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As I’m heading back into the office on a more regular basis, I’ve noticed that some of my basics are looking a little worse for wear. A black pencil skirt is a staple for me, and mine is looking a little worn out.
I like this lightweight twill version from Universal Standard. The elastic waistband looks forgiving, and the center-front slit allows for ease of movement without being too revealing.
The skirt is $118 and comes in sizes 00–40. It also comes in mocha.
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
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Diana Barry
Talk to me about heels. I last went to a work event where I felt like I needed heels (conference/travel) in the fall of 2019. I have a bunch of “novelty” heels (leopard slingbacks, red suede stilettos) from going to those kinds of conferences, several fancy styles for weddings, and then I have some “regular” heels for local networking events, and then going further back I still have the Cole Haan Nike Air 2″ wedges from a long time ago. I haven’t stepped foot in the office for a year plus, and I told my firm that I don’t necessarily need an office when we come “back” (I am an equity partner). So I am feeling the need to prune, since I feel like the big fancy conferences will be the last thing to come back and if they do come back the styles will be totally different, BUT I also have problem feet (triangle) so I am loath to give all of them up ‘just in case’. What do you all think? (And does anyone want some size 9 wide heels?)
Anon
Keep all but 1-2 pairs. As you mention, your heels will not be current next time you have a need for them.
Anon
Nah, don’t worry about being “current’ wear what you like, forget the rest. Dress for yourself not the local fashion police dictating what is and isn’t still in fashion–anyone judging shoes after a year away from the office clearly needs something better to do with their time.
Anon
+1 million
Anon
+1.
Cat
I would proceed with caution – perhaps try them all on, see which of them are still comfortable enough AND still look current, and eliminate the low-hanging fruit. I wouldn’t do a full-on purge at this unstable time :)
Go for it
I’d keep the ones that fit fabulously but then I am not one to give a care about “current”. When my feet are happy I am happy.
Anon
I’m with you! Life’s too short to wear uncomfortable shoes
Anonymous
I tried on my shoes recently and walked through my living room. Kept:
– black kitten heels
– nude sandal with block heel (summer date or outdoor dinner)
– three pairs of comfortable “other” (two strappy, one work alternate).
The rest of the time – flats and loafers! My feet told me no way.
Anon
Keep them all. Finding wide fit shoes is a nightmare. Wait a year.
Anonymous
This
NY CPA
+1 unless you need to make room in your closet for some reason
Anon
+1. I would definitely wait at least a year. These are weird times.
Diana Barry
Thanks all! Maybe I will just move them to the off-season closet for now and wait until 2022!
Anon
As a lawyer I have a number of “classic” heels for court or formal occasions that I view as timeless. I’m holding onto those. I’m beyond caring if almond, pointy or square toe is more in for pumps that season.
I feel like specialty heels can often be brought up to date by combining them with new clothes. The point of specialty heels is that they stand out anyways.
I’d keep anything in good condition that you like and that fits well.
AnonATL
I love shoes, especially heels, but I always find myself reaching for the same 2-3 pairs. I wouldn’t do a huge purge right now. Imo, if shoes are appropriate for work, they are classic enough to keep around for several years.
After wearing sandals, sneakers, and house shoes for a year no heels are going to feel good. Give it a month after being in the office and see which ones you don’t love anymore. Maybe after you wear a shoe, you can move it to another section in your closet sort of like the reverse hanger test.
Anonymous
For now, I am keeping all work clothes and shoes that I wore in 2019. The future of in-person events is just too uncertain at the moment. I have had several conversations in which people expressed hope of having large in-person meetings in October, and one as soon as July. Even October seems incredibly optimistic to me, but who knows. Based on the planning I’ve seen so far, it looks like the first in-person events that do occur will be finalized at the last minute. I don’t want to be scrambling to find shoes that fit or get dresses altered.
Sunshine
I’m also keeping everything for now that I wore in 2019. I have no idea if or when or how often I will return to work functions. And which pieces of my clothing I’ll like when I do so.
Anonymous
+1. I have taken the time to evaluate the condition of everything, but if it’s in good shape I am keeping it. I think there will be a rebound wave of events.
Anonymous
Same — I’m treating this like when they say don’t do anything rash for a year after a big trauma (like the death of a close loved one, etc). Right now the idea of wearing heels ever again seems laughable. A year after a return to in person stuff, I’ll reassess.
Plus, in normal times there would some decent chance that someone would be looking for work-wear in a thrift store, but right now I bet there is way more work-wear there than demand for it.
Anon
100% commiseration on triangle feet. I can’t make myself get rid of shoes (I must have some 10-15 years old) but I haven’t worn shoes all year, so they feel useless.
Anon
I’m your exact size (wide 9 with triangle feet) and finding dress shoes is a nightmare. Keep them! If you really need more space, find something else to pare down.
The original Scarlett
Fellow lover of shoes here. Right before the pandemic I actually culled all of my novelty heels and any uncomfortable shoes and for those brief two months, I was the happiest I’d ever been with my shoe options. I bought a couple of pairs of really comfortable, classic heels (one closed toe pump and one sandal) and wore those any time I needed heels (Sara Flints, fwiw). When we have to go back I plan to resume this, and I’m prepping by culling even more things I never plan to wear again and going deeper into uniform territory.
Anon
Are they taking up room you need? If not, keep the ones that spark joy when you look at them (red suede would do that for me) and get rid of any that look old or shabby to you.
Anon
I have discovered the secret to serenity. It is: a treadmill desk. Tedious meetings and calls are so much easier to deal wth while walking. Love it. Highly recommend.
Anon
+1. Every week, I have at least one 3hr call where I am a silent participant. So I hop on my spin bike and do a light workout for 40-60min while listening. Not only am I less stressed during those calls (“such a waste of time”), but I got into a very decent shape.
Cb
That’s amazing! I have a 6 hour “conference” tomorrow and am storing up all the laundry and am going to do all the folding. Weirdly I find I focus better if I treat webinars like podcasts and do other things.
NY CPA
I just finally steamed a basket full of clothes I’ve been waiting to do for months (because who wears clothes anymore that need to be steamed?) while listening to a 2 hour training. My room feels loads more organized. I’m so glad I did it!
Anonymous
Several women I know who are in house counsel and constantly on long calls where they have little active involvement on the calls (back in before times when everyone was in offices) would do adult coloring books while on these calls to stay focused.
No Problem
For my next meeting where I’m a silent participant, I’m contemplating painting my nails. Something I’ve been meaning to do for a week and haven’t gotten around to. But I also like the idea of a leisurely weightlifting session, or some restorative yoga or stretching. Thanks for the inspiration!
Anon
I paint my nails all the time in silent participation calls.
I actually find I pay better attention because it gives me something mindless to focus on rather than being tempted to just check my email “for a quick sec”.
Katie
Yup, I do this too!
brokentoe
oddly, I didn’t often paint my fingernails in the before times, but it gives me some joy to do it during meetings.
anon a mouse
I used to paint my nails in my office during silent calls. I stopped with WFH but I should get back to it.
No Face
I only paint my nails during work hours nowadays. Especially my toes.
Anon
jealous. I’m in a job where in normal times i meet with people face to face, so now I’m on zoom 24/7
Anon
I like doing this as well. I actually focus better when I’m not just sitting at my computer screen with this site and the news to tempt me away from paying attention.
Anon
It’s funny how many of us feel this way. I’ll have to try to think of a way to translate this into being in the actual office when the time comes, because I can’t paint my nails at my office desk even if I know it is helping me! Ha.
anon
Sudoku
JTM
I’ve been wanting one – any recommendations on brands?
Curious
+1.
Sunshine
+2. I have very little space, but I’m also very interested.
Anonymous
I just bought a portable elliptical on Amazon that can be used either while you’re seated or standing. It does not have all of the stuff on top like right hand rails so it looks like it’ll be a core work out. It was like 170 bucks. If that’s of interest. Good ratings.
Anonymous
+1.
Anon
If you work legal in-house what kind of KPI’s would you say you have? Ensuring my clients are happy that I respond timely to their requests seems vague but what else are appropriate KPI’s for just working through contracts and knowing my area of the law or the business to provide advice.
AnonInfinity
My legal department has clearly defined timelines that we use for ours. Gold star is resolving issues (when possible) within 5 business days. We also have yearly tasks to complete, like updating our internal benefits and employment matter surveys (my company is global) that go into performance goals. Other than that, mine do feel pretty vague or squishy.
Anon
Today I learned a new acronym. :)
Senior Attorney
Me, too!
Anonymous
We send surveys to our internal clients (small surveys regularly and one big one annually) and have KPI’s set around their responses. I hate it.
CountC
Same.
Anonymous
I keep seeing similar language in various articles about J&J – “it’s just young women” – like this only happens to a very small insignificant subset of people. As if adult women under 50 don’t make up a huge portion of the population. Does this feel dismissive to anyone else? I understand it’s a one in a million extremely rare thing and I shouldn’t let it keep me up at night. I got J&J almost 2 weeks ago, so I’m almost in the clear but also extra alert to severe headaches, leg pain, etc. The reporting of this issue has my hackles raised a bit, I’m curious if anyone else has the same reaction.
Anonymous
I think they could be reporting this way so that they can salvage the ability to continue using the J&J vaccine in at least some populations without signifcant anti-vax pushback. I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt on this one.
anonshmanon
That’s how I read it. They are trying to narrow down the group most likely affected in an attempt to preserve trust in the vaccine for others.
Anonymous
This. I took it as identifying that it doesn’t seem to be a widespread problem. Some question as to whether it will be linked to postpartum issues at blood clotting risk is significantly higher in the year or two after pregnancy (including if a pregnancy loss). If it turns out to be that it means it would be counter-indicated for some women but suitable for men and a large number of women.
Anonymous
Nope. It’s 6 people. Since they d basically halted use of it I don’t see how you can jump to the notion no one cares enough unless you want to be offended.
Patricia Gardiner
This. They halted use of the vaccine in everyone because of a link to a severe condition in 6 women. I don’t know how they could be taking it more seriously!
As others have said, if that sub population risk bears out, hopefully it can still be used in men, etc who don’t have the same risk – this will leave other vaccines available for women.
AnonInfinity
I hadn’t viewed the coverage as dismissive, more like, “Not everyone has experienced this side effect– only women under 50 seem to be affected.”
Anonymous
Right. The people most likely to die, who need a vaccine the most, are older than 50. And if you can get shots into that population and 50% of the rest of the world, that is a significant save. The rest of the world needs shots, especially a one -dose one with no special cooling needs. Not just shots for where there are Starbucks.
Anonymous
Well, everyone dismisses young women and women’s pain, so it’s not exactly new, but it still does bother me as well. Even if it wasn’t the intent of the framing, there is an impact. I’m also reminded of those clinical trials for a male birth control pill several years ago that they discontinued due to a “discomfort” and “mood swings” among the men. Has anyone ever read the full list of side effects for birth control pills? It leaves that “discomfort“ in the dust. We are much more willing to accept women’s pain as the price of progress, even though in this case, men are the ones doing the impregnating.
anonshmanon
I agree with you in general, but in this case we are holding up the vaccination of about a million people per week, even though that continues to expose them to the risk of contracting severe covid. I don’t see how in this particular case, the reaction could have been any less dismissive.
Anonymous
I thought that the Biden administration ordered enough Pfizer and Moderna (by July) to vaccinate everyone who wants it just with those two. I agree it’s a tough choice to hold up vaccination, but we don’t know for sure that it’s only women who get affected yet. There hasn’t been enough time to determine that with any certainty.
Anon
I guess I don’t know what examples of this feel dismissive to you, but as a scientist, the “it’s just young woman” part is actually what raises the red flags that justify a pause, because it suggests the true incidence in affected populations might be much more than one in a million. One important thing to keep in mind is that vaccines haven’t been given to all part of the population equally, so trying to assess the rate in “young women” means also figuring out how many of them were vaccinated and whether all people with this problem have actually reported it. In Europe, they’ve mostly seen this in women, but because there are more female health care workers, and they’re a large fraction of the vaccinated population, it’s unclear whether it really mostly affects women or that’s just who’s been vaccinated. Here, older people have received most of the vaccines, so cases in young women might be a lot higher that it initially appears. That’s why it makes sense to stop the vaccine for a couple days and make sure patients are aware, doctors know how to treat it (different than normal clots), and quite possibly avoid giving it to women under 50. The incidence certainly appears to be very low no matter how you calculate it, but it’s definitely something to be aware of and take into account when deciding who gets which shot. In the US right now, JJ is a small fraction of the vaccines available, so pausing won’t have much of an affect on vaccination rate, but in the long term it will be important for other countries, so it would be good to figure out what’s happening.
Anon.
As a scientist, I also want to add another factor that may be complicating an analysis:
These unusual events have been mainly observed in young women, but maybe we haven’t detected them in the older population. Imagine if a 70-yr old person experienced clotting/stroke symptoms 2 weeks after being vaccinated – how many of these people and their medical providers do not make a connection to the vaccine, but attribute these symptoms to a “normal” age-related stroke?
That’s why it’s important to consider baseline incidences of such events. If, let’s say, the incidence of strokes is 10% in age 70+, a 0.5% increase of such events (now 10.5% incidence) would maybe be unlikely to be considered statistically irrelevant. In a younger population, where the baseline incidence is maybe 0.001%, the same increase would be huge! (These are imaginary numbers.)
Anon
Yes, exactly. And, that’s not even taking into account the benefit part of the risk benefit calculation, which is clearly higher for older people. That’s why Europe is using an age calculation for who gets AZ. They’re not yet sure of the exact risk, but they do know the massive benefit for older people, while it’s slightly less clear for younger people.
Anon
No. The entire point is that if a particular at-risk group can be identified, the correct solution is to continue using the vaccine for other groups. If the at-risk group cannot be defined, it’s quite scary.
We do the same thing with every other type of medication. Some women with genetic problems or those over 40 are at a high risk of blood clots from the Pill. We do not then ban the Pill; we tell women who is at risk and who is not. FFS this stuff isn’t hard.
Anonymous
Except we don’t know for sure that it’s only young women who are affected by this. It’s a hypothesis, not a proven outcome. “FFS”
Anon
The OP’s concern was that saying this affects “only young women” sounds dismissive. I pointed out the OBVIOUS public health reason for doing so. She’s looking for reasons to be offended, as are you.
Have a nice day.
Anon
Expanding on my previous reply and that of the Anon below, I rifled through my medicine cabinet.
DayQuil: contraindicated for pregnant and breastfeeding women, those on MAOIs, those with liver disease, heart disease, high blood pressure, thyroid disease, diabetes, those with trouble urinating due to an enlarged prostate gland.
Benadryl: contraindicated for those with breathing problems, enlarged prostates, and glaucoma.
Hydrocortisone: not for use by children under 12.
This is literally how health care works. You don’t say “Benadryl is saying that people with glaucoma don’t matter,” or “It’s only a hypothesis.” We have successfully identified a higher risk subset of people and will adjust our vaccine recommendations based on that. It’s not denigrating to the higher-risk subset.
Anonymous
This is literally the subset. Just like some cold medicines have created risk for those with high blood pressure. That’s nothing for someone with high blood pressure to get their “hackles” up about. FFS.
Anon
They are saying it has ONLY been seen in young women, not that is JUST young women so it doesn’t matter. You are reading intent into it that is not there.
Coach Laura
The scientific article that I read yesterday said that they already eliminated birth control pills or hormone supplementation as a cause. The article said it was a rare genetic trait called Factor 4. My brothers and father have Factor 2 so I was interested. There is a blood test for Factor 2 and I’m sure for Factor 4 also, but it would be impractical to test everyone before J&J. My guess is that they’ll limit it to people over 50 like some European countries. Over 50 is where the risk of really bad outcomes from covid outweigh the one-in-a-million risk of the rare clotting reaction. https://www.statnews.com/2021/04/13/researchers-search-for-answers-in-puzzle-of-blood-clots-and-covid-vaccines-and-see-some-clues/
Anonymous
From what I’ve read, a stronger response, including an autoimmune response, in young women would be as expected with any vaccine. Younger people have stronger immune responses, and women have stronger responses than men. One place specifically mentioned that with the covid vaccines the stronger response can be clearly seen in the people who have gotten anaphylactic shocks from the vaccines, almost exclusively women. The reason women get the more active autoimmune response from a vaccine could be a genetic difference connected to the same reason that more men seem to die from covid and have a weaker immune response to the virus.
Anonymous
Some kid in our city is getting people to send him/her videos of kids singing rap songs and calling them out for being racists if the n word is in the song, tagging them, their school, and their future colleges in the posts so that his/her followers can tag the high schools and colleges until they get the kids suspended and / or un-admitted. [It bothers me how misogynistic most of these songs are. No one cares about that.]. There is some troubling doxing and cyber bullying going on, all heavily anonymous, but obviously some people on some level know each other and there is a lot of athlete hate (not all though).
My lawyer hat guesses that this is all skirting terms-of-service of different platforms but that this is an internet evil that nothing can be done until some kid either kills him or herself or tries to settle a score in person, both of which I see as likely given the stakes and lasting effects of being shamed as a racist (which may be the case but it is likely that some kids are using bad judgment and what might be a burning bush moment is just going to send people to their corners).
I don’t think these are police matters but maybe are school harassment things for them to deal with. Why do people ask regulatory lawyers these questions? It is troubling (and sobering — my kids are younger but this should rightly terrify them — if they are even near another kid in a group someone identifies them and they all get tagged). Maybe the Luddites were right?
Anonymous
I think you’re the same poster from last week fretting about kids these days and cancel culture, using the same weird tone and phrasing. I think you’re making all of this up to stir up drama and should stop, it isn’t welcome here.
Anon
I don’t think it’s made up because there is constantly some new story if you are interested in the world of cancel culture, but OP, I’ve got to tell you that it’s always really hard to read your posts and find the takeaway when you write in that style. What’s the tl;dr here?
Cat
Yeah agreed – these posts are really difficult to follow.
I think the aggregator-kid is in for his or her own world of hurt, though – no one likes the kid who’s entrapping his peers like that.
Anonymous
Given the state of social affairs I think if anything the aggregator will be held out as some form of a victim for their ‘brave activism’.
Seventh Sister
I also wonder what will happen when an aggregator (or a school) gets it wrong. It’s bound to happen – I had a girl who looked exactly like me in school, and I can totally imagine someone identifying Johnny Smith as Jamie Smith. The aggregator kid (or parent) might not have any $, but schools have deep pockets.
As someone with older kids, I do kind of constantly remind them not to use slurs or insensitive language (we’ve been watching a lot of 90s sitcoms which provide endless “teachable moments”) and be careful what they post online. Neither seems at all interested in getting on social media, but I’m sure it’s coming.
Anon.
Agree. I have trouble understanding what the question/concern is.
Anon
Yeah, I’m so sick of seeing this writing style here. It’s always bizarre.
busybee
I think this is terrible and a perfect example of wokeness gone way too far. If the lyrics are so offensive, the rappers shouldn’t have them in the songs at all. Destroying a kid’s life for singing a song is plain wrong.
JTM
Or maybe people who aren’t Black can stop using the N word, it’s really not that hard.
Everything isn’t for everybody, and being told “you can’t use that word in any context or situation” is not the end of the world.
busybee
That’s not what they’re being told though. They’re having their futures ruined via suspensions and withdrawn college admissions. It’s not a learning experience, it’s pure vindictiveness.
Anon
Is there an article that talks about kids who have been suspended to kicked out of college over this? Or is this just the goal of this person?
busybee
Anon at 10:33, The NY Times had an article maybe a month or so ago about a girl whose college acceptance was rescinded after a video of her singing a Rick Ross song at age 14 was sent to them. There may be others but I’m aware of that one
anon for this
This is the story, FWIW. But it certainly seems like it was more than just a lyric.
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/12/26/us/mimi-groves-jimmy-galligan-racial-slurs.html
Anon
Maybe Black rappers shouldn’t be using words that they don’t want people calling them. Let us remember the commentary from Tina Fey’s character in Mean Girls: we have got to stop calling each other s— and w—, because it just makes it okay for boys to call us that.
Furthermore, the “penalty” for singing a rap song should be that the school principal has a talk with you about what is and is not appropriate, not for your college acceptance to be rescinded. Not every white kid has good parents who teach them proper behaviour.
Anonymous
But like there is no evidence any is this is true! She’s making it up!
Anon
Liar.
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/02/us/racism-social-media-college-admissions.html
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/12/26/us/mimi-groves-jimmy-galligan-racial-slurs.html
https://www.npr.org/sections/ed/2017/06/06/531591202/harvard-rescinds-admission-of-10-students-over-obscene-facebook-messages
Tulane saying that if someone screenshots and sends social media, they will rescind admissions: https://admission.tulane.edu/aggregator/sources/1
Anonymous
Yeah none of those articles say that what this poster claims is happening actually is.
Anonymous
I am sure you said at least one regrettable thing as a teenager. Everyone did. Do you think you deserved to have your college admission revoked and to be unemployable for your entire life because of one wrong word?
Anonymous
In response to your question, “Why do people ask regulatory lawyers these questions?”, it’s because people don’t understand that there are specializations in law, and because people have been conditioned by tort reform advocates and the popular media to believe that you can just go around filing lawsuits for whatever reason you please. I don’t even practice and I get asked all sorts of legal questions all the time because people know I have a law degree.
Anonymous
I mean I hope you’re more worried about your kids using the N word than some random Youtube person doxxing them because they were dumb enough to video themselves using the N word. Tell your kids not to be racists. Problem solved.
Anon
When you were in high school / college, did you sing along w/ the rap songs at parties? Did you sing the lines that had the N word which ends in A and not ER? I certainly didn’t know it was wrong to sing along w/ a song back then.
Also, wasn’t there a rapper recently that picked a white girl out of the audience to come on stage and rap with him? He asked her if she knew the lyrics first and she did…. then when she rapped the N—A word, he stopped the song and had the whole crowd booing her. That seems really unfair and it does not seem like she was being racist. The artist asked her to rap it with him!
Anonymous
I didn’t because I wasn’t an idiot. FWIW I graduated high school in 1998 from a small town in Canada. If I knew that it was wrong to use the N word even if singing along with rap songs back then, it’s not exactly rocket science to be aware of that in the BLM era.
Anonymous
If that’s true, it does sound like entrapment to me. That’s not a good-faith effort to call out racism at all.
Anon
It was Kendrick Lamar:
https://www.bbc.com/news/newsbeat-44209141
Anon
Nope, sure didn’t. It would have been gross then and gross now. Hell, I remember a unit on blackface and minstrel shows (and why it was a bad thing and something one does not do) in my high school theatre class in the early 90’s. This was in a small city in Pennsylvania that’s known now for being hardcore Trumpy. It’s not some new, super lefty thing.
anon
I was in high school in the late 90s and early 00s. I knew then that I was supposed to follow the radio edit when it came to the N word. My parents didn’t have to teach me that directly.
Anon
Graduated HS in 2005. Rapped along but skipped the words that weren’t for me. It’s really not that hard, nor is this a new development.
Anon.
This.
Anon.
This.\
Anonymous
I graduated a bit later than you, but I did rap along with the n-word in the song Gold Digger. I honestly didn’t know it wasn’t okay. I know that now, of course (basically as soon as I got out of my extremely rural, homogeneous town and learned more about the world), but I rapped it then because I thought it was fine as long as it was repeating the lyrics of a song. I did know then (as did my peers) that you would never use it as an insult against a black person. I thought songs were different and I was wrong.
Pam
Another white person here who went to high school in the late 90s in what is now Trump country chiming in to say I definitely knew to skip over that word.
anon
I did not but to be honest I also said a lot of regrettable and offensive stuff that I didn’t realize was awful at the time like using gay as an insult or calling someone or something the r word, and I grew up in a fairly progressive area and had/have friends from high school who are gay and one of my best friend’s sisters is severely mentally disabled. And I find it jarring now the number of educated “woke” people who still use the r word. I honestly didn’t realize at the time it was bad or offensive since everyone around me was doing/saying the same and I wish I could go back in a time machine and not say those things and call out my friends when they’d say them. I am also grateful that I didn’t go to highschool when social media and videos were a thing that would have recorded this. That said, as the saying goes, if you’re comparing two words and you won’t say one of them, obviously you know which is worse to say so especially in the age of BLM, I would hope high school students would know better to just sing the radio edit version of the lyrics but if all their friends sing along to the lyrics, I have some sympathy that their underdeveloped teenaged brains who may think they are being edgy don’t get what they are doing and would hope that someone calls them out on it and sets them straight rather than publicly shaming them on social media as a first response. I’m also not convinced this is a thing that’s actually happening (colleges pulling admissions for a video of someone singing along to a song).
Anon
Yup.
anon
Yeah if I live-streamed myself saying the N word, I can understand why a university might be like “on second thought, perhaps she’s *not* smart enough to go here.”
Anonymous
Stuff like this is just so so concerning but there’s nothing actionable you can do without also potentially facing repercussions/doxxing/etc. The only ‘option’ is to be an internet ghost and encourage in your kids to do the same, mitigated any risk you’ll end up as a target.
Anonymous
Or there’s that whole ‘don’t use the N word ‘ option. Not that hard.
Anon
Does anyone still follow Above the Law anymore? It seems that ever since David Lat left, the new guy is nowhere as good as Lat was at witty and insightful commentary and gathering actually useful gossips. A lot of what he writes is now downright offensive, and not well-balanced like Lat’s pieces were. So disappointed. Why did David Lat leave ATL?
Anon
I’m not even a lawyer, but I just read a piece about Amy Chua this morning.
Anonymous
Based on ATL, it seems that all law schools are just doing SJW outrage these days. Does anyone actually learn law and become a practicing lawyer? I feel bad that people will graduate so heavily in debt and may have learned exactly nothing. I hope that’s not the case but I guess schools expect a lot of on the job training for their grads vs training them themselves? Med schools couldn’t get away with this or even places that teach you to cut hair.
Cat
Law school is terrible at training anyone for work that isn’t litigation, generally. And I went to a really good one.
Anonymous
Law school isn’t even very good at training people for litigation, which is part of why the legal profession is structured the way it is. It’s a giant waste of time and money.
No Face
Law school does not train anyone for anything. The only reason to do it is because it is required to be a lawyer. I gained nothing but great friends.
Anonymous
It’s not even great at training them for litigation, really. Brief writing, maybe, but not the practical aspects of it. The irony is I think the lower-ranked schools actually do a better job of teaching the practical stuff.
Anonymous
That’s because the lower-ranked schools’ goal is to produce practicing attorneys. The fancy schools are trying to produce SCOTUS clerks and law professors.
Monday
That’s true of almost all higher education (not saying I like it). The more prestigious an institution is, generally the less likely it is to offer practical training with which you graduate into a specific job ready to apply it.
Anon
Our local regional law school (that is actually gaining some national recognition) has a legal residency program where students work in a firm or agency for a semester. We love hiring grads from that school because they actually have some idea what they are doing, even on their first day. They know what discovery is! They know how to write an affidavit. I remember one of my first assignments as a first year was to write an affidavit and I was like ummmmmm I don’t know how. Yeah.
I think these residency programs are great but there is also a lot of pushback (that was discussed here a month or so ago) that they are providing unpaid labor. The way they are supposed to function though, they are supposed to be work for the sponsoring firm, not all benefit! I’m jealous of our current resident though. She will graduate having been in depositions, mediations, hearings, an oral argument, seen various practice areas, worked on discovery…. it’s very different than a summer program where you are just researching and cite checking. She is going to graduate knowing more than I did after my second year of practice where I had mostly done doc review!
Monday
Echoing the comments above! When I was a Biglaw paralegal doing all litigation, the new associates always told me they had no training in it. (I did not go to law school myself.)
No Face
ATL is a tabloid, in my opinion, so I would not assume that its coverage is representative. “SJW outrage” is probably overblown. The professors are tenured and have usually been there forever. I doubt the old white tenured professors who have been there for decades has switched to SJW outrage all day.
Anon
I guess that leaves the students and the admins. The professors are probably busy writing articles that no one will ever read. Certainly no one is teaching these kids. How is this not a really bad Ponzi scheme? It’s not like you can discharge these loans when you realize you will be hopelessly insolvent for the rest of your life.
No Face
Law school is definitely a cash cow for universities and basically nothing else. (Can you tell I am not in love with law school?) Our student loan system is hugely problematic. The school charges an inflated tuition, the feds give the school money, and the students are stuck with massive loans that will affect their choices for years to come. It is crazy to me that if I blow tons of money on yachts, cars, and clothes I can discharge the debt in bankruptcy, but if I am a poor kid who goes to law school and can’t afford the debt despite working full time after graduation I’m just in debt forever.
Anon
When I was in law school, a lot of classes in 1L were bar exam subjects, so kind of helpful for that, but it doesn’t matter day to day. But there were a lot of classes in the other years that either flagged you as a potential SJW to future employers at worse and at best didn’t teach any practical skills. Like family law could be practical (where can you file for divorce? because jurisdiction matters and I know everyone hates state law, but it is what matters for a lot of us (property law, family law, etc.)) or could be all “intersectional rights and international perspectives on women’s rights in the family” which would maybe be relevant to Amal Clooney but not to 99% of the students at the school. The professor teaching that class would probably chafe at teaching the Property 101 class.
Anon
I’m sorry, but I am rolling my eyes so hard at “flagged you as a potential SJW.” This place is just batsh-t crazy sometimes.
Anon
She has a point. The mix of classes you take as a 2L and a 3L says something. Imagine you are interviewing 2Ls, who have the following classes scheduled:
Administrative Law
Antitrust
Federal Civil Procedure
First Amendment Jurisprudence
Remedies
Eh, whatever on the 1A seminar. That’s a very standard 2L or 3L group of classes.
Now imagine:
First Amendment Jurisprudence
Death Penalty seminar
ECHR Law
Family Law
Poverty Law
It says something about the person’s interests and personality.
Seventh Sister
Eh, I think it’s just what hits the news as opposed to what most of the students and most of the professors are doing. Having a real property clinic isn’t that interesting, but professors saying racist things on tape? Show me the tape! My law school is extremely dull and generally scandal-free (the larger institution has been a consistent scandal-maker for the last few years lol), but my undergrad has been in the news relatively recently for students freaking out over a campus event. Most of the students really couldn’t have given a crap, but there was a core group who were obsessed with it.
Anon
My daughter is in law school now, and complains regularly about SJWs derailing every class to grandstand about some issue that is completely irrelevant. If there is a dog in a case or the professor’s hypothetical, the detour will be animal rights and that we cannot own our pets. If a car is involved, the detour will be environmental concerns and how all private vehicles should be banned or green taxes should be imposed. It sounds exhausting in a whole different way than discussing whether the car driver is liable for hitting the pedestrian.
Anon
That is not necessarily a new thing although it may have gotten worse. Class discussions in several of my law school classes 20+ years ago were completely derailed by esoteric discussions of the way the world ought to be or people taking very extreme positions.
My favorite were the women insisting that every s*xual encounter between married people before spousal r*pe laws was effectively r*pe because the women could not withhold consent. And this was in the 90s. And the male students sat there completely silent because (as one of them told me later), “we are not allowed to have opinions about that.”
Senior Attorney
To answer your question, OP, David Lat has gone into legal recruiting: https://abovethelaw.com/2019/05/a-departure-memo-from-david-lat-leaving-abovethelaw-joining-lateral-link/
anon a mouse
Can’t comment on the new guy but my understanding is he left because Substack was throwing gobs of money at him, as they are a lot of influential voices.
Anon
Quality took a big hit when David left, but I stopped reading when they turned the comments off. They were a cesspool but more helpful in getting gossip than the actual site.
anon
Same. I actually learned a lot from the comments despite having to wade through lots of hot garbage.
Coach Laura
I don’t know why Lat left ATL but man, he was lucky to survive covid. I remember reading this article and having the first glimpse into bad covid from the patient’s perspective. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2020/04/09/my-near-death-experience-ventilator/
Anon
I really like Joe Patrice on twitter.
Book Lover
Does anyone have an e-reader they like that isn’t a Kindle? Bonus points if it has a screen that doesn’t look like a computer screen. Thank you!
Anon
This fails your computer screen test, but I love my ipad mini. I have a lot of eye strain issues, but I use night mode and low screen brightness and it works pretty well (I read A LOT), plus I like being able to use it for other things. If you want a one use device to keep you from getting distracted, then it’s probably not what you want.
Anonymous
No. Kindle is far and away the best e reader.
Anonymous
I’ve got a Nook glowlight (and had a previous Nook version) that I like because it has the eInk screen as opposed to computer-like screen. Uses epub file format, so it plays nicely with most ebooks, including library ebooks.
Anon100
Same here with the current Nook glowlight and had a previous Nook version too! I’ve never gotten on the Kindle train because the original Kindle design and incompatibility with library ebooks and pdf files were awful. I will say that if you buy a lot of ebooks through Amazon, then Kindle is your best choice. I had a B&N membership way before e-readers came out, so I’ve just stuck with Nook.
Anon
I’ve enjoyed my Kobo Libra as a Kindle alternative. Paperwhite screen, easy to read, customizable font sizes, syncs perfectly with my local library, and has a great battery life.
Only down side is that it’s a little quirky. If it falls asleep while in a landscape orientation then I have to unlock it while also in a landscape orientation, otherwise it will just wake up and immediately go back to sleep–and the sleep cover doesn’t work in these situations for some reason. It also has crashed on me more than a few times for unexplained reasons.
But it was cheaper than a Kindle and it works well with my public library so I’m keeping it.
Anon
I’ve enjoyed my Kobo Libra as a Kindle alternative. Paperwhite screen, easy to read, customizable font sizes, syncs perfectly with my local library, and has a great battery life.
Only down side is that it’s a little quirky. If it falls asleep while in a landscape orientation then I have to unlock it while also in a landscape orientation, otherwise it will just wake up and immediately go back to sleep–and the sleep cover doesn’t work in these situations for some reason. It also has crashed on me more than a few times for unexplained reasons.
But it was cheaper than a Kindle and it works well with my public library so I’m keeping it.
Anon
Sounds like you should just…read an actual book.
No Face
I bought my Kindle after reading the last Song of Ice & Fire / Game of Thrones books. Lugging around a 900+ hardcover book in my purse was a bit much. E-reader with an e-ink screen is a backsaver for many of us dorks, especially during travel. I still love physical books that aren’t too large though.
Book Lover
Oh, I do that, too. Like No Face, I would like to be able to carry around a book without having something heavy and bulky in my purse. Also my partner has trouble sleeping, so I’m trying to find a way to read in bed without having the light on. You’ll probably be horrified to learn that I also listen to audiobooks regularly!
Thanks for the recommendations so far! I do love the Libby app and use it a lot, but I’m also trying not to look at my phone in bed.
No Face
Libby + e-reader is a game changer. The fact that I can’t switch to Twitter, text, etc on the device means that I really focus on the book. Better reading, and better sleep hygiene because of the lack of blue light.
anonshmanon
Not sure if this applies to your question, but I have the Libby app on my phone and read ebooks there. It connects to my library account and the convenience has been great.
Anonymous
One of my closest friends is going through a bad breakup amid other life crises at the same time and is miserable. She really wants to go out to a nice dinner with me tomorrow (the exact day I become fully vaccinated). She’s also fully vaccinated. The weather here in NYC will be cold and rainy, so not good for outdoor dining.
If not for my friend being so miserable and wanting my support/company in this way, I would not consider eating indoors right now. I have been super cautious this whole time (not even grocery shopping) and going from zero to normal the first day I’m “safe” feels like a LOT. I haven’t even done outdoor dining in over 6 months, and even that was stressful to me. I did tell her I feel nervous about this, but her reaction is basically she’s going crazy, she needs me, a nice evening out will make her feel better, and it’s something I should get over since I’m not actually in danger (she said it more nicely).
Is this just one of those times I should suck it up and deal? Right now I’m dreading this but she is a great friend to me (including being so supportive during my times of need) and I might feel calmer once I’m actually there and have a drink…and I know I do need to reintegrate into the world. It just…feels like a risky/scary thing to do even though it probably isn’t now.
Anonymous
Absolutely not! Put on a coat, find outdoor seating with a covering (literally all over), and eat outside. She’s bullying you. Don’t stand for it. It is perfectly fine to want to take some time to reintegrate
Anonymous
Thanks. I think I made it seem more like bullying with my paraphrasing than it actually was.
I guess I am trying to decide if my discomfort is reasonable vs unreasonable (I have had several friends over the pandemic telling me I was taking restrictions too far and not living my life and they probably weren’t wrong).
Marie
Your feelings are valid as long as you think they are. If you are not comfortable, it does not matter if she thinks you should be or if any of us would be. There are lots of ways for you to support a friend, and if you don’t want to go to dinner under the parameters she has set, that is okay.
Anon
Unfortunately I think only you can answer this for yourself. The answer is just so personal.
Alternatively, could you invite her over and make her a nice meal and serve plenty of wine? You would obviously be exposed to her, but at least not a restaurant full of people?
Anonymous
I’d be much more comfortable doing this and could probably get her to unhappily agree, but she really wants the nice restaurant experience (something we loved doing together in the Before Times).
Anon
She needs to meet you in the middle. We are still in a global pandemic. People will have a lot of psychological effects from this to sort out, and that is okay. And there is still risk. You just need to tell her no, and here is what I am comfortable with alternatively. End of story.
And for context I am not one of the super anxious COVID posters, and I have done probably mid-level risk stuff, but I agree to go full indoor dining will probably take me a minute. I can tell from your follow ups that you really aren’t ready for what she is suggesting and that is OKAY!
Anonymous
PS I think you’re right, it is something only I can answer for myself. Ultimately she very rigidly wants it to be that day, that activity, without compromise, and I have to decide whether I can make myself be okay with that or propose a compromise that will be better for my anxiety level but worse for her emotional comfort.
Anonymous
Just eat outside. I did all winter in the snow. It is not hard to find an outdoor option.
anon
Good for you, but that sounds pretty miserable, TBH. Yeah, you can bundle up, but your food can’t.
Anonymous
Huh? Is she your friend or your jailer? She doesn’t get to call all the shots.
MagicUnicorn
In a perfect world we could all have our cake and eat it too, but your friend’s rigidity in this is oddly out of touch with reality.
Sometimes life sucks, but that doesn’t mean one gets to dictate other people’s choices thereafter just for their own personal emotional comfort.
anon
Exactly this. I’m sorry your friend is hurting, but she’s being very rigid and I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. I will be fully vaccinated tomorrow (as in, waiting period over), and I still don’t feel 100% comfortable with going to a restaurant. It’s going take some time to ease into things.
anonshmanon
Yes, I’d do a fancy at home dinner too.
Anonymous
Tell her you are making a reservation for 2 weeks from tomorrow when you are fully vaccinated. You’ve waited this long, it’s not much longer, and the numbers are still quite high here. Or go outdoors at a place with a good setup – it isn’t going to be THAT bad tomorrow, and the rain will probably reduce crowding some.
Alternately, what about going to a museum with her? You can stay masked, the capacity limits and ventilation rules are pretty strict (I am friends with someone who is the ED of a small museum and was on the reopening committee), and I think it is generally much more low risk than indoor dining, and possibly even lower risk than outdoor dining.
Anonymous
PS – another compromise would be to go somewhere with her where she can eat/drink but you keep your mask on. She can still talk to you, but you can stay safe. This would be easier at a coffeeshop or something than a sit down restaurant.
Anon
I took the way she phrased it to mean it is the exact date that her 2nd shot would be in full effect, not that she’s getting the shot tomorrow (which I think she would have just said like that). But I could be wrong.
I like the museum idea.
Anonymous
Yes, this is correct…had my second shot two weeks ago, as of tomorrow.
I would definitely be more comfortable with a different activity but she really wants the restaurant experience. I know I should almost certainly be safe but I feel weird and stressed about it.
Anonymous
If you feel weird and stressed, it’s because your brain is warning you that this activity is not safe for you. Tell your friend you aren’t dining at restaurants for the time being and propose an alternate activity.
This type of peer pressure is insidious and damaging. As we were taught in fifth grade, Just Say No.
NYCer
If you’re not comfortable eating indoors at a restaurant, can you have your friend over to your place and order food from a nice restaurant? You could plate it on real plates and pour wine / make cocktails in real glasses, so it feels “nicer” and less like take out. Presumably, they two of you would just be talking to each other anyways, so if you feel iffy about indoor restaurant dining still, it seems unnecessary to go to a restaurant.
Or else tell her you will go out with her on Saturday when the weather is meant to be beautiful in NYC, and you can eat outside…
Anon
I think your friend is being disrespectful of your comfort level. You can be a good friend without dining indoors. Do something else tomorrow- like get takeout and drink wine at someone’s apartment and dine outdoors a different day
AIMS
Can you go Saturday when weather is better?
Go to an empty restaurant?
Anonymous
You sound obviously uncomfortable with this idea so of course you shouldn’t do it. Invite her over to dinner at your house instead. Another alternative could be to find a restaurant with a covered patio and space heaters. There are lots of ways to spend time together that are not indoor dining, which is truly one of the very riskiest things you can do right now.
If there is one thing I have learned in this pandemic, it is not to succumb to peer pressure, even if the other person has a good reason. They always have good reasons.
Anonymous
Thanks. I am definitely uncomfortable with it but am not sure if it is reasonable for me to be uncomfortable with it, as I will be vaccinated. But agreed with your points.
Anon
many people i know who are fully vaccinated are still uncomfortable with indoor dining.
Anonymous
Of course it’s reasonable. You make your own decisions and it’s no one’s business but yours. I think sticking to your guns on this will be a really good exercise in boundary-setting – it builds self-confidence and makes it easier next time.
Anonymous
This is how all sorts of bad stuff happens to people. They ignore their own safety warnings because other people tell them they are unreasonable.
Anonymous
+10000.
Anon
I think she’s being overly demanding in having you step out of your comfort zone on a day when you cannot eat outdoors. Can’t she wait a few days for better weather?
Anonymous
She is really hurting and doesn’t want to wait–but of course she will find a way to deal if I tell her I won’t do it.
NYCer
Can you go tonight and sit outside? It is not supposed to get cold and rainy until tomorrow.
Anonymous
Tonight is probably the best compromise…going to see if that will work.
Allie
Personally, I don’t feel comfortable indoor dining because it puts the servers at risk. I vote for waiting until you can outdoor dine with her — or have her over to your place for dinner and drinks — you’re both fully vaccinated and that seems way safer.
Anon
Your servers want money. They are not happy with an empty restaurant and no government assistance.
Anon
+1
Anon
I’m not convinced that it’s this simple.
Anon
The virus does not care about her broken heart. Do what’s safe and appropriate.
Anon
Tomorrow is a weekday. Do you think it will actually be crowded? We decided to do a local restaurant for my husband’s 40th since it was a Tuesday night. We were literally the only table for the majority of the night. The owner spoiled us rotten. I was nervous about it beforehand but it turned out to be no big deal. When we got there, there was one other occupied table on the other side of the room. I felt safer than at the grocery store or doctor.
If you know the place will be crowded, that is a different story.
Ultimately, you have to do what is best for you but I have made some exceptions to my safety protocols to help friends in bad situations. That didn’t mean I went out to eat, but I saw a friend in person, and hugged her, that I normally wouldn’t because of the exposure in her job but this was a situation I felt warranted it and I was willing to risk it.
Anon
i saw a friend in person outdoors and gave her a masked hug when she told me her son was diagnosed with a rare genetic condition…and i would not hesitate to help a friend get to the hospital or in a medical emergency, but in this case sounds like your friend is being overly rigid
Anonymous
I just feel like in NYC nice places are often crowded and there are lots of people who have been comfortable with indoor dining this whole time…so I’d be surprised if it wasn’t crowded.
I have done things I wouldn’t have done on my own to support/connect with friends, too, and afterwards I have felt good about it, but leading up to it I have felt stressed and worried.
Anonymous
Not the OP but — NYC on a Thursday night? Yeah it’ll be crowded. These people can’t keep themselves at home, pandemic or not, restaurant dining must go on.
Anon
Gotcha. I clearly do not live in NYC!
Anonymous
Restaurants in NYC are currently limited to 50% capacity so it is unlikely to be normal times crowded. Also, restaurant staff here have been eligible for vaccines since mid-Feb.
Alanna of Trebond
Are you on a two-dose or a one-dose? If two-dose, you already have at least 80% immunity from your first dose, and I would go eat indoors with your friend.
Anonymous
Two dose (and I didn’t phrase clearly but I should be at full immunity as it has now been almost 2 weeks since last shot).
Anonymous
I think you two should meet in the middle – go for an outdoor coffee/cafe so she can get the experience, but you will both be outside and you can wear a mask if you don’t want to order anything to eat or drink. Then take a rain check for a nice dinner in a month or two.
I’ll probably get flamed for this, but I think many people should start reintegrating into the world in small steps now, as long as you stay masked if you’re indoors or observe general social distancing rules if you’re outside or in larger groups. I’m still holding off on movie theaters for now, but I have no problems with outdoor dining or shopping at a historic street while masked. If you suddenly throw yourself back in, it’s going to be a major adjustment again.
Anonymous
Really? Going inside a restaurant is a “major adjustment”? I’m not saying I don’t feel a bit odd about it, but I would call it a very minor behavioral adjustment having done it routinely for 46 of my 47 years. Putting on a mask to stand in the cold waiting for someone to whisk my ornately-packaged takeout order, including fresh cocktails, onto a folding table I couldn’t touch before I sanitized my hands and confirmed the server to be safely back inside was the major adjustment for me.
Anonymous
It’s a major adjustment for me psychologically right now…but I have been very very locked down this past year.
Anonymous
Yes, it will be a major adjustment based on how many posters here freak out about dining indoors right now on this site. I have gone back to indoor dining here and there and usually on an off-hour (so late lunch or early dinner), and the first few times I felt pretty scared and weird about it despite the 25% indoor capacity set by my county. I’m not vaccinated yet, but I live in a county where positive cases are low and mask compliance is very high.
Senior Attorney
I ate inside at a restaurant for the first time over the weekend (fully vaccinated, with my fully vaccinated dad and son), and it wasn’t as scary as I’d expected. They had every other table blocked off and it felt like there was plenty of room. I see the NYC guidelines for indoor dining are also 50% so if I were in your shoes (which I kind of am), I would go ahead and do it.
Anon
It’s not risky for her. It’s risky for you. She’s being incredibly self centered.
Anon
How is it more risky for OP than it is for her friend?
Anon
OP is not fully vaccinated. You need a few weeks after your second shot to have full protection.
Anon
Nope. She said her second shot was 13 days ago, so tomorrow she is fully vaccinated. Not to mention her original post mentioned that tomorrow she is “fully” vaccinated.
Anon
You do you, but eating dinner when you’re fully vaccinated and your friend is fully vaccinated isn’t that dangerous.
Anon
But she’s not. You’re not fully vaccinated the day of your second shot.
Also, OP, you might feel crappy that night from the shot. I know I did.
Anon
My dear, you are not reading any of this thread correctly.
Anonymous
Only you can decide this. We’ve been eating in restaurants since my state allowed it. Outside in the summer, then inside once the weather got cold. I live in the NY suburbs, and found that all the restaurants were quite careful with masks, spacing, etc. and weren’t crowded. So, I’d eat inside without hesitation, but you need to decide for yourself.
Anon
just wanted to get the hive’s thoughts. i read an article that a teacher was put on administrative leave for a lesson plan that discussed “how is the n-word (it was fully spelled out) complicated? How has it changed?” with a quote by a rapper next to it. This was in advance of a unit about the book Their Eyes Were Watching God. I’m not sure what I think. On some level I think the background of offensive language is ok to talk about in an educational context so that the students can understand why they shouldn’t use it
Anon
What age group?
Vicky Austin
Help! I just snagged one of these in that lovely yellow for spring/summer office days. What color shoes would you put with it?
https://www.jcrew.com/p/womens_category/dressesandjumpsuits/shortsleeve-sheath-dress-in-bistretch-cotton/AW307?sale=true&isFromSale=true&color_name=navy
Cat
Neutral – navy or grey (esp. light gray or a light gray snakeskin), perhaps tortoiseshell
Fun – patterned (plaid? floral?)
Would avoid nude-for-you as out of date for this.
PolyD
I think olive would also make a nice neutral with yellow.
Anon
Gray! Love yellow with gray.
Curious
So fun!
How formal? White sneakers would work with this. Keds x rifle paper co as well. I would also consider navy or cognac since I already have flats in those colors.
Vicky Austin
Ooh, love the idea of white or floral sneakers! Tell me about your navy flats – navy is a big deal in my wardrobe and I would love to have a good pair.
Curious
Mine are from Bandolino and not very formal (curved toe box, no embellishments). I love them — much cushier than Sam Edelman, and cheaper.
Senior Attorney
Just throwing this out there — I wear size 6 and bought a pair of navy Coach loafers that somehow I haven’t worn. Happy to send them to you for the cost of shipping. Hit me up at seniorattorney1 at gmail if you’re interested. If Vicky isn’t interested, that goes for anybody out there.
It’s this one but navy: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/coach-maegan-loafer-women/5700457
Vicky Austin
Ack, I don’t think I can wear a 6! Thank you anyway SA, that’s so kind. Hopefully somebody takes you up on it!
Anon
We should become shoe buddies. Also a senior attorney who wears size 6.
Senior Attorney
Haha high five!!
NY CPA
I wear so much navy and it’s impossible to find navy shoes for me (wide width). Not flats, but I recently bought these and like them a lot: https://www.rockport.com/rockport/total-motion-esty-luxe-cap-toe/ML01175.html?dwvar_ML01175_color=NAVY&cgid=womens-footwear-featured-total-motion#start=1
AnonATL
I have been eyeing those keds. Love all the fun floral prints. I can’t pull off sneakers and a dress though.
Curious
I adore them and get compliments every time :)
Anon
I think we’re reaching peak saturation on Rifle Paper Co. prints. My prediction is it starts to feel dated very soon.
Curious
Lol not in the PNW where it’s s total novelty, but I hear you :)
Anon
I love the Keds x Rifle paper co but they run narrow – I had to return them because they didn’t fit.
Anon
I don’t think navy or cognac would go with a bright yellow dress at all.
MagicUnicorn
Leopard print, of course.
Anonymous
Love this. It reminds me a bit of the bright yellow suit the main character wore in I Care A Lot. I think she wore it with white sneakers.
Senior Attorney
Definitely white sneakers.
Anonymous
Almost any blue.
Anon
I’d go with a tan and lean into that summer vibe. If you like belts you could add a tan belt to tie it together. But tan shoes are great for lots of things in the summer and are my go-to sandal color.
Anon
Like these
https://www.freebirdstores.com/products/randi-exclusive-leather-ankle-strap-back-zipper
Anon
Leopard print, grey, or a bright blue.
BabyAssociate
I would lean into the spring angle and wear kelly green or emerald shoes! But really, it’s a versatile color, burgundy or any blue would look great too.
kitten
Love that! I’d balance it with a “serious” shoe like Manolo “Camparimu ” wool mules in grey (which I love and am currently looking for a cheaper version of).
Curious
Talk to me about Navajo White paint. We are considering it for the nursery. I had wanted a warm yellow and just couldn’t find anything that felt warm without being orange. I’m pretty sure multiple people have recommended it here. Does it ever read yellow or is it a pretty solid beige? Do you love it?
Cat
I think you just have to buy a sample pot and try it in your room. It looks like it reads more yellow depending on light, exposure, etc.
Unrelated to your question but WTH is it called Navajo White? They couldn’t find a color name that wasn’t tribal?
Curious
Thanks, Cat. Last night I learned it’s taken from the white in the Navajo nation’s flag, so I give them a small pass, but I still find it a little weird.
I did get a little pot! Just wanted to hear from the hive too since somehow samples still are hard for me to extrapolate into how the whole room will feel.
Anonymous
Sorry but you can’t! Every room and every light is different.
anon
We had it in our old house that had lots of natural lighting. It was a soothing, unoffensive, and warm. I liked it. However, I’d think twice before using it in a room without good lighting; I think it’ll look really yellow (but not in an intentional way).
Curious
Thank you — this is perfect. I’ll watch it today as we move to afternoon (East exposure so shaded after the morning)
Anon painter
I am picky about color and had Navajo white in a rental unit decades ago. I liked it and thought it definitely read as beige in my situation, not yellow. There were multiple east- and north-facing windows.
Honestly, I am not even a huge fan of a lot of beiges, and I liked this color a lot, enough that I have fondness for that color twenty years later! Other posters are correct that the best strategy is to get a sample, paint enough to fully see it’s effect, and watch it over the course of at least one day. Be certain to check with only artificial light, at night. Good luck!
Curious
Thank you so much!
Nudibranch
Maria Killam on IG just repainted her room Navajo White. Lots of photos and discussions on the color choices if you check out her recent IGs.
No personal knowledge myself, but the color in her photos looks lovely.
Curious
Thank you!
Anonymous
Any book recommendations? Pretty much the only thing my burned-out brain can handle right now is YA fantasy/sci-fi. To give you an idea, I have recently devoured all of Leigh Bardugo’s Grishaverse books, Hafsah Faizal’s We Hunt the Flame duology, and Alix E. Harrow’s books. I’ve read most of the older YA fantasy stuff (Tamora Pierce, Diane Duane, harry potter obviously, etc). Suggestions?
Vicky Austin
Have you already read Sarah J. Maas? I can’t remember if she’s strictly YA, but it’s fantasy and more or less easy to follow.
Curious
Yes, I’ve been devouring her books and I love the grishaverse. I found a Court of Thorns and Roses and its sequels to be lighter reading than the Throne of Glass series.
I loved Ninth House (also Leigh Bardugo).
Juliet Marillier has beautifully detailed fantasy set in Ireland that can be cheesy but felt very nice to read.
Brandon Sanderson is great.
Karen Marie Moning scratches the same itch but isn’t quite as awesome.
NK Jemisin is not YA but I seem to have similar taste to you and she’s my FAVORITE author.
Anon
+1 to NK Jemisin, I just finised the Broken Earth series and it was great!
Anonymous
Not YA, but how about The City of Brass by S.A. Chakraborty? (For reference, I also love Six of Crows and Tamora Pierce!)
Cb
Naomi Novik? The Mirror Quartet?
anne-on
I LOVED the ‘Girl who Circumnavigated Fairyland’ series (~5 books) and I’m shocked they aren’t more popular. The new Naomi Novak book ‘Scholomance’ was SUPER fun, highly recommend. If you haven’t read her other books I’d also suggest Spinning Silver or Uprooted. For pure comfort reading, the Becky Chambers Wayfairers series are beautiful and very uplifting. I also really liked Katerine Arden’s Winternight trilogy (starts with the Bear and the Nightingale).
Scifi and Fantasy are my favorites – enjoy!
Curious
Love Katherine Arden :)
anne-on
Oh! One more – Honor Raconteur’s Familiar and the Mage and the Case Files of Henri Davenforth series are also great fun and avoid torture/r@pe as the genesis of all female motivation tropes. I’ve skipped/dropped lots of books written by male authors that just can’t seem to help themselves (looking at you George Martin…)
Anonymous
Ha same on male authors – I basically don’t read any new to me books by male authors anymore too. ) I can barely read the Dresden Files anymore and I used to like it. (Exception would be the Ilona Andrews duo but I think Ilona does most of the writing anyway…
Anon
Hmm, trying to think of things you may not have read. Half a King by Joe Abercrombie? Maybe Sherwood Smith – Posse of Pricesses or Crown Duel? Graceling by Kristin Cashore? The Ruby Red Trilogy?
AIMS
Garth Nix-the Abhorsen books.
Sarah Ash – the Lord of Snow and Shadows books.
amberwitch
Second Garth Nix, at least the first three books in the Abhorsen trilogyn are great.
IL
I also recommend Garth Nix who I find similar to Philip Pullman (which I assume you’ve read).
Have you read/re-read the Chronicles of Narnia?
Is it Friday yet?
Yesssss the Abhorsen books are so good!
I’d also highly recommend the Queen’s Thief books by Megan Turner, the Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater, and, while not technically YA but still pretty light and fun, the Gentleman Bastard books by Scott Lynch.
amberwitch
Diana Wynne Jones! She has written lots of good stuff, like Howls Moving Castle, The Dark lord of Derkholm and sequel, Year of the griffin, A wild and sudden magic, Deep Magic…
Robin McKinley: The Blue Sword, The hero and The Crown, Chalice, Dragonhaven
Nina Kiriki Hoffman: A fistful of sky, Spirits that walk in shadow
Susan Cooper: The dark is rising series
Patricia Wrede and Caroline Stevermer – The Enchanted chocolate pot + sequels (the first one is better than the second one
Terry Pratchetts Tiffany Aching series + The Wee Free Men
Anon
Same here – I can only handle YA sci-fi/dystopia (or racy books, which I never used to read but now seem to devour). My recent favorites that kept me wanting the next book:
Illuminae series
Red Rising series
Red Queen series
Young Elites series
Matched series
Cinder series
A Thousand Pieces of You series
Anon
I’ll echo a lot of these- love Naomi Novik, especially Uprooted and Spinning Silver. I also liked the City of Brass series and just read the first Becky Chambers book (The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet) and enjoyed it. The Hunger Games prequel that came out last year was pretty good, though different in tone from the others and no Katniss. If you haven’t read them, I liked The Magicians series, though I actually think the tv series was better and would recommend both (the tv series was more centered on the ensemble cast than just the male protagonist of the first book).
AFT
Mostly here to fangirl about Leigh Bardugo. I blew thru Rule of Wolves this weekend and I’m SO excited about the Shadow & Bone series coming to Netflix this month!
Have you picked up her Wonder Woman origin story book? A little cheesy but it’s Bardugo so it’s well written and has strong female characters.
Anonymous
Another vote for things by Naomi Novik (her fairy tale retellings and A Deadly Education in particular), and Marissa Meyer (Cinder Series, Renegades series, and contemporary YA novel Instant Karma).
What about the Finishing School series by Gail Carriger (Victorian era steampunk but definitely YA)?
These are adult series but feel more YA paranormal to me: InCryptid by Seanan Mcguire and SPI Files by Lisa Shearin.
I’m going to assume you’ve read Mercedes Lackey’s backlist but I always love re-reading her older series or anything by Diana Wynne Jones. Honestly I think DWJ is one of the most underrated British writers in the last century.
emeralds
I enthusiastically cosign many of the options you’ve been given already, and will add the Locked Tomb series by Tamsyn Muir; the Singing Hills series by Nghi Vo (they’re novellas so an even lower barrier of entry for burned-out brains); and the Mermaid, the Witch, and the Sea by Maggie Tokuda Hall.
Anonymous
Thanks, all! I have read some of these (Sherwood Smith’s Crown Duel is one of my favorite books ever, and while I love Brandon Sanderson, Rhythm of War has been sitting on my nightstand since it came out last year because even that feels like too much mental energy right now and everything else of his I’ve read), but a lot I haven’t, so I’ll check them out.
Anon
Highly recommend Laini Taylor’s Daughter of Smoke and Bones series.
BB
Yay! This is totally my interest area! Massively recommend the Wayward Children series of novellas by Seanan McGuire starting with Every Heart a Doorway (bonus that they are all short). Jay Kristoff’s Iluminae Files trilogy – the Darkdawn trilogy is also good but more adult. The Binti series by Nnedi Okorafor. I also really enjoyed the first 3 Miss Peregrine’s School for Extraordinary Children books. The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman. Big agree on Terry Pratchett – those are super humorous and easy reads.
Curious
This thread is pure gold.
Anon
I devoured The Wife Upstairs by Rachel Hawkins last night. I started it in the tub and didn’t put it down til I was done. Modern-day Jane Eyre retelling.
Nudibranch
Have you read Lois McMaster Bujold’s Chalion series? Or Megan Whalen Turner’s Attolia series?
therapy question
How do you decide if your therapist is a good fit for you? I started seeing one recently for the first time ever and have had probably 6 sessions with her. Part of me feels like she gives too much advice. Isn’t one of the biggest parts of therapy helping me figure out solutions to my problems? Like we’re working on setting boundaries. Should she be telling me what boundaries to set? Or helping me figure out where my boundaries are, how to communicate them, and how to stick to them?
Curious
We just had another poster asking about this and told her to find a new one! Therapists should help you find your own solutions.
Senior Attorney
Also I feel like if you don’t think it’s a good fit, then it’s not a good fit. (At least until it starts to be a pattern suggesting it’s you, not them, which doesn’t seem to be the case here.)
anon
My therapist asks helpful questions that get me thinking about how I feel about certain things, why I may feel that way, and what I would like to do about it moving forward. It’s been a slow learning process, but I have definitely leaned into prioritizing my feelings and comfort, and being more confident in setting boundaries that are healthy for me. She really listens and takes me seriously. Whereas my last therapist was really dismissive and made me feel like a special snowflake complaining about first world issues. I started to dread going to therapy because I was readying myself to be on the defense about my own unhappiness. That was when I knew it wasn’t working out. The only potential issue with my therapist is that sometimes I think she’s too soft on me, but she thinks I’m being hard on myself hah.
eertmeert
Have you told her what your feelings are about this? You can say something like “I’d like to work on figuring out solutions to my problems with you acting more as a safety net . For instance, instead of your suggesting what my boundaries should be, I’d like to verbally explore what I think my boundaries should be, and focus more time on how to communicate and stick to them.”
This is a good opportunity to draw a boundary with your therapist. Look at it as practice. If she isn’t able to accommodate your boundary then move on, but give it a shot first. Hopefully you aren’t expecting her to read your mind on how you want to proceed, that isn’t fair to either of you.
anon
I had a doctor’s appointment this morning and looked at my weight for the first time since March 2020. While I was very aware I’d gained some covid weight, I thought it was to the tune of maybe 10 pounds. No. I am a full 25 pounds heavier. I have not weighed this much since I was pregnant. I left the office and literally cried. I do not know how to reconcile this with the fact that I abhor everything about dieting and calorie counting, as it really affects me mentally. I am ashamed and embarrassed that I let things get this dire. My doctor said to give myself some “covid grace,” but I have never attempted to lose this much weight in my life.
anonshmanon
I’m sorry, anon. Are there any unwanted behaviors from the last year that you are aware of in yourself? Drinking too much, unhealthy snacks, too much takeout, no exercise? If you can focus on doing things that are good for your body, instead of the number on the scale, maybe that would work better for you.
anon
Daytime snacking is a problem, which I can reign in, but my biggest issue is WFH. Despite exercising regularly, I am not getting nearly enough routine movement in my day. Yes, I could set aside times for walks and such, but it becomes a much bigger “thing” than just getting movement through normal activities. I’m getting takeout once a week, drinking 1-2 drinks on a Saturday night, if that. I’m sure part of this weight gain came from making baking a hobby when there was literally nothing else to do.
Anon
When you have meetings that are for situational awareness, do jumping jacks, swing a kettlebell, or do line jumps.
Good luck
You sound like you are actually doing a great job overall. Maybe change your baking hobby into a cooking hobby and just choose a cookbook or website as your guide and explore some delicious recipes that are new for you and relatively healthy. And maybe keep a couple more healthy-ish snacks around and add a mid-day walk while you are enjoying some nuts/apple etc…
I gained just the same as you, was equally shocked.
Emma
OP, I do think you need to give yourself some COVID grace, but I understand your frustration. I also had a baking hobby that resulted in me making a new cake every few days back in the early days of the pandemic when it was just DH and I, and DH does not eat much cake. I’m a stress eater so I was bingeing on cake and it was not good… So sadly I have dropped the baking hobby for now and started to channel into cooking healthier foods. I’ve been having fun with it actually, although it’s not the same as a fresh batch of cookies, and I have lost some of the weight I have gained. I also bought some really delicious tea and lots of berries for my mid-afternoon snacking needs.
Curious
Are you sure you need to lose it? My baseline weight is now 30 lbs higher than it was in my early 20s and I just… am happier here. Louise Green @bigfitgirl was just talking about this on Instagram.
Anonymous
+1. I’d love to snap my fingers and look like I did at 23 again, but I realize how miserable the restriction and obsession made me. I wouldn’t go back to that if you paid me. There is so much more to life!
Monday
This. The OP will assess her own situation, but for me, gaining a significant amount of weight was my only way out of constant hunger, obsessing about food, frequently changing clothes sizes, and having very little body strength. I don’t weigh myself, and I usually decline to be weighed at medical appointments, because I can’t go back there. I do note that the OP is wary of weight loss efforts’ mental effect on her, so these comments are not irrelevant to her question.
OP, I would suggest being extremely, extremely gentle on yourself, whatever you decide to do.
Anon
Monday, since your weight can be an important indicator of medical issues, one option is to be weighed w/ your back to the number and tell your medical provider to not tell you the result. It still goes in your chart and can inform you care but doesn’t have to torment your brain.
Anonymous
Especially since the only thing that has changed is that the scale told her a different number than she expected! If you haven’t looked at your weight in a year and your clothes don’t seem to be bothering you, maybe find your way to acceptance?
anon
Yeah, pretty sure I do. I don’t feel like my best self. I don’t expect to weigh the same as I did 10-15 years ago, but I am not okay with accepting this as a new normal.
Curious
Okay :) agree with the others then to look for gradual changes. I miss moving during the day, too. WFH has been terrible for my step count. Hugs to you!
Anon
Did you feel this way before you knew what your weight was? I have felt great about my body, then once I weighed myself, I started feeling way worse about it, just because I didn’t like the number. Sometimes it can be hard to divorce your weight with how you actually look. I weigh more than I used to, but my weight has redistributed and I like how I look, even with the higher scale number. I would try to focus on how you feel vs what your weight is.
anon
I wasn’t feeling fantastic, but I was in denial about how much I’d actually gained. There is a tipping point where my proportions start feeling and looking out of proportion. (Pear-shaped, here.)
Anonymous
Take a deep breath. It’s not “dire.” You gained some weight – that’s okay! Our bodies change as we move through different life stages and go through different stressors and this was a damn huge stressor. You don’t need a COVID excuse to give yourself grace – you should ALWAYS give yourself grace. You can live a wonderful, full, happy, enjoyable life at 25 lbs heavier than your March 2020 weight, I PROMISE YOU, and if you lose weight or gain more weight, that’s fine too. We have got to reduce the focus on weight as the be-all end-all in women’s lives. Eat good foods, exercise because it’s fun, get regular medical care, and try to find ways to accept yourself. That’s all you can do.
Anon
Well said.
Anon
You can do it. It won’t be fun, but you can do it. One step at a time. I lost 50 pounds, got injured, re-gained, then lost 65. You just have to do the same behaviors you’re used to, but for longer.
oil in houston
big virtual hugs. I haven’t lost any of my IVF/baby weight through this pandemic, so I can somewhat relate. a few thoughts:
– you are not defined by your weight
– try to understand what triggered this change, did you stop exercising? are you snacking more? are you walking less? I would readdress what you changed, and not worry too much about dieting for real, you may find your weight shifting back slowly. It won’t be overnight for sure.
– what I know I need to do and don’t because I despise it is weight lifting. it really helps with toning and for the muscles to burn calories even at rest. maybe something to add if you’re keen to help your body along?
hope it helps
Anonymous
You do not need to attempt to lose all this weight right now! You do not need to diet or count calories! You do not need to be ashamed that going through trauma, the way you fed and moved your body changed! You do not need to think of this as a dire situation!
You can absolutely approach this with kindness to your self. You can consider ways to reintegrate more movement to your days. You can honestly look at your food consumption and consider things like portions, seconds, snacks, and alcohol with out counting them all, making rules for them all, or punishing yourself.
Start really gently and easily- it’s spring! Maybe a daily walk and more vegetables in fact feels nice and seasonal to you.
Cat
I had a similar sneaky weight gain- thought I had 15 pounds to lose. Nope more like 40. Honestly, I took the position of “this took 2 years to gain and it might take 2 years to lose” — so in your case, you gained 25 pounds in a year, which is half a pound a week. What small things can you change so that you *lose* just half a pound a week? If you can do that you’ll be back to “normal” this time next year.
Anon
Do you have any other medical changes that may have contributed to your weight gain? At various times, the following things have caused me to gain weight: Zoloft, Prednisone, Birth Control, an injury that curtailed my walking …
Don’t do things you hate to lose weight. What is different about your current life (diet and exercise wise) than your pre-covid life? Did you walk more? If so, get a Fitbit and get walking, even if it is around your house. Did you skip breakfast because you were always running late to the office? If so, stop eating breakfast at home.
Lastly, makes sure you are comparing apples to apples. Weight fluctuates a lot based on what you are wearing, what time of day you are weighed, the calibration of your scale, what you have eaten/drank that day, whether you have pooped. If I weight myself on my home scale, naked, in the morning, after pooping and before eating, I’m probably 3-5 pounds lighter than the end of the day, clothed and eaten. If your scale and your doctor’s scale is calibrated a few pounds differently each (yours is +2 and hers is -2) that could account for another 5 pounds. So you may have 15 pounds to lose instead of 25.
I’m 5’7″ and once an MA was measuring me at 5’5″. They were worried I had osteoporosis or something. The doc remeasured me to check. Finally she was like “let’s use a different room.” We tried a different machine and that one registered 5’7″. Calibrations can be off.
Anon
One more tip, if you have the money and the space, throw money at the problem. For me, that meant getting a treadmill. I kept finding excuses to not walk outside. Too dark, too cold, too rainy. With the treadmill, I’ll get those steps at 10:30 pm if I have to. You can do this!
No Problem
Hugs. I agree with your doctor to give yourself some covid grace. It’s been a very tough year.
Can you start small? Do something that is positive but not dieting and calorie counting. If you don’t already take a daily walk, go take one today. If nothing else, it will help you clear your mind.
No Face
Yeah, lots of people are at their max weight right now. That’s very normal. Your doctor is right.
Personally, I do not have the goal of losing this extra weight by X date. My goal will be to work out hard 3-4 times a week at the gym after I hit my full vax date, eat more fruits and veggies, and spend more family time out and about now that the weather is nice (the park instead of the backyard, the botanical gardens, the zoo, etc). My weight will eventually decrease on its own, without me stressing about it.
Anon
As a fellow baker, I focus mostly on baking things I can freeze (muffins, cookies, bars, bread. etc.) so that I don’t have lots of fresh baked food sitting around all the time. I also try to use whole grains, fruit, etc. to make things a little healthier. I do eat plenty of baked sweets, but generally limit it to one a day, no more. Other people (abstainers as opposed to moderators) might find it easier to restrict this completely, so I guess that’s where you need to know yourself. WFH has actually really helped me cut snacking and just eat a real meal when I’m hungry- I used to snack tons but now find that if I just eat “real food” I end up satisfied and eat a lot less total. Again, this might not work for you, but just throwing out some things that worked for me that don’t feel overly restrictive.
anon
Thank you; I appreciate this.
Jeffiner
I got a Desserts for Two cookbook for Christmas, and it has helped reduce my dessert habit immensely, while I still get to enjoy baking. And there is something so fun about tiny little cakes and pies.
PolyD
Off to look up this cookbook! I like baking, but I don’t want to eat it all myself!
Anon
It’s interesting you say that because when I worked in an office I never snacked; I just had my packed lunch every day and rarely ate out. Now that I’m at home I graze and snack all day long just because the kitchen is right there.
Anon
For me I think this is a body clock issue. I get up early, eat breakfast by 5:30 and ever since I was a kid, I’ve always been itching to eat my lunch by 10 am, if not earlier. When I was in the office, that meant snacking then before giving in and eating lunch at 11 or 12, and then I’d be ravenous again by mid afternoon and would have to snack again if I wanted to get anything done for the rest of the day. Then I’d go home at 5 and eat dinner because I felt like I still hadn’t had a real meal. Now I just eat “lunch” at 9:30 or 10, lunch again between 12 and 2 and am done for the day and don’t feel hungry until breakfast the next day. I could NEVER do IF where you don’t eat until noon or whatever, but this is really easy for me and I’ll probably stick to it as much as I can when I go back to the office (probably only a few days a week), though modifying as needed for the occasional social dinner. I think people just need to figure out what works for them and it can take some experimentation. This schedule would obviously be harder if I had kids, for example, but I think paying attention to when you really need food still makes sense.
Anon
You basically are doing IF, you’re just doing it at different times.
Anon
Yes, I recognize I’m basically doing IF, though I’m not super strict about it and will eat later if I want/need to. I just meant that everyone always talks about IF as something where you don’t eat until afternoon, so I never considered it because I knew that would make me miserable. I accidently ended up with a similarly limited eating schedule and this timing works just fine.
Anon
I just want to point out how much breasts weigh, at least for me. You thought you only gained about 10 pounds, but turns out it was 25? I bet a good portion of those pounds went into breast weight if you didn’t feel like you gained 25. I’d start out with the goal of losing what you felt you gained – 10 pounds – and see how you feel after that. That goal is a lot less daunting too.
Anokha
Just hugs. For what it’s worth, I am very likely in the same boat. (I haven’t weighed myself so I have no idea how much I’ve gained.) I’m taking the point of view that it’s been a ridiculous year, and it’s reasonable for it to take another year to lose it.
Anon
I think it’s probably natural for our bodies to want to put on some weight when we’re experiencing a long term crisis like this pandemic. Our bodies don’t know whether the crisis is going to involve some level of food insecurity, but for most of history, it would have been a pretty darn good guess. I’m hoping that some of weight will come off as things improve around us.
Anon
I am applying to lateral associate attorney positions and have noticed jobs recruiters are submitting me to also have public job postings to apply directly. Am I weakening my chances by allowing a recruiter to submit me instead of applying directly? Positions recruiters have submitted me for are taking a lot longer to set up an interview than positions I applied to directly so I think yes.
Anon
I have the same concern, but once you’ve submitted with a recruiter I don’t think you can double apply. Wondering if folks have insight into why the recruiter process seems to take much longer? I went with a recruiter because it would be a new market for me, and I thought that was a better option at the time.
Anon
Experiencing some interview fatigue here. Any tips for pepping myself up/getting excited for this last Biglaw interview round? I did two rounds already, but one of the partners who was supposed to interview during the second round had something come up last minute, and they reached out to reschedule just when I thought I was done. And of course, it’s with the chair of the group, so it’s pretty important.
Curious
Can you fill your bucket another way? I was just dragging at work and time with a friend’s puppy and talking about values and plans with my partner have really helped me feel better about everything else.
Anonymous
For those of you with plantar fasciitis pain, which compression sleeves/socks do you recommend?
Anon
Something like this
Bitly Plantar Fasciitis Compression Socks for Women & Men – Best Ankle Compression Sleeve, Nano Brace for Everyday Use – Provides Arch Support & Heel Pain Relief (Pink, Large) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B014Q2XOQE/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_QNK4H7GQ9RBE8TR7EMDV
I got mine in sort of a band-aid color so I could wear it with shoes (styles I would ordinary wear sockless) during the day if needed – it was clear I was wearing a brace, but not as obvious as hot pink – but I mostly wore it at night.
Anonymous
What protein would you serve with the viral feta pasta dish? I’m thinking pesto chicken but I feel like I’m mixing flavors.
Jeffiner
Salmon. Maybe a lemon chicken wouldn’t be as contrasting as pesto chicken.
Anon
Smitten Kitchen did a riff on this with chickpeas. I’d probaby just call the feta the protein, but probably plain salt and pepper chicken over pesto if you want meat.
Anonymous
I’d do chickpeas or green/brown lentils.
Anon
I would put seasoned chicken into the dish itself (after cooking). And also remember to heavily season the feta pasta dish. I’ve seen so many people get excited only to trash it as unedible like, well yeah, you barely put salt and pepper in it, let alone normal heavy italian seasonings.
anon
You could do simple grilled shrimp
Anonymous
I made the viral pasta dish and served it with heavily herbed chicken (so I used similar herbs that I put into the pasta – oregano, garlic, pepper, etc.) but a ton of them.
Anon
Cheese is a protein.
Senior Attorney
I would just stir some sauteed chicken or shrimp right into the pasta and serve a salad or green vegetable alongside.
Anon
I wouldn’t, you don’t have to have meat at every meal. But I think pesto plus a very rich cheesy pasta would be way too much at once.
Senior Attorney
And I agree with both these points, too. I’ve served that pasta as a main and it was fine.
Anon
I’m a vegetarian, which obviously affects my answer, but I’ve been really into the combination of chickpeas and pasta recently, with any “Mediterranean” flavors (veggies, oregano, rosemary, vinaigrettes, etc.). I’d marinate or season the chickpeas with similar flavors as the pasta and just mix them in.
anon
This is a very specific question, but I know there’s some horse people on this board. Are there any fiction books that focus on equestrian life? I am so intrigued by it all and would love some good, escapist fiction about horses and riders.
Anonymous
You need to read Kim Ablon Whitney’s books! They’re perfect for this – they’re light romances with a heavy emphasis on the details of the showing world. I also like Laurie Berglie’s books, same deal with the light romance and really pleasant equestrian setting in Maryland. I’ve tried a book or two by Natalie Keller Reinert and they’re ok, but I like Whitney’s and Berglie’s more.
In terms of classics, you need to read Black Beauty and The Black Stallion. If you want murder mysteries that go DEEP into the world of foxhunting (like so so much detail), you should read Rita Mae Brown. I love this question and will be following for more ideas!
anon
OP here! Thank you! What doesn’t this board know?!
I remember reading The Black Stallion as a kid and loving it. I should re-read for fun.
Rubyfruit Jungle
OK, this is blowing my mind that Rita Mae Brown, who wrote the seminal lesbian coming of age book Rubyfruit Jungle, is now a cozy mystery author.
Although somehow it does feel fitting that this is the ultimate aging lesbian career??
Anonymous
Omg I know, she is an incredibly fascinating woman. She’s basically a southern blue blood who serves as the Master of Foxhounds in her hunt in Virginia and there’s a strong libertarian streak in her novels, but she was also, as you said, the author of a groundbreaking lesbian novel.
Emma
Also curious about this! All I’m coming up with is the Saddle Club (which was 100% my favorite at age 12) and Heartland (also kind of a soapy teen series). But I would love to know if there is a grown-up equivalent! I could see a fun romance novel centering around a stable. Hm, maybe I should write one.
Emma
Never mind, I see from the comment above that someone has already tapped this market :)
Cat
Dick Francis mysteries!
Senior Attorney
+1
Anon
+2!
Coach Laura
I’ve read every Dick Francis and re-read some. His son Felix Francis co-wrote some and then took over and his are pretty good too. His last one Guilty not Guilty is great.
Is it Friday yet?
Oh hi, the books you are looking for are the Rutshire Chronicles by Jilly Cooper (British showjumpers – start with Riders) and Fiona Walker (British eventers – start with French Relations. So campy, so fun!
Also see Rita Mae Brown for Virginia foxhunting murder mysteries, Carolyn Banks’ Death by Dressage mysteries, and Horseplay by Jude Reene Singer.
Lizbet
Jilly Cooper’s books … very British and very enjoyably trashy. :)
Camla
Not a book but Heartlands, a Canadian TV series, on Netflix is all about horses and riders.
Coach Laura
I was in the grocery store yesterday in my covid leggings and zip up sport jacket and trail shoes. I almost ran into a woman in a gorgeous steel grey skirt suit, earrings, 3″ heels and makeup. I was almost envious. I don’t want to go back to the office but I miss looking like I’m put together. Last spring and fall, I would wear my dressy cardigans, sweater jackets, pretty patterned t-shirts, necklace and ponte trousers and in the summer I wore Nic+Zoe floaty cardigans with tank tops and jewelry. However, in the winter I wore lots of layers and turtlenecks to stay warm without running up a huge heating bill. Very boring. Spring has finally arrived this week so it’s time to get out the nice sweaters again. The good thing is that I’m spending zero on clothes that can’t be worn everywhere, instead of having a work/formal wardrobe and then a weekend wardrobe. Plus I have so much that I don’t need to buy anything at all except new trail shoes.
Anon
I haven’t succumbed to the leggings/sweats style of covid dressing (though admit to a very occasional full day in pajamas) because as you said, I like feeling pulled together. I feel depressed if I don’t get dressed in the morning.
So I do my full skincare routine and light makeup every day – zoom oriented – and put on an easy pullover blouse or top with dark wash stretchy jeans and a casual jacket or cardigan. I wear jewelry. I usually add a spritz of scent. I do the whole thing because it just feels more like me and not another long day of not leaving my house, which is actually what is happening.
Anon
Same (minus the scent spritz).
anon
+1 and on non-zoom days, I wear fancy cotton leggings with longer white shirt. The accessories, makeup and perfume is what elevates it all and makes me feel like myself.
anne-on
Same here. We’re very much a ‘cameras on’ culture for the most part and I just feel schlumpy looking at myself on camera if I’m wearing workout clothes and no makeup. I also learned the hard way a few years back that stretchy pants make it way too easy to not notice when I’m overeating my clothes.
Anon Non-Lawyer
I work in a non big-law firm, am not an attorney, but do bill my time. Just curious what non-attorney billable hours are required/expected at your firm, big-law or not. I am having a crazy year and am targeted to bill over 2,000 hours at the rate I am going, but want to be able to discuss/negotiate what is doable and/or what bonus possibilities might be available. Thanks!
Cat
Biglaw – 2000 target, but the unspoken rule was that 2100 meant you were well-regarded and sufficiently “busy.” Pro bono hours counted up to a cap, but not business development work like doing slides for a CLE presentation.
Cat
Whoa read too fast and read “attorney” for “non attorney.” Sorry!
Anonymous
My paralegal has a 1500 billable target (litigation).
Anonymous
Big-law paralegal – at my firm the minimum was 1650.
Anon
I’m surprised no one is commenting on the featured skirt. This is basically my dream skirt. I’m all pants now because I’m WFH permanently but if had seen something like this in the before times I would have bought every color they offered and duplicates in black and navy.
Anon
I wish I could see it in person or they had it in a lighter color where it was easier to see details. Twill always ends up seeming so . . . I don’t know, informal and blah to me. If this were a different fabric I’d be a lot more interested.
Anonymous
I don’t like the front slit. It looks dated somehow.
Senior Attorney
Yeah and not crazy about the fly front.
Anonymous
It looks great but I don’t love front slits in skirts or dresses. I feel like they look good while standing but are uncomfortably high when sitting (which I do most of the time).
Anon
+1 I once got a bunch from a clothing rental I do and when I sat it was obscene (although I think the slits were higher).