Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Fit & Flare Jersey Tie-Belt Faux-Wrap Dress
This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Sometimes you just want an easy dress that you can throw on and look like you’ve got your life together, you know?
This faux-wrap dress is super flattering and would be lovely for a casual Friday or a socially-distanced outdoor happy hour. This pretty burgundy color will also be great for fall with a chunky cardigan and some booties.
The dress is $42.99 full price and available in sizes 1X–4X. Today you can get 30% off, which brings the price down to $30.09 when you add it to your cart. It also comes in a black floral and solid black. Fit & Flare Jersey Tie-Belt Faux-Wrap Dress
Old Navy has a very similar dress that comes in regular, tall, and petite sizes for $30.
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
Sales of note for 2/14/25 (Happy Valentine's Day!):
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase — and extra 60% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + 15% off (readers love their suiting as well as their silky shirts like this one)
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 300+ styles $25 and up
- J.Crew – 40% of your purchase – prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site and storewide + extra 50% off clearance
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Flash sale ending soon – markdowns starting from $15, extra 70% off all other markdowns (final sale)
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- My workload is vastly exceeding my capability — what should I do?
- Why is there generational resentment regarding housing? (See also)
- What colors should I wear with a deep green sweater dress?
- How do you celebrate milestone birthdays?
- How do you account for one-time expenses in your monthly budget?
- If I'm just starting to feel sick from the flu, do I want Tamilfu?
- when to toss old clothes of a different size
- a list of political actions to take right now
- ways to increase your intelligence
- what to wear when getting sworn in as a judge (congrats, reader!)
- how to break into teaching as a second career
My brother has a milestone birthday coming up and I wanted to send him something special. He loves beer, so I thought a “beer of the month club” membership would be fun so that he could try some beers he wouldn’t get locally. I’ve looked online and there are a quite a few out there, but wondered if anyone has tried any of them or knows of any local beer makers that have something similar that they ship. Any suggestions are appreciated. TIA and happy Friday!
I would google local craft breweries and see what they might have available.
my husband’s team got him an annual beer club gift and it was so fun. As beer drinkers we got so many different, strange, new breweries, etc. It was super fun for us.
I *want* to say the company was ( craft beer club ) dot com — I’m looking at the website and the design looks familiar. we got a paper saying who the breweries were, style, etc. Even if they were huge, famous breweries, as a lover of all beer, it was very cool.
Thank you! I found an article online and they said that one was the best. The article said to be careful b/c some “clubs” just use them to get rid of old beer. But this one had a really good review and said that a lot of thought goes into each selection.
the only caveat I would give is because it is alcohol it has to be signed for. Depending on his set up that may make be cool, or may be annoying. Prior to going to work from home, I had given up my wine subscription because having to go retrieve it from FedEx so I could sign for it was a major pain. So, if he is work from home or has a doorman, awesome, if not, maybe check?
+1
It may depend on your carrier – they always just sign for me and leave it on my doorstep. At my old place, they’d route it to the local Walgreens.
Home brew kits can be quite simple as well as more complicated options and could be fun!
I got my husband a beer-of-the-month club, and cancelled it before the year was up. They are supposed to get a signature for drop off, but never did. They tossed the box on the porch and took off, leaving it to bake in the heat and skunk. (And also leaving it in plain view of the neighbor kids, who could have easily helped themselves and caused us a legal nightmare.)
Is anyone involved with a nonprofit that has successfully transitioned their fundraising events into virtual format? The cause I am involved in is underway with planning our annual winter event. Normally this would be in person with food, drink and entertainment. I am wondering if anyone has creative ideas for spreading the word or keeping your current donors engaged with the new format that were particularly successful.
I usually go to one for a museum every year that is normally your typical party + auction event live. This year, auction was online (along with some livestreamed content), and they paired with several local restaurants to set up a deal where they had a specific take out orders available that day that you could pick up to eat while you “attended” the auction. I assume the museum got a cut of the orders, but I wasn’t involved in planning, so not sure of the details.
I do this for a living (fundraise) and we just successfully converted our annual gala to a virtual version. Post a burner email and I’ll reach out.
ooo I could use this too!! fairfieldrenter at the mail of google if you’re willing.
I’d love this too! enderrette13 at gmail.
Currently planning our major event now. Thanks!!
I just donated yesterday to an event I usually attend in person. The organizers sent an email on the day that the event would have occurred saying they missed us and safety is their primary concern and they’re still doing work on their mission and would I consider donating the cost of the ticket I would have purchased to attend. They had a link right there in the email to pay the standard ticket price. I thought that was a great way to reach out to your usual supporters.
Got out of a very LTR a few months ago, and want to casually dip my feet into the dating pool. I joined Tinder on a whim yesterday. First time on dating apps. Don’t want a random hook up, but looking for a casual FWB or something I guess? Nothing serious.
Questions! Do you wait for men to message you? Any go to lines for messaging them? Any advice?
Last night, I had a nice hour long chat with a guy, he gave me his phone number at the end saying text me tomorrow and let’s chat— and then this morning the message is gone (ie he unmatched). Is that common?
I’m looking for different stuff than you are, so I don’t have the best advice for opening lines, but it IS fairly common for men to unmatch after giving their number, IME, as they assume that the conversation is moving to text.
I’m pretty anti giving out my real number so soon, so it’s a deal breaker for me when they do that, even if i’ve kept the number.
Why unmatch after exchanging numbers, though? Seems like a way to avoid having the person you’re talking to see whether you stay active on the app. If it’s casual/no commitment, which it must be at this early stage, why hide that he’s still talking to others, as she surely is too?
OP, it’s also possible that he deactivated his account or otherwise temporarily quit the app, making the message disappear. But either way it’s a weird setup for you if you’re the one who is supposed to text him now…
Right, this seems to be the thinking, which is part of why it’s a deal breaker for me (plus, I don’t want guys having my phone number that early).
Thanks- he gave me his number, I didn’t give him mine. Now that the message chain is gone, I don’t have his number. Oh well…
Especially annoying on his part then! “I assume you already entered me as a phone contact, and now I’m out. You snooze you lose baby!”
I doubt you missed out on anything good.
Also, consider that apps/online dating wasn’t used by basically everyone when it first started. You could assume that most people were at least somewhat interested in meeting someone. But now that basically everyone who has been single in the last 3 years is/has been on an app and there’s zero stigma attached, you get people who are bored, people who are just interested in seeing “what they can get,” or “seeing who is out there,” looking for validation, not over their ex, not ready to date, still in a relationship (haha saw my ex on bumble while he was dating his next GF, gross), too busy, any number of reasons. I hate to say that I’ve been that person — wanting to date and meet but then talking with someone and then just realizing I am totally not ready or not in a good place. It’ll probably happen again and whatever the reason is, assume it has nothing to do with you.
Some people don’t realize that deleting your app doesn’t delete you account — so while it’s sketchy that you saw someone in a relationship on it, it’s not 100% proof that they are currently using it. The apps don’t take inactive accounts out of circulation.
I’m aware, but in this case I saw it twice within a few weeks and he had updated it.
It’s also possible it was a mistake. I’ve done it before by accident.
If you are interested in a guy, message him! Choose something from his profile as an opener, “Hey Michael! Hiking is one of my favorite activities too. Been anywhere good lately?/Have you done X trail?”
Here was the most important thing I learned while I was dating: if a guy is interested in you, you’ll know it. If you have any “welllll, I’m not sure how he feels,” the answer is that he’s just not that into you and you don’t want that. I’ve been saying for years – interested men pursue, disinterested men do not.
I also wanted to be crazy about a guy. That was my standard for myself because I knew I didn’t want a guy who wasn’t crazy about ME, KWIM? And because I had had meh relationships and that was absolutely not what I wanted again. So if I wasn’t feeling it, I’d just say I didn’t think we were right for each other and move on. No analysis, dissection, etc.
If I waited for men to message me I would hear from maybe 10% of the men I match with.
Is that a bad thing? I feel like, why expend energy on someone basically showing you they aren’t interested. Maybe that 10% is the 10% that you would have better luck with in that they are at lease willing to put forth effort.
If everyone did that, no one would ever talk! Somebody has to make the first move and I am so over the “wait for him to ask you, otherwise you’ll never know if he’s really interested” advice.
PS: Men treat women on apps like they’re disposable. Unmatching, ghosting, it’s all totally normal. So you can’t take anything personally. Go in with low expectations. Online dating these days is the wild west and there are no rules.
Can we please talk about appearance comments coming from other women in a professional setting? I am a few months into a new job and almost everything is being done remotely by video conference. Over the course of the last two weeks, I’ve had three different women make comments about my appearance during a video conference. They are nice comments, but I’m sort of at a loss at how to shut them down because I know they are not intended in a sexualized way, if that makes sense. I think part of it stems from me looking younger than my actual age, and also my actual age being relatively young for the position I’m in. My predecessors in this role were all older men. (I assure you, I am a relatively attractive person, but no super model). These comments are from women in a recorded video hearing. I guess I’m crowd-sourcing an appropriate response. Each time it’s happened, it has startled me and I think my discomfort has been obvious. Do I just say “thank you” and move on? It is entirely possible that I’m reading too much into this, but I feel like it is undercutting my role as judge.
Wait you’re the judge? And people are saying what to you?
Yes. I’m an ALJ and I’ve had the following comments: “Wow, you are beautiful.”
“Even your picture is pretty.” (When we were turning off video camera for a restroom break). “You are a lot easier on the eyes than Judge ___” (my predecessor)
This cannot possibly be real. No lawyer would talk to a judge that way. I am in a position where I’m on more equal footing with judges than practicing attorneys, and I interact with them in a non-litigation setting, and I still have never heard anyone talk to a judge that way.
Other than your not having personally witnessed this, what reason do you have to think this post is fake?
The people speaking are not necessarily lawyers. I used to do child protection work and there were a lot of self-represented litigants because they had a hard time getting representation for various reasons.
I was an ALJ for a while when I was in my early 30s. If the OP is young, I would imagine that she’s probably an ALJ for child protection services or social safety net benefits, not the type of thing where people come in with high-powered lawyers. No one was overtly inappropriate with me (or if I did, I was good at shutting it down); ironically, the most pushback I got was from a paralegal who objected to me swearing her in.
Yes, we don’t know what OP’s exact role is or if the people speaking are attorneys. In my city, ALJs often handle disputes with unrepresented litigants — like tickets to businesses for not complying with regulations, taxi license issues, etc. At the same time, I wouldn’t be shocked if it was attorneys — as a young prosecutor, I heard tons of similar comments from defense attorneys and judges. It’s a power thing, I wouldn’t necessarily put it past them to say something similar to a judge.
I think it depends what you mean by appearance comments? Are they complimenting your hair, or earrings, or blouse? If so, I think you should let it be. If they’re saying “You’re so pretty!” then I can understand feeling uncomfortable about that – it is very unprofessional, particular to say to a judge! In that situation, I think you can address it (gently) and move on.
Yes, I posted the comments in response to a reply above. The first time it happened it really flustered me and I think I said something like “It’s all smoke and mirrors” (I am cringing at that TBH). Since then I’ve basically ignored the comments other than what I’m sure is a startled expression. These are coming from women you are (or at least appear to be) significantly older than me. I am sure they are meant simply as compliments, but it’s inappropriate.
Who are, not you are
I actually find these types of comments about appearance from women that are significantly older to be inappropriate…they may be a veiled dig that is intended to undermine your credibility as a professional and at the very least they are unprofessional and out of place…. I think you can set the tone for the discussion by saying “OK, now let’s focus on the business at hand” which lets everyone know you are dismissing the comment as a distraction. I would not get flustered one bit, annoyed at their lack of professionalism, yes but flustered no.
“That’s inappropriate.”
You’re way overthinking this. I sometimes give compliments to other women if I like their hair or outfit or whatever. It’s just nice to give or receive a compliment. Be gracious and move on.
No, Anon, at 9:23 am, I couldn’t disagree more. This is an authority and credibility issue for her and young female professionals often are not taken seriously. If it’s pro se folks, it probably won’t stop, but she shou!d shut it down regardless. Lawyers should not be doing this and I’m cringing.
100% agree…
+1
+1, this is annoying.
Anon at 9:23 a.m. if the other women to whom you are giving compliments are judges, you need to stop it immediately.
I’m wondering, how do you accept compliments in a non-professional setting? I ask because I’m completely unable to accept a compliment. I come up with some benign response “oh this old dress? It was at the back of my closet” or “I didn’t do anything special with my hair today; it’s sooo dirty”. I try, I really do try, to just say “thank you” and move on but it’s difficult for me. I’d assume if I knew how to do this in my personal life, I’d be able to do it a professional setting as well.
I feel like I’m generally ok with this in a non-professional setting. I’ve lost a significant amount of weight over the last few years and it’s not unusual to get those sort of comments from people who haven’t seen me in a while. I mostly just say thank you but with this it’s the setting that’s throwing me.
Totally understandable. I wonder if you could say “thank you” in a cold, authoritative way that really says “that wasn’t appropriate to say to me as a judge.” If I got this response, I would recognize immediately that I was out of line.
I can understand that. If it truly is the setting that’s bothering you, say thank you, and address the individuals privately asking them to keep any comments about your appearance to a private/personal setting.
Judges can’t communicate privately with people appearing before them. It’s strictly forbidden
OP didn’t specifically say they were people appearing before her. I assumed it was a college of some sort.
colleague not college
You say thank you, obviously. But it’s definitely not the same in a professional setting.
I would say thank you and move on, but be a little terse. Eventually it will stop.
I would say thank you and immediately redirect. Polite, neutral, business focused. Like ‘Thank you. Now let’s hear from the plaintiff on abc issue’
Avoid engaging on the subject (that’s nice of you, you look great too or ‘this dress? It’s just an old fav or ‘thanks, just had my hair done’) – engagement just makes it an acceptable conversation topic.
Don’t have any great advice, but I do understand. I look young for my age, and I often have clients comment on how young I look or ask “how long have you been doing this?” It makes me feel uncomfortable, but this is not nearly as inappropriate as being told “you’re beautiful” in this type of setting. I believe these comments are made because I look like I’m in my 30s and people apparently have a hard time believing that women in their 30s could know much about this area of law. I doubt clients would make these remarks if I were male, and it is an obvious double standard. I can see how unrepresented litigants would not understand the impropriety of these types of compliments and I sincerely hope that lawyers are not making these statements.
This is completely inappropriate coming from a lawyer to a judge. You are not casual colleagues catching up over Zoom. I can understand why you would feel uncomfortable with these attorneys acting overly familiar. If it was me, I might just ignore the comment entirely without thanking them and move the conversation onto the case. Of course, I have also been before plenty of judges who I would expect based on their demeanor to swiftly shut this down with a curt comment. Either one of those responses would be appropriate in this situation, although I am somewhat at a loss for what you would say to address it, so I see why you are struggling with how to handle.
How about replying “let’s focus on the case and not me. Moving on….”
This has happened to me on occasion, mostly after I lost enough weight for it to be noticeable a while back, and I respond by saying “Let’s move on.” NOT “Thank you, let’s move on.” Just “let’s move on.”
I like this!
I like this as well. Thanks!
As an benefits attorney who routinely goes in front of ALJs– that is very odd. My claimants were terrified of any judge like figure and other attorneys wouldn’t want to screw their case by making remarks like that. I would likely remain silent to let them feel awkward or tell them point blank “what an odd thing to say” and move on. I know some ALJs choose to wear a robe and maybe that is an option for you if you think it will neutralize comments.
(I will say I had female ALJs that I felt a kinship too; we were always talking kid stories etc before hearings but i still wouldn’t make a comment about looks)
I will say that these comments have not come from attorneys, but from tax reps and appraisers.
Don’t be wishy-washy. Exercise your authority and educate those who come before you. “Discussing my appearance is off-topic and extremely inappropriate. I am the judge. Please present your case, Ms. _____.” The bonus is you will have thrown the party so much that you can then criticize the substance of the presentation, too, and then you will have really improved her as a person for the long term.
LOVE THIS!
What is everyone doing to help get Biden elected? Let’s share ideas and encouragement so we don’t get complacent. I’m planning to phone and text bank and donate money.
Postcards to unregistered voters.
I’m doing this, too. Bonus is it involved buying stamps from USPS.
I’ve given money, plan to phone bank this fall.
Downloaded the Vote Joe app and plan to text and phone bank from there!
I miss good old canvassing though. You learn so much about people going door to door.
Giving money and voting.
God, I hate getting texts from campaigns so much. Primary day in our state was this week and I got 12 texts in two days from two different campaigns. I appreciated the enthusiastic volunteering but I do not want strangers to text me about anything!!
I hate it too.
offering to drive my elderly neighbors to ballot drop off box, or to the poll if they want to vote in person.
As an elderly neighbor I so like this! Thank you.
Please tell your friends to vote now if they’re planning to work remotely! It all varies depending on your state (538 has a good walkthrough) but if you have to request a ballot do it now and try to send it back as well – or preferably, drop it off in person!
I have given money to the Black Senate candidate in my state who, I believe, can draw voters to the polls who will then vote for Biden.
+1 Down ballot races are equally important!
Donating weekly and monthly. I can’t afford to donate very much, but it adds up. May phone bank- I’ve done it before and it’s not my favorite thing to do, but tolerable.
Writing letters to voters every week and donating money! I loathe phone banking but will happily donate to the cause.
Signing up to work the polls on Election Day.
ME too! And early voting… because I am in grad school and can
Can I get some anecdata about your experiences with carpal tunnel syndrome? My hands and wrists have been sore for the past few weeks and I’m not sure why. Shortly before the soreness started, I started working in my home office space, where there’s space to have a second monitor, keyboard, mouse, etc. (whereas before I’d been at the kitchen table with my laptop). The soreness started in the wrist of my mouse hand, so I assumed it was an ergonomic issue. I’ve been trying to make sure my form is good, and I got a wrist brace to support that hand (also looking into vertical mouses), but now the soreness has spread, and now both hands/wrists are achey. Today I’m back to just the laptop, to see if a day away from the mouse helps.
We’re still isolating as much as possible, so I’m wary of making a doctor’s appointment if this is just going to be “meh, bodies are weird, this is what it’s like to be in your 40s,” but I know if it is carpal tunnel (or actual arthritis, ugh) it needs treatment. So I’m trying to do a little self-diagnosis before starting down that road. Any stories?
Read up on proper use of a wrist brace. You’re not supposed to use it when you’re actually working, just during rest time and sleep. I’ve had this issue on and off my entire professional career. Try to rest the hand as much as possible — no phone scrolling or computer over the weekend. I also found that crafts (knitting and embroidery) and yoga made it worse. Good luck, this sucks.
When my carpal tunnel flares up, I get the best relief from wearing a wrist brace while sleeping. Keeping it in the correct position while you rest allows your nerves and muscles to start to recover.
Braces confuse me so much. Some you wear while resting, some you wear while working (cf., my doctor, who told me the compression sleeve I was using for my tricky nee wouldn’t do any good if I only wore it at night — apparently you need the support while the muscles are moving, not while they’re resting). Does it depend on the limb?
Anyway, I’ve been wearing the brace pretty much 24/7 this week, but I won’t be mad about taking it off while working — it makes it harder to type and my handwriting is awful.
*knee. I do know how to spell. arrgh.
I know that if I curl up my hands at night, that really triggers pain. So for me it’s mostly to keep the posture neutral while I’m sleeping and can’t control it. I can keep the posture neutral myself while I’m conscious.
I had wrist pain and was diagnosed with a ganglion cyst. I wear a wrist brace during work hours and it keeps the pain away. I could have surgery but apparently the cysts often return so I didn’t think it was worth it.
I had a major ganglion cyst on my wrist 30 years ago. It disappeared without treatment (no brace), and has never recurred. YMMV
Lucky!! I’ve had one for 22 years. Luckily it’s not painful.
I would say make an appointment with a doctor. I had similar symptoms 5 years ago and was diagnosed with RA. I’m not saying this be your outcome, but treating it sooner rather than later sounds like the right course of action.
Make sure your alignment is good for typing.
I had it when pregnant (not sure why) and did 21 day on/7 day off doses of B6 and it fully relieved it. Look it up.
re: alignment. I have a proper setup with a vertical mouse and everything, but was using a chair that was just 1-2 inches too low for the height of the table, so it put a lot of pressure on my underarms. Adding a pillow seemed like a subtle difference, but really helped with arm position.
when I was working consulting and doing all my work from a laptop in a conf room, I had major pain. I wore a wrist brace at night which helped some, but what helped most was setting up with a real mouse and keyboard and raising my chair so I was at the correct height. To this day I cannot use a trackpad on a laptop without pain so always travel with a mouse, but have healed enough from taking those things seriously I no longer have day to day pain.
Long time weird wrist sufferer- I had a crappy doctor claim it was carpal tunnel syndrome, and so I lived in a wrist brace for years+ converted to thumb track ball. Turns out it was tendinitis and cubital tunnel syndrome for which bracing is counterproductive with a side order of thumb joint arthritis thanks to track ball.
Go to the doctor.
Active Release Therapy is what treated this for me. It helped a lot but did involve seeing someone in person.
I’ve had tendinitis for many years due to computer use, and thankfully it has never fully developed into carpal tunnel. Advice from doctors that helped me was to switch to a rollerball mouse (took a while to get used to but after that transition period it was great) AND to use the rollerball mouse with my non-dominant hand (also took a while to get used to but helped a lot once I did). Make sure your keyboard is at the correct height so that your elbows are at roughly a 90-degree angle. Make sure your chair and/or keyboard tray is at the correct height for that to happen. I also use one of those ergonomic keyboards instead of a standard keyboard, and that made a really huge difference. I suspect there’s something wrong with your home office from an ergonomic standpoint, and once that’s fixed your comfort will improve. Good luck.
Dumb question.. even if there is a covid vaccine, can businesses require their employees to get it? Or ban customers who don’t have it? I heard my hospital can’t legally require nurses to get the flu shot so I’m thinking a vaccine might be an uphill battle . . .
They can’t legally force it (maybe) but they can incentivize it. A friend who works as a nurse told me that she basically has to pay more for certain benefits if she doesn’t get the flu shot. I would assume that schools can require it on par with other vaccines. I don’t think businesses can really require or check if customers are vaccinated.
To the extent that polls show a low percentage of Americans are committed to getting a vaccine, I’m not actually worried. I wouldn’t answer “yes absolutely” to that question either until I know what comes out. But I plan on getting a vaccine it’s reasonably safe and not rushed for political reasons.
Why can’t they require it? Employers can require employees to get flu shots.
They usually can but it depends on your state laws and there are lots of lawsuits about religious exemptions, etc.
Right, there will be exceptions, but I still think a requirement even with exceptions will get a lot more people vaccinated than no requirement would. Only 50% of people are saying right now they’d get vaccinated. If there were a requirement with religious exemptions, I’m guessing more like 80 or 90% would be vaccinated. The difference is huge when talking about herd immunity, especially if the shot is very effective.
The flu shot is a vaccine. Not sure why you think a covid vaccine will be different? I suspect high risk categories like healthcare workers will get access before the rest of us.
I think so. My employer (state university) required flu shots for faculty, staff and students this fall as a condition of enrollment/employment. I’m not sure why a Covid vaccine would be different. I think this is the only way out of the pandemic, because 50% of people taking a partially effective vaccine is very far from herd immunity, so we’re going to need employers and schools requiring it. I also heard airlines may require it.
I certainly hope not and I will leave a job if they require it. I have deep concerns about the safety of a vaccine that was so rushed to production. The list of medications that turned out to have serious adverse effects is a fairly long one, and those were medications that weren’t raced through the process.
By the time it gets to the general public there will have been at least a year of data if not more of extensive use. That should weed out any immediate dangers.
It may rule out immediate dangers, but not neccessarily long term issues.
There are two major kinds of problems with a vaccine: 1) adverse effects from the shot itself (like you get the shot, the next day you get a fever and have a seizure) and 2) disease enhancement, meaning the shot itself doesn’t hurt you at all but if you get the disease it will be worse than it would have been without the vaccine.
#1 is obvious immediately, in a matter of hours or a few days. #2 is not obvious immediately, but by the time the vaccines become widely available they will have been used in tens or hundreds of thousands of people who were all tracked closely. Even though it’s an extremely unlikely possibility, it’s something researchers are being hyper vigilant about because it would be very problematic especially for a shot used in kids and young adults who are unlikely to get seriously ill from COVID.
There are no “long term issues” other than disease enhancement. If you’ve heard otherwise, that’s unscientific fearmongering.
That’s not true. I’m pro vaccine but it’s false to pretend like that is the only potential long term side effect. As with any medical intervention there are always long term risks and you may not know them for years. Especially for viruses which sometimes do weird things years after the initial infection (like shingles and chicken pox). We have no idea if a vaccine given now will or will not cause a resurgent issue the virus may cause in the future, especially with a virus that hasn’t been around long enough to know what the long term effects of the virus itself may be
What vaccine has ever had a long term effect, other than disease enhancement? It isn’t a thing that’s ever happened, and there’s no biological mechanism by which it could happen. Any reaction would be immediate. It’s true we don’t know the long term effects of the virus itself, but that’s all the more reason to get the vaccine!!! The vaccine does not infect you with the virus.
What does “we no longer have an FDA” mean? What a ridiculous statement. This is not Russia or China. All the vaccine trial data will be published and tons of independent experts will weigh in, pointing out any potential issues. The Phase I trial data has already been published for many of the vaccine candidates and scientists like Derek Lowe are writing bl*gs with their opinions about it. I don’t trust Trump or his administration either, but he can’t just secretly shepherd through an unsafe vaccine. That’s not how this process works at all. Any vaccine that’s approved will also be approved in many other Western countries with more science-based governments than we have, like Germany. Even if you don’t trust Trump, don’t you trust Merkel? Also, it’s very likely that by the time a vaccine is approved, Biden will be president. Unfortunately the Phase 3 trials are enrolling slower than they’d hoped and Fauci now says no efficacy data until January at the earliest.
Just to note- while I am very suspicious of the Trump administration’s approach to science and the virus, and the emphasis on speed over all else is alarming, it is important to be clear about WHAT in the process is being rushed. There are multiple processes to vaccine development. The safety components (the clinical trials and review of the data) are NOT being rushed. Every vaccine candidate is going through Phase 1, Phase 2 and Phase 3. Phase 1 is to test safety, Phase 2 is to test efficacy in generating an immune response, and Phase 3 is to test efficacy in preventing infection and safety in a large population setting.
These phases are all still happening.
What is being rushed is- the process of getting vaccine candidates from looking viable in a lab to starting Phase 1, funding many vaccines at the same time into multiple rounds of clinical trials (rather than trying one and then waiting to see if it works) and most importantly, starting manufacturing before we know if it works and is safe. This is the BIGGEST time saver. If you know today a vaccine is safe, it will take months to set up large scale production, and start to get enough doses produced (including sourcing enough vials, components) to be able to roll it out at any scale. This production process has already started for multiple vaccine candidates, so we are getting a multi-month head start.
If the FDA is pressured to approve a vaccine with questionable safety, I think we will all hear about it as a country as this process is being scrutinized very closely.
I do think it will take some time before any employer who is not a healthcare setting can mandate the COVID vaccine as it won’t be available to everyone early on. The question of how the vaccine will be rolled out fairly and equitably is something I definitely don’t trust the Trump administration on, but regardless of how messed up they are, healthcare providers and other first responders will almost certainly be at the top of the list.
Thanks for this breakdown, it’s really helpful.
+1, thank you!
I’m fascinated by this take- we have the most conservative regulatory institution in the world, an insurance program for mandated vaccines, and all the manufacturers know that they won’t make money on a covid vaccine and they’ll be watched very carefully for side effects.
Given how risk averse you are- do you ever drive a car? drink? leave the house?
I work in vaccine production (on one of the ones you’ve heard of) and I will be waiting until it is approved by the EMA (European FDA). I have no concerns about the manufacturing as these are not manufactured via novel procedures, but I do have concerns that the FDA will not review the clinical data with the appropriate rigor. The EMA does not have the same fast-track approval system that these vaccines will be utilizing in the US. I have no doubt that the approval will be expedited compared to their normal schedule, but they don’t have to commit to reviewing by a certain expedited date as the FDA does, and since they are responsible to multiple countries (and some of those countries can and will do their own reviews) it is harder for politicians to pressure them than the FDA.
Your state can require it for students and teachers to attend public school. The state law will have a religious exemption for the observant. The not religious anti vaxers would need to home school. With students, teachers, health care professionals, first responders, and at risk adults (about half of us are at risk) who voluntarily vaccinate we would hopefully hit the threshold needed to slow transmission.
Anonymous at 10:53, it’s not helpful to label those with concerns about a potential covid vaccine as “anti vaxxers.” I fully support vetted, safe vaccinations. The covid vaccine will be neither properly vetted nor proven safe, and safety concerns about the vaccine are valid. Your complete dismissal of those concerns by labeling people who disagree with you with the charged term “anti vaxxers” only serves to divide.
How do you know it won’t be properly vetted or proven safe? That’s ridiculous. I have heard numerous experts from the scientific community say that it is very possible for us to develop and vet a safe vaccine in the timeline being discussed. We’ll obviously have to see the final product, data, and process, but it’s far from impossible and you’re doing everyone a disservice by saying as much.
The dengue vaccine was supposedly properly vetted and proven safe, and it ended up causing a worse version of the disease instead of protecting children against it. The COVID vaccine will be rushed to market on an even shorter time table. Most of the leading candidates are also mRNA vaccines, which are an entirely new type of vaccine that has never before been used in humans. I am not keen on the idea of a vaccine’s hijacking my cells to produce the antigens, especially since this technology has not been in widespread and prolonged use so we can be sure it is safe.
This is not quite true. The dengue vaccine works in people who’ve had the disease before, but due to antibody mediated enhancement, it’s dangerous to give to people who’ve never had it. There was a huge scandal about giving the vaccine to the wrong patient population, but that occurred in a country without the oversight of the FDA.
That’s the whole point–the vaccine was administered to kids who hadn’t had the disease, and it caused disease enhancement. It’s not that it was only designed for people who’d already had dengue.
Also, we no longer have an FDA.
What does “we no longer have an FDA” mean? What a ridiculous statement. This is not Russia or China. All the vaccine trial data will be published and tons of independent experts will weigh in, pointing out any potential issues. The Phase I trial data has already been published for many of the vaccine candidates and scientists like Derek Lowe are writing bl*gs with their opinions about it. I don’t trust Trump or his administration either, but he can’t just secretly shepherd through an unsafe vaccine. That’s not how this process works at all. Any vaccine that’s approved will also be approved in many other Western countries with more science-based governments than we have, like Germany. Even if you don’t trust Trump, don’t you trust Merkel? Also, it’s very likely that by the time a vaccine is approved, Biden will be president. Unfortunately the Phase 3 trials are enrolling slower than they’d hoped and Fauci now says no efficacy data until January at the earliest.
Anonymous at 12:01 please stop spreading blatantly false facts. There is ONE main mRNA vaccine candidate being vetted by Moderna which has never launched a successful vaccine product. The rest are traditional vaccines, a few based on existing vaccine products that weren’t brought to market for various reasons so their safety profile has already been assessed. There are legitimate worries about a new vaccine but don’t fear monger about straight up lies. Where are you getting your news, Facebook?
I will take any approved vaccine as soon as I can (I’m desperate to travel again!), but the PP is right that there’s more than one mRNA vaccine and mRNA is new technology. Pfizer, Sanofi, Imperial College London and a few other vaccines are mRNA. There are also lots of non-mRNA ones, most notably the AstraZenaca/Oxford one which was the first vaccine to enter human testing and may be the first approved in western countries. Johnson and Johnson vaccine is also “viral vector” (ie., standard vaccine technology).
NYT vaccine tracker has a good overview of all the vaccines and what stage they’re at: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/science/coronavirus-vaccine-tracker.html
There are several states that have a personal belief or philosophic exemption as well, so “I don’t believe in vaccines” is enough to exempt yourself and your children from vaccination.
Unless the vaccine is almost 100% effective, having ~60% of people get it doesn’t do much for herd immunity. The vaccine could be as little as 50% effective, and then we would need almost everyone to be vaccinated before we saw any real decline in transmission. Also keep in mind the vaccines aren’t even being tested in children or pregnant women, so vaccination likely won’t be possible for those groups until 2022 at the earliest. This really worries me because I don’t see how school can happen in fall ’21 if kids can’t vaccinated…I really wish more people were talking about this.
I don’t know if they can require it (not in law here) but I think it could be a very slippery slope. I would quit my job and seek new employment before I was forced to get a Covid vaccine. I am not an anti-vaxxer by any means but I think there are legitimate concerns surrounding this vaccine and the speed at which it is being pushed thru. I think there are a lot of others who likely feel the same as me, even people who are taking this seriously , wearing masks, etc.
They aren’t actually rushing the safety and efficacy trials. You can’t. They rushed the development of the vaccine, but that’s due to breakthroughs in science (like the fact that the virus was fully sequenced before we ever had a case in the US), and they’re rushing the manufacturing, which means they may have to throw out a lot of vaccine if it turns out not to be safe or effective. But that’s entirely a financial risk, not a health risk. You’d be crazy not to get an approved vaccine when it’s available to you (which, unless you’re in healthcare or very high risk, will likely be well over a year after it first began testing in humans – no young, healthy people are going o get vaccinated before next summer). Even assuming you’re a healthy young adult, you probably still have somewhere between a 3 and 5% chance of ending up hospitalized from this virus, and maybe a 0.5-1% chance of dying. That’s really a lot. Flu is less than 0.1% chance of death.
Especially when you consider that we think COVID is more communicable than the flu, at least last I read.
Given the tine trame of the trials they are not going to have full efficacy data. Phase 3s are less thana year so you are not going to get the efficacy if there are seasonaly variations. (Yes you will get some seasonality with subjects in the northern and southern hemispheres but each subject will not be exposed.). I think the compressed timeline may impact the evaluation of the efficacy but there should not be safety concerns. I would have no concerns about getting it.
COVID has shown almost no seasonality so far, though. How fast you get efficacy data depends on the infection rates in the places you’re doing trials. Right now, over 0.01% of the US is getting infected every day, which means in 100 days you’d expect 1% of the participants to be infected without a vaccine. In a trial with 15,000 people in the placebo group, that’s 150 people. If the vaccine is very effective, in 3 months we might have a control group with 150 people infected and a test group with 50 people infected. That would be pretty compelling efficacy data to me. And that doesn’t even factor in data about reduced severity of illness, which you would have sooner.
You’re an anti vaxxer because you’re reading other people’s opinions and fear tactics about a virus, and then re-spreading those opinions that are not based in fact.
+1. It’s fine to question the science but to claim the usual regulatory processes are not being followed is uneducated fear-mongering.
For those of you looking for a weekend retreat from DC, I noticed that The Directive has a very positive post on her blog about a place outside of DC.
Thanks for trying to drive clicks and all, but could you just tell us what the place is? I tried to find it for myself by googling and nothing came up besides tech consulting.
Lol all I could find was something about saving gardening for marriage.
Seriously, this is the most transparent click bait ever.
I don’t think so. I’m not OP, but the Directrice gets brought up on here from time to time because she’s a professional woman of a certain age who blogs about her outfits.
I think she has a fairly small following (because it’s so specific) and sincerely doubt she derives a ton of income from her blog. She certainly is not a full time blogger. She’s an attorney, I believe.
It’s cl!ckba!t because it doesn’t even bother to mention the name of the place, meaning if you were interested you’d have to go look it up. I know that blog gets mentioned here and I like it! But this is not a casual mention, this is a targeted ad.
Yeah she is def not the type to clickbait. She blogs as a hobby. I really like the blog – although not all of the outfits are for me, I definitely get inspired to switch up how I usually wear things.
Anon at 12:42. No, that’s ridiculous. I am one of her handful of occasional followers (that’s me commenting on every cat pic). She gets like 10 comments on a good day.
Ooh I solved it! The Directrice! A professional wear blog (and I think former or maybe current reader of this s*te)
L’Auberge Provençal in Boyce, VA for those who don’t want to look for it
Thank you! :)
I vaguely remember the original post requesting suggestions, but can’t remember details. We went to L’Auberge Provençale a few years ago in November. The inn was nice, the food was delicious (but obscenely expensive) and we had trouble finding anything to do. We don’t hike, and most of the other activities were “off season” at that point. We were so bored that we ended up leaving a night early.
It’s a great spot if you’re into food, wine tasting and hiking (again, can’t remember what the original poster was looking for), and have plenty of money to burn. But personally, I wouldn’t go back.
Did any of you all build a home and would you do it again?
My DH and I renovated our current home and were happy with that process. We’re looking to move and likely doing another renovation or buying a lot and building. He’s leaning towards the former, I’m leaning maybe towards the latter?
We built a home 9 years ago and I would absolutely do it again. Picking out finishes is fun, of course, but what I love most about our home is that it functions so well for *us* and our family. In this weird SAH time, I am even more appreciative of a good thing. Though, had I known that we’d both be working from home, there are a few small things I’d do differently. But overall, the layout just works for our family and we have plenty of spaces to be alone and to be together.
We did a new build six years ago. We were looking to buy a new house but didn’t like any of the floor plans so our realtor suggested a new build. We went with a company who builds all the houses in a suburb. We looked at bunch of model homes and decided which one we wanted. From there we chose various options for the build – for example, the standard kitchen and living room sizes were smaller than we wanted so we opted for a bump out. After that we picked out paint, tile, counters, etc. With our company you had to go with the pre-selected options provided. If you go with a custom builder you may have more options.
My husband had some custom options for how he wanted the house wired for internet and we needed special plumbing for our water softening system. Those required a lot of back and forth with the builders. Overall we were on site a lot to make sure things were going smoothly.
We lived in an apartment for around 6 months after we sold out old house and moved into the new one.
I’ve never done a full scale renovation on a house. It seems a lot more time consuming and there are unknowns, so I would personally lean towards doing a new build.
Take into account your preferences and how much time you are willing to invest into the design/how clear of a vision you have about what you want. My parents built a home in their 30ies, while they were both working full time and raising kids. They worked with a developer and got essentially a standard home, almost cookie cutter. I would say the home is fine, personal memories are what makes it a home. I know three other examples of where the owners were able to invest a lot more time into planning the construction, placement of windows, flow of the rooms. One is my in-laws’ home, which they planned and built when already retired, with many revisions of the blueprints. The other one is the home of good friends who are more artistically inclined and opted for a very individual space, where I spent many days as a teen. The third is the house I am renting currently. All are just completely different from any of the ‘normal’ houses I’ve been in. You walk in and you are in a special, homey place. Little details can impact your everyday life and enjoyment of the home a lot, but I am aware that it takes a lot of upfront investment into thinking through the layout, and ideally the help of an experienced architect.
+1. My sister built a fantastic thoughtful home. It required a crazy level of work on her part, such that I will probably never do it. Blueprints were revised many times, then she was on site essentially every day and caught things that didn’t flow and revised (and sometimes a fantastic architect’s plans need to be updated for contractor needs). It was almost a full time job and a turn off for me. But again, it’s awesome.
I’ve built a custom addition doubling the size of my house, so I guess that is a combination of the two! Being able to design everything is great but you do need a pretty clear vision of what you want and be prepared to make a lot of decisions. You will also likely need to deal with contractors, many of whom don’t have great attention to detail or make mistakes or oversights. It’s part of how it is. Your builder/contractor will be the face and deal with everyone but you definitely want involvement. I would do it again.
We use Schwab for our checking and have for the last 10 years. We chose them at the time because they were pretty cutting edge – one of the first with no ATM fees, mobile deposits and some other bells and whistles that made us feel special and we liked.
We want to switch to a more traditional brick and mortar for our daily checking needs for a host of reasons. The one thing we’ve become very accustomed to is free ATM use. Is that readily available? I’m in the Boston area and after surveying a few (Citizens, BofA, SalemFive) it seems that truly free ATMs might not be a norm. Before going down a rabbit hole and looking at each and every bank, I’m wondering if anyone has recs.
Basically we’re looking for a fantastic, easy online and mobile interface, relatively low requirement to waive monthly fees (ideally just a direct deposit requirement but could park up to $25k somewhere if we absolutely had to), and free ATM use. Does such an animal exist?
You might explore local credit unions – many offer free atm access.
My credit union has free ATM access at all their locations. Do people really use ATMs that often? I rarely pay with cash and a lot of places aren’t accepting it any more.
+1 plus it’s easy to get cash back at the grocery store or somewhere similar
Yes, some of us use ATMs. I go to one each week. We need cash for the farmer’s market every Saturday and I like to have cash in my pocket for the homeless near my office and I don’t got in anywhere that I can get cash back — everything is ordered online and brought to my home these days.
I have a B of A checking account with all the features you are looking for, unless you want fees waived for using other banks’ ATMs.
Cambridge Trust and Harvard Univ. Employees Credit Union both sound like they’d meet your needs. CT in particular has always had a great service level, plus convenient hours (early mornings!). I believe Middlesex Savings Bank and Brookline Savings Bank also have what you’re looking for, but no direct experience.
First Republic credits other banks ATM fees and has excellent in bank service with essentially no fees for services like cashier checks/wires/etc. However, I wouldn’t describe the online banking as fantastic, and they do have a fairly high minimum balance requirement.
I like First Republic too. Far better customer service than BofA. I think their online banking works fine, although yes not as good as BofA.
People’s United Bank. I’ve been a customer for 15+ years and am very happy with them.
Another vote for People‘s — They RULE!!!!!!
BoA had a class action against them for shady practices, no thanks! You have options!!
I’m finally getting my COVID fitness act together. Does anyone have a referral/promo code for the Sweat app?
I have one. Do you have a burner email I could send it to you too?
anon561313 at google’s mail (trying to avoid mod)
thanks!
Vent/mild pity party:
This has been a cluster of a week and this morning we recieved a nasty email from a potential job candidate (also a former student of mine) about how he felt the interview process was a waste of his time, how he’s never had a worse experience with a company, etc. It was bad. Now, that said, I am partly to blame and I am freaking out. Many of the candidates were either sourced by me or knew me, so I obviously did not particiapte in the interview process. The person we hired started last week. He reached out to me to ask what the status was and I told him that we had hired someone and gave him an indication of why I thought he might not have been selected – he was out of the salary range we were looking for (I know, I know, I clearly should NOT have done that). I didn’t say it was 100% why he wasn’t selected, I clearly stated that I was speculating (I know, I KNOW – bad). I was trying to be kind. Welp, that blew up in my face. While he didn’t call me out specifically in the email, I will surely get asked about it and I also will not lie to my boss/colleague who conducted the interview.
Oye, I feel like I am making all sorts of mistaks and bad decisions lately. I am exhausted and stressed, but I feel like a complete idiot these days. Fark.
Maybe I’m missing something but why is it bad to give him feedback on why he wasn’t selected. A lot of qualified candidates do not get the job because salary expectations do not match up. I don’t think you should beat yourself up so much. HR should have notified candidates who were not selected, and the guy should not have sent that email. I’ve had plenty of bad interviewing experiences – I once flew for interviews twice, was asked how I could possibly do this job as a woman, etc. While I would never interview there again, I would have never sent a nasty email. Sometimes you take the L and move on.
Oh wow! That is a bad experience. I am so sorry.
I think it’s a bad thing for me to have given feedback because I wasn’t part of the formal process – so I was not speaking with any authority about it, just giving my opinion as a friend/potential colleague. As a professional, I did not imagine that the candidate would have turned it around on us like this person did. Learned my lesson there.
Our HR is bad about notifying candidates, so I am less worried about that part than I am about my boss being upset I shared my opinion about why we didn’t hire this person when it was partly speculation and I was doing it as a personal courtesy outside of the bounds of my role.
You did nothing wrong here! He’s just showing you who he is, which is rude, ungrateful, and unprofessional. JSFAMO.
And it sounds like maybe you could use a break? Can you take a day off and just lie in bed and read?
Thank you! I do need a break, but I am the only one of my role working today, so need to be here. I have a week off coming up in two weeks and it can’t come soon enough. I may call my doctor to see if I can up my antidepressant dosage because crying every day is not working for me.
Oof, Do not beat yourself up about this. Your former student shouldn’t be sending angry emails about his time being wasted to any company he wanted to be employed by. I hired and interviewed a ton in my prior job and the only thing I would say to what you wrote above is if he was wildly out of range, he should have never been interviewed. If it was a case that his low end was 5k above your high end and you thought there might be wiggle room on the budget, totally reasonable to interview. And then realize he was not woth going outside your range for is completely normal.
I am a big proponent of JUST POST THE SALARY RANGE though for these very reasons, but I recognize not many people have control of that.
I 100% agree that salary ranges should be shared. I don’t know what they ended up offering to the candidate who accepted the job, but I know that my boss looked up the starting salary of the job she had to step away from for personal reasons and based our offer somewhat on that. If that is truly what he did, then it would have been a $20k paycut for this candidate. However, we had a large range and were trying to figure out whether we wanted to hire one very experienced person at a higher salary or two less experienced people at a lower salary. He was under experienced for the first option and too experienced/too expensive for the second option based on the internal discussions I was privy to. The even worse part is I told him that we may have another position open (completely true) and he STILL sent this email which absolutely masacred the bridge with any of us.
The applicant is out of line. I can think of very, very few scenarios in which it’s appropriate for a candidate to give any unsolicited feedback on a hiring process, even if delivered professionally (which this clearly wasn’t). It sounds like you dodged a bullet with this hire.
If anyone messed up, it’s the hiring team – ideally they would have told him they’d selected another candidate. Of course that doesn’t always happen and as an applicant, you have to accept that you won’t always know.
The only suggestion I would make – if a candidate reaches out to you because of a personal connection, loop the hiring manager in before you respond. But again, you’re not the responsible party here. I hope you can relax and recharge this weekend.
Thank you and you are absolutely correct with your suggestion. I already talked to my colleague who is the hiring manager (not my boss, who also interviewed this person) and apologized and told him I would never speak to a candidate about anything without internal discussions first.
My biggest fear is that my boss and colleague will lose faith in my ability to make good judgment calls. That’s what’s eating me the most, I think.
I think you handled the follow up with the hiring manager just fine! I agree with others not to beat yourself up about this. This is not a huge mistake that your boss and others will even remember or hold against you! I hope you are able to get some rest and can recharge soon. Sending you some internet hugs! Maybe try to treat yourself to something relaxing or fun to celebrate surviving this week?!
I think they’ve probably made their own mistakes in interviewing & even hiring people who didn’t work out, etc. It’s got to be a pretty common mistake. So I don’t think you should worry here as long as this guy is an outlier. I bet overall having your referrals must help them out quite a lot.
Having been in the workforce for a few decades, I think you can have someone who is a tremendously good candidate and a crappy employee, and someone who didn’t set the world on fire during the interview process but is actually great at the job.
I am unclear if you think the student did have a bad experience, but I’d give your colleagues the benefit of the doubt to keep the peace at work. I think as long as you adopt an attitude of “I referred him based on his work as a student, but he’s clearly out of touch with professional norms and I understand why he wouldn’t be a fit for our company,” you’re fine. Yes, it was a mistake to offer feedback in this case, but (unless HR/management is unreasonable) I think you can probably chalk it up to a lesson learned and move on.
Thanks for your feedback and I am absolutely on the side of my immediate colleagues here. Unfortunately, our recruiters have been on and off furlough so I do not know if that affected their response times to let the othe candidates know that we hired someone. They have, in the past, bungled this process, so I definitely sympathize there.
He received three interviews and was a finalist, but did not get the job. He was mad that we interviewed him at all if we may have thought his salary requirements were too high. There was a wide range of options we were considering, so I cannot say for sure (and certainly did not to him) that was the only reason he didn’t get hired.
However, there will be companies in his future which also do not tell candidates they didn’t get hired, you know? Is it the best practice? Absolutely not, but it’s reality and if he sends those types of emails to everywhere he interviews with but isn’t happy wtih the level of communication, he will quickly find himself unable to get a job in this community!
I have applied to and interviewed for countless jobs over they years where I never got an iota of feedback or closure. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, but it is also extraordinarily common. Your candidate is about to learn that the hard way.
I agree wholeheartedly with pungsnburbon’s response to you. You dodged a huge, giant bullet by not hiring him but use extreme caution when responding to people about hiring processes (whether you’re a part of them or not) going forward.
That’s one way to burn a bridge, yikes! Good thing he wasn’t hired!
Yeah, I was gonna say – you dodged a bullet there for sure!
I was really shocked! He had sent me an email earlier in the week thanking me for my help and support that was quite nice. This was a Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde week!
Yeah, think of it this way: You will never have to interview him again.
I cannot think of a time when an email like that would be appropriate, except maybe when there was blatant sexism or racism or ageism expressed by the company in the interview.
So I put off my annual eye exam because of COVID, and now I’m running out of contacts, which I usually order through my eye doctor. At this point, I’d rather order my current prescription online and call it day. Any recommendations for websites to order from?
I had this come up recently and didn’t have any issues ordering from 1-800-contacts and i didn’t order last year from them
Has your prescription expired? Most online places will verify it with your eye doctor.
Ehhhh … I didn’t know prescriptions expired? I usually go in once a year. My usual exam would’ve been in early August.
They definitely do, usually after just a year, and online places will likely not be flexible on this.
Maybe in COVID your eye doctor will allow you to order with it expired.
That was my experience – my prescription expired in July and I didn’t have any issues getting a reorder.
Yes they do and it’s totally a racket to make you get eye exams more frequently.
I would perhaps go ahead & order now before the prescription gets any older, but I’d expect leniency during these times. Maybe you can even call your ophthalmologist and ask for a renewal without a visit or with tile health only if needed.
Is your prescription still current/not expired?
Only advice is if you have VSP insurance don’t try to order through Target. I normally love Target but trying to do this was a nightmare & in the end it just couldn’t even go through. (Other insurance might be fine, VSP they couldn’t do online).
I ended up ordering through my eye doctor who shipped my contacts to me.
Call your eye doctor. Mine did a 6 month extension without needing to come in bc of COVID, even though my scrip was technically expired.
Your prescription probably expired. I would call the eye doctor and explain your concerns about coming in to see if they would extend it and give you a new copy. If they will, then turn around and order a years worth of contacts from 1-800 Contacts/Costco or the like.
You can order from UK or Canadian websites selling contact lenses without a prescription. Shipping will cost a little more, but it might even out the cost of getting a new eye exam.
my father is an ophthalmologist and he is super cautious about the virus and his office is taking lots of precautions. Pre covid ophthalmologists never wore masks and now he is wearing an n95 every day
I use 1800 contacts. The good thing is that if your prescription changes, you can send back unused contacts and get replacements! I have used them for many years and never had any problems.
I had a consult with a surgeon about gallstones yesterday. Someone here had asked that I report back. After the surgeon reviewed the ultrasound showing the stones and I reported having painful attacks, she recommended surgery to remove the gallbladder. She explained that since I’m experiencing pain, the stones seem to be mobile, and there is a possibility they could lodge themselves somewhere and create infection. I am scheduled for surgery on Tuesday. I should be able to go home later that afternoon, no hospital stay required. Hoping to be back at work in a week.
Best wishes for a speedy process!
Hope all goes well and you have a quick recovery!
Good luck!
THat’s so quick! Good luck!
DH had his gallbladder removed and he was back at work in a few days. He said it was easier than other surgeries. One thing though, he did have to change his diet a bit — so you might want to ask about it.
Wishing you a speedy recovery!
Don’t wait for your pain to be too bad to take your pain meds. I had laproscopic surgery last year and only took 2 of my narcotic pain meds after the first day. If I knew that was the worst my pain would get, I wouldn’t have toughed it out. I was trying ration them for the worst pain not knowing that was the worst pain. The two times I broke down and took them, I wish I had taken them hours sooner. Obviously still be careful but don’t be a martyr.
On the other hand, it only takes 3 days to form a craving for narcotics, and we have an opioid epidemic in this county. Take opioids only when you can’t manage the pain with OTC pain meds.
If your opioid includes acetaminophen, like Tylenol with codeine, try an NSAID like Advil first. If you still need the opioid, then you can take it later without worrying about taking too high a dose of acetaminophen.
+1 I feel like this advice is really outdated. Now the advice is to try to manage pain without opioids and use them only as a last resort. It’s a complete myth that you can’t get addicted from what began as completely legitimate or even necessary use.
Good luck!! My father had this operation last year and had a very easy recovery. My sibling had it as a teenager as well after years of misdiagnosed attacks. Both of them feel much better!!
I’m an attorney in NY. I have a very Jewish-sounding last name. My father is Jewish, so I definitely have Jewish heritage but I am not Jewish nor do I identify with any religion.
A few weeks ago, I had a call with the head of a firm, an older male attorney trying to settle a case. When he asked me to repeat my last name,he commented sarcastically on it. Specifically he said “oh that’s a nice BLANK name, huh?” BLANK being another ethnicity, that the attorney’s surname reflects. (It’s ironically my mother’s ethnicity as well so the whole exchange was kind of strange.)
Anyway, what ensued was the most bizarre settlement negotiation. He basically hung up on me several times and made it impossible to clarify the terms of his proposal. I talked to a supervisoring attorney about his behavior (but not his comment) and she said that was not unusual for him and it was ok to agree to his vague terms. Its not that he hurt my client’s position or thatvthe deal was bad, it was just, unnecessarily rude and annoying for me, if that makes sense?
Anyway, I was talking, off the cuff, about how strange it was to our managering attorney, who I consider a friend. He was pretty serious when I told him about what he said about my name, that that was absolutely out of bounds to comment on my ethnicity.
What would you have done/said if anything, in the moment? There’s nothing to do now, I’m just wondering how I could have handled it.
Just me, but in the context of settlement negotiations, I’m probably more apt to let inappropriate comments slide than normal for the benefit of my client. I try hard not to be swayed by them, especially if it is an inappropriate tactic by some opposing counsel counsel, but I don’t think you’re glossing over it in that situation was a problem.
Possibly he’s trying to rattle you and it’s better to ignore him. Maybe say flatly/casually, “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean by that” followed by a quick subject change.
I also have a Jewish last name, as my husband is Jewish, but I am not. Clients regularly comment or hint around about it . I get everything from “what type of name is that?” (Duh – it’s a super common Jewish name), to flat out “are you Jewish?” The clients who make these comments are almost always Boomer age range and up. The comments are inappropriate and annoying but I try not to let them bother me. I ask myself, what good would it do to allow myself to be annoyed? And since there’s not much point, I just let it go and answer their question, as flatly and briefly as possible.
My second husband (and I) had a very Jewish last name so people always assumed I was Jewish. Mostly in the context of people wishing me well on the Jewish holidays, which I would just accept gracefully and move on. I always felt, rightly or wrongly, that even correcting the assumption was making a bigger deal of it than it needed to be.
Now I’m using the very Irish name of my first husband (and my son, hence the switch back) so everybody assumes I’m Irish. So whatever…
Not a litigator, but I’ve heard a lot of nightmare stories about how older men treat younger women in litigation and settlement negotiations; they think that if they are condescending jerks, she’ll give in. If you re-frame it as, this guy had to insult my heritage because he has no case, it might be easier to handle.
also yes this UGH, just, a super EFF-you to NY male attorneys. There are just so few I encounter who don’t treat me like a trash bag. god I hate practicing here.
Also an attorney with a Jewish father, very Jewish last name, and identify as atheist. I have had so many experiences like this in my life. They feel off in the moment but it’s only clear that a line was very much crossed in hindsight. I would probably just play dumb and ask him to explain. He’d have to grapple out loud with what he’s doing, which is pointing out that you’re not his ethnicity, you’re Jewish, in a way that frames Jewish heritage as less-than.
Ugh thank you for this! It’s somehow helpful to know I’m not the only one-I’ll use your strategy going forward.
That’s a weird old joke. My dad’s version was “a nice Irish name,” but this was in the 1970-80s. I can’t imagine that joke flying today. The guy you’re working with is a dinosaur with no sense of professionalism and I’m sorry you had to deal with it.
Ding ding ding. I guess what bugged me, in hindsight, was the underlying assumption that I was so different from an Irish-American person and the weird irony that I have more Irish than Jewish heritage. Then I went through this whole guilt about how this isn’t ok even if I am as Jewish as he thinks. Over the course of like 15 seconds it was just hard to think of what to say.
For what it’s worth, my dad would have used the same joke about someone named Tashadaki or Kowalski so he was either an equal opportunity racist or it was some lame joke about someone else’s difficult to spell or pronounce last name. Not that it was ok that he joked about it. But it wasn’t specifically an anti-Semitic joke.
It just seemed like such a weird backhanded way to poll it out that he saw me as “other.” Like haha the joke is I’m different?
I sort of do the firm teacher thing when male attorneys are trying to be jerks during settlement negotiations (e.g. responding “there is no need to yell. please speak to me professionally” in firm tone if yelled at). So I’d probably say, that’s an odd comment in firm tone and moved on. It’s so hard in the moment.
You announce, with authority, “We will NOT be discussing my ethnicity in a professional context. Thank you very much. Now let’s get on with business and keep this conversation appropriate and professional. I don’t think we will need to revisit this subject, right?” And then you push back hard each and every time he crosses a line. You must call out this behavior every time. There is no slack here. He is being patently racist and he needs to be educated.
I love this.
Wow. Thank you. I think deep down that’s what I wanted to hear. I guess hated the idea that I was being overly sensitive, but he’s the one who felt the need to make my ethnicity an issue in the first place.
In an ideal world, this would indeed be the appropriate response. But for a lawyer in settlement negotiations, please give thought to whether it is in your client’s best interests. Some times it is just not in your client’s interests to be that biting (and sometimes it is).
But agree that the only time it is appropriate to discuss this (and I have done it) it to say “I was going to set this for [insert major religious holiday here] but I wanted to be sure that would not be a problem for anyone at your end.”
The earlier post about building a home got me thinking – anybody else in this crazy ‘at home all the time’ period thinking/dreaming of doing some major home renovations?
We live in an older home which I love. Love the character, love the fabulous old wood floors and the interesting architectural features and the location. But… with kids and life, I find myself wishing for a more open floor plan, a mud room, and more square footage. Heck, on occasion I think of turning the basement into a full au pair suite.
Anybody else? (Judging by the fact that all contractors around here are booked solid until the snow flies, I’m going to guess some people have work going on right now.)
Interesting – the most common complaint I’ve been hearing has been all the drawbacks to an open floor plan since people have been home all the time. I’ve never been a fan of the *really* open plans that are currently en vogue, between the noise, lack of privacy, and inability to keep dirty dishes out of view.
+1. Our older house is a really nice balance – an open living/dining area, but a door to the kitchen.
That said, a mud room and a finished basement are almost always great additions to a house.
I’m the opposite. I have multiple tabs open with tiny studio apartments where I could QUIETLY LIVE ALONE.
This made me lol.
Yes. We were casually discussing it a year ago and now we’ve begun consulting with an architect. Being home all the time has underscored that there are a few things about our house that would really increase the livability — a real mud room, a second main-floor office with a door, and a larger kitchen that reflects the way we cook and eat (all the time, but especially the last few months). It also would be great to have a true master suite instead of a shared bathroom upstairs, but that may end up out of the budget.
I’m afraid that given all the demand around here (NoVA) it may be 2022 before anything happens since all the contractors seem swamped, but we’re going to see what we can pull together with plans.
Oh man, I get all of these changes.
While I really don’t want to go 100% ‘my whole first floor is one room!’ our current kitchen is kind of awkwardly shaped and doesn’t lend itself to hanging out in. The actual workspace is very functional with great countertop space and cabinets, but I have fantasies of moving a pantry and repositioning everything plus opening up a wall to the dining room for a peninsula… Husband thinks it’s fine the way it is but I have this idea in my head I just can’t shake!
DH and I have definitely been talking about renovations and what we’d like to do. But I wouldn’t want to start any major renovations until we’re back to “normal” life–going to office/school, able to stay with family while floors get varnished, able to eat at a restaurant while kitchen is remodeled, comfortable escaping to a children’s museum or wherever while the house is torn apart.
We’ve completed a number of small repairs and upgrades though.
Yes, we are. Our family room is very dark so we are going to install some clerestory windows to let the sunshine in. Very excited! Also we are finally getting around to remodeling the last remaining original 50s-in-a-bad-way bathroom.
Home Depot and Lowe’s have had massive growth during the pandemic, so it’s definitely not just you.
I am dreaming of selling our house and buying a new one that doesn’t need to be renovated. I’m tired of pouring money down the drain fixing this one.
We are constantly working on our old house and that will never stop. There’s no point at which it’s “done” because it’s old and needs maintenance if not cosmetic improvements.
Right now my husband is on a painting kick. We are one room away from all new paint since we bought it in the 00s. Then it will be time to start again.
Tell me about them. Can they ever look natural-ish? Do they interfere with contacts? Do contacts interfere with them? Have you ever had any allergic reactions? I want to know everything. Thanks!
I loved getting lash extensions during pre-COVID times. I’d typically get a J curl, between 10-11 mm in length (pretty conservative) and they looked very natural. Did not interfere with my contacts and no allergic reactions. Helped cut down my makeup routine because I didn’t need to wear mascara or eyeliner.
I first got them about five years ago and LOVED them. No problem with my contacts. They looked great, felt fine, and the artist did a great job choosing a size/style that looked natural for me. I kept up with them for about eight months, but finally got sick of the time and money I had to invest (about 2 hours and $100 a month) to keep up with fills. Then about a year ago, I decided to go for them again. Sadly, this time they resulted in red swollen, itchy eyelids, and I went back to have them removed within a week. This was a the same salon, and supposedly the same lash and adhesive formula. So I don’t know if it was a weird one-off experience, or perhaps the formula had changed, and the person who assured me otherwise was just misinformed.
I think mine looked natural (pre covid I’d get a C curl 12-13m). Never interfered with contacts, although i would purposely not wear contacts when I got them done because you keep your eyes shut for so long. I haven’t had any allergic reactions, but the first time, they would feel a little itchy for the first day or so.
I started using lash serum during covid and am unsure if I’ll go back to extensions because mine are pretty long now (for me). I had an amazing woman who would do my extensions at an insanely cheap price ($45 for fills) which would last 4-6 weeks, so my issue was always the time commitment, not the money.
Things that were annoying: working out, I got used to never rubbing my eyes and wiping sweat off gently, I avoided getting them wet which means I had a way to wash my face without splashing water on the lashes. I also got a silk pillowcase because they supposedly helped decrease the extensions falling out. Ideally I’d sleep on my back, but that was hard for me to do. I always forced myself to take a break in the summer because I’m in the water a lot and it wasn’t worth it to me. I also appreciated the few months to reset to enjoy my natural face.
I had some done a couple years ago that looked very natural – they do exist! I found the process to put them on to be unbearable, though. The initial set took hours. I have hooded eyes and it was really claustrophobic and unpleasant – I really hated the process, and I normally never mind stuff like that. I didn’t even mind Lasik.
I feel like you get a better and more natural look by growing your own eyelashes with something like Latisse. And in the long run, it’s cheaper.
I might do extensions for a special occasion like my own wedding, but not as a thing added to monthly maintenance.
I estimate I’ll be 100% remote for the next 6 months to a year, longer if 45 is re-elected (and inevitably bungles the vaccine rollout). I’m thinking about getting a haircut I would never normally get, like a pixie, or a short bob. Or letting my hair stylist surprise me. It will grow back. My hair is the longest its ever been right now, hasn’t been cut since February and was already quite long then. It’s annoying. Any one else?
I’m thinking of either having my husband cut my hair or letting it grow like Rapunzel. Does that count?
I’ve always wanted to have my stylist surprise me, but never done it because I hate my hair short and am always afraid they’d go short. I’d consider it now, except I have to go back to work in a week. I am considering a new color though (I’ve never colored my hair before). I hope you’re braver than me and go for it!
No because I cut it at home. It took 3 mins and it looks fine. It wasn’t a big deal.
high five for the convenience of at-home haircuts!
I cut my own hair last night for the first time… it went way better than expected!
I would totally do this, probably opting for the short bob or a style that I could (potentially) just let grow out for a long time with minimal awkwardness.
This is not the time for a pixie cut. Pre-pandemic, I had to get my pixie trimmed every 4 weeks, and it really would have been better to go every 3 weeks. Salons were closed for several months, and the pixie grew into a horrible mullet that made quarantine even more stressful because I felt like an ugly monster every time I looked in the mirror. Now I am growing it out into a shag that only needs to be trimmed every 8 weeks or so because it’s so difficult to get an apopintment thanks to all the safety measures, and because I want to minimize the time I spend in the salon anyway. A longer cut will also grow out better than a pixie if salons have to shut down again.
TLDR do not get a pixie cut now. Go for a bob or longer.
+1 MILLION
I cannot second this enough. Pixies growing out look like mullets. I have had a pixie cut for 8.5 years (and for the majority of my life except for a poor choice in late high school) and it’s now growing out. Unevenly. I have thick hair, so it’s this fluffy mullety mess. I hate it, I missed the chance to get it cut that felt safe to me, and I don’t feel confident I can cut it myself without it getting worse3.
While I always encourage people to join me in pixie-world, I will caution that they require pretty regular upkeep. I got lucky with timing – I’d gotten a cut right before lockdown – but after 10 weeks I was looking a little rough. It’s uniquely humbling to ask your spouse to shave your neck.
+1 on upkeep. A short, sleek bob with bangs is really flattering on me. But, it also requires haircuts every 6 weeks and bang trims every 3 weeks to look its best. I handled my bangs myself during shut down, but was back to my stylist as soon as I could be once we re-opened.
I got bangs! I know, small change in the grand scheme of things, but I’m not scheduled to go back to the office until next April, so I figure that gives me plenty of time to either learn how to manage them (so poofy!) or grow them back out. I’ve also considered coloring my tips purple with the idea that I would just trim them off before I go back in.
I like the tips idea. You can always hide them on zoom if need be.
I would not get a style that will require frequent visits to a salon, in current times. Who knows what the next year will bring? YMMV, but I need to be on camera lots, so a short cut that I couldn’t maintain would not be where I would go.
The big chop is a thing. I know so many people who have done it during the pandemic. Just like the thread on weird hair color yesterday.
But the big chop seems to be more about girls and women who previously had a typical long, un-layered style suddenly chopping their hair into a long bob – somewhere between chin and shoulder length. What my mom used to call a nice summer cut.
I just got a short bob and I like it! It was my stylists’ recommendation and it looks super fun. I usually have long hair with layers. The bob is pretty low maintenance – I can just let it grow out and go back in for some shaping at some point.
Do it! And then donate your hair to Locks of Love!
I second (third?) the advice to not get a pixie cut now, because it requires frequent haircuts. I’d suggest if you want to mix it up temporarily, play with fun color instead.
I wanted to say, however, as someone who dislikes actually going to the salon, how much I appreciate that it’s currently socially acceptable to trim one’s own hair right now. I’m fully-embracing the DIY approach!
Never get a major haircut during an emotional/difficult time in your life.
I have a close friend who just got married abroad in the UK. Any suggestions for a meaningful gift that could be sent to them directly?
Have a look in the wedding section on the website ‘Not on the High Street’.
This is great!
Are they going to be living there? Temporarily? Permanently?
Living permanently I believe. Thanjs!
Is anyone else struggling with management’s position on WFH? The official stance is that coming to the office is strictly voluntary, but senior management seems to hold it against people who don’t come in at all. Part of me wants to tell the 100% WFH folks that the higher ups are talking negatively about them, but it feels really skeezy to tell people they should endanger themselves/families to make a bunch of old white men happy. I’m also concerned about getting in trouble if it gets back to my boss(es) that I basically told my subordinates they should come into the office. How are others handling this?
You should handle this by supporting people staying home and pushing back on managements comments. Certainly not by pressuring them back in yourself!
Yeah I’m absolutely doing that, I guess I should’ve mentioned in the original. I’m sticking up for people to management and defending their decision to WFH. I’m challenging (with data!) managers who say that people are more productive from the office – we now have months of hard facts to show that’s not true. I’m making more of a point to highlight successes.
I am in a very similar position and work for a very similar company. Our CEO actually put in writing “no one ever gets ahead while working from home”. Our offices are open and the HR directive is that anyone can continue to WFH if they are uncomfortable. Ovbiously, our employees are getting a serious mixed message. As a senior manager, with decision making authority, I allow my staff to do as they are comfortable. I will fight come compensation/promotion time for each employee regardless of where they produce their work from. FWIW, I report directly to a C-suite executive.
Why would you tattle on your coworkers for doing the right thing?
I’m not? I’m not sure where that notion came from.
Ask yourself how you’d feel if a colleague who doesn’t have management authority over you told you that management seems displeased with your behavior, but also feeling like that behavior was necessary to protect your health and safety. What would you do with that info? What result do you think would be achieved by telling the WFH people that you sense that they’re being disparaged?
Just to be clear, I have management authority over them but I’m not their only manager.
You may actually inadvertently make it worse as some people come back for appearances after the ones who just can’t make it work for health or family reasons will be even more looked down upon. I think just keep doing what you’re doing and remind them that the WFH employees are following company rules.
Not that the hive is going to solve this problem but I can’t stand the term phobia as applied to various bigoted traits. Examples are homophobia and transphobia.
I have a phobia of spiders. It’s an irrational fear and I didn’t choose it. Apparently being afraid of snakes or spiders is thought to be encoded in your DNA and says something about the tribe from which you descended.
Basically I feel like a phobia is something that happens to you that you really didn’t choose.
Being a bigot is a choice, not a phobia. It’s such a cop-out.
I believe that “phobia” has been used in this context to point out that the denigration is actually about fear. (As opposed to ignorance, apathy, dismissal etc.) With homophobia it was an especially potent idea that people are afraid of being attracted to others of the same sex, including such thoughts within themselves. I personally think that calling these things “phobic” is helpful in cutting “bigots” down to size: they don’t have superior knowledge or morals or whatever, they’re just afraid.
+1
I can’t tell how much bigotry is really founded in fear. So much bullying, bigotry, and hate is directed against the most vulnerable targets available.
Fear, even totally made-up fear, is still a part of it IMO. See: white fears of “black rage” or “thugs” when in fact much more interracial violence is perpetrated by white people against black people, and goes unpunished. In fact, such violence is typically defended by white perpetrators claiming they were afraid of the black victim, and then forgiven by other white people who think that’s a reasonable explanation.
I also think often people are afraid of vulnerability and anyone who embodies it. We are uncomfortable with our own vulnerability. For example, harassment or mockery of people with disabilities.
I would be curious on where you got your statistics on “much more interracial violence is perpetrated by white people against black people”. My reading of the data is that (at least as to murder which is the most accurate reporting) 84% of White victims killed by Whites and 93% of Black victims are killed by Blacks.
This is a serious question – I promise I am not being snarky. One of the things that makes me crazy is the perception from some White people that they are at risk from Black people (particularly Black men). I always want to say – “No, you are at risk from people in your own social circle. That Black teenager is just living his life; stop reporting him to the police for walking down the street. And by the way – the violent crime rate in the US is at something like 40 year lows so “law an order” is actually not really a thing.”
Yeah, I’m OP. I feel like if my bigoted uncle were really truly afraid I’d almost feel sorry for him. But he’s just an a-hole by choice.
Well, being an * is a distinct condition in itself!
I don’t think the choice/lack of choice divide is all that sharp with this stuff. For example, people may start off uneducated/afraid on a certain issue, but then decline lots of opportunities to learn more and address their prejudice. You can blame them 100% for that, but still think of their attitude as based in fear.
I think you’re misunderstanding the derivation of homophobic and transphobic. “-philic” and “-phobic” are suffixes widely used to denote either a liking/disliking of something or affinity/aversion from something. For example, plants are commonly described as hydrophilic or hydrophobic. I do not think that the term phobia–as it refers to irrational and psychologically unmanageable fears -was applied to create terms, it’s just an application of a widely applied suffix. No one is saying that people who are homophobic do not choose to feel that way and are suffering from a psychological condition.
I’m OP. Thanks. The etymology is helpful. I really was associating the terms with more of the psychological usage, I guess.