Coffee Break – Criss Cross Horseshoe Leather Belt

 L. Erickson Criss Cross Horseshoe Leather BeltFrance Luxe, which I normally look to for beautiful hair accessories, has some killer sales on L. Erickson belts going on right now, including this light blue horseshoe leather belt. I could see it livening up everything from sheath dresses to cardigans, either accenting neutral colors like black, gray, or navy, or adding a contrast to a more colorful outfit with kelly green or dark red. It’s only available in the light blue leather, but the deal makes up for that: it was $78, but is now marked to $9.99. L. Erickson Criss Cross Horseshoe Leather Belt


  1. I love this but just bought two new belts. I’m on a clothes shopping spree.

    In the job interview that never ends with the small firm of my dreams, there’s been an unusual twist: I’ve been invited, along with my husband, to dinner with the partners the night before my ‘callback’ interview. I’ve done this with large firm callbacks in law school, but this seems different, somehow. I’m thinking of pairing the Silk Georgett Pleated Skirt from Talbots with a navy boatneck sweater I already own. It’s at a great price and I think I could rewear it with a blazer on non-court days in the future.

    (I know I will get moderated for this, but here goes…)

    Alternatively, the Talbots washed silk full skirt:

    I’d love recommendations on which skirt, and which color I should go for.

    • just Karen :

      I think that either would be appropriate for what you described. Personally I think the Baccarra Rose color would look great with navy, and I really like the Cyan as well, but depending on what colors you usually drift towards you might prefer Ginger, which I also think would look really nice. I think the green or yellow of the washed full skirt would work (I think the yellow would look better with navy, but I love that green color). One thing to note would be that the pleated version has a finished waistband in the smaller (non-women’s) sizes, but the washed full skirt looks like it has an elastic waistband in all sizes – I think you might get more use out of a finished waistband. Hope this helps!

  2. Anonymous :

    HiveMind? What activities, hobbies, etc. would you recommend for my male co-worker (30s, attractive, no major flaws) who wants a wondergirl girlfriend? He tried eHarm (shudder), speed dating, etc. but he’s had no luck. I know he’s not too picky, he just meets horrible women.
    Any suggestions?

    • I’m single! ;)

      • Haha, this was my response as well.

        • My response as well…

          Maybe he should troll Corporette for dates :)

          • dance classes/ social dancing (salsa, swing, tango etc)

          • anon for this :

            My mind immediately thought of the Bachelor, as in the women of Corporette acting like those who are on the show.


          • karenpadi :

            @anon for this:

            Oh gosh! I had a dream the other night that my co-workers “tricked” me into appearing on the Bachelor. It was so horrible!

          • If he is any good, he can call me!

    • Does he have hobbies? Book club? Volunteering? Church?

      The advice I’ve heard is to do things you like or enjoy (but in a way that gets you out of your house). That means you’re likely to meet other people who also like the thing you do, so you’ve already got something in common.

      Is the eharmony shudder yours or his?

      • Yeah what is he into? We can’t just say join a running club when he can’t stand running.

        Myself and most people I know meet people through friends or coworkers. I definitely don’t have the most expansive social network by any means, but a lot of times it’s just saying yes to invites when you’d rather cuddle with a bottle a wine and good book. And yes there’s time when you go out with a group or to a function and have a terrible time and wish you were home, but you’re definitely not going to meet anyone at home.

        To echo, yes was the shudder yours or his?

        • Anonymous :

          His shudder. He tried it and had no luck.
          Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. He has mostly manly-man hobbies (sports) so he’s having trouble meeting women that way. I suggested he sign up for yoga.

          • there’s like never any men in my kickboxing class, but he might like that more than yoga. or if he’s into sports does he strike up conversations with girls at sports bars? or has he tried co-ed sports leagues (e.g. soccer, volleyball)?

          • Yoga – or co-ed sports where his friend can bring single sports-minded women.

            Or what about coaching kids/church sports? Check your local community events for outdoor/active/physical activities? Or doing a volunteer thing like Habitat for Humanity (kind of manly with the building, but wouldn’t be exclusively guys? I’ve considered doing it myself)? Is there a local singles organization that organizes outings – I bet they have some active events (sports watching, hiking, golfing, etc).

            Now, if only I could follow my own advice :)

          • Anonymous :

            Never any men in your kickboxing class? That is crazy! This must be a cardio kickboxing class. I’m almost always the only women in the boxing/kickboxing gyms I’ve trained in.

          • I don’t really know what cardio kickboxing is, but maybe it’s that. It’s a regular gym, but we basically use the bag the whole time. There maybe be 1-2 old guys in the class, but no one that gets my attention lol.

          • Anonymous :

            Do you spar? Are people in your class training for fights, or just hitting the bag? To me, cardio kickboxing = hitting a bag, or maybe some mitt drills, but no sparring. It’s just a workout, except with gloves instead of dance moves/weights. Kickboxing = hitting the bag, solid mitt work, full contact sparring, and most of the people at any given time are training for amateur or pro fights.

          • Anonymous :

            By the way, not that there is anything wrong with cardio kickboxing. I just was surprised because if any man asked me where to meet women, the LAST place I’d send him would be my boxing/kickboxing gyms!

          • This might not be a popular opinion, but I get a bit creeped out when guys hit on me during yoga. I think it may be because yoga is supposed to be meditative (for me) and it’s creepy to think that the guy in the back row is checking me out.

            I echo the suggestion to join sports leagues. There are tons of girls who like sports.

          • err “girls”… I mean “women”, of course.

          • As a 20something woman who loves college football, maybe it’ll help him to know that it’s awfully tough to find a guy who’s into sports in bigger cities… maybe he’d have easier luck in such?

    • law talking girl :

      I shuddered at eHarmony too, but my mom made me sign up and I immediately met a great guy there.

      • I’ve also shuddered, but that was partly because the recommendation came about 3 months after breaking up with the ex (after 1.5 years of dating) and I just wasn’t ready yet. I’ve had positive anecdotes regarding the use of it though (aunt, friends), so I’ll probably end up there once I’m steady on my feet again.

        My mother also offered to pay for it – she hasn’t quite gotten pushy about it.

      • Yup, me too! (though my mom didn’t make me sign up…I forced myself after swearing I never, ever would)

    • Lately my single friends have had lots of good things to say about OK Cupid. Plenty of nonsense on there as on Match, but more personality, it seems….?

      • Hey… I just created a new facebook group for us, please feel free to share and spread it around, it might be an easier way to continue these stories in one place

    • throw me into the mix as a single one… hell, let’s have a mixer with him, his friends, and us!

    • There are co-ed outdoor adventure clubs. Have him look into one of those. I’ve meet people at every event I’ve attend. Also, and “just lunch” or whatever its called.

      • That’s where I met my husband! (at an outdoor adventure club meeting – ironically, it was the only meeting of that group I even attended, though many of the group members have become friends via husband).

    • Coed sports league? A friend of mine met his wife playing in a kickball league.

    • I would second the recommendation for co-ed sports leagues. Also, check out if there is an outdoor adventure group in the area – one that organizes rock climbing or hiking trips. I went on an organized hike once – pretty much the entire group was female.

    • Maybe try Match and have a friend read his profile? (I wonder if he was inadvertantly scaring off the good ones with his old profile.)

    • It’s Election Year. Can he volunteer to work on a candidate’s campaign or at least for his political party?

    • Makeup Junkie :

      You should introduce him to your single friends.

    • Adult beginning ballet!

    • My brother’s been asking out girls that he meets on the bus. He likes it better than joining a class or a club because if he asks them out and they end up not clicking he doesn’t have to continue being thrown into contact with him the way he would if they were in a weekly activity together.

      Btw, brother, 24, handsome (according to my friends), in DC if anyone’s interested. I thought I posted about him on a previous thread where we were discussing this, but I went back and couldn’t find the thread again.

      • Hey… I just created a facebook group for us, please feel free to share and spread it around, it might be an easier way to continue these stories in one place
        perhaps you should post about your brother there :)

      • Anastasia :

        I love your brother’s idea! Too bad 24 is really too young for my friends.

        (also, when I finish my book mid-commute — not on the e-book bandwagon yet — I love listening to “pick-up” conversations around me on the subway. So more people should definitely try this.)

      • I am 23, live just outside the DC Metro, and would go on a date with your brother. Awkward/creepy as that would probably be.

        • Email me at Lynnet85 at yahoo dot com and I’ll forward you on to him.

          I assure you he’s not creepy, but I imagine most first dates are awkward. :)

    • What hobbies/activities does he enjoy?

      Faking interest in something to get dates probably won’t work out so well, but meeting someone who shares his interests will.

      That said, let me know if he’s into death metal. A friend of mine is looking for that kind of perfect man.

    • Accountress :

      33607? Greater Central Florida area?

      And seriously, the radiostation I listen to keeps repeating this “Events and Adventures” ad- It’s fun activities with other singletons. Make friends and a girlfriend will follow?

  3. I love it! Going to buy it now. Thanks, Kat!

  4. Sydney Bristow :

    Cute belt!

    I have my first OK Cupid date tomorrow night. We are going to Celsius overlooking the ice skating rink near Bryant Park. I’ve never been there before and I’m meeting him after work, so I’m having a little trouble deciding what to wear. I was thinking of a black pencil skirt with a gray sweater and adding some more exciting jewelry when I leave work. Does this sound too dressy? I have a few pairs of dress pants, but they are looking a little loose lately and I think the skirt is more flattering. I could also throw some jeans in my bag and change before I leave work. Suggestions?

    I’m looking forward to it but I’m a little nervous because I haven’t been on a date since 2006ish.

    • So I’ve had a few eHarms dates recently, and I hope you’ll have better luck than I have (and also know I know zero about Celsius as I live in DC), but my experience has been that I have been dressed decidedly nicer than the guys. From my experience, I’d say you’re going to be over-dressed. If you feel more comfortable in the skirt though, go with that! Even considering that I’ve been “over-dressed” every time, I’d still rather be over-dressed and comfortable. Plus, it’s always better to be over-dressed than under.

      And this was a super rambling response — sorry! Hope there’s something helpful for you in that mess…

      • Sydney Bristow :

        Haha that’s helpful. He knows that I’m a lawyer and coming from work, so maybe he’s expecting that I’ll be a but dressed up.

        How have your eharmony dates been going?

        • They’re going… And I keep telling myself that at least they’re dates! Good practice for later. So far, there was only one guy I was really interested in after the first date, but he turned out to be a crazypants. Otherwise, they’ve all been nice guys, but just kind of eh.

          • I kinda wish we had a place to discuss dating through online methods, I’d love to hear more about your experiences as I am beginning to do the same!

          • @K in NYC – Repost this tomorrow in the TPS. I’m sure you’ll get quite a few responses.

          • Sydney Bristow :

            @K- I’m just getting started too and I have a feeling it’s going to be a bit of an adventure. I’m just on ok Cupid because it’s free and I’ve found some people who at least seem good in paper. We’ll see how that pans out in person. Are you already on a site?

            @Duchess- I’m trying to view it as practice, but I’m pretty excited/nervous anyway. So far this guy seems pretty good. We’ve spoken on the phone for awhile and the conversation certainly wasn’t lacking and he suggested a hit chocolate date because he said he figured I was always getting asked out for coffee and he wanted to be different and this place he suggested looks pretty cool. Hopefully all of this transfers well into meeting face to face.

          • @K — Totally agree with you. Several of my friends are also dipping their toes into online dating, but they’re being soooo much pickier than I am. Yeah, I’m going on a lot more eh dates, but I also look at it as at least I’m going on dates. If these guys don’t look perfect on paper to them, they won’t go. My point is (again with the rambling!), yes, it would be awesome to have people who have similar experiences to discuss these dating adventures with.

          • One of the things I haven’t gotten around to is blogging about my biodates. And randoms I meet online. I should get on that. And can I just say, dating for Muslim people is SO WEIRD.

          • Sydney Bristow :

            @Ru- I’d read that! I’m keeping track of the weird people who contact me. I got a great message from someone who I would have gone out with until I read his profile and he was polyamorous. He sent me such a nice message that I did respond to him to explain why I wasn’t interested. I’ve also had one guy who was looking for someone to just cuddle with all the time and another who told me my sister was hot (she is in a picture with me) and then proceeded to repeatedly ask me to put in a good word for him with her.

          • I met my boyfriend on Ok Cupid 6 months ago.

            My advice: Go on lots of first dates. Skip the awkward emailing-thru-the-site part, and if he looks interesting, ask to meet for coffee or a drink.

            And give him a chance. My dude was a little nerdy at first, but he deserved a chance, and it was my own prejudice that would have gotten in the way.

            It takes work. I paid for eharmony for a year before I met him. Went on a few dates, but nothing worked out.

            You have to keep at it.

        • Hey… I just created a facebook group for us, please feel free to share and spread it around, it might be an easier way to continue these stories in one place

      • Hey… I just created a facebook group for us, please feel free to share and spread it around, it might be an easier way to continue these stories in one place

    • I think your outfit sounds great. I would wear your work outfit that makes you feel the most confident.

      I like dates after work because if I’m overdressed compared to the guy, he will assume its because that’s how I dress for work, not necessarily for the date. Weekend dates I’m often more stumped.

    • I work right in the area. The good thing is there are a fair number of people in Bryant Park who are out right after work and are therefore in their work clothes. There are a lot of tourists too though. I think you may be more dressed up than him in that outfit, but I think it is fine (but then the jeans would be ok too). I would wear whatever you are more comfortable wearing and makes you feel the best.

    • karenpadi :

      So I had 3 eHarmony dates this weekend (apparently a popular Silicon Valley resolution is to go on more dates).

      The first was actually a guy I met a few years ago at my gym. I had a crush on him at the time and he was in oblivious-guy mode (although he did admit that he knew I was flirting with him). He left the gym and I dated another guy at the gym. eHarmony re-connected us! We shall see how this pans out…

      • Sydney Bristow :

        Starting to date again was one of my new year goals as well. I had no idea it was so common!

        • It’s one of mine too! Except I have done nothing towards it. I must work on my match profile tonight.

          • Sydney Bristow :

            Put it up! I took the advice of someone here and set myself a deadline to put it up. I wrote something up, emailed it to my friends for edits, and then put it up a few days later on the day I set for my deadline. It was helpful to do that because I probably could have continued to edit it forever before putting it up.

          • Hey… I just created a facebook group for us, please feel free to share and spread it around, it might be an easier way to continue these stories in one place

            maybe this will help you with the goal!

    • DC Association :

      I went to Celsius over the Holiday break. I would change into jeans – it is pretty casual. Of course, I was there during the day and it was over the break so there was not a post-work crowd. Plus, you never know, you could be inspired to go ice skating or be able to run away faster if things don’t go well. ha ha! Kidding.

      Good luck! I liked Celsius, it is a good first-date place – lots to look at and observe.

      • Alanna of Trebond :

        You can’t really ice skate in jeans. Unless they are jeggings or something.

      • Sydney Bristow :

        Oh I didn’t even consider the fact that we might skate. Maybe I’ll put socks in my bag too. I got a new pair of jeans delivered today, so tonight will be an outfit trial night.

  5. Can anyone recommend somewhere to buy nice, basic t-shirts that don’t cost a fortune? I love J Crew’s vintage cotton v-necks, but could use some slightly more refined options.

    • Lands End actually has some on sale right now (like $15) – nothing fancy, but simple, mid-weight fabric in lots of options.

      • Target v-necks are my ABSOLUTE favorite i love them!!!

        • Which kind do you get? It seems they have so many – Merona and I don’t know what all else. I’ve gotten some there I love and others I’ve had to return after they turned to rags with one wearing.

          • merona… v-necks that are usually on a stand with various shelf levels. they last a long time and are soft and not too tight or frumpy. definitely last years+ of wearings and they always have them. i also live in the long tank tops that are nearby on another shelf thing, they have more stretch but than just the cotton but also a great staple. pregnant, miss being able to wear them!

      • Research, Not Law :

        I’ve been solidly impressed with my recent Land’s End purchases.

        The Caslon brand at Nordstrom is my go-to. Basic, well-cut, durable, reasonably priced.

        I recently got a Gap “pure body” t-shirt and was impressed. The sleeves are tighter than I’d like, but I otherwise liked the fit and fabric. It is maternity, but I’d imagine it’s similar to the regular.

    • Maybe not the most refined choice, but I still like Old Navy for basic stuff like that. Quality is decent and they come in a ton of different colors and cuts.

    • loft just released some as part of the spring/cruise/whatever fake season we’re in now line. their website was terrible last time i looked though

    • I love the long-sleeved ones from Loft. Really soft and simple.

      • spacegeek :

        I like Loft too. FWIW, my Old Navy t-shirts seem to stretch out and only last a year. But then, I bought those Ts as workout ones, so they get washed frequently…

  6. I always think belts are beautiful, but I don’t really wear pants to the office and find that I don’t know how to put belt-involving outfits together.

    • AnonInfinity :

      Yes! This is my problem.

      I’ve tried putting them over cardigans, but then the cardigan poufs out over the belt and it just doesn’t look right.

      • I’m right there with you. I always love suggestions (in theory) of putting belts over cardigans and dresses, but when I actually try to implement them, I feel like I look short and fat! I am short waisted, though, and have an ample chest, so I don’t know if that’s my problem, or what.

        • phillygirlruns :

          i’m built like you (hourglass with a short torso) and cannot belt over a cardigan. it always manages to emphasize the fact that my waist is short rather than the fact that it’s narrow.

          similarly, i can’t wear a belt without belt loops (like the pencil skirt/tucked in top example) – it just rides up to the smallest available part of my body, even if it’s relatively loose. a belt at my natural waist over a sheath dress and UNDER a cardigan works well for my shape, but the dress needs to have loops to keep the belt in place.

    • I wear skinny belts over shorter, more fitted cardigans, I like that look. I also wear a pencil skirt with a fitted tank tucked in, skinny belt, and longer boyfriend-style cardigan, that seems to work.

    • I have a similar problem in that I find it always looks very awkward for me to show my waistband (that is, I’m either wearing something untucked, or wearing a jacket/cardi over something tucked). I guess I’m short waisted or something?

      Anyway, I put on a pair of pants the other day that were a little looser than I expected and tried to belt them, but had a really hard time making it work without looking like I had a tummy bulge under my shirt. It’s entirely possible that they’re just plain not for me.

    • Research, Not Law :

      A friend wears belts like this one with a basic sheath and looks amazing. I actually thought of her when the pic came up.

  7. I’ve never heard of this site. Anybody know their return policy? I wasn’t able to find the info on their site.

  8. I just received a “seasonless wool” suit (blazer and pants) that I ordered from Talbots, the pants are unlined and horribly itchy and scratchy. I’ve read on this site before that some people handwash unlined wool to make it softer, but have been unable to find those posts. Has anyone had any luck handwashing the Talbots seasonless wool? Any tips on how to go about it? Just soak in woolite, rinse and hang to dry? I love the look of the suit, and got it for a great price, so I’d like to keep it, but it took about 5 minutes before I was scratching like crazy and had to take the pants off.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      I sent mine back because the pants were too itchy and not very flattering, but if I had kept them I was thinking about paying a tailor to line them or to get a pair of those separate lining-type pants (can’t remember what they are called, pedipants maybe?). Might be worth looking into instead of washing them with woolite in case you decide you want to return them.

      • Thanks, I’ll look for some better pants liners. I bought some last year at JC Penney, they were kind of awful, the waistband came up higher than the pants I was wearing, and bunched up. Not attractive.

        How do people wear those seasonless wool pants that Talbots sells? I refused to buy them for the first few years they sold them, but I figured they must not be that bad, because Talbots keeps selling them. But my gosh, they feel like wearing sandpaper! I loved Talbots suits back in the day, wish I could like them again.

    • I’d check The Laundress website for wool washing instructions. I’ve done it with BR dress pants, using the wool/cashmere shampoo The Laundress sells (available thru amazon or The Container Store). The sweaters stay soft – may even get soft, but can’t say as to pants.

    • If it’s bugging you that much, I’d send it back. You can certainly wash wool (I use Eucalan, it’s a great product and the website has good instructional videos for how to wash wool and delicates). But, washing alone is probably not going to make it that much softer. Cheaper wool is more coarse because it’s make with thicker fibers, and washing isn’t going to change that.

    • MeliaraofTlanth :

      I have them–for some reason they didn’t itch when I tried them on, and then itched like mad the first time I wore them. So I either wear tights or spanx underneath (for some reason the itching only bothers me on my thighs–maybe it’s in closer contact than lower legs?), and that works fine. Haven’t tried washing them. I almost tried it this weekend and chickened out and worried I was going to shrink them. To the dry cleaner they went.

    • Anonymous :

      Try wearing the LL Bean silk long underwear under them. They are very lightweight and wash very well.

  9. Ladies, I just had an interview where two people at the firm interviewed me at the same time. Should I send two thank you cards? Just one addressed to both? I’ve never had this situation before so I wasn’t sure what the right protocol was. TYIA!

  10. Random question. Any recommendations for how to get out a toothpaste splotch on a sweater? It is synthetic fabric (maternity crap); dabbing with water left a white spot. :( Yes I usually know to get dressed last. Mornings getting to work are a bear for preggers.

    • what about getting it really wet and gently rubbing the spot? Toothpaste should dissolve in water, in theory, right? though whitening toothpaste might leave a stain

    • Anonymous :

      Unfortunately, I’ve found toothpaste to be the one thing I can’t get out, even if I catch it immediately (and I am very good at stain removal). I suspect it is some bleaching element in the toothpaste. If you’re successful, please share.

  11. Anonymous :

    Just need to share: Had a final round interview for a job today and feel like I absolutely blew it. Could not make a logical point to save my life, just felt like I babbled on and on.

    I keep replaying it in my head… argh. So painful.

    • That sucks. I’ve been there. Twice. But on the bright side, one of those times, I managed to write a charming enough thank you note to get the job anyway. Give it a shot. It’s never as bad as you think it was. Hugs and good luck!

    • I agree with AIMS. Just don’t use the TY note to amend any of your previous statements/ clarify further. That just looks bad. Just tell each person how much you enjoyed talking about (insert subject here) and how excited you are at the prospect of working for them.

    • Serenity now!!!!

      I’m actually kind of serious. My rule for myself in situations like this is that I can only think about things I wish I’d done differently insofar as it’s constructive. Beyond that, I absolutely have to let it go. It’s done. I wouldn’t even do this, however, until you know for sure that you didn’t get the job. Right now, just try to focus on other things! Also, remember that whatever happens, you will probably never know whether you “blew” the interview or not. Everything Zen…

      • And –agree with AIMS and Circe on the thank you note.

      • Anonymous :

        Thanks for the support — already drafting that TY note. I completely agree about the constructive rehashing — I have a lot of trouble letting go and let stuff like this keep me up at night.

    • For what it's worth... :

      At my most recent callback, I was convinced I blew it, too. Stayed up all night rehashing it. But I got the job. Maybe it went better than you think. Or they liked you so much on paper that you had some “wiggle room” in person. Good luck!

    • I’ve done this and still managed to get the job… both times. You may be replaying the discussion over and over in your head but they probably are not. I rarely remember anything interviewees say to me; I remember the first impression they made the moment they entered my office and whether they were actually qualified for the position or clearly faking it.

  12. I know its late, but I really need some advice. My boss wants me to come with him on a driving business trip several hours away. He is a big drinker and I suspect he will have several hard alcohol drinks at dinner and then expect to drive us home. I really do not feel safe riding with someone who’s had something to drink, especially because we’ll be going on the highway (we’re not talking 1 beer or 1 glass of wine – he can really drink.) I would be fine being designated driver, but I don’t want to drive his $100,000 car, nor would he let me, I’m sure. It seems incredibly weird to ask to take my own car or fly, since he expects us to go together. He is excited about us taking the trip together and I know it will be a good opportunity for me professionally, but I really feel unsafe riding with someone who has had several drinks. I just don’t know how to get out of it without seeming incredibly judgy – its not like I can simply call a cab once he’s already drunk, and telling him in advance that I don’t want to ride with him because he may drink makes me sound so uptight (and also like I think he’s an alcoholic). Help!

    • This is incredibly not okay, at all. Forget the fact that he’s endangering his own life and possibly your own, what about every other person out there? I honestly don’t have any advice for you but ish like this makes me wish there was a way to report people like this. Is there?

      Also, if somebody thought, even my boss, that I was uptight because I don’t want to put my life in his drunken hands while he’s operating a 5 ton bullet, well la di da and call me a priss.

      • wow this is a new one. i honestly don’t know. is there any possible excuse you can make to meet him there (tight schedule on either end, other business in that place so need to stay overnight, want child or such to come with you…)

        • another anon :

          Coming to this late, but in my opinion it’s not sufficient for you to work out a way to drive your own car while he drives his if you know he’s drinking.

    • Car Service :

      Why don’t you suggest using a car and driver “so we can really make use of the drive time together.”

    • WorkingGirl :


      -Do not go on the trip.
      -Go on the trip but do not go to dinner (you have to work, you have a sudden stomach bug, etc.).
      -Go on the trip but go to dinner in your hotel/walking distance.
      -Go on the trip, go to dinner in the car, and try to drive home. For example, after dinner say that you are happy to chauffeur him because you have not had anything to drink. I think you can offer without sounding judgmental by making it seem as though you are trying to do a favor/make his life easier. You also could say something like “I promised my mom/husband/daughter I would never get in the car with someone who has had a drink, and I could never betray my word.”

      This is a tough call. Do you have colleagues you trust from whom you can seek advice? I feel like your strategy re what to say is going to depend on his personality.

      • WorkingGirl :

        I had assumed the trip was for an overnight stay. If dinner is on the way home at the end of the trip, you can always say you need to get back and can’t do dinner.

    • Does your company have a policy about drinking while on company business? At mine the BAC limit is .04…maybe that could work in your favor. Good luck.

    • I would sit down with him now, beforehand. Speak privately and tell him how much you appreciate the offer, how great an experience you think it could be, and how much you know he can teach you. From there, say that you know he’s a fan of letting loose and that, because you’re on some type of medication/diet/etc., you won’t be able to drink or stay out super late. Tell him you wanted to let him know so he knows going into things to either order the car to take you both or so he can make sure to show you any tricks in driving his car or to give you the # to the local cab company in advance. If he balks at either, try to make a bit of a joke of it but be clear in that this is the deal for you to go.

      Then let him make the choice. When he’s sober and in business mode, he may be more able to consider your thoughts and process them than he’d be if you brought it up while there or while he was already drinking.

      Please do let us know how this all turns out!

      • DC Association :

        I agree with this. Just say to him beforehand that you have a strict policy about never driving after drinking even one alcoholic drink (or getting in the car with someone who has), so you’d love to go but need for him to agree that if you’re driving home after the dinner, that one of you agree in advance who the designated driver will be so you both can plan accordingly. I think people who like to drink would completely understand and not be offended by this. And, it might come across as you like to drink too, so you just have to agree who’s the person who gets to imbibe, so to speak, not that you’re worried about the drive.

    • Do you know for a fact this is something he normally does on business trips requiring a drive home immediately thereafter? Just because he’s a big drinker at happy hour doesn’t necessarily mean he’s going to down 5 shots before driving long distances with other coworkers. I would talk to other coworkers to ask them about their experiences with your boss on similar trips, and if it seems like he will want to drink after the trip, suggest staying in a hotel afterward so you can get back on the road the next day when you are both fully alert and sober.

    • Anonymous :

      Late reply, but:
      1. Take a cab after the boozy meal because you “need to stop at a drugstore for lady reasons.”
      2. Save the receipts for the cab and expense it.


  13. Question for the hive:

    I just received an invitation to attend a baby shower for my husband’s ex girlfriend (she is married to his cousin, don’t ask). Although we do sometimes exchange pleasantries, it has always been awkward/uncomfortable between us and we have never gotten along. I am debating if I should even attend and if not, send a gift. The event is 3 hours away and if it was for a friend I absolutely would go but in this situation I don’t really want to waste an entire day going to this. If I don’t go, do I need to send a gift? Concerned about how mutual family would view this…

    • PT Lawyer :

      Don’t go, send a modest gift.

      • I agree. Just send a gift. Include a nice card saying how happy you are for her and wishing her the best. Maybe call whoever is organizing the shower to say that you’re sorry you can’t be there and to give her your best, also let them know you’ll be sending a gift. Basically, you don’t have to go but you should absolutely go out of your way to be super gracious about it so that it doesn’t look like you’re staying home just because you don’t like her. You’re both family now and it’ll be best in the long run for you to smooth things over as much as possible.

    • I’m going to disagree with others that you should send a gift. I hate this idea that every person invited to a shower is somehow obligated to give a gift, even if it is not really feasible for her to attend the event. It is one thing if the event is in town, but it’s completely understandable that you may not be able to attend an event 3 hours away.

      • Normally I wouldn’t say you should send a gift, but here if you are concerned about what family friends think, I would because they will be looking for you to snub her. If it was just a random family friend your not close with I wouldn’t, but here since she is now part of the family, I would

        • I will probably end up sending something modest or else she will think I am snubbing her on purpose and will have another reason to email my husband saying how rude we are. I hate the fact that I am expected to give something even though I am not attending – especially since I will be invited to 6 baby showers this spring, all of them 3+ hours away, so I probably won’t be attending. But if I send a gift to this one, I have to send gift to all of them….

          • agree, do not go and modest gift. as someone who is pregnant but just suffered through a 3.5 hr shower saturday, ughhh to 3 hrs away. Also I was horrified about all the awful large plastic items, and clothing repeats. Consider something practical like diapers/wipes, or a book. She got 4 diaper genies- I do not have time to return huge repeat items. It was horrid. Also a ‘floor mat’ with giraffe parts that was triple the size it needed to be. I live in a condo, it’s like the guests and baby industry think the bigger the better but not true. ok vent over! good luck with all those showers!

          • Wow Anon at 11:37 – I hope the recipient of the gifts was more gracious than you.

          • Anonymous :

            Get her something with 1000 pieces. Or a drum set. Or finger paints. You get the idea (I’d still get her nothing myself).

  14. Did anyone else order this belt successfully? I ordered it last night and received a message today from the company stating that the blue is no longer available and that they can either replace it with a belt that is a pea green colour or give me a refund. I opted for the refund as the green colour isn’t something that I’m interested in. Boo.

    • I ordered the skinny horseshoe in blue, since the one posted was no longer available. I received an email saying it was on backorder but no offer for a refund. I requested a refund; no reply. Incredibly annoying and a reminder not to use PayPal for purchasing from a new-to-me retailer.

      • Ok, if it happened to you too, then it seems like there is a complete disconnect between what’s on their web page and what’s on stock. WhenI received an email saying that my colour was no longer available, it was vague and I wasn’t sure if the company was telling me that the blue was on backorder or if I couldn’t get it at all.

        But I clarified today and they told me I could cancel my order and get a full refund. Hopefully, they respond to you soon!

      • Scratch that!! It has been 16 days and I have yet to receive a refund! They promised I would get one a week ago! ARGH!

        • Argh indeed! I eventually filed a Paypal dispute and got a refund a day or two later. Lovely customer service, I got chastised for trying to buy their stupid belt, then for attempting a refund. I would certainly never, ever shop at again. Good luck!

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