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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 181 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Circle Trim Top

The Personal Shopper (TPS) | ·

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. This top from Talbots is the kind of thing that really depends on you and your personality. I think if you've got sort of an edgier style, this top is probably not right for you, but if you're more along the lines of a Kate Spade/Tory Burch preppy girl, this is a great choice. As reviewers note, if you hate the many details that are common right now (“rick-rack trim [sic], flouncy bows, grandma's embroidery, decorations”), then you may really like this, particularly if you have a naturally preppy style. The top comes in four colors (navy, white, yellow, and green) and is offered in misses, petites, woman, and woman petites. It's 100% pima cotton and machine washable, and it's $39.50. Circle Trim Top Psst: looking for springy white tops for work? We just updated some of our picks in this older post… This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 9.19.24

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 15% off new styles
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
  • Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
  • Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
  • Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
  • Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
  • White House Black Market – 40% off select styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Does anyone have any suggestions where to find a canvass sweater storage bag? Looking to store wool and cashmere. I really love the ones from The Laundress, but they have been out of stock for a while, and when I contacted them, they said they do not know when they will be back.

    • Anonymous

      The Container Store? I know they’ll have a range of options – I just don’t know if any of them will be canvas. Otherwise, maybe you could have someone sew one up?

        • Anonymous

          I think they have some that are mostly cotton twill with some see thru plastic – so you get the breathability + the visibility.

          Otherwise…what comes up when you do a general google search? That would be my next step.

          • Katie

            I use a canvassy sort of storage box from IKEA for wool and cashmere sweaters. I don’t find it to feel plasticky, it seems to breath OK, but I realize this isn’t helpful if you specifically want a bag. Take a look at the SKUBB and SVIRA storage boxes.

  2. Anon

    Ok ladies, I have a confession. I think I’m almost done writing a novel. I’m in finance and the least creative person ever, but I’ve always been a voracious reader. I had an idea spring into my head once night while on maternity leave and just starting writing a few chapters here and there during naps and after my daughter went to bed. It was such a great outlet, and now it seems like I now have an almost 400 page book on my hands.

    Sooo what do I do now? Tuck it in a drawer? Send it to someone? I don’t think I’m the next Emily Giffin or anything, but I think it might actually be a decently enjoyable read.

    • Anonymous

      Wow!

      As a starting point, maybe pick up a copy of the current edition of the Writer’s Market?

    • Anonymous

      You could self-publish an ebook. Probably best to hire an editor to review and give some objective edits (though I have no idea how you find one of those…)

      • Anon

        Probably someone here can say more definitively, but you can find people for this on odesk, elance, upwork, etc

    • Anonymous

      Congrats! I would finish it. Then let it sit for a week or two. Reread the whole thing and make any edits. Ask a close friend to read it – preferably someone who is a voracious reader as well. Consider any suggestions they have. Send it to a few publishing houses and see what the response is. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

      • lsw

        I think this is great advice. I’m writing something as well, and this is my plan. I think it makes sense to have a few friends read it over. Good luck!

      • Ellen

        Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love Fruegel Friday and this fruegel top, which also looks nice on a plus-sized model! I can wear it as a size 2 or 4.

        As for the OPs, Yes, I too am writing a book about women in the legal profession, includeing our trial’s and tribulation’s with men and trying to balance work and career. So far, I have a MS Word Document that is over 277 pages in 8 chapters, starting in Junior High, when we first were taught to become professionals (as women), Chapter 2 is High School, where we are balancing trying to be smart against impressing and dating men for the first time. Chapter 3 is college, where the journey continues, but s-x is introduced (to me) for the first time. Chapter 4 is law school, which is pretty much a continuation of college on the topics, but the stories are funnier. Chapter 5 is the Bar/Life back in NY and personal and family issues in my first job; Chapter 6 which is all about my current job and balancing it with my desire to have a husband and family; and Chapter 7, which is a continuation of my personal struggels with family and professional life; – trying to balance in a personal life while billing over 7200 hours a year.

        I think I will show it to Myrna in a few weeks; it is still a work in progress, and she can help me edit it. I will make her a co-author if she add’s stories about her life in the investement bank and how men want to have s-x with her all the time; and how she balances work with atheletic pursuit’s.

        I told Dad about the book and he was not thrilled, b/c he is in the book. He warned me NOT to put in anything about his life in the goverment and what he did behind the Iron Curtan. I told him I would not get into any more specifics then I did talking to the HIVE. He still does NOT want to be in the book b/c he is still workeing as a professor, so I told him I would let him review it before I published it. YAY!!!!

    • Davis

      Awesome! Don’t tuck it away! I want to read it!

      I had a friendly recently publish on Amazon and do an ebook and paperback version. They key is a solid edit first, like others mentioned. It doesn’t hurt to try the official publishing route too.

      What a way to use your maternity leave!

    • Toast

      A friend self published a novel and hired Linda Young at Eagle Eye Editors to serve as the editor. He was very pleased with her results. His book is now on Amazon to some great reviews.

    • Anon

      Congratulations! I’m interested in this as well because I have a novel idea percolating in my brain and I have no clue how you go about publishing after I sit down and write. I’ll be following this thread today. Good luck to you!

    • Baconpancakes

      Wow! This is fantastic! I strongly recommend you hire an editor and find a publisher if you want your novel to do anything other than sit on the shelf (which is totally fine, just writing it is a major accomplishment!). The e-book self-publishing route has worked for a tiny handful of authors, but many many more potentially great books just sit in Amazon’s marketplace. And a great editor is worth their weight in gold.

      • Anon

        I have read articles by self published authors who make a strong living off of it and have never had a published, but they almost all confirm that being able to do this relies on 1) heavy volume of novels, 2) specific to romance and sci-fi genres, almost all shorter books.

    • Anonymous

      Wow! I’m on mat leave and feel accomplished when I shower and dry my hair. Writing a novel is seriously impressive!

      • Anon

        Should clarify that it started on mat leave! I didn’t finish the whole thing while I was on leave- it took about a year on and off.

        I had a lot of complicated feelings to process about my journey to being a mom – miscarriages starting at age 25, infertility from 26-29 all while I had 3 friends become *accidentally* pregnant while using some form of birth control (probably imperfectly). This was like my free version of therapy – I hadn’t told anyone except for my mom and obviously husband about the difficulties getting pregnant because I didn’t want to make things weird in what I found out we’re pretty superficial relationships.

        • Yellow

          So so sorry to hear about your struggle and so glad that it had a happy ending for you. I was just talking to one of my friends about how devastating it is when it doesn’t feel “normal” even though more people than you’d think struggle with it

    • anon a mouse

      A friend of mine runs a site for authors like you! Bookconnectors.com.

      If you’re not quite ready for that step, you can also look for a local writers group in your area, where you can share chapters and get feedback (you have to participate and give feedback for others, too).

    • Senior Attorney

      Wow, congratulations! I have no advice but I’m seriously impressed!

    • Anonymous

      Editor weighing in here. Agree with the advice to let it sit for a while, then go back and do extensive rewriting. Then have a friend with a sharp eye give you feedback. Not on typos and sentences, but on the plot and characters. Make more changes.

      If you want to learn the craft of writing, join a local writer’s critique group. You’ll read each other what you’ve written and get feedback.

      Look for writer’s conferences to go to, where you’ll get to network, learn about publishing, and meet editors and agents.

  3. Anon

    How do you all save things you have seen online? For instance, I recently picked photography back up and have come across some inspirational photos on photography blogs, facebook, pinterest, etc. How can I save these all in one spot? Is there an app I can use?

  4. Ms B

    PSA: If you are a Talbots Classic Awards Member or join (and note: this is just an affinity card, not a credit card), purchases are 25% off this week, plus 3x points. Bonus: they have 25% off a purchase of $200 or more as well, which puts up to $200 of stuff at 50% off, or downright reasonable. Also, 2% back through eBates.

    • Anon

      Strangely, when I tried the $50 off $200 today, it wouldn’t work for me. (It did work yesterday when I was mulling over my cart.) I messaged customer service, and he said he had to apply it manually after I completed my transaction and that it would post within 24 hours. Strange.

      • Ms B

        Their website leaves a lot to be desired. On the other hand, there are not that many good options for work clothes for petite cusp sizes, so I put up with it.

  5. Fed

    I’m considering trying IPL to remove some dark sun spots on my cheek. There are several small spots in an area about the size of a quarter. Can anyone speak to how many treatments you needed to remove sun spots and how much it cost total? I have really great skin and my worry is that I’ll be ruining a good thing by doing this, but on the other hand, these dark spots annoy me. Any down side to getting this done? I would obviously go to a reputable derm. Thanks!

    • Cb

      Super interested in this as well. I have a few dark spots on my cheekbone which seem to have gotten worse while I was pregnant

    • Anonymous

      I adore IPL. After one treatment, my spots were waaaay better. I wish I could show you my before and after pics. It’s remarkable. After two more treatments, they were totally gone, and they have never been as bad as they were (even after another pregnancy). I’ll probably go get another one soon just for a touchup but it’s been probably two years since I did my last one. In other words, I 100% recommend it. I have good skin otherwise too; no downside.

      • Anonymous

        You also asked about cost. I think mine were $350 each. I had tried all of the serums and creams and R+F and Skinceuticals and Vitamin C and all.the.things, all of which were expensive. I would go, I think it helped? I can’t really tell but my spots maybe are lighter, etc. But with the IPL it was like BAM. And I had spent so much money on all of the other stuff that the $1,000 wasn’t too bad for such great results. (Can you tell I loved it???)

    • IPL experience

      It will likely take 3-5 treatments at around $400 each time. If spots are light it will take fewer treatments. It is effective. It won’t ruin your skin. Be sure to have them put on numbing cream. There’s lots of info and before and after photos online.

    • anne-on

      Have you tried hydroquinone first? I’d do that for a few weeks on the spots, and then if no improvement move on to IPL or lasers.

      • Anonymous

        I’ve read more negative side effects for this than for IPL plus it might not work. It’s less expensive but it could be throwing that money away versus the IPL is guaranteed to work.

      • Anonymous

        There is absolutely no way I’d go anywhere near hydroquinone… that can definitely destroy skin.

      • Jules

        I have posted about this before, but I had some nasty sun damage on the left side of my face (driving w/o sunscreen, bah) and got excellent – but not overnight – results with Eminence organic skin care, the Bright Skin Line. It uses a hydroquinone alternative that does not have the negative effects. I use the moisturizer with sunscreen during the day and the richer night cream at bedtime. I saw an improvement within a few weeks, and all of the spots were gone within a few months. I first bought the Eminence products after a facial at a pricey organic spa on vacation but bought replacement jars – they last 2.5-3 months – on Amazon.

      • Anon

        My dermatologist told me I could use hydroquinone for about half the cost of laser treatment. It took about 4 months and worked beautifully.

      • Jules

        Long reply in moderation, again. Bah.

        Try hydroquinone-alternative, organic Bright Skin products, from Eminence Organics. Available at the big online retailer with the initial A.

    • Ms B

      I did it 18 months ago to deal with a constellation on my cheek and I was very happy with the results; the cost would have been $150 for just that area, but I did the rest of my face and upper neck for a total of $350 and do not regret the extra spend. I am going back in the fall for a round with the PDL laser to get several red spots and a cherry haemangioma done.

      Pro tip: definitely get a script from your derm for a combo lightener/retinoid afterwards to speed healing (plus the product was great on my elevenses) and use mineral suncreen only afterwards for at least six months.

    • Anon

      I recently read, and have NO IDEA if it is true or not, that laser use on face can cause a loss of fat in the face. Again, no clue if it is true or a reputable source, but I would google it. Decrease in facial fat is one of the biggies in terms of facial “aging”, so I would at least look into this or ask about it.

      I use an Obagi skincare system with hydroquinone and it corrected all discoloration in a few weeks, but it is wicked expensive, time consuming and requires intense adherence to sunscreen regime.

      • Another Anon

        Yup, the Obagi skincare with hydroquinone was also what I used. It worked really well.

      • Anon

        Yes, I’ve had laser done in select areas in my 20s and I got scarring from the laser melting the fat beneath my skin.

        • Anon

          This was done with a Candela V-Beam at a board certified derm’s office. Of course, they tried to say they couldn’t see the scars.

    • cake batter

      I haven’t had this done (yet) but my doc quoted me $250 per session and suggested my red spot might take 2-3x to reduce but was impossible to really predict. I’m not sure yet if I’ll take the plunge but just sharing as another cost comparison. This is Midwest MCOL city.

  6. Paris Shopping

    Heading to France in under six weeks; we will be in Paris for the first three days. Hit me with your best shopping suggestions, especially anything off the beaten path of Galeries Lafayette, Printemps. Hermes, etc.

    • Senior Attorney

      Walk around the Marais district — you can’t swing a cat without hitting an amazing store. I especially love Comptoir Des Cotonniers.

  7. Pompom

    Thanks to everyone who shared on the ADHD thread yesterday. For the past 2 years, I’ve realized…this might be me! Reading everyone else’s experiences helped me see a lot in my own behavior and patterns that the online quizzes just do not capture. Made me think that it’s worth exploring with a professional at this point, if my damn copays on specialist visits weren’t so high! In looking at my (atrocious, too expensive) insurance and options for low-cost providers, I came across the Open Path Collective–wanted to share if anyone was looking to get help but was uninsured, underinsured, or was looking for an alternative.

    • BB

      Tagging onto this comment after seeing the thread yesterday…when I did the self-test, I was wondering: How is this different than general Social Anxiety? (not complaining, honestly asking how professionals look at these differently)

      • Anonymous

        Isn’t social anxiety more limited to social (i.e. With other people) situations?

        ADHD profoundly affects your individual function at home and at work. With no other people present. Or other people present. You can certainly develop social anxiety when your ADHD is bad….

        Apples and oranges.

    • Anonymous

      Wow – what a amazing discovery about the Collective. Thank you for sharing this.

      I had started to develop a deep resentment for psychiatrists/therapists who have priced themselves out of affordability, and in my community the best ones take cash only!! Our local university hospital that takes insurance has a waiting list of 1000 people long for their basic anxiety clinic and won’t take ant more on the waiting list. And for those of us with high deductible plans it is brutal regardless.

      • Pompom

        Yep, same. I was having pre-resentment about it, and it has been limiting my ability to seek help in the first place. I’m now at a $70/visit co pay for specialists, and I make $50k/yr. With all of my other financial and life $ obligations, this has been an easy thing to say that I can’t do or afford…because I really couldn’t. Not ideal for MH.

        • Blonde Lawyer

          This is so true. I recently needed a little physical therapy and learned my co-pays were $40/visit. Many people go 3 times/week. I can afford it but recognize that the vast majority of people couldn’t afford that.

    • Telemed

      Another option might be to check if your health plan or company has telemedicine. My company has this and it includes mental health options such as psychiatrists, counseling, etc for a much lower copay than my health plan.

    • Scarlett

      So if you think you might have it, I’d highly recommend getting evaluated and treated. My husband got diagnosed in his 40s and it’s been life changing for him. He found a psychiatrist who specialized in adult ADHD, went to her out of pocket. It isn’t cheap, but the cost has been far surpassed by the increased quality of life and work. He was super high functioning before (top of his classes at top tier undergrad/law/big firm, etc.) but gritted through it and now he doesn’t do that. I’d recommend going straight to the best and then working into insurance later – get the diagnosis, treatment plan, and then if you need to make the maintenance of adjusting drugs cheaper you can switch to someone covered by insurance.

  8. Anon

    Going to Maui in September. I’m researching Airbnbs now (would like to stay around $2,000 for 10 nights and there appears to be several options at that price point). Is Kaanapali the area I should stay? That’s what I’m been told. Any other recommendations for areas to make my base while in Maui? We’ll probably stay one night in Hana too. Any recs? TIA!

    • Tetra

      We stayed in Kaanapali in a cottage rented through VRBO for around $180/night a few years ago. Walkable to lots of things, plus close to the highway for driving to other parts of Maui. Highly recommend.

    • Anon

      I loved Wailea. It was a little quieter than Kaanapali, so it depends on what you want to do while you are there!

    • Anonymous

      We stayed in Kaanapali for our entire trip, and explored the island with that as the home base. (Here’s my strong recommendation for a convertible — just driving along the ocean or through the hills with the top down is one of my favorite memories.) You can stay a night in Hana, though we didn’t — we drove the entire loop in one day. It was long but amazing. I’d also try to get a dinner reservation at Merriman’s, which we loooooooved.

      • Anonymous

        I meant to add, we did the sunrise tour and bike ride down Haleakala. It was an insanely early wakeup time and it was surprisingly cold at the top of the volcano (even for this Northeasterner!) but it may be the coolest activity I’ve ever done. The bike ride down is a thrill.

    • biglawanon

      I’d stay in either Kapalua or Wailea. Kapalua over Wailea.

      Second Merriman’s.

      Didn’t think Hana was worth the time it took.

      • Fishie

        Yeah the golf course homes at Kapalua would be a neat Airbnb choice. More remote than Kaanapali but only about 10-15 minutes away. Plus there is an ABC store nearby so you can still get spam and eggs every morning :)

    • cake batter

      A few recs since I just got home from Maui:

      Spend an afternoon in Lahaina. It has tons of cute little shops and restaurants and is great for walking around. Make sure to find the Banyan tree, which is ridiculously cool. Grab food at Paia Fish Market and Ululani’s shaved ice. There are a zillion shaved ice shops, but Ululani’s is the best. Honolulu Cookie Company is fantastic for cute little local cookies (shaped like pineapples!), and they make great travel friendly souvenirs if you need to take things back to people.

      The Fish Market is also excellent and worth a stop, but it’s tiny and has hardly any seating, so go at an off time if you don’t want carryout.

      Maui Tropical Plantation has a fun little tour and train ride if you’re interested in learning about growing pineapples, bananas, avocados … and has a cute little coffee shop and restaurant.

      We also did a sunset catamaran cruise, which I highly recommend. The views were gorgeous, and we saw probably 3 different rainbows.

    • Scarlett

      Kaanapali and Kapalua are both close to the town of Lahaina, which is where all the restaurants and shops are (it skewes touristy but it’s fun). Wailea is further out – about an hour from Lahaina, and is where the fancy resorts are (four seasons and grand wailea). There are a few retail options closer there, but it’s more remote in general. Personally, I prefer to be closer to Lahaina (when it rains, it’s nice to go to town or just go see a movie) so I’d pick an Airbnb on Kaanapali or Kapalua. If you go resort, my favorite is the Ritz at Kapalua.

    • Fishie

      Kaanapali is a great central location. Lots to do there, close to Kapalua (Ritz Carlton spa, golf, neat beaches along a wood path). Paia is not too far, nor is Haleakala.

      Did not enjoy Wailea. Not much there but big giant fancy hotels and corporate feeling restaurants. Had a great meal at the Grand Wailiea though at Humu. Kihei is next town over for some local places but none that knocked my socks off.

      Places to eat near Kaanapali – Leoda’s Kitchen and Pies (omg the pieeeeeeess!); Star Noodle, Honu, The Gazebo for a huge breakfast (and a long wait with beautiful views). Lelani’s on the beach was good enough for the pretty view.

      Paddleboarding – we rented paddle boards and got a guided “tour” from one of the places on the beach in Kaanapali. It was a highlight of the trip. Alii Nui for a snorkeling trip – awesome staff. Paia town is cute, worth a couple of hours. +1 to Ululani’s Shaved Ice. We had the best poke bowls there. Ferries now run daily to Lanai – not much to see there but we hired a driver to drive us around the island and it was an interesting way to spend a cloudy day. Wish we had gone for a drink at the Four Seasons there. Incredible scenery.

      Best advice – Leave your hotel and explore the island, whether on your own or with guided tours. So much to see, so much culture.

    • Anonymous

      We did air bnb at Lahaina Roads which is a very walkable neighborhood to restaurants, grocery, bars, and the beach. Right on the ocean with an ocean side patio. You can look at all sorts of options at West Maui condos dot com – and book thru Airbnb in be Kaanapali, Kapalua and Lahaina area. Have fun! Maui is my favorite.

  9. Anon

    I’m looking for a basic v-neck striped T-shirt that isn’t too short (Everlane, that’s you), but I’m having trouble finding anything that is decent quality (all-cotton preferred). Anyone know where I can find this?

  11. BB

    Anyone who is having a slow work day and needs a distraction should go check out the Harry/Meghan wedding “article” on NYT. I despise all the royal fawning, but was very entertained by this…something about the Dancing Baby era graphics…

    • Anonymous

      I loved it too! And I had no idea so many royals lived in Kensington Palace…. do you think they see each other all the time, or just kind of come and go and mind their own business?

      • BB

        I didn’t know that either! (Or that it was so big) Is it like a giant royal dorm? Do they have massive co-ed ragers? :) Also, did not know the one who wore that awful racist brooch also lives there :(

      • BB

        I know, right? Can you imagine how fun it must have been for the writers and graphic people to work on this vs. their normal fare? :)

  12. Anonymous

    The scalloped detail at the neckline makes this top look dated rather than preppy. I wish it were a clean line around the neckline like it is around the sleeves. I think you could still pull it off if you’re young and otherwise fashionable. But personally, being of an age and body type that already borders on frumpy, I don’t think this top would do me any favors.

    • Anon

      I feel like it’s the sleeve length that looks frumpy. I prefer either 3/4 sleeves or a true short sleeve.

        • Anonymous

          Agreed. I’m petite so this would come to my elbows. I usually get sleeves slimmed anyway, which is a pretty easy fix at the tailor’s.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, this is more frump than twee, and I think it’s the sleeve length. Shorter sleeves, or longer thinner sleeves would be better.

      • Anon.

        Too funny. I was delighted to see sleeves that weren’t cut long and skinny like sausage casings. I ordered two.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t disagree with you, but I’m kind of liking this top anyway. But I’m never sure how Talbots runs. If I generally wear a medium and sometimes a small, what size should I get at Talbots? Is it one of those brands that runs large?

      • January

        Best to try things on, unfortunately. I find that Talbots generally runs large, but not always, and sometimes it is true to size but cut to be boxy, so I prefer to size down anyway because I am not that old yet.

    • nomoreBoPeep

      I looked at the latest catalog cover from this retailer and thought to myself, “Ugh, the only thing worse would be rickrack dresses.” Then I opened it and yup, 25% of the clothes had rickrack trim.
      I guess the next Thing will be pink onesies, with ruffles you know where, for office attire?

      • Anonymous

        That feeling when you don’t know whether you’re looking at office attire or a baby shower!

  14. Anonymous

    Advice for what to wear to an internal interview with your supervisor? I work in a business casual office and am very close with my boss. Am wondering what is an appropriate outfit to wear? I don’t think a suit is necessary because I’m not trying to make a first impression – we’ve known each other 12 years! Can I wear a patterned sheath?

    • Pompom

      I would do that sheath with a jacket–clearly separates, but you’ve upped the daily look to “honor the occasion.” You can always take the jacket off if the occasion calls for it! Good luck! Internal interviews are so weird.

      • Anonymous

        Thanks! It is super weird to interview with someone you have worked closely with so long. I have to keep telling myself it is NOT bragging, and it’s totally okay to talk myself up to my colleague for an hour – so not easy!

  15. Lasers for scar/hyperpigmentation?

    Has anyone had luck with laser scar or hyperpigmentation removal? I have some pretty bad hyperpigmentation and scars from bruising from an accident and noticed the areas where I get laser hair removal the scars have nearly disappeared compared to the other areas.

    Is this a thing? Is it off label use? For what it’s worth, I have medium to light brown skin (depending on the season) since I know lasers can work differently depending on skin tone.

  16. Marshmallow

    How do you keep track of tasks you have delegated to others? For time-sensitive things I set an Outlook popup reminder, but I have a lot of lower-level, daily-grind tasks that I’ve pushed down to juniors or support people that have a tendency to slide off both our radar. My Outlook flags are getting too voluminous and I don’t want my own tasks mixed in with things I’m waiting on others for. Outlook folder, maybe? Whiteboard? Anybody have a good Excel / Word /OneNote system? Unfortunately I can’t use a third-party app for confidentiality and security reasons.

    • anon

      I create a weekly master task list in Evernote. It includes my own to-dos, as well as stuff I need to follow up on with my direct reports. It’s not perfect, but it helps.

      Our whole team uses Trello, which is a good way to see ongoing stuff, too.

      A previous boss had me email her a status report every Friday so she could keep track of what all of us were working on. I didn’t like it as a subordinate and I don’t think I’d enjoy implementing that as a manager, but it was pretty effective.

      • anon

        Oh, and a Word doc would work just as well as Evernote if you don’t want to deal with the third-party thing. The trick is having it all in one place, rather than reminders in 5 different locations.

  17. anon

    I’ve realized recently that I’m looking every bit of my age: 37, soon to turn 38. I’m a working mom of two, with all the life stress that goes along with that. I know I’m still young, in the grand scheme of things, but I’m pretty bothered by the signs of aging that are starting to show. My under-eye area is a constant battle and I feel like I just look less awake and fresh than I did even a couple of years ago.

    I’ve never been the pretty girl, or one that attracted much attention at all, so the invisibility is nothing new. But the signs of aging are really bugging me and making me feel less attractive, especially since I seem to live in a neighborhood where there are a lot of (bluntly) hot moms. I honestly don’t get how they look so good.

    How do I reset my attitude? I have a decent skincare routine already. My haircut is cute and I already wear makeup, so I’m not really looking to shake up my beauty routine. This really is about my mindset more than what I’m lacking.

    (The irony is that over the past nine months, I’ve dropped 15 pounds and my body looks and feels better than it has during my entire thirties. So what gives?)

    • Anonymous

      Commiseration. I try to remember that everyone feels this way about their own body sometimes. Those little changes are much more noticeable to you than they are to others.

      • Anon

        some would call me a “hot” mom as well and I’m the same age. A lot goes into it. Here’s what I do, plus having good bone structure and skin, and thick hair. But, you’ll see, its a lot of work, time and money.

        Hair:
        -color my roots every few weeks professionally
        -bayalage
        -hair cuts consistently
        -biotin daily to prevent any thinning
        -expensive shampoo and conditioner
        -if I have time, blow dry

        Face:
        -botox in all 3 spots
        -eyebrows waxed, shaped, tinted and I pluck strays everyday between
        -lip waxed, and strays plucked daily
        -eyelash serum for growth
        -eyelashes professionally tinted and lifted
        -top shelf, consistent skin care
        -constant uva/uvb sunscreen
        -any sign of a skin tag, etc. I’m at the derm

        Teeth:
        -bleach my teeth professionally 1x/year
        -use whitestrips weekly
        -whitening toothpaste daily

        Nails:
        -manicures once in a while, file my nails, tend to cuticles daily
        -pedicures at least 1/month

        Body:
        -HIIT 4-5 xs/week
        -Hot Yoga 3-4 xs/week
        -Running/Peloton/Pilates/stairs (basically random other workout) 1x/week
        -Play outside and ride bikes, play sports with my kids a lot
        -Protein shakes as meals on the regular, somewhat healthy eating (fruits, veggies, meats)

        • Anonymous

          Not OP but a genuine thank you for this list. Makes me realize how much less time I spend on self-care post kids. Not sure I’ll go back to all of it but there are a lot of things on this list I used to do and slowly gave up.

        • Anonymous

          Any chance you could submit to the moms s*te ‘Week in the Life’ feature? I’d love to hear how you schedule, budget for, and fit in the various bits and bobs – workouts, haircuts, other grooming appointments – in between work, family and life stuff!

          • Anon

            hahaha, I am going to do that! I work full time and have four kids under 9, so I basically just run around like a chicken without a head most of the time

        • anon

          What eyelash serum are you using? I’ve noticed thinning and want to try one, but don’t want to waste money on something that doesn’t work.

          • Anon

            Rodan and Fields. Hate M2M in general, but this sh$t is amazing. my lashes are super long and thick, but far more natural looking than extensions.

        • Anon

          So basically brush your teeth and don’t get fat. Since I don’t have gray hair and my eyelashes/brows are still intact. I guess it does come down to genes.

    • Anon for this

      Speaking candidly, some would call me a “hot” mom. And the truth is that while I eat well, workout, drink water, a lot of it just comes down to genetics. My mom looks 20 years younger than her age, and she doesn’t even wear sunscreen.

      Good skin is essential to looking great. I would schedule an appointment with a derm and see what can be done – maybe serums, Retin-A, Vitamin C and more invasive stuff if you’re open to it (Botox, etc.?). I am religious about using SPF 50 sunscreen, Retin-A, chemical exfoliant, and Vitamin C. I haven’t tried anything more than that but I think it has helped.

      Aside from skin, what about scheduling a Trunk Club or a personal stylist appointment to freshen up your wardrobe? And a makeup consult as well at Bobbi Brown or Sephora?

      • Anonymous

        I’m 49 and found my people in the sporty mom (and non mom) clique. Little makeup, dressing like a coach when we’re not at work, invest $$ in bikes and lycra rather than lululemon leggings. Go to places with wet hair after a swim workout. I’m so much happier with my people than I would be with the hot moms. Can you look harder and find your folks? Not saying I disagree with the dress better advice, I use help for that for me for work, as my natural look would be frumptastic lesbian detective, which is not what my profession is or the look I am going for. But one of the nice things about getting older is becoming comfortable with who I am, and I am NEVER going to wear a lot of makeup, straighten my hair, do a cleanse, get my eyebrows threaded, and while I can like and be friends with women who do, the people who I am going to feel closest to are more like me than not.

      • Lobbyist

        I’m 49 and found my people in the sporty mom (and non mom) clique. Little makeup, dressing like a coach when we’re not at work, invest $$ in bikes and lycra rather than lululemon leggings. Go to places with wet hair after a swim workout. I’m so much happier with my people than I would be with the hot moms. Can you look harder and find your folks? Not saying I disagree with the dress better advice, I use help for that for me for work, as my natural look would be frumptastic lesbian detective, which is not what my profession is or the look I am going for. But one of the nice things about getting older is becoming comfortable with who I am, and I am NEVER going to wear a lot of makeup, straighten my hair, do a cleanse, get my eyebrows threaded, and while I can like and be friends with women who do, the people who I am going to feel closest to are more like me than not.

        • anon

          You made me laugh, and I totally get what you’re saying. My real, true-blue friends are much more like me — more into the natural look. I know comparing myself to the people who care more is fool’s errand; it’s more that I’m having trouble accepting that I look my age.

    • Shortie

      Also commiserating. Turning 42 this year. I’m petite so for years was always mistaken for younger. But the lack of sleep due to young children and full time job and just being actually 40 have done me in. No amount of make up will make my eye bags go away and gravity hasn’t been kind to the rest of my face either. And I just do not want to go to dermatological extremes to “fix” it.

      Doesn’t help that I am in biglaw and so surrounded by associates between ages of 25-32, mostly without children… Not a single visible pore between them…

      • Anonymous

        Thread back – I’m also in biglaw and frequently skip sunscreen using the excuse that I’m indoors all day anyway. Is this BS? Are the two minute walks to the subway stop each morning going to prematurely age me?

        • Anonymous

          Sun exposure for a short duration like that is probably actually a good source of vitamin D. Do you have a window office? Certain UV rays can penerate glass.

        • Marshmallow

          Noooo wear your sunscreen! UVB rays penetrate your window glass, including your car and office.

    • Anonymous

      Two things – one, can you up your wardrobe? Color is big right now. Fun earrings. Honestly, look around on Instagram for some fashiony feeds that feel like you and shop for similar items. Two, the “hot moms” you reference are almost certainly paying more and doing more than you. It’s just the truth. I see lots of other attractive late 30s moms like me, but the ones that are actually “hot” are universally have work done – peels, IPL, cool sculpting, what have you, on the regular. And they are getting regular blowouts and other maintenance work done frequently.

      honestly, you sound just like me, and you’re probably doing just fine!

      • anon

        Yeah, I can accept that I’m never going to put in a hot mom-level of effort. More power to them, but it sounds exhausting to keep up with.

    • Anonymous

      My hot Mom acquaintances……

      Stay at home rich Moms.

      Or Amazing genetics – some just have it, and I hate them a little.

      Or they sacrificed career for lifestyle, and readily admitted they want more time for self maintenance and are insecure and married to ambitious men. Both are doctors that work part time.

    • Anon

      So you look like you’re in your 30s, just lost 15 pounds, have a snazzy haircut and nice clothes.

      Trust me, you look fantastic. Don’t waste this wishing you looked like you were 25 and someone else.

      • Torin

        +1

        The only thing that works for my under-eye circles is more sleep, for whatever that is worth. If you can prioritize that more, it might help. If it doesn’t, or you already are prioritizing sleep, you are fabulous. You are the age you are. That’s OK.

    • Anon

      Your skin needs time to adjust to weight loss. Eat things like tendon and cartilage (not common in American culture but these are widely available in other cuisines or asian markets) or take those collagen supplements to give your skin material to rebuild around your new frame. But also – everything people said above about finding your tribe. I’m so much happier to hang with my animal lover friends who go on walks for fun with their pets rather than to lose weight. The hot mom culture is awful and paralyzing. Spending so many resources trying to look young is not a battle anyone – even the moms who are hot now – can ultimately win and is a recipe for lifelong sadness. And it makes me sad seeing friends lost to this winnerless rat race.

      • Anonymous

        I think this is good advice about collagen and giving your skin time to adjust after weight loss.

    • Anonymama

      Hang out with older women. Or just people from a wider variety of ages and backgrounds, it will help with perspective.

  18. Lasers for hyperpigmentation

    Has anyone had laser treatment for hyperpigmentation on the body (not the face)? If so, how did that go? One of the derms in my area is looking into it as an offlabel use (the Q-switch laser).

  19. Anonymous

    Massive insecurity – how do you deal? Went to any ivy where most aspire to be wealthy banker, lawyer types. Close friend from college did just that – 2 year banking analyst, got hired by a top hedge fund where he was always a star and now a partner. We’re not really in touch bc we financially move in such different circles. Heard from him randomly (no I have no romantic interests, both of us are married) and as he was asking what I was up to, it was embarrassing to say – well since we last spoke I didn’t make partner at my nyc firm and moved to a small city for a local government job where I probably make like 5% of his comp. Of course not everyone ends up in the same position just because education but while he did incredibly well in school, I did well too, got into an ivy law school and worked incredibly long hours so it’s hard to see the disparity. I can’t be the only one who feels this way about people from long ago from these kinds of schools — how to you deal/what do you tell yourself?

    • BC

      Nobody’s bank account balance is in their obituary.

      Also, I think about it through the lens of my little kids. What I wish for them is not wild financial success. I want them to be kind, compassionate, content people of personal worth. Why should I wish something else for myself?

    • Anonymous

      Are you happy where you are (irrespective of what anybody else is doing)? Would have made any different choices? It sounds like the insecurity is stemming from the difference between where you are and where you think you should be.

      All an Ivy education does is provide you an education. You can do whatever you want with it. You aren’t wasting it by not becoming a high powered whatever. If you’ve made choices you are happy with and like the work you do, then be excited to share that. If you aren’t excited to talk about it, figure out what (if anything) you would change.

    • Anon

      Are you happy? Are you doing good in the world? If yes, the answer is easy- you focus on that. If not, it’s obviously harder. I also went to an Ivy, but never had any interest in that type of career, so I’m sure it’s a lot easier for me to dismiss those feelings than it would be for you, but I do sometimes think about it too. I’m in academia, currently working with students who couldn’t even dream of those types of jobs and the opportunities that come with that academic background, which certainly helps put things into perspective! I’m pretty sure I’m doing more to benefit the world than people running hedge funds (though I recognize this is a complex topic that could be worth its own discussion).

    • Shortie

      Quite honestly, I probably don’t stay in touch with people like that because I don’t have as much in common any more and I don’t need to be reminded about what I lack. I go back to my regular friends and enjoy the life I have. I’m in Manhattan so I have daily reminders that there will always be people who are more successful, prettier, smarter, richer than you. As well as people who are less successful, have less money, etc. You have to make peace with the hand life dealt you and make the best of it. I suspect that you are actually pretty happy with your life, so you have to remember that and thank the powers that be that you have what you do have.

    • Anonymous

      In these days of LinkedIn, he had some idea of what you did before reaching out. Obviously he doesn’t see you as some massive loser because then he would’ve just ignored you. Also don’t discount the fact that when you make it to the top in those jobs, lots of people want to be your friend because you are rich and important. Often I see people reach back to their high school or college friends — the people who knew them and loved them before they became important, the people who don’t want anything from them and are happy to just grab a coffee and chat.

    • Anonymous

      I think most people feel that way. There’s always some magical person who has everything go perfectly for them in life and it’s not fair. It helps me to look the opposite way – travel and see how many hardworking people struggle to even feed themselves and their families every day. That’s not fair, either. In the grand scheme of things, I am lucky.

      • Baconpancakes

        There’s some quotation like “no matter how low you are, there’s always someone low. No matter how high you are, there’s always someone higher.” It’s good to remember sometimes, that to someone, your life looks like crazy luxury and success, no matter how hard things feel. A younger classmates in my graduate program once told me “I want to be you when I grow up,” which I thought was crazy because I feel like I fail at adulting at least three times a day, but it’s all about perspective.

    • Anonymous

      Remind yourself that comparison is the theif of joy. Dp you want to be joyful? Then you have to stop comparing yourself to others.

      As someone already mentioned, there will always be people who make more money than you, and there will always be people who make less money than you. Live in the moment, enjoy what you have, and work to improve the things that you want to improve.

    • Anonymous

      i’m in a similar boat. double ivy leaguer, but in part due to some choices i regret and in part due to some various life circumstances outside of my control, my career is definitely not where i thought it would be and sometimes that is very hard for me. a lot of my closest friends are my college friends and many of them are doctors, lawyers, etc. and while i know that they have had plenty of their own struggles in life, on the career front things have worked out better for them and i would of course never wish them any harm. i also see classmates becoming partners etc. on LinkedIn. I try to remind myself that my career/job is only one part of my life and does not fully define who I am and that comparison really is the thief of joy and happiness – sitting around wishing i’d made a different decision about X or that life event Y had not happened does not really accomplish anything. instead i try to focus on the positive things in my life, though i admit sometimes it is hard not to compare/feel jealous.

    • Anon

      You only see his professional accomplishments. One of my ex boyfriends looks like he has everything from the outside and everyone worships him. He was a horrible boyfriend in part because his career was his main priority. You probably have things that this man doesn’t have. His life might not actually be that great and professional and financial accomplishments aren’t the only things that matter.

  20. Anonymous

    Can anyone recommend an NYC dermatologist who takes insurance, will do a good mole check, and also be willing to talk about IPL and other cosmetic stuff? I feel like the ones I have seen just do a mole check and lecture about sunscreen use. I do wear sunscreen religiously, but I have some red spots that I would really like to do something about.

    • Ms B

      FWIW, even at the large derm practice I go to, the mole check and cosmetic derms are different people and require separate appointments. The mole check is covered by the insurance and the cosmetic derm definitely is not.

      I got a referral for my cosmetic derm through an academic derm I know; she was recommended as someone who tries out pretty much everything she offers. (Turns out she was in the same practice as my regular derm, but they do not overlap at all in terms of practice.) She was great – gave me the full speech about everything that I could do, everything that she would recommend, and then everything she had done and what she would do if she had to pay for it. Put it all in perspective!

    • Marshmallow

      I’ve been seeing Carmen Castilla at Mount Sinai (the Columbus Circle office) and really like her. I think she’s fairly junior so she’s easy to get an appointment with, but I’ve always found her very thorough and knowledgeable. I have a skin condition that’s the primary reason for most of my visits, but I raised a cosmetic issue with her and she readily suggested a fix rather than pass me off to someone else. I don’t know if Dr. Castilla does every cosmetic procedure you’d want, but it’s a large practice and I’m sure somebody there does.

    • Meg March

      Cybele Fishman is great in FiDi. I saw her for moles but I know her office does a lot of cosmetic stuff.

  21. Be totally honest

    I would be completely honest and say something like “It must sound provincial but I left NYC for xyz to work in local government. I occasionally wonder about the path not taken but enjoy having time to…..”

    He reached out to you which means he does not think you are a boring loser. He is probably genuinely interested in what you are doing. Please do not discount the very real fact that there are things about your life that he admires and would enjoy!

  22. Anonymous

    PSA since I know it’s been recommended here a lot… I got an email that my Vornado space heater was recalled. Apparently they’re catching on fire! Yikes.

  23. Artemis

    I was really inspired by yesterday’s posts about ADD and about Systems I recognized myself in a lot of the thread. I have planners and to-do lists everywhere, both digital and paper,and they don’t seem to work. For those of you who keep one to do list in one book, how you make that work and what kind of book you have? Thanks

    • Cheap Sneaks

      I’m a big fan of Levenger’s Circa and Staple’s ARC systems. The movable pages are great! I use a Junior size for all.

      • OP

        Thanks – I like that they are customizable. Does anyone remember the organizing system from the ‘80’s where you had a fold out “wallet” that had small paper cards with different stripes of color at the top of each card so that you could divide up your to-dos by color? When you completed a task, you tossed the card. I loved that system.

  24. Joan Holloway

    My friend has recently launched a website called Grace in Paris just for this!

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