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The Nic + Zoe Wonderstretch pants are longtime members of the Corporette Workwear Hall of Fame, but I feel like these high-rise, tailored pants might be a new contender. I like that these have a similarly stretchy fabric with a slightly different silhouette. The high rise is super flattering, and I particularly appreciate the side-zip, no-pocket look to keep things nice and smooth.
The pants are $148 and available in sizes 14W–24W at Nordstrom. They also come in ivory. “Perfect” High-Rise Side-Zip Pants
These similar “Perfect” pants (regular, petite, and plus sizes) are on sale at Nic + Zoe's own website for $63.99, marked down from $128. They're available in black and white. (Do note that they're final sale.)
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – 11/5 only – 60% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Up to 30% off on new arrivals
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – 11/5 only – 60% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Up to 30% off on new arrivals
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anonymous
I’m struggling with jealousy towards a friend who participates in a similar hobby and is getting an opportunity I would like. Imagine if one of you qualified for a race and the other didn’t for example. I am happy for them and really want them to do well, but I’m aware of the jealousy. I feel especially bad as I would say I’ve had some opportunities in the past they haven’t and don’t like that I feel anything other than joy for them.
Go for it
Jealousy /envy are signs of something you want, thank the universe for reminding you. The gratitude for the reminder is intended to turn the green monster around into something productive.
Anonymous
Eh does it matter though? As long as you’re outwardly supportive let yourself be inwardly jealous. It will pass. I like gentle self talk, maybe when it enters your head to think about this practice stopping, taking an intentional breath, and repeating “we all get the opportunities that are right for us.”
Anonyz
As long as your outward actions are charitable, I think you can give yourself a break from thought policing. It’s okay to not be perfect inside your own head.
Anonie
I don’t have great advice, but I wanted to commiserate. I don’t feel that envy is inherently a positive or motivating force…I haven’t typically struggled with jealousy in my adult years, but I felt a huge surge of it recently when a dear friend got engaged with the most massive diamond I’ve seen outside of Instagram/TV. (A diamond size that I honestly would have thought was comical and unattractive 6 months ago, but have gotten adjusted to weirdly because of social media marketing and TV shows.
I hate that I feel this way and am trying to practice gratitude for my own ring, which I chose myself after extensive research and is a stunning and expensive gift from my fiance. Jealousy is not beneficial to my relationship with him or my relationship with my friend. I dislike feeling it and am focus my energy this week on practicing gratitude by gratitude journaling, listening to motivating podcasts/videos, and unfollowing jewelry accounts that post crazy unrealistic $100,000 rings ha.
Could some of those practices be beneficial in your case?
Anon
Weird idea for you. I had a hand injury that made wearing rings uncomfortable for awhile so I just wore a flexible silicone band by Enzo rings so my finger didn’t feel totally naked. I have a modest diamond engagement ring that is a family heirloom with lots of sentimental value. The center stone is half a carat. As much as I loved it, I can’t help but notice some big rings like you mention.
After wearing the silicon ring for awhile, anytime I put my diamond on it looks and feels giant to me! You might be able to reset your viewpoint by not wearing your ring for a bit or just wearing your band and then looking at it with fresh eyes.
Anonie
I like that idea! Thanks for the suggestion :) I’m already starting to notice a difference in the past 24 hours or so since I began muting those Instagram accounts, so my fingers are crossed (pun intended ha) that I snap out of it quickly.
Your ring sounds lovely, by the way. I already plan to pass mine on to future generations for such use!
Anonymous
For a counter view I would be absolutely disgusted if someone I knew got one of those rings. They’re basically a walking symbol you don’t give a cr*p about human rights in developing nations. I would seriously question the ethics of someone with a ring like that.
Cat
way harsh, Tai.
Anon
I’m not sure that I’m this good at spotting real diamonds.
Anonymous
Seriously.
Aunt Jamesina
But diamonds of *any* size have that problem. Would you judge someone with a more modest diamond ring the same way?
Anonymous
That’s not technically correct there are ways to get smaller conflict free diamonds such as through estate sales/antiquing or Canadian mines, the same options don’t exist for large diamonds. However I find diamonds in general pretty distasteful.
Anonie
In my friend’s defense, I was thinking the same thing. My mined 1-carat stone probably isn’t any more ethical than her 3-carat.
Maybe for that commenter, it’s a matter of making the purchase so “in your face”/flashy?
I’m not certain what the commenter meant, but I certainly don’t think I am morally superior in any way :)
anon
One of the largest diamonds recently went up for auction – mined in Canada. There are a *lot* of Canadian diamonds! And a lot of lab-grown, in addition to moissanite. I have family in the jewelry business – you need a certificate showing it was lab grown because you really cannot tell the difference between lab and mined.
Anon
How would you know it wasn’t lab created?
Anon
I definitely would think this if I knew for sure it was purchased new without any certification, and is not lab created or vintage/estate, etc. I would reserve judgment if it’s a stranger and I did not have access to this information. I’m not on social media so I don’t see this kind of stuff very often — rings are fairly modest in my circle (public interest job and most friends are similar).
Anonymous
The only people I know who are disgusted by big diamonds are people who can’t afford them LOL.
Anonymous
Ah yes because I value human life over pretty things I must be poor
Anon
Wow. I’m not the person you’re responding to, but just FYI, I could go out and buy a $100k ring tomorrow and not feel the sting too badly in my savings. But I would never do that because at the end of the day it’s a rock meant to impress other people. I’d rather invest in my life and not prop up a ridiculous pricing system controlled by a small diamond monopoly.
NW Islander
Seconded above. I could buy myself a massive diamond and would not miss the money. But I will not, because diamonds are gross. To riff off another poster – most of the people I know who are NOT disgusted by big diamonds are people who cannot afford them. Ha.
Anonymous
Wow, to each her own. I think I have better things to do than police another person’s jewelry. Plus you don’t know what is a family piece handed down, what was bought second hand, and what is lab grown. All could be placed in the same modern setting.
Anonymous
I wish I could buy a massive diamond and not miss the money!
Anon
I feel like there’s an aspect of other people’s approval to engagement rings. I remember a woman in my office showing off a large engagement ring and another woman putting her own hand bearing a much smaller engagement ring in her pocket. I felt terrible for her, but of course she knew some people in the group would be comparing.
I have decided as I’ve gotten older to not care too much about what other people think, which I know is easier said than done. I also don’t care to be chummy with people who would make such comparisons. It all seems so ridiculous to me, it makes me think they are ridiculous people.
If you inherently love your ring, and of course you love what it represents, focus on that. Your ring is probably gorgeous on its own. Do not worry about what other people think. It’s about you and your enjoyment.
Anonie
You are absolutely right. Thank you. And the fact is that it’s all relative, too. I’ve had a couple of friends gush about “how large” my 1-carat diamond is when it’s 1/3 the size of the friend’s diamond that I was referencing. Everyone’s standards are so different. At the end of the day, my goal is just to be happy and grateful for what I have. Working on it! I appreciate the feedback here. It sounds like contentment is a journey for so many women in so many areas of life.
Anonymous
So, I married before we made much money and have a “smaller“ diamond, by the standards of my set. I gave myself permission to upgrade it at a big anniversary and that really helped. I never ended up upgrading to, it’s now become a badge that I am still the first wife and still married to the same person.
Anon Probate Atty
+1
Airplane.
Can you remind yourself – it’s just a hobby. The point of it is to bring you joy. If jealousy isn’t motivating or a helpful emotion for you, can you see it for what it is and then let it go.
Anon
I have been in the same boat (a friend and I got into the same hobby at the same time, but she’s a better athlete and has gotten greater opportunities for amazing trips). However, the feeling passed when I realized what a gift it is for us to do this cool thing (backcountry skiing) together. It’s hard to find a friend in this sport and I’m so grateful to get to spend really quality time with someone who I can learn from.
Curious
Maybe just lean in and feel the feeling hard for an hour? Jealousy sucks but repressing or judging emotions tends to make them stick around for me.
Anon
I like the first comment encouraging you to use the jealousy as a prompt to focus on what it is you want. It reminds me of a slogan from Al Anon that I use all the time, not just in my relationships with alcoholics: “keep the focus on yourself.” Whenever I feel envy/jealousy, I remind myself that other people’s achievements are none of my business. That might sound sort of harsh but it’s actually a relief to me to give myself permission to stop focusing so much on other people and return my focus to what I can control about my own life and choices.
Nesprin
Theres a form of meditation called “feeding your demons” which you might find useful. you sit with bits of yourself you don’t like and feel your feelings, then think about why you developed those demons, And how those demons help and protect you- for example being jealous of a friends opportunity will drive you to work harder and indicate how much you value being seen. Might be worth a look.
Anonymous
Two phrases I find useful to remind myself of when something like this happens — “comparison is the thief of joy” and “run your own race”.
Sunbrella for inside furniture
Have any of you used Sunbrella for inside furniture? It is often used in outside furniture cushions but some inside furniture is sold with it.
We can’t have nice things. We have a 20 YO leather living room couch that we will eventually replace (when the puppy stops teething?) but are in a space now where we have a den and could use some soft furniture in there. Would Sunbrella be good to explore (or just Scotchgard the heck out of something less spendy)? I also want the fabric to feel soft (there are Sunbrella varieties, some of which say indoor/outdoor or indoor) and not look like a patio set (this may be just avoiding awning-type stripes on a couch).
back+to+big+law
I certainly haven’t explored all of the sunbrella options, but when I moved into my house, there was a kitchen banquette seat that had custom cushions in sunbrella fabric. The color was fine but they looked like outdoor cushions. Ended up having new covers made in an upholstery fabric and it made a world of difference. (FWIW, I have multiple dogs with zero manners and there hasn’t been a difference in the amount of staining between the two)
ellebee
I’m going to have to steal “multiple dogs with zero manners.” Well put!
Diana Barry
We have sunbrella on the slipcovers we got on our couches. It is good for not fading, BUT we have cats and the cats scratch the heck out of it on the corners of the couches. I figure we will just get new slipcovers in 15 years when the cats die.
BeenThatGuy
I use Sunbrella fabric on my dining room chair seats. I like to change my decor a lot so I’d say I’ve recovered them every 5 years. The fabric always held up really well.
anonamouse
You may want to look at Crypton fabrics, which are also a bit spendy but come in finishes and textures that don’t seem plastic-y and read as outdoor furniture. I’ve been very impressed with the stain resistance on a white crypton upholstered chair that I inherited from a relative. Most stains just bead up and wipe off, but even ground in chocolate from a stray M&M (oops) came out with just a tiny dot of stain remover and some water.
Anonymous
We have a Krypton chair and the fabric is literally bleachable. I’m a huge fan.
Anonymous
With kids and pets, we’ve had good luck with synthetic chenille upholstery fabrics. You can blot spills away before they soak in, even without a special stain-resistant finish.
Anon
I bought an Arhaus outdoor sofa for indoor use. Fantastic and the fabric was really soft and not plasticy feeling at all. But you’d expect soft fabric with a $4k couch, ya know? I don’t think it was Sunbrella brand, but it was definitely an outdoor sofa.
Doodles
No experience yet but I just ordered a sleeper couch with sunbrella fabric for our guest room that is also a mud room. It’s right off the garage and where we put on coats/shoes. With little kids and a big dog, it seemed like a practical choice but I’m also worried it will look like outdoor furniture.
nuqotw
Paging Screen Time During COVID
Our kindergartener also gets grumpy and uncooperative if he gets screen time. I made him a screen time bank of sorts, in which he can earn screen time for good behavior (doing chores) and lose screen time for bad behavior (including but not limited to screen related tantrums). It’s so far helping us get to a moderate level of screen time with fewer arguments when the screen inevitably goes off.
Lyssa
I’m intrigued. How do you track that (the bank)?
nuqotw
It’s a work in progress. Right now we keep the balance up on a marker board that he can see. We give him 15 minutes/day free and I wrote out a list of jobs and how many minutes each one is worth, and a list of infractions and how many minutes each one costs. However, docking screen time is an option really for any infraction, even those not on the list. I adjust payments and penalties that seem like too much or not enough. Not every job earns minutes. We target about 30 minutes/day of actual screen consumption.
It’s possible to go to negative screen time for enough bad behavior but there is no borrowing against future screen time.
Anon
I have been doing this with both my kids for a couple years now, even pre pandemic. They earn “stars” (golden sticker stars on a chart) for good behavior and lose them for bad behavior. Three stars earns you screen time, though if they are sick they get a freebie star and only need two. (The purpose of this is to get a sick kid to rest instead of run around coughing).
Anon
Not a parent to serious question – do people limit screen time when kids are sick?
Anon
I did. I started to think my son was faking it or exaggerating it a little to get out of school. So one day I said ok, but if you’re too sick for school, you’re too sick for video games. That day he stayed home and I worked from home and made sure he stayed in bed not gaming. I really don’t think he has faked another day since then.
Screen time during COVID
Thank you :)
It’s helpful to hear what others are doing
Sweatpants
I was recently around some high school girls (my kids are younger) and they told me that sweats are cool now. They wear them over shorts to deal with the inside chill of A/C and quickly being able to change for the outside heat/humidity. They are unaware that there is a Seinfeld episode devoted to sweatpants. At any rate, I adore sweats (maybe just at home or grocery store trips on weekends) and back when I left the house, that’s what I’d change into for at least the colder months of the year. Yay!
OTOH, Mom jeans are still the worst things ever. Is there another type of garment that people make an unflattering version of on purpose? Or put ruching in the wrong places?
Anon
Culottes are universally unflattering on everyone.
Anonymous
I generally agree — the scale / proportion / wearer’s build all matter a lot and it’s very easy to get something off-scale and bad looking. I don’t think that it has to be this way, but it so often is that I do mentally save for “aiming for Elegant Tourist, missing the mark, but could be more awful (mom-jean shorts exposing butt cheeks)” when I look for travel pants.
PolyD
I don’t know, I was watching Motherland: Fort Salem, and the dress uniform for the young military witches includes what are essentially culottes. They are wide pants, not full length but I think their boots go slightly above the pants hemline. They look pretty cool, IMO.
Of course, they are also witches, so maybe I’m just spellbound. It’s a good show, though.
anon
The only place I have seen culottes work is as an alternative to a school uniform skirt for little girls. Slightly more modest, made of the same fabric, looks generally uniform with older students wearing skirts. That said, school uniforms aren’t exactly fashionable.
Anonymous
My 13-year-old is very excited about the sweatpants she just ordered. “Mom, they have actual elastic around the ankles and they are really baggy! They are so cool!” What’s next, a trip to the Champion outlet?
Meanwhile, having lived through the 1980s and 1990s, the closest I will get to sweatpants is the Vuori joggers.
anne-on
As the lone person the Vuori joggers (and joggers in general) look awful on, I was thrilled to find old-school champion sweatpants on amazon recently for around the house wear. I wanted baggy with no elastic around the ankles, which was surprisingly difficult to find?!?
Anon
Sweats over shorts was a thing when I was in high school in the early 2000s.
Anon
Next we will have the breakaway wind pants so you can get back to your shorts quickly! Loved those for track meets.
Anon
I watched On the Basis of Sex over the weekend, and I’m loving the color blocked sheath dress and blazer with the white tipping that Felicity Jones wore in the final court scene. Has anyone seen any navy suits/dresses & jackets with white tipping this season?
Anon
Try Talbots. Saw a couple piped suits from them last winter.
OP
Tipping v. Piping could be part of the reason I wasn’t finding much. Thanks!
Anonie
Ooh I want to watch it! Did you find it on a streaming service or have to pay to rent it?
Anonymous
I paid for it on Amazon Prime. Same price on YouTube.
Anonie
Thank you!
Elbe
I have an awesome white piped jacket from the 60s. Not my size, sadly. What size are you looking for?
OP
10/12
anon
What are people looking forward to? I’m working a ton and tired all the time and just miss my normal life. And I need something to look forward to. Any suggestions here?
A
2022
Anonymous
+1 possibly while on a beach
Anon
+1 in another country
anon
+1 see y’all there
Ellen
I am looking forward to being able to watch the Aurora Borealis. Dad is rewarding me by driving me upstate to the Adirondaks tonite so I can see it for myself. We are staying at a Courtyard hotel up there, and he says it has been disinfected and is super clean so I will let you know what I see when I get back, b/c I am not sure I can p’ost on the web from up there! YAY!!!
Anon
I’ve been doing different fitness based challenges – virtual races, now 75Hard, etc. I am working fully remote and it looks like there will be no return to in person any time soon. The different fitness challenges at least give me something to work toward and I don’t know when I’ve ever had so much time to focus on things like this.
I’m also reading a lot more than usual (funny what getting rid of 2 hours in the car each day will open up timewise) and setting a goal to read more nonfiction.
We just found out that our annual beach trip is not going to happen. This was at a family owned property where we could isolate but still enjoy the beach. So, now I’m looking at trying to fill up fall break with day trips where we can socially isolate. It’s been sort of fun to look for things that were in driving distance of home that we hadn’t tried out before – different hikes, etc.
Cb
I’ve been buying new release books. I normally wait for things to come through library loans, but find that buying a book hot off the presses really builds excitement and feels like a treat.
Anon
Same! In *hardcover*! My big treat this summer has been a once a month browse in a bookstore where I let myself buy as many as 5 books… living on the wild side, I know.
Cb
Me too! For Christmas last year, my husband gave me homemade vouchers for a book every month and it is something I wouldn’t splurge on and it is such a treat. We’d go to the bookshop, I’d pick something out, then we’d go to a cafe. Now I’ve gotten in the habit of buying 4-5 books a month, I have a list of my favourite indie bookstores and rotate through them, picking up in store or ordering online.
Anon
Oh man, that is such a cute gift idea.
ArenKay
This is very cute. But from one academic to another, Cb, watch your book accumulation! Our house is overflowing with books, despite my regular forays to the used bookstore to donate.
Vicky Austin
The other week I sent a message to a friend group chat and said, “Talk me into or out of buying some new books.” One friend wrote back and said, “Don’t do it. Send me the link and I’ll buy them for you. Happy late birthday.” So that’s what I’m looking forward to!
ollie
We’re renting a house at the end of October outside the city for a “workcation.” Still planning to WFH, but with new scenery and spending the weekend doing outdoor activities and going to breweries.
Anon
Fall – I really love watching the leaves change, carving pumpkins, cozy sweaters
NY CPA
Christmas! The one positive of having to be home all the time is that I’m really looking forward to decorating for the holidays and actually getting to ENJOY my decorations. Usually I put up a beautiful tree but only get to see it on nights and weekends–now I’ll get to see it all day!
Abby
I’m putting up my outdoor lights in early November. I think I’ll hold off on Christmas tree for the day after Thanksgiving, but could be convinced otherwise.
Anon
I would put up my tree in early November but I always get one from the local high school swim team that sells them every year as a fundraiser and they don’t start until the day after Thanksgiving. I’m definitely putting lights up earlier than that!
Anonymous
Same!! I’m sizing up to 7 feet!
Vicky Austin
YES! We’ve traveled every Christmas since we’ve been married – not this time! We’re getting a tree and outdoor lights and decking the halls properly. I can’t wait.
Anon
I’m doing some long delayed work on my 1970s kitchen – looking forward to refaced cabinets and a new floor.
Anon
I’m struggling a bit because the COVID-safe activities I was looking forward to are all off-limits due to the California wildfires. Every single area I had earmarked for a potential trip is either cloaked in smoke, in flames, or at very high risk of flames. I’ve been in near-complete lockdown since March due to a health condition and I’m able to get my social fill virtually, but to miss the prime hiking and backpacking season is really sucking. That being said, I’m TRYING to see if we can still finagle a trip before snow flies. I’ll look forward to that possibility.
Airplane.
Swimming right now as I hold on as tight as possible to summer. When fall comes I will look forward to hiking and hot drinks and cozy movies and nights in.
Planned travel in 2021. I may cancel but I planned that might happen. I’m not anxious about the fact that I might have to cancel, if anything it makes me appreciate it more. It’s helpful just to have travel on the calendar to have that anticipation for the trip.
My skincare routine. Self-massage with my lacrosse ball and foam roller. Making these things feel like a treat.
anon
I still look forward to weekly drinks with friends — outdoors and 6+ feet apart (and soon to be over a firepit). I still look forward to good meals, riding horses, patio dining, farmers’ markets, road trips to mountain cottages, nature walks, and seeing my family after two weeks of quarantining. I miss so much of my old life, but I’m trying to focus on the things that I *can* do now — which is quite a lot, actually.
Thanks, it has pockets!
Halloween! Not that we’re having a party or anything (and, sadly, we don’t have a yard to decorate) but I’m looking forward to baking spooky treats just for the fun of it, and watching horror movies with my boyfriend.
Anonymous
Snow, I will be snowshoeing around as soon as it’s deep enough and the nearby ski resort has a plan to open with distancing, hopefully everyone will obey the rules and that it can stay open.
Anon
Let us know how that goes. I’m eager to ski if I can and am pleasantly surprised at how strict my resort is being. I hope it works.
anon winter lover
I’m looking forward to embracing winter activities whole-heartedly this year. Ice climbing and skiing primarily (getting a backcountry set up this year for the first time). We’re expecting a much harsher winter than normal so by early January I may be completely over it, but I’m so in need of something to look forward to.
Anon
Yay, me too! Love your screen name. I get tired of all the winter hatred when it’s so obvious to me that the key is getting out there and finding something fun to do, whether it’s skiing or winter walks in quiet parks or snowshoeing or contemplative beach strolls.
Anon
Christmas! I love Christmas so much, I love being cozy in my cute, tiny house. I love Christmas trees, I LOVE Christmas lights. I love Christmas music! And this year will be even better because my formerly long distance boyfriend is no longer long distance and I will get to spend the whole Christmas season with my favorite person.
Anon
This made me happy to read. :) I hope it’s wonderful!
Anon
I’m looking forward to the cough I’ve had since early March finally going away. Will it ever? Sometimes I cough so much at night I think “if this is the way the rest of my life is going to be, I don’t want it.”
Yes I’ve seen a doctor.
Senior Attorney
We just booked a trip for a year from now. Fully aware it may not happen, but fun to dream about for now.
Brunette+Elle+Woods
Working out, reading, drinks with friends outside, playing soccer with my nephews.
CountC
Every single weekend, even if I don’t have anything fun planned, at least it’s not a day at work. I have been slowly “Home Editing” my house. Done in small chunks, it’s soothing to me and I love seeing the organized end result. So far, I have done the garage, coat closet, and (don’t laugh) the one kitchen drawer that holds all the napkins and clean up rags/towels.
WebEx to Teams transition
Question for the techies out there, we got word last week that we would be moving from WebEx for virtual hearings to Teams. Has anyone participated in a hearing using Teams? It’s giving me a bit of anxiety because I am considered the “tech” person at my organization and I spent months getting some tech-phobic staff used to WebEx and now we’re going to transition again. Seriously, I had to teach one person how to cut and paste and add things to her Outlook calendar, not even kidding. It looks like our switch over will be at the end of the calendar year and they are giving me early access to get used to the new format.
I’m wondering in particular about options where people can call into meetings for audio instead of using their computer.
Cat
Not hearings, just regular internal meetings, but – calling in by phone works just fine. There is an option to have Teams call you which makes it even easier- no need to be hunting down the invite with all the codes in it.
kk
I think teams is a little more intuitive – it’s like a Mac compared to a windows (I know its a joke because teams is a microsoft product) in that teams has more icons, fewer words, and things are in a singular place- you wont see the same action in three different places on your screen. If you can frame it as “we’ve been successfully using one virtual meeting platform and we’ll be moving to a different one but a lot of what you learned will still apply” that might be easier to digest than “we’re starting over from scratch”
kk
also, the teams plug in for outlook might be helfpul
anonymous
We use Teams and there is an option to dial into the meeting. At my work, you need to submit a trouble ticket to get a conference number set up. You may want to check with your IT group on how to set that up. Otherwise the default is just to use your PC.
Other than that, I find it pretty easy to use. If using your computer, you will need to plug a headset into the USB port or use a wireless headset via Bluetooth. There is also an app which I use fairly often.
CountC
+1 We use Teams far more than WebEx and I like Teams much better. At our company, you also have to submit a ticket to get the license for the dial-in numbers. It’s $4 or something stupid, but obviously that adds up depending on how many people you have who will need the license.
Anon
OP here – thanks all! You are soothing my frayed nerves about this.
Amberwitch
As I recall it, the dial in feature is dependent on your license – included in the E5 license, but add on in E3. So best check before promising anyone anything:)
But it is really easy to use as a meeting tool. I would recommend thinking about how to set up and what functionality/ apps to start by using. It is a bit of a swiz knife, so adoption and user training is a good idea.
Vacation Inspiration Needed
I unexpectedly have a month off between ending one job and onboarding at a new one. Normally, I’d use this time to travel—but COVID limits those options. I’m also all caught up on doctor’s appointments and home organizing projects. I’m feeling stumped on how to best use this time. Rettes, how would you use it?
Anon
Learn to knit, sew, macrame if you are at all into that.
Anonymous
I would do a road trip to Yellowstone. It’s huge, not terrible crowded in fall, and spectacular. Alternatively I’d go south and rent a house on the beach on the outer banks and plan to cook at home and walk on the beach.
Cat
yes this- we did this trip in July (rented a beach house and kept to ourselves, did takeout food and our own cooking). Even though it wasn’t as glam as our original summer vacation plans, it was still an amazing break from our own house!
Airplane.
yes this- we did this trip in July (rented a beach house and kept to ourselves, did takeout food and our own cooking). Even though it wasn’t as glam as our original summer vacation plans, it was still an amazing break from our own house!
Senior Attorney
We are doing this at this exact moment: We are ensconced in a house in the middle of a vinyard near Solvang and OMG it is SO GREAT TO NOT BE IN OUR OWN HOUSE. We’ve been doing all our own cooking (there’s a pizza oven here so that’s fun) and not seeing anybody, but just getting away has been the most amazing thing after seven months stuck at home.
JB
Visit family?
Play tourist at home, in my area some of the museums are opening with timed tickets (if you feel comfortable), or architecture walking tour, or just a new park
Meal prep/ freezer meals
Take shoes to cobbler
Long put off craft or photo album
anne-on
I’d get your holiday shopping done now – or as close to it as you can. Make and store some freezer meals if you anticipate not having time to cook once you’re ramped up. If you have pets – make sure they’re up to date on grooming/vet appointments. I’d also try to get into some sort of fitness routine that you can reasonably keep up with once you’re started at your new role.
Anon
Definitely don’t fill it with more clutter organizing and busywork at home – that sounds like a horrid way to spend time off. Whenever these discussions come up, pandemic or not, I urge people to use the time for something special since doing more errands is not restful or a good use of life. This time, I vote road trip for wherever is convenient and safe for you to go. Bonus points for trying new things while you’re there – kayaking? Birdwatching? Whatever it is, enjoy this time!!
Anon
+1. Definitely don’t waste this gift of time with boring chores and errands!! That would be a total waste. I vote for election volunteering and ideally renting a cabin for at least a week.
Anne
I would do a fitness challenge and volunteer for the election (probably text banking but maybe also postcard writing).
Anon
Yes, volunteer for the election!! Great idea.
Brunette+Elle+Woods
+1,000
Thanks, it has pockets!
What about car maintenance? Does your car need a transmission flush? A new fan belt? Brake service? Now could be a good time to take it to a (trusted) mechanic, have them give it a once-over, and do whatever services need to be done now. The last thing you want to deal with in a new job is figuring out when to take the car in because it’s doing a weird thing.
Moonstone
JFC it’s only 8 am and I am already online shopping. WFH means no social pressure to not waste time online first thing in the morning.
Cb
Ha, I broke down and ordered a Uniqlo puffer because after 9 years in Scotland, I’m tired of being cold.
No Face
Well here I am, reading your comment instead of working so same!
Anon
That’s not a WFH thing. When we were still in the office, plenty of people screwed around first thing, including me.
Anon
Yup, I screwed off more in the office because I would use online time to decompress from my commute, my chatty coworker, etc.
Anon
Exactly. That was my problem too. After an exhausting commute, the last thing I was able to do was focus.
Anon
Why would WFH matter? Don’t you still have deadlines to meet and so on? Not criticizing online shopping, but you sound like my boss who loves to blame WFH for every problem, big or small, no matter how tenuous the relationship.
Moonstone
Ok, it was just a joke.
anon
Ignore the humorless haters! I don’t understand why some people love to make everything contentious.
Moonstone
I should have said this a different way: I was trying to make a joke about spending too much money on online shopping. I am still working just as many hours and being just as productive at home, but I would never have plopped down in my cube-where-everyone-could-see-my-screen and started buying sweaters 5 minutes after arriving for work. Remote work has revealed a lot of no-self-control in many domains!
Anon
If it makes you feel any better, this is exactly how I interpreted it the first time :)
Ribena
COVID question. I had a coffee with a friend Saturday before last (19th) – sitting outside. He lost his taste and smell Sunday afternoon (27th), got a test yesterday, and just tested positive.
Am I a contact??? Or was the time gap too big for it to matter?
ALX+emily
According to the guidance in my state, no – only if you saw them in the 2 days before symptoms developed. For what that’s worth…
Clementine
No, for technical contact tracing purposes in my state you would be too far outside the timeframe to be considered a contact.
They would only track you down if you had been with him within 48 hours of the onset of symptoms.
I personally would probably lay low and be extra vigilant about mask wearing until you had passed the 14 day mark since seeing him – more for my own comfort than anything else – but you’re not technically considered a contact.
Cb
It seems too long, 8 days between exposure and symptoms, I was half listening to the ScotGov briefing today and they had some examples, might be worth a re-watch.
Anonymous
My understanding is the look back period to detemine contact is 48 hours from when symptoms appeared or 48 hours from a positive test for an asymptomatic person. So, no
No Face
I agree that the time frame is too far apart to be really concerned, BUT I would get a test anyway for my own peace of mind.
Anonymous
Same. But where I live it’s easy to get tested
Ribena
Unfortunately tests aren’t available unless you have symptoms or are a confirmed close contact here – nor are antibody tests which I would LOVE to get as I’m about 60% sure I had it back at the start (brought a horrendous cough back from the Alps and couldn’t taste much).
Cat
Statistically speaking, if you DID contract it from him, you’d really, really be likely to know by now at 10 days out. While 14 days is considered the max, if you look at the % of people who develop symptoms more than 5-7 days from exposure, it dwindles quickly.
Ribena
That’s also reassuring, thanks – I have a slightly stuffy nose and the tickly throat/ very occasional tiny cough that accompanies that, but post nasal drip is just a fact of life with the way the inside of my head is laid out (always has been, allergies exacerbate it) and I still have full sense of taste and smell.
Ness
Yes,
at least in my healtcare area you are a contact if you were during at least 15 minutes closer than two meters 48 hour in advance of starting the symptoms.
Doing right now quarantine for the same reason. If they will requested you to test or not that depends. I was tested and I am negative but I have to quarantine anyway and they are checking in me just in case.
Anonymous
Sorry I did not get the 17-29th gap. Not in that case.
Ness
Sorry, I did not get the 19th-27th gap. Not in that case.
Anon
You need to contact your health department, not post here.
Ribena
All the stuff online is about ‘if you’re a contact’ and doesn’t explain how far before symptoms that extends. All the phone services are overloaded lately (my doctor’s surgery couldn’t wait to get me off the phone when I called to ask about flu jabs)
Relationship workbook?
Ladies – COVID is wearing on my marriage. We’re around each other all the time and at each other’s throats for little things. We have the same silly fights over and over again and it’s exhausting and terrible for our kids to be around. We’ve tried resets and just fall back into the same bad dynamic. I think a relationship workbook might help provide a better reset — any suggestions on something that’s helpful, practical, and not too time-consuming (like maybe you can do it an hour at a time over a long period of weeks)? Thanks!
anon
This could describe my relationship right now, except we’re silently seething. It’s just way too much together time — and my husband is normally my favorite person to hang out with! I have really struggled with the lack of autonomy during this time, which is bleeding into my relationship. Sorry, I’m ranting. Know that you’re not alone, but I have no good ideas.
5 Lovve Languages
Not a workbook per se, but an excellent relationship book: The Five Love Languages. One reason is the shared language it gives you. The concept of filling the “love bank” is super cheesy… until you realize that it’s actually the perfect analogy and it’s helpful to use it in conversation. It’s also a great reminder that you give and receive love in different ways, so if you’re having the same fight, it might be because you don’t have the same love language. For example, mine is “quality time”, so I get really hurt if DH doesn’t want to hang out with me all the time. His is “acts of service”, so he feels really loved when I make meals for him (not even fancy meals, I bring him coffee refills and he gets so excited). So if I make dinner and he sits down to dinner and gives me attention, we both feel loved. That’s a small thing that plays out often for us, but knowing why we each care so much about something so “stupid” makes a huge difference in our marital harmony.
anonymous
+1
CountC
I believe that the Gottman Institute also has books and such that you might find helpful!
Senior Attorney
The Relationship Cure by Gottman is a good one. It’s not only about marriages but about all kinds of relationships and I found it quite helpful.
anon
We found the Gottman ‘course in a box’ thing (it’s a video series and workbooks) to be useful – it mimics their weekend program, but we have been slowly working through it about an hour a week.
Anon
You mention kids so this might not be as easy for you as it is for the child free folks but can you work in some time to consciously be apart? I take an hour or two per day alone (or with my neighbor) walking my dogs. My husband takes an hour to work out and an hour to play video games or watch youtube.
Could you do more separate at home activities? Instead of all playing a game, dad plays with kids while mom takes a bath? Mom plays with kids while dad mows the lawn? (sounds like a chore but my odd husband LOVES mowing the lawn and finds it meditative.)
CPA Lady
The relationship cure by Gottman is both good and short. And you can use the techniques for other relationships in your life, not just your marriage.
Senior Attorney
Ha! Jinx!
Shower grout cleaning
New apartment, shower is tiled, which I thought was an improvement on the fiberglass shower insert. The way there is a shower door, the shower floor stays wet and the red streaks on the white grout are likely mildew (BF says it is mineral deposits, but I just know it’s mildew based on the red tinge). The layout means that you can’t leave the door wide open and if slightly open, it will shut. I have it propped after scrubbing with a grout cleaner + scrubbing brush. IDK what the tiles are — they look stone-like and I don’t want to ruin them (otherwise, I’d attack with bleach / hydrogen peroxide). Would a squeege help get some of the water off of it (could squeege toward the drain)? Other tips? I’ve never had mildew I couldn’t defeat easily before. The this is the SEUS and it is a constant battle in wet spaces even with decent ventilation if things don’t actually drain all the way.
Anon
I really think bleach will be ok. Once the mildew is gone, use a daily shower cleaner spray and you won’t need to use the bleach/tilex often if at all
Anon
You can use a squeegee and I would honestly use bleach to clean with. If you have marble don’t let it sit very long to avoid staining.
kk
It’s not really mildew, it’s a type of bacteria. A squeegie will help, and once the shower is clean, you can also spray the shower down with method eucalyptus shower spray when you get out- it will help prevent the bacteria build up and also the soap scum build up
Anon
If she has natural stone you can’t use those shower sprays – they will etch and ruin things like marble. Though I guess if it’s a rental it doesn’t matter as much, if they were worried about keeping it a certain way they shouldn’t have put it in!
Microbiologist
Yeah, the pink stuff is bacteria. I’ve only had a problem with it in the SEUS, despite other places also being humid inside. I always cleaned it with a mix of Dawn and vinegar (on the shower door) and then Dawn and baking soda if I needed some extra scrubbing power on the shower floor. Bleach will kill it too, but it bothers my asthma too much to use regularly, as do most of those scented sprays. Either way, it comes back pretty quickly so you really have to stay on top of it and keep the shower as dry as possible.
Anon
Pinkish/reddish is fungus and goes away really easily with bleach spray.
Anon
A vinegar mix works better than bleach on mildew – not all molds respond to bleach, especially if they are deep into the grout. Do a vinegar mix to kill the mold, let it sit, rinse it off, then do a bleach mix to get rid of the staining. Use a squeegee after the last person for that morning/evening uses the shower to prevent mold and get a dehumidifier for the bathroom to turn on for a few minutes after you shower if leaving the door open isn’t an option.
Anon
If you have marble or natural stone though vinegar will definitely ruin it very quickly.
KP
I got a small dehumidifier for my bathroom and it helps.
Full+of+ideas
Red tinge can be from magnesium in the water…
Anon
Does anyone do a full ten step Korean skincare routine? Have there been noticeable results compared to a less intensive routine?
anne-on
I do Korean skincare but rarely do a full 10-step routine. I explain it to friends as being similar to getting dressed. Every day you put on your underwear, some form of pants/shorts, and a shirt. From there you may decide to wear socks, or tights, or a coat, scarf, hat, mittens, etc. depending on the weather. It’s similar to that – you chose how much or how little you do depending on what your skin needs that day. So, everyday I cleanse (double cleanse at night for makeup/grime removal), wear a moisturizer and sunscreen.
In the summer (for me) I only need a light facial oil, gel based moisturizer, and sunscreen – I’ll do the same AM/PM. In the winter I’ll add an essence in the AM (or multiple layers of essence). At night in the winter if I’m dry I’ll do the whole shebang – facial oil, light essence, thicker essence, serum, moisturizer, mask, lip balm, occlusive layer for face (something like Aquaphor but nicer), and occlusive layer for lips to seal it all in.
anon
My skin got noticeably better when I pared my 10-step routine down to the bare minimum: cleanser, Retin-A or vitamin C (PM and AM respectively), moisturizer. The money that I’ve saved from cutting out all the various serums, emulsions, etc. has been redirected to high-quality vitamin C and moisturizer.
anon
Forgot to mention SPF for AM! Definitely don’t skip that.
anne-on
Oh good point – I forgot about actives! I found this guide really handy as a newbie:
https://www.fanserviced-b.com/a-visual-guide-to-the-korean-skincare-routine/
AB routine
I don’t do a full 10-step routine, but I do have more steps than the average Westerner. My skin is dry and dehydrated, so I use a lot of thin hydrating layers, and it has made a significant difference compared to my 2-3 step routine. Morning is foam cleanser, Gojkyun toner, Neutrogena hydroboost gel, Mizon snail creme, Mizon snail ampoule, Cerave moisturizer, sunscreen. My skin soaks up each layer so fast that I just do the steps as I get out of the shower, towel off, use nose spray, etc.
Evening routine is much shorter: double-cleanse with Kose face oil, same foam cleaner, Etude House Wonder Pore toner, either Stridex or Vitamin C serum. Alternating the actives has been a huge benefit in my routine. I used to do only physical exfoliation and now I’ve switched almost exclusively to chemical exfoliation.
Anon
You might think about cutting out the foam cleanser. Those are dehydrating. Do you really need a full cleanse in the morning or do you just need a splash of water? If you do need a cleanse, try a gentle cleanse rather than a foaming cleanse.
anon
No because my skin gets saturated after so many layers of serum and won’t absorb more. For AM I use face wash, hyaluronic acid serum, moisturizer, and sunscreen or bb cream. For PM I use face wash, hyaluronic acid, and tretinoin.
Anon
I tried it. I noticed my face looked really hydrated but honestly I think it was the buildup of the products. You can’t help but be a little shiny with five to seven products on your face.
The thing that stuck with me was the double cleanse. I use Hada labo oil cleanser followed by la Roche Posay toleraine gentle cleanser. I really feel, in hindsight, my face was never fully clean before this using a single cleanser.
Anon
I tried and played around with what I thought my skin needed. I never did 10 full steps but daily do five to six steps at night – an oil cleanse, a foaming cleanse, toner and or serum, retin-a product and moisturizer, then I do cleanser, light hydrating oil, and sun screen in the morning. On weekends if I have time I do a once a week acid peel and a hydrating or calming mask. I simply don’t have time to sit for 15 minutes every night while a mask soaks. My skin has never looked better.
Cb
Does anyone have advice on using wireless headphones to watch television? Our Samsung TV doesn’t seem to have Bluetooth but this should still be possible, right? My husband likes to watch TV in the evening while I like to read and the background noise from British sitcoms is negatively impacting our marriage.
Anne
Just buy the wireless headphones where the base plugs into the TV. Totally marriage saver.
Cb
Any brand recs? Sorry, I’m normally quite technical but my google-fu is failing me today.
Anne
Ours actually broke so I can’t check which they were but something like this: https://www.bestbuy.com/site/insignia-rf-wireless-over-the-ear-headphones-black/6281625.p?skuId=6281625.
Anonymous
We bought one off Amazon. Works great.
Cat
Be careful what you wish for. We set this up so that if my husband is taking a break to exercise while I was on calls, he could watch a show on the TV downstairs without bothering me. Except- now I just hear random laughter or cheering or groaning or shouting depending on how he feels about the program in question. It was better before!
Cb
It’s true, but it can’t be worse than the current ‘laugh, nudge, isn’t that funny!? how would I know, I’m READING’ routine that we’re currently on.
Cat
oooh, yeah. And then the ensuing rewind to “just watch this part” but it takes him 3 minutes to get to the right spot?
Aunt Jamesina
I thought I was the only one. WHY DO THEY DO THIS?
Coach Laura
Cb – maybe you could get noise cancelling headphones or listen to peaceful music while reading?
Apple R ecipes
We went apple picking last weekend, and now have way too many apples that I need to find a way to use. What are your favorite apple recipes?
buffybot
The problem with apple recipes is that they only ever seem to use 2 or 3 apples at best. That being said, I like the smitten kitchen apple scones with cheddar, and the whole wheat apple muffins. I think she also has an apple pie recipe that is truly sky high, but I’m (gasp) not an apple pie fan so haven’t tried it.
I also like chopped apples in my oatmeal, or apples and peanut butter or cheese for a snack. And then apples in savory things – pork chops with apples, butternut squash soup with apples and curry, etc.
Vicky Austin
I’m also not much of a fan of apple pie – solidarity! Apple desserts are often misses for me. I think cooked apples don’t have any of the characteristics I love apples for (crisp bite, non-messy, etc).
Cb
David Leibovitz just posted an apple jelly recipe on his Instagram that looks amazing. I like to make apple sauce and pop it in the freezer for baking. I use the instant pot but have also just used a big pan.
Anonymous
The Barefoot Contessa applesauce recipe is delicious and uses a lot of apples. It’s even better if you use a mixture of apple varieties. Putting it through a food mill, if you have one, will give it the most wonderful texture.
I just made a batch of the Cookie and Kate healthy apple muffins this morning, and they are amazing. You could use up four apples by making a double batch and freezing some.
Apple crisp is also a good way to use them up, but I don’t have a particular recipe to recommend.
emeralds
Apple crisp! I use Ina Garten’s recipe as a base and cut WAY back on the sugar: https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/old-fashioned-apple-crisp-recipe-1941803
I use it as a topping for yogurt in the morning, chuck it on ice cream, eat it hot by itself, etc.
Curious
Apple butter! We use it as a sweetener for oatmeal. It freezes well.
anon
My grandmother used to can apple butter and give it to family members for Christmas.
Anon
+1 Isn’t that why you go apple picking in the first place? :)
AnonATL
Apple butter uses a good bit of apples, and it freezes well.
I think last time I made it was in the instant pot, but there are recipes for traditional stove top or crock pot.
KS+IT+Chick
Slow cooker applesauce. Peel, core and chop apples to fill your slow cooker. Mix about a cup of water with about a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar and pour over the apples. Grate about one tablespoon of fresh ginger per pound of apples and mix in. Put the cooker on low and let it go until everything is soft. Use an immersion blender or a potato masher to turn it into applesauce.
I also like Drunken Apples as a topping for ice cream or cheesecake. Peel, core and dice one apple per person. In a medium saucepan on medium heat, melt a tablespoon of butter per apple. Once it’s melted and starting to bubble, add the apples and sauté until just tender. Add one oz spiced rum per apple and continue cooking until the butter and rum sauce have reduced to a syrup. Serve immediately.
Anonymous
I like to make applesauce when I have a ton of apples. I peel, dice, and core them and put in the crockpot with some cinnamon and a little brown sugar and lemon juice. Also, pie, muffins, apple crisp.
Anonymous
Make pie filling (apples, the spices) and freeze in pie-sized increments.
Anon100
This is what I do! Except that I freeze in smaller increments so I can make a simple apple turnovers using premade puff pastry or crescent roll dough.
Mal
If you need to use up a lot of apples – apple butter! You can make it in the crock pot which makes it so much easier and less hands on. I like this site for a how-to: https://foodinjars.com/recipe/canning-101-how-to-make-apple-butter-and-how-to-use-it/
NY CPA
America’s Test Kitchen deep dish apple pie–WAY more apples than a normal tie and delicious every time!
NY CPA
https://www.keyingredient.com/recipes/1488005032/atk-deep-dish-apple-pie/
Anon
Applesauce. You need a food mill. Cut the apples in half, film a little bit of water in the bottom of a deep pot, cook over low flame until the apples are squishy. Run through a food mill. Voila. Apple sauce. It freezes well.
I never really add sugar because I don’t find it needs it, but adding a cinnamon stick in with the simmering apples can be good, and smells amazing.
Anon
Also, once you have apple sauce, you can simmer down a quart or so of the applesauce with some spices to make apple butter.
If you don’t have a food mill I encourage you to get one. It’s also great for making tomato sauce from fresh or canned tomatoes. I use mine all the time. I have the oxo brand one.
anon
Crockpot apple cider! There are several recipes if you google it; I use Sally’s Baking Addiction. Bonus that if you peel the apples, you can also use it as applesauce. Double bonus – it makes your house smell amazing.
anon
I love the Apple Sharlotka from Smitten Kitchen: https://smittenkitchen.com/2012/01/apple-sharlotka/
anon
I love smitten kitchen’s ‘moms apple cake’. its just like my own mom made. I always use Granny Smith.
Sodastream
None of my typical spots will exchange Sodastream cartridges (some for COVID concerns, others reference a shortage of the necessary materials). Anyone found a good online option?
anne-on
Sodasense – we ran into the same issue and swapped to them, they’ve been very easy to deal with and reliable.
Greensleeves
+1 We just started using them and they’re great!
blueberries
Sodastream website
Anonymous
Are they shipping again? About a month ago, they had no cartridges and none were available locally either.
Blueberries
I just checked. SodaStream is still sold out of refills. Too bad! It was a very convenient service when I used it before.
Anon
The blank wall in my dining room is mocking me. Help!
I have so much art sitting around that needs to be framed. But every time I think about how to frame it and where to hang it, I get stressed out and can’t follow through. How do you choose the right frame color, size, and mat? How do people know what goes together on a wall? Did you do it all at once or a little bit at a time over a long period of time?
Do you put family photos throughout the house, or just in the hallway (more private areas)?
I can’t decide if I should go for an eclectic mix of my various prints or do a stylish grid of black/white family photos.
anne-on
I would pay good money to have someone come in and art design my home. I can furnish it, I am good at paint colors and textures and lamps and whatnot but art is like a big blind spot for me. My solution for now is to find a good local framer, pick a color family (silver/gold/black/dark wood/whatever) and buy some of their pre-fab frames in various sizes for photos (they are usually better quality than what you’d get at target). I literally have 10-15 frames in the same finish/style around the house because I bought a bunch at once so that when I have a photo I like I know that adding another frame to the wall will match. Looking at family photos makes me happy, so I will put them all over the place.
Beyond that – I’ve done the Mint art service twice to very good results (you send them photos of your space, they select art for your walls and give you a discount code).
Senior Attorney
I have paid a designer to come and choose (from what I already owned) and hang the art in my last two houses and it was some of the best money I’ve spent. I have so much art (I’m Very Old so have been collecting for a long time) that the only family photos I have on display are a few small ones on tabletops or shelves — nothing on the wall.
Curious
I went to a local frame shop for this. The guy had been doing this for years. We talked about what else was in the room and how it might evolve. It wasn’t cheap, but to this day I’m so happy with the results.
Curious
Oh — and we keep photos of the two of us for the bedroom, but friends and family are fair game throughout the house.
Curious
For what it’s worth, I think eclectic prints in the dining room would be the peak of cool.
pugsnbourbon
+1, local framers are the way to go. It can be VERY expensive, but the result is worth it esp. if you want it matted.
I will never stop singing the praises of matboard and more dot com (no spaces), but DIY-ing it puts all the decisions back on you.
Anon
+1 to this, although I’ve still spent an hour picking out choices. But the expertise is great. It is spendy but the quality has been so high.
Anne
Just go to a frame store and let them suggest what would look good (masked and socially distant of course). It will be $$$ but look so good.
Cat
I was raised with “personal” photos being saved for personal areas of the house (family room, den, kitchen, bedrooms – not the formal entertaining areas like living or dining rooms).
For the art, do go to a frame shop! It will not be cheap (depending on size can easily be $100+ per item, more if you want nicer glass). But the ability to see the frame’s proportions with each piece in person can really help. Maybe you’d choose a few different frame styles within the same family depending on the size of each piece, etc.
Anon
I used to feel this way too, but I have beautiful professional art-quality photos of each of my three kids at 1 year old and I finally put them in the dining room, on a shelf above the fireplace mantle.
If anyone who (rarely) visits for dinner doesn’t like like seeing pictures of my babies, they’re welcome to leave. I eat in there every day and I love seeing them.
emeralds
I’ve always struggled with frame paralysis, so I feel you! I decided when we moved all of our unframed, un-hung art into our new house, that everything was just going to go in a white, gallery-style frame so I never had to think about finding the “perfect” frame ever again. I do think the consistent frames throughout the house keeps things feeling more cohesive from room to room, since my taste in art is pretty eclectic.
I’ve never done a gallery wall so I’m no help with that, sorry! I do prefer to keep family photos to the more private parts of the house–we have one small print from our wedding in the living room, but everything else is in the bedroom and office, or stuck to the kitchen fridge.
anon
I would like to put up some family photos, but my house is an open-concept design. There are almost no personal, more private areas. I also have décor paralysis and our walls are empty. I realized that open concept looks really great when you don’t have to actually live in it and see all of your stuff all of the time.
Anonyz
I’ve tried a number of styles over the years, but I always come back to gallery-style white mats and minimalist black frames. The art should be the showpiece. I have several photos in bolder or more showy frames, and they just don’t give me the same rush of appreciation.
The concept of formal vs private areas of the home for appropriate photos is really foreign to me…I’ve never had people in my home that wouldn’t be welcome to see any and all of my pictures. I guess I could see that if you run a business out of your home, though.
Anon
For those of you with the very popular Revlon one stop styler (or whatever it’s called). What are your tips? I’ve had one for about a year but recently broke it out again and I don’t love it, but I also don’t know if I’m doing it right.
How do you use it and what other tips do it do you have?
anon
I let my hair air-dry most of the way before I use it, otherwise my roots stay damp and get frizzy.
anonymous
There are lots of videos on YouTube showing how to use it.
Anon
I bought it after the recommendations here and ended up returning it. I hated it. I have long, thin, straight hair and it just didn’t work for me. It made my hair very frizzy. I get a much smoother look from using a regular hairdryer with a slanted piece on the end with a round brush.
NY CPA
I think it depends on what kind of hair you’re starting with I have long wavy/curly hair (type 2b or 2c), and it gives me a great result. I watched a lot of YouTube videos to figure out the best way to use it. I don’t do it while it’s soaking wet but its still quite damp. I section off my hair with some duck bill clips like they do at the salon when you’re getting a blow out. Then I start with the underside and gradually pull pieces out of the clips. I try to brush from the underside of my hair (especially on top) to add volume. I work in relatively thin sections (at least at first), until I get to the top layer, and then I continue to brush out until I’m happy with the results.
Anon
Lawyers (and others in conservative industries) – What color heels do you wear with a dark navy suit? I just bought Mm Lafleur’s “galaxy blue” skirt suit.
I love classic navy suede heels (like what Kate Middleton wears). Is that ok? What do others wear?
– 1L trying to figure out what’s appropriate!
Anon
Birkenstocks since it’s a pandemic :) Personally, I think navy suede looks a little dated/older. I would consider charcoal shoes.
Clementine
With navy I either wear a pair of tortoiseshell pumps (actually I used to have tortoiseshell flats too which were my ‘go with everything’ desk shoes that I adored) or a pair of plum suede stacked heels.
I used to wear nude for me heels with navy but I’ve noticed they’re ‘out’ right now and am enjoying a little interest with the plum heels. I think navy suede could be a nice look, but I can still remember the 90’s when women had a different color pair of ‘pumps’ to go with everything in their closet. I also will only buy a pair of shoes that go with a big chunk of my wardrobe, not just one outfit.
My boss wears oxblood/congac colored shoes with navy and it’s also a nice combo.
Anonymous
+1 to plum
I also like and wear gray, oxblood, cognac, tortoise shell and black patent with navy.
Anonymous
Navy or black and yes those are fine!
Anon
It’s hard to match two navy shades, so most people do something contrasting like oxblood or tortoise. If it’s a very cool blue you can do a black heel. I’d look at how the suit is styled online for ideas or call the store if you aren’t sure.
Anon
In summer/warm weather, I wear black leather. I think navy + black looks nice together, but it has to be done intentionally. Like, I typically wear a neutral color shell like white or cream with the navy suit. I used to wear nude shoes in warm weather, but I’ve felt like that looks dated recently.
I’ve never figured out how to make my navy suit look good for fall/winter and tend to wear a grey suit or black sheath dress + tights + jacket + in cold weather.
Anon
Thanks! Is a lighter color shoe like beige or “nude” shoe considered as formal as dark?
Cat
I think so. (Former OCI interviewer here.) I would steer clear of animal prints because they’re kind of polarizing and noticeable, but navy suede sounds lovely, as does nude-for-you, gray, oxblood, brown, cognac, or tortoiseshell.
I remember people being surprised that I chose a lavender blouse with my gray suit rather than the white + either gray or navy, with black pumps, that pretty much every single other woman was wearing. That’s been awhile ago, though :)
Anon
If you’re going to spend money now on shoes, don’t buy nude or beige. They look dated.
anne-on
I think grey, tortoiseshell, or cognac are your best ‘go with everything’ colors for navy. Grey pumps were my emergency desk heels when I worked in an office – they’re difficult to find some years but really do go with just about everything. If you want to add a pop of a more noticeable color dark green, plum, yellow, or red were all colors I had/have worn to work with navy skirts.
Vicky Austin
Cosigned – grey are my emergency heels too. (I wear a LOT of navy.) I never thought of tortoiseshell, that sounds lovely!
Anonymous
I sometimes wear navy suede shoes with a navy dress… I think that’s okay if they are close enough in color. However, if I were a 1L going the most conservative route, I’d probably do black pumps. I don’t think the no black with navy rule applies.
Ms B
I deleted navy from my wardrobe because it is too hard to match navies to each other and to blouses and accessories, but previously would have gone with tortoise, charcoal, burgundy or a neutral snake.
If you are a 1L buying for competitions or interviews, I suggest the charcoal.
Anonymous
I wear nude-for-me suede shoes with navy. Or leopard print, but I’d steer clear of that as a job applicant.
Anonymous
Almost anything works: navy, burgundy, forest green, grey, lizard, tortoise shell, cognac, espresso brown. Rock the shoes you have.
anon
I wear either blush or snakeskin depending on the season.
anon
With navy, I love plum, dark red suede, tortoise shell, animal print/snake skin, charcoal, cognac, nude-for-me, and black–pretty much in that order of preference.
anon
I missed that it was for OCI. I’d go in the reverse order for OCI, except maybe skip nude since it’s a bit dated and more of a summer thing anyways.
LaurenB
Hijacking this a bit – someone mentioned that “nude for you” shoes are dated right now. I’ve got 3 perfectly good nude-for-me sets of heels – one is a lovely suede slingback, one is peep-toe patent leather, another is patent leather but with a red heel (that I used to wear with a fun, slinky red dress). Not that I have any occasion to wear anything beyond flats right now, but do I hang on to these? Will they come back? Could I get away with them, or are they just hopelessly dated?
Cat
I think nude-for-you suede is still current so would hang onto those.
I donated my patent pairs. Even Kate Middleton abandoned the Sledge after a few years :)
As a replacement color (since the reason they got so popular was versatility when black shoes would be too harsh looking) I’ve swapped in light to medium gray, or navy.
Anonie
I didn’t realize they were dated! Bummer
Anonie
Now that I think about it, I guess I haven’t worn a pair of “nude for me” shoes in about a year…maybe I knew this subconsciously haha?
Anonymous
I would hang onto them to wear in tonal outfits of blush or tan, but would not wear them as a neutral with everything. Oh, and can you get a fun red top to go with those heels?
Anon
I would love navy suede shoes with that. It sounds very 1940s inspired.
Anon
I had a procedure done on my toenail and am supposed to take it easy for a week while it heals. Exercising every day has been key to my mental health in COVID times. Any advice for getting some exercise (beyond something like slow yoga) when I’m not supposed to be doing much with my foot?
Anonymous
Upper body strength training?
Diana Barry
You can do a more energetic yoga style (being careful to skip upward dog where you are on your foot) or pilates.
Anon
Pilates! (smacks forehead) – I completely forgot that was a thing. That might be perfect and I think I could do my upper body HIIT workout and just do some shadow boxing or something during the cardio portions. Thank you!
Flats Only
Elliptical? Low impact, and your foot doesn’t need to move around on the foot pad of the machine.
Anonymous
How about a series of ab exercises? Or seated lifts if you have weights?
Anon
Weight lifting? Even light weights lifted enough times becomes cardio.
anonshmanon
Pilates core workout
Accountability / Join Me
Saw some comments about this last week so just wanted to post for accountability and some slight peer pressure. Donated another $250 to Get M!tch Sunday, bringing my 1.5 week total to $750 (that number sounds familiar….).
Anon
Yes! Thanks for doing this. I did 80 letters for Vote Forward over the weekend, will make another donation tonight after the debates (probably straight to Biden, but maybe also to Gideon and a few of the other Dem challengers), and am eagerly awaiting my Biden sign arriving in the mail so I can put it in the window.
Anonymous
YES! halfway into september we re-did our budget this month and next and shuttled nearly all our takeout/discretionary money into donations (400 in sep and 600 in oct). we donated to get mitch this month and swingleft next month, and another random 32 each month to the b den harris campaign (they specifically ask us for that amount and i dont know why?) its an absolute priority right now
Anon
Yay!!
I have done a few shifts with the Election Protection hotline. I also wrote out postcards for Reclaim our Vote. I have another 3 or 4 EP shifts (5 hours each) before Election Day!
Anonymous
Can you tell us more about the EP hotline?
Anon
Lawyers man the hotline and answer all sorts of questions about voting. Typically you choose a shift in a specific region and you answer those calls. All of the reference material you’ll need is provided. Calls range from “Where do I vote?” to complaints about a broken machine at a polling location. It’s nonpartisan. All done remotely through virtual conferencing and you have a chat feature in case you need assistance from a “captain”. More info on volunteering here: https://866ourvote.org/volunteer/
Some larger firms are also sponsoring and manning state-specific hotlines.
hi hi hi
If it is the hotline that I also volunteer with, it is run through the Lawyers’ Committee year around.
https://866ourvote.org/
Are you a lawyer, paralegal, law student or other legal professional? Sign up to volunteer with Election Protection at https://electionprotection.wetheaction.org/
If you aren’t a legal professional, sign up with Election Protection with our nonpartisan poll monitoring program at https://protectthevote.net/
ollie
I’m also doing the Election Protection hotline! My goal is one shift a week through Election Day.
Anon
I appreciate the reminder. I donated to Get Mitch earlier but will do so again.
anon
Does anyone have a recommendation for boyfriend jeans for a petite pear?
Anonymous
I’m curious — where do you all live and are you seeing fall leaves change yet?
Southern NJ (though inland not near the ocean) and very minimal color change. Seems there are a few varieties of small trees that turn yellow which have already turned; then there’s a good # of trees that appear not to change color — leaves turn brown and fall off – that’s happening. But for the ones I really wait for — the big trees that turn reds/oranges etc. seems like I’ve seen a few where the tops of those trees are getting the hint of color — so maybe 10% or so of the tree is red/orange. In case you can’t tell I REALLY need something to look forward to here. I’m contemplating a driving trip to go see leaves but IDK the logistics seem like a hassle — staying overnight, rest stops etc. during a pandemic so maybe I’ll just have to enjoy what is within 45 min of me.
Cat
I follow Stacie Flinner on Insta- they just relocated to NH and posted videos from driving around. Definitely changing colors up there! (As an aside, in her most recent stories it’s the first time I heard her voice. It’s not as mature-elegant as I was imagining based on her style choices!)
Anonymous
This map is helpful: https://smokymountains.com/fall-foliage-map/
I’m in the Triangle region of NC. We’re starting to get a few trees just starting to turn, but we won’t get real color change until much later in October or even early November usually. The mountains and higher elevations in the Western part of the state turn much earlier, like now and in the next couple of weeks. I’m taking a trip to Great Smoky Mountains National Park mid-October and looking at the map, I’m worried I’ll be even a little past peak at the highest elevations by that point.
Anon
If you want to see lots of cool foliage photos and other nature stuff from NH, follow the local news site WMUR’s Ulocal NH Facebook group. It’s all stuff uploaded by random citizens (but moderated so it’s not trash) and many of the people that contribute are professional photographers.
Anon
We’re in DC and went to the Shenandoahs this weekend. Just a few trees starting to turn yellow.
Caesia
VT is peaking early (last day or two in central VT, some parts of southern VT are peaking now with other areas just on the cusp.) Absolutely gorgeous colors this year, kind of surprising since it’s so dry.
Anonia
Upper Midwest, starting to see leaves change in the last week. I expect by next week we will be at full color.
NY CPA
My sister’s in the Adirondacks and is sending me pictures of the lovely trees changing colors. Very vibrant right now. Near NYC, some things are starting to turn but not at peak yet.
Velma
Upstate NY. Peak color both here and in the Adirondacks (2-3 hours north), where we spent last weekend. Gorgeous, vivid reds this year.
rilawyer
Leaves are changing but we’re not quite at peak here in Rhode Island. Colors so far have been gorgeous!
Vicky Austin
Inspired by the above thread about looking forward to things, has anyone started thinking about ways to make the holidays special this year? I just found this recipe and am already plotting it for Christmas: https://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/recipes/a45029/peppermint-bark-no-churn-ice-cream/
Anon
I plan to get new Christmas lights and to make more of an effort on the outdoor decorations. We don’t really have any space out there (it’s a small condo-style apartment), but lights make everything better. I also want to try baking some new things and to read old childhood favorite books. I’m in California so I’m also desperately hoping for some rainy days for both the coziness factor and to prevent drought/such a horrible fire season next year.
Anon
Also in CA. Rain in the cooler season can cause the wildfire season to be worse because there are more dead grasses by August/September. It’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation.
Anon
I heard we’re having La Niña join us this year, so I’m anticipating a dry winter. SO bummed, as I LOVE rain and clouds and cold.
pugsnbourbon
We usually don’t travel for Thanksgiving, so I’m making my Sides Only dinner – sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, stuffing, rolls, maybe mac and cheese. Already looking forward to it.
Anon
Sides Only dinner is the way to go! Turkey is my least favorite part of the whole Thanksgiving meal.
Anonymous
I think I am going to make the holidays special this year by ignoring them altogether. My parents are moving out of state this month, Friendsgiving is canceled, and my BF mostly ignores them but may spend time with friends I haven’t met and still won’t meet by then because Covid-19. Thinking about ignoring them (save for mailing gifts) feels like a massive relief.
anonshmanon
Might go all in on baking cookies this year. Does anyone have a favorite margarine or vegan butter that is a good sub for butter in cookies recipes?
Anon
I’m not conversant in vegan, but would the Crisco butter sticks work? I’ve baked with them and can say they work well. https://www.crisco.com/products/vegetable-shortening/baking-sticks-butter-flavor-all-vegetable-shortening
Anonymous
As a looooooong term vegan basically nothing tops Crisco. My office (pre covid) thinks I’m a cookie wizard and I attribute my skills to Crisco.
Vicky Austin
Apparently Crisco butter flavor makes for the best chocolate chip cookies no matter your eating preferences.
Anon
Not sure about that – I really hate things made with Crisco. I can always taste it.
Anonymous
I’m lactose-intolerant and family members are allergic to dairy, and we like the Earth Balance tubs and sticks of butter. Bonus, I feel like it makes the cookies crisper.
CHL
Does anyone have a specific light for video conferencing? Like a clip on for your laptop?
Anonymous
Side topic for the above side topic on rings – what is the most you’ve ever heard of anyone spending on an engagement ring?
My friend got a $50k ring – paid for on credit – – and her ring isn’t obscenely large. My theory is that the crazy large rings are fakes (or lots of little diamond accents in a halo to make it look bigger).
Anon
Quality has a huge effect on price. You can get a huge diamond for a reasonable (ish) price if the quality is not great.
My husband paid $16.5K in 2009 for my engagement ring (2 carat oval with side stones), and it still feels like SO MUCH MONEY. It makes me nervous to think about, even though I love my ring.
Veronica Mars
Not necessarily, it depends on what cut you get and what you’re sacrificing. A warmer, O-P but well cut diamond could be 2ct+ for less than 15k if you know where to buy. A 2 ct marquise looks HUGE and gorgeous and they’re dirt cheap because the cut is less popular. But to be fair, yes there are a lot of moissanites out there now which are gorgeous! In real life, I’d say most rings were $10k or under but it just depends. My MIL has a gorgeous 3ct yellow diamond she inherited. So stunning.
AnonATL
It’s not an obscene amount of money now as an adult with an established career, but my former college BFF got engaged right after graduation with a ring that was roughly in the $6k range. I thought it was so ridiculous at the time because she and the fiancé didn’t really have income and were getting this ring on credit. They were always super into their image and this faux wealthy pursuit though.
We drifted apart shortly after that for that reason.
My wedding set was about $2400. It’s a Blue sapphire, which is what I wanted, but also made it cheaper. Interestingly my husband’s wedding band cost about $2400 as well, and he has one of the George Sawyer rings. It’s a beautiful piece of art that he loves.
Anonymous
100k. Which I only know about because it was someone I went to college with and it ended up in a lawsuit over who owns the ring after the engagement got broken off, which in turn ended up on Above the Law. So yea. I have a friend who’s ring I suspect was around 20-30k, but they have lots of family money, so I think for them, spending that much on a ring would be like me spending 1-2k.
Anon
Who got the ring?
Anonymous
Don’t know, never saw any followup story after the lawsuit was filed. I’m assuming they settled.
anonchicago
Oh wow! I remember reading this story. I felt so bad for the man.
Anon
I don’t know how much it cost, but I bet women on this board would know.
My SIL insisted my brother buy her a 3 carat Tiffany ring.
Cat
The 1.5 carat classic Tiffany is somewhere around $25-30K. The way diamond pricing goes I’d expect a 3 carat to be $80K+
Anonie
Oh for sure close to 80K
Anon
Hoooooly cow that’s a down payment
Anonymous
. . . on a life of misery.
Anon
Glad someone else said it. Demanding a 3 carat Tiffany ring is… absent extraordinary circumstances, quite the warning sign.
Anonymous
Looking on the Tiffany website right now, the classic setting with a 2.5 ct diamond is in the $65-130K range. They don’t offer 3cts on the website, but you can just estimate up from there.
anon
Woof, that’s a lot of money for a brand name. I have family in the jewelry business (they often sell diamonds wholesale to Tiffany’s) and my ring (just under 3 carats) cost $34k bc my husband wanted to pay the retail price for it (which is to say what a non-family member would pay) but a very similar ring (similar setting and 4cs) at Tiffany that I saw was $75k. To OP or whomever, you need to find a non-storefront jeweler. Not only will you get the best price for the best quality, but they can work with your budget to get you something spectacular for your money. To top it off, you ring being custom is like a custom-tailored dress. Instead of a ring setting that fits a stone with X-Y range where you just pop in the stone (like at a big-box retailer), it is a setting made exactly to your stone’s specifications, and can be worked to say let the sit sit higher or lower (which can totally change the look) or change the underside of the main stone or side stones to change the look, or change the spacing/placement of side stones to look ‘spreadier’ on a wider finger or custom to a narrower finger. In other words, they can not only hunt for the right stone (say one that is more top-heavy but still looks amazing) for your setting, but can craft the setting perfectly.
Anonymous
My grandma has a giant diamond (maybe 4-5 carat) set in platinum, I have no idea what it could have possibly cost but it was probably more than a luxury car. My own ring was sub 1k.
Anonymous
I grew up in a wealthy area, so I guess I’m sort of numb to the prices and sizes. Someone in my family has a 5.5 ct Cartier ring (purchased at an auction) that cost around $150K, I believe. But that was purchased with cash because the couple works in very high paying jobs. The original retail price from Cartier was probably somewhere in the $200K range, and that’s what you have to insure it for. The ring is definitely impressive but not obnoxiously large. It’s emerald cut, which doesn’t tend to sparkle as much and therefore reduces the flashiness (but shows off flaws more so you need a better clarity stone).
Also, I think it depends on proportions and your body/hand size. A 1 ct diamond on someone who is slim might look proportional, but it would look tiny on me since I’m plus size with fat fingers. Personally, I prefer something in the 2-3 ct range on my hand. I would probably expect to spend up to $30K on that, and would be fine with it if it was something I was going to wear every day.
anonn
I have huge hands, so my 1ct is perfect, but looks huge on other women. Where I live 1ct is on the higher end for engagement rings though. Its a little yellow so it was around $7500 I think, side diamonds make it 2ct total weight.
Senior Attorney
I used to work with somebody who had, like, a 5 carat diamond. Seriously it was the size of a nickel. And she was a tiny little thing so it looked even bigger on her. I know for a fact it was real and I have to think they paid six figures for it.
Cat
Reminds me of legally blonde- “she’s got the 6 carat Harry Winston on her bony, unpolished finger!”
anonn
or a ring pop.
Brunette+Elle+Woods
Obviously I love legally blonde!!!
Seventh Sister
I worked with a woman who had a ring like that – it was beautiful but it made me nervous because honestly, it looked like it could fly off at any minute. It was a squarish cut and she was this tiny little thing. I suspect her in-laws had bought it because 1) her husband was a screenwriter with jut a few credits when they married and 2) her in-laws had bought her husband a house in LA because they missed him when he was living in another city.
Anon
When I met my husband 20+ years ago we talked about engagement. For some reason he wanted to know how much engagement rings cost. Going by what my friends were paying back then, I estimated $10k. He was SO happy when I fell absolutely in love with a 3+ diamond band style estate ring that cost around $7k. I still love it. I love the old cut on the diamonds. I love the flat setting. I feel like it was meant to be.
Anon
I have a dear friend who sports a ring that her husband bought at auction for north of $350K (and yes I did mean to add the zero). It has historical significance and a stone (not a diamond) of unusual quality. It is really beautiful and while a bit larger than what I would want to wear does not look oversized on her finger.
She never mentioned the cost but did tell me about the historical significance and I confess I looked it up. And while I think that is a completely ridiculous amount of money to spend on a ring, he could very well afford it. It struck me as a tiny bit odd since he is not otherwise a guy who flaunts his money, but it apparently made him very happy to give it to her. (He was apparently very proud of himself for finding her something unusual with historical significance she would appreciate.)
Anonymous
This story immediately triggered for me the thought of how challenging and awkward it would be for me to balance my house on my ring finger, especially on my non-dominant hand.
Anon
(Poster with the friend with the $350K ring) You cannot buy a 2-BR condo where we live for that amount so their house is definitely worth substantially more, but the funny thing is that the guy drives a Honda, does his own yard work when he can (sometimes cannot because of work travel), and wears a Timex watch. And their house, while quite nice, is well short of a mansion (although I am sure it cost a fortune because of its location).
I do not begrudge it to either of them. He grew up middle class, makes/has made a lot of money and likes to buy things for his wife. Not just expensive things but things he has to research and look for. Honestly it is kind of sweet, especially because she would never in a million years think to demand something like an expensive ring.
Anonymous
I truly appreciate the sentiment of the gift, but mostly I think it is immoral.
anon
My MIL got remarried when she was around 50. My husband describes her ring as “large enough to knock out a gopher.” I would guess it was in the range of $80K. But their financial arrangement is basically that she got the ring, she receives gifts at the holidays, and she gets a life estate in the house, which has a guest house she can rent out to help with expenses.
Anonymous
$20k for 2ct+ cushion cut stone in H.W. setting. This was 12 years ago.
But I was married without a ring and waited 10 years to get it, no regrets.
Anon
Do you worry about matching your wedding/engagement rings to your outfit?
Looking at engagement rings with my boyfriend and am leaning towards using my grandmothers wedding band but it is yellow gold (with a matching infinity band of emeralds, so would probably wear both and stack them under a gold e-ring). But I’m worried the yellow gold will clash with my wardrobe. I’m very pale so my go-neutrals are grey and navy. I’m pretty matchy-matchy usually!!! Silver color/platinum would probably go more with my wardrobe (and complexion) but I do love the idea of wearing a family ring.
Does your e-ring just become something you don’t really notice anymore after a while and where whatever you want, or did change your usual wardrobe color and accessories to match it?
Anon
*Wear not where. Oh boy!!
anon
You can get the stone reset into what you’d like…that’s an option!
Anon
No not at all. I regularly mix metals and I think it’s layered and nice, and still neutral.
Anon
Same. I like all the colors of gold. I feel like those metal color rules are terribly outdated.
Cat
I asked for platinum as I mostly wear silver-toned jewelry, but think nothing of ‘matching’ when I choose gold earrings or necklace.
You could always have the stones re-set into a new band if the yellow gold doesn’t suit.
Anon
That set sounds lovely, but I think emeralds are not so great for every day wear? But I’m not a jewelry expert, so maybe that depends on their setting.
Anon
The matching wedding bands are a pair that’s supposed to be worn together, one solid gold and the other a small emerald infinity band. We were thinking of doing just a plain gold band with diamond for the e-ring to match the bands. So it’s not like one big emerald or anything :)
Anonymous
I’ve got a diamond infinity band in yellow gold paired with a diamond solitaire e-ring that has a platinum prongs and very thin yellow gold band. End result is that it accentuates the stones and not really the metals. Maybe try on a couple of things to see how they pair.
Anon
I don’t worry about this at all. In general I wear almost exclusively gold jewelry but my engagement ring and wedding band are silver/platinum colored.
nuqotw
No, I wouldn’t worry about it. In my book engagement/wedding rings are a neutral.
FWIW I’m not much for jewelry in general, I was a never mix metals type before I got engaged, and I leaned heavily towards silver-toned jewelry. But my husband’s family had several family engagement rings, he wanted me to choose one, the gold engagement ring fit just as it was so it seemed like it was meant to be, and now I mix metals with careless abandon.
Anonie
I don’t think matching matters at all for engagement rings :) They are kind of the exception, in my opinion.
Aunt Jamesina
I mix metals all the time. My ring is white gold, and while I initially chose it because it fit the style of the ring I wanted and I wore more white gold when I got engaged, I now tend to wear both colors. I think you should use whatever metal color you really like, as jewelry trends will change over time and you won’t want to resign yourself to wearing only one color for the rest of your life. I agree that resetting it in white gold is a good way to go if you have your heart set on white gold.
Anon
I wear mostly gray, navy, black and camel and I wear all gold jewelry.
Anonymous
Coordinate the metal with your skin tone, not your clothes. If your skin has cool undertones, which it probably does if you are pale and gravitate towards gray and navy, go with white gold or platinum. If your skin has warm undertones, go with yellow gold.
Anonyz
I bypassed this problem by choosing a two-tone wedding band, but I really adore the scrollwork on it and would have probably chosen it anyway.
Anon
Metals are neutral.
Senior Attorney
+1
My engagement ring is both yellow gold and white gold, my wedding band is yellow gold, and the wristwatch I wear every day is stainless steel with rose gold accents. It’s a neutral metal party!!
anon
I mix metals all the time. My engagement ring and wedding ring are both platinum and I have a family heirloom right hand gold ring. I wear them both every day. Maybe because I’m so used to seeing them, they feel like part of my hands so don’t clash with anything.
Anonymous
I have gold and mix it with other pieces that are predominantly silver but have a bit of gold, like Yurman or Lagos. I like the look.
Panda+Bear
I say wear whatever you like – mixing metals and the colors of your jewelry with your wardrobe is fine if you like it. For my two cents, though, I have two sets because I love jewelry and enjoy mixing it up. My original wedding and engagement rings are white gold, and I wear those most of the time. But I often swap them out for an anniversary band in yellow gold, which I wear with a garnet solitaire, also set in yellow gold, that was b-day present. None of which cost anywhere close to the costs discussed above, so I wasn’t worried about investing in more than one ‘every day’ set!
all about eevee
I use my grandmother’s yellow gold wedding band with my platinum engagement ring. I think it looks great, and idgaf if others don’t like it. I suggest you do what feels best for you. I know honoring my grandmother was best for me.
Keurig K-Mini Reviews?
Does anyone have the Keurig K-Mini?
I’m not a huge coffee drinker (one cup/day typically, maybe two) and I’m the only coffee drinker in the house. I go through phases of loving/hating it. I thought that functionally and aesthetically this is probably the right fit for my kitchen, which is arguably large but I just can’t have another large appliance on the counter. Seems it has ok not amazing reviews online. Curious if there are any reviews here? TIA.
WWYD
I’m 41, single. Have a chance to be a digital nomad for the next few months. However…would you worry about bar rules if you are maintaining your residency in a state you’re licensed in, but traveling for a month or two? I am in-house counsel, not at a firm, and my boss (CLO) knows about it. Thoughts? Does this fall into actual UPL territory?
Cat
For in house counsel, I think there is a pretty typical carve-out in the RPC for this- performing services for the lawyer’s employer when located in an alternate jurisdiction is ok so long as you’re not in trouble in your barred state.
Anon
For traveling for a few months for this purpose, I have a don’t ask don’t tell rule. Who would care and who would report you if you worked out of state of residency for a few months? If you’re that scared, use a VPN that places you in your home state while you work. Seriously, don’t get too worked up about this, ESPECIALLY being in-house counsel, they do work on out of state matters and work on stuff while on vacation all the time.
IDGI?
not to be flip – but I’m pretty sure there are very specific rules in each state about what is required of your license, in addition to other in house rules. which are you licensed in?
(and I’d argue ‘a few’ months is a reasonably neglible amount of time.) What exactly are you concerned about? An address for accepting mail and service of process?
CountC
Does your state have an ethics line that you can call anonymously to ask this question? I personally don’t think it’s a big deal if you are in-house, but it’s probably worth it to call for peace of mind.
Nordstrom Rack
Has anyone noticed that Nordstrom Rack has so many “own brand” low quality shoes on their website lately?A brand called “Journee”? I used to go there to get good deals on nice-quality name brand shoes that were overstocks or returns (cole haan, stuart weitzman, corso como, aquatalia), but right now it’s just bad knockoffs. Should I even believe their not-leather, own brand shoes that were $60 are now 33% off because they’re $40? I mean–it’s a fake discount, for merchandise they’ve never sold anywhere else! And I have to wade through all that to find the gems? I’m not under the misimpression that Rack carries only Nordstrom overflows, but it seems junky and not nice now. Is this change recent?
Anon
I don’t think this is unique to Nordstrom at all.
Anonymous
I can’t believe they are doing this to you!!!!
anonnnn
SNORT
Anonymous
That’s a problem with all outlet-type stores. They used to sell overstocks or returns, but now probably something like 90%+ of the merchandise you see at outlet malls was made specifically for outlet. I used to work in the industry, so I have insight, but people not in the industry usually don’t understand this, which is how they’re able to do it profitably by targeting people looking for a “good deal”. For many of the stores you see at outlet malls, outlet sales are a bigger % of the overall company sales than their full-price retail stores. I don’t know if that’s specifically true about Nordstrom Rack, but it’s definitely true of some of the key stores you see at outlet malls across the country.
Anon 2.0
I can’t comment on Nordstom Rack specifically but can offer an alternative. I find 6pm to be the best site for shoes and you can sort by % off and they offer name brands. They are owned by Amazon but as long as you are anti-Amazon you can then type the shoe name into Amazon and it is usually the same price on Prime.
Anon
Nordstrom rack is crap. You may as well shop at JCPenney.
Anonymous
This. I think they even sell ‘Joe Fresh’ which is sold at grocery stores in Canada. Like Old Navy quality.
Anon
To be fair I think Journee is sold at other stores like Target and Kohl’s. Nordstrom Rack has become pretty junky, I never shop there anymore.
Anon
I feel like Nordstrom in general is getting more junky by the year. The reviews for their mail-in return process have been horrendous this year. Their in-store selection pales in comparison to online. They recently closed their store in my city. I used to put them high up on the pedestal of great department stores, but I feel they are slipping lately.