Corporette.com

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 217 Comments · by

Tuesday’s TPS Report: Leonara Ruched Linen Jacket

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Lafayette 148 New York Leonara Ruched Linen JacketLinen blazers are great for summertime meetings and more, where you need to look professional but can't stand the thought of a heavier blazer — but you always have to account for how they'll look wrinkled, which of course they will be 2 seconds after putting them on. The ruching here, I think, would be perfect for keeping some shape and style while wrinkled, and I like the bracelet sleeves and dark olive color as well. (I think you'll be surprised how many things go with olive green!) It's on a great deal – was $498, but through 4/9 it's marked to $199.50 (sizes 0-18 still left). Lafayette 148 New York Leonara Ruched Linen Jacket Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…

RSS Error: WP HTTP Error: cURL error 60: Issuer certificate is invalid.

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. anon

    Hi ladies- I’m going to be spending Easter with my bf’s family and looking for suggestions on what to wear. Bf (predictably) doesn’t know the agenda, so I’m actually not sure if I’ll be attending church with them- I’m going to assume I am, but I also don’t want to be overdressed. And the weather is looking like it’ll probably be in the high 50s and rainy :-(

    So, let’s assume the day will include church, brunch, and just hanging out at their house. Ideas? I’m in my late 20s fwiw.

    • Bless her heart

      It probably matters which denomination / part of the country you’re in (and which service you’ll be going to — Easter Vigil v Sunrise v Easter daytime service). FWIW, I’d only wear a suit to some of these and only wear something dressy that is clearly in the pretty / spring camp to others. OTOH, some churches are more embracing (so: gum cheweing, t-shirt with words, jeans may all fail to stand out).

      To be safe, can you just ask his mother what she is wearing at least to church? I’d wear the church clothes to brunch and then change.

      • Anonymous

        I would not plan on changing. That’s super high maintenance. Just wear a pretty and conservative outfit- dress, skirt and blouse, dressy pants, and you’ll be fine.

        • I'm Just Me

          I think it depends on what the plan for the day is. Our family always plays a rousing game of kickball in the afternoon. Even those who don’t play change into more comfortable clothing after church.

    • Diana Barry

      Haha! I did this when meeting my BF’s family for the first time.

      Get your BF to ask his family whether they are going to church or not. I might suggest dress or skirt/blouse plus cardigan, maybe tights if it is going to be cold. I might also bring a change of clothes – when I met my BF’s family we all ended up playing soccer on the lawn so I had to borrow his cousin’s Scooby Doo t-shirt (true story).

      • Lily-Student

        You could at my family’s Easter lunches! We’re much more casual, so nice jeans (dark skinnies, for example) and a nice top and cardigan would work for most of our family events. That said, we don’t go to church.

    • NOLA

      I wear a robe at church, but I fall in the springy/floral dress and cardigan camp. You could bring a change of clothes for the afternoon, especially if you need to not wear heels all day (unless you wear flats with the dress, which I forget about as a possibility because I don’t).

    • Aggie

      I would wear a pencil skirt, cardigan, shell and heels to church and bring a pair of coordinating cropped pants and flats just in case.

    • Rosalita

      Doesn’t your BF know if his family goes to church on Easter? I feel like that’s not that hard a question.

      All of these outfits sound fine. I would not expect a guest on Easter to bring a set of casual clothes to change into. Your BF should know 1) if his family goes to church on Easter, and 2) whether it’s a tradition to play sports after meals with his family.

  2. HSAL

    I think you need to make your BF find out the agenda, but this day sounds like a job for a spring-y blouse and cardigan, with a skirt for church/brunch and then bring some pants that you can wear with the tops the rest of the day.

    • anon

      thanks for the suggestion- that sounds like a good idea. I have a mint green cardigan, just need to figure out what top and skirt/pants to wear it with.

      another question in case I do go to church with his family: they’re Presbyterian, I am not religious but went to Catholic school. When I’m attending a Catholic mass, I generally stay seated when others are kneeling to pray or going up to take communion. Are there any points in a Presbyterian service where I might be confused about what to do? If so, is staying seated appropriate? Just want to make sure I know these things beforehand.

      • DontBlameTheKids

        I don’t think so. I’ve been to a Presbyterian church before, and there wasn’t anything like that. But maybe different churches do different things? I don’t know if it is standardized or not.

      • Diana Barry

        I sang in a Presbyterian church for a while – it is pretty “standard Protestant” if you have been to other Protestant churches. If you are seated while everyone else is standing that might be odd, but staying seated while everyone else is kneeling or going to communion is fine.

      • Bewitched

        I am a former Catholic, now attending Presbyterian church. In our area, Presbyterians don’t kneel. Generally, you stay seated through mass, or stand for hymns. They also serve communion much more rarely than Catholics, generally only a handful of times each year. Again, in my area, communion is passed row by row, so no one goes up the aisle to receive it. A platter of bread squares and a tray full of thimble size glasses of juice is passed down each row. You could certainly skip both by just passing both to the person next to you. A variety of dress is seen at our church (including jeans), but there are a fair number of folks in full suit (for men) and dresses with hose for women. Hope this helps!

      • mascot

        I grew up in a pretty traditional Presbyterian church. We stand to sing, sit to pray (most of the time) and do not speak unless a response is clearly called for in the bulletin. There are usually not kneelers in the pews. The lesson will be stated in the bulletin, as well the page number for the hymnal and the scripture citations. Also, all who have been baptized are welcome to take communion. Communion may be passed or you may proceed to the front of the church for intinction (dip the bread into the grape juice). Being Easter, they are used to people who may not attend frequently so the minister and ushers will probably cue people on what to do.

        • anon

          Agree with all this. As it a service celebrating the resurrection, you will definitely be taking communion. In the Presbyterian church, you stand in place of kneeling. You asked if you staying seated is appropriate. You will certainly stand out if you remain seated while others are standing (unless, of course, there is a physical / age reason). Follow along on the bulletin and you will be fine; anything you need to say out loud will be written there. People tend to bow their heads to pray, often with eyes closed. You say you are not religious, but you will blend in more if you also bowed your head, even if you keep your eyes open.
          If you can, it might be useful to find out which church it is and visit their website. You might be able to gauge whether the church tends to be more traditional or contemporary.
          You are welcome to take communion if you wish, as long as you have been baptized. In the churches I’ve attended, it is passed through the pews. If you don’t take anything, it will not be as obvious as it would be in a Catholic church.

          • anon

            One last tip: protestants typically call the service ‘church’ while Catholics call it ‘mass’.

          • LizNYC

            Nearly lifelong Presbyterian here. I’ve referred to the Presbyterian service as the “Presbyterian workout.” You sit for the intro music, you stand for the call to worship/hymn, you sit for the first announcement, you stand for the doxology (singing)…etc. Seriously, there are moments in the service where you can be in and out of the pew like 10 times in as many minutes (or so it seems).

            And I’ve never been in a Presby church that kneels. There is usually a “greet your neighbor” moment, but again, Easter and Christmas are filled with so many new people that a simple handshake and hello are sufficient.

          • Rosalita

            Hah, workout! Reminds me of an Episcopal service. All that, plus kneeling.

      • Bless her heart

        I think that Easter and Christmas Eve are widely known to be full of guests in church circles — out of towners and people who are not regular church goers, so there are likely to be instructions from the clergy or within the bulletin. I wouldn’t start speaking in tongues, but if you go along (within reason and your tolerance) with what others are doing, that’s probably OK. FWIW, I’d say to just go along with the sit / stand / kneel (my denomination makes it more confusing by at times specifying that people may stand or kneel, which confuses newcomers). But sitting out communion is OK even if they would allow you to do so (some churches adopt OK to accept if you accept in your home church but some say only OK to accept if our rules permit it).

      • cbackson

        It’s generally non-liturgical and I think there likely won’t be communion on Easter (other than Anglicans/Episcopalians, my experience is that Protestant churches only have communion on Maundy Thursday, not on Easter). Should be very easy to follow along in terms of sitting/standing, and there won’t likely be kneeling.

        • TBK

          The mainline Protestant churches I grew up in (Presbyterian and Congregationalist) did communion the first Sunday of every month, regardless of what else was going on, and Maundy Thursday. Since Easter is not on the first Sunday, it may be that they won’t be doing communion. Also, as many people have sort of hinted, the majority of Protestant denominations practice open communion, unlike the Catholic church. That is, either all who have been baptized, in whatever church, or just everyone who wants to is invited to partake in communion. (I think this derives from the fact that most Protestant churches don’t profess the doctrine of transubstantiation the way Catholics do. But that’s getting down in the dogmatic weeds a bit. Basically most mainline Protestant church services are just less ritualistic than Catholic Mass, so there’s not a lot of opportunity to do things “wrong.”)

      • Cornellian

        So, maybe my church was the minority, but in my mid-atlantic Presbyterian church growing up, there was occasional kneeling. Maybe just something to be prepared for.

        • Philanthropy Girl

          I’m pretty sure my grandparents’ Presbyterian (midwest) church had kneelers, but they were very rarely used. Unlike some denominations, in the Presbyterian church it is perfectly acceptable to kneel if the rest of the congregation does – assuming you feel comfortable doing so.

    • Erin @ Girl Gone Veggie

      I think you may want to talk to someone. Your ruminating worries about saving sound an awful lot like my worries regarding getting some illness and dying young. Anxiety manifests itself in all different form. I started seeing a therapist and taking a low dose SSRI and it seriously changed my life.

  3. Advice on pre-marital workbook?

    Hi ladies! So, while I like the idea of pre-marital counseling, it is not really feasible given my fiancé’s work/travel schedule. But, I’m thinking that book that brings up the same sort of issues could be helpful for the fiance and I to work through together. Any suggestions?

      • M

        We did this before we got engaged just because I thought it was interesting. We were required to do a group counseling session with other couples for our church before we got married and a lot of the same questions were covered. I was shocked that we were the only couple in our group that had discussed some pretty important issues such as how we were going to handle finances, what our beliefs were concerning disciplining children, etc.

      • Double-Bingo

        Seconded! DH I did 100 Questions together as “marriage prep,” in addition to “wedding prep.” We each wrote answers to the questions separately, then exchanged, and a day or two later we’d have a set block of time to discuss. We found it was very helpful to separate the stages so that we were truly discussing answers, rather than having an immediate reaction to each others’ answers.

      • Midlaw

        Second this, plus His Needs, Her Needs (although I didn’t agree with all of it, it had helpful ideas)

    • anonforthis

      How will you divide household chores? How will you do finances? What are your financial goals vs. his? How are you both saving for retirement? What kind of standard of living do you envision going forward? If one of you loses your job or takes a pay cut, what kind of things would you cut back on?

      Only applicable if you plan to have children, but what will you do about discipline, food, schooling, sports, etc.? I feel really really lucky that I got to observe my husband with his daughter before we got married so I could ascertain that we were on the same page with child-rearing

    • Anonymous

      Be sure to address the fiancé’s work/travel schedule. Because there will be a lot of other things that don’t work with a difficult schedule. Obviously if you’ve made it this far you have skills for coping with it… but what will those skills look like as your relationship – and possibly your family – evolves?

    • Rosalita

      We read “For Men Only” and “For Women Only.” We bought each book, and read through the ones that applied to us, highlighting and making notes in the margins for our partner. (“This doesn’t really apply to me as much as it sounds like it does to others,”, “You already do this really well”, “This passage gets it SO Right!”, etc.) Then we read the opposite one, with the personalized margin notes. It worked really well.

      They are little books meant as like instruction manuals to the other gender. DH and I really thought they were good. They have some Bible quotes, so if that makes you sick to your stomach, don’t use these books. We aren’t religious, but tolerated it.

  4. Scared of having no money when I'm old

    Going anon for this. Hive, I have progressively been experiencing more and more anxiety about money, not necessarily the state of my finances now, but what it might be in the future.

    I am 30, am finishing grad school and will make $160K/year when I start working. My industry has a strict up or out policy – if you don’t get promoted in 2 years, you’re out. The thought of having to look for a new job in 2 years makes me stressed out. I am terrified of getting to 57, getting laid off, cannot find another job again, and have to live on food stamps.

    Whenever I tell myself to relax and that I will probably be OK, an article like this one comes up: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/04/04/business/economy/out-of-work-out-of-benefits-and-running-out-of-options.html – 57-year-old former marketing VP with an MBA from Chicago Booth who has been out of work for a year and now is driving a cab and working shifts at Whole Foods. Then it’s back to panic mood for me.

    I haven’t let this anxiety affect me too much yet. We still travel, which is my first priority, and my partner and I have saved $200K for retirement with the goal of getting to $300K in the next 3 years. But I never get the feeling that it’s enough. I fantasize about winning the lottery or getting a huge stock options more than is healthy or realistic – not the least because we rarely buy lotto tickets and my company is private. I am ambivalent towards children, and I am seriously considering not having kids because of the money. Sometimes I really wish I would’ve pursued medicine because doctors can work forever and rarely get laid off. Sometimes I really wish my partner pursued medicine so we have one job that is very stable. Even though neither of us have the inclination to go through the post-bac / medicine path.

    I guess this whole question is to say: I am scared. I am anxious. I am afraid. I feel like I have 25 more years, at most, to save enough money to pay for 30-40 more years of life (most of my grandparents lived to their late 80s/early 90s). Last night I even started searching “legal assisted suicide” because I am afraid of living too long and having a shi**y quality of life and outliving my resources. If I *know* I will die at 80 or 85, that would make my anxiety about old age so much better. That’s not normal, right? I am anxious a lot. Not all the time, but a lot of the time.

    Am I alone in feeling this way? How can I overcome this feeling? To be fair, I don’t think it’s affecting my quality of life too much, other than the fact that I’m a little sick of feeling so scared about having no money when I’m old.

    • Diana Barry

      Hugs to you! It sounds like you may have general anxiety that is particularly fixated on money. Perhaps it would be a good idea to explore therapy, maybe CBT, that would help you develop techniques for NOT thinking about the worst-case scenario whenever you start to worry about money.

      Also, have you developed a budget where you can watch your 200K grow over the next 30 years? I don’t know if this will help, but you could also check out Mr Money Mustache for people who live SUPER frugally and talk about retiring on 500K or less.

      • Ellen

        Yes, hug’s to you also, but do NOT worry. You are makeing money, just don’t spend to much and if you keep earning money you will be FINE. You also say you have a partner. If you have a man, make sure you take out LIFE INSUREANCE b/c men do NOT live as long as we do. If you have a woman partner, make sure to take out life insureance also b/c you may need it if she die’s also. If you have a same sex “partner”, go to a STATE where you can be MARRIED, and get MARRIED, b/c you can get lower taxes if you are MARRIED. If your partner is MALE, make him MARRY you NOW, so that you can get insureance in case anything hapens. This is what I would do if ONLEY I had a boyfreind. FOOEY!

      • Scared of having no money when I'm old

        I’ve read MMM but we have very different philosophies on life. I *don’t want to* retire on $500K if that means I can’t travel or live where I want to live. Also this may be neither here nor there but I don’t think MMM is actually retired now. He works a lot on his blog, and if it walks like income-generating work and talks like income-generating work, it’s income-generating work (i.e. he’s still working).

    • anon

      It sounds like you’re actually in a pretty good place. You’ve probably saved much more for retirement than most people your age, and you’re qualified for a very well paying job. Why do you think you are so disproportionately anxious? Did you grow up with a lot of financial insecurity? If so, you may always feel fearful about money no matter how much you have. Do you think you might be suffering from depression or an anxiety disorder?

      You might consider meeting with a financial advisor who can help you understand exactly what you need to save in order to pay for the lifestyle you want in retirement. More information could help. You also might consider talking with a counselor about how to manage anxiety in general.

    • AIMS

      I don’t think you’re alone but I also think you need to work on lessening your anxiety. Have you met with a financial planner? Maybe coming up with specific plans for retirement would help you feel better (you can assume you will live to 100, for planning purposes).

      Also, you’re 300, you saved $200K for retirement already and will be making $160K/yr soon. Maybe your industry isn’t the most stable, but you are doing better than probably 90% of Americans and you are still young. Remind yourself of that as often as you need to — seriously. And stop reading articles that cause you anxiety. I went through a phase in my 20s where if I read about an STD, I started to feel I had symptoms. It never actually worked out that way, but I was “sure” I had it. It’s a scary world out there and bad things can happen, but that guy in the NYT story is an anomaly — just how that girl who got herpes from a toilet seat is an anomaly — it’s why they’re featured in this article! Remind yourself of that.

      And if it doesn’t get better, consider seeing a therapist. A good one can help you manage all this.

      • Carrie

        Agree +10

        You are actually doing incredibly well, even if you are having trouble seeing it. You have a great education and a lucrative job plan. You have robust savings already. You have a partner. You are more financially secure than the vast majority of the world already, with an incredible salary in your future.

        Part of me wants to congratulate you for being pro-active and looking ahead. And then encourage you to read Mr. Money Mustache to learn how to be frugal and really enjoy what is important in life. He will actually teach you how on your salaries you could probably RETIRE in 10 years! That is… if you live simply.

        But part of me is very worried for you. Your anxiety is taking over. Anyone searching for assisted suicide is crying out for help. I agree with talking to a financial planner and/or a rep at Vanguard/Fidelity (where do you have your retirement plans) about the big picture to just get some things in perspective.

        And then I recommend talking to a therapist. Anxiety like this can be overwhelming at times, and it will start to leak over into your job and relationship in unproductive ways. At the least, I would think about looking for relaxation exercises, and doing a search online for “mindfulness” approaches for dealing with stress and anxiety. I think Harvard even has some free websites that can teach you some techniques.

        I feel for you. I grew up in a household that was relatively “poor” for our area, and my parents worried about money constantly. My parents saved every single penny, and unfortunately taught me how to be equally anxious and paranoid about money and many societal ills. It is an awful way to live…… But for my parents, it seemed to be productive. They saved incredibly well for retirement and had $$ by their later years. But then my mother died of cancer suddenly before retirement. All that saving for nothing…

        Honestly, you have no idea what the future may bring. It may be better, and it may be worse than what you imagine. Trying to figure out how to live with that insecurity comes easy for some, and less so for others…. especially others who have seen misfortune. But a therapist can be very helpful.

        I am starting a class tonite on stress reduction and mindfulness and my local community mental health outreach center. Wanna come?

        • Scared of having no money when I'm old

          I am taking some yoga classes and might get into meditation as well. I think the class on stress reduction and mindfulness sounds great, and will look into local resources for those.

      • Scared of having no money when I'm old

        See, the thing is that I don’t think those stories are anomalies (the NYT guy, not the herpes toilet story). There is increasing evidence that a typical corporate career is compressed as people having more higher education and middle managers are getting laid off in their 50s, during a time when the average lifespan is increasing. It would make me feel so much better if those stories WERE anomalies, but having lived through the 2008 recession, read many, many articles and studies about economy and retirement, and seen a relative recently getting laid off from his $200K job at 60, all makes me think that this is the new reality.

        • Katie

          That man is one data point. Think of how many people with his background are gainfully employed!

        • Coach Laura

          To “scared of having no money when I’m old” – This is a late response so I hope you’re still reading. Some of your anxiety may be correct. I’m in my early 50s and I’ve seen a lot of displaced workers in their 50s and later. The trend you mention is real and I don’t agree that it’s only one data point. But that’s no reason to spend 20+ years worrying.

          It’s hard to give advice not knowing what field you’re in (I’m guessing consulting) but instead of worrying now about being out of a career when you’re 55, start planning now or start thinking at least. Many people become self-employed in their 50s and 60s: That’s a good way to get away from the corporate grind and remove the “redundancy” problem. Depending on the field, many make as much or often many times their corporate salary as an independent contractor.

          So as you go through the next 10-20 years, start looking for your “out” and have a Plan B, either as a goal or as a backstop in case you get to a roadblock in your corporate career. Watch those above you in the pyramid and see the jobs that they do with the company and what happens when they leave.

          I do agree that you might benefit from counseling for anxiety and a financial planner, especially since you and your SO are high earners. But thinking and planning your future career won’t hurt either.

          • Scared of having no money when I’m old

            Thank you Coach Laura. I appreciate your comment and will take what you’ve suggested about “Plan B” to heart. FWIW, my SO is not a high-earner (yet?)… still got 2 more years of grad school to go on that end.

    • Kathryn

      I recommend this too much, but look at Mr. Money Mustache (a finance blog). It is extreme, but on your income (and assuming your partner has one as well), you could easily “retire”, or become financially independent, far before 57. I think reading some of the case studies, where people are in much more dire financial situations but have managed to save tons of money in short periods of time, might put your mind at ease.

    • Erin @ Girl Gone Veggie

      I think you may want to talk to someone. Your ruminating worries about saving sound an awful lot like my worries regarding getting some illness and dying young. Anxiety manifests itself in all different form. I started seeing a therapist and taking a low dose SSRI and it seriously changed my life.

      • Katie

        I completely agree! The insidious part of anxiety is that your brain really believes your fears are grounded in reality. Your fears are out of proportion to the real reality of risk- you’re googling assisted suicide! That’s not normal (I say this as a person with Generalized Anxiety Disorder). Please seek out psychological help before you look for any sort of financial help. You really are in a much better place than you think- and the reality is that you simply can’t protect against everything in life, and you need to learn how to retrain your pattern of thought.

    • Anne Shirley

      When you’re googling assisted suicide options because of your anxiety about money, you can’t say this isn’t affecting your life. I wouldn’t spend any more time feeding your anxiety by getting even more financial information. You don’t have a money problem, you have an anxiety problem and therapy can help.

      • L

        This. So much this. You need to pursue therapy ASAP before you start working.

        Until you get in somewhere please repeat to yourself that in TWO years of working, you’d make more money than most Americans ever will. You will be fine once you take care of anxiety.

      • anonymama

        Definitely this is about anxiety, and not about money. Your fears are irrational, and your idea about medicine being the key to a more reliable financial situation is also irrational (if you’d gone to med school, you would probably have no retirement savings now, would be deeply in debt, and also earning peanuts as a resident). People find new jobs all the time, and change careers all the time, while still being just fine in terms of long-term financial stability. Get help for your anxiety.

    • anonanon

      You are doing incredibly well, and your fears are bordering on irrational. I suggest going to therapy.

      Also, consider who you are comparing yourself to. Most people in the world get along with much, much less. Plus, money isn’t the only form of stability in life. Family, relationships, community, a religious affiliation — all these things can add stability to your life. Money isn’t the only thing you need to get by. Should you fall on hard times, you can turn to people/community/spirituality for support, not just the bank.

      Perhaps you are an anxious, self-reliant, perfectionist, and you are unwilling to conceive of a future where you might not be the picture of success. Yes, maybe you will have to work a less prestigious well paying job. (Probably not, given your driven personality, but maybe). But everyone has ups and downs and faces challenges they can’t predict in life.

      • anonanon

        Also, I think you need to remember to trust yourself, too. Trust that you can handle challenges in the future. You have handled challenges in the past. You won’t suddenly lose the ability to problem solve in the future, should something unexpected come up. Trust your future self to handle it. And trust the people in your life to be there for you too.

    • DontBlameTheKids

      I agree–you might want to talk to someone, because it does sound like an anxiety problem. I mean, $200 grand in the bank! That’s awesome, and way more than most people in their thirties. (I don’t even have half that.)

    • West Coast

      You may not need to stress too much about the up or out policy based on your industry. I am in management consulting, where many firms have an up or out policy. The firms do, however, work with those going ‘out’ to place them in a good situation because they know these alums are potential clients. Makes sense, right? If someone leaves on good terms and is put into a position of influence, it increases the firm’s chance of future business. A good way to find out what your firm does around placement is to explore if they have an alumni network.

    • Rosalita

      I would consider 1) therapy for anxiety, and 2) a professional financial advisor.

    • Arty

      You might feel more in control if you make a list of skills that are really valued in your profession then focus on developing expertise in one or two of those areas. In addition, you could spend some free time brushing up on a hobby or skill like website design, interior decorating, tax preparation, foreign languages, etc. (something that interests you) that would be useful from a personal perspective but also open to freelancing opportunities.

  5. wolverine

    I am looking for nude-for-me pantyhose for medium-toned south asian skin. I realize that there’s no one tone for south asian skin but I hope that learning what brands/shades other SAsian ladies wear will give me a starting point for my search. Thanks!

  7. tesyaa

    Does anyone have or has anyone tried on the Coach Demi flat? How does it fit? I have a narrow heel and an average toebox.

  8. Pantsy

    I don’t understand how pants fit- I’m wearing a pair that are somewhat snug around my belly, but still have a gap in the back of the waistband. How can this be? They’re the Sloan pants from BR- but I have this problem with a bunch of pants.

    • Bonnie

      Sounds like the pants are cut straight across and the manufacturer did not make them to accommodate the dip in of the lower back.

    • Anon

      Not enough darting in the back to accommodate for your curves – or maybe too much in the front, which causes you to size up.

    • Rosalita

      Totally normal. Happens all the time. Nothing wrong with your body – pant fits are all weird. :)

  9. Emmabean

    I need some outfit help for this weekend! I’m going to a morning wedding (11am), followed by brunch, which is then followed by an evening reception. The evening reception is cocktail attire, so I’ve got that down, but what does one wear to a morning wedding? It is not in a church, and the wedding is in Houston (so probably not cold). Halp!

    • AIMS

      I don’t so much hate linen but I am really not feeling this jacket. It looks frumpy and the color seems very fall/winter for a summer fabric. I also think it misses the point of linen — it’s okay if it’s a bit wrinkled because that’s the point. But it’s okay because it’s meant to be drapey and loose, not shirred and tight so the wrinkles look casually elegant. This is just all sorts of wrong to me. It makes the mannequin look like terrible.

    • anonymama

      Ha, I love linen, at least in theory, and it always seems so, so appealingly light and breezy and summery to me… but then I always feel like I fail at wearing it in any but the most casual situations, and end up feeling wrinkly and frumpy.

    • Rosalita

      Love linen! I wish I could wear it and tweed all year. Together. But it doesn’t work that way.

  11. Cb

    Shopping psa: picked up a couple uniqlo pencil skirts for a steal and they’re great. Fully lined and washable.

    • Lily-Student

      Uniqlo is really good quality too; I bought a thin hoodie from there in about 2009 and it’s only now beginning to show signs of wear.

  12. Dallas Meetup

    Reposting from last week–any Dallas-area readers up for a meetup? I had originally suggested brunch this weekend, so if that works for a group, I’d love to meet some fellow ‘re++es.

    If you’re interested, send an e-mail to dallas[thissite]meetup [at] googlemail [dot] com.

    Txatty, I tried to e-mail you yesterday, but it bounced–it may have been an issue on my end as I was out of town and Google thought my accessing from a different IP was suspicious behavior. But it may be easier if you e-mail the account so that I can reply and not have Google think I’m spamming you, if that’s what’s happening?

    • Avery

      Oh good, I had completely forgotten about this but am really looking forward to it. Emailing you now!

  13. CBW

    I do not like bracelet sleeves! I am 6′ and I feel as if people just wonder if I can’t find a jacket long enough to fit my monkey arms! ;)

    • LT IT

      I hate bracelet sleeves in winter but am starting to embrace them in summer. By May in Houston, it’s already miserable to be wearing a long-sleeved blazer at any kind of outdoor event.

    • MJ

      I’m the opposite…bracelet sleeves allow my monkey arms to wear non-tall sizes and make me look slim. I wear them at least 3/4 of the year (but don’t love them on suits as much as I do sweaters, tops, etc.). To each her own, I suppose.

  14. Anon for this

    Gutcheck – A family member suffered a miscarriage a few months back and her original due date is coming up. I was thinking of sending her a plant or tree (I live across states). Is that nice or will sending it bring up a painful memory?

    • Erin @ Girl Gone Veggie

      I do not have kids and have never been pregnant so take this for what it’s worth but here’s my opinion:

      I don’t think you’ll be bringing up a painful memory for her. It will likely be an awful day for her and be on her mind constantly. I would think she would appreciate someone else thinking about her that day and not forgetting about the baby that she lost.

    • Anon

      Agree with Erin but I would do a small plant vs. large plant/tree – everyone deals with things differently and she might not want to keep a permanent reminder (of that type anyway) around. A small plant is more like cut flowers in that she would probably feel not as obliged to keep it if that’s what she wants. I think cut flowers or a card would also be nice alternatives. Very sweet of you to remember.

    • Famouscait

      I had a miscarriage late last year, and never made it to the point where I was given a precise due date. Even so, I think this issue may be very person-specific. I would not want the kind gift you describe. I would feel bad throwing/giving away a nice gift (and a live one, at that) but I wouldn’t want such a tangible reminder around. A card, however, I could more easily keep if so inclined, or toss without too much guilt. Your intentions are kind and that’s admirable. I would just advise you to check with someone else who is close with your relative for this gut-check.

      • CKB

        +1 – I think a card letting her know you are thinking of her is good. If you want to send a gift as well, I’d do cut flowers, chocolate, wine, something consumable because she probably won’t want a permanent (or semi-permanent) reminder. I know I didn’t (I had 3 m/c).

        • Anon

          + 1 – I wouldn’t have wanted anything more than a card (definitely nothing permanent), but I think it’s very sweet to send a card.

    • Anne Shirley

      I think I’d only do this for someone very close- a sister or best friend who I have had conversations with about the miscarriage. For a cousin type relationship I wouldn’t. It feels a bit intrusive to me- she may not care about the date, may care deeply but want to observe the day privately. Sending a plant tells her. “You will be marking this occasion with a plant. I have bought it for you and inserted it into your life.”

    • anonforthis

      I’m sure this is a YMMV, but my miscarriage was a big deal for me and I would appreciate it if a family member acknowledged the loss at that time. I don’t even think you need to send a plant or a tree, just a card or a bouquet saying you’re thinking of her and sorry for her loss.

      • AnonLawMom

        Exactly this. Major kuddos to you for being so compassionate. The EDD was a very rough day for me.

    • M

      I had a similar situation with my cousin, except her baby was born and lived for several days. I think you sort of have to know the person. My cousin was very focused on honoring her son and became very involved in charities devoted to research for his condition so we made a donation to that charity in honor of his life on his birthday. Sending a heartfelt card with a donation to the March of Dimes might be an option.

    • Anon

      How about flowers instead? I’m not in the “send a thoughtful card for everything” camp as I think something more than a card is often nice, but tend to agree with other posters that a tree is a little odd. In my opinion, you can never go wrong with flowers.

    • anon

      Did this exact thing- sent simple/small flower arrangement with a card that read: “Thinking of you today. Hugs, NAME”

    • Anon

      Unless she’s talked about it with you, I wouldn’t send anything. I personally wouldn’t want someone to decide it was an anniversary that I needed to be reminded of, though some people would probably appreciate it.

    • Philanthropy Girl

      What a compassionate friend you are! I haven’t had a miscarriage, but I have experienced the death of an infant. It is always very touching to me to have special days remembered. There isn’t much of a chance that she’s forgotten her due date (she may never forget it) – and it is very possible she’s feeling lonely in the fact that she is the only one who remembers. Some sort of token is an excellent idea.

      I think your thought of something to add to her garden is lovely, but memorial jewelry, a flower arrangement, or even a very thoughtful note would be extremely meaningful. It will mean the world that someone else noticed and remembers her little one.

  15. on Baptism/religion

    DH was raised as a methodist (baptized, went to church with his mom while dad stayed home). I was raised as a catholic (catholic school, went to church with mom while nonreligious-but-grew-up-as-a-lapsed-Methodist-dad stayed home except on Major Holidays). Neither of us are religious at all, and are not ever envisioning a time where we are a church-going family. However, we did marry in a church– we married in an Episcopal church and did so mostly because I couldn’t shake the feeling of wanting a “church wedding” despite my vehement objection to doing so in a Catholic church. Not exactly the best reason, but it is what it is.

    So now we have a baby. We’re debating having her baptized. It isn’t for us; we don’t practice religion. But being baptized made it easy for us to get married in a church. It seems to be socially “normal” where we live (greater Boston). We decided that if we were to do it, we’d have it done at a local Episocopal church because (1) they specifically told us they’re happy to baptize children with nonrelgious parents and (2) our other options are Catholic and I’m pretty opposed to a Catholic baptism–plus, there are a lot more “hoops” with the Catholics*. Finally (3) there is a very very VERY small chance we will have to send our child to Catholic school for a year (one year only). And they require children to be baptized (preferably catholic but they’re flexible).

    None of these are the “right” reason to have your child baptized, but I can’t shake this feeling that it would make the baby’s life easier.

    Any thoughts in one direction or the other? I don’t want to cheapen the ceremony by approaching it from a “makes things easier” perspective, but that’s where I’m at with religion these days.

    *no offense to anyone practicing these religions. I am very well versed in Catholicism and it just isn’t for me anymore. It is, however, very common in Boston!

    • mascot

      Is there a reason she can’t wait until she is older to be baptized? It’s not as if she is getting married tomorrow. Many churches don’t require infant baptism. I grew up protestant and wasn’t sprinkled until I was 6. DH was rebaptized as a teen when he changed churches.

      • Moon Moon

        My parents did not baptize me as a baby, but I went to church often with my grandparents. I ended up getting confirmed, and was baptized in front of the entire congregation at age 14. To be honest, it was rather embarrassing as a teenager. Just food for thought.

      • Sarabeth

        I was also baptized at about 7 in a Presbyterian church; not the usual practice, but my dad didn’t believe in infant baptism, so this was my parents’ compromise.

        I tend to agree that, if you aren’t planning on having any future involvement with the church, having your child baptized is disingenuous. Having left the church myself, I would feel that I was lying to the congregation during the service. Even if you’ve found a place that explicitly allows non-religious parents to baptize their kids, it still feels off to me.

    • Diana Barry

      My husband is an atheist, I am agnostic, and we still had all our kids baptized in an Episcopal church. In our case it was more about (1) our parents, particularly mine, would have freaked out if we hadn’t, and (2) we wanted to name godparents for family connections. I would do it – it’s more of a family-togetherness thing and it definitely won’t hurt your kid to have been baptized. Plus, they look so cute in the little dresses! :)

    • Anne Shirley

      I’m a practicing Methodist. For me, Baptism is a promise to raise your child in the church. I’m not terribly fussy about what that means to you (Sunday school every week, occasional attendance, attendance at other churches, prayer at home), but if you don’t plan on raising your daughter to consider herself a Christian, if you don’t see a role for faith in your lives, and if you don’t plan to meet a Christmas-and-Easter minimum, I’d find your plan offensive. And I don’t think baptizing her as a technical lets make catholic school easier thing is respectful of your church, that church, or your daughter, ultimately.

      • Senior Attorney

        And as a non-believer, I find it offensive not only for the reasons Anne Shirley states, but also because it’s you bowing to the influence of a religion you don’t believe in. Gah. Just say no to religion if that’s what you believe.

      • on Baptism/religion

        So funny– I really think I fall squarely in your camp of not wanting to offend practicing members…but just look at the wide range of responses! That’s why I asked- I was mentioning this to my friend, who just so happens to be an Episcopal minister in another state, and he was all in favor of it even knowing we’re strictly in the Santa-and-Easter Bunny camp versus Birth-and-Resurrection.

      • hoola hoopa

        I agree. I was raised Catholic and have a good relationship with the church but have not chosen it for myself. My husband is agnostic. We have not baptized our children for exactly this reason. I am not going to promise to raise my child within a religion when I have no intention to do so. Honesty is more important than a rite in which you do not believe.

        FWIW, our oldest is at a Catholic school. No issue with her not being baptized.

    • Clementine

      It’s also a nice tradition- some water gets put on your kid, people stand up and say that they will help and support them in living a good life and you go to brunch.

      I’m Episcopalian and we have an awful lot of baptisms for kids who I never see again. As a semi-religious person, this doesn’t bother me in the least. I figure it’s a nice tradition and really- what’s the harm.

      It comes down to this: If you want to, do it. If you don’t, don’t. I wouldn’t be worried about any permenant damage either way.

    • NbyNW

      As someone who was raised Catholic but is away from the church because of discomfort with the role of women, I would think that baptizing your daughter as Episcopal would be acceptable, not cheapening. It expresses your desire for your daughter to be part of a faith community in ways that will work for her life. It would make things easier and might even allow her to get married some day without extra paperwork. Your daughter can always join another church or get baptized in another faith someday if that is her desire.

      • cbackson

        Actually, once you’ve been baptized, you’ll only be baptized again under limited circumstances – the second church has to believe your first baptism wasn’t valid. This is typically only if (i) you were baptized as an infant and your second church is VERY strict about ‘believer’s baptism’ (not super common) or (ii) the church that baptized you doesn’t conduct trinitarian baptisms (in the name of the Father/Son/Holy Spirit) and the church you join does, or vice-versa (even less common, unless one of the churches involved is LDS or Jehovah’s Witness).

        So if the OP’s daughter is baptized in the Episcopal church, if she later decided to become a Christian, she would only have the ability to be baptized again under limited circumstances.

        • L

          Not necessarily. I’ve been baptized 5+ times because each “church” didn’t recognize the others. Even those in the same denomination. Weird, yes. Uncommon, one can only hope.

        • Rosalita

          Episcopalians are Christian.

          If you don’t believe in it, I would not do it just so your kid can get married in a church in 30 years if she wants to. It seems pretty dishonest.

          If you want to have a fancy brunch with your loved ones where they coo over your baby in a pretty dress, do that instead.

          • cbackson

            Yes, I know. I am one. But I would argue that from a theological perspective, a child that is baptized in the Episcopal Church purely for form and raised without religion is not Christian. So even if the OP’s child is baptized now, if she later comes to a belief in Christ and Christianity, I would classify that as a conversion to Christianity, regardless of whether the OP pursues this course of action or not.

    • Hermione

      My kids aren’t baptized, and I’m confused by your concern that the ceremony would make your kid’s life easier in any way. In fact, both my kids attended Catholic preschool in Boston.

      • on Baptism/religion

        (1) when I got married, it was in an Episcopal church. They required both the bride and the groom to have baptismal (any Christian denomination) certificates in order to get married.

        (2) our local catholic school requires / “strongly encourages” all students to be at least baptized Christian. No idea if that is just this one school, but it’s the one we’d be sending the kid to!

        • Em

          Keep in mind, though, that you were raised going to church regularly; so those rituals were part of your childhood even if you didn’t believe in them. You’re not raising your children with those rituals. They might convert later, but they’re unlikely to have a secular attachment with them. I wouldn’t be super worried about them (a) not being religious but (b) wanting to be married in a church.

    • cbackson

      I wouldn’t do it, and here’s why: if your daughter later, of her own accord, becomes a Christian, she won’t have the opportunity to choose to go through baptism. In fact, she won’t even remember her baptism. For adult converts, baptism is often an incredibly meaningful experience, and I just think that given that it’s not spiritually meaningful to you, why not refrain from doing so in order to permit her to choose that experience later if she wants to?

      I’m not a convert but I was raised by parents who don’t believe in infant baptism, and so I was baptized at 12. It was really meaningful for me, and I’m so glad I remember it.

      • cbackson

        Also, for what it’s worth: if you have an infant baptized in the Episcopal church, you’re going to have to go through a ritual that will likely require you to take vows that you don’t believe (including to turn again to Christ as your savior and lord). Unless the church is going to have a someone other than you present your child for baptism?

        • NOLA

          The same is true in the Methodist church.

          FWIW, my friend’s daughter chose not to baptize her twins, but they come to church with their grandmother every Sunday. They see many infant baptisms and could choose to be baptized if they wanted, but have never questioned it. If they go through confirmation, they’ll be baptized at the time of their confirmation. At my church, they incorporate it into the confirmation service for those kids who haven’t been baptized.

          • cbackson

            That was how my church did it. I felt super-special because my part was longer than everyone else’s, ha.

        • Wordy

          +1. This is not a “family togetherness” event, primarily. It is a religious ceremony during which you affirm that you will raise the child in your faith, all in the congregation reaffirm their faith through the Nicene Creed, etc. I think it’s disrespectful to baptize your child to “make it easier” for him/her, particularly choosing a denomination that has fewer “hoops.”

    • Anon for This

      I find issue with the “easier for the kid” reason , but I also don’t see any problem with having a baptism. It’s is a spiritual event, but it is also a cultural event. Like Diana Barry said, for family, godparents, etc. We baptized our son in the Methodist church, but only because it was in the church where my husband was raised. We semi-regularly attend a church in another denomination.

      It’s a sweet tradition that will in no way prevent your child from one day choosing a spiritual or religious path of their own. Many denominations will re-baptize whenever a person makes an active decision to change denominations or to reaffirm their faith. We had a friend who was baptized Episcopalian and then was re-baptized as a Lutheran as an adult, after deciding to change denominations.

      • cbackson

        For what it’s worth, though, rebaptism other than under limited circumstances is considered by many denominations to be theologically questionable. I’m surprised a Lutheran church would do that, given that they’re in full communion with the Episcopal church (as in, you can be ordained an Episcopal priest and take a call to a Lutheran congregation without any…re-ordaining or whatever).

        • lucy stone

          This is not necessarily true. There is a special branch of Lutheran that will not agree with this. The main branch of Lutherans in the USA, ELCA is incredibly similar to Episcopalians. These other Lutherans think the ELCA is one step away from being (gasp!) Catholic. I married a pastor’s kid in this branch and they are quite unique.

          • cbackson

            Right, you’re likely talking about Missouri Synod or one of its kin? I am always amazed at how different the ELCA and the Missouri Synod Lutherans are, while still being Lutheran. Religion: so interesting.

    • Em

      This seems dumb to me – the only reason you give for baptism (instead of baptism in this faith instead of another one) is that there’s a “very very VERY small chance” the baby will someday go to Catholic school for a year. Nobody has to go to a Catholic school that requires baptism, and if you want to do that, you can have her baptized at that time. But really, why would you want to send her (or your daughter want to go) t0 a school where you’re required to be baptized; she might meet the technical requirements but it’s going to be a weird situation for her not having been actually raised to be religious.

      • Em

        And if you want the community thing, do a nice naming ceremony at your home (or a relative’s).

      • on Baptism/religion

        It’s complicated and would be short-term only. Has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with being a private school. If there were another option, we’d send the kid to school elsewhere.

        • Em

          A small chance that this will be the only school available seems like not a reason to jump the gun and get your kid baptized in a faith you don’t believe in now. Burn that bridge when you come to it.

    • AnonLA

      I can speak from the perspective of your child if you decide not to baptize her. My parents were raised Episcopalian and Catholic, but both stopped believing in organized religion at some point during the 70s (yeah, they were hippies). For this reason, they never baptized me or my siblings, and always told us that they didn’t do so because they felt religion was a personal choice, and wanted us to be able to choose to join a church if we wanted to, but not be forced into it.

      We always have celebrated Easter and Christmas, and on those holidays go to either an Episcopal or Catholic church, depending on which side of the family we’re celebrating with. When I was little, I used to be embarrassed when we couldn’t take communion with all of the baptized people at these services, and really wished that my parents had baptized me. However, as I grew older I stopped feeling that way, and now don’t think about it at all.

      I think the thing I feel like I have missed out on is the sense of community that a church can provide. I love the feeling that I get in church when I do go on Easter and Christmas. However, I don’t believe in any of the doctrine, and don’t see myself ever choosing to formally become a part of any church (other than, perhaps, Unitarian) for that reason. I think it wouldn’t have made any difference if my parents had baptized me, since they never took us to church on a regular basis or raised us with the teachings of the church. I find it highly unlikely that your child will want to get married in a church if she hasn’t been raised with religion, whether she is baptized or not–but if, for some reason, she does want to, then she can get baptized at that time. As for Catholic school, as a non-believer I personally would find it very difficult to send my child to one, given that the church’s stance on many issues conflicts with my personal values.

    • don't even understand

      As the child of two atheists I was not “baptized.” I’m not even sure what that means. I mean, I get that people go to a church and sprinkle water on a baby’s head and probably sing some songs or whatever but I don’t know why you would want to do this if you are not a part of the community that partakes in such rituals. I can say with 110% certainty that being un-baptized has never caused me any difficulty in my adult life.

    • Lily-Student

      My parents didn’t want me to baptized for various reasons, but it was important to the older members of my family on both sides (UK, born mid 90s) for various other reasons. They spoke to the priest at my grandmother’s church (where my grandfather had been priest, I don’t know if that made it more possible) and I had a kind of ‘naming/ welcome to the world’ thing – so like a baptism with everything but the actual baptism.
      It works well with my immediate family’s approach to religion, I think: we would consider ourselves christian-with-a-small-c in that we largely follow the Christian moral structure and if asked what religion we were would answer ‘Christian’ but we don’t take an active part in it.
      Just another option for you :)

      • Cb

        Humanist officiants also do something similar, a welcome to the world / naming event which I think is quite nice for lending that sense of community.

  16. Fat pants

    Hi ladies – so I got a second round interview for a job I want (yay!) but only currently fit into one of my suits (which is plain black) that I wore to my first round interview. Can I get away with wearing it again if I change up the look of the rest of the outfit? It’s a very casual side of the spectrum business causal firm, but I doubt wearing biz cas is the right plan. What about a dress and the suit jacket? Any ideas? Should I suck it up and get a new suit? I need navigation help in these waters!

    • just Karen

      Given the business environment you’ve described I think a dress and blazer would be fine, but so would changing up the standard black suit (I might feel differently if it were a somewhat unique cut or a different color) – I would wear whichever you feel more comfortable and confident in. Congrats on the second round, and good luck!

      • Brittany

        +1 to the blazer and dress. I have a Talbots sheathe dress in a cobalt blue that I love to layer under my black blazer when I have to dress up. My office is geared towards the more casual end of business casual and this wouldn’t seem out of place at all for someone coming in for an interview.

    • LawyrChk

      Wear the same suit again. I promise no one will notice, especially if you wear a different blouse.

      • Anon

        Agree. I interview a lot of candidates and I guarantee that I will only remember what suit you wore for a previous interview if it was something that should never have been worn to an interview, period (hot pink, mini skirt, etc). There is no way I’m going to remember that you are wearing the same black skirt suit – or, even if I do, that I’m going to care. You look appropriate? Great – box checked.

    • Anon

      It’s fine to rewear it. Nobody really pays attention to your suit unless you wear something memorable, like magenta velour. I think a black suit is preferable to a dress + blazer, unless it’s a suiting dress that matches your jacket.

  17. Lady Tetra

    Argh, I’m trying to waive into a State Bar and my application got rejected for a stupid mistake. Just feeling dumb about it. Now it will be several more months before I’m admitted where I’d like to be. /rant

    • TBK

      Ugh, state bars are such a racket. I see no reason for their existence except protectionism for local lawyers and a way to make money off of out of state people. I’m sorry. That’s no fun.

  18. guilt

    Ladies,

    I am looking for a good book, advice, or other resource on the guilt that comes with changing careers. I have a career I do not enjoy at all, and have put off the ways it is sucking out my soul too long. I am looking at a few options, but they will likely be in the nonprofit sector, working with education, and for approximately 1/4 of my current pay. Financially we’ll be okay, and I am okay, intellectually, with making this change, but here is the problem:

    I am the first in my family to finish high school, to finish college, much less get an advanced degree. My extremely smart and hardworking parents both had to leave school in their early teens and received a GED – although my dad later went on and received a vocational certificate. They both work blue/pink collar jobs, and I have made more money since my first year working than both of them have put together at any point. After the hard work and sacrifices they made for me, it feels like a betrayal of them to step back or step out in any way.

    They of course have never said any of this to me – it is something that exists purely in my own head, as far as I can tell. However, I am very torn between my fairly unpleasant work (the type of work I practice is, to me, miserable, not the type I intended to do when I went to school for this degree, but for other reasons I can not move to a different location) in which I feel I’ve gone as far as I can to make it tolerable, and feeling that I’m letting down people who also hate what they do, but sacrificed for me.

    I imagine this seems like a non-existent problem to someone not in my shoes, but it keeps me awake at night. I’m going to begin seeing a therapist to navigate through this and some other mid-thirties realizations starting next week, but if there is anyone else who has been in the same position as me and has advice or resources, I’d appreciate it.

    • Anon

      I can actually really relate to your post. Unfortunately I am not in a position where I can leave my job but I have made the decision that as soon as I am financially able to I will be leaving (hopefully in about a year). I don’t have the family concerns you do (my parents were both college educated) but I landed a job at the most coveted employer in my state and my family and friends made a huge fuss over it so I feel like I will be letting them down when I leave the field entirely. I dwelled on it for a long time and lived in denial about hating my job because I knew I would be letting everyone down and giving up a lot of prestige (I know, prideful reason), but it finally just hit me one day that none of it was worth being miserable for 80% of my life. Once I told my parents and SO they all reiterated that they did not want me to stay in a career in which I was miserable. There is a good chance that your parents worked hard for you to have a better life, not for you to be miserable. As long as you are able to pay your bills and you are working hard they will probably be proud of you and everything you have accomplished. It might help to talk about this with them so you can hear that straight from them, though.

      • guilt

        Thank you for this! Can I ask, what are your criteria for being financially able to? I believe I can, but this is something I really struggle with – having grown up with definitely not enough money to go around, I get very concerned that if something goes wrong I will feel responsible for putting my family in a bad position.

        • Anon

          For me it is mostly a personal decision to prioritize paying down debt/prevent taking on extra debt before I leave. I am about to get married and I make almost double my SO. We can technically pay our bills on his salary alone but I still have some debt through student and car loans and we will need to replace his car in the next 6 months, plus save up for a down payment for a house. I am hoping to be able to do all of that in the next year. I could probably do it on a reduced salary over a longer period of time but I have a lot coming up in the next few months anyway and switching jobs is going to take a lot of effort above just the usual stuff (I really have no idea what else I am qualified to do) so I figured I will stick out the job for the time being. Just making the decision that I wasn’t going to try to make this a lifetime career was a huge relief for me. As for your situation, assuming you don’t have any debt, I would try saving up an emergency fund. I have used the Dave Ramsey system loosely for paying down my debt (I didn’t buy the books or anything, mostly just read blogs that followed it) and I know I feel a lot better having a few months of expenses in a savings account. That might be an option for you that will give you some peace of mind going forward.

    • Anon2

      My husband was in a similar situation. His parents are immigrants who did not finish high school and worked hard in blue collar jobs. DH put himself through college on an ROTC scholarship, attended law school after serving out his obligation, and worked in NYC biglaw for several years. His parents were so, so proud to say that their son was a lawyer in Manhattan. It was a big deal to them. Then, DH decided to rejoin the service as a JAG lawyer. I got the feeling they didn’t understand his desire to return to a blue collar environment when he could wear a suit and tie everyday and work in a sky scraper. But now they see how happy he is, and they no longer ask us about missing NY (and our life there). I think they would agree with Anon’s statement — they worked hard so he could have a good life filled with opportunities, and in the end his happiness is what matters to them, rather than prestige. And they still brag about him a ton, especially now that they have a grandchild!

    • Wannabe Runner

      Are you financially responsible for your family? Some people in your situation are, and some aren’t.

      If not, you should make your own financial decision.

      My mom was the first in her very large family to go to college, and she left them all back “on the ranch.” I’m her only kid. She and I are pretty estranged from them, but she’s single, and I absolutely feel like I need to provide financially for her as she goes into retirement. So yeah, I make my financial decisions based on taking care of my mom. But everyone’s situation is different.

  19. reviewing resumes

    I’m reviewing resumes to cull those that would be good candidates to interview for an open position in my department. Any advice what to look for? Red flags? I’m trying to google/facebook search (and it has already led me to 2 really big red flags for 2 candidates), but is there anything I’m missing? I’m not on linkdin

    • A Nonny Moose

      Not exactly what you asked because i don’t have much experience with this but: Do you do phone interviews? Or is this to narrow to people for in person? I would add a round of very quick phone interviews to your procedure if possible and you aren’t already. A 10-15 minute conversation can do a lot of good. Ask a manager has a lot of posts on this.

      • reviewing resumes

        No, we’re narrowing down to decide whom to interview in person. I don’t think that we’re going to conduct phone interviews to narrow further. In the end, we got 3 that clearly rose to the top for me, 1 was a maybe, 1 that was a very clear no, 1 that didn’t have any experience, and the 2 with the red flags. So, it wasn’t a huge applicant pool, and I feel that the 3 that we have at the top would all be pretty good contenders.

        I’m not the hire-er; this position would basically be an equivalent in my department. But, given that there are 2 of us equals left in the department, our director gave us the resumes, and asked us to take a look to see if we could find some folks to interview.

    • Anon28

      I am following this..because I will be sending out resumes starting next week… :-)

      • emeralds

        Same. I’m also curious to know what other readers consider “red flags” on Google and FB. Drunk pictures? Political affiliation?

        • LH

          I dont normally use FB nd Google extensively when interviewing but when I do these things raise red flags for me:
          -drug use (pics or talking about it)
          -other illegal activities or a record of an arrest
          – excessive drunk pics but normally only if there are a ton of them and the person looks really wasted – don’t care about pictures at a bar or with drinks if the person looks coherent, etc.
          -mostly nude or very $exual pics (not talking about bikini shots at the beach, but things that are taken in a $exual context)

          • Wannabe Runner

            News media articles are a big one.

            A former assistant of mine took a bunch of lingerie photos supposedly for her husband. She posted them on her facebook. One was even her profile pic!! Bad idea!!!

        • reviewing resumes

          in these 2 instances: without going into too much detail, a google search revealed that one of these folks was suspended w/o pay from a position that she ultimately left shortly thereafter. I know some of the details from the news brief, but really can’t say much else. The other candidate was replaced in a very high-profile position, and a representative would not comment to the news as to why the candidate was no longer employed.

          Granted, both of these positions were listed on these folks’ resumes, so I suspect it is obviously something they’re willing to talk about and keep open. But it’s a little too much drama for our department.

        • hoola hoopa

          Also, associating with an organization incompatible with the mission of the hiring organization. Excessively angry, aggressive, or profane language. Overt racism.

          In that vein, use a bland email account. FirstnameLastname type of address. runninggrrrl is benign but not professional. whipandchain is going to reflect poorly at most mainstream offices.

    • rook

      It’s a little bit challenging to answer a question of this breadth. Other than the obvious (typos, wrong company name, etc.), I would look for resumes that have concrete examples of success at the type of work they’d be doing (i.e., “wrote and won grant from abc foundation for xyz project,” rather than a more general “fundraising for non-profits”).

    • Brant

      I value a good communicator and see the resume as an indicator. I ding people for typos, but don’t throw out the resume if they are small. With one exception- I work in healthcare, and if someone tells me they work on/oversee teams that deal with HIPPA security issues (it’s HIPAA), that resume goes in the trash. If it’s the main compliance issue you deal with, know the abbreviation. And proof it.

      If they have <10 years of job experience and their resume spans 2 pages and doesn't have a clear reason to do so, I generally won't interview them. I am not a woman that likes wordy email and long resume writers are typically long email writers :)

        • Brant

          I was recently hiring a compliance officer. You should have seen my trash pile, filled to the brim with COMPLIANCE OFFICER RESUMES that mentioned “HIPPA”.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        I had to read your post 5 times before I caught the difference between the two acronyms. Brain fail.

    • hoola hoopa

      I look for a sign that they targeted their cover letter for the position or organization, rather than just using a standard boiler plate. Mention of how the position relates to their previous work and future goals are a major plus in my book.

      If your org has had bad experiences with short retention, then look for a link to the geographical area (ie, returning home) or description of why this position and this org.

      Agree with previous posters on resume length and general communication style.

    • Midlaw

      I value candidates that appear to have come from less-than-privileged backgrounds and/or know how to work hard and make their own way. So I look for a job history starting young, at places that the person was unlikely to have been “connected” to get the job and move up, or that clearly took the opportunities that they had and seized them. Started at McDonald’s at age 16 and became manager before you left college–I want to interview you! Interned with the governor when you were 18 and otherwise have nothing that suggests you are a stellar candidate–I’m less interested unless your resume shines in other ways. First job wasn’t until after you graduated college (or you just had cushy unpaid internships through college and nothing really substantive)–you better have a near-perfect GPA and other impressive credentials before I want to talk to you. Stuck with one organization for 10 years and constantly moved up with increasing responsibility–impressive (although I am wondering why you left).

      • Wannabe Runner

        This is very interesting insight.

        Don’t people tend to take some of those early crappy jobs off resumes?

      • Pink

        I think that it’s great that you’re looking for that kind of history. You might want to keep in mind that folks often remove those first jobs/jobs held throughout college, especially when not related to current career/job being applied to.

      • Midlaw

        Thanks for these comments–you both make really good points and I do keep the scope of the resume in mind. I’m usually interviewing younger folks that are including their college experiences (and sometimes high school experience) on their resumes, but if they don’t include high school I don’t automatically assume that they didn’t do anything. For more experienced candidates or older candidates that are switching fields, I do assume that they have dropped some jobs from their resume (but will ask about their first job experiences in interviews).

    • HR/employment counsel

      Stop googling and Facebook searching. You are exposing your company to potential liability. Facebook and google are not part of an applicant’s application (unless linked to on said application materials). Stick to what is on the résumé. Your company’s HR department should be conducting pre-employment background checks. Things you discover on Facebook may fall into the areas that employment decisions may not be based on. I don’t mean to sound harsh but if you worked for me and I discovered you were doing this I’d be forced to discipline you (because we trained you on how NOT to do this).

      • BCB

        Umm… I’m pretty sure this is incorrect. You are in no way legally (or ethically) limited to just judging an applicant by their application package. Yes, your specific company might have a policy against it, but that is not a general policy or law. What are not allowed to do is discrimate against certain protected classes. This does not mean you’re not allowed to know about this (eg, a person’s religion), just that you can’t use it as part of the hiring process. Topics such as religion, age, martial status are often discouraged to be discussed during interviews for fear of appearance of discrimination, but that are not illegal. And entering a name into google is most certainly not illegal.

  20. zora

    I love this jacket and totally covet it. I have a jacket that is my summer jacket that is linen but structured, because it’s a very sturdy linen not like flowy beach pants, and I love it.

    Well, on my way to the in-person interview for that job (that I am almost positive I don’t want because it’s basically entry level) but wish me luck anyways? ;o)

  21. NYNY

    Does anyone have experience with Pour La Victoire shoes? I want to order a pair, but I need to know how TTS they are. I’m normally a 7.5, but get and 8 for shoes that tend to be small in the toe box. I have a wide-ish forefoot and narrow heel, along with a really high arch and instep.

    TIA!

    • Anon

      I think they tend to run average to slightly narrow in the toe box, but I haven’t tried any on for years so my memory may be a little fuzzy.

  22. TBK

    Can anyone recommend an online community (like this one) for mom/baby/parent stuff? Not surprisingly, I have about a million questions a day and it would be great to have someplace to ask questions, commiserate, etc. I know there are places like thebump and baby center, but I’d honestly like someplace where people write in complete sentences, without emoticons, and without writing “lol” every two seconds. My local parents of multiples group has a web forum, but it really feels like people don’t post there very often. I’m worried I’d be that mom posting like every day while everyone else seems to post maybe once a year. Anyone have a forum they like?

    • Anonymous

      Maybe try the boards on the hellobee [dot] com site and, if you’re on FB, join the group mamaSpace? I don’t absolutely love either one, but both are a heck of a lot better than The Bump and BabyCenter.

    • Maddie Ross

      My standard answer – ha, no, good luck finding one. They all be crazy.

      • Sarabeth

        ditto. leans a bit crunchy, but plenty of corporate types are there as well.

    • mama of 2

      I don’t have a forum suggestion, unfortunately. I do really like the archives at askmoxie.org – she’s smart, her commenters are good, and her old stuff is really useful. Her kids are older now, so the new stuff is less baby-focused.

    • Anon

      I would try pandce dot proboards dot com. They have a sub board called MM Moms that is very informative/active.

    • ANP

      If you’ve got questions about bre@stfeeding or attachment parenting, the KellyMom Facebook group is a Godsend.

    • EB0220

      There is a listserv associated with UC Berkeley that is not bad. The threads are posted online, but I don’t know whether you can join/interact if you aren’t associated with Berkeley. Kellymom is, indeed, awesome for bre*stfeeding. I have also found DC Urban Moms to be not terrible.

      • EB0220

        For what it’s worth, a close friend who has had a baby recently might be a good bet. I leaned on my SIL when my baby was born and now have a friend who sends me lots of questions about her newborn.

        • Silvercurls

          Yes, this! Find a community of other parents. (And if the first group doesn’t feel like a good fit, keep looking.) They don’t all have to be parents of kids the same age as yours, so instead of a parents-and-babies group you might find a book club, or a political group…whatever works for you. The main thing is that you feel comfortable around each others’ parenting choices and general approaches to life. Sometimes people find each other on playgrounds. As your kids get older you’ll probably have more opportunities for interacting with other parents at child care or preschool, or in homeschooling groups if you want to go that route.
          If you have specific questions about breastfeeding, resources include La Leche League, pediatricians, hospitals, hospital education offices, and independent professionals who consult on such matters.
          Check bulletin boards at libraries and small businesses that serve parents & young children (gyms, baby gear stores, consignment stores, coffee shops…).
          Most of all, enjoy being a parent and don’t let anyone talk you into or out of doing something (vaccinations, breastfeeding, bottle feeding, co-sleeping, not co-sleeping, attachment parenting, organic food only, organic fabrics only, having one parent with the baby at all times) just because _they_ think it’s the right thing to do, or not to do!

    • anonforthis

      Lucie’s List does a FB question of the day if you join the facebook group.

    • Midlaw

      Reddit Baby Bumps isn’t bad, although I can’t say that about the rest of the Reddit community.

    • Arl

      If I recall correctly, you are in Northern Va? If you are in Arlington, you should join MONA (Mothers of North Arlington). It is my go-to resource for any/all parenting questions, and I’ve purchased nearly all of my daughter’s clothing from the accompanying re-sale site. It costs $40, and I resisted joining for a long time due to the up-front fee – but the community is far better than any other I’ve seen in the wide expanses of the Internet. Also, there are tons of spin-off groups (multiples, special needs, etc.), and lots of social activities. Having a lot of knowledgeable moms, in a local community, is really invaluable (and the archives cover just about every topic you can imagine).

      If you are outside of Arl, then I’ve heard great things about PACE Moms, but it’s geared towards in-person meetings (which I’ve heard are awesome).

    • Anastasia

      I’m late to this thread, but in case you’re still checking…

      I know you asked specifically about an online community, and I can imagine getting out of the house with twins takes some effort, but FWIW: when I was on maternity leave, the real-life moms’ group I joined was a billion times better than any online community could have been, and well worth the hassle of schlepping baby there every week. Does the hospital where you delivered – or one nearby – sponsor a group you can join? My personal experience: group was “moderated” by a couple of nurses, brought in guests (ranging from “sleep experts” to pediatric dentists to Gymboree) to talk about various topics every week, had an active e-mail list, and the nurses were really responsive if you had a question that couldn’t wait ’til the next week.

      I still keep in touch with a lot of the moms, and we meet up for play dates occasionally even though almost all of us are back at work full time; it’s invaluable to have a local network of people with kids about the same age as yours!

  23. Under deep V neck dresses/blouses?

    Hi,

    What should one wear under deep V neck dresses/blouses? I’m A-cup, fwiw. Is a neutral camisole the way to go?

    • hoola hoopa

      I like to wear V-neck camisoles where the cami v is slightly higher than the sweater. It doesn’t have to be neutral, but that depends on style and occasion.

    • Rosalita

      I wear a cami with a straight/flat neckline. I am very pale, so I wear beige, but some outfits would call for black.

  24. Mountain Girl

    Shopping help needed: White V-neck cardigan. Tall or 3/4 length sleeves as regular length long sleeves are never long enough. It can’t look like a lab coat and the V-neck is essential. Thanks

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions