Coffee Break: HeatTech Shorts with Waist Warmer

98 Comments

1. I’d love to get my husband a new travel mug for Christmas, but we both hate hate washing them. Does anyone have any good recs for mugs that go into the dishwasher?

   1. Would recommend Yeti

   2. Agreed. I have both Takeya and Yeti bottles/cups I carry around and the Yeti ones are my favorite AND easiest to clean.

      Heads up – Yeti and Takeya both sell larger bottles that don’t fit into cup holders as well as slightly smaller ones that do. So some of it depends on how DH will be using the bottle; if it’s for driving to and from work, the smaller, tapered ones would be better whereas if he’s leaving them at work, the larger ones are nice because you don’t have to refill as often.

      Also, another thing to look for with whatever you get is to make sure it’s completely sealed (so on the smaller cupholder type bottles, look for the Yeti ones that have a thing that clicks into and seals the part that you drink from because it keeps things cold or warm for longer and also means you can carry it in a bag or a purse without worrying too much about spillage.)

      Also, you can get them customized with certain college designs and the like, so that’s something to look out for too if DH went to a big college or anything.

   3. Just FYI – the Yeti ones at least say not to wash in the dishwasher, but I totally do and it’s fine. I can also recommend the Klean Kanteen ones – they fit a bit better in cupholders as they are more tapered, but also keep things very warm.

   4. I love the Contigo mug and put it in the dishwasher all the time

      1. Contigo is the only decent travel mug I’ve found that can go in the dishwasher.

      2. Contigo in stainless steel is dishwasher safe (and awesome). The painted ones will eventually be flake off if you do dishwasher.

   5. Bubba mugs – they’re inexpensive but so great. Dishwasher safe. Don’t leak. Keep coffee HOT for hours. I’m a huge fan.

2. I have a work Thanksgiving potluck coming up, and I’ve agreed to bring a savory dish, but we have no oven at work, and most of my go-to potluck dishes require oven time just before serving.

   Any brilliant ideas out there for a savory, vegetarian potluck dish that either doesn’t need to be served hot or can be reheated in a microwave?

   1. Can you use a crockpot? If so, I have a suggestion.

   2. Not sure if it’s savory, but how about a green bean and pine nut salad?

   3. Since you have a microwave, I have a bunch of ideas. Are you looking for a main course or a savory appetizer. For me, if I’m doing a savory appetizer, I love to do dates stuffed with manchego cheese and wrapped in bacon. If you baked in advance and kept them covered, you’d probably just need to microwave them for a minute to get the cheese chewy again. Or else, I’ve eaten them both warm (as opposed to hot) and cold and they’ve been delicious every way.

      For the savory element if it’s a main dish, have you thought about a Thanksgiving quiche maybe? Or a savory pie? Both, though especially the quiche, would be fine cold, I think.

   4. Smitten Kitchen’s kale salad with pecorino and walnuts – it can sit for a while without too much damage. Even though it’s kale it still tastes really indulgent.

      1. The kale salad with dates and almonds from epicurious is the absolute best!

      2. Oh – just remembered SK’s squash toasts with ricotta and cider vinegar. So delicious, and I’ve found that it can be assembled a few hours in advance.

   5. I don’t know if dip qualifies as a side dish, but the Jalepeno Popper Dip from Annie’s Eats is ridiculously good and can be served cold, or heated in a microwave.

   6. google “Real Food Whole Life Sweet Potato Hash.” You can make it a day or two before and reheat in microwave. It tastes like Thanksgiving in one bowl. I often sub butternut squash for sweet potatoes because I can buy that pre chopped and I don’t like chopping. I recently made it for two different groups and everyone wanted the recipe

   7. Actually, here’s one that could be microwaved to hot pretty easily, I think, and it’s delish. (I think someone here posted it a few years ago.) Get pre-cut squash from Trader Joe’s or somewhere and it’s pretty fast, too.

      https://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Wild-Rice-with-Butternut-Squash-Leeks-and-Corn-350425

   8. If you’re thinking of bringing a side, you can always go with spinach artichoke dip in a crock pot with bread slices or chips. Betty Crocker recipe. Or sweet potatoes in a crock pot–haven’t tried yet but there’s some great recipes all over the place (I’m about to try for T-giving at home).

   9. Crockpot Cassoulet:

      Dice onions and carrots and saute in olive oil until soft
      Add minced garlic and let all blend
      Add veggie mix to crockpot (use a liner!)
      Add 2 14oz cans of drained / rinsed white beans
      Top with 2 14 oz cans (liquid included) diced tomatoes
      Top with a squirt of tomato paste
      Add ~ 1/4 cup red wine or veggie broth (more or less depending on your preference)
      Cook on low for 8 hours
      (can add meat – I’ve used turkey sausage) on the side for non-vegetarians

      Bonus: gluten free, soy free, dairy free – everyone can eat it!

   10. How about a quinoa ‘stuffing’ for a side? All the flavors of stuffing without the bread. Basically make some quinoa (I use homemade chicken bone broth/stock, unless the dish has to be vegetarian and then I use water or vegetable stock). Bonus points if you toast the quinoa before you make it. Then saute whatever you would put in stuffing — I use a bunch of chopped vegetables like mushrooms, shallots, onions, horse chestnuts, celery, water chestnuts… whatever you like — in butter (or oil, but butter/ghee adds better flavor I think). I aim for ~1:2 or 1:3 vegetables:quinoa ratio. Add salt and ‘Thanksgiving’ herbs or blends to taste – sage, rosemary, thyme, majoram, parsley, poultry seasoning, etc., and then add the quinoa and saute/heat through. Great as leftovers made into patties — add some beaten egg (and bread crumbs if you want) as a binder and pan fry.

3. Sorry I missed your reply on the weekend thread, I was offline. Send me an e-mail to jcolleen318 at g mail

4. What is on your personal wishlist for the holidays this year? I have started to get asked for ideas, and am drawing a blank. Would love inspiration at any price range (and am also just curious about you all)!

   1. Pete Souza’s book of photographs of the Obama presidency.

      1. Well, that wasn’t on my list before but it is now. Great idea.

   2. A knife sharpener. I’m officially dull (ba-dum-tssh), but I just never get around to using the honing steel that came with my set and legitimately really want one of those sharpeners you just slide the knife through!

   3. I want a travel steamer.

      1. Ohhhh I want this too!
         I’m all about the exciting gifts here on this thread :)

   4. My husband and I usually go with experiential gifts and the thing I want more than anything in the world would be tickets to see Hamilton. But that’s probably not in most people’s budgets.

      I’m also psyched this year that turtlenecks seem to be coming back into style a little so I want a nice, cashmere, turtleneck or cowlneck sweater. Otherwise, my wish list is currently filled with purses, graphic tees, and a random assortment of other stuff because my inlaws are strong believers in wish lists.

      Bizarrely, I loved the bolster pillow on the hotel where we stayed this weekend and I’ve decided I really want a more sturdy bolster pillow then I currently have so if anyone has recs for good bolster pillows I could add to my in-laws wishlist, that would be great.

      Another idea if you just can’t think of anything you want is to ask for a donation of some sort; my brother recently donated to an organization that trains … something (a small rodent of some kind) that is a landmine sniffer and he gets semi-regular updates on how his sponsored sniffer is doing. Other ideas could be donations for Puerto Rico (I’ve given to Habitat for Humanity, PR and the Hispanic Federation.)

      1. Acknowledging that I’m super lucky…. A few years ago, I asked for and received a ticket to Hamilton for Christmas. It was under $200. Granted, it was in 2016, before Hamilton reached its peak of popularity, it was a single ticket on the second-to-last row, and it was late January, so not a popular tourist weekend. (My hotel room at the Times Square Doubletree was also under $200/night, and there was in fact a blizzard that weekend.) And I loved it!

      2. Dealing with antibiotics for a pilonidal cyst, not being able to sit or lie on my back is horrible and am just hoping not to end up with a UTI from the meds. I just want to magically make this go away or have the funds to get a nice massage or something just to feel like I’m relaxing out of fun, not out of being forced to lie on my side for days on end… arg!

         1. Venting post (responding since I don’t think you meant this to be in the response thread but might as well respond anyway) but I saw a post on social media that said “There is a fundamental difference between *getting* to stay in bed and *having* to stay in bed” and that has stuck with me whenever someone tells me they wish *they* could work from home (etc. etc.)

   5. I want a cocktail ring (~$500-$800) commemorating the birth of my daughter this year. I would also like a cashmere sweater and a pair of my favorite jeans in another color.

      Over the past few birthdays/holidays I’ve been helping my SO replace/upgrade items in his stereo system.

      1. Oh, do you have a ring picked? I’m curious, as this is something I’ve been considering as well.

   6. Any ideas for a 75+ year old man who “likes what he likes” and isn’t into new food, drink or experiences. I think we’ve exhausted the museum membership, movie gift cards, dinner out gift cards. Thinking maybe a harry and david monthly box. This relative has an xmas birthday and a lifelong irritation with having an xmas birthday so it really does need to be a “special” gift.

      1. Does he have a record player? Does he like different kinds of music? My husband is a bit younger but he loves his subscription to Vinyl Me, Please.

      2. A weather station? My dad loves his. He actually has two (one for the bedroom and one for the downstairs – ya know, in case the weather is different outside on different sides of the house).

         1. Oh, yes! Hubby has one of those, too, and it’s great!

      3. Are there any experiential gifts you could consider? Like tickets to a game for his favorite team (maybe making it a group excursion if you can get others on board) or tickets to a show or a concert – something like that?

         Another idea might be a simple iPod with a bunch of his favorite music already loaded so he doesn’t have to figure out how to upload to it (maybe with a nice set of external speakers in case he is hard of hearing or doesn’t like headphones.)

         This year my brother and I are teaming up to get our parents a gift card for flights to wherever they want in Europe as well as a surprise, already planned excursion to Paris in the middle. And while that’s a really extreme example of it, as people get older, I feel like they have plenty of things but not plenty of activities so giving something intangible but special is always a good idea with older people, in my experience at least.

      4. Ancestry dot com kit?

   7. Pearls, pearls, pearls. Anything necessary i buy for myself but pearls always make me happy and are … well, I think they’re necessities but they make the perfect gift for me.

      I’m partial to just about anything from Kojima pearl. I often stare at their website during conference calls, then send DH links. No affiliation just a repeat customer.

   8. Better luggage! I’ve got my eye on a TravelPro I found on Amazon that’s a funky iridescent teal – not obnoxious but easy to spot on the carousel.

      A minimalist, large-faced watch.

   9. Roomba. I love my little old terrier to pieces, but I’m so tired of pet hair.

   10. I want alcohol based markers! Etching paste! A gift card to Michaels!

       A backpack to carry my laptop in! Packing cubes!

       Cheap funky sunglasses! Holographic eyeshadow!

5. Is anyone familiar with the AllSaints brand? There is a purse that I have my eye on on their website, but I’m reluctant to spend over $200 for a purse in a brand that I’m unfamiliar with.

   1. Yes – highly recommend. I don’t have a purse from them but I do have a leather jacket. It is almost 8 years old at this point and I wear it all the time and yet it looks just like new. No scratches, no fading (it is black) – not even in the elbows or where my purse hangs, no color bleeding, and it stretches to fit you perfectly yet stays in place. I have worn it in the rain, snow, it has been shoved inside my suitcase and the leather still looks awesome without a single scratch or fading.

      1. Wow, I had to doublecheck the name – I have the very same experience and for a minute thought his was my reply.
         But yes, I have a few of their items – a leather jacket, a handbag and clothing – and the leather goods are indestructible. I would not look at any other brand, if I were buying another leather jacket.

   2. Kat just posted about this brand (she’s happy). I recently saw one of their totes and thought it looked well made.

6. I would totally buy these and wear them all the time (under clothes, not as pants, don’t grasp your pearls too soon) but they’re completely out of stock in all the colors for these ones and for the leggings.

   Does anyone own something similar that they’d recommend? Mostly I’d love something like this that I can wear under dresses and such without having them be super tight and uncomfortable (but I still would like them to have a bit more control than, say, leggings your friends might guilt you into buying on Facebook, just as an example.)

   1. They’re long underwear, so literally any brand will do. I have some silk ones from LL Bean. I also have some woolen ones that are dual layer, with cotton toward your skin and wool outside to prevent itching. I forget the brand, but try googling. Finally, I have cheap, super comfy and thin CuddleDuds from Kohls/Walmart.

      1. Sorry, I realize that may sound snarky and perhaps you live in a warmer climate. I’m just rolling my eyes over the post that makes it sound like long underwear shorts/leggings are a new concept. Long underwear/long johns, thermals, etc have been around probably for hundreds of years.

         1. I haven’t seen any before that are shorts like this, and I live where it’s freezing in the winter.

         2. See, I actually do live in a cold area and have worn a variety of kinds of long underwear, both of the old school cotton variety and the new-fangled sporty variety. For me, these seem a bit less about being warm and more about helping to smooth out lines under your clothes (which is what interested me) without too much compression causing pressure on my abdomen. Many of the thermals made of more modern material have way more spandex or something in them that makes them tighter and that’s not what I’m looking for in something like this.

            So yes, I know they aren’t a new and magical product, but they’re also less than $20, not something you can always say with other similar items, and would serve my needs better than traditional warm layers and/or compression garments. Especially the ones featured here which are shorts so they can be more versatile in a wardrobe. If you like long underwear and it works for you, then you-do-you, but what I was hoping for was reviews of this specific item. Not on all possible layering objects for warmth available in the world.

   2. Kat, I also love these! I think that my tuchus gets cold b/c the manageing partner always wants me to wear pump’s with my skirt’s and this means alot of updrafts for me. FOOEY! So if I can wear these and not be found out, I will be alot warmer! Grandma Leyeh says I should wear these to stay warm as I have no boyfreiend. I would still need these in the winter even with a boyfreind. Yay!!

   3. I haven’t tried them, but my sister has a pair of spandex-y type shorts from jockey (skimmies?) that are basically like looser spanx shorts and smooth out everything when she wears dresses. I think she got hers at target (or I’m sure on amazon).

7. Dear ladies, I am a regular associate attorney (have done everything from many varieties of civil litigation to commercial transactions), and I have an interview to be a securities compliance attorney. I have thoroughly prepared regarding the company with which I’ll be interviewing, but I wanted to ask if any of you practice in a role similar to the securities compliance one? Any words of advice?

   1. I jumped into a role in a highly technical area of law without much background knowledge and it was tough, though the awesome team and work made it worth it/doable. It sounds like you don’t have a ton of securities experience—if that’s true, ask about their plans for training. Securities is technical enough (with severe consequences for getting it wrong) that it doesn’t seem like a good idea to jump in without good training.

8. Advise me!

   On Friday, I learned that I am making a fraction of what I should be. I do private wealth management at a company I have been working for 10 years. This year, I busted my behind and killed it – my numbers met and exceeded every goal and I am due for a promotion based on this not to mention a raise. At one of our meetings, everyone’s numbers were distributed and I am only one of two in our whole group with these numbers and the other person is already a few positions above me. I made it clear at the semi-annual review that I expect my numbers to bear out that I am meeting my goals and that I am gunning for the promotion and raise, so there was no surprise about it.

   I have long suspected that I am underpaid but recently have been courted by some other employers. So I am now collecting data on my worth from outside perspectives and on Friday had lunch with a friend who left a year ago in essentially the same position I am in. He got a competing offer, told our bosses and they asked for a day to come up with a competitive offer. That was before the holidays and thus before bonus time and not only was his own offer way more but he also said that the number offered him to make him stay was what he should have made based on his performance for the year anyway. So if that was the best they could do, it was a lost cause. That number was 2-3 x what I make. I felt sick at first at hearing that but then also very grateful because now I am armed with information. I am gathering data on how much I am worth outside as well as how much I should be worth inside – or rather how much they paid my peers inside.

   Two of my clients have even asked me outright (once even in front of another boss) why they should go with us because I’m clearly so bright and accomplished I might not stay long. I am already interviewing, but my question is this: we are coming up on bonus season now, when I remind my boss that I expect a raise and promotion given that I have met every single metric, should I give them a range now that I know information? Or does that make me seem like too much of a flight risk that they will lowball me in a way to call my bluff?

   Some other factors: there is a (small) possibility that I could stay because it’s also very possible some others (including the other one that had a really good year) might leave which could mean that I am one of the last ones standing, giving me an even more bargaining power to ask for more — but later when the chips fall after the new year. Of course one of the risks in telling your employer you are a flight risk is that they take the time to find someone else to replace you but honestly, they would be in serious, serious trouble if I left. And I think the chance of them firing me is extremely small. My boss likes me a lot but is very much a corporate soldier and I sense that one of the co-bosses is actually hoarding a lot of the money at the top for himself — based on my conversations with others in the org and two who have left. After all, if me and the other high-achiever aren’t getting paid (given how much we are bringing in), then who the heck is??

   So I will definitely re-assert now that I want a raise and promotion, the question is do I *also add* that I now know more information and believe it should be in the range of x-y given my metrics?

   Any advice, especially from those who have hiring/firing/compensation power, would be very helpful and appreciated!

   1. There are very few industries that will come back with a raise/promotion equal to 2-3x your current salary.

      You should aggressively look for a new role. Assume any counter-offer will be less than a new role. Best case scenario they double your comp- and based on your research that’s still way under market.

      It sounds like you are looking for reasons to stay. Would you want to stay knowing you are paid well under market? That will be your reality, even with a fat raise and promo.

      1. As in- this post should be “how do I get a new role” and now “how do I negotiate more?” Don’t waste your energy on current firm and focus like h3ll on a new gig.

         1. Yes, aggressively interviewing. Already have a second round interview tomorrow morning, and two others in the mix. Working with a recruiter — who doesn’t know how much I am paid — so will tell her the first one went well and that I am interested in seeing what else she has.

            Thank you for your perspective. Very helpful from an outsider’s perspective. I’m not really looking for reasons to stay except I’ve been here since right out of college so it’s mostly just an unknown. I know that in most cases the only way to make that kind of salary jump is to go elsewhere, it just helps to hear it from an outsider.

   2. Caveat: this is just my opinion.
      I would ask for a certain range but don’t volunteer where you got your information unless someone asks. “My market value for this position is x$”
      I would not spend too much brainpower on anticipating whether your employer will replace you or react in another way. What you focus on is i) are you willing to leave your job over this? and ii) do you have options (other companies courting you in a serious way OR enough resources to hold you over a short period of unemployment) that allow you to force the issue right now? It sounds like the cards you are holding are not too bad.

   3. I would recommend to approach your current employer and talk about your long-term results and potential. Tell them that you are their top performer and you deserve an equal and fair salary. Tell them you know what is the market fair value for your job AND your results (this will prevent them from benchmarking you to the lower half of your benchmark range) and ask specifically for a pay raise that will get you to your target amount.
      If they want to keep you, they will find ways to give you the money.
      Two things:
      Yes, a lot of companies have strict policies when it comes to salary increase. My company does not allow for >20% increase at a time (provided you are not changing role or grade). So it might take the company linger to get you to your target salary. However, they can get you there and temporarily cover the difference through bonuses and awards. If you decided to leave your current employer, you might negotiate a starting salary elsewhere already at your target level.
      Secondly, I would strongly recommend to get as much increase into the salary – and not into bonuses – as possible. Your salary is the base from which your employer calculates bonuses, benefits and retirement. You are entitled to your salary – bonuses are more volatile and can be recalled.

9. Would love to chat about it, especially this past Fri’s episode… whoa.

   1. I watch it. I don’t think this season is as good as the earlier ones thus far. POSSIBLE SPOILERS FROM HERE ON.

      I appreciate how forthright they are being in connecting ha-ha “crazy” behavior to actual mental illness, including the seriousness of what happened in the past episode. Also, there are very few narratives in entertainment that get past the love interest story line to examine all the personal dysfunction behind it.

   2. I watch it.

      SPOILERS AHEAD. I love how it handles mental illness and depression. Friday’s episode was heartbreaking. I really empathized with her mother and like how her character is being developed. I felt sick from the moment she saw what Rebecca had been looking up on her computer. Her taking the pills with the wine so deliberately at the end was so difficult to watch. I’m glad the episode ended with her pushing the Help button.

      Side note: the Stupid B song from season one actually really helped me with my negative self talk. Seeing it was brutal and it forced me to recognize the damage I was doing to myself and got me to finally stop berating myself.

10. For those who hate the cold weather but must live in it, what do you do to not hate life for the 3-6 months of freezing temperatures?

    1. I got away from the cold, but the things that helped most were buying all the warm things and having a happy lamp. When I was properly bundled and my house was warm, only the darkness was something I couldn’t do much to fix.

       1. Another tip! When I couldn’t stand the winter, I’d try to find a greenhouse where I could bask in the greenness and the steamy warmth for a couple hours. Houseplants can also be helpful in capturing some of this feeling at home.

          1. Also, big hotels with fancy atrium lobbies can be remarkably humid and sunlit on nice days in winter. Plus you can get a drink (or five) from the lobby bar.

          2. If you can’t find a greenhouse, try the zoo! Some have steamy tropical segments (with lovely birds!).

       2. Yes, the lamp makes all the difference in my winters! I leave mine on for 20 minutes while I’m in the bathroom getting ready in the morning. I also recommend good quality winter gear. My other favorites are Pinzon flannel sheets from Amazon (Portuguese flannel is the best!) and LL Bean’s wicked good slippers. They (almost) make me look forward to cooler weather.

          When I get home from work in the winter, I always turn the kettle on and enjoy a nice cup of tea or make some broth with noodles as a snack to warm up. And on weekends, I make mulled wine :-)

          1. Oh, and lighting lots of candles when it’s dark out. It feels so much cozier. I try to embrace the seasons rather than fight them. I don’t love Chicago winters, but they aren’t going anywhere.

    2. I throw money at it. “There’s no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothes” is BS, but I find that I am less miserable when I have nice gloves, boots, etc. That, and my trusty Land’s End down coat that I’ve had since high school.

    3. I had to live in Boston for 6 months (in the winter) for work. I am from Southern California. Whee.

       I rented an apartment that allowed me to hardly ever go outside – connected to my office building, a huge mall with a movie theater, a gym, and a grocery store. I also bought one of those coats that looks like a sleeping bag (head to ankle down, fur-lined hood) and really warm boots, as well as wear two pairs of gloves (first pair a liner with Windstopper material, second pair mittens designed for snowboarding), a beanie with a fleece band around the ears, and a really thick wool scarf that I secured in place with the hood of coat so only my eyes were showing. I would wear glasses (not contacts) because the glasses acted like a shield to the wind. A few really cold windy days I wore ski googles. I swear I am not insane.

    4. I would also love to know this. I’ve been in Boston for 2 years now and while I can survive it, it’s just not ideal. and my car seats are not heated :(

    5. But there are so many things to love…..

       Not shaving my legs.
       Tights, so No one knows I am not shaving my legs.
       No shorts.
       No bathing suits.
       No cold shoulder tops.
       Gorgeous cozy cashmere sweaters.
       Gorgeous wool and cashmere coats.
       Gorgeous cashmere wraps.
       Gorgeous boots and booties.
       Heat
       Sleeping under lots of warm blankets.
       Hot showers.
       Beautiful snow, that I never have to shovel.
       Holidays.
       Holiday food.
       Charlie Brown Xmas album.
       Fireplaces.

       1. Cold weather food might be the only thing I miss in the summer. Soups, stews, roast, anything that needs an oven but it’s too hot in the summer. Christmas cookies. nom

    6. I’m a So Cal gal who has lived in freezing cities for omg half my life? Anyway, a lot.

       Weirdly, I find pineapple juice is like drinking sunshine. Maybe with some crushed ice and soda water?

    7. Lots and lots of layers. Make sure you have a good winter coat, boots, gloves, hat and scarf. I have all kinds of winter gear that I look forward to using because it’s so cozy. Plus all the layers hide any extra weight you put on over the holidays. Also:

       Flannel and fleece everything

       Pajamas, soft fluffy socks, flannel sheets, heavy down comforter plus throws

       My electric throw is the best because I can wrap myself up in it as soon as I get home from being outside and it quickly warms me up

       Candles because seeing the flame makes me feel warmer (I don’t know why) and they’re pretty and smell good

       Soft sweaters and heavy wool pants (lined) that you look forward to wearing

       Hand warmers (I keep some in my car for cold emergencies)

       It helps if you love any winter sports like skiing, snow shoeing or ice skating. I hate being cold but love winter because it’s pretty and I can ski.

    8. Get the right gear and get outside to enjoy it. I’m a walker, and walk all year long outside in Toronto. I don’t walk when it gets below minus 20 with the wind chill. Once you have the right gear (lightweight and warm), being outside in the cold in lovely. My favourite walks are when it has just snowed — it’s so beautiful. The key for me is really in wearing the right gear! Which can be pricey, but is worth it.

    9. Dress for the weather and try to plan a trip somewhere warm to defrost in January or February. I’m always amazed by what a difference good gear makes (hats, coat, shoes, etc.) & if I have a trip planned it makes most of the cold bearable and then what’s left isn’t so bad. Usually it’s just a few days to FL which is easy from NY, but what a difference.

       Also I try to get into the spirit of the season with mulled wine, hot toddyIes, bars with fire places, etc.

11. After years of watching this show, I’m beginning to wonder if I should try to find a culture where women are revered, so I can try to date a man from there…

    1. Lol. Do any of their couples have that situation? … If not, you could certainly fill in the gap and be a reality TV star in addition to being worshipped by this enlightened fellow.

       1. Not that I’ve ever seen… though a few are men who seem to dote on women where they’re clearly way younger/more attractive but must want to get into the US (based on how awful the women treat them), and several are gross men who have found women from other countries online where the women clearly need entrance into the US… and maybe a few are actually in love. It sure makes me think anti-immigration folks choose these couples since they seem to fall into the stereotypes rather than to show loving partnerships!

    2. Ashamedly, I do watch this. But this concept that the show is obsessed with, that all conflicts can be chalked up to “culture” and many of them seem to justify everything they do that way, no matter what they did or didn’t do. (Looking at you Mohammed – that was his name right? Or all these guys who bring beautiful, sexy women they met on Instagram to the states…and then are surprised when the women are beautiful and sexy in real life and try to force them to conform to America’s “culture” – which seems to always mean super conservative middle American “culture.”

       Basically, I guess what I’m saying is that you really cannot be guaranteed about anyone’s personality because of how their culture supposedly works. Every culture has a wide-range of personalities, customs, rules, and cultural mores – so just because someone comes from a country doesn’t mean they will necessarily fit any of the stereotypes of that country. Personally, I think the show just overly relies on the concept of different cultures to justify what are some pretty obviously terrible relationships.

       TL;DR – I don’t think 90 Day Fiance is really an ideal model for looking for an S.O. – in fact, I’d argue its up there with one of the worst ways to find an S.O.

12. Someone I recently broke up with is a big deal in the entertainment industry. I saw him s3xually harass both women and men in the workplace when I came to visit him but the relationship was abusive and my attempts to get him to knock it off just angered him and were taken out on me at home. Not sure what to do with this info now. Not sure if anyone will come forward and I didn’t work for/with him to say anything, but I wish there was some way to let the employer know so he wouldn’t keep being hired there but I’d fear repercussion or my name being attached to this mess. Is there anything for me to do other than to just be glad I’m away from him? I don’t have a relationship with anyone he works with to encourage them to come forward.

    1. Stay out of it and be glad you’re away from him. I would understand the desire to come forward if you were involved in helping him cover something up, but you merely witnessed this behavior. No doubt lots of other people witnessed it too. You have no special obligation to share what you saw and wading into this mess will probably only hurt yourself (do you really want your abusive ex suing you for defamation or something like that? Even if the suit is frivolous you will have to see him and deal with him again).

    2. Is he newsworthy? Leak it to the press? I’m glad you are out of that relationship, and don’t feel responsible for warning others. He sounds like a toxic individual so please take care of yourself.

       1. Yes he is, as is his employer, it would definitely be news. Not sure how to leak something to the press without tying my name or email to it and no, I don’t want to get drawn in or sued. I just hate knowing he’ll continue doing this until he’s either unable to work due to being fired and blacklisted or unless he’s caught and forced to pay for his consistent crimes. This isn’t a 1 time thing, this seems to have been occurring for the decades he’s been employed. I feel helpless but don’t know that I can help without causing harm to myself, nor could I be sure any victims would choose to come forward and risk their high level jobs over it.

          1. Set up a fake email address and leak it to Ronan Farrow by emailing it.

          2. A lot of news organizations have tip lines or emails. Make up a faux email address and send details.

          3. Tipping off a journalist seems like it could point them in a certain direction. Like with the Weinstein thing, or the Moore thing, journalists heard second hand stories and then dug in to the research to track down actual witnesses who would go on the record.

    3. Come on, you know this is motivated by revenge. It’s not that I don’t believe you. I do. In fact, reading your post I wondered if you were one of my two friends in this exact situation that could have written this. (Seriously, and I live in northern ca, not LA)

       I think you have to let these women come forward on their own. And I think you need to get back the real estate this guy is occupying in your brain.

    4. Newspapers have anonymous tip lines. I am not saying you have to leak it (you do what makes you happy whether that is exposing him or letting it go) but if you wanted to, you would call the tip line and say this is what happened to you and that you have reason to believe he did it to others. If they thought there was a story there, they would follow up with people who work(ed) with him to inquire if they had abusive or harassing encounters.

13. I tore a ligament in my foot earlier this year while skiing. I wore a walking boot for 8 weeks and a lace-up brace for 4, and I have just started physical therapy because the pain is still there. I’m looking for comfortable, supportive shoes I can wear to work that are still cute. My office is business casual to business professional. I was bad and wore pumps/heeled boots for the last month or so, but I just hate most of the “comfort” shoes that I see. Any suggestions for cute, stylish comfort shoes? Preferably under $150. Thanks!

    1. Rockport total motion. I just ordered two pairs after seeing their praises sung on this blog for ages, and they’re amazing. So comfortable.

    2. Vionic

       I like these booties

       https://www.vionicshoes.com/women/boots/serena-bootie.html?76=68

       And these kitten heels
       https://www.vionicshoes.com/women/wedges/josie-kitten-heel.html?76=189

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