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Updated: Aug 14, 2020 524 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Mid-Rise Linen-Blend Pants

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

These are the pants I need to get me through the rest of August and early September. Comfortable enough for working from the couch, but still an upgrade from pajama bottoms if you need to leave the house. I like the cheery red color, but I can really see the black pair becoming a workhorse in my wardrobe.

With a flowy pant like this, I’d probably do a fitted T-shirt to balance out the proportions and add a necklace for fun.

The pants are $14.97–$25, marked down from $34.99. They come in regular sizes XS–XXL, petite sizes XS–L, and tall sizes S–XXL. There’s also a plus-size version that comes in different colors. Mid-Rise Linen-Blend Pants

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Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anon

    Any lawyer advice for explaining “no charged” hours with my billing diaries without coming across as blaming a partner?

    A few months ago I was staffed as an associate on a new client matter with partner X, who is known for no charging associates’ hours. Recently, I noticed that even though I was billing a lot of hours a month, each month my billings summary shows that 15 % of my billable hours were no charged by partner X, meaning although they were billable hours they were not charged to the client and thus considered nonbillables.

    The managing partner recently tried to assign more work to me. I told him that I was slammed, but he seemed to not believe me. Because partner X consistently writes down my hours, this gave the managing partner the impression that I was not busy since my total billable hours became 85% lower due to the no charged hours.

    I’m worried that if this trend continues, it will negatively affect my annual compensation and evaluation. But I also don’t want to come across like I’m complaining about partner X.

    • Ellen

      Hug’s, but I wonder why your manageing partner is not billing your hours? If he is not passing along all of your billings and adding his own uplift, I think he must either be thinking your work product could/should have been done in less time and he is afraid to bill the cleint; and/or the cleint must have complained about the amount of billeings it has been asked to pay in the past; and/or your manageing partner is trying to over manage you. Is any of this possible? I don’t know, and you may not either, but in any event, in my firm, we do the opposite, in that we encourage all of our associates to fully bill their time and OUR manageing partner adds an uplift for his time in reviewing all of our work for the cleint to ensure the final work product is done and delivered to the cleint @ the highest levels.

    • Cat

      1. Partner X sounds obnoxious and as a general rule I think firms that don’t give billable credit for time that was written-off are awful.

      2. I suspect this goes without saying but have you spoken to Partner X about the reason your time specifically was written off, as opposed to rolling your eyes with other associates? (Confirming that it wasn’t an issue of poor work product, going off on a tangent or rabbithole without checking in, etc.)

      3. If the reason is Partner X just wanted to lower the bill and decided to lop your time, I think laying it out, matter-of-fact, as you did here does not come across as whiny. Especially if you can tell Managing Partner the outcome of the conversation with Partner X, hence my suggestion in #2.

      • Anon

        Thank you. The I tried previously to talk with Partner X about something similar. And it did not go well. I’m very concerned because she had previously pushed out another associate, and has a reputation for doing similar things.

        • anon

          Agree with the advice below that you need to find a way to stop working for Partner X, and you should ask for advice. The way things are going, you’ll get pushed out either way–either you make Partner X angry by declining her work, or you annoy all the other partners by declining work when you appear to have capacity (or declining work at all–partners never seemed to care if I have capacity or not).

        • Ellen

          Wait! Why didn’t you tell us that Partner X was a woman? That makes alot of difference, b/c she is very likeley jelous of you as a pretty young associate and she, is worried about you down the line, so she is already planting the seeds to get you out of there, just like she ALREADY did with another associate! If you had told us this earlier, we could have given you crisper advice.

          Unless the manageing partner is also a woman (unlikeley) I now recommend that you go to the manageing partner with this information. She is not doing the firm well by pushing out pretty and smart women like you and that will be bad for the firm in the long run, all to placate this Partner x. PTOOEY on her!

    • Anon

      I find people respond well when you ask for advice. Then it looks like you are trying to come to a solution rather than complaining. Could you go back to managing partner and say “I need some advice. I realized why you thought I had availability. Partner X has been writing off 15% of my hours. Is there a way for time like that to be moved to my billable hours where it was written down for client cost savings reasons only? How do I demonstrate I’m busy in situations like this?

  2. Go for it

    PSA- I ordered these in white, full on see through. Back they went.
    PS if you have athletic thighs they will be tight even in the next size up.

    • Ellen

      Yay, Fruegal Friday’s! I love these and think that for this price, we can all at least try them and if they don’t fit, we can donate them to NY Cares or Goodwill, and they can find someone with a slimmer tuchus who can appreciate them. In your case, if you buy white, you have to expect some see-through, so the way to deal with that is to wear silk panties so that no one can see much other then the panties. If you wear less like a thong you are only inviting people to stare to see what else they can see underneath.

    • The original Scarlett

      Ha, and I got them in black and dislike them too – hey look like frumpy pajama pants in person, but have none of the comfort that goes w PJs as they’re scratchy. Should have sent them back, but they’re instead in that pile of things I was going to wear at home to look “normal”

    • Anon

      I ordered these in a 2x (I usually wear an XXL from Old Navy but they were sold out in the color I wanted in that size). They were gigantic – waist too big, legs too wide and way too long. I returned them. I have other Old Navy clothes in this same linen/rayon fabric and I like them a lot but these pants did not work.

    • anon

      They are least flattering pants I have ever owned. The cropped version are my slouching around the garden pants.

    • BB

      I’d like to make a plug for my American Giant linen pants. They’re at a very different price point, but I think for a good reason as they are much better made. Soft, not super wrinkly even though they’re linen, not see through, and definitely fits my muscular thighs. The drape well, but require hemming as they come super long.

  3. RuralAtty

    I just learned yesterday that my very rural, very low positive COVID case county is going to resume jury trials. All other court proceedings resumed in person in June. The jury box will have three sided plexiglass dividers between seats. Just in case anyone was wondering what is going on in the hinterlands with the practice of law.

    • No Face

      Do you know how they are going to handle jury selection?

      My jurisdiction stopped jury trials because the potential jurors have to sit in a giant room together when they arrive, and then 45-60 people fill up a courtroom during voir dire. The judges believe (and I agree) that this process has to be entirely re-worked.

      • RuralAtty

        All prospective jurors will sit in the courtroom (it’s very large) with six feet between each person in the row and seating every other row or two rows (I can’t remember which). Masks required. They will excuse anyone that is unwilling to wear a mask. I think that may leave them very low on prospective jurors because my area appears to be very anti-mask.

      • Anonymous

        Florida has recently done a pilot trial with jury selection via Zoom and then had the jurors come in once selected.

    • Large Homes

      Can those of you with large homes (4,000+ sq ft) share your experiences? Do you enjoy having a large home? Do you regret buying it and want to downsize?

      My husband and I bought our medium-sized home with the intention of renovating it and adding onto it. We never loved the house, but the unchangeables (location, lot, school district) are perfect. Now we are at the point where we want to renovate, and it’s going to cost a ton of money to do what we want – hundreds of thousands of dollars. We have met with two different architects, and they both asked us if we would be willing to tear the house and start fresh!

      A large home nearby went on the market last week. We went to the open house on Sunday, and now I think about the house every single day. I love the house, but it is a LOT of house. More than double the size of where I live now. I’ve done my own pro/con lists, but I would like to hear from people who have lived it. I don’t want to buy a giant house and regret it.

      Info about us:
      – currently 2 kids, planning to have 4-5 total
      -multi-generational household
      -host large parties in non-COVID times (80+ people in warm weather, but we can only fit 15 or so inside during the cold months)
      – regularly have long term guests in non-COVID times

      • The original Scarlett

        Small house person here but reading your about section screams that you need a big one! Just commenting if you need enabling….

        • Anonymous

          Agree!

          We have 4 in 3K sq feet and now that we are home all day every day even its walls have closed in on us. With more kids or visitors, 4K doesn’t seem inappropriate if you can afford it. The bad thing: it won’t clean itself.

      • anon

        I grew up in a 4,000 sq ft home and my family is half the size of what you have planned. I think you’ll be happy to have the extra bathrooms and closet/storage space as your kids grow up.

        • NYCer

          +1. With that many kids, you will definitely appreciate having more space. Go for it!

      • Anon

        Umm I think if you want 5 (!) kids you NEED a house that big! I live in a 2300 square foot house. It’s perfect, and I would not want more house because large unused spaces are a pain to clean and maintain. But I have one kid! I think we’d be ok in our current house with a second kid, but anything more than that and I would definitely be wanting a bigger house.

        • Anon

          You also don’t need to regularly clean rooms you don’t use though. We just keep the doors shut to our spare bedrooms and clean them prior to guests staying over. We definitely don’t dust and vacuum them weekly.

      • Anon

        We don’t have any kids and live in a 4,400 square foot house. It’s a fully renovated 100-year-old foursquare. We would probably never build a new house this big, but we got a great deal on it and having all the space is glorious. We have plenty of room for large parties and multiple sets of overnight guests, plus we each have our own offices and an extra shared hobby room.

        If we had 4-5 kids we would use every square inch of it and then some. It sounds like you need a home that size!

        • Anon

          The woman who built my 1025sf house in the 1960’s raised 4 kids in it. No one NEEDS a 4,400 SF house, but if it’s what you want, go for it. The big caveat is to not overspend, because a large house that’s set up well for a multigenerational family is a true niche market, and you probably won’t be able to sell it quickly.

          • Airplane.

            A woman raised 4 kids in 1025 square feet in the NINETEEN SIXTIES. How is that relevant to OP who wants to have 4-5 kids pluse live with multigenerational in the same home in the 2020’s?

          • pugsnbourbon

            I grew up with four siblings in a 2200 sf house – it was fine, but I think my parents absolutely would have gone for more space if it was in the budget. Most people, even most families, don’t need 4k sf, sure – but it sounds like her family and lifestyle would really benefit. I think multigenerational homes are going to become more popular, not less, in the next couple decades.

          • anon

            Well congrats to that random lady from 1960 but I would’ve hated growing up in such a crowded house.

      • Cat

        Your “about us” is the opposite of my personal “about us” and therefore all the reasons I love living in a small city home are the reasons that you really, really will want the bigger house.

      • cat socks

        It’s just two of us and we live in a 4000 sq foot home. There is a full, finished basement so that adds to a lot of the footage. We picked the floor plan because we liked the large living room and kitchen and we wanted four bedrooms, but we don’t use all the space. The dining room goes unused. And there’s a sitting room off the bedroom that just has cat perches at the windows.

        For everything you described, a large home would be good. Our basement has a full bath as well so that would be good if someone wanted to use that as a bedroom.

      • anne-on

        Omg, I would totally get the bigger house. We have 1 kid and normally have an au pair, and we’re in a 2600 sq foot house now with 4 bedrooms. I would LOVE one more bedroom (or a finished basement) so that we could both have offices/better kid play space. For a family of your size I think a big house makes total sense!

      • Walnut

        I have three kids and ~3k square feet. How it’s laid out makes a huge difference. I really value a separate living room/play space for the kids that is separate from our normal living space. We have four bedrooms on one floor together which is also a huge priority, as our kids are still little. In the current wfh environment, having extra space for home offices would be really nice.

        I would focus on how much of the square feet is wasted on hallways or spaces you really can’t use to determine what you need. I also would 100% buy the neighbor house unless you’re really excited about your renovation possibilities.

      • anon

        I can chime in with my experience buying a 4500 sqr ft house, because it was in a perfect location, rather than because we needed the size- I love it evem more than I expected. At the moment, it’s just DH and I (ttc, and expecting our mothers may need to be here someday). Mostly what I’m liking about it is the room to move- hallways are wide, kitchen allows multiple cooks, you can stand by either side of the bed. We do have multiple rooms that don’t ever get used, but I think that’s mostly temporary circumstance-no furniture yet, or repairs are in process.

      • Anon

        Multi generational and 4-5 kids ultimately? Go for it!!

        We are a family of 4 in a 3000 sq ft house. We moved here from a 1200 sq ft house when the kids were toddlers. We thought we’d never use all the space but over the years have thoroughly used every inch. I now can’t imagine less (though yes, I know people do all the time.) With all the people you’re talking about living together, you will need that space. I hope your new place has 4 bathrooms!

      • Senior Attorney

        There are two of us in 3000 square feet. We use all of it and could definitely use another bedroom and bathroom so we could have more guests. For a multi-generational household with 4-5 children, I’d say 4500 square feet would be a minimum!

    • SEUS Anon

      My red state rural area is full speed ahead on jury trials. Despite a mask order from our state’s Supreme Court, in the courthouse there are lawyers, law enforcement officers, members of the public and judges who do not use a mask or do so improperly so as to render it ineffective. The vast majority of people in this area do not mask, and some are overtly hostile to those who do. I am driving an hour to a city to so my grocery shopping in the company of mask wearing people. I have a preexisting respiratory problem that already negatively affects my day to day life, and I am livid and find the ignorant, “it’s like the flu” people despicable. I truly believe that certain states are going to mess up the pandemic recovery for the whole nation and that my state is one of them.

      • Anonymous

        A federal judge in ED Texas is conducting jury trials. It’s so irresponsible, clients, lawyers and witnesses have to travel to the area, and then the poor jurors and court staff have to serve when they could be risking their health. It’s appalling.

        • Anon

          Gilstrap legit quoted Frost: “the only way out is through.” OK Boomer, so you’re going to let people get sick and die so giant corporations can fight over patents…

    • Anon

      The federal court in my SEUS city is resuming jury trials in September. They had one trial in late June before our city had a surge. That trial ended in a mistrial in part because one of the attorneys learned he’d had a close contact and had to quarantine in the middle of trial. My trial is the first one back. I am so angry about this. Our county continued all jury trials through January– how is the federal court any different? Also attorneys are not allowed to wear masks. Jurors are strongly encouraged to not wear masks. Everyone is appropriately spaced out, but not sure how that helps if there are that many people in a room with aerosolized transmission.

      • Anon

        Why are you not allowed to wear masks? Do they think it will make you harder to hear? What about the ones with the clear windows so lips can be seen? I’d ask for a continuance with medical documentation from my doctor but I totally understand if you don’t want the judge to be annoyed if he/she isn’t believing the risk.

  4. The Ordinary

    To all of you who recommended me products from The Ordinary a few weeks ago for my dry skin with large pores and blackheads:
    I ordered hyaluronic acid (AM/PM), niacinamide+zinc (AM), lactic acid (PM every other day) and the squalane oil (PM) and cleanser, and the CeraVe moisturizer.

    I’ve been using the products for 2 weeks now and it’s amazing. While the blackheads are not gone, my skin is much smoother and the pores seem much less visible. I think the squalane oil really helps to lock the moisture in.

    I’m going to look into getting a face steamer and pore suction device as was also recommended, but so far I’m super pleased.

    Thanks, hive!

    • Airplane.

      Excellent! Glad to hear. I’m pro face steamer.

      Have any skincare nerds tried that nuface? That light mask thing that makes you look like ironman.

    • In-House in Houston

      Were you breaking out due to wearing a mask, or was it just general break-outs? I’m breaking out exactly where my mask covers and it’s driving me crazy. Never had problems before with breakouts.

      • anne-on

        I’ll suggest my mask-ne miracle product – de la cruz sulfur ointment. It smells gross, but it is SUPER effective, cheap, and dries out zits like nobodies business. Drunk elephant and others also make ‘sulfur masks’ for about 9x the cost but this works like a charm and is cheap enough to use daily. I put it on with a q-tip as a spot treatment (and to not have to dig sulfur goo out from under my nails), leave it on for 15-30 minutes depending on the size/severity of the spot, and then wipe off with a tissue/washcloth and wash my face. Wiping off is key – this stuff is sticky. You may want to lightly moisturize afterwards, it can be drying to the surrounding skin.

  5. Anon

    What’s your favorite drugstore hair dye product for grays near roots/temple? I’m finding a need to touch up between color more often. Thanks.

    • Anonyz

      I have resistant gray at my temples, and profoundly miss my salon coloring. The best I’ve found for my dark brunette hair with about 40% gray is Olio. It turns the grays a dark blonde/light brown that shines red in the sun. My grays laugh off everything else I’ve tried.

      I have done some research on resistant gray, and professional colorist forums suggest applying pre-mixed color (straight from the tube) to the gray roots before applying the mixture. I always thought you were supposed to use developer for that, but apparently I had it completely backwards. I have yet to work up the courage to try this, but I really want to. Keeping a spare tube on hand to do this once or twice between coloring sessions sounds ideal, since it would match exactly.

    • AIMS

      I tried L’Oréal Root Rescue recently and was happy with it. I don’t actually dye my hair but I do have random stray grays along the hairline that sort of stuck out and made my hair look messy. I also have darker hair but got a lighter hair color because I thought it would look more natural and that was a good move. I think I basically got the darkest blonde/lightest brown shade and it blends well. I think anything that was actually a dark Brown would have looked super fake.

    • Anon

      Just as an FYI, I did Madison Reed and while I like the color a lot and my hair feels great, it did not color all the grays. I don’t personally mind because it’s less gray than before and it looks natural, but I think one of the knocks on MR is that it doesn’t always get all the gray.

  6. ANON

    Would Overtone work on really dark brown hair? I know they have it for brown hair but there are a lot of levels of brown hair. I need something to spice up my life!

    • E

      It’ll be really subtle–like only noticeable in bright sunlight. They actually show the results of different shades of brown on the website, all the way to the darkest of browns. But for really dramatic results, you’ll need to bleach first.

    • Anon

      so funny you ask… I also have brown hair and decided last night if lockdowns happen in my state I will use Overtone Pink or Rose Gold to color my hair. I may still have zoom depositions and court appearances, but thats what ponytails are for.

    • anononon

      I recently tried the Rose Gold for brown hair on my chocolate brown hair with very washed out highlights, thinking it would show up in the highlights at least. I was so excited for some fun quarantine hair, but I was so disappointed in the results. Even after leaving the color on for 30 minutes, the pink was just barely noticeable. It was completely gone in two washes. I figured out afterward that I probably have low porosity hair, which doesn’t absorb products and color as well. Might be worth trying to figure out your hair porosity to get a better sense of whether overtone would be worth it for you!

  7. Anon

    I’m both low maintenance and vain – I wish I could roll out of bed looking fabulous but clearly that’s not always possible. I like looking nice and feel so much better when I do but I don’t love spending time, money, and energy doing so. For example – my makeup routine is 3 products and takes less than 2 minutes.

    What do you find gives you the most “bang for your buck” in terms of looking out together without much effort.

    • Cb

      I take pretty careful care of my skin and find BB cream, mascara, and a lipstain are all I need to look decent. I’ve got really unruly hair but at least my skin looks nice?

      • Anon

        I’m envious of your unruly hair! Mine is stick straight and limp. It is always “in place” (highly overrated), but I would love some riotous curls to tame.

        • Cb

          I think the issue is that I’m way too lazy to tame it. Go to bed with it wet, don’t own any heating implements.

          • inksy

            I put some curl cream and mousse in my hair after I wash it and go to bed with it wet-sh, on a faux-satin pillowcase. hair is not frizzy/ unkempt in am, lasts 2-3 days before i need to do something to it (ie wash again, use a headband etc).

            I also don’t have time/ don’t want to do much work in looking fab, but want to look fab. Tinted lip balm (burts bees, revlon), eyeliner, under eye concealer if I need it (or am on zoom! i skip eyeliner and just use the undereye stuff). Always earrings and necklace but I leave them on all the time, change them whenever or never.

        • Op

          My hair is an uneven wave / a bit of frizz and has a weird cowlick. What I would give to have hair that’s in place all the time!

    • Anon

      Oh I love this topic, curious to see what others say. I think I’m fairly similar, here’s what (seems to) work well for me:

      1. Rotation of tailored / well-fitting sheath dresses. For some reason people seem to think a sheath dress is something fancy when in reality I love them because I only have to pick out one thing to wear and don’t have to coordinate.

      2. Same jewelry every day or two versions (silver and gold). Keep it simple. Most days for me its one ring, watch and earrings.

      3. I stopped wearing makeup other than mascara, eyebrow liner and tinted lip balm a few years ago. There was an adjustment period of feeling very self-conscious about my skin without having all my flaws covered by foundation but I actually find my skin is much much better now that I’m not clogging my pores with foundation, blush, concealer, etc. Instead invest in a simple skincare routine that you’ll do consistently.

      4. Wet to dry hairstyles. Find some updos that you can do in 5 minutes with damp hair.

      5. Simplify accessories. Pare down to just a handbag or two and limit your shoes. Keep in immaculate shape but wear the same ones over and over. Less thinking but you look more pulled together with shoes that are polished, etc.

      6. Don’t bother with nail polish. Ever. If you get a manicure, you have to maintain it. It’s pretty easy/quick to maintain/make nails look nice if there’s no polish ever. No need to worry about chipped polish or discoloration.

      • Anon

        I’d say gel manicures. I feel much more put together with a manicure but gel doesn’t chip!

        • Airplane.

          +1 or press on gels. I love and notice other women’s nails, I love to admire. Totally fine to do no color polish but a well manicured hand on men and women always looks put together.

        • Anon

          I don’t think gel manis are for low maintenance women. I am higher maintenance and still got to the point where I was always trying to figure out how to fit that hour in every 2-3 weeks. And if I made it to 3 weeks my mani did not look good.

          I’ve given up the gels since shelter in place – it had to slowly chip or peel off which was an ugly period but I was at home – and now my nails have completely grown out. I’m surprised at how strong they are now. Like, they get too long. I have to cut them.

          Gel is really hard on your nails – it’s all the scraping they do to get it off, plus roughing up your nail surface to get it to adhere.

          I do fully agree that I loved how it looked.

      • Anna

        I like your routine, thanks for posting this! What tinted lip balm do you use? And is it long lasting? My lip balms are usually gone within 4 minutes…

        • Anonymous

          Not the OP, but Fresh Sugar Tinted Lip Treatment (in the tube) is lightly colored and not particularly glossy, but it lasts all day. I haven’t tried their Balms because I don’t particularly want to apply with my fingers in these COVID times.

          • Anonymous

            but a disclaimer — these will melt in your car so don’t leave it in there in your purse for example

    • anon

      Filling in my eyebrows and putting on mascara. Wearing a necklace also makes me look way more put together on video calls, even if it’s on top of workout clothes.

    • Anon

      Lash and brow dye has a big pay off for me. I have a mix of dark and light lashes and brow hairs, and dying them makes them all dark and gives the same effect as a more polished make up look.

      • Anon

        +1. Very long payoff per minute spent on my self-tinting of lashes and brows. My very dark brows and lashes have faded as I have gotten older, so this makes me feel more like my younger self.

    • emeralds

      Ha, we sound similar in vibe. Here’s what I’ve got:
      -A bold lip, although unfortunately masks have thrown a wrench in that one.
      -Wearing pretty much the same jewelry every day.
      -Putting the work in on the front end with my uniform-style wardrobe. All of my clothes go with each other and fit me well, which simplifies picking outfits.

    • Op

      Along with this – do people who have done it think laser hair removal and/or lash extensions are worth it? Higher upfront cost but the time saved in the long run is very appealing to me.

      • CountC

        I can’t speak to either, but I will say that the lash tint and lift I got done was definitely worth it. I wake up and my lashes look great with zero work. Add mascara and they look like I have low level extensions! Maybe a middle ground option?

      • anon

        A friend of mine has lash extensions and she wakes up looking like a Disney princess every day. I plan on getting them myself whenever it’s safe to do so.

      • pugsnbourbon

        My SIL got lash extensions just before lockdown and holy moly, they looked amazing. They were definitely $$$$ though.

      • Jeffiner

        I had laser hair removal on my underarms and bikini line. 1000% worth it. Showers are faster, I don’t have to think “I can’t ware that top because I didn’t shave” and I don’t have stubble or ingrown hairs anymore.

      • Anon

        I got my bikini lines lasered probably 10 years ago, and I cannot recommend it enough. I can go on vacation, to the beach, etc etc without giving it a second thought. Worth every penny and by now I’m sure it has paid off if I had alternatively kept up waxing (which I HATED doing!).
        I should add I am normally a frugal person.

      • Anokha

        I did laser hair removal on my legs 8 years ago. It is still one of the best decisions of my life. I was VERY hairy (eg shaved daily),and I am now down to shaving 2x/month.

        I did my face about 15 years ago and it grew back. I am looking forward to getting it done again when I’m done breastfeeding and covid isn’t an issue.

        • Katie

          I had my underarms lasered (worked flawlessly), and my chin/sideburns (worked really well, but still get the occasional whisker). I wish I could justify the cost of getting my legs done… might have to scour Groupon for a deal, because I wish I’d done it sooner!

          • Anokha

            Honestly, I regret not doing my underarms. I remember at the time being like “whatever, it takes me 2 minutes to shave them”. But I hadn’t considered that laser would remove the roots. There’s a picture from my wedding that I love, but my arms are overhead and you can see the underarm hair shadow, even though I shaved that morning. I know I shouldn’t care, but I do.

      • Anon

        One of the best things I ever did – I did underarms and legs professionally. Then bought one of the home handheld devices ($250ish) and did my bikini line and the occasional touch ups. At most, I use a razor every 2-3 months. I recommend highly!

    • pugsnbourbon

      I am lazy AF and also vain! Here’s what works for me:
      – pixie cut. I am in the chair more often (and lockdown was … interesting) but I’m not fighting with my thin, sort-of-wavy hair every morning.
      – capsule wardrobe. Gray, black and white.
      – simple and consistent makeup: liquid liner (this took practice), mascara, brows and lipcolor.
      – earrings every day.

      • Op

        Yes! I’m all about the liquid mine! My makeup routine is bb cream, liquid eyeliner in the top lid and mascara. And always, always earrings (the only jewelry I wear aside from a watch and an anklet neither of which I ever take off)

    • Alie

      Haha my entire routine is centered around this!

      – Pick out clothes the night before
      – Pay attention to skin care and do your eyebrows regularly
      – Have a couple options for jewelry/lipstick – easy to switch in/out but look polished. The wonders some concealer, mascara, and a bit of lipstick can do
      – Get a hair cut that really is wash and go for your hair texture. Also, some products like a light de frizzing creme that help style your air drying hair

    • The original Scarlett

      I’m lazy vain, too – my Big Bang for the buck is Botox (I don’t do anything other than wash my face and use a little moisturizer under powder, some of that is lucky genetics, but I’m not battling any wrinkles w creams or serums) – the refreshed look it gives you is amazing. I also go low maintenance hair (I get it cut and colored quarterly and stay away from bangs, for me long hair is the easiest and I just get good at putting it up). Past that, Sephora’s eyebrow crayon is amazing, Laura mercier eyeshadow stick and mascara, done

      • anne-on

        Laura Mercier eyeshadow stick, mascara, blush, and powder has been my covid makeup routine. I’m done in maaaybe 3 minutes and it’s ‘enough’ makeup to make me look not dead on video calls. Yes, the tube of eyeshadow can sometimes fall out but the ease of not messing with brushes is worth remembering to always hold it upright when uncapping it.

        • Anon

          Not op but please tell me about these sticks. What colors? How do you apply it? Straight from the stick? Do you then use a brush or your finger? Are you looking for an all over lid color or more of a close to the lash liner look?

          • Anne-on

            It really depends on your goal. For everyday I use a gold or bronze shade and literally color in my kids, then blend with my pinky. If I’m lazy I can also just draw them on as a thick eyeliner. The ‘crayon’ is about 3-4x as wide as an eyeliner.
            For a dramatic look you can use amethyst/greys/silvers. I would order the small versions or go see them in a store to pick your neutrals that work for your eyes.

    • AIMS

      My eyebrows are fine on their own but I got them professionally shaped once and I was surprised by how put together I looked with no make up in the middle of the night that whole month. So I’d say that may be worthwhile and it is a pretty quick thing to do once every few weeks (though maybe not the easiest in the current pandemic).

      A good haircut has a similar effect and yes to GlowScreen.

      But, kindly, a lot of the other stuff doesn’t seem to fit the lazy part of the question guys! Taking good care of your skin is generally something of a commitment unless you are genetically blessed with good skin anyway. Maybe the answer is you generally have to put the time in somewhere but I think that is something to acknowledge at least.

    • Anonyz

      I quit warm tones. No more brown/tan pants, shoes, belts, or purses. Everything is black, with jewel tones for tops and accessories. I was sick of juggling multiples of everything, and honestly I think brown is kinda ugly anyway. Dressing is simpler because nothing is capable of clashing, and my closet is sleeker.

    • Anon

      For me, microblading. I have thick brows already but they’re kind of patchy and need to be filled in with makeup. I didn’t actually pay for it because I volunteered to be a “model” for a master class, but was prepared to shell out $600. I look like I have perfect filled in brows everyday when I wake up. Even now when I haven’t had my brows shaped or trimmed in 6 months they look pretty dang good. Will definitely redo when it fades.

    • Anon

      Starting with good skin (real or faked) –

      Lipstick (on zoom)
      Mascara otherwise

      • Anna

        This is me. And I stress, lipstick just for the zoom, if I want people to think I tried. Otherwise, mascara, skin cream, and run.

  8. Anon

    Anyone up for a pet peeve/unpopular opinion thread to blow off steam today? I’ll suggest that we keep it lighthearted and non-COVID-related (i.e., no “I hate people who don’t wear masks”), but it’s just a suggestion. I’ll start:

    – Most of Joanna Gaines’ home redesigns are tacky, at least the ones that shove shiplap into every home style and have huge signs announcing which room you’re in. Her husband’s sense of humor is annoying and showy.
    – Related, it’s a crime against humanity to tear down all the walls in a Victorian and turn it into an “open concept floor plan” (bonus crime points for tearing out original woodwork and making all the walls blinding white). RIP entry hall, RIP parlor, RIP library…
    – Whole30 is a diet, not a “reset.”

    Happy Friday to my fellow curmudgeons!

    • Cb

      I’ve been trying to do a bit more reading about body positivity, etc, and I wish it wasn’t so sexualized. I just want to be body neutral, you know? Appreciate my body for the fact that I birthed and fed a child, can be active, etc and be kind to it, not do boudoir photo shoots.

      • Anonymous

        Ooh, I love this one. I think you’re probably looking for more body neutrality than body positivity. Check out Beauty Redefined.

      • Ribena

        Hard agree. I’m sure I read something about a year ago about body neutrality and it seemed like a great goal to aim for.

      • Mal

        Yes yes yes yes…I’m so fatigued by the whole idea that I “have” to put so much thought into beauty. I want beauty to matter less, not more. Am I attractive? Yes. Do I want to have to think about it all the time? Hell no.

    • Anon

      Ha ha ha, I love it, and agree wholeheartedly on your points above!

      Here’s mind: musicals are annoying. Including Hamilton. There, I said it, come at me.

      • Anon

        My husband HATES musicals (all theater really, but especially musicals) but he reluctantly agreed to go to Hamilton because he’s a huge history buff. And he loved it! He still won’t see any other musical with me though.

      • CountC

        I feel like I should go anon for this, but I agree. I saw Hamilton in NYC and while I found it fine, I haven’t thought about it much since. It’s extra bad because I was in show choir in middle school and high school!!

      • anon

        Ahhh I have finally found my people!!! Please stop singing and get on with the story.

      • cat socks

        Same. I have no desire to see Hamilton. The only “musical” I like is the Sound of Music.

        • Anonymous

          Same. I loved musicals in high school and college but now, I think “meh” and although I love history, I can’t be bothered to see Hamilton.

      • Anonymous

        The problem with musicals is you miss like 50% of the story because they are singing!

        • anon

          I’m someone who has a really hard time following along with song lyrics the first time I hear them. I guess my first listen is more focused on the music or something? Anyway, any sort of song-based narrative is lost on me if I only get one chance to hear it.

          • Anon

            If you have the opportunity to watch the filmed Hamilton, watching it with subtitles on is the way to go.

            But I don’t hate musicals. I have many favorites, most of them not modern. The Wizard OG Oz, Guys and Dolls, South Pacific, and Carousel.

          • anon

            Thanks for the tip! Hamilton doesn’t sound even remotely interesting to me though so I will just keep avoiding it :)

        • Anonymous

          Co-sign. Destiny’s Child always felt like a contender to win a high school talent show.

      • Anon

        Totally agree. I think she’s an amazing vocalist and some of her songs are very good. But she’s just a singer, why do people think she’s like a step below a deity. It’s so confusing.

    • Cat

      Ha, I share your design peeves! A blogger I follow is committing serious crimes against her historic house in Darien — I think I’d need to wear sunglasses inside, and related PSA: Just because Serena & Lily makes it doesn’t mean it looks good in your house.

        • Cat

          lol it’s Mackenzie Horan at Design Darling. She seems nice (minimal influencer-speak, etc) but for someone who insists she is passionate about design, I just don’t get her insistence on turning everything into a beach house!

          • Anon

            I agree – she seems like a nice person, but her taste in design is…questionable.

          • Anon

            I just wish she’d use some color on the walls that isn’t white or blue, get some nice antique Oriental rugs, ditch the Serena and Lily, and never upholster anything in beige.

      • Ribena

        I don’t know the Gaineses, but Mrs Hinch is a similarly popular home look here. I saw the nickname “Hinch hun hut” yesterday for the pale grey walls, “be kind” signs, grey squashed velvet sofas, scented candles everywhere look.

    • Abby

      Unpopular opinion: I cannot stand Taylor Swift. I think she’s manipulative – which is FINE, I think many celebrities are, but just own it! Don’t try and pretend to be the nice girl.

      • Anon

        I agree with the manipulative part. For sure seems very calculated, although it’s gotten her to where she is.
        I will say, and I’m not like a Swifty or anything, but her ability for songwriting the enormous amount of songs she has written that have spanned over a decade now I think is really next level impressive (even if the songs aren’t all to one’s taste). There’s just really not that many artists that have churned out that level of original stuff like that and that consistently.

      • Anon

        See, I like her music generally, but I 100% agree on the manipulative side. I went to a concert of hers once and couldn’t stop thinking that it was obvious that she had focus grouped/tested almost every line she spoke to the audience. It was…offputting.

      • Anonyz

        On one hand, I agree with you.

        On the other hand, we NEVER talk about male musicians this way. Everything she does is just SOP for dudes–singing about exes, trying to make yourself look good on social, feeding the PR machine. She is the dead horse to beat for industry-standard practices, and I’m so incredibly tired of it.

        • Anon

          Totally agree. Notice there is Swift hate and Beyonce hate on this thread but no one’s talking about the men.

          • Anonymous

            Then I will.

            Harry Styles — his “quirky” look is off putting and I think it’s for publicity
            Sam Smith — they whine a lot
            Luke Bryan — enough with the “Good Ole’ Boy” schtick already
            Emimem — now there is a manipulator
            Kanye — overrated and right now, possibly mentally unstable
            The Biebs — I. Just. Can’t.

      • Anon

        She’s incredibly type A and awkward. Very talented and works very hard but she doesn’t have a likeable personality. I feel like I come across that way despite my best efforts!

      • Anonymous

        Whenever I see her, I think, “Why do you have to set your diary to music? Make a blog.”

      • Mal

        I kinda felt the same way, but ended up watching the documentary about her (Miss Americana) and I think it made me more sympathetic to her – she seems much more human. Would I be her friend? Eh, maybe not, but she seems more understandable. She spent her entire young adulthood as a superstar, and that would be crazymaking for anyone.

    • Anon

      I have a really dumb one: reusable paper towels are just rags, which have been around since humans started making cloth. It’s not an eco-friendly movement, it’s cleaning 101.

          • Anon

            Ah we still do that. At one point I had to insist we had enough rags and could actually throw out my husbands ragged old boxer briefs. Cleaning with my son’s rocket patented boxer briefs from when he was 5 though, now that’s adorable.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t like the Gaineses or their work either.

      I cannot abide business-speak. A person is not a “resource.” I do not want to “circle back” with you when we reach an “inflection point.”

      Old people who complain about ceiling fans on videoconferences can just suck it up. We are not all going to turn off our fans because you whine that they make you dizzy.

      • Anonymous

        I find shiplap to be so, so ugly. It’s the paneled wall of today and everyone will be tearing it out in 5 years.

      • Vicky Austin

        Business speak is the WORRRRRRST. Also the longer it takes you to convey a straightforward message (like on a group call), the more my respect for you drops. Just say what you mean. I am amazed by the ability of some people to say so many words in a row and not have any of them actually mean anything.

      • CountC

        I need people to stop saying thought leader. What was wrong with innovator or, you know, LEADER!

        • Curious

          Yes. Just for this I can get over your misguided lack of over the moon, obsessive enthusiasm for Hamilton. ;)

          Also Simon Sinek has great ideas but needs to have someone else say them out loud. His salesperson voice gives me the heebie jeebies

      • anon

        Same! I’m soooooo glad I won’t have to sit through hundreds of convos about it or hear “no, we can’t do blah blah because something something ‘Bama” (not that we can do anything anyways but apparently I’d rather my plans be derailed by a pandemic than football).

      • LaurenB

        +1 on football being cancelled! It could go away forever. High school, college, pro, all of it. Buh-bye.

      • Anon

        Ha, and my unpopular opinion is that I love football and am crushed college football mostly isn’t happening this year, although I have a Big 12 team I cheer for so keeping my fingers crossed about that. High school football is definitely happening in my state and for the first time in my life I think I’m going to follow it and maybe even go to a game. It’s not my scene normally but it just isn’t fall without football.

      • Anon

        LMAO! At least those people have stopped taking over the comments here on the hive. And yes, it’s just a way to restrict calorie intake rather than a magical kickstart to your metabolism. Harder to take in too many calories if you only have a short window to do so.

        • Jess

          Sometimes intermittent fasting can be so low key that it doesn’t need to be called that. A 12 hour fast between dinner and breakfast is nbd.

      • Thanks, it has pockets!

        I don’t mind people doing it, I realize some have found great success with it and good for them. What bothers me is their assumption that this is something that can work for everyone, and everyone should try it, and that it’s the superior way to lose weight, and if you’re not interested in trying it then clearly you have a food addiction and you don’t care about your health. THAT BS needs to go away.

        • Anon

          I think the problem is different doctors giving different advice to patients with the same issues. I was originally told to snack between meals to stabilize my blood sugar and insulin levels. Many people are still given that advice. For well understood reasons, this worsened my insulin resistance and weight gain. I can totally see how people could become IF evangelists when they realize that what they need is the exact opposite of what they were originally told.

      • Kitten

        Yes! I was so confused when I finally looked up that term and realized it’s just not eating breakfast and snacking at night? Apparently I’ve been “intermittent fasting” since college. Do people really constantly eat all day and into the night?

        • Anon

          Yes. It’s definitely strange to brand normal adult eating patterns as a form of “fasting” because other people are eating constantly. But again the advice given to many people with blood sugar issues was to snack a lot to avoid large meals or ever going hypo. But this keeps insulin up all the time which can worsen the underlying problem. So in that context, it’s a huge revelation to be told “eat fewer carbs so you don’t spike and crash, and stop all the snacking.” I experienced this as a 180 when my doctors changed their advice.

          The CDC estimates that a third of adults in the US are at least prediabetic, even if they don’t know it, so I think a lot of people must find themselves eating constantly because of the spike and crash cycle, even if no one has advised them to.

    • Ribena

      If it buttons up, it doesn’t mean it fits.

      Negative ease is not the same as fitted.

      • Anon

        OTOH, I don’t really care if someone else wears ill-fitting clothing and I don’t judge them as a person.

        • Ribena

          It mainly bothers me in fashion magazines, where I think the writers should know better. If I see something that’s buttoned but clearly too small on someone else, I don’t care.

    • Anon

      When bloggers/influencers post birth stories with extensive disclaimers saying things like “I realize that birth and babies are fragile ground for so many. If you are walking the road of infertility, I see you and my heart goes out to you.” Just eff off. Assume that women can self-select out of that.

      When people decorate with books spines in. It’s ugly and shows me they don’t read.

      • Anon

        Agreed! I’m a strong independent woman and I can decide if I want to read something for myself. If I do read it and it’s upsetting I can deal with it myself.

        I don’t need some blogger to post some sickly sweet performative disclaimer.

        • Anon

          I know, right? More people are going to start self-selecting out if they keep writing in such an overwrought way…

        • Anon

          Counterpoint, I know what all my hundreds of books look like as I’ve read them a million times.

          • Anonymous

            Yes, but I still group them together by author or subject or genre … like the book I’m reading is in the “red” section, but it’s sequel is in the “blue-gray” section? Just no.

      • anon

        +1

        In general, bloggers/people on social media stating generally to a general audience that they “see me” because it cheapens and devalues what it means to be seen. This seems to have become very popular during the pandemic. Yeah, you’re acknowledging that may people may feel or experience xyz, and that’s something I guess, but you are not seeing me. You don’t know me. I cannot interact with you in any meaningful way or share my experience with you, so I am not being seen. You’re sending out a platitude.

      • Carmen Sandiego

        I am so horrified by the idea of decorating book spines in! This is the first time I’ve heard of this (clearly I don’t follow design blogs!) Who is doing such a thing!?

        • Anon

          I first saw it on some random Pinterest pages, but then I saw it on the one and only episode of Fixer Upper I ever watched and was horrified. That’s too big an audience to spread that horrendous idea to…

      • Anon Probate Atty

        Truly unpopular opinion: I hate TW and CWs in general. I mean, we’re all adults. People and situations are going to be offensive from time to time. Get used to it, or life is going to be very difficult for you.

        • Anon

          I’m generally not a fan of them either except for very specific situations. Being upset by something you read or saw isn’t being “triggered” the same way that watching Saving Private Ryan or an intense rape scene could be actually triggering for a war veteran or a rape survivor. “Triggers” are very specific to PTSD and should not be used as widely as they are now.

        • Anon

          I think they are well-intentioned but have become over-used! For example, I don’t need a TW on a story that is clearly about s*xual assault but I do appreciate one on a story titled “My First Love” because I was not expecting that…

        • Anon

          I do appreciate content warnings if I’m somehow passive or trapped into a media experience. I don’t want to see someone die on film in a class, or pay good $ to watch a popcorn movie where the puppy unexpectedly dies, etc. And I understand why they’re used on Archive of our Own (fan fiction writers have filthy, filthy minds!). I think it’s helpful especially when they are “opt in.”

          But my imagination is generally as bad as whatever someone was going to say x10, so the way they are used on social media just makes it more stressful for me. I blame the social media platforms; they should be tags that some users can filter out, instead of big blaring “TRAUMATIC TOPIC” alerts we have to see.

    • anon

      Cold brew coffee is disgusting and I hate that it’s replacing regular old iced coffee on so many menus.

    • Anon

      Along the Joanna Gaines lines: words are not decorations. So you can put your “Gather”, “Pantry”, “Today day is a good day for a good day” signs away.

      IF, Whole30, all those other things are diets. Not a reset, not something that makes you/it better than any other diet.

      Kale is disgusting.

      Birkenstocks are ugly.

      • Vicky Austin

        I hate words as decorations. “Gather” is one of the worst offenders IMO, along with “[Family Name] party of 5” and “All Because Two People Fell In Love.”

        • AIMS

          I loathe LIVE LOVE LAUGH. Also animal variations on that like Live Love Woof.
          #Blessed.
          Wine O’Clock Time. Mugs that say I Live For Coffee or It’s Really Vodka.
          And I think that it is so weird that people buy ‘art’ to describe the rooms of their house – Laundry, Bathroom, Kitchen, and it’s not any better when it’s La Toilette or Cucina.

          • Vicky Austin

            Oh, that reminds me of one I saw recently in a real estate listing: “This Is a Kid’s Bathroom, I Have No Control In Here.” Ummm, okay??

          • Anon

            I hate Live Laugh Love and bought a Live Love Bark dog bed totally ironically. I didn’t seek it out but it was on sale and awesome and made me laugh. Likewise I HATE #blessed with a passion and almost all the people I know that overused it are now divorced. My husband bought me a beaded necklace that has “blessed” spelled out in morse code and it’s our own inside joke mocking the trend.

          • Senior Attorney

            Haha we actually have one of those signs in our kitchen because close friends gave it to us for our wedding. I comfort myself by remembering a line in my mom’s 1940s Amy Vanderbilt book: “A home in which everything is in perfect taste is in shocking taste.”

          • Senior Attorney

            For you young whippersnappers, Amy Vanderbilt was the Miss Manners of her day.

      • Anonymous

        Birks are ugly, but you can pry them off my cold dead feet. They are so dang comfortable (so much more comfy than flip flops) and I am too old to care how they look.

        • anon

          Gizehs aren’t that bad? I love mine. I have Arizonas too and yes those are not attractive, but same as you, I wear what feels the best on my feet and Birks deliver every time.

          • Anon

            Ya they are that bad. By all means enjoy their comfort – but I think they’re incredibly ugly.

      • Anon

        I will fight you on the Birkenstocks (mine are Mayaris in bronze) but I am with you on the kale. I think it’s a hoax. Someday we will all look back and say “Remember when they convinced us to eat kale?”

    • Anonia

      Color coding books is wrong. Shelve your books by author, genre, ISBN, or some system that makes sense to you; but purposefully ordering by color of the spine is wrong. Also, buying random groups of books wrapped in matching colored paper with no care for what the books actually are is a violation of common sense.

      • anon

        Do you also hate when people flip the books around so the pages rather than the spines are facing out? Because I do!

        • Anonia

          Yes! Clearly they aren’t planning on reading those backwards books, because it would take forever to find the one you wanted!

      • The original Scarlett

        You would get along perfectly with my husband on that point, an argument I lost but see merit in ;)

        • Anon

          I don’t know about this. I had no problem doing this because I know my books by appearance (and have read most of them more than once). I decided I didn’t like how it looked, but I still search for books “by color” in my mind.

        • Anon

          That’s not true! I read a lot and arrange my books by color because I have a much better memory for what the book looks like vs. the author or even the title sometimes. I’m not sure how much people read when they put the spine toward the wall because you can’t see anything about the book other than the vague size at that point.

        • Anon

          Definitely not true! I arrange my books by color and I read over 100 books last year.

      • Sloan Sabbith

        AURGH about buying books for a particular look. Or wrapping books in custom made photos to make a collage.

    • Vicky Austin

      My grandboss says “I perceive” when he means “I think.” I have no idea why. It makes me stabby. Just own your (wrong) opinion!

          • Anonymous

            Autocorrect is my pet peeve. I type what I mean. If I misspell it, I will correct it. I don’t need my phone to decide that I mean something other than what I typed.

      • Ribena

        Relatedly, people who try to show off by using big words, but use them incorrectly. “I wanted to query, whom was it who carried this work out?”. I never correct people because I know it’s a bit snobbish.

        • Vicky Austin

          Same. Abovementioned Grandboss (sorry y’all, I like it) also once said “my succinct question” when he was trying to say that his question naturally succeeded others’ previous statements. I didn’t want to be That Person out loud, but I was definitely thinking it. And of course the question was hardly succinct, either.

    • Anon

      +1 As an owner of a Victorian.

      Additionally, 95% of people should not be DIYing their homes. They don’t have the knowledge, skillset or the design eye to do it properly and it always just looks like plastic garbage because people have no concept of quality.

      • anne-on

        To this point, I LOVE our old 1800’s farmhouse, but I’ve tried to outsource decorating no fewer than 3-4 times and every.single.designer has reverted to beachy minimalism or mid-century modern. No, just no.
        It has forced me to do a LOT more design research and work than I’d wanted to do, and have acted as my own designer but man, I work full time, I was really hoping to just pay someone who could take my design brief of ‘Edwardian but interpreted for an English family country home – colorful, classic lines, pet and kid friendly’ and run with it instead of giving me gilt starburst mirrors. Argh.

        • Ribena

          Oh, I think I can help! My parents are selling their home at the moment and it exactly fits your description. Drop me a DM on Insta or Twitter at LilyMWrites and I’ll send you the link.

          • Ribena

            (To explain – I’m not trying to sell you their home, more that you would then have some pictures you could throw at the sales assistants and say “I like this aspect of this room” or whatever)

        • Anon

          You should reach out to your city’s local historic society. They will most likely have a directory of historically educated tradespeople, designers etc. that have been pre-vetted.

        • pugsnbourbon

          Check out CircaHouses on instagr@m – less beachy minimalism and more traditional Victorian/Edwardian in a lot of decor.

    • nuqotw

      Yes my inner curmudgeon loves this thread!

      – Skinny and/or cropped pants. Also, wide flares. Straight leg and boot cut are the ways to go.
      – One button blazers that flap around when I walk. 2 buttons is the minimal acceptable number.
      – Shoes that fit the front or back of my foot but not both

      • Anonymous

        Even worse — cropped, wide flares. That is flattering on NOBODY and all that fabric swishing around my midcalf just gets in the way.

    • Anonymous

      Long personal narratives above the recipes on food blogs. I don’t care about the personal journey of feelings that brought you to the recipe. Just tell me how to cook the food.

      • Airplane.

        Yes. I’m sorry but I don’t know you and don’t care about your grandma’s story. Just tell me how to make the short ribs.

      • Carmen Sandiego

        Yes to this one!!! So annoying! (Also, as a grump, I just love this whole thread!)

      • anonymous

        Yesssssssss why do I have to read three paragraphs of you describing your mood as you searched for a good whatever recipe or your brilliant insight that it’s perfect for a cold day (no kidding, it’s soup).

      • Anonymous

        This also annoys me, but I read somewhere people do it because it jas somrthing to do with driving search engine results so your recipe gets found.

        • Anonymous

          I’ve read that it has to do with copyright….a recipe on its own isn’t considered copyright, but the narrative with it makes it original.

      • Anna

        Hate that. I control/command find the word “print” to skip the nonsense, every time. I’m not here for your life story. I just want to know if there is coconut in the recipe or if the recipe takes to long. Either of those, and I’m out.

      • Anonymous

        I’m about to blow your mind — there’s these things called “COOKBOOKS” you can BUY with JUST RECIPES. Amazing, right? The library often has them too!

        If you want fast/free/searchable recipe blogs you have to deal with ads and stories for SEO.

        • Anon

          Yeah, my pet peeve is people who complain about this. Sorry you have to scroll farther to get free content that somebody else created. Poor you.

        • Anonymous

          i do buy the bloggers’ cookbooks, but they don’t put all their best recipes in the cookbooks.

        • Anon

          Meh – cookbooks are usually full of a bunch of recipes I don’t want and like 5 gems. I don’t need to take up valuable kitchen space with big books that each have a handful of useful things.

    • Anon

      Love a good gripe!

      1. Decorating with words. Somehow a big stupid sign with words has replaced actual art.
      2. Farmhouse style – barn doors are for simpletons who don’t understand acoustics (and we bought a house like that because it was priced well! so please feel free to ignore everything I say haha)
      3. MLMs – Please f offfffff. The shade they throw working mothers!

    • Anonyz

      Pet peeve: specific neighbors who spend all weekend and every evening in their yards using electric or gas-powered equipment. Your yard still looks like trash, and it’s obvious that you’re trying to avoid going in your house and seeing your spouse and/or kids. Please just get a divorce and spare my eardrums.

      • Anon

        I will happily post bail for anyone accused to stealing my neighbors’ leaf blowers.

      • Anonymous

        Yes. Also the men who use my building’s tiny gym to hide from their wives. No attempt to even pretend to workout is made, yet access to all workout equipment is blocked.

    • anne-on

      Aggressively orange toned honey colored wood and faux brass fixtures paired with oodles of beige tile a la every home in the 90’s. We’ve ripped it out of every bathroom so far but the kitchen is last on our list and it annoys me every time I’m in there (obviously quarantine has increased my annoyance exponentially).
      Designers who think grey, white, black, and a ‘pop’ of blue are the only acceptable colors in a home.
      Ditto with those who think buyers only want open floor plans.
      I no longer travel much, but in the before times, hotel bathrooms that have one (or no!!) hooks or towel racks. Even the Four Seasons/Ritz Carltons. I will happily hang and reuse my towel if you give me a place to do so!!

      • Anon

        SOOOO over gray! I have never understood how the color of Soviet industrial architecture became the hot thing in design.

        • anne-on

          Though I’ll contradict myself to say that my default colors for bathrooms are always black, white, and gray. It is neutral and clean enough that it is fairly timeless, and for the age of our home black/white were basically the dominant color schemes for tile (subway/penny/hex tile). It’s also just easier to add color in through towels/art/shower curtains.
          But for the rest of the house – pick a color! It’s not that hard!

        • Anon

          Even the Brutalists used color here and there! If I have to stare at a listing photo to try and determine if it’s a B&W photo or that’s what the space actually looks like, that’s a problem.

    • Anon

      I agree on destroying old Victorian houses. If you want an open concept, buy newer or tear down a split level.

      I do not understand people who think it’s necessary to spend so much money and look down on those who like to save. In the local moms group, there are women who are, e.g., social workers married to hourly factory workers (not shift supervisors or anything) with brand-new leased Hondas, new houses, talking about how it’s “tradition” to upgrade your engagement rings every ten years (not a situation where the first is a speck of diamond).

      Or the teacher married to a data analyst (high school friend) who just bought a half-million dollar house in a LCOL area, have always driven new $30,000 cars, and then squeal about how hard it is to prove “enrichment” to their two kids. I dunno, maybe drive $25,000 cars instead or buy a house that’s not brand new, 4,000 square feet, and send your kids to enrichment camp or take them into the big city 2 hours away for the science museum, art museums, history museums, historical tours?

      But I must be doing my life wrong, because that’s the message I hear all the time. My car is too old, his car is too small for our baby, we live in too small a place. I keep my mouth shut about their life choices (except now – thanks for the venting space) and don’t understand why mine are subject to such snobby criticism.

      • Anon

        Oooh I share your opinions on people who complain about not being able to afford things but spend extravagantly on luxury items. I see less of this in pandemic times but I can’t stand people who tell me they are “so jealous” of the trip we just took (not that extravagant, found a deal and paid mostly on credit card points) as they toss out their morning Starbucks cup and dig into their Chipotle while I stare at them with my thermos of homemade coffee and brown bag lunch. Or while carrying a handbag that cost more than our vacation. I’m team buy the latte / avocado toast if it makes you happy (and no that’s not why millennial can’t afford houses) but don’t tell me you’d love to but “can’t afford” x, y or z activity I partake in when you’re spending $50-100/week on coffees and lunches out any more than I “can’t afford” a Starbucks run..I can, I just find that I’d rather forgo a few Starbucks trips and use that money instead for a cheap same day ticket to a Broadway show. Just own your money choices!

        • Anon

          Or understand that just because a bank is going to approve you for a mortgage or a car loan doesn’t mean you can actually afford it. The bank doesn’t care if you can’t afford to send your kids to college, retire, or take a nice vacation for your 20th anniversary. Ergo, a lot of us spend far less money thank banks are willing to lend us and maybe stop looking down your noses at us.

      • anonshmanon

        oh, on that topic – people who are just so weird around being explicit with money. Oh, the many threads we’ve had! Is it ok to even mention gifts on a wedding invite? On the website? Even if you just say ‘thank you, no gifts’. Is it ok to only pay for my order when we eat out? Is it a sign of disrespect when I don’t want to pay for half of your bottle of wine? But somehow it is not disrespectful that you feel entitled to my money by insisting on an even split of the check? Somehow it’s all more polite to just gloss over that? I roll my eyes at all of that.

    • Carmen Sandiego

      This one is so petty and dumb, but I HATE when someone has a birthday and says something along the lines of “29’s been great, but I hope that my 30th trip around the sun is the best yet!” Because, if you’re turning 30, then you’ve already completed 30 years, so really this is your 31st trip around the sun. I mean, when a baby turns one, they aren’t like wow, baby, hope your first trip around the sun is great!

      • Anon

        Ugh I hate when people have unnecessary cutesy sayings like that. Just say it’s your birthday

        • Carmen Sandiego

          Yes. In addition to the factual incorrectness, the overly cutesy sayings are also annoying.

        • Anon

          And same thing with anniversaries – I feel like a lot of people say things like “Happy 10th anniversary hubby! Our 10th year will be the best one yet!” NO. Your 10th year is OVER. You’re embarking on your 11th year. Gah.

          • Carmen Sandiego

            Y’all have no idea how happy I am that other people have thought this same thing!! I’m usually like, “am I missing something here!? Why is everyone saying this wrong!” :)

    • Ribena

      Oh! I have another one. I don’t understand the point of cropped sleeveless turtlenecks. If it’s cold enough for a turtleneck, it’s not warm enough for cropped or sleeveless garments. Can you tell I’m function-over-form, haha?

      • KW

        This is how I feel about peep-toe booties. If it’s cold enough for boots, I don’t want my toes sticking out!

        • Ribena

          I kind of feel this way about tall boots with bare legs/ nude-for-you hose too. If it’s cold enough for boots…

      • Anon Probate Atty

        Completely agree. Same goes for short sleeve turtlenecks. They look cute, but that’s it.

    • Anon Probate Atty

      MLM is not a “business opportunity”. I do not understand how many women I know (most of whom are college-educated) cannot look at the numbers and see that no one is making money from this, especially once they have been doing it for a while.

      • Thanks, it has pockets!

        Ugh, I’ve been bombarded with these “opportunities” on LinkedIn. I’m a target because I’m unemployed. I hate it. Not only do I not wanna get involved with these because I’ll likely lose money, I stink at sales in general. If I had any interest in sales, I would’ve gotten into that line of work in a legitimate way years ago. But even the company I worked for like four years ago that hired recent grads for their junior sales position had zero interest in the kids who sold Cutco knives, so it’s not even a stepping stone to a real career in sales.

      • Carmen Sandiego

        Related, if you’re in an MLM, you are not an “entrepreneur” or a “business owner”!

      • Anon

        Related: MLM is not a small business. #shopsmall doesn’t mean your LuLaRoe junk.

    • Anonymous

      Ok I didn’t touch the woodwork (or the fancy cast iron radiators) in my Victorian, but I did paint the walls white and my furniture is modern and clean-lined. I firmly believe the house is beautiful in its timelessness. No thanks to the time capsule!

      Carvel’s ice cream cake is overrated. The vanilla and chocolate taste exactly the same, the cookie crumbs are stale and the topping is flavorless.

      • Anon

        There’s a big range between time capsule and contemporary, but as long as you kept the woodwork, it’s all good!

    • Anon 2.0

      Oh I love a good light-hearted pet peeve thread!

      – It is a crime to paint mid century modern furniture – have at the colonial and other hideous styles but leave the modern stuff alone!
      – Booties that come up a few inches onto your leg are hideous. They are extra hideous if you wear them with a dress or skirt.
      – Beige in general is awful. I want to go back to the days of turquoise bathrooms and avocado green kitchens and less worry about being neutral for resale value.
      – While we may never fly again, if we do, plane etiquette should say that we deplane from the front to the back. Stop all standing up at once!

        • Anon

          I love modern design. I hate (and roll my eyes at) the pinterest ideal of MCM which is boring AF, cliche and all looks the same. There is so much more to modern design than hairpin legs and an Eames lounge chair.

    • JCH

      When a woman refers to herself as a “girl boss,” especially when she’s in a MLM scheme.

    • anon

      Social media influencers are not worth the attention 95-99 percent of the time. Sometimes they do introduce you to a product you actually need or really enjoy, but may not have ever found on your own (in my case it’s been a short list: mascara, a few articles of clothing). Shuffling through their endless postings and being able to ascertain what might actually work for you and your circumstances while not succumbing to their siren call of buy this or that is time consuming and ultimately unsatisfying.
      There is such a thing as an “insta angle” – a project or space design (room decoration and design, or outdoor space and design) that looks really good when facing it from a particular angle and looks really good in the moment of the picture, but proves impractical for daily use or looks really off kilter for the space if you look at it from a different angle. A good living space design should be combine functionality and beauty for the daily living over the span of time and seasons, not just for picture moments.
      The majority of the RE crowd in the FI/RE community seem elitist and self centered.
      Plant based may be a nice hashtag but it’s just Vegan and all the “i’m doing this better than you” superiority in a supposedly more publicly acceptable form.
      Open floor plans can be too open.
      Commuting sucks.

      • Anon

        +1 to a couple of these.
        We just moved so I’ve been perusing a lot of design stuff, and….does no one else watch TV?? It’s like none of the aspirational room layouts have a TV as part of them, and if you try to figure out where you would put your TV in the set up, you realize everyone would be like looking sideways from the perfectly staged sofas and craning their necks. Or the people on one of the couches would be able to see it, and the people on the other couch would have their back to it. Maybe we’re just not sophisticated enough.

        I also really dislike too open open floor plans. I could maybe see it in a very large house where the main floor is open but there are usable basements to get separation. But here in the Bay Area where there is usually no such thing as a basement, we immediately noped out of any home where the kitchen, dining room and living room are all just one box. I don’t want to hear and see everything everyone is doing 100% of the time. I don’t get it.

          • Anon

            I’m 12:18. I have kids. In my mind that makes them even worse!

            I could see maybe when they are 0-2 so you can see them while cooking etc. but after that…I really don’t want to be blasted with their kids shows while I’m cooking or whatever. And as they age even further I’m sure we’ll ALL need our separation as they have their moody preteen friends over and such.

      • Anon

        I don’t remember who it was but when I watched interior design videos trying figure out how to fit our stuff into a new house, this lady put marble colored sticky vinyl paper (the kind that goes into rental drawer and shelves) on her kitchen counters!

    • Anon

      recreational drug use (in general, but especially among adults) is not edgy or cool, it’s freaking depressing. My husband and I are convinced that we’re the only two liberals who think that.

      Sunrises are better than sunsets.

      Agree that open floor plans are hideous.

      • Anon

        Just because wine is normalized doesn’t mean it’s any healthier than an edible.

        • Anon

          Agree. I don’t think pot is edgy or cool but I also don’t get why its treated as being different/worse than liquor.

          • Anon

            Agree with all of this! I really dislike the way pot is marketed and how people are perceived as uptight if not wanting to take part.

          • Anon

            Same. It’s not edgy or cool and I’m sure it’s not great for your health but neither is alcohol or sugar and I consume those so I don’t think I’m in a position to judge recreational use. We all have vices.

      • Anonymous

        With you on recreational drug use. Double side eye to those that say they’re “sober” but still use substances illegal in all 50 states.

      • Anonymous

        We are with you on the pot. The American Heart Association just recommended against it, vaping is causing lung damage and exposing more teens to C-19 side effects, and we have no idea what the health risks are of putting CBD in food or on your feet, The people who are buying the notion this is healthy is the same segment of society that believed the cigarette companies in the 50s, in other words there’s a sucker born every minute.

        • Anon

          Meh – I don’t partake but I find it weird that people assume pot is worse than drinking. I’m not saying it’s healthy, just that we seem to have normalized alcohol, which…is still a drug.

          • Anon

            Yeah I think the science is clear that pot (especially eaten not smoked) is not worse and possibly better for you than alcohol. Alcohol is pretty dang toxic, and I say that as someone who consumes alcohol but not pot.

    • Anon

      Stove top covers. WHY do you need or want to put a giant wooden slab over your glass top stove??? Where do you put it when you cook? Aren’t you worried about leaving a burner on accidentally and burning your house down?

    • Anon

      I’ve already posted mine, but I have another: beige tiled bathrooms with a “decorative” border of alternating black and beige (or similar) tiles running about halfway up the shower wall. It’s so tacky and overdone and I hate it. I also hate those crazy alternating tile backsplashes in kitchens. If I wanted to have a seizure every day, I’d just go look at the news or something.

      • anne-on

        My parents preferred decorating style is 1980’s Cosby house. Beige tile, honey colored wood, black granite, black/blue/brown/purple fabrics in those huge overblown geometric designs as far as the eye can see. OH! and the massive window treatments that look like you hung your 1980’s bridesmaid dress on the curtain rods. HATE. Every time I visit all I can think is of all the other non-updated 1980’s houses we saw when we were looking to buy. Except they did this all in the 2010’s…on purpose?!?

        • Anon

          If you have something in your windows that is so complex and layered you have to call it a window treatment, you must not be allergic to dust!

    • Anon

      Starbucks coffee sucks. Dunks iced coffee FTW.

      “Designer” bags with logos ore recognizable patterns tell me you have no taste and you are shallow/status seeking.

      • Anon

        I love the breakfast sandwiches at Dunkin, but I’ve never understood the passionate minority that loves the taste of their coffee. It’s bitter and basic to me.

      • Anon

        Totally agree. I judge so hard the tacky Goyard logo bags, especially. You spent over $1000 on a plastic tote… tells me a lot about your priorities.

      • Go for it

        Both coffees are fine time.
        The logo thing ~ uggh
        I totally think the wearer lacks an authentic sense of self if they have to become some kind of billboard.

      • Anon

        You guys will be happy to hear that I bought my sister a Cuyana tote and it has replaced her logo LV tote.

    • Anon

      The word “hubby.” Stop it. Call him your husband.

      Also the word “tummy.” You are an adult talking to another adult, call it a stomach.

      People who summarize a book in an online book review. I don’t need another summary of the book that may include spoilers. Tell me your opinion on the book instead.

      Going seven days without washing your hair while working out every day is gross no matter how much dry shampoo you put in it.

      • Anon

        OMG, I HATE when adults say “tummy” or “tummyache.” The writers on Downton Abbey had Lord Grantham say it once (when he had the ulcer) and my head almost blew off.

      • anon8

        ALso the word babymoon. I think I heard someone on YouTube use the term “push present’ for something she was going to buy to commemorate the birth of her child. Just no.

      • Anon

        Ha, yes to the book summaries for the review!!!! What? Why? Not what I’m here for! Yet sooooo many!!

        This might be unpopular but I also hate “DH”, “DS”, etc. When I read that I actually read it as “Dear Husband” and I just find that phrasing so saccharine and nauseating.

        • Anon

          I don’t use, it but I have read that in some contexts DH means damned husband, and that makes it more tolerable for me.

          I also don’t say hubby. I don’t find husband that difficult of a word to pronounce or type.

      • Anon Probate Atty

        Yes! And another word that I hate when used by adults is “yummy”. Even typing it makes me cringe.

        • Anon

          Even worse was the Justin Bieber single with that title! Awful song, even worse title… what was he thinking!? *cringe*

        • anon

          Yes I hate this so much. Yummy and tummy coming out of the mouth of any adult makes me want to scream.

      • Anon

        When used by an adult, almost any unnecessary “eee” sound at the end of words drives me crazy, along with silly abbreviations with an “eee” sound at the end: mani, pedi, cardi, cami, hubby, tummy, yummy.

      • Kitten

        OMG your last one…I am very tall and back when people used to crowd into elevators, I’d often have a woman’s scalp right below my nose..I don’t think most women realize how bad their hair smells :(

      • Anon

        Grown women or men who call their significant other “my honey.” Knock it off.

    • Hj

      Fireworks (drug your dog so you can blow your fingers off), engagement photos (always makes me cringe), gender reveal parties (no ones cares but your mother), and lastly, putting a bow on your baby’s head (looks like it hurts).

      • Anon

        +1 to gender reveal parties. Sorry, but no one else cares that much. (I have kids).

        • Anon

          And it’s so sexist. First of all, it’s biological sex you’re finding out, not gender. Second of all, at least in my area, they all tread heavily in really gross stereotypes, a la “tutus or touchdowns?” I’m thrilled to celebrate a friend’s excitement about finding out they’re going to have a boy or a girl, but I hate the sexism that’s wrapped up in it.

          • Anon

            Cannot stand those. I can’t stand a lot of manufactured for social media moments. My new niece-in-law does them all and though I’m fond of her, I secretly gag.

          • Anon

            +1 with my first we didn’t find out. And I took great joy in telling people who asked if I knew what we were having “I’m really hoping it’s human”

    • Anon

      Oh, so many…

      1. Instagram/influencerspeak: “I hold you in my heart. In this season of life. I feel seen. I see you. My heart is full. #letthembelittle #momofboys” Just… no.

      2. The Nordstrom Anniversary Sale. It used to feel special and exclusive. Now I hate it! Enough with all the influencers (sense a theme here?) and promoting early access! I’m over it before it even starts.

      3. Men on dating apps who disappear for a month and then return and try to get you to switch to texting. Half the POINT of the app is so I can screen you to see if you are crazy/too sexual too soon/not to my liking. I do not want to give you my phone number yet!

      4. The way it seems like having a third kid is a status symbol for a certain type of upper middle class family.

      • Anon

        I thought of some more:

        Agree with whoever said Beyonce above. I think she is an extremely talented musician, but she is not God! The idol worship is really bizarre to me.

        Chris Pratt makes me rage. I cannot stand his persona and all the PR quotes to People about his marriage to Katherine Schwarzenegger (“He’s still crazy about her!” gee, I’m bowled over. They’ve been married for… a year? He better be crazy about her!) ! They are promoting this annoying barefoot/pregnant/submissive wife and it makes me insane. I hated their engagement announcement so much.

        I cannot stand Chrissy Tiegen.

        • Anon

          Last one. I hate how men’s hobbies are often veiled excuses to spend socially acceptable long periods of time away from family and household labor. Golf and fishing are perfect examples. Nothing wrong with these activities on their own, but it’s awfully convenient how it’s usually men doing them and it gives them a reason to escape the home for the entire day.

      • Anon

        Re: No 1, I agree 100% and also hate “sending you so much love”, “this tender time” and “thank you so much for giving us the space to focus on our family, it meant so much.” You’re a blogger, you can do whatever and don’t owe an explanation to your followers if you want a break when a new baby is born or whatever. Geez.

      • Anna

        “Men on dating apps who try to get you to switch to texting”… no. Just no. And if you try again, I’m blocking you. These guys…

      • Anon

        YES! I called them ‘power thirds.’ Then my second pregnancy was twins …

          • Anonymous

            I think lots of places, but Bay Area/Silicon Valley for sure. If you can afford a home for a family of five (plus all the childcare) in that area, you’re rich AF and it’s definitely a status marker in upper middle class circles there to have a third kid.

    • Seventh Sister

      I hate open concept floor plans! If I wanted to show you my sink full of dirty dishes, I’d take a freaking picture.

      I loathe gray bedlinen and towels. Like my grandma said, gray is what happens to white towels if you don’t use a bluing rinse. ;)

      While I have a few pairs of sneakers, I cannot get excited about sneakers.

      • Anon

        You are my long lost twin! Come sit with me and we can be grumpy about things everyone else likes together.

        I’ll bring the beer.

        • Seventh Sister

          I do like a beer. I also like tacky amusement parks (people are so *serious* about Disney) and Vegas for the people-watching.

    • Anon

      If you tear down all the walls where do you put bookshelves and art?? I know, the answer is the people who do this do not have books or art. It’s a tragedy.

    • Anon

      People who think that marrying their high school or college sweethearts makes them The Authority on Marriage.

      Kudos to you for making it work this long, but the problems you had as 21 year old newlyweds are NOT the problems I have as a 39 year old newlywed. We aren’t “building a life together;” we both **already built great adult lives.** Those adult lives were inherently worthwhile in their own right and it’s really offensive to tell me that my amazing life was worthless before my husband.

      • Anon

        TOTALLY. Or who think that because they randomly found someone great at age 21 they have any clue what it’s like to date in your 30s or 40s. No. I am happy for them but they have no idea what it’s like out there!

        • Anonymous

          Not only do they not know what it’s like, they don’t know what it’s like to have to grapple with the reality that you might not find someone and might not have the family/relationship/connection that you thought would fall into place at some stage. Being single at 25 is nothing like being single and wanting to have children one day at 35 and up.

      • Anon

        Agree. Ghirardelli boxed brownies are the best. Why mess with (easy) perfection?

        • Anon

          Oh I disagree. Use the recipe on the bakers unsweetened chocolate box but use a better unsweetened chocolate like Guittard. Yum. So much better than boxed.

          (As much as one can be known for baked goods, I am known for my brownies.)

          • Anon

            Or the recipe on the canister of Ghiradelli Ground Chocolate and Cocoa, especially with Chambord instead of vanilla and a big swirl of seedless raspberry jam through the batter before baking.

      • Anon

        I vehemently dispute this. Boxed brownies taste like fake vanilla and even a true chocolate taste is minimal. For wonderful, homemade fudge-y brownies that are in the oven in 5 minutes, use the Silver Palate recipe. For something a bit less gooey, use the Barefoot Contessa recipe that calls for expresso.

        • Anon 1:18

          It’s not about laziness. I’m an avid baker who makes everything else from scratch and I’ve tried at least 50 different brownie recipes myself. I’ve also eaten homemade brownies made by everyone from friends to pastry chefs at *** restaurants so I promise it’s not just that I’m incompetent at making them. None of them taste as good as the boxed mixes (esp. Ghirardelli) to me. It’s just a matter of personal preference I guess. FYI, you can add espresso and/or extra cocoa to the boxed mixes too – works great!

    • Nesprin

      How farking hard it is to find closed toed shoes which aren’t sneakers. Esp with a fallen arch and a full size difference between my horrible feet, I’ve managed it twice in the past decade.

    • Anon

      Totally with you on Joanna Gaines and her annoying husband. I can’t watch that show and HGTV used to be my hotel room background noise. I ended up turning it off when they came on.

      My unpopular opinion. Those high heels don’t look good on you. You can’t walk in them. They do not make you look sophisticated. They are far more pre-makeover Melanie Griffiths in Working Girl than post-makeover Melanie Griffiths in Working Girl.

    • Anon

      I can’t stand craft beer. It’s heavy and bitter and way too hoppy/stinky most of the time and makes me burpy and bloated and worse.

      Give me Coors any day.

    • Anon

      Scented candles are evil. The reek of chemicals and look like dust catchers.

      • Anon

        I don’t get candles in general.
        Upside: they look pretty and smell good.
        Downside: they can potentially burn your house down if forgotten about etc.

        It just does not seem to me like the upside is worth even a small possibility of the downside there.

      • Anonymous

        And give me a massive headache. Doesn’t matter what scent it is, my head starts to pound as soon as one is lit. Too. Much. Smell.

    • orange blossom

      I hate when neighbors have their sprinklers watering the sidewalk. I don’t want to dodge street traffic to avoid getting wet on my way to work.

    • RILawyer

      I share so, so many of the unpopular opinions already expressed (especially re: Beyonce. I just.don’t.get.it). But my number one pet peeve is the phrase “happy belated birthday.” Come on folks, it’s the greeting that’s belated, not the actual birthday. I feel like I’m the only person in the world who gets this any more, and it drives me insane.

      • Horse Crazy

        YES. Or when people say “_____ is somewhat unique”. Something is either unique or it’s not – there isn’t a scale of unique-ness.

    • Seventh Sister

      I’m not someone who looks good in pantsuits and I’m bummed they are coming back! My legs are my best feature.

    • Full of ideas

      I would just like to say that this is my all-time favorites thread, so thank you everyone!

  9. Anonymous

    The humidity and high temperatures have finally calmed down, and it was so nice to walk from the train station to the office without becoming a sweaty mess. I have a painful red mark on my face from wearing a mask that was maybe too tight during really hot weather while walking outside. It just keeps getting irritated from wearing masks (even different ones) though I am using a CBD skin salve on it. Happy it’s Friday, as I don’t need to wear a mask as much as I do in the office, so maybe it will heal!

  10. anon

    I have a new job where I have to manage several endowment funds for a department in a university (funds are specific to our department). I’ve never done this before and honestly, don’t really have any experience with budgets, spreadsheets, etc. Can anyone recommend an online training or website where I can learn the basics, especially things like reading reports on these funds. We do have a finance person and he sends me these reports. He’s explained them a few times but it just doesn’t sink in. I’m really a learn by doing person so anything where I could do practice exercises or something or really be walked through the process in detail, would be ideal. Thanks!

    • emeralds

      I would recommend reaching out to your university’s advancement office. There are probably human beings over there who could point you toward some more tailored resources.

    • Anon

      First off, see if your university has training for its budget managers. Our (big R1 university you’ve definitely heard of) reporting all comes through BI and there is a course for that geared toward budget managers. Even if there isn’t a course, if your reporting is in BI, go in and mess around. In the read only view that is available to most campus users, you can’t break anything. Go through line by line and click into what you see. That’s the beauty of BI and PowerBI. You can drill down really easily, but in such a way that you don’t get lost in the weeds like you would if you were, say, tracking things in a shadow system in excel (You’re not doing this, are you? It is still, sadly, a thing in some departments in my uni and is really unnecessary and overwhelming for new folks to inherit.)

      For ours, budget is booked by the budget office regardless of whether it’s E&G, C&G or DSO. You, along with your department head submit the budget (this would have been done in the spring for you, most likely), manage the spend and should be familiar with what is and isn’t allowed on a given fund (ie a general development fund vs something that only pays for conference travel, etc). Someone from the DSO should be able to help with the last item, if there isn’t existing documentation already in your department.

  11. Chin help

    Has anyone tried Kybella or Restylane for under-chin sagginess? It’s the part of my face that shows my age the most.

    • Anonymous

      I did Kybella and got rid of some fat. Now I have looser skin, and if the pandemic ever ends, I am going to do a skin tightening procedure. But seriously, I think only I can tell the difference.

  12. CDA

    To what extent can a job candidate reasonably asking about Covid-related work environment/conditions? For example, can the candidate ask if the office is currently working remotely and/or when they anticipate a return to in-person work? Can the candidate ask if there are cubicles versus offices?

    Does the answer change once there is a job offer?

    I’m job hunting now and would never, in before times, even consider asking about what the desk set-up would be. (Plus, I would just see at the interview…) In this Zoom world, though, I feel like it would be helpful information to have when evaluating job fit and work environment. At the same time, I don’t want to give a diva-impression. If it is something one can ask about, what’s a reasonable script?

    • anon8

      I’ve seen this mentioned in Ask A Manager, but I think it is completely appropriate during an interview to ask how the company has handled covid.

    • Anon

      I would 100% ask it and would judge an employer who thought less of me for doing so. That would tell me a lot about whether I want to continue the process. Remember, interviewing is a two-way street.

    • Anon

      I had a job interview last week and asked “how would you describe the company’s response to the pandemic?” His answer provided all I needed to know.

    • Senior Attorney

      Anecdata: My son has been interviewing for a couple of months and has asked everybody about COVID procedures and found the responses very enlightening. (He starts his new job in two weeks — yay!)

    • Anon

      How sad is it that we feel asking about employment conditions makes us ‘diva’ ish? No. You can absolutely ask these questions. If it is a good place to work, they will not only understand this question, they will hopefully have a detailed and encouraging response. Don’t settle for less.

    • Shopaholic

      late but I have been interviewing candidates for an admin position and its been raised and it seems normal/acceptable? I think it’s different than asking about your desk/set up prior to being hired.

  13. Anonyz

    Can anyone recommend an effective hair/nails supplement that doesn’t use biotin?

    After a little over a year, I finally figured out that biotin was the culprit causing my deep, painful acne. But without it, my nails are cracking and splitting.

    ( I wear my nails short and bare, so this isn’t an issue of over-manicuring. I keep a strict Mediterranean diet as well, so nourishment isn’t a problem either.)

    • CountC

      I’ve tried everything and no. I chalk up my weak splitty nails to genetics and deal with looking at it by giving myself a manicure weekly. Sorry!

    • anon

      I started taking collagen here and there, and my nails have never been stronger. My study is imperfect though because I also haven’t been painting them, which could be the reason for their improvement too.

    • Another anonymous judge

      This won’t do anything for your hair but Sally Hansen Hard as Nails Vitamin Strength Serum (which is about $6 US, I think), has been LIFE CHANGING for my short, peel-y, splitt-y nails. I have tried EVERYTHING at every price point to get tidy nails – as a young person I played the piano and wasn’t “allowed” to “do” my nails so I never learned – thereafter followed my entire adulthood of the worst nails ever until 6 months ago. The apricot cuticle cream (similarly priced) is also the best. Sounds crazy but true. Of course consistency is key but I keep one of each at my desk, in my purse, by my bed to maximize the probability I’ll actually put it on each day. My nails have a fighting chance now. If you do want to put a sheer colour on sometime – Londontown Kur Nail Illuminator is very lovely – nicer that the Christian Dior Nailglow. In my 50s I finally feel like I have “grownup” nails.

    • NYC Girl

      The Dior nail glow (clear pink color) is also great to protect week nails. I use one coat and re-apply weekly, and it saves my nails. Also, no worries about chips!

    • allie

      Sorry to hear this! I had this issue when taking a B supplement as well – it may be worth taking a look and making sure the Biotin you were taking did not have B12 in it, as thats the particular vitamin that often causes acne.

    • cat socks

      I saw Nailtiques recommended here and I found it at Target. It works well as long as I’m consistent with using it.

    • Anon

      Have you ever tracked your Mediterranean diet in cronometer or Fitbit to test that theory? I’ve found it’s harder to hit RDAs than I assumed. And beyond RDAs, to my mind, the amount of a vitamin that prevents symptoms (such as cracking and splitting nails) is the amount we need to avoid those symptoms.

      It’s pretty common for B vitamins to cause skin issues if they are out of balance. B12 without enough B3 will cause boils; B3 without enough B12 will cause eczema. I’m not sure about biotin, but my doctor advised generally against supplementing just one B vitamin.

    • Coach Laura

      I’ve had good luck with calcium supplements (I just chew a tums or two.) and a sublingual B-vitamin complex. I get the sublingual at Trader Joe’s and the sublingual delivery makes sure that the vitamin makes it past the stomach acids.

      • Shopaholic

        careful about too much tums! it can have a negative impact on your digestion over the long term.

  14. Anon

    I have always been a picker but now it’s progressed to peeling at my cuticles on my hands and feet without even knowing I’m doing so. I know it’s gross.

    any tips to mindfully stopping this?

    • Anon

      I do this too sometimes. Painting my nails has helped. Seeing the color on my nails is a reminder to not do this and painted nails look better when you’re cuticles aren’t a mess. During work, sometimes I’ll grab a binder clip and fidget with that to keep my hands busy and I’ve found that to be very helpful.

    • Anonymous

      I got cuticle cream in a little tube that fit in my pocket. Whenever I felt the need to pick my cuticles, I massaged them with cuticle cream instead. It was a helpful substitute for the action.

      I also spent a week or two noting each time I caught myself picking my cuticles to see if there was a pattern to when I was doing it. This was pre-COVID times, and I noticed I was doing it every time I was on the phone in my office. If I didn’t have to take notes, I would mindlessly pick them. I bought a generic coloring book and started mindlessly coloring whenever I was on a call like that and it really helped. (I had my own office, so this wasn’t as weird as it sounds).

    • Flats Only

      Get a sharp pointy cuticle nippers and keep it handy. Nip off EVERY little thing you pick at as soon as you notice you’re picking at it. Then apply a soothing cuticle cream. You are less likely to pick at smooth cuticles without little snags.

    • eertmeert

      Keeping your hands busy doing something else. My fingertips love texture, so i used to have a bit of bubble wrap that i manhandle and keep my fingers busy. Also a leather tassel from a keychain that i can run through my fingers.

      Check out the TLC Foundation for Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors. They have lots of good info that is free. From their website:

      https://www.bfrb.org/learn-about-bfrbs/treatment/self-help/242

    • RILawyer

      I do this too, so am reading the responses with great interest. For me, it’s an anxiety-induced behavior.

  15. Thanks, it has pockets!

    My job hunt is back to square one, and I’m just so sick of being unemployed and job hunting. My unemployment benefits are running out soon. The job I was interviewing for fell through, the interviews went well but they had me do an assignment, and what I sent them just didn’t wow them enough as the other candidate they were interviewing. Then this week I had a phone screen for another company, but I really got the sense I wasn’t what they were looking for.

    I’m not looking for help or advice, just looking to vent. I have some ideas of how I can edit my resume to better highlight project work. It’s just rough when a lot of people who do what I do have been laid off this year, and only so many companies are hiring for our position that the competition is fierce all over the place. It does look like my old company is continuing to bring back some of my colleagues, not that I’m getting my hopes up but it’s starting to look like more of a possibility.

    To top it off, the hair color I’d ordered came in the mail and it was defective. Again. Instead of vibrant red hair I have a gross, orange tint. All the frustration this week boiled to the surface and I broke down crying over my stupid hair.

    • Anon

      I’m sorry. Job searching is the actual worst and people who have never been through a prolonged search just don’t get how terrible it is.

    • Senior Attorney

      I think it’s more than reasonable to cry over your hair in these trying times!

      Hugs to you and I sure hope things start to look up soon!

    • Amber

      I am so sorry you are going through this rough patch! Stay strong – you can get through this! Could you do odd jobs for extra cash or anything that you could sell to get extra cash? Maybe a topic for another post! Anyway, good luck and sending hugs!

  16. Sharing to do lists

    I’m looking for an app that will allow me and my husband to share notes or to do lists (things like grocery lists, gift lists, etc). I don’t have any particular requirements beyond that it synch between devices, works on both iphones and androids, and is easy to use. Any recommendations?

    • Ribena

      I use Google Keep and I love it. You can control collaboration on each individual note.

      • Anon

        This is what my boyfriend and I use. I love that I can also easily add things to it from my desktop when I’m at work.

      • Full of ideas

        Same. We pin the grocery list, since a lot of the things are weekly buys and use the check boxes. Easy and works good enough for us

      • Anon

        We’ve used grocery qlists while shopping at different stores at the same time, and the syncing is good enough that we can see each items getting checked off from the list, which is really satisfying!

    • anonshmanon

      love google keep, but not particularly for grocery shopping. For that, we use Out of Milk (but there are lots of options). It lets you group things in categories (so all the produce items are listed together for example), so that you can be efficient during shopping. You can also arrange categories per your supermarket’s layout.
      If google keep can do any of this, do tell, because I like it’s design much better.

    • Anylist

      Our family uses AnyList (free) for shopping lists. You can make any type of list on it and if there’s a limit on number of lists, IDK what it is. (We have several lists for different stores.)

      We love it because you can cross off the item as you buy/do it, and if you’ve shared your list with your family they can watch your progress through the list.

  17. Anon

    Morning workout tips? Pre-pandemic, I would get up at 5:15 am, commute downtown to my gym, workout, then go to work. The commuting time was my “wake up” time so I didn’t feel like I was literally rolling out of bed and into a workout. Without the buffer time, I’m finding it hard to pull myself out of bed. If you workout at home before work, what’s your routine? Do you do anything between waking up and starting your workout? How can I improve my morning routine to get back into the morning workout habit?

    • Anon

      I’m slow to wake, so I flip through emails on my phone, then get up and put on workout clothes. If there’s something urgent, I’ll handle it while dressed in my workout gear, then workout whenever there’s a break (I generally do 30 minute beachbody workouts).

    • Thanks, it has pockets!

      Back in March, I got into the habit of getting up at 7, going for a run, and showering, and was able to get all of that in before my 9AM check-in meeting with the team. I actually really liked that routine.

    • Ribena

      Caveat that I live alone so no one else to worry about.
      My first alarm goes at 6.50 and I’m slow to wake up but usually up by my last one at 7.10. I chuck workout clothes on and do a 20-25 minute workout, shower, dress, and throw some breakfast in a bowl and sit down at my desk at 8 for a Zoom Writers Hour. This is the time I give my brain to really wake up and also get some words of my novel on the page, ready to start work at 9.

    • anon

      If I attempt to do anything in between waking up and working out, I’ll get side-tracked and never actually work out. I have to go straight from bed to workout clothes to outside. Can you experiment with wake up times? I find that I’m more energized if I get out of bed at 7am vs. more likely to fall back asleep/snooze if my alarm goes off at 8am.

    • Chocolate is My Middle Name

      I roll out of bed into my workout clothes and then give myself about 20 minutes of game playing, and Twitter checking before I’m out the door for a 4 mile walk.

  18. Anon.

    I know there are some Peloton devotees here. Anybody have the Nordic track bike? Highlights or complaints?

    We’re planning for a COVID winter and I’m not comfortable going to our gym right now, even if it is open.

  19. How to pick a foundation?

    I am looking for foundation or some light face coverage for Important Zoom Meetings / court appearances. My skin is not broken out, but it just doesn’t look great – big pores and dull. But how do you go about picking new makeup in these times? It’s not like I can go to makeup counter and try stuff

    • Anon

      The Touch Up Appearance setting in Zoom works well for me, if you haven’t tried it.

    • Anonymous

      Sephora has a bag of samples you can buy, with a credit towards a full size purchase. That can help you evaluate texture and coverage and then from there work on shade.

    • Thanks, it has pockets!

      Have you tried BB cream? I’ve been singing the praises of Maybelline’s “dream fresh” BB cream for years now, I only use actual foundation when I’m getting really gussied up.

      • Anon

        My teen daughter uses this and she always looks flawless, on screen and off.

        I use Dr. Jart Premium BB cream because I have rosacea and have to use physical only sunscreen. Don’t get me wrong, the Dr Jart is great and a real favorite around here (which is how I found it) but if I could wear chemical sunscreen, I would save some bucks and buy the Maybelline.

  20. anon

    Runners: What do you do with your old shoes? I have amassed quite a collection of shoes that still look great but are definitely shot for running. I only need so many gardening/knock-around-town shoes. I still don’t understand how my shoes can look slightly worn but not have enough cush left for running, but around 350 miles or so, I start feeling it in my hips and knees.

    • Anonymous

      I take to a running store to be recycled. I try hard to only keep one pair of old knock around ones at any time (so usually have 3 pairs of my running shoes – two I alternate, and one older pair for outdoor use or an occasional rainy run).

    • Anon

      300 miles is the recommended limit for most shoes. Regardless of how the uppers look, they are done.

      I use my old ones for cross training (walking, elliptical, kettlebell). The new ones are used for long runs, hill repeats, intervals, etc.

    • Flats Only

      I would donate them, especially if they are lightly worn and the interior isn’t all grungy. Plenty of folks out there looking for sneakers who aren’t serious runners.

    • Anon

      long runs > short runs > walking > yardwork/mountain bike.
      I still end up with more old shoes than I probably need, but this helps me get the most use out of them. I don’t go by any set amount of mileage. I get a very specific pain/twinge when my shoes have had it for running. The demotion from walking to yardwork is more based on looks. Yardwork, specifically digging, and riding my mountain bike (haven’t gotten around to clipless pedals) tear up the soles over time.

    • Anon

      To add to what everyone below has said:

      If you don’t already, keep a pair in the trunk of your car.

  21. Anon

    Late in the morning, hoping for some responses.

    I seem to have issues with sulfates. I just switched to the Pantene shampoo and conditioner many of you recommended for color treated hair, and I notice every time I use the shampoo, my forehead kind of burns. Then it’s a bit red and mildly itchy well into then next day.

    The shampoo I was using before was sulfate free and I didn’t experience this so I’m assuming the new shampoo is the culprit.

    Any recommendations for drugstore or drugstore priced (or not $25 for a small bottle) sulfate free shampoos good for color treated hair? I was eyeing the OGX coconut milk line.

    • Anon Probate Atty

      I have had a good experience with the Renpure cleansing conditioner. It’s $9 at CVS. It has no sulfates and cleans without lathering. My hair needs to be washed every day (fine/oily scalp) and the sulfates in shampoo were stripping my color.

  22. grumpy cat

    I have a date with a guy that I met on a dating app tonight that I don’t feel like going on. We met once before but it was cut short (outdoor, socially distanced) because it started raining heavily. We spoke outside in a park for about 2 hours, had lots in common, he’s very smart, well-traveled, good looking. We said we would meet again in part because the rain messed up our first date. He actually planned and made reservations to go into a nice garden that is limiting admission because of COVID, I do like to see that planning.

    I do need to get myself out there, I don’t date much and I want to date more! I want to find someone. If I cancel its not like I have any other plans tonight. Maybe I can see this as, at the very least, as a chance to go and see this garden (something I’d like to do).

    I don’t know why I feel like this. I don’t think it’s that there’s no spark or something – right now I just don’t know if there is a spark yet, I think it needs some time.

    I think I have so much fun, or at least comparatively find it easier and more fun to hang out with my current friends that it puts a damper on taking time out to go and meet someone and do something I might not like.

    • Jess

      I think you need to go. I frequently feel like skipping social events when they draw closer, but I just have to make myself go. For one, it’s rude to cancel plans. For another, you’d like to see the garden; you’d like to see him again. It just isn’t fun right now. But you can try to make it fun and enjoy it the experience regardless of how the date itself goes. Dating isn’t always fun, but you’re doing it for a reason. It’s like fitness or networking–you just have to show up and try sometimes to get it done. Some workouts you’ll get a runner’s high and others you won’t. Some networking events you find people you really connect with and others feel like duds.

    • Anon

      Teehee at “go and see this garden” Sorry, I’m 12 :)
      Go! I think it’s hard to have a spark after a first date in normal times, but that’s especially so when you can’t have any of the flirty physical contact you normally would. This guy is an objectively good match – if you don’t feel actively turned off you should at least give him a second date.

      • GRUMPY CAT

        Lol it is funny phrasing for this site! I’m trying to be vague

        Yeah I just need to go. It would be so rude to cancel anyways. I just needed to get my doubts out.

    • anonymous

      I had this issue when I was dating. I mean, it was bad– I would always dread dates and prefer that I was doing something I knew had a 100% guarantee return on fun. I recall wanting to postpone the first date with the person I’m dating now because just ughgh blah would rather hang out and do my own thing. But I also wanted to be in a relationship. And you can’t be in a relationship if you don’t meet men. So I had to treat it like it was necessary to get to the end goal of lots more fun. I had a tough time trying to psych myself up for “it actually could be fun this time,” because I’ve gone on hundreds of dates and it’s truly as fun as being with your friends about 5% of the time. So I just abandoned that effort and acknowledged it was necessary.

      • grumpy cat

        Okay I could have written this exactly. So I’m going to listen to hopefully-future-me and acknowledge that it is necessary.

    • anon

      I get in these moods too but always push myself to go out anyway. And I find that whenever I go into it with such low expectations, I always have a good time. I hope you go and enjoy the change of scenery :)

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