Coffee Break – Amazzone Shopper

Furla Handbags - Amazzone Shopper (Dark Teal) - Bags and LuggageI think I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again — Furla has made some of my favorite handbags over the years; ones that I totally wore into the ground. I also think blue is a surprisingly versatile color for handbags.  So I suppose it isn’t entirely surprising that I love Furla’s little blue handbag, particularly with the black and gold zipper details. I like the sensible design, as well: interior pockets for your gadgets, as well as feet on the bottom to protect your bag. Nice. It was $598, but is now marked to $389 at Zappos. Furla Handbags – Amazzone Shopper (Dark Teal) – Bags and Luggage



  1. AnonInfinity :

    Please to enjoy:

    • AnonInfinity :

      I posted this before looking at the pant-length post earlier. Looks like some of you had already discovered it. Sorry for the old news.

    • Gooseberry :

      LOVE the Palin and Obama ones. Hilarious.

  2. momentsofabsurdity :

    Posted this yesterday but got stuck in moderation so I don’t know if many people saw it:

    If any Corporettes know of anyone hoping to move to Beacon Hill or Back Bay in Boston this summer or fall that are looking for a roommate, would love to have someone to look with! Contact me at momentsofabsurdity (at) gmail (dot) com.

  3. karenpadi :

    Bay Area Corporettes:

    At the meet-up a few people suggested having more frequent meet-ups (like once per month). Anyone have any input? Ideas? Want to meet in SF or another location?

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Main question – how to get mamabear to come!

      • SF Bay Associate :

        Ok so it looks like a bartable location in SF is the winner. Maybe us peninsula folk can carpool :). I loved the museum idea last time – so fun to learn something new and have a very obvious ice breaker – maybe MOMA or Asian Art museum next time? Both have ample parking and excellent transit access, with cafes attached offering tasty food. Not free like the Cantor museum though, alas.

        • karenpadi :

          Great! I don’t know much about either location. Would Saturday work or does anyone want to do a happy hour?

          I need to have lunch with a mentor in SF one of these days so if we do a happy hour I can make a day out of food and friends.

          • SF Bay Associate :

            This Saturday, or Saturdays generally speaking? And happy hours on weekdays? There’s not a snowball in h-e-double-hockey-sticks that I can get up to the city by happy hour on a weekday. Of course, whether or not _I_ can go should not be a determinative factor! SF ladies, what say you?

          • I am a banana. :

            I couldn’t do this Saturday, but I could do next Saturday. And I can always do happy hour.

            (Happy hour related sidenote – this is the most hilarious thing I have read in weeks:

          • karenpadi :

            I was thinking Saturdays in general. I’m going on vacation so I’m not free on a Saturday until the 28th–which would be about a month after the last meet-up.

    • I am a banana. :

      I couldn’t come to the last one (no car) but I would love to jump in on one in SF.

    • I would emphatically support more frequent meet-ups. And I would love it if they moved around the bay a bit… i don’t mind going down to SV if I can make it, but it would be nice to have it closer, in SF, or even the east bay sometimes.

      And thanks again for being the organizer, karenpadi, I for one really appreciate it!

    • I missed the last one, too – didn’t see the post until the Monday after! Sounds like it was fun. I’m up for coffeeshops or happy hours on weekends.
      I could even do a weekday lunch (on a slower week) in the peninsula, or in SF – this may have to be a smaller subset of folks, but still.

  4. My parents’ 35th wedding anniversary is coming up. Any good ideas on what I should get them? All I’ve come up with is a gift card to a fancy hotel or restaurant or a photo album of grandkids. I already got them wine of the month for Christmas, so that’s out. Help!

    • For one of my grandparents’ anniversaries, my parents threw them a party and had a professional photographer come beforehand to take some nice formal portraits of the family. Those photos are great mementos – maybe you could set up something like that?

      • Gooseberry :

        Ohhh, I love that idea. My best friend did that for her mom, and now her mom’s house has these amazing photos of her (the b.f.), her sister and mom. Maybe it helps that they are all ridiculously good looking — maybe mom the most! — but I kind of want to hang those photos on *my* wall!

    • See if any of their friends still have the invitation to their wedding. Someone gave my aunt and uncle one of their invitations, framed, for their 30th anniversary, and my aunt happily bawled her eyes out.

      I got a shadowbox collage made for my own parents’ big anniversary. I got someone on Etsy to make it, but if I were the slightest bit crafty I could have made it myself. It had a picture of them at their wedding, one of them today, and it said something like “I still do” on it with the years of their wedding and the anniversary date. They loved it.

      • Ooh – I love this. Maybe I’ll do this for my parents on their next big anniversary.

    • Might be too late but for my parents’ 35th wedding anniversary we asked friends and family members to email us favorite stories about my parents or their wedding and stuck them all together for them to read. They loved it!

    • Does anyone remember the cool project Bunkster (I think it was Bunkster) did for her dad’s birthday? She sent post cards numbered 1-70 to his friends and asked each one of them to write a memory about her dad on the card and mail it back to him. I’ve kept her post because I’m hoping one day I’m organized enough to do that for someone’s birthday. It could also be a really cool anniversary gift.

      • Yup. That was me. We got about 50 of them back. My dad loved it.

        I got my inspiration from this blog:

        • Thanks for reposting that link.
          Loved it, but couldn’t for the life of me remember.

    • Can't Wait to Quit :

      If there was announcement of their marriage in their local paper, it might be fun to do another announcement. We did that for my folks 40th, with their wedding picture and a recent picture of them doing one of their hobbies, and they loved it.

    • If you don’t have time to get the pictures together, I bet they’d appreciate a really nice thing from wherever they went on their honeymoon. So if they went to Hawaii, something nice made out of koa wood. Something like that.

    • It’s small but as part of a larger present you could get them a copy of the newspaper from the day they were married. You can order them from your local library. My mother did this for one of my grandparents’ anniversaries and they loved it.

  5. How is it 3 already? Ugh. Anyway, I LOVE this bag. If I hadn’t just bought a bag, this would be in the mail.

    • PharmaGirl :

      I love it as well but can’t justify the price, especially after buying more than one Kat-recommended piece lately.

    • How is it not 6 p.m. already?! Mama’s ready to hit the bricks for her dinner date w/ friends!

  6. Ladies, you all imbued me with the stiffness of spine I needed to go forward on making some deeply necessary wardrobe upgrades. Yesterday, I replaced my embarrassingly battered and no longer supportive black flats with a gorgeous new pair of AGLs, which I found at Nordstrom Rack for $100 (!!). I both feel better (because I don’t feel like everyone’s looking at my unpolishably scuffed toes) AND my feet are thanking me. And I’m thanking you!

    • Totes McGotes :

      I bet you look fabulous! Good on you.

    • EXCELLENT!!!! Also, you must report every shopping victory henceforth. We wants to know.

      • Haha, I was so proud of my purchase that I called my mom to report, and then I thought: MUST INFORM CORPORETTE!

        • SF Bay Associate :

          Yes! Thank you for telling us! So proud of you :).

        • (Insert Triumphal Trumpet Fanfare)

          Go, cbackson, go! Go forth in shoe-acquisition glory! :-)

        • Thanks for sharing! I really, really need to do this with a pair of brown flats; hopefully your victory will inspire me to get on it.

        • Yay!!!

      • Yes, indeed! My sartorial matters don’t even exist unless I report them to Ru, via photo, on Tumblr.

    • new shoes and for $100!!!!! Well played, cbackson, well played.

    • In line with necessary wardrobe upgrades… What are your favorite/ essential weekend/ casual workday pieces?
      I am now working a few days a week from home, so suddenly, years of doing most of clothes shopping for workwear means I am wearing the same outfits over and over and over again. I like to wear normal clothes when I am home, so that if I have to run into the office I don’t feel like I need to change (and because I just like to feel put together) but I’m not going to wear my suits in my home office either.
      I am also oh so tired of wearing the same two outfits every time I want to look cute on the weekends.


      • Merabella :

        I like to have an assortment of different shoes/tops options and usually pair them with the same jeans/jackets. I think a good blazer is always an essential. I would say that a pair of dark wash skinnies and a pair of dark wash trouser jeans are good base layers. I love a striped shirt (I just got a super cute one at H&M), some kind of looser/ruffley option, and a button down. Throw a dress in there – maybe a shift or wrap dress – and some skirts for variety.

      • My goto weekend outfits are:
        1- Skinny pants in a bright color (think orange or blue), a shell (think AT – LOFT), cardigan and flats.
        This is a new combo for me because I was always so scared of wearing skinnies. I recently found a pair from H&M that is so soft and doesn’t make my thunder thighs look bigger.. I have been st*lking it until they got the orange and bought it yesterday. I will be lurking until I get all possible colors.
        2- Skinny dark wash jeans, bland t-shirt, cardigan or cropped blazer + costume jewelry (either bangles or statement necklace) and small leather sneakers (look like chucks but made of leather)
        3- Only if I’m feeling super conscious about where I’m going: Skirt, booties with medium heel, sweater and bangles

        I never wear sportswear or tracksuits outside the gym. But many people in my area wear that on weekend.

      • I think last week’s weekend thread (or maybe Friday morning?) had a similar question – someone asked what your 4 favorite casual pieces were. Lots of great ideas there!

    • Macy’s is having their “buy more save more” shoe sale. 1st pair is 15% off, 2nd 20% off, 3 pairs or more and its 30% off your entire shoe purchase! Also you can use your rewards coupons on top of it. My rewards are an add’l 20% your purchase. I managed $300 worth of shoes for under $100 :) One pair of pink flats from BCBG, one pair of sperry’s (prepster in me), and one paid of BCBG wedges. Can’t wait for it to warm up so I can wear them.

    • ^5 cbackson!!! Keep it up. Rock those shoes.

    • WHICH NORDSTROM RACK, cbackson?! You’re still in Seatown, ya?

  7. Merabella :

    I have tomorrow off, Yay for 3 day weekend! I am planning on taking the time tomorrow to organize my closet and get rid of things that are too trendy or don’t fit. I’m feeling slightly overwhelmed… Any suggestions to streamlining this process, or do I just have to suck it up?

    • Diana Barry :

      I would go from one side of the closet to the other. First, make sure you eat a good breakfast and have lots of water nearby (really! I always get thirsty when doing wardrobe updates!). Then, go through quickly and get rid of all of the too-trendy things (have a donate bag ready!). Then, take out everything from the closet on which the fit is questionable.

      Then you can try stuff on. Make sure you are wearing comfy bra/undies/etc.

      Have fun! :)

    • Structure :

      You do have to suck it up, but if you have a written, step-by-step list, and you cross off each step as you do it, you will quickly hit a groove and be fine.

      My list would read (has read in the past):

      1. eat enough breakfast so I don’t get hungry in the middle of this task, but not so much that my stomach is big while I am trying on clothes.

      2. put on a nude bra and panties and a plain white t-shirt.

      3. get a pair of stockings and plain pumps ready.

      4. enter closet. do not freak out.

      5. re-arrange all clothes so that like items are with like (ie all sweaters together, all office dresses together, all suits together, all office skirts, all office pants, all non-office dresses, all non-office skirts, all non-office pants).

      6. Pick an item (e.g. office skirts). Pull out all of that item and put them on the bed.

      7. Try on each one. Ask myself:

      a. does it fit?
      b. do i ever wear it?
      c. does it need any mending?

      8. If the item should stay, it goes in the closet. If it doesn’t stay, it goes in the “give away” pile.

      9. Repeat steps 6-8 for each type of clothing.

      10. Arrange “give away” pile so you can see all the items. Photograph them. Make a general list of what is in the pile and how much it is worth. Put these notes in your tax docs for the year.

      11. Put all give away items in bags and take to charity of your choice.

      12. Have a glass of wine and start working on the next list: “items I am allowed to purchase to fill the wardrobe holes I now legitimately know I have.”

      Have fun!

      • I love this list — one thing I would add to step 7 is “does it go with things I have or what do I need to make this wearable”

        I have a lot of one off items in my closet — e.g. brown or blue based skirt that are adrift in my black and brights wardrobe.

        • PharmaGirl :

          Yes, I was thinking of the exact same addition. Items in the closet that don’t ‘go with’ anything else need to be set aside and await a companion piece or should be donated.

        • This!

          I have decided that I have some kind of disability that renders me virtually incapable of putting together a complete outfit. I am forever buying either ridiculous one-offs that don’t go with anything, or re-buying the same item and ignoring the gaps in my wardrobe. This is particularly galling because my sister is the queen of successful, stylish mixing and matching.

      • This is excellent. We should have a closet redo weekend and report in!

        • Now I feel like I should do this over the weekend! I’ve been working through my closet one day at a time. I try an outfit in the morning, and if it works, I wear it (some things never make it out of the house!). Then I put it in the closet in my guest room and *try* not to wear it again…this works with shirts, but not pants. I just don’t have enough pants! Maybe I’ll try and get through the rest of the shirts this weekend, then I can work on what the holes are.

      • I had a dear friend come over and assist me with this a couple of years ago. A painful addition to your list – 7A maybe – is to, after going through all of the items of a certain type, ask yourself “how many [short-sleeved t-shirts] do I really need?” and get rid of the least-favorite/don’t go with anything as excess. Painful, but I haven’t missed any of the things I gave away. I wish she hadn’t move to another state, bc am in need of another intervention.

        • I helped a friend do this very thing when I was visiting her. I could say “This t-shirt is discolored or faded. Get rid of it!” She wasn’t able to see that herself but when I pointed it out, the faded ones went to the ragbag pretty quickly.

          • Takes a great friend to do that!! It can get uncomfortable. My friend was pretty brutal, in the nicest way possible. We had to create a “revisit later” pile for the things I was more obstinate about (ended up getting rid of it all). It was a happy day at the Brown Elephant when my nine (9) big black trashbags full of clothing and two (2) white trashbags full of shoes arrived.

          • Kelly in Chicago :

            I would have loved to stumble upon those castoffs, jcb!
            I’ve actually started hosting clothing exchanges at my house. It makes it feel like less of a chore (and I feel like I kick myself less for having spent $ on something I haven’t worn enough) to give the items away to friends who I know will appreciate them rather than just donating them to a thrift store. I plan about a month ahead so everyone has ample time to go through their closets, then email about 15 like-sized and like-styled female friends and have snacks and drinks and plenty of mirrors around. Most people are just happy to see their items loved by a friend and it’s a bonus if you acquire some new things. To make it easier for everyone, I tell them they can just leave all the castoffs and then I will bring those to the thrift store after everyone is done picking through them. Win-win.

    • Sometimes I start by putting all of my “I will not give this up under any circumstances” clothes on one side of the closet so I feel like I’ve accomplished something before hitting up the clothes that are much harder to deal with.

      If I use Diana Barry’s approach, I typically do “yes, no, maybe” piles and then do the maybes at the end.

    • I find this process to be fun. Generally, I go through the closet and pull everything that is within range of getting rid of. I make a big, sloppy pile. Then, I organize what’s left in the closet by type (work, weekend, special occasion) and again by type/color (blouses; red, orange, green, blue, white, etc). When my closet looks awesome and neat with everything facing the same way, on good hangers (oh, yeah, get good hangers), I turn to the pile. I seperate by definites and maybes. The maybes I try on in front of a full length mirror and consider how it will fit with the rest of the stuff in my awesomely organized closet. I also take this time to decide what I need and what my mistakes were/what I should never, ever buy again. I write that down somewhere handy. If there’s good stuff in the discard pile, I consider if I have a friend or sister that will want it or use it. If its terrible and nobody would want it, I throw it away (I think its insulting to give really ratty stuff or old workout gear to goodwill). The rest, I donate to a thrift store.

      • I like to do it this way because I find I am less likely to decide to keep a “maybe” when the closet looks awesome. Its like I say to myself “do I really want to add this questionable clothing item back into that beautiful closet?”

    • Anonymous NYer :

      Make a playlist on your computer/ipod/music-listening-device of choice. Seriously, good upbeat music makes everything better.

      Then follow one of the organization tips above. I generally do a hybrid of those ideas when I organize, but I always have a playlist pumping and a glass of wine waiting…

    • Gosh, I have so much trouble getting rid of certain things. I inevitably can’t get over the frustration that something I bought relatively recently was not a good purchase and/or didn’t last very long. I’ll often keep things “just in case,” which sometimes works out well (“oh, there’s that neon camisole that would go perfectly with my Halloween costume!”) but it mostly just stresses me out having it in my tiny NYC closet.

      Good luck to you! I highly recommend podcasts (This American Life) and several bags ready for donations and trash.

      • Someone has probably mentioned this, but especially for those “just in case” items, I like to make what I call the triage pile. In fact, I have a triage drawer – I do a fast cull from my closet and anything that I should probably get rid of but can’t quite bring myself to toss gets put in the triage drawer. If I don’t go back to it before the next season (or X number of months) it gets donated.

        I find this helps me not obsess about things and keep moving. The vast majority of things that go into the triage drawer get donated. Another thing that helped me get rid of some stuff was when a friend of mine was lamenting that she had nothing to wear and didn’t really want to shop until she finished nursing. I had a few items that were in very good shape but not flattering to me, and when I thought about how much it would help her out, and how some of the things would probably be very flattering on her, it really made me feel good to give her the clothes and get myself some more closet space!

    • Don’t forget to put on some nice music so it looks less like a chore

    • Totes McGotes :

      Do you have a friend who’s also off tomorrow and can make the final call on any close decisions? Day drinking + besties + trying on clothes = pure excellence.

      • Merabella :

        Sadly no. And the hubs (who also has the day off) is terrible at helping out in these situations. I think I will have to save the maybes for Saturday when a friend can come over and be brutally honest.

      • Yes have a friend join you! A friend of mine was a notorious shopper (she once came home from a vacation to discover that her entire closet had collapsed in on itself). One of her closest friends would come visit twice a year and they would go through her closet item by item.

        Their questions were:
        1. Have you worn it in the past year?
        2. If not, do you love it?

        If neither of those thing were true, it would go in the giveaway bag. Her friend worked at a church where they had a closet of women’s professional clothing that they would give away. She would haul it all there and my friend could go on shopping…

      • This is exactly what I was thinking. Plus if you have a little buzz going on it will be easier to get rid of stuff.

    • Tie a bright colored ribbon around the neck of an empty hanger and use it to mark your place when you have to stop for a break. This is also the best method for doing the closet purge for a few minutes each day. Move the hanger 10 items over and you have your stopping point.

    • For all the New England based women, I know a wonderful woman who does this as her full time job. She helps people figure out what to keep and chuck from their houses (often before a move) and then her company takes care of throwing out/donating the discards. I am going to find out how far she travels and her rates and I’ll post her contact info here once I have her permission.

      • anyone do this in the bay area? i would *so* pay $$ to have someone help me with this.

  8. Ugh. I’m so ready for this week to be over. My dog is sick (not eating and throwing up). The vet gave us some medicine but it doesn’t seem to have taken effect yet. And I got some nasty work-related feedback.

    • So sorry to hear about your dog. A friend had a similar problem with her dog last year, and the information on Mia Carter’s site helped. Google “how to help a dog who won’t eat”. Hopefully the meds will just work in your case, but the maple syrup and water-on-the-nose tricks were invaluable in hers. She also responded to ice shoved in her mouth, when she wouldn’t drink, and her very favorite human food.

      • And as for the work-related feedback, a combo of wine and a determination to “prove them wrong” usually helps me cope.

      • Ack, that site is WebMD-style paranoia-ing me out. My pup had some digestive issues earlier this week (started Sunday, went to the vet Monday), so was on white rice and chicken until Tuesday night. And now she hasn’t eaten a single bite of kibble since then. IS SHE DYING OF HYPOGLYCEMIA?*

        *No: she is just being a diva, like she does, because after getting people food for a couple of days, why on earth would she go back to eating dog food? Blasted stubborn creature will eat treats, of course, but looks from kibble to me and back to the kibble with the most mournful expression of all time, followed by quiet, desolate howls, as if she is too weak to continue living. (Weakness vanishes as soon as ball or leash is produced.)

        • Sorry. In the case of my friend’s dog, it had been a few days and it really was scary. But I’m sure the OP’s case, and your case, are not the same. These tricks really did save the day, though, so thought I’d share just in case. So sorry for freaking anyone out. In the end, my friend’s dog is healthy and happier than ever after a rough few days.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      PS – if your dog has no appetite/is puking I’ve tried things like

      1) Canned gastrointestinal diet mixed into water (keeps his hydration up and smells awful to me, aka INCREDIBLE to him)
      2) Boiled chicken and rice.

      But generally don’t worry, a day or two without eating won’t kill him.

    • long time lurker :

      Try human baby food in meat flavors like beef. Dogs love it and it is easy to digest. Warning that it smells as gross as dog food.

    • I frequently give my dog plain lowfat yogurt to keep her digestive system healthy and our vet has no issues with that. Hope your dog feels better soon.

  9. DH and I are moving from LA to Chicago and would appreciate any recommendations on cross-country movers. We plan to pack ourselves, but need a company to load, drive and unload.


    • Allied – I used them from my DC to NOLA move and they were extremely reasonable, worked within my budget, and delivered everything promptly.

    • North American Vanlines.. and btw, you can absolutely negotiate the price down by pitting various offers against each other!

  10. Equity's Darling :

    Sooo, I’m taking a trip to Chigago in June for a week. I’ve never been, I have no business to attend to while I’m there, I just saw a really great flight deal ($300 on WestJet from Calgary, should anyone be curious…until 4pm MST today), and umm….I figured why not!

    Suggestions on places to stay? Things to do?

    • Equity's Darling :

      Chicago…sorry, I clearly can’t spell the places I plan to visit.

    • I’m from Chicago, and I’m so excited for you, but this has been discussed a BUNCH of times. I’d suggest doing a site search for Chicago and reading through all the old comments.

      • Equity's Darling :

        I’ll keep this response in mind when I being to type out suggestions for Montreal for the 9th time…or just in general the next time anyone asks a question that has been asked before (e.g. suggestions for wedding shoes, or cardigans, or any number of other issues that have also been discussed ad nauseum).

    • Vegas Baby :

      If you don’t care about the specific hotel and aren’t too much of a planner, about 10 days before, go on hotwire dot com to book your hotel in the michigan ave area. I always do this and get great deals (go for 3.5 stars and above).

      Things to do: Visit Navy Pier, shop Michigan Ave, visit the museums, eat exceptionally good food. :)

      • Equity's Darling :

        Thanks- the tip about hotels is super useful, I was all stressed about booking, but now I’ll wait:)

        • A bit of advice – I just stayed at the Hilton Chicago at 720 South Michigan Avenue. It’s a very nice hotel, very historic. But, I would try not to stay any further south than this. It starts to get a little, not exactly sketchy, but fairly empty especially at night.

          • But, but… I live further south than this in a yuppie residential neighborhood (~2000 S Michigan). As a local, I’d say stay north of S 2200 on Michigan.

          • There are plenty of nice neighborhoods farther south, but that is so far from the fun touristy stuff. I’m a local and I’d agree with staying north of the 720 s Michigan Hilton so that you can walk everywhere.

          • Ah! I agree, all the good touristy stuff is north of 720 S Michigan. Sorry! I misread the earlier comment as saying it wasn’t safe further south. (A slur on my neighborhood! *throws down glove*)

          • I’m sorry! Did not mean to slur anyone’s neighborhood. I am astounded by how nice that area looks now compared to, say, 15-20 years ago. When I was growing up, my sister and I would take the train to Union Station and were told by my parents not to go south of Adams. Obviously things are different. But I still think staying a bit further north is better from a touristy perspective.

      • OMG the food! I don’t know if you watched the most recent Top Chef competition, but a huge number of the contestants were chefs with restaurants in Chicago. Try to go to some of those restaurants (I actually haven’t been to any but I bet they are good). Also, if you happen to be vegetarian (or like vegetarian food) go to the Chicago Diner! It’s completely vegetarian and has fake meat meals as well as salad/vegetable entrees. And their vegan desserts are insanely good. Also, if you like brunch, I can name so many brunch places! Yolk, Orange, Bakin’ and Eggs. They are awesome.
        Oh yeah also there are cool museums and shops and the river and stuff but mainly FOOD. :)

        • Equity's Darling :

          Yes! Good to know for Chicago Diner, I’m vegetarian:) On the list! And put on the brunch, one of my fave things to do is to eat brunch and read the newspaper when I’m travelling alone.

          • My favorite Chicago restaurants include Rick Bayless’ Topalobampo and Frontera Grill, which always have vegetarian options.

          • Rural Juror :

            I went to a veg restaurant in Chicago last time I visited – green zebra? Something like that. Also really enjoyed going to a cubs game, and museums! The purple pig is good for drinks and apps. I usually stay at the rafaello, nice and priced right. It is next to the Hancock building, and another thing I loved was having drinks in the bar on the top floor of the Hancock. Such a great view!

          • Rural Juror :

            Ugh, awaiting moderation because I said [email protected]

            I went to a veg restaurant in Chicago last time I visited – green zebra? Something like that. Also really enjoyed going to a cubs game, and museums! The purple pig is good for drinks and apps. I usually stay at the rafaello, nice and priced right. It is next to the Hanc*ck building, and another thing I loved was having drinks in the bar on the top floor of the Hanc*ck. Such a great view!

      • I will be in Chicago for about a week after a conference, including over the Fourth of July holiday. I used Priceline and got a king size room for 2 people at the Hilton on Michigan Avenue (2 blocks from the Art Institute) for $125/night. FWIW.

    • This will be pretty stream-of-consciousness, so….

      The Chicago Architecture Shop (which is on Michigan Avenue in the general vicinity of the Art Institute) is a wonderful place to browse and also offers architectural tours that I am told are very good. If it’s nice out, be sure to take a walk through Millenium Park and see The Bean and the water park thingy. There’s a restaurant there that is pretty good and has lovely outdoor seating. If you are there around noon, some musical groups practice in the Pritzker (not sure I spelled that right) outdoor amphitheater, and I have to say, sitting there listening to music on a beautiful, clear blue sky day, with the lake to one side and the Chicago skyline to the other, well, I’m tearing up thinking of how wonderful it was.

      My parents went for drinks in the Trump Tower (it’s on the river, I think not too far from Michigan Avenue) bar that has outdoor seating and said it was really lovely, although probably some of the most expensive drinks they’ve had.

      If you like shopping, Michigan Avenue north of the river has lots to see! Giant (3-story) Banana Republic, Water Tower Place, and there’s a Top Shop (although frankly I would describe most of their offerings as tawdry). State Street also has good shopping – I find all the stores in Chicago to be huge compared to what we have in DC. The old Marshall Fields is now Macys, but worth a visit because, again, huge, and beautiful architecture.

      I’m not much good for restaurants, mostly when I go to Chicago I eat in my sister’s neighborhood up north (Belmont exit, the area known as Boystown). Plus my family is not terribly adventurous. There’s a place at 225 North Michigan Avenue called Sweetwater Tavern and Grille that has very good sandwiches, served with a side of tater tots!

      I grew up in the Chicago suburbs and actually was in the city last week for work. Most of my visits now take place in the winter (for Christmas with the family) and I’d forgotten how beautiful the place can be when it’s sunny and decently warm!

      • Equity's Darling :

        I’ve been wondering about the giant bean, since I have the bean earrings from Tiffany’s, and I’m generally fond of the bean shape….it’s definitely on the list.

        I am a fan of architecture, so I’ll look into the tours, that’s the totally the type of thing that I’d love. And from what I can see, I’ll need to be running around Millenium Park to burn off the crazy calories I’ll be eating at all the restaurants.

        I appreciate the suggestions!

    • I was there first weekend in May a year ago. So so so so beautiful. A really lovely time of year. I ate at the Purple Pig, which was really fun and yummy as well as XOCO, which was the only Rick Bayless place that you didn’t need a reservation for. I loved both. I stayed at the Affinia Chicago, which is right off Michigan and is a cool hotel. Marcus Samulsen (who I am totally totally hot for) runs the restaurant and I had the best room service there ever. It was totally close to everything and really lovely. I felt like a cool kid staying there.

    • I recall that a lot of chefs have fave restaurants in Chicago. Check out this FoodTV link for Chicago restaurants:

    • I’ve only been to Chicago once, but loved it . . . my three favorite things we did were:
      1. Go to a Cubs game;
      2. Go to a blues club (we picked one up around the Wrigley Stadium area — no idea which one, regrettably); and
      3. See “A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte” at the Art Institute.

      What we didn’t get to do, and I still want to do — take one of the architecture tours by boat.

      • The Chicago Architecture Foundation does tours, including boat tours on the river, that are pretty good. Depending on how warm it is (we’ve already had 80-degree weather, but tonight it is in the 40s), there are also companies that do BYO cruises out on Lake Michigan. I’ve done these both of these with visiting friends and have had a great time.

        Second the Rick Bayless restaurants; also really like Girl & the Goat, Slurping Turtle, Purple Pig (probably not the best choice for vegetarians, though!), The Gage (across from Millenium Park), Mercadito/Tavernita, Avec, Sepia, The Publican… One veg restaurant that I’ve heard great things about but have not tried is the Green Zebra. You may also want to check out Greektown, Little Italy, etc.

        Personally, I would pass on Navy Pier, but the museums are great. If you like modern art, the new wing of the Art Institute is amazing, and Terzo Piano is the restaurant there – a big expensive, but good, and it overlooks Millenium Park.

        As for shopping, I would focus on either State Street or Michigan Ave – they have a lot of the same stores, although there are more shopping centers on Michigan – 900 N, Water Tower, Shops at North Bridge, as well as the Topshop that someone else mentioned, the new Allsaints, etc. Have a great time!

        Oh, and one more thing – I saw a sign on the Hard Rock Hotel a couple of weeks ago that if you friend them on FB, you get room deals or something? May be worth checking into.

    • THANK YOU for the West Jet tip – I’ve been looking for flights to Calgary so my husband can visit his best friend… all in the $600-700 range… and scored a $263 direct flight this afternoon thanks to you.

      Re: Chicago recs… the lake is bitter cold but you should go… so beautiful. Walk along the beach.

      yes, lots of fantastic brunch places – our favorite is m.Henrietta, a less-busy sibling of the better-known m.Henry.

      When the weather is nice my absolute favorite thing to do is to go to Pastoral (on Lake) and get a delicious sandwich and bottle of wine, then head over to Millennium Park and picnic (drinking is ok if you hide the bottle and are not obnoxious).

      def. check out some comedy at night – Second City, in one vein, or iO in another. We also like to take visiting friends to Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind at the Neo-Futurarium. It’s not for everyone but it’s definitely an “experience.”

      Floriole or Cafe Selmarie for amazing pastries and cute neighborhoods.

      And I’ll just +1 the restaurant and shopping recs others have left.

      • and… I’m not a fan of the Chicago Hilton. The Ritz-Carlton Chicago and the Palmer House I like better. But most of the Michigan Ave. hotels are fine, so def. don’t stress about booking.

        and… and… Do-Rite Donuts, across from the Daley Center – my mouth waters.

      • Equity's Darling :

        Yay! I’m glad you also got such a great deal! I’m sure your husband will have a great time in Calgary, though it’s too bad he’ll miss Stampede

        Too Much Light looks fun, and since I have evenings to fill, it’s going on the list.

        I’m going to print out everyone’s recommendations, they’re so helpful:)

        • It’s a great show. If you’re up in the neighborhood, Hopleaf is tasty if you like beer (and frankly, all of their food is good, if not a bit rich), and Great Lake Pizza is amazing, although expect a (very) long wait as they only have 14 seats in the restaurant. One other note: the line for Too Much Light varies based on how nice of a night it is. If it’s a warmer evening, you’ll want to be there at least 30-45 min ahead of time.

          • Second these suggestions. Would also add:

            1. Do not fork over money for the Willis (formerly Sears) tower observation deck. Use it to get yourself a nice drink at the Signature Lounge in the John Hancock tower. Same amazing view, less money, and you get a drink out of it!

            2. If you will be there after June 5th, set aside a night for dinner. Exactly two months before that night, go on OpenTable and make a reservation at Girl and the Goat. Literally at midnight if you have to. Trust me, it’s worth it!!!

    • My sister used to live in Chicago and now my bro-in-law does.

      We stayed at the Club Quarters in the Financial District and liked it – be warned that the rooms are tiny but it’s in the same area as all the posh hotels for cheaper. It’s just as well-appointed just crunched.

      I love Intellignetsia Coffee (sev locations).

      For breakfast: Bakin and Eggs, Sweet Maple, The Bagel, Ann Sather or Milk and Honey.

      Lunch: Urban Belly, Belly Shack

      Dinner: Carnivale, Taxim (Greek but not corny Greektown Greek), Cafe Ba ba Ree Ba for tapas

      Bars: Whistler for c*cktails (Violet Hour is the more popular bar but we prefer Whistler), Twisted Spoke or Gold Star Bar for dive-y, Revolution Brew for microbrew (and brunch)

      If Mucca Pazza is playing – see them! They are a crazy punk marching band.

      Have fun!

    • Anonymous :

      I’m local and my best recommendation is to take the architectural boat tour offered by the Chicago Architecture Foundation. Do not mistake this for the cheesy tourist ones. The CAF has volunteer docents that give amazingly informative tours – about design, history, and politics. It is a 1.5 hour trip and well worth the $35. Go the boat launch to buy tickets in person, and buy early. Many of the tours sell out.

    • I lived in Chicago for a few years while attending law school. When my parents came to visit, they really enjoyed the Chicago Architecture Foundation tours — we did one walking tour through downtown Chicago (which passed through the Palmer House hotel, which looked beautiful) and one boat tour. Both were great.

      The Chicago Food Planet tour through Bucktown/Wicker Park was also a big hit with my family (chicagofoodplanet dot com). If you’re staying in the Loop (south of the river), the starting point of the tour is an easy shot on the Blue line. It will take you through a couple of historic areas of the city that are usually overlooked by tourists, and the food is AWESOME.

      If you want to try Chicago-style pizza, I recommend Giordano’s or Lou Malnati’s. Gino’s and Uno are waaaay overrated. Just don’t plan on doing anything immediately afterward, as either of those places will put you into an immediate food coma. In the best way possible. :-)

      And if the weather’s nice, walking along Lake Michigan is wonderful! Have fun!

  11. Maple League Admin formerly Anon Canadian :

    Something random has been bothering me a bit:

    My weather woman is clearly pregnant but she has not mentioned it at all. No one on the morning weather show has. I find it incredibly strange. The morning weather show people try and make themselves personable and talk about their families and such. She talks about her husband and their dog and the fact that he wants a second dog. But she has not said a word about being pregnant.

    With the weather woman before her (about 3 years ago) it was the same thing. She was clearly pregnant but they never said anything about it and then she was gone (mat leave) and showed up a year later at a different time of day. The only difference between the two is that when the old weather woman was there they did the majority of the show sitting behind a desk so it took longer to realize she was pregnant. Now they do the majority of the show standing so you could tell much earlier.

    Am I weird for finding this incredible strange and for letting it bother me, or is it actually strange? Why won’t they just acknowlegde it?

    • I don’t find that strange at all. its no one’s business if she is pregnant. I can’t imagine having to make a formal pregnancy announcement on tv

    • Anonymous NYer :

      haha this actually made me laugh (in a funny way). I think it’s sooo weird that this bothers you haha! I don’t mean that critically at all, I just find it kind of hilarious.

      Maybe there is some kind of law prohibiting anyone from asking? Maybe the woman doesn’t want to share? Maybe she was waiting til she was showing to announce at work, and figures now it’s obvious so why bother announcing to the world? I have never felt such a strong connection to my local weather woman that her personal choices bother me. I don’t get much beyond ‘what is she wearing’ when the stylist clearly missteps.

    • I have a friend who is a local TV anchor, and I will say, she considers her kids to be 100% off limits. She doesn’t acknowledge that she has any (she has 4), but will talk about the hubby and other mundane stuff. I live in a relatively small city, but there are crazies everywhere. Your weather woman may just be concerned that someone may decide to show up at her home post pregnancy with a baby gift or worse. I’d let this one go. The TV people lead this weird life where we all think we “know” them-and maybe they go a little off the deep end to protect the improtant parts of their life.

      • This. I’ve heard that weatherfolks and TV /news anchors are the most likely to get stalked, because they’re alluring in that “on TV” kind of way, but more accessible than say, some of the Hollywood Royalty on people’s “lists.”

        So, the crazies think they have more of a shot at dating them/meeting them. And sadly, the TV/news anchors and weather folks usually get paid less and are less able to hire the necessary bodyguards with 10 attack dobermans.

    • Maybe she doesn’t want to talk about her pregnancy, maybe they don’t want to discuss pregnancy on a news show that could be watched by small kids (cranky parents write in about all kinds of weird stuff). The latter’s my guess if the former weather woman didn’t talk about it either. But really, why would it bother you?

    • Maple League Admin formerly Anon Canadian :

      I don’t know I just find it so strange. But I guess when I think about it maybe I think it’s also a bit sexist, I mean the male anchors talk about their kids, so why wouldn’t she.There’s no need for a formal announcment or anything but there are plenty of times in the normal flow of their conversation where a casual acknowlegdment of her pregnancy would fit in.

      And I get the whole crazies thinking they know tv personalities or getting weirdly attached (clearly I’m one of them, lol.) but then maybe they shouldn’t talk about personal things at all.

      And I also get that people want to and have the right to keep things private but I’m sorry you can’t keep a pregnancy private after you start showing. Yes, you don’t have to shout to the world all of the details of your pregnancy but why pretend it’s not happening?

      But anyhoo, thank you hive I always like to know when I’m the one acting crazy in a situation. It lets me know that I’m normal and not always rational and also makes me enjoy the situations where I’m not acting crazy more.

      • Obviously it’s this woman’s perogative to formally announce her pregnancy on air or not, but I agree that *not* announcing it seems a little odd to me too. On my local news station one of the meteorologists had a baby last year and another is currently pregnant – they both announced on air.

    • It always seems to me that when I watch The Weather Channel at least one of the ladies is pregnant (I’m certain I’m overexaggerating this in my mind). Maybe pregnant weather women increase ratings?

  12. Deflated JD :

    Hive Help:
    I graduated with my JD last May. I have worked on two temp projects since then, but lots of trouble finding a fulltime law job. I am currently at a temporary position that ends within the month. I started to broaden my search to things that I am qualified with my undergrad degree and other experience. I got a job offer for a full time position. This is the first offer for a full time job Ive recieved. While I am qualified, it is not something I want to do long term and I would intend on searching for a permanent legal related position. Also, the pay is very low. Less than I was making at my temp positions. Im happy that it means that I would have a continuous paycheck, but seriously worried about how I will be paying for all my bills and would probably need to move to cheaper apartment and all of my checks would go to bills. The decision to accept is really stressing me out. Do I accept it, seriously budget, and hope something better comes along quickly? Or do I turn it down and hope that something else more along the lines of where I see myself going in my career comes along soon? Thoughts?

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      I would take it and keep searching — just because I think you NEED to have a way to pay the bills when your temp job ends, and if this is all there is, this is all there is.

      • Former MidLevel :

        Yes, and as someone noted earlier today, it is way easier to find a job if you already have a job. Good luck!

    • Anonymous NYer :

      Have you talked to the agency that got you your temp position? Do they have anything else on the horizon that you could do?

      I’m torn with this question. On the one hand, never underestimate the value of a steady paycheck. On the other hand, you might get stuck there, or future legal employers might take your resume less seriously because you don’t work in law now (much like the unemployed are often discriminated against during hiring, so might you be for not having legal employment).

      Ideally, you would find another temp position to hold you over until a more permanent gig in your desired (or a somewhat related) field comes up. Well, if we’re talking ideals, none of us 2011 grads would be in these positions to begin with (I’m only employed part-time – but steady enough to pay bills/IBR loans). But see if you can temp again before you accept this non-legal job. See how long you can sit on the offer before you decide.

    • Totes McGotes :

      Whether you take it or not, try to find time for some pro bono on the side, so that you can be practicing and building experience and feeling better about the whole thing. In my region there are lots of nonprofits and such that will train you in an area in exchange for a promise to take a case, and that will also offer mentoring and malpractice coverage for the cases you do take. When I was in a similar position to you, doing this made me feel like I hadn’t completely given up on law so soon after getting admitted.

    • Frankly, I don’t understand how you are job searching/temp jobs for almost a year, but haven’t moved into “seriously budget” mode yet. The legal market is unlikely to just snap back, given that tens of thousands of new, unemployed grads are being pumped out every year, so if you have a job offer, take it. Better that than end up “seriously budgeting” at a homeless shelter or your parents house when your temp job dries up.

  13. I need to cardigans and can’t find any that fit my style rules. Help!

    I want cardigans that:
    1. Button up
    2. Crew neck
    3. Hit the top of my hip bone–not the bottom (this is the hard one. Even though I’m tall, I find most of them are too long, which makes me look frumpy).
    4. Long sleeved or 3/4 length sleeve
    5. Solid colors

    I have purchased (and returned) from Talbots, Nordstrom, LOFT, Macy’s. And maybe somewhere else. Anyone have any suggestions?

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      I like Lands End Canvas Heritage (though I just looked on the website and don’t see them – hope they’re not discontinued!) and J Crew Jackie cardigans. They hit at the middle of my hip, but I have a really short waist.

    • Lands End! their site is landsend (dot) com and I think item number 41129-2AJ3 and item number 40582-6AJ9 are exactly what you’re looking for.

    • The Jcrew Jackie cardigan. I have it in many colors. The ones from the factory store have held up just as well (for me) and are cheaper.

      • Just my two cents: in my experience, the JCrew factory ones don’t hold up nearly as well as the regular ones. I’ve had the buttons fall off immediately as well as had the color fade immediately.

        • PittsburghAnon :

          Agree with this; I am a Jackie cardigan connoisseur and the Factory version is NOT the same. The fabric is thin and floppy and looks less professional. (I have 7 regular Jackies and 3 Factory versions. Yes, I have a problem.)

      • I like the J Crew Jackie, too, but it may be too long for OP. Boden often has more cropped cardigans (though I’ve only bought those in winter weight, not sure if there are lighter versions).

    • Merabella :

      Someone mentioned JC Penny cardigans on a previous thread. I haven’t tried them recently, but I got one from there a few years ago in the Nicole Miller Collection that matches your requirements, maybe check there. I think also JCrew tends to have those shorter styles.

    • Yikes, Talbots was going to be my suggestion (I’m pretty short-waisted). How about Brooks Brothers? J.Crew (the Jackie is expensive but about as classic as you get)?

    • I entered “crew neck cardigan” into shop style and got lots of results. You could scroll through and see what matches your needs.

      This Halogen one might work.

      • Oops. Missed that you had done Nordstroms already, so maybe this won’t work. I’d also check out Boden if you can get free shipping.

        This one is pretty.

        • LK Bennet also has some lovely looking cardis if you can stomach the price and the shipping.

    • Anonymous NYer :

      I have good luck with banana republic cardigans. They often have several styles to choose from in different lengths or materials.

    • Target! They might not last forever, but the one I am wearing meets all of your criteria I believe.

      • Seconding Target. Also NY& Co, Limited, and H&M. Lately people here have been commenting very favorably about Penney’s, I myself plan on checking them out after not having gone there for years and years.

    • Bloomingdale’s (their own label). I bought a bunch of cashmere ones over the years (in different colors) and the older ones have held up better than the new one. My favorite is my first one– a 100% merino wool, chocolate brown cardi that I bought over 10 years ago… held up wonderfully and looks like new! Also, Saks has them in merino wool and cashmere that fit your requirements (but pricier than Bloomies).

    • Thanks, ladies! I love you guys.

      Lands End was the other place I tried (and returned). But I’ll check out the links posted below in case they’re different than the ones I ordered. The ones I’m trying to replace were Target–I love Target but hate hate hate their slow website! It’s like shopping online in 1998 again.

      • big dipper :

        Don’t rule out Lands End Canvas. They’re “heritage” cardigan is awesome. My J. Crew Jackie cardigan stretches out in the sleeves easily; the LEC cardigans hold they’re shape. I am short waisted and I find the LEC cardiangs are short on me, so that should help you.

    • Call the closest Barneys Outlet (not a regular store) and ask about their basic sweaters. They are made of 78% silk, 20% nylon and 2% spandex. They are a staple and the outlet always has them in sleeveless shells, cardigans as you describe and I think one or two other styles (long-sleeve pullover maybe?). They usually have black and 1 or 2 other colors at any given time.

      Today, I am wearing a set that I made with a cardigan and a sleeveless shell from December 2010. It is slate blue and the style number on the label of both pieces is RN#68865. The prices are extremely reasonable. If memory serves, $60 for the cardigan and $40 for the shell. They last forever (I have a couple from November 2007 that I wear regularly).

      They can tell you what colors they have in stock now, mail you whatever sounds good, and you can return it by mail if it doesn’t work. For sizing, I am a 2-4 and I wear a S in both the shell and the cardigan.

      The number of the outlet in Cabazon near Palm Springs is 951-849-1600.

    • H&M – last week there were tons in your criteria

  14. TCFKAG or anyone else with stellar vicarious shopping skills. I have an awesome office in an old house that has a non-working fire place with a mantle. I have a small cube beta fish tank with a beta and a snail in it. (Pro tip – if you ever get a fish, get a snail, they keep the tank clean!) I want to upgrade to one of those long, glass, short, rectangular vase things that people put bamboo or floating candles in. I’m looking for a discount one somewhere, preferably under $30, $50 max. I haven’t seen anything like it, even expensive, recently but I haven’t tried very hard. I’m hoping to fill the vase w/ rocks and a couple bamboo sticks and my fish and snail.

    • You can find vases like this at a craft supply store like Michael’s.

    • Check out save-on-crafts [dot] com, they have tons of awesome vases and stuff at affordable prices. Its targeted at brides but it would work for your needs.

    • Merabella :

      like this?

    • PharmaGirl :

      Save on crafts dot com

      Link to follow.

    • Just a little note that in addition to the house upgrade, your betta fish would probably also like a little heater for the tank — you can get pretty cheap ones at pet stores designed for small tanks that stick onto the side of the tank with suction cups. They can survive at around office room temp, but really prefer temps in the high 70s and will be longer lived and healthier if they don’t have to live out of their comfort zone.

  15. Was the Nordstrom’s purchase the Halogen 3/4 sleeve? I’ve had good luck with those, but YMMV.

  16. Threadjack: Does anyone have a recommendation for a good female primary care physician in NYC that is taking new patients? I also need recommendations for a gyno. TIA!!

    • Also Anon :

      No idea if they’re taking new patients, but Meghan Thomasch is a great PCP, and I love Rachel Villanueva for an OB/GYN.

    • I really like CAPNA – affiliated with Columbia, it’s a practice of nurse practitioners, I think they also have a female MD on staff. They can be your PCP and gyno.
      16 East 60th Street
      Suite 440
      New York, NY 10022

    • Love Dr. Jessica Fiorelli (OB-GYN), also affiliated with Columbia. (212) 305-1505

  17. Way, way Anon :

    Hmmm lets see if this version will avoid moderation…
    Totally TMI – but what do you ‘rettes wear for a massage? Am I the only one who struggles with how much to leave on (if anything) particularly if the masseur(sp?) is male? (and is it weird that sometimes I feel like just leaving a little on is even more awkward than just being …ahem… in the buff?)

    • I’ve never had a massage but have talked about it with my mom (she loves them). She goes full-nude usually, though apparently at some spas they provide 1-use panties and when they do she uses them. Also, she usually requests a female masseuse, mainly so my dad won’t give her a (teasing) hard time about it.

    • Vegas Baby :

      All off, always. Never have felt uncomfortable, and have always been covered by the sheet. No more revealing than my swimsuit.

      • SF Bay Associate :

        Yep, all off, regardless of gender of therapist. Your undies get in the way of the massage. Therapists at good spas are carefully trained – they don’t want to see your important parts any more than you want them to. I often prefer male therapists because they are (stereo)typically stronger than the female ones.

    • IMMJ (formerly anon) :

      Nothing except the sheet. And when I recently had a masseur instead of a masseuse, I told him at the beginning that I was pretty modest, so he knew to be extra careful to keep me covered and not to go anywhere marginal.

    • fully nude, always female. I was comfortable doing it the first time.

    • Rubadubdub :

      I usually take everything off but my underwear, but I went to a Korean spa recently (SpaWorld for you DC ‘rettes) and had a total scrub down in the nude by an older lady wearing a black lace bra and panty set. No sheets, about a foot away from other women in similar situations.

      I figure after that experience, keeping my undies on when I’m mostly draped in a sheet was a bit ridiculous — but I sometimes just keep them on anyway, since it’s usually a guy.

    • This is so interesting. I always leave bottoms on, thought that was the norm! Huh. Never have felt awkward about it.

      • I’m fascinated by this thread! I usually do bottoms on as well, but not for modesty — I just thought that was the norm, and didn’t want to be the girl who shows up butt naked for her massage. I’ll be going toute nue for me next one!

    • karenpadi :

      All off. I’ve had my (female) therapist for over a year now. Any modesty I had with her is long gone. Buttocks are the biggest muscle in the human body, a good therapist will need some access.

      I’ve only had one massage with a male therapist. I wasn’t able to relax and I left my panties on for that massage. But I am uncomfortable with men who touch me in general.

    • Seattleite :

      Fully nude, usually male. If for some reason I didn’t feel comfortable enough/trust him enough to be fully nude, he wouldn’t be doing the massage even if I were fully dressed.

    • Eloise Spaghetti :

      I usually do all off except if I am on my period and then I wear a thong.

    • I’ve never had a professional massage, but will be getting one in May and one in June. I plan on wearing boy shorts or a thong since I am so shy and would be worried the sheet would slip off or something. Maybe I’ll change my mind after the first one.

    • Husband is a masage therapist. It is easiest for him if you take everything off but it is most important that you feel comfortable and able to relax. He can work through clothes but bra straps are difficult, a camisole would be easier if you are modest.
      I also feel less awkward without clothes than with just a bikini. Nude isn’t necessarily sexual but panties-only feels nakeder to me.

    • All off, always. My regular massage therapist (who is *fantastic* if anyone in the Bay Area needs a recommendation) is female, but super-strong. Since I’m a runner, getting my glutes and hamstrings worked over is one of the best parts of a massage.

      The exception: If you’re having a shiatsu massage rather than Swedish/deep tissue/sports massage, then the massage therapist will likely expect you to keep on a tee and briefs/knickers/shorts.

      • I mean, “. . . is female, AND super-strong”!

        • SF Bay Associate :

          Yes please! My favorite therapist, a super strong woman, moved away early last year and I’ve been looking for a new person since.

    • Another Sarah :

      Do what makes you feel most comfortable. The massage therapist wants you to relax and be more comfortable, so if it’s comfortable to go all nude, then do it. If you’d rather wear underwear, then do that. FWIW, I wear panties, even when the masseur was a male.

  18. PCP: Dr. Susan Rosen, 212-879-4700
    Gyn: Dr. Sharon Patrick, 212-230-1785

    No idea if they’re taking new patients or not.

  19. How do you guys feel about the NY times 10 free articles a month policy?

    • I was sad and frustrated, because I love to read the NYTimes (when I’m not reading Corporette). But on the flipside, because I love to read it, why shouldn’t I pay for the content when newspapers are struggling? I haven’t made up my mind fully though.

      • Merabella :

        I wouldn’t have as much of a problem with paying if they didn’t keep increasing their prices.

      • Anon for this... :

        “[W]hy shouldn’t I pay for the content when newspapers are struggling?” Because the NYT has a separate and independent revenue stream from on-line advertising.

        • But does advertising cover everything? Running a newspaper is expensive. You (well, a lot of people) pay for basic cable, but it still has commercials. (I’m just not a huge NYT fan, so I wouldn’t pay, but if they’re offering a service, I don’t see why they wouldn’t charge for it in whatever way was most profitable to them. Either the price is worth it to you or it’s not. Why would that bother anyone?)

        • Yes, but because people can read it online they stop buying the newspapers. Which, btw, also have their own separate revenue stream by way of print advertising and yet they are still not free.

          I was also annoyed when they made it pay, but I think if I am reading more than a few articles a month, it is probably fair to ask me to pay. Especially because I usually read about a dozen articles a day and constantly use the archives for reference and recipes.

          This is what I do: we get the weekend paper delivered (I think it’s the least expensive option) and as a result we have access to the online edition on as many computers/smart phones/etc. as we need. If you’re feeling really frugal, you can split an account with a friend though I am sure the NY Times would frown on that (I think their official policy is you can share the log-in with anyone who lives with you).

    • I think it’s part of their long-range plan to wean casual readers off – it dropped to 20/month sometime in the fall. I wish their Sunday-only price was a bigger price difference from the everyday subscription (I guess they know that’s what everyone wants to read??) so I’m holding out for now. I don’t miss it one bit for regular news – that I can get elsewhere – but I do like nosing around the “fun” sections and I miss being able to skim the first part of an article to see if I’m interested, without it “counting.”

    • Can't Wait to Quit :

      It brings me a little closer to actually paying for access. I love the NYT and since I expect to have quite a bit of free time this summer (ahem) I am seriously considering getting the online subscription to keep myself entertained. With the 20 free articles, I could usually get through to the 15th of the month or so, by making sure to only read things on the NYT site that weren’t just news that I could get anywhere. Now with only 10 articles I’m going to run out of articles too quickly.

      • They count the articles with a cookie, so if you clear your cookies, you can start over. Just sayin’.

        I used to have a subscription, but they incessantly f’ed up the billing and double billed me, and their biased reporting and editorials tick me off a lot, so between those two issues I decided to cancel (and then they billed me another time after I canceled, because despite being the “newspaper of record” they can’t figure out how to operate their billing system. Took a month to get my money back).

    • I got the NYT weekend subscription a while back and its awesome. Seriously, best $30 I spend all month. It not only gets me the paper on Saturday and Sundays but also gives me access to all their online articles and crossword puzzles.

      Nothing else in my life makes me feel as grown up as having a newspaper subscription. Seriously, the rest of my life could be in shambles but as long as I read the Metro section on my couch with a cup of coffee every Sunday, I think things will be ok.

      • Speaking of NYT — there is the most adorable little Townies piece dealing with professional men’s dressing. If anyone needs a smile, please read – no liberal bias, I promise ;)

    • I hate it. I know they have a right to set a price for the product they’re producing and I’m consuming, etc. etc. etc….but all the pay wall did was transition me from using the NYT as my default news source, to using the Washington Post as my default news source. I enjoy the writing in the NYT better than the Post’s, and I miss it, but not enough to pay for it out of my (pitiful) budget.

    • I assisted with the development of the methodology for a conference on the future of newspapers a few years ago. It was an executive development course aimed towards regional newspaper publishers. It was fascinating to learn about the print v. online business models, how newspapers have a very hard time preventing their articles from being copied, and how they didn’t have the budgets to go after some of the websites that copy content (HuffPo is one that I recall). In fact, the general consensus among the publishers was that they were unwilling to charge for online subscriptions despite research that indicated people would pay for to read (pay per click or a subscription). Plus they were having to compete with the news being old by the time it went to the paper press, the cost of printing presses (replacing aging equipment), and having employees that weren’t cross-functional, i.e. someone that can write, take pics for their stories, edit, and do some graphics work.

    • Writer's wife :

      I’m posting late but I feel strongly about this!

      My husband is a journalist, as are many of our friends. Professional (emphasis on professional) journalism is sadly endangered in this country. Reporters and editors work very, very hard for minimal pay, even after years of experience.

      Online advertising (think Craigslist) has wiped out a huge portion of their revenue stream (while there is online advertising, it does not make up for what has been lost).

      We subscribe to three physical papers and I would gladly pay for online access to other news sites as well (like a pay per article model). If you want to have quality reporting, then you should be willing to pay for it — why should you get it for free more than anything else? There is so much news in this country that is not being covered or has been waaay cut back (think statehouse reporting). The press performs an important function in this country, one that I am not willing to leave up to the Drudge Report and the like.


  20. Too soon to go in house? :

    How soon is too soon to go in-house? I’m in my second year as a litigation associate, and most days, and a position just opened for an in-house position, and I have a relatively good chance at getting an offer (connections with hiring committee). My concern is, is it too soon to go in house?

    The in house position will not be litigation based (going to court is my favorite part of my job). Will I be limiting myself to other non-litigation in house jobs in the future if I don’t get more litigation experience now?

    • IMMJ (formerly anon) :

      It’s not too soon to go in-house if that’s where you want your career to be. But you will be limiting yourself to non-litigation jobs if you don’t get more litigation experience now.

    • Are you interested in what the job would entail, or just going in-house? I’m not trying to be snarky, but since you know that going to court is your favorite part of your job, what will you spend your days doing, and are you ok with that? Other things to consider – does the company have in-house lawyers handling litigation? And if so, is it actually litigating or just managing outside litigators? If you really like litigating, I’m not sure I would give that up for an in-house job that doesn’t involve the thing you like the most, but good luck with whatever you choose to do.

    • In-House, Former BigLaw Partner :

      I am biased, so consider the source, but I think you should stay at your firm for at the very least 3 and probably at least 5 years. It is not just litigation skills that you are learning. You are learning how to analyze legal issues, write properly, research thoroughly, think critically and a host of other skills that are very important to in-house lawyering, but that are rarely taught by in-house colleagues to younger lawyers. I can tell immediately if one of my in-house colleagues was “raised” in BigLaw by the way we approach our jobs. And who was not.

  21. Hi all, just a happy update
    My cat Sacha got back from clinic yesterday. She is doing great ! been jumping around as usual.
    The vet did not charge me for her clinic stay because he was the one who forgot to give her an e-collar and give me post surgery guidelines. I only paid for medication and vaccines.
    I am relieved to share this as my cat is chewing on my laptop screen.

  22. SpaceMountain :

    Can anyone tell me what it’s like to have a long commute, or a spouse with a long commute? DH is looking at a job that’s about 60 minutes away by car, mostly on the highway. Not a lot of traffic, but just a long drive. Will it be soul-sucking, or is just something you get used to? FWIW, he has a 60 minute commute now, but it’s on the train.

    • I found it to be very difficult in the beginning. I was more tired than normal, but eventually I kind of got used to it and it wasn’t the driving that bothered me so much but the what felt like wasted time in my day. (I have kids and really felt like I was missing out with them). So if he is already used to that amount of commute time it might not bother him so much. Having good music, audiobooks, etc. can help with the drive.

      I ultimately decided I couldn’t keep doing that and transferred to a closer office after about a year and a half.

      • Agree with being angry about the wasted time. I had 35-45 minutes last year, and *hated* it. Every day I would just fume about all the other things I could be doing with that time–reading, cooking, writing, taking a nice walk, anything!–but no, I was stuck in my car, burning through gas money. NPR and good music were only moderately palliative. Now I have three minutes, and while I vastly preferred the city I lived in last year to the podunk h*llhole I currently inhabit, it’s worth it for the non-commute.

        With that said, I know many people who are completely fine with the commute I despised. I think it’s a personal thing.

    • Merabella :

      Get him some audiobooks or a subscription to Sirius/XM. It is the same idea as the other kind of commute, you just have to find entertainment you can enjoy while you drive.

    • I’ve done short and long commutes by car and long commutes by train and I think it totally depends on your personality. I personally prefer long commutes by train rather than car because I can zone out and/or read on the train, whereas you have to pay attention while driving. But some people really get into books on tape, etc. and don’t mind the long drive. I will say a long drive with no traffic is definitely easier on the blood pressure than commuting in traffic.

      How does he feel about his current commute? Long car trips?

      • SpaceMountain :

        He doesn’t love his commute, but he’s done it without complaint for almost 10 years now, so I think he can handle the amount of time. I guess it’s just a matter of shifting from train to car. Maybe we should get a Prius or something.

    • I had a 90 minutes commute: taxi- train – taxi
      I actually miss the long commute now because it allowed me to wind down and get ready for non-work related stuff.
      Also for the over-stressed, ruminating type As, it can be a time to re-analyze for the nth time why that colleague said that sentence..

    • I had a 90 minute commute to law school (yes, that’s right). It definitely had it’s downsides, but I liked a lot of it, too. Mine was all interstate, so it was a super-easy drive, and I got hooked on podcasts, which I always enjoy. I was usually a little disappointed to get where I was going. But, gas was killer, and the wear and tear on my car was bad, and it sometimes sucked to leave a long day knowing that you wouldn’t be home for quite a while. For law school, at least it was temporary, and I usually was leaving school early afternoon. For a permanant job, I think that it would become a real burden, just for cutting into your personal life so much.

    • I used to have a 45-60 min car commute between Denver and Boulder and found it absolutely soul-sucking. I actually got into a terrible habit of driving through fast food places so I would have something to eat during the drive to make it a little less hellish. SO and I discuss moving out the suburbs occassionally, but keeping the commute 1) to a reasonable amount of time and 2) on public transport is one of our highest priorities.

    • For me, a big factor in how pleasant or unpleasant a commute is whether or not you are moving the whole time. My last commute was probably 50 minutes on average, on the highway, with frequent traffic slow-downs (20 mph or less) for no.f#cking.reason. It would drive me crazy and I would arrive at my destination agitated and unhappy. My current commute is only a little bit shorter (45 minutes), but is mostly on back roads with few other cars. The lack of stop-and-go makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something and not wasting my time. And NPR’s Morning Edition makes the time go by quickly :)

    • I am a banana. :

      If he isn’t sitting in traffic the whole time, I think he will be fine. Driving can be a nice break from other people or opportunity to catch up with friends on the old bluetooth.

    • Highway with no traffic is doable. Podcasts, TED talks and satellite radio are the way to go – they make my drive go by so much faster. I also enjoy the peace and quiet — lets me unwind, etc.

      I think the hardest thing to get used to would be the gas….ugh.

    • I had a 2 hour (each way) car commute to law school. Hated it. Since then, I’ve basically never lived anywhere that would require a car commute. But I think this is very YMMV because I know lots of people who love driving, loved the down/me-time it represents. Also, if you have a family, having a long commute sooks.

    • I think it depends on how demanding his job is otherwise. I had a 60 minute commute while working a very intense biglaw job, and it was miserable. I would leave the office at 7:30-8:00 most days and not get home til 8:30-9:00. The two hours on the road each day basically ate up all my free time. Another bad thing about a long commute is that it’s hard to do things that start right after work hours, whether that’s meeting friends for dinner or a yoga class or whatever — you have to drive an hour home before you can do anything.

      That said, I didn’t find the difference between driving and taking the train to be all that bad. I actually liked driving better because I could call my mom and my sister every day on the way home (hi NYPD!). I also listened to a lot of NPR and podcasts while on the road. Gas is expensive though….

    • Eloise Spaghetti :

      I think I have posted before that I like Pimsler’s language discs for when I drive. My usual commute is very short (I walk) but if I have to drive to a satellite office I like to polish up the old espagnol. It seems like he is driving not on a train. Would not recommend it on a train. Or a plane.

      • ES – your last few sentences remind me of Green Eggs and Ham. I could not, would not, Sam-I-Am.

    • I just left a job where I had a 55 mile, 65 minute (summer) to 75 minute (winter) one-way commute. Also, depending on my site location for the day, my drive home was sometimes up to an hour and forty five minutes. On a “normal” day, I would leave at 6:45 to be in the office by 8, and leave at 4:30 to be home by 5:45. Some nights I would work until 11:00, making the drive home much, much worse. I did the drive for two and half years. It was a major factor that drove me to look for a new job.
      Some thoughts:
      1. My area has notoriously bad winter weather. There were times my drive took up to 2 hours one way just because of the weather. The threat of a storm was constantly on my mind in the winter – way more than a normal commuter.
      2. My drive was on a two lane highway the whole way. Very few opportunities for passing other cars. This meant that if I got stuck behind a truck or something, I could easily tack on 10-15 minutes. Much worse than being stuck behind someone for 20 minutes.
      3. Gas/wear and tear on your car. Make sure you love your car and it gets decent gas mileage. I have a new diesel car that gets me about 45 mpg. It is amazing and puts on miles like a champ. But still – between my commute and driving to clients during the day – I was doing about 35,000 miles a year – tires, brakes, all add up.
      4. I know you’re not supposed to eat when your distracted, not mindful, whatever – but you have to get over it. I always ate breakfast and usually a snack on the way home in the car.
      5. Time wasted. I am an attorney and I realized that in moving to my new job I could either, a. bill two more hours a day or b. spend that time with my family, exercising, socializing, etc. Two hours a day is ten hours a week (if you’re not going in on Saturday too). That is a whole work day. I did put my bluetooth to work when I could and billed for calls – but that wasn’t always possible – especially when driving in very early in the morning or very late a night.

      Sorry this is so long!

    • Rose in Bloom :

      I had a 50-60 minute commute for a summer internship. I went the opposite direction of traffic, so at least I didn’t have to worry about that. I found it tolerable only because I was working an 8 hour day; if the day had been longer I don’t think I would have liked it as much. Also, I enjoyed being able to decompress on my drive home, instead of having to do that when I got home. I listened to NPR to keep myself occupied and found that it made the time pass really quickly and I was probably the most up I’ve ever been on current events that summer.

    • Left my heart in San Francisco :

      I have an hour each way commute by car, mostly highway. Also not much traffic, because I leave at 6:00 a.m. and leave at 6:00 but can use the carpool lane to avoid traffic thanks to baby. I used to leave at 5:30 a.m. and come home at 7:00 p.m. to avoid traffic. My husband has a two hour commute via train (it could be an hour if he drove, or three, depending on traffic, so he sticks with transit). It sucks if you work long days (like the nights I wouldn’t leave the office until midnight I would wonder if I would crash on the way home), and it sucks because it seriously reduces your free time (though not a problem for your husband since he already has a long commute). I used to use the driving time to talk to friends on the phone, but now I leave before they do, so I can’t and I find it much more tedious. I think it depends on if your husband will have a good use for the time or not. My husband prefers his train commute because he can work via laptop and mobile hotspot, FWIW.

    • 60 minute drive :

      My commute is about an hour by car. I wish it weren’t, but it does give me time to listen to NPR, and I regularly listen to podcasts, which makes me feel a little more productive.

    • soul-sucking. I have a 75 minute commute to/from work by car, moderate traffic (because I avoid heavier main highways). It is terrible. I don’t mind the driving, it’s just the wasted time. It turns a 40 hr work week into what feels like a 60 hr work week. We are moving closer to my job soon and I can’t wait. I couldn’t sustain this any longer.

  23. P’Trique posted a new video “Titanic Trend Watch! P’Trique C’est Chic!” hashtag gorgemo

  24. For anyone who has had experience with Zoloft (or other SSRIs), have you noticed it having an impact on your short/long term memory? I’ve been on it for about a year now and have noticed that I’m a lot more forgetful — sometimes in silly ways (why did I walk in this room?) and sometimes in ways that concern me or affect my work (what was that issue I was supposed to research?).

    I’d be curious to hear others’ experiences. Between this and the fact that I can’t have two glasses of wine without a serious hangover, I’m considering going off of it.

    • If you do decide to go off it, definitely taper vs. stopping cold turkey.

  25. anon for zoloft :

    Yes, and it’s troublesome. I have no recollection of certain things and I used to have a memory as sharp as a tack. I’m on 50mg; thinking of weaning to 25mg. I’m taking it for extreme stress which should abate soon. I like feeling relaxed and chill, but the memory thing stinks.

    • Yes, same! I’m on 100 mg right now and the memory thing is freaking me out a bit. I’m a lawyer and really need to be able to juggle a lot of information at the same time. I never had the best memory but this is insane. I was hanging with new friends and realized that I’d asked that same new friend three times where he was from. Ugh! BUT I feel really relaxed and happy with life right now…I’m not sure that I’d be unhappy without them. I started when I was going through a really anxiety-provoking time (lots of change). I don’t have serious depression issues (though I do like to wallow at times).

      • If you don’t mind me asking, have you gained any weight? I gained 10 lbs in 6 months and my doctor refuses to acknowledge it. She says I need to workout more. I’m on Celexa and she suggest I switch to Zoloft. However I had such a hard time adjusting to what I am on that I do not want to have the bad side effects again.

        • anon for this :

          I gained 30 lbs on Celexa and it wouldn’t stop. I’m normally very thin so this was very unusual for me. I switched to Wellbutrin and it’s been great (plus I’m back to my “normal” weight)

        • anon for zoloft :

          I haven’t gained any weight on zoloft. Maybe even dropped a pound or two. I maintained my weight when I was on celexa, but I was also swimming and doing lots of other cardio, so it’s likely that without the regular exercise I would’ve gained weight.

        • No, I haven’t gained weight on zoloft at all, fortunately. The only side effects I still have are the memory loss and the inability to drink. I’d definitely wean off with doctor supervision, but I’ve also been on them and gone off them before so I know how to do it, etc. I’m not sure I need/want to be on these drugs at all, but the memory loss piece seems to weigh in favor of going off. I’m afraid if I switched, I’d have to deal with all the other side effects (sex issues, insomnia, weight gain, etc).

      • anon for zoloft :

        and, I went to a gtg with friends on Sunday. I have really fuzzy memories of what happened. Ok, I really need to do something about this now and get myself weaned off. Other than that, the worst side effect is insomnia (I take pill in the AM and have been on it for 3 mos now).

        Maybe your dose is too high? My doc said I could go up to 75mg, but she was concerned about me taking anything above 50mg – said I would be a zombie and not myself. These drugs are serious, so please don’t take action without talking to your doctor. Weaning/tapering should be something for which you seek medical advice.

        • You’re definitely right about weaning, but thanks for reminding others! It’s dangerous to go cold turkey.

          • anon for zoloft :

            I didn’t want anyone to think I was giving out medical advice on corporette or that you were seeking medical advice on corporette. But, it’s nice to poll a group of people that are informed and have a variety of experiences to get some feedback and opinions.

          • @anon for zoloft–no, you’re totally right. I just asked because it’s one of those things that’s hard to put your finger on–i.e. is this a side effect or am I just distracted/getting old. I didn’t realize it could be b/c of zoloft until my friend mentioned it happening to her.

    • Talk to your psychiatrist. There are lots of SSRIs and everyone has slightly different experiences on them. If you tell them the symptoms you are having and that you are concerned, a good psychiatrist should work with you to find a drug that works better for you. Especially if you’ve been on it for about a year/long enough that your body should really have adjusted.

      • It’s just a weird thing to notice. I feel like it took me a while to realize that my memory was being affected. It’s hard to tell what the positive effects of a drug like that are at times, too.

  26. Blue handbags. I think Kat’s constant refrain of “they’re so amazing versatile” is getting to me! I am eyeing a dark navy number (“midnight”). Does anyone have experience with a dark navy bag? I hate having to switch purses depending on what I’m wearing (I have a red purse that I love but it drives me bonkers because when I want to wear green I look like a Xmas tree). Would dark navy go with most things? Or would it look weird with black, etc.? Thoughts?

    • MaggieLizer :

      I have a dark navy bag and carried it with everything I wore. I do the same with my dark teal bag. If you’re holding the bag right up to a black blazer, etc, it’s obvious the bag isn’t black, so I don’t think it clashes.

    • I have a dark navy blue leather bag that is actually amazingly versatile. I only wear black pants and shoes so I haven’t felt like it looks odd with my typical attire (and my coats are charcoal or chocolate).

      • Hmm. This is weakening my resolve….

        • AIMS, I have been waiting all along to hear about your “magic bullet” bag. If this is it, you must post a link!

          “Midnight” is a great color. I only own one trench/work-appropriate rain coat, and it is this color, so I had to think about it: is this versatile enough? It’s been a year, and I love it. I think as long as it’s clearly not trying to be black in color, then it’s beautiful with about any neutral but also looks good with bold colors. I notice that all of my scarves are just fine with the color. I assume most of your outerwear is going to be neutral anyway, but midnight will be fab with the green coat.

          Link? what?

          • Ah – you are so nice to remember my endless, seemingly quixotic quest! Alas, I don’t think this is my magic bullet bag. But I am seriously considering it because it could be so close and I am soooo frustrated by not finding something else I love. The main problem is I think it is, ultimately, too small for my purposes and, it not being perfect, I am reluctant to spend the money on it (it is not unreasonably expensive but it’s not cheap either, y’know?)

            Very hard to tell the actual size from the online pics and I am not the best at visualizing dimensions. I think I would seriously love this bag if it was the size I am imagining in my mind but I have a feeling it isn’t. But I think it and the responses here have inspired me to look for a navy bag in a similar shade. I am also considering gray, which I think can look really nice in the right tone.

            Anyway, without further ado, here she is …

            I particularly like the lack of any identifying markers, though admittedly it’s not the kind of bag that would make my heart pitter patter from across the room. Something about it though is just so appealingly discreet!

          • Are you kidding? I remember when you were looking for an ORANGE bag! I assume you gave up on that?

            Anyway, LOVE. For so many reasons. The color is awesome and the pebbled leather will wear well. I agree that it’s super classy without being in-your-face about how nice a bag it is.

            Interesting that you think it would be too small. For me, the bottom-line issue is whether I can cart around student papers and the folders they require, and for such purposes this might be an awkward shape, but it would not be too small. Have you whipped out the tape measure? The depth might be a problem, but it actually seems to be a fairly large bag. I don’t know what your bottom-line issues are.

            I have to go meet you-know-who now. However, I will check back, and/or tomorrow morning, to see if you purchased. Reveling in the silliness….

          • Actually — I gave up on the orange bag BUT only until last weekend — I was in BR and randomly stumbled on a persimmon colored tote bag that was kinda orange, kinda red that I absolutely loved. It’s not available online or I would link, but it was surprisingly, unexpectedly awesome. Once I get a random thought in my mind, it tends to stick, no expiration date. The plan is to buy it, but I hate buying full price for items at BR b/c they always have promos, which makes me feel foolish paying full price, no matter what the price actually is, so I am just waiting for my 30% off promo code.

            But SO glad you approve! Truly!!! I think my concern is not so much that it’s too small as that it might be too narrow. 2 inches deep seems a bit spare. I think I am on an impossible quest – I want a bag that fits all I need to carry M- F, which can include anything from a book to a packed lunch or both, but that also won’t be too bulky if I carry it out on the weekend.

            I think I may just order it and see if it works out … Will keep you posted. Have fun with you know who, thanks for partaking in the silliness with me :)

  27. Too mortified for words :

    Guys, I need the hive’s help. I’m shocked, embarrassed and angry. (This is graphic about STDs- read ahead at risk)
    I received a text from an ex today telling me his new partner has HPV. He thinks I gave it to him because he “remembers seeing something ‘in the back area’ that looked like cauliflower growths.’ What!? I go to the gyno every year religiously. She’s never mentioned anything about this, nor have I had any discomfort. She did tell me that I had HPV (years later and a new partner after this particular ex). The Dr. said I didn’t have any symptoms but that we would monitor it. It was gone on my next year’s pap result. What do I say to this guy? Is it possible that I had warts that I didn’t know about? Could he be mistaking it for hemorrhoids, which I have had?
    What, if anything, do I owe him in response? I’m upset and feel like I’ve been accused of being careless, when I’m anything but. If you have any advice, I’d really appreciate it. Hope it hasn’t grossed everyone out.

    • Anonynonyony :

      You need to worry about you right now. You can say, “oh, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.”

      But to a certain extent, when you have unprotected s*x (or really any kind of s*x) with a person who has “cauliflower like growths” without mentioning it then you’re kind of assuming the risk that somethings not right. And he really has no absolute proof that you gave it to him and even if you did, it sucks, but it takes two to tango.

      Deep breath. Get treatment. Don’t make the same mistakes again.

      • 1. HPV is incredibly common and you can get it even if you are super careful – there’s no way to really protect yourself from it short of a vaccine or being abstinent. Don’t feel bad about yourself.

        2. It’s the kind of STD that men often carry and give to women because it’s not something they are even aware of. For all you and he know, he gave it to you. Unless you were the only person he had been intimate with prior to his current partner and she herself had never been intimate with anyone else, no one can ever know for sure who gave what to whom. It’s the kind of disease that can lie dormant for years.

        3. He is probably freaking out and lashing out at you as a result, but whatever the case consider yourself lucky you have this guy out of your life and bed.

        4. If you feel compelled to respond, I would write back something like, “I really don’t know what you’re talking about but I am sorry you and your new partner are going through this. Thanks for letting me know.”

        • AIMS is right :

          Yes, all true. Look at PParenthood’s or Mayo Clinic’s website for medical facts on it.

          1. HPV is very common, basically impossible to prevent if one has been active ever, hard to test for unless the person is having an outbreak (except it is most contagious right before an outbreak, when there are no visible symptoms), and the vaccine only covers the four most common strains of the virus. That said, even if you see your gyno annually, you may not have been having an ‘outbreak’ at the time. The normal STI screen does not test for HPV anyway because the test is unreliable (basically only during outbreak). You have to ask for the test specifically.
          2. Correct. Men don’t have symptoms, usually. They just carry it to us.
          3. Correct.
          4. Don’t respond at all until you’ve had a chance to think it over and educate yourself. And remember not to put anything in writing that you wouldn’t be comfortable with being plastered all over the internet. You never know.

          • karenpadi :

            Second all of this. HPV is like the common cold. Most people have had one and most people clear the virus without incident.

            There is a blood test for women but not for men. The blood test is expensive and not covered by insurance ($160!). The test is not even necessary because if the virus does manage to stick around, it’ll show up as growths on a pap smear.

            Dan Savage did a podcast with a PP educator a few months ago about common STIs. I’m at work, so I won’t look it up but I think it was in December if anyone is curious.

      • Cauliflower? Really? :

        This! He saw cauliflower like growths and he didn’t say anything to you? I don’t believe him. If he had really seen them, he would have said something on the spot because either: (1) he loved you and would have wanted you to go to the doctor, and/or (2) he would have wanted to protect himself.

      • Cauliflower? Really? :

        This! He saw cauliflower like growths and he didn’t say anything to you? I don’t believe him. If he had really seen them, he would have said something on the spot because either: (1) he loved you and would have wanted you to go to the doctor, and/or (2) he would have wanted to protect himself.

        (Apologies – this should have been a reply to Anonynonyony.)

    • Also remember that something like 80% of sexually active adults have or have had HPV. And a lot of people don’t know you can’t test for it in guys. So you can make your partner get tested, have him come back clean, and still get HPV. My fave gyn of all time was like “diseases spread, it’s what they do.”

    • Totes McGotes :

      Not a doctor, but:

      1) He’s probably mistaking it for hemorrhoids – that was my first thought before I even got to that part of your post.

      2) More people these days have HPV than don’t. The likelihood is that she already had it, and even if she didn’t, everybody needs to calm the hell down.

      3) Honestly, I probably wouldn’t respond at all.

    • I’m sorry you’re in this situation! I’m pretty sure that a huge portion of the population has HPV, so even if you did somehow pass it along, don’t feel super guilty. It also can spread even with condom use, since they’re not just in the specific area the condom covers, so there’s not a lot you can do to prevent the spread if you don’t know you have it. (In other words, you probably weren’t being reckless!)
      I find the weird thing about this is that he never mentioned before that he thought you might have had warts! That seems inconsiderate + rude + potentially dangerous for both of you! If he’s only bringing it up now it sounds like he just wants to blame you so his new partner can have something to point to. If that’s the case, don’t worry about it. You could tell him something like “sorry, I do have HPV but when I was with you I had not been diagnosed, and to my knowledge never had warts” but if you’re not still friends with this guy you could also just ignore it and move on.
      Good luck, and again, don’t feel ashamed about this.

      • not a chance :

        I wouldn’t acknowledge anything about having HPV or not, but I might be tempted to text back “Really? Cauliflower-like growths that you didn’t think it necessary to mention?” Then again, probably best to not respond.

    • Ramon for this :

      Why oh why doesn’t Hallmark make a “sorry you think I gave you an STI” card.

      All of the above, but if you are serious about maintaining the friendship with this person, I’d wait until he has some time to simmer down (maybe a month) and then reach out just to hear how he’s coping. It may be that he has few people in his life to talk to about it and he might just really need that (regardless of whether its actually your fault).

      • Too mortified for words :

        Thanks to you all for your thoughtful, and very funny responses. That would be quite a greeting card! I do feel a lot better now with this new information. It hadn’t even occurred to me yet that it was odd he didn’t say anything right away. What a risk to take on his part. And though we were once friendly, I no longer have a desire.

        Thanks all, I really do feel better.

    • MaggieLizer :

      Wow this guy sounds like a doosh. If he’s lashing out at you and it’s been several years since you were together, you know he’s lashing out at every other woman he’s been with in that time too, describing some peculiarity of their anatomies. At least yours was just a hemorrhoid; those go away with treatment. Imagine if it were something permanent. There are poor unsuspecting women all over your town getting texts about their oddly shaped lips or low c*rvix or prominent g-sp*t or large cl*t (he sounds like the kind of guy who would mistake it for HPV) or an unusual shape all up in there….

      • I know this is a serious thread…but reading this response, and thinking of all these texts, made me laugh until tears came. Thank you.

    • you shouldn’t be embarrassed or angry. He sucks for never mentioning that he thinks he saw something. And, if he knew how common it is he wouldn’t have blamed you and he would’ve shown more concern for you in his text. My last word on the issue is that, it’s done – why seek to assign blame when there are reasonable odds that it’s not you. If you feel like responding, I’d do what AIMS suggests.

    • Eloise Spaghetti :

      Whaaaat? HPV doesn’t necessarily mean warts it’s a bajillion things. He needs to google it AND keep reading past cauliflower before he sends accusing texts. He is probably dealing with a crying girlfriend who is scared and mad and blaming him (guilty of being THAT girl). My gyno only gave me a pamphlet b/c of my number of partners which was not even high and came home and flipped out and was SO MAD AT MY BOYFRIEND. Many years later with new gyno I realized that she never diagnosed it but, was trying to convince me to get the (newly advertised) HPV vaccine. And I just can’t buy that you would have warts and not know it. From what I read (which was a lot while freaking out that I was gonna die or birth alien babies) you have to get them removed if they are visible.

      If you want to save face say something like this is embarassing but I know that those are hemorrhoids not HPV warts and I am sorry for your situation but there is a lot of information on this and there is only a very small percentage of people that do NOT have it. Then tell him to buy her a massage and kick the butts because stress and cigarettes make it angry.

    • Cauliflower? Really? :

      1. I don’t believe him (see above).
      2. Take care of yourself/go to MD.
      3. Do not respond to him. Ever.

    • Thank him for letting you know, of course. And, yes, it is possible that you had warts and didn’t realize it.

  28. Anyone have any good tips for ‘fighting” with your health insurance co? My boyfriend just spent 4 nights in the hospital being treated for camplobacter, which caused colitis. it’s pretty similar to samonella, but not the same. The story goes that he was sick onmonday with terrible diaherra and pain, Wed night i take him to ER, where he is diagnosed with the flu (like regular flu, not stomach), after the Dr at urgent care gave him a flu test and it came back neg – the ER dr was basically just very rude and lazy – did not test him for ANYTHING, even though in the span of being in the er he had 7 “incidents” (ew, i know, but i want to relay the seriousness of his condition) I took him back to ER sat night, after no improvments from the tamiflu, and they diagnosed the colitis with a cat scan, gave him antibiotics, and sent him home. Sunday, he was worse – vomiting, shaking, sweating, 102 fever…so i take him back, and they finally admit him for 4 nights. So, the insurance co wants to charge him/us 20% for Wed night’s er which will come to around 5oo. he’s a law student and i’m a legal assistant – so we’re not exactly making bank. I want to fight wed’s bill, as i think the dr was basically incompetant. anyone have any suggestions on dealing with insurance cos? this is so stressful, ahhhh.

    • I think this is something you have to fight with the hospital, not with the insurance company. The insurance company is just charging you based on their usual schedule of payments/co-pays in your policy. The problem here lies with how the hospital treated him and that has nothing to do with the insurance company, at least in my opinion. I’ve had problems with overcharging by a hospital based on them not filing the correct paperwork with my insurance company. It was a hard fought battle but I eventually got them to see the light.

      • AnonInfinity :

        Agree. I’ve also had to fight a battle with a hospital billing office. It takes infinite patience. I’m sorry you guys are going through this, and I wish there was an easy way to deal with it. Prepare to spend a lot of time on the phone with a lot of different people.

        • Document! Document! Document! Write down the date and time of every call, the names of all the people you speak to, what they tell you, everything. You will use this when you escalate.

    • Write a letter. CC every local politician you can on it – from assemblyperson to you congressperson to senator. As a last paragraph, add something like, “please be advised that I am forwarding copies of this letter to x, y, z. Given the health care debate taking place today, I am sure they will be interested to hear of my plight. I intend to enlist their help in quickly and fairly resolving this matter.”

      I did this once for a friend and I think it helped to resolve the situation rather favorably.

    • Also contact your state’s insurance commissioner. DH was in emergency a couple years ago, and multiple billing snafus ensued. Also, in our case the hospital had an ombudsman who actually helped us (I was skeptical, since he works for the hospital).

      In the (very) end (after we’d got the disputed amount down to about $700), the insurance commissioner issued a (not sure of the exact terminology) demand to appear, and the insurance company didn’t show, so we won.

      • Thanks, everyone for the hints – I’ve done a decent job of documenting as i’ve gone, but i’m going to try to put it all into some coherant form now while it’s still fresh in my mind. And thank you for pointing out that this is an issue with the hospital, not the Ins. co – this is my first “grown up” dealing with insurance (aka, not having my mom acting on my behalf) so i’m learning the ropes of these things. This stuff makes me think how great/important it would be if there was a “life skills” requirement to graduating college, rather than, i dk, the east asian drumming class i had to take? okay, rant over, and thank you everyone!

        • It may end up being an issue with the insurance company, but it starts with the hospital.

          Another thing I never knew is that just because an emergency room is in-network does not mean that the doctors working in that emergency room are in-network (that _is_ a fight with the insurance company — you can (to some degree) choose the emergency room, you absolutely cannot choose which doctor will be on shift and will see you.

    • I can’t imagine the worry you had. And now you have a different worry. I think you are awesome for being so supportive and for helping advocate/fight for a resolution. I hope he is feeling better.

      My ex-h refused to take me for outpatient eye (strabismus) surgery because he “didn’t like hospitals.” Dude, I had to go under general and I woke up with stitches in my eyes and obviously couldn’t see. Not fun. I am sure your BF appreciates all you’re doing for him.

      • Oh, eek. That’s awful. Without knowing anything else, I’m glad he’s an ex.

        • Yes, it was very eye-opening //swoosh, for the win//

          Now, I have my knight in shining armor and my ex-h lost his sugar momma :D

    • Anonymous :

      you have to communicate with the hospital about the charges and the case. When you do, document everything. Go back to the ER and get the names of every staff person, nurse, and doctor who saw him. When you then confront the hospital make sure to name all the people involved and possible drop terms like “malpractice” or “misdiagnosis” note that he was left in pain and untreated for 2-3 days etc. They will see that you are mad and not going away, and figure out that reducing the charges (or eating them) will be less costly than dealing with you. When you talk to management or administrators about the charges, make sure to note their names, the date, and exactly what they tell you. This can also be used later, if you continue to battle with them.

  29. anon for this :

    I think I committed some NGDGTCO offences in the last few weeks, and I’m wondering how to recover. I recently started working with some third parties (all male) on a new project. I am also the youngest person on this project. In the past week, I’ve heard these third parties discussing their need for snacks, and deciding that they should ask me to go make a grocery run for them. They eventually didn’t ask.

    On a different day, they needed to work through lunch to complete a deliverable and asked that I pick up lunch for them. I ended up grabbing some sandwiches for them because I thought, hey! the project needs them to complete this deliverable. NowI’m kicking myself for doing this. One of these third parties has also repeatedly treated me differently than everyone else involved in the project (who are older and male) – no smiling, no small talk.

    I’m worried that I’ve now allowed them to think of me as an assistant, rather than the actual more senior position I have in the company. Not only does this piss me off, but I think it’s also bad for the project moving forward. Any ideas on rectifying this situation?

    • Next Time :

      Next time a food run (or other menial task) seems inevitable, give a big smile and say “I went last time. Whose turn is it today?”

      • Nicely put.
        I have struggled with the nice girl stuff and was really proud of myself this week. I had a male colleague who is a lot older than me and had a really tough time adjusting to me as his equal flip out at me, after we’ve been working together really well. He was freaking out at me, I calmly told him I would leave him to work stuff out on his own, and he called me the next day with an apology that I accepted graciously and we moved on.

    • simple. in the future say “i will have my assistant grab us lunch” or “my assistant usually does these logistical things and he/she is out sick today, is someone else’s assistant available?” i also like who’s turn is it today if you guys don’t have assistants. personally, ive made lots of these types of nice girl mistakes, but like you im super junior and usually the only girl. it’s a rough balance, and sometimes these rules just nag at your head for no reason. i havent read the book so maybe im wrong, but i don’t think they’re the biggest sin ever. they will respect u for helping ensure the project gets done. though, they do sound obnoxious.

    • Anonymous :

      You are more junior to them, so it may be tricky to get them to share assistant-type tasks with you, even if they should. I would outsource as much as possible – if possible, use an actual assistant or someone more junior to you for administrative tasks and food ordering, even if you’re the point person. It may help for them to see you bossing somebody else around (nicely and professionally, of course). If that’s not possible, can you order food to be delivered instead of picking it up yourself?