Workwear Hall of Fame: Julianne Flats

143 Comments

1. Recommendations for a beach vacation for a solo female traveler (early 30s)? Would be flying out of NYC – open to longer distances, but the trips would be over an extra long weekend (Wed night – Monday night) in mid-November.

   I just want to lounge on the beach, have people bring me fruity drinks, and nap. Don’t really care about food, really care about quiet and a beautiful beach, and not seeming out of place as a solo female traveler (so I want to avoid places with all couples/families).

   1. Excellence Playa Mujeres! The pools and beach are both beautiful, it’s all inclusive, adults-only, and the food is actually great. The service is amazing.

      1. is it too couple-y? I don’t want a party vibe, but I don’t want something all couples

      2. Ehh the Excellence PM is very romantic. It bills itself as a resort for romantic escapes and when I was there I felt like the entire resort was sending “you should be gardening” vibes. It’s not a place I’d choose for a solo trip. Honestly I’d be more inclined to go to a place that allows kids, because there would probably be less of a romance vibe. Depends how much you dislike kids I guess. Most kid-friendly resorts have an adults-only pool you could park yourself at.

         1. The Melia Level in Nassau is good for this. There is a VIP (The Level; I think worth it for the beach butler service, priority reservations, etc.) section that is mostly adults, but not mostly couples (bach parties, singles, mom/daughters) in my experience. It’s easy to fly in and out, food was on the better side of fine for an AI, small enough resort that you can get around easily.

            I think Jetblue flies to NAS nonstop for reasonable $

      3. Excellence Playa Mujeres is definitely a couples resort. A solo female would be out of place there.

         1. Maybe – I went with my fiance – but we also met groups of people there who were traveling as a friends group, not as couples.

   2. Check out the Skylark in Negril, Jamaica. Beautiful boutique hotel, brand new property from the creators of Rockhouse (a place that Meghan Markle is a fan of!) I’ve only ever stayed at the Rockhouse, but I would not hesitate to go there solo.

   3. Not a beach, but I’ve done just this kind of trip at the Ace Hotel in Palm Springs. Actually, I try to do it every year.

      1. If you’re going to commute that far, I’d add another few hours and go to Hawaii. I feel like every other beach resort is trying to be Hawaii and falls slightly short.

   4. Bucuti Beach Resort in Aruba. Easy flight from NYC and it ticks all your boxes. It’s adults only and no one will bug you. Enjoy!

      1. Seconding Aruba. I went in October solo and it was mostly grandparents.

2. Hello – I have a close friend/colleague who needs an urgent therapist recommendation in the Pittsburgh area. I am doing research on our company healthcare website, but I trust the recommendations of this site and appreciate any help. I have called our emergency repose line at work too. I am not local, but locating someone who can take her. Thank you.

   1. Try Wendy Levin-Shaw, clinical social worker in Pittsburgh (I met her years ago; she was grounded and compassionate); also see if your friend’s town or county has a crisis center or hotline. If your friend doesn’t like her first choices encourage her to keep looking until she “clicks” with someone–and remind her that sometimes it’s possible to get help from someone even if your “click” is not 100% alignment!’

      Also, kudos to you for being a good friend/colleague.

   2. Call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline ASAP. They know all the local mental health resources across the US. Call into the Pittsburg line and see what they can do.

   3. Reposting with email to get out of mod–call the Pittsburgh National Suicide Prevention line and see if they can connect you with the local crisis mental health resources.

      1. Thank you all for your comments and quick responses. Not to worry, I am very familiar with the National Suicide line (as my father unfortunately took his own life), this is not a suicide issue, but I appreciate your quick responsiveness to this and recommendations.

   4. Resolve crisis services will be able to see her same day (a counselor of some kind), and very likely refer her out to to a longer term therapist who can see her ASAP. They can probably also give her short term meds if those would be helpful. They are to urgent care as psych ER is to regular ER. there is also the western psych ER which is unpleasant but a v v good facility, and will not necessarily result in her getting admitted, if that is absolutely necessary.

      1. Thank you! I have not heard of this service!

3. Love this color. I’m unconvinced on whether these (and other knit flats) will remain unstinky long-term.

   1. Rothy’s are machine washable. So that helps eliminate the stink factor. Plus because they’re knit they have small holes for breathability.

   2. I have two pairs of Rothys and find that they wash very well.

4. I’ll be 30 soon and have been reflecting a lot about my 20s. Each year has been so radically different from the previous one both good and bad.

   So I’m curious what was one of the biggest things you learned in your 20s and something you wish you knew then.

   1. I wish I had enjoyed my 20s more. I wasn’t married most of it, didn’t have kids, had fewer responsibilities – I wish I had taken more vacations (I barely took any – just traveled to weddings and went home at holidays). I worked really hard in my 20s and while it’s paid off career-wise, I think I’d basically be in about the same place even if I had taken a week or two each year to travel.

   2. The magic of compound interest and saving a little early in life.

      Live low on the hog — it pays off

      1. +1

         Absolutely this.

         Don’t be foolish. Live simply, with roommates if you can, as you won’t want to do this as you get older and it saves a ton of money.

   3. I learned that I don’t need to say “sorry” reflexively, for things that are in no way my fault (e.g., going down when someone is coming up in a narrow stairwell). Nor do I need to apologize as a way to soften something. I’m not wrong, and I’m not being impolite or offensive.

   4. Learned: Living by myself for a year was the best way for me to learn about myself

      Wished I knew: that he just wasn’t that into me.

   5. Perspective. Everything in my 20s seemed like such a Big Deal and that things had to be perfect or you’d lose your chance to ever try again, etc. See: choosing your major, getting your first job, choosing a spouse… Life is full of do-overs – it’s ok for something to not work out.

      1. Haha amen to this. The only thing from my 20s that is still in my life is my son. Everything else — marriage, house, job — is on at least Version 2.0 by now. Version 3.0 if you start counting in early 20s.

   6. I wish I had known that there would be no nice men left by my 30s. I spent my 20s focusing on my career, after getting out of a 8-year relationship with my high school sweetheart at 24. I wanted to focus on myself and that is exactly what I did.

      Now I am 37. I have a pile of money, great resume, but no serious boyfriend in the last 6 years. I do meet men who want to date me, but don’t feel a connection with them…like I would rather stay home and enjoy a book vs. go on another boring date. OR I meet someone who is nice but basically not a functional adult – wants me to lend them money, do their laundry, etc., while also being the breadwinner. And this in a city that is supposed to be teeming with ‘eligible’ single men.

      You have a couple of years left to be attractive to decent men. Find one and settle down ASAP. In a couple of years, you will be crushed by the younger competition…I say that even though I have aged well.

      1. Wow.

         1. Like Ellen, but not?

            1. I think maybe not an El len type, just someone venting what she perceives to be the truth.

            2. Yeah, sadly I don’t totally disagree (the poster at 5:46 said it better).

         2. Wow, indeed.

            1. yeah. but I sadly don’t think she is completely wrong

            2. I think the phrasing is gross, but I think it’s something to think seriously about. I don’t live in a major city, but in my area all the 40+ men (and probably even a large chunk of the 35+) are divorced, mostly with kids. If you don’t want to be a step-parent and deal with an ex spouse who will never be out of the picture, it’s worth focusing more on trying to get married in your mid-late 20s when many people (me included) are really just dating for the fun of it. I don’t think the advice to settle is right, but I do think you should treat dating like a full time job starting at about age 25, and not stay in relationships that don’t appear to be heading towards marriage. Most of my friends and I developed that attitude around 30-32, but by then it was too late for most of us.

            3. + 1 to Anonymous at 5:46 pm

      2. God, just stop.

         This post is bad, your advice is bad, and you should feel bad for writing it.

      3. Thank you for your honesty. I agree with you.

   7. Things I learned in my 20’s:
      – Therapy is the best gift you can give yourself
      – You can’t make everyone happy, so you have to make yourself happy

      Things I wish I had learned in my 20’s:
      – There is no universal timeline for life. Love happens when it happens. Career happens when it happens. Lay the groundwork, but don’t worry if things don’t come together when you expect them to.

   8. I wish I’d slept around more. In particular I wish I’d shown my b00bs to more men. They were spectacular. Two babies later, not so much!

      I’m not a tr0ll. This is just the honest truth.

      1. Ha I love this. I don’t wish I’d shown them to more men, but I do wish I’d done a boudoir shoot pre-pregnancy. They were big but also perky and honestly so gorgeous. Now they’re not so big and definirely not so perky.

      2. LOL. I like this perspective. I actually wish I’d taken tasteful nude photos back then, like in a studio setting, as personal keepsakes. I never understood boob jobs until I finished breastfeeding. Subtract that from the cost of formula!

      3. Omigosh yes! Why did I feel the need to deny myself sleeping with a few really good men, simply bc I knew it would be a short term dating relationship? ha ha

   9. I am late to the party, but was home for the holiday’s. I think I learned that I should have taken my 20’s more senious when it came to boyfreinds. I had plenty of opportunity to meet guys but wrote most of them off b/c I had my ex, Alan, and did NOT even think of lookeing, even after I realized he was a looser. Now that I am in my 30’s, the men are really not out there any more for me like they used to be, and now I realize my child bearing years are comeing to an end. If I had not stuck with Sheketovits for years after I had second thoughts, I would have moved on more quickly and have found a husband and had children by now. I now have NEITHER, and my prospects are pretty dismal. I recommend that the HIVE latch on to a good man if they find one, as most men are d-bags, and it is not worth looseing one and thinking another one will just turn up. THEY wont, and by the time you figure this out, it does NOT matter how much money you have saved or how good a job you have. It does NOT matter unless you have a man (or SO if you are Lesbian) to keep you warm at night. The quicker we learn this lesson, the happier we will be.

5. Hey all, two of our choir members just had their second baby and their daughter is just 15 months old. They have a lot of family support, but they’re all out of town, and we’re fairly certain they don’t need baby gear. We want to do something for them and trying to decide what to do. We could do a giftcard for Target or Amazon, or I was thinking something like Seamless, where they could have some meals delivered. What do you all think?

   1. Both sound like good options.

      Signed,
      2 in 19 months, f/k/a Diaper City

   2. Your instincts are spot on. It’s also nice to add a small toy or book for the 15 month old. Target dollar section is perfect for this.

   3. + a coupon for a date night babysitting once the baby is old enough, if you’re up for it

      Personally, I’d love to get my paws on a baby and a toddler. I’m up to my eyeballs in teenage attitude these days

      1. Ha! I think there are people in the choir who would do this, but totally not my thing. I don’t have kids and haven’t ever spent much time around babies to have responsibility for a baby and toddler.

   4. Meal train!

6. A close friend just lost their spouse after a long illness. They have two elementary-aged children. What can I do to support them from afar? Nothing seems like enough. My heart breaks especially for the kids– any idea of little things that might help make life easier in the immediate aftermath, in 3 months, in 6 months, in a year?

   1. That’s so hard. I’m not sure if you are in a position to do this but if you have memories of their parent or can organize others to this, it would be very nice to write down/collect this for the kids to have as they get older (maybe even in a book?). I know someone who did this for a baby that lost his mom and it struck me as a very thoughtful thing to give the child. I know I really treasured all the stories about my dad when he passed.

      For the spouse, I don’t even know other than just call and be there? I remember reading Sheryl Sandburg’s piece about her husband’s passing when he died, maybe read that. She talks about how to talk to people who are experiencing such grief. I can’t recall everything she said but I remember really being moved by it.

   2. The Longest Shortest Time has an episode with Katie Couric and Sheryl Sandberg called “Living Option B” (it’s the December 20, 2017 episode) in which Sanberg talks about what helped the most when she was in this exact situation and what helped that people did at 3 months, 6 months, etc., as well as what people did that made things harder. It might be helpful to listen to that.

      1. Good suggestion. As much as I’ve not loved some of the new LST episodes or the new host, this was a really good one (with two really good guests, obviously).

   3. If you have photos of them with the family member that you took in the past, maybe have a photo book made up for them.

   4. I’m likely to be in your friend’s position shortly. Please just keep reaching out. People disappear because they’re afraid of their own mortality and are afraid they’ll say the wrong thing. Don’t be that person. You don’t have to say much of anything, except that you’re there for her and willing to listen.

      1. I’m really sorry. Please post here if you ever need someone to listen.

      2. Hugs. I’m so sorry.

      3. I’m so sorry. Hugs. You have a community here.

      4. Thanks, all. Im a pretty regular poster here as an anon. Thanks for the support.

   5. Can you take her for a girls’ weekend in like 6 months? Everyone I know who’s lost a spouse young has taken a break between the 3-6 month mark and it’s been really helpful for them.

      1. Find out if she has someone to watch her kids though. I have a friend who was widowed young and a friend requesting a girls trip would be a source of stress for her, because her parents are also dead and she has no one to watch her kids. Honestly, I think offering to watch her kids so she could go away for a solo weekend would be nicer. If she has backup care, then she can say “oh, my neighbors can watch the kids. Why don’t you come with me?”

   6. Here are a few things that I have done to support my friend and her two kids. Same ages that you described. Send cards over an extended period of time and talk about their Father. Provide a donation to their Mom for their college fund. The kids loved this one. I also was in their wedding and mailed their daughter the jewelry I wore as Maid of Honor when she turned 14. It helped connect her to such a special day for her Mom and Dad. Send framed photo of Dad with kids if you have one. Text with Mom and/or kids on special days, Father’s Day, birthdays and anniversaries and share a story about him.

      1. Thank you so much, everyone. Melissa, your suggestions are exactly what I needed and I do have a mother-daughter photo that I will frame and gift.

7. I have and love this dress (in black). For those of you who have it, how fancy of a work meeting would you wear it to? I am thinking of wearing it to a meeting this month that I’d usually wear a suit to (rationale: it’s still fairly warm and my Etsuko just fits / looks much better than my couple-of-years-old suit). Efforts to find a new tropical wool suit (that’s not mainly polyester or unlined or fits well on someone who is petite) have been a bust at any price point (haven’t tried St. John yet, but everything Boss and below for tons of mailorder roulette and returns).

   1. I wear it everywhere but to appear in court.

   2. I wear a very similar MM dress (sheath dress with three-quarter length sleeves) to meetings as a suit equivalent. I think the key is to wear it with nice jewelry and more formal shoes (i.e., not ballet flats).

8. Ooh, I like these shoes. I think the burgundy would be really versatile.

   I posted in the weekend thread about making a pretty large mistake at work and I wanted to say thanks to everyone who responded. I took things head-on this morning and cleared the air. I think it’s gonna be okay.

   1. I have them in tan and the little tab thing on the back rubs in to my heel/low ankle. Once you stick one of those heel pad things in it, they’re comfortable.

9. Thanks to the Friday poster who answered about Ellevate Network…confirmed my suspicions! Not for me.

   1. I can’t find this post – can you link?

      1. It was mid-thread on the Doc Marten’s post, in the comments. If you ctrl F my username the person had a quick but helpful take on it. I’d link but can’t at the moment!

10. I’m curious to hear what you all have received as bridesmaid gifts that you really liked, things that you have received that you really didn’t like, and things you would have liked. I already paid for part of their dresses, but I want to show my appreciation day of, especially since they’ll all be traveling a pretty long way for my wedding. I’m thinking either pretty robes or cute comfy pajama sets, and I could use advice on what else! I’m avoiding anything that says “bride tribe” or the like, and I’ll probably avoid jewelry as well since they’re tastes are pretty different. TIA!

    1. Something that tells me you know who I am. And that isn’t a matching robe! I’d love ahardcover book with an inscription, or a scarf, or a Simon Pearce tea light. And I love when my friends show that they know me and see me in gifts.

       1. Yikes expecting a personalized gift for a BM gift is… a lot. Especially if there’s more than 2-3 attendants. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with getting everyone the same gift.

    2. Cute/comfy pajama set would be great. You can never have too many good-quality pajamas. I’d take that over a robe, since most people already have a robe they like and you don’t really need more than one or two robes for daily use.

       1. What, of course you can have too many pajamas. Who wears that many pajamas ever?? This highlights what Anonymous @ 3:49 said. I would never use or wear a set of pajamas somebody gifted me. I would accept it graciously, of course, but it would go straight in the donate pile.

    3. NON MATCHING GIFTS of similar value. Jewelry is great if you get each bridesmaid a different piece that you think matches her taste! And if people are flying in, keep in mind that anything bulky could be annoying to get home.

       1. Non-matching gifts are really hard if you have to spend the exact same amount on everyone. I mean, yeah, if you can find the same jewelry that you could get in 5 different colors for 5 people that’s great. But I feel like that would be really hard. And I wasn’t about to get one friend a $10 book and another friend a $50 necklace because I thought that was bound to cause hurt feelings.

          1. I mean, yes it would be hard to spend exactly $50 or whatever on each bridesmaid, and I wouldn’t suggest different gifts that are wildly different in amount spent. But if your friend group is the type to get all pissy because one person’s necklace was $45 and another’s necklace was $55… I don’t know how to help.

             1. I don’t think people would necessarily nitpick $45 vs $55, but I do think that if I picked out four different pieces for four different girls, someone would inevitably like someone else’s jewelry better and get hurt. If you reallllly know each girl’s style and they’re very unique I guess it could work. But my friends and I all have a fairly similar style and if I tried to pick out a large quantity of different pieces, there would be definitely be one or two that most people perceived as ‘better’.

    4. It sounds like they’re getting on a plane, right? So that kind of limits your options to something easily packable in an already-stuffed carryon.

       Pretty makeup bag, maybe with a couple of essentials? Or a travel toiletry organizer? Something consumable during their trip – maybe fancy chocolates? I also wouldn’t rule out jewelry – some classic studs are easy to pack (and if they don’t like them they can regift).

    5. As I bridesmaid I would rather have my dress/hair/makeup paid for than receive any kind of trinket that will basically sit around collecting dust.

       1. + a million!

       2. Not even once have I used any of the random bridesmaids gifts I received. It’s pretty much all gone to Goodwill after sitting around my house entirely too long.

          I paid for dress/hair/nails/earrings and wrote a letter to each of my bridesmaids. All indicated not having to pay for the dress was their favorite.

       3. This this this.

       4. YES.

       5. YUP!

    6. Are you getting makeup done? I would pay for their hair/make up and write each one a personalized card/note about how much she means to you.

    7. Honestly, paying for my dress and hair/makeup.

       1. That’s easily $200-300 or more per person. Not really helpful.

          1. Then don’t demand your bridesmaids get their hair and makeup professionally done.

          2. Yes, but they are your closest friends and siblings, no? And they will be shelling out more than that for travel and hotel and gifts for your wedding and shower? It sounds like a lot but I’d rather have that then get more stuff.

          3. Well, the OP asked and I gave my opinion. I definitely appreciated having my dress paid for more than any trinket-y gift I ever got. Especially the Coach logo wristlet that was so tacky I couldn’t even sell on eBay. If you can’t do that, (a) consider whether your b-maids want to each spend all of that on your behalf, and/or (b) consider whether you could do something else for them – like mani/pedis or something (not bc they all need matching fingers and toes, but bc it’s lovely to have that done for you).

          4. I don’t know, think about if your bridesmaids are shelling out thousands of dollars in just travel costs to get to your wedding and all of the surrounding events. A couple hundred for each to minimize their cash out of pocket doesn’t seem that crazy. Especially if you’re in a situation where you’re spending multiples of thousands on the rest of your wedding details.

    8. If they are all traveling a long way, pay for as much of their costs as you can (Unless, I guess, they all make the lawyer level incomes here). The dress, hair, make up, shoes, meals, lodging, rental cars/Uber …it all adds up and can make being in your wedding a really costly affair.

    9. I gave out a necklace made from a local artist that matched their bridesmaid dresses and that they could wear afterwards. I also paid for their dresses, hair and makeup. Best gifts I have received – a cashmere pashmina wrap to keep the shoulders warm and personalized stationery (the bridge asked us how we would like our names shown in the program and she took that form for the stationery).

    10. Jewelry that they’re supposed to wear in the wedding is NOT a gift. And jewelry is so individual that I feel like you’re bound to get something they don’t really like all that much. The best gifts I’ve received have been paying for my dress or hair.

    11. Can you pay for a dinner/brunch/something like that? I think most people aren’t into gifts; I’m definitely not. But since they’re traveling, they have to eat.

    12. As you can see from this board, unless you are shelling out hundreds per bridesmaid to cover the costs of being a bridesmaid, which 1) isn’t customary and 2) you shouldn’t agree to be a bridesmaid if you know you can’t afford it, no one is grateful for anything, so get them whatever you want. Its a token of appreciation for the sacrifice they’ve made to come be a part of your day.

        1. Wow, attitude much?

           Something tells me you’re projecting from your own experiences. I feel kinda bad for your bridesmaids.

           1. Nope, spent at least $100 on each gift. Just reacting to the pissy people on this board. I mean seriously, if you don’t want to spend money don’t be a bridesaid, and definitely don’t get annoyed that you didn’t get what you want. It’s a token of appreciation, not Christmas. As I said, bride needs to get something she thinks the bridesmaids might reasonably like within her budget, not go deeper into wedding debt over recent selfish trends of expecting friends pay out for participating in life events out of cheapness or laziness. Stay your butt at home otherwise.

              1. That’s really funny that you think the bridesmaids are the selfish ones. Are you the bride from the internet story who “only” wanted $1500 from each of her guests so that she could have her dream wedding?

                 You sound awful, honestly.

        2. Mmhmm and tell me how it is “customary” to demand that your bridesmaids travel for your wedding, travel for your destination bachelor3tte party, buy a $200 dress, get you a gift, and cover the cost of professional hair and makeup. And it’s customary for brides to put this all on an invoice in advance so you know if you can afford it. Yeah. I’m so #grateful.

    13. I should have mentioned that makeup and hair are covered. This is more of an extra thank you.

        1. I don’t need or want extra stuff, but I would love a bottle of champagne (or two) in my hotel room!

        2. Perhaps too late, but a friend gave each of her bridesmaids gift cards to a spa in their home city, and it was the most thoughtful gift I’ve ever received.

        3. I paid for hair and makeup for the 5 bridesmaids. The girls paid for the dresses ($50 rental) and $30 Keds. I gifted them no-show socks from me and hubs’ favorite brand (Bombas – normal crew socks were our guest favors). We did matching gray robes but in a soft stretchy cotton/tencel(?) knit. Those satiny floral ones are cute, but too cold on the skin and I would never rewear it. Our “customization” was sorting our friends into Hogwarts houses and putting iron-on patches on the robes (like the lower front corner) and we did the same for lounge shorts for the guys. I’ve heard a few compliments on the robes as actually useful and rewearable – and the girls liked that they weren’t in that cold satiny material! I sent separate thank you for being a bridesmaid cards with personal messages a few months after the wedding with a 3 or 6 month Birchbox subscription gift card. (Thank you card separate from the wedding thank you). My best gift was having my dress/hair/makeup paid for.

    14. In one case, a pewter box, which I still have on my mantle. In another case, a table runner from a very fancy shop. I don’t use that one any more (it has a distinctly 90s flair) but I loved it at the time and used it a lot. Both gifts make me think of my friends who gave them to me whenever I see them.

        One I did not appreciate was a mini bible charm from my relative who is religious and knows I am not, even though I participated in her wedding. I have to hand it to her for managing to combine prosletyzing with a gift giving occasion, but that thing went to goodwill after about a year of keeping it out of obligation. It never, ever went on a necklace or a bracelet.

        1. Ps I would have preferred no gift to a religious gift. I wouldn’t even remember if my relative had never given me a gift at all. But dang do I remember that stupid bible thing. Every time I see her.

    15. I would use PJ’s but getting sizes right can be hard. My favorite ever gift was a monogrammed Land’s End tote bag that I still use, but there was no air travel for that wedding. I would love any Cuyana small leather goods.

    16. This may just be random luck, but my favorite bridesmaids gift was an envelope clutch. I happened to forget a purse that weekend and only had a work tote with me (not sure what the plan would have been), but it’s a neutral color, and I still use it several times a year 5 years later.

        Also appreciated–a makeup bag with some neutral cosmetic-related things tucked in. There were makeup brushes and oil blotting papers and fashion tape and maybe lip balm. I took most of it to work and kept it in my office for backups.

        Oh, another friend was expecting rain on the day of her outdoor wedding. The week of the wedding, she bought all the bridesmaids rain boots that would coordinate with the bridesmaids dresses. I needed rain boots, and they were really nice, so that was great for us.

        I’ve never particularly liked jewelry purchased by the bride to match the bridesmaids dresses. I’m not opposed to the idea in theory, but I’ve never received anything that was my taste.

        I agree that it’s definitely nice when the bride can pay for hair and makeup, or at least doesn’t require you to pay for hair and makeup. (If it’s not required, I usually split the difference–let someone take care of my unruly hair, do my own makeup.)

    17. My all time favorite bridesmaids gift was a monogrammed neck roll pillow. The cover was high end white sateen and the monogram was also white. I’m in my late 40’s and cannot even remember what the presents were from r any other wedding, and I was in 5 or 6.

11. I’m doing a thing (running for local office) that is way outside my comfort zone and man is it hard! It’s hard to do something — interviews and public speaking for me — that I’m not good at. I didn’t realize how infrequently I try new things as an adult! No real question here, just an observation I’ve made. I think I’ll make more of an effort to seek out new, different, challenging experiences from now on.

    1. Anon, congrats! I haven’t taken that step but recently became part of a local political committee and organized a debate panel last month – it was amazing and also really hard and stressful. I also reflected on how I hadn’t pushed out of my comfort zone in a while. Be proud of yourself for stepping up to serve your community.

12. Looking for some unicorn shoes – will these fit the bill? Must be:
    – Comfortabe enough to commute in but professional enough for business casual office
    – Work with a dress with and without tights
    – Flats or low heels
    – Somewhat fashionable/cute (a little edgy would be nice!)
    – Somewhat stretchy, as I’m 7 months pregnant and my feet swell a lot

    1. I don’t think these will hit all of your criteria, but I ordered these and they just arrived and they’re divine.

       https://tjmaxx.tjx.com/store/jump/product/shoes-shoes-comfort/Comfort-Leather-Loafer/1000402186?colorId=NS1003537&pos=1:59&N=12970707

    2. Taos Footwear Ta-Dah? Might be too casual for your office (unless you’re on the casual end of business casual). They come in wides. Check out Munro American too since they also come in wides. Neither are cheap but if you get one pair you can wear them for the next 3-4 months (until your feet shrink down again).

    3. My cole haan tali wedges fit the bill on all of these, but they are definitely not edgy. If you can find an old pair on ebay or poshmark, you can get one with the Nike soles, which I think are more comfortable than the newer Grand.ios version

    4. If you have the funds, AGLs fit most of these, except they’re not super stretchy. They are soft though, so depending on how much your feet swell, they could work.

    5. they’re pricey, but Chloe does a studded leather scalloped flat – they’re about $600, but AMAZING – they fit all of your criteria. I’ve had my (non-studded) pair resoled twice at this point – I wear them so much. Totally worth the money.

    6. Aerosols FTW. I got a pair of “pumps” when i was pregnant and still have them (my kid is 3) and they’ve survived cobblestones in addition to normal sidewalks

13. Has anybody fired their wedding planner? were you able to transition to a new planner easily?

    My planner that I hired in April is just horrible, never available and hasn’t delivered on anything in her contract and she’s pretty pricey!

    TIA!

    1. Are you trying to transition to a new planner within a larger company? That might be relatively easy.

       Regardless, read the contract. Find out exactly what the penalties are for firing her. Read all of the things that she promised to deliver, and identify where she has not done so. There may be a cancellation clause.

    2. Did you sign a contract? Does it have a termination option?

       I never hired a wedding planner because I just knew I could do a better job since I’m more invested in the outcome and most of it is logistics planning anyway.

       But unless the contract cannot be broken without a huge penalty (not sure what’s the industry norm), why not just let your planner know that it’s not working out and part ways?

    3. I did, but it was 2006. I just used the out in our contract. We had some sort of monthly retainer, I think, so I was only out what I had paid her. I think it’s fine to graciously say, “Hi Susie, I don’t think this is working out, so I’m going to terminate our contract. Thanks for your help to date. Joann”

    4. Haven’t fired her, but I do have to double check every. single. thing. she does. Still better than having to do everything myself from scratch I suppose!

    5. Fire her now, however you can. My sister’s wedding planner was this way, and was totally useless on the day of the wedding, which meant that I had to take over and miss a lot of the wedding related activities, including being there for the pre-wedding photos (because I was in the kitchen) and 90% of the reception (because i was trying to fix all the things that were going wrong while the wedding planner was doing NOTHING)

14. Any advice for healing/repairing nails after extended shellac or dip usage? How do you keep natural nails presentable at work?

    1. I’ve had a shellac or dip, but I have naturally brittle nails and I basically just keep them clipped short and clean and that’s it. I used to use a buffer to help make them shiny, but I haven’t used them for awhile. Burt’s Bees has a fantastic Lemon Butter Cuticle Cream that smells great and helps keep the cuticles from drying and peeling.

       1. +1 the lemon butter cuticle cream

    2. There’s not a lot you can do except moisturize and wait for new nail to grow in.

    3. Collagen supplements helped me recover from a couple years of dip/shellac. I used a scoop of the Vital Proteins collage peptides in smoothies everyday. I also got manicures with clear polish – having the nails neat and trimmed is a great way to remain professional-looking.

    4. I keep saying this, but Nature’s Bounty gummies with Biotin are the bomb.

    5. OPI Nail Envy + biotin

15. I just got a water rower! a v nice one for a steal on craigslist. I’ve used the concept 2 at the gym but realized having one at home + supplementing with some bodyweight exercises is a better lifestyle fit for me. Any recommendations on rowing fitness plans, equipment (should i get a mat underneath to save my hardwood?), or good bodyweight programs to go with? are there significant differences between the air and water rower? thanks!

    1. I have found that my workout is not nearly as effective with a water rower vs a Concept2. I’m a rower, my Concept2 and I spend a lot of quality time together in the winter. The ‘catch’ on the Concept2 much more closely matches the resistance of the water that you achieve in a boat. The few times I have used a water rower, I was not impressed. By the time the water settles down to provide a reasonable resistance at the catch, I have had to sit stationary, waiting, for several seconds. I also found that the nylon cord connecting the handle & flywheel does not transfer my power as effectively as the metal chain of a Concept2. There is a reason Concept2 is what rowers have used for decades – they’re designed by rowers, for rowers.

       Sorry to not be enthusiastic, I sincerely hope you enjoy it and it gives you a great workout!

       1. what’s the purpose of posting this? She already bought the water rower

    2. Congrats! I have an old Concept 2 (like, i think it’s 4th hand) and honestly just set a goal for myself for number of metres rowed, and recorded it on a calendar. The friend I got it from was a big fan of Fitocracy for rewards/encouragement/fitness goals (IIRC, she rowed a marathon as part of one of their challenges). Mine lives in the dining room with a mat or folded towel under the feet, but that’s so it slides out from against the wall. I didn’t notice any damage to the laminate at my old place.

    3. Concept2 website has some great tutorials and workouts, and PLEASE for the love do watch a tutorial since 99% of people who do rowing at the gym have no idea what they’re doing.
       I really liked OrangeTheory when I was in an area that had it – they use water rowers as part of their circuit training, so if you can take a class or two that might give you some more ideas about structuring a workout.
       Also, when you’re rowing a race on the water, the longer ones take 20 minutes and the shorter ones take 8. So don’t feel like you have to spend an hour on the rowing machine.

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