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Updated: Sep 22, 2021 186 Comments · by

Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Essence Longline Blazer

The Personal Shopper (TPS) | ·

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I did an end-of-summer closet cleanout recently and noticed that I can tell the age of my blazers based on their length. It seems that the longline silhouette is the go-to look these days, and I’m not mad about it at all.

I would wear this olive green version from City Chic with a pair of dark ankle pants and flats for an easy business casual look, or thrown over jeans and a white T-shirt for a more casual office.

The blazer is $119 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes 12–24.

This Nordstrom blazer is an option in straight sizes; it's $99 and available in black and gray.

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Sales of note for 9.16.24

Sales of note for 9.16.24

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About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anon

    I can’t remember anymore: do we currently like ThreadUp? I have a bunch of Leota-level workwear items (generally, size S or M). I don’t feel like dealing with Poshmark (work to upload pics, work to respond to legit Qs, lots of weird people reaching out, mailing out promptly if you do sell an item). Just donate locally? [My local thrift stores need kids, women’s L and XL only, and men’s clothes in all sizes; my stuff is not really what they need.]

    • Mae

      If you’re just looking for a place to get rid of your clothes Threadup is fine. If you’re trying to get some money for your clothing not so much

      • Anon

        How bad is the $? Like you could throw in an Akris jacket and get $5 bad? Or maybe get $5 for a JCrew / Banana type dress? Even that might be OK. Am I right that consignment stores might only consider Akris / DVF level things (vs mall stores)?

        Majorly rethinking my closet as I seem to only wear loose cotton pants now (vs dry-clean wool ones) and funky blouses. There is probably a glut of office attire that everyone is offloading now.

        • Anon

          The last time I did it, I sent in tons of JCrew new with tags and got $1.41 for the entire bag. Done after that. I either poshmark if I have the energy (rarely for the reasons above) and usually just post on the buy nothing page on my Facebook. I figure people there can either use my stuff or resell it or regift it themselves, I don’t care, I just want it gone.

          • Anonymous

            Sidebar: I’m not sure you can waste $$$ on giving away brand new clothing you didn’t bother to wear, and then get irritated that Thredup isn’t giving you enough for it… Sounds like you could use a rethink of your purchasing habits and consumerism.

          • Anon

            Anonymous at 10:28: get over yourself. Like, I’m 90% sure you’re just tr0lling, but if you’re not? Get over yourself.

          • Anon

            Great work, you totally influenced me to rethink things. I’m forever grateful. What would I do without the wisdom you shared.

          • Anon

            Eh, for many of us, our closets are pre-2020 closets. Things have really changed re what we need, even if we kept the same job.

          • Anon

            Maybe she got it on final sale and it didn’t fit. Maybe she bought it in February 2020, never wore it, and is selling it now that it doesn’t fit her body or her life. Maybe she has slowly accumulated things that she’s bought that don’t work on her body and she never got around to going to the post office because her work got insane. Maybe she’s a frontline worker whose life exploded in March. Maybe, maybe – spitballing here – you don’t know her life and your snark is uncalled for.

        • Cat

          Midrange mall brands earn you peanuts on ThredUp. Like I don’t know if you’d see $5 for a JCrew dress that was originally $150.

          I’ve had success consigning mid-range (JCrew) to “accessible luxury” like Theory for more money, but it obviously takes more effort.

        • Anon

          To give you an idea, the last bag I sent in was full of lightly used J. Crew, Gap, Lands End, Eddie Bauer, etc. and I made a whopping $11 when everything sold. It’s almost all consignment now, so you get whatever money you get in dribbles, like something will sell and they’ll credit you $2.

          Totally not worth it, especially considering it took them months to process the bag. I need the tax deduction from the donation more than I need $11 doled out in $2 increments.

    • Sunshine

      The law school in my city also collects professional clothing for students who are interviewing and starting careers.

      • Anon

        I would love for there to be a law school in my city. I think we are getting a teaching outpost for a med school in a few years (we have shootings and stabbings and horrid car crashes, whereas the med school is in a smaller city).

        • Anon

          Almost every university and community college has a clothing closet for job interview type items.

          • Anon

            The university near us has shut down their career closet since the pandemic. I have a large suitcase full of pre-pregnancy suits that they will not accept yet.

    • buffybot

      My only experience with ThredUp is that they took an enormous bag of professional clothes that should have netted *something* — J Crew, Banana, even possibly some Theory. I sent it in their packaging and they sat on it for a couple of months. Then they sent me an email that the bag got damaged and that the clothes were all damaged by mold so I got nothing.
      Honestly it felt like a scam. I didn’t need the money but was pretty annoyed.

      • PolyD

        In contrast, I sent a bag of about 20 items (some NWT, most in good shape, mix of Loft, a couple of Bodens, a few Banana and J Crew Factory) and got about $40-$50 for the bag. It does take a while – I think I sent the bag at the beginning of the summer and just started getting things sold within the past month.

        So no, you don’t make bank, but the market for used clothing is so over-saturated, I wouldn’t expect to. I figure it’s just as easy for me to throw some things in a ThredUP bag as it is to take things to Goodwill, and with the tax changes, for me itemizing donations really doesn’t get me much. And I don’t think what I have is worth the effort it would take to sell it on Poshmark or wherever.

    • X

      Our local probation dept has a program for donating clothes for those on probation and work clothes help them obtain employment and housing. Might be worth a call to see if that is a program in your area as well.

      • pugsnbourbon

        That’s a great idea – I bet a lot of re-entry programs would welcome clothing donations.

        • Anon

          They do, but for men. There is such an acute need there. Not so much for women in my city (think about it: people who were business formal now are not; no one really needs that stuff except for an interview and then only in some jobs).

    • Anonymous

      I got about $30 for a full bag recently. They accepted a bit more than half the items and I mostly got a couple dollars for each. It was worth it for me because I knew the clothes would go to people who wanted to wear them (I was bored of them but didn’t want to “waste” them), and it was so easy.
      Also I like shopping on ThredUp so wanted to “support” them, kinda.

      • Anon

        I like shopping at ThredUp too, but they are now a publicly traded company whose executives and investors made millions at IPO. They’re a for-profit entity and there are definitely many people at the top benefiting greatly from the labor and effort of many people at the bottom of the company, and also from the giant profit margins they make off selling clothes people send to them (that, as people are mentioning above, they pay pennies for). Not trying to invalidate your feelings but – I think ThredUp does a fair amount of greenwashing to make people think they’re some kind of charitable or beneficial enterprise, and they are not. Other than buying their merchandise, there’s no need to “support” them; they don’t actually do that much to benefit the environment. If you want your money to go towards helping the environment, there are tons of environmental nonprofits out there that need support.

    • cold brew

      I just donated a bunch of clothing to a high school drama department. They need all sorts of stuff in a variety of sizes for their plays and musicals. I posted on my neighborhood facebook group to get ideas and was contacted by a neighbor who did costuming for the department.

    • Anonymous

      I send stuff to ThredUp (and one hundred percent would send Leota level workwear), but I more or less send stuff that prior to the tax write-offs changing for itemized deductions, I would have sent to Goodwill.

    • Anon

      Even in the olden days I felt like ThreadUp was a terrible value. I sent in a bag of very lightly used and still current Ann Taylor, Banana, J. Crew, H&M etc and got like $4. After that I was done. Aside from the feel good aspect of giving to charity, donating to Goodwill and taking the tax write-off puts more money in my pocket.

    • Anon

      I don’t like Thred Up. Pre-pandemic I sent them a box of really nice stuff mostly from Nordstrom, brands like Eileen Fisher and Nic + Zoe, some still new with the tags on it, and they sent me a note saying it wasn’t suitable for sale and had all been donated. I call bulls hit.

    • RR

      Contrary point on ThreadUp. I usually get at least $50/bag, and I’ve gotten as much as $100+. I transfer it to M.M. LaFleur credit, and they give you a % increase for that vs. cash out.

      I think the big difference is that I’m sending professional clothes in plus sizes, which they get less of. I can’t figure out why else I’d be luckier than most.

    • Anon

      I just went to the ThredUp site and plugged in “Theory” to see what designer clothes cost. There’s a 50% off special that they are running for new sign-ups, so you can get a EUC Theory blazer for $9. Obviously, ThredUp gets some percentage of that, so the original owner gets enough for a latte – for a $400 blazer. That’s literally a penny on the dollar.

    • anon

      Do you have a Dress for Success in your city? They’d love workwear that’s in great shape- they do great things with helping women get interview prep help and clothes, if you’re not familiar. I know where I live, Tide (yes like the detergent) owns a chain of dry cleaners, and they also take donations for Dress For Success, too- they’ll even clean them if need be, last I checked. My local consignment shop really only takes very high end designer from the past couple of years (not sure how their shelves are stocked with so much non-designer, old items, based on what they say they take, though)

  2. Cat

    I just had my first in-person group meeting in a year and a half (masked) and good lord I’ve lost stamina on maintaining Meeting Decorum. When everyone takes a break on Teams it’s an actual break – you can stop talking, drop your Polite Listening face, run make a snack, etc. – or when people inevitably drop video you can listen without having to worry about making appropriate reactions and nodding. Man, I haven’t missed this part!!

    • Anon

      I have not returned yet (but will be forced to soon), and I know that will be an adjustment for me too!

    • Flats Only

      Thank you! I was wondering why just being in the office was so exhausting! I think you hit the nail on the head, especially because the default “correct” corporate personality at my org is “EXCITED!”. Maintaining the appearance of being EXCITED for every BS piece of work or tedious person who stops by my cube has been crushing me.

      • Anon

        Isn’t “excited” a bit much emotion for an office job? Maybe if you work in a mega church or MLM but I feel like that would look really odd at my job. Attentive, yes.

        • Flats Only

          It’s a “mission driven” .org, and I guess we’re all supposed to be very excited to be working to change the world!!!!! My job is one I could, and have done, in many different settings, and I am secretly not quite so excited about the mission as many of my colleagues ;-)

          • Anon

            I think I know what you mean (but aren’t all orgs and companies mission-driven?).

            I about smacked someone who dismissed me as “not someone who works in a helping profession” meaning the ones that come with a halo, I guess. Um, the people I work for and with think that I am “helping.” I’m not healing the sick or making the lame walk, but I am *helping* with something. We all are.

          • Monday

            I’m sure you’re helpful!

            The person you wanted to smack was probably using the formal definition of “helping professions.” From the APA: “occupations that provide health and education services to individuals and groups, including occupations in the fields of psychology, psychiatry, counseling, medicine, nursing, social work, physical and occupational therapy, teaching, and education.”

            These are generally hard jobs, and while not necessarily underpaid, they are not paid well enough (for the work) to be sufficiently staffed right now in most of the US. If you aren’t in one of these jobs, the person was presumably not meaning to insult you. It’s just a term that does not apply. If you feel it’s a perk, then let these people enjoy this particular perk. We don’t have “halos,” but we do have hard jobs, especially during the pandemic.

          • Anon

            My sister was a student teacher at a public school (too chaotic and stressful). Then she taught at a small middle-class private school. Then she stopped when she was pregnant. Then she went back as a pull-out reading skills teacher (no lesson plans, no regular class, no planning for a sub, etc.). She did this “I am in a helping profession helping other people and you are not” to me once and it really, REALLY rubbed me the wrong way. [Although, to her, doctors are like helping royalty but those nurses are just lazy people with no education; she is often wrong, but never in doubt. One day, someone will smack her and it will be justifiable.]

          • Monday

            Yes, obviously it is not a term intended to deploy as an insult. I don’t defend anyone doing that, especially if it somehow doesn’t extend to nurses (???). I’m just saying that it is a term that applies to certain jobs, not to anyone who provides anyone else with any kind of help. It’s a professional designation like “manual labor” or “business services.”

      • Anon

        +1 being in the office takes and putting on my appropriate helpful face takes a lot more effort.

    • AugNon

      Same. I had trouble not screwing around on my phone. I’m naturally an antsy person so sitting in a room with other people for an hour (particularly when the discussion was not relevant to me) was torture.

    • Anon

      And they can all see that I play with fidget toys or doodle for the 95% of the meeting where I don’t need to take meeting notes.

    • Anonymous

      I just did an in-person work trip with a deposition and long meetings and cross country travel and I was completely exhausted by the end – like, just flattened. Those are a lot of muscles that I haven’t exercised in a long time.

  3. Hazel

    I like the idea of longer blazers but this one doesn’t look good at all — it only hangs straight on the side the model is actively holding and pouches bizarrely on the other side. Clasp looks like it should be several inches higher up.

    • Anon

      I feel like unless you are standing up in court or outside on a windy day with no coat, a jacket should never be buttoned (so IDK what to do with double-breasted jackets at all — too much fabric flapping about — flapric?). This one especially.

    • No Problem

      As a petite, this is a trend I will need to sit out entirely. In the pantheon of ways to make me look like a child dressing up in her mother’s clothes, long blazers are pretty close to the top of the list.

      • Anon

        At 5’2″, I totally agree. I was in clothing heaven during the time when there were stylish suits that had cropped pants and cropped blazer. In the back of my closet sits a 100% cotton navy pique suit with a cropped blazer and ankle pants and I love that suit more than any other. All else is a struggle with proportions to some extent or another, and I sit out the long blazers entirely.

      • Anon

        As a tall I eagerly look forward to long blazers having their occasional moments. Shrunken blazers were the absolute worst for me.

      • anon

        Exactly. May as well add shoulder pads and teeter around high heels that are 5 sizes too big.
        It’s a shame that retailers can’t simply sell long and cropped pieces at the same time…. I get that fashion changes every couple of years but our heights do not.

    • Cat

      I remember the last span these were trendy – starting in the mid-90s with jeans and a mock turtleneck, then continuing straight into “short skirt and long jacket” territory.

      I don’t like the look on myself as it hides my waistline and overwhelms my short legs, so will be taking a pass!

  4. JoJo

    What works for you for saving articles to read later, plus actually reading them? I use instapaper, but I almost never go back to reading the articles and it seems pretty cumbersome to get them on my Kindle. I need to get into the habit of reading articles I’ve saved instead of constantly checking this site. FWIW, these are articles I do want to read. For example, this morning I just opened 10 tabs that were links from a newsletter from a professional association. All are interesting to me, but I can’t spend all my time reading articles. Maybe this is like my purchase of aspirational veggies?

    • Ribena

      I just open the tab and leave it open. I go back to them in dead minutes – for work tabs, that’s in the 4 or 5 minutes before a call when I don’t want to start anything new, and for tabs on my phone that’s when I’m in queues or on buses etc.

    • anon

      I used to use Pocket when I was an underground commuter and found it very convenient – add the app to your phone and the extension to chrome – easy peasy. Now I commute almost entirely above ground and instead read news over my data connection…

    • Anon

      I just save the original location. I used to open tabs and let them sit, but when I would lose them (inevitably the computer would update, we’d have a thunderstorm and the power would flicker, etc.) it would burn through my “free articles” for the month at various sites without me actually having read anything. I got fed up.

    • Saguaro

      I have a bookmark that is “items to read” and save the article there. Then I go back when I have the time and read them. I can’t just leave them open like others suggest, because I probably wouldn’t get to them in a timely manner and would have too many tabs open, which I find distracting.

  5. Anonymoose

    Hello hive! I’m starting the Whole Life Challenge here on Saturday. I think I’m mostly set, but looking for recipe inspiration. Anyone have any favorite “clean eating” recipes? I’m trying to avoid just eating a protein and steam vegetables for every meal. TIA!

    • Cat

      If this is related to Whole 30, a blogger I follow, Christina at Carolina Charm, has done it for a month at a time here and there, and has a bunch of compliant recipes she likes.

  6. Career Help

    Cross-posting from the mom board to tap the resources here to! I’m a litigator (12+ years), and I’m DESPARATE to get out (or at least get out of my current job situation). I left the government 3 years ago to go back to a firm (non-partner position – like of counsel) to pay for IVF, and now I’m totally stuck (and have been told that it will be extremely difficult for me to get back into the government given that I left – especially because I live in a smaller legal community – hard feelings and whatnot. This has played out with not getting interviews for 3 positions, including one that was in the same department at a lower level than I left at).

    Does anyone have a career coach that they would recommend? Resources? I’m working with three different recruiters and have been coming up empty, and cold-applying to remote positions has left me ghosted. I’ve been in the running for a couple of in-house positions, but none have panned out due to not having enough corporate transactional experience.

    At this point I hate my job so much that I’m considering quitting without something lined up, changing careers (to what?), or… open to anything. I hate the way I’m treated, I hate my practice area, I hate how many hours I’m working, I hate that I have no control over my own schedule. I’m just so over it that I was looking at a plumber apprentice position (that pays more than a contract attorney, at least in my area) and thinking … I can learn that. Please help!

    • Anon

      What about moving to a corporate practice group in your firm to give you a better opportunity down the road to move inhouse? Or trying to move to a field on the business side involving insurance? Good luck – sorry things are so tough.

    • dogs

      Did you leave state or fed government? If you left fed (or even another state agency), your state child welfare agency might be an interesting place to start. They seem to always be looking. It’s interesting and can be fulfilling. I did this to pivot. :)

      If you’re open to exploring other areas, and going into curiosity/explorer mode, one thing that being a lawyer has taught me is that there are A LOT OF WAYS to make money in this world. Lawyers tend to be too scared/anxious to sidestep or pivot. (One other thing I learned from a labor and employment practice is that….even the people who get fired for the most EGREGIOUS things….end up finding other work. You’ll be OK!)

      There’s a data analytics certificate that Grow with Google is offering that promises to prep you for an entry level data position. It’s thru Coursera for $40 a month. I think building hard skills in data/ai/machine learning could be an interesting lead to a remote position (law adjacent or legal tech).

      Post a profile on Upwork or Fiver or BrainTrust, (obviously there’s licensing issues for legit legal work, but try for legal copywriting, HR compliance, etc.).

      There’s a clock app account called Won Consulting that has been really interesting for me to follow, too. :)

      Check out the book Designing your Life.

      You can do this. It can be scary to tell people that you’re doing something new or stepping out of traditional practice (“what will they think?!)…but you’re the only one who really matters. :)

      • Career Help

        I left an AUSA position, so federal. I ideally would like an in-house position (I have 1.5 years of prior in-house litigation work), but they’re so few and far between in my smaller community and I am coming up so empty with remote positions. I’ve never heard of Upwork, Fiver, or BrainTrust. Are these job boards that I haven’t encountered yet??

        • Dogs

          If you’re super committed to being in-house lit, those seem kind of unicorn-y (unless it’s L and E), esp. in a small community….unless it’s with an insurance company. There is a FB group called law mamas or similar where in house folks post leads, and some are remote. Maybe that can help.

          Upwork and fiver are platforms where you can work as a contractor for various clients (from really small to Fortune 500). YMMV but it’s interesting to look at what’s available and where the skills need is.

          I don’t think you should constrain your search to in house litigation roles if you want to move roles RFN. I would pivot to the best thing I could find and call it a rebuilding year.

    • Anon

      I’ve been working with a career coach who I love. Same thing, I want to leave litigation, but wasn’t sure where to go. Definitely considered working as a grocery bagger, so very similar to your plumber’s apprentice situation. She’s helped me narrow down a lot of things, and get a better idea of what I actually like doing, what I want to do, what I’d be good at. I’m not out yet, but I think I’m close to getting a job I really want with a non-profit. She’s an attorney and a social worker and has just been really helpful overall. If you want to email me, I can give you more info: anonerette [at] gmail.

    • Anon

      Gently, rather than what you want, what do you offer? Your potential employer doesn’t care that you want to leave your job. They want to know what non-litigation skills you bring to the table if you don’t want to litigate. Focus on your skill set, and how you can make that a better match for potential employers’ needs.

    • Anon

      Long-term temporary remote legal (Axiom, MLA, Parker & Lynch, Hire Counsel, etc.)
      JD preferred roles, remote or local
      Hang out a shingle
      Hybrid roles in a city that is a reasonable drive away – offer to come in once every two weeks

    • Anon

      The Mom Project has a lot of interesting remote positions, some of which are legal in nature.

  7. Anon

    Camping math / food safety question: if you have a 55 gallon cooler, will 3 bags of ice be enough or too much to keep food from spoiling over a 3-day period in 85-degree weather?

    • anonshmanon

      55gl or 55qt?
      My rec would be to freeze a bunch of water bottles instead of taking ice bags that melt all over the place.

    • Anon

      This is dependent upon the quality, not necessarily the size, of the cooler. If you have a Yeti Tundra cooler, yes; it is rated for that. Otherwise, no.

      • Anon

        According to the Interwebz, the Igloo BMX can also keep ice for four days at 90 degrees. Point remains that unless you’re buying a specialty cooler, most are designed to keep stuff cold for hours, not days.

      • Anon

        Yep, totally dependent on the cooler and how well it’s packed (there’s a right and a wrong way to pack a cooler to maximize keeping things cold). Friends of ours have a top-end Yeti, and this plan would be fine. Your average red plastic Coleman or Igloo, no way would this work. OP, if you plan on doing a trip like this more than a couple of times, investing in a Yeti might be a good idea; we don’t camp often enough to warrant it but our friends do festival camping a lot (well…in non-Covid times) and they really love their Yeti. If you don’t want to buy one for this trip, maybe a friend has one you can borrow?

          • Anon

            I have a faux -RTIC 52 QUART cooler (probably what you’re talking about) that I took camping for a week this summer (largely for drinks). 3 bags of ice (it bag form, not sprinkled around). Initially, it froze some of the drinks at the bottom. There was still ice and cold drinks at the end of the week. Temps in the 90s during the day and part of the day it was in the sun (too heavy to move). I left the cold water in and didn’t drain it until it was time to leave, nor did I add any ice.

            55 gallons is likely not a realistic camping size cooler except for a football team? It would be too heavy to move.

    • Anon

      I wouldn’t count on ice staying cold after the first day. You’ll need to replace at a gas station or some camp grounds have a little store or plan to eat nonperishable things for days two and three.

    • Anonymoose

      Agreed it depends on your cooler – I have a yeti that will be fine for that amount of time. Regardless, I would keep a separate cooler for your drinks/things you’ll be reaching for more often, and then keep your perishable food in a cooler you only open when absolutely necessary. That’ll keep your ice longer and the temp more steady. Also — if you can, freeze as many of your items as you can before you go so they can thaw naturally. I do this for all brats, hot dogs, burgers, soups, etc. that I bring.

    • Anonymous

      I’m surprised at these responses. In my experience, a decent cooler will definitely keep food cool for 3 days. Not frozen but it won’t spoil. We went canoe camping in August and still had cold stuff on the 3rd day. How much ice you need depends on how much food you are adding to the cooler is – in general a full cooler stays cooler. It also depends on how often you open it, how cold the food is when you load it, how hot it is outside, etc. I am guessing 3 bags may be a little low for a 55qt cooler, but it really depends on the volume of other stuff in the cooler.

      • anon

        I feel like it probably matters in part what the OP wants to keep in the cooler, too. I wouldn’t keep raw meat in a cooler for 3 days, but I wouldn’t worry about cheese, yogurt, cured meat, or eggs.

        • Anonymous

          True, and on your personal food safety tolerance. We tried to cook our raw meat early on. But we were eating leftover cooked meat and cold cuts on day 3 and they were still cool, although the ice had melted.

          • anon

            Ha, I definitely live a bit dangerously with respect to food safety (although I’m mostly vegetarian so I also don’t have meat issues to deal with usually).

      • Anonymous

        Yea, we took a Yeti on a 4 day trip where we just left the yeti in the car and still had ice/cold food on day 4. Admittedly it was October, not August, but it was the South, so temps in the upper 70s/low 80s. I’m not sure raw meat would be ok on day 4, but for pretty much everything else, if it’s a good enough cooler, I think it’s potentially fine. (And Yetis are honestly amazing).

    • MagicUnicorn

      Large blocks of ice last longer than cubes. We fill & freeze (in layers over a few days to avoid expanding and cracking the container) ice cream buckets into giant ice cylinders and those keep our cooler food cold enough for quite a long time. But we are talking things like cheese, eggs, condiments, maybe cold cuts or hot dogs. Not raw meat or anything delicate like that.

      • anonshmanon

        Yes to big ice blocks. Quart-size juice/water bottles or half-gallon jugs last so much longer. Leave about 1.5 inches to the top for the expansion (but also the plastic in these is stretchy enough to take a little swelling). You could just run a test at home with a few such ice blocks and see how your cooler performs.

    • Anon

      If you’re in and out of it all the time, absolutely not. If you keep it shut and pack it well, yes. I’d rethink meals to eliminate the need for ice, though.

    • Nesprin

      Freeze the food you need to keep cool + use non-spoiling staples like ultra pasteurized milk (protip- lactaid is ultrapasteurized).

  8. Anonymous

    I hate getting dressed for work lately. Anyone find a work “uniform” for this fall they like? I could stomach buying 5-7 of the same or similar things and rotate. My office is business attire, except post- covid at most it is business casual.

    • Cb

      I’ve been putting together a capsule wardrobe and have 4 dresses (2 linen sacks, 2 more structured dresses), 2 skirts to wear with sweaters, and some very cool winter weight linen trousers have just arrived. Ordered 5 new pairs of Snag tights, add flats or boots, and I’m calling it a day.
      I’m an academic so YMMV. It varies by field, but my field is mostly black jeans and stripey tops, dresses with black tights, or weird poly slacks.

    • AugNon

      MM Lafleur dresses in jewel tones & with sleeves, often purchased on sale or EUC/NWT from ebay.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Slouchy tapered pants and a 3/4 sleeve top with some interest. Today it’s a black knit top with pleated dolman sleeves. Loafers for now; looking for a pair of chelsea boots to replace the ones I ruined last year.

      • Anon

        “Slouchy tapered pants and a 3/4 sleeve top with some interest” is where I personally want to go this fall – would you care to share what specific brands and models you like?

        • Cb

          I just ordered a pair of pants from LinenID that fit this bill. Bonus, they make them to your measurements so you don’t need to order 10 pairs from different retailers and return 9. I got a very pretty marsala color pair for winter, to be paired with visually interesting sweater.

        • pugsnbourbon

          Of course!
          The pants I’m wearing now are the linen-cotton tapered pants from Uniqlo – they’re on final sale now and not many sizes left. I’ve seen some pants from Frank & Oak that look amazing but haven’t yet made the investment. The top I’m wearing today is from Am@zon (Daily Ritual Women’s Pima Cotton and Modal Interlock Balloon-Sleeve Top).

    • No Face

      My fall and winter uniform will be straight leg pull on pants and an oversized sweater with a scarf.

    • Anon

      My business casual outfit is straight pants, print top, and collarless blazer if I have a meeting, otherwise a cardigan. I like a hip length cardigan that isn’t slouchy.

      I have more fun with jewelry than clothing so I need a blank slate for it.

    • MagicUnicorn

      I’m doing skinny pants and an interesting loose top, or wide leg pants and a fitted top. Loafers for now, also searching for a new pair of flat chelsea or chukka type boots for fall since my feet refuse to become reacquainted with all my heeled booties from before the pandemic.

      • MagicUnicorn

        Also, I think I finally hit on a color palette that works for me and lets me mix and match most of my stuff so I don’t get bored.

    • Bette

      Not fully back yet, but when I am I’m going to try to copy Sandra Oh from the Chair on netflix.

    • Pompom

      Mine is the old JCrew drapey pull on pant (there’s a new name for it, IDK what it is), and an eloquii silky blouse (not quite sleeveless, not quite cap sleeve with a slash neckline) in the same color. I half tuck the blouse, throw on a coordinating rothy point or other business casual shoe, add a necklace and earrings, and a coordinating mask. Can throw on a simple topper and be done.

  9. anon

    This is kind of a weird question- I realized I haven’t spent much time thinking about what I want out of my life, so I spend a lot of time focusing on micro things and not on whether the general direction I’m heading is what I want. It’s really more about short term/micro thinking vs long term/macro rather than me just doing what’s expected of me. for example, I spend a lot of time making sure that my individual projects at work turn out really well but not much about whether these are the types of things I want to work on or not (I’m in consulting), or like checking off tasks, travel destinations, books, just about everything else off my list vs are these actually the experiences I want to be having etc.

    Clearly I need to be more thoughtful about what I want and what I’m doing. Any suggestions or reflections here?

    • Anonymous

      Set aside a half day once a quarter specifically for big-picture thinking regarding your personal mission and vision, and your mission and vision as a consultant.

    • Ribena

      Helen Russell’s Leap Year is a book written when she was in pretty much this situation. I highly recommend it!

    • Anon

      Why do you think something is wrong? Maybe you’re just content and don’t need to look for problems?

      • anon

        +1. I have no grand plans for my life and it’s great. Sure, I save for retirement and have savings blah blah blah, but I try to live my life mostly in the present. I am TERRIBLE at long term goals so have accepted that and am content with doing what I want to do on a short-term basis. I am single with no kids so this works great for me. I am not going to save the world and I don’t care that I won’t. However, I have small day-to-day things I do which I believe do make the world a better place in an incremental way. It works for me and maybe it would work for you too!

    • Monday

      It’s funny–within the past few months I have 1) almost bought a new house and 2) almost changed jobs. It was a really interesting and intense experience, despite the fact that I did neither in the end. The possibilities made me look at the fundamentals of my life, and what changes are or are not worth it in terms of money, time, and overall quality of life.

      So, maybe do some what-if thinking about the major factors that define your life right now? Where you live, who you spend time with, job, finances, whatever else.

  10. Sunshine

    For anyone who was on birth control pills up until perimenopause, how did you know when you were entering perimenopause because the pills are controlling hormone levels. I had a friend in her 40s who got off the pill after her husband got snipped and hit all the perimenopause symptoms within weeks. I’m in my early 40s and have been on the pill since I was 15. I’m interested in other women’s experiences with this transition.

    • Anon

      Oh I knew! It was just a lighter version of the symptoms. I went off bcp around that time and then went right back on them as a sort of hormone therapy lite. It helped some.

    • Anon

      I’m in the same place, mid-40s now and on the pill since I was 18 and my doc has recommended just staying on it and transitioning to HRT, which is basically a lower level dose of the pill. I personally feel zero desire to experience symptoms so this is working for me. My logic is I’ve been on it this long, why on earth would I stop now.

      • LaurenB

        I’m older than that but that’s exactly where I’m at. I’m on a lower dose pill which is essentially the same as HRT. I tried going off, and I got hot flashes that were unacceptable. Honestly, I did the continuous-pill thing for so many years prior I can’t remember last getting a period.

    • PolyD

      I stayed on the Pill until I was 52 (started taking it around 21, never was pregnant and never went off it because the idea that your body need to “rest” or “take a break” from being on the Pill is unscientific nonsense). In my mid to late 40s I started getting night sweats and also periods of ultra-crankiness. Those got better as I got near 50. When I went off the Pill, within a few weeks I was having hot flashes, but they weren’t terrible (it was also helpful that this was the start of the pandemic, so I was working from home and could wear baggy cotton tees and sit with ice packs on my head if I needed to). I had stopped having a period sometime in my mid 40s while on the Pill, and never got one again, even after going off it.

      A year and a half later, I have occasional hot flashes, but they aren’t terrible – like, I take off my outer layer and I’m okay, I’m not pouring with sweat or anything. The hot flashes seem to come and go – my theory is that decreases in hormone production are not linear, so I’ll get used to an estrogen “plateau,” and then maybe a few weeks later my levels will drop again, and so I get hot flashes.

    • Anonymous Grouch

      I’m going through this and finding that it feels like my body is setting up a separate cycle that doesn’t match up to what the pill pack says I should be feeling. So PMS type symptoms (for me headaches, body aches, mood swings) on odd days, not just on the “off week” of the pill pack. It’s kind of annoying. OTOH when I experimented with stopping the pills last year my cycle came back regularly, so I don’t feel like I should stop the pills entirely yet.

    • Anon

      I actually get significant perimenopause symptoms on the pill, which is one reason why I can’t tolerate it. So I guess I definitely wouldn’t be able to tell.

      • Anon

        Same here. I had to go off the pill recently in my late 40s and I was scared to death that my peri symptoms would get even worse, but they are actually much better. It did take 4 months for my period to come back though, after stopping the pill.

    • Senior Attorney

      Not the pill, but I had a Mirena (hormonal) IUD until I was well past 50 and it masked all the symptoms of perimenopause and menopause (give or take some mood swings but who could tell what was what, given that I was also divorcing at the time). By the time I had it removed I was pretty much on the other side. Swear to G-d, I had ONE hot flash (and it was a doozy) and that was pretty much it.

    • Sunshine

      Thanks to all who have shared. Sounds like being on pills could make perimenopause easier for some people. Man I hope I’m one of them!
      As an aside, I appreciate this community as a place where we talk about these things. My friends and I are discussing them too, but most of my friends haven’t hit this life stage yet.

      • Off pill

        Stayed on pill until 52 (this year), took the hormone test in August which indicates menopause level. Went off the pill immediately and I’m feeling great – no issues or symptoms…now I take care of my health, eat very well and exercise a lot so that may make a difference….lots of cardio and weights 3 times a week. Hard to explain but it feels great to not be taking the pill.

    • Saguaro

      I was on the pill since age 21, only went off for like 2-3 years for 2 babies. I stayed on the pill through perimenopause and the symptoms broke right through, so it was very clear I was in perimenopause. It was mostly the hot flashes, but they made themselves very apparent!

      • LaurenB

        Yes. Pill from time of being sexually active, then off briefly for pregnancy, then (even though I had my tubes tied at age 30) I went back on because I liked how the pill basically gave me light periods and no cravings / PMS / etc. Basically have stayed on forever since. You may get other symptoms of menopause, however — thinning hair at the crown, waking up too early, bladder issues. Don’t worry, you’ll be clued in! But being on the pill has made it much easier IMO.

  11. Anon

    Has anyone made a job change in which you’ve switched from being the person doing the substantive work to overseeing contractors who do the substantive work? If so, were you happy with the change? I am currently interviewing for a federal govt (US) job that would put me in this position. TBH, it sounds a little boring and I’m worried some of the skills I’ve worked to develop (data analysis, report writing) would stagnate. But the federal benefits, job security, pay increase, and (likely) lower stress are tempting. Any advice or pointers from your own experience?

    • Panda Bear

      I went the other way (government staffer to contracting consultant) – and lord, do I miss the security and lower stress! It is very nice to be client, especially for a relatively sage agency or set of projects. And you get to been seen as responsible for the projects/ reports “you” or “your team” produced, even if you only kept tabs on the consultants’ work. On the other hand, as a contractor doing various projects, my work is much more varied and interesting, and I’m constantly using and building my technical skills. As a government staffer overseeing the contracts, though, you can often still be pretty involved! Depending on your vendor and how you’ve written the RFP, you can keep some of the fun parts of the data analysis yourself, or write some of the report if you want to, or just generally try to work as closely with them as is reasonable to be involved in the project (without slowing things down or being a pain, of course. As contractors hungry for money though, we are often willing to forgive a lot). In fact, I prefer working with clients who have some contracting/consulting experience, because they understand what the work takes and can speak our language better than someone who has been in an agency forever with no experience doing the technical work. Good luck with your job search!

    • Anonymous

      I’m on the contracting side and would love to switch to the government side for one reason – I hate, hate, hate billing my hours.

      • anon

        We still charge our time to various projects and budgets as government employees.

  12. Anon

    Hi all, I don’t usually decorate differently for seasons but I’m kind of feeling it this fall. What are items you put out this time of year that make it feel like fall/Halloween/thanksgiving? My daughter is in her first non dorm college housing apartment and wants to go shopping this weekend for fall stuff for her apartment … I think we’re going to hit a Home Goods and a Pier 1.

    • Senior Attorney

      I don’t like the plastic stuff you get at Home Goods but I do like to buy unusual pumpkins and gourds to decorate for fall. Maybe mix it up with some seasonal leaves and foliage.

      • Anonymous

        +1 – I’m cheap and have limited storage so I do a lot of natural materials. I usually collect and press some leaves and then display them in vases. That plus osage oranges found in the park, gourds, pumpkins, and Indian corn (Is there a less offensive term for this?) are my mainstays.

        • No Face

          This is my plan too. I normally don’t decorate for fall, but this year I will do pumpkins, nice leaves, twigs tied together, etc.

    • Anonymous

      I have young kids, so I lean full in to the cheese – we have pumpkins, a fake spider web, light of orange trees, the works.

    • anon

      I have some decorative ceramic gourds/pumpkins from Target that I pair with actual living gourds/pumpkins. I have separate “fall” and “Halloween” wreaths for my front door. I also use decorative table runners (again, I have separate fall and Halloween ones).

    • Mrs. Jones

      Check out the Decorative Gourd Season article on McSweeney’s for a laugh

    • Cat

      We only buy organic fall stuff (mums, pumpkins, gourds) OR stuff that takes up minimal space to store. (Think – shams that we switch out on our couch, a warmer throw blanket.)

      No signs or ceramic stuff!

      • Anon

        Thanks! I actually did buy a gold and red mum from Home Cheapo when I was there to buy other stuff (you know how that goes) and I thin that’s what sparked my interest. I will look into more gourds etc.

        Thanks for the suggestions, all.

    • DeepSouth

      I have actually gotten some very cute Halloweeny decor at Walgreens. I have kids, but everyone needs a 3 foot tall Styrofoam spider for their front porch.

  13. Anon

    For those of you who work in higher ed, do you contract out work like housekeeping in dorms and cafeteria? Are there any efforts made to help these workers with economic mobility (more training, advancement opportunities, fair wages, benefits, no avoiding FT hours to avoid paying for benefits, at least stocking a food pantry, etc?)? Or is very “we are very progressive [but our house is not in order as an employer or labor contractor]?” Just wondering — I think it is becoming known that some hourly workers are also on food stamps and medicaid (maybe for dependents) and I will admit much personal discomfort how we rely on there being an underclass to serve . . . people who are very unaware of a life outside of a UMC background.

    • Anon

      My big state U employer contracts out dining, but housekeeping is a full-time state job (with benefits, etc). Both are suffering huge staffing shortages, as are professional positions (really all positions except for faculty) right now as a result of short-sighted, penny wise/pound foolish central HR policy concerning pay over the last 10 years or so.

      • Anon

        My son just moved onto campus last week at the dining halls are so understaffed they are turning students away, after the students have waited in line for up to an hour. My son has a kitchenette and a pay as you go meal plan, but I would be SO PISSED if I had a kid in a dorm with a 7 day meal plan.

        To be clear, I 100% blame the university and not the labor force.

        • Anon

          Tell him to hit up the athletics training table, if they open it to the general student body. Even if it’s a hike, it’s usually better food and less of a crowd.

    • Anon

      At my state university, most (but not all) of these jobs are unionized and pay comparable or greater salaries with more stability than most of the teaching and research positions (many classes are taught by part time adjuncts or grad students and most of the research is conducted by grad students and postdocs, many of whom will struggle to find permanent employment, even in STEM fields). That’s not to say it’s enough to live comfortably in my VHCOL state, just that it’s hardly unique to the service jobs. The entire university runs on precarious, poorly paid workers with no path toward stable jobs.

    • Anon

      I work at a community college and we don’t contract out anything. We do use temp agencies for short-term needs. We don’t do it for the reasons you described re: wages and benefits and also because we like to have more direct control over our operations.
      We are lucky to be in a state that funds us well, so that’s an option for us. Some states would rather pay for food stamps and Medicaid, I guess.

  14. BelleRose

    I need new nightstands. I want to get something that will last (I’m so over cheap junk), but we’re also saving for down payment and I don’t want to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars. The rest of the bedroom furniture is high-quality family antiques. I’ve looked around FB Market, Craigslist, etc but can’t seem to find anything I like. Thoughts?

    • Anon

      Add Nextdoor to your list and keep looking. I found my real wood night stands today way and just had to be patient.

    • InHouse Anon

      If you can go to physical second-hand or antique stores, try there. Last time I went, there was SO much brown furniture. Find something you like and have it professionally refinished.
      When I was pregnant with my second, we bought a three piece bedroom set (highboy dresser, long dresser, nightstand) for like $200 and paid about $800 to have it all refinished. $1000 for three all-wood pieces was a great deal. Probably a lot cheaper if you’re only looking for nightstands!

      • Anon

        A run of the mill antique mall will have some stuff that’s just not new in addition to the antiques. On the last trip through the one nearest me, I saw some lovely Henredon console and side tables for less than poor quality new stuff costs.

  15. anon

    My husband and I recently got married and are getting ready to meet with an attorney to do a postnup (was going to be a prenup but things got too busy). If you have a prenup/postnup, any non-obvious things to think about as we work through this? My primary goal is to try to figure out what is most contentious and address it now, so that if (g*d forbid) we do get divorced, we can minimize the conflict associated with financial stuff.

    Other potentially relevant factors: we have one young child together but hope to have another; we also share custody of his two tween kids from a prior marriage; my income is mid-six figures and his is low-seven figures; we don’t have any complex assets like farmland or family businesses or weird investments (just savings/retirement accounts and a home that he owns). No plan for me to step back my career or stop working although I understand that can change over the course of a marriage.

    I know some people think prenups/postnups mean terrible things about your marriage and all that; respectfully, this is the right choice for us under our particular circumstances and would appreciate folks holding those comments.

    • LaurenB

      Following, as my financial planner has told us that our children will need to sign a prenup, and we have one who is getting Very Serious with a significant other. This is due to a trust that my in-laws have on behalf of my children.

      • Anon

        Definitely consult a lawyer, but I think a trust can actually avoid the need for a pre-nup. My parents have a lot of money and I was concerned about my husband somehow getting a share of it if we divorced, especially if they passed and I inherited their money before the potential divorce. At my urging, they saw a lawyer who told them the solution was to set up a trust in my name alone (I don’t get any money from it until they die). At least in my state, this is enough to ensure this potential inheritance is my money and my husband won’t have access to it except through me. A prenup is more if one or both members of the couple has significant assets in their own name they want to protect. My husband and I were both penniless students when we married, so we comingled our own assets without worrying about that.

    • Anon

      i think this sounds smart and actually think a prenup sounded smart too. particularly since there are children involved who don’t have the same biological parents, you are both high earners and it sounds like he owns a home without your name on it? while you are at it, if you don’t already, make sure you have all the relevant trusts & estates documents as well

    • Anon

      My prenup just reiterated that our assets prior to marriage remained our own, which is already the law in our state, but also stated that it included any appreciation on them during the marriage. This was to avoid having to sell an asset to split up the appreciation. This included the house I owned prior to meeting my husband. We also specified that our 401k/IRA type accounts were not community property and again, this was to keep from having to liquidate them in order to split them, or to have to track down the other person at retirement age.

      Now we’ve been married 23 years and it’s more or less moot. My house was sold and the equity rolled into our current house which is community property – we didn’t bother updating the prenup or fussing with % ownership in our trust – and we are getting close to drawing on the retirement accounts without consideration for whose is which.

      But the prenup was still a smart idea and I do not think it says anything bad about the marriage. To the contrary, I think it demonstrates that you are voluntarily entering a relationship with your eyes wide open and realistic about what can happen. I actually think it’s a bad sign when couples absolutely refuse to think about the possibility that the marriage might not last, that life might throw them curve balls they can’t imagine today.

    • Anon

      There is an estate planning angle of this: you both want to ensure that your estates ultimately pass to your kids. (This is not a statement that you need to leave your considerable wealth to them; whatever you want left to them should be left to them.) He may be concerned that if he kicks off, you inherit everything, and later leave your joint estate to your biological kid(s) while cutting out the tweens.

      Alternately, if one of you remarries, the decedent’s estate ought to stay in trust for the decedent’s kids, not pass to the surviving spouse’s new spouse. Explanation: you’re Wanda (W) married to Harry (H). You die and leave everything to Harry. Harry remarries New Wife Nellie. Harry dies, leaving everything to Nellie; Nellie cuts out Harry’s tweens and your bio kid, leaving everything to her kids. Ruh-roh.

      Depending on your state, college tuition may not be a factor in court-ordered child support. (I’m looking at you, Pennsylvania.) I seem to think that you can usually require *more* child support than the state would allow, so you can discuss how you want the kids treated upon divorce. Private high school? College tuition? Grad school? Down payment on a condo after graduation? Cars? Think now about what you want to provide to the tweens and how you should both be aiming to provide that to the baby.

      • anon

        Thanks! Even without the postnup, the estate planning piece is definitely complicated – the tweens have an extremely wealthy mother (like…private jets/parties covered by Vanity Fair/holidays in Gstaad-type money) so we are also grappling with how to put together an estate plan that feels fair to all children while recognizing that if we both died our older kids have access to pretty much boundless resources via their mom’s family while the baby does not (my husband and I both come from middle class families; our parents are doing just fine in retirement but neither of us have any expectation of an inheritance or anything like that).

        I hadn’t even thought about non-child-support related costs – for some reason I didn’t even realize we could address that, but maybe we can – I’ll put it on the list to discuss with the lawyer. College tuition is definitely not included in court-ordered support in our state.

        • Anon

          College tuition: you can usually address via contract things that a court cannot force you to do. States that don’t order it in court usually allow a court-approved settlement to address it, and usually, you can do in a pre/post-nup that which you could agree to in a settlement.

          Another option is for your husband to set up an educational trust that will pay for expenses for the baby and any other children you may have together.

          Estate planning: I am going to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong and give some advice. One of my parents re-married into an extremely wealthy family, had more kids, then divorced. As a result of all of these machinations, my half-sisters will inherit a whole pile of money that I will not. I actually DGAF, because my parents provided me with more than enough (private college paid for, some money during grad school, a used car in college, a $5,000-interest free loan at one point).

          People get upset about disparities when there isn’t enough to go around, or if one person is bequeathed a 400-acre estate and the other other half-sibling is drowning under a parent’s nursing home bills. You and your husband are sufficiently wealthy that what you leave your kids, divided up three or four ways, is still a considerable sum.

        • Senior Attorney

          Note that in some states (California, for example) you can’t waive child support or determine child custody in a pre- or post-nup. Courts are required to rule on those issues based on the best interest of the child, which may or may not be consistent with the parents’ previous agreement. Obviously your lawyer(s — you’ll each need separate counsel if you want this agreement to be enforceable) will know the details for your jurisdiction.

      • Anon

        The point about estates is critical since there are multiple kids involved that are not all biologically belonging to both of you. Along with the postnup you both should be executing wills and powers of attorney.

    • Cornellian

      Mine just reiterated state law (since it can change/you can move) regarding assets and debts that came in, and said no alimony unless we agree that someone is staying home/working part-time to accommodate the family. I might push back on a blanket “no alimony” because you’d be more likely to step back, and instead think about some sort of formula or cap or maximum time over which it’s paid out. I’d also think about alimony if someone leaves workforce to care for parents or other family members, not just young children.

      I think prenuptials are a great idea for literally everyone, even if all you do is reiterate state law.

      • Senior Attorney

        Again, in some states you can’t waive or predetermine spousal support in a pre- or post-nup.

    • Curious

      We actually went through and just googled a bunch of prenup checklists, and then our lawyers helped us spot any other gaps. We mostly reiterated state law so that we had a document that would maintain it if we moved. I’m so glad you’re doing this; it really helped us get better at financial conversations and set a strong basis for our marriage. I agree with other posters that it feels much healthier than just assuming everything will work out — does that mean you’re avoiding hard conversations? Especially with kids involved, seems like you’re doing the right thing.

    • Anon

      Cynical Sally here, but since he has more assets and earnings, I’d put off this exercise/not do it. It won’t favor you in the end.

      • Anon

        Yup, I had the same thought. If he wants a post-nup he can do the legwork of arranging one, but it’s not a project I would volunteer to take on when you’re the one who will ultimately be disadvantaged by it.

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