Coffee Break – Commando Tights

Commando Matte Opaque Tights Maybe I’ve just never noticed this before, but: Commando tights — long revered by fashion magazines and stylists as some of the most opaque tights out there — now come in in colors. I have a pair in black and must say that they’re totally opaque (and very comfortable). I like the grey, but they also have navy, purple, black, and brown. They’re $34 at ShopBop. Commando Matte Opaque Tights



  1. Jacqueline :

    I think I’ve figured out another reason why our eyes are resisting the new format (besides the lack of obvious indentations and conversation differentiators, which I agree with). The font has changed from serif to sans serif. I usually prefer sans serif, but it’s not sitting well with me here — maybe the spacing is off between letters and words or something.

    Anyway, not a huge deal. I’m sure I’ll get used to it!

    • I think the spacing between the letters is too small – readability has definitely suffered.

    • SAlit-a-gator :

      I agree, this font is difficult to read and making me much less inclined to read the comments and post, etc.

      • I thought this was a good time to cure my [this website] addiction since it’s a lot harder to read now, but then again, here I am on the new website.

    • Anonymous :

      Down with Arial! (sorry to beat a dead horse)

  2. I accidentally threw q silk skirt in the wash and now it’s slightly streaked – it’s white and blue and the blue has bled a bit on the white bits. Is there any way to fix it? I am hoping someone here knows a solution.

    • You could try soaking it in cold water, then washing it again by itself. The fugitive dye should leave.

    • AnonInfinity :

      I think someone mentioned Oxi Clean for a similar situation on here once.

    • Try washing it with Synthotrol, it will suspend the fugitive dye in the wash.

      • Thanks! Is that something I can get at a regular store?

        I will try oxyclean + cold soak as a back up.

        • This won’t help fix the problem, but to prevent it in future, Shout makes a product called “Color Catchers.” They look kind of like dryer sheets but go in the wash and attract rogue dyes so they don’t bleed onto your clothes. I have had good luck with them.

    • Honey Pillows :

      How about those “color grabber” sheets they sell to let you be incredibly lazy and throw red shirts into the wash with white undies? I always thought those were bunk, but it’s worth a try if the shirt is already ruined.

  3. karenpadi :

    Ellen-watchers and Ellenwatch:

    So at the Bay Area Meet-up on Saturday, we were talking about Ellen and all her shenanigans. I have a theory that I’d like to float by y’all:

    Ellen is a highly sophisticated viral marketing campaign for Lord and Taylor.

    -Ellen, since her Above the Law Days, has a 20% reimbursement from Lord and Taylor only via her managing partner (who else has this perk? why would it be store-specific?)
    -Ellen moved from ATL to this site–where there are more women in her target demographic.
    -Anyone who has ever tried to publicize anything knows that misspellings are the best way for people to remember your message–it’ll be annoying but it’ll be remembered.


  4. Regular poster/anon for this in case a colleague is reading :

    Hi gang — any good resources or tips from those of you in hiring positions re: cover letters? I was recently recruited for a position by a headhunter and the job is a BIG reach for me, but I’ve decided to throw my hat in the ring and see what happens. I’ve done a fair amount of hiring in my current post but would appreciate any feedback you might have. For reference, I’m a VP-equivalent at a nonprofit (secondary school) going for the head-honcho (President) slot at a similar though slightly larger institution.

    Also — at what point do I spring to the recruiter that I’m almost 22 weeks pregnant? This job wouldn’t start until after I’m slated to deliver, but I don’t want to shock them if I am indeed selected for an in-person interview by waddling in X months pregnant.

    • karenpadi :

      Having been in a hiring position, I think that the most impressive thing for any candidate to do is demonstrate that she knows the position, the organization, and is enthusiastic about it.

      I’d draft the cover letter to tie specifics about the organization to your accomplishments as VP. For example, did the recession hurt the organization’s fundraising for scholarships or special programs? Highlight that you were able to bring in new donors or increase donations from existing donors at your current position. Maybe you were able to obtain grants for a music program?


      • Regular poster/anon for this in case a colleague is reading :

        Thanks karenpadi – I was hoping you’d be one who’d reply! Good advice.

    • I would suggest keeping it to a page and getting rid of all the fluff…. I am so and so, I am interested, I have great core skills that are relevant, I have some unique skills that would be beneficial, I have proven record of success such as bla bla, thank you for consideration, hope to hear more. I’ve had some that were just examples of how many of the longest synonyms for great, perfect, etc. can you squeeze without saying things that really matter.

      I think you should also know whether the cover letter goes to HR or to someone who actually is very familiar with your field. It makes a difference. HR folks typically look for key words, where as those familiar with your field can appreciate some of the more settle points.

      If the job is not going to start until after you return from the pregnancy leave, I think I would let recruiter know now. I can understand why you’re hesitant, but I would address that with the recruiter and during interviews as well.

      Good luck!

  5. PSA: Target has some great polka-dot dresses right now, available online only:

    I bought the first two and ended up returning the second, even though it fit great and was really cute. Since I’d be wearing either of them with a cardigan I thought it would probably end up looking like the exact same dress, since the alternate orange color doesn’t work for me. I ordered my usual XS for Target dresses and they both fit great on my pear-shaped self.

  6. Folks, it’s official. I have made the shift to tights season. Rocking my black tights today for the first time this fall….I simply could not put it off any longer.

    Sigh, summer, you were great. Can’t wait to see you again next year.

    • I wish! We had a few cool mornings but now we’re back to warm and humid. I am longing for tights and boots…

    • I put away the peep toes but am still wearing my sleeveless shirts. I’m not ready to let go yet.

      • Heh, I never put away my peep-toes. If I’m wearing pants, I can usually handle cold toes. (Of course, 50-60 degree days in January are not entirely unheard of in my area). I even managed to cut off the feet of some old hose last winter to make a peep-toe friendly under pants layer to keep my legs warmer. I love my peeptoes!

        • a passion for fashion :

          me too! i wear peep toes with slacks or tights all winter long (no stockings, just tights)

    • Honey Pillows :

      Yup. Got my brown lace-up booties in the mail last week, and I’ve been wearing them almost every day. I even broke out the heavy tights to wear under a cute weekend dress (that was probably a mistake. I was really warm on Sunday).

  7. DC Jenny's Ghost :

    Take it from me, these tights are the business. The only issue I have is that the waist band tends to roll sometimes, but they are by far the most comfortable, durable tights I have ever worn. And the rolling can probably be attributed to my Hobbit-like figure, so I bet it won’t be a problem everyone.

    • Research, Not Law :

      I have never heard of these, but I am so excited. I don’t wear tights because I get frustrated when they aren’t completely opaque.

      Are they thick?

    • Brooklyn, Esq. :

      I’m wearing my black Commando tights (purchased at the suggestion of the posters on this website!) today. I find them very opaque and very comfortable (very smooth texture/good for sensitive skin, seams and waist don’t dig at all), but I too find that the waist band rolls down. Worse is my personal pet peeve, which is that the crotch sags. I wonder if this problem will ever be solved…

      • My solution to a saggy crotch is to wear underwear on the outside of the tights. Definitely not a “cool” look, but it works!

        • Brooklyn, Esq. :

          This made me remember that I used to wear bike shorts over tights for the same reason when I was a kid (back when bike shorts were not just for biking!). Thanks for the idea. :)

      • a passion for fashion :

        spanks. these problems (which i have with all other brands) are non-existant with spanks.

        serious question though: why the need for fully opaque tights? i feel like my spanks are pretty opaque; not sure i would need much more — though in fairness, its not like spanks are really much cheaper ($26-29 bucks usually)

        • Brooklyn, Esq. :

          Good point–I only wore my Spanx tights once last year before it got too warm, I will have to try them again.

          As for opacity, it’s not actually something I care about all that much, but I know other people do, so I mentioned it. I seem to remember a thread or two from last winter on the relative merits of fully opaque vs. not fully opaque tights.

    • Lol–I’ve never heard of this brand before, so when I saw the topic I thought this was about…something else, that I’ve never felt comfortable doing with tights or pantyhose, because I’ve never found any that fit well enough.

      Totally agree on the need for indents or some way to show when a comment is a reply to another.

  8. What is the purpose of the black band at the waist?

  9. I have a related tights question – I have long preferred opaque tights to “panty hose,” but have only ever worn black, dark brown, and dark gray to work (business casual NYC office). Do people really wear other colors of opaque tights to work? And if so, what colors? More specifically, I have a great camel-colored wool skirt, but I have no idea what color tights to wear with it. Anything dark looks weird. Any suggestions? Or do I just need to break out the nude stockings for this skirt?

    • I think brown tights could look good with camel. I also have a pair of tights that are darker than cream, almost khaki, that are the only lighter color tights I can wear without feeling like a five year old. American Apparel or Hue often have a wide variety of colors.

    • Just checked and Hue has ribbed tights in caramel, which could create a nice monochromatic look with pumps in a natural leather color.

    • I usually try to match either the skirt or the shoes.

    • I work in a bus cas company (not law) and have worn dark purple and light grey. I bought a pair of camel to wear this year.

      If you’re not sure about the color, what about layering black patterned tights over another color, like light grey, to try it out?

    • TO lawyer :

      I work at a small law firm (although often is between business casual and suits) and I’ve worn purple tights under a grey dress on casual Fridays (where jeans are allowed)

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      I saw someone this morning in a camel skirt and dark teal tights, which I thought looked awesome. I’d probably wear that to work, but my office is pretty business casual (and the associate next to me occasionally wears pink or bright blue pants, so I think I can get away with it).

    • I worked in a casual office, but I’ve worn dark green and dark purple, in addition to a couple of prints, I even wore mustardy-gold tights to a final-round interview (for the job in question).

      For camel, I like the idea of a warm brown, or NOLA’s suggestion of caramel. Red could also be fun, but then, I guess my opinion on colored tights can be summed up with “bring it on,” so YMMV.

    • I’d wear burgundy, eggplant, or navy tights with a camel skirt. I think it would look fine with black tights and shoes, too. In general I will wear colored tights to work so long as it’s a relatively subdued color – I save my fuchsia, turquoise, or polka dot tights for the weekend.

  10. I love these! And, they remind me that I’ve been looking for a good pair of matte black and/or brown leggings. Any suggestions? I like the option of wearing socks, and hate putting socks over tights (cramps my toes).

    • I like Old Navy leggings. They have a better waistband and are thicker than Target’s but still pretty cheap.

    • Leggings! Why did I never think of this! I wear socks over my tights when I wear boots and have the cramped toe problem. Now I will go out and buy leggings. Thank you.

    • I do this too! Especially now that I’m pregnant and can’t be bothered with maternity tights. I like both Target and Old Navy tights for this purpose.

    • I like the LC leggings from Kohl’s. The bonus part is that Kohl’s mails out $10 coupons regularly (I think you can also ask for them at the customer service desk), so you can usually get them for less than $2. Every time I get one I go and buy leggings or their vera wang line’s tights.

  11. Ooh, these might be worth a look although pricier than my DKNY via TJ Maxx ones. I’ve destroyed 5 or 6 pairs over the past few weeks, funny how everything goes at once.

    I had to get out my winter coat today! We had a nonexistent summer and then there were rumors of snow up north. Dreading the winter already.

  12. Question... :

    I’m looking for feedback from the hive — I recently found out that an old friend of mine died suddenly nearly a year ago. Would it be a faux pas to ask her family what happened? We knew each other through elementary to high school, but lost touch over 10 years ago (school for me, she had her first child). There was some information about what happened on Facebook and a website her family set up to let people know about her condition, but not what happened in the first place. Normally I wouldn’t ask if it was soon after a death, but I don’t know how a family member would feel about someone asking at this point.

    Thanks for input — for what it’s worth, I’m already planning to send a condolence card once I confirm their address.

    • No advice, but I want to extend my sympathy.

    • I would not ask the family; I’m sure it’s still a difficult topic for them and if I were them I’d think you were prying.

    • AnonInfinity :

      This completely depends on your relationship with the family. If you are good friends and have plenty of contact with a cousin or in-law or someone similar (i.e., not parent or sibling), I think it would be ok to ask in a very sensitive way. That doesn’t seem to be the case since you just recently learned about the death. They will appreciate your card, but I think it would feel weird to me if someone I hadn’t spoken to in a long time asked such a personal question.

      For some context — I have a family member who died young. Unless it naturally comes up in conversation, I always feel like people are just trying to satisfy their morbid curiosity when they ask how she died. I don’t mind, really, and I don’t judge people harshly for asking, but I always have a moment of wondering why the manner of death is important.

    • karenpadi :

      I’m sorry about your friend.

      I had a close friend who died tragically while awaiting an organ transplant in college. I didn’t know much about the specifics of her condition until a few days before her death. Most of our classmates didn’t know until the memorial service. My take is that if the family posted information on Facebook and another site, that’s probably all there is to know or all that the family wants people to know.

      Yes! Please do extend your sympathy! I am friends with her mother on FB. Occasionally, the mom will post an old picture of my friend or some anecdote from her life. It’s bittersweet to be reminded of my friend. It’s been 10 years but it’s still important to acknowledge the loss and to celebrate her life.

    • Sugar Magnolia :

      Please do not ask. It could really upset the family for you to do so. If they wanted the info out there for “anyone” to see, it would be out there.

      You should send a sympathy card immediately though.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      Another reason not to ask is because “died suddenly” can be a euphemism for many things the family does not want to discuss. I am not saying this happened with your friend. However, in my former career I often saw “died suddenly” used in place of committed suicide, overdosed on drugs, alcohol poisoning, driving while intoxicated, shot by a police officer, interaction with mental health medications, murdered in a drug deal, etc. Again, not saying this is the case here but “died suddenly” tends to mean “don’t ask.” If the family isn’t telling people how someone died, it is usually because they don’t want to talk about it. If it is something we should all be aware of “meningitis!” there is often a lot of PSA’s to “take these symptoms seriously” from friends and family following the death.

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        Ps. I’m very sorry for your loss. Do you have mutual friends you could ask?

      • My HS .gd died suddenly 9 years ago. I recently got a fb message from a mutual friend asking what happened, I was happy to tell her and felt bad she didn’t know before that.

    • Question... :

      Thank you everyone! I felt like asking what happened would only satisfy my curiosity so I appreciate your confirmation of that. It sounded like she had some kind of heart condition from what I could tell. She left behind 4 kids. :(

  13. I’m also looking for interview advice. I just got a call today from a local office of a legal advocacy group and the interview is tomorrow already. I am not a lawyer, but in my years as a professor, much of my research and publishing has centered around their main issue.

    My biggest question is how to present myself. I took a couple of years off for family, because my son was going through something very related to what this organization deals with. Now I *think* I’m ready to go back. I know I don’t want to be in the classroom, would love to be free to research and present my findings, could see doing public speaking. More of what I don’t want: to be paid for butt-in-seat-time, to be required to stay at the office when there’s no work imperative to do so, to miss out on my son’s childhood (I’m a single mom, so have to be here after school). I’m also planning on using this experience to apply for positions overseas in 2.5 years. The bossman is 25, has 3 kids under 5 & a SAHWife, mentioned on FB that he’s been in the office 7 am to midnight recently. How do I explain that I would love to work with them, but must keep it within limits?

    • And in case salary comes up–does anybody have any idea how to figure what I can ask for? It’s not the ACLU, but it’s like that.

      • Can you look up the 990 for the org? It will tell you what the top five highest-paid employees make (I believe only if that’s over $100K, however). Still, it might be a start.

        Good luck!

      • Anonymous :

        DC, similar organization, 7th-year attorney (class of 2006), $70K. Hope that helps.

    • Ask what a typical day looks like for someone in this position. Hopefully, the interviewer will give you some clue about hours, work load, face time, etc. expectations as part of the reply. The interviewer might, however, say “that’s a difficult question because no two days are alike around here!” (Btw, that’s total B. S. All jobs have “typical” days. ) I think if that happens, you can press by asking about what your responsibilities would be, if the work is at all cyclical, anything, really that gives the impression that you’re really interested in the work. You might also ask what qualities a successful candidate would have. Answers that talk about dedication, willingness to pitch in and do whatever needs to be done, etc. might indicate that they expect you to put work first.

    • Diana Barry :

      Don’t. You’re a few steps ahead of yourself already. Wait until you have an offer in hand before you start pushing back on what may or may not be requirements of the job.

      • At this point I’m not even sure if I want FT, PT, or consultant. I think they’re growing very fast, so there probably isn’t someone in the same position. They put out a FB pos that they were hiring, & then a few days later (after I’d submitted the appli) came up with job titles & descriptions, all of them really general –communications/ web, paralegal, exec assistant, etc. so I kind of expect wr’ll be defining responsibilities as we go. Main thing I’m worried about is being expected to put in hours like the ED’s.
        Thanks for the tip on the 990. I’m off to figure out how to do that.

  14. Kat, I spy some changes! You are on it!

    • Same, the names and icon changes are nice. Thanks :)

      • Liking the name and icon changes too! Spacing between comments seems a little large, but that’s preferable to too small, IMO.
        BTW, the link to archives on the right just goes to a post called archives, not the actual archives. Never tried it in the previous version of the site, not sure if it used to work.

    • Right?! She is Quick! the comments are already easier to scan. but a little deeper indent would stilll be nice .

      Thanks, Kat!!

      • Hooray for whatever the little red lines down the left side are called–they make it really easy to see what’s what.

    • I saw that too! And I think the boxes around the threads are darker and more noticeable, as well. Hooray, thank you Kat!

      • I posted below — made some more changes; let me know what that does the readability. Is there now *too* much space between comment threads?

        • Maybe a touch *too* much now, but otherwise great. I love the little touches of pink.

        • I think the space before each comment and after each leads to too much, especially when there are nested threads. I would go with the space either before the comment or after but not both.

        • I think the lines are very helpful! good call. But yes, there is now a little too much space between the threads, it’s a little too spread out, in Safari.

        • Research, Not Law :

          Spacing is definitely too much, but huge improvement! This version is much, much more readable. Thanks for being so responsive.

    • Thanks so much for being so responsive, Kat. This is so much better!

    • It’s better, but I’m still not in love. For some reason on my browser (Firefox on Mac) there is like a 3 inch gap between the end of one post/thread and the beginning of the next, and about an inch between replies, which makes it hard to scan still.

      • Spaces are mighty big on my iPhone now too.

        • Yup reading on iPad and space between comments that are different “levels” within a thread is about 3in. Thanks for being responsive Kat!

          • Well i’ve lost track of the timeline of comments ;o) but right now, this looks AWESOME to me!!! i like the box headers, i can clearly see the indentations, the handles are in a nice big point size. I think this is great! thanks Kat for being so responsive, and crowdsourcing an awesome comment layout! You’re the best!!

  15. Cornellian :

    I’d like to put a plug in for my new smartwool tights. They’re plain black, no control top. They’re quite thick, although I can’t find the number on them (maybe 120? 150?). They’re sold by shoe size, which is strange, so I ordered a medium according to my size 8 shoes, and not my size 2-4 body. I haven’t washed them yet but they stay put beautifully and kept their shape all day without cutting in to my stomach. I’m rather waist-less but athletic of thigh, which makes tights hard for me, but these seem to do the job.

    I’d like to generally plug all smartwool products, actually.

    • Sizing – well, they sell the regular socks based on shoe size (S is X range, M is Y range, L is Z range), so I’m thinking they are doing something similar. REI’s website has the S/M/L sizes broken down by height, though.

    • I wonder how sizing based on shoe size can be accurate. For example, I have slightly smaller feet than you, Cornellian, but wear a much larger clothing size. I wonder if we would wear the same in those tights? Come to think of it, being able to buy all my clothes based on my shoe size would be amazing for my ego – and easier than actually losing weight! :-)

      • I can see, in the general sense, that larger feet means a taller person, and so the leg part is longer?

    • I just bought a smartwool cami and wore it under my pj top around the house one night last week that it was nippy. Absolutely fabulous, comfortable, warm, but not too warm and not bulky. I’m looking to buy it in black now.

  16. Can I do a sad-rant? I went to a conference last week with a lot of venture capital/private equity type people. The room was 80% male (though according to a colleague, in prior years it’s been 95+% male, so I suppose that’s progress). Aside from the natural dynamics of a primarily male room, the amount of casual sexism on display made me somewhat disgusted and really vaguely depressed.

    One older man at our table said that he needed a new seatmate. He got up, scouted the room, and functionally frog marched a (pretty, early 30s) woman to our table saying he would listen better if a beautiful woman was by his side. I chatted with her for a bit and she was quite intelligent, engaging and had a lot to offer to the roundtable discussion, but he essentially brought her over to flirt shamelessly and have something to stare at during the (admittedly boring) speakers.

    Another man came to sit by me and said “It’s great that these conferences are expanding – there’s finally some eye candy around here! So nice to sit by a pretty girl like you instead of all these old men.”

    A couple of men I was speaking with during the networking phase listened, responded, then gave me their card and told me to “Text me later on tonight if you want to grab dinner at my hotel — the rooms are beautiful” or said things like, “I don’t know about investment, it’s outside my area. But you are just gorgeous so how about you and I talk further on our own?”

    The only presentation made by a female entrepreneur (all the other presenters were male), I overheard one man at my table say to another, “I don’t know about this – I feel like when companies have a dynamic young guy doing the speaking, these presentations always seem much better. Wonder why that is.”

    I know that in some ways this is the way of the world, but the whole experience made me a little sad. I even know things have changed and it’s not as much of a boys club/meat market as it was before, but as a young professional, it just feels really disheartening to feel like I am automatically taken less seriously and viewed as a sex object first, intelligent person second, just because of my gender.

    No advice needed, just want to vent a little bit to get it off my chest.

    • Sugar Magnolia :


      I am so sorry that you encountered such idiots at this conference. You should send an anonymous message to the organizers about what you experienced.

      • I second this. I would also add some concrete suggestions for ways to improve next time and explanations for why these actions would make a difference. It’s not like these guys were employees of the organizers so they don’t have any direct control but if you have things they can do, then the message would be useful to them. I’d also talk about how much you enjoyed the conference and how useful you find it to your business. The truth is, in many environments, women complaining about sexism are dismissed as overly sensitive. If you make a clear, rational argument for why what happened reduced the value of the conference for you, why the conference would otherwise have been very valuable to you, and what steps would restore value, savvy businesspeople should be all ears.

      • Cornellian :

        or have a higher up send a pointedly not-anonymous message.

    • Wow.

    • Diana Barry :

      Ugh, that is terrible.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      UGH. UGH!

    • DC Jenny's Ghost :

      That’s really awful. I’m sorry you experienced it, and I agree with Sugar Magnolia’s suggestion about contacting the conference organizers. They should know that women aren’t feeling welcome at their conference, and maybe you can even think of some concrete suggestions to improve the experience for others in the future.

      I don’t know what your career ambitions are, but I think things like this can be a great motivator. I like to think of a time when *I* will be the boss, and *I* will do things differently, and if anyone acts like that on my watch, they will be out the door. This spurs me to work harder, think more strategically, and advocate for myself professionally. Or maybe you can use this as a motivator to mentor or otherwise support other women in your field. Don’t let the [email protected]@ards get you down!

      • Your motivation part is spot on. Post-rant, this is an excellent thing to focus on.

        But OP – I’m so sorry you had to tolerate all of that. Wow.

      • LadyEnginerd :

        Agree. I perform my best when there’s a little chip on my shoulder (I know I’m supposed to get my motivation from within from my inherent love of my field, but I am who I am…). Someday, they’ll regret not taking you seriously!

        Alternatively, there’s retail therapy for your office decor:

        • karenpadi :

          Love the paperweight! If only it used the Margaret Atwood/Handmaid’s Tale version of the phrase. . . sigh.

          These men are jerks. And the reason I never bothered to become an engineer after getting a BS in EE. I agree that this should be brought to the attention of the organizers. There has been some blogs/articles about harassment at sci-fi conventions that might be helpful/provide perspective. Here’s a starting point if you want to go down that rabbit hole:

      • The thing is, these attitudes are what prevent women from becoming bosses.

        OP, if there’s a higher-up who agrees with you on all this and considers it serious, you should ask him (or her?) to complain. If he’s friends with the men who acted this way, perhaps he can even talk to them directly about their behavior.

        • DC Jenny's Ghost :

          That is absolutely true. I just think that, for me, vengance (for lack of a better word) is an especially good motivator to help me do what I need to do to try to get through the barriers that exist in my profession. Of course, I’m not there yet! I might feel differently in 10 or 20 years if I haven’t been successful.

    • All I got is: Wow.

    • I hear you! It amazes me how many of these guys either are completely clueless or just don’t care that they are blatantly sexist and offensive. I had a similar experience this spring: industrial conference, 95+% male, was told I was eye candy by a man I had not been introduced nor spoken to. It makes me wonder why I did all that hard work getting an engineering degree when all I had to do was show up and look pretty!

      • But also, your experience sounds like they went to the extreme vs. a few creepy old men who will hopefully retire soon… +1 on the advice to contact the organizers.

        Also maybe this needs to spread to all types of conferences?!

        • 75% of the comments on that piece make me want to stab myself in the eye with a fork.

          • LadyEnginerd :

            Yeah, I made the mistake of reading those comments too. I know this type all too well. They think they’re too smart to follow rules and/or social convention (obviously the rules were made by dumb sheeple) and are simultaneously full of rage that they aren’t recognized as a gem of a “nice guy.”

            I think most self-described “nice guys” (especially on reddit) need to take a good hard look in the mirror and/or get hit on by a someone 100 lbs and 1 ft taller than them who is persistent after being turned down. Oh, what’s that? It makes you feel uncomfortable and you think someone should make it stop? Welcome to my life.

          • girl in the stix :

            push anger out–stab someone else (preferably sexist SOB) in the eye. There. Don’t you feel better? I know I do!

      • LadyEnginerd :

        Ugh. That is just awful and unacceptable. My question with that nonsense is… do they really think it will work? I mean, will I turn around on the street and actually want to go home with the guy catcalling me from the construction site? No! It’s about power, not actually the efficacy of the strategy. It makes me feel so dirty.

        I’ve never had a bad experience at a conference with strangers. At work and in grad school? Too many bad experiences. Apparently making eye contact and smiling at them in the hallways means you’re madly in love with someone, wearing t-shirts and jeans is intentionally provocative clothing designed to tease men, and clearly harassing emails are treated like I was asking for it. Even though I think I have fairly good self-esteem, I do sometimes start to wonder whether there’s something wrong with me … that it’s my fault I attract this. Then I read comments like these and realize it’s all too common.

        My solution? Get engaged, start wearing a ring, mention my fiance quickly in conversation, and take pains to avoid guys who give me the hitting-on-you bat signal in defiance of all the above indications I’m off-limits. And yes, there remain a few real gems I avoid because they don’t get the memo. I feel awful that I need a male “protector” even in this day and age.

    • Cornellian :

      Commiseration! I do some work in a related capital/private equity/hedge fund area and went to lunch with a client who

      -complained about how his wife was “always ordering the wrong thing! fish at a steak place! steak at the italian place! Ugh, you women!” and
      -commented on my manicure (lack there of, actually), among other things.

      that field is bad, bad news for women. it’s really unfortunate. it’s like all the nerdy masculinity of engineering and hard science fields mixed with the macho of finance and the aggressiveness of law.

      • Seconded. Private equity is notorious for this. I’ve done a fair bit of work in that area and unfortunately I don’t think it is going to change any time soon.

        • I will never complain about the colleagues I thought were being jerks again. (well, maybe 2 were close to this level). I know part of the point is to network, so you can’t stick with people I know but honestly, the thing I’ve found most helpful is when guys either speak up on this directly & pointedly or (I didn’t realize a colleague was doing this until we’d attended a couple conferences together) , at the moment the “eye candy” treatment begins, come up with a way to make conversation really work-centered & throw it to me. “So, jenk, you’ve worked in the area that we just heard a presentation on and became quite an expert at x part of it. What did you think of the presenters point that…”. Sucks to rely on a guy, I I is, but as someone pointed out above, women are often not taken seriously no matter what we say, so I appreciate his approach.

          Btw, at the time when our fields was really beginning to expand child care at conferences, I mentioned to a conference organizer, as he stood near the buffet table where my 4-yo son (who had been with a babysitter in the hotel) & I were getting food, that that was an area the conference could work on. He snapped at me “children have no place here!”. When I emailed the other (younger) organizers, they apologized & basically asked me to forgive him for being a jerk who didn’t get it.

  17. Does anyone have the Boden oil cloth shopper? I have a similar tote which is just a smidge too small everything I carry and I’m hoping this will be the one.

    I went from my internship, to a lecture, to a session I was teaching, to lunch, to the office, to home, to a building meeting and found that everything was so jammed in my bag, it made getting things out a difficult exercise.

    Otherwise, I’m going to have to ask for a Lo&Sons for Christmas.

  18. So does this mean that I am not supposed to be going commando in my other brand tights?

    Seriously though, did the Add a comment part always end in an exclamation point or am I just feeling extra sensitive today?

  19. Let me know what those changes do for the readability of the threads. (I tried to increase the space between them, and the pink bars seem more like the old system of telling you where comments were in the nest.)

    • I like the pink lines.

      • Honestly, I liked the darker boxes better. I think the pink lines look okay as long as there are only one or two stacked comments, but after that it gets a little busy. Still, way, way, WAY better than it was at first! Thank you for your responsiveness, Kat :)

        • I think the lines are great, but don’t see why every single post has them. Shouldn’t new threads be without, and then 1 line for 1st reply, 2 for 2nd, etc?

        • I don’t see pink lines on chrome

      • SF Bay Associate :

        I like the pink lines, too much spacing between replies and threads. Can we also have a horizontal line between threads, or is that not possible?

        • Yes! I’m longing for a horizontal line between threads!! This version is x100 better for me, and I think all it needs now is a better differentiation for new threads.

          I didn’t like the pink vertical lines, but if they have to come back, please let the original post in a thread be without the pink line to help scan for the new thread.

    • Cornellian :

      This may just be because we use 2006 internet explorer, but there are nearly 3 inches between each comment for me.

    • Research, Not Law :

      If we can put in a wish list – Is it possible to have the first comment a different color than replies? I really like the new “headers” (with name/date/time) and the cleaner look (losing the boxes), but I’m still having a hard time visually identifying a new comment with the pink lines.

    • I think w/ the spacing as is, you don’t need the pink bars.

    • Is it possible to make the first comment in a thread not have a pink line? Right now it’s hard for me to figure out where one topic ends and a new one starts, which makes it hard to scroll past a topic that doesn’t apply to me. The gray/white boxes actually were easier to read in that respect.

      Also, I agree with the comments that there’s a bit *too* much spacing now. My scrolling finger gets tired! :)

  20. Kat – make the comments section look like an excel spreadsheet so we all don’t have to alt-tab when someone walks into our office . . . .

    • I remember that like 12 years ago, there was a game website I used to play games on that had a “panic” button in the top corner of the page. If you clicked it, it immediately popped up a window that looked exactly like an excel spreadsheet.

    • Ha. This would be lovely ;)

    • This is awesome.

  21. I think we could decrease the spaces a little bit. Because it leads to a very large gap when there are a ton of indented comments. But it’s improving!

  22. Time to Travel :

    Anyone have a favorite passport cover? I want to give them to my mom and sisters as Christmas gifts, but I am having trouble finding them.

    • I don’t have specifics, but would bet Etsy has some great ones. Also try Kate Spade….

    • How about a travel wallet instead so they have room for their passport, but also boarding passes and other important stuff?

    • They have several at pottery barn. Got a really cool weathered looking one for the hubs. There was a more feminine one at neiman marcus, that I would get for a mom or sister.

  23. manomanon :

    ugh! I have been dealing with a tech company rep who is annoyed with my organization (somewhat understandably) it seems like the person who left before I came told them we wanted one thing and we want something different… its a runaround… which is so not the point.
    We were on the phone today and he finished the conversation saying “it’s fine sweetie have a good night” and hung up before I could say… “No not sweetie… not cool” or something more civilized. It certainly isn’t dramatic behavior like at the conference above but it is still seriously annoying.
    This was a mostly pointless rant but I feel marginally better

  24. More blog format comments: I am using Firefox and also have the giant spaces between comments. The lines are not really helping much with following conversations, either, although I guess they are better than the boxes. I do think they make the page look more cluttered.

    Another issue – with the previous format, at the bottom of the comments there was a link to the previous entry. I don’t see any links to previous entries now, so if I want to read this morning’s entry, I have to go back to the home page and click on it. Am I just missing the link or is it not there? I liked being able to just go straight to the previous entry without always having to go back to the home page.

    • Ok, I’ll try to fix the spacing issue now. Those big arrows on the far right-hand side of the page seem to be the best I can for Previous/Next post — if you hover over it it tells you the title.

      • AnonInfinity :

        I like the arrow! And the lines!

      • The previous/next arrows are good, although they seem backward to me – I would think left would be previous, right would be next, at least the way my brain works. I also agree with the hive that the text section could stand to be wider, with the previous/next arrows and white space smaller.

        But every change is a little bit better, can’t wait to see what tomorrow’s improvements are!

        • Agree! I really like the arrows, but they definitely seem backward. I think it’s because thats the way book pages would read.

      • Yes! The spacing and the new boxes for the headers are fantastic! I can totally see the indenting of each thread clearly like on the old format. And I like the arrows, but i agree it would make more sense if it was Left to Previous and Right to Next

        Thanks for doing so much fixing today, Kat! I doubt this is how you planned to spend your day ;o)

  25. Muddy Buddy :

    You guise. First trial tomorrow (thanks for all who gave me words of encouragement last week). I just realized that the projector blows my hands up huge and displays them on a screen for everyone in the courtroom to see. This obviously means that I need to leave early (I have all of my outlines/research done) and get a manicure, right?!

  26. I just need to vent for a minute. I went to my doctor appointment on Friday, and the doctor diagnosed me with ‘tension headaches.’ She gave me muscle relaxers and just told me to take them before bed time.

    First off, these things are horrible. It’s already 2:30 (PST) and I am still so tired. I’ve had an iced coffee, 2 caramel macchiatos and a diet coke, I feel sick from the caffiene, but no relief from the sleepiness. I felt like a zombie all day yesterday as well.

    Secondly, the pains are still happening, and I really don’t think they’re stress related/induced. They don’t linger like my past tension/stress headaches have, and they’re way too sharp. The doctor I saw even admitted that she hadn’t heard of this happening with stress headaches, but she wanted to treat me for stress anyway.

    I’ve been diagnosed with stress/tension headaches in the past, and these are so different. I’m so frustrated, and sick of going to the dr with no answers.

    • 2nd opinion time! Maybe a specialist.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      If you have had a neck or jaw injury, consider seeing a chiro. I had awful “stress headaches” that were really from a poorly treated sprained neck following a ski injury. After some chiro work, the headaches were gone.

    • Seattle Freeze :

      Or consider a headache clinic or neurology practice with experience treating headaches. You’ll likely have much more success exploring this with a neurologist than with a family practice dr.

      If I remember correctly, these are sharp pains, short duration, but frequently recurring? Google “ice pick headache” – does this sound like what’s happening? There are some effective treatments, but muscle relaxers are not likely to help with this.

      You have my sympathies! I’ve had chronic migraines for many years, and it’s still a struggle to find appropriate, effective treatments.

      • I just Googled (is that even a word? :) Ice Pick Headaches, and that is EXACTLY what is happening with me. Do you have these as well?

      • By the way, we have a coffee shop in our area that serves a specialty drink called a “Seattle Freeze.” They’re amazing concoctions of ice cream and espresso, and your name just reminded me that I haven’t had one in ages!

    • Anonymous :

      I have been diagnosed with tension headaches, they were not sharp – they were dull, constant, and growing, like someone slowly tightening a clamp around my head.

      I think a second opinion would be helpful. At the time, I was told they were related to my BC, even though that research is from the 70s when BC hormone levels were crazy-high, and even though I had been on the same BC without symptoms for years. What ended up helping me was a prescription sleeping bill, and 400 mg of naprosin 2X per day, every day for five days (even though the headaches were gone after three days). I am pretty sure this is way above the OTC recommendation so you should talk with a doctor, but I just wanted to let you know that the meds may not always be as intense as muscle relaxers – that seems like overkill to me.

      Good luck!

      • Yes, the last time I was diagnosed with tension headaches, it was a dull ache that lasted for much longer than several seconds.

        The ice pick headache mentioned above sounds precisely like what I’m experiencing, so I think I am going to go get a second opinion. Even though they may not have a specific treatment, it’s better than doping myself with muscle relaxers for nothing! :)

  27. Any recommendations for ID lanyards? My current lanyard is a free one related to one of my hobbies, and while it’s proven to be a decent conversation starter, I’d like something a little more polished. I’m required to display it above the waist, so any sort of belt clip/wristlet is out.


    • FallenAngela :

      Brighton has a few nice lanyards. Their jewelry is not really my style but when I had to wear a lanyard around my neck, I went with one of their chains.

  28. Keep up the good work Kat! We want [this site} to thrive!

  29. Associate attorney in search of nude stockings :

    OH I am loving tights weather! Seeing lots of cute patterns, colors, and styles out there already. I used to be one of those never-gonna-wear-nude-stockings girls, but after seeing some sharply dressed ladies rocking them today I am finally going to give them a try. Anyone out there have favorite brands for sheers?

    • Late reply, but there have been lengthy discussions about this in past months, with everyone’s favorites listed – I think a lot of people like Hanes but I can’t remember the rest. Search the comments, you’ll find the info.

      • Associate attorney in search of nude stockings :

        Ok, thank you! I’m going to try some Hanes or DKNY Nudes with a nice pencil skirt. Appellate court, here I come!

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