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Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Annie
Trying again:
Okay ladies, thoughts on these:
http://www.lordandtaylor.com/eng/Shoes-Pumps-high-Shilo_Pumps-lordandtaylor/193114
versus these:
http://www.endless.com/Butter-Womens-Clyde-Platform-Patent/dp/B005MMXG4I/ref=ord_crt_shr?ie=UTF8&fromPage=cart&refURL=%2FshoppingCart&asins=B005MMXG4I
Bianca
love the LK bennet pumps
b23
Agreed. Beautiful.
MJ
PS–LK runs small, especially pointy styles, so bear that in mind when ordering!
Awful Lawful
I think the Butters are gorgeous. The LK version is lovely too, but there’s just something about the Butters that I really like. Although, the Butters seem to have a little bit more of a pink undertone than the LK’s so that’s something to be aware of when you’re looking for shoes that are nude for you. Personally, I have reddish undertones in my skin, so slightly pink works for me, but may not for others.
terri
I’d go with the Lord and Taylor patent Leather because who else has patent leather in that color?
Lillypad
Help! Both my college roommate of 4 years and good friend since first grade (both of which were bridesmaids in my wedding) are engaged. College friend emailed me with the date and hotel confirmation info, etc. over two weeks ago and we’ve been talking back and forth about how excited I am about the wedding. This past weekend friend since first grade told me her wedding date and informally asked me to be a bridesmaid. Problem: both of the wedding are on the same date across the country from each other! How do I gentely let college roommate know that I will no longer be able to attend her wedding? (we haven’t seen each other in person in years but I will be seeing her next week!)
Lillypad
Thank you for any thoughts y’all may have. I care deeply for both of my friends and want to support both of them. Also, please excuse my grammar and misspellings as I’m having to type on my phone while at work!
anon
tough luck. are you saying that even though you’ve already informally accepted the invite to wedding #1 (college roommate), you’re going to turn it down for wedding #2 (first grade friend)? is that because you’re better friends with #2, or because she invited you to be a bridesmaid, whereas college roommate did not?
strictly speaking, if you already said yes to the one, you can’t go back on your word because you got a better offer (to put it bluntly). no matter if you’re going to be “in” one wedding and not the other. a commitment is a commitment, and you’ve already expressed excitement about wedding #1.
but if you’re already made up your mind about that, i think you have no choice but to be direct, honest, and prepared for the possibility that your college roommate may not take it very well. i would offer to do what you can to help her out (go dress shopping, help with shower planning, whatever) if that makes you, or her, feel better.
b23
I disagree – if you are in the other wedding, it trumps. The bride will understand that, because she likewise has bridesmaids she would expect to be there.
anon
you’d only expect your bridesmaids to be there if they already committed to you that they would be bridesmaids in your wedding. if the OP already did that (maybe she did; i couldn’t tell from the post) then I can see that she has to honor that commitment. but it sounds like she made no such promise, and the whole bridemaid thing was new to her.
but hey, it’s her decision and her friendships and her weekend, so etiquette aside, she should do what she thinks best.
AnonInfinity
I agree with b23. I am friends with my college roommates, but if one of my good friends (from grade school or not) asked me to be in her wedding, you’d better believe I’d do that instead of just attend college roomie’s wedding. And I wouldn’t be offended if someone did the same to me.
Lillypad, definitely tell her in person next week and offer to do anything you can before the wedding. I’d also email a couple of weeks after and ask for a link to pictures, too.
Working Girl
B23 is right. There is a huge difference between being a bridesmaid and an attendee.
b23
How awful! I think you should tell her in person and say, “You know how excited I was about the wedding, so I am so disappointed this happened,” etc., etc. Tell her there is no other reason in the world you would have missed her wedding, but this timing is just terrible. You tried to make it work, but unfortunately the weddings are too far away. I think she will understand.
CW
I agree with this. Also, if your budget allows, you might want to try to attend her bridal shower or bachelorette party. A college roommate couldn’t attend my wedding for similar reasons, and she flew across the country to attend my bachelorette party. It was so special to me to be able to celebrate that time in my life with her, and I was touched that she went to the time and expense to be there.
KK
Wait did you formally rsvp to wedding # 1 or just email that you intended to come? If formal invites have not been sent/rsvps returned and you are not in the bridal party, then I see no problem in going to wedding #2. In fact, given the circumstances described, it would be more rude to turn down a bridemaid request from a lifelong friend just because a college roomie emailed you about her wedding first. I got married in the past year and plenty of guests (especially out of towners) were excited about coming when we sent save the dates, but ended up rsvp’ing no for some reason or another. It happens.
non
Ditto – unless you’ve formally RSVP’d (and hence the hostess is depending on your being there), I’d say you haven’t formally committed. Continue to express excitement and offer to help (if you feel inclined) for wedding #1, but I would mention to your college roommate that something has come up and you probably won’t be able to make it.
Working Girl
Excepted not say “something has come up,” because that seems disingenuous. She will understand the truth.
Ann
Is there any way your friend since first grade can be convinced to change her date by one week? If she hasn’t secured her venue and if it is far enough in advance and if she didn’t choose it because it is her parents anniversary or for some other symbolic reason, maybe she can.
Alanna of Trebond
I really don’t think you can ask someone to change the date of their wedding for any reason. I think wedding planning is difficult enough without having to accommodate everyone’s schedule, and if Lily has already chosen this friend over her college roommate, there is no need to ask the friend to try to reschedule a very difficult date (that usually needs to be booked very far in advance).
Ellie
Ugh so agree. I’ve had a couple people ask me to change my wedding date because “it’d be easier for them to take off work” one weekend versus another. Really?! Come on.
Anony
I had quasi-settled on a date when the groom’s brother said — you can do any weekend but X because that’s our anniversary. Is an anniversary really an un-share-able date?
Anon
For some morons, yes. I don’t understand where they are coming from. The same people tend to get all twitchy if you dare to give birth to a child in the vicinity of their own child’s birthday. Right, because I purposely timed my conception (and succeeded!) in order to lessen the impact of your child’s birthday.
Ann
I wouldn’t ask a good friend to change her date to accommodate my work schedule or something insignificant like that. In this situation I would ask a close friend to do it. I just got married, so I know that until a venue contract is signed, a date that’s arbitrary can be changed. I made sure the handful of people I really wanted to be at my wedding could make the date before I set mine. OP could tell friend since first grade that she would go to hers even if she didn’t change the date.
AIMS
Lillypad, I would say to college roommate that you were super excited to attend her wedding, but that you had committed to being childhood friend’s bridesmaid and you didn’t realize the weddings would be on the same date. I think if you explain that you made a commitment to be in the wedding party, it’s hard to fault you for keeping it, even if you did informally RSVP to the other wedding. That said, you should still go out of your way to be involved – whether by helping out, attending a bach. party or whatever else.
1L
I think this is the best solution.
b23
I just bought a pair of taupe lace shorts (link to be posted in reply to this comment) and am wondering what I can wear with them during the winter. I’m in Texas, so they will be warm enough with tights. I was thinking of wearing black tights and heels, as shown, but what color top? Or would brown tights look better? I would appreciate any help!
b23
http://tinyurl.com/bu62d2g
Anon
I think they’re super cute – I wouldn’t be able to wear them, but I think you are in your twenties, so it’s totally appropriate. Don’t get upset by the nay-sayers; we can’t all wear Brooks Brothers all the time ;)
I’d pare it with something muted though – maybe a darker color boat neck shirt from Jcrew and subtle jewelry?
Salit-a-gator
Frankly, I’m just not seeing the appeal of wearing lace shorts in the winter. Even if it’s warm enough, you really would look like you’re trying to hard. To answer your question though, taupe is a neutral, so any color top would work. I this is a joke – you’ve totally got me.
Anony
I hope this is a joke, because otherwise, I feel like I’m going coocoo for cocoa puffs.
b23
It was not a joke. :( Would nobody else wear these during the winter? I thought they would be cute for a party.
anon
i would not wear these in any kind of weather or circumstance. HOWEVER, if you, b23, can pull them off, good for you, and i’m sure whatever top you choose will look appropriate with it.
Always a NYer
While they are not my style, I do agree that they would be cute for a holiday party. I’d probably wear a silky black top to match the tights and the heels would be all black and patent, for me.
If you like the shorts, wear them with confidence!
Lyssa
I think they’d be cute for a fun (read: mostly people under 40, no work people) party, if the wearer is, say, under 35. They’re a little bit silly, but not so much that they’re inappropriate.
I’m guessing that the people who think they’re weird are thinking more of work wear (which I’m sure these are not intended to be).
lostintranslation
I just got back from Tokyo, where I saw a bunch of women wearing more or less exactly what the model is wearing. I don’t remember what they were wearing on top (turtlenecks, chunky knits maybe?), but the overall outfit ends up being much more shabby chic than I would wear to a party. If we’re making binary decisions: if you like Anna Sui -> buy. If you don’t/don’t know Anna Sui -> pass.
Tired Squared
b23, I think your outfit sounds great for a holiday party. The whole point is to enjoy yourself, so if you love it, rock it!
Herbie
I think they’re super cute!!! I don’t get the haters. If you can pull them off, go for it.
SF Bay Associate
These make me think of Victorian undergarments.
1L-1
+5 LL points!
...
also thought they were a joke.
But! I can see a tall slender very hip person pulling them off.
I have seen a few people do the shorts with tights look, personally I dont really get it but it doesnt look bad per say. it more makes me go, why?
CW
I sort of love them. It’s not really my personal style, and I definitely wouldn’t be able to pull them off, but you should go for it if you can.
I think you can do either black or brown tights, but I would keep the rest of the outfit simple to make sure the look stays sophisticated and not costume-y. I would probably do a black top, black tights and black heels.
zelda
i think that grey tights and black booties with a blush or olive top – basically any muted neutral sort of color (dusty purple?), with or without a pattern if you’re feeling adventurous – would be really cute!
Jas
Although they’re not really my style, I think they could look super cute if styled right! I’m not sure how I’d style them for winter, but I love the shorts + lace + “old fashioned” colours in the outfit here: http://shopruche.com/expressed-poetry-bow-shorts-p-8288.html#NP=944a455769c2bd209673df9cd32a68c3
And I noticed they styled lace-like shorts for a winter party here, although I think the outfit is too busy and should lose the lapel flower and the sparkles: http://shopruche.com/lookbook_holiday10.html
Lilly
I wouldn’t wear these. Because I shouldn’t. But in my fantasy life, with my fantasy body, and at a fantasy (sigh) age, I would. I would rock them with dark tights, a top that is not at all lingerie-ish and fairly simple in its construction, and some very cool ankle boots. My fantasy outfit would start with the shoes, and then the tights would blend with the shoes’ color. Since it’s my fantasy, they’ll be plum or olive. The top would be a fairly heavy weight washed silk or even a thinnish cashmere or merino pullover style. Long necklaces and no earrings, or vice versa. Cute little clutch in a “pop” color or dull metallic.
b23
Thanks, everybody! I kind of like how the shorts created such a disparity of opinions. I think I’m going to do it!
*And to answer everyone’s questions, I’m under 30, tall, pretty thin, and going to a party with only people under 40 and no work people.
LSco
If part of your reason for wearing them is to attract men, they will get the job done.
(One man’s opinion…)
Herbie
What what, we have a male commenter? I am intrigued – do tell more.
Anonymous
I think brown tights would actually look significantly better. Just my 2 cents, but I thought it when I clicked the link, and before I saw that was your actual question.
Kady
agreed. brown tights w/ booties. I think this is adorable and that you’ll rock it, b23.
I
I probably spend too much time on this blog, but that’s for another time.
Has anyone else noticed that all of Ellen’s comments get moderated? She posted in the TPS thread around 11am but I didn’t see it until around 1pm.
Also, did anyone else see her inappropriate comment in the weekend thread? Let me just say, it hit a new low.
AnonInfinity
I had noticed that about the moderation. I didn’t see the comment this weekend, but I just went back and found it. Yuck.
b23
I just went back and couldn’t find it. The only thing I saw was about the Europe alot, which made me laugh. What was the bad comment about?
Sydney Bristow
I only saw the Europe one too. Can someone fill us in?
Always a NYer
It was on the Deal Alerts post. Brace yourself for it =/
Monday
Yep. SHE HERSELF has actually complained about her comments taking too long to post. My guess is that Kat has installed a filter to automatically catch all Ellen posts, and although I have a lot of Ellen fun I don’t exactly blame Kat for doing some kind of gate-keeping (if she is).
Agree that the one post over the weekend was over the line. I have no idea who Ellen is, but it’s a fine balance we have struck with “her” and I suspect too many more incidents like that one will get her kicked off, as she has been elsewhere. Dynamics like this rely on everyone sharing a certain unspoken set of standards, and since it’s a huge group of anonymous blog readers (us) and a deliberately outrageous troll, it’s actually more surprising that there haven’t been more problems already.
L
There were some inconsistencies in the weekend Ellen and today’s Ellen. I’m thinking there might be multiple “Ellens.” I’m also thinking I spend too much time on this blog.
TCFKAG
I’m almost ashamed to admit I noticed this — but in one post she commented that her TRUKEY came out dry and in another it came out great.
She appears unable to keep her story straight. ;-)
Monday
No, I noticed it too–and someone (perhaps you) called her on it this morning! If there are impostor Ellens, maybe this will scare them off. Corporetes are CRITICAL THINKERS.
TCFKAG
It was not me, but I am RELIEVED that I’m not the only one who notices these things.
a.
only one question: are you RELIEVED or RELEIVED?
Jas
I have thought that, too. Some of the Ellens seem to “Ellen” a bit better than others.
So now I am eagerly awaiting an all-Ellen conversation/fight.
Godzilla
For reals. I love all of our pet trolls.
AnonInfinity
Agreed that some Ellens are better than others AND that we need an all-Ellen conversation one day.
Michelle
maybe Kan could declare an official Ellen day and we can all just all post as Ellen? I for one wuld be SO ECXITED for this. Maybe April 1st? or, no, wait … Ellen as guest poster on April 1st?
Lyssa
I thought it was hilarious. And not really any more offensive then your average stand up. Just silly satire/parody/whatever that is the thing that we call Ellen. All her (“her”) comments are inappropriate – I thought that that was the point.
LMo
PSA to all Ellens: Girls don’t use the word weenie. Ever.
anon
You guys don’t say “What a weenie!” to describe someone who basically wimps out? Just me, then.
Circe
nope, not just you.
MJ
You do if you’re a Stanford alum talking about Cal around big game time…but the rest of the year, I love my Cal friends….
meme
I’m probably in the minority here, but I’m over all the Ellen love. I’d rather it just go away – I think the skeevy weekend post pushed me over the edge.
Anonymous
Totally. It’s only cute until you realize there is (at least during the ‘real’ E posts) a genuine creep getting off on us seeing its work. Yuck. It’s only innocuous to read it, not to write it. Ick.
found a peanut
I didn’t find that comment THAT offensive…am I missing something?
Totally agree that multiple people post as Ellen. I thought that was kind of a known thing around here…
Alanna of Trebond
Yea, I didn’t understand why it was offensive (or rather, more offensive than the regular Ellen). I like our troll! I think it’s better to have a completely ridiculous troll who brings the rest of us together against their ridiculousness.
It is kind of funny to see how different trolls interpret the one troll character…
Anonymous
Wait, are you implying that regular posters “pose” as Ellen or that there are multiple trolls under the name Ellen?
found a peanut
I’m definitely only implying the latter…but I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the regular posters occasionally posted as Ellen…
non
Glad to know that I’m not the only one confused – it didn’t seem any more (or less) offensive than the other typical Ellen posts.
I do agree though – it’s just not really that funny anymore.
Lyssa
I could be wrong, but I kind of got the impression that there was one Ellen/Allen who posted as a joke, then went away, but was fondly remembered enough that one or more regular posters resurrected her, and this is the new, “improved” Ellen (or perhaps Ellens).
I agree with found a peanut, though, I thought that it was just more of the same being deliberately provocative for the sake of it, and don’t see it as that offensive.
Bunkster
Yeah. I didn’t find it offensive either. Very confused.
Jas
I didn’t really find the comment offensive either. She’s the world’s tamest troll, in my opinion.
AIMS
Ok, now I am dying to know. What was the comment?!
Jas
In one of the weekend posts a poster mentioned a boyfriend’s mother telling her “Shiksa are for practice.” and Ellen replied with something about how that was not nice since the poster had given herself to the boyfriend and the boyfriend’s “weenie” and “FOOEY on men who won’t marry us”
AIMS
Wow. Thanks!
Not sure if my mind is worse, or Ellen is slipping, but I imagined something much, much worse. Fooey, indeed.
b23
I think that’s because Kat moderates her comments, which I for one really appreciate.
Who in the world is Ellen?
I still suspect that Ellen is Rick Frenkel: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Frenkel
Lilly
Threadjack: your opinions please. This isn’t exactly the biggest crisis anyone ever had, but it is my problem, right now, and I’d love some advice. I have used the same hair stylist for about a year now. She’s good. I haven’t colored my hair in that year because I was going to go with the natural 47-year-old-me hair. Recently decided that this is NOT a good time in my life to be low maintenance, and have an appointment next Saturday for cut and color. In addition to being good, she uses Keune hair color product, which my sister in law tells me is very, very good. Just got a call that she is unavailable this coming Saturday, due to an ulcer. Oddly, she is available for appointments during the day this week. That doesn’t work for me because of the distance to her – 50 minutes each way plus time for cut and color means losing the work day. But, going back to that “out for an ulcer this Saturday” thing, do I smell a rat? To top it off, I leave for a beach vacation at the end of the next week and get back some days before Christmas, so this was my cut and color for vacation and the holidays. They offered to schedule me with an unknown stylist, who does not normally use the Keune color, on Saturday. That’s unknown to me, and apparently the salon, as they couldn’t/wouldn’t tell me how long she had been cutting hair. Is taking that appointment a large risk with the unknown? It feels like it to me, but I wonder if I’m so p.o.’ed that I’m overreacting. Opinions?
ceb
Perhaps you can negotiate. Why don’t you ask if she can work late one evening on a week day? My stylist will occasionally work late on a weeknight (usually Thursdays) for loyal clients who can’t make it during the day or on a weekend.
SunnyD
This doesn’t solve your problem (at all), but I’d think twice about coloring your hair. I did it for years and finally got sick of the maintenance and the cost. Now I’ve been dealing with the “how to get back to my natural color” problem for quite some time. If you need to be high maintenance in your life right now, how about a massage?
non
Maybe she’s going to the doctor/getting treatment on that Saturday?
I wouldn’t do the unknown stylist who is not familiar with the process, personally. I get that you want to do the indulging, but maybe its something that best left until after the holidays? I know its hard to put off something once you’ve decided to do it, but if you have a preferred stylist who is familiar with the technique, I’d wait until she’s available. I’m sorry she screwed up your timing.
TCFKAG
If I had to guess, I’d bet she’s going in for a treatment for her ulcer on Friday and will need Saturday off.
It would actually be weirder for her/them to be giving such a specific reason for her absence (ulcer) when they could just say personal reasons or medical reasons. The specificity lends credence, IMHO. I also think you’re overreacting. Your stylist is a person with a life and her schedule cannot always revolve around you and the single Saturday you want to get your hair done.
As far as the color with a strange hairstylist, I wouldn’t do it.
Louise
Is it possible that she has some sort of medical appointment for her ulcer on Saturday?
I would not take a chance on a new stylist and/or colorist unless he/she came highly recommended by a friend with similar hair. The salon wants your business, but may not be scheduling you with a top stylist on Saturday.
Ann
You’re not overreacting. The excuse you were given doesn’t make sense, and it is very inconvenient for her to leave you in the lurch over for the holidays. That said, I recommend that you do not settle for an unknown stylist that you have not at least read positive reviews for.
Anon
eh, yes, you are overreacting… Did you ask if she was ok? I think had you asked something along those lines, you maybe would have gotten a little more info. (maybe: “yeah she’s fine, but has a treatment appointment on Thurs/Friday, and needs to rest”…?). I realize you feel your holiday a ruined, but I’m guessing her holidays are quite shaping up the way she’d like to either…
If you would like to make another appointment, just check yelp and see what other stylist is suggested by clients.
Lilly
Thank you all for your replies. I did of course ask after her well-being immediately upon being told that she would be out for an ulcer next Saturday. That was pretty much ignored, with the conversation being steered on to whether I’d like a daytime appointment during the week. There were no late afternoon or evening appointments. This certainly won’t ruin my holidays. I understand well where it fits in with the world’s problems. Years ago, it didn’t take too many interviews of child rape victims to realize that I do not have problems, only inconveniences, in my life. But it is an annoyance, and I’m thinking there is something odd about the whole thing. And SunnyD, I have so tried to like my natural hair for most of a year now, but I’m just not getting there. : ) It’s gone from a golden almost coppery brown to very mousy brown shot through with gray, and the rest of my coloring is not and has never been a standout either – think hazel eyes and pale, yellow- toned skin. It’s taking more makeup color and/or clothing color than I like to wear in order not to look utterly blah. I do salute all the ladies who go natural. My wonderful, out-of-state sister-in-law has offered to ship me salon color if I’ll send her photos of my desired color range, but the time frame may be a problem. She’s a colorist, by the way, not some random person with access to pigments! I really appreciate all your comments, and especially the advice not to go with the unknown out of desperation.
NOLA
Lilly – definitely do something to make yourself feel good! My hair stylist works all kinds of crazy hours over the holidays because she says “everyone deserves to be beautiful for the holidays.” I’m lucky (same age) to just have a few gray strands in my mousy brown but my hair had gotten so dark as I got older that it doesn’t contrast well with my pale girl skin. Highlights are enough to cover the few grays and the mouse. Don’t go to the unknown fill-in stylist. A good, professional cut and color makes all the difference and so worth it to give you that lift from the blahs.
Ann
I just checked back at your original post and saw your age. Don’t take this the wrong way (I am not at all implying that 47 is old), but I am surprised that you held out as long as you did with the not hair coloring. I think almost all women over thirty get theirs done, particularly if they have light colored hair, because the color just gets duller and then grey. I thought I held out long, and I didn’t start until I was 31. I’m a natural blonde, and when I first went in to get highlights I brought a picture of myself at age 21 and said I wanted to look like that again. I’ve continued to get highlights since, and have been very pleased with them. Hair color products have come a long way in the last 30 years or so. Don’t feel that you have to settle for your natural color if you don’t want to. If you can’t get a colorist recommendation from a friend you trust who will admit to getting her hair colored, then I suggest using yelp or a local publication for reviews. I found my colorist in DC on yelp. The best ones are often booked well in advance, though, because they have so many repeat clients.
Ann
Before I get dinged for this, I did not literally mean most women over thirty. I meant many women over thirty with substantial disposable income who care about their hair color, etc.
Anonymous
Not taken the wrong way at all. I colored it for a year or so at age 44 or 45 when it started losing its color, then tried natural for about a year. I guess I was always lucky in that until a few years ago, I rather liked the color of my hair.
And in reply to the corporate who mentioned that she can’t wait for her color to grow out, when I decided to go natural and didn’t want a grow line, I bought some bottom shelf nasty shampoo and used it for a week. Bye bye color. Followed by conditioning like h-ll. I have pretty tough hair, and my color wasn’t that far off my natural color just warmer and nicer. Don’t know that I’m actually recommending
this. YMMV
GovtMom
40 here, with good natural color, good enough that people have complimented me and asked who does it. Have never colored, not sure when/if I ever will. So not *every* 30+ woman who cares about her hair color/appearance actually colors.
Ann
To Govtmom, you are a lucky woman. Cheers.
Lilly
And that “Anonymous” above is me. Despite our close relationship, my phone does not know I am “Lilly”.
Cats Ahoy!
If she’s getting an EGD for the ulcer, she’ll probably have it done under general anesthesia and will not be at her best the day after. If they have to cauterize the ulcer while they’re in there, she will probably not feel up to work the next day.
Godzilla
Am I the only chick who doesn’t get the appeal of ostrich-embossed leather/pleather?
jcb
Nope. It kind of grosses me out.
Susan
Ditto. Looks like the bag has a skin disease.
Monday
AIMS, please confirm when you receive this sensitive, personal message:
http://www.chloe.com/#/collections/accessories/leather-goods/marcie/look-05/en
What may not be obvious from this view is that the braid details include hints of cognac, dark brown, and black, thus making the bag “match” every other accessory I own.
Hope I won’t have to change my “name” after this…
CW
oooooooh, pretty.
MissJackson
Wowza. This is my dream bag.
AIMS
Monday, that bag is amazing! Seriously awesome. I am impressed. The bag, the color, the braid trim — all lovely. Congrats on your purchase. Major fashion points!! Enjoy the hell out of it, it’s a gorgeous purse :)
PS: Glad you shared!
Monday
Oh, I’m glad you like it. Please do let us know when you find your own magic bullet, too! I’m sure it will end up being worth the wait.
AIMS
I am actually sort of inspired. Let the quest continue!
b23
I am all over this thread, but please tolerate just one more threadjack: As a lawyer, I get asked about setting up a will more than about any other thing. As an appellate lawyer, I don’t know the slightest bit about how to set one up. And I don’t really know anyone to whom I could refer people. What would you do? Are online wills a terrible idea? Are there any that would serve your purpose?
not a lawyer ...
… but i would encourage people to go buy a NOLO book on the subject.
Bianca
I would ask colleagues for a referral for a good trusts and estates lawyer.
Nonny
Online wills and do-it-yourself, Self Help Press wills are a terrible idea. Get the name of a good wills and estates lawyer in your town and send all those referrals their way. That is what I do….you might even get some referrals the other way, too!
Diana Barry
Ditto. I would love to get referrals from people who don’t know how to prepare wills! :)
b23
Where are you?
Diana Barry
Boston.
Lyssa
Me too! (Tennessee, she added hopefully, and with the assumption that Diana Barry doesn’t also live in TN, so she’s not stepping on any toes.)
Amy H.
Third Corporette trusts and estates lawyer here. I’m in California (Bay Area) and would love to receive referrals if Diana Barry and Lyssa cannot take care of what you need!
North Shore
If you don’t have any friends or colleagues who do that sort of work, I’d advise them to call the local bar association for referrals. But FYI, it’s a good idea to have contacts in a variety of fields. I know where to send my friends for estate or family law even though I don’t do it myself.
Eleanor
Online wills are a bad idea. Many people have specific circumstances those forms do not address, but the people using them usually won’t have the legal knowledge even to realize the form is inadequate for them, until something goes wrong for their family after they’re dead.
Could you ask other attorneys in your firm for recommendations for someone they know is good?
Anon
Online wills are a terrible idea. Forms found online or in a book may not meet the requirements for the particular state that your friends/family members/ acquaintances live in. I agree with the comments above – find a contact to refer people to, or at least encourage people to find an attorney themselves.
anon
if all these things are such a bad idea, why do they exist? to cheat people out of money? i think they can provide some decent background information for people who are willing to read through them.
I see them as akin to WebMD. Not a replacement for the real thing, but not everyone is ready to head to a lawyer’s office (although OP’s contacts sound like they are). Sometimes people could do with some background research first. There are plenty of basic questions that can be answered online without having to pay $200 an hour to the firm of X, Y and Z. I realize that most people here are lawyers, however, so probably will not agree.
Lyssa
I’m actually not convinced one way or the other that they’re terrible (although I’ve certainly heard it from collegues before), but, to play out your comparison to WebMD, remember that WebMD only gives general information. Using an online site to make a will (as opposed to just getting some general information about wills in certain circumstances) would be more like using an online site to actually prescribe medication or treatment, which, of course, WebMD can’t do.
I know that it seems less harmful (and it probably is) because a will can’t kill you if you get it wrong, but bear in mind that, pretty much by definition, no real problems involving a will can come up until the person who made it is dead, so it’s not something that can be corrected later on if there’s a problem.
Nonny
Unfortunately, the people who use Self-Help Press wills do use them precisely as a replacement for the real thing. Also, the people who use them are generally also the people who don’t know enough to question whether those products are right for them. Those products exist because somehow, over time, lawyers have gotten such a bad rep and people don’t like paying us for things that they think they can do just as well themselves (and there are corporations out there who take advantage of that). But I’m sorry, people who use those products are just opening themselves up for horrible situations to happen later, that were not properly thought through at the time the will was drawn up.
Lawyers exist because the law is a complex thing (a “seamless web”, as law professors everywhere like to say) that is different in every single state/province, and lawyers are here to help people. Your standard estates client does not appreciate these subtleties and would be much better served to go to a general practitioner in whatever small town they live in and pay a couple of hundred bucks to make sure things are done properly.
KK
I don’t do Estates & Trusts, but I took the basic elective course in law school. I think if the person has any kind of significant estate (i.e. $500,000+ in assets) and/or children to provide for, you should encourage them to see a lawyer. Doesn’t have to be an expensive one, just an experienced one. A basic set of reciprocal wills (for spouses) in my area should run just a few hundred dollars. If they have a lot of money and want to set up trusts or complicated tax dodging shenanigans/charitable gifts, they should definitely get a lawyer and maybe a higher end one. However, I think most people in this situation aren’t trying to use online forms anyway.
For people like myself who have few assets to speak of and no kids, a form will would do just fine. And in my state at least, as long as it is signed/notarized (2 witnesses), it would absolutely be valid. You can go ahead and file it with the register of wills for good measure. The requirements for validity aren’t that high, and I have no expectant heirs looking to challenge. For me, it’d be a form will or no will at all. Hiring a lawyer is a waste of money in my situation (this would be true even if I weren’t a lawyer with enough basic knowledge to do my own right now). I think this will be true of a lot of people who ask this question to begin with. It’s not forms vs. lawyer, it’s forms vs. intestacy. In my opinion, forms >> intestacy.
Kelly
I don’t have time to read everything but keep in mind estate law varies so much by state to state. They’re better off using someone local. An online will may be okay for someone with an extremely simple estate. Also, if there’s family drama and someone explicitly wants to cut someone off, there’s way to do that to avoid them contesting the will.
help please
In washington dc- came home today and someone has been in my house (using the door, so the landlord or his handyman) Isn’t this illegal? Im so creeped out (maybe overly so?) Could someone point me to my rights if this is illegal? Can I change my locks? I rent.
found a peanut
Check your lease. It probably says that the landlord/super can enter to make repairs.
You are slightly overreacting. For all you know there could have been a water leak or something and they had to enter to make sure it didn’t spread to your apartment.
Talk to the perceived intruder and see what happened. Tell him nicely that you understand he has to go in but next time you’d appreciate a call/text telling you what’s going on.
help please
I realize I prob. am overreacting. I’m just thinking what if I was in the shower? and all my underwear was out on my bed today. And I just kind of wish this guy (the handyman) didn’t have a key to my apartment in general.
PollyD
I think most leases probably do allow maintenance/landlords to enter for repairs. Which is generally a good thing – if a sink backs up or something and I’m not home, I want them to go in right away and fix it before any damage is done. They do leave a little maintenance slip which lets me know that someone was in the apartment fixing something.
Also, I assume anyone entering the apartment would knock first to see if anyone was home. I’d also bet that if they opened the door and heard you were in the shower, they’d probably come back later, after you were out. I really wouldn’t worry about it.
help please
I think its because its an apartment owned by a guy not like a company, and the handyman creeps me out. He has entered when I’m not home before but has always given notice in the past. Thanks for the reality check.
Em
I don’t think she’s overreacting (or that it’s helpful to tell people that basically ever). If it was an emergency, the landlord had to enter but should have left a note explaining (or called). If it wasn’t, he should get permission ahead of time.
anon
1) confirm that it was your landlord or his handyman, and why.
2) check your rental contract to see if that is allowable or not (sometimes it’s permissible although usually, they’re supposed to give you notice)
3) if you don’t get satisfactory answers to the above, change your locks. or move.
blech
Uh – you really aren’t changing the locks without the landlords permission, are you?
anon
I didn’t realize I needed to spell all this out.
If it was not your landlord or his handyman coming into your apartment, and no one else has a key to your apartment, I would change the locks, because clearly someone else has a key that shouldn’t. If the landlord doesn’t agree to changing the locks, I would move.
But in all likelihood, it was the landlord or his handyman, so the OP will be fine.
TCFKAG
Check the lease, but I would imagine that absent emergent circumstances the landlord is required to give you notice before entering the premises. I believe this is required by most housing codes (though I did a quick search and it appears this isn’t specifically covered in DC’s statute).
But, even if its not covered, I’d call your landlord and ask that absent extenuating circumstances you be given notice in the future. Cite reasons of privacy.
help please
Thanks I will and I’m calmer now. The door is the backdoor that opens directly into my bedroom which is why I was so upset I think
TCFKAG
A little dated, but you may find this of help in general landlord-tenant disputes.
http://och.georgetown.edu/uploadedfiles/Tenant_Survival_Guide.pdf
Argie
Which may be helpful if you are in DC, or want general guidelines. Landlord/Tenant can vary from state to state. Just FYI
Lynnet
I did a lot of landlord/tenant in law school and it varies a ton from state to state. Try to find something specific to D.C.
In my state, this would be legal, normal, and expected fwiw.
help please
Really lynnet? Like what if I was sleeping, they can just come in? That makes me so nervous! or what if I was doing something um private and didn’t hear them knock? It just seems so weird that they can just walk in on me
TCFKAG
Sorry, I should have clarified about the above link — it is a general guide to DC landlord-tenant disputes (by the Georgetown Law Center). Should have clarified in my post but it is for OP specifically.
Lynnet
I have no idea what the law in DC is, and my state was VERY landlord friendly. But here, they tend to knock and yell several times before entering. I had people try to enter once when I was in a ….. compromising situation and I yelled at them to go away and come back later, which they did. It wasn’t pleasant, but it wasn’t a huge deal, either.
Lots of people were more annoyed by it than I was, and about half of leases contained clauses limiting the landlord’s ability to enter at will. I could see their point, it just never bothered me, and I always wanted my problem taken care of quickly more than I wanted 24 hours notice or whatever.
help please
Yeah I would feel very exposed if they came in while I was sleeping. Also there was nothing broken, and have heard nothing from the landlord about anything broken. Like I said this guy kinda creeps me out, so its just like, why was he hanging out in my apartment? Also got tons of dirt in my rug, did not wipe his feet. blah.
Jas
You should definitely ask your landlord why he was there. If it’s nothing shady, your landlord should tell you. It’s especially weird that the landlord usually lets you know ahead of time, but this time didn’t. Make sure the guy had a reason to be in there, especially if he gives you the creeps (The Gift of Fear and all).
Athena
Just a thought – could you install a slider bolt on the inside of the door? (Like the ones on the inside of restroom doors). This can be locked when you’re inside, keeping out both known and unknown intruders, but when you’re out, just the normal lock is on an your landlord/landlord’s handyperson can get in to do any necessary repairs.
GovtMom
I had a landlord once who would pop by to pick up the rent, check on the apt, etc. Once I was in the shower, and not so happy that he came by. My solution was to use the chain on the door whenever I was home and didn’t want to be interrupted/walked in on. That way, if he tried to come in, he would need me to come over and remove the chain.
BTW, this was not in the US so landlord/tenant law wasn’t all that helpful. And there were cultural issues.
Communication Advice
Any advice about what to do when I have to coordinate with someone on a project and that person:
* won’t respond to emails
* won’t write emails
* will communicate only by phone
* won’t summarize our phone calls in an email after we talk
* responds to my summary to say “that’s not what I said. Call me again and I will clarify.”
I am at my wits’ (wit’s ?) end.
TIA
EM
Maybe record the phone conversations and let them know you’re recording? If they balk, nicely say that if they are uncomfortable with recording, you could conduct the business via email since you really do need a record of what was discussed. I’ve found it’s best to never even imply that you are annoyed/inconvenienced because some types try to do that to you on purpose.
MJ
Why are you relying on their summary? Sounds like you should (and do) write your own summary. Definitely cc someon else–anyone else, so that if this person is being awful, you have a third party who “saw” it. Think CYA. Even having your secretary there to take notes would help. Also, try meeting in person if phone is a cat-and-mouse game. In addition, even if the person is your superior, I don’t think it’s out of line to say, “Jim, I sense that you don’t have enough time to commit to this project. What parts can you commit to and how can I help you get this done?” Kill with syrupy kindness and see how he/she reacts.
It would not hurt to make a Gant Chart (google it) with deadlines and “decision dates,” working backward from critical decisions. That way, you can do the following below:
If this person will _not_ coordinate, start setting hard deadlines in your emails and voicemail messages (and double up by sending both, so he or she can’t say, “I didn’t get your email…or voicemail,” and attach your Gant chart showing when a decision needs to be made by. Keep reattaching this chart so the person has like ten copies in his or her email. This is how the script should go: “Hi Jim, I need to make a decision regarding your preferences for x or y by [date]. Please feel free to contact me to discuss or let me know if a call or meeting would be best. I was thinking we should chat on Thursday at 10am. If I don’t hear from you by [date], I will proceed using my best judgment, and we will have to move forward with [project]. Please refer to my timeline chart for more color.” Then if Jim tries to revisit, you can forward your email/VM back to him with the chart and say, “I’m so sorry you didn’t see my email and VM and chart regarding this, but I did have to move on, and made that decision without you because I didn’t hear back. Perhaps next time you could respond by the deadline so I could get your input.”
I swear this works…I have project managed a ton of deals. You just have to shame some people into connecting.
CB
This is such good advice! I am copying this for future use!
Communication Advice
Dear EM and MJ,
Thanks for your thoughtful suggestions. I really needed a reality check, and you provided it. This is actually not a work issue (if it were, I would know what to do). It is my husband’s experience with his former wife regarding issues about their kids (college application process, first car and related insurance, health care etc). DH and I have tried your suggestion, MJ, and have started to hint at the need to record phone calls, EM, but I just wondered if we were crazy. You confirmed that we are not.
The idea for the Gantt chart is brilliant. My SD really wants to go to college, and she loves making to do lists and calendars with different color pens etc. So I think if we get her excited about driving the college app process and introduce her to the idea of a Gantt chart, she may be in a better position to nudge her mom to act and to be honest about her actions and words. Great idea. Thanks.
Jas
I need some advice for a bit of a delicate situation.
I finished my MSc. two years ago. A couple of months after I defended my thesis and graduated, my supervisor’s son killed himself. My supervisor took about 6 months off work to grieve and be with his family. Generally, after you defend your thesis you make it into a paper to publish in a journal, but I didn’t want to bother him about that so I never brought the topic up. A few months after he started work again he emailed me to suggest that I submit it for a special edition of a journal that was coming up. He also suggested the same to a fellow student who defended her thesis 6 months before mine. He had already edited hers for publication, so they got her submission in just in time, but he had some edits mine so I didn’t make the deadline. I completed his edits and sent it back to him hoping I’d be able to submit it to other journals after he’d read it over and signed off on it.
That was almost a year ago. Although he occasionally emails me to tell me he hasn’t forgotten it and will get to it this summer/early winter/after term-end, there has been no progress on my paper. Publishing is kind of a big thing for scientists, professionally, so I’d really like this published and the older the data is, the harder it will be. I can’t publish the paper with my supervisor as a coauthor unless he signs off on it, and his job review is heavily tied to the number of publications he coauthors so I won’t take his name off it.
We never had the best relationship while I was working on my thesis and when I graduated we were nice and professional, but not particularly friendly, mostly just because we have completely different working styles. He got along much better with my fellow student and was always much quicker to get to her requests and emails than mine, so a part of me wonders if favourtism is why she got a two week turnaround time on her paper and I got a year.
Is it inappropriate for me push him about this paper? He’s apparently a completely different person now, especially where work is concerned, and still very obviously grieving to the point where he started crying in front of a grad student I know a couple of months ago. I’d like to let him know I’m still waiting on this while respecting that work is no longer his top priority.
src
Very appropriate to do so, but try to do it in an effective way. For example, don’t email asking if he’s had time to look at it. Instead, suggest a specific meeting (eg, 3pm on Monday) to discuss his edits. Try to give him an artificial deadline. You may have to sit in the room while he reads it.
If all else fails, tell him that you’ll assume everything is ok unless you hear from him by date today+ 3 weeks, and then submit it. I’ve done this, and had some p*ed off collaborators, but the work got published.
Research, Not Law
Ditto this exactly. Set deadlines. Be firm. Be clear that it will move forward with a null acceptance.
Another thing to consider is how badly *you* need this publication. It’s been two years, so have you gotten other publications out? Is this one critical to positioning yourself in your area of research? If you don’t need it, and he is dragging, then consider dropping it.
Cats Ahoy!
If you are the first author, and I assume you are, I agree – give him a deadline and then submit it. This is your career, and two years is long enough.
The Bad Wife
Is it possible that she got a quicker turnaround because she asked for things instead of holding back out of fear of offense?
/recommends NGDGTCO
Jas
Ha! Point taken. Although, it’s more likely the opposite at work there. He’s a bit of an old school guy when it comes to women and he’s incredibly conflict-avoidant. When we’d have a difference of opinion on how something should be done, I’d go to his office and talk it over with him. He’d nod and agree with my points, but by the time I got back to my office the next building over after I thought we’d reached a consensus, there’d be an email in my inbox with all the reasons I was wrong. His other student is amazingly sweet and practically apologizes for every opinion she expresses. Still, maybe it’s too late to go the sweet and apologetic route with him.
MelD
I think the specific journal deadline is probably the reason why he finished hers before yours. She did finish 6 months before you, so I don’t think it’s that unusual that hers would be ready for publication before yours. Perhaps if you find some specific journals with deadline dates that you can give your supervisor, that will help move him along. If you’re just telling him “Hey, I’d like to publish this at some point,” there really isn’t any set timeline you need to follow.
Boston bound
Can anyone recommend a Boston house cleaning service? Looking for someone who can come to my apartment once a month during the mornings, preferably 7:30/8 am. I live in downtown Boston. Recommendations would be greatly appreciated!
RK
I use maidpro and have had no problems with them. They come twice a month for me, $66 for a one bedroom.
Fiona
We have an individual who cleans our apartment twice a month. We have a 1000 sqft 2BR/2BA apartment and she charges $70 to clean it. She was recommended by S.O.’s boss and we’ve been really happy with her work. She’s also very responsive on email and text if we need to make a special request or change the schedule. Her name is Juliana DeSouza and her email address is sparklecleaning1 at yahoo dot com. (You can tell her Matt recommended her).
Boston bound
Thank you both! I already got a quote from maidpro, they asked for $150 for our 2 bed/2 bath. Fiona, I already sent an email to Juliana.
Former Clerk
Threadjack: anyone dealt with early-stage melanoma? My stage 0 from September was just “upgraded” to a Stage I today and I’m feeling frustrated and a little bit freaked at the large relative jump in 5 year mortality rates. Any specific New York recs would also be appreciated. I’ve had a bit of a merry-go-round lately with doctors and pathologists (initial reluctance to biopsy, minimizing my concerns, unresponsive staff, the mis-staging, etc.) and I’m open to suggestions.
TCFKAG
I’d post again tomorrow morning. You’ll get more answers then.
PollyD
Well, it’s anecdata but the husband of an acquaintance was diagnosed with Stage more-than-1 (I think 2, but maybe 3) melanoma way more than 10 years ago and is still alive and hasn’t had any recurrence, far as I know. It is a scary cancer, but there’s a lot of new treatments coming in for melanoma now, and some of them seem to be really successful. I’d suggest trying to get to a National Cancer Institute-funded cancer center for treatment – you will get the best treatment possible at one of these centers. I know of Memorial Sloan Kettering in NYC, the NCI website would probably have more information. And don’t fear going on a trial if it comes to that – cancer trials do NOT use placebos, you get either the best current treatment or the new treatment. No ethics board in the world would approve withholding treatment from cancer patients! In fact, people on trials tend to have better outcomes than people who are not.
So sorry you have to go through this and I hope you can find a better place for treatment. Best of luck to you!
MJ
Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center has terrific doctors in general. I’d call them.
mamabear
I may be too late on this thread today, but my husband was diagnosed a year and a half ago with a stage zero melanoma that went back and forth from probably nothing to worry about, to maybe a Clark’s nevus, all the way to melanoma as they went back in four times for wider and wider margins. His scar is very large, but our feeling is that it was better to be on the safe side. And 18 months later, no further problems.
We did not change dermatologists. Our dermatologist is excellent for even catching it – it was not a typical looking A-B-C-D melanoma, more of the newer diagnostic “ugly duckling” criterion. In terms of the staging, there is just a lot of room for interpretation in the pathology of these things.
I recommend using the nearest hospital associated with a major medical university. As it happens, our private practice derm is also associated with UCSF out here, and that gave us a lot of comfort.
So – sympathy & empathy. I know melanoma is a scary, scary word. Best wishes to you!
Anyone reading this – 1) know your moles and 2) commit to sunscreen!!
Sydney Bristow
Is there a way to access the regular version of a website instead if the mobile one on an iPhone? I’m trying to check the status of an order I placed, but the mobile site doesn’t include this ability. I’ve tried to click the order status link from my confirmation email and to google the link for order status tracking I general, but my phone automatically corrects them to the main mobile version of the site.
If there isn’t a way, then just consider this my rant about retailers who don’t include important functions on their mobile sites!
AIMS
Which website? Sometimes, you can do it but you have to select that option at the outset or go thru google.
Sydney Bristow
Avenue.com. I’m home now, so I just checked on my computer. I try to only use my phone for personal stuff while I’m at work. I tried to go through Google, but it kept automatically rerouting me. I’ll have to play around with it a bit more I guess.
Sydney Bristow
And of course once I post here I found a totally obscure link under a subcategory on their mobile site. Its been that kind of a day!