Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Even if you’re not a person who normally likes button-up shirts, this one is worth a try. Shirts with buttons can be a bit tricky — gapping between the buttons (unless you’re buying The Shirt!), boxy fits, too long, too short, etc.
I bought this silk version from J.Crew recently and it was perfect without any fussing. The cut is flattering, the drapey fabric is lovely, and through some kind of magic, the buttons lay flat without any gapping. I loved the classic black-and-white stripe, but I may go back for the solid black or ivory.
The shirt is on sale for $84.50–$99.50 at J.Crew and comes in sizes 00–24.
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! ab c
Psst: here are some of our all-time favorite silk blouses:
Workwear sales of note for 6.02.23:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
- Boden – Sale, up to 50% off
- Cole Haan – Up to 50% off select styles; extra 20% off sandals & sneakers
- Eloquii – 60% off all tops
- Express – 30% off all dresses, tops, shorts & more; extra 50% off clearance
- H&M – Up to 60% off online and in-store.
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!); extra 50% off select sale
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 60% off 100s of summer faves; extra 60% off clearance
- J.McLaughlin – The Sale Event: extra 30% off
- Loft – 40% off tops; 30% off full-price styles
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty.
- Shopbop – Up to 60% off sale
- Sue Sartor – Lots of cute dresses on sale!
- Talbots – 25-40% off select styles
Other noteworthy sales:
- CB2.com – Up to 40% off; pop-up sale up to 30% off
- Joss & Main – Up to 60% off, plus an extra 20% off with code
- Tuft & Needle – Save up to $775 on mattresses (Reader-favorite brand; Kat really likes hers!)
- West Elm – Up to 25% off in-stock furniture; up to 60% off clearance
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Workwear sales of note for 6.02.23:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
- Boden – Sale, up to 50% off
- Cole Haan – Up to 50% off select styles; extra 20% off sandals & sneakers
- Eloquii – 60% off all tops
- Express – 30% off all dresses, tops, shorts & more; extra 50% off clearance
- H&M – Up to 60% off online and in-store.
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!); extra 50% off select sale
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 60% off 100s of summer faves; extra 60% off clearance
- J.McLaughlin – The Sale Event: extra 30% off
- Loft – 40% off tops; 30% off full-price styles
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty.
- Shopbop – Up to 60% off sale
- Sue Sartor – Lots of cute dresses on sale!
- Talbots – 25-40% off select styles
Other noteworthy sales:
- CB2.com – Up to 40% off; pop-up sale up to 30% off
- Joss & Main – Up to 60% off, plus an extra 20% off with code
- Tuft & Needle – Save up to $775 on mattresses (Reader-favorite brand; Kat really likes hers!)
- West Elm – Up to 25% off in-stock furniture; up to 60% off clearance
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- What’s a good place for a relaxing solo escape?
- What are some of your go-to outfits that feel current?
- I need more activities that are social, easy to learn and don’t involve extreme running/jumping/etc.
Anonymous
Has anyone found a way to wear Rothy’s if you have narrow heels, like an insert or sticker? Thx!
Anonymous
With narrow heels, I’ve found that I am able to wear the Point and the Loafer without any type of inserts. The other styles fall off.
Mrs. Jones
My heels are very narrow and the point fits great.
Anon
I tried them and they don’t work for me. Also a very narrow heel, and a low-volume foot. My heel slips out.
Anon
Well I did a thing. At 1:17 am. I posted once before about my neighbor’s dog being outside all night long and barking, and you all encouraged me to do something about it, so I did. I went over – fuzzy bathrobe, fuzzy slippers, retainers in, eye mask on forehead 😆 – and rang their doorbell 7+ times until they came to the door, and I said, “Hello dear, so sorry, the dog, it’s barking.” She brought it in.
HOW they don’t hear that dog barking incessantly is beyond me. Our houses are so close together and the dog so loud that the barking must disturb at least 6 homes. Now that I’ve done it once, I have no problem doing it again. But maybe I won’t have to? Anyways, thanks for the bit of encouragement 😉
Cb
Well done! Barking dogs are the worst. Our neighbours dog only barks when they are away, but luckily they are hermits who rarely leave, so I can tolerate it the 1-2x a month they are out of the house and I’m at home.
Anon
Go you! I hope you don’t have to do it again!
Anon
Good for you!
I found that while my neighbors choose not to hear their dog’s nonstop barking, they do notice my car alarm blaring at 3am. We are rural enough that they are the only neighbors in close earshot, so after a sleepless week of them leaving their poor dog out for hours in the middle of the night, I hit the panic button on my key fob and let the alarm blare until they brought the dog in. That immediately improved their hearing and their dog gets forgotten far less often now. When they do fall back into the habit, out comes the key fob and in goes the dog.
They have even come over the next day to apologize for their dog setting off our car alarm. I have not corrected their assumption.
Cb
Haha, I love this!
Telco Lady JD
This is amazing. You win.
Coach Laura
This is fabulous! Leaving this in my back pocket for future use.
anon
why is a pup alone outside at that hour? Hoping you live in a warmer climate with less wildlife than me.
Anon
Anyone want to shop for me? I’m going sailing in the Virgin Islands soon and am looking for cover ups and beachy dresses at an affordable price point (under ~$150). I prefer long sleeves and high necklines for sun protection and I’m finding a lot of V neck styles.
anon
Ughhhhhhhh, this is my most favorite vacation ever. Are you doing the BVIs? I’ve done it out of Tortola maybe half a dozen times, but not since having a kid (she’s 4 now). Swoon. No clothing recs but, my god, enjoy it on my behalf.
Anon
We are doing USVIs (leaving from St Thomas but will be sailing mostly in St John and St Croix) because of Covid restrictions. It seemed safer to stay domestic at the time we booked the trip and the itinerary they sent us is so amazing we didn’t feel the need to add BVIs even if it were possible. But I definitely want to go back and do the BVIs some day!
I have a 4 year old too :) but she’s staying home with her dad. I’m going with my mom to celebrate her 70th birthday!
Nylongirl
What a great way to celebrate your mom’s birthday & make some special memories. Have a wonderful time!
Anon
Aw thank you!
Anon
This is my dream. Do you mind sharing the package or company you’re using?
anon
I’m not OP (anon at 9:24am) but I’ve done Moorings, Sunsail and Footloose. No complaints whatsoever. They’re sister companies, Moorings just has newer boats and once they’re ~3-4 years old they move them to Sunsail, and then a bit older than that they go to Footloose. I wouldn’t recommend Footloose – those boats were tired for sure. Lots of other companies down there and I might shop around next go-round, but Moorings/Sunsail was great. I’ve done Catamrans and monohulls, 34′ to 56′ in side, with parties of 2 to 12. Never a complaint – seriously, if I do no other vacation in my life and just charter boats, I’m a happy camper. I captain them myself, but if you don’t sail I’ve heard great reviews about hiring a captain to take you around.
OP
We booked with Conch Charters for an all-inclusive package (so we have a captain, mooring fees and all the food included – other than the contract price we only have to pay tips and incidentals, like if we want to go to a restaurant on shore). We haven’t gone yet obviously but I’ve been impressed with their pre-trip communication. I looked at Moorings, which I think is the best known company, but they did not have any boats in our price range. Their boats are bigger and were were mostly $15-20k for a week and we wanted to keep it under $10k and have a small boat since it’s just the two of us. Whatever charter company you use, you can look at the boats in detail on viewyacht.com/[name of the yacht].
It has been a dream of mine and my mom’s for a long time (my husband gets seasick and is happy to be staying home) and when we got vaccinated last year and knew she had a milestone birthday approaching we decided to seize the moment. I’m very excited!
Anon
Lands End has great quality affordable swim wear.
The Lone Ranger
Cabana Life (which I learned about on here), has some crew neck coverup, and lots of long sleeve styles. They have a line at Talbots that is a little less than their website, and if Talbots is having a % off sale, you can apply that. I bought a few of their items last year for a beach trip and thought they were well made, looked ok, and wore well. Coolibar has some higher necked items, and Eddie Bauer has a line of sun protection shirts that might yield something.
Anon
cabana life?
Anon
https://www.cabanalife.com/products/coastal-cottage-coverluxe-hooded-cover-up
anon
Coolibar has beach coverups that might fit the bill. Also a plethora of other clothing and swimwear designed to offer sun protection.
Anonymous
I haven’t ordered from them before, so I can’t speak to quality–but I love a lot of the dresses and cover up options I saw on Cupshe in some ads recently.
Anon
Roller Rabbit
Anonymous
Late…but get quick dry stuff. Function over fashion. You might be wading from boat to shore. Get a good waterproof bag and Tevas. It’s wonderful and I’m jealous!
anon
cross posting – comments dont seem to be working on the moms s te:
Kid birthday parties are back in full swing in our circle, so let’s hear your favorite party favors. I loathe all of the tiny plastic junk that ends up floating all around our house. I tend to prefer one bigger item. My favorites have included a beach ball, an animal-shaped balloon (non-helium), and a hula hoop.
Go for it
Chef hat (kid sized) & wooden spoon
MagicUnicorn
Those pool squirt toys that are basically a foot long section of pool noodle made into a syringe are a big hit for summertime events.
Katrinka
Great call! These are so fun.
Anon
Glow sticks.
Anon
Bubbles and stickers.
anon
NO FAVORS. But if you must, make it edible so it disappears from my house asap.
H13
This!
Anon
Preach.
Senior Attorney
YES, from 30 years later and still traumatized about all the plastic junk!
Anonymous
We always like getting bubbles. We go through them so fast!
Anonymous
Lindt truffles. They’ve always been a hit with both kids and parents!!!
Anon
Bucket of sidewalk chalk
AIMS
Chalk
Bath toys
A friend always gets a set of books on Amazon of whatever her kids are into and hands them out individually – this is a personal favorite
I’ve gotten a nice water bottle before – which I really liked but this maybe a bit on the pricier side
Anon
I forgot these were a thing (I’m a long ways off from having kids!) but darn I hope that they go out of favor (pun intended). At the risk of sounding like a grinch, nobody wants a crappy Oriental Trading/Dollar Store plastic piece of crap that’s going to break in 2 days! I’m very much team no favor*
*As much as I’m against kids favors, I LOATHE wedding/shower favors. Talk about kitschy crap that nobody wants! It’s either going to collect dust in someones house or take up space in a landfill; regardless its a waste of money.
anon2
+1
Anon
I enjoy wedding favors, but I also don’t think I’ve ever gotten kitschy crap that nobody wants as a wedding favor.
Anon
Oh can you share some of the ones you’ve enjoyed? I remember my cousin gave out measuring spoons that had “you can’t measure our love” or something like that written on them. I remember being like 14 and being annoyed because every adult there already has measuring spoons so they probably dont need another set. Also, being a teenager I was there with my parents and sister so one household now had 4 measuring spoons? They all went right to Goodwill… Another cousin’s wedding gave our ornaments, which is fine but I’ve never used since I don’t put up a tree in my apartment and once again, my parents/sister/I didn’t need 4 of the same ornament. Luckily (so far!) my friends have not given favors which is a okay with me.
For the record – I feel the same way about most bridesmaid gifts and especially about giving generic gifts when you ask people to be a bridesmaid. If we’re close enough that youre asking me to be in your wedding, we’re close enough for you to know I do not want generic kitschy gifts.
Anon
I think my favorite so far has been a letterpress matchbox with matches. Easy enough to toss in a drawer, but it made me think of the wedding every time I used it. It’s consumable, but when it’s gone, I’ll have used it enough that I’ll still have a memory of it (I think of it even when I’m using other matches, and it’s a good memory for me). And I love letterpress so it’s just a pretty thing to me.
At my own wedding I didn’t want to contribute to landfills and just did “take one if you want one” edibles that didn’t really provide any kind of keepsake. So I kind of surprised myself in appreciating certain keepsakes.
Senior Attorney
Maybe this is a tangent, but I have multiple measuring spoons because I cook a lot and need to measure various wet and dry ingredients so I would love to have four wedding measuring spoons!!
We had a second line band with a parade from church to reception at our wedding, so the favors were ribbon streamers on wooden sticks (with bells!!) that people could wave around in the parade. Then at the reception they went in vases in the middle of the tables and also served as the centerpieces. And if people wanted to take them home, they did.
Anonymous
I gave out small jars of jam made by my grandparents. This was in 2010, so peak mason jar time. The top had a cute little fabric coordinating with our colors and a sticker that matched the pattern on our wedding invitations. It was one of my favorite details of our wedding. In general, I think people prefer small consumables for favors (chocolates are popular).
Anon
On the other hand, I honestly think I would keep measuring spoons if the engraving were more commemorative (names and date of wedding) and less cutesy. The cutesy message feels generic and then there’s not much difference to using my own generic spoons.
I have nothing against duplicate measuring spoons though (I do not enjoy washing spoons because my recipe uses the same one multiple times).
Anon
Favors I liked:
– Flower seeds (I planted them and they were very pretty)
– Small box of truffles from local chocolatier
– Bottle of wine
– We got the “can’t measure our love” gift but they were cups, not spoons, and were not engraved. They’re nice measuring cups and we still have them.
Back in the late 1990s we gave out bottles of bubbles (instead of rice/birdseed for the “getaway”) and everyone loved them, especially the kids.
Things I did not like:
– Single shotglass with the couple’s picture, wedding date and names printed on it
– Dish towel with couple’s picture, wedding date and name printed on
– Wine glass, ditto (I see tons of these in thrift stores so I’m not the only person who doesn’t like them, apparently)
Basically, even from my close friends I’m not into having a nonessential reusable object with someone else’s name, wedding date and (possibly) picture on it. I don’t even have items like that from my own wedding. As I mentioned, I thrift shop and thrift shops always have tons of this stuff that people have donated. If it doesn’t sell, it goes into the landfill. Much prefer no favor at all over this stuff. Consumable favors are great.
Seventh Sister
Small box of See’s Candies to take home at a very fancy wedding. I liked it so much I did it for my own (much less fancy) wedding. They weren’t very expensive, maybe a few dollars a box.
Senior Attorney
OMG this is the winner.
Seventh Sister
It was a big hit! The East Coasters weren’t familiar with See’s, and I think it’s way better than Whitmans or Russell Stover stuff. My own mother said, “this is better than a bag of Jordan almonds” (high praise from her!) and the kids at the wedding made off with a few favors apiece because some people didn’t want to take home sweets. Win-win-win.
Anon
At this point, I would pay good money to have a life free of plastic crap, and I work very hard to get it out of my life. Some people LOVE crap, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us do.
My wedding had a table with favours. Take one if you want, ignore them if you don’t.
Anon
For a bridal shower I hosted, I bought small artisan soaps and wrapped them in vintage handkerchiefs. Very pretty, and useful too.
Anon 2.0
I don’t have kids but just a few ideas that come to mind – a jump rope, container of bubbles, a Nerf ball, cute kid themed fuzzy socks, or maybe small coloring book/crayons?
Anon
Stickers or a helium balloon
Atlanta
I started out as a parent that loathed party favors, but then after hosting a few birthday parties I realized how handy they were for helping kids transition and leave the party – having something to open in the car on the way home seemed to really help. I tried to do consumables – bubbles, sidewalk chalk, bath markers or bubble bath.
Anon
Gift card for an ice cream at a local shop or one of these keychain things from Wendy’s where you get a free Jr. Frosty
Anne-on
Oh I love this! My kid would be so psyched to get this and I love supporting a local business.
anon
Stickers, tiny playdoh, bubble wands. I agree with one item, but it doesn’t have to be all that big.
Kiddo received a t-shirt as the favor for the most expensive kids’ birthday party we ever attended. I wouldn’t want the cost of a t-shirt to become the norm for birthday party favors in my circle, but I’ll admit the t-shirt was really nice.
Katrinka
I love these bubble wands from Amazon, and the kids always go nuts for them:
https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B091G4HSVL/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_NVGMP3A5FTT46BW075CJ?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Anon.
We have given “consumable” stuff like those scratch-off notepads, coloring books, dinosaur “fossil” eggs, slinkies, or play dough. Also love jump ropes, sidewalk chalk, and BOOKS! Depending on your budget and age range, travel games like this have been a huge hit for small gifts, as well:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01G3PYWCW/
Anon
I’ve done MadLibs or MadLibs junior as party favors. Worked for 2nd grade and 4th grade. With or without a pencil to go with it.
Anne-on
The one that was the single biggest hit was when I bought a big pack of books at the Scholastic book fair (paperbacks, I think I did the ‘if you give a mouse a cookie’ series) and let the kids pick a book and a full sized candy bar as their favor, any leftover books got donated back to school, leftover candy got donated to me ;)
Anon.
I like how you roll.
Anon
A single cookie cutter and small container of playdough
Anon
A book and a piece of candy or a party cupcake meant for siblings at home.
Seventh Sister
I’ve done things like kickball-type balls, those “high-bounce” Pinky balls, and sand toys. Oh, and boxes of crayons.
Anonymous
For my kids’ birthday parties, I like to have an activity that results in something to take home. One year, we did mini fairy/gnome gardens. So each child got to pick a succulent and then plant it in a clear glass bowl. They decorated with pretty rocks, and little mini fairies, gnomes, animals, etc. The kids seemed to really like it. We have also done cookie decorating and then you get to take home your cookies and pick a cookie-cutter and an art party where the kids took home a mini-canvas they painted along with a set of paints.
Anon
There were several comments yesterday about wanting to feel more like a part of a community. What communities do you feel like you’re a part of that provide meaningful connections? Like the commenters yesterday, I feel like I’m lacking a sense of community so I’m curious where people are finding this.
anon
Work, my neighborhood, my family. Clearly, I could go out more! I used to feel like my union was a community to me, but then I changed jobs so they don’t represent me anymore.
anon
I was the OP in that post yesterday. Where I’m struggling is that I feel like I DO have people. But they aren’t in my orbit every day, if that makes sense? I would do well to try to rebuild a community at work, since that’s where I spend the most time. But I’m finding it hard, for a variety of reasons.
Anon
I’m in the same boat, I have lots of friends (pretty even split of local and long distance) and several nearby family members, but I still dont feel like I have community. I don’t know the day to day of most of my friends, and I don’t have those casual run-ins with people very often, and I think that’s a key marker of community.
In my experience, those with very close groups of friends from middle school/high school have the level of community I’m looking for: they grew up together, have a long shared history, know each others families and pasts, and have stayed friends. While I have friends from all stages of my life, I only stay in touch with a few friends from high school and they don’t all stay in touch with each other. My closest friends/where I feel community are definitely my college friends, but only a few live in my city; most are pretty spread out. When we see each other, it’s amazing (and we say in touch in between visits) but obviously not the same. My local friends, most of whom I met as an adult, are great and I really, really enjoy them but I’ve only lived here for a few years so we don’t have that long shared history. Many of my local friends are either one off’s or small groups, so it’s not a big group of friends which is what I really miss. I feel like with the way my social life is, I have to plan seeing people whereas my friends with a big local group have plans happen more organically. At my old job (I left in November) I had a great group of friends and I”m lucky to still see most of them. That job was almost traumatic (hence leaving) but I feel like we were trauma bonded. I like my new coworkers, but dont see them becoming close friends.
I think one of the things that leads to the lack of community feeling is that my different social groups don’t overlap so there’s no other mutual friends. I feel like in a community setting you have your main people but what makes it feel like a community is that those people know other people you’re friendly with.
I think I would like to join some sort of organization that gives me the feeling of community but I don’t know what that’d be. I”m not practicing, but I’m not super opposed to religion but Im in my 20s and I don’t think I’d find many people my age at church anyways. I play on a few sports teams (competitive soccer, beer league kickball) but those groups are so transient. I smile and wave at a few neighbors but that’s really it (millennials who rent neighborhood so also transient).
I have a weird problem where I have plenty of friends and activities/hobbies (sometimes it feels like too many to keep up with), but I still feel lonely because I don’t have a go-to group and I’m not part of a community, so I feel somewhat isolated/not supported.
anon2
There are lots of people in their 20s at my church! You may have to try a few, but if you are in a big city, there will be lots of options with young groups.
anon
For me, it’s church. It is a big parish and was hard to find my way at first, but I basically just started going to everything and that resulted in meeting people and making connections pretty quickly. We’re there multiple times a week – I’m there more often than I’m at work. My son goes to nursery there, he attends a separate music class there, we go to mass Sunday and a Wednesday night dinner/lecture series; I attend a bible study one weeknight, and on Saturday mornings we’re often there playing on the playground during the farmer’s market that is hosted in the parking lot. Showing up a lot means you naturally connect with the other people who show up a lot.
Bonnie Kate
Caveat: I am in a smaller more rural upper midwestern town. I realize a lot of my experience isn’t applicable to people living in big cities – but I’d imagine can be translated in different ways!
-This will make me sound 80 years old, but I’m part of our local Lions Club because in my community that is the civic organization that does the most activities. I joined in my late twenties and am now in mid-thirties, and I really enjoy it. I like older people – they are actually awesome for child-free people to be friends with since their children are grown. We have monthly meetings, regular volunteer activities and fundraising events, organize/run the annual town festival, and give away a ton of money. I joined the lions because they were the most active here, but for you – look at the festivals/events that are in your community, and see who’s running them. I can almost guarantee you that they would WELCOME new volunteers/members. I think the key to actually finding community in this is to join, not just randomly volunteer.
-also random tip, don’t try and just look for community/friends in people in your same age/demographic. See above.
-I ran, won, and was on the local town board for 4 years. This wasn’t my favorite thing to do for a myriad of reasons, however it definitely ingrained me in my community much deeper. I did not have deep community connections beforehand, but ran unopposed so easy to get on.
-Group exercise classes in smaller studios (so small class sizes). I made myself go to adult ballet and pilates classes at a local dance studio and I have made great friends there. I went to the same classes/same time every were, and that consistency in seeing the same people allowed for friendships and community to form. It also gave me the confidence to go try a yoga studio when I was on vacation, where I fell in love with yoga, years later went to yoga teacher training and now teach yoga and one of my most favorite things about it is watching the community form around people who show up week to week.
-one last thing – when it’s open in late spring through early fall, I’m a regular at the small independent coffee shop. I miss it so much right now and cannot wait until it opens next month. There is definitely a sense of community amidst the regulars, and leisurely Saturday morning coffee+cinnamon rolls after a yoga class taught on the deck behind is one of my favorite summer things.
Clara
This is inspiring me to keep going to a few of the same workout classes. It’s a small studio too, and everyone is super friendly.
Anon
+1 the consistency is key… I am forcing myself to go to my soccer game tonight even though it will be 45 and raining.
Anon
+1 I had a similar experience joining a local Quilt Club. It is a great chance to see older women having fun! They make me look forward to growing old. They plan retreats, take classes together, coordinate great speakers, etc. One event I find hilarious, they coordinate a bus party of sorts each year. They coordinate beverages, rent a charter bus, and go to fabric shops for a day! I happen to know our local Lion’s Club is very similar and I am sure are also a good time. I wouldn’t let the average age of the group deter anyone from joining.
Anon
I feel the biggest sense of community from people with shared interests where we see each other often enough to know the mundane sort of things about each other’s lives. For me, this is in a handful of friends I run with most mornings.
Anon
Church, a book club I started 6 years ago that’s still going strong (if no one invites you to join one, you can start one!), neighborhood friends we deliberately hang out with once a month. It takes time and consistency!
Anon
My neighborhood – I know a lot of people on the block that I chat with when I see them outside and we have a nice annual potluck to meet new folks. My daughter likes to draw pictures and leave them in peoples mailboxes, and we regularly see the same people at the playground. It’s a limited but pleasant interaction that just brightens the day and makes me feel grounded in a place.
Emma
Yeah in the summer during the pandemic we started impromptu front porch drinks on our street. It’s been really nice to meet our neighbours and have an informal gathering to join. People take turns hosting and everyone brings something. We haven’t been doing it as much because we are in Canada and it’s freezing in the winter but I really hope it starts again soon.
Emma
I also walk my dog every day and it’s been a great way to meet neighbours, other dog owners, and befriending people at the dog park.
anon8
I have no community connections and feel rather isolated and alone. I WFH and all my meetings are online. It’s hard to form a connection with co-workers on conference calls. I’m going to start attending a Bible study at my church with some other women, so I’m hoping that will help.
We don’t have kids, but all the neighbors around us do. They all hang out together while their kids play outside. So I don’t have much community there either.
I would love to form connections with people, but it’s really hard as an adult.
anon8
Also, I recognize that I’m suffering from depression. I at least took a step to write down the EAP number for my company. Now I just have to call it. My goal is to do that before the end of the month.
???
How about call it by the end of the week? Then come back here, and Let me know how it goes.
You can do it.
anon
I really hope your Bible study does for you what it has done for me. We have deep, personal conversations with a lot of care, empathy, and of course prayer. If others are not opening up, feel free to go first and I bet others will follow. This is what church is for, so I am very glad you are doing it!
anon8
Thank you for the kind words and support! I was part of another study a few years ago and I did have a good experience. For various reasons, that group disbanded but I’m looking forward to making some connections with this new group.
Anon
I also don’t have kids and have no regrets about that, but I do think it makes it harder to make friends in your 30s and 40s when most people your age are spending a lot of time on kid things. It might not be so bad if we’d stayed in one place, but we’ve moved several times and it’s much harder to meet people in new places at that point in life and not having kids makes it even harder.
Cornellian
I agree with this. I have a kid now, but I think something that worked well before I did was still going to my friends’ kids’ events. Like once a season or two I’d take a chair and go trek to my friend’s 8 year old soccer game. Catch up with friend, support her kid, and maybe meet some new folks as well.
Anonymous
I think this is a good idea once you have friends… but my friends with kids are all in cities where I don’t live. I’m having trouble even getting to the point where something like that would make sense, given that I moved to current city right before the pandemic started, WFH, and have a health condition that has made me pretty cautious about in person things and has some effect on activities I can do. I just don’t know anyone here! I know I’d still be seeing people in my old city, and I’m in touch with friends that live all over the world, but like one of the posters yesterday said, I’m actually kind of jealous of the people who still live in their home town.
Anonymous
I’m in the process of joining my local chapter of the satanic temple and my community’s historic preservation association. Hoping it fills the niche, I will report back. It took me a long time to even find groups worth joining since I wasn’t really willing to compromise on my values or beliefs.
Coach Laura
This is great. (Not being facetious.) Do you just look up a satanic temple like you would the local Catholic Church or Jewish temple? Or do you have to know someone? I know I could google this but curious how you found it.
Anonymous
I googled it! I wanted an atheist community and it was by far the best option. My particular chapter is very pro-choice and often focuses on environmental issues and animal rights. Whenever there is a ‘service’ it’s some sort of a scientific lecture or an ethical how-to (ie/ re-wilding gardens).
Coach Laura
Sounds perfect.
Anonymous
But wait.. are these Satan worshippers? Is that a problem? Satan is not the good guy. Did you ever watch The Good Place? Kind of kidding but not.
Anonymous
No it’s not about Satan or any mythical deity. It’s 100% science and ethics based, no make believe.
Anon
The local Satanists pick up litter along a stretch of the 5 freeway in the San Joaquin valley –so props to them!
AIMS
Old people. I volunteer with an organization that delivers meals and makes calls to the elderly and I find it to be wonderful talking to someone who lived in my neighborhood for 70 years or whatever.
Dog. I got to know so many neighbors when I got a dog.
Kids. My social circle grew 5 fold once my kids started school – I run into people I know everywhere constantly now (for better or worse).
Politics. I joined some local organizations and again it’s been huge for expanding my circle. I think any volunteer/civic activity, inc. church, will do this for you.
For OP, I think it’s hard when you have people but they’re not super close by to feel like you should do these things because it’s tempting to think “i have enough folks in my life” but if you want to feel that community feeling, having people to say hi to in your immediate vicinity day to day is what helps.
Curious
I am an obsessive community builder. It mystifies my husband, but selfishly it has meant we had such a wonderful and extensive network to draw on for support this year. Some places I find community:
Here!
My local buy nothing group. Also, I noticed there was a group of people all asking for baby stuff at the same time, so that became our mini Buy Nothing moms group with babies around my baby’s age.
My block specifically, the moms and dads and kids mostly but also our next door neighbors who are empty nesters and lovely.
Volunteer groups like Sierra Club.
My team at work.
Peers at work.
Women/ non binary folks at work.
People with the same cancer.
My family.
My friend group.
It turns out that I feel the least community when I am talking about myself and the most when I am asking about others OR asking for help. Needing help and asking for it has been a very powerful experience of community.
Cornellian
I do this, too. My ex-husband loved to denigrate it, saying I was always “networking”. I’m not in a sales-based job, and never has getting to know my elderly neighbor resulted in financial reward for me, so I think he was just jealous. My new husband is a bit mystified, but I think values it more.
Curious
I am glad you found someone who doesn’t denigrate something so rewarding!
Anonymous
I am purchasing a home in a cohousing development, and already feel a strong sense of community with my future neighbors. From cohousing.org, “Cohousing is community designed to foster connection. Physical spaces allow neighbors to easily interact with others just outside private homes. Common areas including kitchen, dining space and gardens bring people together. Collaborative decision-making builds relationships”.
So, I’ll have my own private home but I’ll have neighbors of all ages whom I know well, and there will be shared dinners in the common house a few times a week (optional to attend, of course). I’ll also have amenities I couldn’t afford to buy in a regular single family home purchase – environmental amenities such as solar panels and geothermal heat exchange for the air conditioning, heat, and hot water, and also a wood-working shop, arts/crafts space with kiln, bike barn, extensive gardens, dog run, and a pool.
Cornellian
I’d love to hear more about this!
anon
Secular ideas: Book Club. Hosting a potluck on a regular basis- I followed a couple on the socials for a while that had a regular Sunday morning potluck with friends, PJs welcome. Looking around for different ‘after hours’ activities offered by Museums or even small businesses and inviting an assortment of friends to go with you. Group meetups via meetup. Volunteering. Taking a class in a subject you are interested in. Working as a volunteer on a political campaign or cause you support. These may be excellent ways to meet new people, but also if you choose to continue the friendships outside of the initial activity, you start to build your community around things that interest you to begin with.
I grew up with Church and now that I am out, I wince that church and bible studies are the thing people seem to want to fall back on to build community. I get that the infrastructure is there, and it’s an ‘easy’ option that is readily available on almost every corner (here in the south it is anyway). It also can be rife with problems depending on the views and politics of those in the church. We can surely do better than telling people they need to join a belief system they may not actually want to participate in in order to have a feeling of community? My Church’s community growing up was dysfunctional, so I don’t recommend church in general.
Anon LA
I mean this as kindly as possible and do not question or challenge your personal desire to avoid religious organizations. I understand that a traumatic childhood experience can turn people off. Having said that, (1) many, many people has positive experiences with faith communities and (2) not all faith communities are the same (I am an Episcopalian and it always makes me so incredibly said when people post about their experiences growing up gay and not feeling supported).
My Church community is incredibly important to me – not just for the worship/faith/service aspect but for the social interactions with people who would otherwise be outside my work/life stage demographic.
Senior Attorney
I feel like my Rotary Club is a great “church without religion.” We do service, we sing, we have potlucks, and our only doctrine is “service above self.” Gotta love it. And there are many similar opportunities. Our town has a Showcase House where they work with interior designers and fix up a house and sell tickets to benefit various worthy causes, and they seem to have a great community going.
A
Agreed, my husband’s job has us moving every 2_3 years, he used to join Rotary as part of his role ‘local bank manager’ but we met lots of people, helped the community and made good friends , without religion which is important to me
Anonymous
No one is suggesting church to push beliefs on someone else. It’s a way I personally find community and I encourage others who share my faith to try it.
anon
Of course no one is saying that directly. However, over time, to remain in the church community you have to conform.
Anon
I feel like this wasn’t really true in the old world/immigrant culture churches of my parents’ generation, but boy does it ever seem to be true now.
anon
…have you met Episcopalians? Because there is so little conformity that when new people join the church and want to know what we believe, it’s actually a pretty tough question to answer.
Anon LA
Conform in what way? I mean yes – you shouldn’t show up and make digs about “mythical” deities. If everyone else is standing up and singing, it is generally considered polite to join in – although the priest always includes an “if you are able” in suggesting people stand or kneel.
Bud dude seriously – I am an Episcopalian. When it comes to theology and lifestyle, we are pretty live and let live. Based on the bumper stickers, we have liberals and conservatives and everything in the middle. We have people who have never admitted to any doubt that God exists and people (including clergy) who regularly discuss such doubts. We have married, single, divorced, straight, gay, trans, cis, etc. members. One of my Millennial priests and his husband serve alongside our BabyBoomer, military veteran rector and his wife without apparent difficulty and our other priest is a divorced and remarried woman.
All we ask is that people bring themselves and a willingness to be open to the possibility of faith. If you want to serve on one of the committees, even better!
Anon
My closest friends are scattered around the country, so I use Marco Polo to talk to them several times a week. We recently joined a synagogue and with the kid in Hebrew school I’m looking for more opportunities to do community-based events there. We do beers in the driveway with neighbors and I know we have a few that would step in anytime we or anyone else needed anything. I realized I have to show up and put myself out there a bit, so I’m working on doing that more.
Anon
I’ll second Marco Polo! I have a really close group of high school friends (9 of us in total) spread out across the country and Marco Polo has been an awesome way for us to stay connected. We’re honestly more connected now than we were before the pandemic. It’s so nice to be able to pop in and vent about an annoying colleague at work, or celebrate a small win, or see videos of a friend’s infant.
Anon
I got a dog a year ago. The dog community has become my local community. It has been great.
Senior Attorney
I was in a very close religious community for ten years and even though I’ve been out now longer than I was in, I still see some of them occasionally, am friends with them on Facebook, and feel more like they are my family than my real family is.
Other communities: My gym (which heartbreakingly closed during the pandemic), my Rotary Club, work but less so since the pandemic and we never see one another any more. My husband has a real community in his cycling buddies.
I will say it can take a while to find your people. When I left my religious community at about the same time I was leaving my marriage, I tried various things and none of them really clicked until I found my Rotary Club. It can be discouraging but keep trying!
Anonymous
My barn. Horseback riding is a giant time (and money) suck of a hobby, but because you spend so much time doing it, you really get to know the people at your barn.
Nesprin
Owning a dog in a dog-heavy neighborhood- over half of the folks in my park-adjacent neighborhood own dogs, and since dogs need walking, I see them daily.
Pompom
We’re “regulars” at a bottle shop/beer bar. We knew not a single soul when we moved here 5+ years ago, and every single one of our closest friends (15+ people, at least) are fellow regulars who welcomed us into their fold, got to know us, and have become our community. The diversity of age, race/ethnicity, kids/no kids, careers, etc. is astounding. We are basically Cheers. It’s popping in for a beer on a nice evening, having a takeout dinner with friends over a beverage (plenty of n/a options), chilling with dogs and kids on the big patio, and generally caring for eachother.
Cornellian
Finding a regular spot is a great idea. During the pandemic when school shut down, I dragged my 3 year old to the local breakfast taco/convenience store probably two mornings a week and ate outside. It was a great way to meet neighbors.
Formerly Lilly
I bought a condo in Nashville in a quirky circa 1939, 51 unit midrise building and was pleasantly surprised to find that it is its own community. I have found my tribe and I couldn’t be more delighted. We all have our own lives, our own friends and families, but there is a strong sense of community and I have some new friends and many new acquaintances in the building. Until I retire I’m just there for weekends and holidays, but I now know that when I retire in a few years there will be people that I care about and who care about me close by.
Woof
Has anyone purchased and liked Sketchers Arch Fit sneakers/shoes? I need good arch support, and a supportive (not too squishy) sole on a shoe/sneaker. The arch support appeals to me, but I’m so tired of buying and returning…thought I’d get some advice first. Thanks!
NYCer
Probably not super helpful, nut my early 70s dad recently bought some and loves them apparently. We are visiting the grandparents right now, and he can’t stop talking about them…
Anon
It’s funny you mention this because I just bought a pair yesterday! I have arch issues (and foot issues in general) as well so I need super supportive shoes. Skechers are my favourite sneakers/casual shoes because of the supportive cushioning, they’re all I wear. I had never tried the Arch Fit ones before but I’m really happy with them so far. I tried on a bunch of different pairs and with the Arch Fit there was a noticeable difference in terms of support.
Anon
I tried and prefer Hoka. High arch, high instep, wide feet, if that helps.
No Problem
Have you considered finding a good insert that meets your needs and adding them to any sneaker? I also have high arches and use Sole inserts in my running shoes at my podiatrist’s recommendation (used to combat plantar fasciitis due to my high arches collapsing). They have much more arch support than any shoe or sneaker I have ever tried on, and are also supportive overall (not squishy). Note that they only work in shoes (like sneakers or winter boots) that have a removeable insole because they are fairly thick. Even if I could get them into other shoes, they would make the shoes not fit correctly/squash my toes/my heels would slip out even more than they already do.
Anon
Try Abeo metatarsal for lots of arch support.
Anonymous
Low stakes question — is it okay to wear glittery shoes to a wedding? I haven’t worn heels in two years, and the most comfortable ones in my closet are super glittery. I’m not sure if this is one of those upstaging the bride things.
Any other suggestions for easing back into heels after so long? I don’t plan to wear them regularly, but it’d be nice for special occasions.
test run
One thousand percent okay – weddings are festive! Also, I could absolutely not tell you what shoes anyone wore to my wedding without consulting the photo album. I think as long as you’re not wearing a lot white dress, you’re good.
test run
*long, not lot, lol
anon
Oh heck yeah. If you can’t wear them to a wedding, where can you wear a glittery shoe?
Aunt Jamesina
Anyone who thinks that glittery shoes can upstage a bride is a loon and you are 100% free to ignore them! Whether they work with a particular outfit or the season/time/location of the wedding is another question, however.
Anonymous
Of course it is fine. Please don’t be silly.
anon
Please don’t be condescending.
Anon
As long as you’re not wearing a white dress with them you’re good to go
Bonnie Kate
Are you planning on wearing a beautiful white or cream dress as well?
As long as the answer to that question is no, wear the glittery shoes and be happy!
If the answer to that question is yes, we have bigger things to talk about. :)
starmix
I splurged on glittery jimmy choo flats for my wedding 8 years ago and you better believe I pull them out for every wedding I go to.
Anon
I feel like I need to spice up my life but I’m struggling to come up with ideas. My work is fine but just feels boring right now, my friends are great but I don’t see them that often, my hobbies are okay but just kind of blah. Has anyone felt like this before? What do I do to shake things up a little in a good way?
Monday
A significantly different haircut or color?
Anon
What do you want to do? Is there anything that used to give you energy that isn’t currently in your life?
Anonymous
Join a choir.
Anonymous
Taking a trip? Trying a new hobby? Planning a few days out near you e.g. a museum exhibition, a hike, a historic property etc. I also enjoy planning a household project, so I’m about to start thinking about getting out garden ready for summer.
Lily
Can you set a mid-term goal related to one of your hobbies (like running a race, completing a project like knitting something complex, finishing x number of books with y theme, etc)?
Anonymous
First of all, check for depression. Nothing you said indicates you’re dealing with depression-level blahs, but in a generally functional person, low-grade depression can take a while to recognize. For me, I’m feeling blah for a while before I realize something systemic might be going on.
Assuming that’s not an issue, there’s an old saying “a change is as good as a rest.” Why not do a “month of change” in April? Choose a change each week, or one a day, or a theme for the month. And then choose another theme for May. Maybe May is ‘a month of art” or ‘making new playlists’ or ‘try all the taco trucks in town’ or ‘be a tourist in my own city,’ or ‘contact one old friend each week’ or ‘watch all the Oscar movies’ or ‘day-trips to national parks.’
Anon
Try a new hobby!
I’m a road biker but just went mountain biking with my friend for the first time and it was exhilarating. I had so much fun and can’t wait to go again.
Clementine
…do what I did on Monday night and decide you’re going to take your two little kids to the City for the weekend because of a random fit of ‘oh no! am I raising my children as country mice?’
Seriously though – I’m shocked at how much joy a short weekend trip to a fun destination is bringing me.
Anon2
Similar to this, I WFH in the suburbs. When work is slow, I’ll take a long lunch at a touristy spot in the city. It’s a good way to get out of the house and enjoy the city without the weekend crowds.
Ses
Someone above suggests getting the garden ready for summer. I also suggest getting the “garden” ready for summer and then trying out some new “gardening” equipment and methods. That’s always fun :-)
Senior Attorney
Do a giant closet cleanout! I did it last weekend and it was great!
Also this may be dumb but I got a Fitbit for Christmas and I swear it totally changed my life in a good way. Those 10,000-plus steps in the great outdoors are rocking my world.
Nora
What do you think of lipstick with no or little other make up?
Either as a whole look with natural looking eyes+face and bold lipstick, or literally just lipstick?
Too unbalanced? Common enough? Depends on the shade and the skin tone?
anon
I like it in theory. Isn’t this what the supposedly fashionable French women do? I do think it depends on your skin type and tone, though. Mine has some ruddiness and lipstick + no makeup only enhances the redness.
AIMS
This. In theory, it’s great, in reality, it’s often some no-makeup makeup Or really excellent skin (which is harder to luck into).
Nora
Didn’t know it was associated with fashionable French women, but glad to hear it! When my skin behaves and is hydrated enough that the dark circles aren’t too apparent, I love to do this. When the dark circles are more apparent, I need at least concealer usually.
anon
I regularly rock a bold red lip with just a swipe of mascara and hit of blush. I think it looks great. I am fair with pink undertones fwiw
Anon
Same here, this is my look to a T
Anon
I don’t like it for me, but it looks great on some women.
Cornellian
I think it looks great on a lot of women, but I am too clumsy and ruddy for it. Go for it!
Anon
If I wear a bright lipstick I actually think it looks weird to wear a lot of other makeup.
London (formerly NY) CPA
My “dressed up” make up look is simple light-colored eye makeup, lots of mascara, and a bold lip (red, purple, pink all good). Go for it!
Anon
This look is goals, simple and elegant. I’d wear it daily, but my sh1tty Simpsons-esque sallow skin cannot do a red lip without looking like a jaundiced clown.
NYNY
I think it depends on whether you have high-contrast or low-contrast coloring. I’m high-contrast – pale skin, dark hair, dark eyes – so I like the look of a bold lip with little else emphasized. But if your skin, hair, and eyes are all similar values, e.g., tan skin, brown hair, green eyes, then it can look unbalanced.
Anonymous
+1
With my high contrast coloring, I feel a bold lip color balances things out. Plus eye makeup beyond mascara just doesn’t work for me.
anon
Ah, maybe this is why it doesn’t work for me. I’m low-contrast. Bold lipstick in general tends to overpower me, but add in a bare face, and I can see that the issue is the lack of balance.
Anon
My friend who does this is low contrast. Blond, pale skin, amazing blue eyes. She pulls it off. It’s her look.
Anonymous
The eyes makes it high color contrast rather than a light and dark contrast.
Anon
I like it. I know someone who does this look daily and it’s just her look. I find it very chic.
Anon123
My mom has salt and pepper (mostly white) hair and her go to makeup is bright red lip and mascara. She has lovely skin especially for her age.
Anonymous
Extremely common in Europe.
If you have very blond lashes, mascara can be part of it, but there’s a reason EITHER bold lip or bold eye is a thing in Europe, never both.
I have zero colleagues who wear a “full face”, but a red lip (and pyjamas) to walk the dog is a thing.
lipstick
Perfect. IF… you have the skin for it.
Anon.
Lipstick is the only make-up I wear daily, thanks to WFH. I have dark brown hair, pale skin and wear tortoise-shell largish-glasses with a high correction. Eye makeup usually looks silly on me, and a red or raspberry lipstick instantly makes me look alive and put together on Zoom.
If I really want to go out there, I may do my brows, and dab that same lipstick on my cheeks. Done.
I haven’t worn mascara or foundation since 2020.
Jules
This is me on most days, and I most definitely am not a chic Frenchwoman. I suppose I have high-contrast looks (dark hair with a bit of gray, fair skin, green eyes) and I usually wear only lipstick, including very bold reds. If it’s a special occasion, or I’m presenting somewhere, I will use mascara, and I pull out the concealer if I’m looking particularly dead or have an allergy acting up that makes me red around the eyes. But I don’t think I’ve used anything other than lipstick in at least the last month.
Anonymous
I do it! For zoom, I do eyebrows, blush, and bright red lipstick. That’s it. My daily sunscreen is tinted, so that takes the place of foundation. I think these 3 easy steps make me look so much better and awake on camera!
Anon
What do you do that’s just for fun and how often do you do those things? I recently read a Reddit thread about why adults don’t play anymore and there were an array of answers: afraid of getting hurt/body can’t keep up, too tired/busy, adults still play but it looks different than kids play, adults don’t play/its weird to play. Obviously what we find fun and what we’re able to do changes over time, but a lot of the answers depressed me.
I try to find time to read, knit, and catch up with a friend every day, even if its only 10 minutes of each a day. I still play in an adult lacrosse league (weekly games in season), I play tennis with my mom (probably 3x a month), and Ive started biking which I really enjoy (usually try to go one one long ride a week in the nice weather). I try to ski a few times in the winter and surf a few times in the summer and occasionally meet a friend at the rock gym. My friends and I all enjoy similar board games and card games, yet we rarely get together to play. I used to love bar trivia and going to my friends’ house parties, but those seemed to disappear with the pandemic. I try to workout 4ish days a week, which I sometimes enjoy, but I mostly do to keep my body moving and capable so I can continue to do fun things.
I don’t love TV and try to spend my nights doing things I enjoy more, but it’s too easy to get sucked into the post dinner TV on weeknights.
Z
I played violin in school and picked it up recently, after almost 10 years not playing. I found a teacher and am taking lessons to get my skills back up. That is just for me, and I’m very happy with it.
Ribena
A regular activity I’ve picked up with the guy I’m seeing (two months in, I have a good feeling about this one) is is a trivia night at one of the local pizza places on a midweek night. I also find most of my gym workouts to genuinely be great fun – that’s what makes me do them.
(Although after trying a Rebecca Kennedy 45 min strength workout yesterday I have such bad DOMS today that I regret doing it….!)
Bonnie Kate
Lol RK 45s are my favorite! I’m also weird and generally enjoy a good DOMS, although not the really bad ones where it’s hard to walk. Although part of me kind of likes that too because it’s clear I did so much good for myself.
I just did a RK 20 min yesterday and it was good but so fast and I missed the long breaks in the 45s.
Ribena
It is definitely in that ‘really bad’ category. It’s fine once I’m actually up and walking – I walked an hour this morning – but actually getting up to walk is problematic today. I like a moderate DOMS because I see it of evidence of how hard I worked.
Anon
Curious what area you are in? I played lacrosse in HS but that was 15 years ago. There are adult leagues in my area but I’ve been hesitant to join because 1. Out of shape 2. Don’t own any gear and 3. I think a lot of these adults are former NCAA players- out of my league. Do you play one position or is it more “fill in where needed”?
Anon
I play piano, but lately not often enough (hand issues.) I also knit and made a couple of sweaters I really like in the fall/winter, but the same hand issues have slowed me down recently.
I posted above about community, and mine is surprisingly the dog community. I have a pretty lively text going with other dog owners and we get together and walk the dogs around various parks, or honestly sometimes the dogs just come over to my place because my backyard is the best setup for it, and I live in between.
Last, the COVID hobby I took up was bird watching. Don’t knock it till you try it! That takes me all over my local area, and a bit of not so local, to spot species I haven’t identified yet. I’m up to 88 over the course of a year or so. Beautiful walks along the shore or around a lake are not the worst things I could be doing with my time!
anonshmanon
Random PSA: I hosted a bbq last night and had forgotten what an insanely easy crowd pleaser garlic butter is. You really only need soft butter, salt and tons of garlic, although I like to add a table spoon of tomato paste and whatever herbs I can find. Mix up with a fork, done. People go nuts over this.
Anonymous
Sounds good! What were people using the garlic butter for?
anonshmanon
mostly just putting it on (store bought) bread, stuffing their faces, and then deciding to have ‘just one more’. It also melts beautifully into a grilled steak or corn cob, but we only grilled sausages yesterday.
anonshmanon
aaand random tangent: lately, I am trying to not use crazy/insane/nuts in casual conversation, and failed twice in this post. Sorry! An edit feature would be great…
Curious
It’s a challenge! What words do you substitute? I find “wild” useful, but it gets redundant.
anonshmanon
I use ridiculous, bizarre and absurd a lot.
Anon
Please tell e about your experience with a tonsillectomy. I need my tonsils out but it’s not urgent. I have a nine month old so I am thinking it may be easier to do it now rather than when he is an active toddler. But I’m still nursing. What was your recovery like? Anything in particular to bear in mind. I will likely need to shave down the turbinettes in my nose at the same time, so I’m bracing for a not fun recovery period.
Anon
I haven’t had mine removed but I’ve heard horror stories. If possible, arrange it for a Friday when your partner (assuming one is in the picture) can help with childcare over the weekend, take a few vacation days, or a family member can visit to help.
Betsy
On the flip side, if you aren’t dealing with significantly limited time off from work to recover and you expect the procedure to be rough, try and schedule it earlier in the week. If something doesn’t go quite the way you expect, or if your meds aren’t quite right, it is nice to know that you’ll have easily accessible contact options. A loved one had surgery on a Friday afternoon, was rushed out of the hospital, and the only options when things went a little off the rails the next day were waiting for a call back from the on-call doctor or going to the ER. Not great!
Anon
Ugh good point! I didn’t think of that.
Anon
The post-surgery emergency also happened to my brother when he had a tonsillectomy in his 30s. I concur that it’s better to have the regular surgical staff available, rather than the weekend barebones.
Anon
I’ve heard it gets harder the older you are. Anecdata but my sibling really suffered from theirs – not only did a stitch break shortly after they were home, leading to an emergency second surgery (as they were kind of choking on blood) but it took a very long time to heal – 6 months? Again, anecdata. Your doctor can advise best but for this surgery I would be careful about the surgeons track record.
Anon
My kid had his tonsils and adenoids out and it was (sorry to say) a nightmare and he had an ‘easy’ recovery. They told us to prepare for a week of ‘discomfort’ and it was a solid 12 days of pain meds every 3.5 hours, ice pops, and a miserable crabby child who basically went on a hunger/liquid strike because swallowing hurt so badly. Don’t get me started on the saline gargles that we were supposed to do (he thrashed and kicked like crazy the 2-3 times we tried).
Stay on top of your pain meds, straws help with liquids (frankly he found it easier to ‘chug’ and get a bunch of liquid in at once vs. sipping), and stock up on calorie dense foods in easy to eat form because you won’t want to eat much.
Anon
I did it at 19 and even at that age it was brutal as I had accumulated enough scar tissue for it to be a painful recovery. Took about two weeks to feel okay again. Barfed during the first few days–very unpleasant. Lots of soft, cold food. Plan to do nothing but lay around and sleep as much as possible.
Upside: In 21 years, I’ve had strep once and never had an ear infection again.
Anon
DH had a tonsillectomy 6 weeks ago and his recovery was a lot easier than we anticipated. He felt fine immediately after the surgery and was taking work calls and talking normally. The swelling didn’t set in for a few days, and at it’s peak he was mildly uncomfortable and limited his speech. He took Norco for about 3-4 days, and was on a very soft food diet for about 10 days. He wishes he had done it years ago but was scared of the recovery.
Tonsils
I did it in my late 30s and it was awful, though I’m ultimately glad I did it. I took either 1 or 2 weeks off work and I really needed it. The pain was terrible and to keep the pain in check I had to wake up every four hours at night to take more meds. My mom flew in to help with my recovery and it was needed – I could barely take care of myself, much less taking care of a child as well. But it also gets more painful the older you get, so I wouldn’t wait too long. Just make sure you take enough time off and have enough help to get through it!
anonypotamus
I did it about a month before the bar exam, when I was about 25. I had had a long string of strep throat that would clear up on antibiotics and then came back with a vengeance as soon as the course was done. My ENT said I needed to do it ASAP. The first few days were rough – I mostly slept. That was in part due to recovery, but also because I do not tolerate pain meds well at all. They make me super nauseated so all I want to do is sleep. I did have a post-tonsillectomy bleed that required cauterizing in the ER (0/10 do not recommend) about a week afterwards, but I remember feeling ok to get up and move around within a few days.
Anonymous
It was hands down the most painful experience of my life. (Had them removed at 19.) I’m sorry. I’m sending you every good vibe imaginable but you need to plan as if you are not available to care for your child for a few days. It wasn’t “eat soft food” pain it was “even a sip of water is unbearable” pain. I didn’t leave my bed except for the bathroom for three days. Then I was better.
The upside was I was fine after a few days and the tonsillectomy absolutely resolved my ongoing issue with chronic to tonsillitis. Good luck.
Anon
I had them removed at 20 years old due to non-resolving peritonsillar abscesses (infection had spread to the tonsils). It was awful – but I also had an active infection at the time. Took about 2 full weeks of recovery and I lost nearly 10 lbs due to living off only ice pops for about 14 days (was probably only 130 lbs at the time). I def remember taking a lot of pain meds and sleeping a lot.
Anotheranon
I had mine out at 21 and it was so, so much easier than having my wisdom teeth out. I remember reading that the US and the UK have wildly different recovery protocols – in the US you’re told to eat soft foods and liquids, in the UK you’re told to eat dry toast after a few days to gently wear down the scabs. I think I went with the UK method, might be worth looking into.
Curious
My sister had it done at 25. She took 2 weeks of short term disability and stayed with my mom the first 7 days or so. She needed all of that time. I’m sorry you have to fit this in with an infant.
AIMS
Low stakes question. How do you decide to cut your hair significantly shorter? I have always kept my hair on the longer side after some very unflattering short haircuts in my teens. It’s not probably somewhere just past my bra strap now and just kind of blah and I’m wondering whether to keep it long, cut it to my shoulders or do something more drastic. Realistically, I probably won’t do anything above the shoulders. But can’t decide between the other two. On the one hand I feel like now that I’m 40 my really long hair days are limited and I shouldn’t cut it to a ‘mom haircut’ just yet. On the other, I feel like all the ‘moms’ have the same Joanna Gaines hair these days anyway and it isn’t particularly cool or original. I think I’m just afraid to regret it and have a long awkward slog of regrowing again. I would love to have a trusted hair stylist help but I don’t have one. Hair is wavy if it matters. Any hair inspiration?
Anon
I say go for a shorter cut!!
I had hair nearly down to my hips in college and summer before senior year I cut it to my collarbone, which felt drastic at the time. I was going abroad for the summer, so figured if I hated it at least I didn’t know anyone. By the time Thanksgiving rolled around, I feel like every other senior had also chopped their hair. I kept it between shoulder length and top of b00b level for a few years and then right before the pandemic I cut it above the shoulder, which I loved. However, I felt like I had to straighten it every day at that length so now I”m growing it out to top of b00b length again – the longest its been in years.
I love a slightly drastic haircut which both of my big chops (hips to collar bone, collar bone to above the shoulders) have felt like. Worst case scenario is you don’t love it and you grow it back out.
Anon
I’ve always regretted cutting mine. The only time I’ve been semi okay with it is when I’ve gone very short, like a well above shoulders bob, but even then it’s so limiting. With long hair you can style it so differently and I find shorter hair boring after a few days. The in-between lengths are also zzzzz to me. I’d go for some longer layers, color, maybe even a curtain bang, but keep the length.
Anon.
I have a wavy bob that just a tad longer than chin length, and I love it. I think a bob never goes out of style, and can be grown out quite a bit, especially if not heavily layered.
FWIW, I’m 40, my hair is wavy-curly and I actually learned how to cut it myself during the pandemic, and prefer my own cut over anything a stylist has ever done (most stylists don’t know how to work with wavy-curlies).
My hair looks similar to #43 here: https://therighthairstyles.com/5-different-versions-of-curly-bob-hairstyle/25/
Anon
Oooh I am same age, same hair type, same frustration with the (expensive) pros. How did you learn? YouTube? Any faves you can share?
Anon.
I think I just watched a few Youtube videos. I also follow the CGM method and https://www.reddit.com/r/curlyhair/ might have some threads about DIY haircuts.
The trick is to dry cut after washing your hair with minimal product (for me, that means, on a purifying wash day, I just use conditioner and squish-to-condish, leaving the residual conditioner in, but no mousse, gel etc). Then I let air-dry or diffuse on low. With haircutting scissors, I then cut the hair strand by strand, starting in the front. My spouse helps with the back, while I check with a mirror. The length on the bottom is usually my guide, and then I go and trim top middle layer strands so that they kind of lay on top of the bottom hair for volume. The key is not to brush/comb while cutting, and not to pull the individual strands too much – you follow what your waves/curls do and just trim off the ends.
I’m pretty brave tough, and usually cut at least 2-3 inches off, then go 4+ months until the next trim.
It sounds scary, but I figured in August 2020 that it will grow out again and I can have it fixed if I totally butcher it.
emeralds
If I were you, I’d cut it to your shoulders and see how you feel. You can always go shorter if you want.
But FWIW from another wavy gal who did a big chop maybe 4-5 years ago (lob then bob), I’ve realized that I can’t do in-between styles unless I want to deal with heat styling. My hair does reasonably nice (like not stellar but I’d give them a B/B+ grade) beachy waves if I keep it long, spritz it with leave-in conditioner, and let it air dry, but when it’s shorter than collarbone length it gets really puffy and I have to heat style it to avoid looking like I’m walking around with a triangle on my head. So in my case, it wasn’t that my unflattering shorter teenage cuts were so bad, it’s that I wouldn’t do the daily styling I’ve realized that I needed to do with my hair type. So my options are now long and pixie. I’m never doing in-between again.
Short Hair Don't Care
I also had a traumatizing short haircut as a teenager so I wore my hair long for 15+ years. A few months ago, I had it cut into a chin-length bob and absolutely loved it. I was worried about having a dated, mommy haircut but it looked so chic.
I took a lot of inspiration from the instagram feed @ thehairbros — they are extremely talented, london-based hairstylists.
Anon
I think it all depends on your face shape and hair texture. I am petite with a small face and wavy, thick hair. I always kept my hair shoulder length or longer when was growing up and it always overwhelmed my small features. Then, in college I got the guts to chop it off into a short bob. It looked amazing and lifted a lot of weight from my head. Over the years since, I’ve had times where I grow it out (eg, before my wedding since I wanted an updo) and then get sick of it and cut it short again. Looking back at photos, I always look so much better and more balanced with short hair, so I’ve kept it at a short bob to pixie length for the past 10 years, and I can’t picture growing it out again. Long way of saying that cutting hair short should depend on how it looks on *you* and whether it is a good fit for your features, not age.
The key for me has been finding a trusted hair stylist who is experienced with shorter styles and my hair type. I’ve had some bad short hair cuts over the years and some amazing ones. Once I’ve found a trusted stylist who can get the cut just right, I always stay loyal. Sometimes it takes multiple iterations of explaining that i want this part longer or shorter to get it right. Which is why my hair cuts have gotten ridiculously expensive as my stylist has become more senior/expensive, but I don’t want to take a chance of going to someone else. Also note that although people think that shorter hair is “easier”, it really takes a lot more upkeep and styling. I have to get it cut every 6-8 weeks. Honestly, if I could pull off long hair, I would since it would be easier, but it just doesn’t look right on me.
Anonymous
A bunch of thoughts:
* I really, really wish we could stop using ‘mom’ as a negative descriptor in style contexts.
* I don’t think there’s any age limit on long hair. I know plenty of women in their 50s and 60s with significantly long hair, and it looks great, because it suits them and their style.
* I have no idea what Joanna Gaines’ hair looks like. But it sounds like you want to look original, and whatever her hairstyle is, it’s not what you want to look like. If you want to look original, you’re going to have to take a risk with your haircut (no matter what length it is), simply because there are only so many different ways of wearing and styling hair, so pretty much every cut is some variation of what you see all around you.
* Also take into account how much time you’re willing to put into styling. For me, this significantly narrows down the type of hairstyle I’m willing to consider.
AIMS
Fair point on the mom descriptor! I’ve been doing a lot of school pick ups lately and it feels like there are women who make a noticeable effort and yet all look/dress exactly the same and whatever that style is, it’s not my cup of tea and I just don’t want to look like them. But I can find a better way to express that.
Agree that there is no age limit. If I could look like Angelika Huston into my 60s I would be all in. Unfortunately my hair has been looking a bit meh lately and I am no longer optimistic that glamorous long hair forever is in my future – this may be some leftover stress effects (fingers crossed) or it may just be the state of things as I get older. Either way, for myself, I don’t believe in hanging on to things past their expiration date (everyone else should do what makes them happy, no judgments).
And my goal is minimal to no effort.
Anon
Re. long hair looking meh, have you tried something like lamellar water? I finally gave in, and I was surprised at how long my hair looked good. My level of effort is “using one of those round blow drier brushes just to get some root lift and that’s about it.”
Anonymous
Random note: have you tried k-18? The lady from cap hill style reviewed it recently and I had completely forgotten how much I love that stuff. It makes my hair look younger somehow.
Monday
I agree that if you really don’t want to look like everyone else, you have to do something more risky. All long and mid-length haircuts are similar.
I am 40 and have a pixie cut that I gel on top to make it a bit spiky. I know not everyone likes it, especially straight men! But it does feel good, especially as a woman in this age range, to not look like everyone else in a way that is “built in” to my look. I feel alive.
Anon
A few years back when everyone was doing Alexa Chung’s chop, I went along and got it too.
Now my hair is grown out again, and I’m trying to decide what to do with it. I think I probably need it lightened up with visible or invisible layers more than I need it shortened by a lot.
Anon
I just cut my waist length hair into a bob and have major regret. I also felt like my long hair was blah, but shorter hair is (for me) so much more difficult to manage.
Cat
I think wavy hair looks great in a ‘lob.’ Look at Julia Berolzheimer (formerly gal meets glam). FWIW my only rule for going short is that it *must* still be able to go in a ponytail.
Anonymous
+1 — so important! I got 9″ cut off once for Locks of Love or whatever and had to wait MONTHS before it was long enough to go into a ponytail. Super annoying.
Betsy
I have learned that I always crave a drastic haircut at the end of the long slog of winter. Spoiler, it has nothing to do with my hair and everything to do with too many months of inadequate sunlight! I’m no longer allowed to make significant choices about hair at this time of year. If you’re anything like me, I would suggest getting a trim now to freshen things up and maybe trial run a new hair stylist, and wait a few months to make an actual change if you still want it!
Anon
If you are able to maintain the wavy texture consistently, I’d try a curly cut to enhance it. My experience as a wavy has been that it’s easy for it to trend towards ratty, unless it’s shaped expertly. Going shorter does not change that it needs to be layered and tapered properly.
I’m mid-forties and have no plans to ever go above the shoulders. Short hair looks awful on me. I have a mannish square jaw and need the softening of lots of hair, or else I look like a brunette He-man.
anon
I personally think shoulder-length hair is the hardest length to maintain, especially if you have waves. How about something in between shoulder-length and what you have now? It’s a big enough chop to give you the change you’re craving, but you’re not going all-in on shorter hair. Do think about what you’re willing to maintain and how much styling you’re willing to do on a daily basis.
And, I know exactly what you mean by the look you’re describing. Beachy waves that take a ton of styling to create: how groundbreaking.
Anon
Funny I think mid length hair is kind of the current mom haircut, not the short ‘dos a previous generation of moms sported.
I cut my hair to just above shoulder length, sort of a long bob, because I find if I grow it longer, I am constantly wearing it in a ponytail or up in a claw clip. I know these can be legit styles on their own, but I feel like on me it’s just a “I can’t deal with my hair” hairstyle.
I try to keep my longish bob current with bangs, across the forehead or swept to the side, or whatever my hairdresser says I should do. I grew them out to chin length and wore them kind of curled back / winged for a while, but then cut bangs again because it’s more flattering to my face.
Anonymous
I lost all my hair from cancer in my 30s so I have a lot of experience with this! While it wasn’t my choice, growing it out again has actually been quite fun because it gave me an opportunity to experiment with shorter hair styles as it grew back.
Having shorter hair definitely makes me look younger. New people I meet/people who didn’t know me pre-cancer regularly peg my age at 5 years younger than I am.
Anyway, depending on your hair texture, I say go for it! I like the Emma Watson bob style, Anne Hathaway had some great looks while growing her hair out, if you have curly hair Alia Shakwat’s multiple short hair styles were what I used as inspiration, you could go for a classic bob, Carey Mulligan has had some really pretty and delicate short hair styles.
Anonymous
My hair decided for me. I have the most awful hair. There is way too much of it and it has large, deep waves that are not usable for styling purposes unless I want to look like a biker lady from the 1970s. I got a pixie cut because I was tired of spending 25 minutes every morning blowing out my bob, only to have it get messed up by the humidity as soon as I stepped out of the door. Literally the only haircut that works with my hair is a super-short pixie, heavily textured, cut by the only stylist in the entire city who is capable of handling it. So a pixie it will be forever.
asAnon
Oh, I like my overly thick, wavy hair, but maybe I am also relatively okay with a biker lady look. I think my hair looks best if I play up its texture and don’t blow dry it beyond blasting the roots a bit; I would definitely be frustrated if I were trying to maintain a smooth blow out in humid weather.
Anonymous
If I try to play up my hair’s texture, it looks like a mullet even if it’s cut all the same length or with modern layers. No thank you.
Anonymous
Try a short wig in a style you kind of like, and wear it just at home and see how you feel – take some selfies, style your clothes etc. I did, and truly hated, really HATED short hair on me. I’m keeping the longer hair.
Anon
recently looped off over a foot of hair to a lob. had my husband clean up the back and loved it. went to stylist to take some weight off and she took another 3 inches. it will grow back but it’s so traumatic to have that happen after 20 minutes of discussing. I’ve had this happen many times before including when i was really young and the stylist cut it from waist length to above shoulder. i looked like a boy and cried for weeks.
trust your instincts.
go easy and if you’re cutting 6 inches or more please donate
Anon
Any suggestions for a sleek office-appropriate sneaker (preferably all black to wear with black pants but I’m open to suggestions)? I’m an associate at a biglaw firm and have no idea how I wore flats all day per-COVID and have been striking out with loafers. Thanks!
AIMS
I have been eyeing the Cole Haan Grandpro Rally Court sneaker for work. Comes in black. They do have a white sole but I think somehow it looks better than black sneakers with a black sole which look too much like running shoes or old lady shoes to my eye. Ecco also makes some nice looking black leather tennis shoes.
Anon 2.0
Agreed. Black sneaker plus black sole looks like a non-slip restaurant shoe to me.
Anon
I’m just going all in on white sneakers that are comfortable and on trend. In-house, finance, no one bats an eyelash and it’s pretty much all I’m seeing these days. If you do black sneakers, I’d just get whatever is comfortable because it’s not a “look.”
Senior Attorney
Agree. I tried black sneakers and I feel like they just look frumpy while the white ones look intentional.
jz
Margiela replica sneakers in black. but any mostly black sneakers with a flat sole should work tbh. I wear adidas campus to the office (also biglaw) and they’re pretty low profile.
jz
or common projects
Anon
Probably not what you are looking for but I wear black Altra Escalante shoes when I want a sneaker for work. I like it because it is a good shoe for walking and I can go for a nice long walk at lunch on the days that I don’t work through lunch.
Anon
Love my Allbirds. Also a Biglaw associate. In NY.
Anonymous
None.
lipstick
ha ha
I was just thinking, is this really where we are? What sneaker is work appropriate to wear to my Big Law office? And someone actually suggested the big white honking grandpa shoes?
Anonymous
Do you have an injury of some kind? Is it Jeans Friday? If not, I think finding a comfortable loafer is a better choice.
Anon
Jeans Friday? It is the Denim Century. And I’m somewhere where even the support staff was in suits 5 days a week including summer. And panty hose.
Anon
“Jeans Friday”? How quaint. Even my wear a suit every day office has moved to something more akin to “just wear real clothes, not pajamas”. Intentional looking sneakers are going to be fine in many offices these days. Welcome to 2022!
Anonymous
I like the black Cole Haan Zerogrand Oxford sneaker with a 3/4 insole…so comfy! I walked all over Europe in them.
Anonymous
I’m a young partner at a firm – I lateraled from another firm. Most people at the firm have only ever worked at this firm. (Regional; We have less than 50 attorneys). I feel like our firm is way behind industry standard in many respects – tech, accounting, marketing. Example: our conference rooms are scheduled by a receptionist. If she is on vacation, we can’t use conference rooms. I suggested we use the outlook rooms function, and each of our five full-time IT staff separately came to me to explain that it was too hard or would cost too much money. (It ended up being free- but we have few adopters). I wanted to put on a client webinar, and mass client emails / events need to go through our marketing team. Our marketing director told me last week that he has not used Zoom or any other video service this pandemic, and he doesn’t plan to start now, so he thinks I should wait to have a client presentation until it can be in person. Our bills are still required to be printed, marked up by hand, and then scanned in.
There are more examples. I feel like I’m swimming upstream alone trying to push or drag the firm into this century. I also feel like my mindset about our staff and leadership, even if not my words, is constantly critical. I think I either need to accept where we are—that change is slow/unlikely— or I need to change firms. I know that no firm is perfect, but I have an expectations mismatch. It works for other partners and they don’t know why I would want any changes. Any advice for me?
anon
Change firms. This would absolutely not work for me and they are not going to change any time soon.
Anon
Nuts, leave. I wouldn’t hire a firm like this, too backwards and it’s not a place to invest in for your own career.
Anon
That Outlook/meeting example was all I needed to hear: the mindset of this firm cannot be salvaged. You will always be the outlier and, if not by now, dissatisfaction will begin to creep into your performance and your life.
As others on here would say, “kindly, just leave.” And put the OOO memo on Outlook.
Anon
You have correctly assessed the situation. Extremely unlikely you can change this so need to accept (which I would find difficult) or leave. I can’t believe these sort of outdated approaches aren’t also affecting how you do your work which to me counsels in favor of leaving, unfortunately
Flats Only
A quick low-tech fix for the conference rooms when the receptionist it out – put a day planner in each room. People can mark out time in the day planner. They’ll be able to see when others have booked the room and work around that. Yes, the rooms should be booked via Outlook, but if it’s “no conference room while Suzy is out” vs. an online system no-one will use, the KISS solution is what you need.
Op
Thanks! I hadn’t thought of that. And it sort of drives me nuts that I need to be thinking of these things when we have over 100 full time employees. But again – if status quo works for everyone else, I may be the problem here :)
Anonymous
+1 a past firm hung an hourly planner on the wall when some employees refused to use the shared Outlook calendar.
No Face
A firm with bad technology will drag down your practice. The marketing director bit is egregious – he should be supporting your practice, not limiting it because he doesn’t want to learn how to use a simple program!
The last time I did a virtual talk, I think more than 500 people signed up.
anon
Yeah, as a comms person, I do not know how this marketing director has been functioning for the past two years.
helloanon
I would weigh the (extreme) annoyance of these issues against any positives. For example, if you move firms, can you take your clients with you or will you be starting from scratch?
Op
I think a few clients would move, but not enough to sustain me full time. A key partner on my files is retiring, but given the timing is “this year or next year,” I think I would need to stay another three years (two years after he leaves) in order to have clients locked in to me and consider it a portable book. FWIW, I would make more if I went to most in house positions- my take home pay supports me but is far from luxurious :) I’m currently weighing whether to try to just put my head down for a few years or whether to explore a lateral/non private practice move.
helloanon
In that case, I think it’s a matter of weighing how much these issues are impacting your daily life compared to how much you want to be doing the kind of work you would get in an in-house position (or whatever else you’re considering). For me, spending a significant chunk of my day annoyed with my fellow partners and frustrated by trying to do many aspects of my job would be enough to push me to look elsewhere…at least to see what’s out there.
anon
That’s crazy pants. I don’t think I’d be able to stay, honestly!
Anon
Good lord, even our 80+ year old partner who doesn’t use a computer used Zoom during the pandemic. There’s nice things about not having to be connected or running at full speed all the time, but it sounds like you’re just being inefficient. I think you’ve pinpointed your two best options. If the problems are affecting your work (i.e., losing billable time or clients and compensation) then you should leave. Otherwise, I would probably stay, but it sounds like you’re already feeling fed up.
Anonymous
My 80 year old aunt also adopted Zoom on her phone!
how to be a good person?
what are the actions or habits you have that you feel make you “a good person”? i feel like friends keep dropping me without anything big happening and like i need to recenter myself.
Curious
Oh hugs. Some of this is probably not you. I struggled to make friends in my 20s, arrived in Seattle to tech, and boom it was easier to make and keep friends. I had just found my people.
Do you check in on people and remember the things that are going on in their lives that are important? Do you initiate invitations?
Anonymous
I try to! I even have my closest friends’ kids’ birthdays marked on my calendar.
Curious
That is so lovely. I don’t know the details of what you’re experiencing, but I suspect you’re already a good person swimming upstream against a pandemic etc that make friendships hard. No advice on how to swim that stream better, just some love.
Anon
I remember everyone’s birthday including their kids and send cards (because it’s fun to get mail) and give gifts. I like to send cards or handwritten notes at other times too like if someone is going through a rough time or to my girlfriends for Galentine’s Day. I think my love language is stationery.
Anonymous
I send handwritten cards just because. I listen more than I talk. I am there for people even if it has been a while since we caught up. I try to consistently invite people to do things – movies or art museum tours if it is awkward talking or they are shy, free things if I know or believe it’s been a hard financial time. I accept that I am not perfect and true friendships are two way streets – but I would guess I ask more questions and an average conversation with a friend I am speaking less than 40% of the words. I reach out and try to give people grace if they don’t respond or say no.
Anonymous
I think people value being nice and personable in in friendship way above actually being a good person. I’ve had this theory for a while but I got to see it play out during a friend’s divorce when the charismatic POS cheater got to ‘keep’ the social group.
Monday
Yeah, I am confused by the details of this question and by most of these responses. The topic seems to be more about how to make consistently nice gestures toward friends. “Being a good person” is a much different thing, with commitments that are longer, deeper, and less obvious across circumstances.
Anonymous
OP here – the jump I was making was to “my friends all hate me thus I must be a terrible person, how can I not be a terrible person.”
Monday
I really wouldn’t assume that. Unless you know of thoughtless things you’ve done to all your friends, or you’ve been called out, it probably isn’t remotely that serious.
That said…is your first instinct to think you must be a “bad person” whenever you feel rejected or overlooked? This could either be really low self-regard or, in some cases, I see it as a way of preventing meaningful feedback from others. For example, a friend says “I’m hurt that you RSVP’d to my party but then did not show up” and you say “oh, so I’m a bad person?” Which then makes them need to focus on reassuring you, or else they give up. If this is you, again: probably not a bad person, but one who needs to think more about other people’s feelings and be willing to hear feedback.
Bonnie Kate
ugh that sounds hard! Without knowing more about your specific situation, I would say that it’s really hard for a lot of people right now to life, and being a friend is part of the really hard right now.
I think “good person” and “good friend” are not exactly defined the same way.
A few of my good friend mindsets:
-not keeping score of who’s “turn” it is to text, set up plans, etc. sometimes I do get sick of being the planner, but I also recognize that it’s definitely my personality to do this most of the time and try to keep that in mind. my bff and I do personality tests/books and it is very clearly NOT hers to plan/decide things while it is mine; this has helped really put into perspective our dynamic sometimes.
-assuming the best intentions of my friends. when a friend doesn’t respond right away, it’s most likely because they have other life stuff going on, not because of anything to do with me
-allowing friendships to look differently at different times of life.
-listen to friends, don’t try and solve all their problems or suggest solutions (ugh that’s hard for me), relate to them
-here’s a big one – not require my friends to have the exact same personal/political beliefs as me.
Anon
I try to always have two volunteer things going. One for my profession (stem related, currently on a diversity committee) and one outside of my profession (currently on an advisory board for my university).
I keep in touch with friends mostly via regular text chats and try to remember to suggest an in person something or other at regular intervals, even if it’s just people coming over to my garden for a glass of wine.
I am not perfect at any of this and I certainly struggle with my share of “sins” but I feel good about the things info and extra good when I do them well.
Curious
Someone mentioned spring cleaning yesterday. Do you spring clean? How long does it take and what do you do? What part is most satisfying? I am attracted to the idea of doing a big spring clean after chemo is done, but I know I’ll be physically limited. We actually already have a deep clean scheduled and paid for. But that inevitably will be imperfect, and I want to do a few things myself that are most satisfying.
Anonymous
No sorry no. Your big post chemo activity will not be detailing your baseboards. Live more fabulously than dusting your blinds.
Curious
Hahahaha I mean there are other dreams too :). And I’m open to suggestions! But I believe in the power of ritual/ symbolic action, and I think that a targeted amount of physical cleaning will help me to process and close that period. Kind of like pooja for a new house.
Curious
And I just looked up puja and maybe have used the term wrong? Marathi friends use sage to purify a new house and have called it pooja/puja to me.
Divya
I don’t think you should use the word puja in this context. It’s a general term, but it does have a religious meaning and should not just be whitewashed
Curious
Yeah, sounds right.
Curious
(Thank you, Divya.)
Anon
I grew up in a family where we never paid for someone to do something we could do ourselves, and I’ve mostly stuck with that as an adult. HOWEVER, I do occasionally splurge for a cleaning lady to come in and do a deep clean of my apartment because life is too short to spend an entire Saturday spring cleaning. I love having a clean house, but not at the expense of my weekend! Let the cleaners do their thing and if its imperfect, so let it be.
Curious
We have regular cleaners, and the deep clean includes baseboards and windows. Not sure about under furniture and appliances. I guess I am looking for symbolism more than a weekend of work.
Anon
Reorganize your medicine cabinet
anonshmanon
yeah, or tidy up a dresser drawer or put flowers on your night stand. It sounds like you have the actual cleaning taken care of, so maybe look for a reorganizing or refresh symbolic act instead.
AIMS
I think if you want symbolism, I would tackle some organizing a cleaner can’t do. Is there a closet or attic or chest of drawers that you need to purge? I have many. Hoping for summer downtime to tackle it when work is slower, kids are at camp, and I can take some afternoons off.
Anon
Hire it out, but get your windows professionally cleaned inside and out. Nothing says new start to me like sparkling clean windows. If you have screens, make sure screen cleaning and reinstallation is included.
Curious
That’s a great idea, especially since the insides are now covered with baby handprints :).
helloanon
I did a big spring clean last week in spurts. I organized/wiped down closets and drawers as I found time over several days and then did a big clean during a few dedicated hours while the dog was at daycare and getting a bath. On my list for the big clean was dusting the whole house, using a dog fur squeegee thing on rug/carpet and then vacuuming, sweeping and mopping all hard floors, cleaning bathrooms, cleaning insides of windows, laundering all random throws, dog towels, etc., and wiping baseboards. I do a lot of this stuff regularly – floors get cleaned seemingly all the time, but I spread it out throughout the week so different parts of the house are super clean at different times. It felt great to have the whole house clean at once, but some of my greatest satisfaction came from seeing some perpetually disorganized closets in a very orderly state, especially my laundry room which becomes a catch all for random shoes, dog stuff, etc.
Curious
Ohhh wiping down drawers sounds like the exact kind of low cost/ high reward I want. Yes yes yes.
Anonymous
Things for entertaining, like polishing any silver or cleaning chandelier crystals?
No Problem
I do some spring cleaning, mostly stuff that it’s not worth the effort to do more often. Examples: windows, light fixtures, inside of oven and microwave, cleaning up my outdoor space. In your case, leave the actual cleaning to the cleaners. Focus on organizing and making your space feel fresh. Maybe this is purging a closet or dresser; emptying, cleaning, and rearranging a pantry or cupboard; finally getting an organizational tool/bin/divider for a problem space; purging a bookshelf; or finding homes for things that don’t currently have one. Or even more simply: is there a place in your home that causes you the most angst? Work on a solution to that area and you will definitely feel like you accomplished something!
No Problem
Other spring cleaning ideas: launder all of your coats/winter gear, launder all bedding, hand wash/dry clean all sweaters. So basically: laundry.
Curious
Ah yes the winter laundry! And washing and polishing winter boots. I like this.
Aunt Jamesina
I have a couple of things I do seasonally to stay organized, although I don’t do a full “spring cleaning”.
-Around January and July, we take inventory of our pantry and freezer contents and focus on using up the random odds and ends that accumulate. I also schedule a pickup from AmVets around then and go through our clothes and other items for things to donate.
-Our throw pillows on our couch have changeable covers. I switch from velvet ones in jewel tones for fall/winter to linen ones in soft colors for spring/summer. When I change them, they get washed and the couch and chairs get a nice deep vacuum and the cushions get flipped. Since by that point I’ve already dragged out the big vacuum with all of the attachments and have stirred up some dust, I also use this as a chance to do a really thorough dusting of all of our baseboard and shelves and and any knickknacks in the living room/kitchen/dining room. It’s a nice reset of the public areas of our house. I just did that this weekend and it’s amazing what a difference it makes!
Curious
Oooh I now aspire to your pillow game. Also, cleaning out and using up pantry and freezer contents is a great idea.
anon
Yes, but I do it in spurts. A big chunk of spring cleanup time is spent power washing patios and doormats, cleaning up decks and exterior doors, cutting down perennials, washing windows, and basically getting the outside of the house in good shape. Our biweekly cleaners do a good job with regular cleaning, but there are plenty of twice-a-year tasks that don’t get done during those times: wiping down cabinets, cleaning out cupboards, sometimes deep cleaning the carpet, etc. I actually get a lot of energy from freshening up my space, so I don’t hate it.
Curious
I don’t hate it, either, and right now those tasks feel like reclaiming my space and my body after I needed to rely on others to care for them for so long! I hadn’t thought about the outside of the house, but outdoor work in the new sunshine is so nice right now.
anon
I enjoy it because it’s too early to garden (real gardening), but it gets me out of the house and feels like I’m prepping for BBQ season! Also, after a Midwest winter, things are just grimy, gross, and dusty.
Curious
Yeah, I know the feeling (Illinois raised). I am still learning what the right things are to do with a yard in the PNW. I am now also thinking it’s probably time to repot a couple of the houseplants.
Coach Laura
We are on the same wavelength! I had a deep clean yesterday and OMG it was fantastic. Coming home yesterday from a day in the hospital was glorious. I spent 6 hours on each of Saturday, Sunday and Monday organizing and getting things put away so the cleaners could clean without moving things. Hubby is getting out of the hospital today after 21 hellish days. I still have some more organizing but it is 100% better.
Anonymous
I spring clean my outdoor space, put in new spring plants, sow seeds, set out outside furniture and get ready for spring and summer. I also spring clean outside gear like my bicycle – wash and oil and summer tires, and put away the warmest winter gear.
pH neutral soap?
What are your recommendations for pH neutral soap, preferably liquid?
My kid gets super dry hands and I suspect our soap is the culprit.
AIMS
Dr Bronner’s castille soap (you can buy at TJ).
Cornellian
Cerave’s liquid soap’s pH is 6.2, not sure if that’s right for you, I think Cetaphil’s is almost 8, so that may not be the best choice. Plus no fragrance, etc.
Anon
Mrs Meyer’s hand soap. I don’t know the pH, but my parents noted after they switched to it from softsoap that their hands were no longer so dry. Their senior skin is perhaps equally though differently delicate?
anon
2nd. Mrs. Meyers is our go-to.
Anony
Pretty much every liquid handsoap makes my hands feel like they are going to fall off because they are so drying (fragrances, chemicals, etc.). The only brands that don’t drive me crazy are Method and Raw Sugar (from Target).
Anonymous
+1 for Method. But it could be the soap at school that’s causing the problem.
Anonymous
My husband and daughter get horribly dry skin. We use the liquid Dove Baby soap in the sensitive fragrance free version as our hand soap to prevent drying out from hand washing. It is advertised as ph neutral, but I have never actually researched that aspect of soaps before. It is not advertised as a “hand soap” but really– soap is soap.
Anonymous
SLS free soap is what you need.
Anon 2.0
Not sure on the PH, but Dove brand hand soap has been a game changer for us. DH especially has knuckles that crack easily and he noted a vast improvement when we switched to Dove.
lipstick
+1
I actually use the Dove bar soap, which I buy in bulk, from Costco. My hands are a mess because I have to wash them many many times a day, so keeping a humidifier going, using hand sanitizer as little as possible and sticking with Dove has helped.
Anon
anyone have a recommendation for a non-dairy pasta salad? or some other side dish for a bbq?
Cb
Oh I like an orzo salad, with good olive oil, garlic, sundried tomatoes, basil.
Curious
Yes yes. Or use farro instead of orzo for nuttiness! Sprinkle with sea salt.
Anon
Yes! I love orzo salad. My favorite is the one from Trader Joe’s so I would copy that.
A warning. I boil all my pasta in quite salty water (like the sea) but I have found specifically with orzo that can make the finished pasta too salty, not sure why, so I have learned to back off the salt for orzo.
My favorite dressing for pasta salad at home is around 1/3 fresh lemon juice, 2/3 extra virgin olive oil (the good stuff, not the stuff you cook with), fresh herbs mixed into the salad, and salt and pepper to taste. I actually don’t mix the dressing separately. I start tossing with the oil, add salt, taste, add lemon juice, taste, etc until I think the balance is right. Then freshly ground pepper at the end. For a slightly different note, try Aleppo pepper in place of black pepper.
AIMS
You can use sun dried tomato pesto (or even the regular green stuff) to dress the salad instead of mayo.
Alternatively, you could do a potato salad with a mustard dressing. Ina Garten has a good recipe.
AIMS
Link: https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/french-potato-salad-recipe-1914223
Anonymous
Pesto often has cheese in it, though there are some without OP just needs to read the labels carefully.
Anon
Good point on pesto, but it’s very easy to just skip the cheese or replace with nutritional yeast. I make different kinds of pesto all the time and always make it vegan.
Anon
I’ve always made my pasta salads dairy free! Pasta + veggies (raw cut up cherry tomatoes, maybe some black olives, cooked but still semi cruchy broccoli; you could also add bell peppers, zucchini, onion, etc) tossed in Italian dressing. Too easy but so good.
Anon
I much prefer pasta salad with a red wine vinaigrette dressing.
Anonymous
I love this salad. Lots of great color and crunch from all the veggies. https://www.cookingclassy.com/pasta-salad/
Anon
I like a veggie heavy pasta salad (rotini or orzo) with kalamata olives, cucumber, tomato, shallot, bell peppers, you can also add fresh spinach, dressed with lemon juice, olive oil, salt, pepper and preferred herb mix. I think its best if the veg is chopped in small pieces so you get a variety in a bite.
Anon
oh, and cherry tomatoes! not Roma or something else more watery.
Anon
I like pesto or dressings made with tomato paste, olive oil, and vinegar- budget bytes has a recipe for a broccoli pasta salad with this dressing that I’ve never followed exactly, but you can get the general idea there.
Annony
I love this salad … Israeli couscous with dried cherries and arugula:
https://www.thekitchn.com/recipe-whole-wheat-couscous-with-cherries-amp-arugula-150125
A crunchy ramen salad is a nice change of pace, too!
Senior Attorney
This isn’t exactly a salad but it is DELISH. I prefer to omit the cinnamon: https://www.cookingclassy.com/moroccan-couscous-roasted-vegetables-chick-peas-almonds/
Also this is a great orzo salad: https://www.budgetbytes.com/carrot-orzo-salad/
Anon
So annoyed- my catalytic converter was stolen! The mechanic is saying it is $2,000 to replace. Should I file an insurance claim or will my rates go up so I should pay out of pocket? Located in Pennsylvania.
Anon
Do you have a Prius? There have been a lot of similar thefts, all from Priuses, in my city (NC). So sorry!
Anonymous
I’d say file with insurance – I’m not in PA but I’ve been hearing thru the neighborhood grape vine that catalytic converters are being stolen a lot right now because the metal palladium (I think?) in them is very profitable in recycling. Also, because of supply chain issues and Russia being a big source of raw metals, costs are just going up to replace.
Anon 2.0
So frustrating! The city I live in is having a major issues with these thefts as well as brazen thieves. (Shots have even been at officers who attempted to stop a theft in progress.)
While I know it won’t help your current situation, you can always push your lawmakers to require the scrap yards, etc that buy these to do a little more due diligence.
Anon
I’m so sorry! This just happened to me, too. My mechanic said he has seen dozens over the last few months (NYC). I ultimately went through insurance, but also bought a “Cat Clamp” that I had to buy (around $200) but insurance covered labor to install. Apparently it is not 100% foolproof but takes a lot longer for thieves to saw through so it works as a deterrent. Good luck!
Anonymous
Asked a question yesterday about whether you’d leave litigation for a business job [a strategy role typically done by finance/MBA types, so not a compliance/HR/employee relations role] if you liked but didn’t absolutely love litigation after 15 or so years. Will take continued thoughts on that if people have them.
One response was only do it if you are ready to leave law because getting back in would be hard/near impossible. I agree with that and if I’m being honest that’s what’s held me back over the years – the finality of leaving law. I don’t even mean biglaw as I’ve done that for 7 years and not going back there, but honestly partners in any type of law firm tend to look at ANYTHING that isn’t law firm [or in house or government] as “suspect.” So for those who have made a move out of law, how did you know you were ready? Did the finality of it bother you at all? I’m age 40+ so it does seem like an ok time to do that – it’s not like I’m quitting without having given law a real chance – but still there’s a part of me that wonders if I’m ready/will miss it etc. Thoughts?
Anon
I left litigation at the end of last year after 8 years of litigating in regional mid-sized firms. I haven’t looked back a day since, and love my new role. I just knew I was done because I was miserable every single day, even when nothing “bad” had happened. Just the constant fighting and arguing about every single thing, no matter how big or small, was wearing me down. I never felt refreshed, or motivated, or energetic. And when I decided to leave for a non-JD role, a lot of people said “but you’re so good at being a lawyer” and I felt like, yea, but I would be good at a lot of things, and I deserve to do something that doesn’t make me miserable. To be honest, I thought I would feel sad/bad about the finality of leaving law, but all I feel is relief, and both of my old firms have said they’d take me back if I ever change my mind, so I don’t even think it’s really as final as all that.
Duckles
I practiced for 6 years in Biglaw, moved to an attorney-required but non-practicing role, and it’s a much better fit for me. I both 1) felt like I had given Biglaw practice a chance, which you have, and 2) looked around and decided I don’t know anyone in Biglaw whose lives I would want— the workload never gets easier and I don’t know any practicing lawyer who loves their job (any many trying to get out). I think if you really miss practice you’ll know and could move back to practice within a year, though agree at the skepticism beyond that.
Anon
If you are over 40, you may not want to wait a lot longer to make this move. I left a firm where I was a partner in my late 40s and experienced quite a bit of age discrimination in my job search. There was a lot of skepticism about why I would give up the partnership, and a couple people flat out asked me if I was looking for a cushy glidepath into retirement (even though I was only 48!!).
Anonymous
IDK I feel like there is a TON of skepticism from other industries when law partners want to leave – unless you’re going to a client etc. People tend to act like – you have it made, why would you leave, are you looking to glide into retirement etc. I haven’t seen the same behavior when the person doesn’t have Partner on their resume, which OP may not I’m not sure. I do agree overall though, there is a difference between doing this at 43 vs. 49. Not that you are an different but society has not so flattering views of what people nearing 50 can learn. I’d say make this type of move by 45ish at the latest and then by 50 you’re “established” in your new industry, have experience and contacts, so if you experience any kind of layoff/need to move, people in THAT field already know you so it’s not like starting from scratch in a new industry at age 50 while also feeling like you can’t go back to law.
Anonymous
Any recs for Peruvian food in NYC? Any borough is fine, but the place must have at the very least good lomo saltado, ceviche, and chicha morada. Price point is hopefully more the $$ range, but if it’s really good can splurge a bit.
I’ll be in the city next month, coming from somewhere that doesn’t have Peruvian food beyond their chicken.
Anon
Pio Pio in Hell’s Kitchen
http://www.piopio.com/locations/hells_kitchen.html
Anonymous
It looks like you may have already gotten a suggestion that better meets your parameters, but if you decide you are open to a more high-end experience/splurge, Sen Sakana was delicious a few years ago and is very conveniently located if you are going to a Broadway show.
Gigi
Flor de Mayo- love their lomo saltado!
buffybot
Hipsterified a bit but I love Llama Inn in Williamsburg. I have also had a good meal at Jora in Long Island City.
Anonymous
Do any of you have passive income as land owners? Like, farmland?
This is a whole new world to me but DH is about to inherit his “family land” which for the past 30 years has been leased out to a local farmer. The landowner (DH’s family) gets 1/3 of all the revenue. The land itself (think they all PA) looks like it’s worth some money, but not millions, but this is land that has been in the family since 1750 so unless it becomes a money pit I doubt he will ever sell.
Just curious on any things to consider as the titles transfer over to DH from his parent. No siblings involved. Land will skip me and pass to our kids when DH dies, probably in a trust as there are 4 of them. We will update our estate plan accordingly. We are not in an area where farmland is a thing. Should we use local-to-the-land council (different states)?
Anon
1. Yes local counsel and person who can deal with any estimated taxes and property taxes and income tax filings in Other State.
2. Insurance insurance insurance. As a property owner, you have exposure and deepish pockets to go after. If something bad happens, everyone gets sued and insurance is there to defend and protect you.
3. Get a copy of the lease.
Anon
Definitely agree with number 2!!
anon
You’re very lucky! Taxes will be your biggest potential issue. Definitely get an accountant involved who understands agriculture and farmland.
Anon
We know the person farming our land and are easily able to work out the agreements that occasionally need changing. Banking for farmers is increasingly more difficult (it’s a capital business, not a labor business anymore) and so they have required changes to our agreements at times. If we didn’t know the person, we would likely find an agent to help us. It was a little challenging to find the right insurance and this is critical, as mentioned already. Our current issue is how to handle the land in our estate planning. Kids get along fine, but what happens to the next generation or when someone wants out. We understand our options, but haven’t made any decisions yet.
Anonymous
OP here. The person that farms this land is a family friend/known person (known to the family, certainly not to me!). There is already buckets of insurance in place, for injury etc as well as general crop insurance. I know this bc DH just had to register as a farmer to file a claim on the crop insurance since his mother is no longer alive!
Also, the land lease has been in place for 30+ years; when DH’s grandfather fell ill he arranged it. He died in 1995, then DH’s grandmother died in 2012 and passed it all to DH’s mom who recently passed. Of interest, the land leasee is second generation! His dad used to farm this land in the 90s/00s but died. He took it over in 2015.
Seventh Sister
You definitely want local counsel and possibly a local accountant. Also it’s probably a good idea for your spouse to get to know the farmer that leases the property and their plans. My family owns a parcel of farmland in a rural red state and while the same guy has leased it from us for a long time, he isn’t going to live forever and his kids may not want to be farmers. The value of property can often depend on whether Farmer Jones or Farmer Smith wants to do anything with a particular piece of land. Also, consider whether there is any potential drilling or mineral deposits that could affect value, ditto whether certain leafy plants have been legalizes in that state.
Betsy
Totally different perspective, but I just want to say how important farmland is and that I hope you will do everything you can to keep that land farmed. We are losing farmable land at such an alarming rate, especially smaller/midsize farms. If there’s any potential interest in making sure that land stays farmland above all else, Agrarian Commons is an organization that does really interesting work and would be very worthwhile to check out!
An.On.
I commented on the other board but wanted to add, if you’re interested, you might look into whether any local ag businesses offer a beginning farmers-type class, if only so when your tenant says you need tile repairs or is talking about switching from crop A to B or is dealing with government department C, you have some general idea what they’re talking about. Where I’m at, some of the large farm lender/manager businesses offer things like that. It’s also good to know what rent rates are locally, since it’s also common when the farmer and landlord know each other personally for a long time that the lease arrangements won’t be market rates because it’s awkward to tell your friend they need to pay your more.
Anon
Linkedin etiquette advice needed! I am a midlevel attorney who recently made the jump from private practice to in-house. Before that I worked at one firm for a long time, and then moved to a smaller firm that was a poor fit and was let go from the second firm after 90 days. I left the second firm off my resume when I applied to my current job and no one asked about the gap. There is about a 5-month gap between when I left the first firm and when I started my current job. Is it shady that I left the second firm off my LinkedIn profile? I have colleagues from the second firm who I can see view my profile a lot…I am worried they think I’m being dishonest?
Anon.
I wouldn’t think so. LinkedIn is not a background check, you get to decide how to curate your profile.
I’m assuming you already know what you’ll answer in any interview situation when the gap comes up, but I wouldn’t worry.
Anon
+1
Weird
Nope, leave it off! You’re not obligated to add every job you’ve ever had to your profile.
I also find it weird that formers coworkers from a job that fired you are frequently viewing your profile. Maybe they want out as well? Definitely don’t change your behavior based on their views.
Clothing rental
Has anyone had experience using Armoire clothing rental? I love the brands they carry, but am mulling them vs Le Tote vs RTR for some supplemental work clothing, as I am still trying to build an in-person work wardrobe after being remote. Plus trying to hide a growing bump during some upcoming work events!
Senior Attorney reporting on lost engagement ring
After turning the house upside down and saying a prayer to St. Anthony, I did a load of laundry last night and after I was done, there was my ring in the emptry dryer, sparkling clean! Yay!! I am so relieved — I really thought it was gone for good.
I hope my lost-ring sisters have similar success!
anon
Sweet!
helloanon
Oh, good! Several months ago, I misplaced my grandmother’s diamond ring, which I inherited from my own mom when she passed. I rarely wear it but felt like some sparkle and put it on during a busy day of errands and lunch out. I have no idea how it slipped off, but I couldn’t find it that evening and spent the next few days frantically searching my house, calling everyplace I visited on errand day and retracing my steps to search the restaurant, library, etc. I had about given up, when while walking into my garage after one re-tracing trip, saw it glittering on the garage floor. No idea how it got there (or how I missed it if it was there for days), but I will never forget the feeling of relief! I said a little prayer of thanks to my mom and tucked the ring away safely in its box. Glad you got yours back too. :)
Curious
Tony, Tony, come around! I’m so glad you found it!
Coach Laura
Congratulations!
Note to the Editor
Thank you for taking Brooks Brothers off the list!
Cat
what is the backstory to this comment?
AIMS
Not sure but BB is owned by a company that is still doing business with Russia, so my guess is that it has something to do with that!
Anon
As of last week their parent company was on Jeffrey Sonnenfeld’s list of companies digging into continuing business with Russia.
lipstick
Ugh. I’m so sorry….
I have a Prius and they are being stolen like crazy in my town. I park outside, so I know it is only a matter of time. Yes, I would file an insurance claim because that is pricey.
anon
catalytic converter thefts from priuses are a big problem in my area. my neighbors have gotten an anti-theft device (a cage? not sure) installed at the shop for about $200. expensive, but cheaper than replacement.