This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Pink blazers: yea or nay? I helped a friend buy one years ago and have been kind of obsessed with them — but have yet to pull the trigger myself. I like the look of this cool, sophisticated version. And while I was a bit worried when I saw the “sheer back panel” mentioned in the description, the back view is actually lovely — it's but a stripe, so very classy. (I was just eyeing this more expensive blazer with some horror.) The pictured blazer is $249, available in sizes 00-12 at Club Monaco. Club Monaco Villy Blazer
A few lower-priced options are here, here, and here; some plus-size alternatives are here, here, and here.
Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
(L-all)
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon for this
Apologies for the threadjack. I am a fifth year associate who does insurance defense work and I am realizing that it may be too stressful for me personally but I am not sure what my possible next steps are. I am interested in hearing from anyone who had a similar background who now does something else. Thank you in advance for any help!
PandaMom
I was a fifth year associate doing commercial litigation when I decided to take a job as a career law clerk for a judge. It was a huge pay cut, my my stress level plummeted and my quality of life soared. Of course my paycheck plummeted too, but it was worth it to me. I’ve been gone from law firm life for over five years and haven’t regretted the move ever.
Emily
Could you share how you found out about the career law clerk position?? It’s such a pipe dream for me and a few of my friends!
In House Lobbyist
What about in house at an insuarnce company? Many have staff counsel offices – where the attorneys represent the insureds as part of the insurance contract.
in-house life
Not sure that my path made things less stressful, but I started off doing insurance defense work in a relatively small city. After 4 years, I wanted to get my foot in a larger legal market, so I transitioned to a mid-sized commercial litigation firm in a big city that focused on antitrust and complex commercial litigation work. 18 months later, I moved to another mid-sized firm to do IP and securities litigation. 8 years later, I moved in-house and now manage worldwide litigation for a publicly traded retail company. I wouldn’t say that things became less stressful while I was still in private practice, but the quality of life greatly improved once I moved in-house.
Transition
Good luck. I’m a mid-level associate working in corporate litigation. I’d love to make a change but have not been able to find any paths out yet. Going in-house is tough as they normally are not looking for litigators. It also involves a big mix of being in the right place at the right time.
Emily
After practicing in commercial litigation I was able to jump to a corporate practice group with a need for midlevels who were willing to take a cut in years and work hard to learn the substance. I’ve loved it so far, so if you’re willing to put in the time and put word out that you’re looking, you may be able to find a group that is open to the idea. I’m in NYC.
Blonde Lawyer
Have you considered going plaintiff’s side? There are less people you have to talk through to get anything done. When I was in insurance defense I’d have to talk to the partner who would talk to the adjuster who would talk to the client. I didn’t have a lot of control over turn around time. In a plaintiff’s firm, I just call my client. It is easier to plan for deadlines because usually I’m the only one that needs to get something done.
Anon
Plaintiff firm life brings on a whole different level of stress. The vast majority of plaintiff firms are high volume with huge case loads. Unless you are doing some type of boutique litigation work you probably have to manage a large case load with a lot of unsophisticated clients.
In house and loving it
If I were you, I would consider going in house. I made the transition earlier this year, and I am much happier now. I still get to do the type of work I love, but I have significantly less stress. FWIW, I saw quite a few in-house insurance defense positions when I was job searching.
Michelle
definite “yeah” here – I have an Ann Taylor blazer in the lightest possible pink and it plays like a neutral, less harsh than bright white – I’ve worn it with jeans, with gray pants, with cream – very versatile and seems to make my skin look great.
emeralds
Love the color and the detail–I’m just not a blazer-wearer in my day-to-day life. That jacket makes me wish I was, though!
Meg Murry
I think this is one of the things that looks lovely on other people but that I would never figure out quite how to do right and I’d always put back in my closet for one of my other tried and true options.
That or I’d stain it with my lunch the first day I wore it. I am a magnet for soup, tea and soft drinks landing on my clothes, so no pretty whites or pale pastels for me!
Diana Barry
I saw the BEST pink suit in Lucky a couple of years ago – it was either Helmut Lang or Brooks Brothers (I know those are totally not the same) and I really wanted it but couldn’t find it actually available for sale. I think the key is a cotton blend or silk – I tried one that was poly and it was just AWFUL.
Bonnie
I like the idea of a pink blazer but the color washes me out too much.
Finance Qs
Seeking the Hive’s wisdom and experience with different financial institutions…
Rolling over a 401k to an IRA: Fidelity or Vanguard?
Grad PLUS unsubsidized loans: stay with Nelnet or switch to SoFi?
Diana Barry
I like Vanguard – fees are lower than Fidelity.
NYC tech
Vanguard all the way.
MJ
I’d also like to throw a plug in for Schwab. They have no fee rollovers and access to all of the low cost index funds (such as Vanguard’s) as well as their own ultra-low cost index funds, plenty of free advice/opportunities for consultation with a live person whenever you want.
If you open a money market account with them (also free) you get a debit card with no ATM fees ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, which is so convenient. I rolled my 401(k)s there about 2 years ago and have had nothing but perfect customer service, which was NOT the case with Fidelity in the past.
[Apologies for the EllenCaps, I just lurv Schwab so much!]
B
+1 for Schwab. I switched to them years ago from Fidelity due to customer service.
**KAT: the above sentence was originally typed as the following due to some heavy duty ad activity. It’s been happening all morning – really going to cut down on my comments if it continues.
“+1 forSchwabI switched to themyears ago from Fdelity due to cstomer serce.”
Anonny
We love Schwab.
Senior Attorney
Another +1 for Schwab. Their customer service is amazing.
Carrie...
Vanguard
I’m in the process of moving my finances from Fidelity to Vanguard.
Blonde Lawyer
I’m happy with my switch to SoFi. Link in my name has my refi story. What is your current interest rate? How much do you owe? Do you take advantage of IBR or PAYE or any of those types of programs? Do you see yourself ever working in public service? If not then I think SoFi is a good choice.
I read an interesting article the other day though about how the govt backed student loan program is going to run into trouble because of refi options like SoFi. Basically, all the good credit risks are jumping ship for lower interest rates and better terms. The only people that are staying are those that use the forgiveness programs or those that are a higher default risk that can’t qualify for the refi. When the govt backed loan program started, they were the only players in the game. They could afford to lose the money on some because they made it back on the others with good credit. The system is now changing and they are going to just be stuck with the duds.
I’m not saying it should stop you from looking out for you, I just thought it was generally an interesting policy issue that I hadn’t considered.
Gail the Goldfish
That is interesting. Hadn’t thought about that.
I don’t know anything about Nelnet, but I had no problems with SoFi. I eventually refinanced from SoFi to Darien Rowayton Bank because of better rates. (Though if you own actual assets, be aware the DRB loans do not discharge in the event of death. I decided that if I died and they wanted my 18 year old car that is really my only asset, they’re welcome to it. But if I had kids or a spouse and some sort of actual estate of value, that might have given me more pause).
JEB
Any advice on how much basic estate planning should cost (basic will, revocable trust, POA, and advanced directives)? My husband and I own our home, have life insurance, and recently had our first child. Other than that, there’s nothing really notable about our financial situation. We live in the D.C. area, for reference. Just looking for a ballpark based on people’s experiences, as we were slightly surprised by the first estimate we received.
Thanks in advance!
Anonymous
Thanks for posting – I want to know too. Also, what did people pay for life insurance (per million, I guess)? I was a bit surprised by the cost.
JEB
$21/month for $500,000. I think my husband’s is $24/month. (That’s outside of our work policies, of course.)
Anonymous
$1500.
Estate Planner
Agree with this – around $1000-$1500.
JEB
Thanks for the responses!
Diana Barry
$2K or $3K depending on hourly rate.
My DH pays about $650/year for $2.5M in insurance. Mine is roughly twice that, but that was because I was pregnant with other health issues when I applied.
Anonymous
Wow. So $4,000 is a ton for life insurance for a generally healthy person, even at pretty high coverage. Where did you all buy?
Diana Barry
We went through an independent insurance agent. I think DH’s policy is Penn Mutual and mine is either John Hancock or Mass Mutual, but am not sure.
MSJ
Paid $800 in NYC area for all the legal work. Found the lawyer via my life insurance guy
anon a mouse
I think we are overpaying for life insurance based on these responses – mine is $35/mo for $500K and DH is $55/mo for $750K with no significant health issues.
Who are folks using for life insurance?
JEB
We went through Select Quote and ended up with Voya/ING. Select Quote gave us the five top options, which were all within $5/month of each other.
Anonymous
It would also be helpful to know what age commenters were when they locked in their rates. Some of these quotes might be from people who are 35 now but locked in a rate by buying the policy when they were 27, so if you’re 35 and just shopping now, it’s hard to compare against that person.
tesyaa
Don’t forget that issue age 25 and issue age 45 will have very different premiums, so it’s hard to compare without knowing how old the posters were at policy issue.
tesyaa
Also, depends if you have level term of 10, 15, 20 or 30 years. Make sure you’re not comparing apples to oranges.
mascot
We use Northwestern Mutual and pay about $4k a year (coverage is $2mil each for 20yr term and small whole life policy for child). We are in late 30s early40s I think we need to revisit ours too since we are likely over-insured for our needs now.
Anon
But you may not be overinsured over the life of your policy.
My husband comes from a family with lots of medical issues. I try to reinsure him every 5 years or so (and we can only afford 20-year chunks) so that we don’t wait until he’s 50 to reapply when either he’s uninsurable or we can’t afford the rate. I had an uninsurable client once (diabetes) and it was sobering.
Anonymous
This is who provided the $4,000 quote above. Is NW Mutual known t bepricey?
Diana Barry
Yes. AVOID!
anon
What I pay is in line with what you pay. I pay $42 per month for $600k and I’m 31 years old with no health problems. My husband got denied coverage because they asked him if he has EVER smoked cigarettes and he said “only when I drink”. Wrong answer husband!!!! Now we have to wait 2 years to reapply.
MWDC
I do T&E work in the DC area. When I prepare a simple estate plan, the cost is around $3,000. I am a tax specialist dealing with high net worth individuals, so cheaper plans can be found. I’ve seen quotes in the $1,500 to $2,000 range; certainly you can get a good estate plan in this range as well, but ask around for a personal recommendation, as quality can vary widely. Do you live in DC, Maryland, or Virginia?
JEB
Thanks for the response. I’m in Virginia. The first quotes I got were around $2,500-$3,000. I don’t know what I was expecting, and those seemed high. But that’s my totally uneducated feeling, so I didn’t want to devalue someone’s time. I just got a recommendation from a friend, and that person runs closer to $1,300. So I guess just like anything, there’s a fairly large range of reasonable costs.
Bathroom flowers
Have any of you kept a flowering plant (I’m thinking like an orchid) in a windowless bathroom? I saw a bathroom staged like this at an open house over the weekend and was thinking how nice it looked to have that pop of color. Am I signing up for either 1) a really difficult to care for orchid and/or 2) a plant that’s going to die within a week due to lack of light, too much steam, or similar?
Anonymous
An orchid will like the environment but need to go to a window for a few weeks to recharge. A fake orchid will love the bathroom though :)
Meg Murry
It would probably be fine for quite a while. Do you have a sunnier spot you could put one as well? I would plan on 2, so you could alternate being in the bathroom with being in the sunnier area.
Orchids are actually really easy to care for, and as long as you don’t knock off the blooms they last a really long time. Getting them to re-bloom is a little trickier, but not impossible. They also sell them fairly cheaply at big box stores like Home Depot, so you could always just buy another $20-$30 orchid if you can’t bring one back to life.
http://www.justaddiceorchids.com/light-tips
TO Lawyer
Thank you for saying this. I’ve been eyeing pretty orchids lately but I kill everything – I may have to try this.
A
Orchids like hot and humid environments, but they will die without sunlight. If you want a no-light plant, get a snake plant (sansevieria).
ANP
Bamboo! They love bathrooms.
Anon
Except that Orchids do NOT do too well with the humidity and the odours from a loo. I suggest you get plastic, because it is virtually impervious to the humidity and odours.
Parfait
Plants can smell odors?
Anonymous
Haven’t you seen the cartoons where a plant immediately wilts and dies when a person passes gas in front of it? Totally realistic ;)
Guessing that’s an Ellen post above you though.
(Former) Clueless Summer
Yeah, you can get really nice fake plants now that would be perfect for a bathroom. Either that, or rotate it out but I would think it would be best to just get a fake.
Marketing
Keep in mind that they stage an open house to look enticing. Rarely do the people actually live like that on a day to day basis.
Meg Murry
Very true. I wouldn’t be surprised if the realtor took the orchid back to her office with her until her next open house.
Ceiling Fan
Any recommendations for a handyman or electrician in Fairfax County VA who can replace a ceiling fan?
anonnnn
we’ve used Cullen Electric before and they were prompt and I think reasonably priced. They’re based in Alexandria but service around NoVa.
Anonymous
Thanks. I will call them this week.
Iftar
Any restaurant recommendations for Iftar in the DC area? Preference for something in the budget range and in NOVA
roses
Kapnos Taverna?
roses
Actually, just saw you wanted more of a budget place…perhaps Me Jana will do the trick there.
Anonymous
Do you only eat halal?
anonymous
I’m a vegetarian, actually, so halal isn’t an issue
anonnnn
Bamian in Bailey’s Crossroads is delicious, and they do serve halal food.
AR
Meze Restaurant
MWDC
We love Layalina, in Arlington. It’s Syrian/Lebanese. The atmosphere is really fun, and they have a good variety of vegetarian food. Reasonably priced, but not cheap.
Atlanta
Looking for dining recommendations in Atlanta; staying Midtown-ish. Would prefer ethnic/interesting cuisine – perhaps Middle Eastern, Vietnamese, really good Thai, maybe Eastern European. Not Italian and not “southern gourmet” as I already live in a city overrun by that genre. Will have a car but could also Uber it if parking is an issue.
ATLien
For good Thai, try Nan in midtown. Where specifically are you staying? Do you want fancy, or just good? If you want good ethnic food but in a more hole-in the wall setting, Buford Highway is your oyster.
Anon404
Do you want to stay in Midtown? How far are you willing to drive?
Atlanta
Already have the hotel because of attending an event but going out to eat ourselves Friday night. Not familiar with the city but would certainly not mind a drive for a great meal. I’m seeing the Cuban recommendation. That’s enticing. Any upscale Cuban in the city?
Anon
Sorry, I meant do you want to stick in the Midtown area for your meals, or are you up for driving further afield. Wasn’t clear – my bad!
What kind of meal are you looking for? Fancy/expensive/upscale, or no-frills-but-authentic-and-delicious? Neither is wrong, just trying to get the right recommendations your way.
Atlanta
I’ve looked over some of these and I’m probably looking for something a little nicer than a strip mall kind of place – just because of traveling to the city for a long weekend and wanting it to feel more special. Any absolute favorites regardless of cuisine? (though still trying to avoid BBQ or “southern”)
NO
Depending on where you are staying/willing to drive:
Restaurant Eugene (south Buckhead)
Cakes & Ale (Decatur)
BoccaLupo (Inman Park and Italian, but amazing)
Bacchanalia (West Midtown)
Nan (as others have mentioned) is wonderful Thai
I will keep thinking…..
Anon404
Tuk Tuk is delicious (thai street food done fancier) – 5 minute drive from midtown (or arguably still in midtown)
Iberian Pig (absolutely need reservations) (25 minute drive – Decatur Square)
Truva (downtown, Turkish, yummmm)
M
If you’re still reading this, Tuk Tuk Thai is great for a nicer Thai spot near midtown. Cooks and Soldiers (basque cuisine in west midtown) if you can get a reservation. I’ve also heard good things about Le Fat, which is Vietnamese in west midtown.
mascot
Buford Highway (northeast of midtown) has some great options for interesting food. Lee’s Bakery and other pho places for vietnamese, Hayakawa for sushi, Havana for cuban, the list goes on.
Anon
If you want to stay in midtown, try Nan.
Another Anon
Surin of Thailand. Never had dinner there, but lunch options had always been great. Awesome Pad Thai.
fee based financial advisor
Any recommendations for a fee based financial advisor in DC? Ideally somewhere downtown.
I know that the National Association of Personal Financial Advisors has a list, but it would be nice to have some recommendations to start with. The list doesn’t really provide any information. If no one has recommendations, any advice in choosing a person?
AnonCA
Connemara Fee Only. Tom is great. A law school classmate referred me to him and I’ve since referred friends. I’ve worked with him for 3 years. When I lived in DC, he did meetings at the Ronald Reagan Trade Center. He gives detailed individualized advice (assessed my risk tolerance) and his client service is top-notch.
DC Anon
Skyler Heimark at Raymond James! She has a fee only option that is extremely reasonable and she specifically loves working with professional women. I’m already in the financial industry, and I was surprised at how much I got out of my planning session with her. She’s a great listener, her advice is very individualized, and she spent a lot of time with me strategizing about how to reach my financial goals, including running various Monte Carlo simulations. Can’t recommend her enough.
Brit
Heading to Miami and looking for recommendations on things to see/places to eat (I’m a fairly adventurous eater, so definitely open to whatever is there). I’ve planned for a day at the Everglades and will be doing a boat tour with some family friends most likely. I’m staying in the Miami Beach area, but will have a car to get around with.
Thanks!
Fishing
Charter Captain Bouncer for a day, afternoon or evening of fishing. He and his first mate Abie are great people and excellent guides and teachers–my family’s been fishing with Bouncer for 15+ years and I wouldn’t fish with anyone else.
Fishing
http://www.captbouncer.com/
Anon
I do not fish, I am not a fisherperson, I don’t like eating things that give me flashbacks to disecting things in high school.
I really want to go out on a boat though. Do you think he would do a non-fishing tour a la Dexter? I have a Miami trip coming up in a few months.
Fishing
Not sure! Email and ask. If not, he can probably recommend someone good.
Pippit
I’m guessing a tour “a la Dexter” could also give you flashbacks to dissecting things, no? ;)
Anon
Yes, but not to something I’d have to eat.
:)
South Beach
Ohh. Great question. I’m going to Miami this weekend for the first time.
Senior Attorney
If you like looking at fancy old houses, check out Vizcaya Mansion and Gardens. It was built as the winter home of the vice president of International Havester. Beautiful house and gardens, on the water.
Brit
That looks awesome – love old houses like this! Definitely going on the list – thanks!
Jules
For those looking to do some time-wasting at the office:
I got addicted way too quickly to The Toast after Kat posted the link to “Men Starting Unnecessary Conversations in Western Art History.” That series is hilarious, as is the “If ___ (Carrie Brownstein, Prince Harry, Prince, Archie Panjabi, etc.) were your Girlfriend/Boyfriend” series.
This one made me laugh out loud at my desk this morning.
http://the-toast.net/2015/07/13/the-sequel-to-rebecca-the-second-mrs-de-winter-deserves/
Cat
oh that is good! I clicked through to another sequel (the blonde triplets from Beauty & the Beast) and then forced myself to close out before I wasted the rest of the morning :)
Anyone else having horrible problems typing on this s*te today? It’s happened for me before (having to pause after every. single. letter or at best every word), but had been at bay for the last few weeks and is back. IE 10.
Senior Attorney
Oh my gosh, this is great! I am snorting my coffee out my nose at this one: http://the-toast.net/2015/07/13/joe-manganiello-read-the-fountainhead-and-his-takeaway-was-that-people-should-quit-their-jobs-to-work-in-quarries/
Anonymous
Tips on taking interview phone calls for next internship while at current internship? If I do need to take a call during the work day, any good “excuses” to go sit somewhere else for 15 minutes?
emeralds
“I need to step out for a few minutes to handle an errand, but will be back at [time].”
Good luck!
Anonymous
No need to give a reason? School / medical / talking to my advisor?
mascot
Nope. Your personal time is your personal time. Coming up with a white lie will just make you feel more awkward.
CountC
I don’t think you need an excuse to take a 15 minute call. I would say I need to take this personal call, it will only be about 15 minutes. If you need to work through lunch to make up time, offer to do that if it’s an issue.
DisenchantedinDC
I don’t think it should be an issue? Don’t internships encourage you to move on? It’s not like interviewing and leaving your current full time employer.
Anonymous
Well they might give me a full time offer, and Igurds interviewing elsewhere shows I might not be interested in that.
Clementine
We give a lot of offers to interns, but not always. An intern doing further interviews generally shows that they are realistic and smart enough to not put all their eggs in one basket.
A
I would step outside. I mean, you’re allowed to take a 15 minute break, right? Some people spend longer than that in the bathroom. I don’t think you need to find someone and explain for such a short time, unless it is customary to do that where you are working. Just make up the time later.
Anonymous
Well they might give me a full time offer, and Igurds interviewing elsewhere shows I might not be interested in that.
body image
I have a friend who frequently initiates conversations on race especially as relates to colorism issues. She is black and (and so am I) and in a conversation this weekend she made the remarks that she thought kinky or very curly hair the kind that most people of african descent have “looks bad” when uncombed. She said she was particularly relieved that her husband now shaves his head almost bald. I don’t think anyone is a fan of the bed head look one has when they wake up, but I was truly taken aback by these comments. To me uncombed hair is just that, hair–that probably needs some grooming into a style before you head out the door. It does not elicit a negative reaction for me. For some context there have been other instances when she made comments about lighter colored complexions “looking better” and how in her culture brides often use some kind of paste to scrub the body in order to look lighter on their wedding day, which is something she also did when she had a wedding ceremony recently. Without making this longer I feel like this is someone who has body image issues–and I suppose we all do at some point. However she says things like these with absolute conviction, like she believes it competely and I am also puzzled by it. Although she is brown skinned and chemically straightens her hair, she is married to someone who is darker skinned with very kinky hair. She also really wants kids and if they do have kids they could have some of the very traits she seems to dislike. I also wonder whether some of these views were assimilated in her upbringing, she is of mixed arabic and african ancestry, so in some ways she resembles people who are more middle eastern in origin. I know views like these are prevalent in other cultures as well. So my question is has anyone else encountered this? And the next time this comes up, should I say something, although I’m not sure what I could say.
roses
I haven’t met someone who espouses these views, but it’s a pretty well-known fact (and problem) that white, western society tends to see lighter skin and straighter hair as prettier. Not sure what you can say though besides saying that you don’t agree.
OfCounsel
Unfortunately, this is not just problem with white, western society. It is fairly widespread and probably tied historically to the fact that lighter skin equaled a person who did not have to work outside and was therefore of higher status.
Anonymous
No, I have not encountered this.
People have different beliefs. It’s up to you to determine if the differences matter enough to continue the relationship.
If you feel the need to say something, try “I don’t agree with that.”
JJ
So she has different beliefs than you? That tends to happen with people. If you can’t accept her different beliefs, then it’s up to you to decide if you want to be friends with her.
Blonde Lawyer
I’m of no help to the majority of your question but I just wanted to say that the first time I went to Singapore I was shocked at all of the skin whitening products being sold and promoted in the local beauty magazines. It was all about how to avoid the sun and appear “whiter.” Quite a stark contrast to the spray tans and bronzers advertised here.
Though I have no idea if this is true, the person I knew there locally explained that it wasn’t just about race but about status. People with the indoor higher paying jobs were “lighter” than those that had the hard labor outdoor jobs and were exposed to the sun. Lighter then became a status symbol. I’m still guessing race had a big part in it but that was an interesting explanation I hadn’t considered.
Anonymous
That same explanation applied in the U.S. historically as well. It wasn’t until the 60s or so that tanned skin became a fashion trend.
madrilena (for now)
While there is this whole thing with a lot of east asians where they love white people, in China at least the skin whitening products ARE from a history of prizing it for socioeconomic status because only the poor farmers were out in the fields. when I go back to China tan my older extended family always tells me that I look like a farmer.
moss
I have heard that there is a lot of colorism in Arab societies especially racism toward black Africans. It must be very disheartening for you to listen to her say these things and imagine her future children hearing them. If you feel like she would be receptive then you might try challenging her (“Hair is hair, we all need grooming”) but if you’re feeling like she’s revealing a nasty part of herself that you want nothing to do with, then I’d reevaluate my friendship.
anonymous
I’ve met a lot of people with those views. I think it depends on the nature of your friendship whether you should say anything or not. If I were really good friends with someone, it wouldn’t be hard to simply point out that there are a lot of underlying racial or class issues in what she’s saying. If it were me and it bothered me a lot (which I think it would) I’d probably put some distance between me and that friend.
century ride
She’s gotta figure it out on her own. If what she is saying hurts you or your family/spouse, Id be hard pressed not to mention it. I’d probably bring it up, but not in a scolding way. I think that she may not have challenged these beliefs before, and the beauty industrial complex and white beauty standards are real– and they affect our own self esteem and how we view our own bodies– consciously or subconsciously.
August
You can just say you don’t see the things that way. But other than that I don’t think you can do anything. Also, I wonder if it is truly such a big deal for her as she married some one who is darker and has kinkier hair than her. I am just assuming that if it was such a big deal, then she would have married some one who has her skin tone or lighter and with straighter or less kinky hair.
Anon
Just because she prefers lighter skin doesn’t make her racist. We all have different aesthetic preferences.
I am brown skinned but while I admire light colored eyes, I am ” bien dans ma peau”. Your friend may be the same.
Retirement Plans
Hello, I am negotiating two job offers, both of which involve SEP retirement plans. I am unfamiliar with this (just finishing a clerkship so baby lawyer). I did some research, and I think the SEP thing sounds pretty good, but I am not knowledgeable enough to know if there is some hidden drawback I need to know about. Anyone have any thoughts about this?
Anon
Im not sure that any of the ladies in the hive will know much about these, but here’s the official dump:
Simplified Employee Pension (SEP) plans can provide a significant source of income at retirement by allowing employers to set aside money in retirement accounts for themselves and their employees. A SEP does not have the start-up and operating costs of a conventional retirement plan and allows for a contribution of up to 25 percent of each employee’s pay.
•Available to any size business
•Easily established by adopting Form 5305-SEP, a SEP prototype or an individually designed plan document ◦If Form 5305-SEP is used, cannot have any other retirement plan (except another SEP)
•No filing requirement for the employer
•Only the employer contributes ◦To traditional IRAs (SEP-IRAs) set up for each eligible employee
◦Employee is always 100% vested in (or, has ownership of) all SEP-IRA money
How does a SEP work?
Jed works for the Rambling RV Company. Rambling RV decides to establish a SEP for its employees. Rambling RV has chosen a SEP because the RV industry is cyclical in nature, with good times and down times. In good years, Rambling RV can make larger contributions for its employees and in down times it can reduce the amount. Rambling RV’s contribution rate (whether large or small) must be uniform for all employees. The financial institution that Rambling RV has chosen for its SEP has several investment funds from which to choose. Jed decides to divide the contribution to his SEP-IRA among three of the available funds. Jed, an employee, cannot contribute because SEPs only permit employer contributions.
Pros and Cons:
•Easy to set up and operate
•Low administrative costs
•Flexible annual contributions – good plan if cash flow is an issue
•Employer must contribute equally for all eligible employees
Who Contributes: Employer contributions only
Contribution Limits: Total contributions to each employee’s SEP-IRA are limited.
Filing Requirements: An employer generally has no filing requirements.
Participant Loans: Not permitted. The assets may not be used as collateral.
In-Service Withdrawals: Yes, but includible in income and subject to a 10% additional tax if under age 59 1/2.
If you want more information, go to:
http://www.irs.gov/Retirement-Plans/Choosing-a-Retirement-Plan:-SEP
Bonnie
Suggestions for a weekly refillable planner that is not bulky? No bigger tha 5 x 8. Does this exist?
21st Century
Your smart phone or Microsoft Outlook on your desk.
HSAL
Paper has saved me numerous times when something went amiss with my phone calendar. I will keep a paper planner until the day I die.
CountC
+1
Bonnie
21st Century, you have some personal issues to resolve.
Anonny
for real. holy snark.
21st Century
Sorry it was taken that way. Just letting you know that although I use to be a paper calendar aficionado, I have found that the best thing that fit your size requirements were my smart phone (if away from my desk) and Outlook if at my work desk. It has a multitude of other advantages as well. There has to be a reason so many people have gone that directions besides heard mentality. But if accusing me of personal issues helps you keep a closed mind (when you were the one asking the internet for suggestions), so be it.
anonymama
If your calendar is on your phone, what do you do when you are on the phone and trying to make an appointment or other plans? I always feel obnoxious going on speaker. Also, is there a program you can use where you can look at the month view and actually see what everything on the calendar is (like, each individual event)?
Anonymous
Your latter point is why I’ve had to use a paper calendar during busier social months (but I just print one each month from the internet). The dot under the date on the iPhone calendar to signal that there is something on that day means nothing to me, because that could be an actual potential conflict, or Lincoln’s birthday. It’s annoying having to zoom in to every single day when trying to quickly assess availability.
Blonde Lawyer
I have a leather Kate Spade one that was a graduation gift. I love it for putting just where I need to be when down. My outlook is cluttered with all my other court deadlines and reminders.
LilyS
Try the Filofax Compact size maybe? It takes the same size pages as their standard Personal but isn’t so chunky.
Alternatively Moleskine make a 12-month set of day per page monthly booklets which might be worth looking into.
soaps
It’s not refillable, but I do love my moleskine! I’ve used different sizes, and I like that the pocket size fits in any of my bags. Even though I live by my google calendars, I love having a paper planner.
Wildkitten
Levenger discbound notebook, or the Staples’ alternative, ARC.
Meg Murry
+1 to Levenger circa notebooks – they make a “junior” size that is basically half of a 8.5×11
I’m pretty much back to all google calendar and outlook, but when I had to use a calendar system at work that didn’t play nicely with my phone (and I needed to schedule follow-up meetings while in a current meeting) I would print the weekly calendar view every Monday morning, and then hand edit from there the rest of the week in my Levenger planner. It was a part of my weekly routine, and I liked doing it as a way to set up my week. I usually carried with me the upcoming 4 weeks and past 4 weeks in a week at a time view, and then the next 6 months to a year in a monthly view, and kept the front for running to-do lists and the back for meeting minutes.
I also like to flip back through previous weeks so if someone asks “when did we send the Jones Report?” I can find it on my paper calendar way faster than pulling up my email and searching.
Yes!
Yes, my favorite planner of all time fits your bill. Quo Vadis brand Scholar planner. I used to carry it around in my smaller purse.
Grad school life question
For those of you that took a year or two to work before grad school – what was the transition like once you went back to school? In order to move up in my field and do more challenging work I’ll definitely need to go to grad school. I’m a year out of undergrad and working a great job now that’ll look great for grad school (I’m looking mostly in the US and a couple of schools in Europe). I want to do my masters full time (and hopefully work part-time with the uni/make time to network) and potentially go on to do a phd. I feel like I’m ready to go back to school and experience a new city but I’m conflicted because I’m just starting to get settled in my adult life (paying bills, making new friends, postgrad woes, etc).
CountC
I love school, so the transition to law school after working for three years was awesome. I moved from a HCOL to a LOCL area, met new people, got to go to class and learn things, and was excited about the new direction I was going in (hahahaha, she laughs now 10 years later). I was living in a group house with 5 other people, barely scraping by on my salary, and I woke up one day and was all, I am 25, what am I doing with my life! And then I went back to school. So my reason for going back to school appears to be different, but if you want to make the transition, I think it will be fine.
You will still be paying bills and making friends, you will still need to budget and think about your future, so I am not sure how much of it will really change other than you go to class instead of a job. You will have new woes to worry about :)
DisenchantedinDC
I’m in this place now. Just hit my “quarter life” milestone and it just makes me wonder, “is this it?” I have 4 years of work experience and am starting to evaluate going back to law school or b-school as an option. I like to think working will be a benefit. But I already have one graduate degree and the loans… yeesh.
New Anon
Transitioning back to (law) school after two years working was totally fine for me. I was more able to treat school like a job than like something that sucked up my whole life, which meant I was much happier than I was as an undergrad. I was also better at time management, setting/sticking to a schedule, and similar things. FWIW, I stayed in the same city when I went back to school; though I didn’t plan it that way (it was just the best school to which I was admitted), it worked out very well. I really appreciated having a network of non-school friends with whom I could have conversations that had nothing to do with either law or with insular-school-bubble topics. I also lived with friends who had nothing to do with my academic program–they were friends of mine from undergrad who happened to be working in that city; I think that helped with the schedule-type things I referenced above.
Jules
I took almost three years off between college and law school (a long time ago now). It had some good and bad aspects, some of which you seem to be anticipating. I believe I did better in law school because I really wanted to be there and was ready for it, esp. compared to many classmates who went to law school just because they didn’t know what else to do after graduating with a liberal arts degree. I also had worked in a fairly stressful job — advertising and PR, with sometimes demanding clients, including one who would scream not just at me as the jr. account exec but also at the name partner in my firm — so law professors were not intimidating. I had confidence in myself and my work from three years in the workforce.
On the downside, I was starting over to some degree — although my house and furniture post-grad were still pretty shabby — but I was used to working and having money and it was hard to return to being a broke student. I was also lonely when I got to law school. I had been living in the city where I grew up from 7th grade on, sharing an apartment with my longtime BFF, and had a boyfriend of more than a year. It was hard to move 400 miles away and live alone. I moved to DC, very HCOL compared to my Midwest city, so I was even more broke, and tried to do the LDR thing. It failed by the end of the first year, partly for reasons relating to the relationship itself and the stress of LD but also due to the fact that I was beginning to meet lots of new people.
Overall, I think the three-year gap period was the best thing for me, I’m glad I did it — and am recommending a gap to my son, who is a college junior and planning on law school — but there were some rough patches.
Best of luck to you!
EB0220
Family dynamics – I have the worst time with them! I would love outside perspectives. My family and I (husband + 2 kids) agreed to take a vacation with my extended family (parents + sibling #1 + sibling #2 & her husband & baby). Complicating factors are that sibling #2’s baby is small (<3 months at time of travel) and sibling #2 lives overseas. The trip is supposed to be a celebration of my dad’s recent retirement. My parents and sibling #2 picked a location for this trip with minimal input from me. They chose it because it’s relatively easy for sibling #2 to get to. The location is hard to get to for my family (5+ hr flight if we can get a direct flight & 2+ hr drive). It’s also not a location we’re all that excited about. We could find things to do but it would not be our choice for a significant vacation. My husband is really resistant to going for these reasons, but I would really like to celebrate my dad’s retirement and meet my new niece. How do I work through this? I have already pursued discussions on changing location but have gotten nowhere. I hate to disappoint my extended family (I already skipped a get-together with them last year, so my overseas sister hasn’t yet met my second child) but don’t want to force my husband into something. What would you do??
Anon
I’d go and if your husband really doesn’t want to go, he really can stay home.
August
+1. Also, if in future there is any occasion where I have to go on a vacation with his extended family, I would just say I am not interested due to whatever reason and drop out and say he can go if he wants to.
Anonymous
As a child of parents who pulled this move, please only do it if you have a legitimate reason for not being able to go to H’s family function. It’s not pleasant for the kids when one parent doesn’t go just to pout, or assumes that the children make their decisions in a similar childlike manner and get mad that kid was excited to go to one parent’s family event but not the other’s for reasons unrelated to family dynamic.
EB0220
I could possibly do this (although it would be hard for me). However, part of my husband’s argument is that there would not be enough fun to justify the travel for our 3 year old. The baby wouldn’t care either way.
moss
The 3 year old doesn’t need “fun”, come on. I think having family around would be tons of fun for a toddler. Gramma time? Can’t beat that!
NYC Anon
I think you should separate out the two issues that you have with the location: (1) it’s far and (2) it wouldn’t be your choice for a significant vacation. I’m guessing your ideas for changing locations have primarily focused on your first complaint (the distance). You’re likely to experience a lot less push-back with your parents/sibling and yet still make things better for you and your husband if you suggest an alternative that eliminates #2 but is still close to your sibling. Is there anywhere else that you and your husband WOULD be excited to go that’s close to sibling #2? You could frame it as “we’ve always wanted to go here and think it would be so much fun for everyone!” instead of making it just about you. If you’re really excited about the place, the distance might not bother you as much (and I think you’re going to lose the distance battle no matter what because newborn). AND if both the current location and your new suggested location are close to sibling #2, they can go to the current location some other time. You’re the one travelling the farthest (and spending the most time/money), so you should get to decide where specifically you go (within a reasonable distance from sib#2). This is actually what my family did — my brother is an ex-pat, and my parents and I went to visit him for the holidays. We wanted to spend one week in his city and one week somewhere else nearby. Because he can go to nearby places whenever he wants, me and my folks got to pick the second destination (but of course made sure he was still okay going there). Seemed the fairest way to handle it. Just my two cents.
NYNY
Honestly, this is one of those times to tell your husband to suck it up for the family. You’ve skipped family events in the past, you don’t get to see the overseas sister’s family often, and if your second child hasn’t met your overseas sister, I’m assuming that at least that child is too young for you to go on a long trip without both you and your husband present to tag-team the kids. Tell him you can skip next year, or that he can plan the next vacation, but this one is important.
In the future, you need to get your input in before any decisions are made. If you aren’t part of the process, you can’t control the outcome.
Spirograph
I agree. We recently took a trip very similar to this and just sucked it up because family is family and it’s the right thing to do. Was it our favorite vacation ever? Was it our first choice for how to spend our time and money? No to both, but sometimes you don’t get exactly what you want and you make the best of it. The grandparents were thrilled, and we were happy to make them happy (and happy for our kids to spend time with far-away family they rarely see). Sometimes the company is the destination, not the destination itself.
EB0220
Thanks, everyone! This is great feedback. A few additions:
-Discussions/planning occurred when my parents were visiting my overseas sibling. They are in Asia so 12 hr time difference. I provided input where I could, but one email a day is a lot less effective than real-time discussions.
-Overseas sibling needs to use a paid trip (expat benefits) to the US. I suggested meeting somewhere else (Europe, Asia) but it was nixed for this reason.
– I could probably do it by myself with the kids but it would be tough.
– I cannot find a place that we think would be fun that meets all of the other logistical criteria (unfortunately)
Diana Barry
I hope that the next time your parents discuss with your expat sibling that they include you more!
Also agree with NYNY above.
Diana Barry
Hmm. I guess it depends on whether you want extended-family vacations to be A Thing for your family, or not. This is something that you have to decide together. So for example, DH and I discussed at one point going with his extended family to Place 1 and then with my extended family to Place 2, because neither of us were super gung-ho about going to vacation with the other’s family. BUT it is important to both of us that the extended family vacations are A Thing with our family. So we each go to the other person’s extended family vacations and grin and bear it a little bit.
EB0220
I don’t think we want extended family vacations to be A Thing. This trip is supposed to be a one-time event to celebrate my dad’s retirement.
Diana Barry
If a one-time event, then all of you need to go. (We have similar feelings about husband’s grandma’s 90th birthday.)
JJ
I think if it’s a one-time thing, you tell your husband to suck it up and just go on the trip. My family (husband + 2 kids) have now gone on a couple less-than-ideal trips for the sake of each others’ extended families. We could afford the trips and it was important to our families that we go, even if we (vastly) preferred something different.
Anonymous
You go as a family, but negotiate with your husband. Where does he want to go on vacation? Has he always wanted to do something that you’re not crazy about? Then schedule that as the next trip, with a date and everything (i.e. Summer 2016 or whenever works with your schedule) and make a firm agreement that he goes along nicely with these plans, and then you go along nicely with plans that meet his needs. At least that’s how we handle expensive/time-consuming family visits.
Blonde Lawyer
I think your husband just needs to suck it up. If it is to celebrate dad’s retirement then dad gets to pick the location. It’s perfectly fair that he included your overseas siblings logistics in that planning. It sounds like she only gets one or two trips home a year. This isn’t about going to some fun new locale, it is about seeing family. You will probably insult everyone if you suggest that in and of itself isn’t fun enough to justify you traveling 7 hours.
Anonymous
If I’m following, your sibling with a three month old is flying from Asia to the US, you don’t want the inconvenience of a 5 hour direct flight and a 2 hour drive, you don’t even have an alternate place in mind, and part of your concern is your 3 year old having enough fun (absurd- stay at a hotel with a pool, but the child a minion toy and let it eat cereal with marshmallows = best 3 year old vacay ever).
Suck it up and go. This isn’t about your husband having the trip of a lifetime. It’s about celebrating your dad’s retirement. Plan a vacation you want to take just did you guys later.
anon
Seriously. We just spent a weekend at a destination, and all we did was alternate between the beach and the pool.
Away Game
+1 that the 3 year old won’t care about destination. My kids (8 and 10) would go anywhere and be delighted as long as they were at a Holiday Inn Express – TV, pool, and cool pancake machine in the breakfast room. Even at that age their needs are pretty simple. 3 year olds will likely take on the mood of the rest of the fam, frankly.
Bonnie
I think your husband needs to suck it up since it is for your father’s retirement.
anon
Would it be possible to move the location so it’s closer to the airport? (I assume both of you are flying into the same airport, so that might be beneficial for both of you.)
Rory H
Can you tell us the location so that if we’re familiar we can maybe suggest fun things to do there or tell you why we’ve enjoyed it – which might help you get a little more excited for it?
EB0220
Thanks, all. I agree that we/he should suck it up but wanted to make sure I wasn’t missing something. I will try the negotiation/he picks the next trip tactic though. Really appreciate the feedback/ideas/reality checks.
Anon
I don’t know if this is a useful or popular perspective, but my fiancé and I distinguish between family visits and vacations. A family visit may happen to also be in a fun, relaxing, enjoyable locale, but it is neither guaranteed nor the point of the trip. Having those (low) expectations really helps.
Anon
Amen, sister.
JJ
Completely agreed.
Marie
Hear, hear. It helps if the trip is not an extended one. My family gathers annually for a long weekend, and we rotate locations among places where various family members live. Not all of them are great vacation spots, but who cares? It’s just a long weekend.
Anon
Tell your husband if he does not want to go, that he can stay home with the kids. I often fly solo on trips to see the extended family bunch and when they want to see our kids, then they come to visit us. It just makes it so much easier to travel and to afford traveling in general. If you have never flown with toddlers, let me tell you, it probably is not worth it. Tried it a few times, don’t want to do it again.
I agree that it is important for you to go, but why does the whole family have to come? You actually will spend less time with your sibling and niece if your kids go. Mostly because you will be doing your job as a mom. Also, wherever you are going might have NOTHING for children. So then you have bored, upset toddlers who don’t especially care about seeing family.
But if you do decide to brave the air, check out pinterest for some helpful ideas. Hit the toy store before so that the kiddos have new, awesome toys to open on the plane and keep busy. Download videos onto your electronics. Pack snacks for them to munch on while ascending and descending so their ears don’t pop. And there are car seat rollers, where you just strap the car seat on and roll your kid around the airport which is pretty much awesome. Good luck!
Family
No advice, but you have lots of sympathy from me. My husband’s family does weeklong trips every couple of years that are never convenient and never a place I would choose to spend my dollars/time. And my in laws are total control freaks, so any suggestion of venturing out on our own becomes a huge drama.
It is especially painful because I have such limited vacation time, so these trips eat a huge proportion of my time off, and most of the rest of my vacation goes to teacher workdays and school vacations.
We opted out of one trip two years ago but my husband and I agreed that we would suck it up and go for the next few since it is fun for our children to get to know the rest of the family (no one visits our part of the country).
At least this is a one-time thing (hopefully?). You and sib get to meet each other’s new babies — that’s huge! And — now that my kids are getting a bit older, I am starting to see this more vividly — it is such a gift to your mom and dad to have all their family together in one place.
Hair Help
What are your favorite products for addressing fly-aways for straight hair? Cheaper is better, but I’m open.
Also, my fly-aways are the result of damage from my last color treatment. Is the more likely cause of the damage (a) that I was put under heat to process or (b) that the color was left on an additional 5-10 minutes because the shampoo sinks were all full when I should have gone in? I’d like to avoid this in the future, and these are the two differences between the most recent treatment and those I’ve had before. (Should be the same color brand, same formula, etc.) Is there such a thing as repairing this damage, or do I just have to wait for new hair?
LilyS
A little bit of hairspray on my hairbrush/ the palm of my hand to smooth over the style once done. Also a product like John Frieda Frizz-Ease Secret Agent Touch-Up Creme (which I first bought after a recommendation here, actually) through my hair before starting the style.
Hair Help
Thanks. I’m off to the store after work.
NYNY
It’s unlikely that an extra 5-10 minutes processing time would be a big deal unless you have straight-up bleach on your hair. If that’s the case, you may want to rethink your color routine, because if the bleach applied at your roots overlaps previously-bleached hair, you will see breakage. If you were put under heat to process, your hair is resistant and/or you’re lifting several levels. How different is your color from your natural color?
Damage can’t be fixed. You can minimize the evidence of the damage with conditioners, smoothing serums, and anti-frizz products, but fried hair is fried hair.
Anonymous
I think he put me under heat because we are covering white. But I’ve been doing the same routine for years without heat, and it’s worked. The difference is the colorist — mine left. I think he assumed I’d been doing heat all along. (Hair Help)
NYNY
White hair is resistant to color, so that makes sense. If you expect to keep going to the new colorist, you should call the salon and request a consult with him to show the damage and discuss a plan to manage/minimize it. If you don’t want to go back to him, you may want to ask the salon for your formula.
Anonymous
I’m always put under the heat to process and I don’t get flyaways, so while it’s possible heat affects different hair different ways so the heat did it for you, I’m not sure you’ll be able to pinpoint that from other internet commenters whose hair you can’t see.
Anonymous
Are braids (single braid, long hair) ever appropriate for the office?
Also, love the blazer, would totally wear it.
LilyS
I hope so, because a single neat French plait is my go-to style.
Cat
wearing one now – I wouldn’t pick this style for a major meeting as it’s more girlish than my typical sleek pony or blow-out, but for a humid day of calls and drafting, I love it.
LilyS
My issue is that my hair doesn’t stay sleek when in a pony or blow out. So by the end of the day the french plait (or Gibson tuck, etc, etc) still looks neat and tidy, where I’d look like a mess with anything else.
Diana Barry
I think you have to do it very carefully – low side braid is OK, braided bun is OK, but french braids or anything that goes around the head seems way too young/girly to me for the office.
Anon
I think it depends on the wearer and the formality of the office. For me and my office, no. French braid plus business attire = I would look like a 10 year old all dressed up for a piano recital.
Anonymous
I wear plain French braids all the time. They’re out of style to my mind but they really suit my face and hair. I don’t think they’re unprofessional but they aren’t my choice for red letter days.
Anonymous
Assuming it’s a garden variety single braid down the back, I tend to view them as a little dated/frumpy, but not inherently unprofessional. We all have little shortcuts we take on crazy days to get through, so if this is what works for you, go for it.
LilyB
Can I get recommendations for a professional cleaning service (for a 2-floor apartment) that will do detailing (floor boards, radiators, hard to reach areas) in Center City Philadelphia? I’d also love recs for a carpet/flooring company, as well as a place where I can get a decently priced granite/faux granite countertop for a bathroom (aside from Ikea). I already have the wooden cabinets, just need the counter/sink. Thanks!
mascot
Try Lowes or Home Depot for a countertop.