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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Collarless Jacket

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I often steer clear of white and ivory jackets (somehow, I’m always getting my sleeves in ink or highlighter or something else), but this beautiful collarless jacket from Anne Klein might be an exception to the rule. I really like the bracelet-length sleeves and pearl buttons, and the textured weave means that it will still look seasonally appropriate in the winter months.

I would pair this with a simple black sheath for a classic look, or with some light blue or lavender ankle pants for a summery outfit.

The blazer is $189 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes 2–16.

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325 Comments

  1. Is this unreasonable re: expectations for supervisor conversations about advancement?
    I am an individual contributor in a very niche area of my company’s business end. Let’s say that Company is Llama Grooming and I am the company expert on procuring Llama bathtowels. I have been here for over a decade. My managers have described me – to my face – as “having amazing relationship with people” and “being so very capable” and “Llama Execs sparkly heart you.” In other words, I’m doing a really good job. I have regular performance discussions which include those kinds of phrases and literally no suggestions on how to do better (I’ve asked, and they say, “Uhhhh, just keep doing what you’re doing, you’re great.”)
    Over a year ago, I asked to be considered for advancement to the next staff level and followed up with annotated copies of my last several performance statements with specific aspects of Where I Am Already Performing at Next Staff Level called out. I asked that, if not able to be advanced now, could we have a conversation about what I need to do in order to make the move (where I need to improve, do more, etc).
    Since then – for a YEAR – all I have received is “We’re looking at it” and “Mgr in charge is really busy” and “I’ll check.” Announcements of others who have been awarded similar advancements are made regularly – so these advancements are definitely happening. Meanwhile, I can’t even get a reasonable conversation about what’s holding up my advancement.
    I am starting to get very frustrated and honestly giving a lot fewer *’s about things that I would ordinarily give lots of *’s about. I am somewhat casually looking, but don’t have any solid leads yet and certainly don’t want to jump ship for any old job… I’m open, but not desperate.
    Would you:
    -go above supervisor – to the person they are blaming the hold up on – and have a direct conversation? I feel like this might burn some bridges.
    -this sucks and isn’t going to change, to paraphrase AAM (ie ramp up the search)
    -be thankful that I still have a job and just quietly continue to do it
    -other suggestions?

    1. This is a frustrating situation, for sure. My first question is: is there actually a position to move you to? By advancement, I’m not sure if you mean a promotion in name and salary, but you’re essentially doing the same job, OR if you mean a different, higher-level position altogether. That would influence my advice.

      1. I’m coming at this from the same view–my advice would be swayed by this. In my world (public sector, but run like corporate…but not!), we’re bound up in so much red tape about promotions and advancement and having positions to actually move people into. It’s not as simple as just promoting someone or not, which is exceptionally frustrating.

        I trust that OP knows her situation better than I/we ever could, but it may be far more complicated than it appear. Her managers owe her a transparent explanation of those facts so she can make the right call for her.

        1. I’m the 9:30 poster, and you described this well. I’m not denying it’s a problem. It is because it can lead to retention issues. But truly, sometimes this really isn’t personal and your boss’s hands are tied. If you’re unhappy, there’s nothing wrong with looking around.

          1. Totally–I think we’re in agreement here. I hate being the manager in this situation, and have been the employee. Sucks all around.

      2. This is a really important point. I had a person like OP on my team. She was great! There was no position for her to advance into. I gave her great performance bonuses, raises at the top of the limits for her payband, and that’s all I could do. I had a couple very frank conversations where she asked for a promotion and I told her there wasn’t something to promote her into, laid out some potential options in the company I could help train her for (but she’d ultimately leave my team to take them), and also suggested if what she really wanted was a role with a bump up in title doing her same type of job, that I would be happy to be a reference. It’s hard to lose good talent but sometimes the business can’t do what the individual needs.

        1. You sound like a great manager. I understand when hands are tied re: pay bands, promotions, etc.; what I don’t understand is not being upfront with your employees about it.

    2. I think if other people are advancing but you aren’t, it’s a problem and a message (inadvertent or not). I’d 1) try to get some honest feedback and be receptive to said feedback 2) really ramp up the search. It could be that you’re great at your current level but they don’t see you at the next level. Or, they are busy. Or, they think you won’t ever leave. Or, they don’t care if you ever leave. Etc. But if there are opportunities for movement in your industry, and you aren’t getting them at your current workplace, then get a job elsewhere that will help you with that next step. Last, I’d also ask–the people who the are receiving these advancements–do they have experience or credentials that you don’t?

    3. I had to threaten to quit to get a move internally which I know is not really a great move and even then it was a PROCESS and I kept interviewing externally, so my vote is no. two. Ramp up that search. If they really valued you, they’d have figured it out by now. I hate this crap.

    4. Search and quietly do your job until you find something amazing. Don’t be afraid to reach out to places that you are interested in working. I don’t want this to sound like old school “gumption” advice and this may be very field specific, but I get calls from firms frequently asking if I want to lateral. None of those places are advertising that they are hiring. It can’t hurt to reach out to someone and express an interest in their company and ask them to let you know if a position becomes available.

      I ended up taking one of the jobs that reached out to me. I will be getting paid 45% more! There are nuances though, my bonus will be smaller but I suspect overall I will be coming out at least $25,000 more profitable per year at this new job.

      I had been waiting and waiting and waiting for my boss to figure out his partnership plan. I had been seriously asking about that and/or a title change and raise for at least three years. When I gave notice my boss said something like “oh that’s too bad, I was working on the partnership plan.” Yeah, he had been working on it for 5 years allegedly!!!

      Sometimes it is just time for a change. I am loyal to a fault and friends (and this very blog) had to remind me that gone are the days where you stay at the company for 30 years. You have to move to advance in most industries. Also, it is not you deserting them and leaving them stranded. They should not be at all surprised if you leave and in fact, they should be planning on it. If it leaves your favorite coworkers screwed, it’s your company’s fault, not yours.

      (I have to keep repeating this to myself too.)

      1. Good for you! Having been in this situation with bosses/partners who appreciate you in the moment but not enough to go to bat for you, I’m happy to see you took the lead on this and ended up in a better position!

      2. “friends (and this very blog) had to remind me that gone are the days where you stay at the company for 30 years. You have to move to advance in most industries. Also, it is not you deserting them and leaving them stranded. They should not be at all surprised if you leave and in fact, they should be planning on it. If it leaves your favorite coworkers screwed, it’s your company’s fault, not yours.”

        I’m the person who keeps saying she should change her name to “Broken Record,” because I am a broken record on this point: upper management is paid the big bucks to ensure that one team member leaving, getting sick, dying, or taking a leave of absence to care for an ailing parent does not leave the company in the lurch.

    5. You are in the perfect position to search for greener pastures. You’re good at your job and sounds like you enjoy the substantive work well enough. They like you and are nice to you. Start some networking, putting feelers out, and the in the mean time enjoy your life and work (kinda). I don’t think this is going to change, at least not without the threat of you leaving.

      1. Thanks all, this is OP! It’s nice to know I’m not completely crazy.
        To be clear, I’m not asking for an actual title/job switch, just to be at Staff Level 4 instead of Staff Level 3. My actual responsibilities would not change.
        I’m not going to get helpful feedback from my direct manager, as he only parrots what higher-ups say. So I will think carefully about others that I could ask objectively and trust to keep it quiet. Oh, and continue the job search. It’s been a long time, so it’s scary, but I realized the last time I made a big scary move it turned out to be AMAZING.
        Really appreciate all the thoughts, they are very helpful!

    6. Job search. Maybe they don’t want to backfill your position. Maybe they don’t want to compete with you; if you get promoted, you might get promoted again to a spot they want. Whatever it is, the promotion is not happening, so it’s time to leave.

    7. I’d start looking for another job. I left my last job because my well-researched request for a raise was denied and I was being compensated less than employees who performed far below me. It took a few months but I have no regrets. I’m really over companies who don’t value their employees and expect us to just stick around forever.

    8. Look elsewhere. This much struggling suggests that even if you do get what you want, the money isn’t going to be competitive.

    9. Are you strategic enough to move up? A lot of people hit their career path end when they are really good at what they do, but they don’t demonstrate having the strategic ability to advance further. You can beloved for being the best procurer of bath towels, but can you make a case for overseeing the bathtowel department in such a way as to save money, organize efficiently, etc.? I often see people who are great at their to-do lists get stuck so might be worth looking into that angle. I agree with looking for another job too, but if you’ve built good will where you are, you may just need a rebrand. I’d seek out advice from a trusted senior person for real feedback.

    10. You’re too good at what you do and they don’t want to promote you and have to replace you. Look elsewhere.

      1. Yep
        This is the problem. You need to leave because they will keep you where you are forever.

    11. I was recently in this situation and I left. I’m very happy with my decision. Whether they intend to or not, your manager and employer are showing you how they value you. If you want more, your best bet is to find it somewhere else.

    12. I left a job a few years ago because they strung me along about advancement for a few too many years, ultimately telling me “you’re just so good at what you’re doing now, we wouldn’t know how to replace you if you moved up, so we need to leave you where you’re at.” That was a wrap. I got a new job at a much higher salary and then from there got another new job leading a function inside a great smaller company. If I had stayed at the job where I wasn’t getting promoted, I’d likely still be there, doing the same things I had always done, waiting for someone to give me my shot. Instead I’m exactly where I want to be, with the exact type of responsibilities I wanted when I was in the dead-end situation. You don’t have to jump out until the right thing comes along, but definitely keep looking. I am sorry to say that if they haven’t promoted you by now, they likely won’t until and unless you threaten to leave – and maybe not even then.

    13. Honestly what worked for me (both times actually) was that the first thing I did was apply for a position on a lateral team; that really woke up my manager and got me a promotion and way more money. The second time I mentioned how a prominent ex-employee (who left for greener pastures) tried to poach me (he poached half of another team).

    14. Does your company *need* a senior bath towel expert? It sounds like they don’t really have a place for you to go.

  2. I like this jacket! I have a white one in a faux tweed and don’t wear it enough b/c it has full length sleeves that likely wouldn’t stay white by the wrist for long. The bracelet sleeves here are perfect :)

  3. I live in Europe and don’t have air conditioning. It’s been fairly hot – maybe 85 and getting down to around 70 at night. Suggestions sought: I can’t seem to wake up in the morning because of the heat. It feels like I am on a tranquilizer – extremely foggy-headed – and just keep sleeping straight through my alarm. When I wake up, I am warm to the touch and feel nauseous. I don’t feel fully awake until I take an icy shower. Is there anything I can do here to sleep more cooly? I run a fan, and use linen bedsheets (just a sheet). I can get to sleep by sleeping with one of those chemical ice packs, but by the time I wake up it is of course no longer cold and no longer useful.

    Planning my retirement in a place with AC.

    1. Is it actually 70 in your bedroom or just outside? 70 seems like a nice temperature to me, but maybe your room is retaining heat. You can put a fan in the window and aim it at another fan in the room to help cool it down more quickly.

      1. I went to college in Wiliamsburg (swampy!) and lived on the third floor of a dorm with no a/c. Fans are your BFF. Also, consider sleeping with wet hair — it is like instant A/C when combined with a breeze.

      2. +1

        As of last week, I have functioning central air for the first time in my life!!! (I have lived in the Mid Atlantic my entire life- so summers are easily 80-90 degrees with 80% humidity) and I set my AC to 70 for sleeping and 74 while wfh.

        If you can get a box fan for your window, that will suck the hot air out.

        I’ve never tried it but I hear if you put a cold wet towel over a fan, it will create an AC like effect.

      3. I think it is actually hotter inside than outside, even with my windows open only at night. My building seems to absorb and retain heat during the day. Maybe my neighbors have their windows open during the day?

        1. Point a box fan out during the day to suck hot air out. And in the evening switch it to blow cool air in.

        2. If you own your place, you could look into having a whole house fan installed if you have an attic. It’s money but cheaper than A/C. It’s possibly to less efficiently use a jury rigged one too, where you have a box fan pull hot air from your house up, pointed up into your attic. We run our whole house fan early in the morning when we get up. Seal up the house and close blinds during the day, then run it again as soon as temperatures start to drop below the house temp.

          Maybe for the hottest days, you could sleep in a cooler part of your house by a window. I’ll open my ground floor windows a little, and block them with 2×4’s/locks to still feel secure.

    2. What are you wearing to sleep? I like cotton percale pajama pants and a cami.
      Also, look into a Vornado brand fan and if they sell them in your country. I didn’t have an air conditioner for much of my childhood outside NYC where the average summer temps are in the 80s and go up to around 100 deg F, and the Vornado “room circulator” fan really helped cool down the room. They’re pricy but last for ages (I had my first from early childhood through college).

      1. Agree about doing a clothing check; my sleepwear is the main thing that influences my comfort. I’ve found that the trick is not to wear too little in the heat. I need a 100% cotton shirt that wicks away moisture to stay comfortable. If I wear something tiny and flimsy, sweat just sits and marinates on my skin.

        1. Agreed – synthetics are a no-go for me. I live in a hot area and wear cotton shorts and a loose cotton t-shirt.

    3. How about a yeti (or another insulated tumbler / water bottle ) filled with ice/ice water when you go to sleep? 8 to 9 hours later, it should still have ice in it and you can take a big swig when you wake up.

    4. Do not open the windows when it is hotter outside than inside. Likewise, the moment it is cooler outside than inside, open your windows. Use a window fan and make sure that the air can move through your home. Don’t push air into the house when it doesn’t have any place to go; make sure that another window is open. Floor fans are not nearly as effective as window fans: you need to push the warm air out.

      Take a really cold shower before bed; make sure you have enough electrolytes.

    5. Can you get just a room AC? When we lived without central AC, we set a room AC up in our bedroom and only ran it at night with the door closed. Worked fantastically. It was a couple hundred dollars but I’d absolutely do that if at all possible, especially that it sounds like you’re waking up with with minor heat stroke symptoms.

      1. Yeah, it feels almost like heat stroke. My bedroom has a french door as a window and so not really possible to set up a room AC :(

        1. There are portable air conditioners that might work, don’t need a window. Have a look on line.

          1. Where have you found any that don’t need a window? I’ve never seen one and I’ve looked (and I need one too!)

          2. @10:33 You want “portable” not “unit” air conditioners. They’re freestanding, often on wheels. Lowes or Home Depot will have a bunch, in brands like Honeywell, Black + Decker, and Whynter.

          3. Most of those still have a window exhaust tube. I’m in the same boat as the OP – I only have a door, not a window, in my bedroom.

          4. Most of those still have a window exhaust tube. I’m in the same boat as the OP – I only have a door, not a window, in my bedroom.

    6. Ongoing AC problems in the SEUS, so I’ll share what works for me:

      – Take a cold shower right before bed and go to bed with wet hair. With the fan blowing on you, you’ll feel extra cool throughout the night.

      – Get two fans if you can – one to sit in your window and pull in cool night air and the other just to blow on you.

      – Sleep in a sleeveless nightgown if you have one. There’s a huge difference in my sleep if I’m in a sleeveless nightgown (all that airflow!) vs. shorts and a top.

      – Have a glass of ice water on your nightstand and take a few sips before going to bed. Drink ice water upon waking.

      Good luck. Having been in the cranky, discombobulated hot fog for more weeks this summer than I’d care to be, I know your struggle.

      1. I’d also think about adding in some rehydration powder (like powdered electrolytes) to your water. We use it in the summer for my kids water at camp/tennis games/etc. and I use it when I get migraines. It REALLY helps a lot vs. plain water and without nearly as much sugar and junk as gatorade.

        1. +100 to powdered electrolytes! I actually have had a tab open with Liquid IV all morning because I need to reorder. I can’t believe I”m about to spend $200 on powdered electrolytes, but they just work so good.

      2. I would suggest filling a glass with ice and then it will slowly melt so you’ll have very cold ice water throughout the night.

    7. Will implement these suggestions! I noticed some repeated suggestions, like sleeping with wet hair, sleeveless/cotton sleepwear, ice water/electrolytes, and a window fan. Appreciate the responses! All really helpful ideas to end my suffering!

    8. Not sure if you can get them in Europe, but one of my friends swears by something called a “bed fan”, and says it’s what got her through our recent heat dome (we’re in the US Pacific Northwest, very little AC here). Basically it’s a little fan that sits at the foot of your bed and is designed to channel air under the sheets, cooling you as you sleep. Will see if I can find it & follow up with a reply

      1. So this is the “name brand” version, which is what my friend has: https://bedfans-usa.com/
        They are very US-centric (as the domain name suggests), and I don’t see anything on their site about shipping outside the US. But I think there are a couple other manufacturers that make a similar product, so hopefully one of them is available in Europe.

        1. Similar to this thought – I have heard of cooling blankets and cooled mattress toppers that actually have a fan built into them. I just googled “cooled bed” and a bunch of results came up. I have no idea if they work, but if you’re in this place for the long term, might be worth investigating.

    9. I went to college in the SEUS without air conditioning. Multiple fans strategically placed are key (set up for a cross breeze and if it’s hotter inside than out, set fan so it blows out so it sucks out the hot air). You can also put a bowl of ice in front of the fan to cool the breeze.

    10. Will an evaporative cooler (swamp cooler) work where you live? These do not need to vent outside, usually on wheels. I used one when I did not have AC in an apartment in Southern California. However, my understanding is that they work bets only in dry-moderately humid climates.

    11. I live in a much hotter climate and I have found that putting a small ice pack (flat and the size used for lunch pails) under my back will cool me off enough to fall asleep. I bought a pack of 4 on AZN inexpensively and just rotate them out as needed. It works for me–hopefully you too.

  4. Tips for making a SO’s birthday special? DH’s 40th is tomorrow, and I want to make it special even though we don’t normally do much of anything for birthdays. He’s already received his birthday presents, I will be making his favorite cake, and we are going to dinner this weekend and an outdoor concert tonight. Gardening of any type is out of the question right now for medical reasons, and we have two small kids at home. Any ideas?

    1. Ideas:

      – Make sure his fave breakfast foods are in the house
      – Many 40th balloons blown up and scattered everywhere, crepe paper, etc. when he wakes up (my kids loved helping with this!)
      – Some sort of special/favorite drink with dinner that night
      – Goofy 40th glasses or hat
      – Take him to lunch at work or order special carryout/delivery?

    2. Not sure how little your kids are, but are they old enough to make a really awesome card, poster, etc? DH’s favorite thing about fathers day recently was when I did an “interview” with each of the kids about why they love daddy and had them all draw pictures of them with their dad. You could riff on this in lots of ways depending on the ages of the kid. “40 things we love about dad” etc. if your kids are older, they might like to do a little skit about dad, or maybe dress up like dad. (My 5 and 8 year old did this recently and it was HYSTERICAL- at some point in lockdown they dressed up as Mom and Dad and it was….insightful).

    3. Could you give him extra pampering at night? I nice back, scalp and foot massage? There are other things you can do if actual gardening is out too…just an idea! It might be fun to surprise him!

    4. Last year we couldn’t do much because of the pandemic and my BF created a spa experience for me. He arranged candles around a scented bath, with soft music in the back ground. After I had a relaxing soak he gave me a good massage. I felt very refreshed! Some sort of experience like that that reflects his interest?

  5. My favorite crockpot recipe is also the simplest: salsa chicken. You put boneless skinless chicken thighs in the bottom, cover with a jar of salsa, and cook for 8 hours on low. Shred chicken when done. That is it. Excellent filling for tacos, enchiladas, etc.

    Does anyone have a similarly simple crockpot recipe for beef? Either ground beef or a roast, ideally either a taco filling or a pasta sauce.

    1. 2-3 pound chuck roast, ketchup, brown sugar, mustard, a chopped up onion if handy; crock pot for however much time you need; low and slow is better (similar to your chicken) than high + fast. Shred when done. This is from a junior league best-of cookbook and is my go-to. Freezes well.

      1. Also: You could made the flavoring more spaghetti or taco-type (I will put faux BBQ in a taco any day) by dialing down the vinegar elements (vinegar and ketchup) and subbing in plain tomato sauce. I am #TeamVinegar though :)

    2. I season and sear a chuck roast, then stick it in the crockpot. Shred and remove fat when done.

      1. Do you add any kind of sauce or liquid? Seems like that would burn.

        Also, what do you use it for? Just as the main with veggies and potatoes on the side?

        1. Oops – forgot to mention a half cup of better than bouillon broth.

          I use the beef just as I would shredded chicken. On top of rice and veggies, in enchiladas, in chili, etc. Freezes well for later use.

    3. Mississippi Roast. Belle of the Kitchen has a recipe online, so do lots of others – chuck roast, 1/2-1 stick of butter, pack of au jus gravy mix, pack of ranch dressing mix, jar of whole pepperoncini with juice. Lots of ways to elevate it if you care to – I sear the beef and use a better roast if it’s on sale, and I use beef Better than Bouillon and Penzey’s buttermilk ranch seasoning. There’s also a fancy NYTimes recipe that uses none of the packaged items listed.

      Can be eaten on its own with traditional pot roast stuff, put on top of noodles or baked potatoes, inside a quesadilla or tacos. Leftovers are better the next day and freeze like a dream.

      1. I tried this twice and it was so salty I don’t know how people can eat it! Those packets are like 90% salt.

    4. This is my favorite roast: https://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/slow-cooker-pot-roast/

      Not beef, but just discovered a new one two nights ago and we’re crazy about it: ~2lbs chicken, a can of cream of chicken soup (I know, I know), a small/med chopped onion, and a 4 oz can of diced green chiles. Serve over rice or riced cauliflower. We added a bit of green Tabasco and salt to our individual bowls and it was SO GOOD. One of those hits we’ll have on repeat – it’s got a ton of flavor for such a simple recipe.

      1. I get rid of my guilt over using cream of chicken soup by buying the organic Pacific Foods version, which has very straightforward, non-scary ingredients and works just as well as the Campbell’s stuff. My local supermarket carries it, or you can buy it several places online by the case. It’s (of course) much more expensive than Campbell’s but worth it IMO.

    5. I take a chuck roast and put it in the crockpot with some liquid at the bottom. Then on top I add olive oil to cover the top of the roast (helps keep the meat moist), a healthy amount of chopped garlic (we buy the bottled stuff, sorrynotsorry, I hate chopping garlic) and taco seasoning in a pretty thick layer. I use Penzeys Bold Taco Seasoning but the McCormick stuff in packets is not the worst thing in the world; I grew up on that stuff. Then I cut an onion into thick slices and plunk that on top of the whole thing. Prep usually takes about 5 minutes. Cook on low for 8 hours and shred/remove fat. It’s very tasty to take the shredded beef (and the cooked onions!) and cook it in a frying pan with some cooking spray to crisp it a little before eating it as tacos, burritos, nacho topping, etc. but not necessary.

    6. This is more sandwich-filling, but so easy. One chuck roast and one jar of sliced pickled banana peppers with juice. Cook on low all day. Shred, pile on bun, top with provolone. So yummy and beyond easy.

    7. 1) Tacos: Stew meat (cubed chuck roast), pack of taco seasoning, 1 cup beef broth, 1 tbsp tomato paste. Dump together, crockpot, shred — delicious taco or enchilada filling.

      Note the original “recipe” says you should sear the beef first. But that’s extra work – turns out perfectly fine without.

      2) Roast: Beef roast, 1 cup water, 1 pack Au Jus (McCormick), 1 pack french onion soup (Lipton). Dump, cook, eat. If the roast is thawed I do low all day, if the roast is frozen, high until noon then low until dinner.

      1. All of the ideas here are fantastic, but I think your taco recipe takes the cake for me personally! Extremely simple, but also similar in level of seasoning to the jar of salsa.

  6. Does anyone have any good finds for back-to-the-office dressing? I feel like The Fold is lovely, but a bit too much for now where I have no external meetings and people are ultra casual (office was jeans-OK pre pandemic). One thing I’m noticing is how tight the arms are in jackets, even sweater jackets (which I agree are great for looking sharp for on-camera meetings). I have spindly arms, but jacket and swacket arms are just so narrow and hard to move around in with the ease of athleisure, and forget layering over any sleeved shirt — too much friction, even for something polyester/nylon. I am thinking maybe travel companies have some sort of sleek adulting clothes that would work, but am sort of striking out or not looking at the right places. A lot of what I see are outdoor jackets (which are also great, but a barn jacket doesn’t get the right look for a work piece).

    1. I have a JCrew Juliette that I LOVE, with the exception that it needs to be dry cleaned. I baby the crap out of it, but I also wear it a LOT.

    2. For jackets on zoom calls I alternate between the JCrew going out blazer or the Jcrew factory sweater blazer (washable). Both seem to have a bit more give. For stand alone tops I wear a lot of Fold or Hobbs – the Fold Belville top really is SO sharp on camera and some of the styles are hand wash, I have 3 at this point and will buy another one if they make a fall color in a print. Hobbs London also has really nice (mostly) washable blouses – I have the Gabi in 2 prints/colors and get a TON of wear out of it, it’s also slippery enough to wear nicely under jackets.

      1. The Fold Belleville top — how does it work on a person who is not a model with a tiny waist? I am not sure how it would look on my as I seem to be perpetually bloated. I’m a US 8/10 with hips, and fitting over the hips is the challenge (often making sculped tops like this look a bit deflated). It is so pretty though.

        1. What they don’t share online is that the zipper goes down VERY far, which makes it SO easy to get into (the zipper is hidden beautifully btw). The folds at the waist hit at my ‘true’ waist, and then flairs out slightly, so it skims over your hips. I’m a UK 10/US 6 (2/4 in mall brands) and it is SO flattering in the knit fabric, I don’t have it in the jersey fabrics. It’s a thick enough knit to smooth over any lumps and bumps and the origami folds are really lovely. The shoulders aren’t crazy exaggerated but they are a noticeable style feature. Truly, every time I wear it one woman or another comments on it and compliments it.

    3. I have a ponte blazer from Boden’s suiting collection which is super comfortable and I love it. Unfortunately they don’t seem to be stocking anything other than casual clothes at the moment

      1. It’s too bad. I ordered a dress from Boden recently, but the rest of their office-appropriate stuff is slim pickings or nonexistent.

    4. Oddly enough, Eddie Bauer has a blazer that might work: https://www.eddiebauer.com/p/21101682/womens-departure-blazer?sp=1&color=Atlantic&size=6&sizeType=Regular&ch=pla&cm_mmc=GooglePLA-_-brand_PLA_B_Brand_New-_-Womens_Outerwear_Jackets_Wovens-_-0111608045001006&utm_medium=psrch_pla&utm_source=g&utm_campaign=PLA_B_Brand_New&utm_content=Womens_Outerwear_Jackets_Wovens&utm_term=0111608045001006&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIodewhoCG8gIVqWpvBB33hQ2BEAQYASABEgLVg_D_BwE

      1. I have what I think is the previous version of this jacket: it has 3 buttons instead of 1 and patch pockets with button flaps, so the styling is a little more “outdoor explorer” than the current version linked above. It is very comfortable and cool in hot weather. The shoulder+collar area looks reasonably sharp on Zoom, but I wouldn’t wear the version that I have to an in-person meeting that is at the jacket/blazer level of formality.

        However, the current version looks like it leans toward more traditional “professional blazer” styling, so it might be a better match for the office. I think you’d need to see it in person, because the fabric has a bit of a different feel than most office clothing does (at least the one I have does — it’s what I’d call “outdoorsy technical” fabric).

    5. I love Bailey/44 jardigans for this purpose. Can wear with a dress or blouse, or with jeans/T-shirt.

  7. Any guidance about buying art from a gallery? How much do you bargain? When art is brought to you house to try it out, how long can you keep it around? If you buy a piece, how much does the gallery help with hanging it (or moving other pieces that are in the spot)? Any guidance is welcome.

    1. Following.

      I bought some big heavy art when a beloved restaurant closed during the pandemic. I need professional help hanging (and figuring out how high to hang) on plaster walls. Is this something I could ask a gallery about and they’d refer me to their picture-installer? I don’t mind paying. I mind having me do it poorly several times and having to patch / repaint / lose many Saturdays / possibly damage the art.

      2. If you have plaster walls I’d strongly encourage you to install picture rail if possible.

        1. Oooooh, now you’re talking. Would picture rails look weird in a room with crown moulding on it already?

          1. Doesn’t look weird in my opinion, it’s a traditional look to have both, especially in ‘public’ rooms where you’re likely to have guests and want to change/display a variety of art. When I finish renovating my Victorian I’m going to have both in a lot of rooms.

      3. A local handyman should be able to do this and/or the gallery will have referrals. I just hung a very heavy mirror on plaster and it was a hassle with many trips to the hardware store to buy the right things. I should have just hired someone.

      4. +1. Ask a gallery for recs on their art handlers, or google “fine art services + [area}”. Depending on the size and type of art/wall a French cleat might work.

      5. Search your city + fine art services or professional art installation. There are companies that specialize in this.

    2. I can’t answering everything but here I go (frame of reference, I have purchased up to $5k art, but usually on the lower end so keep that in mind).

      I don’t negotiate with galleries because I want everyone to be paid what their worth and for their work. Art is a luxury and if I can’t afford it, I look for something else. I have no desire to low ball artists or the smaller women-owned galleries I buy from.

      My purchases have all been shipped so I hang and move everything around myself. I don’t hang in circles where anyone has art that a gallery has helped them with, but I am sure when you spend $$$$$$$ at a local gallery, they would help if you asked.

      I’ve never taken anything on trial bc I either love it or I don’t. I assume the gallery would have a standard period, a deposit would be required, and you’d have to show you have insurance coverage for the piece, but that you may be able to negotiate a trial period length.

      1. Re haggling with the gallery — there are a couple of models for selling art. Often, the gallery gets a % commission off of sales. But selling high does not mean that the artist gets more $. If I have an artist’s work, the artist gets paid only on the original sale. If a gallery is selling something already owned on consignment, the artist doesn’t benefit at all. It is always better to buy art you like from the actual artist. And some artists are represented by (so not exclusively) by many galleries, some of which you may want to patronize more than others. And if you buy from a gallery, they may make you resell through them only, so you should ask to see any sale paperwork. Art law is fascinating to me (and often beyond my budget).

      2. If you’re having it shipped then you can negotiate for free shipping. It can cost hundreds of dollars to ship art especially if you want it insured. The shipping costs are coming out of the gallery’s pocket, not the artist’s, and ime the gallery is happy to cover shopping if you’re paying sticker price. From my wallet’s perspective, it’s the functional equivalent of negotiating the art down by a few hundred dollars.

    3. I’ve always floated negotiating on price with comments like “we really like this piece but it is a bit over our budget”. Same strategy also works for antique shops and the like. My basic attitude is places are either willing to negotiate on price or not, and the only way you can find out is to approach the subject. Your other option if you like the artist’s style but are not OMG I need to have this, is to approach the artist directly. We often do this after art shows and the like, as the artist is often willing to come down to their actual take on the piece without having to pay commissions.

    4. Threadjack: Not a gallery, but for those of you in and near NYC (or, apparently, London or Singapore or a few other cities), the Affordable Art Fair is fantastic. Not super affordable (prices between $100 and $10,000 but skewing more towards the high end of that range) but SO FUN. Hubby and I discovered it a couple of years ago and ended up buying a big piece that we had them pack up so we could schlepp it home on the plane as checked baggage because they wanted $750 or something like that to ship it.

      https://affordableartfair.com/fairs/new-york-spring/

  9. My beloved sit-stand desk in my home office is broken and it’s proving extremely difficult to repair. Is this the universe’s way of telling me it’s time to think about going back into the office?

  10. how to do you decide when to stick with whatever you have and when to upgrade to something nicer/higher quality?

    I’m currently majorly purging post-move. I was raised old school WASP where you don’t ever upgrade just because and you fix things rather than getting rid of them (my mom jokes that they were the last family in America to get a color TV). I’m pretty frugal and green so obviously this mindset appeals to me. On the other hand, I work hard and I like nice things. I’m a meager local government employee, so my ability to buy nice things or upgrade is limited by my salary. But, when I can have nice things I do like having them! I also am an aspiring minimalist so would rather have 5 things I LOVE and will last and will use/wear all the time vs 10 things I’m meh about and will use/wear less often.

    I do most of my shopping at TJ Maxx, Target, etc so the upgrades I want to make are minimal (like a Cuyana wallet because my current one is on its last legs… do I wait until it bites the dust or treat myself now? A lot of my clothes I like but don’t love – do I replace them and if so, with what? I don’t wear much jewelry but I wear fun earrings every day – do I keep buying them for $20 or do I invest in a few nicer pairs?)

    Mostly looking for anecdota – what products to you decide to save on vs splurge on?

    1. Use it til it dies on you. In the meantime, browse online for items you’d love to replace with, but save the links instead of shopping immediately. This way you’ll have a purchase ready when you need it, and you can evaluate your evolving tastes by revisiting the links whenever the acquisition bug bites.

    2. I’m also from an old school WASP family, what I do is I upgrade everything second hand as I come across items while thrifting/searching online. I keep a running list in my phone, things like black cashmere sweater, marble coffee table, brass lamp etc. Then my old items get given away on a community platform like buy nothing or freecycle.

    3. I sound similar to you in budget and philosophy! I start with asking myself how often I’ll use the item in question. I’m a lot more likely to splurge on things I use frequently–wallet, bag, everyday shoes and jewelry–than fancy one-offs.

      If you’re doing clothes shopping at TJ Maxx and Target, one possible place to adjust is to start shopping at higher-end consignment shops. I don’t have the energy to dig through Goodwill the way I used to, but if you can find a good secondhand shop, they’ll do the screening for you and you can get higher-quality items at a lower price point. Obviously that can be easier said than done, based on your location and the availability of clothing in your size, but online options like ThredUp and Poshmark are still solid options for affordability and sustainability. This approach also works for shoes and accessories like bags and wallets.

    4. My aunt is a classic New England WASP and she shops exclusively at TJ Maxx and a local consignment store. She has obtained LL Bean field jackets, Barbour jackets, evening dresses, and tons of other items for her lifestyle there, no problem. Almost all of her furniture is antique (inherited), but when she needs something new, like a new mattress, she just goes to Overstock and gets something in her price range. She doesn’t overthink it. She also doesn’t care about getting the best possible appliances – she doesn’t have a SubZero or a stainless stove or anything like that. Her house is over 250 years old, she spends days out on the water, pursuing one of her many hobbies, or visiting with friends. She spent $20K on an old sailboat, bought a lifetime pass to a New Hampshire ski resort in the 80s (when they still offered those), and has started flying business class when she needs to travel because she’s 70 now. Bottom line? Spend the money to facilitate experiences. Otherwise, save it. I 100% aspire to be her.

      1. this is awesome advice re: experiences, thank you! She sounds like many of my aunts in their 70s as well and agreed- I aspire to be them one day too!

    5. A few replacement rules that might help:
      -Replace if stained, torn (not repairable), or misshapen (like a tshirt that gets wider and shorter every time you wash it). Some of these items can probably be repurposed as rags
      -Replace if visibly shabby or not working (and not fixable). Like a shirt or sweater that is pilled and a pill remover doesn’t work, broken clasp on a wallet, material that is peeling or worn beyond repair (wallet, purse, belt, shoes, etc.)
      -Take to a tailor anything that you like but doesn’t fit well, but would be improved with minor alterations, like a shirt or skirt that is too long (don’t bother with this for items that you don’t really like for reasons other than the fit)
      -Replace if doesn’t fit properly and can’t be altered inexpensively, even if if good shape (you can donate or try to sell these)
      -Take to a cobbler any shoes that need re-soling or need the leather conditioned, if you will continue to wear them after they are fixed
      -Keep anything that still fits and is in good condition but you just don’t like, UNTIL you find the perfect replacement (and make criteria for the perfect replacement – could be price, color, fabric, neckline, overall fit, or all of those)

      By these criteria, I would replace the wallet (I’m assuming some part of the material is peeling or cracked or can’t be cleaned). I would also replace the wallet if the new one would suit your needs better – has a better arrangement of slots, is a better size for your purse, etc.

      I’m not sure about the earrings. I keep telling myself I will splurge on some small diamond studs to wear daily, and then I can never pull the trigger on the purchase. If the fun earrings make you happy and you would be bored wearing the same couple of nicer pairs, is that worth it to you?

    6. At the beginning of your post I was thinking about furniture, so I’ll share a lesson I’ve learned from my mother. My mother has never owned her own furniture. She has all (once beautiful) hand me downs from her grandparents. Nothing is in decent condition. Dresser drawers don’t open, surfaces are cracked, scratched, or chipped but that’s nothing a doily can’t cover, and everything looks dull and lifeless. She won’t get rid of it and she won’t repair it. Her house is like a museum of dead furniture, very Miss Havishamesque. She is beside herself that I refuse to take the furniture. She even hired movers to bring some pieces to me (after I repeatedly refused) and I turned them away – caused a bit of a rift. She sees it as a betrayal of the family and of her; she never got to have furniture she liked because she was “saving” it for me (I’ve been telling her I don’t want it since I was a child). She will not accept that, ie, the marble top table that is completely cracked in half is not in fact a priceless family heirloom. She is very jealous and bitter that I have a house full of furniture I adore.

      So my advice is, get rid of stuff you don’t like or are meh about and upgrade to things that make you smile when you look at them. Don’t keep “good” things that would be great if only you had the skill, money, or desire to repair it. Be realistic. And don’t let stuff become a black hole in your life.

      1. This is a great post. Furniture is so tricky. My in-laws have beautiful inherited furniture, but they took ALL OF IT. Their dining room has three china cabinets and a chest around a massive table and chair set. When the rooms feel crowded, it’s no longer elegant. Not everything can or should be passed down!

      2. this is excellent advice – thank you!! I feel you on the furniture – there are some family heirlooms I already have (like the beautiful but definitely worn bureau from my grandmother’s childhood bedroom set from the 1920s that I adore) or have laid claim to, but there are a LOT of piece that I am already dropping hints to my parents that I will not be taking when they downsize.

        I fall into the hole of loving part of something but not the rest of it (I love this sweater but it’s itchy; that’s my favorite shirt but it is too tight around the arms, etc). I should definitely be better about getting rid of those pieces and replacing with things I love!

      3. DH and I do take furniture from family members and buy used furniture from FB marketplace or garage/estate sales. Our house has very little furniture we’ve actually purchased, and even though it wasn’t cheap, it’s the lowest quality and in the worst shape. Our general rules for acquiring other people’s furniture are (1) only take pieces that you need, when you need them, (2) only take pieces that you actually like, not for sentimental value, (3) only take pieces that are in good shape, or that can be repaired, re-painted, re-stained, etc., AND actually make those changes, and (4) don’t be afraid to change a piece–paint it, change the hardware, re-cover it, whatever we want. It’s ours now, and we’re living with it, not preserving heirlooms or storing future-antiques.

      4. My MIL isn’t quite this bad, but she definitely thinks her tacky 1980s china cabinets, corresponding sets of “fine” china, and worn-out clothes and linens are worth a fortune and we’re just sitting around waiting for her to die so we can take all that crap.

    7. If my current wallet were on its last legs, I would hunt for a new one that I loved, and would still probably lust after it for weeks before I made the plunge. But once I do buy the loved item, even if I splurge on it, and toss the old item, I find I have zero regrets. Its very freeing to just have things you love. Even if I’m using a wallet I only like, I’m spending mental energy on the “do I replace this or not” debate.

      1. The pleather is peeling on my current wallet so I definitely need to upgrade. It feels silly (to me) to drop more than $20 on a wallet, but also – if I drop more than $20 then the material probably won’t peel after 2 years! Everyone here raves about Cuyana and they have an identical card holder to mine so I should probably just tear off the bandaid and buy that one (since I love the functionality of my current one!)

        2. On this note: I splurged on a Kate Spade wallet when I first started working 8 years ago. It was maybe $150 and seemed like a HUGE splurge at the time, but it’s still in great shape and the bright pink still makes me happy, so it’s worth it!

          I think a Cuyana wallet sounds like a good splurge…after all, you probably use a wallet every day, so cost per use will end up being pennies or less.

        3. I don’t think it’s silly to spend more than $20 for a wallet that could theoretically last 20+ years if leather and classic style.
          Way less wasteful than throwing one out every 2-3 years.

    8. I want the upgraded product if I use it every day or if there’s a really meaningful difference, even if it’s something used only periodically. And because I also have a little bit of internal tension between general frugality but want nice things, this is where I build my birthday/Christmas lists. My parents/siblings/spouse/in-laws always appreciate if I have a wish list going with this nice wallet, this nice pajama set, this pair of earrings, etc. The fact that I’d be hesitant to buy it for myself makes the gift even that much more of a treat.

      Things I have gotten as gifts this year that I LOVE but would not buy myself: Dyson hairdryer, Lake pajamas, Ember mug.

      1. Unfortunately most of my relatives are in a similar financial boat to me (one one side of my family EVERYONE is a teacher, on the other side I’d say 75% work in government. Generations ago we were wealthy WASPs, now we’re just public servant WASPs). So, while they could afford to give me some of those things, I’d never ask for them. Almost every splurge I have is something I bought for myself. And, because my mom is much more of that mindset that I am there is a 0% chance she’d drop $$ on hairdryers or mugs!

        Anecdote: I asked for a ninja blender (so nice but not a vitamix!) for my birthday last year. My mom responded that I could just take her blender (from her wedding in 1988!). It still works perfectly and she/my dad don’t use it so why spend money on a new one if we have one for me?

    9. I replace things when I am actively annoyed by the item. I don’t “treat myself” with new items, which leads to a lot of overspending.

      Stop buying clothing that you merely like. Unless you love it so much that you would take a second job to pay for it, don’t buy it. When your current stuff wears out, strategically replace it.

      Remember that if you’re really going the minimalist/keep it forever route, you will keep things for an absurdly long time. I bought my wallet in 2001 from a Coach outlet and see no reason to replace it. My wool coat is six years old. My Volvo is just as old as my wallet. My earring collection is as follows: diamond studs, pearl studs, Tiffany silver hoops, and one pair of Ann Taylor fun earrings. However, some people in my family claim that they are buying nice things and keeping them forever, and end up buying expensive trendy stuff that they get rid of when it is no longer trendy or breaks because it was never designed to be used for twenty years.

      2. I’m totally with you – I drive an 18 year old Toyota and my parka is LL Bean that is from my freshman year of college and my first/only wool coat is five years old with no plans to replace it!. I own one purse – it’s five years old and was $30 from Old Navy.

        I need to replace my pleather wallet because it’s peeling and the seam is tearing, but I’m hoping that if I buy a nicer one it will last at least a decade!

        I definitely struggle with the “is this expensive because its trendy or because it’s made to last?” because I think that line is really blurred these days! And, brands previously known for their quality aren’t as well made as they once were (looking at you LL Bean – my mom’s boots are from the early 90’s and I had to replace a pair after less than 5 years a few years ago!)

    10. I’m similar to you in mindset and budget, but I splurge on… everything? I usually upgrade when things fall apart, but I no longer shop at places like TJ Maxx and Target (except very rarely), and instead try to focus on companies that focus on durability and sustainability, which ends up costing a lot more in the short term. Over the years, all my stuff has been upgraded and now everything lasts a really long time and I very rarely shop. My purse and wallet are from Cuyana (4 and 3 years old) and are nowhere close to wearing out. Most of my clothes and shoes are 3-10 years old. I usually shop at the beginning of each season and buy 3-6 things and then don’t shop again until the next season is about to start. EG at the start of this summer I bought a new pair of sandals from Fortress of Inca, and a silk top and silk dress from Quince. I bought a new pair of earrings last week from an indie designer in my neighborhood. I don’t anticipate buying anything else until September at least — when it cools down and I start wearing different clothes then I’ll replace anything that needs replacing or get something new and fun but right now I cannot think of anything I would want.

      1. To add to that, on furniture. Most of my stuff is vintage, or Room and Board (about 50% of that bought used). I have no intention on replacing any of it basically ever. But I do have a few things from Ikea — two bookcases and a chair — that are in great condition and I like, and I don’t plan on replacing them either. I know a lot of people who bought furniture 5-10 years ago based on what was trendy at the time or “it’s so cheap!” but now are looking to replace it because they no longer like it. If you buy what you personally love, not what is the look-of-the-moment, you won’t have this issue.

    11. I love estate sales and local auctions for furniture. Brand new solid quality furniture is often out of my budget (beautiful Amish made kitchen tables are pricey!) but there are lots of older people in my area downsizing who have lovely old and antique pieces. I love antique furniture, and will put in the time to fix/update as needed.

    12. I think another poster here mentioned it about jewelry – I have two categories, ‘fun’ stuff that I try not to pay more than $20-$30 for, and ‘real’ jewelry that I tend to buy from our trusted local jeweler who also has a killer estate case where gorgeous pieces can be had for a song.
      In terms of paying up for quality – I think you need to know your style. Women’s magazines have the ’10 pieces you’ll wear for life’ list – but what if you don’t wear trench coats? or white button downs? etc.
      I will say I have never ever regretted paying up for staples that fit my life – a good wet weather coat (for me, Barbour, LLBean makes great ones too!), a high quality wool dress coat, wool or cashmere sweaters in a classic v-neck (Lord and Taylor used to have great in house cashmere, now I stalk the Brooks Brothers merino wool ones and buy them on super sale). I’d also try to shop in person – it’s SO hard to tell the quality of items online. Once you have a set of go-to brands set alerts for sales.
      I don’t have time for thrifting these days but I did a LOT of it when I was younger and found some great deals – you may also want to research online easy vs. hard alterations – I would look for things that fit well aside from length/sleeve length/made sure they had seam allowances for alterations etc. I’d also go to the fanciest neighborhoods – totally agree on the better options there!

    13. Neither wallets nor earrings fit the bill for the concept you are espousing. Wallets get dirty and worn and earrings get lost. I’ve never had success getting extra value from buying more expensive of either of those. The same goes for sunglasses and eyewear and casual walking shoes. There’s no magic fix that will make these items not get worn out, broken, or lost.

      Areas where I have had luck are cold weather outerwear, raincoats, swimsuits, hairbrushes, and luggage. It helps that you really only need one of each of those things!

      1. Voice of dissent: my Rayban aviators are 12 years old! Still have them, still in style and not lost or broken! I had them for 3 years of high school,4 years of college (so like the 7 most reckless years of my life) and now 5 years post grad.

        1. Same, mine are 7 years old and I wear them on every sunny day. I only have the one pair of sunglasses. I’ve never lost or damaged them. But I’ve also never lost my keys or wallet or lip gloss so that may be just me.

        2. Same. Clubmasters I’ve worn for 12 years are still going strong. Scratchless, somehow…!

        3. Yup. I have 11 year old Ray Bans that I intend to continue to wear for years. The lenses got scratched over time, and I just ordered replacement lenses for $60 and now they look practically new. You can order replacement parts for virtually any part of their glasses, making them much less of a throwaway item. You just have to be careful not to lose them, obviously. My glasses are literally either on my head or put away in their case. I never set them anywhere else.

      2. I will dissent here too. I haven’t lost an earring since college and my Rx sunglasses last 2 years minimum until I get the next Rx pair.

      3. Dissent: I got a pair of Gucci sunglasses when I was in college as a gift from my parents. I’m now mid-fifties so that tells you how long I’ve had them. I still have them, and they look great.

    14. I think this is a really personal calculation. I have some things that I’d like to buy once and never replace, both for sustainability reasons but also because I don’t like to shop for them (e.g., the perfect water bottle, home office furnishings, kitchen tools). But there are other things that I do love to shop for and change up, and without being exceedingly wasteful, I let myself buy them as I can afford to (e.g, wallets, purses, clothing). I’m limited by the fact that while I like buying them, I don’t like buying them ALL the time and I hate clutter, so while I replace them before they’re worn out, I usually keep them and just add them to my rotation (swapping wallets/purses periodically or seasonally, for example). And if I’m truly sick of something, I donate or recycle it without forever punishing myself for having purchased or otherwise acquired it. Before y’all come at me for being wasteful, I really do mean it when I say that I don’t shop a whole lot in general and tend to keep most things for many years (for example, I have a coat from 2008 that I don’t consider to be “that old” but have another I bought to supplement my coat closet in 2018 that is “new”).

      1. yes! I buy fun clothes at TJ Maxx so if I wear a trendy shirt for a few years and grow tired of it, I can donate it and not feel bad! But also – last weekend I wore a blouse from high school so clearly not all trendy shirts get donated within a few years.

        I love finding the buy once and never replace items – yeti travel mugs and Nalgene water bottles. It saves so much mental space to be honest! For example – I recently lost a Nalgene and needed a new one. I’ve had my eye on a new color for a few years now so once I realized there was no way to get the old one back I went on to their website and ordered it!

    15. I don’t think you’re going to get lasting forever pieces are TJ Maxx and Target, sadly. TJ Maxx is not selling the same stuff you would find in high end department stores, they’re selling lines with those labels that are made especially for them, usually much lower quality. Cheaper fabrics, cheaper construction etc.

      I feel like you learn so much about how to buy clothing if you learn to sew. Have you ever considered that? I look at the seams and fabric content and drape on everything because I sew and knit and know what a good job on either of those should look like.

      In terms of upgrading, you don’t need to wait until things are on their last legs before upgrading. If you have the money, go for it, one item at a time. You can always sell the old item online for a few bucks. Someone will buy it if it’s priced right.

      1. I haven’t tried sewing, but honestly I have too many hobbies as is so probably won’t be picking it up!

        While I recognize that what I”m buying at TJ Maxx/Old Navy/Target isn’t awesome quality it’s often more than sufficient quality. It’s pretty rare that I get rid of a piece because it’s coming apart or not holding up! My price range for things is definitely in the TJ Maxx realm with a few splurges thrown in (outdoor gear, some shoes, stuff for my hobbies, etc). I think the quality at TJ Maxx is no worse than the quality of LOFT, but it is so much cheaper! For classics that won’t go out of style, I prefer to splurge (so my wool coat, work boots, wallet, etc) but I’m never going to be someone who buys all of my stuff from Nordstroms!

    16. I plan ahead for needed purchases, wait for a great sale, and then set aside the replacement item until the old version completely distintigrates. Most of my aggravation with “use it until it falls apart” was that things tend to fall apart catastrophically and without warning (like a seam blowing out on pants). Having the back-up ready on the sidelines is the key, you just have to be disciplined enough to not use it until the proper time.

  11. Any suggestions on everyday fashion blogs? I feel like few of the bloggers I follow rarely post outfits anymore as opposed to try-ons, buy-this-sponsored-stuff. Would love some new finds.

    1. Oops—trying to say the folks I regularly follow don’t post as much outfit ideas.

    2. following with interest, because I’m struggling to find actual real person outfit inspiration. I am not in the market for mom jeans, booties, oversized sweaters or sweater dresses, crop tops, or dresses that can’t be worn with a regular bra. This is shockingly hard to find.

    4. I feel like all fashion blogs have turned into that. :( Which stinks, because I really value having styling help. I’ve actually gotten more mileage out of the retail websites that show different ways to wear an item. Even if I have to find a close approximation of an item I already own, it helps me figure out new outfit ideas.

    7. An Indigo Day, Looks Good from the Back, Blue Collar Red Lipstick (lawyer), PhD in Clothes (professor), Sarah’s Real Life (lawyer).

    10. I like Cap Hill Style, Wardrobe Oxygen and Putting Me Together. On Cap Hill Style, I’ve seen some posts for outfit ideas where she will link other blogs or IG accounts. You Look Fab also features other bloggers.

      I used to follow Outfit Posts, but I don’t think she posts any more.

    11. I like L.Williams on insta – she does a lot of how to style and posts things I can actually afford.

  12. I have a giant deadline on Friday, combined with lots of other projects that I can’t get out of right now. Basically, I’m trying to do all the things and that’s been the case all summer. I’m mentally tired, burned out, and badly need a vacation. (Soon!) Any tips for powering through the rest of the week? I’ve literally been staring at my screen for 20 minutes now, not getting any actual work done when I really need to.

    1. The best thing I ever did for myself was realizing when I was trying to work and not working. I would then step away from my screen and take a proper break for 20 minutes. Go for a walk, read kindle via the computer, call a friend. Then, you have to pay the toll for the break which is actually working. It was so much easier to get working after a legit break than a procrastination break. Procrastination breaks (staring at the screen) still feel like work. Walking to get a coffee and back feels like a real departure from work.

  13. In case this got buried in the muddled masking news for you (it did for me): “CDC Director Dr. Rochelle Walensky said that when earlier strains of the virus were dominant, infected vaccinated people were found to have low levels of virus in their nose and throats and were deemed unlikely to spread the virus. That has changed with the delta variant, where Walensky said the level of virus in infected vaccinated people is “indistinguishable” from the level of virus in infected unvaccinated people.”

    That’s a question I’ve been looking for an answer to for a while. Wanted to signal-boost it for my fellow immunocompromised readers or readers with kids in particular. We’re pulling back on in-person visits with vaccinated family until cases decline in our area.

    1. well, crap.

      time to back in the bubble and maybe buy some new masks while i still can…put a few more in the rotation. :(

    2. My office is returning to wearing masks for in-person meetings, vaccinated or not. It was just a month ago we decided since we were all vaccinated we didn’t need them. I think a scare of my asthma issues turning out to be a summer cold (tested negative twice for COVID), plus the delta variant, made them think twice.

      1. Yes, exactly. That’s something that we didn’t know before (didn’t have enough research to say either way, although it looked unlikely), but now we do.

    4. Thanks, this is so important and I haven’t seen it anywhere else. We’re keeping the grandparents in our bubble because they’re cautious and seeing them is really important to us and them, but we’re definitely going to pull back on visits with vaccinated friends.

    5. Yeah, I’m back to close to pre-vaccine levels of masking and staying home. I just can’t risk it as a person who takes immunosuppressive mediation for an autoimmune disease.

      1. The quote is from my local paper, SFGate: https://www.sfgate.com/coronavirus/article/CDC-mask-Bay-Area-delta-COVID-mandate-California-16343687.php

        But this Washington Post article is better overall: https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2021/07/27/cdc-masks-guidance-indoors/

        “Anthony S. Fauci, Biden’s chief medical adviser, said in an interview that “the situation has clearly changed” since May 13. “Vaccinated people are transmitting it, and the extent is unclear, but there’s no doubt they’re transmitting it,” Fauci said. “People who are vaccinated, even when they’re asymptomatic, can transmit the virus, which is the scientific foundation of why this recommendation is being made.””

    7. I’m curious about the actual stats behind this. Was it asymptomatic vaxxed people or those that developed symptoms?

  14. What changes have you made recently to simplify and/or streamline your life?

    Getting back into the full swing of things again – social lives, being in the office 60% of the time, back to racing for my hobby, etc. after a year of not doing all that much I’m looking for ways to maintain simplicity and/or streamline things.

    My ideal life would involve automating pretty much everything (Roomba for cleaning, beauty treatments like keratin and eyelash extensions so getting ready takes 5 minutes, daily harvest bowls deliveries) but I make 50k so that’s obviously not an option.

    1. If you are not in the position to throw money at it, I think your best bet is to really be honest about what is a need and what is a want. As I have gotten older, I have relaxed my standards on most things. My house in no way needs to be perfect at all times, I have greatly reduced the amount of makeup I wear, adopted low fuss hairstyles, found clothes that fit me well and bought multiples in different colors, etc. It’s helpful that I generally DGAF what anyone thinks about my appearance, my home, etc.

      1. +1. Once you start living your own life and let go of what people think of you, it becomes a lot easier to simplify. No make-up for me, haircuts are rare (don’t want to use my valuable free time getting them), clothes shopping is rare. Sometime in my late 20s I realized I hated all the mental labor it took to keep up my appearance. It was taking away time I wanted to spend on travel and hobbies. Not going to win a beauty contest over here, but I will spend winter weekends skiing and summer weekends hiking and weeknights doing whatever strikes me as fun.

      2. Thanks! I really like looking nice (I say I’m vain but low maintenance – which is why automating things is my goal!). My skincare routine is about 5 mins and my makeup routine is about 3 so and on days I straighten my hair that takes less than 5 mins as well, so I guess I can’t really complain about an 8-12 min routine! My apt is way messier than I’d prefer (roommates!) but I try to keep my room very neat (it’s TINY so one thing out of place shows).

    2. Organizing my closet is huge for me. Also a meal routine. If I don’t go grocery shopping, plan meals, and do some prep on Sunday my week falls apart. I wake up an hour early every Friday to change sheets, vacuum, wash floors, clean kitchen and bathroom. I hate it, but then it is done. Monday night is laundry night always.

    3. You don’t need eyelash extensions – just buy Revitalash, and it works pretty well. Don’t buy daily harvest bowl deliveries (which sound like heaven tbh) but pay for an automated system that gives you a weekly menu, recipes and shopping list.

      I think you can get 75% there on skin care and food on a budget. It’s a little more work but a lot less expensive and then your routine will settle in and sort of automate itself.

    4. Laundry and groceries every other week. Only do one each week. For groceries, you may want a quick stop in between bigger visits for fresh produce during the summer months, but this system really freed up time on my weekends. I plan my meals and shop a list. I also try to make one or two things each week that generate leftovers for the freezer, so everything doesn’t have to be from scratch every day. On weeks that are “laundry” weeks, I do some cleaning while I do the laundry. My house is not spotlessly clean, but we keep it tidy and the roomba keeps the floors tolerable, so it’s just a questions of wiping kitchen/bathrooms and dusting while the wash goes.

      1. Unfortunately, living with 3 roommates (house of 4) makes it hard to grocery shop infrequently – there’s pretty limited fridge/freezer space. I usually cook a few times a week and rely on leftovers – I’m definitely NOT cooking every night! Luckily I literally pass a grocery store on my commute so it’s not at all out of my way to pop in and pick up a few things.

        Laundry is so easy for me – on a day I’m wfh I just throw it in between meetings (the laundry room is next to my bedroom which is where my desk is!) I’m a very basic laundry person – so separating, it all gets thrown in together!

    5. I do all of my meal prepping and household chores on the weekend. I always pack my lunch the night before. And I only buy machine washable clothes

    6. No hot dinners. A big salad or a sandwich is perfectly acceptable for a healthy evening meal; I just needed to break out of the “have to sit down to a hot protein and two sides” mindset.

      2. +1000 no hot dinners. Also a big fan of “buddha bowl” type concoctions, green smoothies, and avocado toast.

    7. I’m doing one of these things – getting micro bladed brows. My brows are sparse and I fill them in daily. I’ve been dissatisfied with the time I spend on it and how bad it looks at the end of the day, but since my brows are basically invisible (lighter colored than my hair in addition to being sparse, yay me!) I look weird/tired/wan without some brow product applied. I’d like to be a wake up, put on sunscreen and go person, so I’m giving it a shot. I found a local place with an Instagram showing very natural looking / non-sharpie brows so I’m hoping it works for me.

      And I love my Roomba but I still have to dust and clean and occasionally mop so it’s not the complete Rosie-from-the-Jetsons cleaning solution. Most people who want to automate cleaning just hire a cleaning service.

  15. Anyone else notice that when your morning starts off super hectic, you’re exhausted and unmotivated for the rest of the day? My stressy stuff is work related, idk how people with kids do it. I think about the daily morning fights my mom and I had and I can’t imagine living that way (again).

    1. Yes. If the morning goes badly (often but not always kid-related) my day is usually toast for stuff requiring deep concentration. I try to use those messy days to complete administrative stuff that has to be done but doesn’t otherwise require much thought.

      I think in some ways it’s harder when work is the source of stress. With the kids, there’s a window of opportunity to reset for work after they are at school or whatever.

    2. When you have stress at home from kids, coming to work can feel like an escape. I used to feel supercharged to get to my desk in the office after a tough morning at home. Even working at home provides an escape, though less (but the tradeoff of not commuting lessens the morning stress).

  16. I’ve been in a holding pattern for several years, coasting at my job because I have the work down by rote at this point. I want to job search for advancement (my company is too small for that to be possible) but I’ve been holding off because my personal life is a constant disaster.

    My family and ILs have developed a sixth sense for causing exactly the right amount of chaos: they constantly need help, but not enough help that I can convince them (or legally force them) to get professionals involved. Injuries, legal drama, it never stops.

    If it were just me, I’d probably find a job far away to extract myself from this mess. But my husband is basically Dom from Fast & Furious (FAMILY! Everything is about FAMILY!) and he keeps us enmeshed.

    Any tips from people who have messy relatives?

    1. You have to set your own boundaries and not get involved in their lives. There isn’t a lifehack or a trick to get you out of doing that – it’s about consistency and hard work. If your husband won’t support you in doing that, consider if you want to stay married.

    3. Sounds like a husband problem more than a family problem.
      Is this worth the price of admission? Only you know the answer to that question. Therapy (for you both and individually) to work on skills related to setting boundaries is probably a good idea.

    4. There is no way to separate yourself from the chaos if your DH won’t. It will always be like this until he puts his foot down which it seems like he never will.

    5. You and your husband need to be on the same page. Remind your husband that YOU are his primary family and your needs and wants, including excelling at your career, need to be a priority for him.

      Enmeshed families cause divorces. I am not trying to be harsh towards your husband; some of the reason I don’t have contact with my enmeshed family is because my husband and toddler come first, and they think they should come first.

    6. no advice, just commiseration. the last 10 years or so have been keyboard-smash-inducing.

    7. Just because your husband chooses to expend energy on this doesn’t mean you need to.

        1. It can be. Do husbands often get involved with the machinations of their wives’ families?

  17. Simone Biles is out of the individual all around. So it doesn’t appear that she pulled out of the team competition just to focus on her own medals.

      1. Agreed, the comments here pointing out how dangerous gymnastics is relative to other sports and the fact that it’s clear she wasn’t putting her individual events above the team have made me see this in a different light. I hope Suni can pull off the gold in the individual AA!

        1. If there is a positive outcome here, this would be it. Suni’s gymnastics is beautiful.

      2. Yes same here. I’m also back to say that I was 100% wrong in my opinion of the situation when I first heard about it yesterday. I didn’t understand at all and assumed, unfairly, that she just was having a poor performance and didn’t know how to lose (because she’s never had to.). Once I learned more about it, I realized that I had no idea what I was talking about (on pretty much any level) and am properly shamed.

        I adore Simone and am so sad for her. But she remains the most amazing athlete on the planet.

    2. I saw an interesting take on the whole situation that said that this is a failure of coaching more than anything. A good coach should be able to support your mental health through ups and downs, or alternatively, advise you when to pull out in advance for the good of the team.

      For me personally, “it’s not fun anymore” didn’t fly on team sports in high school. I finished many seasons in sports I did not enjoy it all so my tiny public school could field a women’s team and not get a Title IX violation. Fun wasn’t a factor in the decision-making. That being said, Biles can 100% make her own decisions, even if they do seem surprising or sad.

        2. In fairness to the previous poster, this is a direct quote from Simone Biles:

          “I just don’t trust myself as much anymore. I don’t know if it’s age, I’m just more nervous when I do gymnastics. I feel like I’m also not having as much fun.”

          I 100% agree that she did not withdraw only because it wasn’t fun anymore, but that was one of the reasons she gave during an interview.

        3. Of course she didn’t. She lost her ability to track her movement in the air, meaning that she was in risk of serious injury or death. Withdrawing was a logical decision that was most likely very difficult for her to make.

          Simone Biles of all people knows how to execute when it isn’t “fun.” The idea that “fun” was an issue is obviously a bad faith interpretation of events.

          1. THIS. If she lost her air awareness/got the “twisties,” it was unsafe and irresponsible for her to continue competing. What I don’t like is that this safety issue is being labeled as a “mental health” issue. It could have been caused by an underlying mental health issue, but it is a distinct problem that can also be caused by stress or fatigue. No matter what the cause, it’s a physical safety issue that needs to be addressed through responsible coaching or, as apparently happened in this case, through responsible decision-making on the part of the athlete.

            At the normal kid level of the sport, it is quite common to have kids scratch individual events or to pull skills out of routines if they are experiencing similar issues or just have a bad warmup. My own kid developed a weird fear of her bars dismount (NB that a fear is not the same as a block is not the same as the twisties, but all can be dangerous) right before the COVID shutdown, so in one meet the coach spotted the dismount and in one meet she did a different dismount that did not meet requirements. Both decisions incurred significant penalties that took her out of medal contention on bars and in AA, but they were absolutely necessary for her safety.

      2. Not enjoying playing for your high school teams is not comparable to an Olympian fearing for her safety.

      3. I just think that once your organization allows hundreds of girls, including the champion in question, to be abused and then doesn’t really take measures to address it once it becomes public, you’re not really in a great position to complain that their mental health isn’t the best . . .

        1. Exactly. There are systematic failures in play here. Let’s not forget that Simone is a survivor. Who even knows what PTSD the Olympics might’ve triggered, in addition to the insane amounts of pressure she was feeling to perform like a GOAT.

          I’ve come full circle on this since yesterday. #TeamSimone

      4. You were under no obligation in high school to suffer on some sports team that you didn’t want to participate in. Whoever made you think that was really terrible.

      5. A friend and I had a long conversation about this this morning. I think for me, if you’ve committed to a team, you’ve committed to sacrificing your convenience for the good of the team. And finishing “not fun” team sports is an effective way to learn that important lesson. But sometimes things get to a point where you’re not sacrificing convenience, but your health. No one would expect you to play softball with a stress fracture just to avoid the Title IX violation. Sadly, if you were struggling with anxiety about playing softball, you’d probably be told to follow through with your commitment to the team.

        My friend is currently very upset because the newest member of her bowling team cancelled on her 12 hours before their tournament. The tournament was several states away, and he has claustrophobia and had a panic attack while trying to board the plane. My friend then didn’t want to tell the rest of the team, and instead spent hours frantically looking for a sub. If the team was a real “team” the guy should have felt comfortable admitting his claustrophobia earlier, and the team could have worked out alternate travel arrangements or found the sub earlier. I would say this is less than a team, and more a bunch of individuals who are expected to deal with their own problems and then play a sport together.

      6. “I finished many seasons in sports I did not enjoy it all so my tiny public school could field a women’s team and not get a Title IX violation.” Wow. I am sorry, forcing young women to do something they didn’t want to, for years, for the sake of Title IX…that’s ugh.

        1. Yeah whoever made you feel like the high school’s fate rested on your shoulders was a real asshole (saying this as someone who was under intense pressure at a small rural high school).

      7. My husband and I were talking about this last night. I did competitive speech and debate in college at a pretty high level, and he was also a competitor who went on to coach when he got to grad school. He coached a couple of competitors to national wins in individual events. His feeling (and I agree) was that it was 110% about Simone’s coaching; the coach should have recognized earlier that she was stressed to the max and talked to her about getting help or dropping out of the competition before everything came to a head when she was already in Japan. I can’t believe Simone hadn’t signaled in some way, even if she didn’t explicitly say so, that she was hitting a wall. Coaches are supposed to pay attention to those signals and know what’s going on with their competitors. If her coach didn’t see this coming, that’s on them. It should have never gotten to the point where she was in competition and had to withdraw.

        We also talked about how in both of our situations, we were pushed by coaches to compete when we absolutely should not have been competing (I made it to finals in one tournament when I had a 102 fever the entire time because I had been lectured by my coach about “letting my teammates down”; he was screamed at by a coach when he asked to drop out of a tournament because he got food poisoning and could barely make it out of the bathroom long enough to compete. He ended up competing and did terribly, and got lectured about that, even though he had to go to Student Health Services for IV rehydration when they got back from the tournament). We agreed that if our older selves could go back in time and tell our younger selves something, it would be, “this isn’t that important in the scheme of things; it’s okay to tap out and take care of yourself rather than keep pushing.” Because guess what? 25 years later no one remembers or cares that we competed in those events, but we still remember how awful it was and how drained we were after we pushed ourselves past the point we should have stopped.

        While I agree there are some good things you can learn about yourself by doing things even when you don’t feel like it, I think there’s a huge difference between pushing yourself to go forward when you’re just not at 100%, or you’d rather be doing something else, and pushing yourself when you are at your physical, mental, and emotional limits and at a breaking point that you decide to push past. To me, blacking out from stress in the middle of executing something means you are at a breaking point. It should be fine for someone experiencing that to say, you know what, I am tapping out of this before I get hurt or hurt someone else. Why that’s not seen as a reasonable action speaks volumes about our society and our overvaluing of achievement over well-being, which doesn’t serve any of us.

        1. Simone has been making comments along these lines for a while now. She told a NY Times reporter that “she couldn’t wait for the olympics to be over”, made various comments about being old, afraid etc. . .So if she was saying all this in public, I’m sure she was saying it in private too. Everyone thought she was miserable about it but would still be able to do it, and didn’t realize what it was really a sign of.

      8. Ted Lasso fan here, sounds like she got a case of the Yips at the worst possible, most high profile time.

        1. This is basically what she said happened, only in gymnastics those “yips” (lost air awareness) can be deadly.

      1. Yep. I wish she’d go home honestly. I know she’s being the ultimate teammate cheering and carrying chalk but really she’s taking the attention off the other girls who CAN handle it as everyone is like OMG is SB ok, did she twitch, did she tear up etc. And let go of the greatest of all time thing. She’s not. Part of sports at a high level or anything really is being able to handle it, which she couldn’t.

        1. She’s not a robot. There is no part of ANYTHING, regardless of how high the level, that requires people to be able to perform 100% of the time, no matter what. It’s not realistic, and you need to ask youself why you expect that.

          Do I expect that she has a stronger mindset than me, given that I’m not an Olympic caliber athlete? Heck yes. Do I expect her to have an infallible one? No.

      2. This comment tells me that a) you aren’t an athlete and certainly weren’t ever one above, say, a high school level; and b) you have very little empathy for others.

        2. Or maybe the commenter is/was a very talented athlete and understands that it doesn’t go on forever, no matter how good you were.

          1. Hmm, ok. Whom should I believe, commentators who are literal experts in their sport who claim Biles is the best gymnast in the world or a Corporette commenter who likely is trying to drum up some excitement by riling up people on the internet?

    6. You could see the look on Simone Biles’ face when Jordan Chiles fell during the floor routine and know that she didn’t pull out of the team competition just to focus on her own medals.

      1. Why does the media need to focus close up on SB’s face like that? This is all just so gossipy.

    7. I think the people criticizing her have never competed in a sport that could kill them. I was a highly technical skier doing double diamonds at the hardest slopes in Canada. There were days though that my brain and legs were not properly communicating and I couldn’t ski those slopes safely. Ski racing is a sport where a millisecond of indecision can lead to a life altering wipe out. I actually had two major injuries and they were both from skiing like a racer on a recreational day. It is a sign of maturity when you realize something is too risky in the moment. It is so hard to say, I need to stop. I can’t imagine Olympic pressure. I remember crying once because I was on a crazy ski trip w/ friends and I had to leave the group to go to the easier slopes because my quads were so burned out I didn’t think I could complete my turns on the next double black run. I felt like I let everyone down and in retrospect, that was so silly. I kept myself alive.

      1. I have competed in two sports that could kill me (ski racing like you and horseback riding) and I think that Biles can make her own decisions, but that it’s okay to highlight the impact on her team and discuss whether the situation could’ve been handled in a better way. I wish her coach had dealt with this to help her either compete or bow down earlier.

        1. I’m the person to whom you are replying and I do agree that her coaches should have, at a minimum, helped her handle the messaging better.

      2. I have a friend who did mountain bike racing and he has talked about this. People can easily end up paralyzed or killed if they make the wrong move on a downhill stretch where they may be going 20 mph+ on a bike, in a forest with rocks and trees everywhere. He saw a fellow competitor snap a femur, which then resulted in lots of surgeries and physical therapy, because he misjudged an obstacle, and in a split second he pulled his front tire an inch too far to one side, hit a tree root and vaulted over the handlebars. I haven’t ever done any kind of activity like that (I also mountain bike, but not competitively so can go as slow as I wanna) and so I don’t know that I fully get the mental pressures of it. A lot of activities that we see all the time – skiing, car racing, mountain biking, gymnastics – start to seem easy because we see them executed successfully the vast majority of the time. But the risks with things like that are always real, and it’s always a razor’s edge between someone completing them successfully and someone really hurting themselves. I think about it this way: Michael Schumacher was one of the greatest F1 racers of all time and completed thousands of practice runs and races and never got substantively hurt in a car. He is permanently disabled now thanks to a bad fall while skiing, of all things. If it can happen to him, it can happen to anyone. Not a reason for people not to do things they enjoy, but minimizing the risks and the mental pressures doesn’t make a lot of logical sense.

        1. Yup. I’m the skier above. I was easily skiing 50+ MPH in my heyday. Now 35 MPH is about my max (and only on a wide, mostly empty trail) and that’s still fairly fast for recreational. Olympians are often skiing 80+ MPH and I think the fastest ever broke 100 MPH. They get a helmet, some shin guards and forearm guards? Maybe a mouth guard? That’s not enough to make a fall at those speeds safe.

      3. +1,000, as a skier, rock climber, and equestrian. Some days it’s just not there, and when you’re doing something that is so high consequence if things go wrong, it’s better to put your hand up and literally live to fight another day. SB made the best decision she could with the information she had at the time. She probably thought she could hold it together until the moment she couldn’t, and she made the right call when the wheels came off – her safety is more important than any team finish. This comes up in equestrian disciplines quite a bit, as they field teams as well as individuals. In eventing especially, the finish at all costs for the team mentality can be deadly. People aren’t robots, and horses aren’t bicycles. If you come out on cross country and things aren’t right, retiring is way better than a horse fall. No one travels that far and trains that long to withdraw, so it’s never a decision that’s taken lightly even if made quickly. I’m sure that’s the case for SB as well, and the pressure on her has been ridiculous.

    8. I honestly don’t understand why anyone thought that was her reason. In last night’s coverage, Nastia Liukin confirmed that Simone told her she lost her sense of place in the air, and did not want to injure herself. Even watching the replay you could tell from her facial expression that she looked terrified (and the way she landed looked like she was totally surprised when she hit the mat).She could have paralyzed herself if she tried to compete without that sense of balance and placement. I am really disappointed that people ascribed selfish motives to her.

      I also find it interesting that there hasn’t been some major outcry that Jade Carrey was being selfish for choosing to use her slot to compete as an individual instead of as part of the team; given her all around #’s, she actually would have contributed more to the team’s overall score than anyone except Sunisa Lee, but she chose to take her guaranteed spot to compete as an individual. Which was her right. But it’s interesting to me that no one has criticized her decision to act purely in her self interest and take the guaranteed slot instead of relying on the committee to select her for the team(to be clear I would have done the same; bird in the hand two in the bush, etc.) .

      But Biles is supposed to risk life and limb, and push through injuries like Kerry Strug? Absurd.

      1. There’s been plenty of outcry about Jade Carey’s move, although all of it happened prior to and around the Trials.

      2. Jade got a TON of heat for that decision among dedicated gymnastics fans. The reason more people aren’t talking about it is that Jade isn’t as widely known as Simone, and even the people who have heard of her aren’t aware of the details of how she qualified for the Olympics. Until the Olympic team was named, I doubt most Americans could name a current female gymnastic besides Simone. Jade is just totally in a different tier in terms of fame and attention.

      3. Jade Carey actually got a lot of pressure *not* to try to get a spot on the team. If she had taken a team spot, one fewer gymnast would have gotten to go because the US couldn’t replace her.

    9. https://twitter.com/DeannaHong/status/1420284803711123459?s=20

      This twitter thread has a helpful explanation of what probably happened. Highlight:

      “One former US elite gymnast I talked to said that if it was someone other than Simone Biles who had made that same error, they would have certainly blown a knee, at minimum. Another said if it had happened to her instead of Simone, “I probably would have ended up paralyzed.””

    10. She just needs to get off the cameras, go home for some therapy and ice cream, and move on with her life and let the attention be on the girls that CAN handle the pressure. It was a good career but it’s over and I’m not sure anyone really cares about her “mental health.” And BTW maybe work with some better PR people; even if USA gymnastics doesn’t provide them, there are all kinds of advisors etc that athletes hire. If this is something serious why not go in and say that in the press conference — lost my sense of balance in the air and it was an injury risk; instead of OMG MENTAL HEALTH, it’s not fun, blah blah. Even if she lost her sense of balance due to mental health, go with the physical symptom, better than “no fun anymore.”

      1. I don’t think its about handling the pressure, and I do think we care about her mental health. Personally I wasn’t interested in watching anyone break their neck on international TV.

        I do think that they should have phrased it better – mentioned “Lost Move Syndrome”, said she blacked out while in the air and it was dangerous, said she had a panic attack – something that highlighted the gravity of the situation. However, mental health is health, and you don’t have to hide it or be ashamed of it. Go read up on lost move syndrome – its a very real issue. And the examples upthread of racing and motorbiking and skiing and just more testaments to how risky this is.

      2. Yes this. Her whole presentation was like “oh wasn’t feeling it but it’s still awesome.” No adult in the room to advise her to say “I’m devastated to have had to pull out. I lost my air sense and nearly catastrophically crashed the vault. I knew I couldn’t continue without risking major injury and putting up terrible scores that would have hurt my team. I’m going home to take care of myself.”

        1. Yes, this. I’ve revised my take from yesterday, hearing about how dangerous the twisties can be. I would have been on her side from the get-go if that’s what had been described, instead of the comments and tone she did use.

      4. As a PR professional, I definitely agree she should have been advised to talk about the lost air awareness and the danger to her safety rather than that just vague mental health reasons, which many people will interpret as “I’m anxious and don’t want to compete.”

        2. Not the Anon above; however, you really need to hear what she’s saying.

          Anyone who is in the public eye as part of their job should have some passing familiarity with how to handle pressers – and I say this as someone who used to do so professionally. Here’s the template:
          1. Dry, clinical description of what happened;
          2. The potential downsides of her staying in competition;
          3. Her best wishes for Team USA and how devastating it is for everyone involved.

          It’s also important to NOT say things that can look just terrible as a pull quote, such as “it’s not fun anymore.”

      6. Piers Morgan agrees with you, so that’s the lovely company you’re keeping today.

        Another woman of color has enraged Piers for not behaving the way he believes they should behave.

    11. I think that she did the right thing given the risk of harming herself, and I don’t think she should be the object of derision for making that choice. At the same time, nor do I think this is an act of heroism in the cause of mental health, which is how some of the media commentary is painting it.

      Mostly, my prevailing emotion is that she is likely in a very difficult place personally, and I hope she has people that she knows love her as a person and not as a gymnast, because based on her press conference, that’s the support she needs right now.

      1. I like this task. It’s neither worthy of ridicule nor of adulation. It just is. I hope for the best for her in the future, whatever happens.

      3. 100% agreed.

        Of course people shouldn’t risk their safety for an Olympic medal. But I wish we would do more to admire the achievement of those who ARE able to accomplish much in the face of stress – like Sunisa Lee, who has repeatedly competed and persevered and succeeded under tremendous personal strain.

        1. But Simone has already accomplished much in the face of stress; she has shown that she’s able to do that. How should we respond when Sunisa Lee bows out someday?

    12. I don’t do gymnastics but when the gymnastic announcer gasped at Simone’s vault, I knew something had gone very wrong/ even dangerously wrong. If she hadn’t corrected to a 1 1/2 twist from the the planned 2 1/2 she could easily have broken her neck. The announcer, at the time and not in hindsight, said that Simone appeared to have lost her place in the air.

      Look at some of the videos today dissecting what went wrong. This is more than what some of you are dismissing as stress. She’s in a state of not knowing where she is during extremely dangerous moves. I don’t think any pro in gymnastics would even want her to compete under the circumstances.

      I also feel that all of the criticism of Simone is overshadowing the fact that the team won silver. They came in second place in the world in the olympics. That is nothing to sneeze at. We should be celebrating them!

  18. Does anyone have recs for a robot vacuum that vacuums in straight lines? IDK if any Roombas do that but my parents have one and it chaotically runs all over the house — it’s one of the lower end models so IDK if the ones with room mapping are better. I don’t care about the room mapping or not but I really want something that goes in lines even if it’s a different brand.

    2. My Roomba does straight lines. They will adjust to go around furniture and the edges of the room but the default is straight lines up and down like it’s mowing the lawn.

    3. our roomba runs in straight lines most of the time, but the lines crisscross the room chaotically. I might not really understand what you are asking for.

      1. She means instead of it bouncing around like pool balls, she wants it to work in neat overlapping rows from one side to the other.

    4. The more expensive roombas do that, but why do you want that? From what I understand, that’s a “feature” they added because people didn’t like seeing their roombas wandering all over but it doesn’t improve the cleaning at all. In fact, I suspect it makes it worse – my roomba might blow a dust bunny around for a moment but it usually comes back to that area and captures it later. To me, chaotic is just fine as long as it gets the job done!

    5. This is kind of a weird hangup to me but the 900 series roomba I have goes in straight lines more or less, unless it bumps into something it wasn’t expecting. Then it finishes the job by going around the edge of the room.

    6. Neato!! you want a neato! we have 2 and love them. They take a scan of the room and they basically do straight lines, not the random algorithm that has them cover it all. I love the fresh vacuum lines on the carpet.

    8. The Wyze robot vacuum does this! Straight lines and generally does the perimeter first. We love ours! I hated the randomness of the Roomba

  19. I’m so discouraged with COVID right now. One of my favorite things in the world is going to the gym and working out with my trainer. I have depression and anxiety and nothing is better for my mental health. But, transmission is high where I live.

    I am so frustrated. COVID feels a bit like a group project where some people (unvaccinated people who can be vaccinated but choose not to) are just having fun and not doing any work. I struggle with the thought that I should have to do more work (ie, go back to pre-vaccinated life) for people who have not been changing their behavior this whole time and are unlikely to do so now. I know it’s not that simple … it’s also to protect the immunocompromised and children. I try to keep that in mind when I get frustrated, but it’s hard.

    1. I feel you. My husband is the same re: mental health and exercise. I don’t know if this would work for you – it only worked for us because we had the space and the money, but we created the best we could home gym to mimic the real gym. Treadmill, spin bike, free weights, bench, yoga stuff…. we may even add an elliptical. We also got paddle boards and are likely getting kayaks too. It’s not the same, but for him, it’s better than trying to do Beach Body at home. He can at least still do the workouts he was doing with his trainer.

      1. Yes, I’ve done as much of this as I can. I live in a small apartment, so I don’t have much space but I do have a decent set of weights and subscriptions to peloton and obe. It’s what I’ve done for over a year now and it’s better than nothing but definitely not the same. I wish I had more space and didn’t have to worry about my neighbors.

    2. I agree, it’s so hard. But as an immunocompromised person, THANK YOU for including me and people like me in your considerations. I’m sure it feels like no one is grateful for the sacrifices you’re making at times – but I am and children are and families are. We will get through this!

      The group project analogy is so apt. I’ve never worked on a group project without at least one or two free-riders doing none of the work and wanting all of the credit.

    4. I have been really, really enjoying working out at the gym and now I will probably pull back from that as well. So disappointing. I really hate working out at home. For the first time, I am considering getting a Peloton bike.

      1. I’m the one above with the husband that needs the gym. He bought an Echelon from QVC (pre-pandemic, lucky decision). He’s used Pelotons before and was perfectly happy with this one. Much cheaper. It doesn’t come w/ a built in screen but it has a spot to clip your tablet in to accomplish the same thing.

    5. It feels like I’m back in elementary school, and having to stay inside during recess because some of the kids in my class couldn’t behave. It always sucks when the people who follow the rules are punished alongside the people who do whatever the heck they want.

    6. Try to find your sanity where you can. Weather permitting, outdoor gyms, or small training gyms with big open garage doors, and you and your trainer in a mask are pretty good options.

  20. Recommendations for design blogs? I follow emily henderson but looking for more ideas. TIA!

  21. I’m in therapy but I think what I need here is more work advice.

    I’m a consultant and I don’t like my job right now; I’m looking for another one. One of my major clients is led by someone who is new to their job & doesn’t know the company well yet, and tries to make up for her lack of knowledge by putting me down or publicly insinuating that things are my fault. It’s really fine, in the realm of normal client management, but every interaction with her just makes me blindingly angry. I usually don’t get angry about things at work at all, but I think what I’m finding infuriating now is that she is basically using me to try and make herself look good. I know that this is not uncommon, I know that this client has their own internal drama, it just makes me very angry.

    Any suggestions on letting go of my emotions around this? I think I have let it go but tbh every time I see a Slack from her it bubbles up again. And she is the type to go to my boss if I don’t reply in 2 hrs – even though in that case it was that she hadn’t seen my reply.

    My boss had asked if I was okay being heavily on this project or I wanted to dial down, and I had said I was okay, but maybe I’ll figure out a way to say I want to work on other things.

    2. I’m also a consultant (except I’m a sole practitioner) and I just want to commiserate with you. I had a recent project finish up a month late and at the contract max when they had anticipated the contract midpoint because THEY decided to go in a totally different direction midway through the project. Then they decided they needed to meet with me every week to “keep me on track” when it was their own poor decision making that caused the delay. SO FRUSTRATING. By the end of that job I got a feeling of dread every time I had to work on it or meet with the client. I was never happier than when I sent my final bill.

      I’m afraid this is just part of the job though, so if you’re considering a new job, maybe expand your thinking to whether you really want to be a consultant.

    3. Go back to your boss and ask if there’s any way that you can dial down on the project.

    4. Agree. Go back and talk to your boss. And be honest about your interactions with the client. As a former partner at a Big 4, I would not permit a client to bully a staff person, and have made changes to put a stop to that.

  22. Question for experienced lawyers that have left firms. I say experienced because I’m looking for advice from people that were running their own cases. Did you need to pay for tail coverage when you left your firm? My firm’s policy is apparently claims made and so if a claim is made against me after I leave I’m not covered. I have to find out if my new firm would have me covered in that scenario or if I need to get tail coverage. Old firm is already saying they won’t pay for tail coverage but that’s a whole other issue of them being petty I’m leaving. Like no joke, they asked for an ipad back I got in 2011 that is just a brick now. Luckily, I still have it.

    1. Never mind. I think I found my answer. Old firm should cover me under their regular coverage without needing tail.

    2. I’m corporate and have never heard of this. I suppose this would vary on whether malpractice claims are common at your firm, with your client base, etc. You might want to ask this on Fishbowl–you’ll get good responses there and it can be anonymous. GL!

    3. That depends on what state you live in. In California I did not because under California law my former employer is legally obligated to defend and indemnify me if I am sued for a tort committed in the course and scope of my employment. Add that to California’s very short SOL for legal malpractice and I never felt it was necessary. However, I would definitely look at the laws in your specific state.

      Also as a purely practical matter, plaintiff counsel wants insurance money. They do not want to chase your personal assets. And you can always point out to a former employer that a stipulated judgment or default would not be a great thing when they are responsible for your fault under respondent superior theory.

  23. Help, what should I get my Dad for his 65th birthday? He has no hobbies and hates stuff. My sister beat me to the punch of giving him portraits of my daughter (fair because her husband took them) so I can’t even give granddaughter photos. His birthday is in a week and a half.

      1. Yeah, this. Or just call and wish him a happy birthday. Or go visit him or bring in takeout from his favorite restaurant.

    2. My Dad’s love language is gifts so he cares a lot about the thought that goes into it. My father loved a NYTimes personalized book (with his name on it) that showed the first page of the newspaper on his birthday from the day he was born until the most recent birthday (probably previous year). He reminisced a lot. Other newspapers might have a similar product.

    3. Food, specifically snacks and baked goods. This is my answer for nearly every gift-giving occasion for my dad.

    4. Your sister may have portraits of your daughter but you have the actual daughter ;) Plan a day for you all to spend time together?

      1. Sisters are the best, but also the WORST at times lol. However, as pointed out above you have the actual daughter, so any contest is a no-contest with you as the winner every.single.time. Take that, sister with the photographer husband! Once I had my first baby any presents I could buy my dad were far outweighed by baby’s very existence. Maybe a game or something they can play together? Some kind of a book he can fill in memories for her? Honestly, if you are away together on his birthday I’d have her make him a picture if she’s arty and frame that and have her give it to him as your joint gift.

    7. Can’t go wrong with quality consumables. Chocolate, spice mixes for cooking or grilling, hot sauces, maybe a nice wine or bottle of whiskey if he’s into that. Also, if he does like to drink, Brumate products have been my go-to gifts for the past year, they keep drinks super cold even on a hot summer day.

    8. Lifetime seniors national parks pass. Baseball tickets. Tickets for other experience. Nice bottle of wine. Specialty splurge food item (nice chocolates, fancy nuts, etc.).

      Also agree your sister should have offered to go in together on the gift of pictures of YOUR daughter!

    9. Take him out for a father-daughter dinner or lunch or other outing that he would enjoy (sportsball game?).

  24. Suggestions for business casual zoom shirts? I’m thinking something in between a polo and a suit jacket. The female version of a buttoned down shirt (perhaps the answer really is, buttoned down shirt). Cardigans can look a little casual IMO. Something like a sweater jacket perhaps. Thanks!

      1. Oh those are beautiful earrings! Elegant and put together and…peaceful, if you will.
        Thanks about shell and cardigan. Maybe I’ll try matching instead of alternating colors. Looking for a slightly formal power boss look but without trying too hard like a blazer.

    2. Talbots carries a knit blazer. Super comfortable and looks dressy too. They change the styles and colours, but I have a beautiful teal one and a light blue ones from a year or two ago that I always get compliments on.

  25. i have sort of a unicorn position at work in that i have a part-time role that is actually part-time and am paid accordingly. my boss just announced that everyone can work from home one day per week when go back in-person, but that doesn’t apply to me since I only work 4 days a week. on the one hand, i get it and that people might already think i get special treatment…but on the other hand, my salary is prorated for the amount i work, so while i do work less than everyone else, i also get paid less than everyone else. i can’t decide if this is worth making an issue over? i would love to work from home one day a week, but don’t want to jeopardize my otherwise good gig. thoughts?

    1. I think this is extremely unfair and would push back. At a minimum, if it were pro-rated you should have 6.5 hours of WFH a week, so making you be in the office a full 5 days is unfair. Maybe you could offer to work slightly longer on the three days you’re in the office and then have a shorter WFH day?

    2. I would just flat out ask for a WFH day, unless your role needs to be fully in-person for some functional reason. Your comp addresses your PT status. If you raise the issue politely, I don’t see why that would jeopardize your gig.

      1. +1 As long as you’re willing to accept it if they say no, I don’t see the harm in asking.

    3. My office has the same policy, that only full time employees are eligible to work from home. I think the perception is that a part time worker already provides less sense of team and continuity, and WFH would reduce even more.

  26. On a Zoom call with a 30-something woman speaking with vocal fry and upspeak. It’s been a couple years since I’ve heard it and wow, I had forgotten how annoying it is.

    1. You may want to examine your unconscious biases. Studies show men do vocal fry more than women do, we just don’t recognize it as much because their natural register is lower to start with. Also I just read Nine Nasty Words by John McWhorter, a leading linguist. He pointed out that most of our changes in speech are picked up by women first – women started saying talks instead of talketh first. Maybe try to think of it as getting a preview into the next iteration of our always changing language and speech patterns?

      1. I don’t know…I find vocal fry very annoying. And I’ve heard both men and women do it.

      3. Agreed with 1:02…I think we all just need to collectively get over it. It registers as “annoying” because it’s been associated with women and is one of the million ways we (as a society) nitpick at *how* women say something in an effort to ignore *what* they’re saying. I’m not exempting myself from that critique, but now I’m more conscious of my knee-jerk reactions and believe it’s on me–and all of us–to correct our reactions rather than silently judging the speaker.

      4. Aaaaand there is the expected question mark at the end of a declarative sentence I knew would follow this comment. First response.

        1. This idea is probably going to be very uncomfortable for you, but the fact that you are so focused on not what women are saying, but how they’re saying it, speaks to you having a great deal of internalized misogyny and insecurity about your own personal presentation. If you were confident in your own accomplishments and truly interested in helping other women succeed, you would not be stuck on this issue like gum on a shoe.

          1. I focus on it because the presentation undermines what the woman is saying and I want the focus to be on what she is saying. The question mark indicates (reveals?) a lack of confidence. I would encourage you to evince the confidence you have or should have in your statements by simply using declarative punctuation.

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