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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.![Kenneth Cole New York 'Theophania' Sheath Dress (Regular & Petite) Kenneth Cole New York 'Theophania' Sheath Dress (Regular & Petite)](https://corporette.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/kenneth-cole-theophania-sheath.jpg)
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
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- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
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Mpls
The pintucking across the front looks like it’s just an invitation for wrinkles and pulling weird. I imagine it’s supposed to have the same effect as ruching, but ruching works because it’s unstructured, and tucks like this are very much structured. I’d definitely have to try this on/see it in person.
Bonnie
I like pintucking more than ruching because it can emphasize the waist without adding bulk. I’ll definitely be trying this one on.
TCFKAG
Boo. Exposed zipper alert. I thought those were over. I was almost sure of it.
Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler
Exposed zippers are like Bebe’s Kids, they don’t die, they multiply.
backgrounder
Haha, love this.
TCFKAG
+1000000000 for that reference.
AIMS
The zappos shot of this dress and to a lesser extent the bloomingdales one make this dress look a bit too cleavage happy for work, imo. It also just looks really skin tight on the zappos view. Seems like a lot of variables with this one, though I do like the look of it as shown in the Nordstrom’s shot. Also, maybe I’m just cheap but I consider $98 to be too much for a 100% synthetic dress, even if that does make it machine washable.
PolyD
Consider that if you look at the back of the model wearing the dress “skin tight,” it might be all pinched together with binder clips and may not in real life fit that tightly. I have actually been disappointed the other way more often – something that looks nicely fitted in the ad turns out to be baggy and nightgown-like in real life.
Ellen
Hi, I love a sheath dress like this!
I am writing from LI on my iphone, so excuse the typos please. Rosa is coming with Ed and the kids to Mom and Dad’s house, so I cant post much today. Dad is being nice, too. YAY!!!!!
Best Holiday wishes to Kat and all of the HIVE!
FP Angie
Dear Ellen, we ALWAYS excuse your typos!
Elysian
I actually rather like this. I usually don’t look seriously at dresses (not really my style), but in my new office people wear them a lot more than pants, so I’ve been trying to branch out.
Question: I carry two cell phones (work, personal) and have been looking for a bag that will accommodate them better. At the moment everything is jumbled because my current bag doesn’t have enough right-sized pockets so I’m always misplacing one of the two phones in my purse.
Does anyone else have this two-phone problem? Bag suggestions? (Hoping to spend less than $100.)
Bonnie
I had this problem until I got a few mesh zippered bags to corral all the small items in my purse.
Elysian
Oh hrm, I have a few at home that I’m still note using. Doesn’t it take a long time to answer the phone if you have to unzip the bag and everything? Maybe I’m just generally slow answering the phone, but I feel like that would be just one too many obstacles for me once it starts ringing.
Mpls
I’d use the zip bags for everything else, so that it’s easier to find the phones. Most bags of the bags I use have two phone sized pockets on the inside, so make those the designated phone spots?
Bonnie
Exactly. I put everything else in the bags so I don’t have to search for the phones amongst the clutter.
Elysian
I see. Well, I mostly do that already with small things, but my purse also has big things, like my ipad, my wallet, my umbrella, and those zippered bags, so whichever phone is not in the one pocket I do have gets lost among those things at the bottom of my bag. That’s really the part that is inconvenient, its not as if I’m losing my phone among my lipsticks. I did get the zippered bag idea from this site a year back or so, though, and its been really helpful!
Diana Barry
I have a Kate Spade bag that has 2 cell-phone sized pockets. I got it at the outlet but probably still above your price range (around 180 I think).
Zappos usually has good pictures of the inside of bags. I would look for something structured so that it stands up on its own, with 2 small vertical rectangular pockets to fit your phones. Good luck!
NOLA
Kate Spade bags on sale can be as low as $125 or so.
Brant
I’m going to answer the question you DIDN’T ask, which is “do I have to carry both?” You may not! Some phones hold two SIM cards (if they’re the same carrier). My dad did this to streamline his life and just has a different ringtone for each line.
You can also look at forwarding your work calls to your personal cell. This will likely eat your minutes, but that may not be an issue for you.
There is also some magical way to use Google Voice to solve the problem, but I don’t know exactly how. DH did it for his 2-phone problem.
Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler
With Google Voice, Google gives you a number and you decide what number you want the calls relayed to. So the stranger gets the Google number, but your phone gets the calls.
And no personal info comes up when the number is Googled.
This is also very helpful for screening calls because everyone has to say their name the first time they call and then Google will play that and give you the chance to pick up or decline the call.
Oh, and another bonus is that you can send texts from your computer.
L
With Google Voice, Google gives you a number and you decide what number you want the calls relayed to. So the stranger gets the Google number, but your phone gets the calls.
And no personal info comes up when the number is Googled.
This is also very helpful for screening calls because everyone has to say their name the first time they call and then Google will play that and give you the chance to pick up or decline the call.
Oh, and another bonus is that you can send texts from your computer.
TO Lawyer
I was going to suggest this too – it’s over the OP’s price range but SO WORTH IT. (sorry for the Ellen caps but they’re necessary in this case).
Actually this reminds me that I lent my Pippa to my mom over the summer and need to find a diplomatic way to steal it back, even though she fell in love with it.
Elysian
Hrmm. I actually did see the Pippa, loved the look of it, and then looked at the price and dismissed it. Maybe I’ll consider putting it on my “One Day if I Get a Bonus or Something After I Pay Back My Loans” list. But right now, a $400 bag is not a high priority. :)
L
Sign up for their emails. They have great sales.
In addition, for a temp fix, I’d look for any compartment style bag. For example, a quick search turned up the Nine West Double Vision Satchel for $89.00.
R
Sign up for which emails? Are you talking about the Modalu Pippa? The website is British so I’m curious if they deliver to the US.
Elysian
Ohhh hrm, Kate Spade has a bag called the Pippa, and I thought we were talking about that one. But since you mentioned Modalu, that seems to fit better with what L described. I don’t know if they deliver to the US, but thats a good question!
B
Modalu does, and often has sales that bring it down to $200
s-non
This is a bag that looks kind of similar, lots of pockets inside and outside and only $140 at the Coach Factory Online store right now:
http://www.coachfactory.com/store/default/the-september-4-event/handbags/satchels-carryalls/prk-lth-cryal-b4-bfr.html
L
Yes, sorry Modalu. They have great sales – I got mine for around $250 with the shipping/customs to the US. It’s a lovely bag.
dismal science
Wow, I’m embarrassed to admit that I had never noticed that middle compartment in the Pippa purse before. I love my Pippa. But it does weigh a ton.
(and sorry, Kat, I accidentally hit report instead of reply)
Anonymous
They’re more than $100, but Cole Haan bags usually have two cell phone sized pockets.
Veronique
Michael Kors bag usually do, as well. You can find them at TJ Maxx for much less than retail (though still not in the OP’s price range).
Sydney Bristow
I have the Tall Tote from The Limited. It has two interior pockets that would each fit a cell phone. It’s $80 but they are having a 60% off sale starting at 11am today. I’m not sure if the purse would be included in the sale. I really like the bag and it easily fits my iPad, umbrella, glasses case, zippered pouch, and a million smaller things.
Sydney Bristow
Here is the link (sorry it’s the mobile site because I’m on my phone) http://m.thelimited.com/mt/www.thelimited.com/product/tall-tote/1373105.html?ppid=c5&start=5&cgid=handbags-purses&dwvar_1373105_colorCode=100
EB0220
I have the same issue. I use a Tusk Travel Portfolio (basically a wristlet) as my wallet, and it also holds my two phones (HTC DNA, Samsung Galaxy 4) and also minimalist car keys!
Hel-lo
I’m actually a fan of Target bags. Most of them have 2 phone pockets. I use one for business cards.
Elysian
My current bag is a target bag, and I actually like it a lot. I never feel like I have to be super careful with it, especially since my weird cat likes to climb inside my purses. I was scanning Target’s website and found this bag (link to follow), which is kind of similar to some of the ones that people recommended. I think I’ll probably end up going that route – I just wish they had more colors! They have a similar bag in a wine color, but it looks less structured, so I’ll probably go with the black.
Elysian
This is the one I saw: http://www.target.com/p/merona-satchel-black/-/A-14395297#prodSlot=medium_1_1&term=Merona%C2%AE+Satchel
Wannabe Runner
I love this one – http://www.target.com/p/merona-tote-handbag-cognac/-/A-14590518#prodSlot=medium_1_1
They don’t last forever, but I’m with you. They last for my needs, and you can’t beat the price.
S in Chicago
Not less than $100, but the Bedford styles by MZ Wallace are fantastic for this. Easy to keep separate and away from all that goes into the inside of the bag.
Veronique
Do MZ Wallace bags ever go on sale? I think they’d make a great travel bag, since they’re almost as lightweight/packable as a Le Pliage, but a lot more stylish and organized.
NOLA
I ordered the Adrienne Vittadini t-straps that TCFKAG recommended awhile back. They were marked down below $40 on Amazon so I pulled the trigger on the red patent. They are beautiful and, so far, really comfortable. I’m teaching this morning so on my feet. The heels are very reasonable and well balanced.
TCFKAG
Hey – we’re shoe twinsies today (though mine are black). :-P
ANP
Can someone repost the link? I’m in the market…
TCFKAG
http://www.amazon.com/Adrienne-Vittadini-Footwear-Womens-T-Strap/dp/B009CUI1NM/ref=pd_sbs_shoe_2
NOLA
I have so many black pumps! But the red really appealed to me. They’re a brighter red than most of the red shoes I’ve had but so pretty. I was on my feet in class this morning for an hour and a half and still fine.
zora
Love Shoe Twinsies!!
NOLA
Yeah, especially since you were the enabler who said “Buy them!!”
Sleep Strategies
Does anyone have a good strategy for getting to sleep at a reasonable hour? In the past few weeks I’ve been really distracted before bed, and find myself starting projects late at night and going to bed 2 hours later than normal. Any good tips for avoiding that and actually getting 7 hours of sleep?
Anonymous
Meditation? I did this regularly and it’s because I don’t feel I get enough done during the day.
Brant
I always sleep better (and go to bed earlier) when I exercise. Because that is often more of a dream than a reality, I’ve also just started to send myself to bed before 10. I read for a bit, but nothing that I know will be so gripping I can’t put it down. I usually fall asleep with the book on my face and DH has to “tuck me in.”
Anon in NYC
Yes, waking up on the early side (6-6:30-ish) and exercising really does it for me. It does take a few weeks to really get into that routine though. And to Brant’s other point, 11pm is my imaginary deadline (although yesterday I accidentally fell asleep on the couch at 9pm and took a 1.5 hour nap!). As soon as the clock turns 11, I shut off the tv, do all my bedtime rituals, and am usually in bed by 11:30. I read for about 30 minutes and am done. I will intentionally not read books that I can’t put down. If I’m awake past 12:30 I know the next morning is going to be rough.
Eleanor
I know people say stay away from screens close to bedtime, because the light can keep you awake, but I find watching tv on my laptop often distracts and relaxes me enough that I can fall asleep. I usually watch episodes I’ve already seen, so I’m not too engrossed in them.
Diana Barry
I use f.lux on my computer to make it more “red” at night, supposedly easier to go to sleep that way.
MH
+1. I have found that having the TV on is one of the best ways for me to fall asleep. I know it flies in the face of everything you hear about healthy sleep, but I really need the mental distraction to turn my brain off at night. Otherwise I lay in the dark thinking about my to-do lists. The voices on TV will actually distract my brain enough that I don’t think, which allows me to fall asleep.
Anyway, I’m sure I’m screwing myself up, but it works for me!
Sydney Bristow
I’m really bad at this and it goes through cycles, but if I’m tempted to start a project before bed I write it down on my to-do list. Sometimes I just have to get everything out of my head and down on paper.
mascot
Give yourself a bedtime window. Make it non-negotiable just as you treat your alarm in the morning. I am pretty consistent about respecting my need for sleep and start to feel really tired around the same time every night, which makes it easier to put down the project. It also helps that I don’t have lots of nights of working late.
Olivia Pope
Switching off the screens and reading a book about an hour before I want to sleep helps me. I also drink Sleepytime tea. It’s so calming and relaxing that I don’t want to get out of bed!
Miz Swizz
It’s all about the ritual for me. I wash my face, take out my contacts and read for about 30 minutes before bed. I also have been getting up at the same time every morning, including weekends. Things go so much smoother for me if I stick to a routine.
CKB
+1
Hel-lo
Google “sleep hygiene.” Here’s one link that might help, too. http://healthysleep.med.harvard.edu/healthy/getting/overcoming/tips
I also fall asleep to the tv. For some reason, procedural dramas (CSI, Law & Order, Castle, House even) knock me out. They keep me from thinking about my own worries.
A routine is important, as is exercise. Avoid alcohol, as it doesn’t result in actually restful sleep.
Mulberry?
What’s the general wisdom on Mulberry purses? Are they well-made and durable (i.e. worth the cost)?
I was looking to upgrade from Kate Spade and walked into a Mulberry store for the first time last week. I liked the styles although a bit concerned that their classic bag (forget what it’s called) has straps that are too short to fit over my shoulder.
Anonymous
I can’t speak to their durability, but they are gorgeous bags.
MJ
Mulberry is a very well-regarded UK brand. I think their pebbled leather will wear forever…smoother variations, not as long.
Lily-Student
Mulberry is what thousands of UK women lust after every time we go into a department store. The bags are ridiculously expensive but also very durable. My mum has had a couple which have all been great for her.
B
It’s the bayswater. I love it, I know it’ll last forever, but honestly, it’s too heavy (if you commute via public transport/walking and carry lunch). And the straps only go over your shoulder with nothing in it, so I don’t end up using it for my daily bag and instead use my coated canvas Neverful.
Nonny
I adore my Bayswater bag. I got it on deep sale when I lived in the UK and would use it every day if it weren’t such a springy colour (mine is a gorgeous pink). I get compliments every time I use it. Normally I require my bags to go over my shoulder, but I make an exception for my Bayswater. I find the leather just gets more beautiful with age and I have successfully cleaned it at home with regular leather cleaner and conditioner. I want to get another one in a more versatile colour but would need to save up for a while to do that…
Mulberry?
Hmm…I am SO tempted to get the current purple one when it goes on sale and ignore the fact that I usually want bags to go over my shoulder! :) Your feedback isn’t helping my temptation!
Orangerie
I have the Bayswater in a beautiful tan color and adore it. The quality is great and it fits a lot of stuff without looking full/bulge-y. It is on the heavier side even when empty, and doesn’t fit over my shoulder but I never carry bags that way so it has never been an issue for me. I’ve had mine for a year and it’s held up beautifully so far.
anon
I love mulberry bags. I have one big bag and a few smaller clutches (DH figured out I liked them and went on a roll for every bday and xmas present for a while ha!) and they are wearing beautifully and are very, very durable. The hardware is great. All straps on my bags are adjustable. Love the Bayswater!
Anon
Love my black bayswater – super durable. Use it all the time, probably too often for carting around heavy docs. Highly recommend.
Miss Behaved
Weird encounter on the T this morning. The conductor said something about a missing green flag (???) so I looked up and immediately caught the eye of the guy sitting across from me. He proceeded to move so that he could sit near me. He asked me when I needed to be at work and I said “Now.” He said “Me, too” and then he asked me if I have a boyfriend. When I said no, he asked if he could be my boyfriend. I laughed and said no and then got up because my stop was next.
He followed me and asked if he could take me out for coffee before work and I said no, because I had to get to work. He tried to convince me and then backed off and told me I was beautiful.
Can’t decide if this was creepy or kind of sweet or a little of both. FWIW, this was at 7:45 AM and I think he was 5 or more years younger. But part of me was flattered because I’ve gained a fair amount of weight this summer – mostly due to a new drug I’m taking – and it’s been depressing me.
Lia
I think it is both flattering and creepy. Enjoy the good feeling but don’t go out with the dude if you see him again.
hellskitchen
I think it was flattering as long as he was just talking to you on the train but IMHO it turned creepy when he followed you to work, unless it was clear that it was his stop too. I agree with Lia, enjoy the good feeling but be wary of his stalker-ish behavior
Diana Barry
+1. I would have said creepy on the train as well, but I am always all “don’t F with me” face when I am on public transportation.
hellskitchen
Ha! This is me too – I am sure I look like a grouch when I use public transit
Brooklyn Paralegal
Oh boy, this reminds me of a few times when some guy violated my unspoken “DO NOT BOTHER ME” demeanor on the subway. I told him to f**k off, and when his friend laughed, launched into a tirade about how it’s not very funny when you have to worry about being harassed every. single. day. and how being a young woman in New York isn’t actually all that fun sometimes.
The look on their faces was…well, it was sort of priceless.
Diana Barry
You are awesome!
Hel-lo
Nice.
Romey
I think that is adorable! I honestly don’t think it’s creepy at all (I mean, unless he had a weird creepy demeanor or something?) but from your story alone it doesn’t sound creepy at all. Were you attracted to him at all??
Brant
Both. It’s like when the homeless men catcall/whistle at you. I don’t actually want them to notice me, but it is still a tiny ego boost.
Anonymous
Do women really need ego boosts from strangers? I would have told this dude to back the f up. Am I a b word or do some women actually like getting hit on?
L
Lots of women like getting hit on. There’s appropriate flirting and then there’s aggressive/creepy. Imo the line was when he followed her. That’s when it goes from ‘cute’ to ‘back the f up’ at least in my book.
Killer Kitten Heels
+1 to all of this. Weirdo dude’s conduct on the train, while a little unusual, fits into the “kind of cute but I’d never actually go out with this dude” category. Following Miss off the train took a sharp left into “creepy weirdo stalker” territory.
emeralds
+2. I don’t mind guys starting a conversation and trying to be flirtatious, but they have to be willing to step off if I make it clear I’m not interested. Someone who followed me off of a train would get a “back the F off or I’m calling the police.”
But Anonymous, it’s totally cool that you are not interested in those kinds of interactions. We’re all different and not everybody is into the same things.
Anne Shirley
I don’t know if you’re a b word, but yes, some women like being hit on. And no, I don’t need the ego boost, but I do enjoy it from time to time.
Anonymous
I never enjoy it or flirt back. I find it so presumptious. I am married though and have never felt complimented by random hit ons- more like someone is invading my day. I appreciate regular compliments though- like a woman saying she likes my dress/shoes.
Olivia Pope
Yes, some women like being hit on. Some women go on dates with men who hit on them, which is why men try to hit on women. I never went on a date with a guy who hit on me, but I have friends who did. I always found it annoying. But thankfully, women are allowed to like and dislike different things.
Anonymous
Yeah that’s why I was asking. I just kind of assumed everyone hated it- I thought we had a convo on this site about how creepy it is and how it can be demeaning but that could have been a different site. I just can’t imagine being flattered by it- but I see that was silly of me.
AIMS
@anonymous at 11:06.
I think there are also different ways of being “hit on” and it means different things to different people. There’s a huge difference to me between some guy catcalling you on the street and someone who smiles at you on the train and maybe tries to start a conversation with you about a book you’re reading or flirts with you on line at a coffee shop. The latter can obviously be annoying too, depending on the person, but it may not be. And there are probably some women who also enjoy the occasional catcall (even if they aren’t interested in the person doing the catcalling).
AIMS
Sometimes it is just fun to flirt. I am in a long term committed relationship but I do like flirting with guys once in a while. Sometimes even on the subway. Obviously, it doesn’t go anywhere and it’s only nice when someone can read your cues and not cross any lines (e.g., this guy should have not followed her), but I think it’s still good for the soul to have a friendly chat with someone you find attractive every so often.
For the OP, I think this was probably more cute than creepy, but with definite creepy potential. I’d say that either this guy was really smitten, is generally really forward or is a stalkery-type. It’s hard to know which because what can be cute once can be creeepy if it’s a pattern.
Cornellian
It feels super intrusive and rude to me, especially on public transit. I don’t mind being complimented on something I’ve done (chosen nice shoes, given my seat to an elderly person), but I did not go in to public to make my body the object of of your comments. It’s worse on public transit because I am trapped and cannot leave, everyoen else is watching the conversation and making me nervous, and it’s not really a social event. If I go to a bar, it seems less presumptive to assume I would like to meet other people. On the subway with my headphones in? back. up.
Anonymous
Yes. exactly how I feel.
Brooklyn Paralegal
I agree entirely. I also hate–HATE–being catcalled on the street.
Maybe it’s a little different for me, but I have a number of visible tattoos, and that somehow translates into open season for any random dude to ask me about them, stare at me weirdly, and on occasion grab my arm to try to look at my tattoos. Like, get away from me, please. I’ve been told before that I’m basically asking for it by having tattoos, but I think that that’s totally untrue and a very, very slippery slope.
MD
I used to think being hit on was all rude and creepy, back when I was in my 20s. Now that I’m 42, if some dude hits on me, I still think it’s rude and creepy, but I also laugh to myself about it and can’t help but feel flattered. :-) Some guy at the grocery store the other day asked me if I was married, and when I got into my car to drive home, I just cracked up and felt kind of good about myself– I still look good!
Cat
wait, did he only follow you to the door of the train, or follow you to work? They’re both creepy, but the second scenario far worse than the first…
Miss Behaved
Just the door. When I said no to coffee, he went back to his seat.
TCFKAG
Oh that’s better. If someone followed me off a train I’d probably freak the frack out.
(One time when studying abroad my roommate and I were followed home from a bar and had to take refuge in the only 24-hour business [an internet cafe] until the guys went away because there was NO way we were showing them where we lived. Suffice to say, I have a low tolerance for that sh*t.)
hellskitchen
Ah, then ignore my comment above. I misread it as him following you to work but it seems like it was a harmless interaction
TBK
This conversation is why guys get so frustrated. In the movies, the boy and girl meet cute when he asks about the book she’s reading on the train, or takes some other step to show interest. In real life, some women appreciate the effort, some freak out and think the guy is creepy. Okay, some guys are creepy and set off your creep-detector and you should pay attention to that (because often it’s because you’re subliminally picking up on something — he’s standing too close, or has otherwise “off” behavior, and yes, maybe he’s simply from another culture or has an autism spectrum disorder, but women talking to a stranger should still pay attention to their creepy sense). But, given that some women actually like it when a guy talks to them, and given that oftentimes guys are honestly just trying to get to know someone who attracted their attention (and, seriously, men often become interested in a woman first because of her looks — you can not like that if you want, but pretty much every couple I know that includes at least one guy, the guys were first intrigued by appearance), I don’t see the reason to be offended because someone shows interest. I remember when I was younger, I had a friend who found pretty much every guy to be creepy. She’d often brush off guys trying to talk to ME, and then be surprised later that I was annoyed. I feel like this needs lots of caveats because I’m obviously not talking about the guy who’s 40 years older, or who comes on waaaay too strong, but a friendly pick up line? Meh. I give props to the guy for taking the chance. I wouldn’t want to be the guy out in the dating world. I used to get frustrated by guys not making the first move, but I think that’s better than having to be the one making the first move…and being constantly worried that someone will think I’m a creep when I try.
Romey
TBK I totally agree with you! I am honestly so surprised at a lot of these comments. I mean the guy just thought she was cute and wanted to get to know her – what’s wrong with that?? And TBK I thought the same thing about how something like that would seem so romantic in a book or a movie or something. Nothing wrong with trying to meet someone in real life instead of a dating website!!!
Veronique
I think most of us thought it was (potentially) creepy when we thought he actually followed her off the train. That could be cute and persistent, but could also be a sign that he lacks respect for her boundaries and/or is a potential stalker. I also think there’s a huge difference between someone who’s clearly trying to get to know you/date you and someone catcalling you. The former is mostly ok, while the latter is never ok (to me).
Olivia Pope
Initially, it sounded like he followed her off the train which is crossing a line. Turns out that was wrong.
But my view is, women are individual human beings! Different women have different reactions to the same stimulus because they are different people. The only reason why a guy would get frustrated if he expected all women to have the same reaction to him.
Hel-lo
+1
I think this situation is that kind of thing that would be sexy and awesome if you were attracted to the guy. If you don’t like the guy, it could easily be interpreted as weird/creepy.
And sometimes guys don’t know which situation will apply to them.
Have you checked CL Missed Connections? He may post about you.
TBK
I think this is often the complaint (or the complaint I hear from my guy friends, who tend toward the nerdy and somewhat socially awkward — they’re DC regulatory lawyers after all). I guess the answer for guys who are not George Clooney is to restrict themselves to talking to women who have actually been introduced to them (e.g., at a party, through a mutual friend) or dating online. I think most of these guys don’t mind the rejection so much but they’re good guys who really don’t want people to think they’re creeps. So then the only guys who talk to women are the ones who don’t care if people think they’re creeps, i.e., the actual creeps. Which makes women feel like only creeps hit on them. So if someone hits on them, he must be a creep. In this case, Miss Behaved wasn’t interested, but it did brighten her morning (it sounds like) so win/win.
Veronique
But why do they care if random strangers think they’re creepy? Who cares what strangers think of you? If they’re interested in a woman, they should approach her in a respectful way. The possibility of rejection is everywhere. We don’t say “I’m not going to ask for a raise because my boss might think I’m pushy” or “I’m not going to cold call this potential contact because they might think I’m too agressive.” Instead, we find a respectful and socially/professionally acceptable way to approach our target and ask for what we want. It’s the same thing in dating.
I don’t have a problem with a guy approaching me in a respectful manner (NOT catcalling). Usually, I only find it creepy if they’re too aggressive and/or won’t take no for an answer.
Brooklyn Paralegal
I feel no sympathy for frustrated men. I don’t feel comfortable being hit on by strangers on public transit, and I don’t feel bad about it.
MH
+1.
SH
This. The same scene can either be the “aww, he likes her!” portion of a romantic comedy, or the opening scenes of a Criminal Mind episode. Choosing which one wisely usually means we assume that they’re creepy at first.
CountC
I think it’s flattering and kind cute. He didn’t follow you off the train, so it doesn’t rise to creepy to me.
I had a young man propose to me twice while I was standing on a train platform. At least I assumed that’s what he meant when he said he wanted to put a ring on it. And please let him put a ring on it. Hahaha!
Green
Ladies, I just book my first solo trip! Just for a few days to Aruba, but I’m excited. I know safety in traveling alone has been covered at length around here, so any general Aruba recs?? Also, I’m getting a lot of weird looks for going alone, how do you all usually respond?
TCFKAG
I went to Aruba in college for a trip with an athletic team so my fun time was limited, but we did go on a ATV trip around the North Coast of the island and it was beautiful and fun (an easy way to try ATVing if you’ve never done it before.)
Anonymous
As to responding: Hold your head up high and say “This way I get to do exactly what I want to do, when I want to do it. I’m really excited.” Or something like that. Traveling alone is great. Just don’t go to the beach with a rich kid named Joran.
DC Wonkette
Stay away from Senor Frogs because shady stuff goes on around there. The beach and area by the Marriott is nice. You can do wind-surfing lessons over a couple of days and paddle boarding is really good there. I went surfing for the first time on the north side (just talked to one of the local guys on the beach).
Becky
My first solo trip was Aruba and I love it. Slept in late. Read on the beach and the beach staff were all really nice to me and got me whatever I wanted without being creepy guys. I wasn’t very adventurous but did do one group tour around the island. Can’t remember the tour name but I felt very safe since we were in a group.
darjeeling
Nice! I just pulled the trigger in black to avoid the exposed zipper issue (although the photo of the black only showed the front so the zipper will probably be hot pink or something).
Paging TCFKAG
TCFKAG, are you still accepting vicarious shopping suggestions?
I have one for mid-arm/3/4 sleeve sheath/suit dresses. I work in a business casual office but am trying to step up my game. I do not like going sleeveless and would like to be able to just wear the dress, no jacket/cardigan, some days. My own attempts to locate such an item have been mostly fruitless.
TYIA!
anon-oh-no
I just bought a theory dress that fits this description. Ill post the link below.
anon-oh-no
here’s a different theory dress that also fits but has a little more detail:
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/theory-arvada-wool-sheath-dress/3549936?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=3253&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-browseresults-_-undefined_9_C
anon-oh-no
here is a tahari one that is cute, though its navy:
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/tahari-tiered-jersey-sheath-dress-regular-petite/3584001?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=125&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-browseresults-_-undefined_1_A
anon-oh-no
I’m still searching for the original one I just purchased, but have found a few cute others, like this tahari one that comes in a variety of colors, including black:
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/tahari-by-arthur-s-levine-kevin-jersey-sheath-dress-regular-petite/3509273?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=Black&resultback=3478&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-browseresults-_-undefined_10_A
anon-oh-no
Im clearly having too much fun with this, and procrastinating, but here is another, with short sleeves, but office appropriate and no jacket needed
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/donna-ricco-zipper-detail-sheath-dress/3578021?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=2377&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-browseresults-_-undefined_8_C
S in Chicago
Almost nabbed it until I saw the weirdo zippers going up the shoulders. Darn it. Can anyone make a dress without prominent zippers anymore? Or at least keep to functional areas! Who is in such a big ol’ hurry to free their arms?
anon-oh-no
Ok, last one — this one is rachel roy and a bit more expensive, and potentially scoops too low in the back, but i love it. comes in black and a beautiful red:
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/rachel-roy-stud-detail-scoop-back-sheath-dress/3561796?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=BLACK&resultback=9007&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-browseresults-_-undefined_26_A
TCFKAG
I am – though its easiest if you submit the question to my blog (follow the link on my name here and then go the vicarious shopping questions tag at the top), that’s how you’re most likely to get the most complete answer (especially if you give me a price range, size, and general body type.) But if I can give you a couple of quick options (I’m at work can’t do a full search) – I like this Donegal Tweed dress from Pendleton.
http://www.pendleton-usa.com/product/Women/DRESSES/DRESSES/CAMERON-DONEGAL-DRESS/171080/sc/1710/c/1710/pc/1815.uts
And possibly this Elie Tahari (link in next post to avoid moderation.)
TCFKAG
http://www.neimanmarcus.com/p/Elie-Tahari-Davis-Princess-Seam-Sheath-Dress-Black/prod159920241/?ecid=NMALRFeedJ84DHJLQkR4&ci_src=14110925&ci_sku=prod159920241skuBLACK
TCFKAG
Actually – there are several Elie Tahari dresses over at Nordies that would work – but I also like this Kate Spade (assuming the neckline isn’t too deep) – but its definitely spendy.)
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/kate-spade-new-york-darlene-stretch-sheath-dress/3549672?origin=related-3549672-0-1-5-2-Rich%20Relevence&PageCategoryId=PP
Paging TCFKAG
Wow that dress is a stunner and basically exactly what I am looking for. Not sure about the price tag, but maybe could be my christmas gift to myself this year.
anon-oh-no
what do you know, this is the one i was looking for (which explains why i couldnt find it searching for theory). Its super cute and I feel fantastic in it. It runs a bit snug, so I would size up, but its fully lined, and is an appropriate length for work.
Paging TCFKAG
Thanks anon-oh-no & TCFKAG! Really liking the theory & elie tahari dresses. I will also add a formal request with more details.
Grumposaurus
No relation to Godzilla. Man, this week has been bad (mostly from my own doing/bad attitude). So with that, a threadjack!
What are your favorite cheap/free pick-me-ups?
Cb
Fashion magazine? Cookie? Trashy tv?
Cornellian
something to consume while in a park or cafe: croissant, iced coffee, magazine, etc.
In-House Optimist
Yup – latte and magazine, for sure.
Traditionalist
I’m sorry, Grumposaurus. I’m having kind of a bad week, too. Sometimes I like to go through my stockpile of random beauty products and have a free spa evening… do a face mask, use fancy lotion for no reason, try out new makeup tricks. Sometimes I remember why I didn’t love the product to begin with, but sometimes I come across something special I had forgotten about or was saving. Either way, it generally takes my mind off whatever I was thinking about.
At the office, though, I could use some suggestions myself…
Miz Swizz
I like to bring up a show I like on Netflix and give myself a facial and pedicure. There’s something so decadent about sitting down and pampering myself while watching TV. The added bonus of a pedicure is that you have to sit still for a while and let your nails dry and your hands are free to eat/drink something if you want.
KC
Not that relation to Godzilla is a bad thing ;)
I find a 20 minute walk is an awesome pick me up, especially if I don’t take my phone. If cooking is therapeutic for you, making a nice dinner (or dessert!) can be calming (and provide a sense of instant accomplishment).
Blair Waldorf
I love dogs but can’t have one right now, so I will stop by a friend’s place who has a dog, or stop a random person on the street to pet their dog, which is free and always brightens my day.
Another pick-me-up that is free is reconnecting with old friends. Sometimes when I’m feeling down I’ll take the time to send a longer email to a friend I haven’t talked to in awhile, and it always makes me feel better!
Other things that help – fresh flowers for your desk or home, reorganizing something in your work or home space, shopping (not free, oh well), wine, video chatting with friends.
espresso bean
In no particular order:
Nail polish, iced coffee, rerun of a favorite sitcom, new class at the gym. Oh, and sometimes I’ll check on my credit cards rewards points or airline miles to see how many I have saved and treat myself to a flight or a gift card if I have enough.
Leigh
I go grab a coffee/tea that I like, play a brainless game on my phone to ‘reset,’ or look at this Pinterest board: http://pinterest.com/neverblue/basset-hounds/
Leigh
Or this Pinterest board: http://pinterest.com/suegeeq855/basset-love/
NOLA
When I leave work feeling rage-y (which is a lot lately), I got to the gym, put in my earbuds, and just go at the weights. A friend of mine started trying to get on me about my form one day (because I was tired, it wasn’t perfect). I told him that I come to the gym to get away from that kind of crap and that he should leave me alone if he couldn’t be positive. For me, working up a sweat really helps. Or chocolate…
CKB
+1 when I’m feeling grumpy or whatever, a good run always helps me feel better. Cupcakes & ice cream also help me feel better, but running is much more productive. LGPs also help, if you have an available gardener.
Anonymous
DVR binge
Walk
Library books
Brooklyn Paralegal
Binge-watching The Gilmore Girls.
Hel-lo
Ice cream!
travel advice needed!
I’m spending two and a half weeks in Indonesia/Malaysia/Singapore in November with a friend. We want to see cultural things, eat great food, and be active (i.e. we’re not that interested in just sitting on beaches). Has anyone been to that part of the world? Suggestions for cites/sights/hotels/restaurants/etc?? We don’t need anything fancy but probably want to stay at least one step above hostels. Current plan is one week in Indonesia, one week in Malaysia, and then ending with a few days in Singapore. We haven’t booked our flights yet though so we’re totally flexible. Thanks in advance for any suggestions :)
ss
Some thoughts
: Bali is a really special place (90 min flt fr Jakarta) and can easily fill 4 – 5 days of your Indo leg. There are stunning sea-side and hill-side temples, some diving, more surfing, and a living traditional culture along side the island’s heaving tourism industry. Also some extremely glamorous resorts and great villa rentals (many folks like Seminyak for this because you can combine the privacy of a villa w proximity to resto’s and shopping) – this is a good place to splurge if you are able to save elsewhere.
: In Java, Borobodur, the 14th century Buddhist complex recovered from deep jungle in the 19th century is really stunning. The easiest access are from Solo or Jogjakarta, both worth a day each. Most folks would also visit Prambanam, the Hindu complex from the same period, just outside Jogja.
: In Malaysia, I’d make time for the country’s eastern half on the island of Borneo, for spectacular access to the rainforest. I’ve hiked Kinabalu, the region’s highest mountain, and done a trip upriver, both very rewarding. A lot of friends have liked the orangutan reserve in Sarawak and there is pretty good diving within an hour or so from Kota Kinabalu, the main city on the northern end of the island (also the main access point to the mountain). If you have your dive qualifications, the Sipadan site is one of the world’s great dive sites with a huge sea-wall which attracts tons of amazing stuff but it seems to have become fairly expensive, complicated and uncomfortable trip for now.
: On the western half of Malaysia, Penang is worth a couple of days. There’s a lot of kitschy temples but some genuinely atmospheric old bits plus great eats if you like street food.
I wouldn’t bother with Jakarta, Kuala Lumpur or Singapore, unless you have local friends to show you around. Bangkok is a much more fun big city in the region, if your plans can stretch to it.
Finally, a recommendation for Air Asia, the budget airline based out of Kuala Lumpur. It is cheap, reliable, easily booked on-line and will take you to pretty much all the locations I’ve mentioned above.
Trixie
+1 to the street food in Penang. Om nom nom nom
Also, depending on how much time you want to spend in Malaysia, maybe try to make it up to the Cameron Highlands. When I was there, it was a much needed respite from the heat and we did some fun jungle hiking. There are tours of tea plantations as well. Definitely not super exciting (nightlife: read a book and be in bed by 9:00) but something a bit different / unique.
Nonny
ss says not to bother with Singapore, but I dream about the food in Singapore. Just sayin’.
Not to say I am not in favour of Bangkok. I love Bangkok and on several occasions have almost moved back there for good. It may still happen.
+1 to Trixie’s suggestion of the Cameron Highlands. Beautiful, relaxing and so different from the lowlands.
Oreo
Singapore is expensive compared to the other two countries, but I had the best Hainan chicken there before from a hawker stall, and nowhere else in the entire world (not even China) has anything comparatively close to that taste of perfection.
I don’t know if you’re an adventurous eater, but if you are, I’d suggest trying foods from roadside vendors and hawker stalls. At least in Singapore they’ve got a high standard of hygiene so you’re unlikely to get indigestion from eating outside of formal restaurants. Singapore is a tiny place, but the public transportation is amazing.
As for Din Tai Fung (for xiao long bao [soup dumplings])… well, I guess if you’re not having the original in Taipei one of their other chains will do.
LLBMBA
I lived in Singapore for a brief spell. I really liked it – very different in many ways from a lot of the countries in that region, and interesting to see. But it’s a splashy, expensive city, with very little (in any) in the way of beaches, so am not sure if that’s what you have in mind. Suggestions: scam your way into the Marina Bay Sands pool area, failing which go to Ku de Ta for the view (there’s another Ku de Ta in Bali, I think). Have a drink at the Raffles Hotel, go strolling or shopping on Orchard Road (singaporeans do malls like almost no one else), try a beachy restaurant on Sentosa (there’s also a water park i think and a Universal Studios), explore Little India, the Arab Quarter (great, cute shops) and China Town. It’s super small, so very easy to get around.
Carla
Din Tai Fung, cheap Michelin-starred dumpling restaurants in Singapore. So good.
I’m with Nonny, the food in Singapore is amazing. Cocktails on the roof of One Raffles Place, sixty-something stories high and you can see all the way to Malaysia, plus a great view of the Marina Bay Sands and its light show.
Have a great time!
Olivia Pope
What shoes do I wear golfing? Or better question, what should I wear to play golf? I’m participating in scramble at a work retreat. I already own a polo shirt.
Maddie Ross
If you don’t own (or aren’t interested in buying) golf shoes, just wear running shoes. I personally would probably wear a more understated pair, like white or gray with smaller color accents, as opposed to the neon ones that are so popular now, but really any you have that are in good condition will do. Since it’s work, I’d make sure they were reasonably clean, too.
KC
Tennis shoes in good condition will work. The polo shirt should be fine with capris or long shorts. Some clubs have very strict dress codes, but in general you should be fine if you avoid anything too tight or short.
Olivia Pope
Thanks! I just looked at the golf course website and that seems in line with the people golfing in the photos.
ADL
Tennis shoes would work, if you don’t own golf shoes. Clothing: polo shirt and appropriate length shorts or capris.
Killer Kitten Heels
Quick question – Land’s End shoes, yay or nay? They’re having an excellent sale, and there are like 4 different pairs that I really like, in colors that I really need, but I’ve never purchased their shoes before and have no idea if they’re worth the money. Also, sizing – do they run small? large? narrow? wide? TIA.
ITDS
I’ve ordered and returned a couple of pairs because when they arrived they seemed like cheap, poorly constructed versions of the shoes in the catalog photos. So sad.
Killer Kitten Heels
Super bummer – they had these really cute wine/plum colored shoes that were exactly what I’ve been looking for, but the price point seemed kind of low. Now I know why! Will definitely avoid, thanks!
Brant
The Ashby heels? I have them in three colors and they’ve held up well. I have wide feet and would say that while MANY LE shoes do run narrow, these do not.
I wouldn’t say you are getting $250 shoes, but they haven’t fallen apart in the 1+ years I’ve had them in rotation.
Brant
Also, the ONLY brown riding boots I’ve ever found to fit are from LE and they’ve held up great. The first pair I had had a grommet come off; I called LE and they sent me a new pair.
lucy stone
They run narrow. I ‘ve found them hit or miss – I ordered a pair on clearance for $10 that I ended up loving, have pumps I paid $50 for that are not good for anything but sitting at my desk.
Famouscait
I have two different styles of flats waiting in a box on my porch. I can report back if that would be helpful:
http://www.landsend.com/products/womens-blythe-open-toe-ballet-shoes/id_250477
http://www.landsend.com/products/womens-greer-point-toe-ballet-shoes/id_243117
I have tried these before, and thought they were well made (the heels were just too high for me to be comfortable):
http://www.landsend.com/products/womens-ashby-patent-high-heel-shoes/id_245149
embarrassed anon
So, I did something bad post-drinking the other night…looked through my long-term boyfriend’s text messages. I know I shouldn’t have and the trust issues that caused me to do it need to be dealt with, but now’s not the time for a lecture but more for advice in regards to the following. I saw he has been texting with and recently went to lunch with another woman, which he did not tell me about (and he always tells me when he is going to lunch with someone, because he usually eats at his desk). I know who she is only because we once ran into her in the street and I asked who she was, and he said oh, so and so, we met at this networking event, and that was it. So do I ignore this? I know I don’t bring it up without destroying his trust in me. At the same time, I feel like something is going on here. Am I just crazy?
Romey
What did the texts say?
Blair Waldorf
Agreed with Romey – it depends on what the texts said. I can see this going two ways.
1. You don’t tell him about looking through his texts but keep an eye out for him doing other things and press a little harder about what he did that day. Hopefully you will be able to bring up this woman in conversation without having to admit that you looked through his texts. This is not 100% an honest way to go about it but I could see it being the right option in some situations.
2. Just tell him what you did. I had a friend who did something like this recently and found some very incriminating texts, and she just flat out told him that she knows it was wrong to look through his phone but she didn’t feel like she could trust him, and she was kind of right. They’re working on their relationship now and it’s from a very honest place because she could tell him that she had trust issues with their relationship. I don’t know your situation, but sometimes the hard thing (telling him you violated his privacy) will lead to the more honest outcome.
Romey
Blair, I agree with you 100%!! that’s why I want to know what the texts said, so OP can do either option 1 or 2. If they were not flirty and harmless (i.e. texting about the business lunch or if the lunch was just very random and sporadic) then I would do #1 as Blair mentioned above and try to bring the woman up and just see how the boyfriend reacts. If the texts are seriously shady, like “Oh don’t tell your girlfriend about this” or something like that, then I would totally confront him. I mean the thing is, you were drunk and yes it’s bad to look in your SO’s phone but it’s not the worst thing in the world!
Anne Shirley
You can’t bring it up without destroying his trust in you. You ate your cake, and now you don’t have it any more.
If I were you I’d bring it up. I am, frankly, nosy. Some people are okay with that, some aren’t, but I’m not going to pretend for a long term partner. I’d say something like “so last night I got drunk and searched through your texts like a crazy person, sorry”. And then let him talk. Make it first about what you did wrong, and only then say “so, lunch with otherlady? What’s the deal with that”
But really unless these texts are otherwise scandalous, lunch with a networking colleague sounds benign to me.
Cornellian
Making it first about what you did wrong is a good plan, I think. If he just had lunch with someone and didn’t mention it to you, that doesn’t really seem worth worrying about.
Mountain Girl
I like this approach. It admits your wrong in the matter but doesn’t let him off the hook.
Thoughts
You obviously felt uncomfortable enough to look, which to me is a bigger red flag. The only times I’ve felt compelled to check email or a phone meant I had a gut feeling that something was going on. In the past, that gut feeling is usually right. (I’m a pretty trusting person, though, so YMMV).
I’d go beyond the undisclosed lunches, and see if you can articulate to him a larger sense of why you felt the need to look (relationship on the rocks lately? fighting more? he’s distant?, etc.). Address that part, and/or see if you can confront those issues. that said, I’d have a hard time ignoring the texts, and would probably ask him directly. Recognize that he may not give you a straight answer, though.
Hel-lo
Agreed. This seems way bigger than the lunch with the other woman.
R
Regardless of the content of the text messages, I think you have to be honest and tell him. What he said or did with the woman is irrelevant – there are clearly trust issues that you need to work through, and I think you should try to work through them together. Hopefully as you talk through the issues, he will be honest about the woman. But honestly, are the trust issues so deep that you won’t believe him if he says it’s nothing? Focus on the trust issues.
JMDS
Has anyone purchased maternity clothes from Seraphine? I’m curious about their sizing. I’m a size 14, but 14s can really vary from brand to brand. This is the brand the Kate Middleton wore for the first baby photos, but they have some cute and not too pricey clothes that look good for work.
Watermelon
About true to my pre-pregnancy size at J. Crew
Nonny
Yes, in fact I am wearing a Seraphine dress today. Sizing is true to my normal size (pre-pregnancy, usually a size 6), clothes are good quality and reasonably priced.
To compare to Isabella Oliver, for instance, yes, IO uses nicer fabric, drapes better, etc., but the improvements are not worth the price differential to me. I love my IO dress and may get one top from them, but am purchasing the bulk of my maternity wear from Seraphine.
Two Cents
LOVE Seraphine maternity clothes. Found them TTS, akin to sizing at Banana Republic. I bought three of their sheath dresses and wore them constantly throughout my pregnancy and always got tons of compliments on them. I also love Isabella Oliver, not their dresses so much but their tops are fantastic.
JMDS
Thanks ladies, very helpful!
Romey
Has anyone purchased Corso Como pumps before? They have a lot of cute ones on Gilt today….would love to hear anyone’s opinions on this brand.
AIMS
I have tried them but they don’t work for me. The footbed is very comfy but even though I have wide-ish feet, these shoes were all too wide. I think my feet are basically wider at the toes and then narrow and CC shoes were just wide throughout. Unless it’s a t-strap or mary jane style, I think it would be a problem for me. If your feet are wider throughout, they might work.
eek
I own two pairs and both pairs, different styles, have noticeably stretched out (probably 1/3 sz too large, now). I also don’t feel like the heel on the Del is as stable in other shoes I own.
'nother breakup
5 years down the drain. Feeling like I’ll be alone for the rest of my life since I’m in my early 40s. Someone please share a happy story re finding love late in life/starting over. Right now I’m feeling like I should put on the brakes and see if we can’t patch things up in considerable part due to fear.
NOLA
Okay, I’ll bite. My friend had been married young and had two kids. Then, in her late 50s and early 60s, she was ready for a relationship. Had a couple of duds. In 2009, she was out tango dancing and met a guy a few years older who was renovating a house and getting ready to move back to N.O. She felt bad that he didn’t know anyone, so she invited him to her Super Bowl party (a big deal because it was the year the Saints won). He hung out with us all night – even went to Macy’s with us after the game to buy Super Bowl gear. They were married 6 months later and continue to have a lot of adventures together. She feels really lucky to have found someone who makes her so happy at this point in her life.
'nother breakup
Nice. Thanks NOLA
Rosalita
Here are some stories from my family:
–A woman I know had 3 kids, including twin 12yo boys, when she found out her husband had been cheating on her. She was a very brave lady, a doctor, and had survived breast cancer in her 20s. She was devastated. She served on a community board with a man who had just separated from his own wife. They had coffee and compared custody schedules. They have now been married 20+ years, and it is clear that they are way more compatible than either of them were with their first spouses.
–Another woman I know worked with her husband, and she found out that he was having an affair with someone she worked with. And everyone at the company knew but her. Ridiculously devastating. A few years later, she took her son to baseball practice and started chatting with the coach, about 9 years younger than her. They were married a few years later in Vegas, and are going on 15+ years now.
OP
Thanks Rosalita. I feel lifted and imminent tears no longer imminent after reading what you’ve shared.
PolyD
I knew someone who joined a dating service-type thing (It’s Just Lunch? Is that still a thing?) when she was 39 or 40, met a guy, got married, and had a baby with him relatively quickly. Far as I know they are still happily married. Another friend in that age range (she might be early 40s) is getting married in November – after years of fruitless dating, she joined OK Cupid in January 2013, met a guy (I haven’t met him but from all accounts he is very nice and looks pretty cute in the pictures I’ve seen), and voila! Wedding!
It does seem daunting, dating in your 40s, but not impossible. Katie Couric is getting re-married and she’s in her 50s!
OP
Poly D. You make want to reach out across these interwebs to give you a giant bear hug. Done. Thank you. New mantra: Katie Couric. Katie Couric. Katie Couric.
Single Forever
Can I please have a story about someone who doesn’t have kids yet finding her life partner in her late 30s? I’m 35 and I want to have a partner and a kid of my own but it is just so bleak out there and I am not quite ready to just go to the sperm bank yet.
Anonymous
Oh totally. I have a mentor who was always going on terrible dates in her mid-30s. Two years ago she met a great guy, got married within a year and now has an 8 month old baby, and I believe she is turning 40 next year! It happens!
Min Donner
Met my fiance a few months before my 35th b’day on OKCupid when I was just looking to distract myself by going on some dates while trying to find a way to move back to my home country. Best relationship I’ve ever been in, true partnership, etc. Will try for kids in a few years and see what the fates hold.
recent grad
I bought the Banana Republic Milly Collection Sleeveless Jacquard Dress in clean lime (although it certainly verges on yellow). I would like to wear it to a wedding, but am not sure how to dress it up. I will probably wear nude for me pumps, but would really appreciate specific recommendations for accessories. I am kind of bad at accessorizing on my own. Thanks! And I’ll post the link separately to avoid moderation.
recent grad
http://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?vid=3&pid=565145002
Susie
Omg the first review is hilarious: “the back seems designed to accommodate a huge butt”
It does kind of chap my hide that the petite is $20 more than regular.
AIMS
I would probably not do nude-for-you pumps because that reads very daytime to me. I’d do silver or gold (hard to tell from the picture what would look better) shoes and corresponding accessories. Maybe a nice bracelet and a long necklace or dangly earrings.
Cornellian
Wedding wardrobe advice seems to vary drastically based on location… where’s the wedding? where’s the couple from?
L
I’d wear awesome colored pumps (either blue/green ala the paired necklace) or purple and a corresponding colored necklace that is very sparkly and a really bada** hair style and makeup. I think often the difference between day/night looks is makeup and hair.
Brooklyn Paralegal
I agree with Cornellian. When and where is the wedding? If you’re talking about a relatively casual summer wedding, I think this would be perfect. I wouldn’t wear nude-for-you pumps; I think silver strappy heels could look really nice.
YMMV but I don’t think I’d wear this dress to an autumn wedding.
recent grad
Thanks for the suggestions so far! The wedding is in the Northeast, and is somewhere between casual and formal. I think the dress is fine with some accessories. I would love to find a great statement necklace. I’d really appreciate links to specific ones you recommend!
Wannabe Runner
The one in the picture looks really good with it…
January
In case you’re still reading, I wear that dress with blue accessories (shoes, necklace, jacket if appropriate). I think that combination looks really good and also tones down the “hey! I’m all dressed up like a highlighter” effect.
Mountain Girl
I just bought this dress from Land’s End with a coupon code and gift card. My niece is getting married next weekend in a casual afternoon wedding at a museum. The weather should be in the high 70’s to low 80’s. Can I do black ballet flats or should I wear black pumps?
http://www.landsend.com/products/womens-pattern-ponte-boatneck-dress/id_257630
Cornellian
I think flats are fine, but I always think flats are fine. I also have that dress and wore it yesterday!
AUSA
Does anyone have any advice or insight they can share about the application process for an AUSA position? I’m trying to transtion from a prosecution background but in a major metropolitan city so I know the process will be very competitive.
Gus
At least in some cities, it’s virtually impossible to get a job as an AUSA unless you have a very strong connection with someone either currently at the USAO or a well-regarded former AUSA who will make some phone calls for you and really press your case. So if you have any connections at all, you should definitely start there.
LeChouette
varies by district — if you google you can find a guide that Harvard puts out for law students called like the path to the u.s. attorney’s office or something. connections always help as with any job but often people get hired with no connections. I will tell you however that due to doj budget constraints most offices are on a hiring freeze (though some do replacement hiring anyway…)
FP Angie
Cheap-o Alert: Found a nice replacement for my usual Benefit foundation: Physicians’ Formula BB Cream.
So far have replaced moisturizer, Bliss pads, foundation, and conditioner in the race to lower overall expenses to replenish emergency fund. Don’t be like me ladies, fund that savings account!
Next product to be replaced: Bumble & Bumble Hair Thickening Shampoo. Any drugstore brand suggestions would be welcome…
Veronique
What are your other cheapo replacements? I always appreciate a good deal!
FP Angie
For the Bliss pads, I use a regular cotton pad and the “Gigi No Bump” solution from Sally Beauty. Moisturizer – went from Benefit to a Neutrogena night cream that didn’t leave me too greasy. Conditioner: It’s an Aveeno product, unsure of the specific name.
AIMS
I really like Tres Semme and Aussie shampoos. I think the Aussie one is called Aussome Volume or something. I also always have good luck with Pantene. Oh, and if you have really fine hair, my mother swears by Terax Mielle shampoo. It’s not cheap at all but it does make a noticeable difference in her hair (and she is a very practical person who is not normally prone to spending a lot on hair products).
As you can see though, I have no brand loyalty. I find my hair does best when I switch around.
Brooklyn Paralegal
I like L’Oreal’s EverStrong thickening shampoo
Veronique
Related to FP Angie, what are some beauty/skincare products that you always splurge on and products that you never splurge on? Specific product recommendations would be welcome, as well as info on your skin/hair type (oily, dry, straight, curly, etc.).
Skin: combination, sensitive, acne prone
Splurges:
-Prescription acne treatments(currently Epiduo, previously Retin-A micro). I just find it more effective on my acne, once I figure out the right balance of products.
-Clarisonic
-Foundation (Makeup Forever HD or Benefit Hello Flawless liquid or powder). I don’t wear it that often, but my skin is somewhat hard to match, so drugstore products usually don’t cut it.
-Perfume (Fragonard). I initially bought it when I was visiting Paris, and now reorder online. I love the scent, as well as the fact that they don’t sell it in the US. I’m so protective of my “unique” scent that I won’t name the specific perfume!
Saves:
-Mascara (Cover Girl Lash Blast and Volume Blast, layered)
-Moisturizer (Cetaphil or Cerave). I’m open to spending more, but higher end products tend to have more potentially irritating additives or active ingredients that clash with my prescription products.
-Face Wash (Cerave moisturizing cleanser). Excellent with acne products because it cleanses without causing more acne, dryness or irritation.
-Toner (Thayers Witch Hazel). Refreshing, soothing and alcohol free
I used to buy only high end makeup and skincare (since my Mom started me on a Clarins regimen at age 11), but as I got older and my needs changed I’ve found many drugstore products that work just as well as the high end products, especially when I need something that is simple and basic. On the other hand, there are certain active ingredients (retinols, vitamin c, etc) that will always be a splurge.
Romey
Skin: Normal/changes with weather (a little oiler in the summer and dryer in the winter).
Splurges:
– Shampoo and Conditioner – I use Kevin Murphy products from my hair salon
– Mascara – I love the Benefit “they’re real” mascara
– Foundation – I use MAC’s powder foundation. Have used it for years.
– Blush – Nars
– Eyeliner – Makeup forever “Aqua eyes”. I used to use Wet N Wild for only 99 cents and that also works really well.
– Clarisonic
– Eyeshadow – Urban decay, mac, kat von D
– Other face powder – I love bobbi brown shimmer brick and their brightening powder
Saves:
– Face wash – I use cerave at night, and in the morning I alternate between cetaphil and something that my derm gave me (which was 30 dollars so maybe not a save). Really love the Cerave – it’s helped combat dry patches of skin on my face.
– Moisturizer during day – good ol’ Oil of Olay. Derm recommended it. Just give me something that doesn’t smell with SPF and I’m good!
– Body Lotion – I use the Vaseline brand cocoa butter lotion
– Hairspray – Tresemme
– Night moisturizer – AVENE TRIXERA BALM from my derm. It’s 30 dollars which is def a save from the 100+ stuff I used to buy and it’s amazing.
– concealer – cover girl
– lip gloss – I’m not a huge gloss or lipstick person. I mostly wear clear gloss from victoria’s secret or just chapstick or some free sample I’ve gotten from sephora.
– Mascara – Maybelline volume express. I know I have a “splurge” mascara up there but I actually use both.
– Eyeshadow – Loreal has a fabulous “hip duo” eyeshadow that I love and always get compliments on when I wear it.
Brooklyn Paralegal
Skin: combination (although recently very oily in the summer months)
Splurges:
-Korres Greek Yoghurt night cream
-Makeup Forever HD foundation
-MAC concealer
-NARS eyeshadow
-Anastasia brow pencil/powder (my eyebrows are my great pride)
-Makeup Forever lipstick in #40 (it’s my favorite shade, a pretty orangey-red that looks nice against my very pale skin)
-Tarte mascara
-OPI Chip Skip nail dehydrator
-Smashbox primer
-Benefit highlighter
-Urban decay eyeshadow primer
-When I need super-waterproof eye makeup, I wear Makeup Forever’s waterproof liquid liner
-Murad vitamin C face wash
Saves:
-Oil of Olay moisturizer
-Clean and Clear oil absorbing sheets (in summer)
-Aussie 3 minute hair mask (amazing, restored my damaged hair in like, a week)
-Freeman’s face masks (I really like the anti-stress mineral sea salt one)
-Not Your Mother’s dry shampoo
-Organix tea tree oil shampoo
-Aveeno moisturizing body wash
-Cover Girl pressed powder
-Neutrogena Dream Bouncy (stupid name) blush
-Cover Girl eyeshadow trios
-Revlon black liquid eyeliner (for day-to-day); felt-tip and works really well but isn’t waterproof
-Aveeno body lotion
TBK
Does anyone know where I can buy sea bands in the DC area? I know marine supply stores have them, but DC isn’t exactly a marine supply kind of place. I looked on Amazon, but they’re an add-on item and I can’t think of anything else we need.
On a related note, did anyone use these for nausea when they were pregnant? I haven’t had any puking, so I’m not sure drugs are the answer. But I do feel pretty cr@ppy for a few hours when I wake up and then again from about 4:00-8:00pm (and often until I go to bed at 10:00ish). Ginger candy makes the nausea worse. Lemon drops are semi-useful. Crackers don’t do anything for me. Cheese, which was my best friend last week, is no longer very kind to me. I figure I’ve got a few more weeks of this, so I wouldn’t mind finding something at least a little bit helpful.
KLG
These are sometimes in the travel aisle at CVS (where they have all the trial size shampoo and stuff).
CKB
Vitamin B6 worked for me. Took a couple of days to kick in, but helped take the edge off. As did Jolly Rancher hard candies. Those 2 things really helped my last pg (where I was nauseous almost the whole time). I wasn’t sick enough for drugs, but I’m not sure I would have made it through with my sanity in tact without Vit B6 (which, btw, is a main ingredient in Diclectin from what I understand, and a water soluble vitamin) and Jolly Ranchers.
Blair Waldorf
Vitamin B6 + Unisom tablets are the main ingredients in Diclectin. I’m not expecting but have used the two to combat nausea.
Check it out: http://www.drwalt.com/blog/2009/12/09/my-recommendations-for-eliminating-nausea-and-vomiting-morning-sickness-in-pregnancy/
TBK
Okay, just called the Dr’s office and the nurse told me to take B-6 and Unisom (which I understand is basically dilectin). Mr. TBK has been dispatched to bring these home with him tonight. Hopefully I’ll no longer be out of commission every evening now.
anne-on
Fatty protein heavy foods worked really well for me when I could eat. Chicken fingers/fries were my good friends once I could keep food down. Lemonade/lemon sorbet were also lifesavers, the super cold/sour flavors all really helped.
Zofran really was a life saver for me in months 2-6, otherwise I probably would have been fired due to how sick I was.
Brooklyn Paralegal
Not sure where in DC, but you could order them online?
Nonny
I normally hate taking drugs of any kind, but I’m telling you, Diclectin saved my life. It is harmless and really helped me get through that period.
Flying Squirrel
Oh that’s annoying. Just a couple of months ago I ordered the more expensive option b/c it was not an add-on item. Maybe you can throw some ginger candy into your bag? Or any other food item that you are currently able to tolerate. I didn’t look too hard since I was able to get them on Amazon, but I didn’t find them anywhere in DC. Or something like TP which you will need eventually.
Flying Squirrel
Whoops, didn’t read that ginger doesn’t help. Nothing really helped me. Seabands made it worse (but I know that’s really unusual). At worst I ate crackers (Trader Joe’s stone ground wheat) and ginger ale (I liked the Whole Foods house brand, Q soda or something). Weirdly, the things I tolerated best were frozen pizza and cheese curls (I liked the TJ’s for the former and Whole Foods for the latter). Totally weird, but I was able to keep those down at times I couldn’t even keep white rice down. Sometimes mac and cheese was okay
Good luck…just experiment. You may find what you can eat changes daily. Mine lasted until 17 weeks, but it does get better.
TBK
I thought I was the only one who had nausea but still wanted pizza! It’s like the only thing that appeals to me most nights.
JMDS
Hah! 10 wks here and pizza is all I want to eat. Thought I was the only weirdo too. I am taking Reglan for vomiting which was pretty excessive. If you are just dealing with nausea I would try acupuncture. I’m doing that as well and it works keeping the symptoms at bay for 2-3 days.
CKB
I totally craved greasy things when sick & pg. For me, though it was McDonald’s Cheeseburgers ?!?
Flying Squirrel
Oh, caffeine free regular coke also helps!
Maddie Ross
REI
Maddie Ross
Oh, and if Lemon Drops are still working, try frozen lemonade. That really worked for me. The combination of super cold and sour helped.
lucy stone
Not in DC, but I purchased some at a CVS a few years ago.
mascot
I used Seabands. They are ugly but helped. Pretty sure I got them at CVS. If you aren’t already, take your vitamins before bed with a snack.
Samantha
Not pregnancy related, but my friend swears by them (for general nausea/motion sickness) and I got them (from Amazon) from my mom (motion sickness) and they seemed to work as well. Maybe this is your chance to order some baby clothes from Amazon, or diapers, or gifts for other people (toys) to make up the minimum shipment.
anon
has anyone bought an Issa dress? I just ordered one, and the dress says true to size–but it can sometimes be deceiving. any thoughts on their sizing?
anon
Have one Issa dress and felt it fit pretty much true to size or if anything maybe ran just a tiny bit large. Great dress though, was glad I purchased.
anon
argh. that’s the answer i was dreading. they were sold out of a UK6 so I got a UK8. I’m normally a 2-4 in dresses depending on the brand (but more like a 2 if I had to choose
Double Hoo
Way late to this, but I generally wear a UK 8 or 10 and a US 2 or 4, so your 8 may well fit. Although it’s odd to me that the 8 is available and the 6 isn’t, as I think more women would wear the 8. Maybe the Issa sizing is unusual… I haven’t tried the brand so can’t say for sure, but you may be fine.
Thanh
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