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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Astr is a new-to-me brand that I came across this summer when multiple friends wore the gorgeous Gaia dress to weddings. I hadn’t considered looking there for work clothes, but this forest green top stopped me in my tracks.
The drapey fabric with subtle pleats looks super polished, and the dark green is surprisingly flattering on a wide variety of skin tones. I would wear this with a camel sweater blazer, black pants, and loafers for a casual office look.
The top is $88 at Astr the Label and comes in sizes XS–XL. It also comes in off-white.
It was surprisingly difficult to find a similar blouse in plus sizes, but this top from Premise is a pretty green and is available in sizes 1X–3X. (1X and 2X will ship later this month; 3X sounds like it's only out of stock temporarily.) It's $49 at Dia & Co.
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
I’m looking to purchase a space heater, but not sure which type to buy: The conventional ceramic style with a fan that blows hot air, or the oil-filled radiator type. Thoughts from anyone who has experience with both?
Safety-wise, we don’t have any kids, but do have a cat.
Cb
I use a tiny fan one under my desk when it’s chilly and it’s fine, but I find the oil filled ones better for heating a whole room.
Anonymous
I like the oil-filled ones best. The other kind give me a headache. Agree with Cb that they’re better for filling a whole room, too. I like that I can put it across my office from me and leave it on most of the day. And they’re quiet.
Cat
Oil ones are way more comfortable & less drying – we have an actual radiator system in our (old) house and it is SO much better than forced air for skin & eye happiness!
Coach Laura
I have the blowing one from Costco – whatever they sell each year is usually good – in my bathroom but the oil filled ones in my WFH office and my husband’s office. The oil filled ones are quite, gentle heat. The air blowing ones can get too warm and are annoyingly loud for me.
Anon
I have a traditional tower style one that I love. It has a remote controls and timer.
Anon
I have both types. I use oil type for kids bedrooms at night (silent, they have a timer for start/stop, you can set a temperature and it will hold the room at that temp, good for rooms). I use the fan type for bathrooms after the kids bathe (fast heat, blows on you so more direct, loud).
You should get oil filled if you are looking to heat a full room. Your cat won’t accidentally get burned if it runs into it.
MagicUnicorn
An oil one does not have the potential for cat hair getting pulled into the fan/heating element, so that is what I would go with.
Anonymous
My law firm advises a US federal government contractor. The contractor is sending notices to subcontractors about compliance with the vaccine mandate for federal contractors. Client was talking about scope and made an obviously joking comment like “Send yourselves a letter!”
This got the senior partners’ wheels turning – the rule / FAQs do mention legal or accounting type support but we all immediately interpreted that to mean their employees, not our employees. Have any other professional services firms that do not have direct contracts with the federal government considered whether the mandate applies to them?
(I understand compliance and enforcement are big and practical issues – I know there are lots of lawyers and other professionals here so figured it’s worth a shot).
Anon
We’re working on figuring this out, too, but have generally interpreted this to only apply to folks we directly subcontract to on federal work (work we do for foundations, for example, wouldn’t apply). That said, is there any reason your firm can’t do a mandate?
Anon
There are lots of reasons firms can’t and won’t do mandates… they’re just like the majority of employers who don’t do mandates.
Anon
Can’t isn’t a thing. Lack of willingness is.
Anonymous
Omg I do not know this answer and hadn’t even considered it but lololol
Anonymous
Just was in a meeting talking about this – I work for an engineering consulting firm and our head honchos have taken it to understand that if we are contracted by a large construction firm that does federal contracts, then the mandate applies to us too, since we become contractors/subs of that federal contractor.
anon
+1 this is how we are interpreting it as well. It’s going to be interpreted/enforced in whatever way gets the most shots in arms.
anon
ETA: with the assumption it’s been flowed down to us either on a new subcontract or an amendment/CO to an existing one.
Cat
So DH works for a federal contractor and they are currently seeking guidance on how broad their flowdowns need to be given how broad the language is — I would not be at all surprised if more than one client mentions this.
Ellen
Our firm interprets this as covering this. Because of the average age of our partners and b/c we do busness with the goverment, the manageing partner has long insisted we all get vaccinated ASAP, and we all did ASAP when we became eleigble to do so. Now the issue of b’oosters has come up and 2 people are thinking that we don’t have to do that, but I said fully vaccinated includes b’oosters when available. I am not eligible for a booster yet, so I am fully vaccinated, but the older partners over 65 are eligible, so I think they should set the tone by getting their boosters.
In this way, we can trumpet to the world that we have 100% vaccinations! This should get us even more busness! YAY!
Anon
I work for a law firm and we are planning on acting as if we are a federal contractor even though you could argue there is grey area.
Anon
My company (would certainly be considered professional services, is not F500 but close?) recently came to the conclusion that it is a fedgov subcontractor and all employees need to be vaccinated or be granted a medical exemption by middle of December. I suspect my company wanted to institute a mandate and is using this consideration as a way to get there without accepting much of the responsibility. The processes to submit documentation and request an exemption is forthcoming.
NJAnonymous
Yep – I work at a big 4 consulting firm. The majority of our 10k+ consultants do nothing with federal contracts but because everyone must show proof of vaccination or ongoing covid tests to comply.
Anon
Testing is not part of the federal contractor mandate. So it sounds like your employer is just following the new OSHA rules, not anything specific to being a subcontractor of a federal contract.
Cat
+1, the mandate is vax only.
Cc
Now that I have a 3 month old I think we should probably have a will (right?). Not a ton of assets but we would want to specify guardianship of course. Any recommendations on someone who could assist in the Boston area?
Anon
you should definitely have a will and life insurance!
Anonymous
We do have life insurance although should up it
Curious
We started the process this week !
8 week old here (also, congrats!). Unfortunately, we’re in Seattle so no Boston recs.
Hollis
Curious – is there a T&E lawyer you’d recommend in Seattle?
Partnership Or Not
Evaluation today! Do I ask to get put up for promotion (partnership) next year?
So I absolutely killed it this last 18 months. Exceeding my target by a wide margin despite the maternity leave. I am doing BD, running deals and getting good feedback. Seems no brainer to ask right?
But there is one guy in my group in my class year. He is single, home-grown and African American (sorry – I know I should not say that is a factor), whereas I have 2 kids, lateral and Asian. The message I received last time I checked in with my partners two months ago is given our relatively small group, they’d put him up first and I’d need to wait.
Since then, I billed 300 + hours every month and put in business development time as well. I am at a break point that I feel like I need that promotion to keep going.
So – Do I ask in my evaluation today?
Anon
Yes!! Say exactly what you said here….
Anon
Of course you ask.
Anonymous
Is there a downside to asking and not being put up?
In a “normal ” company there would be no harm in asking, but if I’ve learned anything reading here over the years, it’s that law firms have their own rulebook!!
Anonymous
Of course you ask! They can always say no. You also could have avoided looking super racist by simply not mentioning the races involved which are irrelevant to your question
OP
Thank you! And it came out wrong – I definitely did not mean that him being a POC is relevant to his lawyer skills. Just meant that our team (rightfully) wants to promote/develop a minority lawyer like him!
No Face
No, it was relevant. Talking about race is not “super racist.”
In my market, there are literally no Asian women partners at law firms with more than 10 attorneys, so OP you would also increase the diversity of a firm.
Anon
I get what you’re saying, but it is not true that it’s irrelevant. Many many companies consider overall diverse make up of their populations in the promotion process.
Anon
It’s very relevant, don’t be willfully obtuse.
Anon
Absolutely. You’re not required to not ask because someone made a comment like this at some point. Maybe they are ready to promote you both. Maybe he screwed something major up last month. Maybe he’s planning to leave and they know but you don’t.
Ask.
LawDawg
The answer to the question you don’t ask is always no. Your responsibility is you. If you think you should get the promotion, then ask for the promotion.
Anon
If you don’t ask, you don’t get. Any of your coworkers should have an objective chance of being put up for partner if they have a track record like yours. It is not your job to navigate internal politics here, even though it’s good to be honest with yourself that politics are a factor, especially in a small team. Good luck!
Anonymous
If you don’t ask, you don’t get is 1000% true. Two strong candidates should be what we all have and not seen as a problem. Law firms are stupid though but if you don’t advocate for yourself, don’t expect that anyone will care more than you do.
Anon
You absolutely ask. And hopefully the two of you can be a team and push the firm to put you both up together.
anon
Yes, of course you do! Don’t hide your light just because of what someone else may or may not be doing.
NYNY
100% ask. We don’t gain equity by only letting one diverse candidate in at a time.
Anonymous
This.
anon
Well said.
No Face
Amen.
My only addition is that you should do more than ask. You should advocate for yourself.
anon a mouse
+1. You have billed high amounts and done business development through extremely challenging circumstances. You’ve brought tremendous value to the firm. Make your case. Don’t make it easy for them. They may not put you up, but you want to make them question whether that’s really the right choice. Make them afraid that you will leave if they don’t (because it sounds like that’s where you are anyway.)
Anonymous
+ No, don’t threaten to leave. That shows a lack of loyalty to the firm and would be the kiss of death at my firm.
anon a mouse
Sorry, I worded that poorly. Not directly threaten to leave. But more be such an advocate for yourself that they would be left wondering how you would react if they passed you over.
RR
Yes, you ask. I’m sure they could put up more than one person, and regardless–don’t put yourself second place in a line that doesn’t actually even exist.
Anon
I’m burnt out and feeling over not great overall. I took tomorrow off as a mental health day; I’m getting a pedicure and a facial and pls to take a walk in the park but am wondering what else to do with my day (I need some structure, otherwise I won’t get off the couch and will feel worse)
Anonymous
I also like to identify a 30 minute home task that I’ve been meaning to accomplish. I don’t like to spend a whole day off cleaning/organizing. But I find that a quick project like that brings me a lot of joy down the road.
Anonymous
Do you have any hobbies? If you have any projects you’ve been meaning to get around to it might be a good opportunity (for me it would be some sewing but YMMV).
anne-on
My formula for recharging is something I need to do (but don’t want to, but will feel better about it being done, like laundry, or returning something to the store, etc. – no more than 30-45 minutes) + treat after + light physical activity in nature + book + special meal. I try to ‘do the thing’ either ASAP in the morning and get a fancy coffee after, or right before lunch/dinner and then take myself out to eat or get takeout. Is it possible to meet up with a friend for your walk or a coffee/meal? I neglect friendships when I get stressed (introvert) but really benefit from having those interactions.
I hope your day away helps you recharge!
Anokha
I really, really enjoy getting lunch by myself at a nice restaurant with a book.
Anonymous
How about a restorative yoga class if there’s one in your area?
anon
IDK, it seems like that’s plenty of planned activity. Give your body the rest it actually needs.
Anon
I don’t understand these questions, what do you like to do? Do you ever take a day off? Do your thing, girl!
Anonymous
I do think part of the reason these questions always come up is that many women have no idea what they actually like to do. It took me until I was in my late 20s to realize that I was spending a lot of my leisure time puttering around or doing things I don’t actually enjoy (like shopping) because I didn’t learn how to cultivate and maintain my hobbies into adulthood. Of course, it helped to eventually make more money so I could afford to resume some of my more expensive childhood hobbies, but still.
Now, if I have a day off, I have a zillion ideas for how to spend it. It’s just a matter of feasibility/seasonality/etc.
Anon
Oh I have plenty of hobbies but they’re mostly exhausting like long bike rides or rock climbing or going to concerts and that’s not the vibe I’m looking for tomorrow!
Anokha
Slide threadjack, but do you tell your boss that it’s a mental health day? Because lord knows I could use one…
pugsnbourbon
When I’ve done it in the past I haven’t. I either call in sick or I say I’m taking a day for an appointment.
Anon
I did not. I just took the day off.
I really need a mental health month but that’s not in the cards
Anonymous
No chores or nagging errands – those can be done after work. Focus on nature and a hard workout.
Ellen
It’s easy to be in that rut. Ive been there. Rosa says it’s because I am not getting the s-x I need when I had a boyfreind, tho I never cared much for all of the clean up associated with a man just so that he could provide a 90 second bedroom exercise, primarily for his own gratification. But she may be different. If so, I would encourage her to get a man to do stuff, not for himself, but for her, and her mental mindset will improve greaty as long as he is able to satisfy her in the bedroom. She will of course have to reciprocate, but mostly, it should not take more then 2 or 3 mintutes for him. Not a bad tradeoff, not counting all of the laundry, that is. Ptooey!
anon
Afternoon at a museum?
Cb
My dad is on a plane to see us for the first time since Christmas 2019. Mom has warned me he’s become a crier, so be prepared…
Leatty
Enjoy!
Walnut
Let the tears flow, Cb! I’m not a crier, but I definitely left tear drops in a plate of scrambled eggs. :)
Anon
How wonderful! Enjoy!!
Coach Laura
Enjoy Cb!
Cb
We are on the bus, they are chatting and looking out the window, which I feel like is a good reacclimation. Not too full on.
Anon
Awww!
Anon
My kids in the 5-11 YO age tranche are getting first shots next week!
Any bets on whether the school treats this as doing our civic duty / being our brothers’ and sisters’ keeper and we have no hard time or (the way my life is going lately) treats it as an unexcused absence or gives me a hard time about doing it during the school day? [I don’t really care, but one kid seems to have a lot of anxiety about unexcused absences after some hiccups with zoom school and auto-generated truancy letters last year. I care for her feelings but know that there are no real consequences.]
Anon
Medical is almost always excused. Just have the doctor send a note…. and at elementary age, the issue with absences is more as a preventative measure later on.
And its going to vary by system how they handle. Many are planning to do vaccine clinics at the school
Anonymous Canadian
Why do you have to tell the school anything other than that your children have a medical appointment and that YOU have excused them? I am in Canada so maybe I don’t understand the seeming power your schools seem to have.
Also, if I still had littles and could get them vaccinated you’d better believe I wouldn’t care AT ALL what the school had to say about that being during school hours, and I would be ensuring my anxious kid would know I had it HANDLED for them. You must be SO relieved!
Sorry for the all-caps. This just seems like a crazy situation to me in the circumstances. Go, Mum!
Anonymous
Omg stop literally making up drama
Anonymous
OP, PLEASE heed the calls here to get an evaluation for anxiety. I’m not sure you even realize how much different and how much better life can be without anxiety taking you over to this degree. An anxiety post here multiple times a week is concerning.
Anon
+1
I can always tell it’s the same person by the unusual writing style and square brackets. Chill out please!
Anon
Yeah this seems like NBD — kid had a medical appointment. I managed to get an appointment on Veterans Day (though an inconvenient location) because my 6 year old is very nervous about shots and I want to take her somewhere for a treat or present after as a reward and to celebrate — because we’ve both been really looking forward to it.
pugsnbourbon
The post-pediatrician McDonald’s always tasted better.
Vicky Austin
yesss haha
Cat
1. if you’re that stressed can you not make an appointment for after school hours, on a weekend, etc?
2. does your school seriously give demerits for medical appointments? wtf
Anon
Some schools definitely do. It’s a big disability rights issue in education circles currently.
Anonymous
Our school district doesn’t care whether absences are excused or I excused. All absences count towards the permitted maximum of 10. More absences = automatic failure.
Meanwhile, the district has scheduled several “flexible learning days” where students get the day off but the district claims they are in school to meet the minimum instructional days required by the state.
Anonymous
Schools are wanting documentation in our city for everything. My word isn’t good enough. Virtual medical appointments and shot clinics (set up to give shots but don’t have notes for schools) don’t fit neatly into a district that severely penalized this because it also has a high truancy rate.
Anon
Just reading this makes me want to be truant from this school.
No Face
Walgreens and CVS only had weekday appointments, so I decided to not schedule because of the absence issues. The public library just announced it’s hosting clinics, and we have an appointment on Saturday morning!
Anon
In my town, a letter to the editor of the local paper would shut that down. YMMV.
MagicUnicorn
I cc’d the county health department on my email response to our school superintendent when they tried to say Zooming in to class while awaiting lab-delayed COVID test results was not going to count for attendance purposes and my honor-roll student was at risk of being kicked out for not being there in-person for a week straight. That shit got shut down quickly.
Anon
Honestly this is why I’m a huge proponent of private school, there’s never an issue for a reasonable absence.
Anon
I do think it’s better to find an actually inclusive school than to fight an uphill battle every step of the way. I am in a support group for one of my conditions, and 504s not being followed comes up constantly; I feel so bad for those kids and how they are treated.
anon
My large state excuses medical absences by statute and a provider’s note isn’t required for a one off, so it’s no issue.
But also, each kid getting vaccinated helps the community, so everyone is pretty is excited for kids to get vaccinated.
Anon
CVS and Walgreens in my city both have appointments this weekend, if you don’t want them to miss school.
Seventh Sister
I’d say it’s a 50-50 chance. My state gives out funding based on average daily attendance, and our elementary school secretary is relentless about asking for doctor’s notes and trying to pin down every absent hour. The middle school administrators don’t seem to give a cr*p, which seems pretty on-brand for them.
Seventh Sister
My eldest is very concerned about unexcused absences and even missing school for medical appointments when needed. While I have tried to schedule stuff for after school, it’s not always feasible and we’ve just had to repeat over and over, “I know you are upset, but this is happening.” We were actually really proud of her for NOT freaking out when my husband got MLB playoff tickets and had her leave school an hour early so she could come to the game. It’s middle school in a district where attendance has no bearing on high school placement.
Last year, I got an auto-generated truancy letter for my youngest, who was Super Not Into the online school thing. I was furious for about 5 minutes, then tossed it in the trash.
Hollis
Wait until your kids are older and have braces and the orthodontist appointments end about 30 minutes after school ends and your ortho doesn’t work on weekends… I pull my kids out of school for medical/dental appointments every 6 weeks now and it’s no big deal. If anything, I think it’s a good lesson for kids to learn to prioritize their health, a lesson I didn’t learn until much later (see lots of all-nighters in college to write papers…)
Also Anon
I fail to see how this would be any different from taking them to the doctor for any other thing – checkup, illness, injury, or heck I think I’ve gone in just to get a vaccine back in middle school. Would it help to ask for a doctor’s note?
Anon
I have to have a hard conversation with my boss today to push back/negotiate a title change with extra responsibilities she wants me to take on. Wish me luck. I am not looking forward to this convo.
NYNY
You’ve got this!
Anon
You can do it!
Hollis
Good for you to have the courage to advocate for yourself. Please report back to the group!
NYNY
Update on my dad from yesterday’s thread: I bullied him into getting a telehealth visit, and he’s going to get monoclonal antibodies. He’s still waiting for the hospital to call and schedule the infusion, but should hear from them today. He has convinced me that he has plenty of food in the house to wait out the rest of his isolation, so I’m staying put and just checking in frequently. (He also felt good enough to try to prank me by answering the phone in a weak, raspy voice yesterday, so he’s doing fine!)
Thank you all for listening and sharing sympathy and advice. I’m still so fragile from losing my mom last year, the thought that dad was at risk was more than I could handle.
Anon
Oh I’m glad he’s doing fine, and I get why you’d be upset. I didn’t comment yesterday but I think people see more fragility in 70+ year olds than is warranted. Sure, some people have trouble as they get older but a lot of 70+ people handle colds, flus, covid, etc. just fine.
Anon
Statistically, yes, the majority of 70+ people handle these illnesses just fine, and also are still many times more likely to die from them than younger people. I personally think a lot of treatable medical issues go undiagnosed and untreated in older patients since doctors chalk stuff up to “aging.”
No Face
I’m one of those people, but my grandfather had Parkinson’s and my grandmother had other health problems in their 70s, so that colors my thoughts.
Curious
Yay that’s awesome!
San Francisco and Area Recommendations
Good morning, ladies!
Do any of you have recommendations for fun and interesting things to do in San Francisco and the surrounding area over a few days’ trip? We are going to be there the weekend before the week of Thanksgiving and maybe another couple of days, and are looking for a hotel (prefer boutique, but any will do!) and activity recommendation.
Also, any Napa wineries or hikes you have enjoyed?
I know this is a lot, but appreciate any recommendations!
Anonymous
If you want small hotels, the Kimptons are good options. If you want historic, I would do The Palace. The old hotels do teas at holiday time that are great.
Anon
Normally I’d say the Palace, but that part of SF is still pretty dead because very few companies have returned to the office downtown. I’d recommend the Fairmont or Mark Hopkins on Nob Hill for historic, lovely hotels (also the Ritz if you want to spend more).
On things to do, Sonoma is also a great place to wine taste (I prefer it to Napa and like their town square, see also Healdsburg). In SF proper, plan to spend time in the different neighborhoods, they’re vibrant now. My favorites for walking around and browsing are Inner Sunset (couple with Golden Gate Park and the DeYoung), Hayes Valley (cute shops and restaurants/bars), Marina/Cow Hollow (couple with a walk along the marina green to see the GGB), North Beach (classic SF) and the Mission (more eclectic, good thrift stores, used books stores, great food). If you head across the GGB for wine tasting, stop at Cavallo Point for brunch (first exit over the bridge, at a decommissioned fort, lovely views of the bridge (great spa there too).
anon
+1 Fairmont – added advantage, you can swing by Chinatown and pick up dim sum munchies for your walk to anywhere. They also have a pretty epic gingerbread house each year to make your inner 6 year old super happy.
Calrayo
If you want a hike closer to SF, check out the East Bay Regional Park District (ebparks.org). Tilden, Chabot, Redwood, and Sibley are all good bets a short drive from the Bay Bridge. There are lots of good trail loops that will take you through redwood forests, oak woodland, chaparral, and more. Have a good trip!
Anon
Oh also, in SF, lands end – go out to the Great Highway and pick up the trail out there.
anon
Seconding Redwoods regional park, very beautiful.
Anon
I love this green – it’s beautiful.
pugsnbourbon
I like it too! And I like that it’s called the Duchess top because I can definitely see Kate wearing it.
Anon
I had the same thought.
Anon
My husband and I are going to Asheville next week (no kids!) for some R&R. We are looking forward to long hikes and great food. Please send restaurant and brewery recs and other cool activities in Asheville our way! Is visiting the Biltmore worth it? I went a long time ago with my parents, not sure if we would be that into it this time…
Cat
I visited as a kid too and loved it in the way I loved playing “fancy rich people” with Samantha and my fancy Victorian dollhouse, but suspect it would be less thrilling as a taxpaying adult envisioning the life of an income-tax-less baron, lol
Anonymous
I am usually very resistant to activities like Biltmore tours but have to say I actually really enjoyed it. Is it decorated for the holidays then? That is a big bonus, and I am a person with a home and one holiday decoration.
Anon
I did not think the Biltmore was worth it (almost $100 per person) when we went, but I had a little kid and part of my objection was how spread out and stroller unfriendly it is. It was also unbelievably crowded (this was May 2021) and felt a whole lot like Disneyworld to me. Even without kids you can find a better use of that money. If it were $30 or so, might be a different story.
Greensleeves
I am jealous! Asheville is one of my favorite places to visit. If the Biltmore is decorated for Christmas, it might be worth the house tour. We toured the house once, and now just get whatever ticket allows us on the Biltmore grounds for a day. The gardens are lovely (maybe not this time of year?), there’s a winery, and the pub has good food and beer. French Broad Chocolate is always worth a visit. Ginger’s Revenge makes alcoholic ginger beer which is delicious. Urban Orchard Cider is also fantastic, and I say that as someone who isn’t usually a fan of cider. Our favorite breweries are Burial, Bhramari, Wicked Weed, and the Funkatorium if you like sours. The River Arts district is a great place to spend a day wandering around, and there are some good restaurants and breweries over there. Chemist Spirits is also great, particularly if you like gin. There are a ton of great restaurants, but we enjoy 12 Bones for ribs and the restaurant next to the Funkatorium was amazing. We’ve also gone back to the Market Place and Cucina 24 more than once. Enjoy!
Anon
You can’t always purchase a ticket for just the grounds. I wanted to just visit the grounds, but had to buy the full, horrendously expensive ticket.
Greensleeves
Thanks – I didn’t know that! I guess we’ve just been lucky.
Greensleeves
I can’t believe I forgot to mention Lexington Glass. They do gorgeous work, you can watch them work on the glass, and some days they have a bar and serve beer!
Gail the Goldfish
I think the Biltmore is worth it if you’ve never been, especially since it will be decorated for Christmas already. But I love fancy old houses. We did some behind the scenes tour the last time we were there that was interesting, though I just checked the website and it seems to be way, way more expensive now unless there is some option to add on just the tour I’m not seeing (might be worth a call). Stop by for a wine tasting while you’re on the grounds. As for hikes, I would just google best hikes for November and see what looks appealing. The leaves will mostly be past peak by next week at mid-high elevations, but low elevations may still be pretty-check exploreasheville.com as they do a weekly report. I think we did Black Balsam Knob hike, which had nice views (we were there in early spring)
Gail the Goldfish
Oh, and if you happen to like pinball, the pinball “museum” (in quotes because really it’s just a collection of pinball games you can play) is worth a stop.
LoudyTourky
My husband and I went to Asheville last month. The Biltmore was generally a disappointment in light of the price and just the time it takes to drive to the parking lot and leave the grounds. Even worse, their mask policy was not enforced and the second floor was unbelievably crowded. It would have been uncomfortable pre-pandemic, and just felt unsafe now. We bailed and got refunds.
Anon
Jealous you got a refund. I asked (for similar reasons) and they wouldn’t give me one. And yeah the traffic is insane. I drove my SIL and BIL from the house to the village and then ended up spending an hour trying to exit the property because they send you on a really circuitous route that goes by the house again.
Hello World
For the past few months, I’ve been struggling to “rebuild” my life outside of work. I recently switched from an extremely demanding job (think I-banking, big law) to a less demanding job (think 9-5/10-6 and no weekends), and while I used to have hobbies I was passionate about, at some point down the road they seem to have disappeared, and I don’t feel that I have any parts of my formerly passionate inner self to lean on. Part of this is Covid and the fact that the vast majority of my friends have left my city or are busy with their own lives. I know I could benefit from a more regular workout routine but don’t feel like I have the…. oomph to get started, if you know what I mean? Anyways, would love to hear if anyone else is feeling or has felt this way and how others have worked through this.
Anonymous
I feel this way. I did a great job staying motivated throughout Covid. Now that things are opening up, I feel like I should feel more energized but instead I feel drained. Maybe it’s all catching up to me. Or maybe it’s just exhausting to have yet another change this year, with going back to the office etc. Travel is also one of my big outlets – I love planning, researching, and then editing photos after the trip, every trip is a months-long project. But I feel gunshy planning anything because of all the airline disruptions and ongoing covid stuff. I need another outlet for that energy but I’m coming up empty.
Laura
Yes I absolutely felt like this when I made that switch. I read a lot of the posts here about hobbies, and I realized they didn’t all have to be super definitive, like cross country skiing or something. I’ve read more books in the past year than I did in the 3 before. I also think its good to have regularly scheduled events. Think of what you liked to do as a kid , and now do it with adult money. Covid definitely makes it harder.
It also just required a reset. People have all this free time in life, and they aren’t necessarily super busy through all of it. They watch a lot of Netflix and hang out with friends and do errands after work. It’s good to have time to do all of that. When I was working crazy hours all I wanted to do was go read a book in a cafe for a while. Now I have all the time in the world for that, and I’ve done it, but I also miss howmuch I loved my old job. It still wasn’t sustainable long term because there are other things I want to do. So I try and focus on those.
Coach Laura
Transitions are hard, at any age. I think when I feel like this, getting out in nature helps me reset without committing to a TBX90 workout system or whatever. Just explore parts of your city that you haven’t seen, explore a park a week. Take long walks. If you are a joiner, try a walking group or birdwatching group or go on some group hikes through the Sierra Club or REI. If you wanted to learn to ski, for example, sign up for a class in December or January. Perhaps join a book club, take a jewelry or craft class, or study a language. As covid recedes, the book clubs will soon be in person, the craft classes less risky and the language class meetups should be safe eventually. But you could start these on a virtual basis now.
I think that fresh air, afternoons with a good book, small adventures and maybe eventual workouts if they feel good will help you adjust to the new routine and to decompress from the prior stress.
Anon
It can be hard. I had a kid within two years of leaving Big Law so it wasn’t as hard an adjustment for me but I’ve seen many other people struggle. Just want to echo that hobbies don’t have to be exciting or unique. My “hobbies” are reading, baking and traveling, so all very generic things that lots of people enjoy but I spend a lot of time on them and they bring me a lot of joy. You don’t have to be doing stuff like rock climbing to have a fulfilling life outside work.
Hello World (OP)
OP here – thank you all for these thoughtful responses. I really appreciate it. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in feeling this way.
@Anonymous – It’s funny – for a long time it felt like I was just waiting for Covid to end. And then at some point waiting became the status quo, and doing things became the exception. I didn’t expect to fundamentally change in the way that I organize my life – subconsciously, unintentionally – because I expected this to be temporary. And now, for people who like structure, certainty, regularity, how do you operate in uncertainty?
@Laura – I love the idea of doing what I liked as a kid. Thank you. If I’m honest, that’s probably dance dance revolution, Disney land, and eating sweets.
@Coach Laura – I love the idea of small adventures. Thank you. Nowadays, even a Target run or a short drive to a new supermarket can feel adventurous.
@Anon – You’re right – thank you. Hobbies don’t need to be unique or exciting – maybe expecting them to be is stopping me from finding a few that are fulfilling.
Anon
A few days ago, someone here commented on how Malcolm Gladwell’s book Talking to Strangers, which focuses on the Brock Turner rape at Stanford and Jerry Sandusky’s rape of multiple young boys, blamed the victim. I read that book and didn’t think he was blaming the victim at all so your comment has me rethinking about it. Just raising it again since I’m curious to hear your perspective and learn from it.
Anon
That was me. The Chanel Miller part was worse than the Sandusky part. He used her assault as an example of a miscommunication where both people could be acting reasonably. I believe there are situations where the woman reasonably believes she was assaulted and the man reasonably believes it was consensual, but this was not one of them. She was lying on the ground unconscious while he was assaulting her. Two guys biking by immediately stopped and pulled him off of her. If it looked even halfway consensual, the bikers would not have intervened.
He went on and on about how drunk she was that night. He suggested she might have acted consensually and lied to her boyfriend because no one wants to tell their boy friend they cheated. He said boys can’t be expected to control themselves in the hypersexualized frat party environment. So basically, boys can’t be held liable for their behavior when they drink but girls can be? I don’t have the verbatim text in front of me now but it was basically a full-throated defense of Brock Turner and I had a visceral reaction to it. Probably didn’t help that I had read Chanel’s beautiful and gut-wrenching memoir a few months before.
The Sandusky part wasn’t really blaming the victim. More just defense of the university for doing nothing. I remember he said something about it being reasonable to trust people when they tell you there’s nothing improper going on. I trust my husband more than anyone but if someone told me he was “horsing around” with young boys in the shower I’d be…concerned. So that defense didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me especially when they have legal obligations to investigate claims like this. But that isn’t victim blaming, you’re right.
Anon
Wow that’s horrifying.
I hate how mainstream rape apologizing is. It’s not even edgy or something; it’s just completely normal.
Anon
Gladwell definitely thinks he’s edgy but you and Monday are right. It’s not even edgy at this point, it’s just dressing up regressive views as “intellectual.” Victim blaming aside, he has this incredibly smarmy, self-important writing style that drives me crazy.
Monday
Gladwell has become ridiculous. He’s a classic case of taking super regressive views, dressing them up with intellect and rhetoric, and claiming to be edgy or free-thinking. 2 links to follow.
Monday
https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2020/12/malcolm-gladwells-defense-of-jeffrey-toobins-work-call-masturbation-needs-work.html
https://deadspin.com/malcolm-gladwells-penn-state-rabbit-hole-isnt-very-deep-1838381737
Anonymous
Jeez. She said she is rethinking about it after having not seen it herself, not that the victim-blaming wasn’t there.
Anon
I think it’s normal not to notice it because it’s the water we swim in at this point.
Anon
Huh? OP specifically asked for my perspective on why the book is victim blaming and I shared it. I’m not criticizing her.
OP
OP here – I responded below, but I absolutely wanted to hear what you had to say on this as no one I know in real life has read the same book and my initial reaction to the book was that it was great and I should recommend it to others. Now that I hear your perspective, I don’t think I will recommend it.
Anonymous
Why, then, did you complete your post with this: “But that isn’t victim blaming, you’re right.”
Anon
Because I had previously said he blamed the victims of Sandusky, and I realized when writing up this summary of my thoughts on the book that he doesn’t really blame the Sandusky victims. He lets the officials involved off the hook but that isn’t the same thing as victim blaming. He does victim blame Chanel Miller in a separate chapter. The sentence you’re quoting was entirely sincere and I’m not sure why you’re reading it as sarcastic (?) or snarky. Assume good intention!
OP directed the question to me and seems to understand my reply was in good faith, and I appreciate her asking the question and her follow up responses. Unclear why you’re interjecting yourself in this and trying to create drama where there is none.
Anonymous
He also blamed the parents’ of Larry Nassars’ victims for not protecting their kids and equated them to the Penn State officials who deliberately looked the other way about Sandusky, despite the fact patterns of the situations being very different.
OP
Thanks for expounding on your view on this. I, too, am amazed by Chanel Miller and her courage to go public and write a book on what she went through and she is a really good writer. I see your point that Malcolm was trying to explain why people might have misread each other’s cue’s based on his hypothesis that most people are wired to trust other people are good and have good intentions until those other people are definitively proven to be untrustworthy (perhaps another version of his famous tipping point book), but now I am seeing that the point is made in Sandusky and Nassar’s case, but the Chanel Miller rape has nothing to do with that. I think he tries a little hard to come up with current event stories that fall in line with his overall points, but he should have left out Chanel’s example of it because you’re right, it suggests that she was somehow even partially at fault.
Anon
Does anyone have recommendations for Italian restaurants in Chicago? I’m there for a conference this week. Thanks in advance!
AnonChi
RPM Italian, Osteria Langhe for more hip. Italian Village or Rosebud for a little more oldfashioned, traditional Chicago.
BB
Italian-Italian: Monteverde (so good, seriously better than some places I ate at in Italy) and Italian-American: La Scarola
hi hi hi
Riccardo Trattoria
Riccardo Osteria (if you can’t get a reservation at Riccardo Trattoria)
Coco Pazzo
Monteverde (reservation here will be almost impossible on last minute basis)
Anonymous
We like Casati’s.
lime
Volare!
Anon.
Yes!
Anonymous
Any decent leaf change within say 45-60 min of Arlington Va? Really need a mental health day and would love a drive; seems like nothing has happened this year though I haven’t been out in a few days since it got colder.
anon a mouse
Haven’t been yet this year but we always like Prince William Forest for easy walks in the woods with gorgeous foliage.
Anonymous
Skyline Drive is just a little more than 60 minutes away and well worth the drive!
Anonymous
I’m pretty tired of hearing complaints about high starting salaries. I read a recent AAM about i bankers and I’ve heard the same thing from senior partners at law firms my entire career. You know why we pay baby lawyers so much? Because it’s still profitable for the firm. I don’t hear any of the senior partners saying, oh man we really shouldn’t bill clients $500/hr for a first year. (And yes we write down their time but not by as much as they’d lead you to believe, at least not unless the client pushes back in a big way.) Why should the firm be able to charge and collect so much for a newbie but the newbie doesn’t deserve to reap the benefit of how much you apparently think their labor is worth? Like, YOU’RE the ones who set the rate! You simultaneously value their labor and then claim they’re not entitled to be paid based on that value. The mental gymnastics are crazy making.
Clara
AAM didn’t’ have a problem with the juniors getting high salaries. You are inventing a problem.
AAM was about people who are getting paid a lot working a lot of hours as well, and whether thats fair.
Anonymous
This analysis has merit. Young lawyers should be billed out at much lower rates than big firms charge. Clients should push back on this. And the lawyers should then be paid less.
Anon
Agreed on all counts. Attorneys with ink still wet on their diplomas really aren’t worth very much. In a saner world, they would be billed out at a lower rate for the first two years, trained well, and then billed out at a substantially higher rate thereafter.
The actual AAM complaint is that young people who are getting paid $275,000 a year are obviously being paid, in part, to be completely miserable. Now, maybe they could produce the same work product and be happier, and maybe this particular investment bank has an unusually toxic culture or bad hiring practices. However, the issue is that young people think they are worth all this money because they have a fancy education, while completely ignoring the idea of being wet behind the ears.
Anonymous
Yea, the UK trainee system makes a lot of sense and I think the US should implement it. Of course, the cost of law school in the US versus the UK (or, well, anywhere else) is part of the issue.
Anon
My company will no longer pay for any work by first-year associates unless it’s pre-approved, and when I was a partner I had a couple of clients with the same policy. I also had a client that said no associate with under 3 years experience could be staffed on their matters, and another that would not pay more than $250/hour for an associate with under 3 years experience. That being said, most clients didn’t have those policies. So I do think there is going to, at some point, be pressure from clients that will translate to downward pressure on law firm associate salaries but it’s not quite enough yet to make a difference in the industry.
In my current role we use a lot of boutique firms were there are only partners – no associates at all. They’re typically ex-biglaw or ex-high level in-house, and we get great service. They’re often much more diverse that the biglaw teams we see as well, in every way that diversity can be measured (from ethnicity to professional background to geographic location).
Hollis
This is the right solution. Once clients stop paying $500/hr for 1st years, law firms should bring their rates down and will pay them accordingly. I agree with you that boutique firms that specialize in a practice area are better in every way – better rates, better service, more knowledgeable, and you’re not paying for extra people joining conference calls.
Cora
Yes when I was a consultant I was horrified at how much clients were paying for my hours. Not that I ever saw the bulk of that tbh. And now that I’m a potential client I also don’t want to pay rates like that for a 22 year old pretending to know about a subject. So I’m very hesitant about ever hiring consulting firms.
Anon
I’ve felt like this for years, and don’t really understand how consulting firms justify charging so much money for advice from a 25-year-old with an MBA who doesn’t understand my industry, market, competitive landscape, etc. In most projects with consultants I’ve been involved in, you end up paying quite a bit of money to educate the consultants, who then spit back recommendations that aren’t any different (or better) than what our internal folks came up with before we hired the consultants. But so many CEOs just love it when they can say “We brought (Big Consultancy Firm) in to…”
anon
ITA. I was a first year associate in NYC biglaw, and tbh, looking back, it’s shocking that I was given any meaningful responsibility at all, because I really was not equipped to handle it. I had good legal research and writing skills, but I didn’t have the judgment and ability to advocate that I now have, of course, after more than a decade of lawyering. I definitely should not have been billed out at the rates I was.
Anon
I wonder, though, if the lawyers are paid less when do you get to the situation of the AAM letter? Big Law doesn’t sound like a particularly fun job, there’s probably a floor to the amount of compensation a reasonable person would require to do it.
Anonymous
Unless you have actually figured out the overhead associated with your job (office space, support staff, liability insurance, health insurance, pet insurance, etc.), and the actual realization rate for your work, you have no business ranting like this. I have large clients who have contractually obligated me not to staff first years, so the only matters you can work on for me are for small companies who can’t afford your inefficiencies. So write offs are high and your actual value to the firm the first year much lower than you think. Once we have trained you, and you have successfully completed a range of tasks at least once — which is after about 18 months — you are valuable. Until then, dial it down.
OP
Idk why you’re assuming I’m junior or that I’m not in a position to know exactly to the penny what our rent and other expenses are. Check the condescension and sexism, k?
Anonymous
Sexism? WTF. Your posting was clueless.
Anon
I feel like this has been discussed before, but maybe not recently. My washer (LG front load) bit the dust yesterday. What are the Hive’s favorites for a new washing machine? I’m leaning to a top load because my experience with the front load has not been great.
Cat
We have a basic WD from Speed Queen and adore them. Very little by way of electronics to malfunction.
Anon
I would get a Speed Queen if I was getting a new washer.
Anon
Speed Queen TR5. We almost bought the Maytag 575, but our local shop told us they have a ton of repair calls for that model.
Anonymous
I have a top load Speed Queen (Huebsch in Canada) and I love it.
Formerly Lilly
Another recommendation for Speed Queen.
Anon
Thanks, all. Looks like Speed Queen is a clear winner here. Do you find the agitator to be a problem with delicates? I’m assuming no since everyone seems to love them. I know there are some top loads without agitators these days.
Anonymous
Dryers are much worse on clothes than agitators. I mostly air dry my clothing and it lasts forever.
Formerly Lilly
I haven’t had a problem with delicates, and I wash everything: tights, bras, linen sweaters, silk blouses, etc. I bought a big assortment of lingerie bags and use them religiously, although I ran out of bags for a load recently and threw a BB cotton cardigan in loose and it was fine. I am very picky about the condition of my clothes fwiw.
Cat
No issues here, but I wash anything delicate in a mesh bag.
Anon
Same. Bare Necessities makes really nice bags; I replaced a variety of brands with all their version.
Anon
Whatever is in stock.
Senior Attorney
Haha, right?
anne-on
I got a top load as well after having two front loads mold and become totally disgusting despite me babying them. Go look in person if you’re able to, I thought I’d get a speed queen but the size of the tub was just a little smaller than I wanted (could not fit a queen sized quilt in it) so we wound up with a Whirlpool and have been very happy so far.
InHouse Anon
For a different opinion, we bought a fairly basic LG top loader about 16 months ago and really like it compared to the Samsungs we’d had in the recent past. We looked at Speed Queens, Wirecutter’s most recent review had indicated they might be declining in quality. We’ve been very happy with the LG top loader.
Horse Crazy
Does anyone else have both cats and varnished wood tables? We have a bar height table that’s varnished, and our cats have totally ruined the top by jumping up on it. Their claws scratch the surface of the table and leave marks. We just purchased a dining table that has the same glossy varnish finish, and I’m worried about the same thing happening. Other than leaving a tablecloth on it all the time, how can I protect my table? Am I dreaming?
Anonymous
Can you just add another coat of varnish to the scratched table? You may need to sand it down until it is even, but this is not a hard repair.
Anon
Poster below with cats- the problem is not the repair, it’s that it will keep happening. It makes no sense to do this weekly!
Anon
You either need to cover it or keep them off of it. I guess you could also add a glass top, but I would find that annoying for a dining table. As someone with two cats, I would also seriously reconsider the choice of table. All of our furniture purchases are made with cats in mind, because it’s just not worth stressing about the damage.
anon
+1,000 to your last sentence. I have cats and dogs and they are always front of mind when buying anything for the house they could potentially have access to!
Senior Attorney
+1 Also, I have had cats and wood furniture all my life and have never had this problem. I feel like your table must be extra delicate.
Anonymous
You either cover it and get to look at the wood rarely, or you don’t cover it and accept it’ll get scratched up. Even without cats. I live alone no kids and I bought my nice furniture about 15 years ago. I’m very careful and always use coasters (one set says “don’t f!ck up the table”). All of the wooden surfaces that aren’t covered have little scratches and dings. It’s inevitable. At my mother’s insistence, my dining room table has a table pad and tablecloth on it at all times, unless I have company and want to show off the beautiful inlay. It’s the only wooden surface that has minimal scratches, but it’s not perfect either.
Mary
Table pads, anything from thick plastic on the river site to custom made with leather tops.
Anonymous
Trim the cat nails weekly or send them for those little plastic nail cap manicures? I personally just trim my cats nails it’s cheap and easy, even my cat that ‘hates’ nail trims has eventually gotten used to them, it’s just about consistency. Otherwise get a glass top cut.
Anon
I think either your table is a special snowflake or your cats are really weird jumpers. My cats are serious menaces and are all over the furniture, but they don’t leave this type of damage on my wood furniture or my solid wood floor.
Anon
Not OP, but my wood furniture is very scratched up, even down the front. When they are on top of something and start to jump down, they brace their front paws down the side to start gauging the distance, so the fronts of drawers and chairs (and the walls right under windowsills) are scratched up.
Anonymous
Do you trim their claws?
Anonymous
Does anyone have any experience with detached retinas? My experience is limited to that of Savannah Guthrie on the Today Show last year. My dad was just diagnosed with one and is having surgery today. Apparently he cannot move his head for 2-3 weeks. Does anyone have any good suggestions for things to send him to help with this process? He’s in his 60s and super active (still works, works out, etc.), so this is super hard on him. Thx!
Anonymous
It is happened to two people I know and the recovery was a process. But the procedures worked.
Anon
DH is a retina surgeon so I hear a lot about retinas…Definitely encourage your father to follow the recovery instructions 100%! 2-3 weeks of discomfort from having to sleep a certain way and limiting his head mobility is far better than a re-detached retina and multiple surgeries (and possibly blindness). If he has to sleep face down, get him one of those face down pillows. Wishing your father a speedy recovery!
Anon
Dan Crenshaw had retinal surgery in his “good” eye a few months ago. Apparently, it’s a miserable surgery but the alternatives are worse.
Anon
It happened to the partner I worked for the most when I was in Big Law. He liked to brag about how he never stopped billing 60+ hour weeks because #BigLaw. It sounded like it was quite an ordeal physically, but hopefully your dad will take it easy and his recovery will be smoother. Good vibes to him!
Anon
This happened to my dad when he was in his mid-60s. Recovery is not fun – they injected a bubble into the eye with the detached retina to hold the retina in place while it healed, and my dad had to stay bent over at a 90 degree angle 22+ hours a day for two weeks. His retina re-attached but he still had some vision problems for quite some time, and had two subsequent procedures to try to get it corrected. He can still drive and play golf, etc. but he’s at about 85% vision in the eye with the detached retina and corrective lenses only do so much. He followed the recovery protocol but just had bad luck, according to his doctors; he has always had a very strong glasses prescription (his lenses were like Coke bottle bottoms until polycarbonate lenses came along) and people with strong prescriptions have a higher risk of detached retinas, and also a higher risk of complications.
The big thing with my Dad was that he got bored staying bent over – he’s one of those guys that’s always doing something. My mom figured out how to put movies and Sudoku games on their tablet and he was able to do that for the amount of time during the day he could use his eyes, which was not all day. The doctor’s office referred them to a medical supply place that rented them a “recovery chair” and some other things that made his recovery easier. Other than that, it just takes time. The more compliant the patient is with the recovery protocol, the better an outcome they generally have, is what we were told. I am sorry this happened to your dad.
Anon
My mom’s was partially detached. She was not allowed to bend over or lift things for several months.
roxie
Audible/books on tape or great podcasts for sure; anyhing that can entertain him that he doesn’t have to “watch”!
No Face
Anyone with dry skin absolutely love their lotion / cream / oil? I want to try something new.
Anon
I always use just basic Aveeno and I love it.
Anon
+1
Anon
Body or face? If you want a true body lotion I love Malin + Goetz vitamin B lotion, but I also love as a drugstore option Olay Total Effects 7.
Lately I have been obsessed with this body spry from Soko Glam (the smell is not intense and the moisture builds up with use and is not greasy).
https://sokoglam.com/products/dalba-white-truffle-body-glow-spray-serum
Vicky Austin
Neutrogena Norwegian formula! It’s labeled for hands but I put some on my heels recently and they’ve never been softer.
/broken record
Anonymous
I love The Body Shop Shea Body Butter. I also love the L’Occitane Hand and Foot creams to prevent winter cracking.
RR
Youth to the People Superberry Hydrate + Glow Dream Mask. I wake up feeling like I put on moisturizer, but it doesn’t feel too thick. I’ve tried a LOT of moisturizers from drugstore, to $100+, and this is probably my favorite ever at a generously-sized $48.
Also treat yourself to Laneige Lip Sleeping Mask for the winter!
RR
I assumed face here, but for body, I’ve been using the Happy Dance Whipped Body Butter and really enjoying it. The Coconut Melt is also great for removing makeup or moisturizing heals, etc. I don’t know how much I buy into the CBD aspects (although I do use a CBD oil that I love, so maybe I do buy in), but they are lovely products.
anonymous
Vanicream. I buy it at Walgreens. I have sensitive skin and use it all over my body. It even works on my dry heels.
Anon
Vanicream is the best. I use their face moisturizer too and it’s really good.
Senior Attorney
For my face, I love my Estee Lauder Day Wear cream: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/estee-lauder-multi-protection-anti-oxidant-24h-moisture-creme-broad-spectrum-spf-15-face-moisturizer/3141639 It’s expensive but lasts a long time.
For body, I find nothing beats Cetaphil Moisturizing Cream (white jar, green top). It’s cheap and does wonders.
Senior Attorney
Reply in mod because I had a link, so trying again:
For my face, I love my Estee Lauder Advanced Multi-Protection Antioxidant 24Hour Day Wear Moisture Creme. It’s expensive but lasts a long time.
For body, I find nothing beats Cetaphil Moisturizing Cream (white jar, green top). It’s cheap and does wonders.
Anon
CeraVe in the tub slathered liberally all over everywhere straight out of the shower. And the coconut scented cream from Trader Joe’s on my feet, lower legs, and arms at bedtime.
DeepSouth
I agree with both of these. The ointment version of CeraVe is better than the cream, but it needs a few minutes to soak in before you get dressed.
Anonnymouse
CeraVe is my fave too –
Curious
Was coming here to say CeraVe! Though I also use Neutrogena sesame oil (which target stopped carrying? Boo) and other oils all over when my hands get particularly bad. It sounds weird, but it helps my hands to moisturize elsewhere. Perhaps because the skin is all one organ?
Anon
Find something with urea. That’s the magic ingredient.
Curious
Also ceramides and hyaluronic acid.
Anonymous
for body, any of the Hempz lotions! I love the pineapple scent, but all the ones I’ve tried are great. Super hydrating without being greasy or taking forever to sink in.
Anon
Does anyone have experience with taking Effexor? I was finally able to get in to see a doctor yesterday for generalized anxiety and depression and this is what she prescribed. I understand it is an SNRI so slightly different than an SSRI. This is my first time on anything like this, so any experiences appreciated.
Anonymous
I have been taking it for nearly a year now. I went on it originally to help with hot flashes from my medically induced menopause, but it definitely had the side effect of helping with my generalized mood issues (probably caused by cancer and covid). I haven’t had any issues (no weight gain, etc.). It does make me process alcohol a bit differently, so I can’t really have more than a drink a night any more, but that’s not a bad thing.
Anon
This is encouraging to hear. Thank you.
Anone
No, but I would like to hear more about people’s experiences with it. I did some brief research and found that it acts as a reuptake inhibitor for serotonin, dopamine and Norepinephrine. I didn’t know such a drug existed and I am interested to learn more. I currently take Burproprion and I am okay with it but I wonder if this would be even better.
Anon
Intake bupropion but I don’t remember enough of the science behind it. How is this one different?
Anone
Buproprion is a dopamine and norepinephrine Reuptake inhibitor, which means (roughly) that it increases the levels of those neurotransmitters in the brain. Effexor inhibits the reuptake of both of those, plus serotonin. Serotonin is a mood regulator. Traditional antidepressants such as Prozac are serotonin Reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). I’ve never tried an SSRI but I would be interested to try something like Effexor that increases all three types of neurotransmitters.
pugsnbourbon
Buproprion is a norepinephrine-dopamine reuptake inhibitor. Like an SSRI or SNRI it regulates amounts of neurotransmitters in the brain, but it targets different ones.
I haven’t taken Effexor myself but my wife has done well on it. When I tried duloxetine (SNRI aka cymbalta) after my long-term SSRI pooped out, I did not do well on it. The uptick in anxiety you sometimes get after starting a new med never went away; it got worse as time went on. I did not gain weight but had truly wild night sweats (like getting up 2x a night to change my pjs). I’m now on Viibryd after taking the Genesight test and it’s working pretty well.
Not trying to scare you OP, it’s just that much of this is a dice roll. Give it about a month to fully take effect and then circle back with your doc. Fingers crossed Effexor does the trick and you feel better soon.
Anon
Thanks. I am not even on an “effective dose” yet. I’m on a low dose for a week until my body gets used to it and next week will go up to the lowest effective dose. I’ve just had a confluence of very stressful events over the last couple of years, and I know I couldn’t go on the way I was feeling. So, I’m going to keep an eye on things, but fingers crossed it works. And, yes, of course I have anxiety about taking the anxiety meds. ;)
anon
Effexor made me so ill and feel like an absolute crazy person. I stopped it after three days before even calling my doc about it bc I couldn’t stand up without being dizzy to a debilitating extent. I know people who love it but it was a HARD NO from me dawg
Pristiq is my absolute favorite depression med of ALL TIME. I’m off meds now but it was the best. The best!
Anon
I’ve combined bupropion and Strattera which sounds like 2/3 of Effexor; interesting.
I cannot do any kind of serotonin reuptake inhibition though.
Anon
I recently tried it for menopause symptoms and could not tolerate it. Made me thirsty beyond belief (and crazy dry mouth) and nauseated to the point I could barely work. I lasted about 48 hours.
Anon
Hi! First of all, congrats on speaking with your doctor about this. That’s a huge step! I’ve been on Effexor XR for about 7-8 years now. It’s been a great help. As with all psychiatric medication, remember that everyone’s body metabolizes it differently and it may take some time to find the right mix /dosage for you. All that said, this past year I did have to add a “booster” because while Effexor was working well, I knew it could be a tad better. So, I was prescribed Lamictal (lamotrigine) for that boost. It all seems good at this point. I’ve steadily gained weight but that’s been happening since I hit 30 (I’m 41). I’ve seen some changes with how I can handle alcohol (not well after 2). It will take some time before you really see any changes. Keep notes for your next doctor’s appt. (You should have a follow-up in about a month or 6 weeks.) If you notice something extreme, call your doctor immediately. Do not stop cold turkey. Not sure what level they put you at to start. Depending on that, after a couple of weeks, if you stop all at once, you may have some withdrawal symptoms. For me, it’s a really foggy head and nausea. Usually kicks in around 1-3 pm (I take them in the am). Don’t be afraid to ask questions, raise concerns or request changes. It’s important to advocate for yourself.
Anon
Thank you for all of this. They started my on 37.5 – today was my first dose. I feel fine, if a little tired, but I’m tired all the time anyway so I don’t necessarily think it’s the meds. I will go up to 75 next week. and I go back in three weeks from now for a follow up. I appreciate this advice.
CoastalSensation
I’ve been on the Effexor XR for about 10 years now at a low dose; anti-depressants in general for about 20 years (since high school). Have tried many in the SSRI and SNRI categories. This one has yielded the fewest side effects for me, and any it does produce (like processing alcohol differently) are manageable and less than the other anti-depressants I’ve tried. Never stop taking it suddenly. It does have a shorter half-life so always make sure to take it consistently at the same time of day and renew it in advance, etc. so you have enough on hand. I have tapered down to a very low dose at various points (with doc’s blessing) and physically that’s gone well but eventually I needed to taper up again. This drug has been very effective at managing my depression symptoms – anxiety symptoms, somewhat. Check in regularly with your doctor about how it’s going; they may need to adjust your dose :) Best of luck.
anon
Yes, I took it for a few years and found that it worked really well for me. I went off it because I didn’t need it any more and because the night sweats and nightmares were starting to really bother me (only side effects I had). Otherwise I felt like a better version of myself on it – more chatty, more outgoing, less anxious. I didn’t gain any weight.
However, the withdrawal/weaning was HORRIBLE. I had brain zaps, felt super foggy and just really off the entire weaning process. My doctor told me to plan it for a time in my life when I didn’t need to be on my A game, but as a Biglaw litigator there is never such a time. What worked for me for weaning: I had the capsules that have lots of little grains in them. I would literally count out the grains in each capsule and remove one extra per day. I kept a spreadsheet and did this over maybe two months. It was kind of ridiculous but any quicker weaning had me absolutely non-functioning.
Oh so anon
I have been on Effexor as part of a combination of meds to prevent migraines for about 15 years. It works! Adjusting onto it was rough. I had nausea/zero appetite for about the first month. Like, I could just feel my throat closing if I tried to eat. If I miss a dose, I feel similarly crappy. But it is worth it to have fewer migraines!
Anon
can anyone comment on what type of rug (fabric wise) is best for higher traffic areas, easiest to clean, etc.
Anon
I have a thing sold as an outdoor rug for our dining room because I wanted something durable and easy to clean. It looks fine indoors.
BB
Look for a flat weave polyester (or poly blend) rug. Most will be labeled as indoor/outdoor. We have one from Room and Board and you can actually throw it into a washing machine if needed. It’s stiffer than a wool rug, but also designed that way for high traffic. We also have a much softer one from West Elm in the kitchen – same thing with the machine washability.
Anone
Could you share a link to either one of these rugs? I have a Ruggable in my living room, but I really do not like how it looks due in part to the fact that the Roomba constantly flips up the edges. The thinness is the biggest problem.
Anon
I’ve read that nylon is super durable, but I don’t know how to find nylon rugs.
Anon
I have a ton of Jet Blue credits and am looking for a warm-weather get away. Have been to Barbados, Aruba and Bahamas. Any feedback re: Jamaica or other recs? Potentially going with or without kids.
Anon
If you go with kids, Beaches is great. We’ve been to the one in T&C but they have two resorts in Jamaica as well. If you go without kids I’d be inclined to head to St. Lucia – super romantic and some great hiking that little kids can’t do.
Cat
Looking at islands they fly to-
St. Martin is nice on its own (French side, not the Americanized Dutch which is a lot like Aruba) but is also a hub for nearby islands like St Barth’s or Anguilla.
Turks & Caicos is beautiful although the beach is a bit built up for my personal preference.
St. Thomas (connect to St. John) could work if international restrictions prove too irritating.
Have not been to St. Lucia but it’s on our list…
Cat
oh and we’ve done the Montego Posh All Inclusive thing and found it wasn’t our cup of tea (felt trapped and bored), we had way more fun on the cliffs in Negril.
Anon
My mom and I are going yachting in the USVIs in May. It was originally supposed to be BVIs but there are restrictions in place currently for sailboats, we weren’t sure how we’d get the return testing to come home, and we decided the whole thing would just be simpler if we stayed in US territory. The more I learn about the USVIs the more excited I get – there are some beautiful beaches and snorkeling.
Anonymous
What do you want to do and what’s your travel style? Lay on a beach at all inclusive? More active trip? If you’re more the air bnb type/ok driving a jeep down poor roads to get to pristine, empty beaches, I recommend either Vieques (though I haven’t been post-Maria/Irma and am not sure how well it recovered) or St. John.
Anon
Thanks for all the input so far. I’m not a big drinker, so no need for all-inclusive. Like to spend a fair amount of time on the beach, but also check out the local sights (eg, in Barbados, we rented a car for a day and went to the Atlantic side, to the wildlife preserve and in Aruba took a Jeep tour to the National Park and went parasailing.) Kids are tweens.
Cat
In case you’re still reading – St Maarten Dutch side is a lot like Aruba (built up, lots of water sports, I think there’s a mountainous zip line somewhere). The food and wine on the French side are amazing.
Turks, at least the main island Provo, is basically south Florida with (spectacularly, but still) better water. There are water sports to keep kids amused, but the island is flat and scrubby once inland.
We debated going to St. John but decided from lurking in the TripAdvisor forums that it wasn’t the island for us – we like some adventure but the “most of the island is a national park” thing means people are REALLY up in arms about the kind of shade you have, sunscreen you wear, glass bottles, limited facilities at the beaches, etc. and perhaps it’s just those who contribute to the forum, but… the yacht plan described above sounds more fun to us :) St. Thomas didn’t feel adventurous *enough* but perhaps we’ll give it a try someday as we, too, are sitting on a pile of JB cash.
Anon
Provo is not like Florida! I’ve never snorkeled with sea turtles, stingrays and reef sharks in Florida. And the beaches and water are much more beautiful.
Cat
I meant in terms of beach density – it felt like it took 15 minutes just to walk past the Beaches and the loungers were shoulder to shoulder as if we were on the “boardwalk” area of Ft Lauderdale! The water is stunning though :)
Anon
OP here-thanks for the input!
Anon
Do you have pet insurance for your pet(s)? Worth it? Lifelong pet owner and considering pet insurance for the first time. Would be ~$36/biweekly for both pets combined and I’ve calculated our break-even point at $1,500 of medical events/year (individually per pet). I know that’s not the right way to view insurance but I think I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around an extra ~1K year insurance expense (even though, rationally, having had a dog that had bloat and also cancer, I know how quickly the bills can add up).
Anon
Nah, not worth it. Just like with human insurance a lot of stuff isn’t covered. So you pay >$1k annually in premiums and then can still have non-trivial bills when they need treatment. Even if everything is covered, the math probably doesn’t work out unless you anticipate regular large medical bills. Our dog was hospitalized a few years ago and the bill was around $8k. Even if you assume that treatment would have been entirely free, the math for insurance still doesn’t check out since we’ve had her for over 10 years and have had very minimal expenses in all the other years, so our annual spending on her healthcare is under $1k even with that one enormous bill.
Anon
One thing to consider is insurance won’t cover pre-existing conditions.
Anon
I had VPI, and they declared anything a rescue animal got was pre-existing because you can’t prove otherwise so they get away with it. They only way to get something covered was to buy your pet from a breeder with extensive history paperwork.
I now just set aside money every month. Pet insurance is a scam.
Anon
No, I have yet to be persuaded that it’s better than just putting the same money aside each year, and then I don’t have to fight with the insurance company to actually cover stuff later on. However I have cats, and the math may work out differently with dogs.
My anecdata may be bad, but I hate hearing stories about ways companies can try to weasel out of paying for things; I know human medical insurance companies try too, but they seem to have more rules to follow to me.
Anonymous
I looked into it, and the benefits were so low and the exclusions so numerous that it did not seem like a good deal. Just save up the $1,000 every year in case you need it.
Anon
Yes, we have it on both pets. It’s a long story and I think I posted it before, you may be able to search for it, but we have a dog who had to have two major abdominal surgeries in four months, and instead of paying $10k out of pocket we only had to pay $2,500. Our dogs are getting older and so the combined yearly premium for both of them is around $1,500, which at the emergency vet doesn’t even cover half the cost of one surgery. We have coverage through my husband’s employer. It doesn’t cover any routine care or dental, but it covers the high-dollar emergency stuff. After our previous experience, I’ll never go without it again. We wouldn’t have put our dog down over the costs of the surgeries, but not having to take $10k out of savings to save his life was a relief.
Anonymous
Also a lifelong pet owner here. We looked into it when our most recent dog was a puppy. We have A LOT of vet expenses (when the Vet Hospital considers you one of their VIP’s…), but still decided it wasn’t worth it.
Couple of things to note — it will get more expensive every year, as the premiums scale up with the age of the pet.
The list of exclusions is extremely lengthy, and would require a massive string of bad-luck to have $1500+ expenses that actually qualify per pet every year.
We decided we were better off to basically self-insure. You could probably set aside the $36 biweekly into your own account and come out ahead in the long run.
Telco Lady JD
We have Healthy Paws for both of our large dogs. I am resigned to the fact that insurance may not be the wisest thing to do financially – that we are likely spending more money on premiums than we save with insurance. BUT…I don’t regret having insurance. One of our dogs has had some health issues lately – and it is very nice to make decisions based solely on what is best for her, and not worrying about the bill at the end. Just ONE urgent vet visit, xrays, and medication cost us $1000 last weekend. Insurance covered everything after the deductible was met.
I think that insurance for pets is good for peace of mind, especially when they are younger. As they age – there will come a point when it simply doesn’t make sense to have it anymore. Both because it will cost too much and because I am unwilling to engage in drastic/scary/painful/expensive measures to save an elderly dog that is unlikely to recover fully. But…when they’re young/middle aged, we have it and like it.
Anon
Caveat: some people have rickety (for lack of a better word) pets. Generally, I think it’s best to self-insure on expensive, but not astronomically so, risks. We can afford a new powertrain, so we don’t buy the extended warranty on the car. We can afford veterinary bills, even if they get high, so we don’t have pet insurance. We cannot afford a triple bypass out of pocket, so we have health insurance.
Anon
This is exactly how I was taught to think about insurance. It’s also why I don’t pay for dental insurance. Cancer or Covid or being hit by a bus can land you with $1M in medical bills if you’re uninsured, which would bankrupt me and destroy my life. But a “huge” dental bill is, what, $10-20k? I can pay that out of pocket.
Anon
How nice for you. I assume you know that would bankrupt some people.
Anon
Of course. That’s why I said this is what *I* do. If a $10k expense would bankrupt you, dental insurance makes sense. I think the vast majority of people here could easily afford that kind of one time expense (people post about vacations and handbags that cost more than that all the time) but this is certainly a very privileged slice of society.
pugsnbourbon
That’s … an interesting approach. My dental insurance is like $5 a pay period and the negotiated rates save me a ton of money.
Hollis
pugnbourbon – your dental insurance is $5 a pay period because your employer pays for it. that’s a great deal. for me, i would be paying about $100 a month just to get a policy that has a $50 deductible and a $2,000 max, and dental insurance only pays for 50% of crowns, implants, etc. and 0% of orthodontics. so it totally makes sense if it’s employer-subsidized, but not if it’s out of pocket i think.
pugsnbourbon
Hollis, you’re right, I wasn’t thinking about it that way! Thanks for clarifying.
Anon
Yeah you have extremely subsidized insurance. mine is $800 a year and doesn’t fully cover a lot of preventive stuff.
Anonymous
I don’t have it for my cats because it never seemed worth it. I do for my horse, because horses are incredibly accident prone and equine vet bills are expensive.
Digby
We got Trupanion for our large-breed puppy. We didn’t have insurance for our previous dogs, both of whom had expensive surgeries/health issues. Based on the math of our last dog’s surgery and chemo, insurance seemed like it could make sense for the new dog – but I’ll let you know in ten or twelve years…
Digby
Also, Trupanion doesn’t increase the premiums as your dog ages, and we picked a fairly large deductible to keep the monthly premium lower. Their deductible is per condition, not per year.
Anon
I don’t. I have an older rescue English Bulldog and no one wants to insure him! I have a $5000 mental limit on what we’d spend on an injury or illness. I know that sounds harsh but the truth is we all have a limit, and it helps me to know what it is.
Anon
I have it on 2 cats and it comes out of my checks biweekly (a corporate plan thing or something IDK). Having one cat who loves to eat stupid shit and another who is a maniac, it gives me peace of mind. Also, and I know how this will sound, I’m not the best saver in the world. This at least caps my OOP for many things that may pop up, including the most severe. In a few years, I may be in a better spot financially overall and have a sep bucket of savings just for them. For now, though, this works for me.
Anon
Paging Cb or anyone else who’s done Portugal with little kids. We’re considering it for spring break with our 4 year old. We’d fly into and out of Lisbon since we can fly non-stop. Should we stay in Lisbon the whole time and just do day trips (kiddo no longer needs naps) or should we try to do a few days in Lisbon and a few days somewhere else and if so where? Trip would be ~7 nights.
Anonymous
Hi! I went to Portugal in 2019 with an almost- 4- year old and almost-2- year old and had an amazing time. I would add another destination to your trip. We stayed for a few nights in Cascais and just loved it with young kids. There is a small beach with VERY gentle waves, and a gorgeous park (Parc Marechal Carmona) with ducks and peacocks, a playground, and beautiful gardens. We walked everywhere in the town (stayed halfway between the beach and the park), and did a day trip to Pena Palace.
We flew into and out of Lisbon and spent just shy of a week in each Cascais and Lisbon. I would do the whole trip over again in a heartbeat. Happy to send more tips if you post an email.
Anon
Thanks! Very helpful. We’re still in the early planning stages and not 100% sure Portugal will be our destination but I may check back later for more tips.
Anon
I just did a lot of research on this for a group trip for a few families with kids in elementary school. We decided to do a house in Cascais for 3 days and then one in Peniche for 3 days (in the summer, so maybe not right for you). Consensus was that 7 days in Lisbon (or any one place in Portugal) would get a little too long. Would love to hear from others!
Help
Wondering if anyone has a favorite brand for pajamas? I don’t love wearing anything with a waist and to bed, but now that I’m nearing 30 I think it’s probably time to upgrade from my “college grunge” oversized sleep shirt…looking for ideas! Does a classy, adult sleep shirt exist??
Coach Laura
Garnet Hill is always my dream (pun intended) sleepwear source. They have pretty patterns and organic cotton. But I usually get sleep wear from Lands End.
Anon
Soma cool nights line. They’re so pretty. I like the camis that have some gathering under the bust for light support, and the flowy pants that come in long inseam lengths!
An.On.
Tagging onto this, does anyone have experience with either Cosabella or Eberjey pjs?
Anonymous
+1 to garnet hill. Was gifted a flannel-y long-sleeve sleep shirt (tunic?) for my birthday. Best present so far all year. Like you, I hate sleeping in pants or shorts (the legs bunch up!) but wanted long sleeve, longer shirt length, and cozy.
Anonymous
If you like a crisper poplin with fun prints, I LOVE my pj set from print fresh. I really don’t like a soft modal or silky feeling fabric, so these are perfect. And I think the company is run by a woman, to boot!