Friday’s TPS Report: Twist-Waist Dress

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I tip my hat to Lucky magazine: I saw a Tiana B. dress listed in it as an editor’s pick (or something like that), which sent me to HSN, where I promptly found a ton of cute Tiana B. dresses. I like this twist-waist dress for a casual day at the office. It actually looks flattering on all body sizes (it’s offered in sizes XS-3X) and looks comfortable and easy to care for. It’s $39.90 and available in tomato (pictured), midnight, brown, and black. Tiana B. “Bobbi’s Pick” Twist-Waist Dress

Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]


  1. Great colour! I like the cut of the skirt too. However, is it just me or are the sleeves a bit of an odd length? It looks like an oversized T-shirt top.

    • Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler :

      This. I couldn’t figure out what seemed off to me, but you hit the nail on the head. Even though I absolutely love the color, because of the shape, I could never see myself wearing it to work. Not even on casual Fridays.

      • That said, it would probably look super cute with cap sleeves (or as a sleeveless dress, although then it might be too bottom-heavy). For $39.90 I’d be happy to take something to the tailor, if the rest of it was good enough.

    • Agreed. I am even a sleeve fan – I dislike cap sleeves – but these seem too long, or too baggy, or both. This dress does look like it would be flattering on a variety of body types and sizes, though.

      • I think of cap sleeves in this way (the SAT analogy question way):

        N1pple Pasties: Chest
        Cap Sleeves: Shoulders

        They’re not enough sleeve, and they are unflattering to many body/arm types.

    • It DOES look a little funny! The manageing partner would be stareing at my tush with this one, b/c it looks a little tight in the seat area.

      I do NOT like it when the manageing partner start’s to make sugestions about my clotheing. He should STICK to manageing the law firm, not my clotheing. FOOEY!

  2. karenpadi :

    Bay Area Corporettes!

    I’ve received a few ideas for our meet-up in San Francisco on the 28th. Let me know what you think:

    Asian Art Museum and cafe (Civic Center BART)
    MOMA and cafe (Montgomery BART)
    Lounge at Slanted Door (Ferry Building – Embarcadero BART)
    Gott’s (Ferry Building – Embarcadero BART)
    Press Club (Powell BART)
    Hotel Biron wine bar (Civic Center BART)
    Afternoon tea at the Palace Hotel (Montgomery BART)

    The San Francisco Ballet is having a free public class viewing on Sunday April 29th from 11:30 to 12:45 at the Opera house. It is near the Civic Center Muni and Bart stations, so it is accessible to people who take Caltrain or Bart and to people who live in San Francisco.

    We could watch it and then pick a place near Civic Center for a light lunch or coffee (I think there is a Philz Coffee nearby).

    Thank you DA and AH (sorry, I don’t remember your screen names) for the ideas. I’m going off the grid next week so I’ll make a decision tonight and send out an email (and repost here).

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Awesome! I am very familiar with the Civic Center area (used to work around there) – there’s lots of great stuff around. I might show up after the ballet part :). Asian Art, MOMA, Slanted Door, Press Club are all great ideas. Afternoon tea at the Palace hotel is pretty pricey and not really our demographic, so I’d suggest one of the other great alternatives over the Palace hotel.

    • I vote for the Asian Art Museum, but these are all great, I’ll try to make it no matter what.

    • ChocCityB&R :

      I’ve been away from corporette for a while, so I didn’t see the bay area get together. How do I get added to the email list?

    • Wow. I’m not near San Fran at all but this all sounds so fabulous, I want to be.

    • karenpadi :

      Excellent! Lets meet at Cafe Asia in the Asian Art museum at 1pm on Saturday the 28th. No admission ticket required.

      It looks like I am a little too late to get group tickets but the museum is open from 10am-5pm on Saturdays.

  3. I bought a Tiana B dress similar to this one as an emergency funeral dress (needed something besides my black suit for the 100+ degree day). It’s fine but the fabric is skimpy. I actually thought many of the Target dresses I’ve picked up are higher quality.

    • hellskitchen :

      Thanks for sharing your experience. I see these on ideeli all the time but have been hesitant to buy because I wasn’t sure about the quality

      • I really like Tiana B dresses — they use jerseys that do often feel fine, but they don’t get pilly in the wash. The cotton jerseys from Target always seem to pill for me….

        Also, a lot of Tiana B clothes are made in the USA, which I really appreciate.

        • hellskitchen :

          Do they cling? I have been wary of thin jerseys because I have to wear them with Spanx. (And totally with you on pilling – hate that in cotton jerseys)

  4. I think this dress is really cute and the color selection is nice, too. However, in this part of the country that’s not what is meant by a casual day at the office. To me that is a dress to wear for a dinner date or maybe to a baby shower. Or in black to a funeral. In other words, it looks a little bit dressy compared to what I would ordinarily wear for a business day.

  5. Threadjack–has anyone had any experience with JDate? I’m thinking of trying it, but I’ve never done any kind of online dating before. I’d love to get any thoughts or tips!

    • No experience, but I have two friends who have gotten married to folks they met on JDate.

      • Same here, but be warned that both marriages are horrible! The women desperately wanted to be married and it did not end well.

        • Oh no. In interest of full discolosure, I should then add that one of the two marriages I was referring to is horrible. Both also involve people who really wanted to be married, but I think in one case the couple is just happy to be married and in the other the expectations on both sides were just out of whack.

    • No personal experience, but I know of THREE married couples who met on JDate, and another couple who have been in a relationship for two years. It seems to work just like any other kind of online dating, so any more general advice would probably apply – except for the specific aspects like selecting which level of religiousness you are, etc. :)

      I also don’t know how it works for casual dating, as I’m pretty sure the couples I know who got married were going spouse-hunting. That said, if you’re in NYC (which has a much bigger proportion of Jews than London!), the scene is probably a bit less desperate as people aren’t so worried about running out of Jewish partners!

      • I know a billion married couples, including my cousin, who met on Jdate. I met a guy who’s now been a very good friend for many years, and a couple other guys I dated for a few months at a time. (Eventually met the husband in person, although he apparently saw me on Jdate.) If you’re at all connected to the Jewish community, though, you’ll probably meet the same people elsewhere (see, e.g., my husband and me).

    • count me in the no experience camp, but I know two married couples who met on j-date

    • Multiple friends in the Boston area (decently sized Jewish population, though not as many as NYC) have been on it, with pretty good success rates. Just went to a wedding for one couple who met on JDate (each as each others’ first JDate match) a few months back.

    • I tried JDate for a few months and had a very positive experience. There were definitely a few duds, but the overwhelming majority of guys I met were nice. Like dating in general, there are some people on there looking for a relationship, others looking for something more casual, and you can figure out fairly early on which are which. Although I wound up meeting my husband through friends, we were both on JDate at the same time. My sister met her husband on JDate, and we both have a lot of friends who met their spouse via JDate. As far as I know, everyone seems to be happily married. FWIW, I am on a big east coast city with a sizable J population and more of a cultural J than a religious one.

      Good luck and have fun!

    • no longer "job hunting" :

      I tried J Date for a little while before meeting my fiance (not through J Date). I was not a paying member, so the only way I could meet people was through online chatting. This made it difficult to coordinate dates, because I think most people want to get to know at least a bit about each other before dating which would have required multiple chats. Also, I did not limit my search by city and ended up coming across some creepers. Which was stupid on my part. Not saying don’t do it– just watch out for some of the pitfalls. I would still say it’s worth a try– what do you have to lose?

    • One of the senior managers here met his wife on J-date. He moved across the country to live where she lived. (awww!) Two kids and 10 years later, they appear to be extremely happy.

    • There are lots of people desperate to get married, but the creeper ratio is lower than on I know a couple of happy marriages (one going on 8 years), and a couple of long term good relationships (5 years, then mutual break up in one, and 2 years and still going strong on the other). Go for it.

      • It could do no harm to try and meet men through J date if you are careful. I earned one great (professional) friendship and have been in a relationship (though very rocky) for the past 5 years following a broken marriage… My advice: verify any information a guy gives you. They are tempted to twist their life story. Its not only my experience: men I know who are trying to meet women through the site admit to using this practice…

  6. Regular poster (but trying to keep this post under the google radar).

    Three years ago, I left BigLaw when I realized I hated working at a “sprint pace” and surviving on 4-5 hours of sleep. I took a pay cut and went to a “marathon pace” firm.

    My firm needs me to step up. I was second lieutenant (after the partner and another associate) for one of the top 3 clients of the firm. I really enjoy working with this client and this client was part of the reason I was hired by my firm. Well, the first lieutenant decided to go in-house at the firm (I am very happy for him) and I’m stepping into his former role.

    The issue is that he was/is the kind of person who doesn’t mind working until 2am every night and being available 24/7. I don’t want to do that ever again. I am strongly encouraged to delegate a lot of meetings and tasks to other attorneys (honestly, I could do nothing but these meetings and tasks and still make my hours without working on anything else). We are pretty short-handed for now so I (legitimately) hear a lot of “I’m drowning”, “I have negative bandwidth”, and “My docket is packed.” So I already feeling the pressure (and the insomnia) to do most of this myself.

    For now, I am really trying to spread these tasks thinly and according to “expertise”. I am also doing a bunch of recruiting and training. I’m encouraged to start phasing out some of my normal work to handle this stuff. I know the next month or so will be awful though. Has anyone else gone through something similar and have any words of wisdom? Any good delegation tricks?

    • Can you hire an associate? At my job I have a lot of free rein to hire people when I get overburned (although we’re a nonprofit and we have a fellows program, so it’s only a one-year commitment – hiring an associate is probably a bigger deal). But if you’re replacing someone who left, shouldn’t someone be replacing your old job too?

      • Yeah, I have them interviewing two people while I am on vacation next week. Thing is, we were looking to hire 2-3 more people before this guy (and another guy) decided to go in house for our clients. It’s a good problem to have but frustrating at the same time.

        • I would just prioritize replacing your old position, if you can. There’s not much else you can do. Try not to focus on work when you’re on vacation; you’ll need the mental and emotional break since you’ll be really busy when you get back (and I know that’s easier said that done).

          I feel like I’m constantly slammed at work and understaffing is chronic due to funding issues. It just sucks, but I like my actual work (there’s just too much of it) so I figure it could be worse. Also doesn’t help that I’ve been really sick lately and missed a ton of work or worked from home with a fever (like I’m doing today).

    • We’ve been saying, for the past year or so that our “bench is thin.” It’s been rough, with people going down right and left. I’ve been trying to take a long term view – we may have to walk through fire to get there but in a year or year and a half, everything’s going to be soooo much better. Good luck!

    • See if you can hire in someone you worked with at BigLaw who you know is competent, but probably wants to get slightly less insane hours.

      But yes the only way to get out of this is to hire your way out.

      In the meantime, lean hard on the admin staff that know this client, and ask your now-in-house counterpart to pick up some of the slack.

      Good luck. It is a good problem to have.

  7. I just bought it in the royal blue. I love the sleeve length… for those of us that a tad older .. it appears to be perfect – the hem is right as well. Editorial – all I see in the stores is sleeveless….our office has a policy against sleeveless… we saw way too many skimpy tops.

    • That’s what blazers are for! ;)

    • Ditto this. I have somewhat long arms that look disproportional with a sleeveless dress. I almost always end up adding a cardigan or blazer, which works quite well for chilly offices.

    • Since you like sleeves, do you know of any good brands/designers who carry great work dresses with sleeves? I own a number of sleeveless sheath dresses, but it would be nice to have some dresses that I could feel comfortable wearing in the office without having to wear a blazer or cardigan all day!

  8. SHOPNOW is still working at both J Crew and J Crew Factory, which both now have further markdowns. Some pieces are crazy marked-down.

    • This! I just bought two wool pencil skirts, a tweed pencil skirt and a pink lace skirt for $78!

      • which pencil skirts??

        • I purchased the factory pencil skirt in lightweight wool (2 @$14.00 each), the factory bellflower tweed pencil skirt ([email protected] $17.15), the factory lace garden skirt ([email protected] $27.65) and the factory printed pencil skirt in strwtch cotton (1 @41.65). I originally just bought the first four, but the printed pencil skirt in the sweet moss pattern was calling to me. Not bad for a total of $114.45 (plus shipping)!

          • The lightweight wool one appears to be sold out in all sizes (I guess – it’s nowhere to be found), which makes me super sad because that’s the one I wanted!

          • Charlotte :

            b23, look under “Suiting” on the factory site. There are practically all the sizes, I believe!

    • Wow. Browsing now and there is an incredible set of markdowns, pre-discount code!

    • Someone should buy this gorgeous top and enjoy it for me, since it’s sold out in my size:
      (it’s the Talitha top in peacock paisley in case the link doesn’t work)

      • I bought that top. I have two solid color Talithas and wear them often. I really love it.

        (it looks like they have all sizes)

    • I wish J.Crew items were not final sale.

      • So do i.

        The Factory Durham Trousers in Stretch Wool are approximately $19 after the discount. Unlined, but $19!!

    • Tall shirts! Woot!

    • The Clea dress featured here in the fall is under $50 with the promo:

      www [dot ] jcrew [dot] com/womens_category/dresses/solid/PRDOVR~59568/99102567906/ENE~1+2+3+22+4294967294+20~~~0~15~all~mode+matchallany~~~~~clea%20dress/59568.jsp

      • I have that dress. It runs large but is very flattering.

        This sale is making me a bit sad. I want to buy so much stuff but because JCrew is so inconsistent in terms of sizing and quality, I don’t think I can buy anything from them final sale. Oh well, back to work I go…

        • I agree. I bought a few things but only different colors of things I already own. Every time I order I fill out the customer survey and beg for customer reviews of products. It’s just insane how far J.Crew is lagging its peers on this.

  9. Threadjack – has anyone tried any of the various ‘cleanses’ out there? I’ve heard some mixed reviews about the clean cleanse, and I was hoping you ladies might have some experiences to share! I’d love to hear about them. TIA!

    • I’m just about to embark on the Clean cleanse next week. I’m on the elimination diet now so it won’t be so brutal. I already don’t drink coffee or diet soda, but do drink iced green tea with abandon and I’m trying to wean off of that. I am mostly off of gluten and dairy, but am trying to wean down. What will be hard is doing two liquid meals a day since I get hungry. And, I will miss chocolate since I live on high protein cookie dough luna bars normally. But I’ve heard and read so many great things about the results, and I am feeling pretty run down lately, so I’m willing to give it a try.

      • I was wondering about that, as I’m someone who usually eats more little meals throughout the day. Do you think the hunger will be pretty bad?

    • I did the BluePrint 3-day cleanse (6 juices per day). I cut out most processed foods for 2 days before, and then eased back into regular eating after the cleanse. I felt horrible for most of the cleanse, completely drained and had bad headaches and nausea. This likely was due, in part, to cutting out all caffeine, and also to the fact that I am a person who generally does not do well when she goes long periods between meals (my fiance and mom both have been known to rightly say to me when I am particularly grumpy, “When was the last time you had something to eat?). So, maybe I am not the ideal candidate for a juice cleanse. The only upside was my pilates teacher telling me that I was looking very slim on the third morning.

      However, I have done the South Beach Diet before, of which the first two weeks are basically a “cleanse” of all of the sugary, fatty, and processed things in your diet, with lots of success. My original plan had been to do a series of 3-day juice cleanses before my wedding this summer, but now I think I’ll just stick to something less extreme.

  10. BigLaw Optimist :

    Sorry – early TJ.

    I had an interview yesterday for a lateral position, and interviewed with (count it) 20 people. How would you handle thank you notes/emails? Should I send them to everyone? If it helps, it was a tag-team approach (2 people at a time for half hour interviews). I haven’t interviewed in a few years and can’t remember how I would have handled this previously.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

    • In this context, typically I would send a thank you email to my main contact(s) and ask them to pass along my thanks to the others. But others may handle differently?

      • Yes, that’s what i do. You could also send one email copying all 20 people. Sending 20 individualized emails seems like overkill and is unnecessary.

    • We did this at my old firm and it’s definitely a grueling day so congrats on surviving it! Emailed thank yous are fine (and easier for the attorneys to send on to recruiting who used to compile them and attach them to a list of comments about the candidate), but I would either email each team together (Dear Joe and Sue, it was a pleasure meeting you both yesterday) or email everyone individually (Dear Joe, …). Occasionally candidates would send a mass email to all 10-20 of us and it always rubbed me the wrong way but I didn’t mind being lumped together with the other person I did my 30 minutes session with.

    • Jenna Rink :

      Of course you can take the easy way out when you’ve interviewed with 20 people. No one is going to judge you too harshly for not sending individual thank you notes to everyone. But it is an opportunity to shine! If you do take the time to send everyone a thank you note it will set you apart in a good way.

      Whatever you do, please DON’T double up on thank you emails. I think you can ignore the typical advice to individualize each email based on the volume you are sending, but if you are emailing thank you notes, take the time to copy and paste each one into a new email and put in the individual’s name. During the last round of interviews we did I was on a five person panel and one candidate sent her thank you email to me and one of the other panel members together. Even though she was the only one to send a thank you note, it actually lost her points in my book because I thought it was so tacky.

    • Twenty people! Wow. I’d send something to any critical decision makers as well as the main contact person. Otherwise, agree with above. Twenty people — I’m just amazed you didn’t pass out.

    • I would email everyone a short note. You could do emails together to the two people you talked to at a time and reference something about the conversation.

      • Cut and paste individual emails would work. In my experience, sending it to one or two people and asking them to “tell the others” doesn’t work and people you interviewed with don’t know you even sent a note. I always appreciated the thanks email after taking time to interview a candidate.

    • We have our candidates interview with about a dozen people. Most thank-yous I get are very short and not too personalized. It’s pretty standard: Dear Karenpadi, Thank you for taking the time to speak to me today about [firm]. I enjoyed our conversation and I am excited about the opportunity to join [firm]. Regards, Candidate.

      I am starting to recommend sending out thanks yous as email by the end of the next business day because that’s when HR departments usually demand the interview evaluations. If the interviewer mentions that “we make decisions very quickly here.” I recommend sending thank-yous within an hour or two of the interview.

  11. MissJackson :

    This reminds me that I need to thank the ‘rettes who recommended the Target Merona Cross Front Ponte Dress.

    I ordered it in the “stadium red” which is really more of a coral, and it is gorgeous. I’m floored that a $30 dress looks this good. If it were stocked in my size in more colors, I would probably buy them all.

    • Would it work on pronounced pear? It’s really cute!

      • I am one of those as well, but i haven’t tried mine on yet. In the pics the hip doesn’t look as free as I would normally like, it’s a little straight, but I have my fingers crossed. I’ll post again with a review after it arrives. ;o)

    • I’m sitting here looking at that dress online and thinking the stadium red would be perfect for me. I never wear dresses to work (or very rarely) because they are usually too bare. I save that for Sundays under the choir robe.

    • SAlit-a-gator :

      Thanks for the rec! This dress looks gorgeous – and it has sleeves. I’m impressed. Debating between the dark yellow and the light purple.

    • mine should get here today, and now I’m even more excited! Thanks, MissJackson.

    • Ooh! I was one of them! I love mine, I’m glad you do too! I haven’t had the chance to actually wear it yet, just around the house to show it to bf and sis, darn rain. But I’m looking forward to it in the next week or so! :-)

  12. I had such a bad day yesterday (funeral of a too young man, feeling played by a staff supervisee, meeting with a really bad candidate for a faculty position that interacts with me) that I decided I would wear a fun new dress to work to cheer myself up. I had to pin it at the front for it to not be too much of the girls and I’m cold. And our email was down until a few minutes ago. Can I go home yet?

    • Hey NOLA,

      Sorry to hear you’re having a tough 36 hours. Hope it doesn’t continue. Could you make yourself a cup of hot tea or coffee to help stay warm?

      I recall that a poster (in a thread many weeks ago) posted a recipe along the lines of chocolate cake in a coffee mug that one can do in the office kitchen’s microwave. Maybe something like that would be a good pick-me-up?

      • Thanks. I’m having a cup of mint green tea and feel a little better. And, now that it’s not Lent, there is a bowl of Dove milk chocolate on my desk. Trying to avoid eating the whole thing.

    • If I were you, I’d be highly inclined to develop nausea and a headache around 1 today.

    • BigLaw Optimist :

      NOLA – I think you (at the very least) deserve a treat at lunch, be it chocolate cake in a mug or a treat from Starbucks. I’m so sorry you’re having two bad days in a row!

    • anon in tejas :

      hope that your day gets better

  13. just frustrated, wanted to tell someone :

    I know this isn’t a real problem, but…

    I am trying to get my MCLE credit by webcast and telephone seminar, and I’m working in gov’t and so I set up this stuff for myself…and I feel just plain stupid, because I have spent more than an hour this morning trying to learn how to download and log on to the webcast program. And talking with customer service. And we’re still not *sure* it’s going to work.

    I hate feeling stupid about technology.

    • Dude, I’m an engineer. Working with dozens of engineers, all day, every day. And we f#$k up the whole webcast business. EVERY TIME. Don’t feel bad =).

  14. PSA… so that I don’t go look at the site… Kate Spade is having 25% off with the code FFSPR12
    It’s their friends and family sale so it lasts multiple uses etc.

    someone please enjoy it for me!

    • Excludes watches. Boo.

    • I already did some damage in the jewelry section. I also got a new phone cover, which reminded me that I needed to order a new phone. All in all, an expensive morning thanks to Kate!

  15. I’m doing trial prep for a client this afternoon. She has a two year old that I’m pretty sure she’ll bring. How much cooing is strictly appropriate for a professional woman? I assume a small amount is ok as an ice breaker. My natural inclination is to coo a lot, so I need to know how much I should tone myself down.

    • My feeling:

      1. Initial coo of no more than 45-60 seconds
      2. No more than two mid-meeting coos, and ONLY if the toddler does something cute enough to interrupt the meeting
      3. One final coo of 90-120 seconds.

      • +100

      • I love this breakdown. It’s both hilarious and practical.

      • I like this formula. Somehow, I always manage to have an “unnecessary” snack on hand whenever there are kids visiting the office. I always always *always* ask the parent first if their kid is allergic and whether it’s ok for me to give them something. Parents are usually ok with it and more baby bonding time ensues =).

      • This is an awesome formula, thank you!

        Godzilla, great idea! I always pack granola bars for me, so I’ll pack an extra for him.

    • Tired Squared :

      Second Frugal City Girl’s number of coo’s. That said, it’s a two-year-old, so you could probably get away with a bit of normal child conversation– “how old are you?”–to help with your natural inclination :)

    • Not A Coo-er :

      Any chance you can get a secretary take care of the kid so you can meet in peace?

      • Non-coo-ing secretary :

        Make sure you pick a secretary who a) has time and b) actually likes kids. Admin does not always equal maternal and nuturing. I know if someone tried to get me to watch a two year old I would have NO IDEA what how to occupy the little tyke.

        • This makes me laugh. I used to have a 24 year old admin who was AMAZING at her admin job. On time, professional, hyper-organized, excellent work product, etc. but there is no way I would ever hand over a small child to her. :) Now, the battle axe of an assistant I once had who alternated her “Don’t make me open this can of whoop @%%…” t-shirts with her “World’s Best Grandmother” t-shirts would be a different story.

      • That’s not an option- but he tends to be pretty good.

      • Seriously. I met a co-worker’s 2 year old today and was like…um, hi? Luckily she was genuinely super cute and not one of those shy ones that hide their face so you don’t know what to do. I’m keeping this guide as a “goal to coo this much.”

        Re: passing the kid off to an assistant, if mom’s bringing the kid she may not be cool with passing her off to someone she doesn’t know either.

  16. I am re-posting from yesterday, because I put this up pretty late. Thank you to those already replied!

    Threadjack from a longtime lurker, thanks in advance!

    I am moving to NYC in September/October because of my husband’s job (and my desire to live in NYC!!) and will need to find a new law job. I am trying to secure a position in a big law firm in NYC. I work in another east coast city and am a second year associate in a well-respected, large regional firm without a presence in NYC.

    2 Questions: Do I need to take the bar exam in July, or should I wait until I have a job and see if it’s required? My practice area is IP, and is primarily federal, not state, law, so I have done quite a bit by being admitted pro hac vice, and I know some of the partners in the NYC offices of firms I am looking at are not even admitted in New York.

    Would anyone recommend using a recruiter? I don’t have many contacts in NYC, and I am now trying to leverage any contacts I have that have connections, however tenuous, but I really won’t have any warm leads.

    I very much appreciate any thoughts you ladies have!

    Read more:

    • I’d wait on the bar. I took one in a similar situation and didn’t end up needing it- spouse and I were just talking about how that turned out to be big waste of time/money years ago for us both. But, we don’t know whether it helped interviewers take us seriously. NY bar is a pain, too; don’t know which one you took prior but it is a long one with mucho content.

    • Also, if you wait, your new job may pay for fees/prep course if you need it.

      • That is a great point. I know I qualify for the “alum” Barbri price of $2500, but that’s still a chunk of money, in addition to bar fees. Hmm…

    • TurtleWexler :

      I was just in a similar situation (not in NYC though) — I moved in the fall and signed up to take the February bar in my new state. Got a federal job within a few weeks of moving, so my current two licenses are sufficient. Decided the financial pain of withdrawing and losing several hundred dollars was less than the mental and physical pain of taking yet another bar exam. Also, I didn’t think it would be fair to my new employer to ask for three days off during my second month on the job to take a test I didn’t actually need to take for this position. I’m actually glad I did it this way, as I feel like I would have had a lot more options more quickly if I hadn’t been offered my current job and ended up looking at private practice jobs. My inclination is that if you know you will need to take the bar at some point, it’s probably better to get it over with sooner rather than later, but only if you know you’ll be settled in enough at your new place and mentally in a good place to do it. Also, not sure about the policies in NY, but I also had the option to defer to the next exam for a small fee — so you might be able to register now and decide later, if you’re up against a registration deadline.

    • If you can take the bar before starting at a new firm, I’d absolutely do it that way. You may think that you don’t really need to be admitted in NY because you have a national practice, but I’d be very surprised if your new firm doesn’t make you get admitted anyway. I work at BigLaw and we require our attorneys to be admitted in the jurisdiction where they are resident. Also, even if your cases aren’t in NY, you may find that you want to get involved in pro bono matters for professional development opportunities, and then you’d need to be admitted. It won’t be a problem for your new firm if you take the bar after you start there — happens to us all the time — but I’ve always felt that it’s not ideal. Someone new starts, everyone’s all excited to give the new guy/girl work, get them integrated, and then before you know it they’re disappearing for a month to study for the bar exam.

  17. I love reading through comments before going to sleep and hope they don’t become the snarkfest that appear on other people’s blogs. I love this community for the advice, fun, and warmth people provide to each other. Please let’s keep it that way!

    • Agree. I’ll also say that I’ve been a regular reader and commenter for the last 3-4 years, and I am not crazy about the memes/schticks that are seeming to develop. The blue fingernail jokes, etc., are a little to insular for my taste. Seems a bit cliqueish. But I love the site and the thoughtful and relevant advice many of the posters provide.

  18. Hm, I have to say that I actually don’t like this dress at all. Shapeless and blah, IMO. Also, it strikes me as the sort of thing that is marketed to plus-sized women but isn’t actually very flattering on a larger figure. If I learned anything from Trinny and Susanna (and helping my mom, who’s plus-sized, pick clothes), it’s structured pieces are more flattering than blowsy garments that would make even Kate Moss look huge.

  19. @SoCal Gator :

    Thank you so much for responding last week about your weightloss and HMR shakes. I’m doing a modified version (with supervision from my MD) and I already feel so much better. You are AWESOME!

    • I would love to hear more about this!

    • SoCal Gator :

      Woo hoo! That’s great. I hope you find it to be as effective as I did. I used and still use MyFitnessPal to augment the HMR program and log all my exercise and food. They have all the HMR foods already in their database. If you decide you want to do that, you can friend me. Let me know and I will tell you my username on MFP. The community support there is tremendous. Good luck! I know you can do this.

  20. 1. Went to an awesome mentoring dinner w/ a judge and 6 other women yesterday. The judge had a white hair tie on her wrist (no blue fingernail). She also occasionally played with said white hair tie. I wanted to hug her and tell her how happy the other corporettes would be to hear about her hair tie. I knew that would be weird, so I refrained. I’m curious if any of the other attendees are readers here.

    2. I’ve been working extra long hours on a discovery project that seemed like it would never end with others waiting in line right behind it. I finished the never ending one Wednesday night. I’ve been miserable with allergies and hives and the inability to take benadryl and function at work. I came in “late” (9:15) today because of that and because my boss has been in a 2 week trial. Of course, today, the judge isn’t resuming trial until 1. So not only was he here, but now I worry he thinks I’ve been coming in late every day he’s been out. Luckily we ended up joking about it so he knows I haven’t been but seriously, Murphy’s Law.

  21. Blonde Lawyer :

    I am twice now in moderation. Any time I post c o r p o r e t t e s I go to moderation. Any idea why? In my second try I replaced the 0’s with zeros and it still got caught. Thoughts?

    • This happens to me, too. Lots of people use ‘rettes.

    • HAHAHAHAHA just got stuck in moderation for using a different suggestions. I guess the first rule of this site is not to talk about this site =).

    • Yes, this drives me nuts. I assume Kat has set it to moderate the name of the site and variations thereon for some reason, but I can’t see why.

    • This has also happened to me often enough that I now avoid using the name of this site. Ironic, since we’re on this site. I wonder if it’s to do with the site’s name being trademarked, perhaps to protect it from being misused/associated with something like a very troll-y post?

      I also don’t understand why the ‘bot sometimes autocreates links I did not post, like when I mentioned a certain dating website (perhaps there was a sponsorship deal to this site by said dating website.)

      • Yes, I noticed that too!

      • That always happens, it’s called a referral linke. Kat can get ad click-through money from it. (I think like fractions of pennies per clicks, it’s not a lot!)

        Kat has it set that any time anyone uses a site’s name a bot scans the link and if the person posting has not added in a referral link the bot will add in Kat’s. That way she gets the ad pennies if anyone clicks through. If you post and you have your own referral link (usually something like yourname.(websitename). c o m) the bot will not replace your referral link.

        Pinterest does the same thing, though they got in trouble a little while ago because they were replacing users’ referral links with their own.

  22. Hey “really!” and the rest of Team Less TCFKAG, I had an interview today that went pretty well (I think). So keep your fingers and toes crossed that I’ll be around less in the near future. :-)

  23. anon today :

    Has anyone used a reference-checking service that calls your employment references then reports back to you as to exactly what they said? I would love to know about your experience with this – who you used, whether you were satisfied with the service, etc. Thank you!

    • I’ve been on the receiving end of those calls and it’s clear that the poor soul calling me to get my reference on “John Doe” is reading (poorly) from a script. These folks generally sound little better than the spammy calls I used to get on my old landline answering machine about ‘debt consolidation’ and “work from home and make $900/day!”.

      It’s made me wonder about the quality of those services, because they don’t seem to train their outward-reaching personnel very well. I’m sure they just throw these folks into job, give them the barest minimum in resources and training, and pay them crap, while expecting them to make hundreds of reference calls per day.

      If I’m talking to the reference-checking-service person about someone’s writing and public-speaking skills or command of financial concepts, I like to think that he’d understand and would be able to record that feedback accurately. I wasn’t always sure that was the case, and I felt bad for the person I was trying to help get a job.

    • Alison Green at Ask a Manager(dot com) says you would do just as well to have a professional-sounding friend call for you.

    • anon today :

      Thank you, Susan and PM – your feedback is much appreciated.

  24. I just asked for a promotion!

    I finally got up the nerve to ask Immediate Boss (who very obviously dislikes me) for a promotion. He said he would talk it over with Second Line Boss who does like me. It’s a little tricky because I’m leaving my agency for a 6 month detail in July, but I still feel like I deserve a promotion for all the work I’ve put in. I’m sure Immediate Boss thinks I’m very presumptuous for even asking, but I felt like it was worth a try. I was so nervous about asking, so at least the worst is over. Now I just have to wait and see…

  25. anon for this guy :

    so, i mean this in a totally serious way, but is it “normal” to hate your job? I don’t mean, had a bad day kind of ugh i hate my job, but legitimatly dread coming to work every single day. Every day is a slog, there is no part of your job you “enjoy” or look forward to? i’m in an administrative position, and i have an masters in a social science, but the job market just sucks, so even though i’m looking, i’ve got a feeling im going to be an assistant for a while. any tips for jobs you hate? I really hate it. i hate the people, i hate every task i’m assigned, i hate my office…it just makes me miserable. i am in constant fear of messing up, as i have made mistakes in the past. I know being a grown up is tough and work isn’t always fun, but i’m not sure how much you are supposed to hate your job.

    • Why does it matter if it’s “normal”? Obviously it’s not desirable, so you should probably be working on a plan to make a change. Even if you can’t find anything in your field, you could look for a different assistant position. Or be entrepreneurial and pursue freelance work or start your own business or learn a new marketable skill or….

    • It’s not abnormal to hate your job and every little aspect of soul-sucking terribleness. But there are ways to mitigate it. Get a life. Outside of work. Have something to look forward to, whether it’s a class, or food, or family, whatever. Wanna be a ninja? Sign up for martial arts. Wanna be the hulk? Go to the gym and lift heavy weights while making ugly faces in the mirror. Love cupcakes but hate paying $4 a pop? Become a master cupcaker. Or start the latest most amazing vegan blog ever. Or whatever. You can do this, gurl.

    • No, I don’t think it’s normal to hate your job – at least on a consistent basis. I also don’t think it’s typical to LOVE every minute of your job either.

      My advice is to get an attitude adjustment. And I honestly mean that in the nicest way possible. You need to find something you like about the job or the job situation that you do like, or even kind of like – even if its just the satisfaction of having that paycheck at the end of the week that lets you treat yourself to something. Or knowing that you are another day closer to getting out of there. The focus on what you hate (and proceeding to complain about it) with no regard for anything positive that might be happening isn’t going to help.

    • Have you ever had a job, or any part of a job that you really liked? Look back on those experiences and try to see what made those jobs likeable, and then try to import a little of that into your current position. Maybe it was the sense of humor of someone you worked with. If so, use more humor in the office. Maybe it was being respected for your high quality work. If so, seek out the praise of those you respect for a job well done. You get the picture. Also, figure out your own personal top five strengths, write them down, and see if you can use them everyday. This should bring more satisfaction into what you are doing. Also, focus on the paycheck and the money you are earning to support yourself. Take frequent breaks. Work on your personal life. Count your blessings each day.

    • grumpyanon :

      I feel your pain completely. I hate my job and feel horribly stuck as well. I honestly feel like I have tried everything to make it work (including the things people have mentioned above – asking for more fulfilling projects, doing freelance work on the side, working on my attitude, trying to find a new job, focusing on gratitude, spicing up my life outside of work) and these things help for a while, but the continual agony of the office is hard to stifle for long. It’s depressing, especially when you know you’ve been trying your absolute best to improve the situation, and you still feel miserable.

    • My job is easy. The people are nice. There is no stress. But I hate it. It is incredibly borring, and like the OP, I have nothing to look forward to. It is very difficult to stay self-motivated all day when there is no incentive, no chance for recognition, and no real feeling of accomplishment. I know it’s cliche, but I feel like a total cog in the system. I am supposed to fulfill a very limited role of doing repetitive, dull tasks over and over. There is no room for growth. My boss even told me he “wasn’t hiding any more projects in his office” when I asked for more challenging work to do. I have tried looking for a new job with no success.

    • Sometimes I wish I could just stop my brain from thinking from 9-5, because then I wouldn’t experience the mental agony of pure boredom. It’s utterly depressing to know you have eight hours ahead of you with absolutely nothing to look forward to.

    • Fellow Hater :

      It’s not normal. The way I felt about my last job is exactly how you feel about yours (I could have written your post 18 months ago). A little piece of my soul died when I drove into the parking garage at my old job. I did that job for 5 years and I feel like I wasted my late-20s. It drove me into such a deep depression…well, we don’t need to get into that. Finally, I got out and got a new job that I really like. Are there still things I’d rather do than come to work everyday? Absolutely! because I have a life. Do I dread coming to work, have the constant fear of screwing up, hate every single aspect of what I do, live for the moment I can escape from hell? No. I generally like the work and I love my boss.

      So my suggestion is to start looking for another position. Even if you do have to “be an assistant for awhile,” at least you can do it for people you like (more) or a company you like (more). And just looking for a job may give you hope that you’re going to get out and you’re life is going to get better. Based on my experience, I would scream at you “don’t wait to look for something else!” unless you see some way it’s going to be getting better.

      You can find something better than what you have. Go for it.

    • Sometimes you hate it a lot. My dad never liked his job, it was just a place he went and then he came home with money (and not that much money, either). But you do what you have to do sometimes. Our family was important enough to him that he was willing to do it. Do you have something that is important enough to you? Even if your job is about just coming out alive and getting a paycheck, you need to feel good about what that money is going towards. Have something to look forward to at home, for instance. When I was working in a job I hated, I got a cat. She is AWESOME and was totally worth getting up in the morning for.

    • It’s not normal, and it’s not a good idea. Go and look. Come into work with the knowledge that you’re doing your best to get away. Just like a good vacation plan, a good escape plan will make the job suck less.

      You spend half your waking hours at work. Don’t spend it on something you hate. My sister bailed on law and went into yoga (the only thing she enjoyed when she was a lawyer, those hours with the yoga). She is so much happier now. The woman who made my beautiful wedding corset was a former attorney who got out because she couldn’t stand it. There are options. Figure out what makes you happy and do it.

  26. Ladies, I need some advice or at least confirmation of my current plan.

    I’ve got pending offers from both companies. The company that has an uglier commute has offered me a very nice salary and says that they are very flexible about telecommuting, especially after I get settle in the job.

    The other company is a very interesting industry. They have a game room and a poker table on site. I just got a message from the VP of HR, asking me to call her. I think she wants to discuss compensation.

    My plan is to call her back and listen to her offer. If the salary is less than the first company, I plan to tell her so and let her know that I’d like to be able to judge the 2 offers on the merits of the job and not the compensation.

    Then I’ll tell her I’d like to take the weekend to make a decision. And then I’ll contact the other company and tell them I appreciate that they’re flexible on the telecommuting and that I’ll be deliberating over the weekend.

    Does that sound like a reasonable approach?

    • I think it’s a reasonable approach, but I do think it’s worth asking for extra compensation from the company that you’re waiting for an offer from if it is less than the offer from the other company. Even though ultimately the merits of a job include much more than compensation alone, compensation isn’t irrelevant, and it’s fair to give them the chance to win you over in whatever way they see reasonable.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      I am beyond happy for you and agree with P.

    • I think it is entirely reasonable, and So.Many.Congratulations on the awesomeness of having two offers at once to choose from!

    • Congrats!

      Also, the job with the terrible commute – if you can iron out telecommuting/flex schedules before accepting the position, that is always best. I went somewhere that said they were totally cool with it and then changed it to only in emergency situations.

    • No advice, just wanted to congratulate you on having TWO job offers!

    • I think your approach sounds reasonable.

      Of the people you talked to/met at both companies, which set of folks did you like better?

      I wanted to echo SF Bay Associate’s caveat about the (seemingly) cool company with the game room. Sometimes, companies have perks like that only because there’s an unspoken (or spoken) rule that they want you to live there and never, ever leave so they can extract as much work from you as possible. Sometimes, the companies are just cool and laid-back, sometimes, they’re culty.

    • Yes. Which do you like more? Congrats and thanks for updating us. I can’t wait till Monday!

    • In search of Bunkster's New Job :

      VG Plan, but maybe you could be a little more direct about asking for them to up the offer if the 2nd offer is lower than the first. It is hard to know exactly how to play it until you hear if they are even in the same ball park. But if offer 2 is a lot lower, do you have in mind a number that would make it a comparable offer, all other things considered? You could ask if she could go there. Or if the offers are close, you could say “The other offer is X. Can you meet that so I can judge the 2 offers on the merits of the job and not the compensation?” Also, don’t forget to ask when they can get the offers to you in writing. It’s not an offer til it’s on paper and it’s not done til it’s done, so take care of yourself.

      But congrats on being in such a great position! I read late last night that you thought this was going to happen and I’ve thought about you a couple of times today. I’ve been and will continue to pull for you Then I’ll change my handle. Your current boss is a doosh!

    • Tired Squared :

      I don’t have any advice, but I just wanted say CONGRATS and I’m so happy you’re going to leave that terrible boss of yours!

    • I work in HR. We expect candidates to ask for more money, and we always leave room for negotiation in our initial offer. I recommend that you work these two offers to your advantage – tell them both you have another offer, suggest that the other offer is better, ask if they can come up on their offer. Of course, the key is to do all of this so politely, and as if you really want *this* job, not the other one – if you negotiate this way, you may be surprised at what you can get. And serious congratulations on having two offers!

  27. Hi, Bay Area Folks! :

    Any recommendations for family-friendly, reasonably-priced neighborhoods in the Bay Area, commutable to the Ferry Building in SF? Am considering a relo and trying to get a sense for real estate (yes, I know it’s insane).

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Commutable by car or by public transit? The Ferry Building is next to the embarcadero muni station, and right off market street. Take a look at the Muni map – many major bus lines go by there. Family friendly meaning what? Do you need 3 bedrooms? Do you need a backyard? Do you need in-unit laundry? Do you need 2 bathrooms? Do you want to live around lots of other families? Do you want to live somewhere more hip? Do your kids go to school yet? And the key question – what do you think “reasonably priced” is? We’re generally cheaper than Manhattan, but more expensive than almost everywhere else. Where are you relocating from?

      If you are driving, then consider Potrero Hill – short commute, families in the area, not insanely expensive, but mediocre bus service. Note that Potrero Hill changes block by block – some blocks are great, some are not safe. Transit… I like Bart/Streetcars better than buses. I’d consider not super expensive Glen Park (very suburbanish, take Bart to the Ferry Building), very expensive Noe Valley (take the slower J streetcar, but more hip than Glen Park, tons of families, and very LGBT-friendly). Dogpatch is becoming more family-friendly, if you’re of the hipster persuasion – it’s a neighborhood “in transition” so it’s cheaper and you’d take the T streetcar to get to the Ferry Building. Cole Valley also has a lot of families, but it’s expensive… N streetcar to get to work.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      It just occured to me that you are open to living outside the city. Duh.

      Alameda – you can take the Ferry to work. Very family friendly, nice weather, very suburban. This only works if your work schedule is compatible with the ferry schedule.

      Rockridge station on Bart – (Oakland/Berkeley) lots of families, great neighborhood.

      Orinda, Walnut Creek, or Lafayette stations on Bart – very family friendly, excellent public schools, great weather. Longer commutes, but lots of people do it.

      Mamabear can comment more specifically about neighborhoods in Berkeley. Berkeley is also very family oriented in some areas.

      • Yes, I live in Berkeley. If I didn’t have kids and need the public school system, I’d live in the Oakland hills – a much better deal. So it depends on whether you want to send your kids to public schools. I agree with SF Bay Associate – anywhere on a BART line will be fine for commuting to the ferry building. Alameda is difficult unless you commute by ferry – but sounds perfect in your situation! The only issue would be the ferry schedule – friends of mine who commute by ferry are really slaves to the schedule because there are only a handful of runs per day.

    • Commutable by public transit. I’m really looking for a house, with outdoor space, three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a washer/dryer, and access to decent day care/preschools. At some point we’ll buy and public school system issues will become more pertinent, but right now we’re looking to rent. Alameda looks great, except that I worry about the “being a slave to the ferry.” I don’t know what the driving situation will be at my office, but would consider that since I’ll be dropping off my baby at daycare en route.

      I’m moving from Manhattan! Probably the only place in the world more expensive. I’d like to rent for less than $3000 per month, but am willing to go up to $3500 for the right space. I’m an associate at a law firm. We’ve done the urban-with-baby thing for a while and I’m honestly just over it — I’m ready to do my own laundry and have a little backyard and grow my own tomatoes.

      • Alameda really is a cute little city. I assume you get to do a house-hunting trip before you decide?

        SF Bay and I are only offering fairly close-in options. As in most cities it gets cheaper and cheaper as you move farther away (for the most part – anywhere near Silicon Valley starts to get expensive again)

        If you want to grow tomatoes successfully rather than the large green tomatoe-less tomato vines I manage to grow in Berkeley, you probably have to be in one of our warmer areas, like over the east bay hills into the Lafayette-Orinda-Moraga area or even out to Walnut Creek/Concord or Pleasanton/Livermore. I don’t think I could handle the Livermore or Concord commutes, but plenty of people do it.

        • SF Bay Associate :

          You’re coming from Manhattan, so you will be used to having a lot of amenities, shops, and restaurants that the ‘burbs really won’t have. It’s going to be quite an adjustment for you. I vote again for Rockridge – semi suburban, but still lots of little restaurants and shops, so it’s still urbanish. It’s got lots of educated parents of young kids, which sounds like your demographic. It’s not super hot in terms of weather, so I’m not sure about your tomatoes, but you’re also not paying for a great school district you don’t need yet, as you will renting in Lafayette/Orinda/Walnute Creek. I think it’s a good transition point for a few years, before you’re ready to buy into a district in the real burbs.

          Lafayette and Orinda are REALLY suburban – my friend lives in Lafayette and has a goat and chickens. Walnut Creek has a real downtown and shopping area, including a new Neiman to give you an idea of the demographics out there, but you would be paying for a school district you don’t need yet. Definitely will get the great tomatoes out there though. If I didn’t work on the peninsula, I’d consider WC when I have kids. Note that Concord schools are bad – check the API indexes when the time comes.

          Driving over the bridge into SF every morning to go to work is a Very Very Very Bad Idea. Your commute will be hell. I was envisioning you living within walking distance of the bart station, as parking is hard to come by and expensive. If you have to drive your kid somewhere first, that complicates transportation in ways I am not personally familiar with. Livermore and Concord are way, way too far, IMO. And note that Caltrain is not a good idea given your work location.

          • Thanks so much for the advice. Rockridge is looking like a good option to me — perhaps I’ll just have to grow something besides tomatoes :) I do think that the easy BART commute is probably a priority, especially since I’m coming from easy NYC subway commuting.

            If this all works out, I can’t wait to show up at a SF meet-up!

          • Agree with SFBay. Rockridge is sort of my neighborhood- I’m in the Elmwood, which is the neighboring neighborhood on the Berkeley side. I’m 2 blocks from College Ave and it is nice to be able to walk to so many restaurants, shops, etc.

            In terms of tomatoes, there are two varieties, San Francisco Fog and Early Girls, that will grow in our cooler inner-East Bay climate. Not the best tomatoes ever, but they’re OK, and I can harvest from September through early November, most years.

  28. SF Bay Associate :

    Caught in moderation, this will double-post. I think the bad word was bl-*-w.

    Way to go, Bunkster! I like your plan. But don’t let that game room and poker table lure you in – that’s just cosmetic. All else equal, which company is going to be treat you better? Which treats its employees better? Which company is doing well and will be stable/growing for the foreseeable future? Which company has employees that you actually want to work with all day?Is everyone at the company on board with the telecommuting thing, i.e. do others in the company do it, or would you be one of the few?

    After all we (the c’rettes) have been through with you and your evil job, a [bl-*-w by bl-*-w] of you telling your boss that you quit is required. Preferably Ru-style, with lots of detail so we can envision the scene in our minds’ eyes. Kthx!

    • Francie N. :

      Congrats Bunkster! and I second all SF Bay Associate said, especially reporting the deets.

  29. In search of Bunkster's New Job :

    VG Plan, but maybe you could be a little more direct about asking for them to up the offer if the 2nd offer is lower than the first. It is hard to know exactly how to play it until you hear if they are even in the same ball park. But if offer 2 is a lot lower, do you have in mind a number that would make it a comparable offer, all other things considered? You could ask if she could go there. Or if the offers are close, you could say “The other offer is X. Can you meet that so I can judge the 2 offers on the merits of the job and not the compensation?” Also, don’t forget to ask when they can get the offers to you in writing. It’s not an offer til it’s on paper and it’s not done til it’s done, so take care of yourself.

    But congrats on being in such a great position! I read late last night that you thought this was going to happen and I’ve thought about you a couple of times today. I’ve been and will continue to pull for you Then I’ll change my handle. Your current boss is a doosh!

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