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Updated: Dec 28, 2021 310 Comments · by

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Demitria Pant in Good Wool

The Personal Shopper (TPS)· Workwear Hall of Fame | ·

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The Gen Z-ers have spoken, and they have declared that skinny jeans, side parts, and the laugh-cry emoji are officially uncool. Personally, they can have my skinny jeans when they pry them from my cold, dead thighs, but it got me thinking about other trends that disappeared before I was ready.

As a somewhat curvy lady, I always found flared trousers to be the most flattering pants for work, so I was delighted to come across this classic-looking pair from Theory. They’re 96% wool with just a hint of stretch and have a mid-rise that doesn’t feel quite as dangerous as the very low flared jeans of my youth.

The pants, which are from Theory's Good Wool collection, are $295 and come in sizes 00–18. The pictured camel colored version is marked down to $177 at Theory, but the other five colors are full price. Nordstrom has the black and sea blue for $295.

2022 Update: We're adding these pants to our Workwear Hall of Fame because it's been around for several years, keeps coming out in new colors, and getting rave reviews. Nordstrom has the most options, but also check Amazon, Shopbop, Bloomingdale's, and Theory.

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anon

    What are you buying for spring? I won’t be going to an office anytime soon, but I do hope to be able to have socially distanced park hangs. Are you going hard-core athleisure? Buying more dresses? I’ve been living in sweats and cute workout clothes, but I’m feeling like I need a change of pace.

    Somewhat related to today’s post: I am SO over skinny jeans and very much looking forward to buying wider-leg, loose-fitting jeans. I tried on a pair of skinny jeans this week and while they fit, they felt so weird to me! I think I’ve gotten to used to being comfortable and it feels strange to have denim hugging my calves after so long.

    • Anon

      I’m going all in on voluminous white button-down shirts over slim cut jeans. Can’t get on the wide leg jeans train just yet.

    • Cb

      I’d like some olive joggers. I like thin button up tops but I think mine are looking a bit shabby. I’d like a new spring coat but like you, I’m WFH for the foreseeable, and the people at Aldi or in the woods where I take my lunchtime don’t care what I wear.

      • FFS

        I don’t know if you can get them overseas, but I got some great olive ones from Old Navy – the Breathe ones. They don’t have that color right now but they seems to come and go, so check again later.

    • AnonATL

      I’m doing flowy patterned tops, cozy cardigan, and jeans for my everyday put together outfit. Will ditch the cardigan once it’s a bit warmer here in a month.
      I am still rocking the skinny jeans on most days but have a pair of bootcut and boyfriend jeans in rotation. No one sees me besides daycare and my husband so what do I care if I’m trendy.
      Shoes are going to be the hard part for me. I don’t think my feet will ever want to be in something that is not a sneaker or Birkenstock again.

    • LaurenB

      I like skinny jeans on me with my particular build — is the consensus “hopelessly dated” or “rock on, no one cares about the trends anymore, you do you”? (I recognize the irony in asking for consensus about individuality, lol.)

      • Cat

        My vote is rock on. I have worked a few pairs of bootcut into the rotation, but IDGAF about what a 19yo thinks about my pants.

    • anon

      Nothing is inspiring me, probably because I don’t know what the next few months are going to look like, other than knowing WFH is happening through at least May, if not longer. When I do return to the office, I will need new pants unless I can drop 12 pounds between now and then. For casual clothes, I’m looking forward to wearing the stuff that I didn’t get much use out of last spring. But most days it’s athleisure all the way.

      • pugsnbourbon

        Yeah, this is where I’m falling. I am trying to buy less overall, which is pretty easy given I don’t like much stuff in stores right now. I picked up some basic denim shorts on mega-sale and I’ve got my eye on a printed button-up, but that’s about it.

        • Curious

          Yes, if I am honest, this is also where I am right now. It’s nice to have an excuse to just wear what I have into the ground (who knows what will fit next month) because also who knows what life will be like in 2 months. I do think I will need new shoes sometime soon.

    • Anon

      Super white sneakers (the nice thing about being old is that you have some cash and can buy fancy sneakers), gold jewelry, body con dresses, oversize cardigans

      I can’t give up skinny jeans but mainly because of the hem issue.

      • anonshmanon

        I had to google nap dress. Not sure I get the concept, though. Is it especially comfy to nap in? And it’s supposed to take you right back to your next zoom meeting? It looks extremely casual to me, so if this goes in your workplace, you wouldn’t need any specific outfit for your zoom call. Say hi to my nap shirt, my nap cardigan and my nap scarf.

      • Anonymous

        I have a trench coat and now that we have had some serious rain, it is not good in truly wet weather at all. It is more a coat for when it is chilly hut not cold and misty but not reallly raining. I suspect I will die owning 59 coats, each for very specific weather or layering over work wear vs WFH wear or rain / mist / snow / sideways rain.

        • anon

          Haha. I live in a 4-season climate — OK, really like a 12-season climate — and I own SO MANY COATS. It’s ridiculous. I overbuy because I hate being unprepared/cold/wet/uncomforable.

        • Ribena

          I also own many many coats! For me a trench is for spring to autumn, if there’s a breeze or some drizzle but not proper rain!
          One thing that has helped keep a lid on the number of coats is owning a thin puffer waistcoat that I put under some of the winter coats to make them properly WINTER proof.

        • PolyD

          Yep, move over on that bench and make room for my coats!

          It’s funny, as a youth in Michigan, I made do with a denim jacket, barn jacket from J Crew (remember those?), and a long wool coat (puffers weren’t really a thing, but it was much easier to find 100% wool coats for a reasonable price). Maybe I had a very old ski jacket?

          And now… well… lots of coats for almost any weather iteration!

        • anne-on

          Same. New England seasons are no joke. A coat for a cold hard winter rain is very different from a coat for rain in ‘mud season’ of late March/April. I will say that I’m very happy I got over the cost of the Barbour jackets because they are SO GOOD for rainy warm AND rainy cold.

          • ATL

            I just bought a Barbour on Poshmark and am loooooooving it for these cold mornings and chilly afternoons. Honestly obsessed

        • Coach Laura

          I own a lot of coats too – the good thing about getting old and staying about the same size…things don’t wear out and most are classic styling. I did just give away about a dozen old coats that were too old. And in Seattle, I need dozens of variations to go with the different weather patterns.

          Rain trench with hood (girl on the go unlined), fake/similar to barbour for dog walks, uniqlo compact packable down jacket (I puffy-heart love this, the most of any coat, can wear under rain trench too), three year old puffy coat to wear to work over suits (haven’t worn in a year, so now wear over down jacket when 20 degrees out), huge black puffy down jacket that is strangely formal looking with a funnel neck ($39 in 2010), 10 year old jacket to wear while bicycling with zip off sleeves, waterproof jacket to use sailing or kayaking or hiking or cross-country skiing/snowshoeing (company branded, free, also worn over uniqlo down jacket), 10yo hooded gore-tex walking/hiking jacket, barn jacket for outdoor gardening and hauling firewood, rain/running jacket 10years old. And I’ve worn all of these in the past three months.

    • Anonymous

      Bathing suits. Because of Covid—15ish and because my current stuff is like 10 years old (seriously — Lands End sells quality stuff) because our pool was open last summer and I need to dress for that. I vow to swim some laps but mainly work remotely while my kids enjoy being out of the house. I wish it was close enough for our kids to walk there, but I have to drive them. Honestly, the scenery change is nice for me, too.

      Our schools still haven’t reopened, so workwear is still free shirts with words on them. I last wore heels over a year ago. The other day I looked at Everlane and t realized I had two of the JCrew Lady Day clones that I had forgotten about. I think they are at work.

    • Cat

      Pretty much nothing. I still have the spring clothes I bought LAST Feb and March that barely saw the light of day.

      I am picking up a few new swimsuits because we have All The (Refundable) Travel planned for late summer.

    • Anonymous

      A couple of items for working out and backpacking. I don’t know if I’ll be able to go on trips this summer until vaccination since we live in an area where the trailheads and trails get quite crowded, but a girl can dream.

    • Anon

      Probably nothing. I’m not going back to the office until the fall at the minimum most likely. Saving money on clothes/not caring about clothes has actually been great. I’ll probably buy some new sneakers for spring. I haven’t worn jeans since last March.

    • No Face

      I have t-shirt dresses that I bought last spring/summer that I will continue to wear. Easy to dress up or down. I also bought a shirt dress on megasale at the beginning of the pandemic. I am now a huge fan of shirt dresses! I always avoided them because of my large chest, but I just size up in a major way and it looks great.

      The only new thing I plan to buy is birkenstocks and swimsuits. We are joining a pool and spending as much as time there as possible when it heats up.

      • anon

        What t-shirt dresses do you like? It’s been a long time since I’ve worn one, but sometimes it would be nice to take a break from my usual shorts and tanks.

        • No Face

          My Karen Kane t-shirt dress and shirt dress are by far the best. My exact ones are not on the website anymore (I bought on final sale), but there are other options. Amazon often has older versions of her stuff as well. Bonus is that her clothes are made in the USA.

    • Anonymous

      I bought all the jumpsuits last spring/summer and since I can’t imagine I will leave the confines of my property for 6 to 9 months, if then, since my state is slow with vaccine rollout and I think we will be requiring boosters for those with shots before I ever get my first dose and the variants are coming, it will be one-piece dressing for me for the foreseeable future. My dogs don’t care how I dress and I see the demise of waistbands forever in my wardrobe. I want to shop pretty face masks but I don’t need them because, again, I’m not going anywhere for months and I still have 90 of the original 100 pack of disposables I bought months ago.

      • Anon

        Hello fellow hermit. I only go to doctors appointments. I feel you.

        But I still get dressed because I kind of feel more down when I don’t. I bought all new tops in January (like 7 of them) in my favorite colors because I was just sick of the ones I’d worn weekly for close to a year by then.

    • Anon

      I’m really liking J. Jill right now – especially their denim and washed green palette for this month. Their style just seems meant for this casual-but-not-sloppy moment.

    • Curious

      Mostly maternity clothes from BuyNothing and Facebook marketplace. Rainbow baby has stuck around and is a healthy girl (!) until and unless she tells us otherwise. Lilau, I’m stealing names from your thread. :)

      • Vicky Austin

        I see you sneaking this in! Congratulations & hope your rainbow keeps shining :)

        • Curious

          Thank you :) and I just wanted to send a virtual hug to Aunt Jamesina and others who have been so kind through their own struggles to have a baby. We got very lucky after our first loss and know that’s not true for everyone. Sending you all of our good energy and hopes.

          • Aunt Jamesina

            :-) CONGRATS, that is wonderful news!! Thank you for your kind words, I’ve stepped away from commenting here after getting tired of some rude comments, but still read most days.

        • Curious

          Also — totally threadjacking here, but Vicky A I saw you came back to say you need to stay in current job for now. Bummer but rant away! Hope new boss gets better.

      • Anonymous

        Congratulations on your baby girl. Growing up female in this world is hard, but good mothers make a world of difference.

      • Lilau

        Big virtual hugs curious!

        This week we’re feeling Nora because we read that it means light.

        Someone still needs to name their baby boy Desmond!

        • Anon

          Love Nora.

          I also know a baby Desmond in real life. He’s actually a full fledged boy now and not a baby any more. They call him Des or Desi most of the time. Super cute.

    • anon

      I would like new jeans (white, light blue or both), perforated leather loafers, a white button down shirt, and something kind of ‘dusky rose’ colored – maybe a very thin bomber jacket.
      I would also like to lose my Covid banana bread gain so I can wear the very nice spring/summer clothes I already have…

  2. Anon

    I asked late in the day about this so thought I would repost, I am wondering if people are able to get toned with yoga or barre. I have been doing BBG for a year and have gotten pretty toned but want to mantain with something else bc I am so sick of strength training, and wondering if I could switch to barre or yoga and still mantain the toning I achieved with BBG (I know food is important to and I eat fairly healthy for what it’s worth).

    • busybee

      Doing Pure Barre three times a week had me more toned than I ever have been in my life. I couldn’t continue due to cost but man it really worked for me, especially my upper body.

    • Anon

      Barre is minimally toning for me, yoga is not.

      I became strongest doing body pump (when I went to the gym) and now peleton strength workouts

    • Holly Flax

      I’ve been doing CorePower Yoga now for about a month and have noticed that I am getting more toned. I like it because it’s fast-paced and they have a variety of class lengths and levels. A few years ago, I regularly went to barre class and I was super toned as well. I’ve done two rounds of BBG in the past and I looked great afterwards, but it’s tough for me to do those workouts now due to the jumping (I was in a car accident last summer and still have to take it easy on certain exercises).

    • Anon

      I think it depends on the kind of yoga. There’s a huge difference between a powerful vinyasa flow class and a more meditative stretch session. I do yoga every day and I have noticed a big difference in toning.

      • anon

        +1 I do power yoga or ashtanga daily and I’m the most toned I’ve ever been. I don’t do any other exercise.

    • theguvnah

      barre or pilates will do it; yoga really won’t unless you’re doing some kind of power yoga every day.

      look up either popsugar fitness barre on youtube (free!) or marni alton videos on youtube for examples!

  3. Anonymous

    Has anyone tried the gel sticker nails that seem to be popular lately? Mani me etc. I’m terrible about biting my nails unless I wear polish. I like the idea of something easy and long lasting but they seem too good to be true

    • Tweeter

      I’ve basically exclusively worn nail polish like this since the pandemic started. I like dashing diva gel stickers and color street nail strips. I’m sure other brands are very similar. Takes about two applications before you get really good at getting them perfect. I have short nails and these last 7-10 days with no chips on my fingers. When they’re old I just peel them off – yymv there.

      • Diana Barry

        I use color street, which is regular nail polish sticker not gel, but I always put a base coat (OPI hard as nails) under it, otherwise it peels my nails and makes them weaker. I find that using the base coat makes them a bit easier to remove but doesn’t change the wear time/number of days

      • Lurker

        I’ve also done Incoco (owned by Color Street) and Dashing Diva. I had generally good results but some peeling at the tips (which I also get with normal gel manicures). They lasted about a week, came in a decent variety of colors and styles I liked, and were fairly easy and quick to put on. I would try them out to see if they work for you. It’s a small time and monetary commitment.

    • ANON

      I tried ManiMe and wasn’t impressed. They have you send pics of your nails so that they can custom fit them to the size and shape of your nailbed but several of mine were way off-too wide, etc. Also I keep my nails short and I feel like they really only work with longer nails because you have to file the end to cut off the extra length and to get it to adhere to the end of your nail. This doesn’t work if your nails are shorter than the the tips of your fingers, so mine started to peel right away.

    • Friday

      I’ve done four sets of ManiMe so far. I feel increasingly meh about them. I love gel nail polish, but even in the BeforeTimes I got it maybe once a year. I just don’t have the time or the inclination. Things I like about ManiMe: It’s super, super easy, everything you need is included (they threw in a top coat with my first order), they’re 10/10 cute, it costs slightly less than a gel mani, removal is easy and doesn’t ruin your nails like gel. A bonus is if you complete the feedback after your first set (if they’re too wide – tell them!) they will send you a credit for another set. Things I don’t like: you need long-ish nails for them to work, they only last me about a week. I have been cutting mine instead of filing them. But also I guess my nails just grow super fast because the edges start getting caught on stuff after about three days. Maybe I need to apply another top coat then? My girlfriend who got me hooked says they last her a month! I guess I’m hard on my nails? tl;dr – they’re good but not life-changing.

  4. anon

    Pear with muscular thighs here, and this is my preferred pants silhouette. I’m happy that they might be easier to find in the next year or two. I will wear skinny jeans/jeggings, but I have never warmed up to skinny work pants. They look great on others, but I feel awful in them.

    • Anon

      Also a strong pear (or at least I am when I’m working out regularly) and always assumed my thunder thighs would be too accentuated in pants like this. Will have to give these a try.

  5. Anonymous

    Why aren’t these pants fully lined? Even though pantsuits seem to be coming back into style, I’ll never be able to wear them because manufacturers have stopped lining the pants and I can’t wear wool next to my skin. Men’s suit pants, by the way, are still lined.

    • Anonymous

      Banana and Talbots (I believe) line their wool pants. Because their jackets fit me better, I’m on Team Banana Suits forever.

    • Anonymous

      This is a total pet hate of mine as well, especially with pants that cost this much.

  6. washer/dryer

    Anyone have a compact stackable washer/dryer set they love?

    In the process of buying a new place that has a lot of pros but unfortunately has a closet for a stacked washer/dryer, which isn’t my favorite. I’m thinking if I get a super compact set, I’ll at least to be able to store some laundry/cleaning supplies in the closet as well. Also considering getting a combined washer/dryer so I can install shelves above it. I’ve had that setup before and liked it, though obviously it requires a little more planning for laundry days.

    • BB

      We bought an Electrolux stacked compact in our last condo and LOVED it. (Our current one came with an old-ish Bosch, which is okay, but we preferred the Electrolux which was probably cheaper.) As a bonus, the dryer was a condensing dryer, which means you don’t need a dryer duct, and it’s also better for your clothes. Down side is that it takes a bit longer to dry.

      • washer/dryer

        thank you! was looking at that one or the miele version – seems like bosch does seem to have mixed reviews.

        • BB

          We also were going to go for the Miele, but the salesperson actually talked us out of it (even though it was way more expensive than the Electrolux – although maybe he was getting some sort of special Electrolux bonus so who knows). He said the Miele was really good too, but basically didn’t justify the extra cost when a ton of his customers were so happy with the Electrolux.

          • givemyregards

            Oh that is good to know – thanks! Also “electrolux bonus” is a phrase I wish I heard more.

      • BB

        Oh yes, seconding this. We had a combined LG in a rental and it was AWFUL. Things never dried and its capacity was tiny.

      • anon

        Yes, do not go this route, unless you like spending 3 hours on one load of clothing. I think they’re intended for vacation homes or something, not for normal everyday use.

        OP, I’d check out Electrolux.

      • washer/dryer

        I think this is a love it/hate it thing – I’ve had one before and really liked it! You just have to work with it, not against it – smaller loads, etc. You can’t treat it like a typical setup and cram it with clothes and expect it to dry in the same time. I hang dry most of my clothes anyway, though, and I really liked the option to have it automatically dry for a few minutes after washing then I’d hang dry.

    • Anon

      TL:DR Get a full size stacking set.
      I have had a compact washer dryer combo (attached but not just one machinej. This worked fine except not great for sheets and towels due to limited capacity per load, so be prepared to break your sheets down into two loads, etc. The other negative is that when either the washer or dryer needs to be replaced, the whole integrated stack must be replaced. I have used the single machine washer/dryer combo when living overseas and despised it. It did not clean well and took about 4 hours to comlete a single load. I have also had a full-size set of stacking machines, on my second set, and that is my favorite of the 3 possibilities. If you cannot leave the washer door open in the closet, you can get a top-loading, stacking set.

      • Trixie

        Get a full sized, stacking set–totally agree. do not get the single machine combo–Europeans use them, but (having used one) you have to hang the clothes to dry anyway.

  7. Anon

    related to the first post of the day, does anyone own the nap dress by Hill House? It looks comfy, but is it actually? and how do you care for it? i’m not such a fan of hand wash only clothes

    • Anonymous

      Yes I have three I’m obsessed. Super comfy, super cute, I machine wash cold and hang to dry. I’m a size 16 and bought my first, Nesli, in XL, and my next two, Ellie and Athena, in L and like the fit more. I will wear them all spring and summer for casual outdoor drinking.

        • Anonymous

          I haven’t been, because of the smocking they don’t sit perfectly flat any way and most of the wrinkles fall out when you hang to dry. If I wanted to look particularly nice I would.

        • Anonymous

          I do. It’s quite a wide neckline so either a bra with wide set straps and maybe it peeks out a smidge or I suppose if I wanted to be extra a strapless. I have 36J boobs.

    • NYCer

      I have one (Ellie), and I like it. I machine wash, hang to dry and have never ironed it. They do run a bit big in my experience. I am 5’9 and very thin, but I have an XS and there is still extra give/stretch in the smocking.

        • NYCer

          I don’t wear a bra, but I also have very (very!) small boobs.

          My only complaint is that the “ruffles” on the straps are a little bigger than I would like. But it does not prevent me from wearing it.

    • Anonymous

      It does look comfy – I suppose you just wash it and air dry. I’m chuckling at the whole square neck smocked ruffly top/ dress trend because I definitely had this sort of top as a tween in… *checks*… 1993. Gotta love cyclical fashion!

    • Senior Attorney

      I had to Google this and I am dying laughing because this was ALL I WORE in the summer in high school in the mid-70s.

      • Senior Attorney

        Also you could buy this fabric with the top part pre-smocked at the fabric store so all you had to do was cut to fit, sew one seam, and then add the shoulder straps/sleeves.

        • Anon

          Yes! I had those dresses! I made those dresses! I wish you could still buy that stuff because my teenaged daughter would be VERY into it now.

          • nona

            Umm…you can totally still buy it. It might not be in-stock at the moment, because its seasonal, but should be available for summer months.

          • Out of Place Engineer

            You CAN still buy that fabric! I made a dress for my daughter….most satisfying 30 minute project ever.

  8. Anonymous

    For yesterday afternoon’s post about whether a man child can reform:

    I used to say it was my lot in life to train men for other women. I dated a lot of very kind men who treated me very well but who were total man children. I’m a very direct person when it comes to my expectations and I don’t put up with BS. I’d date these guys for like ~6 months then kick them to the curb because they weren’t meeting expectations. The breakups were mostly amicable. He would agree he didn’t understand the work involved in being a good partner and he wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment yet. And then he would marry the next girl he met. From their social media, they seem very happy. I have every reason to believe these guys are (now) equal partners.

    My now-FH has been an equal partner from the start. By his admission, he spent a lot of time being a man child before we met. But he learned how to manage his life. He doesn’t think that just because there’s a woman around, he’s now off the hook. I also made my expectations very clear from day 1 – like literally on my dating app profile I said I was looking for a man who wants to be an equal partner in building our lives together. On our third date, he cooked a fancy dinner for me (at my place!) – instead of me cooking dinner like I’d done with precious guys – and I supplied wine and dessert. He still cooks 95% of our meals.

    So, yes I do think man children can reform. But they have to want to. And we have to set the rules of the game at the beginning. It’s very very hard to show someone that you are willing to act like his mom and then later reverse course. FWIW society is definitely working against women here. My friends were super exasperated with me. But he’s so nice! He treats you well! So what if he can’t even make a sandwich! No. That’s how women get stuck with taking care of a man child plus their actual children. Never let anyone tell you your standards are too high.

    • Anon

      I’ve said this before but my DH didn’t know how to turn on his oven when we met and lived off Hot Pockets and other frozen food. He now cooks almost all of our family meals and is a more than equal partner in all other aspects of parenting and household management. We met pretty young though – we were 24 and in grad school. I would definitely be much more skeptical of a 34 year old man who didn’t know how to cook. In young adulthood a lack of life skills is really a parental failure, not a personal failure.

      • OP

        I think someone said this yesterday, but there’s a world of difference between not knowing how to do something (esp as a young adult) and refusing to learn. It’s a matter of good faith. You don’t become a 35 year old man who “can’t” boil water if you’ve made a good faith effort to be engaged in the home.

    • Man child

      Thanks for your post and for everyone else’s posts yesterday. Unfortunately my friend’s husband does not seem to want to change. She does about 90% of all the work involved in their life, including the paid labor and the unpaid labor at home, but gives him a medal for being good with their kid during playtime. I honestly don’t know if their marriage is going to be able to survive once this kid is in a difficult phase, but I hope it somehow magically changes because I want her to be happy and he makes her laugh (a fact that has been given way too much weight in the decision to be with him…she may laugh with him, but she complains about him the rest of the time to me).

      • anon

        My sister is in this marriage. They are giving it one final go in counseling, but she has basically said the marriage is over unless a dramatic turnabout occurs. He’s a fun dad but has killed their marriage by playing dumb about all the real work that goes into adulting. He’s 40 and has plennnnty of chances to man up and do his fair share. In person, he comes off as the nicest, most amiable guy. Chill, laid back, good with kids. Being partnered to him is a totally different thing.

        • Man child

          He is going to be a stay at home dad but they are already running into issues where he is not doing the things that she would like him to be doing with the baby and she’s expecting him (once she goes back to work next month) to have a clean house and dinner planned too. Never happened before, how’s it going to happen with a growing baby in the picture…it’s just sad and frustrating as a friend to watch this.

          • Anon

            Idk, many/most women who stay home with an infant have difficulty cleaning the house and getting dinner on the table, and find that their husbands who have this expectation are being unreasonable

          • Anon

            I’ll guess what makes your friend snap. His laziness will come to affect the baby. Women will put up with alllllll sorts of nonsense when the fall out is on them. But when his failure to clean, engage, cook, etc. starts to hurt the kids, she will put her foot down. Ask me how I know.

          • No Face

            Not to say this guy isn’t a manchild, because it sounds like he was before the baby, but it is not realistic to expect a clean house and dinner with a new baby. When I was on maternity leave, I could keep baby alive, fed, and clean. I could not accomplish anything else, and I do not know how stay at home parents with young children handle it all.

          • Man child

            Oh yeah, 100% not going to happen with the baby. I’ve held my tongue when she has shared that expectation with me. It’s definitely a crash course because she will be pissed that it’s been years and he still doesn’t pull his weight on cleaning and cooking. She said that she doesn’t want to be the breadwinner and then come home and have to do all the work when she just wants to spend time with the baby, but we all know that a sparkling clean house just isn’t happening with a baby and especially not with a man child at the helm.

          • anon

            I was unemployed for 6 months when my son was 12-18 months old. He went to daycare full time during that time. My husband worked 55-60 hours per week and didn’t do anything around the house. I worked 80 hours per week to take care of the baby outside of daycare, keep the house clean, run errands, and have dinner on the table. It was the hardest I’ve ever worked. Full-time employment felt like a break after that stint.

          • Anonymous

            I am going to push back on the idea that a man can’t keep a clean house and put dinner on the table while taking care of a baby. He is not nursing or pumping! He just has to give the baby a bottle! And if mom is nursing at night, he’s getting a lot more sleep than a SAHM would and can therefore be more productive during the day. Even if it’s a high-needs baby that demands to be held all day, he can get the vacuuming and laundry done with the baby in a carrier.

          • Anonymous

            I’d like to sign up for the magic baby that sleeps through vaccuming vs. the one I got who woke up if I flushed the toilet.

          • Anonymous

            I didn’t say the baby would sleep through vacuuming, just that it could hang out in the carrier. My baby never slept anyway. Is sleeping actually a thing babies do?

    • Anonymous

      Yeah I saw a sweet girl I know yesterday post that her boyfriend has trouble leaving the house on time so she now gives him 20, 10, and 5 minute warnings. Sigh. Nope. Just leave without him and reevaluate

      • Monday

        The fact that she posted this is doubly concerning–does she think it’s cute or something?

        • Anonymous

          She thinks this is what a good partner does. But does he take care of her in equivalent ways? I worry.

      • Anon

        Sounds like a valid short-term solution, and “hey, I want to leave in about 20 minutes” sounds like a reasonable thing to say sometimes, but oh man, having to give your partner 3 warnings anytime you go anywhere together sounds exhausting.

    • Monday

      Re the last paragraph: I have come to believe that basically all of straight women’s (our) problems in relationships come down to a fear of being single. When you’re in a market offering a lot of bad deals, the only options are to strike it lucky, opt out, or settle for a bad deal. The course of least resistance is #3.

      • Anonymous

        Part of the problem is that once you have kids, the bad deal can be more attractive than the alternative. If she leaves, OP’s friend is going to get stuck sharing custody and paying this loser spousal support and child support.

        • Monday

          Right–the bad deal compounds and becomes a lot harder to get out of. The book All The Rage, which is about this problem, does interview women who divorced their husbands and then finally started doing only half of the domestic work, because they have their kids half the time. Lots of things can go wrong, however, and it’s not like this is an outcome most people want anyway…

      • No Face

        I agree. I know so many women who put up with so, so much garbage. Just be single!

        After a terrible relationship, I realized that I would rather be single that in a bad relationship. Single or good relationship, nothing else. My dating life got a lot better, though I was breaking up with dudes left and right. Then when I was single, I met a great man who gets ish done and wanted to be a husband and father. Now, he is killing it in both roles. I’m so glad I wasn’t babying some manchild when we met.

      • OP

        YUP. My decisions about my dating life became much clearer when I started thinking of running my life like I run my business. I don’t put up with a business partner slacking on half our work or picking and choosing the tasks he likes best. Like no I’m not going to be the designated note taker for every meeting because the men “can’t” take good notes. Nor am I going to handle all meals for my household because a man “can’t” cook/plan any kind of meal even sandwiches.

    • Anon

      I had to threaten to leave my husband (and mean it) before he straightened up. Even now, I am supremely irritated at his messiness but can recognize that he at least (i) does his own laundry (and doesn’t dump his clean laundry on the closet floor for me to step over), (ii) cooks for the kids, (iii) handles pick up and drop off. My main mission is to teach my 2 sons to not do this.

      They can reform, but it does hurt your marriage.

    • Anon

      OP, this line: “ I’d date these guys for like ~6 months then kick them to the curb because they weren’t meeting expectations” made me laugh out loud. I am totally visualizing you having a formal sit down with these guys, reading glasses perched on your nose as you look over your notes, and being like, let’s see…you have not met expectations. I’m sorry, but we’re gonna have to let you go. Ha ha. Good for you and I’m glad you found a good one!

      But also, I would not make the assumption based on social media posts that these guys have changed!! There is just no world where the posts would show the unhappy, even if exists. And I’m convinced there are plenty of women that post the sappy ode to their partners on birthdays and anniversarIes even if things aren’t great because they want them to seem great, or even convince themselves that they are great. But maybe you have other reasons to believe they changed.

      • Anon

        OMG yes this. One of my friend’s husband (now ex-husband) posted this huge sappy diatribe to her on FB on her birthday. How she was the best wife and mother. Literally, not a week later, he was leaving her for a coworker. Social media is a giant web of lies.

        Not on the same topic but another good friend looked like the picture perfect mom from her social. When there was a trend towards being “out” about mental health issues and reducing the stigma, she posted a story about how she almost died of post-partum depression. She had to be hospitalized. All of the stuff she posted was what she thought a mom was supposed to post, not what she actually felt, which made her depression so much worse.

    • anon

      I didn’t have time to post yesterday, but my husband has largely gotten his act together on the man-child front. We each have our strengths and weaknesses, but I no longer feel like I’m pulling him along for everything.

      As an example, a couple of years ago, whenever I wanted to do a weekend activity, I would plan everything, figure out the logistics, get myself ready, get our son dressed, and pack the one million things parents take with them when they bring their children anywhere. DH would show up at the front door when it was time to leave, surprised that I was stressed out and already in a bad mood. Fast forward to this past weekend, I planned a hike about an hour away from our house. DH and I agreed on a time to leave. I woke up and went to the grocery store, and when I got home, DH had fed our son breakfast. While I unloaded the dishwasher and washed a few dishes, DH packed the hiking bag and started a load of laundry without me asking him to. While I got myself ready, he got our son dressed. It was a much better morning.

      That’s just an example, but it’s a metaphor for our whole life. It’s not just about who’s doing which chores, but whether every little thing is a fight to have an actual partner.

      • Anonymous

        I like this. One thing I’ve noticed in my own marriage is that I’m the better planner/researcher – I just am. Therefore, we factor that into the division of labor. If I do the work to pick a vacation destination for us and outline our options there, my husband steps in to figure out the best credit card to use to maximize our points and to make sure our passports are good to go and to check our debit card policy to confirm no fees. Instead of just seeing it as “ugh this is supposed to be a vacation why are you stressed” he actually helps now. It took us a little while to get there and some changes on both sides.

      • Anon

        As the former woman-child, I think communicating expectations goes a long way too. Before I reformed, I would have told you my husband loved cooking and cleaning and bill paying. He doesn’t hate it but he did it because it needed to be done, not because he loved it. I had no idea he had grown so resentful about the things I was slacking on until we talked about it one day. That was a big part of my change.

        • Anonymous

          No one is dense enough to actually believe people ‘love’ chores or are ‘naturally’ skilled at them….right? Right?

          • C

            I mean… I do the budgeting because I have an affinity for money and spreadsheets. I didn’t want to have a common pot marriage so we needed a fair way to split (weighted by income). My DH is frugal-to-stingy and I like things he thinks are completely unnecessary (jewelry!) and I am frugal but NOT stingy so no way was he getting the opportunity to tell me (or even weigh in, really) on how to spend my money for fun. But our budget spreadsheet is not the only one… I have a personal spending spreadsheet and a savings spreadsheet… I’ll agree that gendered tasks are bs but there are some natural affinities!

    • Anon

      I married a young at heart type but we were both on our second rounds (both married in our early 20s and divorced by 30s). I don’t know for sure that he was a man child in his first marriage in the sense that his wife waited on him like she was his mama. I just think their lives were a complete mess because neither of them wanted to do the hard stuff.

      He lived on his own for several years before we met and the reality of life had set in. He made 90% of his own meals to save money (stuff like pasta and jarred sauce and bagged salad) and cleaned his own place. He had a cat he had found as a stray and took good care of the cat and the litter box. His apartment was not spotless but it was tidy. I took these all as good signs that I was dealing with a bona fide adult.

      We have been married for 20 years now. He’s still young at heart, like the fun dad stereotype, but he does all the household laundry, the bill paying, and most of the cleaning. I still cook and do most of the emotional labor like keeping track of the kids’ doctor appointments, etc but honestly in terms of labor I’d say it’s as close to 50/50.

      So this long sorry to say, look at how the man lives when you meet him. If his place looks like a frat house littered with empty pizza boxes, it’s probably not a good sign. If you meet a man who is self sufficient, do not let him give it all up the moment he meets you. I know so many women who, in the first blush of love, start playing house with their new man – it’s some kind of fantasy to cook all his meals, clean his place, buy him new towels and sheets, do his laundry. But then it becomes your job after you’re sick of playing house and want to go back to real life.

      • Senior Attorney

        Exactly! I always tell women “Begin as you mean to go on!” DO NOT start out showing off all your domestic skills because that is what he will expect going forward!

        I feel pretty fortunate that when we got married I moved into my husband’s house, which he had been managing all on his own for ten years or so. He always says that anything I do around the house is a bonus!

        • Anon

          Somewhat similarly, how do you deal with in-laws like this? The longer term guests who expect you to serve them, clean up after every meal, etc. but would no doubt get offended or not do enough if you said something directly like you could more so in a marriage?

    • Anon

      Unfortunately, some people will only change when their bad behavior (or bad habits) have actual consequences, and they won’t get their stuff together until they realize that their learned helplessness around cooking, cleaning, and othersuch life skills are an actual relationship-ending problem. And it can really stink when you kick a helpless man-baby to the curb and then he finally, effectively turns things around for himself, and the next woman he dates essentially benefits from your sacrifice. You feel like more of a learning experience than a life partner.

      I am so lucky to have a fiancee who can take care of himself, and do his share of the housework, and I don’t feel like his mom or like I’m running the household myself while he sits on his bum, but it does help that he was 34 when I met him, so he’d had plenty of time to learn how to take care of himself.

    • Ellen

      Yes, there are alot of losers out there. The trick is to find the one gem in the dungheap as Grandma Trudy always tells me. I have already seen my share of losers in the dungheap, and they all do smell, but I refuse to lower my standards as I now am sucessful as an attorney and do not want to baby another man who just thinks with his winkie. We deserve so much more, especially now with the pandemic, we should get every benefit we are entitled to, which includes finding a man, not a boy, for more then mediocre s-x.

  9. chicago wedding

    Chicago friends! Planning an immediate-family-only wedding in June and am looking for recommendations for photographers and restaurants for dinner afterwards. If you know of a restaurant with a covered outdoor area you can reserve, even better! For a photographer, ideally looking for someone who takes natural looking pictures (not too moody, not all overexposed) and is good at getting great shots out of people who aren’t natural in front of a camera, lol. Despite the city feel, want kind of nature-looking pictures if there is such a thing in the city. Thanks in advance for your help!

    • anonchicago

      We loved Nancy Marie Photography. I follow her on social media now and she does a great job of candid outdoor shots.

    • Monte

      Friends of friends got married at Volo Wine Bar on Roscoe and loved it. I’ve only been there for dinner and drinks but that could be an option.

      • AFT

        I used to live nearby! They’ve been doing small events/weddings for years and years (pre covid), so I think they’d be great. Food and wine are yummy too and great back patio space.

    • Rainbow Hair

      When I got married, admittedly 10,000 years ago, I used Emila Jane for our family-only outdoor wedding. She took beautiful pics and her weekday rate was supremely reasonable.

  10. Anonymous

    Has anyone tried a dating coach? I’m struggling and not sure if it’s just that dating is hard or if I’m doing it wrong.

    • S

      My mom’s a therapist and to me seems like a defacto dating coach. She really enjoys helping clients in their 20s who want to find long-term relationships get to the place where they are in a satisfying one. So maybe a good therapist if you mention this goal at the consultation and like what they have to say about helping you with it?

  11. Anon

    Our Place Pan that every blogger seems to own – any real people own it and like it?

    • disappointed

      I am so disappointed by it. Received it as a Christmas gift, have used 4-5 times per week following instructions (kept out of dishwasher/oven), and the magical non-stick aspect originally present vanished in around Valentine’s Day. Sadly, not worth the hype in my experience.

    • Anonymous

      The Viet vegan reviewed it and she’s the most honest blogger I follow. She was not a fan and explained in detail the deficiencies with the pan. In short, it’s not good for skilled cooks and routine use.

      • Anon

        Wow – I got to the part where it says it’s not oven safe and stopped — how can a pan claim to be the only pan you need if it’s not oven safe? Get the le creuset braiser and call it a day! :)

    • SSJD

      My husband bought it based on radio ads (very unusual). We’ve had it about 6 weeks and used it several times a week. It is fine. Nonstick surface works well for eggs and stir fries. I agree with others that since it cannot go in the oven, it’s not ever going to be my only pan! But I have tons of pans, and what we needed was something nonstick that could hold 6+ eggs and this fits the bill. It’s a fairly useful size that is neither too small nor too big. We also own a cast iron pan, and that one is so heavy (though of course it serves a different purpose). It’s a pleasure that the Our Place pan is light and easy to wield. I don’t strongly recommend it, but there is nothing wrong with it either (at least so far).

    • Anony

      Oh see, I and DH actually really like ours. I bought it for him for Christmas and we use it about 3-4x per week. It takes a while to heat up but beyond that, we both like it.

    • Trixie

      WE have one, took a long to ship, but it was an XMas gift and we use it a few times a week. I love it–I love the non stick surface as well as the depth–a bit deeper than many pans. I did not know you cannot put it in the oven–I guess I didn’t read the brochure, as that would now be a deal killer–but I have put it in for 15-20 minutes to finished off a dish started on the stove top. Is it worth the price? I think so, but perhaps I will replace it with the creuset braiser. I bought it as our non-stick pan for eggs, fish, etc.

  12. Anon

    Tentatively planning a trip to Jackson Hole for August (we’ll cancel if we’re not vaccinated). Any recs for hotels, restaurants (with outdoor seating), things to do? We’d be there four nights and three full days, so I was thinking of doing one day in each national park and then one day on a river float trip. It’s our first post-kid trip without them, so doing long hikes or other outdoorsy things that aren’t doable with little kids is a priority.

    • Anon

      Following. Hoping to do Yellowstone and Grand Teton in July (already vaccinated)

    • Anon

      You know the vaccine doesn’t stop you from getting it right? Not sure why it’s included in your post other than virtue signalling.

      • Cat

        what is this even. Is any vaccine 100% effective? Are you planning to stay home forever?

        • Anon

          +1 to Cat. This board never fails to disappoint. You can’t win. Imagine the comments if she didn’t include that she would be vaccinated!

      • Vicky Austin

        Not sure why you commented this other than virtue signaling that you are the Best Vaccine Understander (and/or will refrain from all happiness, joy and fun until 2036). She literally said it’s a tentative plan to do this if it’s safe. Lay off, okay?

        • Anon

          I’m not getting it (at least not until all of the rosy stats you people trot out are proven). I don’t want to impact my fertility at all. I’m already out and about. I just think you are all insane.

          • anon

            Aaaand we’ve come full circle. It’s now impossible to distinguish between the anti-vaxxer-covid-is-no-big-deal crowd and the vaccines-change-nothing-lockdown-forever crowd.

          • Anon

            Look if you’re a nut, can you please just say that up front so we don’t waste time arguing with you? Your tinfoil hat is crooked.

          • Anon

            She’s “out and about”. She’s not in my stay at home camp. She’s an anti vax super spreader.

          • Anonymous

            Fun fact: Getting COVID-19 affects MALE fertility. The vaccine has no effect on fertility as far as they know.

            SO: Hope your honey isn’t “out and about” like you say.

      • anon

        Can we just not? She is not describing anything foolhardy and says she is willing to cancel if needed.

      • Anon

        Nothing in life is zero risk but the vaccine will reduce my odds of getting symptomatic illness by about 95%, reduce my odds of dying by almost 100% and significantly reduce my odds of passing the virus to others – unclear exactly how much but estimates so far suggest by at least 80%. I think all those statistics make it clear that vaccination is a milestone worth waiting for and since I’m young and relatively healthy and not planning to stay home forever, I’m not sure what exactly I need to wait for after I’m fully vaccinated. (Fwiw, I also wouldn’t travel if hospitals are overwhelmed at home or at my destination, but I doubt that will be the case since currently things are fine on that front.)

        • Rainbow Hair

          Thanks for articulating this so well! I have the added complication of a family member who is immune suppressed, so the vaccine is unlikely to work for him, and folks w his condition who get it die at muuuuch higher rates, so we’ve just been absurdly careful… BUT! If I’m vaxxed and unlikely to get it and unlikely to transmit it and so so many more of us get vaxxed and move in that direction…. I can maybe hug my friends AND my family in the same month in the foreseeable future?

          I did my first day of volunteering at a local vax clinic yesterday, and my job was helping folks find the right shuttle back to their cars. It was a second-shot day so each person I helped was now fully vaccinated (yes, yes, time until it’s effective, etc., but they’d done the hard part) and it just made my heart happy, every single person, being a step closer to all of us being through this.

      • Anon

        You know that this messaging is causing decreased of vaccinations, right? Public health experts are recommending different message, (i.e. get the vaccine so you can do things you love again!) to increase opt-ins.

        I know you think you are clever, but you’re not really.

      • Anonymous

        I mean, the Covid vaccines are among the most effective vaccines in human history and generally vaccines work well. So while a vaccine isn’t a *guarantee* that you won’t get the illness you’ve been vaccinated against, in most circumstances, yes, the vaccine will prevent you from getting Covid.

      • Trixie

        The vaccine is 95% effective against contracting the virus. ????

        That is why we are all/mostly getting it.

        It is not yet known whether or not a vaccinated person can be a carrier, but first research results out of Israel say no. And other viruses, including measles, mumps, rubella, yellow fever, etc., are not carried by people who are vaccinated. so the odds are that covid will not be carried by those who are vaccinated.

        What’s your problem? Lots of people are planning to travel post-vaccination.

    • Anon

      That should be a great time to visit. We always go the first weekend in September. Our favorite place to eat is Persephone, which is a bakery/cafe right off the square, but now has a second location in Wilson / West Bank that also has dinner that I can’t wait to try. We actually always stay in Wilson – there’s a neat neighborhood called The Aspens that has a lot of rentals, we stay through Outpost JH. You can walk to Aspens market, a cute gourmet grocery, and also to Persephone. Other favorite places to eat are Rendezvous Bistro, Local, and Hatch Tacqueria. But there are lots of great places. For hotels, we’ve stayed in Hotel Jackson, which was nice and right off the square, and Spring Creek Ranch, which is just outside of town and has a great restaurant. Honestly we prefer staying in Wilson, though; it’s not far. As far as the parks go, GTNP is amazing. Favorite hikes are Amphitheater Lake and Delta Lake. The latter is technically “off” the official trails, but it’s very well-traveled and you’ll see a lot of people on it. Yellowstone is definitely a drive, and will be very crowded. You won’t be able to see the whole thing in one day (factoring in the drive to/from Jackson); if I had to choose what to see, the grand canyon of the yellowstone is far and away the top of the list. One year we did a kayaking trip on yellowstone lake, though, which was awesome — we were able to see the thermal features and lots of wildlife without being around a ton of tourists. Westbank Anglers are great if you want to do a float flyfishing trip on the Snake River. Oh, also drive out of town to the Snake River Overlook for the best view of the Snake and the Tetons – it’s the view Ansel Adams made famous, and your photos will look like artwork. OH – and can’t forget, be sure to get a sloshie!

    • Panda Bear

      We stayed over the pass in Victor, ID and rented a house instead of doing a hotel in downtown Jackson Hole, and were really happy. We love to cook, though, so it was great having a big kitchen, grill, patio etc. Plus a hammock under the stars… sigh, I miss travelling! So renting a house might be something to consider if you’d like a bit more of your own space. Oh! Do stop by Persephone bakery. Very pretty place, delicious pastries, and ample outdoor seating.

      • Anon

        I also stayed over the pass in ID! Do note that if you are not used to driving on mountain passes, it is an… adventure… driving that pass at night. We wanted to see more wildlife so stayed in Grand Teton until sunset one night, and it was a lot. It’s such a beautiful area, and I’m weirdly jealous of the people getting to see it for the first time.

      • Mary Ann Singleton

        If you like beer, the Grand Teton Brewing Company in Victor is lovely and you can sit outside and enjoy a cold beer and look at the mountains.

    • C

      Hike around Jenny Lake! And there’s some famous overview hike up the mountain to see the whole lake. Have fun and stay safe :-)

  13. Ugh

    Kicking myself this morning because I realized that I totally forgot that my Chase card gives me free Global Entry fees when I renewed GE recently and…used a different card. Arg! PSA to remember your travel card benefits if you’re like me and literally haven’t had any travel expenses in the past year. :(

    • Anon

      I made the same mistake when I got Global Entry…in December 2019. That worked out well.

    • Cb

      Ugh, I paid thousands extra for expedited visa processing at the end of February 2020, because of course I couldn’t go 3 or 4 months without my passport. Sorry, think I may have caused the pandemic.

  14. Anon

    My parents (73 and 80) have been vaccinated. Such a relief. They got their second jabs Friday and are all set to fly back home from my country of residence. Exhale….

    • Anon

      Hooray! My parents get their second jabs today and are visiting us (driving) two weeks from today. It’s wonderful

    • Curious

      Yay yay yay yay!!! My mom gets her second dose soon. Dad thinks it’s a ploy to chip us all but we are hoping he will cave in order be admitted to see his grandchild.

    • Anon

      My 97 year old grandmother has had both hers, and my 74 yo mother had her first last week and is scheduled for her second. I am over the moon with relief for both of them.

      I also totally appreciated the shade my mom was throwing at my aunt who has decided to become an anti-vaxxer. Mom said she was tired of all the conspiracies and negativity and was done with all that (Trump, Fox News, et al) and was just going to enjoy her Hallmark movies and decorating. GO MOM! I seriously cheered when she told me.

  15. Anonymous

    Has anyone renewed a kids passport since Corona? With minors, both parents have to go in person. Not planning travel, but by the time we are done (non-smiling pictures showing eats, etc —> can you get those done these days?), it would be good to be able to go somewhere when the time comes.

    • A Nonny Mouse

      We did last fall. Our daughter’s passport had expired, so we did the paperwork for a new one at the local post office, both of us there. In and out in 15 minutes, and she got her passport in 3 weeks, my renewal took almost 3 months.

    • Anon

      Yes, we just did this. I will say this was one of the things where working from home helps with immensely! (I.e. being able to scoot over to the post office during the day). We also got hers relatively quickly (maybe 5 weeks?) and are still waiting on ours, the grown up ones…

      We had to get our photos done at the CVS. It was fine.

    • BeenThatGuy

      I renewed my son’s passport in late February last year (seems laughable now). We did the picture at CVS and the renewal at the local post office (appointments only). By the time our paperwork hit the agency, it was over 4 months until we received the new passport. Again, the timing was horrible. It probably won’t take that long now, but expect a delay.

    • No Face

      Some post offices take pictures for passports. I did that with my kid and it was nice to have just one stop, even though it cost more than drugstore photos. I went pre-pandemic though.

    • Clementine

      For Kids Passport photos, we got an app (Passport Booth) that helps you take a good passport photo, then we just set up a sheet and took dozens and dozens of pictures when kid was in a good mood until we had one that worked.

      Then we printed it out and mailed it in with no problem. For a very wiggly child, my BFF’s husband actually just draped a white sheet and sat under it, holding the kid. you can’t see dad’s hands in the cropped photo, but that’s what they did.

    • AFT

      We did it a month ago. process were nearly identical to pre-pandemic, though we did make an appt at the post office to go in (I don’t remember if we did that 5 years ago too).

      • AFT

        We took the pics at the post office, and when we signed up for the appointment we indicated that we needed pictures. It was easier for us than doing two trips out.

  16. anon

    Has anyone bought a suit from Summersalt and has any insight on the quality? I adore the styling of that one-piece number that’s all over Instagram, but $95 is steep if it’s going to look faded and raggedy after one season.

    • NYCer

      I am all over these comments this morning. I have a Summersalt suit that I bought a couple years ago, and it is still in good shape! I am not an every day (or even every week) swimmer or beach go-er in the summer though, so YMMV.

    • Anon

      I don’t think it has any chest support (no cups or padding) iirc but I could be mistaken. Dealbreaker for me.

      • Anonymous

        No, I tried it and it did not look as cute or feel as good as it should have because of that. I returned it.

    • ollie

      I have the one-shoulder Summersalt suit and it looks as good in real life as it does on Instagram. I’ve worn and washed it several times and it still looks great.

    • Anon

      I bought one last summer. There was NO bust support at all and it sort of smashed them. But I kept it because I was only using it in my backyard with no visitors. It was fine, it will probably be okay to wear again this year since I wasn’t doing anything strenuous, but I wouldn’t wear it anywhere more public than my kids and dog due to the lack of support.

  17. Anon

    I’m intrigued by getting a kit / light to do gel nails from home. I love having painted nails but I’m very hard on them (like normal nails chip within hours, gels chip within days).

    Any kits you like or concerns I should be thinking about?

    I’m excited to do gels at home, so I can wear sunscreen while they dry under the light

    • AnonATL

      Oh following! I’ve been perusing kits on Amazon but haven’t ordered one yet. I miss pretty nails.

    • Rainbow Hair

      I have a little UV light I use for other things, so I was considering getting the gel polish while I’m at it, but I’m convinced I’ll utterly destroy my nails in the removal process. I mean, I know about the buff, cotton ball, tin foil thing, but I still end up aggressively scraping it off and it’s not great. So if anyone does this and wants to chime in, I’d love to hear it!

  18. Jeans Recommendation

    I have a little UV light I use for other things, so I was considering getting the gel polish while I’m at it, but I’m convinced I’ll utterly destroy my nails in the removal process. I mean, I know about the buff, cotton ball, tin foil thing, but I still end up aggressively scraping it off and it’s not great. So if anyone does this and wants to chime in, I’d love to hear it!

  19. Anonymous

    Can anyone in the UK explain the June 21 thing? Has Boris just scheduled the end of covid?

    • Anon

      He said normalcy “no earlier” than June 21 so I don’t think it’s scheduling the end of Covid so much as just promising that significant restrictions will be in place at least until then, which seems fairly reasonable since it’s unlikely there will be widespread vaccination before then.

    • Cb

      Has anyone told Covid its over? Despite saying he’d be “driven by dates not data”, he’s basically set expectations for the 21st. And international travel in May? Who is going to let us in when the target date for adult vaccinations is the end of July?

    • Cat

      This is consistent with the messaging from major employers in my area (like we will be going back to the office no earlier than mid-summer, with plenty of notice and gradual phase-in once it starts).

    • Ribena

      This is just England – Scotland’s plan was announced today but is much more cautious and I’m expecting Wales and N Ireland to be too.

      That said, I lean towards believing Tim Harford on this when he says that things are likely to get significantly better very quickly later this spring, especially if vaccine rates continue getting faster (we are at around a third of the adult population now I think?). His interview on Cal Newport’s podcast was excellent and I also follow his two Radio 4 shows on this.

      Considering what some vocal members of BoJo’s party are arguing for, I think his plan is remarkably restrained. Although the media and everyone on socials are predictably missing the ‘no earlier than’ attached to each date and seem to be planning a knees up for June 21st.

  20. Anonamoose

    I’m a fourth year weighing two lateral offers, one to government (Job A) and one to another firm. (Job B). They couldn’t be further apart but I’m struggling with the decision. Job A has been a plan for a while as a 5-7 year chapter, but my long term goal is to return to private practice. The Job B offer came about while waiting for Job A and while it’s the opposite of what I was looking for, it just sounds amazing. Job B is a more well regarded firm and group, doing more interesting work and with better pay/benefits compared to both my current job and Job A. The work environment at Job B also sounds amazing. Really friendly group that’s family focused and good prospects for promotion. I think I’m scared to take the jump with Job B because of an inherent discomfort of lateraling at this point in my career with the hope to start a family in the next few years. I haven’t discussed broached this topic with anyone in the group, but Ive now talked with every team member and each one mentioned family friendly aspects that sound amazing and honestly unheard of for a big firm. There is still a heavy workload expectation (considerably less than my current load), but there seems to be flexibility in managing your work. But at the end of the day it’s still a big law firm. Lateraling during a remote work environment sounds doubly challenging. Just curious if anyone has thoughts about lateraling to another firm at this point in my career/life and how to weigh Job B. TIA!

    • Anonymous

      You currently don’t have a kid, aren’t pregnant, and aren’t actively trying to get pregnant. This is the definition of not leaning out. Take job b. You like it more!

    • No Face

      Sounds like you want Job B, so go for it! If it turns out you don’t like working there anymore after you’ve actually had a baby and returned from maternity leave for 6+ months, then look for another job then. By the sounds of it, that could be 3-4 years from now. Also, typically firm maternity leave >>>> government leave, so that is a major reason to take the firm job if you know you want to become a parent.

      At the beginning of the pandemic, I was choosing between a federal job and a firm job. I chose the firm job and I haven’t regretted it. (I have a preschooler and a toddler, FYI). The other attorneys are all as great as they seemed during the interview process. I can see myself working here indefinitely.

    • Cat

      How often do Job A openings occur and do you think there would be bad blood if you turn it down?

      How much do you want the extra money that comes with Job B?

      Is your goal predictability in your daily life (way more likely in government than any firm) or the ability to take off for an hour here or there midday to deal with a kid appointment or whatever (more likely in firm life, subject to client demands of course).

      • Anonamoose

        Jobs comparable to title at Job A are not super common but not scarce. The specific department/office is relatively rare and wouldn’t be guaranteed down the road. They can also be hard to get from private practice. I think I’ve been lucky with my experience. I don’t think bad blood is likely. The process has taken longer than they estimated and is still probably 4+ months out.

        The extra money for Job B is nice but not a huge selling point. I can cover expenses and hit savings goals on Job A salary. The extra from Job B would just go to long term investments.

        Good question re:lifestyle goals. I haven’t ever experienced predictability or real flexibility, but I think predictability sounds like more of a pro to me.

  21. Anonymous

    Does anyone have experience getting treatment for subclinical hypothyroidism? My TSH has edged up from 2-3, combined with a large thyroid, weight gain, lethargy, and depression. I have an appointment with a specialist next week, just curious about other’s experiences.

    • Headachey

      My primary care doc initiated treatment when I was sub-clinically hypothyroid. Her rationale was that treating early would help keep thyroid disease from progressing as rapidly as it might without treatment. I was on just levothyroxine for several years at just enough to keep my TSH reading around 1, where I felt best. We added liothyronine a few years ago when I had a big spike in fatigue, and it helped. I know that many doctors don’t like to start treatment early but I’m so glad my doc takes how I actually feel and function into account when recommending treatments.

    • No Problem

      No, because I have clinical hypothyroidism.

      Honestly, TSH anywhere below 4 is normal, and it will fluctuate over time even if your thyroid is functioning normally. Getting your TSH lower (within the normal range) with medication won’t help you to lose weight even if you have clinical hypothyroidism, and it may or may not help with depression. It could help with lethargy *if* the thyroid was the cause in the first place, but will take a few weeks. Just for point of reference, lethargy related to thyroid is pretty extreme – like needing to sleep 12+ hours per day and still being exhausted and barely able to function. I also gained about 25 pounds in the year it took to identify that I had gone hypo and getting on the right dose. I have maybe lost 5 pounds since then. This was markedly different from the 2-3 lbs a year of weight gain I had experienced starting at age 25.

      I say all of this for you to be prepared for a skeptical doc who is going to tell you that your weight gain, lethargy, and depression are unrelated to your thyroid if your TSH and other labs are normal. And that’s probably true – there are a million things that can cause those symptoms that are unrelated to your thyroid. I had a friend who was convinced she had subclinical hypothyroidism based on similar symptoms and a doc refused to medicate her. Turns out it was related to a reaction she was having to a different medication, and once she switched to something else she was better.

      All that said, your doc should order all the blood tests if you haven’t had them already: TSH, T4, T3, antibodies. He or she should also send you for a thyroid ultrasound if it is indeed clinically enlarged. Presence of antibodies indicates that you have Hashimoto’s, an autoimmune disorder that attacks your thyroid. But just having antibodies doesn’t mean you need medication as long as your TSH is still within the normal range (mine was for a decade before I needed meds). Don’t be surprised if they refuse to medicate you now. You’ll probably be asked to do another ultrasound in a year if your thyroid is still enlarged, and if you show evidence of antibodies to run the other labs once or a couple times a year to be sure you don’t tip into needing medication.

    • Anon

      My TSH never gets all that high (it’s never been higher than 5). I feel like complete garbage when it’s up to 3. I guess I have lots of Hashimoto’s antibodies and apparently a lazy pituitary gland. I feel completely fine and asymptomatic on adequate treatment (which for me is combination therapy).

    • Anon

      If you are TTC they will keep it around 1. I got treated when mine was 3 or 4 because of infertility issues. Now that we have stopped TTC my doc has me staying on the meds.

  22. Anonymous

    Has anyone noticed what I’ll term “improvements to your metabolism” by exercising more, but not changing your diet and eating as much as you need to based on your hunger? I’ve noticed that on really active days, I feel both hungrier before meals and then more energized after them, even if I’ve eaten a larger amount that on a regular day might make me feel weighed down or sluggish. I’m wondering if the key to fitness and weight management for me is much more activity throughout the day, even at a low level, without trying to restrict my diet at all. My main goal is to avoid diet culture and restriction for a variety of reasons and I enjoy the feeling of functioning well and managing my energy needs more smoothly, but I still feel like pinpointing exactly what works (in a 9-5 desk job lifestyle…) is a bit tricky. Anyone else have any insight on this?

    • anon

      This approach worked really well for me until WFH started and I was getting less natural movement throughout the day. I never realized how little things like walking to and from buildings, parking lots, etc. were helping my overall fitness, in addition to working out regularly. I have put on a few pounds during the pandemic but now that I know what’s going on, I can tackle that problem. Weight loss is way slower this way (like glacially slow), but maintenance is simpler. I do not do well with restriction; it really does a number on my mental well-being. I also think that another key is making sure you’re adding strength training — extra muscle helps the metabolism!

    • anonshmanon

      As long as you have a reasonable diet, that makes absolute sense to me. For me this would be including lots of different foods and several servings of produce/day. You can fine tune it more, but that’s the most streamlined way of framing it for me.

      • No Problem

        I agree with this. In general weight loss is about calories in vs. calories out, and if you’re increasing your calories out you will do a better job of losing or maintaining weight than if you do less exercise. It’s also perfectly normal to consume more calories on days you’re especially active, since your body needs it for fueling all that activity.

        I also totally hear you on avoiding diet culture. I have come to adopt the mindset of adding more good to my diet rather than trying to restrict the bad. So I’m adding a smoothie to my breakfast each day and keeping carrots and other veggies around for snacks as an option. Even if I only make the choice a couple times a week to eat the veggies instead of cookies or chips, that’s a win in my book!

    • Anon

      Mine seems better when I get a solid 8 hours of sleep on a regular basis. That more than diet or exercise helps me maintain a stable weight.

    • Kitten

      Yes, sounds legit. I just read (or rather listened to) The Six Keys by Jillian Michaels and this matches up with what the book says. Exercise is so important, and not just because of the extra calories burned.

    • Anon

      Yes, but as I get older, the threshold level of activity I need in order to no really have to think about what I eat has increased.

    • Seafinch

      Yes, absolutely. As long as I keep the wine under control. But I have to move a lot. I workout every single day and walk 15k steps. But I love activity.

  23. No Face

    Good news out of Israel! Looks like the Pfizer vaccine significantly reduced transmission, not just infection, hospitalization, and death. Seems like there is light at the end of the tunnel.

    • Anonymous

      It’s good news, but there are limitations in the data that we need to stay aware of. From an article in my local paper:

      “The study wasn’t designed to accurately measure a reduction in transmission of SARS-CoV-2 because it used national testing data without accounting for differences in testing rates between vaccinated and unvaccinated people, said Zoe McLaren, an associate professor in the School of Public Policy at the University of Maryland Baltimore County. “The main result overstates the reduction in transmission from the Pfizer vaccine,” McLaren said in an email. The study compares the number of reported cases between those who had been fully vaccinated and those who hadn’t been vaccinated, but vaccinated people are less likely to get tested so the data will undercount cases, especially asymptomatic cases, in this group, she said. “That means that the true reduction in transmission is lower than the estimate of 89.4%,” McLaren said. “How much lower? We need more evidence to know for sure. But I expect that, once we account for the bias, we’ll still find that this vaccine does reduce transmission. And that would be very good news.””

      https://www.sfgate.com/news/article/Pfizer-BioNTech-shot-stops-covid-spread-Israeli-15969105.php

      It’s the time for cautious optimism though!

  24. Anon

    I’m 50 and relatively healthy with no pre-existing conditions that would make me concerned about having an extreme case of COVID. I’m not in any priority group, so I’m guessing I will get a shot . . . before Christmas? For all of you vanilla people, how is it looking in your state? I’m not overly worried, but I’d like to see my parents and they are older AND in a hotspot AND remember last spring in NYC/NJ AND know that I will be sending my kids back to school the minute they reopen (whenever that is). We are 12+ hours away, so a visit would likely involve a hotel stay / restaurants or a flight (which I’d be OK with, but they are not). Quarantining for 2 weeks post-arrival in their area isn’t likely due to work and the possibility that schools might actually reopen for hybrid learning in the 4th quarter (maaaaybe if we went this summer when “school” is out).

    • Anonymous

      I’m honestly not sure what the point of this is. No one here knows when you will be vaccinated. Christmas 2021 is a particularly pessimistic take. Can your parents travel to you?

    • Anon

      I am “general population” for purposes of the shot am expecting to have it by April-ish. Sadly, though I think that is because I live in a red state where there is going to be a lot of resistance to taking it and so they said we will have enough for everyone/aren’t expecting any shortages. But once I’m fully vaccinated and have waited the requisite period, I’m going back to my normal life. By the time I get it, it will have been available to everyone and I can’t worry about infecting people who don’t worry about themselves.

    • Moonstone

      Similar circumstances and I think I will be vaccinated by the end of May. The increase is production is significant.

    • Anon

      I was kind of thinking early to mid Summer? Based on snippets of messaging I’ve received. And I’m in a state where we have not been stellar about it. Plus, keep in mind the J&J shot hasn’t even officially been approved/been in circulation (but could be soon).

    • Anonymous

      I’m going with the flow at this point. We’ve been given so many incorrect timelines I no longer trust any of it. I’m not even paying attention to the future deadlines, it’s too discouraging to get your hopes up and have them dashed over and over. When I’m eligible, I will be there with bells on.

    • AFT

      I’m a lawyer in IL where we’re considered one step before Gen-Pop, and I expect that will translate to April/May. Gen Pop will likely be June/July.
      The supply of vaccination doses is expected to blow up (in a good way!) in the coming weeks and months. I’m hearing that, within a couple months, the supply of doses will outweigh arms – probably by 4th of July.

      • anon a mouse

        This is what I figure. That maybe by August we will be over the post-second-shot two weeks and be able to be in the world more.

    • anonshmanon

      We’re now going more or less steady at 1.5M shots a day, or 45M shots/month. 230M adults could get it, 44M already have 1 shot, plus last poll I found (Jan 27), 24% of adults were not planning to get the vaccine (that’s 55M), plus, the one-shot Johnson&Johnson vaccine is under FDA review now, which would make things faster.
      I am hopeful that the vaccine will be accessible for everyone in early summer.

      • Anon

        My husband has a friend who has returned to his office. He is the only non vaccinated person so I suppose it’s fairly safe for him. He claims to be holding out for the Johnson and Johnson, which I don’t understand at all. Maybe extreme needle phobia and wants the one-shot version?

        • anonshmanon

          Yeah, maybe? Maybe he has reservations/hesitancy around the novel mRNA technology, whereas J&J is more of a traditioal vaccine? I plan to get whichever will be offered to me.

      • Anon

        If I did my math right, that would put us at the end of August? That seems possible

        • anonshmanon

          Seems possible. It’s a little hard to predict how much first shots will be slowed down by prioritizing second shots for people. And on the other hand, how much supply will pick up, with current suppliers and potential new vaccine suppliers.

    • Anon

      I have no earthly idea. We’re currently in a blue county in a purple state (still working to vaccinate older people); we have a vacation house in a deep red county in a different purple state (no word on vaccines there, but I imagine take up would be very low, so I wouldn’t feel bad using our address there to get vaccinated); and we’re moving to a red county in a blue state in a few weeks (they’re apparently on the ball).

      I figure I’ll pick my head up from my WFH cocoon and start to pay attention to vaccine timelines in…May? I’m thinking I’ll have it by…September? October?

    • anon

      260 Americans are eligible for the vaccine; one-quarter to one-third are not going to take it. That leaves 200 Americans who want to get vaccinated, at least in the short-term. (I hope that changes). Today, Pfizer and Moderna affirmed their commitment to provide 200M doses by end of March, 400M doses by end of May, and 600M doses–for 300 Americans–by end of July. That number doesn’t even include J&J, who also announced today that they will have 60M doses by end of April. Most states have made clear that the rate of vaccinations is dependent on supply, and that they have the capacity to administer 5X what they’ve been doing if they get more supply. Even if that weren’t so, the federal government is in the process of setting up 100 FEMA vaccination centers around the country, and is ramping up distributions to private pharmacies. So, simple math tells me that vaccinations will be available to everyone who wants one by June. And that’s a conservative estimate. Hang in there.

    • Anonymous

      My state (CT) has just moved to expanding vaccine access 100% by age, with one exception. So, I’ve gone from expecting my eligibility to be sometime this summer to being eligible on Monday. The current plan is everyone that is 16 years of age and up will be eligible on May 3. The Governor and his vaccine committee have decided that complexity will slow down vaccinations, and gave an example of the difficulty in deciding who is an essential worker.

      The exception is there will be separate, dedicated clinics for pre-K – 12 teachers, school staff, and childcare providers starting March 1. You must be in the schools, not remote, to get vaccinated. CT has consistently ranked in the top five states for vaccinations, and has decided the best path is to vaccinate as many people as quickly as possible.

      I thinks it’s a good plan, and it includes that vaccines are administered to higher risk communities in proportion to their population.

  25. Equestrian Attorney

    What is everyone’s opinion on pools right now? Indoor pools are reopening where I am, at reduced capacity with a sign-up system. I live right next door to a large pool. I normally am pretty covid-cautious and don’t go much of anywhere but it’s freezing outside, I’m so sick of doing yoga in my living room, and I really love swimming. I am not vaccinated and probably won’t be for a while – Canada is being slow. I would shower and change at home, and then quickly slip out of my wet bathing suit then head straight home on the way back. Too risky?

    • Anonymous

      How’s the ventilation in the building and what are the mask policies for the deck/common areas? My answer would depend on those factors. I think an outdoor pool would be ideal if they have those in Canada this time of year…

    • Cat

      I’m personally not planning to do anything indoors without a mask – other than seeing our vaccinated(!) parents yay – until I’m vaccinated.

      • Equestrian Attorney

        Thanks – masks are mandatory inside the building, except in the actual pool, and locker room access is very limited.

    • anon

      I think this is a lot less risky than the Orange Theory classes my friend is doing. Just make sure you’re masking up in common areas, locker rooms, etc.

      • Anonymous

        I’ve been doing OrangeTheory classes since they reopened and going to the indoor pool with my children. There are virtually no recorded cases tied to gym-going. You do you, but I am fine with this.

        • No Face

          In my area, cases dropped noticeably when the government shut down gyms and indoor dining. There is no contact tracing to speak of here, so generally there are not specific cases tied to specific activities.

    • Anonymous

      Indoor pools (like pretty much everything else) have been open in Atlanta for months and I am unaware of any concern of related infections. I am talking about the YMCA and the City pools, which I believe would be responsible and shut down if there were a known issue. They are functioning on a similar sign-up system giving you an hour or so in a specific lane for lap swimming only. I don’t linger in the restrooms — wear my suit there under a sweat suit or similar and just drive home in the wet suit and shower at home.

    • anon

      Personally, I do not enjoy swimming enough to endure the risk. That said, MIT Health says using socially distanced pools is “low risk” with the highest risk being the locker room. Link to follow.

    • busybee

      I’ve been swimming regularly at the Y since August. There’s very little risk- you sign up for a time slot so the number of swimmers at any time is limited. People aren’t near each other at all.

    • ThirdJen

      I’m doing it, and I am otherwise medium-to-conservative on Covid (no in person dining, in person visits masked only, but I do run outside and send my kids to school). Chlorine kills the virus and my pool has a reservation system so it’s just you and the lifeguard, which has been SO embarrassing as I’m very much a beginner swimmer.

      • Equestrian Attorney

        Ha – I think our system is one person per lane, which I like since I’m in between speeds and always bump into someone in normal times.

    • Anon

      In my city swim team kids and Masters’ swimmers have been swimming in large public or membership-based pools for a while now and have been having meets. I am not aware of any news stories on them (and have been following, as one reason schools insist on remaining closed (now 2 days/week hybrid for K-5) was that kids were doing sports (which I support as schools refused to reopen and kids really needed SOMETHING).

      Basketball has been seen as a problem re spread b/w players as it is often inside, non-distanced, and almost a contact sport. Softball and swimming (yay chlorine — it is almost like a sanitizing dip) have not been (ditto football, where the outside + padding/helmets seem to have been favorable factors). Cross-country has also happened and wasn’t an issue.

      I’d do it, but I need like an 85 degree pool b/c I swim so slowly that I don’t get warm :( and I’d last about 15 minutes before tiring out.

    • cara

      Over the summer I went to outdoor pools. I wore a mask basically until I was in the water, and definitely in the locker room (that was semi-outdoor anyways). The lane swimming area was particularly distanced, can’t say the same for the childrens swimming area (different pool).
      I would do what you’re saying, that sounds fine. Just spend as little time unmasked out of water as possible.

  26. KS IT Chick

    I live in Lee riders regular fit, either straight leg or boot cut. I buy off Amazon. They are about $20-30/pair, depending on if there is a sale going on.

  27. Anon

    tomorrow DH and I are going to look at homes for the first time with our realtor. any tips for staying organized/keeping track of the different homes and likes/dislikes. do i just take notes on my phone? bring a notebook? other ideas?

    • Anon

      I’ve heard that I’m unusual in this way, but I’ve always known immediately yes or no. But your agent should give you a listing sheet for each property with all of the house’s info, and you can take notes on it.

      • Anonymous

        +1. Your agent will almost certainly give you listing sheets for each property with all the specifics on it.

      • pugsnbourbon

        It’s so funny you say that – we saw 5+ houses the same day we saw the one we bought. As we left my wife said, “yeah that’s our house.” She just knew!

    • Cat

      Photos or phone notes for sure. My best tip is to take a pic of the address (like on the door or mailbox) FIRST at each place so then you know which house’s photos are which :)

      • Cat

        Or- a screenshot of the listing works for this too and might be easier to spot. I just found it faster to snap a pic of the door.

    • Anon

      I’m usually a big note taker for other things, but for home searches a) agree with the above that you usually know when you are there if you will be interested or not and b) if I am there and know I am interested, I start taking my own photos. That way if there is something weird or notable that you know you will want to follow up on before putting in an offer, you can just take a picture of it to remember to do so.

    • Anon

      I also knew when I saw it. I’m only on my second house but I’m 2 for 2. Before I found my current house, I kept looking at places that almost fit the bill but I could fully imagine us in them. When I finally saw our house, I knew it was our house, despite the fact that it was a fixer upper and a money pit. We still love it.

      I often drive by another house that we bid on, that was almost right but not quite, and silently thank the old owners for passing on our bid.

    • Marie

      Echoing notes and pictures. When DH and I saw 4-5 houses in one day, I found myself conflating them in my memory where I was remembering one house’s kitchen, but another house’s bathrooms and thinking they were in the same house.

  28. Anon

    Okay, so what shoes should I be wearing with wider leg jeans? This is what I can’t figure out and I am accepting that I am now An Old, at the ripe old age of 32. The Everlane pair I’m looking at is literally styled without shoes. Also all I’ve been wearing for the past few months is snow boots so it’s like I’ve forgotten what other kinds of shoes even exist.

    • Anon

      I’ve been wearing sperry’s with my straight leg jeans. No idea if that look’s in style though.

    • Panda Bear

      Yes, this is my challenge with transitioning away from skinny jeans! Back in the day I would buy at least two of any pair of jeans so I could hem one for flats and one for heels.

      • anon

        Agree. It requires changing the whole silhouette, which usually means different shoes and a shorter top. (This is why I dislike fashion.)

        OP, I’ve seen bloggers wear big chunky sneakers but no idea if people are doing that in the real world.

    • pugsnbourbon

      I think flat sneakers, boots and sandals look good, with or without a chunky heel. Loafers look great, too.

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