Coffee Break: Emilia Genuine Calf Hair Loafer

109 Comments

1. My employer says that we can use only 8 hours of our (paltry) sick time benefit for mental health issues. Is that even legal? I looked up some info from the EEOC and it looks like it might not be because it could be construed as an invasion of privacy and/or discriminating against employees with mental health issues. However, I’m not a lawyer and I’m really not sure. Thoughts?

   1. Your employer has no right to know your medical information. How would they even know if it’s a mental health issue unless you tell them? If they require proof of sickness just get a non-specific doctor’s note.

      1. So, my company (3k people) requires a doctor’s note with a diagnosis. A friend who is an employment attorney told me it’s legal so long as there is a Chinese wall between the medical information and management.

         1. My former employer required a reason/diagnosis for sick leave, too and it’s a 175,000 employee strong company that most folks would have heard of. It was bullshit and as a manager, I always just put down vomiting unless the person was using FMLA for a documented condition.

   2. How would they know?

      1. Not sure yet because I haven’t tried it, but if they asked for a doctor’s note or something…? They haven’t done that for other illnesses so far though.

         1. A doctor should be able to write you a vague note though that doesn’t go into what your illness is.

            1. But they could google what type of doctor it is.

            2. Have a PCP write it? It doesn’t need to come from a psychiatrist, even if you have one.

   3. Maybe they mean “mental health days” as in you are just tired/stressed/don’t want to go to work as opposed to actual medical leave for a mental health issue. Many people feel guilty taking a “mental health day” meaning a self-care day. Maybe they are saying you can use one day for that, no questions asked, but others have to be legit sick time and that could be any type of sick including mental illness sick.

   4. Just tell them you’re having “bathroom issues” and then no one will want to hear another word.

2. OMG — my firm has one grandmother in it (that I know of). I will be visiting her office in a few weeks. I am running the risk of stalking her and demanding to know all of her secrets. I have two kids in grade school, so I am just in awe and wanting all of her tips. Can I psychic-ly will her to volunteer for a Reddit ask-me-anything?

   1. Huh? This is so weird. How is that noteworthy?

      1. Because very few women who make it to partner, let alone of senior age, in big law have children. I worked at a Top 50 firm – in that office there were about 25 female partners. Most were unmarried, maybe 5 had children (and two were step children they got when they were elementary aged), and none were over 55.

      2. At my Biglaw firm, most women quit by the time their kid learns to read, if not before. That a working attorney is still working and has been at it for decades is actually pretty noteworthy in the 3 cities I’ve practiced in.

      3. Lol seriously, what on earth? Having small kids while in BigLaw is the hard part. Being a grandma hardly seems noteworthy, all it means is that the kids you raised now have kids of their own…

         I almost don’t want to give OP this advice, but OP: please do not mention anything to this woman about her being a grandma and wanting to “know all her secrets.” To be blunt, you sound deranged.

         1. I agree that it is weird to approach this woman and beg for her secrets.
            However, you would be surprised how many women drop-out/lean way out of the workforce between their kids starting kindergarten and graduating high school. It’s incredibly rare for a woman with grown children (and thus grandchildren) to be a partner in a Big Law firm. It’s not like it’s all downhill once your kids start school.

         2. Having tiny kids (like not crawling yet) was almost the easiest time for me b/c day care closed for holidays and that was it. Every day was the same. Barring a fever or a stomach bug, I could actually go to work. Now: teacher workdays, snow days, 2 weeks off at Christmas, spring break, fall break, summer camps, after school care; it just keeps getting nuttier. No wonder BigLaw loses solid people to MLM schemes on Facebook (although she seems to have gotten into R+F at a good time, before everyone else did). I do know someone looking for a second-shift nanny for after the first nanny goes home.

         3. Sorry, I think my response was probably too harsh. I do agree it’s unusual to see women who are 55+ plus as law firm partners in general, but I think it will become far more common because of the progress in women in the workforce that has been made in the last 30 years. I don’t necessarily see the “grandmother” status as being a key part of it, which is perhaps what rubbed me the wrong way. It’s an age/era thing, not a reproductive status (and reproductive status of your offspring) thing.

            1. At my 10 year law school reunion, lots of women had already quit practicing.

               I think 25+ years in (if a grandmother, her kid probably isn’t much younger and may be older) is remarkable among women with children.

            2. Respectfully – I disagree. It is hard to be a woman in Big Law (particularly from that era). It is even harder to be a mother. There is a reason so many women drop out when their second child is born/gets to school age.

   2. Has she even actually worked at the firm since her own kids were little? All the female partners with adult children at my biglaw firm were not in private practice during their kids childhood. They all transferred from government or non-profits after they kids started college or later.

      1. Also, biglaw was a very different place 30+ years ago, when I assume her own kids were little.

         1. True, but I bet it was worse then (smoking in offices! pantyhose!).

            I know one woman in her 60s who has been in BigLaw the whole time, spouse is maybe a doctor or something else demanding and rigid with his schedule. Her kids are out of college. There are hundreds of female lawyers at my firm and other than this woman, my kids may be the oldest (11) of any other woman attorney I can think of here.

            1. Agreed, the sexism was probably worse. But I think the always on-call mentality and working 24-7 lifestyle that runs many of us out of biglaw didn’t exist back then. Based on conversations with older partners, the hour expectations were a lot lower and it was a lot easier to make partner back in the 80s and 90s.

            2. When did smoking in offices stop being a thing? I’ve always thought of it as a 50s/60s type thing, and somebody who is 60 now would have started working in the early 80s.

   3. I dont think your question is weird at all. Just ask her in a way that shows your respect and awe at her experience in big law through a time when many/most women dropped out. Grandma may not be the right word but I think what you mean is “lawyer with grown up adult children”.

   4. I can’t actually think of a single grandfather in my biglaw firm. I know we probably have a few, but I can’t think of anyone whose kids are older than college age (we do have female partners with college-age/mid twenties kids too).

      1. That’s the other thing — with retirement age at 65 (yes, I know many people practice longer), and lawyers (and likely their progeny) tending to have kids in their mid to late 30s… grandparents in general may be rare.

         1. I worked with three or four grandfathers in Big Law. Not SUPER common, but they definitely existed. Never met a grandmother practicing law.

   5. My 70 old mom is a midlaw partner and grandmother. If you complimented photos of her grandchildren and she wasn’t busy, she would be flattered if you asked for her secrets. They are roughly as follows: We had full time help and my dad was in sales and was home by 5 every day. My grandmother would stay with us when she was in trial. I spent most Saturdays playing on the floor of her office with legal pads, highlighters, red pens, and binder clips. She made partner when I was 5 and has been on the management committee since I was 13 (I’m 40 now).

      1. My mom is not even 65 and she is a grandmother 4x over thanks to Rosa and Ed, so I am not sure what all the fuss is about. Dad was MENSA eligible, and he is 68. Personally, I am almost 40, and I am just focusing on becoming a MOTHER! So unless I conceive and have a baby within a year, even if my child became a lawyer (at age 25) and had a baby, I would have to be at least my mom’s age 65 before I could be a law granny, but since that is very possible, that is not going to be a big deal, even tho I’ve wasted 15 years w/o a child. FOOEY!

3. With the holidays approaching this came up at work — do cops/firefighters/teachers accept homemade baked good if a kid and his/her family show up with them? People at work are like – of course, cops would love people to stop by with Christmas cookies. I’m thinking no — in this day and age there’s more concern about allergies, cleanliness, not to mention it’s taking food from a perfect stranger?? I don’t mean they’d be rude to the kid — I think they’d take it graciously but then it’d get tossed. I seem to recall a teacher friend telling me once she doesn’t eat home made gifts but IDK if it’s just her or if this is now the norm. Any idea?

   1. Cops and firefighters strike me as very different than teachers – they’re not surrounded by kids and don’t have a class of 30 students bringing them gifts every year, so I can see how it would be more of a one-off thing that’s more appreciated. A teacher definitely does not want/need baked goods from all her students. She wants cash.

   2. Just call the station and ask.

      1. And plus a million to the teacher wants cash or gift cards to someplace where she can buy supplies for school.

   3. Annecdata, but our courthouse has sheriff’s officers in it and any time we bought in potluck we didn’t have to worry about leftovers. So yes: likely take politely and actually eat.

      1. Interesting. At my courthouse the probation officers/marshals will of course eat from a staff potluck whether put on by their department or one of the chambers or whoever, but no way they’d touch food gifts brought in by their “clientele” on probation.

   4. If you must, just bring something store bought and sealed. It really depends on the person but I’d never eat something homemade by a stranger and many of them wouldn’t either. If you goal is to show appreciation, you really don’t need something to be homemade – if your goal is virtue signalling, then you’d insist on homemade.
      One really nice thing, if you see a public servant in a starbucks or someplace similar (at least in my city, I see cops in coffee shops on break all the time – and also strangely Chipotle), ask them if you can purchase their coffee for them – they might reject something extravagant like a meal but will usually graciously accept coffee.

      1. This is great! Not the OP but I will do this the next time I see a cop in a Starbucks.

   5. If the answer is that they don’t want it, it may be that in this day/time, there is both a risk that someone may put an edible into a baked good or otherwise tamper with the food b/c they are anti-police.

      1. Lol, nobody who is anti-police is out giving cops free drugs. We use our drugs ourselves!

         1. You are probably brighter than a lot of the criminals I see. It’s not like in the movies where there are evil masterminds.

   6. We took a pan of brownies to our neighborhood fire house as a thank you after they put out a tree on fire in our yard (hit by lightning, we weren’t home, neighbor called it in) and they certainly acted like they were happy to get the brownies.

   7. On holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas), I’ve stopped by in the morning with boxes of donuts and coffee from Dunkin Donuts at the police and fire houses in my neighborhood and they’ve been very excited and grateful for the thought.

   8. I always vote store bought for these kinds of things. I don’t bake and am not about to start. Plus why subject them to my awful first timer baking, when they can have something store bought that’ll be perfect — plus it’ll be in a sealed package with ingredients etc. so that no one is left with any doubt re who handled it/what they put in it.

      Frankly for cops/firefighters — I’d say a stack of pizzas delivered at lunch time from your local shop is a way better gift. It takes care of a real meal for them — which can be eaten as they come and go — rather than a few cookies as a snack.

      Teachers I know do NOT eat homemade goods. They always say — you just don’t know about how clean/not someone’s home is, not matter how nice they/their parents seem. They take the gift from the kid and put it in the teachers lounge — whichever teachers don’t care about analyzing the cake’s origins can eat it if they want it.

   9. I don’t know, I was chatting with a firefighter once and he said I could bring my child to see the station anytime during business hours. My firefighter cousin not only agreed, but said it’s even better if you bring cookies.

   10. My MIL has taught for about 40 years now and she gets dozens of tins of the most delicious homemade candies and cookies every year. Because she can’t (and shouldn’t!) eat them all herself, she puts them out on the sideboard during Christmas and everyone who visits grazes on them. FWIW, it’s a small town and people are just less uptight about that stuff it seems.

       1. My mom is a teacher and we’ve never once questioned the origin of baked goods!

          In fact, we have certain families where it’s like “yay she’s teaching a Smith kid again, love their cookies”. Obviously cash is best but she absolutely eats cookies, etc

   11. Our local firefighters always post on the neighborhood facebook page when someone drops by with cookies or treats, usually with a pic of a grinning kid sitting in the truck, so I would say yes. Our crossing guards (who are legend) love it when someone hands them a steaming cup of coffee or a hot chocolate on a cold morning.

4. Any ideas about Hawaii? I am going to a conference in Honolulu next May and would like to go to another island afterwards for a few days. Thinking the Big Island — I love volcanos! Does anybody have someplace you like to stay on that island? I was thinking Volcano House but am open to other suggestions. Things to do, places to eat? I haven’t been to Hawaii for 20-plus years so not really up on any of it. Would also consider Maui if anybody has great ideas for there, too.

   Thanks in advance!

   1. If you love volcanoes, definitely go to the Big Island. I’ve never stayed in Volcano House but I’ve eaten there. It’s RIGHT next to the volcano, so it will be pretty fun, especially if the volcano is active. Be aware it’s not a 5 star hotel though – there are much more upscale accommodations elsewhere on the island – and the cost is obviously inflated compared to the same accommodations not in a national park. Besides the volcanoes, there are great beaches and snorkeling on the Big Island. Big Island isn’t a big foodie island – Maui and Oahu are better for that, but there are decent eats in Kailua-Kona town. I love You Make the Roll sushi.

   2. We have only done Maui (many times) and Kauai (once). Prefer Maui; Kauai was nice too and much quieter in both good and bad ways. If you go to Maui, eat at Mama’s Fish House (make a res a few weeks in advance at least). But stay in another part of the island – Kaanapali, Wailea, Kapalua – and spend time driving around/hiking if you’re into that. Road to Hana is nice if you know what to expect and are comfortable driving and passing a lot, especially recommend the black sand beach about 80% of the way into the drive. Other than the black sand beach, that side of the island isn’t really great for beaches so focus on the forests and save the beaches for the resort side. We like to take a whole day starting early to get out on the drive to Hana, hike in Haleakala national park, grab dinner at the Travaasa resort on the way back, and spend most of the rest of the trip lounging. Also recommend the zodiac boat tours to Lanai for a half day if you want to get out and about on the water; I enjoy those more than the larger commercial boats. It’s such an easy trip from where we are in LA (IIRC that’s where you are, too). Enjoy!

   3. Stay at the Fairmont Orchid on the Big Island. You won’t regret it.

      1. +1. The Hilton Waikoloa Village is another beautiful option

   4. Do the star gazing trip on one of the big volcanoes on the Big Island!

      On a side note, my four year old has a fear of volcanoes that she picked up I don’t know where and keeps asking about them. There are no volcanoes where we live, right, mommy? When we go on vacation, no volcanoes, mommy.

      1. Aw, that’s both funny and sad!

         I feel like some of the dinosaur movies like Land Before Time have scary volcanos…

      2. Lol I had the same fear at that age! Our lower school drama teacher went to Hawaii when I was in PreK or K and I just remember thinking “but there are volcanoes there!!!! Why would you risk it???”

   5. I stayed at the Volcano Inn a couple of years ago. It is not fancy but comfortable and the breakfasts were good. For food check out the Thai food truck (can’t remember the name) Cafe Ono for lunch; Ohelo Cafe for dinner.

      Be aware that since the eruption in 2018, a LOT has changed.Be sure you are only looking at post-eruption resources. As far as I know (and it might have changed), there is currently no visible lava anywhere that you can access and certainly none at the park. (Which does not mean you should not visit – just check the website because some things are still closed). TripAdvisor is a good resource for up to date information.

      Also the Fairmont Orchid is lovely – but not as a base for seeing the volcano. It is on the other side of the island and it is a long, windy and usually wet drive. I suggest splitting your trip between the two sides. If you like botanical gardens, the Hawaii Tropical Botanical Garden (on the Hilo side) is worth a visit.

      1. Oh – if you do go to the dry side of the island (you may not have time if you only have a couple of days and really want to explore Volcano National Park), you might try the nighttime manta ray snorkel (I did it with Mauna Kea Mantas) or a snorkel/kayak trip at Kealakekua Bay (I went with Adventures in Paradise). The morning trip is better than the one in the afternoon because it is less crowded and the sea is calmer. (These are both reputable companies and I was impressed with their practices.)

         Be sure you bring reef safe sunscreen!

   6. Ritz Carlton Kapalua. I cried when we left.

      1. I felt that way about the Hyatt on Kauai. Hands down most gorgeous lobby view I have ever seen.

   7. Been to the Big Island twice and are hoping to go back next year. We have stayed in Kailua-Kona both times but last time, we went to Volcanoes Park (in Dec. 2017 juuuuust before it went really active…I was bummed we missed it) and then we basically circumnavigated the whole island going back to Kona, so got to see Hilo, Waimea, etc. Volcanoes Park is totally worth it and you could spend more than one day there if you wanted, so staying near there might be a good idea. On the road between Kona and the park is the world’s southernmost bakery which is great to stop at; awesome donuts. It’s generally pretty busy though. Honestly our favorite thing to do on the Big Island is find different beaches to bum around on all day, buy fresh fish and fruit and make dinner, and sit around looking at the ocean and the wildlife. The Big Island is so chill; that’s why we love it. And this is a great time of year to go – before the holidays, when it gets nutso. Have a great time, SA!

5. FWIW, I wish that organizations would realize that they shouldn’t just have moms events during the day during the workweek. If you have one event for SAHMs, maybe consider having something moms who work could attend (hello: usually very woke church when it comes to race/poverty/LGBT issues but is hopelessly stuck in the 1950s in many other ways).

   Also, women’s events that start at 5 or 6 in a city of any size . . . perhaps should start at 7? Like they do for the Men’s tennis league (the “working women’s tennis league” is at 6, vs the SAHM one at 10am). I guess if something is mixed-doubles, it might work, schedule-wise since it will have to be timed for men (who obvs have jobs).

   I want to add a macro to my signature block on this.

   1. Our daycare (daycare! not even public school!) has their PTA meetings during the work day. It’s a slightly unusual situation (most families have one or two parents who are professors with flexible schedules) but still…yeeesh.

      1. Daycare doesn’t need a PTA–sheesh–resist!

      2. My son’s previous school held PTA meetings at 10 a.m. on Monday mornings. To me, that’s a pretty clear message you’d rather not have the working parents get involved, so I never did anything with the PTA (we did support the school in other ways).

   2. IME organizations that have stuff in the middle of a workday either 1) aren’t the same sorts of organizations working women would be a member of, 2) are full of philanthropic rich “women who lunch”, or 3) expect the SAHM to be the workhorses of regular events so that you don’t have to.

      I completely understand your sentiments which is why I don’t belong to women’s groups that don’t fit my lifestyle, but they’re out there. One organization I’m a part of has conference calls instead of in person meetings, which I love – we meet briefly only before the monthly weekend meeting of the whole organization. My book club meets at 8pm on a Wednesday at the behest of working women with small kids – late enough for us late workers and parents that put their young kids down for bed before they leave, it’s great.

      1. What I hate though is that it forces moms into two camps: SAHMs (and maybe flex workers, like people who sell real estate / freelance / work shifts like nurses) vs most other working moms. Now that my kids are in school, I feel like SAHM kids only play with SAHM kids and “working’ mom kids generally struggle b/c we can only do playdates on weekends and other working mom friends are going insane with the juggle and are hard to connect with. It’s like everyone loses (and I know the SAHM might want a break, so they could send the kids over to our house to play, but we have never really met so I don’t even know you b/c your kid gets picked up at 3:15 while my kid goes to afterschool care and our school hasn’t put a directory of parents out yet). Or we could split carpools and sign up for summer camps together (b/c the SAHMs are only free during the school day; once school lets out they are still busy driving, trying to make dinner magically appear, etc.). We aren’t that different (and yet here we are).

         1. +1

   3. I’ve noticed that the people who are the wokest ever when it comes to race and LGBT issues are woefully behind when it comes to issues women have been raising for literally decades.

      1. I can see both sides of this. It would be great if a daycare facility could have events in the evening – but then they are both paying their (probably hourly) staff overtime and keeping those people away from their own families. Similarly, it would be great if my church would have more evening events, but again our hourly staff deserves to get paid and the clergy have already worked a very long day and have their spouses and children to get home to.

6. Re-posting from the morning since I didn’t get any replies. Any suggestions for a tropical vacation destination in the Caribbean/Central America for March for a family vacation with an almost 3 year old? We want something more active than lying on the beach at a resort, but our kid can’t yet do serious hiking. Costa Rica is appealing but I wonder if we should save that for when she’s older and will get more out of it, because based on my brief research it looks like there’s a lot of great hiking there. We don’t want to go to Hawaii.

   1. St. Lucia is stunning with tons of natural features to explore besides beaches.

   2. Costa Rica would be fine with kids. There are plenty of easy nature hikes and walks that resorts can point you to. There’s nothing stopping you from going back when she’s older too.

   3. I mean, is your 3 year old really going to get anything out of any of the destinations? Costa Rica would definitely be easiest, I think. If there are things you want your kid to experience when she’s older, go back then.

      1. Or she wants to go on a vacation herself and as parents they have to bring the kid along. Not every vacation after you give birth is a “only worth it for the kid’s experience trip”. If every vacation I went on had to be primarily kid focused, I’d go insane, she’s still a person. Per your comment it’s not worth doing anything with a kid other than being at home before age five since they probably won’t remember it anyway.

      2. Yeah, OP here. I phrased it badly. I’m obviously not worried about my preschooler being disappointed with the vacation, she doesn’t care what we do. I’m worried that DH and I will be disappointed if we go somewhere where one of the main attractions is long, difficult hikes and we can’t do them because we have our kid with us. (I realize that every place has *some* things you can’t do with young kids, but it seems like Costa Rica might be a place where I would have more feelings of missing out while traveling with a young kid. Maybe? I don’t think I know enough about it yet.)

         Going back is an option of course but we generally don’t because we like to see new places each trip except for when we visit family.

   4. Maybe Puerto Rico? They have some easy hiking rainforests. I think you could also do some family-friendly activities in one of the bioluminescent bays (like easy kayaking or taking a nighttime boat tour).

      I’ve done Costa Rica as well, and it is nice. In Manuel Antonio they have easy hikes. I would stick to the Pacific side of the country though, as I understand the Caribbean side is more partying and boasts a lot of drug usage.

   5. We took our then three year old to Grand Cayman and had a blast. While there was ample playing in the sea, pools, and splash pad, we were also able to swim with a dolphin, go to sting ray beach, and star fish cay. All of these things were right up our daughter’s alley, and she still talks about how much fun they were.

      1. Thanks! This sounds perfect. Where did you stay?

7. How do you style ankle pants for winter?

   I usually wear them with flats, but this post makes me wonder if loafers would work.

   I wear ankle cropped/cuffed jeans with booties, but would that work with a tailored (but not skinny) ankle pant?

   1. I wear some of my ankle pants with socks and loafers – mostly the Sloan which I have in the tall length (5’10”). Some of them are too short and it looks ridiculous (any ankle pant I have that’s not in a tall size).

8. What are the limits on an associate’s responsibility to remind a (very disorganized) partner about things they’ve forgotten about? I do a lot of work for this partner and am constantly irritated by the disorganized and haphazard way in which she conducts her practice. Every task she gives me is made out to seem extremely urgent, so I bend over backwards to get whatever it is done by the deadline she has set (which is always either the same day or early the next morning). Then I won’t hear from her, and because she made the task seem so urgent, I follow-up with a polite reminder. In every case that I have done that she responds that she forgot about it/missed my email because she’s behind on her emails/some other disorganized response demonstrating that she is not at all on top of her sh*t and that it clearly wasn’t as urgent as she made it seem. It’s getting really exhausting having to do my already exhausting job as an associate, and doing it well by respecting the urgency she attaches to everything, and on top of that having to make sure that she remembers to do her own job. This could be a totally normal responsibility of an associate – and if it is, I’ll keep doing it – but I just want to double-check. None of the other partners I work with are like this.

   1. I never fall up with a partner unless my email to them had a question. If I’m just summarizing the outcome of my research, there is no need for a follow-up. But a better question to ask is whether you even want to work with this partner. I would try to be too busy on other matters so that I wasn’t available for their last minute fire drill projects, but that is because I hate, hate fire drills.

      1. * follow up

      2. I’m OP – trust me I would do anything to not have to work with her. It’s exhausting and impossible to plan around. But unfortunately I’m very junior, so it’s hard for me to say “no” to her (or any partner) despite my best efforts to fill my plate with work from better people. I said no once and got huge backlash, so am a bit afraid to do so again.

   2. I wonder if you can check with her assistant? I know one of the busier partners at my firm, his assistant is used to printing out his emails and following up with him. The partner’s assistant might have a system for this or at least strategies to help.

   3. I’m no longer in private practice but I worked with a partner like that as a junior. It was exhausting and I constantly had to remind him to do things or review the document I had sent him days or weeks prior to the deadline. Unfortunately, I couldn’t not work with him and I had to remind him because we had deadlines but it was so difficult. He burnt through lots of associates. I ultimately left the firm not entirely because of him, but it didn’t help matters.

      If you can work for other partners, I would try that. If not, can you work with her assistant to come up with a system to make this less of a burden on you?

   4. It’s annoying but in the end you’re learning a useful skill about managing up. I’ve found most helpful in these situations is to have a very regular in person check in meeting – like once a week to ask about things not followed up on, including – what is the due date for X thing you sent on Tuesday, I will get Y to you by Z date, have you looked at A (and if not, verbally summarize your open questions). I have a permanent calendar date with my manager for this reason. It’s also going to be easier for her to remember if she’s having a conversation about it and at your attention versus “oh Anonymous sent me an email about the thing – I’ll read it later”

9. Does anyone here have experience with a recruiting firm called BarkerGilmore? I received a somewhat appealing cold-call type email from them yesterday, but I’ve never heard of them. (I also am in a small to mid-size market and haven’t really worked with any recruiters, so I probably haven’t heard of a lot of legitimate recruiters, to be honest.)

   The job itself is something that sounds like what I would enjoy doing, but not in a location I would be crazy to relocate to. (In-house position for a consumer products company.) I’m currently in a law firm doing commercial litigation, 6th year associate, pretty good at what I do and while I enjoy the work substantively, I’m honestly getting burned out with this much litigation and ideally would like to go in-house as I think it would be a good fit.

   I also am aware that my direct boss, and basically the only partner I work for, is pursuing another opportunity that may impact me in the next six months (could be for better or not, at this point unclear; also, he is unaware that I know he’s pursuing this opportunity).

   I would just love any takes on whether this sounds legit, as I’m considering reaching out and asking to be kept in consideration for similar opportunities in other locations. Is it worth reaching out?

   1. They’re reputable in the Bay Area, haven’t used them but know people who have

   2. They’re legit. They reached out to me for an in house CPG position in my hometown several years ago. I was getting pushing out of my firm and interviewing any and everywhere so I dealt with them. Didn’t get the job, but I thought the recruiting firm was totally fine and would use them again.

   3. Thanks y’all! I decided to go ahead and reply and express an interest in being kept on the list. If they’re legit I figured it couldn’t hurt.

10. How often would you say you “laugh hard”? My therapist just told me I should be doing that for 10 min a day with my kid and I admitted i have trouble remembering when the last time was that I laughed hard when alcohol wasn’t involved. Where are you getting those daily chuckles?

    1. Growing up in my family (think serious and aloof and formal, like the Gilmore Girls grandparents, but with less money), laughter was a total rarity. The best mood on my family’s scale is “chipper.” I can say I’ve probably I’ve seen my mom laugh maybe 20 times in my whole life. I was extremely close to my grandfather and he lived into my 30s and I might have seen him chuckle 5-10 times ever?

       For me, I laugh daily now from almost anything…with the help of Zoloft. Depression runs deep in my family, though it is Never Named and certainly Never Discussed. You can even hear in family tales how it shaped ancestors’ journeys in the 1800s if you really think about the stories. For us, depression doesn’t look like self-pity, crying or lethargy – it’s just a persistent pessimism and negativity toward…nearly everything. I honestly didn’t realize just how abnormal it was until my late 20s.

       1. It’s really interesting to here how it may have affected your ancestors – and totally makes sense. If you don’t mind could you speak a little more about that?

          I think my family is intensely anxious about everything, and at this point idk if its nature or nurture.

    2. That seems like asking A LOT given how much time most of us working parents spend with our kids, at least on the weekdays, especially since half the time we are either shooing them out the door or into bed.

       1. Seriously, I’d read this request as, “Here’s another way in which you’re failing.”

          I chuckle, I’m reasonably happy, but all-out daily laughter is asking a lot.

    3. Huh, I laugh like that all the time. Work can be absurd and I have colleagues who are really funny, y husband is also hilarious and so are my friends. I wouldn’t feel guilty if this isn’t you, but it’s worth looking for – it makes life fun.

    4. A few times a week, probably? I’m currently in a LDR, I think if my partner and I lived together it would be more frequent.

    5. Watch Nailed It on Netflix. That’ll get a few chuckles in.

       1. Working moms on Netflix made me laugh out loud. Really looking forward to the next season.

          1. Yes! Totally. I don’t even want to like it but I can’t help it. (Not even normally a TV person).

    6. I laugh like that pretty much every day but not for 10 minutes straight (I’m not sure if I’ve ever laughed for that long except maybe at very funny movies/TV) and usually at (not with) my toddler. My husband sometimes makes me laugh very hard but less frequently than my goofy kiddo.

    7. I probably laugh (more than a chuckle) a couple times a day. But I laugh for an extended period, like a fit of giggles I can’t stop, just a few times a year. 10 minutes a day seems like a tall order, and also a little arbitrary.

       I’m a happy person, and my husband and kid are very funny, but I don’t laugh easily. In high school, I went on a second date with a guy to a terrible Adam Sandler movie (Little Nicky, if anyone remembers), and afterwards my date pestered me in the car about why I didn’t laugh during the movie. I think that was the last time we spoke.

    8. I just laughed hard at your therapist does that count?

    9. That sounds like… just one more thing for a mom to feel guilty about. This is not a thing. You need a new therapist.

    10. Laughing for ten minutes straight seems manic.

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