15 Comments

  1. *sigh* The article about the drinks makes me want to flee the office right now and, instead of dealing with the crushing pile of work sitting on my desk, drink anything made with iced tea infused vodka…

    1. Agreed! Luckily tomorrow is a holiday in Canada so this is a possibility for me!

  2. I remember us debating whether it looked bad not to drink. Recently, I was at an event where there were summers, the event was actually thrown for the summers, and a senior partner commented on the fact that several of them didn’t have a drink the whole time they were there. He said it in an annoyed “then why did we do this” tone. So, I’d say even if you don’t drink, and I often don’t, at least have something in hand, like a sprite poured into a glass or something.

    1. That senior partner is a d-bag.

      Unless I say “I’d love a beer, thanks!” and he buys it for me and I fail to drink it, he doesn’t get to be upset that I’m not drinking. Assuming everyone he works with will want to drink on any particular occasion is his problem, not mine.

      1. The person who thinks it’s odd for people not to drink is the one with the problem. Not the non-drinker.

        I would find absolutely zero reason to “pretend” to have an alcoholic drink at any event. It’s obnoxious. There’s absolutely no reason that my sticking with water, iced tea or a soft drink should bother you — unless it’s your guilty conscience over your own drinking, which you hope to be assuaged by “everyone else is drinking too.”

        1. You shouldn’t have to pretend, I agree, but in the extended interview that is the summer associateship – and the increased competition for offers in this economy – I would drink a cranberry juice or coke or something else that looks like it could be a cocktail and if someone happens to ask what I was drinking, I’d tell them the truth. Definitely no reason to lie about it, but I don’t think that trying to blend in is so bad. Agree that that partner is out of line, though.

  3. Anon – I agree, loud and clear. I thought I’d share because this involved summers coming from the mouth of someone who hires. Doesn’t make it right. I was shocked. But, since we like to know how others are perceiving us, I figured I would throw it out there.

    1. I’m glad you shared this story – it’s a good reminder to all of us that we’re being judged on our behavior, as well as a good reminder to be less judgmental ourselves when in those positions of power.

    2. I think a lot of non-drinkers already know they are being judged. Believe me, I’ve lived with it my whole life and there is nothing I can really do to change the fact that I can’t drink alcohol. If someone is going to judge me because of that, then it’s probably not a job that would be a good fit for me.

    3. Just like it was discussed in another thread that it is awkward to order tap water when you meet someone for coffee, it’s awkward to drink nothing at a social event when others are drinking. It’s perfectly fine to not drink an alcoholic drink, but one should drink something- soda, sparkling water, lemonade, etc. Sharing food and drink is an important social interaction and way in which humans bond. Also, refusing to drink or eat at a hosted event or at someone’s home is essentially refusing their hospitality, while ordering only water or nothing at all at a cafe makes you look cheap. So when invited to a social event, plan on having a beverage or you’ll be seen as the odd one out.

  4. You know something funny? As much as I love wearing make up, I kind of hate that women have to wear it everyday to be considered professional. It just doesn’t look polished enough to have a clean face.

  5. I never pretend to be drinking and have never once had anyone ask the reason I’m not at a work function. Do I hang with a particularly lame crowd? Anyway, never felt at all awkward about not drinking until I got married. Now I feel awkward that people constantly think I’m pregnant. I don’t think I’m just paranoid, either: a male colleague recently admitted that he thought this was the reason and could never figure out why I hadn’t started “showing” at any point after he first assumed this 15 months ago. A few other people nodded. *Awkward.*

  6. I’m a SA at a small firm and I guess I don’t see what’s so wrong with the partner’s comment. I understand that it’s expensive for the firm to pay for a dozen associates’ drinks and appetizers–not to mention the time an associate spent planning when they could have been billing, and that they all stopped billing early to go to the happy hour. If I don’t appear to be engaged in the event, it would seem kind of wasteful for the firm to have gone to all that trouble just so the associates could kick back. It doesn’t mean he was annoyed the person doesn’t drink, but maybe that the firm spent money on an event that probably wasn’t even the best way to recruit that individual.

    I guess I see his comment almost as an observation of “Shoot, I wish we would have known so-and-so didn’t drink. It seems silly to have planned and paid for this when she’s uncomfortable.” Then again, the commenter who posted the story is in a much better position to get his meaning than I am.

    1. Then maybe law firms should stop assuming that summer interns want to have fancy schmancy food and drink thrown at them on a regular basis?

      I’m several years removed from my summer internship and I can’t recall a single event that wasn’t centered around alcohol. Brewery tour, cocktails in botanical garden, imax with drinks, happy hours, etc. I’m all for bonding with your colleagues but it’s kind of sad when every event is “drinks plus excuse to have drinks.”

      My s.o. is in a non-law profession. His dept regularly has functions for all the coworkers. They are always family friendly (even though many are students or other younger workers without spouses or kids) and it is so much nicer to be invited to a backyard bbq or a pool party than a grown up frat party disguised as a law firm event. Yes, there is always a cooler or two of beer at the get-togethers (sometimes even a margarita machine!) but it is far from the focus of the event.

  7. That’s fair. To be clear, I have a drink less than once a month and hate spending time in dark, moldy bars when I could be out exploring the city or burning off the energy I don’t get to use sitting in a chair all day–so I’m not exactly big on the drinking events either.

    Unfortunately, I think the firms are making a safe assumption that most SAs want alcohol and more alcohol based on the law students I’ve been around the last two years (and I’m in conservative campus groups with quite a few LDS students–they’re still way outnumbered by the frat-style drinkers).

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