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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I'm loving this red textured blazer from Limited right now — and they're offering “buy one get one 50% off” for many of their blazers. I like the shrunken fit, the three-quarter sleeves (I see it as an easy way to avoid a trip to the tailor, since blazers never hit me right otherwise), and the price: the blazer is $99, available exclusively online. The pictured blazer comes in a zillion colors for regular, petite and tall sizes; but there are several other nice one-button, shrunken blazers at Limited right now. Pictured: Piped Madison Blazer
Here's a lovely plus-size blazer that's similar.
Psst: most of the Memorial Day sales are over, but the Net-a-Porter sale just started today, offering up to 50% off… nice. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
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- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
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- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
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- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
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Chelsea with a question
I posted yesterday on the morning thread about how I wasn’t sure what to do about voting in the election that’s coming up because I don’t like either of the candidates. I would like to thank everyone again for all the advice and opinions (except for the person who told me who I should vote for and completely ignored what I had said). My instructor said we will be touching on some election stuff in class and I will also check out the websites and things mentioned and do my own research. All the help I got is really appreciated.
CX
You have two real options: decide whether you’re more comfortable voting for whichever candidate you deem to be the “lesser of two evils” or examine the third-party options and see if any of them are a better fit.
However, if you are in a swing state, please do consider the full ramifications of voting for a third party on your state’s electoral votes. The NPR Politics Podcast did a great episode on May 31 titled “Quick Take: The Libertarian Party” which covered Nader’s role in the 2000 Florida ballot count (toward the end of the episode).
(Yes, yes, it’d be lovely if we had a functional multi-party system. But we don’t yet, so please don’t elect Trump by accident.)
Anon
This type of reasoning really bothers me, because it perpetuates the two-party system. There is no such thing as voting “against” someone. All you can do is vote FOR someone. That’s the only option. There is no such thing as a negative vote. If you vote for Hillary, it doesn’t matter why — whether it’s because you like her or hate Trump.
I vote for the candidate I actually want to be president. If someone I loathe (ie, Trump) wins, it’s not because I failed to vote for some other option (Hillary) — it’s because millions of other people voted for Trump. I would love to see an election where everyone just voted their conscience, instead of trying to guess what other people are going to do and then voting “against” that.
KM
I think this is something no one will ever agree on. For me, the practical effect of my vote matters more than anything. I can understand your reasoning and don’t think it’s anyone’s “fault,” but at the end of the day I think I owe it to my country to do absolutely everything in my power to keep someone as unhinged and hateful as Trump from being in control for four long years.
By voting for the person most likely to defeat Trump, I *am* voting my conscience.
Anon
You’re changing your vote based on how you *think* others are going to vote. That’s not voting your conscience. That’s hedging.
emeralds
I think it’s being realistic. I don’t love Hillary, but I will vote for her in the general election because to do anything else means throwing away a vote in a swing state. My conscience will not be clear if Donald Trump becomes the president of the United States of America, and I voted for an unelectable third-party candidate. We can discuss the failings of a two-party system until the cows come home, but I don’t think it’s changing between now and November.
Anonymama
That’s being practical, and voting for the best overall outcome.
KM
I understand that you have your own principle for voting. Can you try and respect that I have my own reasoning and that it’s also principled?
As someone who voted for Nader and then had to watch what (for me) here horrifying decisions by Bush, I am never, ever making that mistake again. You have every right to do what’s right for you.
Anon
If you are so “principled” that you ignore REALITY then you deserve what you get, which is President Trump.
Unfortunately the rest of us don’t deserve that.
But enjoy your principles.
Anonymama
Also, that’s life: nothing we do happens in a vacuum, and if we just acted according to what we think is the correct thing to do, without taking into account the larger consequences, that’s not actually very morally upstanding in the end anyway.
Anon
Fascinating responses. (I do mean that sincerely)
Let’s rephrase the question. A group of people is voting on whether to (A) kill you, (B) kill an innocent stranger you don’t know, or (C) kill nobody. You get a vote too. You expect, but of course don’t know for sure, that most people will pick A or B. You think these voters are dumb and ill-informed, but you also know that can’t change their minds before voting day. So do you vote for B to save yourself? Or do you vote your conscience — C.
And you can’t say innocent lives aren’t at risk, with issues like abortion and deportation on the table.
Lily
Putting aside what you think of Trump, are you seriously saying that voting against a candidate is not voting your conscience? What if Hitler were on the ballot (and honestly some of the stuff he said is not that far off from what Trump is saying)- and you didn’t “love” the other mainstream candidate- would it not be voting your conscience to vote for the other candidate in order to deny Hitler the election?
I don’t think you have really thought through your whole philosophical pronouncement.
anon
And your reasoning really bothers me, because a) indulges a fantasy and b) ignores the fact that a Trump presidency could cause real harm to many people, placing your need to make a statement over those people’s actual needs.
A Trump presidency with a republican controlled congress could have very negative impacts on the actual lives of women, minorities, immigrants, LGBT people. If you live in such a privileged position that you do not feel you personally will suffer any of these impacts, that’s great for you. But the rest of us do not appreciate being thrown under the bus so that you can make a statement. If your conscience allows that………. wow.
Yeah, two party systems blow. But consider what’s going to happen to the Voting Rights Act when Trump appoints three SCOTUS justices. The way to make a better system is to do the legwork for a 3rd party BEFORE the second Tuesday in November.
You have two options. Trump or Hillary. Yeah, not ideal. But it’s a fantasy to behave as if by not voting for Hillary you are contribute to producing any other result than a Trump presidency. That’s math. You aren’t voting for the candidate you want in office, because that option isn’t on the table. You are voting whether you want Trump or Hillary.
WestCoast Lawyer
+10000
Anonymous
YES all of this.
bridget
For heaven’s sake. Millions of people, including working class people, minorities, gay people, and women, vote Republican. Can we please dispense with the myth that the Democrats are the “moral” party and everyone who votes Republican is ignorant and privileged?
It is a simple economic fact that raising the minimum wage and increasing immigration hurts black people. It is a simple fact that abortion ends the life of a human being – the most vulnerable of all human beings. It is an economic fact that more regulation hurts small businesses but makes it easier for big businesses to stifle their competition.
It is precisely because I believe in social justice that I am a Republican. I respect those who feel that intentions matter, but I do not respect those who lack a basic understanding of the other side.
Anonymous
It is not a “fact” that abortion ends a human life. Fetuses are not human beings.
ArenKay
False dichotomy, Bridget. Lots of people (including Republicans!) are concerned about a Trump presidency who are normally sympathetic to Republican views. Economic arguments about the minimum wage and immigration are great; his clear and indisputable bigotry, incitements to violence, flagrant dishonesty, and frankly unstable temperament (do you honestly believe you can trust him to enact a small-government platform?) are not.
anon-oh-no
bridget is troll, right?
Anonymous
Wholeheartedly agree with anon. Want me to take a third-party candidate seriously? Establish a stronghold in state governments. Organize. Place your candidates as mayors of major cities, and in seats in Congress. Deciding you’re going to introduce yourself, your party and your platform to the country by running for president is like an 18 year old high school graduate applying for the C-suite.
(I understand Gary Johnson was the governor of New Mexico over a decade ago. I wonder how many people knew that two weeks ago, and how many people really even know that now.)
Anon for this
Thanks Bridget. I definitely agree!
anon
Ugh, Bridget, always the voice of reason, er, willingness to oppress minorities on this board.
The fact that lots of republicans vote against their own interests does NOT mean that republican policies as a whole disparately harm minorities, women, LGBT, immigrants, et al. Women can support policies that harm other women. Minorities can support positions that harm other minorities.
Come ON, have you been paying attention to all the BS about the “bathroom bills?” How do you explain your party’s demented fixation on other people’s bathroom habits? What economic value are these laws providing? What social justice cause do they further? Don’t you know that these are being dredged up out of the sewers where they belong to rally up the base to get them to vote? Same as they did with gay marriage back in the day? Southern Strategy anyone? Open your eyes.
“It is a simple economic fact that raising the minimum wage and increasing immigration hurts black people.”
Citation needed, thanks in advance.
“It is a simple fact that abortion ends the life of a human being – the most vulnerable of all human beings.”
Citation needed, thanks in advance. Also, lololol think of the baybeeeeeeeees!1 Look- forcing women (who are people, by the way) to gestate is state sponsored slavery. Full stop. We don’t require any other person to allow other people (assuming in arguendo that fetuses are people, which they are not) to use their bodies against their will. Full stop. You’re welcome to attempt to prove me wrong.
“It is an economic fact that more regulation hurts small businesses but makes it easier for big businesses to stifle their competition.”
Oh! Boohoo! Oh no, small businesses! Look. Regulations make it possible for us to have nice things, like clean water. The proper role of the regulatory state in society is a fascinating, important question that has many layers and much room for debate. But to simply whine about mean old regulations hurting “small business owners” (whom Republicans appear to believe have personally have been anointed by Jesus Christ himself to decide whether a regulation is worth implementing) is myopic and ill-thought.
You can insinuate that I don’t “understand your side” all you want, but you would be wrong. The fact that you can look past the glaring, obvious bigotry and harm your party causes to real people is astounding. I would love an *actual* well articulated explanation from you as to how any republican policies further “social justice,” which you have not provided. Face it. Republicans actively pursue legislation that directly harms individuals and is INTENDED to harm those individuals. #notallrepublicans or whatever.
I’m 11:39 anon, btw.
anon
Can’t believe I overlooked this gem:
“Can we please dispense with the myth that the Democrats are the “moral” party and everyone who votes Republican is ignorant and privileged?”
Oh, don’t worry, I’m aware that not everyone who votes republican is ignorant and privileged. Some people are privileged, smart, and really interested in maintaining that privilege. Ok?
Don’t pretend like your party doesn’t like to imagine it is the moral party- all this sneering about the gays and those harlot women who have the abortions and “pay for your own birth control s!uts” and “get god back in our schools” and “religious freedom.” Don’t forget the trope that republicans are all Hard Working True Americans who pull themselves up by their bootstraps and democrats are just lazy takers who want government goodies/handouts.
None of this dialog even addresses the fact that one could be a well-meaning republican and find Trump abhorrent for all of the obvious reasons. Frankly, Trump’s abhorrence was the point of my original post, not to discuss republicans in general.
Lily
I’m sorry, but how on earth can you say you don’t like either candidate when you freely admit how uninformed you are? Have you simply bought into whatever the “conventional” wisdom is on each candidate, thus following the path of least resistance? It’s one thing to say you don’t know who you’re voting for yet (which I admit makes me incredulous), but to say that you don’t like either candidate, when you yourself say that you know nothing?
Marhsmallow
This. I’ve had several conversations with other young people which go basically like this:
“I’m scared of Trump but I hate Hillary. I don’t know what I’ll do, maybe I just won’t vote.”
“Why do you hate Hillary?”
“She’s dishonest.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know exactly, she just seems untrustworthy.”
“What makes you think she’s untrustworthy?”
“Uhhhh… it’s just how she is…”
You don’t get to say Clinton is just as bad as Trump when you are totally uninformed about their policies, beyond a general “Hillary is liberal” and “Trump is racist.” Inform yourself and then make an actual decision.
Lily
This election is making me ashamed to be a millennial. A feminist millennial at that.
anon
Seriously. I hear this crap over and over and over again. Hillary is “corrupt” or “the establishment” (whatever that is) or “untrustworthy.” On the other hand, Trump is literally a pathological liar. He runs around screaming like a g*damned toddler with oppositional defiant disorder (no offense meant to those children suffering from psychological illnesses) and people have started to believe that this is *acceptable.*
Barf.
anonshmanon
to this point: If you want to gather more information, there is a way to cut past the jabber of the media, at least for Clinton. She has been a politician for ages, so you can actually look at her record. What legislation or regulation has she been involved with. Pick some things that relate to your life or that you feel are very important. Find out whether she voted for or against them.
That is actually my main problem with Trump. He has no political track record to look at and he sure isn’t appearing as steady, dependable or predictable. I see how a wildcard sounds fun, but for the highest office?
anon-oh-no
agree with all of this. I’m 40 and have had the same d@mn conversation with many, many 40-somethings. the ignorance blows my mind.
Chelsea with a question
I am informed about the presidential candidates and their stances and opinions on things. The question I asked yesterday was about what people do when they don’t like either candidate. I asked because this will be the first election I can vote in and I don’t know anyone who has ever voted before, besides people I work with or my instructor and I wasn’t comfortable asking them. People were kind enough to give me advice and tell me about news and podcasts I could listen to and about how there was state stuff that was important too. I know that being informed is important so I made sure to learn as much about the candidates as I could.
Anon
You don’t have to Like a candidate- the responsibility of voting is more like making the choice that you think is best for the future of your country.
Anonymous
I love this whole outfit. Does anyone know if The Limited makes the jeans as well? I wish stores would label and link to all the products in their outfit photos. I would spend a lot more money.
Tall and Large!
Does anyone know if Limited Blazers come in Tall 16? They seem to be grayed out in a lot of the styles and colors, but I am not sure if it’s because it’s midseason and they are out, or not. TIA!
Clementine
Sorry that I don’t have a definite answer other than I think so, but I have noticed that tall sizes sell out quite quickly in Limited stuff. I have one of these shrunken blazers (maybe this one?) in a non-tall size and I wear it with dresses and it looks great.
I LOVE their Ashton and Logan shirtdresses in a tall size. They’re perfect for no-meetings days in my lazy-business professional office.
Italy advice - Rome & Florence
I’m heading to Rome and Florence next week for the first time. Any tips, particularly for things not found in guidebooks? We are pretty low-key and like to wander/find good places to eat rather than feeling the need to hit every landmark. That said, any not to miss?
Wanderlust
My favorite Florence restaurants are Acqua al Due for dinner (pasta sampler + blueberry steak!) and Trattoria 4 Leoni for lunch. Pizzeria Baffetto in Rome was also fun for a quick, casual dinner. Some Roman friends took me there.
Buon viaggio!
Anonymous
Acqua al Due is somewhat of a chain though with U.S. locations, so I’d save that for when you’re San Diego or DC.
Anne Elliott
Check out Viajiyu shoes, next to Ferragamo flagship. Google it.
Anne Elliott
And eat all the pistachio gelato. Max mara is so affordable there. And visit San Gimignano .
BB
There is an awesome food guidebook called Food Wine Rome that I highly recommend. It has a lot of off-the-beaten path places, but also points out “famous” ones that are worth trying. My favorite restaurant by far in Rome was L’Archangelo in Prati.
waffles
Not the OP but planning a trip to Italy for 2017. Book is in my Amazon cart. Thanks!
CherryScary
Mostly Florence stuff:
If you want a quick lunch in Florence, check our I Due Frattelini by Piazza della Republica. Great sandwiches for a few euro. It was my go-to lunch spot while I studied there.
Unless you really really want to see the David, I would skip that museum. It’s the only attraction there, and you can see a replica outside the Palazzo Vecchio. My favorite place to visit was the Boboli Gardens, which I enjoyed strolling through. If you want a good view of the city, take the hike up to Piazzale Michelangelo, especially around sunset. Bring a bottle of wine.
For shopping, check out Mercato San Lorenzo. Lots of leather goods, which is what Florence is known for.
Clementine
I agree- the museum that the David was in was not worth it. Also, it looks like every single replica you’ve seen- really just ‘meh’ for me.
Ah… The Piazza Michaelangelo… funny you mention bringing a bottle of wine up there. When I was travelling there in college, a travel-friend of mine and I decided to have a ‘picnic’ up there. We combined the food we had and ended up with half a stale baguette, part of a jar of nutella, and like 2 bottles of wine. Hilarity ensued. Thanks for the trip down memory lane!
Lily
Completely disagree. The David was absolutely worth seeing, even if you look at nothing else in the museum. I stared at it from every angle for at least 30 minutes. It’s breath taking and replicas are just not the same.
Anon
Totally agree. We also like to keep things low key so picked just one museum and this was it. I thought it was definitely worth it. Also, there are other beautiful things to see at the museum.
Amy H.
Yes! For me, the Michelangelo Slaves/Prisoners were one of the best things I saw in a month in Italy, and they are in the Accademia with the David. I would not miss that museum for the world. Also highly recommend (after the Uffizi and the Accademia) the Bargello and the Museo di San Marco, and if you have time, the Brancacci Chapel on the Oltrarno side.
But I’m a HUGE Italian Renaissance art fan, so if you’re not . . . . :D
Anonymous
Agreed. I actually welled up when I saw the David. It’s just amazing.
Anne Elliott
David is worth it. Spent 30 mins just on that. Nothing else measures up.
What to Do
Feel free to skip the Boboli gardens in Florence. We were only in Florence for a day and regret that that’s what we chose as our primary activity. Florence seemed so cool and we were sad we didn’t really have the time to wander around its tiny beautiful streets.
Oh, and I’m sure you’re aware of this – but be very careful of pickpocketers!
Anon
So funny–I really enjoyed the Boboli Gardens and the Pitti Palace. There was an impromptu opera (in period costume) in one of the hidden gardens, and discovering it was super-magical!
I really loved the Uffizi Gallery too, but the lines can be really long, so I recommend going first or getting tickets in advance.
For Rome – HIGHLY RECOMMEND (Ellencaps!) renting bikes and cruising around the Villa Borghese park. It was shady and lovely and so fun, and there was a great view of the whole city.
The correct answer for either of these cities is WANDER and EAT ALL THE GELATO!
What to Do
That is rather funny. There was nothing going on there when we went and yes the gardens were nice but we felt like we could have gone to pretty gardens anywhere. And when we went, it was really just grass and trees, there were barely any flowers. We went in August and even the rose garden had nothing.
We really just didn’t feel like it was a unique Florence experience – to be fair, our time in the city was very limited so if we had more time, maybe we would have appreciated the gardens more.
SF Anon
I did a “Biking the Appian Way” tour in Rome and loved it! I have recommended it to two other people, both of whom also really enjoyed it.
Anonymous
Florence suggestions: Il Latini for an incredible meal and atmosphere (dinner). Get there a few minutes before it opens for the evening. You can Google it and see how it works on their website. Best gelato I ate in all of Italy is Gelateria Edoardo. Highly recommend the pistachio.
If you have time, I’d recommend a day trip to Sienna.
JJ
Sienna was our favorite town that we visited in Italy. I wish I remember the name of the little restaurant we ate at in a small alley off the Piazza del Campo. It was in a former wine cellar and one of the simplest, best meals of my life.
Highly recommend buying food at the Mercado San Lorenzo in Florence and just eating it while sitting in a piazza. Avoid all the restaurants that are actually on the main piazzas – usually overrate, expensive, and touristy. We have excellent steakhouses in Texas, so I was incredibly underwhelmed by bistecca alla fiorentina, but ymmv.
Anonymous
Rome is my favourite place in the world – Piazza Navona is so beautiful. No advice as I haven’t been there in years and not sure of current restaurants etc, but eat gelato!
We did Florence in a day. It’s very crowded and touristy, even more so than Rome. We opted to spend extra time in Rome instead.
KinCA
We were just in Rome and Florence and had an amazing time – I’m so jealous you’re going!
Rome: For restaurants, I recommend Sofia for dinner one night. It’s Italian but with a foodie ‘spin’ and so good without being pretentious or over the top. Also, just get a leisurely lunch and glass of wine at one of the restaurants in Piazza Navona and people watch for an hour or two. Also, if you want to see the Colosseum/Roman Forum/Palatine Hill, I’d recommend a guided tour of some kind. There is so much to see, and it gave me a much better understanding of the history. We’re not normally tour people but did a private walking tour of those sites one afternoon and loved it.
Florence: All’Antico Ristoro Di Cambi was our favorite restaurant in Florence (get the Florentine steak – even if you don’t like steak – you will not forget it!). If you’re looking for more of a special occasion, fine dining restaurant, Winter Garden at the St. Regis is gorgeous. The Westin hotel has a great, albeit overpriced, rooftop bar; it’s worth going for a drink and to enjoy the views of the city. In terms of sightseeing, I simply liked strolling over the bridges and wandering around the crooked little streets and stumbling upon old churches and piazzas the best. You must see the Duomo (especially at night), but we also really enjoyed the Santa Croce church as well.
Italy advice - Rome & Florence
Thanks, everyone!
Amy H.
If you don’t have the Rick Steves city-specific guidebooks for Florence and Rome, I highly recommend them — they have great self-guided walking tours and museum tours and also come with recommendations for local guides for a day or half-day.
Wanderlust
Did anyone else’s mother go crazy while wedding planning? My fiance and I want a quick ceremony and a low-key restaurant wedding, all in the same place. My mother is envisioning a gigantic garden party affair, which is basically the opposite. Obviously we will do what we want, but it’s gotten to the point where she’s called my venue choices “filthy,” said she’s no longer coming, and asked us to give back the money she gave us (which we are happy to do, it is a small portion of the overall budget). I am at my wit’s end.
Chicago chick
Just keep your discussions with her short, leave them to your fiance if possible, give the money back.
“I’m sorry you feel that way. It works for us.”
Change subject.
Anonymous
Yikes, that is crazy. My own mom was fairly annoying and some of my girlfriend’s moms were worse than mine, but nothing this bad. Give back the money and do what you want ($$ = control) and hopefully she will come to her senses and attend and be pleasant.
Anonymous
I had a sister like that. She was already married + kids and seemed to have an opinion on everything to share, did a lot of un-asked-for research on various things, and was of no help at all. But I just had to be “busy at work” b/c nothing else would shake her.
Anonymous
We took our parents to our venue ahead of time to help them feel involved in the process. My parents complained nonstop about the cost. I also took my mom wedding dress shopping with me. She complained nonstop about my weight. (All of this on the same day). After that, we told them “We’ll see you again for our wedding next year, but not before then. Don’t ask to help, don’t ask to be involved. We’re doing exactly what we want to be doing and going forward that means limited involvement and input from you.” They softened considerably and it worked out fine, but it was a painful couple months working through the emotions. (There also wasn’t any deeper darker reason for their bad behavior. They genuinely believe that it’s better to be “honest” about how you feel in all circumstances than it is to recognize someone else’s joy and respect that, even if you don’t agree with it).
Wanderlust
You precisely described my mother’s beliefs as well. Thank you for putting this into words. I know it doesn’t come from a bad place, but boy is it offputting.
FP
Same here. Stay strong sistah.
Anonymous
Yea, I took my parents to look at venues. That was a mistake. My mother finds something to criticize about every single one. Of course, it’s really because she doesn’t like my fiance, not because she doesn’t like the venue (well, and she’s the pickiest person on the planet). Currently working out how to minimize involvement without completely cutting her out. If I figure out how to do this, I’ll let you know.
aBr
I feel your pain. We refused to plan a wedding for years because of things like this. What worked for us (not sure it is a possibility) is that we paid for it ourselves and planned the entire thing before involving other people–e.g., the opposite of the “buy in” approach. This way we told everyone, hey, this is when we are getting married, this is what we are doing, we would love for you to be there. This ruffles a few feathers but puts everyone in the “take it or leave it” decision mode, rather than bugging you about every choice.
Anonymous
I’m not even dating anyone and the thought of my mother invovled in my wedding planning breaks me out in hives. I totally sympathize. Give her back the money and plan what you want.
MargaretO
+1000000 I am super single and honestly never want to have a wedding because of my family craziness
ArenKay
That is seriously crazy. I think you should definitely return the money with a big beaming smile, and say you don’t want your mom to spend her money on something that clearly makes her so unhappy. Give yourself some peace of mind.
BankrAtty
My mother managed to offend our venue so badly that the venue cancelled our reservation and sent back our deposit. Of course, my mother insisted constantly that she only wanted it to be “nice.” Ultimately she picked the venue (I didn’t even see it in person until the wedding), which was outside of the budget she had set. Everything was a fight. If I had an opinion contrary to hers, she took it personally. It was not fun and ultimately I delegated all wedding discussions with my mother to my fiancé.
Anonymous
Any recommendations for styles or cuts of swimsuit tops for women with broad shoulders and a small bust? I feel like I’ve tried on a million and everything seems to emphasize my shoulders.
Ruffles
I am here to help!
Ruffles on the top of a bandeau should work nicely on you.
Anon
Eh, I have ex-swimmer shoulders and am not well-endowed. I really like super-high necked swimsuits that are not cut too narrow (that can emphasize shoulders) or else, as suggested, ruffly halters or bandeaus.
The real deal–I learned to be free in a suit. I will never have a gorgeous rack. But I have AMAZING legs, so you got to work what you have!
Anonymous
Do you have a link to the super-high necked swimsuits? I’m intrigued and didn’t consider this before.
Ginjury
I believe she means necklines like this:
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/tavik-ryan-halter-bikini-top/4343820?origin=category-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=RIB%20MERLOT
PJ
Check out Lands End. I ordered several different tankini styles and returned the ones that I did not like. They have a huge selection. If you sign up for their emails, you will get notice of sales. They run them fairly often.
Ann
I like the VS getaway halter bikini top. It’s sturdy and I think the shape looks good on me. VS bikini tops much nicer than their somewhat awful bras. I am also a fan of Vix – the bia bikini top is very versatile and their fabrics are wonderful, which I think matters a lot when you are looking for flattering suits. A similar style with lesser quality fabric will not look or feel as nice. Vitamin A is also nice and has great fabric, though they tend to be revealing if that is not your thing.
What to Do
I’ve got a bit of a dilemma and don’t know what to do. Here’s the story. About a year ago, I switched hair salons and began using the owner of the new salon exclusively. She’s very good at what she does and I’ve always been very happy with the haircuts she’s given me. I had two other treatments done by her and they were just meh – not bad but not great either. Her rates, as opposed to the other hairdressers that she employs, are the highest in the salon but are still about what I was paying at my previous salon. I always still tip her 20%.
Here’s where it gets tricky. Since she is the owner, she’s really busy – it’s not difficult to get an appointment time with her but whenever I go, she is always going back and forth between other parts of the salon and me. Occasionally she has used other hairdressers to step in on her behalf for things other than the actual snipping of the scissors. This causes my appointments to take far longer than what they should and have inconsistent day-of results that vary depending on who ends up blowing my hair. The second time factor is that I often have to wait beyond my appointment time for things to even get rolling. Last time, I came 10 minutes early and ended up waiting 45 minutes for her to start – and she didn’t apologize or say anything about making me wait.
I’ve been pretty happy with the haircuts so that’s kind of why I sucked it up and am still going to her. But here’s the clincher: recently, one of the other hairdressers who she pulled in to blow and style my hair did a fantastic job. Like seriously, my hair never looked that good before. I really want to start using this other hairdresser since she did such a good job, is actually cheaper with lower rates, and isn’t as busy so my appointments won’t take forever. However, I don’t see a way to start using this second hairdresser without insulting the owner. I get that it’s a business that she’s running but it seems kind of personal to me to start scheduling appointments with other hairdressers when for a full year, I was specifically only scheduling with her because a mutual acquaintance had recommended specifically her. It’s not like I can just try to find a time when she’s not in and schedule it then, because she’s always there, whenever the salon is open.
What do I do? Continue using her though I’m starting to get annoyed every time I go? Or use the second hairdresser and just not say anything?
One last comment – I’m pretty sure she will be insulted as I once overheard a conversation between her and her employee regarding a former client who stopped using them but still brought her daughter in regularly. The conversation was not moderated and I got the full gist of it and namely, she was pissed.
anonymous
Honestly, does it matter that she’s insulted? to be totally blunt about it, it’s a business. would she be so so insulted she doesn’t want your business and your $$? I know in reality there’s more to it than that but if I were you, I would schedule with the other person based on efficiency and more availability alone. Be polite and nice to the owner if you see her. If it bothers her so much that she needs to say something about it (even if she was super psised, if you’re a fine customer is she going to be public about that? why does it matter if she’s secretly pissed?), then you can go about finding a new place. This is not the only salon in the world.
What to Do
Thank you for this. I think I just care too much about other people’s feelings when you’re right, she wouldn’t want to lose my business entirely. I’ll definitely see her as it’s a small place. I just really wouldn’t want to feel so uncomfortable that I would have to find a new place because I’m really picky and find it difficult to find places that are actually good.
anon
OMG. You are the client. You choose who cuts your hair. It’s a service. It should meet your expectations. Yeah, it’ll probably be a little awkward, but you do not *owe* her anything. You will not be happy unless you use the hairdresser of your choice- and that’s ok!
I get it, I’ve had the same worry! I think this is the sort of overwrought concern for others’ feelings that women are socialized to have. But seriously, you’re not trapped with her. She cut your hair, you didn’t get married. The fact that she “got pissed” that a client stopped using her is immature and it’s inappropriate that she was speaking about it that loudly in the work place. Full stop. Give yourself permission to have fabulous hair on your schedule. :D
What to Do
You’re so right – and funny :)
January
Also, it sounds like the former client stopped using her salon entirely (except for her daughter)? She’s rude to be complaining, especially since the former client still patronizes the salon, but that’s not really your issue.
I started going to my current salon because several friends recommended the owner. She does a good cut, but I didn’t like the way she styled my hair, and as it turned out, her no-sugarcoating conversational style doesn’t work for me. I found someone else in her salon I liked better. All is well, as far as I know, and I’m happy with my hair.
Anonymous
Make an appointment with the stylist of your choice. You are not friends with this woman. Her feelings are inconsequential to this decision-making process. She’s a business owner. She might be a bad business owner, but that’s not on you. If she asks, just tell her you need to get in and out quickly. If she doesn’t understand, then she’s not very good at managing her business.
Anonymous
This.
Chicago chick
+1 this
“Your schedule has gotten so BUSY… and I needed to get in this week/weekend. Sorry!”
And never go back to her.
I had a hairdresser like this, and it took me THREE HOURS to get my hair cut and a simple color. She would take multiple other clients while I was there, and make me wait while she was finishing up them etc… I left that salon after the 3 hour haircut.
Anon
I’m not sure she would be as insulted if you kept going to her salon but just used a different service provider. My guess is that, unless it is a booth rental situation (which it doesn’t sound like if she is having them provide part of her service), she is still getting a cut of the payment. If she says anything, so make a comment that this was the only time you could get in this month and when you called to book, New Hairstylist was available and she wasn’t. Even if she is insulted, who cares. This is one of those things you probably just need to let go on.
TBK
Don’t say that. Say “I felt like you were pulled in several directions when you were cutting my hair and it resulted in more time and inconsistent results.” She’s a business owner. If you’re unhappy she should prefer to know why.
What to Do
That’s a really fair answer to give. I’m going to start doing every other appointment with the new person but if the owner ever says anything, I’m totally going to give this answer.
Anon
This is a terrible solution. I like you sometimes? Why are you paying more for worse service. Put on your big girl panties and go to the cheaper lady you like. Be strong. You are still worrying way too much about perception and letting that cloud reality! BE STRONG.
Bewitched
Are you me? I had the same issue with my owner/hairstylist and agree it’s your right to switch. I would likely approach the owner directly about your concerns. Sounds like stylist #2 just did the drying and blow out? You don’t know how good she is or is not with the cutting? In my case, I couldn’t get my color done in time and told the front desk that stylist #2 could do my color. I immediately got a call back from owner saying they could fit me in. I think there is a decent chance the owner would correct some of the issues if you brought them to her attention. If not, then I’d tell her something neutral like: I’m finding my appointments are still taking quite a long time and therefore I am going to move my appointments to stylist #2. Remember, stylist #2 is renting a chair or something similar, so owner is still making money on you. That wouldn’t be the case if you switched salons!
What to Do
Yup, second hairdresser never actually did any cutting but I’ve seen tagged pictures of her cuts and coloring online and it looks like she’s very, very talented with that as well.
Ugh, I find it so uncomfortable to have those sort of confrontational conversations – and the timing thing is just part of the issue. I think the others here may be right in saying I should just switch and not even say anything about it to the owner outright.
But actually – I just thought of a great idea. I might just start switching off between the two of them and then ultimately slowly stop booking the owner at all. This way it’ll be more of a gradual thing and won’t be as uncomfortable for me.!
Anonymous
You’re overthinking it. Just book the stylist you want. It’s not your job to manage the owner’s feelings.
It probably won’t even be as uncomfortable as you are imagining.
Daisy
No. No! NO! You do not like the service you are getting. Don’t sacrifice your hard earned dollars for something that you don’t actually like/enjoy. You need to just stop going to the owner – it’s really that simple.
ArenKay
Seriously, why would you do this to yourself? Just start using the new stylist. You don’t want to be unhappy with your hair and time inefficiency half the time.
undecided
You guys are legit insane. Like my head is spinning.
This is a hair stylist. Not a friend. Not a family member. not your child. Her literal job is to cut your hair. She is not doing this. You do not need to let her down easy.
You would not start weaning yourself off of a restaurant or coffee shop as to not offend the barista, correct?
Daisy
You are paying for a service, and you’re not happy with the service you’re receiving. It is not personal. It’s not as if you were SUPERCLOSE!! with your hairdresser, as I know some with hairdressers of many can be. You weren’t thrilled with the end result of the services she provided, let along the process (ie: waiting, her using others, etc). Book with the other hairdresser and be done with it.
What to Do
You guys, thanks for the perspective. You’re all right, I am paying her for a service and shouldn’t care that much. It’s just, she’s a nice person and is still talented herself, so it’s not like I would have stopped using her had I not had the experience with the second hairdresser. Tip to any salon owners out there- if you don’t want your clients switching to someone else in the salon, make sure you do all the cutting/styling on your clients yourself!
Anyways, I thought of a great idea of just weaning off slowly as a way to make it less uncomfortable for me (not necessarily caring anymore that she’ll be insulted, this is just purely so that I don’t feel completely awkward every single time). I’m going to start switching on and off between the two of them with the intention of ultimately primarily using the new hairdresser. This way it’s not explicit to her that I’m dropping her, so it means less discomfort for me.
Anon
You know, she might actually be relieved- maybe she was just taking your appointments to try to keep you as customer happy and coming back to the salon. But it sounds like it was a hardship/stressful for her. Using a different person in the same place will still be good for her business- it’s not like the situation with the daughter.
Anonymous
+1. Always having a different person assist with OP’s cuts sounds to me like the owner was trying out her different stylists on OP hoping that one would stick. I agree with some of the comments above that dragging this out by alternating appointments is the worst of all options. Just make the move and say what was suggested above that you needed to get in and she was booked, and frame it as a compliment that she’s so successful that she’s difficult to get into but thankfully has also surrounded herself with such great people.
Another anon
So now when you go to the salon to use stylist #2, you’ll risk offending the owner and when you go to the salon to use the owner, you’ll risk offending stylist #2, who you should be trying to establish a rapport with. I agree with those who say switch to stylist #2. Owner should be happy you’re staying at her salon and understand that she is too busy for all her customers.
Shopaholic
FWIW, I go to the owner of a small salon because I will follow him anywhere but I know he’s happy for clients to see the other stylists he’s hired. He keeps his existing clients (mostly as a favour/to continue the relationship) but he’s happy to refer new clients to other stylists because he’s still making money. The owner of your salon may feel similarly.
Ally
Can you maybe say you can ONLY come at a certain time, when the original lady, the owner whatever cannot do it, ask the scheduler is _____ available? I really need that date and time because I have an event.
I have the same problem right now where I go to my stylist whom I love, but he is always getting someone else to wash me out and blow me out and I pay for him to do it! I finally said something and then haven’t rescheduled yet but that’s so rude. If I wanted a trainee, I’d go to the Aveda school not pay $200+ for a blow out by a girl who seems like she’s never touched hair. I don’t mind some of the time but I feel ya, it’s been the last every time and I book TWO MONTHS out. So he is squeezing people in between my appt. Anyways, side rant sorry. I confronted mine about it but I won’t switch. I just expect this next one to be all him. I even went during work because I knew he didn’t have an assistant on that day and he had someone else do it. UGH
Anne Elliott
Seriously? You are the customer. Switch.
What’s she going to do even if she’s upset? Plus you have legit reason to switch.
CountC
Eh, let her be pissed. It’s your hair and you can and should do what you want with it. If it were me, I would call to schedule an appointment with the new stylist and then have the scheduler pass along a message to the owner letting her know that you loved the new stylist she hired and are going to start seeing her, making sure to thank the owner for everything she has done for you over the years.
If she’s pissed, she’s pissed. It might be uncomfortable for you briefly, but I don’t see that as a big deal. I doubt the new stylist is going to sabotage your hair because the owner is pissed, you know?
CountC
Ugh, sorry, comment meant for What to Do above.
What to Do
Just to clarify, the second hairdresser is not at all new to the salon, she was just new to me. And I was only using the salon owner for about 1 year so she was relatively new to me as well (as compared to my prior salon, where I used the same person for like 6 years).
Incompetent cook
Please help! I need resources for meal planning. And not just planning but learning how to plan. We prefer relatively healthy food, at least some veggies with every meal, and do eat meat/fish but not daily. Family of four, kids are young. Nanny wants to start cooking and I am going to jump on this great opportunity… Just need to be able to give her some direction. Would also love recipes or good sources for recipes.
Care
I like the Fresh 20 cookbook. Fresh 20 in general sets up a great weekly plan, but I decided to start with the cookbook to see if I could stick to a plan before paying for the service. I like that it’s similar to meal prep where you do a few things to get ready for the week on Sunday, but the prepwork doesn’t take a massive amount of time. It doesn’t focus on calorie-counting for health, but emphasizes fresh food and a good mix of veggies.
I have learned to ignore some of it’s “fresh focus” though in favor of convenience (based on the time I had to juice 5 oranges and realized I could have just purchased the freshly squeezed juice from the store), but that takes reviewing all of the recipes before you go shopping.
Wordy
Check out Dinner: A Love Story and Dinner: The Playbook by Jenny Rosenstrach (she also has a website). They will walk you through the planning process and has great, family friendly recipes.
One of the best recommendations I’ve gotten from this site!
Anon
I have never tried it, but I have read about a service called Cook Smarts. It is basically recipe and meal planning and I think works to repurpose leftover ingredients (so if you buy a bunch of broccoli but one recipe only uses half, then it incorporates another recipe for the rest of it.)
I just sit down and think about what I want to eat that week and ask my husband and kids what they want as well. I look at the calendar and see if we have anything going on that needs to be taken into account and then just write down meals. Most of mine don’t require a recipe (baked chicken, asparagus, and brown rice for example.) I use pinterest to save recipes for when I do use them. The website Iowa Girl Eats has lots of ones I like (her fried rice and her wild rice soup are favorites in our house.) I also try to plan to use things twice. So I will make extra brown rice, and then use it later in fried rice, etc. We kind of have maybe 15 go to meals and so it is easy to plan. Every week I also try to incorporate one new meal aside from our 15 regular rotation.
Anon4This
TheScramble.com
I subscribed at about $60/year – it’s a lot but SO worth it to me.
If you want to try it cheaper she (Aviva Goldberg?) has cookbooks available with meal plans — I recommend the SOS the Earth cookbook because it is by season, so meal plans for summer, winter, etc.
So great.
Parfait
Check out emeals.com too. They have lots of different meal plans you can subscribe to, and you can switch it up whenever you want.
Julia
Platejoy.com is another alternative service. You answer some questions about what you want in your meals, click a button once a week, and get a menu and shopping list. You get to peek at the “meal queue” before the menu is prepared and take off any meals you don’t want. And you can search the recipes for a specific ingredient to find a recipe you’d want and then click a button to ensure it gets in your queue and then another to put it on your menu. You have a chance to tell the app what you already have in your pantry so it doesn’t get put on your list. You can add things. Also, I had a personal exchange with the “personal chef” assigned to my account after a couple of weeks to be sure the settings were working out for me.
Girls' Weekend Suggestions?
Suggestions for a girls’ weekend location? Three college friends and I are planning to meet up in August for a long girls’ weekend. We’re pretty flexible on what to do — in the past, we’ve gone to NYC and done the city thing and we’ve gone to Lawrence Kansas and done a lot of outdoors activities. We’ve talked about Denver, Canyon Ranch and Santa Fe as possibilities. But I’m looking for fresh ideas and thought people might have fun suggestions for us. Would prefer something in the Eastern half of the US, as three of the four of us live on the East Coast and the other is in the Midwest. Thanks for any suggestions!
TBK
There’s great stuff in the DC area. Besides all the stuff in DC, just outside the city there’s Harpers Ferry, which has rafting and other fun activities, Virginia horse country that also has lots of vineyards, and the Shenandoah Valley, which is gorgeous and has great hiking/camping. For my bachelorette weekend, my friends rented the rooms in a B&B on the VA/WV border and we went rafting one day, cozied up with a movie that night, and then hired a driver to take us around to a bunch of vineyards the next day. If you like riding, there are also places that offer trail riding.
also in dc
Where was this B&B??
TBK
Carriage Inn in Charles Town WV. Really close to Harpers Ferry and not at all far from DC.
Anonymous
+1 to WV and VA. I’ve done a few girls weekends in the last year at places with outdoorsy stuff– white water rafting on the Gauley / New Rivers (we rented a cabin with a hot tub for apres-rafting relaxation), hiking and tamer rafting/kayaking/tubing in the Shenandoah area. And vineyards!
TBK
Ugh, stuck in moderation for saying bachelor—e. Quick version: the DC area including Virginia has pretty areas with rafting, riding, vineyards, hiking, etc.
sweetknee
Check out Asheville, NC and Charleston, SC. Asheville is a quaint mountain town with lots of great food and a few spas, along with whitewater rafting and hiking. Charleston SC is an historic city with equally great food, lots of bed and breakfasts, nearby beaches, and good shopping.
Gail the Goldfish
I love Charleston, but in August it’s just brutal for heat + humidity. It’s ok if you stay on the beach all day and get a breeze, but if you want to do touristy stuff downtown, I’d save it for a month with better weather. Asheville would be much better weather-wise that time of year.
sweetknee
True, I missed the OP’s August timeline. Charleston is miserable in August.
sweetknee
Gail, are you a SC or NC local ? I am in SC !
Gail the Goldfish
NC at the moment, grew up in GA, and even I can’t tolerate outdoors in August anymore :-) (my heat tolerance used to be so much better when I was younger. Sigh)
NY CPA
+1 to Asheville
I did a girl’s trip with my mom and we loved it. The food is great (and I’m from NY so I’m picky!), there’s lots to do (art, Biltmore Estate, driving/hiking). Also the spa at the Grove Park Inn is one of the top in the nation and was the best either of us had ever been to!
Anonymous
Fingerlakes, Cooperstown, or Buffalo? Second TBK’s suggestion for VA wine country, but not sure what the weather is like that time of year.
emeralds
Broken record: Charlottesville. Lots of outdoorsy stuff, plus wineries, breweries, and all the delicious food anyone could ever want.
Anonymous
The only downside to Charlottesville in this equation is that the airport is super small and super pricey.
Daisy
Richmond is only an 60-90 mins away by car and it’s an easy drive.
emeralds
It’s actually not as bad as people think it is–usually around $50-60 more than Richmond for most of the flights I’ve looked at, less for others. Richmond is a super-easy drive and the OP would need a car anyway, so if budget is a big concern, Richmond or even the DC airports (if you’re willing to do two hours of driving) are fine.
Anon
New Orleans or Austin if you don’t mind heat. Lots of opportunities for quality time and good food.
Ally
Nashville!
Girls' Weekend Suggestions?
Thanks for the suggestions, everyone!
cbackson
Go shooting at the Homestead.
TBK
Does anyone have experience having a raised deck built? We live in a townhouse and the only entrance to our (tiny) yard is through our walk-out basement. We’re thinking of getting a deck built off our kitchen, which is on the main level, but just under a story above the ground in the back of the house (we’re on a hill). In addition to building the deck, we’d need a window in our kitchen turned into a door. We had a contractor come out and look this morning and he gave us a surprisingly reasonable quote (I think we were way overestimating the cost, which is ultimately probably a good thing). We know we’ll need to get permission from our HOA and we’ll check with the county to make sure we’re in compliance with set-backs etc. But anything we should be considering? We have twin toddlers and a large dog. We’re thinking of having a gate built into the top of the deck to keep the kids from tumbling down the stairs from the deck to the yard, and we’re thinking of having a dog door put into the new door so the dog can let himself in and out (and so we can go out for the day without worrying about getting home to let the dog out).
LawDawg
My first house had a deck that we accessed from a basement walk out — down the stairs, out the door, up the stairs to the deck. We changed a living room window into a doorway to walk out directly to the deck and it was great! The cost was also pretty reasonable since there was already a hole in that wall. Making the outside living area more accessible is a good thing. Good luck with your project!
Anon
If you have toddlers and a deck, I would be very careful to make sure the “slats” in the deck railing are narrow enough not to cause any issues, and I might also still put in plexiglass for a few years for peace of mind. Your local building codes will probably dictate this anyway.
Anonymous
This regarding the slats. And not just for the toddlers, but the dog too. I think plexiglass or chicken wire is overkill though.
mascot
We baby gated the stairs to our raised deck and our toddler was fine. If you are install a gate, I think a pool type lock is harder for a kid to figure out/operate than a latch on the gate so that may be something to look at.
I’m a little paranoid about leaving my dogs out in the yard when I am not home so I’d be reluctant to have a dog door without a secure physical fence.
TBK
Our yard is surrounded by a 7′ wooden privacy fence, so he’s totally fine out there.
MSJ
Chicken wire or some sort of protection to keep curious kids from falling through the rails. Chicken wire is inexpensive and can be removed at a later date. We also recently added a latched gate at the top of the stairs which is a huge help.
Edna Mazur
My parents have a raised deck and they built in a gate that latches shut and also has a latch to keep it open. My in-laws use a baby gate at the top of their raised deck.
I personally prefer my parents, and think it is more convenient. They also have dogs so if someone is over who is allergic to dogs or just doesn’t like them, it can keep the dogs in the yard and off the deck. This is a benefit they love but didn’t really anticipate as they got the gate put in to keep grandkids from tumbling off rather for dog containment.
TheElms
Won’t the toddlers be able to crawl through the dog door? If the dog door is in the door to the house, will the dog pee on the deck? In general I’m not a fan of dog doors. They make your home much more vulnerable to being broken into. Other animals can come in (i.e. neighborhood cats, squirrels, possums). And lastly, working in dog rescue, its not really safe for a dog to be outside completely unsupervised. The dog can be stolen, the dog can escape, etc. etc.
Anon
Get a Trex deck or similar maintenance-free deck instead of wood. The maintenance on a wood deck is annoying to do yourself and expensive to pay for. I hate all the upkeep that is involved, plus if you have a HOA it is possible that they will require you to restrain it every few years.
anon8
We went with Timbertech instead of wood. We’re lazy and didn’t want to keep up with the maintenance of sealing a wood deck.
Anonymous
Inviting your office to your wedding: yes or no? My wedding is more than a year away. I’m new to my office but I socialize with some people at least weekly. I’m also up for partner shortly after my wedding, so I’m concerned about sending the message that I don’t feel that close to the tightly-knit group that will be making the partnership decision. If I invite partners to my wedding, should I then invite other professional connections, like potential referral sources or clients? And does inviting people I’m not that close with just come off as gift grabby? I’m not sure I want to turn my wedding into a networking event, but I also don’t want to shoot my career prospects in the foot. Help?
Anonymous
Inviting partners depends on your relationship with them, how long you’ve been there, how many of them there are, etc. Since you’re new to the office, it can go either way. But I would not invite referral sources or clients unless there is some other connection.
Anon
Partners and/or associates, but NOT clients or referral sources — that gets too networky. Remember if you’re in a small practice group, it’s all or nothing — if there are 5 partners, you can’t just invite 3 bc you don’t like the other 2 as much; that matters less if you’re in a huge group.
You don’t HAVE TO invite work folks at all, even if it’s right before you’re up for partner. But keep in mind that if you are NOT inviting work folks, DO NOT talk about your wedding for the next yr. It’s fine for them to know you’re getting married and you’re planning, but if you answer too many questions or give out too much detail — it leaves the impression that you are having a big wedding but still don’t feel tight enough to want work people there. If you say little about it, it gives people the impression – whether true or false – that it’s a wedding that’s on the smaller side and then people are more “accepting” of no work invites and won’t see it as a referendum on how much you like your job or not.
Ellen
Yay, Kat! I love this Blazer, and I love Red. I do NOT think I can wear it to court, but I will ask the manageing partner since this IS a summer dress, and I could wear a white skirt mabye with it? I think that would look VERY summerry!
As for the OP, I wish I had your probelem, and if I did I would HAVE the whole office over to my wedding. I know dad would scream b/c of the cost, but I live at work and work to live so I could NEVER think of not inviteing everyone, even some peeople I do NOT love that much b/c we are a team, and have to stick together. Dad think’s the manageing partner might be annoying, but I think they all have MY best interest in mind.
Now I just have to find a man willing to MARRY me!!!! Where is that Man???? FOOEY b/c up until now, I have ONLEY found loosers that are NOT eleigibel to marry. DOUBEL FOOEY!
rosie
So, I get that you want to think about this now, but you are over a year out from the wedding. Do not tell these people they are invited or send them save the dates. If you decide to invite some of the other lawyers (and agree with the commenter above that if it’s a small group, it’s all or nothing), do it when the invitations go out. You may feel differently then than you do now, people may move on from the job, etc.
anon
+100. No save the dates for the office. I changed jobs in the year I was engaged and felt really awkward sending invites because I had sent save the dates and felt like I had to.
Scarlett
Personally, I would skip the office. It’s your wedding & it’s perfectly acceptable to separate that event from your networking/work obligation/type of event. I eloped (which, n.b. to the people with difficult family above, was amazing & I’d recommend it to anyone) but had a small party after. I did invite a couple of people I work with to that, but they’re genuine friends who I happen to work with. They kept the invite quiet & I can’t imagine having to have felt “on” in a business/professional way at my wedding party. I’ve also gone to a fair number of “networking” weddings & they just didn’t have the same warm/loving vibe that all-personal weddings do.
Ally
My boss did everyone from the office but NO dates except for the partners. That turned enough people off that some did not come. It’s an office of like 30-40 staff and associates and 8 partners FWIW about 20 people came. I believe as an underling I had an insert in my invitation that said something about not getting a gift but I brought cash anyways.
Anon
What should a resignation letter say? Short and sweet is best, I suppose. Is a resignation letter even necessary or will verbal suffice?
I’m anxiously awaiting the written version of a verbal offer I accepted yestersay. I assume I should have the written version in hand before I resign my current position?
Anonymous
Verbal should suffice, but your current employer may want something written to include in your personnel file. I would have the written one done and available, but wouldn’t provide it unless asked.
“I am resigning my employment at ABC Company effective DATE, with my last day to be DATE.” Or something like that.
Anonymous
When I left my previous firm, I resigned verbally but they wanted a letter to put in the file. I basically said what Anon at 11:42 said except I think I also included a sentence saying that I was resigning because of a relocation for family reasons.
Anonymous
Yes, written (and accepted) before you resign.
Check out The Muse or Ask a Manager for resignation letters – it’s just a formality. Very brief and to the point. “Per conversation, XX day will be my last day at (company). I appreciate the opportunity I have had here. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to assist in the transition.” (I didn’t even give one at my last job)
Meg Murry
Rather than writing it as a letter, you can also send the same “Per conversation, I am resigning and XX will be my last day …” as an email to your boss, and copy HR (if that is appropriate at your company – I’ve always worked places where HR knew me well and it was common for people to email them, it might not be appropriate for all companies).
Shoeless Jo
Iif you were buying your first pair of designer black pumps would you choose regular leather or patent leather?
KT
Regular–I just think it will get more use. For whatever reason (and it may be just me), I see patent leather as more of a “summer” shoe
Anonymous
Patent because I think it will hold up better over time.
BB
Regular leather holds up beautifully if you take care of it properly – condition it somewhat regularly and take it to a cobbler for repairs when necessary. I actually think regular holds up better than patent, plus looks “natural” with creases that form.
Sydney Bristow
Regular because I feel like patent goes in and out of style faster than toe shape does.
anon-oh-no
patent, but that’s just because I prefer patent always. but I think it also depends on the shoe style and brand.
Shoe-tastic
Regular because, at least for me, I find I can wear regular anywhere that I might also want to wear patent, but the reverse isn’t necessarily true (litigator, and I personally would not wear patent to, for example, federal court or to big meetings with some of my more staid clients).
Never too many shoes
Patent – just as formal and classic as regular leather but with just that extra little something. I am kind of surprised that Shoe-tastic would avoid patent for a trial or a meeting…I think black patent goes everywhere.
For "Anon2day"
I didn’t get a chance to respond yesterday, but there was a thread from a litigator thinking about going solo in a “transactional” practice. I wanted to weigh in as a solo who does the kind of work you are considering. It is not Biglaw-level M&A or securities work, and when I am out of my depth, I refer clients out to attorneys with the necessary experience.
These days, most of my time is spent on estate planning, real estate transactions, probate, and contract drafting. I think your need for support staff will depend on a) your file volume, and b) your willingness to do clerical tasks. I have one full-time assistant and one full-time paralegal, and I can’t imagine practicing without them. Even if I had the bandwidth to do the clerical work myself, that is not work that clients are willing to pay my hourly rate for. When clients call, someone needs to answer the phone… if I’m in an appointment, or busy, or out of the office, I can’t just leave the voicemail on.
I work about 40-45 hours a week, with a lot of flexibility to set my own schedule. That said, fire drills do come up, and clients often have demanding expectations of the turn-around time for “simple” paperwork. In general, estate planning clients often think you can just “fill out a form” and that it shouldn’t take very long (or cost very much).
TLDR: Expect a VERY different experience as a solo vs. as a litigator in a firm. If you can build your practice to the point that you have a steady stream of clients and support staff you can rely on, it’s a great lifestyle. But, you really do need to be an expert in the subject matter–just as in any area of law.
Anonymous
I also didn’t get a chance to comment yesterday. I’m a former litigator now in transactional midlaw. IIRC, OP is partially attracted to the solo transactional idea because she thinks it will give her more control over her schedule and workflow. I would really caution against giving that particular factor much weight, as my experience has been the complete opposite.
As For Anon2day says above, clients often have unrealistic expectations of turnaround time. Frequently, they need something “yesterday” and then ignore it when you send it to them because something on the business side has suddenly made the deal not viable–then 6 months later call out of the blue to revive the deal and once again want to close it immediately.
I’ve been doing this several years and other than knowing that December is always going to be crazy, I’ve had no predictability with when high and low periods of the year will be. I frequently have lots of boom and bust cycles–and the busts are not something I can see coming and plan time off–it’s just a sudden “pencils down” from the client where you have to stay on standby because they may ramp up at any minute.
Business parties also travel frequently and will be out of pocket in the middle of the day when you need information or signatures, and then want to discuss with you at 8pm when they land. They will expect you to get on a call with them before 6am or after 10pm when the family is all asleep on their Mexican vacation.
That’s probably overkill so I’ll stop. And OP named a number of factors she was considering so workflow predictability may be low on the list–it just caught my eye.
Anon2day
Thanks – makes sense. I appreciate your response. Although, I don’t know that I am necessarily using the term “transactional” in the traditional sense. Maybe non-litigation would be more accurate. I don’t anticipate doing any M&A or securities work. Full stop. I live in an area with tons of thirty-something entreprenuers who are great at business but need help with entity formation / drafting employment policy manuals and compensation plans / supplier contracts / purchase agreements and the like. I also have a relatively steady stream of estate planning clients. These areas seem less “right now” / at the whim of the client than the ones you mentioned, but yes – clients always seem to have unrealistic expectations, don’t they? Thanks, again.
Anon above
Sorry, I should’ve clarified. I’m in midlaw and we have no publicly traded clients. There is some fund work, but most of what I do is entity formation, real estate acquisition and development, and transfers pursuant to estate plans (I don’t design the actual estate plan or prepare wills/trusts, but I prepare assignments, redemptions, etc. to execute the plan).
Anon
This still seems weird to me. How will you help entrepreneurs if they ask any questions about cap or financing their businesses? Just say no, I don’t do securities? That’s not really how private company rep works!
Anon2day
I would imagine that, yes, I would just say no to an area of law I don’t feel comfortable in. I hope lawyers all over the country are doing the same thing every day! Yes, I will probably lose a few clients who want one person for everything, but they are also probably somewhat outside my target market. Your comments are appreciated though – I will take them into consideration for sure!
Lawyer to Entrepreneurs
You’ll need some knowledge of securities and tax issues arising when you incorporate a company. There are some potentially enormous pitfalls if you don’t.
Anon
Thanks for your comments. I appreciate it! You sound like you do work similar to what I would do although I anticipate my workload will be about 25-30 hours a week. Again, preschoolers, so I’d like to harness my ability to say “no” when needed to keep life in a better balance than it has been for the last 8 years of practice. I will likely hire an assistant at some point, but maybe not starting out.
A few follow up questions if you care to share:
1. Do you find that you need access to Westlaw or are publicly available sources sufficient? I obviously use it a lot now in litigation, but not sure I would for more estate planning / contract drafting, etc. Thoughts?
2. How much should I expect for malpractice annually? I know it will depend on my state and my practice areas, but under $5K / year likely?
Anon2day
This was from the OP yesterday – I am Anon2day! :)
For "Anon2day"
Good questions! I have a very limited Westlaw subscription that gives me access to a state-specific series of treatises on various subjects. I use it when I come up against an issue that I don’t have much experience in (bankruptcy, for example) and I need a quick primer on the basics. I do not use it for caselaw research. My state bar association has a free case search database that I use for the rare occasions when I need to research caselaw. I have the occasional contested probate matter that brings me into court, and sometimes I take on simple real estate litigation matters (quiet title actions, boundary disputes, etc.), but for the most part, I don’t have much need for traditional legal research. The last couple times I handled appellate matters, I used the free bar association database exclusively and did just fine.
My malpractice insurance is through my state bar association, and I pay less than $5k annually. I think there are deals to be had if you shop around, although I haven’t done so.
Anon2day
Thanks! Very helpful!
Anonymous
What are some good questions to ask in what is sort of a third interview (I had an informational interview and then a phone interview with one person and will now be meeting with the same guy plus several others)? I have asked a lot of questions that have given me a good understanding of the duties of the job and the day-to-work and what is good and bad about it. I know why the position is open and I have an understanding of the org structure and who I would be reporting to. I am hesitant to ask about growth/promotion because I am kind of overqualified and I don’t want them thinking I’m looking to bounce to something better after a short time.
Work burnout
Hello ladies,
I need some perspectives/advice here.
I have been working from last 11 years continuously. I worked 20 hours a week when I was in grad school and as I was a foreign student, I had to take 9 credits (3 courses) every semester and summer internship. So grad school was not less stressful than work for me.
I started working immediately after grad school and this is my 8th year. I am work visa so I have to work in my field to maintain status. It is getting very exhausting and probably boring. There have been multiple rounds of layoffs where I work and it has taken a toll on me as well. I just want to quit everything and stay at home for like 6 months to a year, rest, recharge and figure out what I want to do next. This is not a possibility for next few years.
I also work in a very good team, with a very good manager. It is not like I want to get out of some horrible situation. Sometimes, I get angry about myself that I am just whining about my situation and I should be lucky to have never faced unemployment. Other times, I am almost in tears that I am so bound to this job and I just want to be free.
Anon
You sound like you need a long vacation.
+1
You are me, basically, without the visa situation. I’ve worked 20+ hours a week since my sophomore year of college. I also graduated college a year early (even with the 20+ hours a week of work) and haven’t stopped working since; I literally started working full time the same DAY I took my last final.
I took 2.5 weeks off for my wedding and honeymoon last year (the most time off I’ve had in more than 8 years) and another 10 days this year for a longer vacation, but it’s not really enough to stave off that burned out feeling. My job has also gotten progressively more stressful as I’ve advanced and my company has been acquired, so I’m really feeling more pressure now than I ever have.
My husband is looking to change jobs, which would force us to relocate out of state. If we end up moving, I may look to take 3-6 months off before looking for a position of my own. I am so exhausted and need to take a step back for awhile to take care of myself and figure out what I want to do next.
No advice, just commiseration.