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Updated: Feb 22, 2022 151 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Hell Goddess Dish Towels

Coffee Break

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Today's Coffee Break is kind of a strange one, I'll admit — I saw this a few weeks ago and sent it to my friend who's into goth things. But then I kept thinking about it, particularly the message.

It reads, “There is no rule that says you can't be a captivating forest pixie and an intimidating ancient hell goddess. Hecate had three forms; you needn't commit to just one.”

And honestly — as we all go through a bit of self-rediscovery and self-definition in 2022 — it's a great message.

So remember, readers: You can be lots of things; you needn't just wear one hat. :D

There are actually three tea towels in the set; they're $34 at Boredwalk Shirts.

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Sales of note for 9.30.24

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. anon for Topamax

    I was just prescribed topamax for migraines and daily, non-migraine headaches. I haven’t started taking it yet. Does anyone have experience with this medicine? Advice or concerns? Thanks!

    • Topamax is alright

      Oh hey I just got off Topamax! The internet is full of terrible reviews of the side effects, so I was pretty nervous to start it (in Nov 2021) but my MD friend looked at the drug info and convinced me I was unlikely to have any scary side effects so I gave it a shot.

      I was on 25-50mg dose from November – February, for migraines. For the first 10 days as well as the 10 days after upping my dosage I had problems sleeping, a daily low-level headache, some tingling in my hands and toes and soda tasted flat. After the adjustment period I had some brain fog and fatigue but did not have the awful cognitive side effects I had read about online.

      Ultimately my neurologist took me off it since my headache frequency was totally unaffected (though the intensity of my migraines went from a 5-6 down to a 1-2). Despite what I wrote above, the side effects weren’t terrible for me, so don’t let the online reviews scare you off. If Topamax decreased the frequency I would have definitely kept with it. Good luck!

      • Anon

        I was on it for a long time and also had the tingling and flat-tasting soda. Otherwise, no side effects and it did decrease my migraines (in conjunction with Bystolic daily). I’m off of it now – and have been for about a decade – and my migraines are still controlled.

    • test run

      I took it for about a six months maybe… 15? years ago. I didn’t have migraines while I was taking it, but eventually the side effects became too unbearable. I was instructed to take it at lunch and for several hours afterwards I was basically useless. Could not focus and honestly could not even speak properly. I also had tingling/numbness in my hands, which wasn’t a big deal but annoying. A cousin was also taking it at the same time and we still joke about how weird we were/felt while we were taking it. I ended up just going back to taking an imitrex as soon as I felt a migraine coming on, but I was only getting migraines once ever couple of weeks at that tim. If I had been getting them daily, my calculus for staying on topamax would have been different. Hopefully your experience will be better! I would just be prepared for some weird side effects and make sure you have good communication with your provider throughout.

    • Anon

      It’s a miracle drug for me. It also causes a lot of side effects, but it’s helped so much with my pain and especially with nausea that every time I try to stop taking it, I end up going back on it. My advice: start with a low dose, 25 mg or less, and stay at that dose for a while before slowly increasing. I’ve never gone above 50 mg because the side effects were too bad. That’s a pretty low dose (some people take 200 or 300 or more for epilepsy), but even that helps a lot. Be prepared to be sort of slow and out of it for a few weeks (this was temporary, for me at least). Not as temporary are that it makes all carbonated things taste bad, I lost a lot of weight, my fingers tingle, I make lots of typos and have some trouble finding words, and it increases risk of kidney stones, so drink a lot of water!

    • Anon

      my child took it for seizures with no side effects. However, my best friend took it for migraines and ended up with a kidney stone, which is relatively rare but not unknown

    • anon for Topamax

      Thanks for the great information! I will be on a very low dose & my doctor instructed me to take it before bed. Some of the side effects (other than weight loss) sound similar to my peri-menopause symptoms – maybe they’ll cancel each other out! ha!

    • Sloan Sabbith

      Unasked for advice, but my doctor started me on memantine for migraines and it changed my life- went from 2-3 migraines a week to 5-6 a year. It’s an Alzheimer’s drug. Might be an option for someone for whom Topamax isn’t a good option.

    • Anonymous

      I had bad side effects on Topamax- numbness in hands, lack of appetite (like forgetting to eat all day), and my hair fell out. It did help with migraines but I had to stop it.

    • Senior Attorney

      I’ve been taking a cocktail of 25mg Topamax and 40 mg Propranalol for years for migraine prophylaxis and it’s been a game-changer. I’ve had the crazy not-experiencing-carbonation-in-soda thing but alas not much loss of appetite. I have had some numbness in my hands which until today I didn’t realize was related to the drug, so thanks to those who pointed that out! I was doing 50mg a day for a while and at that dose I had enough trouble with finding words that I cut back.

    • anon for Topamax

      I haven’t received the prescription yet but it looks like my doc prescribed 50mg. I’ll ask her to switch to 25mg based on all your advice. Thank you again!

    • Oh so anon

      Probably too late for you too see this, but Topamax has been a game-changer for me in terms of migraine prevention. I have been on it for over 15 years with no side effects.

  2. Anon

    Is anyone on Dupixent? It’s not its main focus, but my ENT guy recommended it b/c apparently my nose is getting very good at the nasty business of growing polyps.

  4. Anon

    I like Hoka shoes (they are zero drop), but they seem to be good athletic sneakers vs cute fashion sneakers. Is there anything similar with a zero drop (with a wide toe box) that IS a fashion sneaker?

    • Anonymous

      My unhappy feet like Fit Flop sneakers (plus a cheapie orthotic) for fashion sneaks. I have Hokas, too, but like the Fit Flop equally or better.

    • Anon

      I use Merrell gloves with a superfeet insert when I’m not wearing my Hokas. I don’t think they’re the current fashion sneaker look but are low profile which flatters me more anyway.

    • Anon

      How was your transition to zero drop shoes from traditional shoes? Any issues?

    • Griz

      What Hokas are you wearing that are zero drop? I run in Arahis and they are 5mm drop. Hoka’s philosophy is plush foot beds with a rocker to help running form, so I don’t think you will find zero drop within the brand. Other commenters mentioned Altras and I know a lot of people really love those!

      • anon

        Yea, I have always run in zero drop and I am unaware of any Hokas which are zero drop!

    • Anon

      Is this the same as the barefoot running trend from about a decade ago? I thought it had been debunked. (Wondering whether I should unearth my inov 8 runners from back in the day)

  6. Lily

    Any recs for a good wall-to-wall carpet brands (specific suggestions for product and color appreciated!) for bedrooms? Must be cat-safe (i.e. no loops), neutral color that is somewhat forgiving with kids’ messes (definitely not white, and no super dark colors), and easy to clean (as far as carpeting goes). Willing to pay for quality. Would like a good compromise between softness/appearance and functionality/durability. TIA!

    • Anonymous

      To improve durability and cat-resistance, invest in the best waterproof pad available.

    • anon

      No specific brands, but go with a Stainmaster treatment for sure! IDK, I feel like you need to go to the carpet/flooring place and see what you like and feels good to you.

      • Bonnie Kate

        +1 go to the local carpet place you’d like to use. If you settle on a brand that’s not available to them, you’re going to have to start over again anyway.

        Not sure if it’s a good with cats, but in the one bedroom we have wall to wall carpeting we paid extra for the memory foam pad and that is definitely worth it.

    • BeenThatGuy

      I recently had carpet installed in my bedrooms and stairs. We got the Fabrica Savanna Weave in mesquite. We upgraded to the memory foam pad for underneath. For about 750 square feet of space, including the stairs, we paid about $11 per foot. It was worth every penny.

    • Anon

      When I was looking I thought Dixie Home had a nice selection. You definitely have to look in person, though.

  7. Anon

    I love these towels, but in my experience the printed ones just don’t take up water the way plain ones do. I’d definitely buy this as a mug, though.

    • anon

      Twisted Wares has flour sack printed towels that work as well as the plain ones. They tend to go for a minimal level of printing.

  8. Anonymous

    I’m looking for the perfect chambray top. My favorite outfit to run errands in is a long chambray top, leggings, and allbirds. Not the most fashionable, I know, but I consider this look to be my equivalent of a jeans and sweatshirt comfy look. I’d like it to be long enough to cover my back side (as I said I like to wear it with leggings), long sleeve but with the ability to roll the sleeves up. I’m size 10/12 and a pear. Recommendations? Thanks!

    • Anon

      I feel like Lands End has this sort of item (tunic-length, chambray), as does Old Navy (perhaps more shirt-length). I think of expecting a shirt to cover a leggings-wearing butt is hard if you are a pear (I am) w/o getting into a ton of excess volume / cloth. I used to find a lot of longer-hem-in-back items at Gap, but all athletic vs non-athletic clothes.

      • Anonymous

        You’re definitely right that it’s difficult for a pear – if it’s long enough, I could probably just leave the last button unbuttoned if it’s that style.

    • anon.

      I’ve never purchased from them, but my friend has this in Vineyard Vines and I love it and may buy for the same reason as you! (a uniform!)

  9. anon

    I feel overwhelmed with expectations at work and it’s putting me in a bad place mentally. I have dragged my feet on talking to my boss because I don’t actually expect much to change, or if it does change (e.g., she agrees to hire more staff) it puts more on my plate in a different direction. So I put on a cheerful face and pretend all is well because nobody likes a whiner and we have an office culture of striving and taking on the world. (Higher ed admin, for reference.) Maybe the solution is to expand, but in my mind, having a newbie to delegate work to is only a partial solution and will take many months for that move to pay off. The real problem is that our group keeps taking on too much, is expected to keep increasing our scope, and those of us in middle management are getting dumped on constantly to execute. I haven’t gone to my boss because I have no real solution to suggest, other than to please realize that people aren’t endless founts of energy and stop committing our time to these extra multi-year initiatives. Or at least recognize the hard work we’re doing. There’s nothing in this for me: nowhere to get promoted, and IDGAF about building my resume full of stuff I don’t actually want to do. I hate that I feel so defeatest. It’s probably not good that I’m keeping my discontent from my boss, but I truly don’t even know what to ask for.

    • Anon

      Also in higher ed administration, and my day today has been such a pile-on disaster that I just searched for the signs of heart attacks in women. I need a change today.

      • anon

        I can’t believe I used to like this job. I feel like it’s the job equivalent of “too good to leave/too bad to stay.” Like, I’m not in a great place to ditch it all and start over, even though that’s what I really want to do.

        • Anon

          It may not hurt to just put out some applications to “reach” positions and see what happens!

    • pugsnbourbon

      Jesus I could have written this (except I’m not on multi-year initiatives).

      Only suggestion I have – could you tap an internal hire to join your department? They’d need slightly less hand-holding than a truly new newbie.

  10. Anonymous

    I just looked at my local COVID data — cases in my county are 8 per 100,000 people, and around that in the two other closest counties. (Wastewater also good.) Am I a pandemic scaredy cat if I don’t return to 2019ish activities until numbers start to rise again? DH and I are boosted, kids are vaxxed. I’m still worried about long covid and my elderly parents (boosted but not third full shot).

    • Anon

      You get to make whatever decisions are best for you and your family! You don’t need to the approval of internet strangers!

    • Anon

      Are you worried about being judged a scaredy cat? There’s no reason to take on more activities if you don’t want to. Do what makes you comfortable.

      If however, you feel like you or your kids are missing out, assess the actual risks of (masked) activities and you may decide to participate in them.

      • anonshmanon

        this. It’s not just that your risk-calculus is personal, but weighing risk against benefit, and only you can decide where the right tradeoff is.
        Additionally, if you feel like you want to move forward but don’t know how to, consider that we all have lost a lot of muscle memory when it comes to socializing. There is going to be a transition period where you have to re-form those habits step by step. At least I need to make a conscious effort instead of just flipping the switch back to normal.

    • Anon

      Look up “Your Local Epidemiologist” on Substack; she has a recent post on “Riding the Waves” that has evidence backed guidelines.

      The experts with the best track record on COVID have expressed concern that Omicron will not be the last wave, so for me it’s important to go out and do all the things now, so that I don’t lose my mind if I end up locked down again!

      • Anonymous

        Government and society are not going to get on board with the “riding the waves” approach–see, e.g., states and school districts that lifted mask mandates at the peak of the Omicron surge. People are just done with the virus even though it isn’t done with us. In future waves, masking and avoiding gatherings will be entirely self-imposed, and no one else will have any patience for those of us who choose to exercise caution during a surge.

        • Bonnie Kate

          +1 People in my area (red county in purple state) are done and if public health tried to ride the waves with strengthening and relaxing recommendations, they would take a huge battering and be largely ignored. People say they want a science based approach to public health policy but they absolutely do not.

          • Anon

            “if public health tried to ride the waves with strengthening and relaxing recommendations, they would take a huge battering and be largely ignored.”

            My state just lifted mask mandates and I have heard a lot of chatter in the community that if the governor tries to reimpose the mandate, people just won’t wear them. There aren’t enough law enforcement officers willing to enforce public health rules to effectively police half, or more, of the population of our state that wants to move past the pandemic. It makes me fearful that we’ll get a different virus, or a much more severe variant, and even though masking, distancing etc. will be totally warranted, any guidance or directives will just be ignored.

        • Anon

          Yes, I was definitely thinking more of the “individual decision making” aspect of the chart!

          I’m considered high risk despite vaccination and was struggling to access healthcare while the local percent positivity rate was above 30% and masking was iffy even in healthcare settings. It would really, really help a lot of people if CDC would publish some guidelines on keeping healthcare settings safe at a minimum!

          Our hospital capacity numbers are worse than at any time in 2021 and our percent positivity is still above 10, so I’m exhausted but looking forward to a lull soon.

        • Anon

          +1. No one is going back into March-of-2020-style lockdown again for sure, and I doubt even cautious states will reimpose capacity limits on stores or events unless things get really, really bad (like worse than this last Omicron wave). We have vaccines. We have monoclonal antibodies. We have pill treatments. The people who won’t take advantage of those things through their own pigheadedness also won’t stay home, mask up, socially distance, etc when asked to. So. Is this where we’d be in an ideal world? Absolutely not. Is this as good as it is likely to get? Yes, it is. I think folks in more virus-cautious states may not realize this, but in most of the country, things have been completely back to normal – no masks, nothing – for months now. When 60% of states are in a state of being completely past the pandemic, there’s no reasonable expectation that somehow the remaining 40% of states will somehow be able to maintain a beachhead on following public health guidance. The winds of public opinion are way too strong.

          • Anon

            We now know that the vaccines wear off, and the fourth booster wasn’t a success, so there’s not really a plan for maintaining protection from vaccines. I’m hoping a nasal booster will come out, but I expect my booster will wear off before it does.

            I’m really hoping there just won’t be another big wave… but as far as I know, there’s no reason besides luck that the won’t get another big wave, including waves that are more severe or that evade existing vaccines entirely. But it could also happen that we just get lucky.

      • anon

        This. TBH, I’m losing a bit of patience with people who are refusing to venture out again and rebuild those habits. At this point, in my area, the numbers are low enough that it’s more fear-based than fact-based. And this is coming from someone who was very, very Covid cautious.

    • Anonymous

      As long as your husband is on board, do what makes you feel comfortable. Like you, I am extremely concerned about long covid. I know firsthand how awful it is to be sick all the time and I just don’t want that for myself or my family. We are at 30 cases/100K/day and my fully boosted family just started doing some things, wearing high-quality masks where others are unmasked. I just got a notice from the school that there was an outbreak at an event my kid attended and now I am doubting our decision. It’s just not fun if you are worried all the time.

    • anon

      Food for thought – what are the activities you are avoiding? Is it possible you just don’t want to do those activities anymore (e.g., in person grocery shopping)? A while back I got super frustrated with DH who was using “but, COVID” for things he did not want to do, while at the same time saying yes to things that were much riskier that he wanted to do. I’d give a hard look to the 2019ish things you are avoiding and decide how many you *want* to do. With that said, at 8/100,000, I’d suggest thinking about things in terms of what would you and wouldn’t you do when there is a bad flu season pre-2019 and make your risk calculation that way.

      • Anon

        If you are the shopper, how risk is in-person grocery shopping really? You can always wear a mask. You are not in the store a long time. You are likely mostly in motion. Ceilings are high.

        I feel differently for the cashier, but I don’t think that grocery shopping is legit dangerous (i.e., I see moms with kids too young to get vaccinated in stores all the time, even through the O wave after the Delta wave; all masked). I don’t see it as a big deal if people to to mainly unmasked given how many mask-free noses I see daily.

        If anyone has attempted to qualify this after shots became widely available, I’d be interested (our schools will likely vote to make masks optional but I suspect my kids will keep wearing them per their preference; probably 25% of kids their age are likely vaccinated).

        • anonshmanon

          I think the previous poster meant that even if the risk of an activity has decreased a lot, that doesn’t mean we all have to go back to it. If you happen to just hate grocery shopping in person, and have a solution that works for you, don’t just revert back to ‘normal’ for its own sake!
          I enjoy grocery shopping, but a lot of people seem to abhor it.

          • anon

            This and also, be honest with yourself about if you are using “but, COVID” as an excuse to avoid stuff. It is 100% ok to just say, I don’t want to do / don’t like doing x, y, z anymore. When you do that, it allows you to better assess what falls into OP’s category of “pandemic scaredy cat” instead of just, “eh, don’t wanna do that.” It also avoids a lot of fights with friends when they see you do x (a more risky activity) but you refuse to do y with them.

          • Anon

            I adore grocery shopping. I get dreamy thinking about nice meals. I can also throw down a package of shredded cheese, so a trip to the store is always a win for me. Plus, I may see people I know. It has sadly replaced the bar for socializing.

        • Anon

          I know a couple people who got it from the grocery store in spring 2020, when we had a much less infectious variant. I don’t think it’s a “high risk activity,” but it has some risk, and risk is cumulative. If you’re going to the store weekly, total exposure from the grocery store is on par with doing something more than 50 times as risky once.

          • Anon

            I can’t say why, but I don’t think that the risk is that cumulative. It’s like if the risk per trip is so low it rounds to zero, then it’s not like if you do it enough, the risk eventually approaches 1.0.

          • Anon

            Spring 2020 we had no shots and no prior immunity. Shots lower the load, so if you have COVID and have had a shot, you are not as spready as a person having COVID in spring 2020. Not to mention, no one even in medicine / essential workers could get even basic masks then or really even test unless you were an NBA player.

          • anonshmanon

            If you round it down to 0 (just for the sake of the mathematical argument), then of course it will never add up to anything but 0. That’s not how this works. But if you keep rolling the dice on something, the more tries you give it, the higher the chance you roll a certain outcome. It’s still just chance, no definitive way to say, this many rolls will give you a guaranteed six. That’s probability for ya.

        • Anon

          Not OP, but I suspect I’m going to permanently stick with my much less frequent grocery shopping (every 2-3 weeks vs. weekly before the pandemic). I don’t think there’s a super high Covid risk, but there is some, and grocery stores are a big migraine trigger for me, so it’s really helpful to think about what I really do and don’t need to do and focus on things I actually enjoy, rather than things I don’t care much about or dislike anyway. Like someone else said, I know exactly how much it sucks to be sick all the time and have no desire to have my already pretty bad chronic migraine symptoms get harder to manage, so I’m still being cautious.

          • Wheels

            Is it the fluorescent lights or the artificial fragrances from the laundry and cleaning aisle?

            Me too, would much rather get groceries delivered and use my time and energy for something more fun.

        • Anonymous

          Yeah, I think this was the point that the previous poster was trying to make. In-person grocery shopping isn’t that risky (you can wear a good mask), but some people (OP’s husband) were using Covid as an excuse to avoid doing it. I personally hated grocery shopping pre-pandemic, and am glad the pandemic pushed me to get used to placing pick-up orders for groceries. We have all changed after 2+ years of this, and it is perfectly ok to admit that some things that you did before are things that you just don’t want to do now. I feel the same way about working from the office.

          • Anon

            With so many people doing grocery delivery, I do hope that we will get these workers into a W-2 capacity with real worker protections, honest pay, and things like sick pay and disability pay for what they expose themselves to on our behalf.

          • MagicUnicorn

            My local supermarket chain actually moved to having in-house employees do the shopping and delivery! They don’t accept tips, but according to the clerks who pull my orders it is one of the more coveted roles and they will bargain with each other to get that assignment for their shift.

        • Ellen

          I do go grocery shopping, but for the most part in the prepared foods section of Whole Foods and Fairway’s b/c I am able to eat quickly when I get home. I also get coffee from the Barrista’s and am not concerned, but everyone has to make their own judgements.

          But we are NOT out of the woods, yet. Dad reminded me that even the Queen of England, who’s 95, just got COVID and she never even leaves the castle, so they suspect that either her family or her staff must have given it to her. I am concerned for her b/c of her age, and I hope she gets well soon. They did NOT reveal whether she has the Omricon strain or not, but I hope it’s mild b/c I don’t think the English will be abel to cope if anything bad happens to her especially since she recently lost her husband. The good news is that she was both vaccinated and Boosted, so that will work in her favor. I am hoping that I don’t get sick, now that I am not so young any more. FOOEY!

      • Anonymous

        OP here…

        things I started doing after vaccination: in-person doctor’s appointments (masked). not wiping down groceries. not reheating every takeout meal. dining outdoors. grocery shopping in person.

        things I stopped for omicron: grocery shopping in person. held kids home from school a few days, went virtual with appointments where we could. wore only n95s when I went indoors.

        stuff I’d do now but have to ask my pod (including my parents): masked shopping indoors (browsing even) in K94 or 95, outdoor dining (easier said than done in my area so almost never). putting kids in indoor, in-person activities. open to: playdates at my house, attend other social gatherings but stay masked. masked massage / masked haircut. maybe dining indoors but would socially distance from parents (including no childcare) until a negative test. maybe flying/traveling to a warmer place where we could easily eat outside + social distance until negative test.

        would not do: LOTS of indoor dining, in-person gym for myself, join a choir.

        • Anon

          Whatever you choose to do for yourself is up to you, 100% I will say, as a mom, you may have to carefully consider whether restricting your kids from doing certain activities is going to have impacts on their social life and their social development, which may have reverberating repercussions, maybe for years. If your kids’ friends are moving forward with having parties, sleepovers, etc. and your kids are the ones who can’t go because you’re very cautious about the virus – that’s a defensible position, but it doesn’t mean it won’t cause your kids agita and maybe create a lot of acrimony and conflict in your household. The older your kids are, the more aware they will be of what they are missing out on socially, and that does matter to kids.

        • Anon

          I’m not really sure if you are asking for validation or another perspective. You can certainly draw whatever boundaries you want and what matters is that you, your kids, and your husband are comfortable with it. As long as you don’t expect everyone else to function at that level of caution in perpetuity, then your decision is solely your decision.

          As someone who is essential and has had to be in-person this entire time, I’ll say the one upside of that is learning to navigate this new normal without excess anxiety. AND I had breakthrough COVID, so I don’t say that lightly. If COVID stuck around at the current level, what would be your threshold for returning to some normal activities? Getting a negative test after each time eating indoors is not sustainable, right? I think there is a point where we have to acknowledge that COVID will be here for the long haul and start figuring out how to exist with that.

          For me, it’s: get every shot I’m offered, wear a mask when indicated, and stay home when sick. Beyond that, I can’t prevent everything. None of us can, and acknowledging that we can’t control everything is pretty freeing.

          NB–I get the concern over parents. Their thoughts here matter a lot. FWIW, I did lose a parent during COVID. We made safe choices to keep her healthy, and in the end all we drastically reduced the quality of life she had for the last 18 months of her life. We made the best choices we could with the info we had at the time, but we should acknowledge the trade-offs in doing so as we all figure out our respective sweet spots of risk. Being super cautious is a valid option, but it is not the only valid option.

        • anonshmanon

          For what it’s worth, from this internet rando – I think you are making carefully considered choices and are on neither extreme end of reckless vs. irrationally afraid to leave the house. You are doing the best we can all do in this time.

    • Anon

      I’m also pretty worried about long Covid and silent disability from even a mild Covid infection. Cases in my county are a lot higher than yours (~30/100k) but at this point I’d be comfortable venturing out to do indoor stuff with everyone masked – but of course mask mandates are all being lifted, so we will likely continue to abstain from a lot of indoor stuff. I doubt our lives will ever return to 2019 normal. We will always be weighing risk vs reward and abstaining from activities that have higher risk and lower reward relative to other options (e.g., choosing outdoor dining over indoor dining and curbside pickup vs indoor grocery shopping). I also believe mitigation and reducing how frequently you get infected matters, i.e., getting it twice in five years is better than getting it five times in five years, so we will continue to avoid high risk/low reward things and save our risk budget for things that really matter to us and for which there’s no good lower risk alternative, like plane travel. At this point, doing risk analysis for every decision and only choosing to do things that are lower risk and/or high reward to us has become second nature to me, but it does feel exhausting and I miss 2019 when I would just wander into a Target to go browse without thinking twice about it.

    • Sybil

      I shouldn’t be shocked, but it’s crazy to me how different areas of the country are. We’ve been coming down off our peak and I’m glad my county is currently at 156/100K people.

      My perspective is skewed because my entire family (three vaxxed, two too young) got it last week courtesy of school, and honestly I’m glad it’s over. I’m hoping to go back to 2019 for at least the next few month until our younger kids can be vaxxed.

    • Anon

      I can tell you where I am, in case this helps you. I’m a high risk, very cautious person. I take Humira so I’m technically immunocompromised but not as bad as a person with primary immunodeficiency or a chemo patient.

      I’m in California where the omicron surge peaked later. Cases are sharply down, deaths are still up (case count being a leading indicator, deaths being lagging.) I’m concerned about morbidity as well as mortality, and long COVID in particular.

      We went on a long hike this weekend on a shore cliff trail. It was just our immediate family, but both of my kids are in college and living there so they’re bringing whatever they are exposed to there, thought they are both pretty careful and have mostly remote classes. During the surge I asked them to rapid test before they saw me (not 100% but better than nothing) but I didn’t this weekend. We were all in the car together for about 2 hours, we hiked without masks for 3 hours where we passed other unmasked people on the trail. We went into a restaurant to get takeout food but we didn’t eat it there.

      Generally, I’m back to in-person grocery shopping but I’m not back to dining inside restaurants. I’m not going to movie theaters or gyms (interestingly, I’m participating in a long term COVID study and these are two questions they ask me every week, which makes me way more cautious about doing those things!) and I’m not working in an office. I’m permanently WFH now. On our little day trip I had to use public restrooms a few times and I did so, masked, without worrying too much about it. I would have avoided this at the peak. I am still not willing to do public transportation or air travel – though I did last summer post vax and pre delta – but we have a quick road trip planned for late March where we will have to stay in a hotel and have meals at restaurants. I do not expect a lot of masking by others where we are heading, so I guess we will see how I feel about it when we get there, but we purposely chose a spot where most of what we want to do is outdoors.

      I guess this is my version or riding the waves. The Spanish flu was “over” in the US when people just got sick of it and stopped masking, and there was another huge death wave following that, so it’s fully what I’m expecting here. I plan to just hunker down again for the next variant/death wave and feel fortunate that I’m in a financial position to do so.

      • Anon

        https://www.cdc.gov/flu/pandemic-resources/1918-commemoration/three-waves.htm

        The CDC’s website shows that there were three waves to the 1918 flu pandemic, and that the third wave was not “huge,” as you are stating. Deaths in the third wave were less than half of the previous peak deaths. And then the Spanish flu morphed into more of a typical seasonal flu and then basically disappeared. Please, let’s not twist the facts of situations to uphold our own narrative.

        • Anon

          All three waves were huge. The death toll from the Spanish flu was enormous. Half the prior wave was still not a small wave.

    • LaurenB

      Why be so coy? Tell us the county. We don’t know if you’re in East Yeehaw where no one is vaxed or masked and spread is high, or an educated urban/suburban area where most people are vaxed and take it seriously.

    • Anonymous

      I am in ATL so this conversation feels very May 2020 to me. (Covid-free for the duration.)

      • Anon

        I am not in a red state but everyone in my circle got vaccinated back in March of 2021 and almost everyone went back to normal activities shortly thereafter. I guess I am somewhat in a bubble as I didn’t realize there were non-immunocompromised people out there still invested in being this cautious.

        • Anon

          As a counterpoint, I don’t know anyone who has totally gone back to normal. Mix of blue, red and purple states, pretty much everyone we know has kids under 5 and many (including us) have elderly parents they see regularly, and I don’t know anyone who isn’t substantially limiting indoor activities or avoiding them completely. I know several people who haven’t yet gone back to even outdoor dining. I have one set of friends who still haven’t sent their kids back to daycare (and it is definitely a Covid-driven decision – they want their kids in school but feel it isn’t safe until the kids are vaccinated). No one in our daycare seems to be doing indoor playdates or parties. We are very cautious compared to many on this page and less cautious than most we know in real life.

      • Anon

        I’m in a very blue west coast city and this also feels May 2020 to me too.

  11. Palindrome222

    Do you sometimes interview to get more insight into certain industries or companies? Recently accepted an offer but afterwards I was contacted by a recruiter to interview for a role in an industry I am curious about and would like to know more. I decided to do the phone interview, curious if anyone else does this?

    • Bonnie Kate

      Not if I’m 100% not at all considering taking the job, that’s wasting someones time and really annoying.

      If it’s a possibility that you would take the job, but you’re not 100%, I have no problem with interviewing.

    • Anon

      No – if it’s a company where you want to have a good relationship and reputation it would be awkward to back out of things go well (and if you don’t care about the company, doesn’t seem like interviewing there would give you useful information).

  12. Anonymous

    With the caveat that I am 100% sure there will be no professional blow back, how would you address the following situation? I’m temporarily helping out another team that’s short staffed because I have a niche expertise. I studied unpopular pink teapots when purple teapots were trendy, but now we have a pink teapot emergency and no SMEs. The team I’m helping out recently replaced their boss and the replacement treats me like an admin, it’s degrading. If I ask my regular boss, I can go back to my normal job literally tomorrow. Should I try and reason with this man to get him to treat me better or just bail back to my normal job? I’m thinking the latter, I just don’t have it in me to care, especially at this point in my career.

    • anon

      I’m in a burn-it-all-down mood, so if there truly aren’t any ramifications, I’d high-tail it back to my old team.

      • Anonymous

        Truly zero ramifications. There are so few people with my skills in the world. I helped write the international pink teapot convention as well as several different pieces of pink teapot legislation.

        • Anon

          My guess is that if you did stick around and get the pink teapot project successfully launched, this guy will give you zero credit for it, so I don’t see any upside in you seeing it through.

        • Anon

          Well, if there are no ramifications, why not use this time to educate crappy guy on how to treat people?

          “Bob, since you’re new, you probably don’t know that I know more about pink teapots than nearly anyone else in the world. Since I’m the only person who can help your team out of its predicament, I’d appreciate it if you’d treat me with more respect.”

          • OP

            Because I’m tired of helping out cr@ppy white guys? Boss certainly knows my career experience, that should be enough to respect me.

          • Bonnie Kate

            100% OP, this sounds like it will not be at all satisfying without the ramification of you no longer saving his a$&. Id leave, and then when he asks why you can tell him straight. That’s going to be a better lesson.

    • Senior Attorney

      Eff that guy, man. Please report back tomorrow that you are at your normal job.

    • Anon

      Yeah, I’d be all “wow, it seems like you guys are all set and know what you want! It’s time for me to return to my team” and hightail it out of there.

    • Anon

      Also, I just want to say how much I love this resurrection of the teapot analogy. It’s been too long! More teapot posts, please! It makes all of our work lives so pleasant to envision.

    • Anon

      He is dissing one of the few SMEs that can even be found? Sounds like a him problem.

      I am very blunt. I would probably say “You obviously don’t respect my expertise or think I have anything to contribute. I know that I literally wrote the book on this subject. So… you cut the nonsense or you’re on your own.”

    • Curious

      Person does not sound reasonable. I’d go back unless you have a history of your gut instinct about people being wrong. (I doubt that.)

    • Anon

      Going against the grain here. It sounds like you work for the same company. It’s to your benefit to make the company successful. So figure out how to add the value you can, but also put your own name all over it.

      Also assume best intentions. Have the tough conversation with him but know that you have an option to discontinue.

      Anther thought…could you find an internal mentor/sponsor higher up the chain or in an other department/company to help you through this? Without it being political.

  13. Bonnie Kate

    Hey thanks everyone for responding to my very cranky post today. I can’t say it’s any better but this community is my favorite thing today.

    Also, I just remembered this quote from Charles Darwin that is another favorite thing today:

    “But I am very poorly today & very stupid & hate everybody & everything. One lives only to make blunders.”

    The next line in the letter is really good too –
    “I am going to write a little Book for Murray on orchids & today I hate them worse than everything so farewell & in a sweet frame of mind, I am | Ever yours | C. Darwin”

    So, Charles Darwin had these days too. That’s something delightful.

      • Curious

        Me, too.

        And my favorite George Washington quote:
        “I have only ever regretted becoming President once, and that is every day since I was elected.”

    • Anon

      For everyone in a bad mood today, if you haven’t seen it yet, the figure skating exhibition gala made me smile. There was a lot bad about skating at these Olympics, but everyone looked like they were having fun and there were a bunch of wacky costumes and dancing. I saw it on Peacock, not sure where else it’s available. Oh, and since I got Peacock for a month, I also enjoyed a few comedies that were a quick binge watch, We Are Lady Parts (about an all female Muslim punk band) and Rutherford Falls (small town Parks and Rec like, but also includes a Native American cast and plot lines)

      • Anon

        They already took the gala replay down from Peacock! Most of their Olympics content is totally gone, although it looks like they still have some NBC primetime coverage. I’m so bummed, I hadn’t watched yet.

        • Anon

          What a bummer, I wonder why they removed it? It looks like every other sport I watched is still up, but all of the figure skating has been removed. I was actually really impressed with how good their coverage was- it was super easy to watch the full events of every single sport live or in replay with no ads, but it sucks that they took stuff down so fast without any warning.

          • Anon

            I watched the replay of the skating but I had missed the prime time, and I was surprised at how it affected me not to have the live commentary. I don’t know how to tell all the jumps apart – I need Scott to tell me that!

          • Anon

            Yeah, the skating was one thing I watched in prime time, for the same reason. All of the other live and replay events do have commentary, though it’s sometimes different people than on the main NBC show. I don’t know why they treat it so differently, but as a longtime cord cutter (is that even the right term for someone who has actually never paid for cable?) and Olympics fan, I was pretty happy to finally be able to watch everything and only have to pay $5 instead of $70 for Hulu Live or even more for cable.

      • Bonnie Kate

        Oh I’ll check that out – thanks for the rec. American Auto is in that vane too – DH and I just started that and like it a lot so far.

    • Anon

      I know I did this to myself, but I had to call my dog’s vet, I’m currently on hold, and it’s …. spa music.

  14. NYNY

    My father-in-law has just been diagnosed with lung cancer, and I’m pretty sure it’s advanced. He hasn’t been very forthcoming with information about it, and DH only learned because he kept calling and texting until his father answered him. This is going to suck so much.

      • NYNY

        Thank you all, I needed to complain out. DH is so hurt and angry, and supporting him is a lot.

        Curious, how are you? I know I don’t “know” you, but I think of you often and hope your treatment is going as well as it can. Sending much love.

        • Curious

          That sucks. It’s totally rational for DH to be hurt (I’m guessing because he didn’t know?). I’m really sorry. Cancer is a jerk and facing death is hard.

          I’m good! Midway scan shows complete metabolic remission. The tumors are gone. I still have to finish the chemo protocol (blegh), but it’s the best possible result at this stage. Thanks for asking.

    • Anon

      Posted last week that my MIL got diagnosed with advanced stomach cancer. I am having to learn a lot about the art of detaching myself from situations where I have no control over people’s actions, or the outcomes they are creating for themselves through their actions (or lack of action, as the case may be). Big hugs. Sorry you are also on this journey.

  15. Curious

    Y’all! Women’s soccer won the equal pay suit! Source: text from my mom. I grew up watching Mia Hamm, and this is so exciting.

    • Bonnie Kate

      Yessssss! I’m a big Abby Wambach fan and listening to her talk about the pay disparity is infuriating.

      • Curious

        Looks like they did, so my terminology was incorrect, but they got $24M in back pay and a pledge to equalize pay across teams in the next round of contract negotiations.

    • Coach Laura

      So cool! My daughter met Mia Hamm and the famous Brandi Chastain, played with Kristine Lilly and Michelle Akers, both of whom are local to us. (Played at several soccer camps, not on the same team.) Michelle is probably the second best US player in history behind Mia but played when women’s soccer was much less visible. We also saw Abby Wambach play in one of her first US team games and I remember thinking she was going to be a star.

      Funny story – My 30yo daughter was a soccer nut and when the US Women’s team was going to play in Portland we were going to see the game. So I called the Oregon tourism center hotline (don’t know exactly who) and naively asked where the players stayed when they were in town. The nice gentleman said he couldn’t give out that information…but that major league players always stayed at the Westin when they come to Portland. And it was a wink-wink thing. He was very nice. So, in the elevator of the Westin, my daughter met both Mia and Brandi, and she was mortified because her mother actually dared to utter a word to the stars!

        • Coach Laura

          No, sorry – she’s 30 now. So she was 10-16 during the years she was following the woman’s team and I think the games we saw were in 2003 or 2004.

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