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Coffee Break: Lark Tote

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London Fog Lark ToteI don't normally think of London Fog as a bag brand, but this look slike a solid faux leather tote. I like all of the interior pockets and the stitch detailing on the front, and for those of you who like to wear navy with navy do note that this bag comes in navy (as well as black). It was $150, but is now marked to $59 at 6pm (part of their office-chic sale). London Fog Lark Tote (L-2)  

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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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124 Comments

  1. ugh, I can’t WAIT to get a job where I don’t have to carry an old, heavy laptop back and forth everyday, because this would TOTALLY be my new work bag. Love the black, or the blue, which looks bluer than a lot of navy and I think would be a nice, subtle spot of color.

      1. oh cr@p, i love that! uh oh, now I’m in trouble. I love how it has a zipper closure for the computer compartment, but is expandable, so I could also use it as a carry on for trips. I. Want.

        Only thing is, I worry that it’s not smart of me to carry so much weight on one shoulder every day, because i am dealing with lots of neck and shoulder pain. ;oP i feel like the responsible thing would be to look way more lame and carry a backpack every day instead. But, good find! Hope you enjoy it!

      2. ok, i have a reply to you that for some reason keeps getting moderated, and I can’t figure out why.

        But most important part was: Great find!! i totes want it! hope you enjoy it.

      3. I had this one in purple and loved it for 2 years. The leather handles did wear through to threadbare after 2 years and I donated it. The rest of the bag was still in great shape .

  2. How do you fashionable ladies organize business cards? I only know of one person in my office with a good old fashioned Rolodex and I am not wanting something that big, but I am always being given business cards and just sticking them in a little box in my desk just doesn’t seem that efficient!

    1. They get entered into my Outlook Contacts with a note saying where/when I met the person. Then I throw away the card. Bonus: available wherever I am via iPhone.

    2. CardMunch – it’s an app that lets you scan a business card, save it to your phone, and then connect with the person through LinkedIn. And then I throw away the business card.

  3. All,

    I’m in a career rut. I’m a first year associate at a big law firm doing mostly m&A work (and some commercial contract drafting). I hate the job. It’s boring, and I hate the billable hours requirement. I also feel like my work is under-appreciated. I really don’t even find the idea of in house work appealing (as they’re doing basically the same thing that I do–but without the billables pressure).

    I have no clue what to do or where to go from here. I just feel stuck with a JD in a job that I hate. Any advice?

    1. You should, for now, try litieagation! That is what I do and it is alot of fun! YAY! I never knew anything about it until the manageing partner threw me into it. Now I am an EXPERT who everyone in the firm (as well as the court) ask’s me for opinion’s on different STRATEGIES to deal with WC cases and recalciterant Plainteiff’s.

      You will also meet alot of guy’s in litiegation, and some will be loosers, but you may find the RIGHT guy, and if you do, you can get MARRIED and have babie’s and then let him support you! YAY!

    2. Any clue what you might find interesting? There’s a number of different things you can do with your law degree, especially when you’re so early in your career. You can go to work for a non-profit, or government, or maybe just switch to litigation. Maybe clerk for a judge for a year while you’re trying to figure things out.

      1. I’m interested in a higher ed administration job honestly. I did a lot of admissions work as an undergrad, and I find that my interactions with incoming summers and applicants at the law firm is what gets me most excited. I also like writing–so there’s that.

        I’m just not sure where to go from here. Networking? I’m also nervous (but not deterred) by the thought of a paycut. I have 90,000 in student loans to pay off. Ugh.

        1. Unless work is starting to seriously jeopardize your mental or physical health, I’d stick it out another year (and live very frugally) to pay off more of your loans. I think a year of boredom and frustration is worth 10+ years of stressing about your debt.

        2. I agree with roses, I’d try to stick it out another year to pay off some loans. Then maybe look into a recruiting function at a law firm? (This seems a lot more common at Big4 accounting firms, many associates who get burned out on the job demands go into recruiting, though this type of switch doesn’t seem as prevalent in law.)

          1. I was going to suggest the same thing. I know a number of former lawyers who’ve switched to law firm recruiting, which sounds like a good fit for you. There’s also the headhunter route, which doesn’t appeal to me, but YMMV.

          2. Please don’t perpetuate the myth that you can just switch into recruiting. I’m a big law recruiter and I have 12+ years of experience. I’m also a former associate. To change career paths, I couldn’t simply just move my office one day because I had interviewed a few candidates and spent a season on the hiring committee. I had to leave my firm, take a job as a recruiting assistant and work my way up. My hours are long, particularly now that firms have eliminated a lot of positions (the days of having a coordinator and an assistant are gone so get used to doing your own data entry, copying, etc.), I haven’t had a summer vacation in 10+ years and many associates don’t respect my role. That being said I love my job, I love hiring and mentoring attorneys, and look forward each fall to my summer associates coming back.

          3. @Anon, it is apparently not a myth if you did that exact thing. There is no reason to get defensive.

    3. Are you really only a first year? I don’t think you should throw in the towel after only a month. It may be that litigation would be a better fit for you, and you might want to see whether your firm has any opportunities to move. As for networking, yes, you might want to see if your undergrad or law school can put you in touch with any higher ed administrators and then you can do some informational interviews — but overall, I don’t really think you should give up quite so quickly. Everyone hates being a first year associate. Hang in there.

      1. Also – in-house experiences vary WIDELY (much more so than first-year associate BigLaw experiences do), so I wouldn’t rule that out entirely.

        1. +1. I’ve worked in house for my entire career and also have friends who’ve made the M&A Biglaw to in house transition. In house can vary do much depending on the size of the company, size of the legal dept and how general/specialized the role is. There’s also related fields such as financial consulting.

      2. I don’t think you can be in a rut after less than a year. A rut implies a well worn tract. You may be finding it boring and under-appreciated because you are the bottom rung and are (literally?) the least valuable player on the team. There’s a steep learning curve – so I would also suggest sticking it out for a year, maybe even two, before totally throwing in the towel.

        1. +1

          I really kind of think if you don’t hate being a first-year associate, you’re doing it wrong! I was looking all over for anything, ANYTHING but law so I could jump ship from law, well into my second year. Hang in there and at least get good at it before you decide to throw in the towel.

    4. I’d echo what a few prior posters have said — every first year Biglaw associate hates their job (there may be a few freakish exceptions, but I don’t know any).

      Some people stick out the job for a few years and then realize one day that they actually really like what they do. I’m experiencing this right now — I’m a biglaw midlevel and finally reaching levels of competence and understanding that allow me to appreciate how interesting the work is, how smart my colleagues are, and how satisfying certain aspects of the job can be. It’s practically disorienting.

      Part of the problem is, as a first year, the work you are capable of doing is fundamentally going to be pretty brainless, since, well…first years are pretty useless (I sure was). You also say you’re “under-appreciated,” which worries me a little. It’s true that depending on the culture of your firm/group, positive feedback is rarer than unicorns, which is a shame. But it’s also true that usually as a first year, you’re not actually contributing ALL that much that deserves to be “appreciated.” Should people say please and thank you? God yes. And if your firm culture is toxic, that’s bad — but just be careful that you’re not coming off as entitled or that your disdain for all of Biglaw isn’t apparent to your colleagues.

      Of course, some people can stick it out for a few years and then still validly hate the practice of law, Biglaw, and everything it stands for. There’s nothing wrong with that.

      But, I DO think you need to stick it out a bit longer — a year at least, maybe 2 if you can stand it– to make an informed judgment call. In the mean time, consider doing the following:
      – Aspects of M&A are inherently going to be pretty brainless, especially for first years (due diligence, due diligence memos, checklists, signature pages, etc). Are there other practice areas you can try? Regulatory work might be up your alley — giving regulatory advice is a very different animal from deals. Or there is litigation if you like legal research.
      – Experiment with types of pro bono to see how you like dealing with clients who actually need you.
      – Take lots of CLEs — usually the more you know, the more interesting legal work becomes.

      Finally, have friends that aren’t lawyers and make sure to keep your cost of living low so that you can pay off your loans as aggressively as possible/so you don’t get too used to the BigLaw salary.

      Whew, that was a novel — sorry for the ramble!

      2. I would edit to add that every first year associate in NYC biglaw hates their job (at least every one I know does). I’m in another city that still pays market, but most of the other first years here I know don’t hate their jobs – some even like it. I also didn’t do solely mindless work as a first year.

    5. i agree with a lot of what others have said, but i have to respond to your comment about feeling “under appreciated.” You are a first year and you are basically doing nothing but learning how to be a lawyer and therefore you should be the one doing the appreciating, not vice versa.

      The reason i point this out is because to someone who is more senior (i am a biglaw partner), that comment comes off as entitled (for lack of a better phrase and to avoid a lengthy description). If you are giving off that vibe at work, you may not get more interesting work . . .

      3. Double yep. I wouldn’t be sure how to take that if a first year said it to me.

        That being said, M&A is hardly boring – it can be crazy, fast paced, and really scary (because if you miss just one thing….for example, the difference between consolidatED and consolidatING statements….you’re in big trouble!!), so if you’re bored, it may just be because you haven’t learned enough to jump into the really interesting stuff. $90k in student loan debt isn’t bad at all…it’s half of what I have…so I would stick it out, pay that off, and then go do something that excites you.

        I’m in-house (since Feb., after litigating for 6 years) and I love it! It is a mixture of transactional (architectural design contracts and intellectual property) and litigation management. I also get to teach risk management classes. It is amazing, and you never know what might come across your desk! Lots of confidential clients I can’t talk about, but which are really fun things that I’m excited to be a part of!! So stick with it, unburden yourself of that debt, and see where it goes…

    6. Stick it out, get rid of the debt. You will have approximately a million more options with a few years at a big firm on your resume. And you will actually know something, which is good for most jobs. In the meantime, you are being appreciated by being paid far more than you’re worth.

  5. … you know you’re having a bad day when you get woken by water dripping through the ceiling. And today hasn’t improved since then. *sigh* a rejected FB friend request from someone has me swallowing tears at my desk. I should’ve known better than have any emotions about this particular person but… ugh. :(

    1. Calibrachoa, I hate to say this to you when you’re feeling down, but (a) you should not be facebook friending people at work, unless you work at Facebook, and (b) you should not take it personally when people reject your request, because they’re probably following rule (a).

      Wear you big girl pants, work hard today, and go home and do something fun and relaxing (and get that leak taken care of!).

      1. I didn’t see where the FB friend was a person from work. If you mean that a person shouldn’t be on FB during work hours, I would say that everyone needs short breaks now and then.

        At any rate, I hope OP can do something fun and relaxing this evening. Hang in there — We’ve all unfortunately been there.

      2. Are you saying that she shouldn’t be FB friending someone she works with or she shouldn’t be on FB during work hours?

        I agree with the former of the two.

        1. Generally I have no problem with being FB friends with my colleagues, since it’s very common here with a side of “We’re all strangers in a strange land” due to majority of us being expats. In this case, though, he’s got nothing to do with our company so that was not the issue…

      3. Facebook is a few doors down, but being in IT, I get a lot of leeway with how I spend the lulls in incoming work. As it is nearly 10 pm here, it was not a) for him either…

        I wish I could be burying myself in work till it’s time to go home but it’s one of those days when everything is either stuck with someone else, or in a lull. And I can’t go home until midnight.

        1. I frequently give up my personal hours to work, so sometimes work can do the same for me.

          Hang in there. How about some cute pictures of kittens? Adorable link to follow…

    2. Ack! Sorry you’re having such a crap day.

      Have a cup of hot tea?

      If you’re a renter, then, I hope the management company/landlord is quick about getting the water damage fixed (and any mold remediation, if necessary.)

      1. Alas, I can’t have tea till I get home 3 hours from now… then, there will be tea. or possibly red wine. the wine is sounding like an awesome prospect right now.

        Last time – and yes, it’s happened before. the same exact spot – they were great about getting the leak fixed but the plastering on the ceiling… not so much. Going to be interesting making the call tomorrow morning.

    3. How do you know the request was rejected? FB doesn’t send you a message that says that so and so rejected your request. They might just be busy and/or not the type to hang out on FB throughout the day.

      1. It’s gone from “Friend request sent” back to “Add friend” – if they’re just ignoring it, it sticks to “friend request sent”. Saw it when they posted at an event we will both be attending :/

        1. I guess I never noticed that before. I don’t know the back story but don’t beat yourself up over it. I’ve found that generally the people that make their life out to be a fairy tale on FB actually are in a really tough place themselves. Hang in there.

          1. Thanks….. I will probably have words with him at the event, or more likely after the event. If he really has such a problem admitting we’re friends, then I have a serious problem with his lack of testicular fortitude…

        2. Ugh, that REALLY sucks!! I’m sorry :o(

          But, honestly, they are obviously just dumb and it is their loss, because you are awesome and i would LOVE to be fb friends with you. So, f#*k em!! {{HUGGSSS}}

          1. Odd I thought I already told you how awesome you are and how much I appreciate the comment <3 *Hugsback!*

            And yes, they are dumb. Should throw rocks at them.

  6. Anyone willing to share how much they spent on the big event, especially if it was something paid for by themselves?

    We are both just starting out after law school, and are planning for a wedding next year. Our original number was 30k (we already have a very small guest list), but we are falling prey to budget creep.

    The thing is, it’s not like we would go in to debt to have the wedding, but it would wipe out a large part of what we’ve saved up so far (like I said, just starting out). His parents might be willing to help us out a bit (though we have to ask, and mine are not in a position to), but we are just having a hard time swallowing whether or not it’s worth it in light of law school debt, and general life priorities.

    So, I guess I am looking for insight as to how much people spent total, and whether or not they thought it was worth it in light of financial planning goals, especially if you were in a similar situation career-wise.

    1. As a PS – I know I posted a few months ago about wedding budgets, and it helped immensely to go back and read through those comments, so thanks to those who talked me through it back then. Honestly, I would not have chosen to post this comment if I had thought to go back and read those first. Just wanted to apologize because it sometimes bothers me when people post over and over again about the same things. But since this is already here, if you have anything new to contribute, please feel free. :)

    2. Mine was about $12k all together – ceremony at my Catholic church and brunch reception at a golf club for about 80 people. My parents paid for almost all of it, I just paid for a few small things. It was very nice, though I have to admit I do feel a tad jealous sometimes when I hear about other weddings – but my parents wanted to pay for it and I didn’t want to overextend them so I tried to be very mindful.

    3. My wedding was about $1500, not including rings, and I wouldn’t have done it any other way. By that I mean we spent what we could afford at that point (not much!) and didn’t go into debt or use up too much savings for it. I think we were working with a much smaller original savings account than you though!

      We didn’t get help from family. Mine wasn’t able, and we did not want to ask his for help. I would only ask of it’s something that you are positive without a doubt they could afford and offer to repay, even if you know they won’t allow you to. But my general feeling is that money for a wedding is a gift, and they would offer the gift if they really wanted to give it.

      I have friends who have spent almost all their savings or gone into debt for the wedding, and all are financially stressed. I just don’t think it’s worth imposing long-term stress to have a wedding that interferes with other financial priorities. Especially because it looks like you have enough to afford a nice wedding.

    4. Our wedding was 170 guests in Colorado. We spent about $23k including the honeymoon. Writing it out makes me want to puke but I loved our day and I wouldn’t have done it any other way. Our parents together gave us $13k so we spent about $10k out of our pocket. Both sets of parents said – “We hope you’ll have some money leftover after the wedding”. Yeah…..no.

    5. Our wedding (which was pretty recent) was much more expensive than I had wanted. We were conservative in some areas, but extravagant in others and had a somewhat large guest list in a major city.

      I don’t regret any of what was spent and only a little bit of what was not spent.

      But, we were lucky financially — both older and established and my parents were very very generous. If I still had school debt, or it would have taken more than half of my general savings, I wouldn’t have thought it was worth it.

      Are you in a big city? Are people going to be traveling to the wedding, or is it mostly local? What’s causing the budget creep (our biggest one was food — we had a lot of different dietary restrictions, which meant it was easier to have a buffet with multiple entrees and sides).

      1. Yes, we are in a big city, and people are traveling from all over the US and in some cases the world to attend. This doesn’t help the creep since we feel like people are spending a lot of money to attend and we want to make it really nice for them.

        We rented a venue that seemed relatively reasonable, but had no idea that the rentals to furnish the event (costs passed on through the caterer) would be so high. And yes, food is definitely the biggest line item and the biggest source of creepin’. I love food and it’s very important to me to feed people well.

        1. Yep, that’s all what lead to our high cost. People were traveling from out of town, so it had to be close to public transportation and I felt it couldn’t be a casual backyard thing (even if that was something that was ‘me’).

          The cost of supplying everything at our venue boosted the cost — there’s a reason hotels are good places to have weddings. Whooops.

          I’d say — if it’s not too late, do your own flowers or don’t have flowers (stick to one type if you do them, I did my bouquet in about 15 minutes the day before, saved $300, wasn’t as pretty as the florist bouquet would have been, but it was still really nice), DJ over a band, supply your own booze if possible, cut out things like a limo for the wedding party.

          Good luck!

    6. In the northeast, we spent about $40k for a Saturday evening spring wedding with 140 guests in 2010. I’m including every wedding expense, not just the reception – the rehearsal dinner that was large-ish as well, all of our attendants’ clothing, and hotels for our out of town family that we paid for. My parents contributed $15k, my in-laws contributed $15k, and we took on the rest. I tried to be very mindful of the budget and focused on hosting a really nice party rather than things like an expensive dress (I wanted our parents to feel proud as the hosts). Honestly I’m not sure I could have done it much cheaper without changing some kind of major aspect of the wedding, like not having a full open bar /plated dinner /traditional events. I’m happy with what we paid and I really enjoy looking back on our wedding.

    7. Mine was paid for by my parents so we could have the type of event they wanted (300 people, formal setting in the city I grew up in, black tie) and was over $100k. I would have done it much more inexpensively if I were focusing purely on what was important to me. But it was important to them, they were able to do it, and it was an amazing night. I wouldn’t have gone into debt for it though. To me, the wedding really is about the start of your *marriage* and I wouldn’t have put so much $ into the wedding that it would have been stressful for us during the beginning of our marriage.

    8. Major US city, ~45k for about 120 people (which we were told over and over again was on the low end, so that shows you how crazy tihngs can get). Costs will add up very fast. Even with a generous budget, it felt like you could always, always spend more so be careful not to if you are not comfortable with that. We knew we realistically were not going to DIY and craft a ton of things because of our jobs and time constraints, so we reduced the invite list, which was a headache in and of its own.

      1. Yes, it’s so interesting/ridiculous that such an insane amount of money is considered “low” (especially in looking at this thread). I am having the same realization re: DIY as well.

    9. $11K all in. (Wedding done in suburban NJ, not NYC, which would have made many pieces of the wedding too expensive for our taste.) Chose to get married in Spring, to avoid the summer crush.

      We paid for this, accepted no $$ from anyone, because my parents are a little pushy and my mother has controlling/codependency issues that I could see mushrooming over wedding planning. We had 75 people.

      No wedding planner, I see them as useless middlemen if you have the family drama already under control. Didn’t care that napkin colors matched the whatever colors. Saw that as crazymaking stuff that wouldn’t matter in the long-run (did guests have fun? did the wedding party and family members feel recognized and appreciated? bride and groom happy after years of marriage?)

      Flowers came from the supermarket (wedding party went to all the grocery stores nearby and bought up all the bouquets) and arranged them.

      Bands seemed overpriced, as did DJs. Went to NYC, found great student musicians who were part of a string quartet, and hired them to play instead. So my guests could talk instead of screaming over the thumpthumpthumpabad club music or jazz standards that I kind of hate.

    10. First year out of law school. Spent about 50-60k, including honeymoon and wedding bands for 64 people, Saturday night wedding in the NYC metro area. But, subtracting the honeymoon and rings it was probably around 30-35k. The venue was by far the largest piece of that. In all honesty, it was way more than I wanted to spend, but there no big ticket items that I would have changed (loved the venue, loved my honeymoon, love my wedding band). That said, I wish I had not made those choices from the onset for financial reasons. I think we would be in a stronger financial position today if we had made other choices.

      So, my two cents: if you are truly serious about sticking to a budget DO NOT (Ellen caps warranted here) look at things that are outside of your price range. Because you will want them. There is always going to be an upsell, whether it be a dress, type of flower, choice of entree, etc. Prioritize what you want to spend money on. Make a budget (there are some google spreadsheet tools for this).

      2. You’re me!! Ours was $45k, not including rings/honeymoon, but I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Well, not true – I should have spent more $$ on the photographer. We have nice photos, but I wish I had gone with someone more “creative” to do some fun things – maybe out on the beach, or in a forest or something. I had a few things that were essential to me – live music (musical family), amazing food, great cake that I would actually eat, and an outside venue that I really loved. I found all that, and it was an amazing event.

        We had about 180 people, and it was in the hills above Malibu. I think we’re just paying of the last bit of that thing this week (I know, BAD, it was 5.5 years ago!), but I don’t think I could have changed anything. That being said – if I had done a better job actually setting a budget at the beginning, I bet I could have had all of those things for less. It kind of went down that way because my grandparents (that raised me) had downsized their house and had surplus cash, and since they weren’t able to help me with any of my college bills, they gave us $20k to put toward the wedding. By not keeping track of the “extras” and upsells, and budget creep – it ended up at twice that! Bad. I wish we would have taken that $40k and used it for the downpayment on our house, instead of totally wiping out our savings and doing the wedding and then putting $40k down on a house a year later!

        I’ll second those Ellen caps. For example: DO NOT start your dress search at Saks in San Francisco, because it is one of your favorite bridal shops to browse in!!

    11. Spent $30k for a Saturday afternoon/evening wedding in CA near, but not in, a big city, 5-10 years ago, with 180 guests. Church ceremony and golf course reception. DH’s parents paid for the rehearsal dinner and post-wedding brunch (which would have been much smaller and not occurred, respectively, if we paid for them), so I’m not including those amounts in the total.

    12. 11K for ~70 ppl in PNW. I had hoped to spend closer to $7K, but I knew going in that was unrealistic. It was the right amount for us. We were two young professionals with solid incomes and little debt, but we had other immediate goals – primarily an awesome honeymoon, a house down payment, and starting a family – and really didn’t feel we could safely stretch ourselves that much over a short period. That turned out to be a good decision, since the recession hit soon after and we both spent periods unemployed and relied heavily on our savings.

      I recommend getting a wedding planner, based on observation of ~30K weddings with and without. It definitely seems that a good planner can really deliver more b@ng for the buck. As someone who had not planned my wedding since childhood, I would have liked to have someone who knew what they were doing steering the boat, too.

      We saved money by renting the upstairs banquet space of a restaurant, which provided us space, chairs, tables, linens, tableware, and staff (servers and bartender) for free with minimum food purchase. That allows us to have a c*cktail hour and full plated dinner within our budget AND save the hassle of arranging it ourselves.

      Prioritize what aspects are important to you. We also saved money with DIY flowers and a cheap photographer, because those were less important to us. I have mixed feelings about the results, but since they were truly low priority, it doesn’t bother me a few years later. On the flip, we splurged on a live band and a designer dress (bought as sample), because that did matter to us, and we have no regrets.

    13. Upper Midwest, we spent about $35K for 140 guests. Parents kicked in about $10K, we picked up the rest. That includes wedding party clothing, honeymoon, buffet, open bar, DJ, photographer, florist, venue, cake, hotel rooms, and nearly a dozen RSVP’d guests (all family!) who didn’t show at the last minute. I know we could have done it for less if I had the time to arrange my own flowers, build my own centerpieces, create an iPod playlist instead of hiring a DJ, use someone’s backyard, etc, but I didn’t have that time, so I spent the money.

      And yes, there are days that I think sadly about how many years of retirement that money could have bought.

      1. If my folks offer to give me a check instead of paying for a wedding I’d take the check thankyouverymuch.

      1. They’ve already offered upfront, and we initially just said we didn’t think we’d need it. We were reconsidering, but reading this thread makes me reconsider reconsidering! Thanks everyone!

        1. Since they offered, I suggest maybe give them a specific item they could pay for, for instance the band.

    15. I just started planning my wedding so all of this was super helpful- thanks to everyone for their insight. I would never have described myself as a “wedding” person. I didn’t have any idea what kind of ring/dress/reception I would like and now it’s ALL. I. DO. Seriously, I never get work done, it’s embarrassing. I’m leaning towards having our reception at the restaurant where we met just so I can cross it off my list and move on with my life! :)

    16. mine was about $11k. We got married at city hall and then threw a dinner for 24 people at a nice restaurant downtown, and a cocktail party for 90 after dinner. We had an open bar during dinner but not for the cocktail party. We did pay for tons of hors d’oeuvres during the cocktail party and a poutine bar at midnight.

      I still cringe and wish we hadn’t spent so much on something so small (and please don’t guilt me about not having an open bar because I’ve guilted myself a ton already), but we were kind of on a tight timeline (only had 4 weeks to plan!) and at the mercy of whichever restaurant could accommodate us.

        1. haha thanks! It was definitely the hit of the evening! One person was even on his way out the door and ran back into the room when he saw the fries & gravy being set out :)

      2. some of the ways we saved were – no DJ or a dance floor rental. we played an iPod with a playlist I slaved over for days on a Bose sound system. people didn’t dance (except me and whoever I could get to dance with me!) but that was fine and we saved at least $1k. we bought DH’s suit from the sale rack at a department store, and my dress was made by an amazing local seamstress for the cost of the fabric + her labour. my shoes were from Payless for $20, DH wore some he already had. I did my own hair and makeup and borrowed jewellery from a friend. we rode our bikes rather than taking a limo, and planned to take a taxi home after the party rather than stay in a hotel.

        Just prioritize what’s important to you (I know it sounds so much easier than it is!). I really wanted to be sure we had excellent photos, so we made compromises in other areas to afford a really great photographer.

        our original budget was $5k and our parents kindly gave us the other $6k (we didn’t ask).

    17. Midwest, spent ~20k-25k this past summer for 235 guests. Both of our parents took on a scope of work (food/drinks and rehearsal dinner) and we covered the rest. I have a large family, so a smaller guest list was pretty much out of the question. We splurged on the photography and paid for all of our attendents clothing, as everyone was traveling in from out of town. It seems like the line between normal expenses and wedding expenses were blurred during the planning process. We splurged on normal expenses and justified them as, “For the wedding.” If you are stringent on sticking to a budget, then decide which scopes of the wedding you’re entirely cutting out and then communicate that. My mother was horrible with the, “You only get married once” mantra.

      1. Oops, that included everything but the rehearsal dinner, which my inlaws covered. It wasn’t fancy– at a brewpub– and they never told us how much it cost.

    19. This thread is amazing!!! Thank you all for sharing!!

      One of the biggest sources of stress for me was realizing that I (and my very close but very busy friends) won’t have time to DIY some of the things I wanted to, and so realizing we will have to pay someone else to do it.

      And as I noted in my reply to someone else, my fiance’s parents previously offered, but we have not accepted it, or brought it up with them since. I think after reading this thread, we will keep it that way.

      1. Just as a follow up to my comment above, try as hard as you can to resist the lure of “the best.” You do not need (or want to pay for) “the best” of everything. When my husband and I prioritized spending our focus was on enhancing the guest experience through food, drinks, and music (and making sure we had good photos of the day). Guests are generally inclined to have a good time at a wedding if you provide them with those things. Flowers, stationary, favors, table decor… all nice, but with the exception of your mothers and your aunts, they probably won’t care that much. So if you want to spend money on those items because it’s a priority for you, that’s fine — but don’t spend money on things like letterpress if it’s not important.

    20. We got married young, at 25. DH’s parents wrote us a $10k check and said we could use it for the wedding, the honeymoon, whatever. My parents paid for the reception (120 people @ $120/head) and my dress, and a few other small pieces (my bouquet was one, my hair/makeup was another, I don’t remember some of the other stuff). Not sure what you are looking for exactly, so here’s a breakdown of our expenses. We got married on a Saturday 5 years ago in an east cost city (not boston or NYC).

      RH dinner was paid for by DH’s parents and came in at around $2000 for 30 or so people. Open bar, fairly casual restaurant, full dinner.
      Reception was just under $15k for 120 people, open bar all night. We happened to be booking a wedding during the recession and found a newish venue desperate for business. We bargained this down from $150/head.
      Music was in the $1k range for a DJ (we paid, happened to find a local to us in Boston DJ whose parents lived in the city we were going to be married in, so they were more than happy to do it for cheaper than usual)
      Photography was in the $2k range (we paid, included 5 hours at the ceremony, digital pics only, and an engagement session. We used someone who had started out just one year earlier but we LOVED her work and her attitude. She now charges more than double what we paid!)
      Church fees were nominal (donation only, we donated $500 which included a fee for the organist that I don’t remember)
      Flowers other than my bouquet were <$500 (we paid and did a lot of DIY)
      Invitations were really, really fancy but we did a lot of DIY so they landed in the $500 range, or about $4.50 apiece including postage (we paid); got the main part letterpressed via Etsy, DIY'd the calligraphy and assembly.
      Save-the-dates were about $250 (we did magnets)
      Honeymoon was separate from wedding expenses; we spent in the $5k neighborhood for 2 weeks in europe.
      Rings: DH's ring was $2k (I paid) and mine was $500 (he paid); e-ring was not factored in here…
      DH's tux: we bought him a new tux for the wedding, figured it was a good investment (and he's worn it at least 5x since). Cost about $1k for a custom one (we paid)
      My dress was $750 including alterations. Got it as a sample and it fit like a glove. Retail was $5k. Veil was DIY and about $10. Shoes were basic white flats, probably $30.
      Misc other: we probably spent another $2500k on other things…we paid for 2 hotel rooms for the bridal party, we bought our ring bearer's outfit, ring pillow, programs, got gifts worth $50-75 for each member of the bridal party, paid for my siblings' bridal party outfits, etc)

      We did not do centerpieces (our venue provided some basic ones), goodie bags, or pay for transportation (used friends' nice cars), cake was included in the venue price. We had a relative do the wedding video for us (and really–it was only for a grandmother that couldn't attend. We didn't care to have a video for our own posterity).

      Overall, I think we probably spent about $30-35k on everything "wedding," and $5k-10k of that ended up being our money. May have been a bit more than that, my old brain is rusty.

    21. All of these numbers are scary to me. Even the lower ones. I’m in so much school debt that I can’t imagine how I’d ever be able to pay for it. I’m not engaged but this has me wondering how many people can come to city hall and whether having guests come to a picnic in a park after would be considered rude.

      1. Of course not. The important thing is that you thank everyone you invite to come see you get married by hosting them somehow- a picnic or cake and punch is perfectly fine. A brunch is a great way to save money too.

      2. I attended a picnic reception in a park after a wedding – it was super simple, one of the bride’s friends made a (tasty!) cake, we sat on blankets and played cards and Cornhole, probably only 30-40 people. Bride and groom provided a cooler of beverages. It probably cost less than $300. Oh, and it was fun!

        If I ever had to get married again (god forbid) I would do a simple ceremony with just family, and a backyard cookout/open house for the bigger group of friends and extended family. No set seating, no set schedule, fruit/shredded pretty paper in vases for decoration, and maybe no photographer (I loved our professional photos, but we got a thousand digital pics from guests and they were great). I think you could do something like that for less than $5K, if you could live without a tent and rental chairs/tables.

      3. It’s not rude, but people do remember/judge – are you okay with being known for that? (I went to a wedding as my husband’s +1 and those people will forever be the “food poison wedding” couple. Not to be confused with the Redding wedding in August, are you crazy?? couple.) Does a low-key picnic fit with your personality? Would you rather have more guests or a nicer setting? Is it important to your parents to put on a show for their friends and family? There does tend to be a large degree of “keeping up with the Joneses”.

        1. Just snorted at the “Redding in August…” ppffft!! I’ve got some of those in my head, including the “KFC in Ceres in summer” wedding.

        2. But if you’re having a picnic wedding, you’re presumably inviting the people who care close to you and love you, not the more distant relatives and friends who have no association with you other than “didn’t spend enough money wedding.”

          That said, now that I’ve written it out, being “didn’t spend enough money wedding chick” actually sounds like a nice way to weed out people who would judge you for that who, by and large, sound abhorrent.

        3. We did City Hall with close family and a nice restaurant dinner afterward, and a big open house with friends and family the next evening with a build-your-own burrito buffet from our favorite restaurant and a keg of good local microbrew. The whole thing probably cost less than $2,000 (close friend owned the restaurant). This fit with who we are, and who are friends are. If anyone judged us for it, I don’t especially care.

      4. Eh, our wedding was $3K-$5K, not including wedding rings or rehearsal dinner (although the $5K number might include wedding rings, actually…). His parents paid for the “rehearsal” dinner at a restaurant–our wedding was simple enough that we did not have a rehearsal.

        We had a potluck reception with very little planning–told people to bring whatever they wanted to, and both sets of parents supplemented (there was *plenty* of food, including takeout pizza and homemade all sorts of things…) with whatever they chose. We supplied beer and wine.

        But then I never dreamed about any sort of wedding, and I also did not want an engagement ring, so YMMV.

        Ah–one suggestion that someone here might be able to use–we counted out a number of invitations for each set of parents, and then let them decide for whom to use them. We did not get involved in that at all.

      5. Thanks everyone. My brother had a fairly fancy wedding and my boyfriend’s sister had an incredibly fancy destination (well only for half the guests since it was her husband’s hometown overseas) but I never really considered the numbers. You hear statistics about what the average wedding costs but those don’t seem real until individual people start listing theirs.

    22. Ten years ago – NE wedding – August
      Budget $50k – actual around $47,500-$48k
      150 people

      We paid for it
      Did not include rings…
      Included rehearsal dinner and morning after brunch (25)
      Also – spa day for me and bridesmaids

      1. Oh, also included a kid room and sitters for the 6 under 12’s in the wedding party….

    23. NYC, spring 2013, $19k including rings, rehearsal, etc.

      We loved it. Skimped on photography and flowers, had a killer venue, food, great music. Served just wine, beer, and soft drinks.

  8. I bought this bag for my mother for Christmas last year, steal on MyHabit. It’s held up well under moderate use and it looks very supple, which is to say, not fake. I love it, and I’m thinking of getting myself one.

  9. Can anyone suggest a good legal recruiter in DC? I’m not quite the typical candidate. I’m two years out of law school with two years experience at the IRS and an LL.M. in taxation. I was looking to change jobs in the government before the shut down, but now it seems prudent to start looking in the private sector…

    PS – I’ve searched the site for previous comments on this topic, but none of the search results turned up what I was looking for. If you have link to a past comment, that would be wonderful too.

  10. I was called in today for a meeting with my supervising partner. I’ve been at the firm for 6 months. I’m 6 years out of law school though this firm is in a new state, new area of the law and my first time in federal court (it’s a mix of federal/state). I’m in the south and am the only female associate in my small group.

    So the partner said:

    1. I’m developing a bad reputation in the firm. He said I am too slow and am being referred to as the “black hole” of the office where work goes in and never comes out.
    2. He has talked to several partners and they all agree they don’t know what I do all day.
    3. There have been complaints from the paralegals that I am difficult to get along with. He says I don’t have enough clout to be in a leader role with the paralegals.
    4. I am also not being a good case manager because we are missing internal deadlines when the paralegals don’t do the assignments I ask them to do. I feel like every assignment I give them they say they don’t have time and can’t do it. I’ve not been cc’ing the partner on these emails. I’ve been trying to deal with it on my own, which is my mistake.

    He did give me feedback on how to fix it. Cc him on emails so he is in the loop on what I’m doing. He wants me to “tattle” on the paralegals when they give me pushback and say they can’t do my work.

    I feel like my hours have been ok, not great, but he didn’t specifically say anything about my hours. It all seemed much more personal than “bill more”. I feel so stupid and embarrassed knowing that all the partners have been talking about me. It’s a very “good ole boys’ firm. I am not very outgoing and feel like I don’t fit in a lot. I have been making an effort by going to lunch with the male associates. I’m definitely going to cc the partner on all emails to paralegals, opposing counsel, and send him copies of all of my work. I just feel so…stupid and embarrassed and want to crawl in a hole but I just bought a house and my first mortgage payment is due in 3 months.

    The partner made a list of the status of my cases and what needs to be done and said we are going to meet in a week or two to go over the status and what I’ve done. I plan to reassess at that time and decide whether I need to start looking for a new job. I’d really like to stay at this position for at least a year, though I was at my last firm for 4 years so I don’t think it’s a deal breaker if I leave this before a year.

    If I’m missing anything or anyone has advice on what else I should be doing, it would be greatly appreciated.

    1. Hugs. It can be hard to hear a critical performance review. Start with the low-hanging fruit. If the paralegals aren’t doing their jobs and it is reflecting on you, then copying someone else on the emails could help. At least you can show that you are moving projects in the right direction and getting pushback.
      Re: being the black hole. Why is work not flowing back out of your office? Are you still getting a handle on the practice area? Are you under-billing/writing off your time? If you are putting in the hours in the office and that isn’t reflected on your time sheet, then that’s an issue. Especially if you are missing deadlines and look like you have capacity because your hours aren’t high. If they have to write off some time on the back end, then so be it. I’m not saying to pad your hours. But, if you have to spend an extra 5 hours on a project because the paralegal wouldn’t do their job or because it took you that long to get up to speed on a new area of law, be sure to bill for that.
      Don’t be embarrassed. It’s tough love for sure. At the same time, it’s good that they are identifying areas that need improvement early on and giving feedback on what steps they want you to take.

      1. Thanks. I’m definitely cutting my time. I have an idea of how much I *should* bill on a project and I always go way over that. Everything is new so I find myself researching like crazy and editing and reworking way too much bc I’m afraid I’m doing it all wrong. You may have hit the nail on the head – I work on a brief until midnight, only bill 8 hours for it and am late turning it in. Ugh it sounds like I’m failing all around. I thought I was doing okay, but as the partner said perception is everything to them and the perception of me is not good.

        1. Stop.cutting.your.time. It’s hard. I’ve gotten similar feedback so I am speaking from experience here. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for some guidance along the way. If you are really struggling with an issue, ask someone who knows the field.

    2. honestly, it sounds like your partner is trying to work with you. it’s a learning process and you’re learning. you can do it.

      hang in there, don’t be too hard on yourself, and again… you can do it.

    3. You did a great job really paying attention to what the partner said, and it really sounds like you can fix this. I know it’s mortifying but try to put the negative feelings away and put all your attention on how you can turn this around. I find setting a mental milestone helpful, like “I just have to get to Christmas and then I can see whether I need to be looking for a new job.”

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