Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Striped Two-Button Blazer

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Gap Striped Two Button BlazerGap has a number of cute, not too expensive blazers right now. I think my favorite of the bunch is this gray stripe blazer, which looks fun and fresh without being too nautical. It was $69.95, but is currently marked to $55.96. Gap Striped Two Button Blazer

Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]


  1. River Song :


    I am taking my PhD Comp Exams this morning, writing essay responses throughout the weekend (basically, it’s the equivalent of the Bar for academics). I’ve been studying for a YEAR, and am anxious! Can you send smart, efficient vibes my way? Hugely appreciated!

    • MaggieLizer :

      Good juju going your way. You’re going to be great.

      And I have to ask… River Song from Doctor Who or Firefly?

      • River Tam is Firefly, River Song is Doctor Who. :)

        • MaggieLizer :

          D’oh, nerd fail!

          • But you can make up for it if you know what the name River Song was originally (before it was translated by the forest people?) when River was born (SPOILERS!)

          • Melody Pond!

            I remember my PhD exams. After our first year (genetics program), we had I think 2 days of written tests. My advice on that would be to write clearly and concisely, remembering that some poor souls have to read all the answers (or maybe you are the only one taking the exam at this time?). Also, if you get stuck, give yourself permission to write crap, then go back and fix it up.

            I realize my advice will be totally worthless if you are really pressed for time or are in the humanities. But anyway, good luck and just think, in 48 hours it will be OVER!! Hope you have a nice dinner or brunch planned, with lots of tricky cocktails!

          • Seriously, my post is awaiting moderation for c*cktails?? Let’s try again, apologies for the double post.

            Melody Pond!

            I remember my PhD exams. After our first year (genetics program), we had I think 2 days of written tests. My advice on that would be to write clearly and concisely, remembering that some poor souls have to read all the answers (or maybe you are the only one taking the exam at this time?). Also, if you get stuck, give yourself permission to write crap, then go back and fix it up.

            I realize my advice will be totally worthless if you are really pressed for time or are in the humanities. But anyway, good luck and just think, in 48 hours it will be OVER!! Hope you have a nice dinner or brunch planned, with lots of tricky c*@ktails!

    • ROCK IT! I remember my comps, and it was the worst. No need to explain it to me! I barely knew who I was by the end. But you will feel great when it’s over. Sending lots of good energy to you!

    • We all know what a brainiac you are, Dr. Song. Good thoughts are completely unnecessary in your case, but they are being sent nonetheless.

      • River Song :

        Thank you all! Waiting to receive the questions via email. I am in the humanities, PollyD, but the test format sounds similar to your own. And I have a massive basket of junk food planned for this weekend–and a big ole season of “Game of Thrones” waiting for me afterward… Hello Sweetie, indeed.

      • I agree. Good vibe’s to you. I have a question. What would you do if you found your boss (in my case, the manageing partner) rumaging through your gym bag while you were at lunch? I think he has a FETTISH for me, but do not want to loose my job.

        • Oil in Houston :

          to be honest, I’d do nothing and went if something else like that happened..

        • I would buy another gym bag so that he wouldn’t go through mine. That doosh.

    • >>>>> efficient vibes>>>>

      I’m only sending efficient vibes, because you’re already very smart, my dear. :-) You may be very efficient, too, but I wanted to send *something*.

      You’ll do great and I hope you’ll celebrate lots afterwards!

    • I did my comps 5 months pregnant, and it went fine. :) Just remember to breathe, and that *everyone* wants you to succeed. You’ll make some mistakes, and that’s ok. They just want to see that you’ve mastered enough material to be fluent and coherent in the field.

      You will be fine!!!

    • Good luck!

    • GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD VIBES!

      You know it!

    • Best of luck to you! Sending lots of good vibes!

    • Tired Squared :

      Good luck + smart/efficient vibes!!

    • Also in Academia :

      I took comps the weekend before I got married. It was a relief to not think about the wedding.

      You will do great. Just remember, answer the question they are asking, rather than dumping out all of the information in your brain about the topic. Focus your answer down on what your readers really want to see.

    • good luck! you’ll rock it.

    • Good luck! You will do great ! I distinctly remember mine- 2 days of Econ problems! I arrived 1.5 hrs early on the first day. The room was still locked and I helped the proctor set up…hah!

    • Good luck! You can do it – especially if you have been studying for a year.

    • Good luck
      Stay hydrated and don’t forget to energize through micro-breaks and fuel your body.

  2. recent clothing purchase PSA – purchased: Target’s Merona Women’s (duh) v-neck cap sleeve value dress…for a whopping 19.99. Received yesterday, wearing today in x-small southern pine. i love love love love it. i’m so shocked/pleased at how nice it looks and feels – in quality, it feels the same as/maybe a little nicer than a similar dress i have from Loft that i’ve worn into the ground. link will follow, but i just wanted to share the greatness of this dress – the fit is very flattering, for way of reference i’m 5’6, about 130, the v neck is flattering but not too low – but im also not very well endowed, but it would be cute with a cami under it. the southern pine is a little lighter in person. i also ordered the merona caridgan in oatmeal, it’s a crew neck and it was 17.99 i think, i ordered a small because i have really long arms and it fits great too, nice weight and feel to it.

    • I have the same dress in Navy, Pine, and Grey. Love it! It’s so flattering, and easy to dress up or down. The material on the Grey is different than the Pine or Navy, and doesn’t look as nice.

      I’m a busty size 8, and the Medium is very flattering. It does dip a bit low in the front, but there’s room for a cami if it’s too low.

    • It looks really short in the picture, where does it hit you? I’m 5’7″, but I like things to hit just above the knee, like just touching the top of my knee.

    • thank you!! i’ve been wanting more cotton dresses for summer, to replace the ones that dont fit any more. Buying right now!!


    • Gooseberry :

      Sweet! KC, how does it fit? I’m hesitant to buy an “XS” in anything, but I’m usually a 2 in JCrew and AT, and a 2 or 4 in BR. I’m thinking SM — what do you think?

    • Oil in Houston :

      very cute! can I ask what the length is? I like my dresses to arrive just at the knee… also, is the material very light? (cellulite issues… :()

      • The fit is big…I’m rarely an x-small, i am also a 2, or sometimes a 4 in Jcrew and a pretty consistant 4 in BR…i’d say go for the x-small. any bigger and there would be gaping issues in the chest for me and it would probably be too much fabric in the butt.. It falls maybe 1 inch above the knee? the material is not super light, but it’s not heavy either, it’s a pretty nice standard jersey feel…it is kind of clingy in the butt but not indecently so. it’s definatly a “summer weight” fabric (i’m pushing the season here in dc but i couldn’t wait to wear)

    • so cute that I want one now… thanks ;)

    • Love it. Can you return Target clothing in stores even if you buy it online?

      • Yes! You can just use the packing list that came in the package as a receipt, or if you don’t have that, you can go to the website, open your order, and print receipts for the items you want to return.

    • PSA- this is also available in petites, though in a much more limited color selection. To get there you have to go to the petites section first (under special sizes) and then find the dress.

      I discovered only recently that Target even sold petites, so I thought there might be a chance others were also not aware… It’s online-only.


    the sweater was on sale last week so now it’s a little more but still, great deal

  5. Gift-giving thread jack:

    I have been dating someone for about a month. His 35th birthday is coming up, and I have absolutely no idea what to get him. I have a difficult enough time coming up with ideas for people I have known for a very long time, let alone someone I haven’t been dating long. Any ideas? I am drawing a complete blank. In fact, I don’t even know what is appropriate to spend!

    • Anonynonynony :

      Bring him out for dinner and get him a book.


    • Midwest Attorney :

      I’ve been with hubby for 11 years, so I’m not sure of the protocol for such a new relationship anymore. But, it’s baseball season and if he’s into sports, you can’t go wrong with that. If you live in a town with a team, take him to a game and/or get him a t-shirt/sweathshirt and a bag of peanuts (in the shell, of course).

      • Oil in Houston :

        I second the sports idea if he’s into it – it’s a fun date, and it shows him he can take you to those things too and you won’t be bored by things he likes, kind of like killing 2 birds with 1 stone!

    • A nice bottle of scotch/other manly beverage, especially if you’ve seen him order something like that when you’ve been out?

    • What are his interests and hobbies? Does he enjoy reading? What sort of music does he like?

    • Take him out for drinks & dinner. That’s more than sufficient for a 1-month old relationship.

  6. @AIMS: confirming receipt. I see why bringing lunch might be problematic, unless it’s a quesadilla every day. (That actually doesn’t sound bad…) But anyway, let us know if you end up keeping it!

    • As much as I love quesadillas, I don’t think I could eat them daily. I have not pulled the trigger but will report back if/when I decide to get it. I think they have the same bag on sale at Bergdorf so plan is to swing by this weekend and see it in person (I am terrible at sending back returns). Fingers crossed it works out!

    • Yo AIMS, my navy bag is smaller than the one you linked to and in addition to my two wallets and random napkins/receipts/pamphlets, I manage to shove in a flat tupperware container (no more than an 1-1/2″ thick), a banana, an orange and a yogurt in there everyday without the bag suffering from TOO-STUFFED syndrome.

  7. Dudes, there is a straight-up blizzard happening right now. And since the snow tires are off my car, on account of the summer-like March we had, I may be stuck “working” from home.

    What a shame, really.

    • Oil in Houston :

      so jealous…. it’s 82 and sunny here… I wish I could work from home!

    • Ha! Those spring snows – I’ve been snowed in in PA a couple of times in that situation. But it’s 68 and sunny here in southeast Lousiana and I am off work. Driving to Baton Rouge to shop til I drop!

      I hope you get to stay home, Kanye. Sounds like a good snuggle day.

    • So jelly, yo. I miss snow.

    • I was supposed to go to my university town and it’s snowing.
      But I got stuck at the office, so missing my alma mater’s annual job fair.

    • girl in the stix :

      snowing in the mountainous Pacific Northwest of and on–below freezing this morning :-(

  8. This blazer is so pretty! I don’t think I could pull of a striped jacket but I see they’ve got tons of cute jackets in solid colors, too.

    • I swung by the Gap today and tried this on, bought it in gray/white – definitely a casual day piece but very cute. The pinstripe jacket went with, I kid you not, pinstripe shorts. Horrifying. And J Crew didn’t have the paisley shirt from last week or I would have tried that on too. Sadly, Brooks Brothers had an awesome black check summer wool jacket with pants and sheath dress and apparently I needed all three pieces…. I am now going to put my Amex in a container of water and freeze it.

  9. I like this jacket but it’s probably too casual for my office. There are quite a few pinstriped items I like though. I wish I knew if they were the same pinstripe.

  10. For those of you who have clerked, do you have any suggestions on helpful things to read to prepare? I’ll be starting a district court clerkship at the end of the summer, and I’ve got some free time on my hands in the meantime, so I’d like to read anything that would be of use. I’m not sure if it would be useful to brush up on any substantive areas of law, or maybe just read the FRCP again? Or some legal writing guides? Any advice would be appreciated.

    • When I started clerking, my judge gave me a copy of “The Elements of Style,” by Strunk & White. It’s a good place to start. Also, I think reading the civil procedure rules is a great idea.

      As far as substantive law, it’s hard to predict what will be coming at you with any given case. You could start keeping abreast of recent cases that come out. I get a daily email from my state’s bar association that summarizes appellate and supreme court opinions that have just come out. The service is free with my membership.

      • Maybe review Habeas!

        • D. Ct. Clerk :

          Before you spend time on habeas, make sure that will be part of your job. In my court, we have staff attorneys who do all prisoner cases.

    • I would recommend checking out the local rules in addition to the FRCP.

      • I agree to look at Strunk & White and become familiar with the local rules. If you still have access to Westlaw from your law school (or at a public law library) you could look up a few of your judge’s written opinions to get a sense of his/her writing style, etc. However, there’s not much you can do to prepare on substantive law don’t bother. For the nuts-and-bolts work — exactly how an order or opinion should look, etc. — you can get that information from the judge’s secretary or courtroom deputy once you’re on the job. They are used to new clerks every year or two years and they are happy to help you (as long as you are pleasant and don’t act like you know it all already, which I saw from a couple of clerks during my time).

        I started my clerkship one August after working full-time as a summer associate while studying for the bar in my home state, halfway across the country from my law school, then moving back east for the clerkship. Um, free time? I would have loved that. My advice is not to focus on reading and studying but to have fun and enjoy that time.

    • D. Ct. Clerk :

      I agree with Emily I and KLG – the FRCP and Local Rules will be very important in your day-to-day work. I also recommend brushing up on evidence (Mueller & Kirkpatrick is one great resource) and federal jurisdiction (even just re-reading 28 USC 1331, 1332).

    • Good suggestions. I would add to go online and read some of your judge’s past opinions. Get a feel for his writing style, etc. I worked for a judge who always wrote I, never the Court, and had a few other idiosyncracies. Obviously, you can’t pick up everything but I think he really appreciated not having to correct these things on my drafts.

      There’s also an interesting old book called Opinion Writing by Ruggero Aldisert, if you want to be a total nerd about it. Might be hard to find though.

      Oh, and there is a column I mentioned here before called the Legal Writer by Judge Gerrald Lebowits, and I think he has past columns on how to write for the Court. You can find his stuff online.

    • Agree with above and local rules if any for that particular district

  11. Individual counseling to do with marriage problems :

    Based on some past discussions of marital woes, I just wanted to share my recent discovery. To make a (very) long story short(er), my husband and I have been having serious problems. We’ve been seeing a marriage therapist together for over a year (and various others off-and-on for many years). The long-term stress has been hard on me, so I decided recently to return by myself to a therapist that my husband and I had seen in the past together. (I liked this therapist a lot, but hubby wanted to see someone else.)

    Since the therapist knew the history of the relationship and based on the more recent behaviors that I shared with him, he was able to tell me that he thinks my husband has a specific personality disorder. He gave me concrete things to do to deal with my husband’s behaviors. I can’t tell you what a difference just one session made. I was able to talk about things that I just can’t say to my husband because of the personality disorder and figure out how I can best address the issues between us.

    I wish I had done this sooner. I know it may not be the answer to all couples who are experiencing trouble in their relationships, but I think talking to someone individually is definitely worth trying if you find yourself in a situation that is similar to mine.

    • I’m glad the experience was helpful for you. Sending good vibes your way for continued success!

  12. Wynn Duffy :

    Is doing your full makeup on the metro common? The lady next to me did her whole face today. Obv I would never say anything (its not affecting me at all) but it did feel… unseemly? (I was going to use the word rude, but its not rude exactly since its not imposing on me at all) It just felt like I was seeing something I shouldn’t be seeing (included plenty of “foundation faces” (you know when you make weird faces to put on your makeup)

    • I think it’s weird. Prudie did a wonderful chat on this a while ago. It pops up several times during the chat, enjoy.

    • Jacqueline :

      I am guilty of having done this. I would prefer to keep it to lipstick only on the train, but some days it just can’t be avoided. And I did feel like I was doing something I should have done in private!

      • I did it on an hour long train ride.
        I did my full make up from moisturizer to blending my eyeshadows.
        But for my defense, I was headed to a plenary session at a ministry and bare face just wouldn’t do it.

    • It’s common enough in NY. It’s kinda fun to watch.

    • big dipper :

      I love your user name.

    • I see this at least once a week on the NYC subway. I agree it’s bizarre and would never do it myself but it doesn’t really bother me unless the woman is invading my personal space while doing her makeup (i.e., elbowing me).

      Love the Justified reference

      • so anonymous :

        I often do my makeup when I arrive to work in the bathroom. It allows me to leave 10 minutes earlier, which can save me from hellish traffic. Is this a faux pas in terms of bathroom etiquette?

        • no.

        • Generally, no, but there was a poster here once complaining about a coworker who did that because it was the only ladies’ bathroom and she felt weird pooping in there every morning while the woman was doing her make up.

        • I do this 3 times per week because I just want my extra 15 minutes of sleep.
          The other times I just go bare faced.
          But then, we have individual capsule restrooms (each has: stall+ door and sink + door).
          So I just close the door and do my make up while my emails are loading to my inbox.

      • Wynn Duffy :

        Right it didn’t bother me since she wasn’t in my space, its like what gooseberry said, it feels like I am seeing something too personal.

        Also I think Justified is one of the best shows, possibly that I’ve ever watched. The writing is so good, the acting is really good, and the relationships are awesome. None of my friends watch it! I’m glad corporette has some fans so we can talk next wednesday.

        big stupid baby head.

        • I love Justified! The dialogue is like poetry, and could sound stilted with less skillful actors, but they really pull it off.

        • Appalachian :

          I love Justified. I watch it with my mom. Both of us are from Appalachia, and we live in the Northwest now. Listening to the accents makes me feel like home. :)

          Brilliant show.

    • Gooseberry :

      I’m always totally impressed when people can do this, in part because of the actual mechanics (other people, bumping, the number of things — including a mirror — you need to hold, etc) and in part for the exact reason you mentioned: it’s so *personal*. It just seems totally open and devil-be-damned to “put your face on” (as my grammy might say) on the train.

      • it’s actually against DC SLUG (strangers commuting together) rules to do it in the car so no one gets injured and sued!

    • My mom always drilled into me that a lady doesn’t do here make-up in public. Not even lipstick touch-ups after dinner at the table.

      Weirdly, it doesn’t bother me to see other people do it, but as a result of the law my mother laid down, I canNOT do my own make-up in public. Can’t. It feels like I’m dressing myself in front of other people.

    • It just seems gross to me from a bacteria standpoint. I *have* to wash my hands immediately before putting on makeup, even if I just washed them two minutes ago and then made my bed. I can’t imagine smearing stuff over my face after my hands had touched public transit surfaces. I guess some people just have way less acne-prone skin than me that this doesn’t matter for them?

  13. Three things to share this morning:
    1) Thank you to whoever recommended the Shiseido moisturizer with sunblock. I have been using it for the past week and it FANTASTIC!
    2) This is my new favorite tumblr: textsfromhillaryclinton(dot)tumblr(dot)com
    3) Crazy.Stupid.Love. – watched it last night for the first time and … why did I wait so long? Takes “Hey Girl” to a whole new level. ;)

    • AnonInfinity :


      Hey girl. Can I get any freaking hotter?!

      Love that movie, even aside from my honey bear.

    • I loved Crazy Stupid Love! It was so sweet, and [email protected], Ryan Gosling was hot in that movie.

    • Ryan Gosling :

      Hey girl,

      What took you so long? I worked really hard on those abs just for you.

      Also, how hot and funny is Emma Stone. Seriously.

    • Young Skin Forever :

      If you mean the Shiseido Urban Environment Oil-Free UV Protector For Face, that was I! Your post is timely because I just ended my one-week trial and meant to post the results today. I like this product and will probably start using it instead of the Shiseido White Lucent Brightening Protective Emulsion SPF 15, which I have been using and loving for years.

      The Urban Environment is different in two respects: (1) although it is equally as liquidy as the White Lucent, it doesn’t have *quite* the same slip during application, so you have to smooth it over your face quickly, and (2) it has a floral smell that isn’t overpowering but that I could definitely do without.

      On the plus side: (1) it has SPF 32 for UVB (instead of White Lucent’s 15) and PA+++ for UVA (instead of White Lucent’s ++); and (2) it did not make me break out.

    • AnonInfinity :

      I’ll all about some RG today.


  14. How do you value clothes and books that you donate? I’ve seen some guides that give ranges, but they range from $2-15 per item so I have no idea what to do.

    • I just use the TurboTax guide.

    • this isn’t helpful for what’s already done, but turbo tax has a (new to me) web tool called its deductible. it helps you value these donations and then you can import them into turbo tax while doing your taxes for the year.

      • the tool i mentioned also has a sliding scale for value, based on condition, it’s pretty easy to work with.

      • I’ve used itsdeductible too – even now that I don’t use TurboTax.

    • MissJackson :

      I use the H&R Block software’s guide. After using it last year for the first time, I’m now a little bit more detailed in the notes that I take re: donated items. Previously I might have said something like “10 shirts” whereas now I say: “2 long sleeve button-front shirts, like new; 3 long sleeve dress shirts, gently used; 5 casual long sleeve shirts, gently used.” I try to err on the side of caution with my descriptions, but I feel like as long as you are being reasonable and you have a justification for your values, it’s fine.

    • I think there are some guides on the IRS website.

    • Rural Juror :

      Does anyone know if you can do this in Canada?

  15. How do you tell a staff member who often goes out with you to meet people that she needs to spiff up her wardrobe? And maybe get a hair cut? And not to wear running shoes? She is a good worker and smart but she dresses as though she rolled out of bed at the dorm to get to her first class in the am.

    • Is it a younger employee who just started working there? If so, I think you could have a mentoring conversation about it.

      • She has been in the office a few years now. And for what it is worth, the powers-that-be don’t care at all. I don’t want to hurt her feelings at all and I am in a quasi-supervisor position in that I assign work to her because we work in teams, but I am not her boss.

    • Pie in the sky :

      I’ve been in a situation with a more junior associate once. I was a mid-level so not her boss but what she said/did/looked like could effect my client’s view of me and the firm. We were biz-cas but were supposed to step it up for client days. I dealt with it in a slightly passive aggressive way, but it worked. Instead of just calendaring the client meeting, I’d call her and say “heads up, I need you in client meeting Tuesday so make sure you are wearing a suit or have one in your office.” I would follow it up with a sarcastic comment about “the one downside of business casual, remembering the days that aren’t.” Then, if something popped up out of the blue I wanted to take her to, I’d call and say “hey, are you dressed for a meeting with a judge? If so, you can tag along.” If she said, well I’m wearing x, will that be fine, I’d say “yeah, but it wouldn’t hurt to keep a suit here so I can invite you to more last minute things.” After a few of those she started stepping it up.

      So, I’d proceed as if you assume she is dressing for the office and not a meeting and make reminders for the upcoming meetings.

    • Gooseberry :

      Could you say it in a “setting context for the meeting” way? Like, “I’d like you to come with me to x for y purpose tomorrow. The meeting is at [time] at [place]. Their culture is [business casual/business formal/more formal than ours/whatever] so I plan to dress accordingly.” In some ways I don’t like my own advice because I man would never “plan outfits together,” but it’s all I’ve got! :)

      • Gooseberry :

        *a* man.

      • I think that’s actually very brilliant.

        • Thanks for the ideas – I’ll try it for a meeting planned for next week. You know, men actually have it a little easier when it comes to business casual, I think. If I am not wearing a suit, it is a little harder to hit that just right level of put-togetherness.

          • The other thing is that I did tell a male worker in the same position that he needed to wear a shirt and tie for a certain meeting. But, it seems harder to broach the subject with a woman.

          • Maybe refer to her corporette. I used to wear sneakers to and from court all the time and never wore make-up and always came to work with wet curly hair and wore a shiny suit and wore a ponytail all the time. I WISH someone would have sat me down. I am pretty blunt so if you feel like it wouldn’t be out of line the direct approach is probably best. The only other professionals were men so I had all button downs that had a window and slacks before corporette saved me.

            Also, I once had a client come in a full suit and tie for an administrative hearing that he was not supposed to attend. I wore a polo and khakis because I noticed these hearings were more lax and it was Friday. But how stupid did I feel when I looked like the client and he looked like the lawyer! A story like that might help angle it as helpful not judging.

      • I’ve definitely had a male supervisor tell a group of male and female associates/ support staff to suit up because a client is business formal.

  16. PharmaGirl :

    I tried on this blazer last weekend and it looked terrible on me (busty, shortwaisted but tallish).

  17. Stressing Anon :

    Ladies, I’m sorry to do another miscarriage post, but I found out yesterday at my doctor’s appt that my pregnancy was measuring three weeks small and there was no heartbeat. My doctor sent me home to “wait” for things to end. She sounded as though she expected it to happen quickly, but I guess it’s impossible to know. Anyway, has anyone dealt with this while still working? Not to be callous, but I have several court appearances in the next two weeks and if something is going to happen, I just wish it would. What are my chances of making it through a normal workday with all this going on?

    • I replied to you but it came out as a separate thread below under anon. Sorry.

    • Westsidebee :

      How far along are you? I’m guessing at least 7 weeks if you were looking for a heartbeat. Was there a fetal pole or anything in the sac?

      If it’s an empty sac at 7+ weeks, no heartbeat, and you haven’t naturally m/c yet, then this may be what they call a “missed m/c” — this happened to me. My dr told me I could either have a D&C or take a drug (Cytotec) to induce m/c. He didn’t want me to just wait it out b/c my body was clearly not doing it on its own. I took the drugs on a Friday afternoon and m/c at home over the weekend, and was back at work on Monday. It was miserable, but then again all the options were miserable…I did what worked for me.

      I’m very sorry this is happening to you. I hope you can get some answers and decide what to do. Hugs.

    • I’m so sorry :(

    • Original anon – in my case at 10 weeks, the doctor said anytime from that moment to in the next two weeks, and they scheduled an appointment two weeks out in case nothing had occurred in the interim. It actually began 6 days later. I took a day and a half off from work – nobody knew I was pregnant, and I said I had the stomach flu.

      I don’t know that I could have made it through a full workday in front of people. My cramps were extremely strong. That said, with a lot of Advil I probably could have made it through 1-2 hours of anything, including a court appearance – although I don’t know that it would have been in my best mental health option to do so. For me, the strongest grieving came during the strongest pain.

      As I write this, I realize that there’s no real way to give you advice. We can all make it through incredibly difficult times…but just because we are physically able to do so doesn’t always mean we should. You are in my thoughts and prayers during this time.

      • MaggieLizer :

        “just because we are physically able to do so doesn’t always mean we should.”

        I guess it depends what your appearances are for, but if I were arguing in court and a judge gave me a hard time when I was in the process of having a miscarriage, I think I would break down crying. Be kind to yourself. Could you call your doctor and ask for the drug to speed up the process so you can have the miscarriage over the weekend? Hugs.

    • I happen to think: “How do I physically address a miscarriage when I am an attorney with upcoming court appearances and have not told my employer of my pregnancy” actually is just the sort of question this community is designed to answer.

      Thanks for posting, and no need to apologize. Hugs.

    • I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If you haven’t gone through the process naturally, perhaps you might want to ask about having a D&C. I had one with my miscarriage and while it’s surgery, you are under anesthesia and the entire process is over in an hour. I know from other friends that going through it naturally includes horrible cramping and other side effects – to the point that going through it at work isn’t feasible.

      Good luck with whatever happens and whatever you decide, I’ll be thinking of you.

      • I cannot imagine worrying about this and going to court. Your doctor needs to find a better solution. Hugs.

    • The natural process can take several weeks. After a week of nothing happening, my doctor gave me medicine to make it happen along with narcotics. I took the meds at night and the miscarriage started about 4 hours later. It sucked. But I’m glad that I had some control and that the agony was not prolonged. Talk to your doctor about this option and take care of yourself.

    • Do not have any advice but, sorry to hear. Keep you in my thoughts this weekend :(

    • I’m so sorry. Sounds like lots of us have been in your situation. You shouldn’t hesitate to ask your doctor about timing and discuss whether it would be a good idea to schedule a D&C or drugs. You wouldn’t want a miscarriage to start while you were in court, and you’re stressed enough that if it makes sense medically you might just want to get this over with.

    • I am so sorry, and concur that this excruciating question is precisely the point of this community. The same thing happened to me, and I got a D&C – preplanned, over in a day, just some minor cramping and bleeding for about a week afterwards. You wouldn’t need to reschedule your appearances.

      Hang in there.

    • This sounds awful. I’m so sorry.

      Can you tell your work that you have a possible medical issue going on? Or a family emergency? (It kind of is a family emergency.) I can’t imagine being able to work with that happening.

    • I’m so sorry. I would echo the advice you’ve received so far. And don’t be afraid to bug your doctor (I just figured I was being dense when the dr’s office was vague.)

      I went through the same thing last fall, with my first pregnancy, and I was terrified to just hear from my doctor that I just needed to wait and the bleeding would start “soon” … I had no idea what that meant and as I hadn’t told anyone at work about the pregnancy (I hadn’t told anyone other than my husband) I couldn’t figure out how to say to my office “well, I am/was pregnant, but now I’m about to miscarry and I need some time off” – I felt really alone. I ended up starting to bleed about 4 days after my doctor told me there was no heartbeat, and I just called up our admin assistant (who we normally call when sick) and told her what was happening and that I was taking a couple of sick days. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I was so glad that I didn’t try to work. The physical pain wasn’t unbearable, but I would just break down and cry periodically and it was a relief to be at home and not having to cry in my office and then make it to a court appearance.

      As others have said, hang in there, you will get through it.

    • I was somewhere between 8-12 weeks, and started bleeding on a Friday. Took M-Tu the following week off…went back to work once the pain let up and (unexpectedly) passed the egg sac on Wed. In a coffee shop bathroom, of all places. It felt terrible to do that in such a public place. After the first few days, painkillers kept the pain to a tolerable level and super pads were enough. I wish I had taken the whole week off, if only to avoid feeling so hurt and unable to share it with my coworkers.

  18. anon in tejas :

    anyone else stuck at the office today?

    here in texas, courts are closed, and county’s closed. it’s a ghost town today. and I am stuck at the office because my non-profit is open.

    I can’t rebel too much, but at least I am wearing a sun dress, flip flops and listening to the radio in my office.

    • Honestly, its basically business as usual around here. But I live in the godless north, so that is to be expected. ;-)

      • Ditto. But the starbucks here is closed. Whatever shall we do?

      • SF Bay Associate :

        Godless West, we’re open too. Lots of people out on international vacations because it’s spring break, but no one to my knowledge is traveling for Easter.

    • I’m in a part of the country that you’d think would have the day off, but we don’t. As a state employee, I’ll take whatever days I get off and be happy, thankyouverymuch :) So I’m here, business as usual for a Friday (everyone is generally in a good mood on Friday so that’s a plus!)

      • goirishkj :

        Closed, you’ll have to try harder than that to bring on the law school flashbacks. Your comment was rational and well-reasoned. The emails to which I referred were neither :)

    • Why are the government offices closed?

      • Good Friday–without getting into an issue of whether office should be closed, some are closed. My state is open, but a friend in another state is off work today.

        • Consider me officially not getting into the issue. Ugh.

          • What’s so wrong with government offices being closed on Good Friday? Public schools get off Holy Thursday and Good Friday, as well as Fridays in September for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

          • @anon: they don’t get off for those things where I live, though students get an excused absence for those religious holidays. It’s spring break for public schools around here, so I guess they didn’t have to deal with Good Friday this year. I don’t recall having off for that when I was in school unless it coincided with spring break (and it often did). The local gov/school holidays seem to depend on the demographics of your particular geographic area.

            I’m not saying anything is wrong with it, just that it isn’t the same everywhere.

          • Nothing is wrong with today being a holiday, but I’ve seen these types of discussions turn into debates on whether religious holidays should be celebrated by state governmments at all. Too many obnoxious all law school emails have scarred me for life. Personally, I’m on Team Sleep-In, so the more the merrier with holidays! :)

          • No public school I ever attended (or private, for that matter) was ever closed for our holidays. My mom had to call the school and talk to the teachers to get my assignments and ask whether there would be any tests/projects and, if so, could I please do them another day. This was in the United States. In a state that typically votes Democrat. But these schools were always closed for everyone else’s holidays. I know this sounds bitter (and I hope I’m not scarring you with another long law school email thread!), but we are all supposed to be equal here. Well, we’re not. So let’s at least live in reality about it.

            So endeth the rant. Flounce.

          • Closed?, what holidays are you referring to? I’m curious…

          • Alanna of Trebond :

            @Closed–yea it’s always irked me a little bit–but I guess in some places they think that most people will take it off anyway and it’s just easier if it’s a holiday.

            @goirishkj–I guess I’ll take it as a sign that I am suited to being a law student? I don’t think the government should specifically celebrate religious holidays, even though I like holidays.

          • goirishkj :

            Aaaaack, my response to closed posted in the wrong spot! Holidays are tricky and the government shouldn’t choose which religions to celebrate (though I’ll take whatever days off I can get!). The comments here are far too reasoned to resemble the law school emails I’m referring to–basically they ended up going to the extreme that we shouldn’t have happy hours because monks brewed beer so beer is religious. I wish I was joking. I don’t want to relive that exchange–delete was my friend :)

          • I don’t think the closings are as much about “celebrating” the holiday as they are about common sense. If most of your employees (even in government) are celebrating, it makes sense to close. I live in an area where Passover is observed as much or more than Good Friday and we off today by the discretion of the supervisor in my government agency. When I lived in north Florida, we certainly did not get off for Jewish holidays.

          • @Anon3: my mom asked those questions for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

        • Appalachian :

          In West Virginia, where I grew up, schools in many counties took off the entire week of Thanksgiving, not just Thursday/Friday.

          Why? It was deer season, and so many of the kids would be pulled out of school for hunting trips anyway.

          For some of my uncles, that was their religion. :)

    • I’m at the office, too!

      But, leaving soon to go to lunch at a hot new resto and not planning on coming back afterwards! ^5!

    • MaggieLizer :

      The courts and other firms in town are closed but not mine. :( Working on resume….

    • Same here. I haven’t been on Corporette forever it seems like. I wore jeans, flats and a nice sweater and am catching up! On corporette, not work. It’s kind of awesome wearing jeans and not dealing with much traffic. Bed would have easily topped it though :)

    • Oil in Houston :

      same here… most of building is out too, but not my team oh no… just waiting for a decent time to go home….

    • I work for a court in Texas and we’re wide open for business today. Guess I picked the wrong court to work for :). Just kidding. I love my job.

    • Courts closed, office open, supervisor taking the day off. Guess who took a 2-hour lunch and is having the most unproductive afternoon ever…

  19. A couple of questions:

    Did you ask your doctor about how long she expected before it occurred?

    How far along are you? That makes a big difference. From what you’ve said, I’d assume ~10 weeks – but let us know.

    Have you told your employer about your pregnancy?

    • This was in reference to Stressed Anon above.

    • Stressing Anon :

      9 weeks. And she seemed to think relatively soon, I guess, because she told me to stay home from traveling this weekend for the holiday. And no, I had not told my employer, nor do I intend to unless forced.

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        Never been in your situation but know someone who has and she went the D&C route. So sorry you are dealing with this.

      • So sorry you are dealing with this (and for all the other hive members dealing with this as well, hugs to all of you.)

      • I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I had a missed miscarriage a few years ago – it took about a week before anything happened after my dr realized the pregnancy wasn’t progressing.

        I was a student at the time, and didn’t have any exams, so I just took a week off to deal with it all, so I’m afraid I’m not much help to you while you are working.

        I know it’s better for things to happen naturally, but if I were in your shoes I would probably ask my dr about other options so you aren’t stuck in limbo too long. Limbo sucks!

  20. Decisions, Decisions :

    I’m going back and forth between two bags as my new go-to bag. Ladies, your help choosing, please.

    • Tough choice, yo, they’re both GORGEOUSNESS. Maybe go for the lighter one?

    • This is a tough one. I love the Diane von Fustenberg, but it wouldn’t work for me for an everyday bag because I need to be able to throw things in it on the go, and the flap would create issues for me. The shape of the Chloe works better, but I feel like I recently saw something very similar and understated at Coach for a fraction of the price.

      So I’d buy the DVF for fun, and find another basic bag for everyday. Which is totally not helpful at all, I know!

    • I vote for the DVF one! It’s timeless, but more interesting than the other one…

    • Oil in Houston :

      DVF all the way!

    • I like both but prefer the DVF. That particular Chloe bag is almost too generic for me. I think Cole Haan had a similar bag recently at a lower price point. I’ve been eyeing this Botkier tote that is similar to the DVF one and will be cheaper with the sales lastcall always has on the weekends:

  21. Shallow threadjack, as there have already been some weighty issues here. But apparently I need a chaperone to go to lululemon or I need to operate on a cash only system where I’m limited before I go and don’t get anything extra. And I didn’t even KNOW about lululemon before this site! Because really, I neeeeeeeeded that new tank with extra pockets, right? Plus of course the skirt I went into buy because I have the same one in white and wanted a dark color for my marathon next week. At least my clothes will look cute because I know that after 20+ miles the rest of me won’t look cute! As a related note, any tips from the hive on a first marathon? I’ve done halfs but this is the first time I’ve gone “all the way”–yes, I saw that on a coffee mug at a running store related to half and full marathons.

    • Dude. I spent like $300 just on cute stuff for Tough Mudder. If I’m going to be miserable running 12 miles through mud and obstacles, the very least I can do is wear a cute outfit.

    • Also– you’re wearing new threads for running the marathon? Are you going to take them on a lengthy test run to make sure you don’t have any issues (like chafing)?

      • agree with Herbie – you should give EVERYTHING (<3 ellen) a test run before the marathon. dress rehersal, and if your marathon isnext weekend, you are in mega taper and not doing anything long, so as unfortunate as it sounds, i wouldn't recommend wearing anything new on race day. the difference between a half and a full hits you right around mile 20 (it's called the wall for a reason) and any little discomfort, like a rubbing seam or shorts that ride up, turns into something huge when your body just wants to quit. i work at a running store and have done a few marathons so if you have any specific ?'s, just ask, but that's my biggest tip – and test run everything else too – nothing new race day. that goes for gu's, food, drink, whatever, don't decide to "try" gatorade the day of the race if you havent had it before just because they are handing it out, or energy gels or whatever. have fun and enjoy it, nothing quite like your first!

    • Ha! My husband just bought me a tech shirt for my upcoming (first) half that says:

      “13.1 – Because I don’t go all the way.”

      • That is the greatest shirt I have ever seen!!!! If I ever get back into shape for halfs, I am totally getting that!!!! (Never run a full, no desire to do so, although I love cheering on my friends who do).

    • MissJackson :

      exciting! the same rules apply for a marathon as to a half, so you probably don’t need my advice (start slow, have a mantra for when the going gets tough, etc, etc) but good luck and have fun!!

      And perhaps you DID need that new tank with extra pockets — where else are you going to store all your Gu/gummies/fuel of choice?!?

    • Have you tried lululemon compression pants (run inspire crop)? I wore some for the first time for my 1/2 (risky I know) and they are amazing. I attirbute my PR to the fact I was wearing them :)

      Good luck with the full!

    • I forgot the most important part, though: GOOD LUCK WITH THE MARATHON!
      That’s awesome! Let us know how it goes.

    • I am actually not as worried about wearing new stuff on race day provided that (i) you’re not prone to chafing and (ii) it’s not shoes. I’ve definitely done it (and I’ve run five marathons).

      My biggest tip: if you’re like a lot of novice marathoners, your longest run has been 20 miles. The world between 20 and 26.2 is a whole new ballgame. Be prepared for it to be harder than you might expect, both physically and emotionally, and give yourself permission to slow down, take walk breaks, etc. That way, you won’t feel defeated if you need to cut your pace or take a break, and you can just enjoy the “OMG! I’ve never run this far!” and “OMG, I’m about to finish my first marathon!” excitement.

    • Should have clarified–I have the same skirt in a lighter color. I’m wearing it this weekend to check for chafing. The tank I won’t wear for my marathon since I won’t get to test drive it first. No way am I going to do anything different to screw this up–I’ve been trying to run this thing for 3 years!

    • I’ve actually come to really dislike Lululemon, mainly because of their terrible return policy. (I’ve become spoiled by Nordstrom’s policy, I think.) I purchased a pair of compression capris and immediately after taking the tags off, I noticed a thread pulled near the ankle. As I spent $90 on them, I wanted a perfect pair! When I returned them, a very unlike saleswoman told me they’d make an exception, but normally, once the tag is off, they’re mine. Regardless of any flaws in the item. This seems absurd and as a result, I don’t plan to buy anything there again. On that note, does anyone have any recs for non-lululemon workout gear??

      • I’m just freaked out at the way they try to turn their employees (and some customers) into devoted, cult-members. It’s just creepy. The company’s practices are way shady.

        For non-lululemon workout gear, I’ve had good success with Athleta. Also, great return policy at Athleta and love the free shipping.

      • DC anonymous :

        I actually really like Target! My running pants from there have held up really well (and they double as winter leggings for me, as well). I’ve never returned clothing there, but they’ve been pretty good with other returns for me.

        • FYI, I ordered 3 dresses online and only kept one, I took the other two to the local gigantic target to return and I was in and out in about 3 minutes. Handed her the dresses, handed her the packing slip, beep beep boop, have a nice day!

      • Yup. They have a terrible return policy. I’m an athleta girl now. You can return to athleta any time, even years later.

      • Second or third Athleta and Target, and also Title 9. I’ve gotten great stuff from all of them, and Athleta and Title 9 have some good deals if you stalk their sales.

    • And thanks for responding to my shameless trolling for good luck vibes :). I am super excited but a little scared–longest run was 20 so this will be a whole new painful world to get to 26.2!

    • What everyone else said, but I ran a marathon a couple years ago, just one, and may or may not ever run another one. I had run several 1/2s and sort of minorly carbo loaded. Before the marathon I stayed with a friend who had also run them and she planned a HUGE carbo load meal. Since I had done small carb meals before the 1/2s and my friend was very experienced I didn’t think it would be a problem. IT WAS. I spent 15 minutes waiting in line to use a porta pottie.

      Make sure you know what you can eat the night before and stick to it. People are different.

    • The man friend just did his first marathon in a lululemon shirt, and had no problems with chafing. I did mine in a Nike tank with built in bra, and no issues. I did have underarm chafing, though. With the marathon next week, you won’t really have time to test the tank for chafing in advance, but they usually have lots of vaseline stops during the course in case you do run into any issues. Good luck! Overall, awesome experience (but you might not think that at mile 20!).

  22. Am I the only one peeved that I’ll go into moderation for posting a link when links will automatically be placed into my comment if I don’t alter a brand/store name?

    • Amelia Bedelia :

      I actually appreciate it because it means I do not have to read spam commenting on s*xual products or “how to earn a million dollars while working from home.” Those posts are also caught by the moderation, so it’s a welcome trade off for me.

  23. Blonde Lawyer :

    To piggy back on stressing anon’s situation, what have you lawyers done when there was an emergency the night before a court hearing. I had never really thought of it until I had the knock me completely out, couldn’t be more than a foot from the toilet stomach flu. There was no way I could have just soldiered through and there was no prior warning. I probably would have called my boss’ cell phone to see if someone could cover the appearance and request an emergency continuance for me and to find my client and tell him/her what was going on. If no one at my firm could do that, I would probably just call the clerk’s office and let the clerk know what was happening and maybe send my husband with a drafted emergency motion to continue. Has it happened to anyone? What did you do? I’m thinking of situations like break down on the highway on the way to court, car accident, midnight trip to the ER, etc.

    • How important is the hearing? In most cases, I think you’d be able to e-mail opposing counsel the night before and ask for an agreed continuance. Also sets up exhibits nicely for any motion for emergency continuance– and attached as Exhibit A is the e-mail where I asked opposing counsel to agree, and because he’s an a$$hole, he didn’t.

    • Would love to hear the answers to this since so far my plan consists of “don’t have an emergency!”

      • Ms. No Name. :

        I’ve had this happen when I supposed to appear for a hearing on a Motion. I tried to get to Court despite my illness (really not recommended) and ended up getting sick on myself in the car all over my suit about a mile away from Court. At that point, I called the Court, told the clerk what was going on, and she agreed to talk to plaintiff’s counsel when he arrived regarding an adjournment. I wasn’t very hopeful that plaintiff’s counsel would agree though as he is notoriously difficult. I also called my office, found out a partner from another office in my firm was in the same Court that day, and prepped her via email to stop by, request the adjournment and if necessary argue the Motion on the fly.

        Turns out, the clerk shamed plaintiff’s counsel until he agreed to the adjournment.

        After that experience, I’ve resolved that I will no longer try to get to Court when I am that sick. I’ll just call the Court and in the meantime try to have someone from my office appear and request the adjournment. Though all my cases are in an informal state court where a motion to continue is not necessary for an adjournment.

        • Ugh I have had similar problems before with a nasty defense counsel who called and asked for a continuance so that another upcoming issue scheduled the next week could be combined. Well, that would be bad for my client to hear them at the same time but not hers so I did not agree to the continuance. Later the court called and said they are continuing it even though I do not agree because the defense counsel is sick. I was so annoyed. Just say you are sick and of course I would have agreed. I wouldn’t put it past her to lie about it just to get the matters heard together (plus it is a two hour drive for her) but I had two other cases the next day that also got continued due to her sickness. Either way it was shady. Don’t make me look bad to the court, you didn’t tell me you were sick.

          • Ms. No Name. :

            That is always my fear, that the other side won’t believe that I am sick. I felt terrible bc the other side had already left for Court and I could not get in touch with him. None of it is ideal, but if you are that sick what else can you do?

    • (1) call boss or, if she can’t be reached, the office secretary, to see if someone can cover, or (2) call opposing counsel and get consent for continuance motion, or (3) if all else fails and it’s short notice (like the morning of), I’d call the Judge’s law clerk or secretary and explain that it’s an emergency and ask if it can be rescheduled- then I’d call opposing counsel and let them know. My local court also has case managers who are useful for this purpose if you don’t feel comfortable calling the judge’s clerk.

    • I have not yet had it happen but, once my boss called me (puking in the background) so I went in his place and asked that due to unforeseen circumstances the hearing be continued. It was granted. If it hadn’t been, I would have had someone run me the file and went in his place.

      Agree on advising opposing side if you can.

    • I’ve always been too mortified at the thought of getting on a judge’s bad side. I’ve been to court with food poisoning and a herniated disc so bad I could barely walk. Obviously I’m not one to give advice.

    • Litigator :

      I clerked for a trial judge and became a litigator after that.

      If you have a boss, call your boss first. If you are in a small office with no coverage options, call the court. If you are super-sick, the judge and clerks would prefer you don’t come to court.

      I know not everyone acts like it all the time, but we attorneys and judges are professionals. And we are officers of the court. We do not lie. We should not expect that opposing counsel is lying to us. And vice versa.

      Call in when you are sick. I had to call in recently when I had a cancelled flight and couldn’t make it to court. The judges understand that shi*t happens. Opposing counsel should, too.

  24. For anyone that is interested – NPR (Kerri Miller/Daily Circuit) is doing a very interesting piece on women and the economy, based on the White House’s forum on women and the economy.


  25. Gooseberry :

    Uptownproblem alert: I just got an Aeron chair for my office, but don’t really know how to fit it perfectly to me. I feel so hopeful that this will be the cure to all backache and end-of-day dreary stiffness, but I fear I am wasting such a capable tool (the chair) because I am not sure what “proper” alignment even is or how to adjust for it. Has anyone else found any good web resources? To preempt the suggestion that we may have, or I may be able to hire, an ergonomic consultant, it would never fly here. I only got the chair in the first place because my assistant is near dumpster-diver status when it comes to finding awesome stuff for the people she supports when others leave the company, etc. She’s priceless, so I have it, but I’m on my own for figuring out it’s most effective use!

    • Check Youtube – It looks like there are some videos (of varying quality) that help make fit adjustments.

      • Gooseberry :

        Thanks onna. And my typos all day long suggest that I should not be behind a computer screen….

  26. Can't Wait to Quit :

    Ha Ha! I Quit!!! Tonight = unemployment margaritas!!

    Actually my boss was very understanding of the reasons I gave her (which are not all the reasons by any stretch of the imagination).

    And, we get a 1/2 day today, so I can go out and take a walk in the sun.

    Loving life.

    • *Raises glass*

      I love my job now, but my prev job was hellacious and I, too, celebrated on my last day.

    • Cheers, lady. I remember this day myself.

    • Congratulations!! Last time I left a hellacious job, it felt sooo weird because I had been imagining / drooling the moment I would walk out for months. I wish I’d just gone straight to the bar. So cheers to you! Have extra margaritas today!

      • Drooling *over* the moment. I have come to accept that typos are part of my trademark!

    • Woohoo, I’ve been dreaming about quitting since July!

    • Yay! So happy for you!! now you’re going to have to change your handle ;o)

    • Congratulations! And good on you for doing it the right way (sounds like) . . . onward to margaritas!

    • Congratulations!

  27. I don’t know if this has been posted before, but anyone read this?

    Maybe it is that I am Moroccan and have different criteria for beauty, or maybe I have seen too many photoshopped images on magazines, but I was shocked when I saw the real woman.
    I was expecting a “bombshell” but no.. normal blonde lady gets favors..

    Something annoyed me about this article but I can’t point it out..

    • My shallow reaction to it was something along the lines of, “Well, I’m glad she thinks she has a face that could launch a thousand ships. Because some of us could use that kind of confidence.”

    • I feel like that article rubbed basically everyone in the world the wrong way, don’t worry. I also am working under the assumption that this is some sort of elaborate joke or trolling incident. Or else she’s just delusional.

      Either way, I just shrugged and moved on.

      • I agree– hard to believe this is for real. If it is, it’s quite hilarious.

    • Maybe it was the mixture of self-pity and conceit. She seemed to take it as a fact that EVERYONE thinks she is beautiful (even though it is very subjective), and associated everything that happened to her to be because of it. Didn’t get a promotion? Has to have been jealousy. Her friend didn’t like how she was with her husband? Again, had to be jealousy. There was no way that it might be that she didn’t earn the promotion and was all over her husband’s friend…

      • The annoying thing, I think, is that the author blames all the bad things that happen to her on jealously about her looks. Like there is no other conceivable reason. And it’s all written from her point of view. It would be a bit more believable if one of those former jealous female bosses had been interviewed. But I have a sneaking suspicion that there would be reasons other than the author’s beauty to suggest a lack of advancement.

      • Its easier to assume bad things happen to you because you are TOO something (too beautiful, too smart, too whatever) than because you are not enough something (not enough beautiful, not smart enough, not whatever).

        Blaming things on other peoples jealousy rather than your own failings is an age old crutch of deluded.

        • I do have to say she looked very good for her age. But still meh. But that could just be my raging jealousy talking.

    • Gooseberry :

      I’m annoyed, too. And I also don’t know why.

    • Allure’s beauty blog did an interesting post about this article:

    • Anon for this... :

      Well, she’s not entirely normal…she does have rather large b**bs. Maybe is it a “great rack” rather than classical “beauty” that gets her all the attention?

    • I don’t think this article seems very credible. I hesitate to put that any more strongly because I have not lived in England, and I don’t know this woman or her experiences but I have known women who were flat out gorgeous and they did not get treated like this. I knew a girl in high school who became a model, has been in Macy’s ads, stuff like that. She’s a nice girl and has a ton of friends. I knew a girl in law school who was gorgeous and mean as a snake but everyone (women included! And me also for a long time) still wanted to be her friend.

      Even in my college roommate’s clique-y sorority women were not like this.

      I don’t know, the whole article reminds me of some of my former clients who just don’t perceive the same reality as the rest of us. I.e. the neighbor driving by and not responding to her wave. Maybe she just didn’t see her? The neighbor being all gossipy, maybe she’s just trying to stir up drama? The boss attacking her after she and the husband agreed they both liked a song, I’ve known women who’s entire personality changes when they’re around men, they flirt with and play up to the man ignoring the women, maybe the boss more felt left out because this woman was doing that?

      I don’t know, again, I hesitate to flat out say the woman’s ridiculous because I haven’t had her experiences, but I think what bothers me the most is the underlying theme seems to be “men do me favors (favours), women are jealous b*tches who try to stab me in the back.”

    • She was on the today show either today or yesterday. She said that she wasn’t writing it about her specifically and that the article took examples from many others whom she interviewed. Either Matt or Anne interviewed her and said in response, you used the word “I” 60 times in the article though. I practically spit-taked my coffee onto my dog. She is Brittish living in France. Seems like if it was personal, it could be cultural. She also said she was 42 like seven times. OKAY we get it you look good for your age no one was asking your age.

      • This is by no means meant to be snarky or mean but I know several ladies past her age who simply look really gorgeous. I call them my French lady crushes (because I’d love to look that good at that age). She is no way near their level of beauty.. I guess that is what made me uncomfortable. I mean the lady is in France so I am sure she has seen the ladies I am talking about..

    • At the risk of sounding like a catty, jealous woman, I think part of her perception of being very attractive is self-fulfilling — she acts like she’s god’s gift to men, and they respond in kind. I’ve seen this happen, much to my amazement. In someways it shows you how far you get by being nice and interested in other people. It could be that she reserves that nice/interested/flirty persona only for men and acts like a boring lump around other women.

      I’ve also seen other explanations — (straight) man’s version of an attractive woman is difference than a (straight) woman’s and being tallish and blonde goes a long way in some circles.

      Also — really? I don’t think the concrete examples she gave are anything to write home about.

      Really, I think while she may believe she’s all that, the Daily Mail only published it to get a buzz and maybe make her look like a fool.

    • Ruta Skadi :

      I know what bothers me about it. Remove whatever you might think about her looks: the article puts down women by portraying us as fearful, jealous, insane harpies. I feel like everyone who has been coming back with “But she’s not that pretty…” is being distracted from how harmful this article is to how women are perceived (by both other women and men).

      • Yes. Thank you.

      • Yes, I think she approaches (strange/new) women with an air of hostility and an expectation that there will be enmity, and, of course, the women are going to be put off by that, and voila, she gets to pat herself on the back for the self-fulfilling prophecy.

        It’s her attitude that makes women not like her.

        Two of my male coworkers (in a moment of extreme candor) said that she’s popular with guys because they think they have a good shot at getting her (in bed), so that’s why the guys like her. They said that actually, if she were more attractive, they would think their odds were lower and would be intimidated, less likely to go out of their way for her because they thought their chances were nil.

    • MissJackson :

      I’ve been facinated by this article and the backlash.

      My initial reaction was pretty in line with everyone else: “if that’s what ‘too pretty’ looks like, call Tyra because I am ready for my close up!”

      My (slightly more mature) follow-up reaction is that Samantha Brick is screaming for attention, but never learned the difference between good and bad attention. Her other articles just make me sad for her. (See this article for a sampling of her prior articles: ). I honestly can’t decide which is the worst.

      • Thanks for posting that too, that is really sad. Especially the stuff about her husband! Different strokes, I suppose, but my goodness her existence sounds miserable.

        • Hence, the need for the extreme case of Stockholm Syndrome.

          When her original piece first broke, someone here posted a great link from the Guardian, where Tim Dowling does a hilarious, totally perfect sendup of Ms. Brick.

          Reposting the link again, because it cracked me up so much:

    • A friend was telling me (I haven’t verified this for myself or checked the wording) that one of her old articles included a bit about how she didn’t waste time gossiping with the other women at work when she could be flirting with her male bosses to get herself ahead which . . . might explain an awful lot of the treatment mentioned in that article.

      • And it’s not because she’s “pretty,” the “treatment” is the kind of treatment anybody who’s got ill-gotten gains or been given promotions or other perks that are undeserved (not warranted from work actually produced) will get.

        I work in a mostly male profession, and there are guys who are known to be @sskissers and superschmoozers and they are deeply resented by the other guys. And it’s not because those guys with all the perks and special favors from bosses are “hated for their handsomeness.”

    • lawtalkinggirl :

      I was kind of disgusted with myself for having the same reaction that most people did – I did not find her all that beautiful. Thus I made the same mistake of judging her based on her looks rather than on what she said. I can believe that she has had the experience of men going out of their way for her because she is attractive to them, and also having women be hostile for attracting more male attention. But I was still annoyed because I would have preferred that she used the article to admonish all of us to disassociate a woman’s beauty from her inherent value as a person.

    • In general, I tend to think really hot women perceive this to be the case (woman on woman hate) for their beauty when in fact it is personality driven. I have friends who are stunning and I love them because they are wonderful. Does it suck to be the “short fat friend” sure does – but I’m also the funny smart ambitious friend – and in my book that is what takes the cake.

      This woman needs a life. And someone to tell her the honest reason she has no friends!

  28. Hooray for Friday! Two lateral associate interview related questions for the hive. First, any idea how long it takes to hear back? I have heard everything from a few days to a week to even longer. Being an over-worrier, I am convinced that it s bad that I haven’t heard after two days. Second, what is the procedure for thank-you notes? I did them for call-backs in OCI, but I’m not sure if I need them now. Any advice?

    • Former MidLevel :

      When my husband got his lateral associate job, it took three full weeks for him to get the offer. And I would send a thank-you note to your main contact at the firm, asking him/her to extend your thanks to all of the people you interviewed with.

    • There is a divide on the issue. Some prefer hand written and some prefer e-mail. Since you do not know how long it will take for them to decide, I try to do it ASAP. We just finished about 10 interviews and I got 8 thank yous, half written, half e-mailed.

      It seems like by the time most people are hiring either a replacement associate or a new associate because of increased work, they want to get the person in sooner rather than later. OCI, they may have months to decide. Here, there is usually either a deadline on when the associate who is being replaced is leaving (or has left) or everyone is probably pretty overwhlemed to admit they need to hire a new position entirely.

      Either way do the thank you card ASAP. I think if you choose e-mail it is okay to call the receptionist and tell them who you are and ask for the e-mail address if you cannot find it otherwise. Ours are on our website with the bio so our receptionist is a tattletale and tells us that the person called. I like a three sentence thank you note. 1. thanks for the opportunity to interview/taking the time to interview me 2. I look forward to your response 3. Go Lakers or something personal that came up in the interview. Sincerely, you

      If you do not know how long it will take, send a thank you note in writing by dropping it off if you can. If you cannot drop it off, I would send an e-mail it. Do send one to each interviewer if there is more than one. I personally enjoy a reference to the interview in a thank you instead of a template thank you for the opportunity because then I remember who it was. But that is definitely NOT a deal breaker so don’t rack your brain about thinking of one. The timlieness is more important so get it done today.

  29. Since I’m stuck in the office and can’t run around the halls screaming for joy, DH just accepted a job offer with a $10K raise! Less than 2 months out of work. Cannot describe how relieved I am.

  30. Oil in Houston :


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