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I'm not really a Lilly Pulitzer person, but these sunglasses look like so much fun that they're in my cart right now. I love the green ombre shades, and the hot pink floral frame seems like a super fun contrast. How springy and lovely — I think they'd elevate even the most basic of spring outfits.
The sunglasses are $48 at Nordstrom.
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Into a preppy, feminine vibe for the weekend? Some of the reader-favorite stores for preppy clothes include Tuckernuck, Lilly Pulitzer, Tory Burch, Sue Sartor, Jack Rogers, and J.McLaughlin.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
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anon
Love the colors, but man, I HATE that particular frame shape. Reminds me of what my great-grandma wore in the ’80s.
Anon
we refer to these as
windshields
Anon
They’re baaaaaack
Anon
I hear you but everything comes back around. Even Laura Biagotti sunglasses recently had a moment.
Similarly, my 20 year old daughter came home wearing these over the weekend and she was so cute in them
https://www.target.com/p/women-39-s-plastic-square-sunglasses-wild-fable-8482-beige/-/A-82888075
Anonymous
I love glasses like these, I wasn’t alive in the 80s though.
Anon
OMG. I’m now an Old. I’m officially there.
Anonymous
I’m so confused – I’ve never thought of frame shapes as being dated except for the serial killer glasses that have been popular for a few years now or tiny hippie glasses.
what frame shapes do you think of as belonging to your generation?
Anon
Same! These look like timeless Jackie O glasses to me (shape wise, not color).
Anonymous
I’m a xennial, and I think round glasses (Harry Potter style) and small rectangular or oval wire rimmed or no-rim glasses are part of my generation. Just look at Jennifer Aniston’s glasses in second half of the nineties.
Anon
Ray Bans
AnonMom
Aviators, or those little circular ones Elton John rocked.
Anon
I get so many ads on IG and FB for various brands of casual clothes. But I cannot bother with outfits when I’m not at work (like AT work) or at a thing where I need to be dressed. If it’s just me, at home, in my house, I am generally in some sort of snuggly bottoms (Athleta fleece-lined leggings, etc.) and some sort of free tee with words on it and a fleece over it, socks, and birks. Like who are these fancy people in nap dresses in their own house? Do people swan around at home? Has the pandemic made us this crazy? Even a collared shirt seems a bit much.
Anon
Oh yeah, I’m with you – athleisure at home. I’m sure the women in nap dresses exist – and I probably knew some of them in a prior chapter in my life – but I know they’re not in my circle now at this age because my circle’s living the athleisure life.
Anonnymouse
I agree with you – generally when I get home I change out of whatever I wore to work and put on something comfy. Definitely don’t do the “at-home outfit” like you describe. Maybe if I worked from home I would feel differently – that might be a motivating factor in trying harder while at home.
Anon
Here to confirm I WFH and I’ve worn joggers and sweatshirts the entire pandemic. But I don’t have a fancy job.
Anon
So I’m Russian, and I and everyone I knew growing up (in Russia and Russian-Americans) feel weird about wearing “outside clothes” at home. I come home, take off my shoes, wash my hands, take off my “outside clothes” and change into “house clothes.” House clothes are usually something loungy — leggings, joggers, Ts, sweats. I like to keep this stuff in decent shape — not pilly or stained — but I wouldn’t wear these clothes further than the laundry room/mailbox in the lobby/garbage chute. i.e. if I’m running out for a coffee and a quick errand, I would change. I wouldn’t wear anything I would wear outside inside and vice versa.
My usual uniform is soft leggings (current ones are from Soma) or cotton joggers (Gap) and gray mens undershirts from Muji (they are the perfect mix of loose but not too baggy on me). If it’s chilly I add a vintage flannel shirt on top (but my apartment is overheated 90% of the time).
Anon
Today I learned my family is Russian :)
Anon
We do this in my family, too – you change out of work clothes into comfy clothes when you come home. But the key here is being dressed up inside to start with.
Anon
Blue collar upbringing, Catholic school. Everybody changed out f their uniforms, whether work or school, as soon as they arrived home. This is still how I operate, minus the uniform, at least strictly speaking.
Anon
I get dressed just about every day. I admit to pajama days now and then, but I never feel great about it at the end of the day. My wfh outfit is usually stretchy dark denim jeans (pull-on if possible!) a blouse or some sort of slightly fancier knit top, a cardigan, and if my home is cold, which it is right now, a Uniqlo type puffer vest that isn’t super puffy. I wear flat shoes but they’re actual shoes because my feet feel better when I wear my orthotic, and I wear my jewelry because I like it – usually just my two wedding rings and some dangly pearl earrings (I have a bunch.)
So I’m not wearing nap dresses but I do wear outfits at home.
Anon
I actually ended up buying some nice expensive joggers when I went fully remote, since my lounge clothes were threadbare discontinued VS yoga pants. So my current at-home clothes are positively bougie compared to what I wore pre-Covid: nothing is torn, faded, stretched out, or covered in cat-claw pullers.
anon
I mocked the nap dresses until I bought one. They are fantastic in the summer if you are not cleaning your house. But, I do not lie to myself and pretend that it is anything other than the updated version of my grandma’s summer house coat. But to your actual point, because my work clothes are very formal (e.g., suits), I have non-work non-house clothes for other stuff outside the house that isn’t work. I think this category as the female equivalent of the Izod polo from Costco in the 90s/early 2000s for guys that wore suits.
Anonymous
I have lounge clothes that I wear at home. The biggest motivator for that is that I have dogs, so I don’t want to have pet hair on clothes I am going to wear out. During the pandemic, when working from home and not on camera, I mostly went with one piece outfits – rompers and very casual dresses. I also have some leggings and (not free) tee type outfits that I can wear out of the house briefly if necessary or when someone is visiting. But I still have need for a fair amount of casual clothing to go to the store, meet up with friends, eat dinner out at a casual place or bar, etc. I find it necessary to have a segment of my wardrobe dedicated to casual clothing. I am surprised this is controversial.
Anon
I don’t think it’s controversial. I think for the past 2ish years, we haven’t been going anywhere, so the marketing play is that people should get dressed for just being around the house. Which to me is a non-starter as my house clothes need to be wash-and-wear. I know MMLF make a lot of washable dresses, but I’m not going to put one on if I am just at home. And I can’t imagine even wearing anything not at a maximum comfort level, which to me is nothing that needs a real bra to look good in. I looked cute in college when I needed to, but during exam week (which it feels like the last 2 years have been until recently), it was anything goes.
MagicUnicorn
+1 to the past two years being one long exam week.
Senior Attorney
I definitely change out of my work clothes when I get home. But I also try to have cute outfits when I’m home, even if it’s just shorts and a cute tee, or leggings and a cute sweatshirt. I think you can make a put-together-looking outfit out of even the most casual pieces.
Asian
Most folk I know wear shorts and tees, or cotton dresses at home. No one wears athleisure, that’s very American. I live in Asia
does tax prep have to be so hard?
Just venting about my taxes. I don’t have a particularly complicated case, just W2 jobs, some savings and investment accounts, and some accounts abroad. I bristle at the fact that my only way to file for free is via paper. I am aware about all the lobbying that tax prep firms do to prevent making tax filing as free and easy as it is in other countries.
But what I am most annoyed at, is that when I begrudgingly drop nearly $200 on HR Block, they can’t even correctly transcribe the information that I give them into the forms, and I keep finding so many mistakes on their end and things that are dropped. Info that I type into their shiny interface just is does not show up on the final forms! I end up reminding them that we need to file an additional form to declare foreign assets, even though my return is really not different from last year, so they should have that on file. I feel like I am paying them, yet I still do all the work myself.
Thanks for letting me vent. I am thinking of turbotax next year – are they any better?
Anon
we have used turbotax for years and no real issues like you describe (full disclosure, husband does our taxes mainly out of habit – I’m sure I could do them using TT). And I think it’s cheaper than $200?
Anon
Waaay cheaper. It’s $40.
does tax prep have to be so hard?
once you need the foreign asset form, you need to get the deluxe (or whatever) tier, so I already know it will be a similar price. If they don’t mess up all the data entry, that’s progress.
Anon
I got the Deluxe version with federal + one state for $40 this year. The list price is $50 but there are always sales around the beginning of the year. I think the most expensive version of TurboTax is for business owners and is $120. I really doubt you need that based on what you’ve said about your tax situation.
does tax prep have to be so hard?
in that case, even better!
Cat
way cheaper than $200, it’s like $70 even with the business add-on. We’ve used it for 15 years and never had an issue. (You have to pay extra to e-file your state return but we print it and mail it for the $1.50 in postage instead.)
Anon
Omg fellow Pennsylvanian you reminded me I e-filed my federal taxes but have not yet printed/mailed my PA taxes because my printer was broken when I did my taxes 6 weeks ago!! Adding the printing to my to do list for when I’m in the office tomorrow!
anon
Don’t forget your local taxes!! I forgot last year. Le sigh.
Anon
FreetaxUSA is what I use. Federal costs nothing, and I do state and local on their respective homepages.
Anonymous
Yes, despite the iffiness of the name, FreetaxUSA is legit and seems to have more forms and options available than HR block for, well, free. I ran my taxes through FreetaxUSA and the free version of HR Block and came out with the same numbers. They will also do your state taxes for $15.
Anon
I was able to use it even having sold stocks this year, so it’s definitely not bare bones.
does tax prep have to be so hard?
Sounds awesome! Thanks for the tip, hive!
Anon
I use TurboTax and don’t have any of the issues you mention, but based on our accounts am forced to pay closer to $170 (as in, TurboTax won’t let me use Deluxe or a lower-end product). But that may be because we have crypto and other assets that are slightly more complicated.
Bonnie Kate
I use TurboTax and like it. I started about 4 years ago when I couldn’t find anyone to do our taxes because we had moved three times/three states/multiple jobs (weird year) and no one would take us in February because it was complicated and they were already booked. I was dreading it, but I just slowly worked through it and was done in a few hours. Because of that weird year, I paid for the Audit Defense (an additional $99) and have ever since – this year it was $200, $99 of that being the Audit Defense. I did have to use the Audit Defense one year when we had to amend something weird – can’t remember what – and they were extremely helpful and made it easy/not stressful. We also sometimes have some little weird things (small hobby businesses) that it’s worth having a bit of extra peace of mind help for $99. I figure I was paying more for an accountant and it took more of my time to meet with the accountant, and Turbo Tax is generally more satisfying. I also like that I can play around myself with HSA contributions to see exactly what I want to do and how it affects our return through just a few button clicks – this year I tried four different combinations before I decided; I would have felt annoying to make my accountant figure that out.
anon2
What color nails with a deep red gown for a gala?
Anon
My answer is always something barely there – some sheer bridal-ish color.
Carrots
A sparkle in silver or gold, depending on your accent pieces, would be pretty to pop against the dark color as well.
Anon
I’m a huge fan of short red nails, but I like everything retro, so I’d also be doing old Hollywood makeup and probably a 1940s hairstyle.
Anonymous
Kate Middleton does a no polish look for her red gowns, possibly a sheer nude.
Julianne Moore sometimes does a short and very dark nail look, maybe a an almost black burgundy, with red dresses – but most often nude nails.
Cate Blanchett does nude nails with red gowns.
Tracee Ellis Ross does mostly nude nails with red gowns, but I found some almost black talon style nails as well.
Anon
White?
Anon
Any reviews on Cariuma sneakers? I love Allbirds and Keds, but find converse or superga to be too wide with too little cushioning/support.
Anonymous
i was really hopeful for them but they weren’t good for my duck feet.
Anonymous
what have some of y’all done for milestone birthdays? trying to decide what to do for my 40th…
Anon
What I wanted: a giant party with everyone I know (I love to entertain)
What COVID gave me: a custom right-hand ring
Anonnymouse
For one of my dad’s big birthdays we did a float/camping trip for a week down the river in the Grand Canyon. Once in a lifetime experience!
Monday
I’m not a party person, but I am a nice things person. For my 30th I got myself a Chloe bag (and even posted about it here), and for my 40th I got myself a mildly chunky gold chain necklace. It actually cost less than the bag, but arguably my 40th birthday is still going on 6 months later based on some of my shopping…. zero regrets. It’s my money and I came by it honestly.
Mpls
+1 – I got a custom made right-hand ring for everyday wear for my 40th birthday. It’s got a blue zircon, zircon being made of Element #40 (zirconium) and thus making it sneaky nerdy.
Anon
Love this!
MagicUnicorn
I don’t usually care for jewelry but love this idea!
Anon
I like to travel for my birthday when possible. We went to Vegas for my 30th (just me and DH, it was low key). 35 was in May 2020 so we didn’t go anywhere, but we were supposed to be on the Amalfi Coast. Hoping to go on safari in Africa for 40.
Anon
30: Disney World.
35: Supposed to see Hamilton. That was May 2020. Never happened obviously. I still haven’t seen it!
Anon at 3:26
We’re May 1985 birthday buddies – commiseration on the 35th celebrations being canceled. I hope you get to see Hamilton sometime soon. It really does live up to the hype.
Anon
April 1985 checking in! Can I sit at your lunch table???
Anon at 3:26
Of course!
anon
April 85 as well!
I don’t have a partner so I always buy myself the nice things and take myself to the nice places. That means right hand rings, diamond studs, and weekend getaways – even on non-milestone birthdays.
Anon
I did a piercing for my 40th. I had dropped 65 pounds and was damned proud of my abs, so I did my bellybutton.
Cat
Travel! Went to Paris for my 30th… with 40 not so long around the corner, trying to narrow the list :)
pugsnbourbon
I got a tattoo for my 30th.
Anon
I had the most glorious house party. Several of my friends are musicians and I have a grand piano, so three different people serenaded me.
It was the sort of party I dreamed I would have as a sophisticated adult when I was a kid growing up dirt poor in rural USA watching old black and white movies as a connection to an elegant world.
Anon
30th – reserved a balcony on the parade route for Mardi Gras in New Orleans and had a big lunch with a bunch of friends, followed by cake, cocktails, and parade-watching. It was super fun. Following this thread for some ideas for my 40th!
Anon
My husband isn’t really into celebrating birthdays, and ours are close together (but I’m older), so we did… nothing for my 40th.
anon
Turned 40 in 2020. I still feel like I was robbed. All I wanted was a big celebration with my nearest and dearest.
Anonymous
Same. So depressing. We were supposed to go to Europe in July 2020. Ugh.
Anony
I’ve also been contemplating my 40th which will be in April 2023 and what I want/want to do… I really want to travel somewhere but not sure where; DH isn’t a big traveler. For my 30th, I bought myself a house so how do I top that? =)
Anon
Travel somewhere with your mom or a girlfriend? Or solo? Neither my dad nor my husband likes to travel so my mom and I did a bucket list trip together for her 70th. I was supposed to go solo to Miraval Tucson a couple months ago (canceled because of Omicron) – I think that would be an amazing place to spend a milestone birthday.
Senior Attorney
This was super extravagant and I get that, but for my 60th we did a destination birthday party in NYC and for the party we rented a party boat and sailed around New York Harbor with a great dinner and a DJ for dancing. Best birthday ever!
NYCer
For my 30th, my mom and I went on an amazing trip to Turkey. For my 40th (next year), my husband and I are planning a kids free long weekend at a splurge hotel in France that we have always wanted to stay at.
Anon
What hotel?
NYCer
Hôtel du Cap-Éden-Roc in Antibes.
Anon
Ahh so dreamy, enjoy!
Seattle Freeze
For various birthdays I have: gone paragliding (amazing), bought a beautiful estate/vintage fire opal ring, gone to a resort in the San Juans, bought a handmade birthstone and black diamond necklace, had a neighborhood outdoor cocktail party with cake.
For my 40th, my then-partner took me out to lunch, then for a deluxe package ride on the Great Wheel (I love heights and being on the water).
I also never ever work on my birthday. I don’t need anyone to fuss or even a celebration but it is a day that’s just for me. Highly recommend if you can swing it!
Anon
For my 30th birthday my husband flew in three dear friends as a surprise. It was so wonderful. They stayed with us for the weekend and we didn’t do anything particularly unusual, but just to be together with these people I loved and for him to have made that effort made me feel amazing.
Pep
New Orleans with my girls for my 50th.
Alaska with my guy for my 55th.
Planning Greece for our 60th with my girls.
Anon
Was in an 8 month relationship and thought he might be The One. He told me I’m the love of his life, we talked about buying a home together, etc. His exwife found out he’s moved on (first relationship since their very messy divorce) and she has full custody of the kids, whom I hadn’t met yet as we were being slow with them since it is his first relationship post-divorce. (The kids ages are 10 and 13). The kids reached out to him within an hour of her finding out and told him they don’t want him dating and asked if he loved me more than he loved them. He video called and ended our relationship. I am in shock and heartbroken.
I don’t have kids, is it normal to let kids dictate dating? How do I mourn a relationship that ended so abruptly?
Anon
It’s not you, and it’s probably not the kids. It’s him. First relationship since a very messy divorce means he’s probably not as ready as he wants to be or thinks he is, despite his words. I have been there and it hurt so, so bad. I was in a grief fog for days. Hugs to you.
Monday
None of this sounds normal. But it also sounds like there was nothing you could do. If the divorce was “messy,” she has full custody of the kids, and this kind of extreme pressure/manipulation is going on regarding him dating, then there was no way forward for you as his partner. I’m really sorry that he didn’t figure all of this out before conducting an 8 month relationship–that part is on him.
I suspect there’s also more unknown backstory that might not make him look good either, based on how immediately he caved on the issue of dating.
Anon
+1, it sounds like there are still some major issues with the ex going on here. But even though I’m firmly in the child free camp, I actually think it’s totally normal and okay to prioritize access and a healthy relationship with your kids over dating post divorce. He shouldn’t have started dating if he wasn’t able to do so without risking his relationship with them and I’m sorry you got caught in the middle of it.
Monday
Yep. To me, no custody + abruptly making a huge decision based on something the kids said, suggests that he has no sense of how to balance his own needs with those of his kids. I assume if they were simply his #1 priority above all else, then he would have at least partial custody, and a more stable relationship with them in which they could get comfortable with the idea of him dating. Even if he has the so-called “crazy ex” who put words in their mouths or something…that wouldn’t have worked if something wasn’t wrong underneath.
Anon
Not you. And dude is climbing a big hill in figuring out how he is going to adult when he has a very contentious family life, so sorry this is where you caught him on the learning curve. There are some exes who go a little bit more loco when they find that their ex has moved on and when the ex drags their kids into that, it’s bad (especially on those poor kids). It’s bad for you, too; major hugs from being sideswiped by someone’s “before” life.
Anna
Wow, I’m so sorry. This is awful. It sounds like there is a lot of chaos/drama/toxicity in this divorce that has nothing to do with you. It’s parenting 101 to not talk badly about your ex in front of your kids and ESPECIALLY not to exploit your kids to manipulate your ex into not dating. The kids shouldn’t be hearing that from their mom, especially at that age.
How long ago was the divorce? It would have been perfectly reasonable for him to tell the kids “Of course I don’t love her more than you, but she matters to me and we are continuing our relationship. It won’t impact my parenting in any way.” Kids appreciate and need boundaries; they shouldn’t be calling the shots, especially when it is coming to major life decisions for their parents.
What was your ex like? Very charming or intense? It seems a bit intense to tell someone you’ve been dating for less than a year that they’re the “love of your life,” especially when you’re fresh out of a divorce from the mother of your children. I wonder if he was someone prone to making impulsive decisions or getting a rush from the feelings of new love? Was he solid/stable in other aspects of life?
Based on just this quick story, it really sounds like you may have dodged a bullet in terms of avoiding a relationship with someone who is a bit impulsive / emotionally driven in the way he makes decisions / chaotic. We have all been there, and it can make you feel crazy, raw, and like you were hit by a hurricane when it’s all over. The sooner you get out, the better.
Sending you lots and lots of love. As Senior Attorney says, you just have to feel this way until you don’t anymore. You will get through this and there are better things waiting for you.
Anon
Also – situations in which the mom has full custody of the kids always reads as a red flag to me. Every divorce I’ve known has had 50-50 custody except for cases of an absentee-ish parent who didn’t care to be involved or some type of extenuating circumstance (negligence/cheating/substance/rage/recklessness) that took away the right to custody. One parent having full custody says to me that he either is opting to not be equally involved in their lives or there is a character flaw/story against him that prohibits him from doing so.
Anon
cheating doesn’t take away the right to custody
Anon
Lol can you imagine? There would be lots of kids where neither parent was eligible to take care of them because they both cheated.
Anon
It can definitely lead to case for one parent having full custody if they argue it impacted the children. I.e., inviting the affair partner over in front of the kids or failing parental duties due to the additional relationship. Obviously in most cases it wouldn’t, but it can be used against people in arguments for full custody.
Anonymous
No but a lot of times the cheater doesn’t fight for 50/50. He’s turned his back on his family and moved on. If the affair doesn’t work out, it’s hard to unring that bell. So the guy acts like, aw shucks I’m just trying to be a good dad, mom’s the default parent and I’m along for the ride!
Anonymous
THIS! I can’t tell what role this dude has in his kids’ lives but this all reads like red flags to me. The fact that he doesn’t have custody at all, the fact that he would get serious without you meeting his kids, the fact the kids call the shots on whether he gets to date and finally the idea that the kids think ( are being told ) that dad’s new relationship means he doesn’t love them as much, the ex who manipulates the kids to make him unhappy, all of this is weird and off. Run!
Anonymous
+1 contrary to what MRA folks would have you think a parent doesn’t get full custody unless the other did something very wrong.
Anon
I had a few dates with a very charming man who had zero custody of his kids. I fortunately was not in an 8 month relationship with him before I found out (from a work friend who randomly knew his ex) that he had zero custody because he’d had a full psychotic break that led to the end of the marriage.
Anon
I agree about full custody, but I don’t think every state defaults to 50-50 time. In my red state, the norm seems to be the dad gets every other weekend, even in 2022. I know several perfectly nice, non-abusive, involved dads who only get their kids every other weekend.
anon
I’m really sorry. But I also think you dodged a bullet. He is not ready to be in a relationship. I would look at it less as “the kids are dictating dating” than “this dude is trying to figure out what family life looks like now.” I think it’s interesting that the ex wife has full custody. That’s not super typical these days. How involved did he seem as a dad?
Cat
none of this sounds normal, but as a mourning step may I recommend watching the Parent Trap and – from an older perspective, perhaps – sympathizing with Meredith Blake?
Anonymous
Oof. That’s actually awful
Anon
It’s not you, it’s not normal, and I’m sorry. Source: I’m divorced with a kid, and engaged to be married again and my ex is in a serious relationship.
Kids do not dictate this. If my kid had disliked my new partner, it would have been an issue and we would have tried to work through it. Of course, kid comes first for me. But that doesn’t mean that kid’s first whim dictates what happens, just like when she asks for McDonald’s for dinner that doesn’t mean we automatically get it (even though sometimes we do!).
Ending the relationship at the first sign of difficulty, in my opinion, is probably a result of his recent messy divorce experience. He’s probably terrified of more drama, and of losing his kids even more than he already has. Unfortunately, that just means he’s not in a place to be in a serious relationship with you at this time. I wouldn’t wait for him either — he probably has years of therapy ahead of him before he’ll be ready.
I’m sorry, this sucks.
Anon
If the kids says that they have problems with one particular person, that’s not the same thing as saying they don’t want the parent to date anyone. To me, the problem here is that the father/boyfriend is caving to the kids’ demand that he not date at all, rather than to tell them that this woman is a serious part of his life.
Anon
Honey, you dodged a bullet. I’m so sorry, though, I know it hurts right now. Hugs to you.
Anon
Ps please don’t let him suck you into being a secret side-piece. Take some time and step back to figure out what you really want in a partner long-term. It’s not this.
Anon
Honestly, you shouldn’t mourn because it sounds like you dodged a huge bullet. That’s a good thing!
Anon
Such an unhelpful thing to say, geez.
Anon
I’m really sorry this happened, but you may have dodged a bullet. Too many friends of mine have gotten into relationships with divorced dads who’ve had a contentious/still-entangled ex, and thus far none of the stories have ended happily. In one case, the friend married the guy only to have the guy dump her in less than a year so he could re-marry his ex-wife. As others have said, I’m sorry you went 8 months with this guy only to find out he was not really in an emotional or mental position to commit to you. As for how to heal – give yourself time to grieve. It’s a loss and it’s okay to grieve it as such. Dial as far back on commitments as you can and do whatever self-care you need to get yourself through the next couple of weeks.
Anonymous Canadian
I’m sorry this has happened for you but I have to say I think you are lucky. Frankly, I question whether you are really getting the real (or at least the whole) story here. I may be the only person who thinks this and possibly I’m wrong. I would be surprised if a functional grown adult with healthy parenting and relationship skills permitted children of this age to dictate their life choices in such a direct way. In any event, other posters have pointed out that this person is certainly not in a position for whatever reason to be in a viable long-term relationship. At least he had the decency to end things directly to give you the chance to move on.
Your story brings to mind the long thread a few weeks ago where a number of posters said it was a bad idea to be the first relationship after a long and messy divorce.
In time you will be glad you aren’t part of this dysfunction – whatever the true story behind it all is. I’m only sorry your former boyfriend’s children don’t have that choice. Be gentle with yourself and try to remember the rest of your amazing life awaits.
anon
Maybe the mom had the better lawyer and aggressively sued for custody, maybe the mom is actively engaged in parental alienation, maybe he is just really not ready for a relationship or is running scared from whatever situation is going on between him and his ex. I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m glad you’re going to avoid being sucked into what appears to be a dysfunctional situation between the two. Parents turning their kids against the other parent, using their kids as pawns, manipulating their kids to wreak havoc in their ex’s life is definitely a thing. Mothers and fathers are capable of this dysfunctional and harmful behavior. Divorces, and exes moving on can bring out the worst in people.
Hugs. This isn’t your circus, and thanks to his reaction, is not going to be your circus, but this sounds very painful and I am sorry you’re having to deal with this. I hope that those two can work out their issues and their children are spared any more trauma. I hope you recover quickly knowing this is definitely NOT you.
Anonymous
You don’t want to be the first one after a divorce. His life is under construction and construction sites are dangerous places to be.
Anonymous
Love that analogy.
roxie
first of all if the ex has full custody then there is something deeply wrong with this man.
anon
Dress code help please! Fundraiser for my kid’s preschool (first year), at a country club, says dressy casual. What does that mean? I have a not too scandalous LBD. I suspect that is way too dressy. But I also suspect jeans are too casual. Help!
Anon
Country club fundraiser for a preschool to me says something like what you’d wear to a bridal shower or a brunch.
Anonymous
niceish maxi dress? is it soon or in a month or two?
what time of day is the event and are you going to be “working” it at all?
Cat
what’s your geography and what time of day is the event? based on other young mom events I see on Insta, rufflepuff dresses seem to be de rigueur for daytime social events like this in Charlotte…
Anon
+1 I love the phrase “rufflepuff dress” :) and yes that’s what you should wear.
Anon
Or Lilly Pulitzer.
Anon
Lilly is more geographically dependent I think. It is not at all popular in my Midwest suburb. I assume it’s more of a southern thing.
Anon
Never see it here in Nor Cal.
anon
Can you find photos of the event from past years? Dressy casual normally means casual fabrics – cotton, linen, etc. but in a more formal, needs to be ironed, cut. This is very much Emily Gilmore. Current day – you could do an a-line linen dress + dress sandals, nice linen pants with some sort of raffia shoe – espadrille, wedges, etc. and a light cotton sweater. I’d probably steer away from the nap dress and take inspo (if not impulse purchases) from Veronica Beard’s spring collection.
NYCer
I would guess that many/most moms will have on some sort of floral print maxi dress.
anon
Thanks all! I had to step away, sorry. Mid-Atlantic geographically, no prior years to look at, this Friday, evening with appetizers.
I have a high-low dress, that I can out a faux leather jacket over (spring colors) and pair with closed toe espadrilles. Seems like that would work based on comments. Thanks!
NYCer
Sounds perfect!
Anon
Anyone in the Chicago area who would want to see SIX The Musical this weekend? I have a ticket for the matinee (2 pm) on Sunday April 3 and can’t go. I paid $140, would be happy to let someone have it for $75. It’s a pretty good seat, orchestra right row K. The theater requires masks and proof of vaccination.
Anonymous
You probably have already looked into this, but just in case – most theaters are being verrrrry accommodating with ticket change requests right now due to COVID. So you might be able to just switch to another date. This was not necessarily true before the pandemic but no one wants sick audience members showing up.
SIX is supposed to be great; I’ve heard only good things.
Anon
I haven’t called, I just assumed it wouldn’t be possible to reschedule. I will look into that, thanks!
Anonymous
Oh man I totally would have gone!!
Anonymous
dumb question, but does anyone have their roth with MML Investors or Wealthscape Investors? can you invest in anything in the market or just what the finance guys allow?