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This shoe is definitely not for everyone — particularly at this moment in time — but I really love the vintage vibe, velvet, and bright red swirls of roses on these heels from Dries Van Noten.
While I've always found wine-colored heels to be incredibly versatile, readers have noted in the past that they love red heels for their statement — so I've rounded up some more in the widget below.
Readers, what are your thoughts — wine-colored heels or red heels (or flats!)?
The pictured shoes are $650 at Neiman Marcus.
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
These are some of the other red heels for work on the market right now…
Sales of note for 9.19.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Sales of note for 9.19.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
Um, no thank you.
Anon
Eww and what is with that weird diagonal square toe. Definitely not.
Anon
These are hideous and so outdated (and not in a good vintage way).
anon
If they’re outdated, when were they in?
Ellen
I disagree and think Kat’s taste is right for a certain group of women. While I personally can’t wear these shoes– as a law firm partner– if I were younger, cuter, and svelter, I think I could pull it off with a black sheathe skirt and white silk blouse. My sister Rosa is able to wear a similar outfit, and she still gets lots of looks, even after 4 kids, because she is, in fact, younger, cuter and svelter then I am.
Anon
These are just terrible, and I like red/wine heels.
Anon 2.0
These look like a carpet design in a cheap casino.
Cat
ok I actually laughed out loud at this one – SO spot on!
Anon
Plainridge Park hall carpet.
pugsnbourbon
Or a pillow in a pay-by-the-hour hotel room
Cornellian
+1!
Anon
These are possibly the ugliest shoes I’ve ever seen in my life, tbh.
Anon
This shoe is pretty to sit on a shelf and look at, but my ankles would sound like gunshots if I tried to wear them.
Anon
Yes, these are what my friend E calls “Sittin’ shoes”
Anon
I’m just wondering what is the record for responses to a post (after this morning’s multiple slugfests). Anyone recall?
Sloan Sabbith
Replies to an individual comment or to a full post? I’ve seen posts with 500 comments on here. Not sure about the record for comments related to a single thread.
Anon
There have been some threads with 200+ comments, I’m pretty sure. Wedding drama always seems to invite a LOT of comments.
Anon
I wonder if Katie Couric is bringing the fight with her and posting here now.
Anon
Today is nowhere near the most that I’ve seen. But people sure are antsy. Maybe it’s because Mercury is in retrograde ;)
Anon
It’s unfortunate, because the women here are high achievers. A discussion about the merits and drawbacks of their undergraduate educations, costs, what has changed since we were all in school, our plans for our kids, etc. could be really great.
Cat
Years ago I think we broke 1000 on the Friday weekend thread!
Anon
Yikes — was it just a lot of pot-stirring? Pot-stirring on many things? I love to think that many people are try to help out with a question but I know better.
Cat
I don’t remember the specifics of the thread but people tended to be chattier. I suspect the rise of m-d has chilled some of the real-time back-and-forth.
Anonymous
The most I’ve seen on one individual post is about 150, maybe closer to 200. The pet peeve threads always get a lot and occasionally there’s something controversial. It’s generally slower, though, since a lot of people are in perma-mod or close to it now.
Anonymous
Was the record set on a post about keeping maiden names?
Anon
https://corporette.com/choosing-a-last-name/
That one?
Anonymous
Yes. It is not the most comments on any post ever, but it seems to be the longest string where the comments stick to one topic I can recall. There have been many, many long threads on this subject and I always brace myself when the subject comes up but somehow it never gets mentioned in the mocking posts about tired subjects.
Anonymous
I was the OP for this AM’s insanity and wow. I think it just goes to show what a fraught topic college is, and how the “right” answer is different for everyone.
I went to a private $$$ college that I’m sure everyone would advise against here. I made really strong connections, got a great internship and bumbled my way into a grad program that paid for itself. Would I want to fork over $75k/year for my kids to attend the same school? Maybe not. But I could see why they’d want to.
Anonymous
Repost from late yesterday though thanks for the 2 good responses — are any of you all in the situation where you did commercial/financial litigation in biglaw, left to go someplace either because you didn’t make partner or didn’t want that life or thought the exits in litigation were slim, now are doing that other thing and are tempted to go back to litigation because you could get a counsel or non equity partner offer? All of the preceding apply to me, I landed in government, my job is fine and pays about 200k (financial regulator); there’s one specific type of law I’m interested in which is not what I do in the government (finance related but really niche) but have experience from my biglaw days + have kept in touch with networking, conferences etc. That sub area is NOT hot right now. Peers I’ve spoken to from my biglaw days act like I’m being ridiculous to hold out for that sub area, as they say just go grab the money doing financial litigation and if that sub area gets hot, you can decide what to do then. Part of me gets it – I could be making 400k+ if someone were to hire me (big IF) but then I think of all the downsides – I don’t get to do what I want (I mean I don’t in government either but I don’t work all that much); I’m back in litigation which I worked so hard to get out of; what if the new firm takes me and then dumps me in 1-2 years when the market slows, no way I’m getting my government job back as it’s too hard to get hired.
How do you think about this? What’s the calculus between waiting for what you want vs. making money vs. putting yourself back into difficult career situations. FWIW I could use the money to pay off a house quickly and/or retire a few years earlier decades from now (I’m 40 now); but am perfectly fine with my current salary as well.
Anonymous
Stop. You’ve posted like 6 times. It’s really hard to move into the role you’re describing right now.
Anonymous
This
Anon
I think this is the same person who found her government coworkers boring because they didn’t want to discuss SCOTUS cases for fun?
anon a mouse
You have to decide what’s most important to you: money, lifestyle, work matters. I’m at a regulator and looking at my counterparts in industry, they have very little control over their matters and their time — I would be absolutely miserable. But, I’m perfectly happy with my salary – I’m not going to retire early but I have tons of flexibility and my nights and weekends are mine.
It seems like a bad decision to leave knowing that you wouldn’t even get to do the work you are most interested in. Why would you leave now?
Anonymous
This. I’m not saying don’t leave but I’m saying leave when you get to do the work you want to do, not some kind of compromise situation. Going back to firm life will be a compromise in many ways as you know – stress, chasing clients, no control of hours etc.; do you want to add to that compromise – not even doing the work you want to be doing and likely having to chase clients in areas that don’t even interest you?
Cat
I know two people who were Biglaw litigators, went in-house, were bored out of their skulls because they went from actually running the litigation to just managing outside counsel, and returned to firm life. But they are thriving generalists.
It sounds like you have to weigh “more money but subject to the whims of Biglaw and your specialty” vs. “OK, steady money and perhaps some dreary days” and no one but you knows the real answer.
Anonymous
I’d wait. Biglaw people/people in firm life always talk as if what they do is all there is and if you don’t get in right now you’re a fool making no money. Chances are being at a financial regulator paying 200k, you are at one of the top regulators. It isn’t going to hurt your chances to stay until the area of the market you really want to be in gets hot. If that never happens (IDK what that area is but unlikely everything gets hot at some point) and you decide you want to go back to commercial litigation for the money, you can go back then; sure it may be harder if the market isn’t as hot as it is now but being in the government you also wouldn’t be on a timeline of OMG I must leave in 6 months, which is exactly what firms will do to you if you come in as NEP or counsel right now, things slow in say 12-18 months, and you can’t produce.
Anon
I just posted a response on the morning thread.
anon
My mentor let me down this week in a way that caused me to lose a lot of respect for them, which has been the cherry on top of what has already been an irritating and physically painful week (due to some new meds). The pain means I can’t even angry cry about how bad my week has been because it hurts too bad. Thank god it’s…Thursday?
Senior Attorney
You mean Sure Happy It’s Thursday, right? ;)
Hugs, anon. I hope things get better.
Anon
Hahaa I hadn’t seen Sure Happy It’s Thursday before. Excellent.
For OP, I would page Shots! Shots! Shots! but I’m not sure you can make use of this with your meds!!
Anon
Yeah, no can do. Also just accidentally misgendered a colleague (they use they/them pronouns) in an email to thirty people so I wouldn’t say my day is really improving. I corrected myself but feel like a jerk.
Anon
I’m so sorry, that sucks. This week has been excruciatingly slow for me. Hope you have a relaxing weekend, once we finally get there!
Anonymous
Is Vegas still pretty bad for covid? I would think so right – as I imagine a lot of the crowd that travels there isn’t big on vaccines and I’m sure masking is out the window (if there is any to begin with) once people start drinking? I’m in the mood for a go to a big city that’s totally different, walk around, stay in a big hotel kind of trip. Located in DC (and used to live in NYC so I don’t consider that a vacation at all). No passport at the moment as mine is expired. Thoughts? Vegas is a bad idea for the covid conscious right?
Anon
Asheville? Chicago? Seattle?
eertmeert
If you come to Seattle don’t stay in the downtown core. Go for options on the north edge of downtown, like 8th & Pine-ish area.
Sloan Sabbith
Agree, but I’d go a step further and suggest you stay in one of the neighborhoods. Downtown is….not that fun at the moment. Somewhere like Fremont, Wallingford, back side of Capitol Hill, Queen Anne would be walkable or easily accessible to everything. Even Roosevelt or Ravenna now that there’s a light rail stop!
Duckles
I would NOT recommend Asheville or Seattle if you want a big city trip. Chicago is fun and pretty safe though You’re cutting it really close on weather if you want to do mostly outside things. Can’t speak to Boston covid ditch but it could be a fun option. Also LA so it’s a hike but might be the best option for you.
Anon
USVI, but our covidiot friends just went there (but are home now and still disease-free)
Anonymous
Chicago or Boston if you go soon before it gets too cold? Seattle? San Francisco? Charleston’s lovely in the fall, but I’m not sure it meets your “big city” requirement (medium-sized city?) and I can’t imagine SC is doing well with covid conscious.
Anon
There is no COVID in South Carolina.
Anon
Haha right
https://twitter.com/scdhec/status/1446131225396060161?s=21
BeenThatGuy
I have plenty of covid cautious friends that have been to Vegas recently. All vaxxed. All came back healthy. They gambled, ate, drank, lounged by the pool and did sightseeing. The only thing they didn’t do is make out with strangers.
Anonymous
I have friends who’ve been to Vegas who aren’t super covid conscious but do take it seriously and are vaccinated. Only thing they did different than normal was stay in hotels without casinos – Four Seasons comes to mind but I think there are a few – rather than their usual stays at Bellagio, Wynn. Having been to conferences at the Four Seasons there, it is a bit of a different vibe with no casino – the true party people don’t stay there. Other than that they did everything else – gambling (I think the floors to require a mask but maybe that’s changed with vaccines), indoor dining, pool time etc. and yeah no making out except with the spouse they came with.
Anon
Counterpoint: I have a friend who recently went to a conference in Vegas and came home with breakthrough Covid, as did several of his industry colleagues. AND the majority of them flew home before they knew they had it, so not only exposing the airplane, but also their families at home. It has sucked.
Anon
The conference is more likely to blame than the trip to Vegas though. Conferences have been superspreader events since February 2020.
Anon
CREFC?
Anonymous
Vegas generally would worry me. The long flights from the east coast plus the party behavior generally even if you aren’t engaging plus the % of people who go there who likely are not vaccinated. Reality is you have to go to the same places the party folks go to – airport, restaurants, walking through casinos and elevators to get to your room. And the masking is theater at best. If the casino floors still require masks, people just keep a drink in their hand the whole time because hey can’t mask when drinking. I assume smoking is still allowed so now you have non vaccinated people forcibly exhaling all over the place and you walk through those clouds of smoke to get to your elevator.
Conferences I think anywhere are a risk (and more in Vegas) because you’re spending days with the same people, unmasked, eating etc. and even at a vaccinated conference all you need is one person with a breakthrough that they picked up at home, on the flight, walking around Vegas – and it’ll spread to other conference attendees who’ve been with this person for days.
Anon
Yeah I wouldn’t do Vegas, not because the city itself is particularly reckless when it comes to Covid, but just because everything you’d want to do is indoors and it’s not a city that has a lot of great outdoor dining (pre-Covid we traveled there regularly with a dog and options for patio dining were very limited).
Chicago would be good if you can go in the next month or so before the weather turns cold.
The south is actually doing quite a bit better now. It’s clear there’s a seasonal element to this and since summer is when everyone gathers indoors in the south, the worst of Delta seems to be behind them while a lot of the Midwest and northeast is currently trending up. I would be completely comfortable visiting a southern city like Charleston or NOLA at this point, as long as I stuck to outdoor dining.
I don’t think you’ll see much masking anywhere, TBH, except in states or cities where it’s legally required if those still exist. Most adults either don’t care about Covid or got vaccinated and feel protected by the vaccine. I don’t know really know anyone who wears masks in public anymore except parents of young kids who can’t get vaccinated.
Anonymous
Oh interesting. I’m in DC/Va and in DC you see indoor masking because of requirements and in Va you see about 50-70% of the population masked anywhere you go indoors. Now I can’t know for sure if these strangers have kids but they aren’t out with kids, many look older etc. But people tell me that DC is taking masking/rule following way further than most other places (though my parents say NJ is similar so maybe it’s a northeast thing?).
Anon
Yeah I meant more that there’s nowhere you will see everybody masked, except places it’s legally required like airplanes. 50-70% masking is basically worthless in my opinion, because there’s a ton of overlap between people who mask and people who are vaccinated and otherwise cautious. The people who are the real threat are the unmasked, unvaccinated people and even with 70% of people are masked, you have 30% of people who are unmasked and more likely than not also unvaccinated.
PolyD
Same in MD – at least, the part close to DC, I can’t vouch for the shore or the parts up near West Virginia.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t go to Vegas. IDK something about the drunk party nature of it seems riskier to me than other places; FWIW I feel the same way about Nashville, Miami/South Beach, Cancun. If you’re in the mood for a big city hotel type vacation I’d go somewhere that isn’t a spot that tons of other people are going to just to party — Chicago seems about right; you can get all the fancy big city things but be in a hotel that’ll be a mix of empty, business travelers, personal travelers, and maybe some party people – not JUST unmasked drunk party people.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t recommend this for a full week and you will probably want a car, but if you want an easy weekend trip from D.C.-Durham and Raleigh. I know, not what you think of for vacation, but honestly, depending on your interests, we’re delightful for a weekend trip, and doing pretty well with Covid as long as you don’t venture too far outside the cities (Durham and Raleigh both still have indoor mask mandates).
pugsnbourbon
Raleigh is also really pretty in the fall.
Anonymous
If you are covid cautious I would look at California.
CrowTRobot
I miss Vegas so much. Even though I am vaccinated, I am still pretty risk averse because I have a toddler at home. If I didn’t have any vulnerable people in my home, I would probably go. Try to stay out of crowded indoor spaces. With the weather getting better, you could make that happen.
Anonymous
The definition of Vegas is crowded indoor spaces.
Anon
Yeah I love Vegas but I don’t know what there is to do there that’s not a crowded indoor space. The pools, I guess, but it seems like a waste of time and money to fly to Vegas just to visit a hotel pool.
TR Wexler
I am starting a short term consulting job next week where I will be embedded in the company’s internal team for a few months. The company is fully remote, but I am pretty tired of giving up my living room to be an office space.
There is a coworking space nearby that would allow me to work from a private office in their space for about $500/month. The coworking contract would end roughly the same time as the consulting position.
Is this a crazy idea? Having a dedicated workspace away from home and somewhere with a closed door where I’d be alone (so could remove my mask) is really appealing. Would I be able to write this off as a business expense? Are there any factors I’m not thinking about for this scenario? I appreciate your insights and advice!
Anon
Frankly, if the contract is lucrative enough for $500 to be no big deal, I’d absolutely jump on that.
Anon
And ask your accountant about writing it off, but I would absolutely write off my office space. That is standard. I would think for this period you should not write off any % of your home for the same function, but YES, this is definitely a business expense. I’m a sole practitioner consultant and I write off a lot.
Anon
If you can afford it, I totally would.
Cornellian
I’d probably do it. I guess things to consider are: is the coworking company stable (because it seems like a lot of them are struggling, you don’t want to burn money)? Is it possible indoor mask mandates would be mandated (eliminating one of the reasons you want the space)?
Anon
These are hideous. Into wine colored shoes. NOT into this rose design.
Anything that looks like it came from Boscovs/Kohl’s/any budget friendly department store that my mom would shop at in the mid 00s is a hard pass for me.
NYCer
Do you think the Vintage Soft Classic Joggers from Gap (will put link in comment) cover the line between comfy enough to wear while WFH but also fine to walk to the corner coffee shop or corner store in?
NYCer
Vintage Soft Classic Joggers
https://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=544841122&vid=1#pdp-page-content
Anon
I feel like the last time I went to Fancy Restaurant, someone was definitely wearing gym or athleisure attire. Maybe b/c they were also eating outside on tables? My vote is: “eh, it’s 2021.” Not going to judge.
Anon
I’m a super casual person 95% if the time. But, it does make me sad that the last few formal places I go have gotten casual – there’s a time and place for everything but joggers aren’t appropriate for a fancy restaurant, nor are games on iPads without headphones to entertain toddlers (or really, iPads at all).
I sound so crotchety but I’m only 27, lol! I just like nice nights out on rare occasions (and athleisure and burgers and beer the rest of the time)
Anon
I have those and love them, but they definitely look like sweatpants/gym clothes and not like, cute athleisure. I mean you can totally wear them to the store but you’ll look like you’re in sweatpants. Up to you if that bothers you.
Anon
i’d say definitely yes, but at least at my workplace they would be way too casual to wear to work, but fine for a zoom call where you can only see from the waist up.
Anon
Is the question are these zoom appropriate or coffee run appropriate? I think they’re fine for both (no one on zoom sees your pants) and duh, of course joggers are appropriate for a coffee run.
Anon
For me personally, no. Those are pretty classic looking sweatpants.
Anon
Yes. I wouldn’t worry about the coffee shop or corner store or anything you would also do on your personal time – you may be the most dressed up person in the coffee shop these days!
I wouldn’t wear them to work or to any sort of restaurant other than a coffee shop, personally.
anon
I have these in the “bistro green” colour and they are just sweat pants. Wear them where you would wear sweat pants. For me, that is most places I run errand, but not for social time or to work.
Also be warned they are *very* cropped/ankle length. I’m 5,2″ with extra short legs and these are still short on me.
AIMS
I mean I have gone outside to get coffee in my pajamas so I say yes. But if you’re the more formal sort I have some black joggers from Uniqlo that are great for WFH. They’re just sort of nondescript black pants with pockets. I feel like I could probably even get away with wearing them to work on a non-suit day with a longer top and flats for a (semi-frumpy) Eileen Fisher type look.
NYCer
Maybe this is more of what I’m looking for, I’ll check it out, Thanks!
Anon
Yes, sweatpants are totally okay for working from home and running errands.
Pep
If you want to save a couple of bucks, take a look at the gap factory site. I also find that Gap sweatpants/joggers run short.
Hollis
For those of you who have adult dogs, what kind of kibble do you buy for your dog? I’ve tried several kinds and my dog doesn’t seem to be interested in them unless we add stuff to the kibble. I can’t figure out if I should try different flavors, different brands, go cheaper or more expensive? We’ve tried Hill’s Science, Costco’s food (salmon and beef), Nutro Essentials, Nutro Naturals, Wellness Core, and am now considering either Purina Pro Plan (recommended by our vet) or Blue Life Protection or Blue Wilderness. No allergies or health issues – just dislike for her own primary food is all.
Horse Crazy
I’ve only had cats, but I used to have one who was super picky. We’d buy a few different types of kibble and switch it up every so often – we kept it in sealed bins, and we’d just have two or three bins at a time, and alternate every few days which kind we fed him. We did the same thing with canned food – buy a bunch of different brands and flavors and mix it up.
Anon
My dog likes what I’m eating. Sadly. But it makes for a good topping which prompts him to eat his food. It is like adding gravy to hide how bad the instant potatoes are.
Anonymous
Is she getting the right amount of food? I’ve noticed that dogs who are slightly overfed are more willing to be picky.
I would pick one food and stick with it. Experimentation just leads to further pickiness because now they know that there’s more than one type of food.
anon
Much like husbands, when your dog realizes that ‘this’ is dinner, they will become less picky. Less flippant answer, the dog is playing games with you to get extra stuff on the kibble. Unless there are allergies, or a real concern about keeping weight on the dog, a few days without extras should get the dog to a point where they eat their food. Other suggestions include taking the dog to the vet to make sure there are no dental issues that make eating the hard kibble painful.
Curious
Oh. Wow. I need to do this with my husband.
Anon
We do the Blue Adult Healthy Weight, which our 50 lb dog scarfs down and then gives us sad eyes for more. We ad a spoonful of canned pumpkin on top. No problems adding that if it helps your dog enjoy the kibble a bit more.
Anon 2.0
We feed Victor. It’s a more affordable option without being grocery store type food. Purchased at our local pet food store.
xx
I add broth to the top of my dog’s food and he will eat any kibble that has broth on it. You can buy containers of broth for dogs.
Daffodil
My dog likes the lamb flavor of Purina pro plan, which the vet recommended. Have not had any issues with it.
Anon
I was struggling with the same issue for a while.
Once allergies were ruled out, my vet advised me to pick a good food (he also recommended Purina Pro Plan and a few of the others you identify in your post) and stick to it. He said that adding things to the food or switching it up often can encourage her to be even more picky AND it could mask if she has some sort of issue because we were enticing her to eat. We now feed the sensitive stomach Purina Pro Plan twice a day. If she doesn’t start eating within 30 mins of us putting the food out, we pick it up, and give it back at her next meal time. My vet said this was important because we can then identify exactly when she stopped eating and how many meals she misses if she ever does get sick. We have been doing this for about a year now, and her pickiness is gone! She will skip a meal every now and then, but apparently that’s fine.
The other PSA I have is that before all this, we were mostly feeding her Call of the Wild. All protein foods like that and Nutro have been linked to cardiac problems in dogs, which I didn’t know until the talk with my vet.
Digby
Is it possible your dog will eat the food if it’s simply left out all day? We had a dog who spread the two meals per day that we gave him into five or six smaller meals. There was kibble in his bowl virtually all day – he didn’t finish his dinner until right before bed.
For our current dog, we feed a mix of Orijen Regional Red and Nulo Alpine Challenger – Orijen is grain-free, but our dog loves it, so we added the Nulo because it’s grain-inclusive (to address the cardiomyopathy concern about grain-free foods).
Anon
We do Purina Pro Plan (chicken and rice) and my dog likes it. We don’t add anything to it. We tried a bunch of foods because he has a sensitive stomach, and this one works really well for him.
Anon
The thing that helped my picky eater dog to get over it was getting another dog who was always ready to hoover up any uneaten food. Fixed!
anon for this
My weirdo dog is obsessed with Taste of the Wild, Salmon flavor. Any beef or “regular” flavor food is ignored, but he’s happily eaten this stuff twice a day for years. And the only time he really gives us sad puppy eyes are when we have salmon for dinner.
anon
I feed my dog Valens Pasture mixed with the Blue Buffalo lamb (the one without chicken). He’s a weirdo who doesn’t like additives like gravy or wet food, though.
Horse Crazy
I just got off a job interview. Last week, they sent me a list of five questions that they said they were going to ask – the questions were numbered on the sheet, and I obviously prepared answers to all of them. In the interview, they asked the questions out of order, which is of course their prerogative, but I had prepared my answers in such a way that this threw me off. For example, I was planning to answer question #4 by referencing my answer to question #2, etc. So I had to jump between answers so I could make sure I actually talked about what I was referencing. Also, they didn’t even ask one of the questions, which was of course the one I felt I had the best answer for. I haven’t sent a follow up/thank you email yet – do you think I should mention that since they didn’t get to that question, I’m happy to provide the info? Or just let it go and say thank you? I just feel they laid out clearly how the interview would go, I prepared a lot, and then they changed the format and it didn’t go as well as I hoped it would :(
Anon
Just let it go and say thank you. In the grand scheme of things, this is a pretty minor thing to have go differently than you were expecting.
anon
+1 let it go. There is only so much preparation you can do and for all you know, they asked them in a different order on purpose to see how you handled it. It seems petty and complainy to say you asked the questions in a different order than you gave them to me. This happened to me too recently and I just rolled with it.
Anon
Just let it go. I have a lot less interview experience than many here, but it seems pretty obvious to me that them changing the order/not asking all the questions was a possibility. You’ve learned your lesson for next time.
anon
I think it depends a little bit what kind of questions these were. Like, is there substantive expertise you have that they didn’t hear about because they skipped a question, or is more like “wow, I had a great answer to ‘what is your biggest flaw as an employee?’ and didn’t get to share it”?
Horse Crazy
It was fairly substantive. I also think saying it would have helped back up some of my other answers and given them more depth. They actually didn’t ask any of those generic interview questions – biggest weakness, tell us about a time you overcame a problem at work…they were all pretty substantive.
Anonymous
If you were on the interviewer side, do you think hearing your answer to this one question would change your opinion about the interviewee’s suitability for the job? Asking because I don’t know how substantive the question was. Generally, when I’ve been on the interviewer side, I can tell from the overall conversation if we’re dealing with someone who is a good possibility. It’s hard for me to imagine one question that would change my view of that, unless we were down to fine-grained deliberations between nearly equally-good candidates.
Anon
Just let it go. An interview shouldn’t be a Q&A session, it’s a conversation. You should be well-prepared enough to adapt.
anon
Let it go and say thank you.
Anon
IMO, you should be thankful they sent you any questions in advance, regardless of whether they asked them in order.
Anon
These shoes are perfect for a Jessica Rabbit Halloween costume, but that’s about it.
anon
Can anyone recommend headphones for an iphone that would work for smaller ears? I don’t want airpods for a number of reasons, and I’m looking for the old school version (not bluetooth). No frills, only need them to listen to music. The old version of Yurbuds were the only ones that would stay in my ear, but it looks like they don’t make those any more (and they’re not available with an iphone connector). All other ones are uncomfortable or fall out of my ears. Thanks for any recommendations!
B
Skull candy makes smaller ear buds- usually with different sizes of “nibs” as well. I use them pretty exclusively as someone who has ears too small for airpods. You may have to get that little iphone connector dongle to make other headphones work. Not to your preference, but, I have also used bluetooth over the ear headphones recently and really like them for listening to music without having my ears hurt afterwards- those are also skullcandy. They’re not amazingly-built, but they get the job done.
Anon
If you find a pair without an iphone connector, just buy an inexpensive dongle to adapt to the iphone port.
And when you do find one you like, consider buying multiples because even good technology falls out of favor when others overtake the market (like Betamax).
Anon
I have tiny ears and am a diehard Philips earhook headphone user, my husband puts new pairs in my Christmas stocking every year just to make sure I have extras. They do, however, require a dongle to use with an iPhone. https://www.amazon.com/Philips-SHS3200BK-37-Flexible-Headphones/dp/B003CJTR82/ref=asc_df_B003CJTR82/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312039478953&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=9356268331654543502&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9001880&hvtargid=pla-796409604632&psc=1
Anon
I used to have a really strong sense of self, but over a hectic few years it’s gotten foggier and I’m less sure who I am abc am looking to get that back.
Monday
Get in touch with old friends. Read old journals if you have any. Listen to your favorite music from past years and decades. Do some favorite activities that you dropped during the hectic period.
test run
I’m kind of going through this as well and listening to old music that I used to love has been a fun way to connect with my former self. Music used to be a much bigger part of my life – I spent my 20s going to concerts all the time and now I pretty much never go – so this could be something else that used to be a big part of your life: a sport, a hobby, a genre you used to read a lot, etc. etc.
You may also find that regaining your sense of self means letting go of old ideas that you used to hold about yourself, which can be hard. So be prepared to investigate new things that you catch your eye as being interesting to explore – new hobbies, new friends, etc.
pugsnbourbon
I don’t know the answer, but same. A combination of work and personal stress really pulled me sideways for a while. And then covid did a number on all of us. But now that I have a chance to breathe, I’m like – who am I and what do I want?
Op
Yup! Like 2 years ago I knew who I was and what I wanted and now I don’t.
No Face
Same! Also no answers. I’m just floating along.
Anone
Maybe I’m the outlier, but I think these shoes are sexy as h*ll. However, just looking at them causes me knee and arch pain. Sigh.
Go for it
+1 no way I could stand or walk in them though
Anonymous
I agree, I like them – for a date night! Too expensive for something so un-versatile, though.
Anonymous
How to all of you set a workout schedule and stick to it? I know, for me, I need to do it in the morning first thing. I have gone through phases in the past where it works and then something throws me off and I get out of the habit. As I approach 50 years of age I know I need to work out consistently. I have the space to do it at home and that works for me. The biggest problem is getting my husband to support me changing my schedule a bit. I really need to get up about and hour and a half before he does to fit in a workout and shower so that I can get the kids ready for school while he gets showered and ready for work. Sometimes he says he is supportive of this, but then I actually get up once or twice and he starts making comments. Sometimes it is about how it messes with his sleep, sometimes it is about “why do you want to work out, to impress somebody else?”, sometimes it is just “you’ve never done that before, why now?” to which I remind him of the times I have done it before which he seems to have forgotten.
Any tips to make it easier on everyone? I know I need to commit to becoming healthier and I can’t continue to think I will “do it someday”.
I do use my fitbit silent alarm to get up so that the alarm clock doesn’t wake anyone up.
Thanks for the feedback!
Anon
Your husband is a jerk and it sounds like he gets jealous when you try to do something that he views as self-improvement.
Cornellian
Yeah, he sounds like a jerk and maybe insecure about you getting in shape. If it’s really messing with his sleep, I guess that’s one thing, but the combo of the other comments makes me think that’s not it. Tell him to get the kids ready for school and you’ll work out later in the morning ;)
Anon
+1 husband is a saboteur – he doesn’t want you to get fitter/healthier/potentially more attractive. This is a bigger problem than when to schedule your workouts.
Anonymous
I make appointments to go to my gym three weekday mornings a week. I more consistently make it to the gym when I am waking up at the same time throughout the work week than when I allow myself to sleep in on non-gym days. I just use the time differently or, having no kids, head to the office earlier on those days.
Anonymous
Also, I am Team Separate Bedrooms – always and forever – but I am not married.
Anon
Just do it. Get out the door and ignore his bitching.
Anon
Just do it. Get out the door and ignore his bitching.
Go for it
+1
Anonymous
+2. If it disrupts his sleep, focus on solving that problem. I think that is the underlying issue.
Senior Attorney
Yup. How about one of you sleeps in the guest room, if there is one, on the nights before you want to get up early.
Anon
Yes, but also- why can’t he get the kids ready for school once or twice a week? Honestly, he should be more supportive of your priorities.
No Face
It sounds like you know what works for you (getting up early in the morning) and you need to ignore your husband’s comments.
For a tip, I leave my workout clothes near my equipment instead of in my room so I can slip out without waking my husband.
Anonymous
Tell him to sleep in the guest room so you don’t wake him up.
Anonymous
Well, take this with a grain of salt because I’m not married, but why do you need your husband to be supportive in order to do this? I thought that you meant you actively need him to do something, like change his schedule or take on extra work. But you’re not actually asking him for anything at all.
So, so what if he makes comments? If you’re sliding out of bed quietly and going off to another room to dress and get ready, who cares if he says stuff? You’re being as thoughtful and considerate as you can, not asking him to do anything that makes his life harder. He doesn’t sound like a thoughtful and considerate person toward you, and I’m sorry for that.
Anon
I hear what you’re saying, but it’s hard for me to maintain a habit sometimes when those I’m close to aren’t being supportive or are being actively hostile. (I’m not the OP, btw). At times when my resolve is waivering a bit (which is super normal with a new habit), having negative comments can send me into negative self talk. I think most people like their spouses to be supportive of difficult but important lifestyle changes.
Either way— I do agree with the others that this sounds like a husband problem. I’d evaluate whether he is like this in other areas because just from what you’ve presented, this is controlling, invalidating, and really unkind, which you do not deserve.
Anonymous
I get up at 4:30 to workout at 5am about 3 mornings a week. Honestly, my husband doesn’t love it, because it is disruptive to him when my alarm goes off, but he’s kind enough not to say anything. I do set out my clothes in another room before I go to bed so I’m not turning on lights and banging around.
The other comments are more problematic to me though… that’s not just a scheduling issue.
Anonymous
Throw the whole man out
Anonymous Canadian
I have to say – I agree with this – or at least with the sentiment behind it. This is not a YOU problem, it is a husband problem. I am sending you love from the internet because I am here to tell you that you deserve more than this.
Coach Laura
I suggest that you sleep in by 45 minutes and he gets up 45 minutes earlier and HE gets the kids ready while you work out. At least 2-3 days a week, to make it fair. So then you’re both getting up at the same time. Otherwise, (If you need to work out early to avoid kid interruptions) you get up and workout and he gets up whenever he needs to in order to get the kids ready on time and keep them out of your hair.
Agree that you have a husband problem not an organization problem.
Seafinch
Agree with other comments that this is a husband problem. My husband can be unsupportive but he knows I need my exercise. I am carrying a huge amount of water for our family right now and it is essential for my well being. While I typically do one workout during the day and another session of walking or running at night I am swamped at work and having to cram it all in after he gets home from work. I frequently wave as he comes in and just ditch him with four kids and supper. Sometimes I prep it and sometimes I don’t have time. I also sometimes skip bedtime entirely or let him do 99% of the prep and swoop in to read one book and then head back out to run etc.
I set my fitness goals monthly and just accept no excuses. I just consider it non-optional and do it. I have some intense months, some more laid back but I just decide it will be done. I am been drowning at work this week but prepped supper, let him get it on the table while I worked, took off immediately after dinner for 45 minutes, came home and read my 8 year old a chapter, did kisses then went back outside for another 45 minutes. I had zero motivation and today was garbage. I am stressed about work and my estranged brother called me to tell me he was having a baby with his GF and she is due on the day I was due but I had my sixth miscarriage a month ago. Very bittersweet. But I went and met my goal. I just decided a couple of years ago I was going be a person who worked out every day. It was a mental shift.
Anonymous
When does your husband get to work out?
Seafinch
He cycles to and from his office three days a week, does classes at work when they run (none now due to Covid), does a routine when he gets up every morning (he is an early riser), and has a three hour sports practice once a week and weekend games every two weeks. He misses the classes so has added a bit to his morning routine. And he wakes me up and I don’t complain :) I assume that satisfies your curiosity?
tips on establishing a routine
I struggled for a long time with developing a consistent workout routine, but I am pleased to say that I have made a few tweaks that have been really helpful. Now I don’t have to “make” myself workout – with limited exceptions, it is simply a fact that it is happening, just a matter of timing. I feel disappointed if I have to miss a workout due to work or other obligations, which is completely new for me (i used to welcome excuses like a friend).
Here are my tips:
– Find something you like. There are lots of workouts that I’d still dread. I dont want to get on my Peloton. I dont like to hot yoga place down the street. Both would be good workouts but I am not interested. I love three studios right now – Rise Nation, a local spot similar to OrangeTheory and an aerial yoga class on rest days. I rotate between these options and always look forward to it.
– Invest in your workouts. Spend what you can/need to in order to find what you like, wear what makes you feel supported and confident.
– Don’t be too tied to a specific time of day. Its ideal to workout at the same time each day so you can form the automatic habit loop, but life doesn’t always provide for such consistency. Be flexible so that if you miss your morning workout, you still feel like you can do the workout later as opposed to saying “oh well I guess no workout today.”
– Plan your workouts in advance. I usually plan one week in advance but during busy weeks I do it 1-2 days in advance to accommodate my changing schedule.
– Nutrition. During the week I usually workout after work. I always make sure I have a snack so that mild/draining afternoon hunger doesn’t talk me out of working out. I tend to bake a batch of gluten free Superhero Muffins each Sunday and have those for a lovely snack all week. Easy to make, easy to transport, lots of recipe options.
– Reframe the purpose of exercise. One transformative thing was reframing my view of exercise as something I did to lose or maintain my weight to something I did because I want to be able to live my life on my own terms. I want to be strong and healthy so I can do what I want to physically. When you look at exercise this way, it becomes more of a lifestyle versus a means to some specific end.
– Challenge limiting beliefs. We all have familiar narratives and thoughts that we’ve repeated to ourselves so many times that they just seem true. Many times they are just beliefs that we’ve allowed to go unchallenged. Be on the lookout for those limiting beliefs and challenge them when you spot them. Some limiting beliefs I used to have were “Oh I’ll be too tired after work to exercise” or “I can’t get up that early, I’ll be sleepy all day!” A limiting belief you might have is “Only i can get the kids ready in the morning” or “I need my husband to be positive about my exercise journey in order for it to work.” Maybe he can get his own children ready. Maybe all you need is yourself to be positive about your exercise journey.
As for your husband – he can and will adjust to your new lifestyle. He’s a big boy and will figure it out if you are committed. Also, you are being so thoughtful with the silent alarm! Do you EVER complain if he needs to get up before you for something that is a priority? You seem like a kind, considerate person and so I doubt it.
bell hooks defines love in her book, ‘All About Love’, as “the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s growth.” His attitude towards you getting healthy is very me-centric – it strikes me as deeply insecure and not very loving at all. If this must be framed in a “whats in it for husband” way, then you being healthy benefits him + your whole family tremendously.
You only get one life and one body, no one gets to decide whether you take care of it but you.
Seafinch
This is really great advice and also what I found helpful but didn’t articulate nearly a well!
Anon
Having been previously (and mercifully no longer) married to an unsupportive husband, the best advice I can give you is just ignore it and do what you want and need to do for yourself. You will never change him. Don’t shortchange your own health or happiness.
Coach Laura
Agree with this.