Coffee Break: Dean Flat

91 Comments

1. Anyone up to help with gift ideas?

   My good friend’s father, who I’ve known for about 15 years, is officiating my small casual wedding next month. He likes his grand kids, photography, and history, and lives in Houston. I’m cautious of food gifts because he has allergies and my friend grew up keeping kosher, so he may have some restrictions. I was thinking a membership to something in Houston he could enjoy with his grandkids, but I don’t know what he already has memberships to. No firm budget in mind, maybe like 75-100? Any thoughts?

   1. Our museum district is amazing. I would lean against The Children’s Museum and more toward the Natural History Museum, especially if the kids are a bit older. We also have a ton of random museums, including several that revolve around photography, but I have not been to those.

   2. Does he drink? If so, I feel like this is the perfect occasion for a bottle of his favorite fancy wine or liquor (ask his daughter what he likes).

   3. You’re getting married?!?!?!

   4. The Natural History Museum and the Houston Zoo are both awesome. I would also recommend Space Center Houston. It has some really cool events like family overnights and meet-and-greet with astronauts. It was my favorite when I was growing up, and it’s not as common a membership to purchase.

   5. Thanks, all! I need to find out what neighborhood they live in. I think they moved after I last visited (ten years ago). And yup, getting married. Second time is the charm… right??

   6. What about one of those things where he can make a family history book for his grand kids? Add historical photos, family stories etc. You can thank him for being there for one of your memorable days by giving him a way to share his family memories with his grand kids.

   7. Congrats! I’ve been following your story for a while and am so happy for you!

   8. If he is at all covid cautious Houston museums are a terrible idea. The newish Houston Botanical Gardens could be good. Alternatively, one of The NY Times Books or if you do decide to go food, a gift certificate to Kenny & Ziggys or Local Foods or you could ship something from Zabars

   9. Gift certificate to his favourite camera store?

   10. As another option, our officiant asked for a gift certificate to a local bookstore! No idea if he’d like that.

2. Oh, I have these flats!! They are very comfy and seem to go with anything for work! Highly recommend and I am actually going to buy another pair!

   1. Can you speak to the fit? I have duck feet as described in the post, and have been looking at this brand, but worried they may be too narrow in the forefoot. TIA!

      1. I think the strap helps. I don’t find mules to be comfy or high heels without a strap but shoes like these work great for me. This particular pair is really comfy and the ones that I always grab over other options. I think it is worth a try!

         1. Thank you!

   2. Same. I just bought a second color.
      My BF actually complimented my first pair.

   3. Looks like a nice shoe for commuting on public transportation.

3. Does anyone have any theories about whether taking a “slow” period will hurt a career long term? I am burned out from a dramatic work spike last year. 2021 has been a weird mix of super busy months or record-low months. I am debating just focusing on current client work until next spring (avoiding conferences, group zoom happy hours, online marketing, etc.) Basically – serve the clients I have but not worry about trying to get new ones until my energy is back/winter is over. Is this a terrible idea for a private practice lawyer?

   1. I am not a lawyer, but in general, quality > quantity.

   2. It’s hard to say because I think it’s personal to your particular client base, etc. etc., but the immediate thought that came to mind was – maybe there’s a middle ground. Stop the stuff you really don’t like (group zoom happy hours!!), and keep the occasional conference?

4. What’s your preferred WFH schedule? I’m single, no kids, can set my own schedule and hours. My productivity has tanked this year both at home and in general, so I’m hoping if I commit to an actual “X days WFH, X days in office,” maybe it will help me get a routine back!

   1. I try to work on “big projects” in the morning, then workout/lunch/shower, then work on daily tasks like email and so forth in the afternoons.

5. Damn I love these shoes. I don’t really have an occasion to be quite this dressy – something I’d never have imagined saying about flats just a few years ago, but I’d also never have imagined full time WFH – but I might buy them anyway.

   1. Also, many years ago I met Paolo of Linea Paolo at a trunk show at Nordstrom I wandered into and he was lovely.

   2. I’d wear these to a wedding if I wanted flats. Or a job interview.

   3. I have them in a leopard print calf hair. They are some of my favorite shoes.

   4. Huh. I have these and don’t consider them particularly dressy. I wear them with skinny jeans and will probably follow the suggestion to wear them with wider leg pants in the fall (hoping to find some that work for me).

      1. I don’t think they’re very dressy, either. I’d wear them with jeans.

6. I made a bad hire. I hired somebody thinking they could be somebody who ran projects and would work independently and… it’s not working. Turns out they hate doing any task they’re not 100% sure how to do… which isn’t great for developing new projects. Oh, and they hate asking questions and get furious when asked to do anything ‘beneath’ them.

   You know, like the basic job duties that none of us love. Well, today I had the sit down with them where I acknowledged that they’re miserable. I told them they’re not being fired (not bad enough to fire) but said that I would support them if they wanted to leave.

   They acknowledged it and basically said they liked their previous job and didn’t like this one. Fine. They also brought up that they were generally unhappy with several other things in their life outside of work.

   They’re welcome to stay and I don’t need them to like their job – I just need them to do it. It was such a freeing conversation!

   For a while, I put this on myself as a manager, but really: sometimes you make a bad hire.

   1. I consider myself a good manager and I’ve also made bad hires. Don’t beat yourself up about it, at least you’re handling the problem and not ignoring it or passing it along to someone else.

      I hired a guy I’d known causally for a long time, nicest guy in the world… until he worked for us and hated it, and then we got to see what a not-nice guy he was. He works somewhere else now and so do I, and I forgive but won’t forget.

   2. There is a small group of people in the world who interview really well and are terrible at the job. As a manager who has to hire fairly regularly, I’m trying to figure out what the red flags are, because all of my bad hires have been that way: bright, enthusiastic, know the lingo & subject matter well enough to converse, but they start working and have no idea what to do and aren’t actually open to feedback or training, despite saying they were in the interview. My fallback is to closely manage the probationary period and manage them out if they can’t do the job.

      1. I know the type. If my spidey-senses are tingling, I find that asking really specific questions about how they’d handle a certain situation can help weed out the people who are short on skill but long on BS and charm. But also, sometimes bad hires happen!

      2. I’ve also hired them and it’s frustrating. I’ve developed caution around people who interview TOO well – if they’re super smooth they can often make their experience sound better than it is, while being slightly nervous may indicate they aren’t overconfident.

         1. To anyone on this thread– have reference checks helped identify these people at all?

            1. Not in my experience – all the large companies in my industry refuse to give official references beyond “yes, AZCPA worked here form Jan 20XX to Sept 20XX.” And any provided by the candidate are hand picked by them to be awesome.

               My best luck is with a practical presentation as part of the interview, so I can see where they make assumption, ask questions, and do research.

            2. References often just confirm an employee isn’t lying about their employment history or education.

            3. My experience is all with lawyers, and generally the references will be careful about not saying anything too critical of the applicant. Unfortunately after they’re hired, it’s been common to hear about the bridges burned at their last firms.

            4. The only thing I can think of is that they said he sometimes struggled with confidence in his own abilities, but it also seemed like it was partially an anxious personality.

               This was a promotion and the first ability to actually make decisions and plan strategically and it turns out this staffer needs very concrete, defined tasks that he feels are up to his ‘worthiness’.

               The only other interview red flag I can think of is that I do remember asking about Excel skills (we rely a lot on Excel – nothing particularly difficult but it’s a pretty standard business took) and staffer made a comment that they hadn’t really had to use it since their MBA coursework but yes – of course they could use it! I should have asked more questions. Turns out their skills were very limited and their desire to learn was 0.

               It actually was the best afternoon I’ve had with this staffer in a while. I’ve been walking on eggshells and I’m just… over it.

         2. My worst bad hire was a super-smooth interviewer – she had a near-perfect answer for everything, nothing threw her, she had great relevant anecdotes to relate in response to our situational questions, etc. I thought to myself, this is almost too perfect.

            Then I asked a question toward the end of the interview about how she handled it when she had a difference of opinion with a coworker, and she gave an answer that was…okay, on the surface, but something she said made my spidey-senses tingle (same with one of my staff members who was interviewing with me). We couldn’t explain very well what it was we were reacting to, and the rest of the folks I had on the interview team thought the answer was fine. I did what you should never do: I ignored my gut instinct that said I needed to follow up with her and ask more questions about that particular topic. We made her an offer.

            Bar none the worst experience I have ever had with an employee. I could go on at length but she managed to alienate everyone in the organization, to the point I had other people threatening to quit, within three months. She lied constantly about the littlest things. We were able to fire her before the probation period was up, but I definitely learned my lesson on that one.

   3. Yep, it happens to us all at one point or another. You’re doing the right thing by proactively managing the situation.

7. Ackkkkk the flies in my house are driving me bonkers and I can’t kill them. Tried the vinegar/dishsoap thing. Have an electric swatter but they only seem to rest near me or my monitor. DRIVING. ME. CRAZY.

   1. We had this problem for a few weeks and it turned out that we had a dead rodent in the outside air vent! Good luck – it was just random that our AC guy who was there doing work happened upon it but I wonder if it is something similar for you??

   2. Not for everyone, but if you really cannot deal. My parents use an automatic timed metered fly sprayer in their home (and have for 40+ years) to control flies. They live on a livestock farm; there are a lot of flies. I believe the brand is Country Vet.

   3. I had invasion of fruit flies once (forgot one peach on countertop and left for 3w hols) and i vacuumed them – like classic vacuum cleaner with a telescopic stick. I tried to catch aa many as I could and repeated few times per day for 2-3 days. Problem solved.

   4. I recommend cats for lots of things but this is the best one. My gray cat is mostly a lazy lump (he’s sleeping next to me as I type this) but if there’s a fly in the house he will not rest until he has eaten it. He’s worth keeping in kibble just for this reason!

      1. My rescue cat, former stray, used to do this when we first adopted her. She’d make a flying ninja leap and grab the flies mid-air. We were impressed. But now she’s a pampered house cat and fly hunting is beneath her dignity

         1. One of my cats who previously ignored flies has recently taken up fly hunting seemingly in response to my other cat’s also relatively recent fear of flies. One cowers in hiding while the other makes it his mission to put the fly out of commission (…and then he eats it).

   5. Vinegar only works for fruit flies. For the regular kind, I just use a regular swatter.

   6. Glue traps work on flies. Fly ribbons, or plastic glue sheets to put on windows. Get the non-toxic ones, though.

      I get a brand called Trinol, but I think that’s only available in Europe, but any big hard ware store should have something similar.

      I have had better luck with beer instead of vinegar with the dish soap, but that is for smaller flies.

   7. Flies or fruit flies? They’re very different.

   8. I don’t know if this will work for you but when I have a fly in the kitchen, I wait til it lands on a surface, then squirt it with Windex. It kind of stuns it/slows it down long enough for me to wipe it up with a paper towel. I could never get it with a swatter.

      1. Flies move slightly backward when they take off from a surface, so the trick with a fly swatter is to aim it just behind its “butt.” Once I learned this tidbit, my success rate increased dramatically!

8. Any outfit ideas for a second date that is at my place where we will be making dinner together? I don’t want to look too done up since it’s in my own house, but I do want to look ridiculously hot because I really like this guy and I tend to veer casual on first dates, so he hasn’t seen me in a “hot” outfit yet! I’m a bit self conscious about my body, especially my midsection, right now as I haven’t lost the COVID weight and don’t feel as attractive in my current body as I did in my old one, or look as good in my clothes. I’ve been compensating by wearing looser clothing that drapes nicely instead of tight stuff, and highlighting the parts of me that I still really like, such as my legs. On our first date, I wore a cropped oversized v-neck cardigan and loose jeans. Thoughts?

   1. I’d probably wear leggings and something drapey up top and ballet flats or casual sneakers.

      1. This sounds perfect! Good luck OP!

      2. Same but I’d do bare feet

      3. I’m OP – thanks!! I was thinking leggings too but wasn’t sure if that’s too casual, but now I have my answer :)

      4. Maybe something off the shoulder or with a low back to show off a bral3tte (if that’s not too-too sexy)

   2. What’s the weather like? If it’s warm, I’d do a short dress, bare legs and feet or shorts w a loose/cute top

   3. I’d wear a casual dress like this one: https://www.madewell.com/silk-button-front-tie-sleeve-retro-dress-in-flutter-by-floral-AO345.html

   4. I would wear a casual dress or shorts (real shorts, not workout shorts) and a tank top. Personally, I think leggings is too casual for a second date, but I am “old” and married, and never really wear leggings outside of exercise, so my view point could be skewed.

9. Gaah — our school district is short of bus drivers so the schools have staggered start times so each bus can do an early-school run, a mid-school run and a late-school run. Our start time moved from mid (8:15) to late (9:15), and if you’re not on the first run, there are rolling delays (like air travel). Driving does no good b/c it’s just a big traffic jam during rush hour and some road-rage incidents IN THE LINE. TL;DR: I now have an hour less workable time each workday. Some afternoon buses are about an hour late getting started leaving the school, so even timing dinner (or when to leave work) is a crapshoot. Sharing with a spouse still means that it’s an hour later to get to work in the morning when it’s my day (kids go in two directions based on elemen vs middle school). Some days the buses don’t come or it’s unclear if it is coming, so leaving them alone all day is the reason I wait with them (it is too far to walk == >6 miles on the other side of our city). Ugh. Prayers. I’m still glad they are going, but the worker shortage has some unanticipated side effects (this is hard on teachers, too, and the drivers are doing what they can — it’s not their fault either). When I hit the lottery, I will hire a nanny just to do driving.

   1. So rough. We are in the ‘burbs but in Boston they have brought in the national guard to drive busses!

   2. Can you drop them off a few blocks from school and have them walk the rest of the way?

      1. Of course, in theory. But the schools are 30 minutes from each other in rush hour traffic and you can’t drop off early b/c of safety concerns (one school is in a legit dangerous area from crime + traffic; one is dangerous for being at a 5-point intersection with bus/rush hour traffic and car rider people flipping out that it is not good from a being hit by a car standpoint, either). Both parents driving for an hour isn’t an option. I want to be cloned or have a sister wife or a driving nanny. I knew that the day care years were the easy years. COVID years coinciding with middle school / late elementary years may be the hill my career goes to die on.

   3. That sounds like hell. Godspeed!

   4. Are you in Boston? Sounds like our exact setup if not! I now have one 715 dropoff and one 915 dropoff so my whole dang morning is dropoffs (and to the commentator below Boston actually said “no” to the national guard and some people are mad at the mayor about it! can’t win i guess).

      1. You are totally right! It’s other MA districts, but not Boston proper. We are outside the city and have had some hiccups but otherwise reliable bussing and I want to bring snacks and coffee to the drivers daily.

10. Background: I really dislike my current job (mostly because of the people I work with) and am trying to get a new one. I’m applying mostly internally for a couple reasons: 1) my org has amazing benefits I’m very reluctant to walk away from and 2) I’m located in a small town and unable to move so for external opportunities I’m pretty much limited to positions that are 100% remote.

    I had a phone screen for an internal opportunity I was really excited about, but during the phone screen I realized the opportunity isn’t quite what I thought it was and I’m not very interested in it, nor do I think I’d be great at it. Also, the hiring manager seems really nice but pretty disorganized and I’m a little hesitant to work for him (it took him two months after my application to contact me, and on the phone call he told me I’d hear from him in the next day or two and then didn’t contact me for over two weeks). Anyway, I just got a callback for a full interview. I was really surprised because I thought there were mutual “this isn’t going to work out” vibes on the phone screen. Do I do the interview and see what happens? Is there a way to bow out gracefully at this point? My current job involves some work with this hiring manager, so I definitely don’t want to p!ss him off and I’m worried that taking the interview and then turning down an offer if I get one would make him feel like I wasted his time. But I’ve also been looking for a new job for a year and this is the closest I’ve gotten so I’m hesitant to give up without finishing the process.

    Thanks for any thoughts.

    1. This is sticky. I would bow out sooner rather than later. I agree with you that if the hiring manager makes you an offer and you turn it down it would be worse than trying to gracefully say it’s not the right fit now. Good luck!

    2. Take the interview. No question.

    3. Do the interview. Always do the interview.

11. Does anyone here have experience with a GERD diet and know of good resources? My husband is supposed to try it for two weeks to see if his vocal cord problems are related to his long term acid reflux. No acid, no alcohol, nothing spicy, nothing fatty. (Basically the opposite of Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat!) I cook most of our meals, and I’m stumped trying to figure out what to eat for dinner for two weeks of this. I usually cook without recipes, mostly from what’s in season at the farmer’s market, so my tomato overload has been tough on him. Any ideas appreciated!

    1. I bought a GERD cookbook a few years ago when I went through something similar. I bought it on Amazon. It wasn’t the tastiest food I’d ever had but I was pleasantly surprised there was as much variety as there was, and I convinced myself to like honeydew melon as part of it so that has been a long term win for me.

       1. The Gastritis & GERD Diet Cookbook: 101 Healing Cookbook Recipes for Effective Natural Remedy in the Treatment, Prevention and Cure of Gastritis and Acid Reflux https://www.amazon.com/dp/1500124621/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_98HYTBT2MJ49C8Z6YCEX

          This is the book

          1. Thank you!

    2. Basically anything that is not tomato works. So meat + rice or pasta; but the pasta has to be in olive oil (not huge amounts so it isn’t greasy), any non tomato vegetables. I avoid fruit generally as it always feels acidic to me even fruit that isn’t citrus.

    3. Is the GERD associated with high stomach acid or with low stomach acid? Mine was from low stomach acid, so I needed to acid it up as much as I possibly could. A doctor was telling me recently that they rarely even check anymore, which I didn’t understand.

       1. Oh wow, I have no idea. He tends to have heartburn at night, a few hours after dinner, and when it’s bad, he has trouble sleeping because of the reflux. He’s been controlling it with Prilosec for years, but the doctor is worried that he’s having side effects from that, so he’s trying the diet + Pepcid.

12. Looking for your favorite fall foods or beverages that (1) are relatively healthy, and (2) do not require baking in an oven. I love fall flavors and spices and am usually a big baker. But DH is on a diet, and I want to be supportive. Also, a power surge after Hurricane Ida knocked out the electrical panel on my oven, and I’ll be lucky to get a new one by Christmas. (I do have a Breville toaster oven and microwave but have never tried baking in either.) I’m open to store-bought and have access to most national grocery stores except Aldi. I like all the spices in real pumpkin pie, but am not usually a fan of the overly sugary, overly processed, pumpkin-spice everything.

    1. I made skillet apple crisp on the grill (indirect heat) after hurricane Michael a few years ago. Tasty, and you can play with the ingredients a bit for the topping (I add unsweetened coconut and pecans), or reduce the amount of topping so that it’s mostly fruit.

    2. I like making applesauce – I just put quartered apples (with cores and peels) in a pot with a tiny bit of water and cook until they are very soft, then run it all through a food mill. Add cinnamon to taste, maybe a little lemon juice and/or sugar. I think anything pumpkin or butternut squash qualifies – I like this pasta: https://www.skinnytaste.com/spaghetti-with-creamy-butternut-leek/

    3. Pumpkin soup with chili pepper is one of my favorite soups. If you prefer creamy soups, add a splash of yogurt or crème fraiche at the table – when added visibly as a treat you don’t need a lot (for DH). I don’t think roasting pumpkin seeds in the toaster oven is a good idea (they’ll pop everywhere), but you might get some in the seed section at Whole foods or similar to sprinkle on the soup for crunch.

       Onion soup, winter minestrone and potato and leek are also great for fall.

       Welsh rarebit could probably be finished off in the toaster oven?

       Fall spice oatmeal or chia pudding for breakfast.

       Root vegetable pickles as side dishes, and carrot, squash and beet “peel” strips sauteed in a nice spice blend will be a great fall side dish. Beet and goats cheese salad with walnuts.

    4. Trader Joe’s always has a ton of pumpkin/fall theme foods, but my favorite is the honey roasted pumpkin ravioli. Toss it with a browned butter sage sauce. I’m not sure how it falls on the “relatively healthy” scale, but as long as you don’t drench it in butter sauce, I don’t think it’s horrible.

       1. The Trader Joe’s harvest pasta sauce is amazing. My family demands that I buy it by the case.

          The Gilda de Laurentiis recipe for rigatoni with squash and prawns is also delicious, with or without the prawns.

       2. The trader joes pepita salsa is awesome!
          I love stewed fruits (stovetop) on yogurt or oatmeal – just made a big batch of plum with clove and cinnamon.
          We have a portable induction hotplate (from Ikea) that we bought for a kitchen renovation on its really great.

    5. Thanks for all the ideas :-) I’m definitely feeling inspired!

    6. Oh, and look at budgetbytes dot com. She loves pumpkin everything, loads of her recipes are non-oven.

    7. My faves:
       -Smitten Kitchen’s cranberry pecan pie sans the crust, so it’s like a cranberry crumble with an amazing pecan crust. SO, so good and easy.
       -I make a yogurt panna cotta (mine is like the recipe on The Kitchn but with milk/almond milk instead of cream; I don’t really use a recipe but panna cotta is pretty forgiving), stir in a bit of pumpkin purée w/ spices, or top with apple butter/sauce or cooked diced pear/apple with spices (Good Life Eats has a great recipe for cardamom spiced pears) or cranberry sauce for fall flavor
       -Pumpkin custard (think pumpkin pie filling without the crust) in ramekins
       -Homemade apple sauce is a thousand times better than store bought

    8. You can roast squash in your toaster oven! I have a Breville and do it all the time – just invest in quarter sheet baking sheets. If you add a little cinnamon, maple syrup, or a “pumpkin spice” blend that doesn’t involve actual pumpkin, it is extra seasonally appropriate. Honeynut squash, delicata squash, and acorn squash are my favorites.

       Also, the obligatory once a year roasting of pumpkin seeds makes fall feel real. You can do that on the stove top if it’s easier for you.

    9. this seems like a great opportunity for a slow cooker to shine!

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