Coffee Break – Gift of the Month Clubs

Along the lines of yesterday’s Dollar Shave Club rec, I thought for today’s Coffee Break I’d recommend a general “gift of the month” club idea.  This is something I’ve really gotten into over the past few years, particularly with parents and inlaws — they get something every month that you know they’ll use, and who doesn’t love little presents each month?  In the past I’ve done beer, salsa, and nuts of the month clubs… Craft Coffee (run by an old friend from my BigLaw days!) sends gourmet coffee each month; I also recently heard of Black Box Dessert Club, which sends decadent desserts each month.  There are even knitting kit of the month clubs and socks of the month clubs.  Readers, have you gotten an “of the month” gift for anyone — or been gifted one yourself?  What were your best experiences?




  1. Cap Hill Style just did a post about this this morning.

    • Edited to say: I didn’t mean this in a not nice way; her suggestions were completely different from Kat’s, and if readers want more ideas, they should check out CHS’ post!

  2. Yep! I’ve received a tea of the month club subscription and I’ve gifted a beer of the month subscription. I loved the tea of the month, and my husband liked the beer. I think it’s fun to stretch out a holiday/birthday this way.

  3. Has anyone tried a beer of the month club that they’d recommend? I’d be worried gifting one that turned out to be subpar.

    • I gifted Beer on the Wall to my dad several times, and he loved loved loved it. It’s all beer from craft breweries.

    • I gave the hubs a Craft Brew of the Month Club membership – I like that you can cancel or adjust the frequency at any time. After shipments every month, realized – every other month was better – didn’t want to turn in him in to an alcoholic! So far there have been a nice variety in the beers each month.

      • I did Craft Beer of the Month for my hubs also – REALLY good selections! I ended up drinking quite a few myself!

  4. Julep (nail polish) is great because you can skip the month if you don’t like the colors/products.

    I just need someone to come up with and/or gift me with a Minion of the Month. I need more minions.

    • Oh, Minion of the Month. I like it …

    • I’d subscribe to a Minion of the Month.

    • You could always just create FAKE MINIOINS on this web sight and then fooey on all of them if they start pretending to be the real Kanye, questioning whether you are the real Kanye, etc. I’d volunteer to be your minion, but I’m not 100% real myself.

    • manomanon :

      I would subscribe to that in a heartbeat!

    • My husband wants his own minion for Christmas.

  5. When I was a JUNIOR in college, this guy, Henry, gave me a 1 year cheeze of the month gift b/c he learned from my room mate that I LOVED cheeze. Henry also had a crush on me all Seinior Year and he OFTEN hung outside my dorm door even after I got in at night. I do NOT know what he was doeing out there, and did NOT even want to know.

    Even after I gradueated and applied to law school, he was calleing me at home and askeing my dad whether I still liked cheeze. My dad wanted me to follow up with him year’s ago, but I said FOOEY, no thank’s! I wonder where that guy is now? Probabley working for a cheeze store, my Mom think’s! Yay for mom!

  6. Maddie Ross :

    Along these same lines, I had a Birchbox subscription, but cancelled it as the products were less and less appealing. I did love the monthly “present” though. Any chance it has gotten better lately? Or can anyone recommend another similar service or subscription?

    • TO Lawyer :

      I did the same thing with one of the Canadian versions… luxe box. I loved getting something in the mail every month but I didn’t end up using 95% of the samples.

    • Hmmmm . . . I’ve subscribed to BB for over a year now, and I find that I use and love about 75% of the stuff in my boxes.

      • Same.

        Their selections vary based on the profile you fill out. Perhaps contact them if yours aren’t to your liking? I always am happy with at least 1-2 things.

    • I love the concept of Birchbox but found the actual service to be extremely disappointing. The samples were ridiculously small and not at all suited to the profile that I created (e.g., I have fine, limp hair but instead of volumizing/thickening products, they sent me frizz-fighting oil).

      • Not to be all over here defending BB (no affiliation, honest!), but I usually get at least one full size sample. Last month, I think it was a mascara, which turned out pretty great actually. I also recently went on vacation with almost all BB samples – made packing & going through TSA a breeze.

        • Wow! In my 3 months, the majority of what I received was single use.

          The most generously sized items I got were nail polishes, but I have gel nails, so no use to me.

          • Maybe it’s worth calling and asking about it? Some full size items I recall from recent months: eye liners (though in fun colors like plum, not traditional black), mascara, lip stick (not lipstick), bronzer, hair gloss … Honestly, there’s usually something great in each box. I am always surprised at the negative feedback and it’s actually the one thing making me hesitate to give BB subscriptions as gifts since everyone’s experience seems to be so varied.

          • I had to change my profile a few times and then I received stuff I liked better. That helped a bit. But ultimately, I cancelled my subscription since I finally found skin stuff I liked best (ironically not through BB).

    • I’ve been subscribing to Birchbox for over a year now. Really enjoy the box every month. Sometimes the samples are more useful than others, but it is the best way I have found to try new products that I would never pick up for myself otherwise.

    • emcsquared :

      I felt that way, but then I realized that every box had at least 2-3 things I liked and used – given the prices of those full-size items, I realized that $10 a month was actually a decent price for 2-3 useful samples a month, even if I never used the other items.

      Having said that, I let my subscription lapse but I intend to re-up.

    • I really like Glossybox – it’s more expensive, $21 a month, but you get mini-sized things instead of samples. I feel that the value is pretty good – last month, they sent me that Oli Henriksen truth serum – which retails on Sephora at $48 bucks.

      I hear you with BB – I’m thrilled to get a treat in the mail, but don’t seem to get much use out of what i get. The exception being that special Vinchy eye cream thing they did – wish they’d do more special boxes like that!

      • Maddie Ross :

        Thanks for the suggestion. I am signing up for Glossybox to see if I like it any better. Definitely a fun treat! I’ll report back in the next few months.

    • Birchbox has become my least favorite of the monthly beauty boxes. My two faves are Ipsy and GlamBag. They don’t appear to send fragrances and the products are much more my style. And GlamBag let’s you pick from a group of products.

  7. Threadjack–I keep hearing that BB creams are the hot new thing. Has anyone used them? Are they better than the regular products? Right now I use a moisturizer, liquid foundation, concealer, and then a little powder foundation to set it.

    • I didn’t love the Garnier one but I have a La Roche Posay one that I like. If you have rosier skin, I also really like Clinique’s redness reducing foundation which seems to have a similar consistence.

      • Maddie Ross :

        The Garnier one is terrible, but as far as other drugstore brands, I am currently using the L’Oreal one and really like it. It’s replaced my foundation. I still use a bit of concealer on my “spots” after I apply it and then set with loose powder.

    • I use the SmashBox BB cream. I really like it, it’s somewhere between a tinted moisturizer and liquid foundation. I use a dusting of BareMinerals Mineral Veil to set it. Works pretty well for me.

      • SoCal Gator :

        I just switched from a mineral powder foundation to Smashbox’s BB cream, which I follow with a very light dusting of powder to set it. Love it! Very natural looking, misturizing for my skin and the powder does not settle into my fine lines.

    • locomotive :

      I tried a bbcream sampler kit from sephora and my favorite one is called ‘dr.jart’s bb cream’. it’s a korean brand that is weirdly full coverage yet light and my skin looks AWESOME when i wear it, but i just sort of rub it on like face lotion in the morning. i have the black bottle which is a huge size for $34 or so and my only complaint is that my pump sometimes doesnt squeeze out the full amount. love it and have replaced my foundation with it.

      • I use the Dr. Jart’s version that comes in a gold bottle and love it. I was skeptical that it would provide enough coverage (I have very rosy undertones), but I really like how well it blends. I set it with a bit of translucent powder.

      • AnotherLadyLawyer :

        I use the one that comes in the greenish tube and also love it! No idea what the differences are between black/gold/greenish. I also set with a bit of translucent powder and fix the ever-present black circles under my eyes with under eye concealer.

        • locomotive :

          when I was in Sephora they told me it was for different ages/skin types. I don’t remember the difference between the colors though. the sample I tried was actually the gold one, but in store the SA directed me to buy the black (also noting that there really isn’t much of a difference) so I did. I believe the prices are all the same anyway.

          When I’m lazy I don’t set it, but when I’m going to have a long day I usually set it with Laura Mercier powder and then some blush. I don’t feel like the coverage slides off my oily skin at all!

          • I went into Sephora to buy the greenish one actually, and they were out, so the SA said the gold type would work for my skin. Sephora has a very generous return policy, so I figured if I was unhappy I could always exchange for the greenish type. I’m curious about the difference now, will have to ask next time I’m in the store!

    • What is BB cream?

      • SoCal Gator :

        Beauty balm creams. They are like tinted moisturizers but creamier and full of stuff that is good for your skin. In addition to hydrating and evening out skin tones, BB creams also treat the skin with antioxidants or other anti-aging ingredients. They look natural like a tinted moisturizer but have more substance to them. It’s the hot new thing in foundations. I am using Smashbox BB and I like it a lot.

    • onehsancare :

      I bought the Clinique BB cream and look like a corpse in it. It is very thick and zinc-y.

  8. Sorry to jack this thread with something really awful, but I can get some positive thoughts/vibes/prayers from the hive? I just found out from a member of the staff that one of my colleagues may have gone missing. We all travel a frequently for our work and she was set to attend hearings this morning on the other side of our state. All we know is that she spoke to her assistant last night (either on the way to her hotel or already at her hotel, not sure) and she didn’t show up to Court this morning.
    I don’t know this particular associate well, but I feel awful for her (for whatever may have happened) and her family. I know the chances of something really bad happening are 1 in a million, but I can’t help feeling really unnerved. I frequently travel alone too and, while I typically feel pretty calm and confident traveling alone, this has got me a little freaked out about my next trip.

    • Sending you all my good vibes. Good God, that’s terrifying.

    • I hope she is OK… keep calm!

    • oh my goodness. So scary. Good vibes to you, your colleague, and her family.

    • Definitely sending you all of the good vibes I can muster. Hopefully it’s nothing.

    • anon in tejas :

      sending some good vibes.
      I am hopeful that it was some sort or mix up or miscommunication.

    • layered bob :

      eep. prayers.

    • Sending good vibes!

    • oh my. Hope your colleague is okay.

    • Prayers for you all.

    • Oh dear. Let’s hope she just overslept and then was embarrassed to show up or something innocuous like that. Please let us know.

    • Thank you all so so much for the concern and positive thoughts/prayers! I just got word that she is safe, she’s with her dad (who drove out to where she was supposed to be), and will be out for a few days. No one really knows more (or if they do, they’re staying mum) but we’re all just glad she’s safe and in one piece.

      • What a relief! Thanks for updating us.

      • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

        Very late to this thread, but I am so relieved she’s safe. You’re a good coworker, JessC.

        • Silvercurls :

          +1. Also relieved (reading even later). Thanks for the update…good to find this news at the end of the thread.

  9. Salsa of the month? Do you remember the name of the service? That’s something I’m interested in. I’d also be interested in gifting the coffee of the month one, but it’s pretty pricey unfortunately.

  10. Diana Barry :

    Hey ladies,

    Sorry for the repost, but I was wondering about assistant holiday gifts. I am in a small firm and need to get my assistant a gift, just looking for a $$ figure. I am a senior associate, if that helps.

    Someone yesterday posted $50 for every year – and if I used that it would be $200, which just seems ridiculously high to me (I don’t spend that much on anyone, except maybe my spouse!).

    • I’d do $100 and make that your standing gift going forward.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      Ask around too. My office does actual gifts only, not cash gifts. The firm does the bonus and some of the lawyers are stingy and they wanted to avoid the issue of one person getting a couple hundred and someone else getting nothing even they do equally great work. This is such a “know your firm” thing.

    • I’m in biglaw, and I’m planning on $100 (which, honestly, is more than I spend on everyone for the holidays, with the possible exception of DH. My mom and I have $30 gift limits this year). Since you’re in a small firm, I think you could probably spend less.

    • I’m in a medium size firm. The gifts to assistants by associates vary from about $50-$100. Last year I gave $100, a card, and a bottle of wine. My assistant was really awesome and went above and beyond in staying late for me, etc.

      I just got a new assistant two months ago. I’m going to give her $50 with a nice card.

    • Is she your dedicated assistant, or do you share her? I’d be much more generous if it is the former.

    • [insert clever name here] :

      I’m in medium law, mid-level associate.

      I give $100 plus a token gift to open (e.g. decorative bowl, fancy food etc). Except for the first year when I gave $50, this has been my gift every year.

  11. This is a shot in the dark, but does anyone know a good urologist in Dallas? My sister is having some pretty serious issues and needs a second opinion. Thanks!

    • Tell her to look for a urogynecologist. I’m not putting the link for moderation but google the American Urogynecologic Society and click on the find a provider link.

    • Michael B. Gruber, Urology Associates of North Texas, www [dot] uant [dot] com, he’s located at Medical City (so North Dallas) (7777 Forest Lane, Suite C-618, Dallas Tx 75230 (972) 566-7771).

  12. Blonde Lawyer :

    JessC – I am trying to reply to your post but my replies are not showing up. That is probably why you have no replies yet. Hang in there.

  13. style advice needed... :

    Bacon of the month.

  14. PharmaGirl :

    Any recommendations for a good wine of the month?

    • I recently got a selection of wine as a Groupon from wine insiders, they have a wine of the month, a few various levels. I’ve had two of the five bottles I ordered, and both were great!

      • I’m glad you got good wines. I used a Groupon for the same thing a year or so ago and everything I got was [email protected] I cooked a lot of coq au vin and boeuf bourguignon that winter.

    • Check local wine stores and see if they do a wine club. Ours would do a “no-obligation” club where you got monthly emails when the wine club was ready and you only had to pay if you picked it up. We tried a bunch of great wines this way and saved a bundle on shipping.

      • PharmaGirl :

        The shipping option is necessary in this case. Should have specified.

    • I like K&L Wines, which is based in CA. They are often cited as one of the best wine stores in the country (both online and physical–they now have three locations in CA–on the Peninsula, in SF and in North Hollywood). I especially like their clubs because they have cheaper and more expensive, new world, old world and they have a FANTASTIC newsletter–highlighting everything from craft beer to Austrian whites to Chilean reds. It’s very fun to read! Anyway, K&L, hands down–you can pick how much you want to spend and really tailor the experience to your budget and the recipient’s taste, whether they want all white, all red, all sparkling, all Italian, etc.

      • SF Bay Associate :

        +1000 for K&L, hands down. They have a wonderful selection with lots of lesser known vineyards/varietals and really, really knowledgeable staff.

      • PharmaGirl :

        I’ll check them out. Thanks for the recommendation!

  15. Are you ever concerned that one of your coworkers might read this blog? I ask this to all of you who frequently vent about work under the same handle. Seems like risky business…

    • Bert Macklin, FBI :

      Have been wondering the same thing. Be careful, NOLA.

      • You’re probably right. This whole situation has me a mess but I shouldn’t vent here so often.

    • Yes at least one of my colleagues occasionally reads this blog. But I haven’t said anything about my fabulous colleagues. They aren’t the problem. People don’t know where I work or exactly what I do unless they’ve met me.

    • longtime reader :

      I’ve recognized at least two of my colleagues/friends by the comments they made – their situations were unique enough that I recognized them easily. I had my suspicions about another one woman, but that were unconfirmed.
      I only read this site occasionally, but I often wonder if people think using a name like “anon” shields them from recognition.

  16. I made partner! That is all.

  17. Can anyone who knows about coffee comment on the roasters used by Craft Coffee (available at This might be a good gift for my hard-to-buy-for husband, but he is a major coffee snob (he usually buys Intelligentsia beans) and I’m not sure if the roasters would meet his standards. (I don’t drink coffee, so I know nothing about these things.) Also, for those of you with high coffee standards, would you be concerned about freshness with mail order beans? Mr. O. usually buys a half pound twice a week because he claims that if he buys a pound once per week the beans degrade. And yes, I think this is ridiculous.

    • As a fellow coffee snob and Intelli drinker, I am not sure about this club. I haven’t heard of any of the roasters. Citizen Bean looks much more serious:

      It looks like they select month by month, so no master list for you to check out, but their FB page calls out industry leaders like Stumptown, Blue Bottle, et al ( I’d call for more details, like a list of the past 12 months of coffee roasters, before shelling out for it, though.

      If you all are local to Chicago and he’s into other artisan foods, Marion Street Cheese Market in Oak Park has a great Craft Beer of the Month Club and a Cheese of the Month club.

    • Ack! I’m in moderation—but in short, I would advise against it. Google Citizen Bean–I haven’t used them but they might be a good alternative for your hubby.

      • Thanks for the suggestion!

        • Page zora…..her parents are coffee snobs and she gave me coffee 101 and coffee 201 tutorials.

          • SF Bay Associate :

            Sweet Maria’s in Oakland, which I bet Zora loves. Roast your own coffee for the ultimate fresh roast or buy their carefully roasted varietals. Sweet Maria’s is not playing around.

          • My husband LOVES Sweet Maria’s – he roasts beans on our barbecue using a Whirly-Pop pan. And it’s good, and the unroasted beans keep for quite some time.

  18. Union Square? :

    Hi ladies! I’m going to have some free time this afternoon/evening in NYC. I’m planning to hit up the Union Square holiday market, and then a coworker and I have dinner plans at 8:30 in that neighborhood. Where would you savvy NYC ladies recommend we go to grab a drink around 7:30-8:00 in the Union Square area?


    • You could try the bar at Union Square Cafe. Where are you having dinner?

      I like Jack Bistro (University at 11th St.); it’s very neighborhood-y.

    • That area can be surprisingly tough. The bar at Saigon Grill is actually kind of cool. Otherwise, Park Bar is my go-to, but it can get crowded. Otherwise, there are some pubs on 17th or 18th that are quieter.

      • I’ve tried to go to Park Bar about six times, but have never made it in — it’s always too crowded for me.

        I forgot to mention Cibar, on Irving between 17th and 18th.

      • Agreed – very tough area!

        Where are the dinner plans? It may be easier to recommend something if we know which way you are headed.

      • Saigon Grill :

        This place has had big employment-law issues in recent years (underpaying/overworking its staff). I personally would be uncomfortable eating there.

        • As an employment attorney who frequently sues restaurants for similar violations, I understand where you are coming from but recognize that the employees depend on customers’ tips to make their living. If the restaurant is boycotted, they lose their jobs. I don’t avoid any restaurants based on labor practices, but I tip well and I tip in cash.

    • Union Square? :

      Thanks for the help, ladies. We’re going to Devi for Indian food for dinner.

    • There’s also the W Hotel in Union Square.

    • for margaritas, rosa mexicano.

  19. TO Lawyer :

    So I was just in a colleague’s office and noticed that my brand new Ann Taylor wool pencil skirt is totally creased in the front. Is there anything you can do to avoid this creasing? Gah it’s really annoying me. I’m considering returning the skirt because I feel like I look so sloppy.

    • Merabella :

      I think this comes down to the fabric content of the skirt – it might be a standing only skirt.

      • Double Boo :

        Usually fabric issue. I’m not always the best judge, but I’ll often crumple an arm or a pant leg or whatnot while I’m in the store to see how well it bounces back before I’ll purchase. You would be surprised how many things give way to a wrinkle. Too much cotton or something. And I seriously think linen is the devil’s fabric. I don’t know how so many other people carry it off so well. I must be too animated in my sitting/walking/reaching or something. I’ll create wrinkles in areas that just aren’t normal–middle of shoulder, back of jacket, etc. Have no idea what in the world I’m doing. You would think I was an action hero or something.

  20. Darwinette :

    I work with a young woman who graduated from college this May and started this job (her first) in August, and she seems to have no sense at all for noticing or fitting into the office culture.

    Nothing that she does is egregiously wrong–she’s not hurting anybody–but I know that the way she dresses/acts/sends typo-laden company-wide emails/etc. is being noticed negatively by senior people, who have concluded that she’s clueless.

    I think she’s a bright young woman, but I also think that she seems to have that kind of unquestioning self-confidence that can lead to a total lack of filter or inner reality check. Given that she clearly isn’t picking up on these unspoken cues on her own, is it worth trying to gently point out to her what other people might be noticing? Part of me feels like I’m a bad older colleague for not giving this girl a hand, and part of me feels like learning to be a grown-up is learning to have some savvy without being spoonfed.

    • I think it would be a kindness to take her to coffee and tell her you have observed some things that you’d like to give feedback on.

      Besides pointing out direct things in your office, you might point her to something like Ask A Manager as general work-life reference.

    • Do you have any supervisory responsbility for her? If you do, I think it’s reasonable for you to, for example, meet one-on-one with her before a meeting you’re both attending so you can go over the material (which could include saying things like “I’m sure you know this already, but since this is a meeting with [my boss who’s your boss’s boss] it’s probably best to dress up a bit. You know, like a jacket and maybe a longer skirt or pants.”). If your work is more parallel than supervisory, I think it’s harder but at least you can do things like say “did you ever get spell-check set up on your email account? It’s a life-saver for me! People around here are really put off by typos and it can be so hard to catch everything.” I guess this is a little passive-aggressive, but I think when I was that age, I might have been defensive if someone who wasn’t my supervisor took me aside and told me I was doing things wrong.

      • Darwinette :

        Nope, no supervisory responsibility at all. Her direct supervisor is the big boss (she’s his assistant) and he’s so shy and awkward that he would never utter a peep about someone’s behavior/clothing . . . even when she comes to work in skin-tight, low-front, low-back, lacy, ample-cleavage-baring cocktail dresses. (That was Thursday.)

    • I think many people can point to a time when either a supervisor/person of experience sat them down and told them they were doing something wrong or a time when they wish someone had. Most of us were a clueless kid at one point in our life. Sitting her down ONCE and giving her some honest, constructive criticism isn’t spoon-feeding her. I think a sign of adulthood is receiving criticism, accepting it gracefully, and then correcting. Talk to her and if she doesn’t try to fix anything afterwards, you’ve done your due diligence and she’s shown you a thing or two about her maturity level.

      • Agreed. Please clue her in. I lost my job (they called it a layoff, but still) at my second law firm because of this. It was a litigation position, mid sized firm, and I was the highest biller in the office – something like 2200 hours that year. I had won every. single. stinking. motion.

        I was let go because I was not a “good fit for the firm.” This was a cultural thing, because I was coming in early, like around 7am, so I could leave at about 5:30. The bulk of the other attorneys were rolling in at 8:30-9 and staying later, and the staff was there until 6, so it was essentially making people cranky that I was out of the office by then. They actually said “your work as an attorney is excellent, this is not about that.”

        A partner had said something to me, and I directly asked what time I should stay until, and he said 5:30 and I did that, but it was apparently too little too late. I wish someone would have said something to me a month in (even though coming in early to leave early was something I asked about in the interview and they said was fine…but whatever…different TJ) instead of just losing my job.

        • My problem was the opposite of yours. I’m a night-person, insomniac, and I usually actually fall into rem sleep at about 4 or 5 am. It was very, very hard to get up from that heavy and sweet sleep after just 3 or 4 hours.

          In short, I rolled in around 9 am and stayed until 7, which is a decent 10 hour day in a federal government litigation office.

          However, my whole office was chipper morning people, some — like my boss– would come to work at 6 am and leave at 3:30 pm. the rest came in 7 -8 am and left by 4:30. I got my best work done in those early evening hours.

          I came to find out that no one cared that I worked until 7 and some people didn’t believe it. the fact was, I was always the last person in, and that just irritated everyone. Just like you, I was extremely successful in all aspects of my litigation practice, but none of it mattered.

          I finally quit when my management started taking 30 minutes from my vacation pay every day I was “late.” (altho our federal office had written policies about every dang thing imaginable, and that we are required to review yearly, there is nothing about office hours or tardiness.) I saw an employment lawyer who told me the docking of my vacation pay — by the way, my management gave me no notice, not written, not verbal — was not legal.

          Anyway, although my job is litigation, I’m extremely non-confrontative in private. I know my insomnia is a lifetime deal, so, I just quit. Now I work, same field, for myself, with my own hours, etc.(because I was well known had no problem picking up a client base.)

          In short, there is an office environment, and no matter that you are working longer, or getting better results in court, no matter that the judges rave about you, you need to respect that environment and get with the program. Or go elsewhere, as I ultimately did.

          I think the young college graduate deserves the kindness of the OP, who should explain that her clothes aren’t work appropriate. In fact, OP should refer her to corporette or other style blogs.

    • Merabella :

      Are you in a position to be a mentor to her? This would be a great opportunity to help her out and teach her some important lessons about office culture. You don’t have to spoon feed her the information, but it is good to let her know that she is falling short, and other people are noticing it – then she can decide to take your advice or not.

      I know Belle from Capitol Hill Style did a post a while back about how to tell your intern that they aren’t cutting the mustard in the fashion department – which may also be a good jumping off point for how to deal with the entire conversation about other office culture issues.

      I think Kat did something like this too, but I can’t for the life of me remember when, or if I am just making that up.

    • If you’re not her boss, take her out for coffee and get to know her a little bit. She may be really nervous since it’s her first job and not have a clue. Or she could be a know it all and get totally defensive. If she’s the former, you might cushion your advice as tips on office culture. If she’s a know it all, she’s probably not going to listen to you, but at least you tried.

    • Manager by Day, Mom at Night :

      Unfortunately, yes – if her manager isn’t having this conversation with her, do her a favor and gently point it out. I have a dotted line indirect report who has the same issues and had to not-so-gently point it out that his sarcastic sense of humor was border line condescending and derisive, and his rolling of the eyes at internal processes made it seem as though he was too good for this job. His responsiveness and professional demeanor picked up quite a bit.

      I find self-awareness to be a learned trait, not an innate one, and even more seasoned professionals can sometimes benefit from a frank talk or two. Don’t feel bad about it – it’s all part of her coaching and development post-school.

      • Darwinette :

        You guys, emboldened by all of your immediate yes-you-have-to-say-something-she-will-be-better-off responses, I went to her desk and we had a nice little chat. She responded much better than I had expected, and she also told me that she’d gotten her boss to sit down with her last week for a four-month review–I was impressed not only by her gumption in insisting upon having a formal feedback meeting but also by her clear understanding of which issues she needed to work on. Hooray! She’s gonna make it after all.

        (She also very adorably told me that someone had recently told her that I was a good model of appropriate behavior/tone/decorum. I don’t know who said such a thing, but I’m glad I’m an identifiable good influence!)

  21. I’d like to thank the SF-area e t t e s who made recommendations for my Nutcracker visit. DH and I had a lovely time with the nieces (and SIL). The girls liked it, though it was a little long for them (they’re 6 and 4). The younger girl didn’t quite grasp the idea of ballet — “Aunt Tuesday, when does the talking start?” And when I told her that they was no talking, and that they were telling a story through their movements she gave me a perfect “what you talking about Willis” look.

    PS: can we agree on something to call hive members that won’t get us in moderation?

    • that _there_ was no talking.


    • Research, Not Law :

      LOL, I have a 3.5 year old and am so very familiar with the “what you talking about Willis” look.

      I’m glad you had a good time! I’m looking forward to taking her and her baby sister in a few years.

      • For me the best part (aside from my nieces, obviously) was seeing all the little girls in their pretty pretty dresses. There were poufs and sparkles and satin and bows — so completely adorable!

      • Ha. Kid logic is the best. Glad you had a great time Tuesday!

    • SF Bay Associate :

      So glad it worked out! Where’d ya eat? Did you ride the cable car?

      • We ate at Max’s — SIL picked as the most kid-safe option. No cable car, because we met at Max’s near the Opera House. We did go for treats (coffee / hot chocolate) after.

        But, even though we didn’t spend too much time with them, it was lovely to see them. DH and I are not parents, and he’s often a little awkward around kids, but he did a very good job. The younger girl is in a crushing-on-Uncle-Tuesday phase, so he can do no wrong for now, and I love watching that interaction.

        All in all, a very happy day!

      • Also, on Saturday night DH and I ate at Green’s — so very good! I love that place.

  22. Totally unrelated mini-vent. Went to the Clinique counter at L&T today during lunch because they have an awesome free gift and its 10% off all cosmetics till tomorrow. I wanted to buy some new lipstick. Three women helped me and not one could recommend anything that looked better than “meh.” The first didn’t even try, she just asked me which color I wanted to try and then left me alone to “play with the shades.” The other two put on awful to semi-decent shades on and for each one, went, “really nice!” regardless of how any of them actually looked. I ended up not buying any lipstick at all and wasting a better part of 35 min., though the uptick was that the free gift had black honey lipstick in it and it looks pretty awesome (this was my go-to high school shade). Of course none of the saleswomen recommended that one. So, two lessons: (1) if you need guidance, Clinique might not be the best place to get it but (2) they have an awesome gift with purchase right now should you be into that sort of thing.

    • style advice needed... :

      I don’t think it is specific to Clique. It is a total crap shoot who is working at these counters. Realize that these jobs are not where the most experienced make-up artists spend their time.

      I have not had good experience with make-up counters in Department stores. Even at Nordstroms. I am quite clueless about make-up for me (coloring etc..) and went there a few times for advice. Young girls…. totally different styles….. giving me clumpy spider lashes and unflattering make-up shades. I had poor luck at Bobbi Brown and Bare Minerals most recently. The last time I went, as I was leaving the cosmetics area I was actually stopped by an older woman at a different make-up counter who said… “Who put that base color on you? It is all wrong…” Of course, I had just bought the make-up…. It is so hard to see what looks right in those terrible flourescent lights…

      So I give up. I have been debating whether I need to hire a ?make-up consultant in Chicago to help me out. So expensive, sheesh…

      • The best experience I had was with the Chanel counter at Saks. I also find it helps to find someone whose own make up looks good to you (how some of these folks are allowed to get away with unflattering cakey make up on themselves when their whole job is to sell the stuff to you is beyond me).

        I also never buy the make up without taking a sample home first. You can ask them to make up a small jar for you. Then I can see what it looks like under normal lights and in the clear light of morning. Maybe try that next time?

    • For what it’s worth, I’ve been frustrated by clinique’s lipstick formulas. I think you’re better off, even if it means spending a little more. My favorites are Dior addict and ysl…

      • Good point. I more wanted the free gift and hence was thinking, lipstick!
        My main problem with lipstick is I haven’t worn it in so long that I have no idea what colors even look good anymore, so I was just really hoping someone would go, “try this, it’ll be awesome.” I think I was most dissapointed by the fact that of the three of them, not one had any idea what she was doing nor cared to give me an honest opinion.

        • AIMS,

          I don’t know your coloring, but MAC has a shade call TWIG that is the same color as your lips, only, you know, better. I have fair skin/hair/eyes and my friend, with tawny brown skin and hair, both use this same shade. Looks different on each of us.
          But if you haven’t worn lipstick in awhile, this is the perfect step-in shade.

  23. Anyone familiar with the ballet flats by Tieks by Gavrieli ? Link posted below . . . I’m fine spending a bit more than usual if the quality is there. I want ballet flats that dont look, i dont know, so much like slippers. Does that make sense?

    • Miz Bizcuit :

      I ordered Tieks in 3 sizes, and returned them all. I have short, wide feet, and found that the toe box was too flat (painful pressure on my toenails, and you could see the outline through the leather!), and the ankle elastic cut into my heels, even on the largest size. So they make work for you if your feet are like long, skinny, flat planks. Consider sizing UP.

      Regardless of the above, the quality was excellent: good leather, thick cushy leather soles. I wanted them to work soooooo bad…

    • I have two pairs and I love them! They are super comfortable and have good support for a ballet flat (but certainly not on par with a pair of Cole Haan Nike Air). I usually wear heels at work, but they are my driving shoes and I also wear them on the weekends and the evenings while chasing around a toddler. I also have a pair of Tory Burch ballet flats and my Tieks are so much more comfortable– much more supportive and they don’t dig into my heels. I’ve had mine for a year and they still look brand new.

    • I posted about this last week, but try Paul Mayer ballet flats (if you can find them in a store near you). About the same price point (200), way comfortable and supportive!

    • Could be too late, but never late than never :)
      I loved my Tieks, but found that they wear out very fast. If the heel gets worn down, the stitching of the rubber pads gets undone. Superglue is only effective for so long. A shame, since they are very cute and comfortable.

  24. Link mentioned:

  25. When to move on? :

    Reposting from an earlier thread:

    1.5 years ago I started a new job with a very large, international company. In the past 1.5 yrs I have been working with a team that has really been struggling. I love the team members and the work is fun but we basically have nothing to show for ourselves for the past year for many reasons. Either way I am thinking it might be time to move on as I don’t think staying with this team is good for my career. I can go elsewhere in the company pretty easily but I am not sure how to handle the situation. I really do like my manager and my coworkers and I will need a recommendation from them for graduate school so I don’t want to ruin the relationship. I feel like I am letting the team down but I know staying here is really not good for my resume. My manager is also asking me to take on more responsibility on the team which I don’t want to do because of the lack of accomplishments this team has had. What is the best way to handle this?

    • Is your question whether you should stay? Or how to demur on being given more responsibility? Or on how to tell your current boss/team you’re leaving once you get a new job? (Or something else?) Overall, you seem to feel a lot of guilt for what sounds like a team (or perhaps structural) failure. It isn’t even clear from your post, however, that anyone besides you sees this as a failure. I guess in your shoes I would look for a new job (assuming you have at least a year until grad school — if you’re starting sooner than that, I’d tough it out rather than go to a new job and suddenly quit to start school). Meanwhile, I’d try to assess what I think the team should have acheived, whether that expectation is in line with what the organization seems to think the team should have acheived (and if it’s not, why not), and why the team failed to meet these milestones. Once I’d done that, I’d look to see if there was anything I could have done differently. Did I slack? Were there relationships I could have handled better? Not as a means of berating yourself, but as a means of looking at this as a learning experience. Honestly, some situations are just un-fixable (at least, for anyone without a certain amount of authority). It’s a valuable skill to be able to assess what’s fixable and what’s not — and when it’s not fixable, GET OUT. No one gets brownie points for going down with the ship. No one. All people remember is that your ship sank.

      • Oh, and I wouldn’t feel any guilt about looking for a new job. If it’s as you describe, I guarantee your co-workers are doing the same thing. Even if you stuck around, it’s unlikely it would be the same place in another six months. Anyone who holds it against you that you switched jobs after 18 months is very unprofessional. As for taking on additional responsibilities, I’d try to avoid that. It’s tricky to do, but I think the best way might be to frame it as you feeling you can contribute more in a different (or your current role) and that this would instead be a fantastic opportunity for [other person on the team] because [honest reason why you think this person would be good for this role].

    • Good questions TBK…

      I am asking what is the best way for me to extract myself from the situation. I don’t know if anyone else in the organization has realized this team has failed but I am sure it will come out within the next year. I do agree that this team has failed and I feel like if I stay here I am missing an opportunity to work with a team that will help me develop some valuable skills.

    • follow up question…

      I think I should leave but I am feeling a lot of guilt about it. Any advice for handling this? Should I look for a new job within the company and then let me current manager know? Do I let my manager know I am having doubts?

      • I’d look for a new job and then let your manager know that you’re leaving (i.e., give notice). I don’t see any good coming out of talking about doubts. I also would absolutely not feel guilty. Unless there’s some specific ginormous deadline coming up for which you have major, major responsbilities, I’d say switching jobs is just part of life in 21st century America. (And even if there were the ginormous deadline, I’d still say that while a tiny twinge of guilt is normal, any manager who’s completely crippled by the loss of one employee, and who has no contingency plan, is a very poor manager. That’s not your concern.)

        • Thanks! I guess I am having trouble dealing with the idea that I will be jumping ship because there isn’t anyone to take over my duties. And I really like the team so I don’t want to leave them in a bind.

  26. anon for this :

    Help, all. I’ve made a commitment that seems to be a bad idea. Without going into too much detail, I was intrigued by an organization that seemed really cool to me, and I helped with a short-term project with them that I loved. I asked about making a bigger commitment and joining the board, and I was brought on… and now I think I made a huge mistake. The board is totally disorganized. People seem to flake on commitments constantly and don’t seem dedicated enough to even pin down meeting dates a month or two in advance. I tried to meet with one of the founding members to run my proposals by him, and he canceled on me repeatedly after we’d set up plans. We never got to meet. All this has really soured me on the organization and makes it hard to be passionate about contributing my time and energy to it. I don’t want to give up just yet, but it’s hard to see how things will change, and I only have so much time to give. I think I’d rather dedicate it to another cause.

    What should I do? I could just flake out like some of the others and technically still be on it, but part of me thinks I should bow out gracefully and state other commitments (work, family, etc.) as my reason so I’ve at least been honest about it instead of trying to do a slow fade. Or should I give it a certain amount of time before I give up? Has anyone else been in this position?

    • I’ve been there, and my biggest regret is not getting out sooner. I wouldn’t flake out and just stop showing up, but I don’t think you need to feel guilty about stepping down.

      • anon for this :

        Do you think there’s a minimum amount of time I should put in? I don’t want to ruin my reputation with them or have them think that I didn’t take it seriously. It’s only been a few months, but some of my friends say I should give it a year.

        • Double Boo :

          Maybe tell them you have X hours to devote or are willing to participate or take the lead on X project once a year? Many places are happy to have just some help that is dependable. It doesn’t have to be all (being a board member) or nothing. So long as you are honest though (even if that means saying no to anything) that’s better than stringing along. Most people will have more respect for the person who says no outright when things aren’t a good fit.

          Also, are there ways you could be involved that might be more in your own control? I used to head a committee where my responsibility was soliciting speakers for a not-for-profit that was miserably run. (Literally turning into negative networking when speakers would show up and the sound wasn’t taken care of as promised or no wi-fi, etc.) I now limit my involvement to writing articles for them, speaking (I always bring paper copies just in case A/V is a mess), and attending the occasional educational event since there is little dependence on others to have a successful and satisfying experience. I still get to network with many of the same people and build professional development experience AND they are always appreciative of the help. It’s been a win-win. Maybe you can think about other roles that would work better for you and suggest them?

    • Second that. I was in that position. Ugh, so frustrating! I’d get out.

    • I think what you do depends how much work you want to/feel you are able to put into this. Given the way you’ve described the situation, I think you would be completely justified if you backed out of the commitment, either saying that it was a bigger commitment than you anticipated (true in a way), or just being honest and saying that given the culture of the organization you think you aren’t a good fit.

      That said, I’ve found in volunteer-type situations that anyone who is willing to put forth work and deliver results is quickly perceived as valuable: if you do one thing well, people will keep coming to you with more things. So, you might be able to reach a position of power relatively quickly, in which case maybe you would be able to address some of the issues you find frustrating. Of course, this depends on the structure and practices of the organization; if there are founding members in charge, who aren’t likely to share power soon, you may just be stuck backing out or putting up with the disorganization.

      • anon for this :

        Thanks. That’s a good point. I may stick it out a few more months to see if I can make a difference, but my sense is that the type of person who makes a difference might not be the type of person who is involved in this organization.

        I can probably get away with doing the bare minimum and technically remaining a member, but I just feel kind of weird about it. I don’t want to be involved just to put something on my resume — I want to make a real difference with people who are passionate. I feel kind of consumed with self-doubt, like I didn’t vet them enough beforehand and now I’m paying the price.

      • I agree with this, especially the first sentence — it really depends on how much time and energy you are willing to put in to try and fix the issues you’re having.

        You should not feel badly about bowing out, but I do think that if you just drop it, others may (albeit unfairly) think you are just unreliable. You’d be doing a huge service if you are upfront with someone in power about the reasons you are leaving — or thinking of leaving. You can explain that you’ve been frustrated with the lack of ability to plan ahead and schedule meetings to accomplish things, and that the organization runs the risk of being unable to recruit and keep volunteers if they can’t rectify these issues.

        On the other hand, if you’re willing to invest even more time and energy (and there’s no particular reason you should be so willing — I doubt I would be), you may be able to take on some of the fixing-things yourself. For example, do you need a meeting with the guy whose been cancelling on you, or can you explain your proposals over email? Or are they things you can just act on, or discuss with someone else? Can you volunteer to be the “secretary” for the board, and start sending out scheduling emails earlier? Or can you simply tell the board that, because you know everyone is busy and that it’s much easier to plan when commitments and meetings are arranged well in advance, you propose that the board meet always on, say, the third Thursday of the month?

  27. I am a banana. :

    You guise – I need help. Long story short, my boyfriend has a tiny son, who I adore. The ex-wife/mom wants to meet me, which I understand because son apparently talks about me after he spends weekends with us. Ex-wife and I are currently trying to schedule a time to get drinks or lunch. I’ve only met her once in passing at son’s birthday. I wish I didn’t have to meet up with her – I don’t know anything about her and would be fine keeping it that way, but I feel like I’d want the same thing if it were my son, so I am trying to be accommodating.

    Here’s the issue. I am so anxious about this meeting that typing about it or writing to her makes me tense to a point where I am currently shaking because my neck is so tight. I am having trouble sleeping because I am thinking about it so much. Why am I so freaked out about this person? Help me calm down/figure out what to talk about?

    • GirlMeetsWorld :

      Can the bf be at your initial meeting to help take the edge off? Can you schedule to meet for something “quick” like coffee + a walk in the park, ie something casual that includes an “activity” so that you aren’t just sitting face to face and you don’t feel like you’re being grilled? Topics.. current events, sports, jobs, art, books etc. I think she’d want to see that you are a responsible person but that you aren’t too “parent-y” (yet?!) with the son. GL! :-)

    • Remember to breathe! Here are the good points – son loves you, you love son. Mom is trying to be responsible and hopefully isn’t crazy. Never having been in this situation before, I think it’s safe to say it’s uncomfortable (and maybe acknowledging it may help). Could you all meet up at a playground with son? Coffee and kid might help break the ice. That way you all aren’t totally on your own to make chit chat and she can see how much you care about the kid, which seems to be the point.

    • Is your boyfriend going to be there? If not, I could see why that would make you anxious (it would make me anxious). Although, perhaps you’re just anxious because you want to make a good impression. You love her son, you want her to see you as a good influence on him, you want her to be supportive of your relationship with her ex-husband, etc. Have you discussed your anxiety with your BF?

      As for topics, I’d start with saying how much you like the son, and you’re glad for the chance to get to know her a little better. And then you can talk about normal things, like what you/she does, plans for the holidays, any upcoming travel plans, etc.

      But deep breaths. It’s unlikely that she has a hidden agenda. She probably just wants to get to know the woman who is spending so much time with her son.

    • SpaceMountain :

      I’d say no. Leave that relationship to the bf and his ex. If you get married, it might be a different story.

      • I don’t think it’s that simple. As a parent, I want to meet the people who are spending time around my child and caring for him. Especially as the parent of a small child. I think you can make it a short meeting, but a parent (imo) needs more than a brief introduction in passing. You don’t have to be her new best friend anything.

      • e_pontellier :

        +1. Unless you and your bf are planning a future together, I think meeting the mom is premature.

        • I am a banana. :

          To clarify any confusion, we live together and are planning a future together. And I agree with Mascot.

          • SpaceMountain :

            Are you not worried she’s going to get information out of you to use against him for any custody issues in the future? I guess I’m not seeing the positives outweighing the potential negatives here, but perhaps I’m jaded b/c I’m in my 40s and have seen many nasty divorces among my friends. When your bf has custody, he is the one responsible for the child. If she ever has a problem with what he does during his custody times, she needs to deal with him, because they are the ones with the agreement. I’m sure you are hoping to develop a nice relationship with her, but be careful, and leave whatever you can to your bf in dealing with her.

          • e_pontellier :

            Wonderful! Congratulations on finding a great guy and bonus points for loving his kid! Hopefully your bf can come to the meeting with you, and hopefully you can relax a bit. Sorry to hear this is so stressful.

          • I am a banana. :

            @SpaceMountain – That’s a good point. I’ve met her and she is not someone I’m going to be friends with or trying to have a relationship with. I completely agree with you that I need to leave everything to him regarding custody – I have zero interest in taking on that hat and he handles it just fine by himself. I’m also not the one who asked for this meetup, and I’m honestly just trying to get through it.

            Thanks, EP! He’s happily agreed to come, I don’t know why I didn’t think of that before.

          • I also agree with Mascot. If I were Mom, even if I trusted (former DH) to make good decisions around Son, I would still want to meet the woman who was very involved with my son’s life (living there while he is there). I’m Anon from below re the 2 ex-wives, and I was open to meeting them for this purpose, but not for a one-on-one chit chat.

            On the other hand, I have lived with/raised Ex-wife 2’s child for almost 2 years (we have primary custody), and I just met her recently. Her attitude is that I don’t exist/don’t matter in this equation because SO and I aren’t married. She doesn’t seem to care at all to know anything about me, which I find extremely odd, since I’m essentially “mom” to her child. To each their own, I guess. SO and Child are the important part of this to me, and I just let him handle all of the logistics.

    • I am a banana. :

      Thanks all.

      I’m going to tell BF that it is making me extremely anxious and ask him to come along for coffee. We live together so I am uncomfortable with just telling her no, because I understand where she is coming from. At the same time, I don’t really want or need to have an independent relationship with her, so I think it is fair to have him come along.

      Neck, you now have permission to unclench…

      • I am a banana. :

        He’s coming. :) I no longer feel like I need to vom. Thanks all!

    • MaggieLizer :

      It’s kind of weird to have a one-on-one so early on. I’d be concerned that the lunch would turn into an interview, and it might be hard to disengage from that without being rude. You’re definitely in your rights to ask that someone else come along; she’s basically a part of BF’s family and he wouldn’t very well send you off to have lunch with his parents by yourself would he?

      I was with a guy who had a child from a previous relationship, and I was absolutely terrified to meet the ex/child’s mother. It turns out, though, she was even more intimidated by me than I was by her. We always met in child-centric activities, so we got to exchange a few snippets of conversation before we had longer periods where we had to interact. I grew to really like her, though there was always some distance there; I think if we’d met in another context we would’ve been good friends. So, even though it can be really scary at first, she’s just a person, she’s not going to bite, and it’s perfectly possible that you’ll end up having a really positive relationship with her.

    • I’ve been there, twice (SO has 2 ex-wives, one child with each). Ex-wife 1 is awesome, we get along well. Ex-wife 2, not so much. I met each of them with my SO and the kids; I would never have had our initial meeting be just the two of us, and I can’t ever see myself doing anything with Ex-wife 2 without SO present, aside from possibly doing the quick child-exchange thing if he is busy. I think it depends on the person and the situation, but if I were you, I would meet her with your boyfriend and for what can be a brief introduction and go from there.

  28. More monthly/periodic gift ideas:

    For kiddos, Magic Craft box comes out 4 times a year (1x season) and is full of nature/wool/Waldorf-style crafts.

    Also for kiddos, I love every magazine we’ve tried from Carus Publishing (over time, we’ve had Babybug, Ladybug, Spider, Cricket, Ask, Faces, Cobblestone, and Muse). Note that some of their magazines are 12 times a year, some are 9 times (usually the school year) and others are less frequent. There’s no advertising in their magazines at all.
    There are frequent discount codes for the magazines, so you don’t have to pay list price.

    For needleworkers, Nordic Needle has a Hardanger Sampler Runner Club and a Charmed Counted Cross-stitch Club. Most quilt stores have a block-of-the-month club and/or a fabric of the month club. (one of many quilt shops that have fabric and block of the month offerings)

    For people who like audio books, a subscription to is a great gift idea. It’s $7.49/month for 1 book for the first 3 months and $14.95 afterwards. 2 books a month is $22.95 a month.

    I’ve put together my own “Lego-of-the-month” subscription for my college student by buying seasonally appropriate Lego kits on Amazon and then mailing them to her at the appropriate time (ghosts with a pumpkin in October, a turkey at Thanksgiving, a wreath at Christmas, a snowman for January, a heart for February, etc.).

  29. Hi ladies, hopefully not too late in the day. I need some help. How can I figure out my ring size without having to buy a ring somewhere (or an expensive one)? I want to order rings for my sisters for Christmas (cutting it close), but I don’t know their sizes, just how big their fingers are relative to mine. I don’t know my size either, so I need to figure this out. Any tips? I live in NYC if you have suggestions on where to go.

    • Just go to a jewelry/ring store and ask you to size them. If it makes you feel better, you can pretend to be shopping for a ring. You can go to 47th St., to Tiffany, to anywhere that sells jewelry, basically. You may want to order a quarter-size up if you are borderline and chilly, since your fingers tend to get thicker in heat/thinner in cold. (I’m a 6.5 in winter, but closer to a 7 in summer.)

    • onehsancare :

      Go into a jewelry store and tell them that your boyfriend asked your ring size. and ask if they’ll measure your finger.

    • You can usually do pretty well with the sizers you can find online — just google online ring sizing. You use string or strips of paper to wrap around your own fingers, then match those up to the sizes that you print out.

    • You may also be able to go to the cheap (i.e., not-in-a-case) jewelry section of a department store — several of those places have fashion rings available in several sizes and labelled, so that you can just try stuff on and see what fits. If your Old Navy has started selling jewelry, I think they also have sized rings (at least, I think ours does). Similar other stores may, too.

    • e_pontellier :

      You definitely do NOT need to purchase a ring to get your ring size. Any jewelry store can size you – takes 2 seconds.

    • Rural Juror :

      The Tiffany engagement ring app for iPhone (free) has a ring sizing tool. You lay a ring you already own on the screen and find the size of that ring.

  30. Ugh. I missed the return deadline for j.crew by about a week. Anybody have luck returning things past the deadline to them?

    • e_pontellier :

      Call them; I’m sure they’ll give you store credit. They have amazing customer service.

    • I had good luck w a late return at jcrew in pentagon city. Tags and receipt probably helped; I got a full refund.

  31. Jenna Rink :

    At what point is it too late to teach self awareness? We have a woman in her late forties who started working for us recently. It was a bad hiring decision but our company culture is that we will never correct it, just have to hope she’ll leave on her own. Honestly, to be successful she would have to change everything about her personality. However, there are a handful of things that she could change that would make her tolerable. They are really basic things though – for example, she baby talks constantly. I would think that the negative reactions she gets from everyone around her would be enough to demonstrate that she needs to make some changes, but if anything her unpleasant habits seem to be multiplying over time! Is late forties old enough that she would have already changed if she was going to, or is it worth the effort to try to intervene?

    • Yes, she would have already changed if she were going to based on observing others’ responses to her. Sorry. If you supervise her or are otherwise responsible for her development, I think your choice is to deal or be direct about what you want her to change, e.g., “Please don’t use baby talk. It interferes with my ability to hear your message.”

  32. Woohoo! Hot Neighbor Wade! That was a good episode.

  33. Any ideas for a Christmas gift for the boss? We don’t do big gifts ($30-40 is enough). I’d rather not do a food-related gift b/c we work in a food-related industry. Our relationship is close enough so I don’t need to do a generic gift. For example, last year, I got her a necklace from J.Crew. She’s in her early 40s. Any suggestions are totally welcome.

  34. I am gifting a Julibox subscription this year. It is a cocktail of the month club. It is a relatively new concept and each box comes with the ingredients (minus lemons/limes etc that you have to buy) to make a mixed drink . I personally subscribe to it and love it!

  35. Speaking of Gift of the Month Clubs…has anyone seen the Happy Endings episode where someone mentioned a “Month of the Month” Club? It was hilarious!!!!

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