven’t said anything to me about it. I like antiques and when I found this piece, I loved it too much to let it go, but we really don’t need a buffet (we have a built-in china cabinet in the kitchen). It’s your house; make it sing the song you want to hear.

    • Senior Attorney

      I agree that sideboards can be used in any room.

      Also houzz dot com is a great site for decor inspiration.

    • Anon

      I have a buffet/sideboard from the 1930s in my entryway. We call it the “mail table” and it certainly is that, but is also the place where we charge our phones and throw our keys. It has drawers and a couple of cabinet doors. We store all kind of stuff in there – hats, gloves, stuff for the cats etc

  2. Anon

    This situation has me scratching my head – your thoughts?

    A major company I previously had a mortgage with offered a no cost refi if I came back to them, and I called them on the 25th.

    I spent 45+ minutes on the phone with them giving them all the info, but toward the end, the rep said he was having trouble pulling my credit and would call me back in an hour to see if whatever IT glitch had resolved itself. Fast forward through a couple days of phone calls and emails. On the 27th, he calls me to say that he finally got my credit to come through, but that he couldn’t get my husband’s…could I please send him an address from 6 years ago because there seemed to be some problem associated with it. I sent him that address and he said the error didn’t go away; my husband would have to call Equifax. My husband calls Equifax and there’s no issue.

    I ask him to contact IT / a supervisor / someone because my husband and I both have perfect credit and there are no freezes, etc, on our accounts and I liked this company and want to refi with them. I ping him a couple more times by email and VM and he just…doesn’t do anything. I tell him yesterday 10/2, to please look into by COB or we’re going with another company. Nothing.

    I have Experian credit monitoring, and it says my credit was pulled all these following times:

    Experian: 9/25, 9/26, 9/27, 10/2, 10/2
    Equifax: 9/27, 9/28, 9/28
    TransUnion: 9/27, 9/29

    I’m not (too) worried about the multiple hits impacting my score – I’m worried that this guy is running some sort of scam or something. I can’t imagine a company not wanting our business and I can’t imagine why this guy doesn’t have some sort of “oh, yeah, I talked to IT, it was XYZ.” Nothing. Thoughts? This all seems highly irregular to me. Thanks.

      • Ellen

        He may just be completeley incompetent and is learning on the job with you as his teacher. I have come across so many young Gen Z’s who are totally useless, and do not care that they are useless. All they want to do is come in late, leave early and do as littel as possible inbetween other then gossip. This schmoe could be another one of them. PTOOEY!

    • Anon

      This sounds like it could be a scam. Have you spoken to anyone by calling the company directly rather than this guy directly?

      Who pulled all those credit reports?

    • Anon

      All of my identity theft hackles were raised here. Are you absolutely, 100% sure you were calling the mortgage company? Did you call their main number or the number some guy gave you?

      I would investigate all of this ASAP. Call the main number of the mortgage company and ask if a guy by his name works there. If not, speak to their fraud department immediately and freeze your credit with Experian etc (freezing it for one freezes it for all three)

  3. Anon

    Reporting from morning thread:
    Sunglasses case recs? I have large prescription sunglasses that I prefer to wear anytime I’m outside or driving. When coming inside, I hate fiddling with the packpack and case (transitions don’t work for me for various reasons). Is there a case that can be clipped to the outside of a backpack and has one handed operation? Like a squeeze tube or magnetic? My google skills are failing me.

  5. Anon

    Thoughts on this situation appreciated. DH and I are monogamous but have had an open policy on a one-nighter, someone outside our social circle opportunity. Neither of us have used this and it was actually my suggestion because somehow having some elasticity in the relationship felt better to me. I’ve been very clear that an “affair” or repeated hookups with someone would devastate me – mainly the idea of him spending our money or using limited quality time with someone else angers me to no end. Seven years on, and in all other ways a great relationship, DH recently brought up the idea of having a physical relationship with a former coworker of his (who is still a friend to him and someone we both see kind of regularly in our friend group). His reasoning is that a one nighter has zero appeal to him, he’d rather be with someone he knows, it keeps the relationship hygienic, and he can keep it just physical with this girl (who is also in a relationship, but physically curious to be with other people, and that he wants to stay married and is in love with me). In that conversation I said if he slept with her, I would seriously consider it relationship-ending for me. I’m kind of paranoid now for him to hang out with her since they’ve obviously both talked about the possibility. I can live with monogamy so maybe I should just shut the door on whatever open door we semi-had before? What would other people do going forward?

    • Anonymous

      I would be monogamous. You don’t want an open marriage. What you e describes is just a fantasy.

    • Hj

      Did you add this clause in case you’d run into Tom Hardy at the hotel bar? Technically tho, if he sleeps with her once it would be in accordance with the free card rule right and you can’t hold it against him. Anything outside of that you’d have to decide to handle.

      • Anonymous

        It’s against their free card rule because it’s not someone outside their social circle.

    • Anon

      Honestly, it sounds like you want him to be monogamous while having the option yourself to not be. That’s not how it works.

      • Anon

        This.
        I’m also sort of confused why you decided to institute this policy if neither of you apparently wants to use it. It sort of just sounds like you want to be monogamous, but wouldn’t end your marriage over a one night stand with someone outside your social circle. I think a lot of monogamous people feel the same way, tbh. I certainly do.

      • Nesta

        Right. OP is likely to be able to find attractive men who are fine with “one nighters” — her husband is less likely to find such women.

        Seems very risky to have an arrangement where it would be fine if your husband slept with someone once but it would be devastating/marriage-ending if he slept with the same person twice. I recommend having a traditional, monogamous relationship. That’s what works for most people, and it sounds like that’s what would work best for you.

    • Anon

      You can’t be monogamous and then also allow hookups. That’s not monogamy. Honestly it sounds like he might be already having an affair.

      • Anon

        Huh? I don’t know where you get that. OP was the one that suggested non-monogamy and he came to talk to her before anything happened with this woman (though he could have technically slept with her once without cheating under their rules). Doesn’t sound like an ongoing affair to me.

        • Anon

          On my read, this woman is already off-limits under their rules. Her husband suggested loosening those rules slightly, OP does not want to do that and is upset that her husband appears to have already raised the possibility with the friend.

          • Anon

            Fair enough, I missed that they socialized with her. I still don’t see any evidence the husband is already involved in an affair. “I don’t enjoy sleeping with strangers and if we’re going to be non-monogamous would like to have the option to sleep with someone I already know” seems like a reasonable take to me. OP is free to tell him no, but I don’t think it suggests any deception or bad intent on his part. This seems like a fairly inevitable consequence of suggesting non-monogamy.

    • Anonymous

      You were comfortable with the one time in another city rule. He isn’t interested in that.Not knowing and never seeing the other person is pretty different from a local person who is known to you both.

      You don’t have to be comfortable with something he wants to pursue just because you were comfortable with the other thing. I wouldn’t be comfortable with him hanging out with her one-on-one. If he insists on doing so, I think you have your answer on his commitment to your marriage.

      Lots of ppl try different variations on monogamy. Just because you were okay with one thing previously doens’t mean you have to be okay with it now and it doesn’t mean you have to be okay with something else entirely that your DH wants.

    • Anon

      I think that a one night fling on a business trip is much different from an ongoing thing with a friend. I’d be reluctantly ok with the first but not at all the second.

      My bottom line is that if the two of you aren’t on the same page about the rules, then non-monogamy shouldn’t be on the table. If both of you are ok with a one night stand with a stranger out of town still, then it’s fine to keep that rule but still not allow what he’s proposing. If you’ve both (or one of you) become uncomfortable with the one night stand, then you should also just agree to be monogamous.

      I wouldn’t be comfortable with his proposal and would honestly also not be comfortable with him hanging out with her alone anymore. I’m in a monogamous relationship and would also be very uncomfortable with my boyfriend hanging out alone with a friend when everyone knows that they have feelings for each other. I think men and women can be friends, but I wouldn’t want my boyfriend to be putting himself in tempting situations when he already has the underlying feelings toward that person.

      • Anon

        They don’t have feelings for each other, they’re sexually attracted to each other. Those are not the same thing at all.

        • Anonymous

          This is a pedantic comments. ‘Feelings’ can include ‘sexual feelings’. Clearly she’s referencing that she doesn’t agree with a partner hanging out with someone they want to sleep with if sleeping with them is against what the spouses have agreed to.

          • Never too many shoes...

            That is, to me, kind of ridiculous. If the rule is not sleeping together then that’s the rule. To extrapolate that to no hanging out with people you might be attracted to is extreme and highly limiting, not to mention quite unfair to the husband in the OP. They had a deal, he suggested a slight variation on the deal and the wife said no. I am not sure what about the husband’s very reasonable behaviour here suggests he is going to sleep with his friend anyway.

          • Anonymous

            I don’t think the limit here is ‘ppl you might be attracted to’ it’s ‘ppl who have expressly discusses that they want to sleep together’ in OP’s situation

        • Anon from 3:34

          Ok fair enough. FOR ME, sexual attraction and consistent hooking up with someone has enough potential to develop into deeper feelings that I would not feel comfortable with my boyfriend hanging out alone with someone I know he’s attracted to in that way, doubly so if the other person is also attracted to him in that way.

          I just wanted to let OP know that there are others who wouldn’t feel comfortable with them hanging out alone now that she (and the friend) knows about the sexual attraction.

    • BeenThatGuy

      Situations like this require rules. You set the rules that it needs to be a one-nighter and no one from your circle. He doesn’t want to abide by those rules. That’s the concerning part and I would be paranoid too.

    • anon

      Physical relationship with a friend sounds like something much different than a one-night stand.

      I don’t know, it kind of sounds like this agreement doesn’t work for you as a couple if you’re cool with being with a stranger and he’s not. It sounds like you’re overdue for a talk about what monogamy means to *both* of you. I wouldn’t be very comfortable with him hanging out with this friend, but on the other hand, you sort of opened up the conversation with this agreement in the first place.

      • LaurenB

        This is a perfect example of why the concept of a free card is a bad idea unless it’s jokingly reserved for the off chance a celebrity you’ll never meet wants you. Just dumb overall. Either be committed, or don’t. I wouldn’t leave my spouse over a one night stand out of town, but I wouldn’t bake it in as “acceptable” in the first place.

  6. Small purse (or purse-like thing) or large clutch

    I have a large-ish zippy wallet, an iPhone 8 Plus, keys (car + apartment + mailbox), plus (now) glasses to tote around.

    I usually carry an OG (to hold mainly laptop and take-home work) and can put these in it, but if I go out for a work dinner or work lunch or an just around town, the OG is a lot to schlep.

    What is a good bag for fitting my non-laptop essentials in so I’m not so burdened down? Large clutch? Smaller bag? And I need specific recommendations if possible. Not picky on price — if something is too spendy, I’ve had luck finding something similar for less once I know which direction to head in.

    • Katie

      I really love the Lo & Sons Pearl. The strap can be adjusted to be cross-body, shoulder, or large clutch. It holds a lot more than I expected without getting bulky.

      • Anonymous

        Counterpoint – I find the Pearl a wonky shape for check-sized wallets. You have to use a foldover/single credit card sized wallet or it won’t fit right and won’t allow anything else to fit.

        • Anon

          Late to this thread, but agreed about the Pearl. It’s a pain to switch out my longer wallet to use this bag.
          Other than that I like the size and storage of the Pearl, except it also doesn’t feel particularly secure with the single snap closure at the top.

    • Anon

      I’ve been eyeing the Caraa mini circle for this. I have a code if you want it (I don’t get anything from it, already have another coupon).

  7. Legally Brunette

    Posting again in the hope of a few more responses, thanks for those who chimed in earlier today.

    My two best friends and I would like to go to a wellness retreat the first week of May. Any ideas on where to go? I’ve never been to one of these.

    Requirements
    – We can only get away for a 3 day weekend and want to go somewhere warm.
    – We want a good place but doesn’t have to be super duper luxurious.
    – Good vegetarian food but no restricted caloric diet — that’s not us. Wine is a must.
    – Interested in fitness, bonding/fun, and perhaps some meditation and a spa treatment or two

    I live in CA, other two are in New England. Happy to go anywhere.

    Thanks!

    • Anonymous

      I’ve heard good things about Two Bunch Palms Resorts, and had a good experience at Canyon Ranch in Las Vegas.

      • Legally Brunette

        Thanks everyone! One clarification, looking at some of the options suggested, I’m not looking for a hotel with a spa. Looking for a place where there are planned retreats with some type of schedule (even loose), which would also give us the chance to meet other women there as well. Sounds like Rancho La Puerta would be like this, but seems like their 4 day options are very limited.

      • Ducky

        +1 to Canyon Ranch. I was there on Monday and it was just as good as previous visits.

    • Irish Midori

      I was late to the other thread, but suggested Grove Park Inn in Asheville, NC. It’s likely to be lovely weather in May, has a gorgeous spa, and there are a lot of outdoorsy things to do in the area. Personally I’d rent bikes and hit the Blue Ridge Parkway, and follow up with a massage and glass of wine on the terrace.

      • Anonymous

        IDK re vegetarian options, but OMG I had the best risotto ever there. And you can go to strictly vegetarian places in Asheville easily (and breweries). Make sure you stay in the old building — it is charming and has giant fireplaces littered with rocking chairs.

        • Anonymous

          +100 on the old building, which is charming. The newer wings are just a hotel.

      • Anon

        Not OP but I’ve been wanting to visit Asheville for years and this place looks amazing. I may have to go for my birthday in May…

    • Anonymous

      I just came back from Sunrise Springs Spa in Santa Fe on a solo vacation and it was wonderful. Mineral baths, pools, massage, yoga, meditation and other types of classes. The food was great, the grounds were beautiful and after three days I came back very refreshed with some tools to help preserve my well being. If you get one of their packages, meals are included (you pay tax, tips, and alcohol) along some spa credit. I wanted to go to Rancho La Puerta but couldn’t swing a whole week for various reasons. Will definitely go back.

  8. Kiawah

    Has anyone been to Kiawah? If so, do you stay at the Sanctuary (large hotel) or one of the rentals you can book that has access to the resort stuff and beaches? Any tips? Do you drive? We’re not golfers, but I have a work trip there and was thinking of bringing the family as it is a resort-ish area.

    • Anon

      My sister worked there. It is gorgeous. We stayed in a rental house. We drove there and like being able to go off resort for groceries or to the movies. There are lots of gators that live on public paths so watch your kids. The beach is gorgeous.

  9. Vicky Austin

    So you know those super cathartic, fantasy ideas that you have about quitting in a huff, or sending that ragey email, or taping a job description to somebody’s door a la Martin Luther (surely it’s not just me)? Despite the fact that history tells us it is not recommended, has anybody ever pulled off such a fantasy and lived to tell about it? Was it what you were hoping it would be?

    • anon

      Check out yesterday’s Ask a Manager for a spectacular quit story – it’s under the “burned a bridge” title and it is GLORIOUS.

    • nutella

      Have never done this but very interested in this myself! In my dream, I throw a bunch of papers in the air in my boss’s office haha. And maybe march down the hall popping my head into people’s offices giving them a piece of my mind but (1) I would never do that and (2) I don’t honestly think even years of improv would help me know what to say. I also think if I threw the papers in the air I would probably start laughing, which… spoils it I think.

    • Anon

      Oh…I did that..
      I am an engineer and I had a technical lead who was very insecure and micromanaging me to an extent where I dreaded getting her emails or instant messages. The frustration built up over months. In a team meeting, when I was talking about a problem that I was solving, lead continuously interrupted me. I asked her in front on every one that she should stop interrupting me and let me speak, if she wants to speak so much, she can speak on my behalf, but I will walk out of the meeting.
      Well, every one was stunned as no one in the team dared to speak anything to her. She was humiliated in front of the team, enraged and I got to see her full fury. I was put under performance management (to prepare paper work for firing me), I took it up to very high levels in management and overturned got me out of being performance managed. Then, I left the team.
      I am not sure if I regret doing what I did. But don’t want to get myself in that situation again. I would bail long before I get to that point. The anxiety and stress that followed was not worth it.

    • Anon

      The AAM post was clearly a humblebrag but I enjoyed the story nonetheless. I loved the execution of the quit 2 hours before COB.

      • Senior Attorney

        Haha I just read it as a straight-up non-humble brag and I loved it!!

    • Small Firm IP Litigator

      I quit BigLaw on the spot as a senior associate. I got the one millionth micro-manage-y email – this one editing an email I was sending to opposing counsel on a simple discovery issue, that changed ONE WORD FOR STYLE. This is after putting up with this and much worse BS and 2800 hour+ billables for 5+ years. I received the email, walked to our practice group leader (who sent the email), calmly told him that this was my 2 weeks notice, and then emailed HR the same. It was fantastic, and led to a job that is a drastically better fit.

    • Anon

      I will hopefully be able to use one of these ideas soon. Just kidding, I will probably end up giving a nice, professional letter of resignation and thanking everyone for the opportunity, and telling everyone how I will miss them, but in my mind I’m driving the motorized cart with sparklers up the Hungry Man aisle and playing We Are The Champions. (link in AAM story)

    • curvycurls

      This might out me and it’s a long story but I quit my first job pretty spectacularly. The front desk administrative assistant went on vacation and we hired a temp to fill her job for the time being. The original administrative assistant gets back, decides she doesn’t want to sit at the front desk and answer phones any more (she also had an office), and convinces the boss to keep the temp. Well, the temp quit, and all of a sudden they moved me to the administrative position (not at all what I was hired for). On top of that, the boss was insane, his wife worked there with him. They were always screaming and arguing at each other and it was just a miserable place to be. Another example-I had to put mail in people’s inboxes, so when the boss got a package I just put it in his box. He comes out to me, starts screaming at me in front of everyone to NEVER PUT AN UNOPENED PACKAGE IN HIS BOX AGAIN, AND I AM TO OPEN IT FOR HIM. And then he made me open it, right after the yelling ended.

      So, fast forward, I’m still working the front desk and hating it, job searching, and I finally get an offer from another company. So I sent out an email to all of the people I was friendly with, told them what my last day would be, and they put together a lunch for me. I did not email the boss, or the administrative assistant. Then when we all got back in the office, I put my letter of resignation on her desk and walked out. It felt SO GOOD.

  10. Anon

    I ended up with an Impossible burger package and am trying to decide what to make with it.. you’re supposed to use it like ground beef. Any suggestions? The obvious answer is burgers but that seems boring.

    • Worry about yourself

      I can’t wait for this stuff to be available in Boston! I wanna make tacos with it, and spaghetti sauce! Maybe meatballs too, there’s a restaurant chain around here with an absolutely delicious Impossible meatball sandwich. I’m also interested in making chili with it, but I’m curious if need to be careful not to overcook it, and what might happen if you put it in a slow cooker for a few hours.

  13. In-House in Houston

    This bag that Kat featured is really pretty. My question for those of you who use purses like this one, doesn’t your elbow hurt after a while? That bag looks heavy and I just have to think that my forearm/elbow would really start to hurt after a while. I only use shoulder bags or hobo’s that fit on my shoulder. Am I just over-thinking it?

  14. Anonymous

    Any tips for ensuring folks make your meetings? I work in a mid-size company with only a handful of VPs and directors. I’m a director who has been tasked (as part of my goals) to train a few employees from different departments on how to do something fairly technical (mainly, so I can stop being the go-to). I have taken a lot of effort to set up clear training materials and make these lessons (of which there will only be a handful) as interactive as I can. It is a huge interruption to my day to do this, and it’s kind of irksome in that I had to learn how to do this all myself by reading info online, searching list servs, etc.

    So far, I’ve had just as many meetings held as canceled. One person missed because they took a week off of vacation and never gave notice, another one bailed due to some sort of family emergency that I only heard about moments before the meeting was about to start because I just happened to be talking to the individual’s boss and now today we were supposed to meet again and two made everyone else sit o n a call for 15 min because they were in some other meeting that was running over (no communication from them except when I pinged to see where they were). Wtf?!

    I can’t proceed without everyone present because the trainings build on each other. When the two became available after I had already called it quits at 15 min of waiting, I told them I would reschedule. Petty maybe, but I wanted it to be seen there was some sort of consequence.

    I don’t know what else to do other than remind them again that if they can’t make our meeting time for any reason that they need to be courteous to everyone else and let us know in advance. Maybe remind them that this has taken a lot of my time to pull together…?

    Any other advice? I’m not used to being blown off like this. It just doesn’t happen with my own department.

    • Anon

      I mean, it doesn’t sound like there will be any consequences for them missing this so I don’t know what you can do, unless you get backup from people above you and above them.

    • Anon

      Talk to the managers of the people who are supposed to train and give them a date (a deadline) and tell them that after that date, you will stop being the go-to person. All the questions you get will be redirected to people who are supposed to learn the skill from you. It is up to them if they want to pick up the skill before the deadline.

  15. Anonymous

    I love this bag btw. Not something I need in life but it’s fantastic. A nice classic choice.

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