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Updated: Jun 2, 2021 303 Comments · by

Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Colorblock Pleated Skirt

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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I’m so into this pink colorblock skirt from Club Monaco. Is it because it reminds me of Neapolitan ice cream? Maybe, but who cares.

I would style this with a white top and a cropped black blazer for a great work outfit, or a black tank and sandals for a fun weekend look.

The skirt is $179.50 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XXS–XL.

Ori has an option in plus sizes that comes in two color combinations for $74.

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anon

    What are your favorite products for oily skin? Suggestions for any type of product–sunscreen, makeup, primer, skin care, etc.–that will help my face look and feel less oily are welcome!

    • Anonymous

      Paula’s Choice RESIST Super-Light Daily Wrinkle Defense SPF 30 – it has something oil-absorbing in it and really cuts down how shiny I get. It has a slight tint, but it still probably won’t work for darker skin tones as it is mineral-based.

      Cetaphil daily face wash – normal-oily version

      Paula’s Choice BHA 2% lotion – I use the lotion because I find it much easier to apply than the liquid (messy) or gel (balls up) formulations, and it isn’t too moisturizing for my skin.

    • anomanomanom

      When I got serious about moisturizer and facial oils at night, my oily skin started behaving better. If you are not already doing that, while it seems counterintuitive, it can make a big difference.

      • kitten

        Same experience here. I basically treat my skin as if it’s dry with regards to my nighttime skincare. Daytime I’ll use a lighter moisturizer, like Peter Thomas Roth Water Drench. I’ll do an acid toner (Tarte Knockout or Dr. Gross pads) in the morning a couple times a week too.

    • Anonymous

      I like the Peter Thomas Roth Anti-Aging face wash, the acids clear my face. I also like light hyaluronic gels to moisturize, and mineral sunscreens.

    • NY CPA

      Moisturizer-wise, I like Neutogrena Hydroboost water-gel for summer and their gel-cream for winter. I also like Osea Blemish Balm.
      I recently started using Cetaphil Pro Oil Absorbing Moisturizer with SPF 30. I like it so far except the strong sunscreen smell. But so-far-so-good with it not affecting my oily skin!

      • NY CPA

        Also it’s kind of specific because it’s not widely available (I’ve only found a few places online that stock it), but I bought Environ Seubwash face wash when I went to a Canyon Ranch spa for a facial, and I really like it. Helps control the oil and avoids breakouts pretty well.

  2. In-House in Houston

    Hi Ladies, does anyone know of a resource I could use to help me understand all of options to get away from cable TV? We’re moving and we’re going to try to only use cable for internet service and want to try to save some money. I’ve heard that Roku is a good option and then just pay for one or two streaming services. We want local news, but other than that I think we can get away with streaming. I know there are so many options, looking for some advice. Thank you!

    • Cat

      We already did Netflix, Prime, Disney+ and Britbox (we pay for two of the four and other family members pay for the rest, we all share passwords, Britbox somewhat annoying as no separate profiles but whatever) so that gave us a head start.

      We switched to YouTube TV a few years ago because it includes local channels (sports and news) as well as the specific cable channels we wanted, and has unlimited DVR included.

      We are still relatively happy with the choice but casually in the market considering switching because (1) Roku and Google are currently in a fight over something and so no new YouTube TV accounts can be created for Roku devices at this time – leading me to wonder if it will continue to work even though we are ‘grandfathered’ in, and (2) YouTube TV keeps getting more expensive and adding channels as the justification… but it’s not channels we want or need and you can’t piecemeal it. HELLO that is the problem we were solving by ditching cable!

    • Anonanonanon2

      We’ve pulled the plug and have a Roku, but I’m kind of irritated because at this point with all of the streaming services continuing to splinter off from one another it’s not really that much cheaper than bundling cable with my internet. We have a roku stick plugged in and have Peacock, Hulu, Netflix, Amazon Prime, HBO Go, and Disney +. We have an HDTV antenna for local news stations and as a bonus we get SEVERAL public television stations on it

      • PolyD

        Ha, yeah, I still have regular cable and I think it’s reaching a point where to pay for all the services for everything I’d like to see, it would come close to cost of paying for cable.

    • Anon

      You just need a device like a Roku, Apple TV, or Amazon Fire Stick and then you can stream all the different services (Netflix, Amazon Prime, etc). I personally use the Amazon Fire Stick and find it really easy to use.

      • Senior Attorney

        Yup. And as Cat noted above, YouTubeTV is a good option for local TV stations as well as most of the cable stations you’ll probably want.

        And pro tip: When you go on vacation you can take your Fire Stick and power cord with you, plug ’em into the TV in the hotel or whatever, and you’ll have all your programs with you!

    • Anonymous

      Where we live, stand-alone internet is not much cheaper than cable TV + internet + IP phone. We ended up going back to cable when the streaming services started to become so fragmented that you couldn’t just get Hulu + Netflix and call it a day.

      • Anonymous

        +1. I don’t think the all the streaming services (looking at you, Discovery+, CNN+) realize that the more they do that, the more they’re sending people back to cable.

          • Anonymous

            We don’t have DVDs, but we’ve bought certain movies that we enjoy rewatching (like Hocus Pocus in the fall) since it’s so tiring to have a platform add and take away movies with no rhyme or reason.

          • Anon

            We have DVDs only at our beach house (no cable or internet) and honestly…it’s great.

        • Anon

          Yeah, we’ve already got Netflix, Hulu (without ads), Disney+ (my son is the only one who watches it), and HBO Max. That’s it; that’s all we’re subscribing to. No Peacock, no Discovery+, no whatever-else people come up with. It’s like news-site subscriptions: I’m not paying $100 a month to subscribe to the NYT, and the L.A. Times, and the Washington Post, and the New Yorker, and New York Magazine, and The Atlantic, etc. etc. etc. If there was one, $40-per-month all-access pass that would allow me access to all of those sites, I’d do that. It’s bad enough now that we have to pay subscription fees for software instead of buying it outright, like we used to. I hope some of these business mucky-mucks making the decisions will realize at some point that many Americans can, in fact, do basic math and figure out that multiple monthly subscriptions cost $$$ and it’s not worth it.

      • Anon

        Do you still subscribe to any streaming services? Because they have a lot of exclusive content you can’t watch on regular cable TV.

        • Anonymous

          Netflix comes with our cable subscription. We bought Disney Plus for the kids and that’s it.

    • AnonATL

      Unless you are in a super rural area, you can get quite a few channels with just a digital antenna, including local news. You can see what kind of content is available if go on tv guide’s website and filter by tv provider for your zipcode.
      We have a digital antenna for local stuff and abc, nbc, cbs, etc. We also have prime, netflix, and hulu. We don’t watch much on prime and I got hulu on super sale on black friday for a year.
      My in-laws have youtube tv which is cheaper than their old cable bill and they get pretty much all the same channels. You can also share accounts with multiple households.

    • KS IT Chick

      We cut the cord when we moved in March, 2020. We bought a Tableau, which is an over the air antenna and DVR system. We also have an Apple TV (similar to a Roku or Chromecast) that we use to get the streaming services we want. We bought a subscription to Disney+ that came in a bundle with Hulu.

    • Anon

      There are too many options and I’ve just given up. I don’t want to manage a ton of subscriptions, doubly so now that I’ve had yet another credit card terminated for fraud and yet the replacement has not shown up despite having to call a few times and having to program that in again so many places . . . stick a fork in me, I’m done. Happy to watch any true crime that is easy to find and even some YouTube things on my phone.

    • No Face

      I love my Roku. I pay for Netflix, HBO Max, and Hulu. I watch free stuff on Peacock.

      I think I will cancel HBO. I am reading more in the evenings instead of watching TV. The library has fully reopened and I usually get DVDs and video games from there too.

    • Anon

      I pay only for basic Hulu. Our internet package is a fortune (went up twenty bucks in February, and up another thirty this month) but we’re stuck due to lack of competition here in the boonies. I’m not about to shell out more for the junk on cable.

      We can get local news with the antenna inside our smart TV.

      • Anon

        I feel you! I have $100/month internet with no alternative and that’s for the lowest speed required to work remotely / stream video.

    • Anon

      I don’t think it’s the deal it might have been. We need cable for internet, and splitting off the TV part is little savings, and all the streaming services keep breaking off so you have to manage a zillion accounts and passwords (no, they don’t save like they should). We just stick w cable plus Netflix.

    • pugsnbourbon

      We have Netflix, Prime and Hulu. I was able to bundle Hulu with my Spotify Premium and got a pretty good deal. We just run it off an older laptop with an HDMI cable to the TV. I was concerned about losing local news, esp. with Midwestern weather, but it’s never been a problem. When there’s severe weather one of the local stations will stream radar coverage through their website.

    • Anon

      I guess I differ from most people here, because despite the cost of multiple streaming services, I would never go back to cable because there’s nothing to watch! What does cable have…reruns of CSI Miami? And there’s commericals!

      • Bonnie Kate

        I agree with you – when we’re staying in a hotel and have cable I literally don’t want to watch anything at all. After the first 10 minutes (when commercials are a novelty) I’m done.

    • Bonnie Kate

      We cut the cord a long time ago – 10 years I think? We haven’t missed it whatsoever. It was easier for us because we both enjoy reading our news much more, and we don’t watch sports.

      Right now we use Netflix ($15), Hulu No Ads ($14), Amazon Prime (included with our membership, but say $9), and my husband recently added Peacock Premium ($10, no ads). So we’re probably not saving money, but the experience is way different and works for us a lot better. After 10 years, I have zero patience for standard programming and want to watch what I want on my own timing without ads interrupting. The different streaming services splitting off from one another is very tiring and I generally have been against subscribing for any of the individual network services (like Peacock)….but DH wanted Peacock and I will say I’m super enjoying old Law and Orders.

      For local news, I agree with the advice that you’re probably best off with an antenna. Free outside of the equipment and there are good options out there.

      • Anon

        I also have no patience for cable’s format and timing. My husband is a blabbermouth, if I couldn’t pause and rewind all the shows he talks through, I’d end up in jail.

        • Anon

          Omg I think we are married to the same man. He drives me nuts. He has redeeming qualities as well but none of them appear when we are watching something together.

          He also looks at his phone half the time but then when something happens on the show/movie that captures his attention he wants the entire backstory from me. No.

    • Anonymous

      We have Roku and then we pay for Netflix, Amazon prime at the student rate, and BritBox temporarily. We also had Disney+ for a year but stopped it. Honestly we feel that we have more than enough choice of what to watch and we both find it more enjoyable to just limit TV overall. I can’t stand all the ads and I feel better and more refreshed with other activities in the evening. Haven’t had cable…ever and the only time I miss it is during the Olympics! I’m not sure I will even be watching those this year though because of the pandemic situation in Japan.

    • Anon

      We have a Roku and have switched base providers a lot. We did YouTube TV and Hulu and now are doing Sling. There are no long term commitments so if they jack up the price we just move.

      In addition to the base provider we have Netflix and Amazon prime. We had Disney plus for a while and I’m currently using a friend’s HBO because we wanted to watch a series together.

      It’s still tons cheaper than cable.

    • Doodles

      We cut the cord four years ago when we moved. We have an antenna for local news/sports (and Grey’s!). We pay for Netflix. We also have Amazon Prime because we use Amazon a ton and wanted prime shipping. There are a few good shows on Prime (plus tons of kids shows!) and, when we feel like a movie night, we end up renting a newer movie through Prime. We use a family member’s Disney+ for some kids content but our kid doesn’t get a ton of screen time. We have a Roku device for the Prime and Disney+. We also technically have Apple TV since it was free for one year with a new apple product purchase. But it’s been 3 months since this trial started and I haven’t even set up my account. We really don’t miss cable at all. We watch limited TV (for the adults, really only Grey’s and occasional binging of a few shows, and then some toddler shows). My advice would be to assess how much TV you actually watch before you go and spend money on 10 different streaming services.

      • Bonnie Kate

        Grey’s! :D I see you. Grey’s is one of the primary reasons cutting out Hulu isn’t an option for me.

    • Anan

      We have cable because my husband is a big sports fan and he hasn’t figured out an alternative. Wondering what other folks do?

      • Anon

        We are streaming only. My husband has a redwings or NHL subscription for streaming during the season, not sure which. We also have a base streaming TV provider (right now, Sling – has been HuluTV and YouTubeTV in the past) that has lots of channels, including local news, and he can usually get all of his motorsports from there, plus the occasional baseball game he’s interested in watching – he’s not an every game all season fan of baseball the way he is for hockey.

        MLB.com also sell subscriptions, but we don’t have one. Really I think we can get most everything through the base TV subscription without a lot of add-ons. Our add-ons are mostly so I can watch Netflix and HBO. Amazon prime TV comes with my annual prime subscription.

        I seriously can’t imagine going back to cable,

      • anon

        For local sports that air on a major network, HD antenna. For other sports, we use a family member’s YouTube TV password or another family member’s cable password. We do that rarely, though, and usually because one of those family members is at our house and wants to put on the game, golf match, etc.

    • Anony

      Late in the day at this point but if you see this, I’d recommend – Sling TV (for live cable channels) + an antenna (for local news, sports, etc. – I live in a rural state and manage to get 4 NBC channels, 3 ABC, 4 PBS, 4 CBS, 2 CW, and 2 Fox channels). Then add on whatever streaming services you want. I’ve had Sling since it’s inception and love it. I can record shows on their cloud DVR and we aren’t missing any of the channels we like. It’s $30 (I think) for a base package then I have a $5 add-on for Lifestyle because I need all 3 Hallmark channels in my life.

  3. Anonymous

    What are your favorite things to do and places to visit in New England?

    I know it’s a broad question :) My husband and I take a 10 day road trip through New England every August (but not last August). We do big things and small – Mount Washington, JFK library, Seven Gables, and a million little lobster pounds and ice cream shops and day hikes. We stay only a night or two in each place and then drive on somewhere else.

    What recommendations do you have? Do you know of an obscure little museum that we should definitely visit? A pretty lake with rental cottages? Small town festival? Hidden corner of Boston? Waterfall in a state park? Accepting all suggestions :)

    • anon

      Plymouth, VT, the birthplace of Calvin Coolidge. It’s a tiny town that was basically frozen in time in 1923, when Coolidge became president.

      • anon

        I’ll add Hope Cemetery in Barre, VT. A lot of stone cutters are buried there and their friends made them the most fantastic and wonderful tombstones.
        Quechee Gorge
        Cabot Creamery
        My grandmother was a Vermonter so knowledge is centered around her home.

        • Anonymous

          If you go to Littleton, NH, you can see a poignant horse cemetery (a small one) and then get a great lunch and beer at Schilling not too far away. New England cemeteries can be so moving.

    • NYCer

      Watch Hill / Westerly, RI is lovely and a bit more off the beaten path compared to Newport.

    • Anonymous

      Walking tour of Marblehead to admire the colonial architecture, watch the sailboats, and eat lobster rolls and ice cream.

    • Anon

      Shelburne, VT is outside of Burlington. It is a quaint little town, but has a cool museum, as well as a nice winery and brewery (I remember the brewery being called Fiddlehead and the winery was basically across the street), so you could do a lot in Burlington for a day or two and then spend a nice day in Shelburne. Generally, that area also has good hiking and kayaking. Stowe, VT is also beautiful.

      Other fun New England suggestions: the Berkshires, particularly Tanglewood for an outdoor summer concert; CT wine trail; Portsmouth, NH.

    • Trixie

      There is no where in the US that beats Provincetown, MA on Cape Cod for beauty, funk, charm, history, art, and dining. It will be hard to get a reservation, as the Cape is super busy this summer, but try for a weeknight. Go to a beach in the Cape national Seashore, a whale watch, dinner at The Red Inn, rent bikes and do the dune bike trails, and walk Commercial Street for galleries and shops. Very special.

      • Anon

        Camden, Castine, Vinalhaven, and Blue Hill all get my vote!

        Highly suggest a night in Castine and a walk through Witherle woods, a visit to the funky little Castine Museum, and then lunch at Bagaduce lunch.

        A hike up blue hill (bonus points if you read Blueberries for Sal) for gorgeous views.

    • Anon

      Tanglewood
      Kimball’s or Richardson’s for ice cream in the suburbs of Boston
      LA Burdick for chocolate
      Symphony Hall is gorgeous
      Arboretum
      Constitution Museum
      Battle Road Trail in Lexington
      Mystic, CT gets rave reviews

      I’m a fan of the Watch City Steampunk Festival, but that’s virtual in 2021.

    • AIMS

      The O’Neill Theater Center in Waterford, Ct. Lots of summer shows (some this summer, too, but TBD on the details).
      Ice cream at Drawbridge Ice Cream in Mystic nearby.
      Abbott’s Lobster for dinner.

    • AnonMPH

      Litchfield County CT is incredibly beautiful and quiet. Lots of quaint towns, and lakes.
      Peak’s Island just next to Portland Maine!

    • MJ

      Boston Atheneum Library just next to Beacon Hill is incredible, and there are a few other tiny, historical museums on Beacon Hill (Nichols House, Museum of African American History) that are only open certain days, but highly recommend–very historic.

      Also recommend you check out Yankee magazine online–they will have great road trip itineraries.

    • Anon.

      Berkshires, Litchfield Hills and the Maine coast are all beautiful.

      We really liked the area around Thomaston and St. George, ME, there is a restaurant called The Slipway by the harbor. Also, Marshall Point Lighthouse was seen in the movie “Forest Gump”.
      Camden Hills State Park has a great view on the harbor.
      In Connecticut, you could also stroll Yale’s campus in New Haven.

  4. no

    Anyone have experience with getting insurance on the marketplace? I just got the estimate for COBRA from my firm and it is even more ridiculous than I anticipated ($1000 for a single person). I found a plan for half that on the marketplace that includes 2 out of 3 of my regular doctors and even with the deductible is much cheaper than COBRA. I’m wondering if there is a catch somewhere that I’m missing?

    • Cat

      Everyone I know just relies on the ability to buy COBRA retroactively if needed (no one has gone more than 60 days between jobs).

      • Anon

        This. COBRA is your employer’s share plus yours plus 3% so it’s a last resort option to retro activate. Otherwise the marketplace will be cheaper or even buying direct from somewhere like Kaiser.

    • No Face

      Are you getting your own insurance for the long haul, or will you get insurance through another job soon? You can elect COBRA retroactively, so most people just hold off on medical treatment until they start their next job. If you have some sort of emergency treatment between jobs, then you can elect COBRA to cover it after the fact.

      • Vicky Austin

        Can one of you (No Face or Cat) point me to a resource or two about this? I have a friend who’s going to be between jobs and is absolutely tearing his hair out about what he’ll do for health insurance in between. I think knowing about this aspect of COBRA would really help him.

      • no

        I will not be getting insurance through a job for the foreseeable future and I have regular month prescriptions that I need access to and refills for.

        • AnonMom

          Admittedly I am not in the loop on how the health insurance marketplace works these days, but COBRA seems like the most expensive way possible to get prescription coverage. Have you looked into other options? Or even explored the out-of-pocket cost for your prescriptions without coverage?

        • Cornellian

          I would probably go straight to the marketplace, then. It won’t be cheap, but it probably won’t be 1000/month, either. COBRA is really for gap coverage.

        • No Face

          Do you belong to any professional associations? My state bar has its own insurance marketplace in addition to the ACA one.

      • Anonymous

        One important caution about cobra is that if you’re going to do it retroactively and something happened where you were in the hospital and couldn’t sign up in that 60 days, that would be a very expensive mistake. Especially with Covid right now, you may want to designate somebody to apply for cobra on your behalf if something happened to you.

    • Digby

      No direct experience with marketplace plans, but a few things I would check to increase my comfort level: Is the marketplace insurer one you’ve heard of, and has it been in business for a while? Are those two doctors accepting “new” patients in the marketplace plan? If you take any prescriptions, are they covered in the new plan, and on what tier/at what copay (preferred, non-preferred, formulary, etc.)? Does the plan have out-of-network coverage so if you want to go to a specialist/hospital out of state, you still have some coverage? Is the hospital/provider network you prefer in-network for the new plan?

    • Curious

      I had health insurance on the marketplace for a while a few years ago and it was great. For me the experience was no different than having an employer plan and quite freeing.

      • Curious

        To add: I got a Blue Cross plan, so it was a reputable insurer in my home state.

      • HW

        +1 I had insurance through the marketplace after seeing how expensive COBRA was, and it was great.

    • Anon

      Is your friend leaving his job voluntarily or being forced out? If it is the latter, his full COBRA cost through 9/30/2021 may be zero because of the American Rescue Plan Act of 2021.

    • Anon

      The marketplace is going to be more expensive than COBRA for the same type of place, most likely. Healthcare is expensive!! I don’t even want to tell you how much I’m paying but it’s more than COBRA for less coverage.

    • white pants

      I have been on a Marketplace plan for many years (?7), and know the system well. I also had COBRA for an extended period, before the Marketplace plans were available. Obamacare is definitely much cheaper than Cobra. The only reason I would ever consider keeping Cobra would be if you require complex medical care that costs a lot of $$ and must keep going to the same doctors and the Marketplace plans weren’t accepted by those doctors… and you had tons of disposable $$ to pay the high COBRA premium.

      The Marketplace plans depend a lot on where you live and how old you are. Marketplace plans get very very expensive the older you are, and in many cities/states, you have much less choice of providers who will accept the plans. But they are usually always cheaper than Cobra. Careful though, as they Marketplace plans can have crazy high deductibles. Also, often the drug plans can be terrible (especially if you don’t have a subsidized plan) with extremely high co-pays if you need any brand name medications or newer/specialty drugs. If you are healthy, cross your fingers…

      I am middle aged, and pay ~$635 per month premium for the cheapest Bronze BLueCross BlueShield PPO plan in Chicagoland and I don’t have any of the hospitals I like that will accept my plan. My deductible is $7000. My Drug coverage is terrible, and fortunately I am not taking any meds right now. If I even step into an ER, I pay $1000 co-pay that is separate from my deductible. My income is often quite low, so I do get some tax credit back on my premiums at the end of the year based on how much I made that year.

      • Anon

        It hasn’t been my experience at all that Marketplace plans are cheaper than COBRA for similar coverage plans. Unless you qualify for an ACA subsidy or are very young, dollar for dollar they’re going to the same to slightly higher than most COBRA premiums, which are the total employer cost for an individual employee’s group healthcare. There is no group discount on COBRA.

        • White pants

          Health insurance plans vary wildly from company to company so your specific situation may differ. Also it depends whether you are talking about the gold cadillac Marketplace plans which are more expensive vs a more affordable Bronze plan. Most of the time you can’t find a truly comparable plan on the Marketplace if you have great work insurance. But most who post on this board would not get a gold plan and would choose a more frugal option unless they had complicated health needs. Cobra or gold marketplace plans just aren’t affordable for many middle class folks. If you are a lawyer making 200k, then yes you can afford cobra and might choose it. But as I stated, the costs vary dramatically depending upon where you live and your age. And generally what I said is correct in most locations. I work in healthcare and for years volunteered helping uninsured folks sign up for Obamacare.

  5. Anon

    Advice on being a good team player now that we’ll likely be hybrid workers for a while? I support a team in City A, where I used to live. I got the assignment in part because they needed support in my area and because I was in City A frequently for work and just to catch up with friends / family members in the area. This past year and change, I feel like we struggled to just keep our heads above water. I like City A and now that I’m vaccinated, plan to resume at least every-other-month travel there, probably in September. But when I am there, 1/3 of the team may be remote on any given day. Some people have moved on and the new people may not have even met people in City A, let along remote supports like me. How do I catch up better that I used to do via lunches / happy hour get-togethers with people I haven’t seen in quite some time and may not see for a while? Zoom happy hours don’t get the job done, but what does?

    • Anon

      Set up lunches, coffees and dinners when you’re there. Tell people when you’ll be in so they can plan to be in, too. Consider organizing a HH.

      • Cat

        Yes, this. With enough advance notice, people could plan to be in the office or to join a lunch outing.

      • anon

        Lunches and coffee are fine, but i hate it that i have to socialize after work too so hard no for dinners.

        • Anonymous

          +1. Don’t socialize after work as a rule. It makes for a really long day and will exclude people who have childcare or bad commutes or other obligations. I’m 10 times more likely to go to a lunch than a dinner.

          • No Face

            I don’t think it can be a rule, because people have different needs and preferences. A better rule is to be open to socializing at different times to accommodate different needs.

            I have young children, but I love happy hours after work!

          • Anonymous

            I meant as a general rule, obviously not law. In my office, attendance at after-work events (pre-pandemic) was in the tank, but schedule a lunch or better yet, a birthday cake meeting and attendance was 100%. That’s in a diverse office with ages ranging from 22-70, some people with kids, some people living nearby and others 90 mins away, etc.

      • No Face

        Exactly. Email the group and say, “I will be City A on [dates]. Let me know if you are free for coffee, lunch, or happy hour and we can catch up.” You will probably have many takers.

    • Anin

      I have direct reports and peers spread across 35 countries. Whenever I know I will be in country/city where they are based, I give heads up asap, so that they can plan in-office day We usually have a long morning group coffee, then work, lunch, coffee #3-5. I don’t plan dinners for the reasons mentioned above – people having other commitments and I also want to catch up with my friends/family in that location (if I do have any in that location). Other than this, I keep regular virtual 1:1 coffees with my broader team (weekly with direct reports, monthly with others), plus every 2 weeks one-hour coffee with all direct reports (no work topics allowed, this is our time to connect as human beings). Some times, we use this 1hr to do team activities – cooking or baking together (kids invited), playing online game, sharing some best practice/skills. It helps us stay connected even though some of them have never met in “real” life (travel ban, covid…).

      • Anonymous

        I hear you, but that is a lot of coffees. How long do you schedule for those? I get that they are to replace ad hoc interactions and maybe needing to catch up, but that could be a lot of interactions sapping mutual productivity due to task switching. 15 minutes? Even half an hour seems too long.

      • Anonymous

        I agree with the commenter. I can’t imagine doing coffees every two weeks for an hour with all of my direct reports, particularly on non-work topics. Wowza. Consider whether this is productive for them.

        • Anin

          Let me clarify:
          * weekly 1:1 with each direct report. I have 4 now, but most of them are new to company or role, so frequency is key here to make sure they have a place to ask anything
          * monthly 1:1 coffee with key stakeholders/peers, these are 20-30mins, no business, unless we need to vent/complain, I have these with 15 people
          * bi-weekly non-working team coffee, so me & direct reports all in one call, 1hr
          The 1hr team call is actually what my team asked for. Remember we have zero chance to interact naturally, as each of us sits in different country and also, we like each other :)

  6. Anon

    I feel like this skirt needs to be longer or worn with flats or something different than the shoes it is pictured with.

    • Cat

      Those shoes remind me of what I wore to middle school ‘fancy’ events like bat mitzvahs. The straps, the thick heel, the square toe… nope.

    • NY CPA

      While I dont like the shoes shown, midi skirts make me look stumpy and midi skirts with flats look even worse.

  7. Michigan recs

    Posting again since I just received one (very helpful) response yesterday afternoon. Any recommendations on things to see/do/eat in and around Grand Rapids. My first visit ever to Michigan. Will have a car.

    • Mathy

      I think I saw a rec for Meijer Gardens yesterday – yes, do this.

      The Grand Rapids Children’s Museum is very cute if you’re traveling with kids. The Grand Rapids Art Museum is lovely, too. I haven’t been to the Urban Institute for Contemporary Arts but have heard great things. If you like beer, you’ll like the Founders Tap Room. There are tons of good breweries but I like Founders the best. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Yesterdog – it’s a dive bar with hot dogs, a local legend type place. When I was MOH in my best friend’s wedding we went there between the ceremony and reception for a snack and got some great pictures. My GR-native friends crave it.

      If you’re up for a little drive, both Grand Haven and Holland are cute. Grand Haven is a nice beach town. I love Holland’s little downtown strip, and The Windmill has amazing cinnamon rolls and omelettes (no reservations and cash only, from what I remember). Holland has a cute tulip festival in early May but they may still have the big flower displays which are nice.

    • Anonymous

      I enjoyed the Grand Rapids Art Museum when I was there a few years back. Also walking along the river.

    • AnonMom

      How long are you here? And when is your trip? Grand Rapids is an easy day trip away from Lake Michigan and the beaches are lovely (although the water is a bit chilly this time of year). The pandemic has messed with scheduling, but there are festivals throughout the summer, lots of art-related events, outdoor concerts, craft breweries, and a great restaurant scene. Hiking, canoeing, themed walking tours, or even just driving around the greater area is really pretty this time of year.

      • OP

        Unfortunately it is a short trip: next weekend Thursday to Monday. Definitely planning to go to lake, staying in South Haven a night.

    • Anon

      If you drink coffee, make sure to try Madcap while you’re in town. Last time I was there I had uniquely memorable single origin espresso, and a lot of good coffee in general.

    • A

      I second (third?) the recommendation for Meijer Gardens, and the art museum and public museum are both good for indoor activities. For food, Terra, Electric Cheetah, HopCat and Green Well are a few of my favorites. Definitely Madcap for coffee. Gaslight Village in East Grand Rapids has good shopping and restaurants, plus Reeds Lake, which is a pleasant place to hang out.

      Have fun! I have lived in GR for nine years and it has gotten way better in that time. :)

  8. Trixie

    Any advice in regards to bed pillows? Wirecutter recommends two that are about $80., and Homegoods has lots of choices for 2 packs around $25-40 dollars. Our pillows are old and discolored and I don’t even want to think about the dust mites. Do people still buy down? What about down alternatives, or shredded foam? No allergies to worry about. Thanks!

    • Ribena

      Buy from a hotel supply store! I just got two new pillows from one here in the U.K. and they are incredible and only £10 each

    • FFS

      I recently recommended this, but I love the Ultimate Comfort Fit from Sleep Number. They might have been the Wirecutter luxury pick last year when we got them. They’re ridiculously expensive ($129, buy one get half off right now) but they are truly amazing. The first couple weeks I was like “these are fine, I probably overpaid” but we’ve had a year+ now of no pain, no adjusting in the middle of the night, just a supreme pillow.

    • NY CPA

      I like down pillows, hate down alternative/shredded foam, but recently got an alpaca pillow and love it!

    • Anonymous

      It’s been a while but I have had good luck with down and feather combo pillows from IKEA – the more expensive ones. Pure down tends to be extremely soft and squishy. A feather core gives you more support.

    • Senior Attorney

      Hubby and I have the Wirecutter picks and love them. They have been worth the money for us.

    • Anon

      I buy the oxygen pillow. It’s expensive but makes a huge difference. My husband and I were measured in person for ours (pre pandemic) at European Sleepworks in Berkeley.

  9. Anonymous

    Good Morning All! If you are looking for some light reading and/or doc review, check out the
    the Fauci FOIA emails.

    If you are actually busy here’s some highlights:
    – He had some urgent, time sensitive discussions about gain of function.
    – Told colleagues retail masks don’t work due to size of virus. [told ya so!]
    – Ignored scientist who told him China was lying about virus and data.
    – Was well aware of possible lab leak.

    • Anonymous

      I’m sensing a conspiratorial tone, but yeah, the truth is that a lab leak was never an impossibility. Lab leaks happen with stunning frequency and many who work in pandemic response and emergency preparedness lose sleep at night over the thought of accidental releases of dangerous pathogens. I’m personally more alarmed at how Facebook censored posts about the lab leak theory as “disinformation.” It’s anti-democratic for one platform to decide what is or isn’t true – especially one that has abused that power like Facebook.

      • Anonymous

        yes, the emails from zuck to Fauci are pretty damning w/r/t fbook being a publisher.

      • Anon

        Yeah, except a lot of the Facebook posts about lab leaks were fomenting violence against Asian Americans.

        • Anonymous

          I don’t think that’s true, but if you have evidence otherwise, please share it. I think we need a high bar for what “incitement to violence” really means. It’s not “hey guys, I think there’s a possibility of a lab leak.” I’m not discounting the violence against Asian-Americans that did occur in 2020 (and continues now), but I can’t accept on face value that posts about lab leaks CAUSED it. Men who commit violence are responsible for their own violence, not the female scientists like Alina Chan who spread the word about the possible lab leaks early on.

          • Anon

            Lol, yeah I’ll be digging up evidence for you random Internet commenter. I care that much. My evidence is a bunch of subtly racist posts by every guy I went to high school with. Maybe I misphrased it – but a lot of these posts were designed to gin up a lot of blame against China which then evolves into anti-Asian racism.

          • Anon

            “Lol, yeah I’ll be digging up evidence for you random Internet commenter. I care that much. My evidence is a bunch of subtly racist posts by every guy I went to high school with.”

            With all due respect, you’re in the wrong place if you expect that you can post sweeping claims without providing evidence to back them up, or use anecdata from your own experience to make a point. The audience of this board has always leaned heavily toward people with critical/analytical styles, which is to be expected given there are a lot of lawyers and scientific professionals here. If you’re going to take challenges to your arguments personally and react defensively, you may want to rethink what you’re posting.

            I’m thinking you’re also the poster who keeps continually commenting about “male violence” and trying to rally people to some kind of “All Men are B*stards” cause. If so, you’ve been doing that for quite some time, with limited results. I think if that was going to work, it would have worked by now. Worth contemplating that maybe you’re speaking to an unreceptive audience, and if you are trying to rally people, you might choose a different venue for your messages.

      • Anon

        Yeah slow your roll, Facebook is not part of the government. Surely you understand that.

    • Anonymous

      Yeah, so weird about how mask recommendations changed in response to evolving science.

      Oh wait, it’s not actually surprising. That’s exactly how science works throughout the world. Public health recommendations are updated.

      And does it really f’ing matter if it was an accidental lab leak in China or the original food market theory. Who cares? This did tons of damage in China too. They were not immune.

      • No Face

        Um, no “the scientists” must be 100% correct about a brand new virus immediately and if there were any errors, then they cannot be trusted at all. The only one to trust is the reality TV star president who said we should put bleach and sunlight into our bodies. [/sarcasm]

        • Anonymous

          he was right about UV rays killing the virus and about the hcq… so, what’s your point?

          • LaurenB

            Huh? Every health professional worth his or her salt groaned when you-know-who talked about hydrochloroquine, as they all knew already it was a drug that had specific uses but specific significant side effects. Or are you trying to say you-know-who had magical divining powers of science?

      • Anon

        No, it does matter. There is a lot of debate in the public health and research world about the ethics of working with dangerous pathogens, especially in densely populated cities and especially with pathogens that could be used as bioweapons. We do need to talk about that.

        • Anon

          Thank you. It also matters in terms of accountability. A pandemic is usually considered an act of God; something that just happens, something that is not preventable, and something that will happen every so often because we live in an imperfect world. Creating a bioweapon that accidentally gets loose is not the same thing.

          • Anonymous

            Agreed. This is an incredibly important subject and principles of freedom of information, transparency, and international cooperation all HAVE to apply.

        • Anon

          I don’t think it matters directly a whole lot to the general public, but scientists and policy-makers certainly need to know what happened to take steps to avoid it happening again (and that does matter to the general public in a democratic society, as the public chooses the policy-makers). And it matters a whole, whole lot that this information was suppressed in a supposedly free society.

        • anon

          Yes. I am not a conspiracy person or an anti-masker or an anti-Fauci-er, but we need to understand to the best of our ability how this started and if there are things we can do to prevent it. Because millions of people are dead.

          • Anon

            Exactly. It’s truly deadly serious that we know how and why this happened and how it can be prevented in the future. It’s important for public health, science, national security, democratic principles, and so much more.

      • anonshmanon

        Right. The smoking-gun email dismissing the usefulness of masks is from Feb 2020. That’s what they assumed then so that’s what you find in Fauci’s email from that time. Duh.

        • down with fauci

          That’s what they assumed then, and it is STILL unproven that masks are protective or effective at stopping the spread of covid.

      • Anon

        Don’t miss the Wired article on why they thought the virus wasn’t airborne.

        • Anon

          Then maybe offer the credit next time instead of trying to get feel-good kudos for looking sooo smart. Ripping off other people’s ideas and passing them off as your own is a bad look. Especially when you get busted for it, like you just did here.

          • Anonymous

            sorry i can’t tell what you are saying from behind your double masks?

          • anon

            OMG hilarious joke about double masking having something to do with reading comprehension! That totally makes a ton of sense and is insanely funny!! You shouldn’t need to rip off other people’s work with such a big brain.

    • Anon

      Again, the virus cannot fly around by itself. It attaches to respiratory droplets, which are large enough to be filtered by masks. Science evolves as we learn. It’s not a bible. Science is a process.

    • Bay of Pigs

      I am tired of the Fauci cult. He has flip flopped on many things, and no, not necessarily b/c the science changed. Because he knows his audience and loves the spotlight. He also lied to Congress. (And for the record, no I’m neither anti-vaxx nor anti-mask.) Just tired of people breathlessly quoting him.

      • Anon

        Who exactly is doing so in June 2021 anyway? The zeitgeist has moved on. You and OP need a better hobby.

      • Anonymous

        I think we do have to acknowledge that hero-worship in science is a dangerous thing. He’s not infallible or free of negative influences, just like none of us are.

        • Anon

          Yeah I see your point, but we also have to be mindful that smart, competent public servants are going to bow out of the public sphere if they are continually subjected to abuse. We needed Dr. Fauci. He’s not perfect, but he’s pretty d amn good. Realistically, he knew more than pretty much anybody else – he’s dedicated his life to this.

          • Anonymous

            Oh yeah, I would NEVER defend abuse of public servants. There was just a great article in Kaiser Health News recently about the incredible abuse heaped on public health workers a few counties over from me and it was staggering and sickening. Abuse is a very different thing from thoughtful criticism, reflection, and calls for evidence. To be honest, I was hero-worshipping Fauci a bit myself in the first days of the pandemic, but I grew increasingly unsettled as I heard his statements about how “masks don’t work” at the same time he and others urged for masks to be saved for health care workers. That burst my bubble a bit.

    • notanon

      Ugh, this troll is back again?!!? Please do not feed this person. They are just trying to get a rise.

  10. Elle

    I’m coming up on a big personal milestone and I would like to buy myself a present. I’m strongly leaning towards a Diamond solitaire necklace. Those of you who have you that you like – what carat weight do you have? I feel like a whole carat might look too large? I’m unsure

    • Cat

      I think you need to try them on and see. A carat is a nice, noticeable size, not too big IMHO, but if you have a slight build something smaller could be prettier on you.

      You could always go to a Nordstrom or similar and look at the solitaire CZs they have in the costume jewelry department as a low-intensity way to see what the size actually looks like on you. Also helpful for figuring out preferred chain length.

    • Anon

      I recently bought myself a .7 carat diamond solitaire necklace to celebrate a new job/big raise. It’s in a bezel set. I think it’s a great size for every day wear. It actually seems bigger than what I was expecting, so a carat could be a big much for every day wear. Definitely try some on to get a feel for size. I ordered mine from Blue Nile and am really pleased.

    • Anon

      I bought myself a .1 carat necklace on a 16 in chain last month as a reward for surviving the last 15 months working in public health emergency preparedness/response. I knew it’d be small but it’s smaller than I thought and I’m kind of disappointed. But, I work in local government so that’s all I can afford!

    • anon

      +1 on the suggestion to get a CZ and try out different weights and chain lengths to see what works for you. In addition to factors like carat weight and the actual physical ‘spread’ or diameter of your stone, the visual impact of your pendant will also depend on the type of setting you choose – bezel, prong, or something a little more ornate. I’d try on different types of designs as well as different carat weights, and see what makes you happy.

      I have a diamond solitaire pendant, by a NY-based designer named Satomi Kawakita, that I wear all the time. The stone is ~3.5mm in diameter, and it’s bead-set in a hexagonal gold setting that frames the stone, almost like a bezel. Because of the hexagonal frame, it looks a little larger than its weight (0.16 carats according to the designer’s website), but it’s not so large that I can’t wear it everyday. I’m a small person (5 ft, slight frame), and I think this is a good size for me. I tried on larger stones and they felt more like ‘special occasion’ pieces on me.

    • LaurenB

      I have one that is a little bit less than 1 carat in a drop necklace – it was from an engagement ring of a family member that the person had set into a solitaire for me for my 21st birthday. I’m 5’4″, average build, and it doesn’t look too big.

  11. ATL

    I got dressed this morning in pants, a silky-ish tank and a thin cardigan sweater and it was SO EASY and good for fluctuating temperatures that I think I might make this my default option for work clothes for spring/summer.

    Where are you buying “shells” and cardigans now that are modern-feeling and also feel young? I’m in my 30s so a twinset-type shell feels stuffy and old. My current one is from ASOS but is not quite work-appropriate without the sweater. My cardi is like a knee-length v neck one, very fine knit.

    Thoughts?

    • Anonymous

      I have to watch budget. I’ve gotten a ton of mileage from Vince Camuto satin tops (I just stay away from any crazy patterns or colors.) They wash like a dream.

    • Anon

      I stopped wearing cardigans, honestly. I just feel like they’re frumpy and I’m the same age as you. I wear tops and dresses with sleeves if I want coverage or it’s cold out.

    • Anonymous

      I find Talbots can be good for longer cardigans. I have a couple that feel great and wear like iron through the washer and dryer. I don’t like their charming cardigans and are shorter.

    • Anin

      I gave up. I was so frustrated with the quality of cut and materials for the prices and general frumpiness of fashion brands in the past 2-3y, that I bough a sewing machine, learned to sew and now I make my own tops. I have cuts I like, materials I like, colors/patterns I like. I used some of my favorite tops as a pattern and basically just recreated them in variations of fabrics/colors. I would consider bringing tops you like to a seamstress and explain what you want. Will not be cheap, but at least you will get exactly what you want.

      • Agurk

        I have done the same thing! Also this way I get natural materials. Do you have any favorite patterns for work tops?

        • Anin

          I have one favorite top from Banana Republic from few years ago, boxy sleeves top with vertical scallop fringe (?), sounds weird, but it looks great with trousers & jacket combo. I replicated some Massimo Dutti dresses and jackets (bought few years back) and one easy coat (I spilled my original one with protein shake and haven’t noticed, long story). Now working on a dress from Vogue patterns (V1671). I also check on youtube new Burda and Patrones magazines (there are people who flip through them in video and comment) and then buy the specific patterns only (I can’t deal with tracing patterns from magazines). And yes – having the luxury to sew from only natural, breathable fibers is the biggest perk to this.

    • Anon

      I mean, I’ve been wearing cardigans since I was a late teen. They’re perfect for everything. I prefer cardigans without buttons. Styles come and go but my longest lasting ones are from Eileen Fisher in beautiful natural fibers.

      • Anon

        pS I don’t care about “frumpy” – it seems to connote one or both of two things – old, and/or not attractive to men. I think we should be less fixated on those things. As in zero fixated.

    • Anon

      J. Crew Factory, Old Navy, Brooks Brothers. I want cardigans that are not long and not cropped for this look. I don’t think it’s the most fashionable look, but as you said, it’s very functional.

    • Anonymous

      Yep – this is my work uniform as well. So easy and so comfortable. Not the height of fashion but it’s a workable formula — just like men have with their work uniforms. I have cardigans, jardigans and tops from a variety of places but I’m partial to the Rowling top from M.M. LaFleur. I have decision fatigue right now—upper management. I used to care a great deal about clothes but now I’m at the point that I want a uniform.

    • Elderlyunicorn

      Have you looked at The Reset? I haven’t bought anything, but am always tempted. Their capsules look gorgeous.

      • Anon

        wow. I’m not OP but I looked at that and wanted everything. Then I realized it’s because they’re all my colors. If you are a soft summer, you’re in luck here.

  12. Asheville, NC

    I will be taking a trip to Asheville, NC at the end of June. I would appreciate recommendations for specific hikes that will not be crowded (we are experienced hikers with little patience for clogged trails), outdoor dining and breweries, possible places to swim, things to do and see in the area. Also, I have looked at the weather stats, but actual experience around the end of June would be helpful. Any other suggestions are also welcome. Thank you for sharing.

    • test run

      The Mt. Mitchell trail is not busy but it’s miserable (I’m also an experienced hiker and it’s just a slog with minimal view at the top crowded with people who drive up). Would recommend the Wildcat Rock Trail instead. Outdoor dining/breweries: all souls pizza, burial, chestnut. You can raft/canoe/tube/kayak down the french broad river – we’ve booked rentals through asheville outdoor co. and they were great.

    • Cat

      Won’t help with hiking, but blogger Christina at Carolina Charm goes to Asheville a ton, and a bunch of posts with recommendations will pop up if you search her blog.

    • Elle

      Two hikes I’ve loved recently. The DuPont waterfall trail can get a little crowded but not packed and I think it’s stunning. The looking glass rock trail had a beautiful view at the top and was nearly empty when I went. It’s also close to sliding rock which is a natural water slide (unsure if it’s open due to covid) and dolly’s dairy bar for great ice cream.

      https://www.romanticasheville.com/dupont_waterfalls_trail

      https://www.alltrails.com/trail/us/north-carolina/looking-glass-rock-trail

      • Elle

        I love tubing down the French broad river with zen tubing. You can stop at some of the breweries as you cruise down the river. If you’re interested in white water rafting the nantahala outdoor center is a great experience.

        All the breweries are great. I love Hillman and Greenman’s beer the most but in terms of cool spots I think New Belgium, Wicked Weed, and Sierra Nevada are all good options. I HIGHLY recommend you either book a table or go have a cocktail at sunset on the sunset terrace at the Grove Park. In my opinion it’s the best view of the mountains you’ll get.

    • Greensleeves

      I’m jealous, because Asheville is one of my favorite places to visit! Our favorite breweries are Burial, Wicked Weed, the Funkatorium, Bhramari (delicious burgers), and One World (hidden in a basement and accessed from an alley, but worth finding). If you like cider at all, try Urban Orchard Cider too. I’m not generally a huge fan of cider, as I prefer wine or beer, but theirs were delicious. Check out Ginger’s Revenge for alcoholic ginger beer – it’s near one of the French Broad Chocolate locations, which is also a must visit. I also recommend visiting the River Arts District. There are tons of galleries and art shops to see. If you haven’t seen the Biltmore house, it’s worth a stop. We’ve seen the house, but always get a ticket to enjoy the Estate grounds one day. We love to wander through the gardens, grab lunch at the pub, and visit the winery. Enjoy!

    • LizzieB

      I’m originally from Asheville and now visit regularly. You’ve gotten a lot of great suggestions already. I second French Broad Chocolate and recommend breakfast or brunch at Early Girl Eatery, lunch at White Duck Taco, which has locations downtown and in the River Arts District, and dinner at Curate or the Admiral. As far as hiking, my favorite trail is the Looking Glass Falls hike mentioned above. The views are spectacular and it isn’t usually too crowded.

    • Asheville, NC

      Thanks to all for your suggestions. My trip will be enhanced by the collective wisdom so generously shared.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      It’s about an hour from Asheville so might be further than you want to drive, but if you have any interest in wildlife, Cataloochee Valley is a good place to see elk. It’s technically part of Great Smoky Mountains National Park, but it doesn’t connect to the main roads in the park, so it’s not quite as busy. Fair warning, the drive in is slightly terrifying (windy, mostly dirt, not really two lanes but you will meet giant RVs coming in the opposite direction so trying to get past them is fun).

  13. Anonymous

    Graduated law school 15 years ago and since then have always had jobs that are lockstep/set salary – biglaw, gov’t etc. Currently in gov’t now and looking to move on but I don’t have to move so I’m looking for the right next step. I’m at the top end of the government salary at a financial regulator and recently have interviewed for 2 in house roles both of which paid less — one by 50k (a job that was more junior than the posting suggested) and one by 25k (a smaller company). While I’m not unwilling to take say a 5-15k pay cut if something was a dream job, I’m also not looking to take 25k-50k pay cuts either. Recently 2 mentors asked how the search process was going and I was honest — the jobs were good but ultimately weren’t going to be able to bring the salaries up to where I’m at and I’m not taking a 25-50k cut. Both mentors seemed somewhat surprised or maybe even “offended.”

    Is this a thing if a woman says she wants to make more money? Or is it offensive if a single woman says it? Because I’ve always heard guys say oh yeah got to leave gov’t — I have kids now, we need to buy a house, whatever; it’s a very standard reason people leave. Granted they were guys with wives/kids but I can’t imagine if a single guy said the same, someone would be like — oh please you’re single how much money do you need. Instead I feel like people would be like oh he’s always jetting around, he takes pilot lessons blah blah, he needs to make more $$. In my case one mentor was fairly sarcastic/bordering on rude — oh you want to leave government AND make more money (she is the type who lives to work and feels fortunate that her employer wants her so any hours, any pay should be just fine). The other who is a biglaw partner making millions was kind of like — how much do you realy need. I mean of course she makes millions but oh she has kids, a stay home husband, a $2 million house. I was left kind of being like I want to be paid fairly for my experience, whether I need every $ of it or invest every $ of it is my business. Have people experienced this? From other women? Is this a thing people say about women wanting to make money?

    • Cat

      Mentor #1 sounds confused – isn’t government’s reputation that it pays less than a comparable role at a for-profit enterprise?

      Mentor #2 sounds obnoxious.

      I don’t think this is a “thing,” just a weird experience for you.

      • Anonymous

        Mentor 2 sounds like an obnoxious threatened biglaw partner — well I NEED the $$$ but I don’t want YOU in the same echelon as me. Which you may not be as inhouse vs. biglaw but who knows maybe you become a GC someplace at the right time. She should think about what she says. If you land in house whether in the next months or next year, you KNOW then she’ll be calling to try to generate business.

    • Anonymous

      I mean maybe this was a thing historically or it’s something old men think (and hopefully don’t say), yet now I think people are plenty used to women wanting to make as much $$$ as men whether they are single or not, whether they are the types that are swimming in diamonds or the types that are millionaires next door. Women are obviously in biglaw, investment banking etc. not for the fun of it but because of the financial life it provides. Ignore them. They sound rude and maybe you’ve outgrown these mentors who may have been your people when you were younger and in biglaw and now you’re out doing other things.

    • Anin

      Find new mentors, these are not the people you should listen to. Signed, I negotiated a salary bump for my direct report who was already out-earning me.

      • Anonymous

        These people aren’t looking out for you. IIRC maxing out at a financial regulator – I assume you mean federal – is somewhere in the 200-220k range. It’s completely normal to NOT want to go from that to the 150k-170k range. I mean sure there are in house jobs that pay 150-170k and that’s fine but they tend to be junior level jobs and/or jobs not in financial services which command higher salaries etc. And FWIW I am betting that neither employer was surprised that with your 15 years of financial experience, you moved on when they couldn’t bring the range up to where you’re at — if the employers aren’t shocked, who cares what these 2 think.

      • Anon

        Start using some of that energy on yourself! It’s great that you’re helping your direct report but you should also ask for more money for yourself!

        • Anin

          It was a unique situation of a lateral move of said employee from sales to marketing (my team) to expand her strategic skills. She was 1 pay grade above me in her “departing role” and due to company policy, she kept her grade and conditions. No complaints here, she had 20y experience, was an amazing team member and I was happy to get her increases she deserves. That did not mean I was neglected or left behind financially. I too had a boss who wanted me to be happy, appreciated and motivated. I have never heard anyone tell me “you earn enough because you are woman/single/have no mortgage to pay”.

    • Anon

      This is 100% a thing I experienced when moving from a prestigious but low-paying area to a higher-paying area. Even women did it; the idea is that I should be happy to live on a shoestring while single and then when married, live on my husband’s salary.

    • anon a mouse

      That is super obnoxious and you are right to not want to take a pay cut from government, especially because there’s a decent chance your benefits like health insurance will be more expensive. Does the pay cut include the bonus? Friends who left government took a small (like $10K) paycut initially but then had like a 30% bonus target and much better upward trajectory, so after 2 years they are way ahead. Something to keep in mind.

    • Anon

      It sounds like you need new mentors. I cannot imagine being as obnoxious and out of touch as yours are and still being considered valuable advisors.

      • anon

        +1, I made a similar move recently and none of my mentors responded this way.

        • anonnnn

          +2 I can’t imagine having mentors that were so unsupportive and uncreative in their thinking.

  14. Anonymous

    Thank you to everyone who suggested ideas yesterday for my newly-tenured friend! I didn’t get a chance to respond in the thread but appreciate your help. Many great ideas to consider!

  15. anonymous

    Looking for some perspective from the lawyers here. Apparently, prosecutors intend to drop criminal charges in one of the first January 6 cases for lack of evidence. Not sure how there can be “lack of evidence” for an attack on our democracy widely captured on numerous, numerous videos. In any case, it seems to me that the actions of the insurrectionists are far too dangerous and the racial implications of Jan. 6 too far reaching for cases to be dismissed on legal technicalities. Are there any means by which Biden-Harris could institute proceedings against the insurrectionists that don’t require proof of wrongdoing and/or expedite the process for incarcerating/executing the guilty? Is there any recourse the administration could have against the prosecutors and judges who fail aggressively pursue the insurrectionists?

    • Anonymous

      Executing the guilty with no evidence? Nah. That’s a pretty basic thing.

      Idk what kind of drama you’re looking to stir up but please do it somewhere else.

    • Anon

      You want the current administration to suspend the constitutional rights of these people and convict them without evidence? Girl…

      • Anonymous

        I mean, OP is probably just working off of the precedent created by 2020, where there was zero regard for constitutional rights on the basis of a trumped-up (pun intended) emergency. oh sorry, it was not an emergency, it was deemed a security threat.

        • Anon

          I’m not OP but I thought she was referring to Bush era, Patriot Act, enemy combatant type situation.

          • Anonymous

            idk, i was just being snarky re 2020 president. i don’t think OP was actually referring to anything other than her hurt feelings but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

    • AIMS

      Wait, you’re worried about the implications for our democracy of prosecutors dropping charges for lack of evidence but want the President/VP to “institute proceedings against the insurrectionists that don’t require proof of wrongdoing and/or expedite the process for incarcerating/executing the guilty”? I am not sure if this is a serious question but the legal system is working more or less exactly as it should on this. Events of Jan. 6 were bad. Not everyone charged with a crime is therefore guilty. The fact that some of the people were on video does not mean all the people charged were equally caught on video or that all video of the event is equal. Where evidence isn’t there, dropping charges is exactly what is appropriate. It is what gives people confidence in the legal system.

    • Anonymous

      The charges are getting dropped because they are not legally sufficient. The MSM sold you (and many others) a bill of goods by pushing the insurrection narrative and that is not [was not] how the American justice system works.

      You are seriously asking how to conduct”proceedings against the insurrectionists that DON’T REQUIRE PROOF OF WRONGDOING and/or expedite the process for incarcerating/executing the guilty?”

      Ask the CCP about that. Also, you could take a look at what Leticia James in NY is doing (aggressively pursuing her political opponents via the court system) but NY is a banana republic.

      • Anon

        LOL. Girl, read back what you wrote and really listen to your own words. Think about what you sound like. And then realize that you actually sound 10x worse than you think.

        • Anon

          She sounds completely rational. Convicting people without proof is horrific.

          • Anon

            I was referring more to:
            “The MSM sold you (and many others) a bill of goods by pushing the insurrection narrative”
            “Also, you could take a look at what Leticia James in NY is doing (aggressively pursuing her political opponents via the court system) but NY is a banana republic.”
            This poster needs to go back to hanging out in the comments section on Fox News. She’d have a better audience for that kind of nonsense over there.

    • Anon

      “Are there any means by which Biden-Harris could institute proceedings against the insurrectionists that don’t require proof of wrongdoing”

      I think the one who is challenging the basic norms of our country is YOU.

    • anonshmanon

      If the case in question doesn’t have enough evidence, it should be dropped. Innocent until proven guilty. What’s the alternative? I call the FBI and tell them that anonymous@11:43 was at the storming of the capitol and then they lock you up? That’s not a democracy. You err on the side of due process, and some bad guys get away with what they did. This is what happened in basically every toppled dictatorship in history. It’s messy and unjust but your approach is not more just.

    • Anon

      You have got to be a troll. You want to punish insurrectionists who were trying to thwart democracy by…thwarting democracy? Take that cray cray somewhere else please.

    • Anon

      The attack on the Capitol was an insurrection and the people who committed crimes should be punished.

      However, even I will admit that not everyone who was caught on video being at the Capitol committed wrongdoing that is punishable by criminal penalty. Convicting people without evidence is what they do in the totalitarian regimes we need to avoid becoming; it’s not the way to uphold the American justice system or way of life. This may be an unpopular opinion, but I don’t believe people who were just present at the Capitol, and didn’t engage in unlawful entry, vandalism, assault, disorderly conduct or another provable crime should be prosecuted just for being there. Because I would say the same about people who were present at the George Floyd protests, who did not engage in looting but were present at a protest that turned into something else. We have a right to peaceably assemble and should err on the side of protecting that right, vs. prosecuting people for being at a protest we don’t agree with ideologically. Also, at a certain point, just like with any legal case, prosecutors will have to choose the cases they feel are most prosecutable, and other cases will get dropped. I don’t fault them for that.

      I also would like law enforcement to spend time proactively preventing more mass shootings (as they just did in Texas) vs. running down every single person who may have been at the Capitol insurrection. I am glad they arrested the number of people they did; I think that did send a message that actions like that have consequences (which our lovely Congressional Republicans were all too happy to downplay or outright dismiss).

    • AnonMPH

      This is a wacky comment BUT there was an interesting episode of The Daily recently on the insurrection prosecutions, and they talked a lot about how difficult it is to use the justice system (designed to punish an individual perpetrator for an individual criminal act) for a mob action. The charges are difficult to make stick. I agree with the general sentiment, that we have to figure out a way to hold those responsible to account for a dangerous attack on our democracy. However the answer cannot be to throw away due process!

  16. Anonymous

    TMI type of question maybe but what do you guys do or take (if anything) for cramping during your period? And do you have like a set “schedule” — i.e. as soon as I start I take 2 Advil in the first 12 hours etc. — or do you just do it based on how it feels for you that month?

    Grew up in a house where it was like noooo you don’t need to take anything so suffered thru high school and inexplicably also college when I lived on my own because I guess I thought you shouldn’t take meds every month. So then sometime in law school or maybe early on in biglaw I started taking Advil; I don’t remember exactly but I think I mentioned it to a dr. that it wasn’t THAT bad but being in pain for 1-2 days was hard when I also needed to still bill 12 hrs/day, and he was like just take Advil as soon as you start and every 8-12 hours thereafter for day 1 and day 2 and that way you don’t really feel pain. Made sense to me and I’ve done it ever since – I usually end up taking 4 Advil total in the first 2 days. And then of course recently as at my mother’s house, she saw me taking Advil and later I got lectured about how I need to stop with the Advil, I’m dependent on it etc. as I was like I think you’ve forgotten how this feels plus how it feels when you must function all day.

    Reality check for me — what are other ladies doing? Who is right here? Advil dependency isn’t a thing right and certainly not with 4 pills every 28 days right?

    • Anonymous

      Do whatever works for you and don’t worry about it. “Advil dependency” is not something to be anxious about. You’re an adult and you don’t need to listen to your mother about Advil. Can I make a suggestion that you proofread your posts a bit more? They’re quite hard to follow.

      • Anon

        I didn’t find it hard to follow. Maybe you need to concentrate more on reading someone’s message, and less on coming up with what you think is the perfect snarky put-down response.

      • No Face

        I thought it was easy to follow. The post is in a conversational tone, as if OP is saying the words out loud in a casual setting.

      • Anonymous

        I guess others disagree, but it was just a suggestion. It wasn’t meant to be a snarky put-down.

      • Anon

        I agree with the proofreading, this person’s posts are always so weird and hard to read.

    • Another Anon

      It’s fine to take Advil for cramps. Check with your doctor, but if you have severe cramps it’s even common to take more than the OTC dose (up to 4 pills at a time/800mg). Your mom sounds crazy, ignore her and avoid this topic with her.

    • Cat

      Steady drip of Advil for the first 3 days. 3 pills every 4-5 hours, including in the middle of the night. Otherwise my cramps get so bad that I vomit.

      • Anonymous

        This is me. My basic dose has been 3 Advil’s at a time since . . . College? I deviate from it at my peril.

    • Anonymous

      You’re taking 4 pills TOTAL over 48 HOURS which suggests to me that you just need something to take the edge off, which is perfectly normal. I think older women do tend to forget the pain and many (not all) may have been stay home wives/moms during this time so they just had a slower day where they served leftovers for dinner etc.; they don’t know what it’s like to have to get a brief out the door while feeling off. Or maybe it’s the – every woman has suffered so NBD. And yeah 4 Advil over 2 days is nothing, I know people who will be like eh I have a headache and pop 3 Advil at one time.

      • Anon

        I’ve posted this here before and been called a tr@ll but I hate that we have to deal with this professionally and men don’t. Arguing a hearing when I’m cramped up w/ a headache feels like a major disadvantage. I’m not saying women shouldn’t be hired or have big jobs. I’m just saying it sucks that we have to deal with it.

    • Anon

      Your family was/is wrong. Tell your mother to keep her bad advice. Take Advil and move on with your life.

    • anon

      After lots of conversations with my doctor (and suffering in silence), this regimen is where I’ve landed. Doctor says as long as I’m not having GI distress, it’s fine to do this. My other option is birth control, which I haaaate taking because while it makes my periods better, it causes other issues.

      Don’t listen to your mom; clearly she is not on the side of pain management.

    • Anon

      Do not let your mother’s issues run your life. I say this as someone who suffers from little to no period cramps: life is a LOT better when you are not in pain every month. This does not mean that you’re somehow bad for having period pain; rather, we should not normalise, let alone glorify, female pain.

    • No Face

      I don’t cramp, but I absolutely got an epidural ASAP when I had my kids and never considered anything else. I’m not going to be in pain just because other people prefer to go without meds. I put this in the same category. If your mom chose to feel menstrual pain every month for decades, that is her business. You don’t need to do the same thing.

    • AnonMom

      Advil is an OTC pain reliever, not an addictive substance. Your mom is misinformed at best.

      I stick with generic ibuprofen just because it is cheaper and works fine for me, and usually just one is enough if I start feeling a headache on day 1 (I am fortunate not to have horrible symptoms most months). If it’s bad, though, I will take up to 4 every 8 hours for 2-3 days so I can function.

    • Anon

      Hahaha I take Advil probably 3-4 times a week and I don’t even have a period anymore. I am not worried about my drug habit. Your family of origin sounds ridiculous. You’re a grownup now. You don’t have to ask your mom if you can take an over the counter medication.

    • Vicky Austin

      Don’t suffer needlessly. Take the advil – you will not become dependent. And don’t take or store it where your mother can see.

    • Anon

      Why would you possibly think discussing cramps is TMI? It’s a normal and regular bodily function for the majority of people here.

    • TMI kind of answer

      I have severe cramps, and I take a LOT of ibuprofen. (Not in the US, so not the Advil brand, but my local ones).
      I need at least 600 mg as soon at it starts, before the cramps get going, to make sure I don’t get stay-in-bed-level pain that sets. Then I refill throughout the day, normally first 400 mg each time, twice, the first day, and much less later. I can feel when it’s time for a refill.

      I don’t take this ibuprofen to be pain free, just to take the edge off. I do however have a excellent tolerance for ibuprofen. Not everybody has that. There are several different conditions where you are not supposed to use these kinds of painkillers at all, but different ones, and it’s worth knowing if that includes you. It can also be very hard on your stomach.

      If I don’t take any pain meds quickly enough I’m crawling on the floor (can’t walk upright) and having projectile vomit-indusing level cramps and it takes several hours to get things under control. There’s no way any work is getting done, I’m in bed crouched together in fetal position.

    • Anon

      I have an even more radical suggestion than “take the Advil” (which I agree with, BTW): if your cramps are that disruptive to your life, consider getting an IUD, which helps many women (myself included) with heavy bleeding and cramping. I spent a lot of years being miserable and didn’t need to do that to myself. You could also consider doing continuous BCP, which would allow you to only have periods a few times a year (if that) and to be able to “schedule” them, to a certain extent.

      I don’t know if you are like me and grew up in a granola-crunchy household where even OTC meds were considered “unnatural” and that pain should be dealt with via meditation, hot baths, and herbal tea. While those are good tools to have in your arsenal, the bottom line is pain meds exist because pain sucks, and being in pain makes it hard to function. Regarding your concerns about “dependency,” my doc told me the only thing I can’t do is take the max dose of pain meds more than three days in a row, because I take meds for migraines and I risk rebound migraines if I do that. Taking four pills over two days is nothing close to dependency; this is your mom’s “stuff,” it has nothing to do with you. If you need permission to tell your mom to mind her own business, and to do what you need to do to handle your pain, I and the other folks here are giving it to you. Do what you need to do for yourself.

    • anonshmanon

      yeah, I had exactly the same issue. My mom somehow thought that period cramps don’t merit pain relief. Ridiculous. I take 2-3 ibuprofen for a day, and then I’m good usually.
      Could there be a semantic misunderstanding? When a doctor has an intake survey or goes down the list of check up questions, I always pause at ‘do you take medication regularly?’. _Technically_, once a month is regularly (in the literal sense of the word), but that is not what they mean and you are not addicted. I asked the doctor. They don’t care about your time of the month medication.

    • all about eevee

      I know this is hard, but you need to tell your Mom to stop policing your Advil. She could control your access to Advil when you were a child, but now you’re an adult and you can take Advil when and if you want to.

    • Anon

      Try getting real medical care and stop accepting that this much menstrual pain is normal? You could have endometriosis, or you may need methylfolate, zinc, or magnesium, or you may have some other problem I wouldn’t know since I’m not a doctor. But I do know that I had to see at least a dozen doctors before I was diagnosed and treated with something better than Advil since most doctors normalize women’s suffering.

      • Anon

        +1,000,0000

        I accepted menstrual pain as normal. And then I went into labor and realized that my menstrual cramps were on par with labor pains! I don’t know why/how I thought it was normal, but it was a big wakeup call about how much I ignored my body and accepted intense pain as normal.

      • Anonymous

        OP’s problem does not sound this severe. It’s that she’s afraid to take two separate normal-sized doses of Advil per month, not that massive doses of Advil are insufficient to relieve her pain.

    • Anon

      2 Aleve the second I wake up, one around 1-2PM, one around 5PM and 2 at bedtime are what get me through my period. I know it’s more than the recommended dose, but it’s what’s worked for me for a while now. I would be nonfunctional if I didn’t have NSAIDS during my period.

    • Anonymous

      This falls in the category of — women’s pain is NBD, just bear with it, we’ve all done it. And women of a certain generation do it to other women.

      I know why it’s necessary to police Advil for a 12 or 15 year old because you don’t want them taking it like candy, giving it to their friends, and you need to know how much they are taking so you can figure out if there’s some condition that needs to be discussed with a dr. But for a grown woman? I think she is smart and experienced enough to know if she needs Advil, how much, when, and for how many days. And if she has suspicions that something is off, she’ll talk with her dr., thanks.

    • Kitten

      I take triple the amount of Advil you take for cramps. Don’t worry about it.

    • Anin

      If you have painful period and cramps severe enough to take meds regularly, I would check with your gynecologist for underlying issues. I am the poster who recently got ovarian cyst removed and had my second period – no pain, no PMS, no cramping etc.
      Taking Advil for pain is safe, it is not addictive, but of course, watch for maximum daily dosage (I believe it is 1200mg/day – 3200mg/day) and be aware that ibuprofen can cause GI damage (long-term usage). There are other meds that are better for cramps, so you might consider these and see if they do a better job (look for meds with drotaverine). But if your question is “are 4 pills in 2 days safe”, then you are fine.
      I would take the meds at first symptom, as it takes some time for the active ingredient to hit full analgesic potential and then maintain during the day.
      Unless your mom is a doctor or pharmacist, she should stop lecturing you on drugs, sorry. I get she has your best intentions at heart, but is clearly misinformed and you don’t deserve to suffer because of basic female biology.

    • Mal

      I take Naproxen (Aleve) as soon as I feel anything, or, if I remember, the first day of my period before that starts. Helps a ton!

    • Anon

      Take 2 Midol every 4-6 hours. You get the pain relief of a med like Advil + a little caffeine in there to boost up your energy and help with water retention that usually makes bloating exacerbate cramps. The fact that you only take 4 Advil total over the course of 2 days rather than every hours as needed seems like needless suffering if you are still experiencing pain. Ignore your mother and take whatever OTC pain killer works for you. No one is getting gold medals in the suffering olympics, so do what you you need to do to manage those cramps!

    • LaurenB

      Tell her you’ll take Motrin instead. (Motrin and Advil are the same thing .. brand names for ibuprofen.) Next time, take your medication in private with your morning toothbrushing or whatever.

  17. Trish

    Ladies,
    Have you noticed that Cole Haan has no selection lately? They seem to have discontinued wide shoes and there are very few pumps in medium. Is this due to slow down in production during the pandemic or are they going out of business?
    I am sad as they have been been my go-to for ten years.

    • Anon

      I noticed that, too. It’s all ugly shoes, ugly sandals, a few ballet flats, and like two pairs of black pumps.

  18. Paint Color Inspiration

    I need paint color ideas! Any and all welcome. I’m painting a small, south facing bedroom that has only one small window. Woodwork is already painted and would be painted a coordinating (or the same) color as the walls. I’d prefer a color that is not white (at least not a stark white) and not grey. I’ve been looking at Farrow & Ball colors because the smaller selection makes decision making easier and I’m leaning towards Setting Plaster but maybe I want a green? I need some other ideas to kick start my imagination.

    • Anonymous

      Do you live in a historic house? If so, I think the very pale greens and blues from Farrow and Ball could look really nice.

    • Anonymous

      I think we need a little more info for good recommendations. Age of the home? What type/colour of floors? How tall are the ceilings?

        • Anonymous

          So the matching trim-wall look is more for homes that are about 150+ years old, for a home that’s only 100 years old from the 20s standard trim was either shallac or white, so I’d go with high gloss enamel in an every so slightly off white. As for walls of suggest a sage-green shade those play well with oak.

    • Anon

      I’m also looking at greens for my bedroom. I’m not sure why you think the woods in the bedroom should be painted the same color as the walls – are you talking about wood trim? Anyway, our wood trim is white and the walls have been various colors. Right now they’re sort of a medium taupe and we’re toying with going with Inglenook Olive, which is more green and less brown on actual walls in my house than this swatch shows (I have it in my home office and dining room):

      https://kellymooreshop.com/products/hls4294-inglenook-olive?variant=31976119271494

      Anyway, you do want a green with some gold or grey or brown in it, because the pure greens are very easy to get wrong and can really skew hospital or baby boy room.

        • Anon

          I really don’t think you should paint wood trim the same color as the walls. If it’s not natural wood I’d do some shade of white on the trim.

    • anne-on

      I know it’s not for everyone, but I have a room in our antique (1860s) house painted in Duck Green and I LOVE it. I have also been shocked by how much I love Sudbury yellow in a guest room. My son’s room is painted in ‘Bancha’ which is an absolutely lovely mid-century modern olive-y green and was a nice update to his little boy bright blue nautical themed room (we have mid-toned walnut and grey upholstered furniture in there now and it is very calm and serene, not too severe IMHO).

    • Anonymous

      Don’t paint the trim the same colour as the walls! (Except for stark white or eggshell white walls.)

      I’m assuming window trim is part of your woodwork, and a small window will look even smaller with monochrome or darker trim.

      Batten wood trim on the walls themselves are fine to paint the same colour, but not door trim, window trim or baseboards

      • Anon

        Trim should also be a higher gloss than the walls. I like flat walls and high gloss for trim, but I’m in an older house and oil-based gloss trim is already on part of the house. The flat paint is also forgiving on plaster / non-smooth walls.

    • Anonymous

      I would pick your bedding and any other soft finishings first (rug, drapes, etc if any) and then pick paint colour. I think that makes your room look most put together. A good paint store will have someone who can help you find a couple of paints to sample if you take your fabric in.

  19. Senior Attorney re apartment paint color

    The post above reminded me — thanks for everybody who weighed in on what color to paint the rental unit we are rehabbing. We went with SW Alabaster everywhere and it looks amazing with the lightish wood floors and darkish gray countertops.

    I really appreciate y’all saving me from myself — the greige walls I originally planned would definitely have been a mistake!

    • Curious

      +1 to the thanks — baby’s nursery is Navajo White and I just love it. Much better than the yellows I had been considering, but it still reads yellow and warm.

  20. anon

    I will become a hybrid worker soon, and one thing is clear: I am no longer willing to tolerate the shoulder pain that comes with using a regular laptop bag. Mine’s lightweight and sleek, and it’s still an issue. What are your favorite backpacks? Bonus points if it’s big enough to also hold a lunch bag. Budget is around $100.

    • Anonia

      Probably too casual for most workplaces, but after trying many, I have kept my North Face Recon for women and Lululemon’s Run All Day backpacks. Comfortable, and enough pockets but not so many you start forgetting where you put stuff. The sternum strap is key for me for walking and biking. The only drawback is how casual/athletic they are.

    • Coach Laura

      I love my Ebags Pro Slim Junior Laptop Backpack. To me, it looks very professional in the grey, black or navy color. Different colors on sale for less than $100 or wait for a sale. I’m 5’3″ so I liked that it doesn’t overwhelm me but still fits my 17″ laptop. Tons of useful pockets and compartments. Has room for two laptops if needed and/or a tablet and a kindle both. Would fit a lunch or a pair of shoes in addition to laptop, cords, Kindle, wallet, glasses etc. It’s great for travel and has a luggage sleeve.

    • Ses

      I really like the Osprey backpacks for biking (they have a helmet-clasp, and they’re super roomy with very convenient pockets) but make sure to get the right size. The large (tall?) size is /very/ long, even on tall people. They are not the most professional, though.
      For client visits I like a plain brown or blue backpack, vegan leather and very plain (no logo or tag) with a simple handle so I can carry it rather than wear it. (I’ve gone through a few in the past but don’t currently use them because WFH)

    • Anony

      I have an Ogio Newt 13 in charcoal/black and it’s amazing. Slim profile, lightweight, holds my work laptop and has a ton of pockets/organizers. When I was doing business travel, it was not only my carry-on bag but also what I used all day, isolated, on a Navy destroyer (ie had to hold literally everything I needed for a 10-12 hour shift with no food nearby). I’m not sure if they still make the Newt style anymore but Ogio bags are workhorses and at a very decent price point (under $100).

    • Cuyana

      I have a Cuyana backpack that can be a crossbody or a true backpack and I love it! They don’t make mine anymore, but I’d suggest something that can have several uses, like the Calpak backpack. If you can find the Cuyana one on Poshmark, I would highly recommend it.

  21. Becky with the Good Hair

    I’m moving into my first home next week and would love any tips or advice. It’s just me and my pandemic puppy, and I am so excited to have more space! I remember reading advice on here years ago recommending purchasing soft close toilet seats and for some reason that has stuck with me. Besides that, anything else?

    • Mal

      Would recommend waiting until you move before purchasing anything major – easier to get a sense of what you need and want after being in the space!

    • Curious

      Assume it will take a year to feel settled and know what you want. Be prepared for the first 1-6 months to have plumbing and appliance surprises (hello, new fridge. Hello, weird black grainy stuff that blocked the pipes and started coming up into the bathtub, leading to a hole in the garage ceiling we still haven’t patched…). Enjoy meeting your neighbors! They often will have tools when you randomly need a larger wrench to fix your toilet on a Saturday…

    • Anonymous

      Congratulations on your new home!

      For the actual moving-in day, make sure to have a separate bag with change of clothes, toilet roll, paper towels, hand soap, snacks, water, coffe/tea facilities etc to have easily available creature comforts without opening boxes (and maybe the preferred cleaner for puppy issues….?)

      Take your time settling in, don’t buy all your new furniture or furnishings, if you need a lot more stuff, from the same place – it will look so much better if everything changes in small bits over time.

      Don’t be afraid of empty space, you don’t have to fill everything if you don’t know what you want there.

      If you have a garden, it can be worth it to watch and see what turn up instead of going in full-on landscape mode right away, but of course, get your favorites in!

      • Elle

        +1 on the separate bag with things you’ll need the first few days. The biggest thing we forgot when we moved into our home was the shower curtain for the main bathroom. After a long day of moving all I wanted was a nice hot shower and our shower curtain was packed away who-knows-where.

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