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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Rhodes Blazer in Italian Wool

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

Pink Blazer: J.Crew Rhodes Blazer in Italian Wool

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I kind of love that they’ve called this color “wild flamingo.” Not just flamingo, guys — it’s WILD flamingo! Unless you work in a creative field I think an all-pink suit would be a bit difficult to wear, but a pink blazer could be just the thing to add a pop of color to a wardrobe built on neutrals.

I’d wear it with all black clothes and a red lip just for a bit of fun contrast. The blazer is $198 at J.Crew, available in sizes 000-16 in regular, petite, and tall. Here are links for the matching pants and skirt, should you want to coordinate. J.Crew Rhodes Blazer in Italian Wool

Here’s a lower-priced option and a plus-size alternative.

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Comments

  1. anon

    Gosh, it’s certainly..pink
    Sitting near someone on a train wearing that would ensure I was awake, if rather blinky

  2. Anonymous

    I adore this. I’ve been tempted by it ever since I saw it on their website. I think I would even wear it as a suit!

    • Ellen

      I think I could wear it with the s’kirt, but not often b/c peeople would recognize me as the attorney at law with the pink in court and that would NOT be a good thing, even if the judge liked it. Dad says no to this color b/c he think’s it is best to dress with muted color’s so that you can rewear your suit’s without being noticed that often. FOOEY!

      BTW, I am still home attending to mom and cookeing for them b/c mom’s bunion operation makes her NOT abel to stand in the kitchen. I think I am becomeing a good cook, and hopefully will be able to find a guy that will MARRY me! YAY!!

    • cbackson

      Um, I would totally wear this as a suit. I may be about to buy it, actually.

    • lawsuited

      This would be killer with the navy and grey seasonless wool sheaths I have. Hmmmm….

    • CountC

      I have a hot pink blazer and I wear it as much as possible. I too would wear this as a suit! LOVE!

      • Shopaholic

        This reminds me that I do have a hot pink silky blazer that I’ve been abandoning. I certainly can’t justify another even though this is awesome…

        • CountC

          And you just reminded me that I also have hot pink Jcrew Minnies that I also wear as much as possible, although not WITH the hot pink blazer.

  3. Anonymous

    Yasssss. This is exactly the outfit I need to wear to accomplish my vagenda of manocide.

  4. Anonymous

    Wild flamingo: fades to white the longer you are chained to your desk and have to Seamless dinner.

  5. Anonymous

    I’m not even a big fan of pink, but I would wear the heck out of this blazer if someone gave it to me. I don’t find J. Crew quality to be worth the prices though.

    • Lynn

      I think it’s pretty safe to say that J.Crew has gone down hill, quality-wise. I don’t have even a t-shirt from them that lasts through a single wash. Which is odd, because I also have 10 year old J. Crew shirts, and they’re holding up just fine.

      • anon

        +1

        This is the general consensus. Quality has declined to the extent that prices are no longer justifiable, where as stuff that’s 8ish + years older is going strong. It’s a shame. The online reviews are usually scathing and compare old v. new J Crew quality, which is amusing but also sad. I appreciate that J Crew has listened to the masses regarding their shift away from their classic styles toward more “trendy” items a la Jenna Lyons, but still, it’s the quality, yo.

      • AIMS

        I’ve been pleasantly surprised with the quality of jcrew factory for the price. Not everything, of course, but a lot of it wears well – better than Gap, BR, etc. I haven’t bought much in regular Jcrew for a while because beyond the quality, the sizing has just been too inconsistent for online orders.

  6. Lynn

    Part of me really, really wants this suit–and I don’t even like pink! But I know I could never pull it off. My boss would have a fit.

    • Senior Attorney

      I just remembered that I actually had a suit this color back in the early 90s. My boss had a red sofa in his office and I was not allowed to sit on the red sofa while wearing the hot pink suit!

        • anon

          This is why high-quality trendy pieces go in my “wait til it comes back” closet rather than to Goodwill.

  7. Tron

    I love this! I think I would wear it with gray and white.

    All the pictures coming out of Afro Punk right now have me feeling like the most aesthetically boring person in the world. So I have a question for everyone: If your goal was to look (and maybe feel?) like you are from the future, but still be business casual office appropriate, what would you wear?

      • ChiLaw

        I have a Tahari ASL dress with fun Star Trek seams, and weird neckline detailing too. I love that it makes me feel secretly futuristic.

    • pugsnbourbon

      I love pieces that look a little futuristic, though most of this kind of clothing is way out of my budget.

      One style that’s trickled down to my level is tops that zip asymmetrically or button at the side. I bought a wrap top from Lululemon that kind of wraps around the front – AND has thumb holes – and I feel a little like I’m a rebel fighter in some dystopian future. My life is pretty boring and I add the excitement where I can get it.

      • Runner 5

        I have a running hoodie with thumb holes and a ponytail port. I always feel like I’m in the future when I wear it

      • Anonymous

        Oh man, I have this too, or a very similar wrap. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I really hope they make it again.

    • Alana

      I enjoy affordable asymmetrical looks (hemlines and closures) from Zara and jewelry from COS.

  8. b

    Wardrobe ideas for a new position that will take me from meeting with businesses in a non-major city of about 200,000 to farmers on their farms, sometimes in the same day? I grew up on a farm but am still struggling with what’s appropriate here (others in the company are mostly male, and favor jeans and a logo button down). I’ll be in a sales role. I think that in the fall I’ll be able to do variations on boots, ponte pants and sweaters, but I hate when I get stuck in a rut and wear the same thing every day, so I’d love your ideas for additional options. I own a lot of pairs of BR Sloan pants and normally wear them with wedges, but am not sure what shoe would look flattering with them but be appropriate for potentially walking through mud or muck (I’d be able to change shoes in the car between meetings). Secondly, does anyone have recommendations for a great ponte pant? I got a pair from Ann Taylor last year and was disappointed that they didn’t hold up well.

    • Anonymous

      I got some good ponte pants from Lands End. They are about 4 years old and don’t show any wear. They have various weights and styles, so read the comments and judge accordingly. I wash and put in dryer on low.

    • Godzilla

      Time to dress like an engineer – chinos/khakis with appropriate footwear. I’d say boots. Ponte knit pants work, too. I have some great and terrible ones from New York and Company.

    • Betty

      I would go with dark jeans, blazer and heels when meeting with the businesses and change to boots when at the farms.

    • Anonymous

      I’d do colored jeans (red/aubergine/forest) with a dress blouse and heels for business. Keep a pair of riding boots or hunters in the car along with barn jacket from Lands End. Change into boots and barn jacket before hitting the farm. Option to do a colored ponte pant instead if you need to be a bit more formal. I find colored jeans especially in jewel tones read more like ponte pants vs a regular denim.

    • lawsuited

      I’m actually a lawyer, but my work frequently takes me to rural properties. I wear ankle pants (so your BR sloan pants would be fine) with steel-toed rubber boots when I’m touring farms and then change into leather flats (read: can be easily cleaned) if I’m going to another meeting or meeting with a client inside their home. I personally wouldn’t wear ponte pants, because I find they lack structure and can look very casual when paired with other casual items (boots, cardigans).

    • pugsnbourbon

      I would use this as a reason to buy Bean boots. Boots, dark wash jeans, and one of those “utility”-style blouses might be an option.

      • Betty

        Bean Boots are AMAZING for stomping around a farm! However, they are not great for snow/ice. Signed, we have a small farm in New England.

        • pugsnbourbon

          Good to know. I was thinking of replacing my cheapie rain/snow boots with Bean boots, but if they’re not good when it gets cold, I’ll look for something else – what do you recommend?

          • Betty

            Mine are incredibly warm, but the traction is designed for mud/rain, not snow/ice. I have heavy duty hiking boots that I wear for snow boots, but the bottom just fell off at the end of last season. So I am in the market as well. I’m thinking bogs may be the way to go.

          • b

            ^ My parents keep about 6 pairs of bogs in graduating sizes lined up in the garage at the farm, and use them all year, in all but the coldest of weather (when it’s below zero). When I’m out there, since I have the smallest feet in my family, I just jump into whatever pair looks smallest and go.

      • b

        Thanks for the kick, I just placed this order! Figured I better do it before my size sells out :)

    • SDAnon

      First, I must say I love this thread. I am married to a farmer and also am a lawyer who does quite a bit of work with rural clients so I can understand the struggle. I purchased cheap (a la Payless) patent heels I wear when I have to tromp outside in the spring/summer. I keep Lysol wipes in my vehicle to quick clean my heels if necessary. In terms of winter footwear, I am loyal to my fleece lined Sperry duck boots. I change into heels or flats at the office. For pointe pants, my favorite pair are lined wool ones from Banana.

  9. Lands End Canvas

    I was clicking around on the Lands End Canvas site. There are a lot of things on it that I really love (lined wool dresses) and the styling is about a million percent better (not boxy! not too large). I have a mental order of a lot of things that I’d love to pull the trigger on. Has anyone else tried? Lined wool dresses are my kryptonite — so hard to find (that aren’t at a Hugo Boss price point) and I wear them all the time.

    • lawsuited

      The quality of Lands End Canvas is the same as Lands End, but, as you say, the styling is younger and the fit is smaller. I can’t shop Canvas much because they only go up to a 14, but I’ve bought items for my mum and sisters and been pleased with the look of them.

    • irc

      I want the camel Boyfriend blazer or the turtleneck sweaters. I just haven’t pulled the trigger yet so following for reviews.

    • Maddie Ross

      I may have purchased half of the Canvas line back about 2 years ago, before it mysteriously disappeared. I haven’t purchased anything from the recent re-boot yet, but I was really happy with most of the stuff I bought the first time around. Especially the sweaters (good quality, but a more modern fit than most LE). I also had good luck with the swimsuits and dresses. The pants didn’t work, but I can’t really say if that was a fit issue on my body, or an overall fit issue. They were all wool and lined though, so if they fit your body type, they are definitely worth it. Esp. on sale.

  10. brokentoe

    Help from NYC ladies! Need a good florist for special birthday flowers for my 30 yo daughter’s birthday. Office is on W. 57th. Any thoughts?

    • anne-on

      I swear by Flowers by Richard for personal/business arrangements. I also like Atlas Floral Decorators but I’ve only ever used them for events.

    • AIMS

      Sterling Fell florist. I have always been very happy with their flowers and I believe they will deliver anywhere in Manhattan.

    • NYNY

      I love Peter’s Flowers on W 36th street. Free delivery in Manhattan, and beautiful, unique flowers.

  11. Postpartum Depression Anon

    I have no idea how to approach this and I’m wondering if this is just a terrible idea. I posted a few weeks ago about postpartum depression while breastfeeding and attempting to wean my daughter. She is now weaned but I’m not responding to medication as well as I did with my first child- in short, it’s taking a while for me to feel like myself and my work has suffered a LOT. I’m to the point where I feel like I need to tell my Managing Partner that something is going on in order to protect my job. Do I tell him it is postpartum depression or a medical issue? I have no clue how to handle this. Anyone dealt with this before?

    • Anonymous

      I would just say medical issue but I also tend to keep medical stuff as private as possible.

      Hope you find something that works for you. PPD is tough but it likely will improve as your hormones regulated once you get a couple months past weaning. It can also take 6- 8 weeks for some antidepressants to be effective.

    • Anonymous4

      I’m so sorry. When I was dealing with PPD and hormone imbalances I never said anything – and I wish I would have.

      I don’t think there’s any reason for your coworkers or boss to know exactly what type of medical issues you’re dealing with. I tend to keep things pretty private, too, especially as they involve children/childbirth. It seems like as mothers we already face all sorts of obstacles. I wouldn’t make this another potential obstacle.

      My PPD got much better when I also got treatment for excess estrogen, low functioning thyroid and vitamin D deficiency. Can you ask your doctor to screen for those things and see if something can be added to your current treatment that will help you feel better?

    • how to start?Anonforthis

      Medical issue. Consider taking a few weeks of STD until you feel more like yourself. I suffered through something similar while in BigLaw, and my reputation never recovered at that firm. I hate that that’s my advice, but do not disclose any kind of mental health issue to anyone except maybe HR if they exist. Get your obgyn ready to sign documentation.

    • Bonnie

      I’d keep it general. Have you talked to your doctor about changing your meds or dosage? Good luck.

      • PPD- OP

        I’m planning on discussing it at my next appointment. Ideally I’d like to switch doctors, but I’m having a hard time finding someone that my insurance will cover.

    • PatsyStone

      I wouldn’t bring it up. Yes, your work may be suffering now, but I imagine you see that much more than an outsider. No need to call attention to it. And in my experience with depression it all looks so bleak that it’s hard to objectively assess the situation. But I’m firmly team “Don’t Bring Up Your Mental Illness Ever at Work.” Just not worth it. Lots of good thoughts for you though, you’re more than good enough and it will get better.

      • PPD- OP

        Unfortunately everyone is well aware of my poor work performance because my billable hours have been extremely low the past few months. My MP has spoken with me about my hours twice now- which is why I feel that I need to say something to protect myself.

        • Anony

          I think you’re still okay with “medical issue” but you can add some more clarity and perhaps even phrase it as good news – they’ve identified the medical issue that has been sapping your energy and mental clarity the past few months, you’re getting treatment now and the doctor thinks you should be back to normal soon. That could refer to all sort of different conditions, and you can say that you’re really looking forward to feeling back to normal and catching up on hours, or something like that.

    • Mrs. Jones

      I’m sorry! I had PPD too. It’s terrible. Mine got better after meds and therapy. I hope yours improves soon too. I’d probably just say at work that you have a medical problem and not mention depression.

    • Anonymous

      If you’ve been a good worker before and your boss is not a total jerk, I think I would actually say PPD rather than just “medical issues.”

      I think this helps because its both serious and temporarily triggered by a specific event, so hopefully (for you!) it should pass quickly and you will return to your usual fine form.

  12. Anon

    Query for the group: If you’ve been asked to be MoH in a June ’18 wedding for your best friend but are planning on trying to get pregnant next Fall, how much do you take her wedding plans into account? When do you tell her, if there’s a chance you’ll either be pregnant or have just had a baby? Would you ever hold off on pregnancy plans for a 5-6 month window to be certain you’d be able to be there, or is that crazy when we’re both 30?

    • Anonymous

      None of it. I’d tell her when I’m pregnant. You aren’t even going to try for another year? That makes you way less than zero percent pregnant.

    • Cat

      Crazy. I would MAYBE avoid for 1-2 months (like, start TTC in November rather than September) so that if you’re the against-the-odds couple that’s immediately successful, you won’t be at your due date in June.

    • Anonymous

      I wouldn’t hold off on TTC – you have no idea if you’ll get pregnant immediately or if it would take you years. Given that the wedding is almost two years away, it’s also entirely possible that her wedding would get moved earlier or later for some reason (job loss, moving, sick parent etc).

      I might postpone a month or due max so my due date wouldn’t be exactly on her wedding (like maybe start trying in November instead of late September/October).

      • Betty

        +1. Also, bear in mind that your “due date” is only the midpoint of a five week window where baby is considered full term. Holding off a month may amount to naught if your babe comes two weeks early or late.

    • anon

      There’s no right answer here. For some, family planning trumps fancy parties, period. For others, being there for your BFF on her wedding day is important enough to warrant holding off on TTC for a month or two (not 5-6 – idk where that number comes from).

      • Anonymous

        I’m guessing 5-6 so that OP would be no more than 3 months pregnant at the wedding and thus not likely visibly pregnant in wedding photos etc and therefore not take attention off the bride. Yes, this is real thing that I’ve heard of brides being concerned about.

        • anon

          Ok well that’s ridic if that’s the reason. I can understand wanting to hold off on being PG because you want to be able to travel to your BFF’s wedding, or you want to have the energy to dance the night away with her, or even because you want to be able to drink and have your last big hurrah before you’re both old married ladies. But not being PG because the bride might feel threatened by your PG body is not a reason to hold off on TTC.

          • nutella

            Girl, brides be crazy; I know one who made everyone who was married or engaged take off their rings so that she was the only one with one. !!!!!!!!!

    • Anonymous

      Assuming the date is absolutely set in stone (confirm with her), I probably wouldn’t TTC on dates that would put you due within a month of the wedding on either side. You said you wanted to try next fall and if you wait until November 2017 (or maybe mid-late October depending on timing), you should be due at least a month after the wedding. I definitely wouldn’t postpone TTC for a year or even six months, but pushing it back a month or two to make it significantly more likely you’ll be able to attend her wedding seems like a nice thing to do (my answer might be different if you were 35+ but 30 is still young). I’d also probably tell her about you plans and let her know that you might be quite pregnant at the wedding, but that obviously depends on how open you are with her about this stuff in general.

    • Anonymous

      Depends on how big you each are in “wedding as 6-month lifestyle” and “wedding as pageant” and “OMG wedding pictures.” Also: is it important (to you or anyone) that you be sober at any of this? If you like wedding parties as Rockettes (lining up well and looking sharp-like-Motown-backup-singers) more than waiting, then I’d wait. But if you both can roll with it, then I’d go ahead.

      Is her reaction to you telling her that you’re pregnant likely to be Squee! or an eyeroll? You never know what’s coming in the TTC department anyway. Maybe this gets you a better dress and more comfy shoes?

    • Anonymous

      I think it’s pretty crappy to miss your BFF’s wedding that you knew about two years in advance because you’re giving birth, unless your baby is due more than a month after the wedding and comes unexpectedly very early. It’s not that big a deal to either push your TTC timeline back a month or two or push it up and then take a month or two break to ensure that you wont’ be giving birth right around the wedding.
      (Of course it’s completely fine to be eight months pregnant or one month postpartum at the wedding, and if the bride has a problem with that, she’s cray.)

      • Anonymous

        Escuchame, mujer (en mi familia, Spanish means to listen up, you are about to get a talking-to):

        Birthing a baby is like death: it is an excuse for everything. Period.

        Unless you would prefer that the OP birth the baby at the wedding, but that would take the spotlight off of the bride. You do you though.

        • Anonymous

          Meh, I disagree. Giving birth and getting married are both huge life events, and I don’t think you can just declare that one trumps the other. If you’re already pregnant and then your BFF decides to get married near your due date, yeah, then of course you have a valid excuse for missing the wedding. But if you know about the wedding for two years, and then deliberately choose to get pregnant to be due within a few weeks of the wedding, I think that’s crappy. Obviously there are extenuating circumstances that make it justifiable like if the bride is a flake who is likely to move the wedding date three times, or if the MOH has been trying to conceive for a while without success or is aging out of her window to have a biological child. But for a 30-year-old with no known history of problems TTC? I think putting the goalie back in place for a month or two so she can be at her best friend’s wedding is the considerate thing to do.

          • Anonymous

            Bless your heart. People plan and God laughs. She is laughing right now at all of this.

          • ROAR.

            YOU DON’T CHOOSE TO GET PREGNANT. PERIOD. You choose to start trying, but you do.not.choose. when you get pregnant. Period. Read up. Educate yourself. Find some friends who are multiple years into TTC and get back to all of us.

          • nutella

            Yeah, I have to disagree here. You can get married any day of the week, any time of the week. Women cannot predict when they will get pregnant or time it for when they want it nor can they time birth for when they want it nor can they predict their medical condition pre or post birth.

            OP, start TTC when you want to/are ready. If you get pregnant, that is step 2 to figure out re expected due date and the wedding and you can cross that bridge when it comes. I am inclined to think that if your friend is mad at you because you are visibly pregnant at the wedding or you are unable to attend (and honestly wanted to), that that she is not a friend to you. (If the latter, I would probably say it was a surprise as your family planning and health is not her business and she cannot have a two-year’s hold on your life.)

            And no, this isn’t me declaring that babies are always more valuable than a marriage, especially for those who choose not to have one or cannot.

          • Betty

            Erm, that’s not quite how it works…. As ROAR said, you choose to start trying. You do not choose when you conceive, when baby is born, how the delivery goes, what your recovery is like, whether baby has colic, etc. And you do not “choose” to have trouble conceiving or to conceive during the first cycle you try. It just doesn’t work that way.

          • Anonymous

            ROAR, I’m well aware of the science behind pregnancy, thanks. It’s correct you cannot control when you WILL get pregnant, but you can ensure that you won’t get pregnant within two weeks of a particular date by taking one or possibly two months off from trying. I’d be hurt if my very best friend knew about my June 2018 wedding almost two years in advance and ended up with a June 2018 due date. OP can have a kid any time between now and spring 2018 or she can have a kid any time after the wedding. It’s not that hard for a young, healthy person with no history of infertility to use a c*ndom for a single cycle to ensure that she can be there to witness her best friend’s once-in-a-lifetime event.

          • rosie

            Yes, you can prevent pregnancy. But there are so many things you cannot control about pregnancy and childbirth that it’s foolish to think it’s as simple as using protection for a 1-2 cycles to guarantee you can attend a wedding 2 years in the future. What if she has trouble TTC (very few people who have never TTC would know whether have a “history of infertility”)? What if there are issues with the pregnancy and she’s on bedrest? What if baby comes way early?

          • anon

            rosie, you’re being pedantic. Of course you can’t control whether there are complications with your pregnancy and no one is suggesting that OP should “guarantee” her attendance. That’s like saying you shouldn’t drive for the next 2 years JUST IN CASE you get in a car accident. Clearly not what the commenter you’re responding to was talking about. Don’t mischaracterize her statement to make it seem like something ridiculous.

          • Anonymous

            Also, in two years, OP may have moved away or perhaps it is a wedding elsewhere. Travel 8 months pregnant is usually not advisable if a plane is involved. Driving on a 30-minute bladder is no treat. Carting around a wee baby may not be fun at all (or may be great fun). You never know.

          • lawsuited

            To Anonymous at 11:28, I really can’t imagine expecting a friend to make family planning decisions around my wedding date. Announcing one’s wedding date 2 years ahead of time doesn’t mean that everyone should plan to next 2 years of their own lives around it.

          • rosie

            anon @ 12:04 you miss the point. I was responding to the fairly naive “It’s correct you cannot control when you WILL get pregnant, but you can ensure that you won’t get pregnant within two weeks of a particular date by taking one or possibly two months off from trying.” Sure, you can do that, but there are so many other things at play, it’s a dumb suggestion to support the poster’s original suggestion that it would be crappy to miss the wedding for baby-related reasons in this case. And of course I wasn’t saying she would literally “guarantee” her attendance. There are lots of reasons, baby-related and non-baby-related, that could come up between now and then. Pot meet kettle much?

          • Anonymous

            @lawsuited, not asking “everyone” or even her entire wedding party to plan around the wedding, just her very best friend/MOH. My best friend is like a sister to me so I can’t imagine intentionally doing something that would make me quite likely to miss her wedding, especially when not doing it causes only minimal disruption to my life (again, we’re not talking about someone who has been TTC for two years without success – that’s a very different story than someone who is wondering in mid-2016 “Should I start trying in Sept. 2017 or should I wait until Nov. 2017 so I’m due after the wedding?”)

    • Anonymous

      I’m not a fan of plans made years in advance. A 2-year lead time on MOH plans? A LOT can happen in that time. I would do exactly what I would have done otherwise and figure out how to make the wedding work with my life, rather than how to make my life work with the wedding. And if she’s a good friend, she’ll understand!

    • Mrs. Jones

      I wouldn’t consider it at all. go ahead and do what you need to do. She will deal with it. Hopefully not like a bridezilla. One of my bridesmaids was hugely pregnant in our wedding and of course I was just glad she was there.

      • Terry

        A good friend of mine almost had to wear maternity overalls to our wedding – her belly had outgrown the dress she was planning to wear. I just wanted her with me and would have been dreadfully hurt if she had skipped due to a wardrobe malfunction.

      • SoCalAtty

        Exactly! My BFF was 3 months pp at my wedding, it was totally fine. We just had them order a larger size dress and plan on tailoring it just a week or two before the wedding so that she didn’t have to worry about fitting into anything. Even if that had not worked, we’d have figured something out. I just wanted her there.

    • Emmer

      5-6 months? Please. If it’s important to you to be there for your friend, take a month or two max off of TTC if you’re not pregnant in the month that would put your due date right at her wedding. That’s all you need to do – no announcing needed. (If she’s offended that you would dare to be pregnant during her wedding, she’s a Bridezilla and does not need to be catered to).

      • Anon

        Anon here coming back in since this was a question. I’m way overseas and travel will be a 8-10 hour flight to the wedding, hence the window. Would need to be NOT pregnant enough to fly that distance relatively safely or have a baby old enough to take on that kind of trip. So, it’s more than a month window for sure. (And I do have a family history of fertility issues, hence the very serious angst around this.) I adore my friend a whole lot, and plan to talk to my husband about starting trying sooner (even though not ideal) so that we’d be well out of the window, but there are a lot of reasons why we’re not quite ready now…

        • Suburban

          That makes a difference. You do you on this,OP. I’m of the belief that pregnancy is an implied contingency of any long term plans during our childbearing years. It’s totally ok to (try) to plan around a wedding or a trip, but not if it’s causing you angst. If and when you find out that you can’t make the wedding, I’d tell your friend ASAP though.

      • E

        If I learned that my BFF / sister / etc were pregnant and expecting around my wedding, I would be so happy for her. Everyone is different, but I wouldn’t want to be friends (much less BFF) with someone who expected me to do my family planning around their wedding. Like, absolutely a dealbreaker for friendship.

    • Julia

      I am just baffled by the idea that anyone other than the bride and groom would plan TTC around a wedding.

      • Spirograph

        Me too. Anyone close enough to ask me to be a MOH (or even a bridesmaid!) would totally understand and congratulate me if, 7 months out from the wedding, I said “good news, bad news:” and let her know I’m pregnant and so sad I won’t be able to come to the wedding.

    • Marta

      If I were getting married and my bestbfriend/MoH would be pregnant/just had a baby, I would be happy for her – not a bit selfishly angry. Yes, it would be nice to have her to celebrate my wedding, but c’mon, get a perspective.
      Tell her you are honoured and that youbare trying to start a family and she might want to think of a back-up plan. You cannot delay your limited time b/c of someone else’s life. If she does not get it, get a new best friend who is more mature ;)

    • Anonymous

      I don’t think I get that partnership. I would imagine that every shopping area with a Nordstrom would have a J Crew nearby.

      • T

        As anon suggested below, I think they may be able to bring some good business in on their free shipping / return policy. But agree…can’t imagine all that much change in store.

    • anon a mouse

      I hope that means I can return a JCrew item for a full refund at Nordstrom when it falls apart in 6 months.

      • nutella

        That’s exactly what I was thinking. I can’t be the only one that was denied a return because it was allegedly final sale when it never said so anywhere.

      • anon in SV

        Exactly my thought. I might consider buying something branded Jcrew for the first time in literally a couple years if I could buy it at Nordstrom with the attendant guarantee.

  14. ETex

    Recommendations or suggestions for a maternity suit (does “maternity suit” sound weird? It does to me. But I digress.)? I’m not in court a lot (i.e. might only NEED to wear it a couple of times), but would like something I feel comfortable in, which has already ruled out all of my current skirt suits. I can still do pants, but I prefer not to. In my head I’m picturing a dress suit working well.

    Also, please tell me if this is a massive waste of money and I should just make do with pants or skirt and blazer (which I could do, begrudgingly…).

    • Anonymous

      Massive waste of money. Get a black maternity dress, wear an unbuttoned black blazer over it.

      • Anon

        +1 This is exactly what I did. I had various maternity dresses that I would wear under unbuttoned blazers. If I’d had a trial during my pregnancies I might have bought a suit, but this uniform worked great for other court appearances.

      • Maddie Ross

        +1, although I personally vote dark gray dress, as it seems less like you’re trying to match the blacks, but is similarly sedate and appropriate. Or a black dress with a textured or patterned blazer works well, too.

    • AIMS

      I am in court a fair amount and I didn’t bother with a maternity suit. Maternity dresses plus my old blazers worked well enough. I always felt comfortable. If your regular blazers won’t work (you won’t know until you’re further along), I’d buy one or two nice jackets, either maternity or a size up in a style that works.

    • ETex

      THANK You all for talking me out of wasting my money! Now if only I could get to the point where I actually look preg and not like I just ate mac and cheese for three weeks straight (not saying I didn’t also do that, but still).

    • ORD

      We passed courtroom maternity clothes around my office back in the day . . . Don’t waste your money!

  15. Anonymous

    Weird q- my DH is going to a bachelor party. One of the guys going with him i think does illegal drugs sometimes. If they car pool should my h be worried about driving? Insist they take that guys car (the guy would not be using the substance while driving- but I’m thinking might bring it with him). am I being over paranoid (my h would not, does not, and will not partake) am I being under paranoid?

    • anon

      Your husband is an adult and can make his own decisions about whose car to get in. Unless he has asked you for your advice on this, leave it alone.

      • Anon

        Yeah, that’s not how relationships work. You get to express your concerns and be heard as a person.

        • Op

          Yeah that was such a weird response to me. My h and I talk about everything? And our futures are one and the same. Of course he is a grown man but sometimes one person thinks of things the other doesn’t

    • CountC

      I don’t think it’s a weird question. I have a zero tolerance policy for drugs. I don’t want them around me, near me, used in my presence etc. I would absolutely not get into a car that had drugs in it. I would not want to be anywhere where illegal drugs were being used. It might be paranoid, but I DGAF. I am not a criminal lawyer, so I don’t know what charges could be assessed against your husband if they were pulled over and the cops found drugs on the other person. I don’t have any desire to be put in a situation where I could somehow be implicated.

      All of that said, I have NO idea how to have that addressed within the context of a bachelor party your husband is attending. My RAWR answer is would be to discuss with your husband, let him know you are uncomfortable, etc., and see what he says. Is he also uncomfortable with this situation? UGH.

      I am a stick in the mud when it comes to this sort of thing!

      • Anonymous

        Yes he would be uncomfortable. It’s kind of a due diligence situation- like obviously you don’t search people before they get in your car. We don’t even know if he is bringing any I just know he has done it in the past like at a concert. Bach parties are just weird in that you all of a sudden are driving /staying with people outside of your inner circle. I trust DH husband completely I’m just def more of the worry wort.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t think you’re wrong to be paranoid. There could be implications for your husband if the police pull over a car he’s riding in and it has drugs in it. Are they sharing rooms too? Will this guy have drugs in the room? I’d be really uncomfortable with my husband going to this bach party, period, but if going was really important to him, I’d strongly encourage him to drive his own car and stay in his own room.

      • Anonymous

        Does it matter if it’s pot versus some harder drug?

        If my husband told me the guy was going to have pot on him, it would bother me a lot less than if he said the guy was going to be shooting hero1n.

        • 10:43

          It definitely matters in terms of how I view the drug use. I’d be fine with my husband spending time with a pot user, but I’d be completely freaked out at the idea of my husband even being friends with a heroin user, carpooling issues aside. But I do think when it comes to carpooling, illegal drugs are illegal drugs and I’d prefer he take his own car even if it’s just pot that the guy is bringing, because of the risk of a police run-in.

    • Anonymous

      Is your concern that if they get pulled over, the car is searched and drugs are found that the passengers might be implicated even if the drugs belong to the driver? I think that’s a fair concern.

      I would discuss that possible outcome with my husband and then trust his judgment.

    • Anonymous

      I agree that it’s fair to raise your concerns with him and point out to him that he may get in trouble if he’s in a car that has drugs in it and they get pulled over. I think it also depends what kind of drugs. I don’t use any illegal drugs and wouldn’t choose to be around those who do, but there’s a big difference between p0t and cocaine in terms of the penalties and social stigma for being caught with it.

    • SF

      Are you just as worried about your SO and his friends driving while drinking, as that is likely the higher risk.

      Signed,

      Someone T-boned by a drunk driver/car full of biz men coming back from partying

    • Senior Attorney

      Lovely Fiance had his bachelor dinner last week and everybody Ubered. I think that’s the play here.

      • Op

        It’s getting to the destination- def ubering during the night and for the festivities. To the commentator before- h does not drive drunk and wouldn’t get into a car with a drunk driver. They are staying in a friends cabin so I’m talking about the drive getting there. I think I’m a couple steps a head of myself here but I’ll def talk to him about it and see what he is thinking.

        • Dino

          DH sounds awfully responsible. I think that you should express your concerns/ask if he thinks it’s an issue for your own peace of mind, but then defer to him. He sounds well-equipped to handle the decision in the moment.

  16. 2 Person Games?

    Any recommendations for 2 person games? They could be board games, card games, iphone games, whatever – just want something fun DH and I can do when we have a few minutes here and there instead of turning on a tv show. Thanks!

    • Impatient

      We go with Cribbage or Bananagrams as our go-to games. We actually keep both in the kitchen- it’s a fun thing to do quickly together while we’re waiting for something to come out of the oven, etc.

    • Anon

      We like to play Cassino (a card game, very easy to learn, not the most difficult or strategic thing but fun). Even just a few rounds is better than just immediately watching TV or something.

    • anon a mouse

      Blokus is fun.

      Ticket to Ride is more involved but can also be fun as two-person.
      Set is totally different and can be more collaborative. (highly recommend if you are the sort who likes logic puzzles.)

        • ml

          I love Set. Alas, my husband is colorblind and has a really tough time with the reds and greens. I put a dot on all the red cards to try to help him, but it’s still not quite fair if we’re racing.

    • Kat G

      Yahtzee is surprisingly fun for two people. My husband and I used to play Settlers of Cattan but with modified rules for two people.

    • Nati

      Splendor!!! Trust me, you will be thinking about collecting gems for days after. Just trust me.

    • Anonymous

      You can play Pandemic with two people, and it’s a cooperative game and super fun. We also go to a bunch of amusement parks and activities with lines, so there are a couple of iPhone apps that are fun for amusing ourselves (Farkle, the Game of Life, Heads Up).

      • pugsnbourbon

        +1 to Pandemic, though it takes a while. I like Dominion – it’s card-based, and once you’ve played a few times, it gets really fast and fun!

    • Anonymous

      I downloaded an app called “Sevens,” which is like “$10,000 Pyramid.” My husband and I play it whenever we have a few minutes and want some good laughs.

    • Emmer

      Banagrams is my favorite for a quick game. We’re also fans of gin rummy. There is a two-person version of Settlers of Catan called Rivals of Catan if you want something more time-intensive (but it doesn’t last nearly as long as the original Settlers).

    • rosie

      Cribbage is good. We just got Jaipur (trading game, very good reviews) and the two-player version of Seven Wonders (one of our fave group games), but have not had a chance to try them yet.

    • Lorelai Gilmore

      Lost Cities ( a two person card game)
      Ticket to Ride on the iPad – pass it back and forth. Totally entertaining.

      • Anon

        +1 on Lost Cities. Battle Line is another 2-person game by the same designer that is fun!

    • MKB

      There’s a card game called Star Realms that I really like – it’s available for iPad, as well as a physical card game. We’ve also gotten a lot of mileage out of San Juan.

    • Mary

      We utterly love the Fluxx games. They have a ton of different themed versions (Pirate, Firefly, Cthulhu, Nature) , but you could start with the basic Fluxx game and only branch out if you particularly liked it.

  17. Anonymous

    A new person was hired in my office last month. She has a pixie cut and doesn’t wear a stitch of makeup (not no makeup makeup, none period). She dresses so well and always looks put together. I’m not a hater but a small part of me is jealous in a way because I wish I had her confidence. She went makeup free on her wedding day even. It’s something I’m working on because right now I feel naked without makeup and I never leave the house without it. I also feel bad for being so focused on her looks.

    • Anon

      What is her personal style like besides the haircut and no make-up? I’ve sometimes found that people who are that confident really have their own personal style defined whereas I feel like I fly by the seat of my pants when getting dressed. Maybe you can work on developing your own strong style as a way to borrow some of that confidence?

    • LSC

      I was just reading about how Alicia Keys has dropped makeup. I am also inspired by the idea but hesitant to give it all up, especially since I am just getting into my 30s and feeling like I am starting to age. I don’t really like wearing makeup, so this week I gave up eyeliner. I am pleasantly surprised at how fresh I look! Don’t think I can go without my concealer and powder, but this is a nice start!

      • Anonattorney

        Did anyone else think Alicia Keys actually was wearing makeup at the VMAs? I know it doesn’t matter, and I get that there is a distinction between full foundation vs. lip gloss and some eyeshadow, but . . . it still kind of irked me.

        90% of me knows I’m being dumb and petty, but that remaining 10% is annoyed by the disingenuousness.

        • anon

          Yes, it looked like she was wearing concealer, BB cream, and at least tinted chapstick if not actual lip gloss. Which is totally fine. I actually don’t know if she was the one who claimed to have gone makeup free, which would be disingenuous, or if the media said she didn’t have any makeup on, which means they’re just dumb.

          • LSC

            She did a whole article on Lenny letter about how she was never wearing makeup again! I can’t blame her though, I am sure there is lots of pressure.

    • Emmer

      Kat did a post a while back on whether you need makeup to look professional in the office, and I think the answer from the Hive was a resounding No! …as long as you look put together in the rest of your outfit. Not that makeup will necessarily save you if you look otherwise unkempt, but no makeup will hurt you more if you also wear ill-fitting clothes and have messy hair. If you have well-groomed and neatly cut hair and great, tailored clothes, rock the no-makeup look with confidence!

    • Annaliese

      It is a foregone conclusion that a precious few of us will look absolutely beautiful without a stitch of makeup (such as the new women in your office), and most of us (myself included) work like the dickens with makeup to try and look as best we can, unfortunately never even coming close to those few natural beauties that inevitably show up to steal the show.

      Having said that, I have long resigned myself not to be jealous of the beautiful people because we are all beautiful and / or accomplished in our own way, and have something unique to contribute, even we know we will never be on the cover of Vogue Magazine, or elsewhere. I always look for the silver lining — in your case, appreciate your new co-worker’s beauty and become her good friend, as she will likely attract a host of suitors, and because she can really only wind up with one, you will be there to attract and date one of the many others she does not choose!

  18. CountC

    Sports psychology book recommendations, please!

    I am slowly working on my mental game in re: my running. I am moderately competitive, but I think I can be more competitive if I can get over my mental block on pushing myself harder during races. I have started to push myself by repeating, one foot in front of the other, one foot in front of the other, when I want to walk, but know I can still run. It works, to some extent. I also have a mental block when it comes to running on certain surfaces (weird, I know). For example, part of the trail this past weekend was on grass out in the open – I dislike this surface and I had a hard time pushing myself to keep my pace even though once I got back into the woods, I had no problem chugging along. I also wanted to kick myself because there were a group of women who finished two minutes in front of me and I was in sight of their group and could have taken them if I had just pushed myself harder. I often find I still have some juice at the end of a race and I want to be wiped out and know that I gave it everything I had. This is completely mental, I am very fit and physically capable of going harder.

    I think it’s probably me not wanting to cross that hurdle because I might fail to live up to my own expectations even if I do. I want to continue to improve, but I also want it to remain fun. I would like to read some sports psychology books to learn some other strategies/gain more understanding.

    Does anyone have any recommendations?

    • Bonnie

      Maybe Wild? She had to push herself mentally to get through the hike. The mental trick I play on myself when running is to count to a 100 before slowing down. That’s usually enough to get me past uphill battles. Towards the end of races, I do also pick someone I can pass and speed up.

      • CountC

        I read Wild and rolled my eyes through a lot of it TBH.

        I like your counting trick though! Interestingly, it’s the hills where I excel. I get a bit nervous running down hills covered in rocks and routes, but this past race I was able to push myself to open up my stride and be very conscious of picking up my feet. I was proud of myself for that! Baby steps.

        I do see people at the end of the race sometimes that I could probably catch, for some reason I can’t force myself to. That is part of what I am trying to overcome. Sigh.

    • GCA

      Anything by Matt Fitzgerald – most recently How Bad Do You Want It? Talks about knowing there is discomfort coming, and learning to accept that discomfort.

    • Anonymous

      Do you do speed workouts? When I was doing long distance running I found that I was always able to sprint the last few hundred yards to the finish line. I realized I’m really ok with being uncomfortable for a short period of time, but I hate being uncomfortable for long periods of time. I started incorporating speed intervals into my long distance runs. So a 8 mile training run would be 2 miles warm-up, 4 miles with sprint speed for a quarter mile every half mile, and 2 miles cool-down. This helped me overcome my fear of giving too much too early and burning out before the finish and also helped me get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

      Another thing I did was timed 1-mile or 2-mile runs every other week. Again, just to help me get comfortable with all-out exertion.

      • CountC

        Thanks for the tips! I do incorporate some speed work, but I am not diligent about it. This is definitely something I should do more.

        • New Tampanian

          Skyfit app has all sorts of different interval runs on it. You may like that.

    • Midwest Anon

      I liked Haruki Murakami’s What I Talk About When I Talk About Running. It’s a running memoir and while the title and description may not seem to match what you’re looking for, give it a try. I read it when I was finishing training for my first marathon and was very frustrated by running and the process. I found the book to be a kick in the pants that pushed me to complete my training at a successful level.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t know of a specific resource, unfortunately, but I’d look into meditation/visualization techniques and sports self-hypnosis. My commitment to those is what determined, day-to-day, whether I was going to be highly competitive or just participatory as a young athlete.

    • Anonymous

      Not a book, but I’d suggest doing training runs once a week with someone who is faster than you and will push you to hang at a pace outside your comfort zone to stay with them. Not so fast that you’re going to risk injury, obviously, but just enough to get comfortable with the discomfort. Let them do all the talking to make it a little more work for them, since they’re foregoing running with someone who could push them, or just try to coordinate your hard day with their easy/recovery day. I’ve been doing this the last year and found it enormously beneficial–suddenly, what used to feel like a moderate effort now feels easy and slow, and my formerly hard tempo pace is almost more fun than anything because it feels so strong and quick.

    • Lobbyist

      FWIW, I found Wild really annoying. She didn’t know what she was doing and didn’t prepare. It was an okay story but I don’t know how it would motivate you to run faster through the pain.

      I recommend Top Dog by Po Bronson. Its about competition and how some people/kids thrive under it and others don’t. I also really liked What Makes Olga Run by Bruce Grierson, its about an older woman track star and each chapter looks at possible reasons for her success (diet, heritage, training, etc). Then there is The Man Watching, its a book about a very successful soccer coach, Anson Dorren (it was referenced in Top Dog and made me want to read it) and how his practices were so competitive the games were less so for the players. Then for general inspiration and an awesome story about toughness, try Find a Way by Diana Nyad, the lady who swam to Cuba. Finally most on point may be Carol Dweck’s Mindset. Its not so much about sports as it is about life and how you can think either “I’m not good at that” and then you’ll never get better or you can think “I’m not good at that… yet” and then you will improve.

  19. Charleston/Nashville?

    Can anyone give insight into what it’s like to live in Charleston or Nashville? FWIW, I’ve lived in the south all my life (usually larger cities), but I’ve never spent time in either city. Single, early 30’s, no kids.

      • Charleston/Nashville?

        Unless it’s a church for outspoken feminist atheists, no. I have some concerns….

      • Anonymous

        I have Jewish friends who live in Nashville and they love it. They are fairly involved in their synagogue so it’s possible that it is more isolating for atheists or people of a religion other than Christianity who aren’t actively involved with a religious group.

      • Nashvillian

        Just chiming in to say that there are certainly many churches and church going people in Nashville it is by no means a prerequisite here. I’ve got just as many friends who go to church on Sunday morning as those who sleep in and go to brunch. It’s no more church-y than any other part of the south.

        • Another Nashvillian Here

          I joke that Sunday mornings are just another time for all the aspiring musicians to audition more.

    • Anonymous

      I am from the south and I think that while Charleston is beautiful, it is just the dark side of the south. A lot of people I’ve met are so class and who-are-your-people obsessed that I’ve recently come out of the closet as a Charleston-hater. And it’s in SC and yet doesn’t seem to care about football. I know it’s fake reality TV (possibly redundant), but if you recoil at an episode of Southern Charm, see if you will be around those sorts of people b/c there’s not enough liquor to blot it all out.

      [And yet I love my friends from there, I have family there, the restaurants are amazing, and it’s great to visit after Hurricane season. If you are a humidity hater, Nashville may be for you. Nashville’s just really far from a lot of places and it’s a long drive and hard to fly directly.]

    • Anonymous

      I’ve only visited both (many times each), but my impression is that Charleston is much more culturally conservative and racist than Nashville. I’ve heard people casually using racial and anti-Semitic slurs in Charleston and I’ve never heard any of that in Nashville. I would gladly move to Nashville if the opportunity arose. I would not move to Charleston (although it is a beautiful city with AMAZING food and I like visiting).

      • Charleston native

        You are not wrong about Charleston being more conservative and racist. Nashvillian, below, is also on the nose w/r/t insularity–doing well in Charleston is extremely, extremely difficult if you don’t have the right family and connections. It’s a beautiful town and worth a visit, but I would never live there again.

    • Nashvillian

      I’ve not lived in Charleston, but I had a few friends who moved there after school. My view of the two is that Nashville is a lot more welcoming of new-comers and easier to break in to. I moved here about 15 years ago and every group I’ve been part of has been 75%+ transplants (junior league, work associations, young professional groups, etc.). There are plenty of natives, but with the massive growth in the last couple of years, they are the exception not the norm in many ways. For this reason, I think it’s a lot easier to get involved and make contacts here. As far as cities go, Nashville is going thru a super growth spurt right now, so a lot of the housing is not as affordable as you would think for a city of it’s size in the mid-south. And traffic is not as easy as it used to be, though still not quite on par with DC or Atlanta issues. It’s got it’s problems (affordable housing, public transpo, public schools in Davidson County), but again, these are pretty common problems for a city that’s growing like it is.

      As for getting here, yeah, it’s a haul from the east coast. And it’s pretty much at least 3 hours away from any other cities of any size (Memphis, Louisville, Birmingham, and Atlanta). But flying is becoming a lot easier and it’s centrally located in the country, which is nice, too.

      • Another Nashvillian Here

        I agree with all of this. Nashville has become the IT City now and it is growing like crazy. We have made tons of money selling rental houses over the last few years and the housing market is insane here. If you have kids, you can look at Williamson County which has the best schools in the state. Nashville itself has bad public schools and a surprising amount of crime in some areas. We have lived downtown, in the cool hip East Nashville and now live in the country in Williamson County. But we don’t have income taxes and the cost of living is pretty low except for housing. I have only vacationed in Charleston but I think Nash is more progressive and isn’t as much “old money” as Charleston is. I travel a ton for work and the airport is super busy but easy to get to most cities.

      • Another Nashvillian

        Ditto all this. I’ve lived in Nashville about 5 years and I like it a lot. There are always things to do and people are very welcoming. Traffic is annoying and public transportation is not great but it’s a solid place to live.

  20. anonymous

    I’m trying to figure out if google calendar sent an email invite to my guests. Is there any way of verifying this without contacting my guests and asking?

    • lost academic

      I don’t think so but you could test by adding your own email/account.

  21. Pregnancy Acne

    I’ve never had cystic acne, but will often get one or two spots around my chin around that time of the month. I’m in my first trimester and my skin has gone crazy – I have breakouts on the whole lower half of my face! As I’ve not dealt with acne before, I’m not exactly sure what to do. Will this calm down in the second trimester? It’s hilarious to me now that people talk about the “glow” of pregnancy because I am an acne-covered, puking, tired mess.

    • Nati

      I’ve never been pregnant so unfortunately can’t comment on that specifically, but I have suffered from acne and other hormonally-tied skin conditions (like perioral dermatitis), and across the board my advice is to see a specialist sooner rather than later. As soon as I started to see a dermatologist I saw immediate improvements and they’re so well versed in treatment options that they should be able to come up with solutions that are suitable for pregnancy. I regret that I suffered so long without my dermatologist!

      • SF

        +1

        See the dermatologist to find out what is safe/recommended.

        While some women’s skin improves with pregnancy, some get worse unfortunately.

    • Anon in NYC

      Definitely talk to a dermatologist. There are products that you cannot use in your first trimester that you can use in your second. My derm prescribed finacea, which he said he would prescribe for his pregnant wife.

    • anon

      Just an FYI, both of my pregnancies I totally broke out the first trimester, but had glowing wonderful skin in the second and third trimester. Maybe it’ll get better?

  22. Anon

    When is it okay to quit a job without having another one lined up? If you’ve been at a job for several years and just don’t like it, is it okay to quit? If you dislike it so much that your performance is suffering, is it better to just quit and leave still having a good reputation?

    • Anonymous

      I wouldn’t quit a job I simply didn’t like without another one lined up. I also probably wouldn’t quit just because I wasn’t performing well. If you think you are on the verge of being fired, it might be better to quit but generally my advice would be to buckle down and get your performance up so you can stay until you find something else. My rule of thumb is that the only circumstances under which I would consider quitting without something else lined up would be: 1) I was so miserable at the job that it was affecting my mental and/or physical health (to me, there is a huge gap between not enjoying your job and actively being miserable), 2) I had been job-hunting for six months without success and 3) I had a year’s worth of living expenses in savings or a partner who could help me out.

    • Anonymous

      When you have enough money to not miss a year’s spending out of your savings.

    • lawsuited

      I’d say you could do it if you’ve got 12 months living expenses, or if you risk losing your license by staying.

  23. New Hire

    General interest question: Where do y’all eat lunch? At your desk? Outside the office? Bring it from home?

    • Anon

      I typically bring lunch from home and eat at my desk. Once a week I go out to lunch with my friend (we have been friends since grade school, she is not someone I work with.) I also occasionally go out to lunch with co-workers.

    • Senior Attorney

      Fun question! My answer varies by day of the week:

      Monday: out with colleagues
      Tuesday: generally go home for lunch, or run errands and grab takeout. Lately it’s been a lot of weddingy stuff ta lunchtime. Sometimes meet a friend for lunch out.
      Wednesday: Rotary Club lunch meeting
      Thursday: see Tuesday, above
      Friday: go to the old folks’ home and have lunch with my parents

    • Anonymous4

      I eat at my desk, giving me the opportunity to leave the office early. I often order lunch at my employer’s cafeteria but will bring leftovers or a protein shake from home.

    • Runner 5

      In the office canteen, regardless of whether I’ve bought it in the canteen, elsewhere, or brought it from home.

    • CountC

      I go home every day to let the dog out and give him lunch, so I eat at my desk and 99% of the time bring my lunch but 1% of the time buy a salad at the work cafe.

    • Nati

      I absolutely have to leave my desk/the office over lunch or I’m miserable and unproductive all afternoon. Usually I bring my lunch to the park and eat there or go for a walk or window shopping session.

    • Anon

      I usually bring lunch from home and eat at my desk. If I have time and it’s nice out, I’ll go for a walk instead (which I think is a much better way to spend a lunch break!).

    • Portia

      I’m surprised by these answers – in a typical 2 week period I eat lunch:
      * 3x – Ordered in, in a conference room, with coworkers, as part of a formal meeting
      * 4x – With coworkers of my choosing, at a local sandwich shop or deli
      * 2x – With someone from another law firm or working in another industry, at a local sandwich shop or restaurant
      * 1x – At my desk while entertaining myself on the internet
      I’m a big proponent of the “Never Eat Alone” networking theory.

    • Not That Anne, The Other Anne

      I bring my lunch almost every day, although if I don’t do that, I can buy meals at work.

      I eat in the lunchroom, usually later than everyone else eats so there’s room for me to spread out and read the paper at my leisure. Comics first, of course. :)

  24. Keds

    I have two days in Florence, Italy *next week* with my boyfriend’s family before BF & I depart for the Dolomite mountains. They’re arriving three days before I am, but have asked me to let them know what activities/museums to “save” for when I get there. I’m not much a foodie and know little to nothing about art, but I love history, beautiful sights, and people watching. Suggestions?

    • AIMS

      I don’t think you have to know much about art to appreciate seeing the David. It’s located in a very small museum and is basically the main attraction which makes it very moving, actually – you sort of walk in and just are drawn to it by the flow of the place. Have them pick up tickets ahead of time though so you can skip the line; I think there’s a bookstore right nearby that sells them. Also, you may enjoy the article about the David in NY Times magazine from 2-3 weeks ago.

      Other: Pitti Palace – both beautiful and historically significant and gives you a chance to climb up a hill on the grounds to look down at Florence. On the way, you’ll also see lots of leather shops where you can buy amazing belts and such.

      Definitely also check out the ponte vecchio, but that’s not something you need to “save” as much as you should just walk over there. Fantastic history and so beautiful. Make sure you go into at least one or two shops – they have windows with the more gorgeous views over the river.

      Oh and just enjoy all the food. Best part, imo.

      • AIMS

        For people watching – just park yourself at a café in one of the plazas, and enjoy. Somewhere near the Duomo would be lovely.

      • Charmed Girl

        I really enjoyed the Salvatore Ferragamo museum. I love shoes, but wasn’t expecting to like it as much as I did. Also, there’s a great gelato place (can’t recall the name), just over the Arno from there. For dinner, really enjoyed the Cinghiale Biano.

    • Emmer

      Are you going to be there the 8th through the 11th by any chance? If so, and you drink wine, go to the annual wine festival in Greve, Chianti. You can take a bus out there (I wouldn’t recommend trying to drive after :) ). It’s incredible – all of the vineyards in the region come to the city center and you can buy a card for like 10 euros that gives you a LOT of tastings. I had a blast!

      • Keds

        Wow, thanks for the tip! I think we’ll still be in the mountains, but if weather or injuries or boredom happen.. that is a great recommendation. And I’ll let his family know, since they’ll still be traveling around.

    • Cb

      No recs for Florence but the Dolomites are amazing. Got sent to South Tyrol and loved it so much I came back for my summer holiday.

    • MJ

      I would possibly save the Uffizi Gallery for them. It’s really lovely and in a cool building. I believe you can buy tickets in advance online now, so you could pick your day based on the weather. There is often a cue for it, so the pre-buying of tickets is worth it.

      I really loved the Pitti Palace (the actual Palace part) as well as the Boboli Gardens too. If it’s warm, strolling the gardens is amazing. There was even an impromptu opera in a hidden part and it was so cool to “find” the people singing in costume!

      Also definitely recommend the shopping–the leather goods are amazing.

      • Keds

        Thank you!! I’ve heard the Boboli Gardens might be kind of dried up by now, so I’ll have to find out.

  25. nutella

    I know there are a lot of Captain Awkward fans here. Can anyone recomment a post about dealing with a breakup for a dear friend? I applaud her for breaking it off when she finally woke up to the fact that he wasn’t treating her well. I think it’s ok for her to feel sad and I think it is a good time for her to take the time to regain her personality and do things that make her happy. She has jumped into dating – probably too soon, but that’s my opinion – and is getting discouraged with the guys she is dating. And then that spirals into being sad about being single and thinking about ex again. I am trying to encourage her to seek therapy again and to take this time to care for herself and find happiness in herself before she goes trying to find it in someone else, but I’m not getting through. Any recommended posts on Captain Awkward (or any other blog, book she could read) that have really spoken to you?

      • nutella

        She is asking me for advice as well as ‘things that help’ like things to read.

      • anon

        You know what’s normal? Doing your best to support your good friend through a difficult time. Not sitting idly by while your friend pines for a guy who didn’t treat her well because she’s understandably frustrated with dating.

        nutella, I don’t have any article recs but I will be following this thread. I’m supporting a friend who’s going through something similar, though my friend keeps going back to the no-good guy because she’s bored and lonely and hates dating. I think the best thing you can do is invite her to fun activities so she focuses on how great her life is without the drama this jerk causes.

    • LAJen

      I think probably commiseration with someone going through the same thing and having similarly terrible dating experiences would help, and spending time with her doing non-dating focused things. It might take a while of actually living her life and enjoying it before she can accept the truism that it’s easier to be ready for a relationship when you’re already happy. Frankly, advice from friends who are in relationships isn’t all that helpful in times like these, so perhaps direct her to people who are several months down the same path she’s on.

      • nutella

        Thanks. Yes, I have been in her shoes before so I try to listen a lot and when she asks for advice, tell her about when I was in her shoes and things I did that helped. I’m happily engaged now, but I don’t want to frame it like ‘see how happy I am? do what I did!’ because that’s just the absolute worst. I’m trying to frame it like I definitely understand, I was there, too, here are the things I did that helped me feel happy (like taking up a skill I always wanted to try, etc.) … because happiness isn’t about just finding someone.

        I’ve been reading this blog for so long that it was around that time that I was in her shoes that people here posted some Captain Awkward stuff (for someone else, I was still a lurker) that really spoke to me at the time, but that was 3-4 years ago. There were a couple that I just re-read over and over again, but I don’t know which ones they were. I will keep doing what I’m doing but I thought I’d check here — sometimes I think reading about someone else going through it like in a blog post really helps you make parallels. I figured I’d see if someone else was more recently in her shoes and really liked a book, post, etc.

        • LAJen

          Direct her to this site! She’ll get tons of commiseration (which may feel better than having it come from someone she knows who’s been through it but is currently happy). You’re a great friend. I also think that the posts on the Baggage Reclaim web site can be helpful about breaking cycles of dating from places of insecurity/dealing with controlling or damaged exes/etc. It has a bariety of topics with some tough love advice that I find helpful.

        • LAJen

          Direct her to this site! She’ll get tons of commiseration (which may feel better than having it come from someone she knows who’s been through it but is currently happy). You’re a great friend. I also think that the posts on the Baggage Reclaim web site can be helpful about breaking cycles of dating from places of insecurity/dealing with controlling or damaged exes/etc. It has a variety of topics with some tough love advice that I find helpful.

      • Nati

        This is perfect advice I think. Nutella cheers to you for being such a caring friend!

  26. Anon

    I’m planning to buy myself a simple gold twisted band to commemorate getting a sweet job/leaving my current miserable job. Is there any fashion advice for wearing right hand rings on the right middle or ring finger, or some “standard” I don’t know about?

    • Wildkitten

      Nope! The only rule for a right hand ring is to not wear it on your left ring finger.

  27. January

    I tried to post a minute ago, but it got lost. Anyway – Captain Awkward has an “Archives” page with every post she’s ever done, so I think perusing those and looking at the ones with titles that seem promising would probably be a good starting point. Based on what you said, I would look for the one called “Life After Darth” or something like that. You also might want to search the Darth Vader tag.

    And depending on your friend’s temperament, she might also like Ask Polly’s new book (“How to Be a Person in the World”).

    Sincerely,
    Advice Junkie

  28. PBD

    Does anyone have recos on where to get maternity wear for petites? I’ve just started looking and the selections seem really limited. TIA!

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