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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Normally, I am Very Opposed to camo at the office (unless you're a member of the armed forces). But I think there are enough contrasts here to make it almost a witty, feminine take on wearing camo — the fluid silk, the V, the double button cuffs — it certainly looks nothing like a hunting shirt. I love it as styled, with an oxblood pencil skirt and nude-for-you heels. Now the big news: the blouse is normally $258, but ShopBop appears to be having a sitewide sale, allowing you to take 25% off almost everything with code INTHEFAMILY25. So the blouse comes to $193 — nice. Equipment Keira Blouse
Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
(L-2)
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Humdilly
Early TJ that I’ve been mulling over all night:
I recently came into ownership of my childhood house. My parents moved out of the house about 10 years ago (I was 15), and rented the house to tenants since then. They were considering selling the house but decided to gift it to me because I’m in the area and it will help me out greatly in the future. The issue is, I’m 25 and was not at all ready to become a homeowner. I had considered purchasing property in the next five years but if anything it would have been a small condo. The house was not maintained during the tenant years so I’m currently working on a ten year back-log of maintenance. The HOA is breathing down my neck about upkeep and I’ve already spent one-third of my annual salary on repairs in the past three months (I have a large emergency fund that I pulled from).
All money-issues aside, my real problem is that I don’t understand how other adults make this work. There are plenty of families with single parents or with two working parents and somehow they handle these home repairs in addition to taking care of children. It seems like every repair takes ten times longer than the estimate and costs twice as much. I’m not able to be home during the repairs so I end up showing up at home to an issue and having to follow up the next day. I’m in a cubicle and feel very inappropriate dealing with calls from contractors which can sometimes take over 30 mins (especially things like the cable or internet companies). I feel like for each problem I fix, another crops up. My boyfriend lives with me but he works nights and sleeps all day (works 12 hr shifts most nights). He’s also paying rent so technically I am the “landlord” and these are my issues. Does anyone have any advice/commiseration here? Does it ever get easier?
E
Well, it sounds like at least part of the problem is the upkeep hasn’t been done for several years, so everything is due now, versus coming up every few months or so. Can you get someone in there to prioritize and get a plan ready for you on what are musts that need to be taken care of right now, and what can wait? Getting a good handle of costs (or at least an estimate) will be helpful too. I assume there was an HOA when your parents were there, so if things went undone for such a long time, it may be helpful to review your plan with them and let them know it’s in progress, but it won’t all be taken care of tomorrow.
Contractors and home repairs are tough – very time consuming. You may also want to evaluate whether the amount that you will put into it is worth it – will you be able to recover that if you resell? If you are very busy, a fixer upper may not be a feasible place for you to live, so something to consider.
Humdilly
Thanks E, do you have any suggestion for who would come in to tell me what needs to be taken care of? Would that be a regular handyman or is that a special type of person to hire? That would be really helpful as I have no idea what needs to be done. I’m actually close to done with the HOA visible work (everything outside), I just keep stressing that I’ll get another letter next quarter saying they found something new. I guess I worry about the watchdog aspect of having an HOA.
As far as value, I’m living in the home for two years to meet the ownership/use test for capital gains tax exemption. The house has increased in value significantly since my parents bought it so for now I’m just trying to scrape by and be ready to sell in two years.
Bewitched
I would suggest a home inspector could help you. Normally, you hire a home inspector before you buy a house, and they point out all the major/minor items which need attention, and provide you with a written report. Since you were gifted the house, you didn’t have to go through this step, but you might want to consider it now. The home inspector is impartial (works for you), so you can feel free to ask them what needs to be done now vs what can wait. Many allow you to accompany them on their inspection so that you know exactly which items need to be repaired. I would also suggest Angie’s List-you can look at reviews of contractors before you get an estimate, which may help you weed out ones who routinely go over budget or who don’t show up on time. Good luck!
Anonymous
+1. Start with a home inspector, and ask him/her to help you triage repairs.
Anon
That’s smart of you to wait out the two years for capital gain exemption. I don’t know what kind of appreciation you’re looking at but the exemption for single is $250k. Guessing it’s not going to be more than that…unless you’re in LA or NYC.
Humdilly
Thanks! It may be more (DC area) but my boyfriend already knows that I’m either selling the house single (without him in the picture) or selling the house married to him so we can claim up to $500K married couple exemption…
Ellen
Yay! I love the Blouse, but Frank would be tryeing to stare past the camo and I do NOT want him lookeing at me like that. FOOEY on him. As for the OP, your a young lady, & you will have your hand’s full, but at least your a homeowner! YAY!!!! Most peeople have to wait until they are MARRIED and expecteing a baby b/f they move out of the CITY to a place with a pickett fence and lawn’s, like ROSA. That will be my ticket out, but FIRST I must find a HUSBAND!
You should have the same solution! Get your boyfreind to MARRY you and become your HUSBAND. and then have HIM tell the contractor’s to call HIM, and make HIM handel all of the homeowner’s stuff, particularly b/c he is otherwise sleepeing all day? FOOEY on that!
You should remember that NOW that you own a house, you will get DEDUCTION”s for property taxe’s and stuff. My dad handel’s all of my coop stuff. Get your BOYFREIND to do something to help other then sleep all day! DOUBEL FOOEY!
That is what ROSA does, and she does NOT even deal with peeople who come over. She leave’s it to the housekeeper, b/c she does PILATES and ZOOMBA. She is comeing down with the kid’s today to go with me and the relative’s to the Statute of Liberty! YAY!
Lawgirl
Funny, but when I read Ellen, I do agree with most of her advice ;-)
Walnut
Someone on this forum often said – time, money, sanity. Pick two.
If your primary issue is the time you’re spending on this, then apply for a home equity loan, hire a general contractor, develop a plan and let them deal with all the coordinating. Schedule a call with them over lunch and take that call from a conference room, your car, wherever.
tk1
You can try to take on some of the smaller repairs yourself. DH and I spent many weekends doing repairs/upgrades on our house. For the most part it was much cheaper and quicker than using a contractor. I found it fun and rewarding, and very comforted that I knew I didn’t cut corners. Alot of maintenance is pretty simple if you grab a book from Home Depot and follow instructions. The only thing we stay away from is electric and plumbing. And it’s a great workout!
R
+1 to this. We bought a livable but fixer-upper and spent two years doing most projects ourselves. (Also passed on the electric and plumbing though.) It was great to work with husband instead of staring at screens – we learned a ton, we had a lot of fun, and the amount of pride in our work is amazing. As soon as baby is a little older we’ll get back into it – I’m itching to redo the main bathroom and learn about drywalling the ceiling. The people at Home Depot are amazing – they will help walk you through almost any project. And when you rent tools, they’ll show you how to use them and even let you practice in the store.
All that said, you might want to reassess whether the house is worth it. If you’re not in a place to spend the time or money on updating the house, why do it? Sell it, bank the money, and use it for a down payment on your first house when the time comes. It sounds like your parents didn’t take care of the house and gifted you a pile of crap to get out of doing repairs themselves – while it’s certainly “nice” of them, you have no obligation to keep a horrible gift.
Frustrated Academic
Just a tip (from someone who has done a lot of drywalling the last few years)–hang the drywall, but spend the money to have a professional do the mudding and taping–it just takes too long to get really good at it.
Humdilly
Thank you everyone! I knew there had to be an answer to this… I’ll go the home inspector route and maybe he can even let me know how much repairs should run and what I can reasonably DIY. I feel a little more confident now knowing there’s a person who can tell me what the issues are!
Anon
Make sure the home inspector understands what you are asking for – they are usually hired by home buyers who want to know everything that could possibly go wrong. You need someone to help you focus and prioritize the repairs that will save you bigger issues later. You should also tell the inspector that you hope to sell in two years so he or she can help you focus on items that will be most problematic for a buyer.
Humdilly
Awesome advice, thank you! Now to find a good inspector who will work with me…
MJ
Good realtors know good home inspectors, so ask around for a realtor, and you will be put in touch with the right people.
Home Inspector
I think a previous post said you were in the DC area — try John Vaughn of At Home Inspections.
He just inspected a place for us — we’re buying it knowing there are a lot of repairs that are necessary. He did the inspection with us there, pointing out all the issues (and I mean ALL the issues), and gave us a binder of info about homes and various necessary repairs/maintenance.
He is amazingly meticulous — it took him 5-6 hours for less than 2,000 sq ft, so set aside at least half a day.
Circadian Screwup
Seconding the recs for home inspectors and realtors.
I’d rec those over Angie’s List. Depending on your town or city, there may not be many entries in Angie’s List on contractors to make the subscription useful.
Divaliscious11
Once you get caught up it will be better. Then find a good handyman…..
NOLA
Woohoo! I finally found riding boots! Went to DSW on my shopping trip yesterday. I was skeptical because, in the past, the only wide calf boots that fit me were not leather. But, I tried on one pair (Audrey Brooke) and they zipped right up. They were bagging at the ankles so I tried on the Bandolino Calliope (at $99.95) and they fit! Love the style and they are structured so they don’t bag at the ankles. The description says 16 in and my calves are 16 1/2 but they have a little gusset at the top. I was wearing leggings and a tunic so I already know they zip over leggings. With my birthday coupon and a giftcard from a friend, they were even more affordable. I can’t wait for it to get cooler!
Lyra Silvertongue
That’s awesome!The selection of wife calf boots seems to have gotten so much bigger in the last few years. I have wide calves too and just found a pair at DSW last week as well- Franco Sarto ones, with some nice buckle details. No gusset at the top though so I bought a boot-stretching liquid from a cobbler and they fit perfectly now- no squeezing at the top!
Susedna
Those are great boots, really sleek. Great price, too!
Susedna
Shopbop is always ridiculously overpriced. Most of the stuff there is blah, not super-flattering, but photographed in an edgy way in their lookbooks, but generally not worth it.
This camo blouse is overpriced for what it is. Here’s one very much like it at Sears for $19.99.
http://www.sears.com/metaphor-women-s-blouse-studded-camouflage/p-007VA57060012P?sid=IDx01192011x000001&kpid=00706361032&kispla=007VA57060012P
Sears is not exactly at the cutting edge of fashion, which is fine, but Shopbop pretends it is, and it isn’t. Just overpriced.
TCFKAG
I saw a woman on the train platform in this Gap Camo Shirdress the other day and it was SUPER cute. And for the first time I thought, huh, camo for the office. I could rock that.
http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=604555042&tid=gosp1r&kwid=1&ap=14
Cb
I kind of like the pink multicolored one!
Susedna
Fun dress! I’m glad to see different color-schemes.
Anonymous
Am I the only one who finds wearing fashion camo disrespectful? Maybe because my sister is a marine, I just can’t imagine the look on her face if she saw me wearing a pink or a dress made of camo
Anon
Eh, I don’t think it is disrespectful (unlike the Urban Outfitters shirts with ranger patches, which I did think was disrespectful). I just think it looks ridiculous. Unless you are wearing it for the express purpose of blending into your surroundings (so you don’t take enemy fire, so you don’t frighten away the deer, etc), it just seems silly.
And my siblings (all military) would agree with my assessment. I don’t think they’d be offended if I wore a pink camo dress or green camo shorts, but they’d definitely think I looked like an idiot :)
Anonymous
Yeah I guess this is more like what I feel. Like its silly.
Orangerie
+1. I don’t find it disrespectful at all.
KLG
No disrepect to your sister or anyone else in the armed forces, but as someone who lives in a rural area, I see lots of camo daily on civilians–and not just during the many various hunting seasons.
CHL
On a semi-related note, my baby has received a couple outfits as gifts that consist of camo sweat pants and a fleece top. It makes me feel silly, but I’m really uncomfortable with them! He shouldn’t be anywhere where hiding from animals/snipers/etc is required!
Taylor
This thread reminds me of the navy sailor outfits on Shirley Temple. She wasn’t in the Navy.
zora
You’re not the only one, I have an issue with camo as fashion. Don’t think it’s ‘cute’ and won’t wear it myself.
SpaceMountain
DH is in the military, and I have no problem with camo print. It’s so obviously different from a military uniform; they don’t even use this print anymore.
Kanye East
Nah, dude. I’ve worked as a civilian for the military (JAG on a huge infantry post) and have spent beaucoup time in and around military culture, and I find it in no way disrespectful.
Particularly when you consider how much contemporary fashion has military origins and draws directly from military uniforms (decorative cuff buttons, epaulettes, shoulder boards, etc.),
and when you see that just about every US PX/BX sells “casual” clothing & sweats with typical camo and other ‘disruptive pattern material’ prints,
and when you consider how many decades designers have been using camo and ‘military inspired’ patterns,
I don’t think it’s disrespectful, and I don’t know anyone who serves in the armed forces who does, either.
Taylor
Yep! I have to admit liking the old fashioned navy inspired clothes for children.
Senior Attorney
I actually asked my son the Marine about this, and he is unbothered by camo as a fashion item. And as others have noted, today’s camo is nothing like what we’re seeing in fashion — it’s all modern and pixillated and the colors are different.
Senior Attorney
BTW, they call their everyday camo-print uniforms their “camies,” which cracked me up when I first heard it. I kept picturing a bunch of rough, tough Marines in lacy camisoles!
Miss Pearl
I own two of those Gap shirtdresses, and I LOVE them.
Anonymous
To say ShopBop is blah is a way over-generalization since they carry hundreds of brands. I do find that when the same items from the same brands go on sale at other places, they are slower to go on sale at ShopBop. But, I don’t understand how it can all be blah when they have so much stuff and its not their own brand. Its like saying everything at Neiman Marcus is blah.
posey
I agree – not to totally shill for shopbop, but shopbop’s selection similar to Saks/Bloomingdales and the trendy pieces at Nordstrom, and the prices are the same. They’re also really good at price-matching and have free shipping and returns.
TO Lawyer
I like that shopbop will ship to Canada for free and it’s SO fast. That said, this 25% off sale is causing me some real problems because I want far too many things.
Susedna
Nope. That argument doesn’t hold water– that merely having a lot of stuff and from different brands means it can’t mostly be blah.
If the buyers have blah taste, then most of the things they select from various brands will be blah or boring.
An overpriced shirt that looks very close to something that retails for $19.99 at schlumpy old Sears represents the majority of what I see at Shopbop.
Also
Seriously? A cheap shirt from Sears is nothing like a silk shirt from Equipment. The Sears shirt is 100% polyester; the Equipment shirt is 100% silk. The Sears shirt indicates it is imported and since it’s retailing for $19.99, I doubt it’s imported from somewhere that isn’t notorious for using child/sweatshop labor. The craftsmanship and materials in an Equipment shirt are vastly different than some polyester item from an in-house Sears brand. While I personally would not buy this particular Equipment shirt, I do have a few solids and print silk shirts. I’ve owned them for years. The Sears shirt would probably disintegrate in the laundry.
Anonymous
Seriously, comments like Susedna’s just make me roll my eyes a little. The blouse featured today is not my taste and I would not buy it, but I can see how its very different from the Sears blouse. If the goal is more than “camo print blouse,” then the cut, materials and details of an Equipment blouse are going to be superior.
Sure, any expensive item is going to have a cheap knock-off from somewhere. But its rarely going to be an equal.
ANON
This! There’s a whole segment of holier than thou women on this site which is really unfortunate. I’ve been a long time reader and commenter on this site and have reverted back to anonymous posting because of the holier than thou/if you’re not with me, you’re against me crowd. If I want to spend the $200+ on a silk camo print Equipment blouse at Shopbop, I will. And comparing it to some poorly made Sears knock off is just ridiculous.
ADS
“I doubt it’s imported from somewhere that isn’t notorious for using child/sweatshop labor.”
Um, maybe get off your high horse long enough to see that the Equipment blouse is made in China, where I’m sure the working conditions are fantastic. LOLz.
I don’t think the blouse is frumpy, but that’s not really your point is it?
Most of these midpriced labels are made in the same types of sweatshops. If you followed along w/Bangladesh building collapse, it was amazing how many mid-priced labels were in the mix, not just the cheapo ones.
TCFKAG
Not to be argumentative – but you all are on very high horses about not being on high horses.
Look is there no way for us to disagree on this site without it turning into a blood letting? Especially over something as simple as a camo shirt? Or the selection at shopbop? Everyone take a step back and breathe…..
Circadian Screwup
Wait – I am confused. Why is ANON getting offended about buying a $200 blouse if she wants to?
The real offense is the implication that the shirt is ugly and “blah like a Sears shirt”, and that ANON’s taste is for schlumpy stuff.
What’s with the persecution mania here?
Lady Harriet
Shopbop is based in my hometown. It took me years to make a connection between their storefront (just called “Bop”) which I passed every time I drove to church and the website! I always liked their window displays, but I haven’t been much into a lot of the stuff they sell online. I think most trends everywhere in the last few years haven’t been to my taste, so I veer more towards the timelessly classic or the timelessly funky. :)
Kicks
Lady Harriet, we might be in the same town. :)
Retirement question
Is it worth it to stay at a job I hate for another 8 months just so I’m vested in my 401k? I don’t mind the work but the toxic people and lack of growth is really starting to get to me. I’m 26 and have been here for 2.5 years with no sign of growth or advancement. What would you do?
Anonymous
How much money are we talking? Also, it could take you 8 months to find a new job…
KLG
How much money do you stand to lose by leaving before you’re fully vested?
Tired Squared
Yes! Free money in your 20s is definitely nothing to sneeze at.
R
Are you vested at all? Or is it 0-100% based on a certain date? How much does your company match? You should be 100% vested in anything you’ve contributed – it’s only the company match that they hold.
I would look at the actual numbers and then decide. If you’re 80% vested now and they match only 1%, then maybe those few hundred dollars aren’t worth staying. (And who knows, it might take you 8 months to find a job, so you might get it anyway.) If you’re 0% vested and they match 6%, you might want to hold off for a few months and then work your Vested Date into any offers.
OP
I’m 100% vested in all of my contributions (9%) but I won’t be vested in the company match (3%) until 8 months from now.
Mpls
How much are we talking? It would be a pity to lose out on the money if you’ve got less than a year to go. I presume you don’t have a job lined up? If you find something before the 8 months are up, you could ask for a one time bonus to cover the 401k money you leave on the table – and then go put it in an IRA. But if you are just starting your job hunt now, it might take the 8 months to find something else – and then it’s the best of both worlds – vesting AND a new job.
Susedna
Stay and jobsearch like mad. It’s free money, as Tired Squared says.
And if you already know you’re heading for the exit, rather than trying to fight your way up the ladder there, it should be *less* stressful since you know this environment won’t matter in 8 months.
Stay to get *vested* not to get [emotionally] invested in stupid (or sneaky) toxic political nonsense.
snowy
Both of my job searches (while at other jobs) have taken about 5 months from “casually looking” to an offer. So I would start looking soon-ish and you will probably make it to 8 months by the time you get an offer.
Sweet as Soda Pop
As someone who grew up hunting, fashionable camo really bothers me.
Travel TJ…
I’m traveling to San Francisco this weekend, but flying into Merced, CA (tickets were considerably cheaper — now that I see this issue, it probably wasn’t my best idea). Does anyone have suggestions for getting to San Francisco, besides renting a car? Car rental was my original idea, but the owner of the apartment we’re renting strongly recommended not having a rental car, since we won’t need it in the city and parking is all public garages. We’ll be staying in Nob Hill, if that helps.
I know this is a weird question, and a long-shot, but any help would be appreciated. Thanks!
Killer Kitten Heels
Can you do one-way car rentals? That way, you can rent the car for a day, drive it to SF, and drop it off instead of having to garage it for the whole trip, then do the same thing on the way back.
Alternatively, there are probably shared-van airport shuttles available.
Woods-comma-Elle
Can you rent a car just for the journey and drop it off in SF, then pick up another one for the way back? If you can find a rental that doesn’t have one way charges, this may work. So eg. dropping off at SFO and getting the BART/cab into SF.
Cb
Can you rent a car just for the day, pick up in Merced, return in San Francisco. We’ve done this and it was more expensive but I’m not sure how else you get from Merced to SF. Greyhound? Hitchhike?
Walnut
I’ve done one way car rentals in CA and the one way fees vary WIDELY from location to location. I recall picking up from a Hertz on Van Ness and savings hundreds of dollars in one way fees over picking up from another Hertz location blocks away.
The bright side of having a car is that it makes a really good excuse to day trip up to wine country.
ADS
I like this idea, plus the motivation to make daytrips.
Wildkitten
You can drive to Dublin and BART in, but that would involve parking the rental at BART. Not sure if that would help you any depending on what you’re doing in the City and if you’d want to park in SF.
Carrie Preston
FYI, BART is talking about striking on Thursday.
Wildkitten
Amtrak California might work for you too.
anne-on
Does Uber pick up from there? Otherwise I’d look into getting a car service to pick you up.
Orangerie
Merced is pretty far from San Francisco. A car service is guaranteed to be more expensive than paying for a rental car, even if there’s an extra surcharge for a one way rental.
zora
there are definitely in-city locations of all the major car rental places. I think this is common around here. But I would shop around the different companies to see who has the lowest one-way fees.
MJ
Have you looked into Megabus? They are expanding across CA, and I know they do a “through Central CA” route, so maybe you could hop on to a megabus or a greyhound? This would be best. Note that there is also an AC transit strike notice in effect, so relying on public transit in any way is not a good plan for the near future. Enjoy SF!
I would also check the Merced Airport website for Ground Transportation and see if there are any busses to SF or SFO…there might be.
Susie
I think it is possible to do it on Amtrak http://www.amtrak.com/ccurl/946/633/San-Joaquin-Schedule-071513.pdf
ExcelNinja
If you’re trying to save money and time is not a factor, it’s probably absolute cheapest to rent a car one-way, and drop it in San Jose (or some other city on the peninsula, or Oakland or something) and Caltrain or BART to the city (barring BART strike as someone else mentioned).
preg anon
Just to tell you how awesome this site is: A reader sent me pictures of her maternity purchases from Isabella Oliver to feature on my blog! You gals are the best.
gigi
Oh thanks! I have been debating about the Emily dress on the IO site.
A maternity pants rec: I recently bought Loft’s Maternity Straight Leg Pants in Bi-Stretch in the rustic port color, and these are the best maternity work purchase I’ve made thus far. I’ve found it hard to find nice looking work pants (in fact, I got a pair of black IO pants that got rave reviews online but basically look like yoga pants and are not appropriate for my office), but these Loft pants are great. Ankle length, not too tight, but they do stretch (so don’t size up too much). It’s a demi band that is only in the front of the pant, which works great right now (21 weeks) but may not work at week 36. And the color is fabulous – a really rich port / wine / oxblood / whatever you want to call it. I’m going to order the same pant in black, I love them this much!
Anonymous
Wonderful!! Thanks for the rec. I’d love a picture if you feel up to it. Workthatbump at g m a i l.
posey
I check the IO site daily and the Emily dress is now 25% off. If you like the blue, you can probably get Nordstrom to price match and then get free shipping & returns.
ADS
Not pregnant, but like the Isabella Oliver stuff enough to want to wear it for casual days. Come on, I can’t be the only one who’s seriously considered this!!
Diana Barry
Ladies, can I get some virtual hugs? I started working 11 yrs ago. Why am I not a partner? I don’t even want to be a partner, but no idea whether I can convert to an of counsel role or whether I will just stay an associate forever until I quit. BOO!
Susedna
*extra virtual hugs*
I’m not in the legal profession, so the rest of you will have to enlighten me — why is it preferable to be in an “of counsel” role instead of an associate forever?
Would you still be facing the billables requirements if you went to an “of counsel” role?
Diana Barry
Oh yes, you have billables requirements no matter what your role is.
I would rather be an of counsel because that indicates seniority and I wouldn’t stress out about my title – associate just means NOT SENIOR and clients don’t see you as a person who could be the primary contact.
preg anon
The law firm model just sucks big time. I’m not as senior as you but I am already worried about what will happen to my career at that time.
Nonny
Given your seniority, can you ask for a different title, even if the money stays the same – e.g. “senior associate”? I negotiated for something similar when I lateralled into my job just over a year ago – I wasn’t being hired as a partner but didn’t want third parties to think I was the new first-year either. The slightly different title did the trick. It’s worth a try, anyway.
Ellie
It can depend on the firm culture and the region – for example non-Anglo-American law firms in my country generally don’t have a counsel status or they have only recently introduced them – in many firms the counsel is a step up to the associate. The associate is mainly working for a partner and the partner assigns work for his/her associates, while the counsel is generally independent from the partner, have his/her own clients, and work on her own projects, and enjoys more freedom concerning work and time. Some law firms have even gone that far to give counsels an “almost partner” status – which is a step up to the associate.
Avodah
@ Susedna (Sry to change the subject). A few time you’ve touched on workplace bullying and managing and working with difficult people. Are there any books, blogs or resources you know of that offer real, *tactical* ways of dealing with this? (Tried Amazon and Google…not too helpful)
I’m an ENFJ (if that matters), and managing different personalities (sometimes not nice ones) and developing a polite spine is something I’m working on.
ss
Don’t write off seeking ‘real tactical advice’ from an actual human person. This could be your current or former boss, a peer who seems to have a handle on things, or the person who last held your job.
Avodah
This is really helpful. I don’t feel comfortable talking to a colleague because I want to minimize drama. Although, I think my boss would be sympathetic. I’ve been trying to get The Bully to use phone or in-person convos more.
She is senior to me, but not my boss. She was recently promoted (think of the relationship b/w a 1st yr analyst and a 3rd). I also work at a very flat company (software) which, IMHO, makes her behavior even more inappropriate.
This feedback is helpful. It is hard when you don’t want to cause drama, but the person behavior is truly making it difficult to get work done.
ss
hi Avodah, it’s not really clear to me whether you’re talking about 1 or 2, past or present situations (and I have gone back to look at your earlier entry). But assuming it’s 2 situations, 1 past and 1 present, I’d say :
For the present one, my usual advice in minor power-plays is to back off and let some oxygen into the situation. Do you have multiple deliverables for multiple parties ? Why not work on some of the other stuff for now, and then come back to this one later ? You may find your judgement is clearer, or the other person calmer or less threatened, and the shared desire for a good outcome is mutual. This is not about failing to stand up for yourself, it is about giving both parties the opportunity to side-step an escalation when everyone’s emotions are running high.
If it looks like a chronic and truly disruptive issue, then seek advice from a person who knows you both. Approach it as an effort to identify a solution and accept that you may not like what you hear. If you present it as a complaint in search of a one-sided solution, then the likelihood is greater that it will be interpreted as ‘making drama’.
For the past one, it sounds like you did something rude and were called out on it. The fact that it was infrequent or unintended is not material. I am guessing you didn’t sufficiently acknowledge the rudeness and apologize, and the other party subsequently got HR involved. If you were still truculent at that point, it doesn’t hugely surprise me that the HR person provided an unsympathetic response to your complaint about other people’s behaviour. Sorry I can’t imagine that this is what you wanted to hear !
Susedna
Hey Avodah,
I caught up late w/your post about your getting reported to HR and HR being unhelpful and unsympathetic. So sorry that you had to deal with that.
Most my experience in dealing with really bad office politics and bullies came from my (relatively) short stint in investment banking. I haven’t read books about this topic, although, perhaps I should. (I’m old, IB was a long time ago in my work history.)
In IB, I worked for a managing director that set a tone of oppression for our team. On his first meeting with all of us, he ridiculed and humiliated one of my friends, J, from the training program. (Those of us who all did the analyst and associate training program together had developed a nice camaraderie that exists to this day.)
I was an analyst, and certainly, in the investment banking totem pole, the lowest rung on the ladder. So you’ll understand that structurally, I had no official power. What pushback I gave him had to be carefully thought out.
He would call meetings with my fellow analyst (X, a really nice guy), and put his feet up on the desk so that the soles of his shoes were in X’s face. This is offensive just about anywhere, but especially rude given X’s cultural background.
Even though his office was right next to where I sat, he’d bellow my name like a drill sergeant when he wanted to talk to me. So, instead of running to him like a dog, I would just pick up the phone and pretend I was on a call. He’d bellow my name again and I’d still not go to his office. Finally, he would stomp over to where I sat and I’d look up at him and cover the phone, and say, “Yes?”
And Managing Director Douchebag (“MDD”) would say, “I was calling you….”
And I’d say, with a friendly smile, “oh? I didn’t see my phone light up to show there was another caller?”
MDD: “No, I was calling you from my desk, not on the phone.”
Me: [pushing ‘HOLD’ on my phone] “Oh! Well, I can’t hear if I’m on the phone. But I do want to help with whatever project you’d like to give me so if you need anything, just stop by, especially since I sit right here. Or, if you don’t feel like getting up, just give me a call on the phone!” I put on a neutral-friendly smile.
And MDD never bellowed for me again.
MDD liked to call meetings where you’d have everything ready – comp sheets, models done for all the different scenarios, pitchbook almost finalized, waiting for his final edits– and then he’d make and take a wild array of personal calls. Because he liked to keep analysts and associates dangling, dancing after him.
I said, after he took a longish rambly personal call, “I know you’re a busy person and have lots of client calls. We can go over the models and pitchbook when you’re ready. I’ll work on [other stuff you assigned me].” Got up and went back to my desk. I was not going to let him waste my time, but I wasn’t going to say anything that he could construe as insubordination. He stopped making calls and pushed “make busy” on the phone when we went over the pitchbook.
Every day was a battle like this — him trying to bully everbody (he made our beloved, awesome associate cry several times), and me pushing back when he pushed at me. After a few weeks, he stopped trying this sh!t with me. I continued to deliver the work at the level required and he and I figured out a kind of detente. Interestingly enough, he did not ding me in the 360 feedback. And when I was ready to go off to business school, he offered to write me a rec (which I politely declined.) Didn’t trust him.
But those were just 2 isolated examples of the “social warzone” environment I was in. As much as it sucked, it taught me that you don’t have to have any official power to push back. But situational awareness is really, really, important. Know your rights, know where the grey area is, and observe the bully/bullies very carefully to see what their patterns are.
My other big takeaway was: to be very kind to the people who work for me. Because as a senior person, one has a lot of impact over the work environment and experience of your reportees and I get more out of my team if I create a work environment that’s safe and supportive for them.
ss
Sounds like IB wouldn’t have suited you in any case. Dealing with difficult supervisors is simply its training ground for dealing with external parties. A bunch of analysts waiting for their boss = entire teams from competing banks waiting around for a client who doesn’t show.
Avodah
SS makes a great point, and different industries have different styles. Unfortunately, banking and law have a very clear hierarchies and, as I understand, there is little one can do abt it (partner vs. 1st yr, MD vs. analyst). That said – there is a difference b/w being difficult, quirky or curt and personal insults and manipulation.
Just bc bad behavior exists, doesn’t mean it has to on my team or at my company.
Susedna
Correct. I realized that the nature of the business allowed too many jerks to abuse their power when it was clearly not necessary. The time waste and inefficiency really didn’t suit my personality.
Whereas investing (cutting to the chase, getting to the crux issue of whether an investment will fail or make the appropriate return, and getting answers to tough questions) is much more to my taste.
MJ
ss – that comment was unnecessary…
IB is toxic in some cases and great in others. Susedna might have been perfectly suited to IB with a boss that was a bit more mellow. They existed at my bank, and experiences varied greatly between teams and even within teams, depending on which supervising associate/director/SVP team you worked for.
We’ve all had our trials at work…and honestly, going to a beauty parade (as we called them in the UK) was fun waiting, which is totally different than your boss d_cking you around when you’re exhausted and have been working your a$$ of for him.
Your comment was snarky, and the analogy didn’t even hold.
Susedna
MJ’s comment made me relook at SS’s comment.
@SS: Are you justifying the time-waste and abusive nonsense that’s common (not everywhere, but certainly common enough) in IB?
A lot of people who stayed in the biz tend to have this delusion after awhile that what the big managing directors do is always right, and even the petty abuses there are somehow just and useful as “screening mechanisms” for getting rid of undesirables. I believe it’s called Stockholm Syndrome.
Avodah
Being a jerk is a waste of peoples’ time. No matter the industry. Honestly? Think of the times when we behaved in a way that was not our best. Did cause more work? Probably…
ss
‘Justifying the time-waste and abusive nonsense in IB’
I see it as a function of the IB business cycle – markets, and hence demand for banking services, pick up and drop off in a way which can’t be matched by a hiring cycle. So there will always be some times of excess capacity (time waste) and getting slammed with work (abusive nonsense).
‘The analogy didn’t even hold’
It is absolutely the case that appetite for banking services and face-time is client-driven and beyond the control of their bankers, in the same way that a supervisor’s short-term attention span is beyond the control of their staff, so MJ and I will have to disagree about the aptness of the analogy. I also don’t happen to find it fun to wait around at beauty contests – they are a necessary evil but the important decision-making is usually done elsewhere which IS frustrating for the analysts who work on the presentation decks for these occasions.
‘People who stayed in the business’
A long-term career in banking is built on the back of being great at inter-personal relationships and interested in problem-solving. It is simply not possible to do the sales aspect of the MD or equivalent role otherwise and very few people stay in VP positions indefinitely – they go up or out.
Certainly the majority of successful senior bankers with a few business cycles under their belt I know are on the side of ‘mellow’, and very frequently mellow enough to have persuaded their teams and clients to move with them from one employer to another. Are their staff victims of ‘Stockholm syndrome’ ? I don’t know. But certainly I don’t think we need to fear about most of these folks’ capacity to exercise self-interest and make the best decisions for themselves.
‘Screening mechanism’
Probably not ‘just’ but definitely useful as Susedna’s own case shows.
Circadian Screwup
ss, why are you equating “getting slammed with work” with “abusive nonsense”?
They’re not the same thing. When I have a lot of items on my to-do list, it’s not because my manager wants to abuse me. Junior people at the bank having to do all those scenario analyses = normal when there’s a lot of work. Junior people at the bank having to jump on command because someone’s yelling at them = abusive nonsense.
That you can’t seem to tell the difference is troubling. I thank all the gods and goddesses that you’re not my manager.
ss
I’m not. I’m using Susedna’s emotive phrase and pointing out that there may be another perspective to what one junior analyst, many years out of the industry, recalls of a boss or a working situation which didn’t suit her.
Let me say again : a long-term career in this line of work is built on being great at inter-personal relationships and having an interest in problem-solving. I do my best for my folks and don’t grieve over-much if an internet stranger doesn’t care for the sound of it.
ss
Also while I think of it : abuse is bad and not to be tolerated. Yelling on the other hand is not a good thing for all sorts of reasons, but in the absence of context, it does not equal abuse.
I’m offline in my time zone this evening. But post away if anything, I’ll come back and take a look tomorrow. Intrigued by the flip-flop in views as to whether I’d made a good point or a snarky one but certainly none of the latter was intended.
Woods-comma-Elle
Same firm for eleven years? Or moved around? Firm policy on this? Esp on of counsel (eg here it is just part of the career progression and as and when you fulfil the criteria you get moved – many people go SA-OC-Partner, but we have some ‘career’ OCs as well.
I’m sending you virtual hugs in any event.
Diana Barry
Thanks. I moved around a few times. Firm has no of counsels (except the retired partners) – I asked them about it and they “don’t do” designations. They will ‘promote’ people to non-equity partner but I would rather not have the pressure/expectation that I want to make partner.
mascot
Part of this depends on your firm. What is the process for counsel vs. partner? I am in a counsel role now with an expectation that I will convert to partner in a few years. I lateraled without a book of business so there is a proving period I have to go through. I feel you though. It’s hard to see people who are behind me in both age and experience making partner.
Ellie
This really sucks. Hope you find a way to move forward! Many hugs to you.
Blonde Lawyer
How visible are the partner designations? I’ve seen a few firms (including the small one I am currently at) where everyone is just referred to as an attorney or colleague. Obviously, if the name is on the door, the person is an owner of some sort but the outside world doesn’t know who is partner and who isn’t. Could you just take your title off your signature block? Or do you have one of those letterheads that say Partner (and list them) and Associates (and lists them). Those are annoying and most likely quite costly to constantly replace.
Diana Barry
I am thinking mostly of the website and LinkedIn, etc. The firm holds out the NEPs as “partners” to the outside world so they are more visible, while my page says “associate” instead. People don’t use titles on the letterhead or on email signatures, but on everything else. Blech.
CapHillAnon
Aw, this is tough. Titles (and whole the partner / associate split) is a big deal in organizations as heirarchical as law firms, and “senior associate” only brings you so far. Can you press the counsel issue? The conventional arrangement is just tough as you get more senior–I’m sending good thoughts for a solution and wish I had one for you.
Hollis
No advice for you, as I am in your shoes. I used to call my title “Attorney,” but a recruiter told me that Associate sounded better, since it means I’m still “on track.” I thought 11 years was bad, but I recently met someone who made partner after 20 years of working. I have classmates who have been partner for 3-5 years, and classmates who are GC at smaller companies. Our time will come!!
WL Surgery
Has anyone here gotten (or know anyone who’s gotten) weight loss surgery? Which procedure did you get and are you happy with the results, new way of life, restrictions with diet, etc.?
DJC
Yes, I have a close family member that had the surgery almost a year ago. It was the Roux-en-Y surgery where the size of the stomach is reduced and the small intestine is restructured so that food bypasses part of the small intestine.
She has lost a great deal of weight, although it does come off slowly. It’s not like a big dramatic change right away. Eating protein is very important and you end up eating small portions at a time. You can eat carbs in small amounts, but no sugar. She says she doesn’t really miss the sugar or have cravings for it. But you can have sugar free foods or things made with Truvia.
Everything was done laparoscopically so the recovery was not bad. She is very happy with the procedure and doesn’t feel tied down by any dietary restrictions. There is a blog she mentioned called The World According to Egg Face that was a good resource for recipes, etc.
Baconpancakes
A former boss of mine got it, after losing about 40 lbs per her doctor’s orders with strict diet and some increased activity. She had a lap band (i think), and she’s incredibly happy with the results, lost the additional 120ish lbs very quickly, and has adjusted completely to her new life. She was a grazer to begin with, so that wasn’t much of a change, just much smaller portions of very healthy food. Her sister writes a cupcake blog, and she can still eat some of the gorgeous cupcakes she’s offered – just a half a cupcake at a time over the course of two days.
The only thing she really didn’t like about the process and the quick weight loss was the loose skin, but she thinks having a much longer projected lifespan, the ability to run around with her nephews, and not having to buy two seats on airlines is worth the tradeoff, and she loves her new, smaller shape.
The difficulty is committing to the procedure, and proving that you can commit to the lifestyle change. My aunt was a candidate for years, but couldn’t manage to lose more than 20 lbs at a time before losing control and gaining the weight back again, so she could never have the procedure. The complications of ripping stitches or snapping a band because you can’t commit to the restrictions are pretty horrific.
sweetknee
I did get a lap band, almost 3 years ago. I have lost 120 pounds, and have been stable for about 18 months ( within 5 pounds of my goal weight). I am happy to talk about this. you can e mail me at ksullivan37 at the e mail that goes with google. There have been a few bumps in the road, and there are a few things that I just can’t eat, but overall, I think it was one of the best decisions that I have made in my life.
WL Surgery
Thanks!
Me too
I just had RNY. If you want to ask me any questions, feel free to email me at mem102310 at gmail
Senior Attorney
I had a vertical sleeve gastrectomy three years ago and it was, without a doubt, the very very very best thing I ever did. I wasn’t all that big, but I had been struggling with the same 50-60 pounds for my entire adult life (dieting since age nine — thanks, Mom!) and I knew this was the only chance I had to maintain a normal weight.
It’s been a total game-changer. I still have to watch what I eat, and I’m in the gym 5-6 days a week, but it’s leveled the playing field and given me a fighting chance, whereas before I had basically no chance. I paid for the surgery myself and it was the best money I ever spent. I would seriously have spent ten times as much as I did — it’s been that awesome.
I chose the surgery I did because all they did was make my stomach smaller — my intestines are still intact with no re-routing, and I don’t have any foreign bodies in my, uh, body.
If you are serious about WLS, I highly recommend the message boards and other information at http://www.obesityhelp.com. It was really helpful for me as I went through the process.
Senior Attorney
I had a vertical sleeve gastrectomy three years ago and it was, without a doubt, the very very very best thing I ever did. I wasn’t all that big, but I had been struggling with the same 50-60 pounds for my entire adult life (dieting since age nine — thanks, Mom!) and I knew this was the only chance I had to maintain a normal weight.
It’s been a total game-changer. I still have to watch what I eat, and I’m in the gym 5-6 days a week, but it’s leveled the playing field and given me a fighting chance, whereas before I had basically no chance. I paid for the surgery myself and it was the best money I ever spent. I would seriously have spent ten times as much as I did — it’s been that awesome. I’m two-plus years maintaining below my initial goal weight and loving life.
I chose the surgery I did because all they did was make my stomach smaller — my intestines are still intact with no re-routing, and I don’t have any foreign bodies in my, uh, body.
If you are serious about WLS, I highly recommend the message boards and other information at http://www.obesityhelp.com. It was really helpful for me as I went through the process.
Senior Attorney
Oops! Sorry for the double post!
WL Surgery
Thanks for the feedback! I’ve been heavy since I was a kid (thanks, genetics) despite being pretty active and have tried everything. About 4 years ago, I ballooned and that weight has refused to shift no matter what I do. My doctor raised the possibility of WL surgery in an appointment as a way to “level the playing field” for me — since I know I’d still have to work at being healthy — since moving the kind of weight I’d need to wouldn’t be very easy on diet and exercise alone. I appreciate the link!
Circadian Screwup
I’ve followed your posts a little bit and I think you are brave, honest, and great.
NYC
Just wanted to report back on that blue Calvin Klein suit from last week. I just got it (very fast shipping from Boscov’s) and am happy with it. I probably won’t wear it as a full suit all that often — it’s a lot of blue tweed — but really love the pieces as separates. I am a standard size 10 and will have the skirt taken in a bit, but otherwise it fits well. It’s a cheapo suit (I got both pieces for $90), but a fun change of pace. Even the hubs likes it.
Blue
For my fellow Bloomingdale’s fans out there, check your emails for the promo code they sent out this morning! It’s one of those “Click to see if you get 10%, 20%, 30%, or 40% off” deals, which never turn out to be that great, but I actually got a 40% code! I’ve been trying to cut down on my online shopping, but 40% is way too hard to pass up.
Bri
Do any of you use an app to keep your calendar (other than the standard Outlook Calendar)? I have found a great to-do list app that I love (Wunderlist!), but am searching for a calendar app that is more appealing than Outlook. All suggestions are appreciated!
Cb
What kind of phone do you have? I use Google calendar which allows me to have (and show) loads of different calendars and share them with people. My department doesn’t have a shared calendaring system so it’s helpful to be able to share free / busy times across platforms.
You’re liking Wunderlist? I’m using Toodledo right now and there is something about the interface that annoys me but I can’t put my finger on it.
Wildkitten
I like Wunderlist too.
Bri
Thanks! I use an iPhone. I would recommend Wunderlist if you are looking for something — it’s simple to use, and you can sync it with a website/desktop version. I like to be able to add tasks, etc. using my computer keyboard when possible — much faster than typing on the iPhone each time. Plus, I can also access via iPhone and iPad whenever needed.
bridget
I love Wunderlist too! I stay organized with Wunderlist for my to-dos, and then use the iCloud calendar for my regular calendaring. I like it because it’s the main calendar on my iPhone and Macbook (but I can still access it via browser on my work PC). It’s especially handy if you have another person you coordinate your schedule with. Between my husband and I, we have about 5 calendars, and we can have all of them showing or just some of them (I have a work and personal calendar, he has work/personal/school). If I don’t want his class schedule showing on my calendar, I just unselect his school calendar. That way we can keep track of everything for ourselves and also immediately see if there is some conflict between our two schedules. Google calendars also offer this feature, but I didn’t like it because no matter how many times I turned off notifications, it would send me an email for every calendar event (and sometimes 2-3 for each – “event tomorrow!” “event in 1 hour!” “event in 10 minutes!”). I think the settings are much easier to deal with in iCal.
zora
I use BusyCal which is Mac only, but I love it. I use the iCloud calendar, but I am able to use the BusyCal app on up to two devices, and it can sync my iCloud calendar, as well as google calendars from work, and I can access on my iphone and multiple laptops. Does everything iCal can do and more.
Baby weight.
San Francisco work trip. 1 free afternoon. Suggestions? Great bargain shopping ideas? Museums not to miss? Have already done typical tourist things there.
Orangerie
The De Young Museum in GG park has a Bulgari exhibit going on right now and it’s awesome. The California Academy of Sciences is right across from the De Young and is worth checking out, too. If you have time for a quick bite, there’s a great casual seafood restaurant called Pacific Catch just down the street from both museums.
There’s a pretty big Loehmann’s off of Union Square if you’re looking for bargain shopping.
SFedits
If carefully selected highish-high-end consignment clothing is your idea of bargain shopping, get yourself out to Sacramento Street (you can take the 1 California bus) and visit two great shops: GoodByes http://www.goodbyessf.com/ AND The Designer Consigner. It’s a delightful area to also browse other stores and you can see the Pacific Heights view out to the Bay from there. If you have a car and can drive out there for an hour or so, you can also drive a bit further to the SF Legion of Honor, my favorite SF Museum: http://legionofhonor.famsf.org/legion/exhibitions
ENJOY!
Carrie Preston
You just said my favorite way to spend a day, +1zillion to this rec!
ADS
How about Gump’s? Nice gifts and other knick-knacks. Not really super-cheap, but wide range of prices depending on the items.
Anon
Someone recently suggested I consider moving from a career in law/policy to becoming a negotiator. (I have a lot of good experience in negotiations, including at a fairly high level for my seniority.) Is this actually a thing? When I hear “negotiator,” I think of the guy on the CB outside the hostage stand-off, or William Shatner karate-chopping hotel fees. Does anyone know anything about this field?
preg anon
I do not know anything really all that helpful, but I do know that these positions exist. One of the big oil companies my firm represents has someone whose job is to negotiate contracts. I would think a background in law would be really helpful.
Anon
Interesting. I love contracts. (Seriously. Who loves contracts? I do. I really do. Writing them, reviewing them, negotiating them – love it.)
In-House Optimist
I do too. ;) You’re not alone in your nerd-dome.
mascot
I have a friend who left law and now is a contracts administrator (specifically HIPAA/business associate agreements) for a major medical IT vendor. A lot of big companies have contracts administrators with a legal background.
Hollis
But, the friend took a major paycut, no? I have seen many job postings for these areas and while a JD is helpful, it’s usually not required, which to me means that there will certainly be a paycut if you take one of these jobs.
Sweet as Soda Pop
This is my job exactly. I do not have a law background, nor do most of my colleagues. Most of us are engineers or have a supply chain background. We work really closely with Procurement Law, but our lawyers do not do the negotiations. A law background would be helpful, but that’s not specifically something we hire for.
Cb
Was there a site where you could enter the url of an item and it would alert you to price changes? I remember using it but a search of my mailbox and google-fu is failing me, perhaps because I’m outside the US. It was a pretty low-tech site and covered everything not just clothes (like ShopStyle).
KC
I use shoppingnotes.com. Sometimes it doesn’t work with certain sites (either doesn’t pick up the price or picks up the cost of shipping) which must have to do with it’s parsing language. I do like that it also works with non-USD prices.
Traditionalist
theshelf.com will do this, but I don’t love their site because it’s kind of buggy.
Baby weight.
Camelcamelcamel dot com tracks amazon items
TBK
Can anyone recommend a book on prenatal exercise? I’m taking a yoga class and try to walk my dog a couple miles every day, but I’m not sure how to do things like get an upper body workout without lifting heavy things, or get a core workout safely. Also, I recently read something that compared labor to a marathon you can’t just quit in the middle of. Having run marathons, the thought of jumping into one without good training freaks me out. I realize it’s just a metaphor and doesn’t line up precisely, but there must be things I could be doing to be as fit for labor as possible when the time comes. Especially since I basically spent the first trimester either sitting at my desk, or crashed out on the couch.
Diana Barry
TBK – there is a book by an author named Clapp – I am blanking on the title. Will link in a minute.
For core I did planks and bridges and that was about it. What do you mean re: not lifting heavy things? I just did what felt OK to me and didn’t worry about it. For instance, I could shoulder press with 30 lbs/side before I got pregnant, so I continued doing that until it felt like too much, and then tapered the weight. If you are in better shape/fitness when you get pregnant, you can do more than someone who has never exercised.
Diana Barry
Here is the book. Ignore the horribly dated photos! :)
http://www.amazon.com/Exercising-Through-Pregnancy-James-Clapp/dp/1936374331
TBK
Thanks! I think part of the problem is that I did IVF. Before I got pregnant, I was doing a pretty intense weight lifting regime (free weights/Olympic power lifting type stuff) with interval training (mostly running/sprinting). When I started the IVF cycle, the doctor told me not to lift anything over 10 lbs, not to run or do any other jarring activities, and to basically just relax for the first 10-12 weeks of pregnancy. I asked the nurse at the OB’s office about working out, and she said I could do anything I was already doing. I said “I was lifting, like squats and deadlifts — can I do that?” and she said “oh, no! I don’t think so! But anything you were doing before is fine.” (Which makes zero sense. This was the appointment that left me in tears because the whole exchange was like that.) Now that I’ve been out of it for about 3+ months, I don’t know what counts as “continuing” what I was doing as opposed to starting a new regime. As for core, I can’t tell how much lying on my back is okay. I guess planks should still work (but bridges? I feel like I’d have so much ligament pain around the uterus from that — just standing up quickly or sneezing is bad enough. I’m impressed.)
Diana Barry
Aha. I would go back to lifting but see if your weights have changed – particularly for squats, your preferred weight might be a lot lower because your balance is probably different now. The book above is pretty good – a lot of OBs etc. don’t know how to deal with women who were very active before they were pregnant. The 10 lbs thing, etc., is basically just BS.
I was used to doing hot yoga so instead of the ab exercise section, I did bridges and just held those. But when I was 6+ months, I would just lie on my side then and take it easy. :) Your body should tell you if you are doing too much on your back – when I got too big it was just not comfortable any more.
Pink
Well, if it alleviates some worry, my zumba instructor is at least 5-8 months pregnant (I can’t quite tell since she’s a skinny lady with a large belly) and dances faster than all of us!
mascot
Have you looked at swimming/water aerobics? It’s gentler on the joints, helps with the swelling, you can work out your arms, etc. Listen to your body. If you are having ligament pain, go easy. Do kegels.
I think the labor is like a marathon analysis is a bit flawed. There will be a whole lot of things about labor that you can’t “train” for. You can be in amazing shape and the baby may still be in a weird position. You may be in terrible shape and have a good pelvic structure with a small baby that pops out with two pushes and no pain. It’s a surreal experience. I don’t think you will look back and say, wow, had I worked harder on interval training, I could have cut my pushing time by ten minutes.
Pink
“I don’t think you will look back and say, wow, had I worked harder on interval training, I could have cut my pushing time by ten minutes.”
too funny!
Another S
Totally agree with all of what mascot said! Having been through labor, I think all the focus on it is misguided. So much is beyond your control, and you might not even get to go through labor. By all means prepare, take a birthing class, read spinningbabies dot com, whatever. But now’s a good time to realize that when it comes to kids, SO MUCH BEYOND YOUR CONTROL. And that’s fine.
If you’re walking and doing yoga, I’d say you’ll probably be fine…
Nonny
I can’t comment on mascot’s points re labour as marathon, since I haven’t done it yet myself, but her points make sense. However, I can comment on swimming/aquafit. I’m taking a prenatal aquafit class right now and I swear, it’s the best thing ever. I was going to the gym regularly before becoming pregnant, but had to taper off in my first trimester. These days when I go to the gym, my endurance level and general capacity to do things is so different that a brisk walk on the treadmill seems like a massive workout (I’m 28 weeks now). However, aquafit is so much fun and it is so much easier to move in the water – I highly recommend it. When I go to those classes, I’m sore (in a good way) the next day. And being in the water is so soothing. Look into it.
hoola hoopa
Agree on all of mascot’s points. Exercise to be comfortable. Don’t think of it as training.
Seriously, do water aerobics! It’s amazing for a pregnant body. Very adaptable. Don’t do the ab work.
And I very much second the warning about diastasis recti directly below…
tesyaa
Throughout my pregnancies I liked to read stories of hard-core amazing athletes who had difficult labors because they were just soooo muscular. I liked the idea that having a soft body meant I’d have an easier labor. My first labor was pretty long (forceps delivery even), but my others were pretty short (shortest was one hour and 20 minutes), despite being basically in couch potato shape.
Anonymous
As someone who dealt with diastasis recti, I’d recommend being very mindful of any ab work! That includes planks and so much more than I ever realized. Unless you’re super lucky, there really is no safe core workout!
Another S
Ugh, also had this problem. It’s pretty common. Started PT at 6 weeks postpartum (as soon as my OB cleared me) and luckily everything’s headed in the right direction.
posey
for what it’s worth, my OB told me that the issue with lifting is that your ligaments and joints stretch when pregnant, so you have a greater risk of injuring yourself. The baby will be fine, but doctors will be limited on how they can treat you.
Also, from what I’ve read, laying on your back is fine as long as you’re comfortable. The laying on your back thing is because it can put pressure on some major artery and will restrict blood flow, but you’d feel lightheaded/dizzy before any harm is actually caused.
Kat G
This was my favorite DVD when I was pregnant — like a toning DVD but for preggos. Led by a Cirque du Soleil acrobat who was Very Pregnant during filming (I forget if it was 30 or 36 weeks pregnant).
http://www.amazon.com/The-Perfect-Pregnancy-Workout-Vol/dp/B000BLKJ5E/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1381853469&sr=8-1&keywords=perfect+prenatal+workout
Anonymous
I will also add that I think carrying twins can add some additional limitations / complications on the exercise front. I’ve been keeping up with my regular exercise routine, albeit with some slowing down, but when I spoke to my yoga instructor (who is not an OB-GYN) one of the things she asked me was whether I was carrying twins or had any pregnancy-related complications.
I would try to speak with your doctor again. I know OB-GYNs differ wildly on their recommendations (mine say do whatever I want so long as it feels okay!), but it helps to talk it out with them. I’ve also asked some OB-GYNs that I know socially who are also mothers what *they* did or felt comfortable doing during their pregnancies and let that guide me a little.
Lastly, if the only concern is that you weren’t doing something immediately prior to getting pregnant as far as following the adage, “don’t do anything you weren’t doing before,” I think that is more like, don’t start running now if you never have. Not, don’t start running if you hurt your ankle before you were pregnant and took 6 months off from your 15 year running habit. If you were in shape to do it before, you are probably in shape to do it now (with the caveat that I would still talk to my doctor about specific concerns related to carrying twins.
MU JD
Agree 100%. Prior to my IVF (which also resulted in twins), I was running 3-4 miles, 4-5 days per week. However, once the IVF procedures began, that stopped and I was limited to leisurely walking. I would be cautious about the amount of weight you are lifting – keeping in mind that your body is constantly adjusting to your growing babies and your center of gravity seems to shift on a daily basis. I agree that a discussion with your OB/GYN or midwife is in order. Maybe some light arm work with hand weights would be okay, but I would check first.
Labor is definitely intense, but I don’t think it’s something you can train for. Mine went quick (less than 5 hours from the time my water broke until the time twin B was born) and was relatively uneventful. My good friend had her daughter a few days before me and was in labor for 23 hours and wound up with a c-section due to complications. You just never know.
CapHillAnon
It’s true that there’s little you can control about labor, but as a marathoner and survivor of two long hard labors–that is a pretty accurate analogy for it! It does feel like an endurance athletic event, more than it feels like anything else. For me. That said, two things:
1. Everyone experiences labor differently, and it frequently has nothing to do with a person’s level of fitness. I’ve had tiny, petite friends who are nonexercisers sail through long labors with big babies as if it were nothing, and I’ve had super-fit normal-sized friends blown away by the effort of it. The whole thing is intensely personal in terms of how you’ll feel. Of course, the others have covered a good caveat: there’s quite a bit that’s outside your control, so you can’t 100% count on having a natural labor. But even given the developments that you can’t control, you might well be in that lucky camp that just…finds it easy. Or finds it really, really tough, no matter what you’ve done to prepare. (I’m sure you’ll hear from everyone on the continuum–people love to talk about it!)
2. Especially if you were serious about working out before your pregnancy, your body will tell you when you’re pushing too hard with your workouts. You’re the expert on your own limits.
Good luck!
In House Lobbyist
I did Zumba till 7 months and then switched to water aerobics. I cut back on weights to about 10 pounds around 6 months. My dr always sad the biggest thing with my routine was keeping my heart rate below 14o which is hard to do when you are doing cardio. I think continuing to exercise this pregnancy made a big difference in my recovery – I am 10 weeks post baby. I had c sections both times so I can’t comment on the labor portion. Good luck and you are ahead by continuing to do anything!
Fall foliage watching
We have family visiting us in Boston who have never seen the New England fall colors. Any ideas on where we can go this weekend to see some nice foliage within an hour or 1.5 hours from Boston? Last time we did this we drove up to Vermont, but we have an infant now so want to stay close if possible. Thanks!
Lyra Silvertongue
The seacoast of NH is really beautiful right now, particularly Portsmouth. Plus your visitors can enjoy culture, dining, and shopping along with the foliage-watching. I drove up to the Loon Mountain area last week and the foliage was really underwhelming, but I believe that was due to the windstorm they had just experienced.
ANP
As a Smith College alumna, I feel compelled to suggest the Berkshires. I’m partial to Northampton for lunch, too!
ADS
Another plug for the Berkshires. I want to retire there!
manomanon
Head to the pioneer valley- specifically Amherst, South Hadley, and Northampton. Up and down routes 116 & 49 there are beautiful foliage scenes etc. You can also hike up Mt. Holyoke or wander though Skinner State Park. The mountain has trails or a paved road that people walk or drive up on so a stroller is totally feasible.
You can also go to Atkins Farm and have the apple cider donuts some of us were raving about recently.
Divaliscious11
Agreed with this ->
Stop in Atkins Market for hot cider cider donuts…..
Diana Barry
Concord is close and v pretty.
Gigs
I’m from Vermont and went to college at Mount Holyoke in W. Mass.
My mom says that the leaf season is over in Vermont – so I wouldn’t recommend there. I second, third, etc. all of the comments saying to go to the Pioneer Valley – the leaves there are probably peak right now!
San Fran
Heading to San Fran this weekend — have been to the bay area many times for work (San Jose mainly), but never as a tourist to stay downtown.
We are staying near Union Square & don’t plan to rent a car. Recommendations for things to do for the weekend? Also – we love food – where to eat?
Sun AM is the Nike Women’s Half Marathon. Woot!
Pretty sure prior this has come up in prior threads – happy to read if someone can point me to them.
Orangerie
It should be nice out this weekend so I’d try to spend a lot of time outside. I’d recommend checking out the Palace of Fine arts and doing some shopping/brunching in the Marina on Saturday – I’m partial since I live there but it really is the best neighborhood. If you’re up for it before the marathon, you can rent bikes and explore the Marina Green/Crissy Field going towards the bridge.
I mentioned Golden Gate Park upthread; it’s a bit of a trek from Union Square but the park is beautiful and there’s some great museums inside (De Young & Cal Academy of Sciences are my favorite, there’s also the Conservatory of Flowers).
You could also head to the financial district and check out the Ferry Building farmer’s market if you can handle large crowds.
As for dinner, there’s so many wonderful restaurants here. Honestly I’d try to get out of the downtown/Union Sq neighborhood and try somewhere in the Marina, Russian/Nob Hill, SOMA or the Mission. A few of my favorite restaurants are: Seven Hills, A16, Zero Zero, Nopa, Wayfare Tavern, Cotogna, Umami (different from Umami Burger, but that place is also good), Luella, RN74, Terzo, Mamacita, and Locanda. Would definitely recommend making advance reservations at pretty much all of those places. If you want someplace trendy and close to your hotel, Hakkasan just opened up on Market and Kearny and the food is delicious.
One more friendly tip: nobody here calls it San Fran. I don’t mean that to sound snarky at all… but as a born and bred local that moniker is like nails on a chalkboard to me.
Have fun!
Susedna
Now I’m curious! What do locals call the fair city of San Francisco? :-)
Orangerie
San Francisco..? Or SF for short.
Susedna
I was thinking the latter (“SF”) but as with these things — sometimes, it’s not immediately obvious why calling a place X will mark you out as an out-of-towner.
Eddie Izzard
“The City”
Wildkitten
+1
Orangerie
I feel as though most people who live around a large city (with the exception of LA since its borders are so nebulous) call it “the city.” In my mind it’s a term used by people who don’t live within the city limits, ex: “we’re going into the city for dinner tonight.”
ExcelNinja
I hate it when people call it “The City”. THEY’RE ALL CITIES.
zora
SF or The City (as opposed to the rest of the Bay Area) or San Francisco.
ExcelNinja
My lovely DH insists on calling it “Frisco” because he thinks it’s hilarious. Don’t call it that. Please. ;-)
Circadian Screwup
Does he do it to cause a conniption fit in the people who get annoyed about “San Fran”?
Parfait
Wonder why poor San Francisco got saddled with San Fran. Because it rhymes? Nobody says Los Ange.
Senior Attorney
But… maybe we should! ;)
SV in House
Love Luella (and your other recs).
— your Russian Hill neighbor
Carrie Preston
I thought Luella closed? Please say no! I loved that place.
Orangerie
Aw, you’re right.. it did close. Very sad!
Sweet as Soda Pop
I will be there running the half! Good luck!
zora
here are some old posts with discussions of SF sights/food
https://corporette.com/2011/04/06/wednesdays-tps-report-loryna-silk-ruffled-blouse/
zora
here are some old posts with discussions of SF sights/food
ThisSite.com/2011/12/09/frugal-fridays-tps-report-mossimo®-womens-ultrasoft-twist-front-sweater-dress/
zora
ThisSite.com/2011/04/06/wednesdays-tps-report-loryna-silk-ruffled-blouse/
also check out the site chowhound dot com, and go to the San Francisco boards for lists of the best places to eat/new places, etc.
San Fran
Thank you!!
ExcelNinja
Also, I had an AMAZING dinner at SPQR at the chef’s counter – it’s been my fav meal so far in the Bay Area (been living here for about a year and a half now) :-)
You should also really get a Mission burrito! SO GOOD!!
I avoid shopping other than websites with free shipping & free returns so can’t help there ;-)
Gail the Goldfish
Suggestions for things to see or places to eat in Chicago? I’m visiting in a couple of weeks for a long weekend and have never been before.
NatalieR
The Institute of Art Museum is fantastic. I’ve heard great things about the Shedd Aquarium, Museum of Science and Industry and the Field Museum. I also enjoy Millennium Park and its environs quite a bit. It’s a very walkable city, and you can easily wander from spot to spot and discover something en route to your next destination.
Restaurants abound, but some favorites are: The Publican (basically a meat fest, so if you’re vegetarian, I’d skip), Urban Belly and Belly Shack (interesting fusion, very casual), Carnivale (Pan-Latin, great ceviche), Taxim (Greek but outside of touristy Greektown), Revolution Brewery (excellent local brewery and restaurant), The Slurping Turtle (ramen), Bakin and Eggs (breakfast), Emporium (bar with old school video games), Piece (pizza – not Chicago style- and brewery), The French Market (food stalls/food court style), Saigon Sisters (bahn mi)… I could keep going.
Have fun! Chicago is my favorite US city.
espresso bean
Also check out The Cultural Center (free! and they always have interesting exhibits. Plus, it’s a gorgeous building). If it’s not too cold, try an architecture boat cruise or walking tour from the Architecture Foundation. Chicago has stunning architecture, and it’s fun to learn about it as you explore.
For food, Natalie has great recommendations. I’d also add avec (no reservations, but worth it if you can wait on a weeknight), RM Champagne for wine and cheese in a gorgeous setting, Maude’s for a sexy date night and French food/cocktails, Au Cheval for trendy and delicious diner food, Ruxbin or Two for inventive contemporary fare, La Sirena Clandestina for Brazilian/South American, Big Star for tacos and hipsters, XOCO for delicious, inexpensive Rick Bayless Mexican downtown, Sweet Mandy B.’s for cupcakes and baked goods, Floriole for the best croissants…. I could go on!
espresso bean
Also, if you can get in, Girl and the Goat lives up to the hype! You may be able to walk in if you go at like 4:45. If you can’t get in, Little Goat across the street is also good but different — creative diner food.
NatalieR
I forgot the Cultural Center! I love that place. And Girl and the Goat was fun for cocktails even though we couldn’t get in for dinner.
Circadian Screwup
Thirding the rec for Girl and the Goat.
I went there during a recruiting trip for my company there and it was super!
roses
If you like shopping, walk around Magnificent Mile (Michigan Ave. starting on Wacker heading north to around Delaware). So many wonderful stores, from very high end designer all to mid-range (Banana, J. Crew, Zara) to lower end (Forever 21, H&M).
R
Where will you be staying?
Echoing NatalieR above – all of the museums are fabulous. (I personally love the Museum of Science and Industry and the Field Museum!) Walking along the lakefront or Mag Mile is great, although it can be very chilly in November. And yes there are fantastic restaurants everywhere you turn – ask your concierge for recommendations in your area/price range.
Look on an event calendar for activities during the weekend you visit, so you know what to hit or avoid. For example, the Hot Chocolate 5k/15k is Nov 3. It has something like 50,000 runners, so Grant Park/Buckingham Fountain will be a madhouse that morning.
a.k.
The last time I was there I had a fantastic meal at Nightwood (the chef was named one of the best new chefs earlier this year) and an insane meat-out at the Publican.
Marie M
If you start in the south Loop at the post office and walk north on Clark St., you will see some wonderful outdoor sculpture, including works by Calder, Chagall and Picasso. Walk beyond the Picasso and look back to see the profile of a woman. Milliennium Park has the “Bean,” which is super cool. The Art Institute has great impressionist paintings (in addition to many other things) and usually has a special exhibit going on. The Museum of Contemporary Art is also terrific. Shopping on North Michigan Ave toward the Water Tower is great, of course. In the Loop, there’s a Nordstrom Rack. The lobby of the Hilton Palmer House (2nd floor) is worth a visit. Both the Willis Tower (Loop area) and the Hancock Building (north Michigan Ave.) have sky decks; HB has a bar near the top, too. Walking along Lake Michigan is enjoyable. Try Chicago-style pizza at Uno’s or Due’s or Giordano’s. I love Chicago–hope you do, too.
Gail the Goldfish
Thanks, all! I don’t know neighborhood names, but I’m staying near the Magnificent Mile. Looks like I have lots of eating to plan out. (I am not vegetarian, and an insane meat fest sounds delicious)
Lady Harriet
If you’ll have a car or are flying out of O’Hare and have some way to stop on your way there, go to Frannie’s Beef in Schiller Park (a close-in suburb near the airport.) It has great Italian beef, sausage, and peppers plus amazing Italian Ice. The food is cheap and plentiful. I was in Chicago for my college roommate’s wedding in August and even though we weren’t able to do anything else that wasn’t wedding-related I insisted on taking my friends to Frannie’s Beef. Chicago is a great food town, so I’m sure you’ll have a great time.
Double-Bingo
I’m embarrassed that I don’t know this already, but what does one wear to a deposition? A suit, clearly, but what kind? Interview suit? Are coordinated suit separates ok? A patterned dress and a blazer?
Context: I’m going on my first short business trip to sit in on a couple of depositions. Somehow I made it through law school without seeing a deposition. Last night while packing I realized that what I really needed was advice from the Hive. I went conservative: gray pantsuit, cream silk shell, black pumps. How did I do?
TBK
I think what you picked sounds fine. I’ve always dressed about the way I’d dress for a client meeting, where the formality depends on how high up the chain the client/witness is. A lot of it depends on geography and type of deposition. NYC deposition of Jamie Dimon = best dark suit with blouse, heels, hose, and conservative jewelry. Small town deposition of employee #5 of 30 depositions in a mid-sized business contract dispute = dress and jacket are fine.
lucy stone
I’m in a small town in the Midwest and our depositions are incredibly informal. I wore a suit to my first one and felt out of place – only female in the room besides the court reporter and only one in a suit besides the court reporter. The men were all wearing oxfords and khakis or trousers. I wore a solid colored dress to the last one I went to and still felt a bit overdressed, but I’d rather be overdressed than underdressed.
London or Paris?
If you had a choice to go to London or Paris around the holidays, which would you choose and why? I’ve been to both cities before (studied abroad in Paris), but have spent less time in London so I feel a pull towards London to see more of the sights, but… it’s Paris. Here is my very rudimentary comparison (and just reverse them for cons for each city):
Pros of London: I think more things will be open than in Paris (both tourist attractions and restaurants). No language barriers.
Pros of Paris: It’s Paris.
Calico
Sure, Paris is Paris, but London at Christmas sounds like a Dickensian adventure!
Anne Shirley
I would go to London, because it’s London. For the sane reason: go to Paris!! It’s your vacation, go where you heart is tugging you.
oil in houston
hmmm.having lived in both, I’d have a lot of trouble choosing too …. London has great shopping on boxing day (26th), harrods in particular, when Paris will have the shops windows decorated beautifully all through December, Printemps and Galerie Lafayette in particular.
All the tourist attractions will be open in the same way between the 2 (everything will be closed on Xmas and NY in both places).
The Paris fireworks for NYE tend to be more impressive, because you can see it from further away and it’s the Eiffel Tower…
how long do you have? can you do both? Eurostar takes you there in 2 hours….
London or Paris?
We’re planning maybe around a week, so it’s definitely possible to do both! I’m not sure my husband will want to jump around since this will be a stop before heading home from much longer traveling to see family… maybe I can convince him though!
MJ
It doesn’t really need to be an either-or…the Eurostar is really fast, and if you book far in advance, it can be reasonable, price-wise. Same with budget airlines. I am an ex-Londoner (who went to Paris for New Year’s//first week of January one year) and I believe there’ll be enough open both places. The food will be better in Paris, no doubt. Essentially, since it was cold, my friend and I would stop and get crepes, or hot chocolate, or macarons or onion soup as we toddled around town…to warm up, of course. It was heavenly. I am sure you could do the same in London, but the charm of fish and chips isn’t really on par with a warm baguette and delish French food, IMHO. Also, if you can, I would try to make sure you are there in January–the January sales are fantastic, both places. If you go to Paris, take tea at Mariage Freres…so perfect in the Wintertime :) If you go to London, be sure to book high tea somewhere amazing, like Claridges or Browns.
TBK
What do people mean by “high tea”? I thought it meant supper, but my MIL was talking about a “high tea” for my shower.
Samantha
I’ve hosted baby showers for high tea. It is typically 4-6pm and involves snacks and drinks as opposed to a full sit-down meal.
In the British version, it would be a variety of teas, scones and jam/butter, maybe biscuits and cucumber sandwiches. Yum!
CA lawyer
You’re correct–high tea is a simple supper. Afternoon tea is the one that’s often fancy with little sandwiches and pastries. However, a lot of people are misinformed–there was an NYT op-ed in the past week or so that can be summed up as, “omg, high tea is not fancy! I never knew!”
ExcelNinja
+1 Mariages Freres
Susie
I haven’t been to either, but given the choice I’d go to London.
Susedna
I’m partial to London, because of the tea, its collection of Museums (loved the V&A and the British Museum, also, Tate Modern), and all the used bookstores everywhere. If you go to London and love bookstores, I recommend visiting Slightly Foxed, on the Gloucester Road (SW7, i think…)
But the food in Paris is lovely — and, macarons! Would you have enough time to spend a few days in both cities?
KC
London around the holidays is beautiful! That said, as others have mentioned, the Eurostar is really quick, so if you’re feeling torn, maybe spend most of your time in London and then a day or two in Paris?
dancinglonghorn
I did this two years ago and spent Xmas holidays in both places (family in the UK) and I have to say that the London sights were def more shut-down than the Paris sights. We basically didn’t get to see anything in London because all the sights were closed. All we really did was shopping and the weather was horrid for being outdoors. So I would recommend Paris but you know that it is easy to go back-and-forth. So don’t feel like you must commit to one or the other.
Abby Lockhart
This. London definitely shuts down at Christmas time. Can’t compare to Paris, but do check. Many shops were open, but sites and restaurants, etc. were not. You will likely need to eat in a hotel on Christmas. Of course, Paris may be the same.
Divaliscious11
I’d do three days in London, take the chunnel train and the remaining time in Paris…..
ExcelNinja
Paris! I spent Christmas-New Years in London & Paris one year and Paris was way better. Better vibe, better food, about the same weather. All the Londoners seemed super grumpy/fatigued from the holidays, whereas the Parisians were full of joie de vivre :)
Susedna
BB Cream Threadjack – Reporting Back
So, I woke up at 5:35am and post-shower, put on the Maybelline Dream Fresh BB Cream, and then eye pencil, lip gloss, concealer for a few hyperpigmented spots, a light brushing of Maybelline face powder)
My forehead and cheeks are a little shiny and I’m not loving that. Otherwise, nothing really bad, but nothing spectacular, either. So, overall, I’m OK w/ the purchase, but would probably not buy this BB cream again.
hoola hoopa
Can this be a recurrent feature? Really helpful review!
Susedna
Thanks! I do think other folks on this site do a far better job w/makeup reviews and notes about application than me. And I try to bookmark big makeup threads bc I have a lot to learn in this dept.
I’ve also learned a lot about products from makeupalley.com. Reviewers there are super-helpful!
Blue
I’ve heard rave reviews about Wolford tights, any suggestions on which ones to buy? I just want opaque black ones but there are a few different kinds.
Nonny - PSA for pregnant ladies
So my PSA for pregnant ladies today is this: if you are not already on Team Flats for your pregnancy, please join me on Team Flats today.
I love my heels (although I’m pretty picky about them and won’t wear anything that I can’t comfortably walk in), and have been very comfortable in them so far in my pregnancy. However, on Friday after work, while wearing my favourite booties, I slipped (on a non-slippery surface that I walk on every day) and fell. It was scary and while a couple of people asked if I was OK, no-one stopped to help me. I basically fell flat on my face and my belly. Everything seems to be OK except for my ankle and my pride, but the moral of the story is this: it’s not worth it to continue to wear your heels. I thought I was fine, until I fell. That was super scary and quite the wake-up call. I went out this weekend and bought several pairs of flats that will see me through the winter, and will now no longer be wearing heels (except perhaps to in-office client meetings) for the duration.
Don’t do what I did. Switch to flats. I’m lucky nothing worse happened.
KC
Oh Nonny, so glad you’re okay! Just reading this made me all sorts of worried. Hopefully the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly.
ADS
Whew. Glad you’re OK, and sorry to hear you took a bad fall.
I’m disappointed that nobody offered to help you. Seems like such a basic civility thing, ya know?
Preg-anon
This happened to me, too. There was a hidden slope that I didn’t see and fell hard on my hands and knees. After a friend urged me to call the doctor just to be safe, I was sent to L&D for monitoring (I am rh negative, which means I needed a rhogam shot).
Went out the next day and joined Team Flats. One thing I noticed is that I have less tightness in my belly while walking in flats (probably less impact).
Macatty
Apologies if this has been discussed before, but has anyone read Top Dog: the Science of Winning and Losing? Would you recommend it?
Lisa
On track:), that ind of little tweak is my favorite kind of corporate dressing. All buttoned up, except it isn’t.