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Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
I don’t know much about the brand. How’s the quality?
Ribena
Hobbs is extremely good quality. I’ll be saving this and watching like a hawk for sales. I have a fit and flare dress I bought from there in the sale last spring and it’s a lovely thick fabric that looks expensive and polished but feels like pyjamas.
Ribena
Weirdly it’s not on the UK site or the John Lewis (key stockist) site either. Shame.
anon
I’m in the UK – here it is for £89.25 –
https://www.hobbs.com/product/sarah-knitted-dress/0219-9555-9044L00-AUBERGINE.html#navAjax=true&sz=240&cgid=clothing-dresses&start=0&pid=0219-9555-9044L00-AUBERGINE&pos=16
Ribena
Thanks – searching on ‘red’ must have been my mistake.
anne-on
+1 – I stalk it for when it’s marked down and then Bloomingdales does their 25% off even sale items. I would say you need to know your approximate Bristish size though. I’m a pretty solid UK 10, US 6, same as I would be in designer brands like Theory. In mall brands or athleisure I’m usually a small, or 2-4.
Anonymous
Everything on the Hobbs web site is 30% off now for Black Friday…
anne-on
My closet thanks you, my wallet does not ;)
Cat
I’m interested that we’ve had a variation on this comment a few times in the last week – whether on a less-common brand like Hobbs or a mass market brand like Ann Taylor. Someone doing market research??
Anyway, I think Hobbs is great, even if you do have to wade through a ton of “daytime wedding in England” floral coats and jackets to get to officewear…
Anonymous
Kate Middleton wears it. I have a different body type so I can’t wear it but I am sure that the quality must be good.
Alanna of Trebond
Kate Middleton also wears Zara…, so I don’t think that her decision to wear it alone is a marker of quality.
Anonymous
Maybe the rule is if you haven’t heard of it but Kate Middleton wears it and it is expensive, it is probably lovely.
Zara is known. And not spendy.
Home buyer
Has anyone purchased a house at the top of their budget? A little background: mortgage + all other expenses (utilities, food transportation etc) would be about 50% of after tax income. DH and I have 100% job security, pensions, and our income will increase substantially in the next few years. We do not want children, cars, etc. The home is our urban forever home and we intend to live in it for about 20 years, our jobs are pretty location specific so the chance of ever moving is near zero. We live in a country with excellent social services so health issues would not be back factor. Am I missing anything obvious? Because the numbers seem to make perfect sense to me. The no kids thing is iron clad.
Anon
I think your math is sound. Go for it!
Cb
I’d probably make sure I had mortgage payoff in case of death or long-term disability but otherwise, it sounds like you’ve thought through everything.
Go for it
+1
Anonymous
This is a humblebrag. If your total expenditures will be 50% of take-home pay, you are definitely not purchasing “at the top” of your budget.
Anonymous
Yupppppp.
Anon
This. And it obviously isn’t a question about the house at all, since you didn’t even mention what percentage of your budget the house is.
Anon
It’s sad when people let their jealousy or saltiness overcome their impulse to give people the benefit of the doubt.
Anon
You have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m not jealous at all; I own a home free and clear with no mortgage. I can still call out humblebragging when I see it, and this was an obvious humblebrag.
Home buyer
The house is the maximum value the bank will approve us for. It is absolutely the top of our budget. Aside from getting outside family financial help there would be no way of getting a more expensive house.
Anon
The bank cannot really assess how stable your jobs are, whether or not you’ll have kids, and other factors that make this house affordable for you.
If you were in the reverse position – i.e. buying a house that is the max the bank approved you for, but well beyond your budget – we would caution you to buy less house. But the bank is being more risk-averse than the numbers would generally indicate (do you have a very low down payment?), so you’re probably in good shape to buy it.
Anonymous
That’s really surprising, coming from an American. The last time I bought a house (post-crash, fwiw), I was approved for WAY more than I could afford – my mortgage/taxes/insurance + student loan payments would’ve been like 75% of my take home pay. I took out 1/3 of the loan I was approved for, and that’s been comfortable for me. Maybe your country has more stringent loan requirements than we have here? I think that’s why people didn’t understand that “top of budget” for you means “what the lender approved.”
Anon
Only you know your own numbers and your own tolerance for risk. I am curious to know how you and your DH both have 100% job security and you know that for a fact? Are you both tenured professors? Bear in mind that beyond layoffs, people sometimes get sick or become disabled as they get older. How much of a stretch would it be for one person to carry the household for awhile if they had to? If the answer is “it would be a stretch,” make sure you buy disability insurance (and maybe critical illness, if your health plan isn’t great) so you’ll be covered in case of an emergency. Emergency savings is going to be important also.
I don’t think you’d be the only couple in an urban area to be spending that much on housing – in the Bay Area I think most people are in that boat. The guidelines about how much income to spend on housing are just that – guidelines. I think for many folks in HCOL areas, sticking to the 20-25% rule isn’t doable unless you want to live in pretty substandard housing.
Home buyer
We know the jobs are 100% because our country doesn’t have at-will employment and we both work for our country’s government.
Anon
You can still be fired for cause, right? You don’t have 100% job security, you have very good job security.
Home buyer
Technically we could be fired for breaching national security but that’s about it.
Anon
You could also be hit by a bus or get a debilitating long term illness or one of you could die.
Anon
Yeah, health or even death make 100% job security not really totally reachable.
Anon
Since you do not live in the US, the Americans on this blog aren’t really qualified to comment. We are socialized to the tax structures and economic environments of US expectations.
Anon
I very much agree. So many of the things that we have to spend or save money on are not a part of this person’s budget. Americans have to save thousands for medical, transport (thanks car only cities), insurances of all kinds, and no government support in cases of job loss – and it’s easier to lose a job with no contracts and near universal at will employment and few industries with unions. We’re SOL and shouldn’t judge OP’s situation as our own in case of a life altering event.
DCR
Even in the US, where the social net is a lot less, having your necessary expenses be 50% of your after tax income would be great. If your housing, food, and utilities are covered by 50% of your take-home pay, that leaves a lot of money left for clothing, experiences, vacations, and other discretionary expenses.
That sounds like a great place to be in financially, and isn’t what I think of when people talk about buying at the upper edge of their budget. What is your concern?
Anon
This was my thought as well.
Anon
Yeah – I’d second this. I wouldn’t call this at the top of your budget at all. I also think, and I think this gets missed sometimes, the cost structures in urban areas are different. For example, my transportation costs are very low – my husband and I own one paid off, older car, that we basically drive once or twice a month. If insurance wasn’t minimal and parking free, we would just get rid of it. But that means that I’m a bit more comfortable spending more on a house than I might be if we needed two cars and gas and more expensive insurance and parking at work.
Anonymous
I agree with this. No cars and no kids is a major difference. Someone with the same current expenditures, but looking at a home in the suburbs away from public transportation with plans for three children would have very different factors to weigh.
Anon
I did. In the Bay Area you pretty much have to buy at the top of your budget. It has been fine. We love our home.
Anon
Is 100% job security really a thing, though?
Anon
If you mean that there is always a chance you can get disabled, I agree. But if you mean that you can be fired, then I disagree. They are few and far between, but there are jobs where you basically can’t be fired – tenured facility, government positions, school teacher with tenure, etc.
Anon
You can still be fired. You can’t be laid off, but I would not say a tenured professor has 100% job security. They have job security that is far better than most though.
Anon
A tenured professor who is not sleeping with a student or cheating on their research has 100% job security. Yes, in theory, you could be fired for cause. But so few things qualify as cause and you would know if you were doing one of them.
Anon
Nah, I personally know several tenured professors who have lost their jobs, and none of them were sleeping with students or committing fraud in their research. There are other ways to be fired/pushed out. Plus, even if you do nothing wrong, you can find yourself out of a job if the university runs out of funding. Most tenure contracts have an escape hatch that lets the university lay off tenured employees in case of a real financial emergency. Not likely at a prestigious institution like Harvard, true, but possible at some perfectly respectable schools, including all state universities because they’re subject to the whims of the state legislature’s budget cuts. See eg., what just happened at the University of Alaska.
Friend advice/vent
I find myself in an awkward situation with my best friend of 20 years. While talking on the phone with her about a potential home purchase I’m considering, she told me “It was really stupid of you to….”. Without getting into details, the “really stupid” thing she was referring to was completely inconsequential and she was way off base in her assessment. I responded by saying to please not say I was really stupid, and explained why what I did wasn’t, in fact, “really stupid”. She apologized and said she shouldn’t have said that, and I said thank you and had mentally moved on. After a few minutes she revisited the “stupid” comment and said she was surprised I would be offended by her comment since “we talk like that all the time”. I said it hit me as really harsh and also pointed out that us saying that a celebrity or politician is stupid is completely different than calling each other stupid- which is something we don’t do. She further doubled down by re-explaining why she thought what I did was stupid, but said she didn’t mean to offend me and that she was just trying to help. This all transpired over the phone. I saw her in person about an hour later as we had pre-existing plans. In person she was cold and awkward with me, which is out of character. Later in the day, I texted her some information I had promised to send, and again she was cold and standoffish via text. What do I do with this? I genuinely don’t understand why she’s icing me out when she’s the one that’s in the wrong. Was I wrong to call her out when she said the comment initially? Im not a grudge holder and probably wouldn’t have given the whole thing a 2nd thought if she wasn’t being so weird. Advice on what I do next? I don’t know whether to just let it be or say something to her.
Anon
It’ll blow over, I’d just move on and ignore it. She is probably feeling awkward because she didn’t mean to be offensive but realizes that she was.
anon
This. She’s probably embarrassed and feels terrible.
FWIW, I’ve been called out for comments like this. I realized that my friend was offended by things I said (which is never my intention), but after that I always felt like I was walking on eggshells around her. We are no longer friends.
Anon
Give it a week or two. She either has some ongoing problem with you that she will address (or not), or she has a lot of tough things going on in her own life that she is taking out on you.
LittleBigLaw
It sounds like she’s being defensive and is probably embarrassed. Don’t say anything, give her a little space, and proceed as usual.
Anon
+1
On the other hand, I called out a friend for something much more major, she apologized, I forgave her, and she has continued to be mad at me about it for a year. For real. It’s not like she thinks she was right, she wasn’t and she knows it, but I think she would have preferred I swept it under the rug. Anyway, most people would not be that ridiculous, I’m sure your friend just feels embarrassed, and if you were good friends already, you’ll move past it.
OP
Sorry to hear that Anon! People can be so strange sometimes.
Anonymous
Let it be, mainly because I don’t think you can improve things by saying anything further. I don’t think everyone would agree that calling a friend stupid is clearly wrong, and I don’t think everyone would agree that calling your friend out on a throwaway comment during a casual conversation is clearly right, so I don’t think you’ll convince her by bringing it up again.
Anon
+1
I think there’s usually been a misstep if something like this becomes an argument or a debate. Either I tried to appeal to some objective, third party standard (which tends to make people defensive), or the person I was talking to tried to make my feelings conform to some objective, third party standard (which isn’t how feelings work). You shouldn’t have to defend the idea that
Anon
My parent died and I am receiving an inherited IRA and an insurance payout. The parent did not leave anything for my sibling for no good reason at all. I would like to correct this wrong and to split everything with my sibling, as should have happened in the first place. How can I do this without creating a tax nightmare? Everyone is in NYS if that’s helps. It’s a substantial amount of money.
Anon
I don’t know, but kudos for being kind, even when your parent was not.
Go for it
A good CPA versed in inheritance tax regulations would be the 1st phone call.
Anon
Talk to an attorney. It may be harder to disclaim than you think, and disclaiming may mean that you get nothing and, eg., a charity gets it all.
Off the top of my head, your best bet is to gift her the max amount under the tax code every year until it’s equal.
Also, try to figure out why the sibling got nothing.
anon
+1 to both talking to an attorney and the possibility of gifting up to the gift tax limit. But unless you want to end up with less than half, make sure that you are accounting for the taxes you may owe on the full amount that is passing through you before you divide in 2. Because this happened to a family member: if you happen to have FAFSA in your life at the moment, the full inheritance may be viewed as your income regardless of whether you equalize with a sibling.
Anon
My parents put something in their will that anyone who challenges the will gets $1 and no more from the proceeds of their estate. I think that’s not an uncommon clause.
FWIW I know that the distribution of their estate will not be equitable between myself and my sibling and I would not want him to challenge the will, or try to give me a greater share of the estate, because he wants to try to make things equitable. It doesn’t matter that much to me. My parents did what they did in their will and I don’t think it’s up to my brother to make things right, and I certainly would not want him to suffer a financial penalty or pay for a lawyer to figure out how to redo things after my parents die. I don’t agree with the advice to “figure out why your sibling got nothing” – you probably know. If your family is anything like my family, the stated “reason” for not distributing the estate equitably is nonsensical. I would talk to your sibling and ask him/her what they want before moving further with this.
Anon
It’s called an in terrorem clause, and they are very common. In some states (or wills or trusts), the language is that anyone who challenges the Will shall be treated as if they predeceased the testator; in others, they lose almost all of the inheritance.
Challenging the validity of the Will or the bequests is not the same thing as disclaiming a bequest, but there are a whole host of legal issues that come with disclaiming a bequest.
nona
And also, retirement accounts name beneficiaries outside of the will, so in this particular instance, it may not matter, since the will doesn’t govern who gets the retirement money.
Anon
And also, retirement accounts name beneficiaries outside of the will, so in this particular instance, it may not matter, since the will doesn’t govern who gets the retirement money.
Seventh Sister
Those clauses aren’t always enforceable, depending on the state and the reason someone contests the will.
Anon
Even if the parent had some reason why it wasn’t equal, it’s now OP’s money and she can share it with her sibling if she wants to.
Aggie
But it matters more HOW she shares it. A CPA and/or attorney consult is vital to not create a taxable event.
The original Scarlett
Talk to an accountant but unless you’re talking millions, something like 30k a year can be gifted tax free, after that you file a gift tax certificate up to your lifetime limit, which is many millions of dollars (you don’t owe taxes until you go over that). I am not a CPA, these numbers are probably off, but the TL/DR is it should be pretty easy for you to do and a regular CPA accountant can walk you through it.
The original Scarlett
PS – I’m thinking don’t bother trying to undo the will, just take the money and gift your sibling – much easier
Anonymous
The gift tax exclusion is $15k.
Anon
If OP is married, she and her spouse can both give 15k. If sibling is married, they can each receive 15k. Provided that going through spouses is an option, they could gift a max of 60k (15k from each spouse to each spouse) per year.
Terry
This is why you should talk to a lawyer – so much depends on the exact situation!
anon a mouse
I can’t help with the practical advice, I just wanted to say that this is very kind of you. I was disinherited by surprise from a relative I adored (cut out me and my siblings after a spat with my parents). The other heirs gave gifts to us to equalize things and it was such a kindness I will never forget it.
Go for it
+ all the numbers
Anon
+1. My father was unexpectedly disinherited by his mother. She lied to his face numerous times and told him he and his sister were sharing equally and then the will (that pre-dated her comments to him) expressly disinherited him and me. They weren’t close, but he was surprisingly devastated by it. I didn’t expect his sister to give us half (or anything at all) but she was unnecessarily gleeful about it, which added to his hurt. You’re a very kind person, OP.
Anon
I’m sorry this happened to your family. Hopefully karma will catch up with your aunt eventually.
Anon
Meet with an accountant or estate planning lawyer who can help you make a gift to your sibling. You can give much more than the annual exclusion amount of $15,000 if you want to by reporting the gift on a form with your annual income tax return (no tax due). An accountant or lawyer can help you determine how best to make the gift. Re the commenter who warned about owing taxes on your inheritance, that’s extremely unlikely because estate taxes and inheritance taxes (if there were any) are virtually always paid before the inheritance is distributed.
anon
But it is extremely likely (or inevitable if this is a traditional IRA) that income taxes will be owed as the money comes out of the IRA. Taking them out slowly is generally the better course of action.
Seventh Sister
Talking to a lawyer is your best bet – this isn’t usually hard to do in most places. I have some relatives that are planning to do exactly this sort of thing (favoring one set of siblings over the “bad” ones), and the sibling set that allegedly is getting $ from the estate intends to do an equal distribution. That said, I suspect the eventual estate will be far smaller than believed.
Anonymous
Why must all sweaters and sweater dresses contain animal fibers? I need a dress just like this, but they are all made with wool or cashmere and unbearably itchy.
Anonymous
There is an athleisure version of this at Athleta.
pugsnbourbon
To be fair, wool and cashmere are incredibly warm! But I also find them super itchy (not allergic, just sensitive skin that’s getting worse). There are good 100% cotton sweaters out there – Land’s End and LLBean always have a few. Oddly, the only wool I can tolerate are wool-blend socks.
Mallory
Totally feel the same – I’ve had good luck finding some non-wool options at Boden and Ann Taylor.
nona
Because if you want them to actually be warm, animal fibers are really good at that. And you usually don’t have wash wool between rewears (has some antimicrobial properties) I prefer wool over cotton for my winter sweaters.
Celia
Put on lots of lotion and wear a camisole and slip to cut down on the itch. Stay hydrated. Good quality wool and cashmere shouldn’t itch unbearably.
Anon
The expensive stuff isn’t itchy.
Unf*ck Your Brain
I’m really enjoying listening to Kara Loewentheil’s Unf*ck Your Brain podcast. Has anyone tried out the Clutch and what did you think?
CostAccountant
I haven’t tried the Clutch, but +1 to this podcast – it’s awesome.
Anonymous
Thanks for the recommendation. I hadn’t heard of this podcast. Listening now at lunch.
Old Podcast
I loved this podcast when it was The Lawyer Stress Solution. I realize she broadened the niche market, but I was not a fan of it going from practical steps to succeed at work to a really broad life coaching thing that seemed to assume that I lacked confidence to date/succeed, etc. (happily married, confident human, etc.). Totally not trying to rain on the parade, I was just really sad when it changed, but glad she’s found a strong market!
Dinner Party
When you go to a dinner party, how long do you plan to stay?
Long story short, a friend hosted a dinner party this weekend and I was shocked that most people left shortly after dinner finished. So arrived around 6, dinner served at 6:30, and then most people were gone by 8. I always thought of dinner parties is all evening events, and, along with a few other people, stayed to have another glass of wine and talk more after dinner. Given that it was clear that my friend had spent a lot of time and energy making a fancy dinner, I was shocked that people basically ate and left. Am I out of touch with the norms?
Ribena
I wouldn’t even plan to serve dinner before 8.00 at a dinner party!
On a weeknight, I’d expect people to leave around 9.30/ 10, and on weekends I’d expect it to be driven by last bus and train times rather than anything else.
Anonymous
Can you say more about your friend group /the region you’re in?
I’d find that shocking, too. I expect a dinner party to last all evening. I’m not a night owl, so I’d be figuring out that if a party started at 6 for dinner at 6:30, I would be leaving at 9p at the earliest and even then that’s doubtful because the conversation would probably still be going strong.
AFT
Agree with this (friend group is largely suburban professionals with elementary school age kids). Re: sitters, I always make sure that we’re providing at least 3 hours of work out of fairness to their schedules, so the earliest I could see leaving would be 6-9 pm, but more likely to stay until 10-11.
Anon
Does this friend group involve kids? We had longer, later affairs when my group was primarily pre-kids, but now that kids either are invited or stay home with a (pricey) babysitter, generally dinner starts earlier and parties end earlier.
Dinner Party
Only one couple has kids. And, to answer some other questions, it was on Saturday so there wasn’t a need to get ready for work and it seemed pretty clear that the host didn’t know that people had to leave early cause she seemed surprised, kept saying that people didn’t have to leave yet, and encouraging people to stay for a while long.
Anonymous
I mean there’s a reason people say “sorry to eat and run” – yes generally you hang out for a little while after dinner. I’d assume the guests who left early had already told the host that they would have to leave by 8 for some legitimate reason; maybe that’s why dinner was scheduled on the early side.
To answer your actual question, around 3-4 hours seems right to me for a dinner party. An hour or less to chat before dinner, an hour or two at the table, an hour after dinner. I’ll say though – if dinner is super delayed then I’m not hanging out for very long after dinner. I’ve got about 4-5 hours of socializing in me before I need a nap.
Anon
If a dinner party started at 6, I’d probably leave between 9:30 and 10.
More and more, people don’t know how to be good guests.
Mrs. Jones
If a dinner party started at 6, I’d expect it to end around 9. But I wouldn’t be shocked if people left at 8.
Anon
I host often, and depending on the crowd and circumstances (as others have mentioned, ages/location/work life/kids/no kids) there are plenty of times I’d be totally fine with people leaving after about 2 hours. I think it really depends on where you are in life: suburbs with a rough weekly commute and harried family life and dinner is just a reason to see friends you never get to see? Two hours is plenty. Living the urban professional life and going out is still a thing? Stay 3+ hours.
PolyD
Man, this reminds me of a dinner party a friend had, where everyone except me (I’m a slower eater) gobbled their food down in about 15-20 minutes, the hostess cleared away all the food and plates, and I’m sitting there with my plate of food like a toddler who didn’t eat their dinner.
Most uncomfortable dinner ever. I think I ate about 1/3 of what I normally would because it was so uncomfortable to be the only one with food at a completely empty table. I don’t know what the rush was, either – we were all 30ish, it was a weekend, and very few if any people had kids.
Anonymous
If in 20 minutes you ate 1/3 of what you’d usually eat does it usually take you an hour to eat dinner??
Anon
8 sounds a little early. But this reminds me of the time we got invited to dinner and the host’s husband kept checking his watch. I took that as the cue to say our goodbyes (it was maybe 9:30 or 10)
Anon
I could re read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho literally weekly for this purpose. It’s made me cry on the subway multiple times, each time I read it. It truly does lift my spirits and make me remember how simple things can be if I let them. It’s my favorite book of all time.
Suburban
I’m not sure what to make of a dinner party that starts at 6, where dinner is served at 630. That seems deliberately early and quick. It seems like the host was rushing things, maybe the guests picked up on that?
Anon
You expect a long time between guests arriving and serving dinner? 30 minutes between when the last people arrive and dinner served seems pretty normal to me, and then we hang out for a few hours after the meal. But maybe my group of friends is weird.
Suburban
Yeah- I figure about an hour from the time I invite folks. Drinks, passsed snacks, music, chit chat, ect. Most people arrive 15 minutes late anyway. If the last person arrived at 6 they were probably invited for 530, right? That seems like the hosts wanted an early night.
Anonymous
Not the person you responded to but I think this – “30 minutes from when the last people arrive” – is the key here. Most people show up 15-30 minutes after the posted start time. If the start time was 6, then people might still be arriving at 6:30.
Dinner Party
So, it sounds like my expectations of dinner parties lasting about 4 hours may be a little out of line. I was just shocked when people got up from the dining table and left, instead of moving to the living room. If people only go to dinner parties for less than 2 hours, I may have to reconsider ever hosting any of my own. That’s just way too much work for 2 hours.
seeking book recommendations
I’m looking for a book recommendation that’s hard to describe. Basically I think I want the adult version of To Kill a Mockingbird, Catcher in the Rye, Separate Peace – stories sort of about the meaning of life and moral values. I’m feeling very meh about the drudgery of life right now and want a reminder that just getting up, going to work, working hard, and living a plain life can be the landscape for good character and deep thought too. Liked Five People you Meet in Heaven and the Little Way of Ruthie Leming. Preference for novels but will also read non-fiction, short stories, etc!
Ribena
I wonder if Everyone Brave is Forgiven by Chris Cleave would meet the bill. Londoners trying to live moral lives during the Blitz.
Anon
Chris Cleave books in general – Little Bee and Gold are both great.
anne-on
Have you read anything by Colum Mccaan? He writes so beautifully about the human experience, even despite some really sad circumstances. I’d say start with ‘transatlantic’ if you have any connection to Ireland, but my second choice would be ‘let the great world spin’. Major Pettigrew’s Last Stand was also really lovely.
anne-on
Oh! I also really really liked the Lager Queen of Minnesota recently. Very warm-hearted and focused quite a lot on the value of hard work, while also taking into account generational poverty and the impact on choices.
NYNY
Let the Great World Spin is hands down the most beautiful book I have ever read.
anon a mouse
“Working hard and living a plain life” made me think of Willa Cather — My Antonia or O Pioneers.
Or Zadie Smith — maybe White Teeth.
Anon
Oooh, My Antonia is such a good book!
pugsnbourbon
“Just getting up, going to work, working hard, and living a plain life can be the landscape for good character and deep thought too.”
Man did I need to hear that today. It reminds me of the poem “To Be of Use” by Marge Piercy.
Louisa May
I’ve very much enjoyed rereading Little Women in advance of the new film. It’s concerned with these values and virtues, and reading it has done me some good.
Anonymous
I’m rereading it,too (I am not of Irish descent). Husband (of Irish descent) is appalled at some anti-Irish throw-away comments that the characters make. Has been an interesting discussion launching pad for our kids.
anon
Wendell Berry’s novels (all centered around the fictional community Port William) have a lot of these themes–the value of work, living a plain life, etc.
The Snow Child by Eowen Ivey, Moonglow by Michael Chabon, and The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros also have some of these themes.
Anonymous
A Place for Us – it came out in the past two years or so but is one of the best books I’ve read in ages. And I think the kindle version is on sale today.
Anon
Anything at all by Frederik Backman. My favorites are A Man Called Ove and My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry, but all of his books are great.
anne-on
+1 – I ugly cried at the end of A Man Called Ove.
Anon
For me, this would be Stewart O’Nan.
anon
If you want to go classic, Steinbeck might fit the bill, especially East of Eden. Also, Stoner by John Williams.
Anonymous
Loved East of Eden.
Anonymous
Marilynne Robinson is my go-to author for this type of book. Gilead is beautiful.
TodayIsTheDay_Maybe
You asked for the “adult” version of To Kill a Mockingbird – Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson. I think that it should be required reading alongside To Kill at Mockingbird. It is a hard, but beautiful story.
Bryan Stevenson was a young lawyer when he founded the Equal Justice Initiative, a legal practice dedicated to defending those most desperate and in need: the poor, the wrongly condemned, and women and children trapped in the farthest reaches of our criminal justice system. One of his first cases was that of Walter McMillian, a young man who was sentenced to die for a notorious murder he insisted he didn’t commit. The case drew Bryan into a tangle of conspiracy, political machination, and legal brinksmanship—and transformed his understanding of mercy and justice forever.
Monday
I just finished A Manual for Cleaning Women by Lucia Berlin (short stories). Almost all of her characters are women with difficult service jobs. Things don’t necessarily work out, but there’s a moral landscape to it for sure.
The Emperor’s Children by Claire Messud is good for feeling smug about actually working when you’re surrounded by people who don’t (because they don’t have to).
anne-on
Just a warning, that book reminded me of bonfire of the vanities (without the equally amazing writing) in that I HATED all of those characters and would have been MUCH happier having my time back than having read it (it was a book club pick).
kk
plus one on A Man Called Ove, and maybe the J Ryan Stradal novels. A longitme favorite of mine is also Crossing to Safety, and Ordinary Grace by William Kent Krueger.
MJ
Was also going to suggest Wallace Stegner–Angle of Repose and Crossing to Safety are both in the genre and fantastic. Highly recommend.
Jules
Look at the novels of Elizabeth Strout (including “Olive Kittredge”)
forgetful friend?
One of my close friends is horrible about returning items she borrows. I’ve lost more than a few pieces of tupperware/other dishes to her and always have to ask her to return stuff half a dozen times before I get it back. She recently borrowed something, and I must have asked her to bring it when we were meeting up at least five times. I only got it back after we were hanging out at her house and I asked her twice to go get it because I needed it soon. I have a few other friends who are also bad about returning borrowed things, but they know this about themselves and don’t ask to borrow anything. I just find it so disrespectful and hurtful that my friend doesn’t care enough about me to return items she has borrowed. I don’t think she means it that way, but I can’t help feeling this way because I always make an effort to return something the next time I see someone. So, I’m trying to get over this feeling but it is hard.
Going forward, I’m just not going to loan this friend any items. But what do I tell her the next time she asks? I think she would be hurt if I said that I won’t loan her anything because she has a track record of not returning it unless I badger her, and I just don’t want to have to do that. But it is the truth!
anne-on
I’d simply say what you mentioned – I’m sorry, but it is stressful for me to have to badger you about items I’ve loaned and haven’t received back from you in a timely fashion. I’ve decided it’s best if I simply don’t lend out things any longer.
If you’re trying to be more broad to avoid hurting her feelings make it a general statement – you don’t lend things out anymore period.
Anon
She’s your friend. Tell her that you can’t lend to her because it’s too hard to get it back.
Anon
Just tell her that you find it stressful to continue to ask for items back and have them disappear for much longer than planned, and, as you value her friendship, don’t want this interfering.
Anonymous
“Sorry I’m going to need to use it at that time.”
I’m surprised that you’re letting people borrow stuff so much! The only time a friend has one of my dishes is when I bring something to her house for dinner – and I usually use disposable tupperware because I can’t be bothered to try to get it back from her. If I must bring something in a real dish, I mentally write off the dish as a gift. Life is too short to worry about stuff like this.
AFT
I agree with anne-on, but if you want to be less direct, I’d make sure to only lend her things you don’t care about returning (e.g., keep takeout containers at your house if you envision sending her home with leftovers) and say you need to use __ in the near future so can’t lend it out (you could be vague to avoid lying – saying “I need to use it soon” may mean “before I’ll get it back from you in 6 months after multiple requests”).
…. and this made me realize that I have a friend’s serving spoon in my drawer that I borrowed way too long ago… yikes!
Anon
I would chalk it up to this is just how she is and the way to avoid it being a problem is to avoid lending her anything that you’d like to get back. Don’t offer to lend her anything and if she asks, just casually say nah I really [need/like] that [dish/tupperware] so I don’t want to lend it out. No need to expand on that it’s because she’s terrible at returning things. I don’t use ziplock bags much, but I do keep a stash precisely for this sort of thing. You can just put some food in a ziplock bag instead of a tupperware, etc. Foil can also work depending on the type of food.
Monday
+1 to this, especially tinfoil and the like.
Another approach I have seen is people labeling their containers in a permanent way. However, this doesn’t work for every item and probably wouldn’t make this friend return things any more promptly anyway.
anon
+1. My husband and I are terrible about returning things. We don’t typically borrow things, but if you leave a tupperware or travel mug or pie plate at our house, it may be 6 months before you get it back. We’ll have every intention of returning the item and forget it on the way out the door.
Anon
+1 Don’t give much, if any, of an explanation. Just a polite decline if she asks.
Anonymous
P sure I still haven’t returned my mom’s cookie tins from last year.
Anon
I’m having a gross problem where all of my pillow cases are heavily stained yellow. My sheets and duvet are white, and everywhere near my face has a pretty distinct yellow stain. I’ve tried bleach and can’t remove the stains, so I’m currently ordering new everything. I think this must be related to a face product, but I’m at a loss for identifying what it could be. At night I use hyaluronic acid, a moisturizer, and a facial oil. From the extent of the staining, I think this is more of a chemical reaction rather than just rubbing off. Has this happened to anyone? Any clues as to what’s causing this and how to avoid it? TIA!
Anon
Try an oxygen product instead of bleach. Depending on what a stain is, bleach can sometimes react poorly and make it worse.
Anonymous
+1. If that doesn’t work, try a rust remover for laundry.
Anon
A long pre-wash soak in a good degreaser (Greased Lightening or even something stronger that you get from a Restaurant/Janitorial Supply store) can work wonders. I’d give that a try before tossing out what you have.
Anonymous
This is a bit yuck but that tends to happen to me when I’m grinding my teeth and drooling!
Anon
My husband has this problem and the only face product he uses is basic unscented lotion. I’m pretty sure it’s a combination of drool and sweat/oil (but mostly drool). We haven’t had any success keeping the stains off since he sleeps there every night, so we’ve switched to blue sheets/duvet and a combination of pillow protectors + buying a new pillow a couple times a year. The mattress protector does seem to keep the worst of it off the mattress.
Seafinch
My husband is the same. But he sleep on his back and doesn’t drool so we joke a lot about his emittances. Some sheets he actually “bleaches”or strips the colour out of.
Anon
Do you gets in to bed with wet hair? I have this problem, and I’m 97% sure it is from my wet hair.
Anon
Yes I do! I’ll try to stop that.
Anon
+1 I use none of the chemicals you mentioned but have gotten yellow stains on pillowcases and even a beige headboard from going to bed with wet hair.
Suburban
I think it’s sweat and oil. You’re NOT gross,everyone sweats. Wash with oxygen bleach and detergent. I might even soak it in oxy beforehand. Then try bluing. Mrs. Stewart’s ( I think?) is the brand I use. Bright, pretty whites!
Xmas crunch
I need tips to survive a nightmarish week coming my way. I work in strategy and ops where I manage projects of 4-5 months at a time.
I am on sick leave in between project but heard that the investor support bit of the business want to pull me urgently to do work I have no clue about, under horrible management.
A project manager in my office is a complete failure, every time he gets a project (due diligence) he forgets a section or changes course many times. In every project he took for the past 2 years, the teams end up working until dawn and he needs urgent extra resources halfway through the DD. I think it is expensive to fire him for now.
He just got one more DD and before it even started, the scope increased, then they decided to do it in 2 weeks instead of 3 but it will likelihood snowball.
He already hogged all the free hands.
I am on sick leave after surgery but I just learned he earmarked me for the second week of the DD starting Monday. Many people will be pulled in and out to make this go through but we all know it will be a car crash like everything else.
How do I prepare for a week of pulling 18-20 hour days of working below my pay grade for an incompetent?
Anon
You just had surgery. Are you physically able to work 18-20 hour days? If not, I would get a doctor’s note saying that you are approved to return for reduced work, up to 8 hours a day or 10 hours a day.
Assuming that you are able to pull those kinds of hours or feel that you have to do so, my only advice is to decrease all other activities as much as possible (meal prep before Monday, do laundry, etc.) and just focus on getting the work done (and not whether it is beneath you, which is kind of offensive)
Anon
This. Make sure your doctor knows the real scope of your work. After surgery, mine was prepared to send me back “without restriction” but once she heard more about what my regular work day is like she added restrictions for the first month back – particularly that I was capped at 8 hours of work.
Anonymous
Take another week of leave.
Anonymous
I am not able to work 18-20 hour days after surgery leave, even for a minor procedure where the boss is wonderful and competent. In your shoes, I would seriously consider getting a doctor’s note to not work for a while longer.
Fashion rave
I’ve been looking for a dress for a holiday work event. I’m short, not young, and decidedly in the M camp for SML clothing sizes. AND YET I found a lovely dress. It is washable! It has *pockets*. It was shockingly good quality for the price ($40, on final sale). My dress is from Lulu’s — they sell some items at Nordstrom, but I bought this from the brand’s own site. Lots of stuff wouldn’t work for me (style-wise, shape-wise, occasion-wise), but I got a midi length dress didn’t require hemming. It is even lined.
BiggestBallsintheRoom
Ooh share a link please.
Anonymous
https://www.lulus.com/products/give-it-a-twirl-black-lace-strapless-midi-dress/835302.html
Di
Best book you’ve read recently? Nonfiction or fiction fine–just trying to get some recommendations for some reading time over the holidays!
Anon
Normal People by Sally Rooney
Anonymous
Bad Blood by John Carreyrou. I somehow missed this whole thing when it was happening in the news, so I found this to be a real page turner and basically couldn’t put it down I was so fascinated. So, if anyone has other book recommendations like this (investigative journalism, but not true crime), let me know. TIA!
I also really like Educated, but I know a lot of people that have not.
BabyAssociate
Definitely listen to The Dropout podcast on Theranos, so fascinating!
anon a mouse
Bad Blood was so good!
She Said is similar in that it is a fast-paced look at the journalism behind an unfolding scandal. The Chickensh*t Club is similar in that it looks at white collar fraud and misdeeds.
Anokha
I also loved Bad Blood!
Sunflower
I loved Bad Blood. I recommend The Good Nurse by Charles Graeber. It’s a true crime book in that it’s about a series of murders by a nurse, but the reporting is deeply investigative. Also recommend The Informant by Kurt Eichenwald.
Anonymous
+1 to Bad Blood!
Anon
Know My Name by Chanel Miller
anne-on
I uh, read a lot and have been traveling a ton (airplane time = kindle time) so this is kind of long:
Red at the Bone (you may cry in public, just FYI), The Lager Queen of Minnesota, Alexander McCall Smith’s ‘Detective Varg’ books, Evie Drake Starts Over, the new Greta Van Helsing book, and for trashy romance – Red White and Royal Blue, a Royal Holiday, the Wedding Party, and the Austen Playbook.
trefoil
+1 to alll the Jasmine Guillory and Lucy Parker books. I read Royal Holiday and have just gotten the audio from the library.
Anonymous
Inheritance by Dani Shapiro
Anon
Catch and Kill – awful and riveting
Horse Crazy
+1 million
Leatty
Currently reading A Woman is No Man, and it is so good.
Anonymous
So, so good!
book
Me by Elton John
Anonymous
Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson.
Irish Midori
Oh man, that one is heavy. But good. I think everyone should read it.
Alanna of Trebond
The Hunt for Vulcan by Thomas Levenson. I read it during Mercury’s recent transit of the Sun, and it is amazing.
AnonInHouse
Recent likes: Fleishman is in Trouble, Bad Blood, and The Mothers by Brit Bennett. I’m re-reading Where’d You Go Bernade tte for book club and am enjoying it more than I did the first time around.
Miss
No Visible Bruises by Rachel Snyder. It’s nonfiction about domestic violence and was extremely good (and infuriating). I recommended it to everyone I know. American Prison by Shane Bauer was eye opening and well written. I loved Furious Hours by Casey Cep, which changed how I saw Harper Lee.
For more nonfiction, I also liked the Line Becomes a River by Francisco Cantu (immigration and the border), How to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollack (hallucinogenic drugs), and Maid by Stephanie Land (poverty and single motherhood). All You Can Ever Know by Nicole Chung (adoption and motherhood) was fascinating and easy to read.
For fiction, I read the Testament by Margaret Atwood (and reread Handmaid’s Tale) and thought it was excellent. I also enjoyed A Woman Is No Man by Etaf Rum. Both books I read by Naomi Novak (Spinning Silver and Uprooted) were very good. I also liked Great Believers by Rebecca Makkai and Circe by Madeline Miller.
Friday Black by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah was an excellent collection of short stories that changed how I think about the world (and Black Friday).
For lighter reads, I liked JK Rowling’s CB Strike series, and I think Debra Dunbar’s Imp series and Accidental Witches series are incredibly fun.
Sunflower
Miss, if you’re a longtime poster who used to post a link to her Google spreadsheets of books, please email me at SunflowerReader at yahoo.com. Thank you.
Miss
Sorry, that wasn’t me. I just mostly read on my Kindle, so I can look back through the list of books I’ve read recently.
trefoil
No Visible Bruises was so, so good. I’m a criminal barrister and i’ve recommended it to everyone i work with.
A.
Finally read Educated by Tara Westover and it was heart-stoppingly good. I also loved both of Alyssa Mastromonaco’s books, Who Thought This Was a Good Idea? and the follow-up, the title of which is escaping me at the moment.
Irish Midori
Second to Educated, but I had to read parts of it in small doses. It’s really painful in spots, but definitely worth the read.
I kind of similar vein, but fiction, is Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine.
Anonymous
Turn of the Key by Ruth Ware. A good thriller/suspense book.
Anon
Currently reading The Capital by Robert Menasse and really digging it.
Jules
Fiction:
Queenie – contemporary fiction, the protagonist is a young Black woman in London; it’s been described as a black Bridget Jones, but it has much more weight to it.
Nine Perfect Strangers, Liane Moriarty
The Friend, Sigrid Nunez
I second the rec. for Ruth Ware’s books for thrillers; I liked In a Dark, Dark Wood and The Death of Mrs. Westaway best
Eligible – Curtis Sittenfeld’s updating of Pride & Prejudice, really clever and fun
Non-fiction:
Furious Hours – weaves a biography of Harper Lee together with the story behind a murder trial she covered, with plans to write a book
Vicky Austin
I finished the Great Alone by Kristin Hannah last night and I was ugly crying. Highly recommend.
Also, second Eligible by Curtis Sittenfeld. It was a delight.
Anon
Buzz: the Nature and Necessity of Bees by Thor Hansen, a non-fiction book about bees.
MagicUnicorn
Good Omens!
Anon
Has anyone taken a trip to Buenos Aires and Iguazu Falls? I’m leaving in two weeks and due to a very busy time at work, I only have flights and hotels! I need to figure out things to do and easiest way to get to and from the airport and getting around in general. If anyone has any tips or insight it would be greatly appreciated!! TIA!
Anon
Yes! I have been to both, although on separate trips. I flew to Iguazu from Rio. Are you staying on the Brazil or Argentina side? I stayed at the Loi Suites Iguazu on the Argentina side and really liked it. We had a driver take us to and from the falls (I imagine that is pretty standard for most hotels around there).
Loved, loved, LOVED BA but I was there in 2005 as a broke twentysomething, so I’m sure a lot has changed. Eat all the steak, alfajores, dulce de leche, gelato, wine… and at least try the mate tea everyone drinks (although I found it an acquired taste, to be polite!) If you have time, take a ferry and do a day trip to Colonia del Sacramento in Uruguay. It’s a charming, peaceful little town that’s a nice change of pace from the hustle of BA.
In BA, Recoleta is a good starting point where you can see Evita’s grave. It’s very walkable. Palermo SoHo/Hollywood are packed with hip shops and restaurants. San Telmo is where to go to see tango.
You will love it! Have the best time.
Anon
It’s a solo trip so I felt more comfortable staying on the Argentinian side. I have my hotels and flights booked but just don’t really know about transportation. The hotel has a shuttle to and from EZE but it’s $80!
Anon
At Iguazu Falls, the view is a lot better from the Brazil side. If not already planning to stay on that side, I would try to get a visa so that you can see both sides.
Anon
Anon at 12:25 PM here — +a million to this. It is worth getting that visa because the Brazil side view is truly stunning.
Anonymous
Visas are no longer required for Americans visiting Brazil, as of this past summer.
Anon
Favorite throw blanket ever. Go
Anon
Military “woobie.” Ugly but amazing.
Anon
You will know best how you feel about fake fur or about synthetics in general, but fake fur has gotten much, much better in recent years (softer, less expensive).
anne-on
The RH faux fur blankets are stupid warm, washable, and very very soft. They also tend to go on super door-buster sale for the holidays, so I’d keep an eye out this weekend.
Anonymous
I have a RH one that isn’t faux fur, but is kinda furry and it’s amazing. It’s 10 years old and still looks good and feels soft and washes well.
Anonymous
Costco Sherpa Blankets. Come in a 2 pack for like $20. One for the couch, one for the bed. So cozy.
Anon
These are cozy, but the sherpa side looks terrible after you wash it.
Anon
Throw-sized camping blankets (like a very thin down alternative comforter made with sleeping bag fabric). They’re ugly but so warm and comfortable!
Anon
Costco has these too! I gave one to my 95 year old grandmother – she LOVES it because it’s super lightweight (she’s obviously weak as a baby bird) and keeps her super toasty (in her 85* degree apartment… :) )
Anonymous
A kid mohair blanket I got at a craft market several years ago.
anon
Bedsure queen size blanket, meant for a bedspread, but they make for a great sofa throw that is good for two.
Gold Chain
I’m looking to pick up a nice, thicker, 18 or 20 inch gold chain in the Black Friday sales. Budget is around $1k. I’m a bit overwhelmed by the options out there and the different thicknesses and chain styles (wheat, box, rope, etc.).
What is a very classic/substantial gold chain style that can be worn alone with no pendants and won’t go out of style?
Gold Chain
OP again. Thoughts on this style? I’m not really a jewelry person, and definitely don’t have a good natural sense of style when it comes to stuff like this
https://mcys.co/2MjgwZY
Anon
I don’t think of a chain without a pendant is being a classic style. I think it is very occasionally in style, but it is not really something I ever see and it reminds me of the 90s.
Anon
This. My mom had a necklace like the one pictured in the 80s – I remember her wearing it with bow blouses.
The Good Wife
I think if you want something classic, for a necklace you have to go with some quite to very fine. It will be relatively dainty, but I think that is much more classic then the style you linked.
Anonymous
I would do a gold necklace with links or some definite design. Has to be deliberate.
Check out the ones on beladora for some design ideas.
Anon
If you were going to do one splurge, fabulous fine dining meal in New York, where would you go? This would be in early February for a romantic long weekend. Any kind of cuisine, I’m just looking for good food. Probably would prefer to be in Manhattan, but open to other places as well.
anon
Eleven Madison Park is amazing. Le Bernardin is lovely if you like seafood. L’Atelier is great if you like a sexy/trendy ambiance.
If you can get reservations, Blue Hill at Stone Barns in Sleepy Hollow (not their restaurant in Manhattan) is absolutely my favorite. It is about a 40 minute train ride from Grand Central and another 10 minutes by cab. It is definitely a splurge and 100% worth it.
Daffodil
+1 to Eleven Madison Park
anon
+1 to Eleven Madison Park and Le Bernardin. I rarely remember specific dishes, but I definitely remember several from each of those restaurants, many years later.
If you’re into wine and wine pairings, the sommelier at Le Bernardin is absolutely amazing! My husband is a sommelier, and he asked all sorts of nerdy questions. Each time, the sommelier was able to answer the question and when he brought the next pairing, he included the information my husband previously asked about in his spiel. By the end of dinner, his 20-second description of the wine was closer to a minute. Super impressive considering he was also touching every other table in the restaurant. Also, each wine pairing was incredibly well thought out and spot on. (If you’re not into wine, or just like to drink it, you’ll also have a great meal.)
Ellen
Rosa went to Stone Barn and she said it was VERY nice for the ambience, but Ed was not happy when he got the bill. I think he perfers steakhouses, which he said was much more fruegal and filling then the dainty stuff he had to eat there. But Rosa wanted to go and she made it up to him afterward, Dad says.
Alanna of Trebond
I like Daniel better than both Eleven Madison Park. Eleven Madison Park is like being held hostage because the multiple courses take so long. Le Bern is better than EMP, but Daniel has been my favorite.
Anonymous
Inspired by the pillow case thread above, I have a 100% polyester top that is darker around the neckline. I assume it is a reaction to skin products and/or oil/perspiration. Is there a cleaning method to reverse this? Until I noticed it, I handwashed this top with Woolite.
Flats Only
Try it on a delicate cycle in the washer with warm water, cold rinse. Put it in a wash bag. If the stain is oily, warmer water may help remove it, and one warm wash should not ruin a polyester blouse.
MagicUnicorn
Dish soap, an old toothbrush, and very warm water.
Green side dish?
My dad just called and asked if I could bring a green casserole or side dish, something that is not green beans because we already have those covered, to Thanksgiving. Probably not a lettuce based salad, either. I can pick something up premade but would like to try to make something. But I am not a good cook. I can follow simple instructions, but that’s about it. Any ideas for a simple, green, (not-green-bean and not regular salad) dish I can bring to Thanksgiving?
Anon
Does it have to be green? That seems like a weird requirement. Maybe asparagus or brussel sprouts? If it could be another color, I would suggest carrots or butternut squash.
OP
I think he probably just means not a starch/carb/potato/corn etc. Carrots or squash would probably work, thank you!
Anon
By “green” I took it to mean a vegetable dish.
nuqotw
I like to do avocado, clementines (or maybe canned mandarin oranges) and craisins, dressed with lime juice, ginger and sugar to taste.
AnonInfinity
I’d do Brussels sprouts! Here’s an easy recipe from Bon Appetit recently: https://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/brussels-sprouts-with-pistachios-and-lime
I think you could leave out the pistachios or replace them with almost any nut, and it would still be delicious.
EB
I make brussels by pan frying them and then putting sweet chili sauce on them. Super easy and tastes amazing. You can’t get them as crispy as if you deep fried them like in a restaurant, but you can get them nice and brown.
Anonymous
I am trying this for Thanksgiving… https://smittenkitchen.com/2016/11/brussels-sprouts-apple-and-pomegranate-salad/
Anonymous
Brussels sprouts? Halve, roast with bacon, top with a handful of dried cranberries.
Kale salad? Bonus is you can make it ahead, and make it with different flavors from the lettuce salad already on the table (feta, apple, pumpkin seeds, pecans, etc).
Roasted zucchini spears
My family would totally enjoy some roasted broccolini with lemon but YMMV
Anonymous
I love roasted Brussels sprouts. Very easy to make, and you can top them with Parmesan or bacon bits.
Lilac
Balsamic roasted brussel sprouts!
Anon
Brussels sprouts, with bacon or cranberries or both. Roasted fresh brussels sprouts are very different than canned or frozen (or boiled, blech) sprouts and even people who “don’t like brussels sprouts” will eat them, generally. There are tons of recipes out there; this one looks good (and adds walnuts): https://pickledplum.com/oven-roasted-brussels-sprouts-with-bacon-recipe/
Anonymous
It’s amazing how much better vegetables got when we, as a country, figured out we could cook them in ways other than boiling. So many things I hated in my childhood are better now.
Senior Attorney
That’s definitely true but I also heard on NPR a couple of weeks ago that they have figured out how to make Brussels sprouts less bitter through selecting seeds without the bitterness gene.
Anonymous
I heard that too! And it gave me a bit of hope that — if I were to give them another chance — I might be able to tolerate them now. Until I heard that news story, I’ve been totally unable to fathom why these (bitter, awful) vegetables are seemingly so popular.
Ribena
It’s worth noting that you can make frozen sprouts as good as fresh. I typically quick-defrost them by pouring boiling water over them, which allows me to then halve them and sauté, cut side down. Delicious.
Anonymous
Spinach casserole is my favorite Thanksgiving dish. 2 packages frozen chopped spinach, 1 packet dry onion soup mix, 2 cups sour cream, mixed together then topped with a lot of cheddar.
Anon
I would do brussels sprouts but I think you’d have to cook them there or live nearby and do it right before you head over. You could reheat them but it would taste as good and they’d probably be a little soggy.
anon
We take brussels sprouts for Thanksgiving. My husband preps them ahead of time and makes a dressing for them. Then he blanches them for a few minutes. Then we carry them over to family’s house and finish them there–often on the grill since space in the kitchen can be limited (and the weather is still nice where we live).
Anon
My friend gave me an amazing recipe for roasted butternut squash and brussel sprouts.
Preheat oven to 375
Cube squash to bite sized pieces.
Cut any hard ends off sprouts. Recipe says cut sprouts in half. I left them whole.
Toss in bowl w/ olive oil, salt and pepper. Add a little maple syrup and sriracha.
Mix.
Put on cookie sheet w/ more maple syrup and sriracha.
Bake 25-30 mins.
Toss with candied pecans after.
I candied my own on a skillet with 1/2 cup brown sugar, 1/4 tsp salt, 1/4 tsp cinnamon, and two table spoons of water. Combine everything but pecans and cook over medium heat until sugar dissolves and mixture is bubbling. Add pecans and cook 3 minutes until the mixture is a glaze.
Irish Midori
If healthy is not the object here, creamed spinach is one of my favorite things to eat. I found a recipe that uses Greek yogurt, and it’s actually not that unhealthy.
Anonymous
The Kitchn Thanksgiving Slaw.
Anonymous
Brussels sprout salad/slaw! America’s Test Kitchen recipe with toasted pine nuts and Parmesan cheese and dried cherries. Dressing is a Dijon vinaigrette. Does not need to be cooked, but mix dressing and the very, very thinly sliced sprouts together at least an hour before serving (can use a food processor). It’s best if the dressing wilts the sprouts a bit (and since the sprouts are hearty, I have never found that it gets soggy at all).
mascot
Roasted broccoli is delicious and holds up better to a re-heat than brussels IME.
Anonymous
Ugh, year end bonus time… Our company’s performance is up, bonuses for my team are down… I manage the finance team, so they know bonuses overall are up and business is up. Not a good year, so frustrated! Completely indicative that the business doesn’t value us. Can’t wait to quit after this bonus.
Anon
Is anyone familiar with Macy’s customer service desk where you pick up online orders? I was there yesterday (Sunday before a holiday, so very busy) waiting to pick up a package, and the cashier (who is my age) suddenly stopped in the middle of processing a one item purchase (which she already seemed to have spent 5 minutes on for no apparent reason…she was moving as slowly as possible with each transaction) when I was second in line to ask me “if I was okay” and asked me repeatedly if I was “with” the person she was checking out (who was also my age, but facing the opposite direction the entire time), finally saying that I was “standing too close” to her when I was at least 4 feet away. Is there some sort of rule at that desk where you have to be a certain distance away? The woman she was waiting on at the time was paying in cash, and the cashier repeated my last name aloud over and over in a sing song manner as she held my driver’s license when it was my turn, so I don’t think she was concerned about security. I am very weirded out by this (even though I know I should get over it).
Anon
That does not sound normal. I do a lot of shopping at Macy’s and I’ve never experienced anything similar to that. In my mind, you have two choices of either getting over it or reporting it to management. That seems bad enough that I would actually consider calling the store and telling a manager about your experience.
pugsnbourbon
I don’t shop at Macy’s all that often, but every time I do checkout seems to take forever. I assume the POS system they use is clunky, and I’d imagine the pickup system is too. The clerk who checked you out definitely sounds odd, but she may have literally been hired the day before, given the fast-approaching holidays.
Anon
Yup, get over it. This one person was weird, don’t know why you’d generalize to every Macy’s store ever.
Anon
+1 I think it’s a safe bet to say Macy’s doesn’t have a store policy about policing how close together people stand in line, nor do they mandate that names called for pickup must be said in a sing song manner.
Anon
I don’t want to say this, but my fear is that the cashier may have misinterpreted my impatience for microaggression because I was the only Caucasian person around. When she said I was too close to that woman I felt like she thought I was Donald Trump hovering over Hillary in the debate…even though I was four feet away. I was asking if people usually stand farther away in this line to sort of comfort myself into thinking my assessment was incorrect.
I say this because something else happened in a public bathroom in a supermarket once where someone told me that I was being “self important” and cut her and her son off at the sink. I am just trying to analyze my behavior to make sure I am not “called out” on any more perceived microaggressions, because strangers like this have become very aggressive and the encounters have made me very uncomfortable.
Anon
“I am just trying to analyze my behavior to make sure I am not “called out” on any more perceived microaggressions”
Why would your focus be on not getting called out rather than not making other people uncomfortable?
Anon
I feel like there may be a movement for WOC to “call out” what they perceive as microaggressions against them or other non-Caucasian individuals in real time and that I may have been the target of that. I want to make sure that I am not put on the spot and embarrassed in public like that again and to perhaps understand when I may have behaved in a way that seemed inappropriate toward minorities…
busybee
omg what? You are wayyyyyy overthinking this.
anon from below
Are you worried about getting called out, or are you worried about actually not doing things that bother other people? Look, I suggested below that maybe you should reevaluate personal space issues, and with this additional detail, I think that is even more important. It sounds like maybe you aren’t necessarily that aware of people around you when you’re out in public. I don’t think Macy’s has a “rule” about how much space to leave between you and the person in front of you, but there are common courtesies.
Anon
If this is really an issue of race and microaggressions, then you’re not being “targeted”, your behavior is making other people uncomfortable.
“what they perceive as microaggressions”
“them or other non-Caucasian individuals”
“I want to make sure that I am not put on the spot and embarrassed in public”
“seemed inappropriate toward minorities”
This is happening multiple times with multiple different groups of people, but your focus is on how all those people are just misperceiving things in the same way because of their non-whiteness? Come on.
Anon
Why are you so focused on not being “called out” on microaggressions – what if you actually are committing them? Don’t you want to be told when what you’re doing can be perceived as offensive? You’re focusing way too much on this woman’s ethnicity -and btw are doing a “behavior of the few represents the many which we know what that leads to – and way too little on the actual situations and how both you and the stranger might be at fault.
You know what? Maybe you’ve just ran into a couple of weird uncouth people. Maybe you were being aggressive or rude and don’t like to be called out on the truth.
Or maybe this store worker saw a customer paying in cash and a woman leaning over and giving off aggressive body language (impatience) who she thought might snatch the cash out of her customer’s hand.
Anon
Even if I stretched my arms out, I was still a body length away from the cash. The woman in front of me did seem to be financially well off and well dressed, so maybe I looked like a scrub who might rob her.
anon
Maybe the person she was helping felt like you were in her personal space and was making faces and the employee was trying to help that person. Or maybe the employee was just weird. Wouldn’t give this much more thought (unless it could have been the former, in which case, maybe notice physical boundaries more?).
Anon
No, the person being waited on had no idea what was going on. She was very busy on her phone and chatting with the cashier and her mother and young daughter were on the sidelines.
Anon
So you admit you didn’t see her face or what she may have been expressing nonverbally or mouthing to the cashier. I also would not alert the person I thought might grab my cash that I’m uncomfortable for fear of startling them into action. The cashier’s actions are in line with someone she thought could be sketchy or planning criminal activity – I mean she repeated your name loudly for goodness sake’s. You may not think so or like it but you probably were really sketchy in that moment.
Anon
I saw the side of her face and her mouth moving. She was totally distracted and had no idea what I was doing. I was watching in disbelief, because I couldn’t believe how slowly the cashier was moving, and I was thinking back to my old retail days assuming I would have been fired after a week if I was doing that during the holiday season. I probably had an annoyed look on my face but I was quiet, unlike the people behind me who were talking in an annoyed tone of voice for quite a while, but not in English. The cashier didn’t even look up or around at anyone in line from what I saw, so it surprised me when she singled me out. I just felt embarrassed and a little shaken. I hate Macy’s. A while back, someone peed in the dressing rooms and no one was there to clean it up and it smelled up the place. A lot of people think that the store long went out of business, because it looks like it is going out of business all the time…The doors are broken, the carpets are dirty and ripped…Come to think of it, the woman didn’t even take her cash out until after the cashier yelled at me. I doubt she even turned around when it happened, she was so oblivious, and I think I was astonished at that as well. That was our main mall in a relatively safe, suburban area and it isn’t like anyone ever robs a person in a store…I would think that would be on the news. I wasn’t doing anything wrong, and the woman who yelled at me was just on some huge power trip where she was showing how slowly she could get away doing her job and took pride in putting me in my place. I sort of doubt she knew how close in age we actually were, though.
Anonymous
Customer service at Macy’s is the worst. A salesperson at the big NYC store literally whacked me with a hanger when I tried to ask for a fitting room. I will not shop there.
Anon
I have been to a lot of stores that have a “please wait here” sign that is a few feet back from the check out. Pharmacies notoriously have them for privacy reasons. TJ Maxx has it because they have one line for a whole bunch of cashiers and you wait a little ways back until you know which one is available for you.
Anon
Is it weird to send flowers to a man? A male cousin I am not close with is turning 50. I have no idea what to get him but he always shows up for milestone birthday stuff so I want to do something. Or should I send consumables?
Anon
I would do consumables, but that is partially because I hate getting flowers. I have pets who will knock them over if they are placed anywhere I can actually see them, and who will try to eat them so then I have to worry since many flowers are harmful to pets.
Anonymous
I think it’s lovely. Men love flowers just as much as women.
Anon
+1
Anon
Consumables
Anon
I would go with consumables.
anne-on
Consumables – and a plug for Robb Vices. I got one as a thank you gift for a ex-boss (also about 50) who was a great reference for me when I got a new job and he just raved about it.
So Grossed Out
SOS just found out my son’s bedroom and our bedroom have bedbugs! I spent the whole night imagining things were crawling on me.
The companies we’ve called to remediate range from 2k for a “nontoxic” chemical spray and 7k+ for heat treatment. I don’t really have 7k at the moment to drop on this, but I’m also newly pregnant with an IVF baby and am terrified of doing something to put her at risk by casually spraying chemicals that are somehow nontoxic but kill the bugs.
What do I do? Any advice? Has anyone successfully gotten rid of them?
Anon
7k seems insane for heat treatment. Heat treatment is REALLY effective, so they should only need to treat the rooms where the bugs are living, not your whole house. I think we paid about $1000 to treat one (very large) bedroom so I can believe $2-3k for two bedrooms, but $7k seems really crazy. Keep in mind that the heat treatment is also way easier – you don’t have to wash and bag anything at all. I think they asked us to remove a piece of art from the wall because they thought it might get damaged, but that was it.
Have you traveled recently? We ended up getting successfully reimbursed by the hotel where we picked them up.
Anon
People successfully get rid of bed bugs all the time. I totally understand your concern, but I think you will be okay with whatever option you decide is best :)
FWIW, twice (more than a year apart) while living in very large apartment buildings I’ve gotten bed bugs. Both times it was a very small number of bugs (like, 3) and whatever the building’s regular exterminator did worked just fine.
Anon
+1 and if it makes you feel better, they don’t transmit disease. Bed bugs are gross but things you encounter all the time outside (mosquitoes, ticks etc) are far more dangerous.
Anonymous
+1, but 3 times, and most recently in a coop we used our own exterminator. The treatment was so much easier this time around (vs 10 years ago) – technology has improved. And the cost was way less than that, but they were just treating an apartment with pesticides.
Flats Only
Have you tried to clean them up yourself? DH and I had them in our master bedroom after we traveled. We took the suitcases outside and vacuumed and wiped them thoroughly. We vacuumed the mattress thoroughly, and washed all the linens, taking the quilt to the laundromat where they had a bigger washer and dryer. We vacuumed the carpet carefully. Voila! No more bedbugs. So, especially if they’ve just appeared, you have a great chance of defeating them yourself with a little bit of effort, vs. spending $$$$.
potato
Find out the chemical they’d use and talk to your OB. Most likely the doctor will be able to tell you it’s fine. An intermediate option is to stay at a hotel or with family/friends for a few days after they spray. The chemical concentration will decrease over time.
Anonymous
Help me find no show socks that are truly low cut and will actually stay on my foot! I wear 6.5 or 7 shoes, so a little smaller than average, which is probably why past purchases have failed. Relatedly, has anyone tried no show socks with padding? Are they more comfortable?
Anonymous
I like the Smart Wool ones. I’ve bought on Amazon.
Anon
I’ve had the best luck with socks that look like they’re designed for flats but are “athletic”. Usually they cover the top of my foot and have a little silicone thing on the back of the heel. I’ve used Avia and Keds brand. That style does stretch out more than regular ankle socks and I find them less comfortable, but if you want truly no show I think that’s the best option.
MKB
I’ve had really good luck with the ones designed for Converse, fwiw.
Annony
I really love the Bombas no show socks.
Anonymous
Where do you find Black Friday deals? I’ve never really done Black Friday. Stores in my state don’t open on Thanksgiving, and my family comes from all over to spend time together throughout the long weekend. Shopping hasn’t traditionally been a part of that. However, this year, I need a few things that I’ve been waiting to purchase on sale…which leaves me wondering how to identify the best sales. I see some stores already have online sales. What’s your strategy?
Anon
Google for any one of the Black Friday ad websites (I started using bfads.net a decade ago – it’s maybe not the chicest anymore) and compare prices in the various ads. If you need something like a laptop, there are plenty of articles written by tech blogs and the like. Honestly, I never shop in person, but I do sit at home online and snap up those deals!
Anon
A lot of places have had pre-Black Friday deals all month. Find exactly what product you want and search for product + Black Friday deals. If you don’t know the exact product (like you want a tv but don’t care which one), check several major places for the best deal (Walmart/Target/Amazon/Costco). Online ordering is way better than going in person unless you’re specifically going for the black friday experience.
anon
Rug request – where do you get your decent-but-inexpensive area rugs? I’m looking to purchase an 8×10 area rug for a wood floored bedroom. In an area with a fair amount of stores (Target, TJ Maxx, IKEA, Pottery Barn, actual rug stores) or could order online. Thanks!
Anon
I don’t live in a place with stores nearby, so I’ve ordered mine from Wayfair. My only complaint is that there are waaaay too many choices. It took me a really long time to make a decision. If you already have an idea in mind of what you’re looking for, it will probably be easier.
Horse Crazy
Yep, Wayfair or Joss and Main (which is owned by the same company)
DCR
Rugs USA. I was really worried about ordering online, but the pictures were very accurate. I ordered during a 40% off sale, so each 8 x 10 rug was only a few hundred.
Anon
+1
emeralds
A friend and I have both really liked rugs we got from Overstock.com.
Miss
I’ve been happy with the rugs I’ve ordered from Costco. They have a decent selection online.
Anon
I got one I really like from Target online. They had more options than I expected. I have heard great things about IKEA, but live hours and hours from a store, so shipping cost was prohibitive.
Anon
Lowes/Home Depot also have decently priced rugs. There are fewer trendy options than Target or IKEA, but if you just need something basic that’s a great place to look.
Anon
I went to a local carpet store that had a large selection of area rugs plus wall to wall carpet that could be bound to a specific size. If you want super cheap, you could always go to a store with remnants. I have cheap rugs from Wayfair, RugsUSA, and the like but the quality of cheaper rugs is generally pretty bad, similar to what you find in the area rug selection of a HomeGoods.
anon
We got an inexpensive one at overstock.com a few years ago. I think it is 5×7 so not quite as big as what you want. It’s underneath our kitchen table so it gets a ton of spills (toddler) and it still looks fine.
And yes, the abundance of choices and decision fatigue is real!
Jules
I have ordered from RugsDirect, RugsUSA and Overstock, all with good success. I did have an issue with RugsDirect; something I ordered was on back order but that was not clear when I placed the order, and it was going to take a long time to get it. They were good about cancelling the order and I found the same thing at Menards online.
Anonymous
Order online through Target so you can return in store, and wait for one of their 20% off category sales.
anon
Thanks, everyone! Seems like I’ll look online.
MMLaFleur sizing
Is M.M. LaFleur sizing reasonably true to size? I am looking at the Niko dress on sale. Thanks!
Anonymous
I found the Niko in store now to run a little big, but the summer version on sale is a different fabric so it may be true to size.
Note, I’m busty and high set and and didn’t get it because it showed my bra.
MML sizing
Thank you!
MML sizing
Is it reasonably true to size? Looking at the Niko dress on sale. Thanks!
Anny-on
This is a 1 pc question and I know I am damn lucky to be able to ask it – please do not blast me. My husband and I have about $8 million in the bank (42 and 39; four kids 3-9). We live in a (cold) HCOL East Coast city. I work in finance and travel all the time; he is a teacher. We are thinking of making a radical shift in the next year – traveling with the kids for a few years, and then moving to a smaller town and planning on not working for money. (The other option is staying put and making a play for a real leadership position at my job.) We like our friends and the local elementary but are not convinced that the stress vortex (schools, travel) is worth staying long term. If you were in our shoes, and decided to move, where would you go? (At this point, it appears the kids are neuro-typical and our parents have assets for long term care.) Any recommendations for books or resources about how to make this kind of choice also would be most welcome. Thank you, thoughtful ladies!
anon
I’d probably move somewhere like St. Petersburg FL. It’s warm. It’s MCOL. There are decent public schools. (Private school for 4 kids would take a huge chunk of that $8 million). You’re in a large market if you decided you needed or wanted to work again. You’re near a large airport to travel. You’re near the beach.
Anon
In theory this sounds fun and great. In practice, you need to start first with a really good financial planner who can plan out BOTH your “kids are young” years,kid’s college education, and your “officially retired” years. Eight million is a lot of money, but can easily be blown through over the next 40 years or so of your life.
Big stand out things to me that you should consider.
Do you have the bandwidth and sanity to home school your kids for several years without a permanent home. Teaching a room of unrelated children is a different can of worms as is instilling disclipline in education. Not to mention lugging around teaching materials, etc.
How does your healthcare look? If one or more of your kids, knock on wood, gets cancer or an accident with long term health consequences without real health insurance with dollar limits on your part, you could easily blow through a million or two.
Try to fix as many expenses as you can right now (life insurance, purchasing property in the town of your choice, a predetermined amount for car and home purchases).
Ellen
Dad says not to be to cocky b/c it could be easy come and easy go. Sure you are rolling in megabucks now, but you have kid’s that have to be taken care of, college, law school, etc., and if you go to a trashy place, your kids could be influenced negatively. I recommend you sit tight until the kids are grown (i.e. out of college), then downsize somewhere like Arizona or Texas, where it is warmer, and you can live very fruegally while taking care of your husband like he deserves to be treated for gaining so much money for you two. Good luck!
Anon
If I were in your shoes, I would probably still work for money, although on a very reduced schedule or in a calmer job. Health insurance for six people is not cheap, and, just my personal belief, I think it’s good for kids to see their parents going to work every day. (This does not mean that both parents have to work onerous jobs outside the house, but I do think it’s good for kids to understand that work is what adults do.) Also, while $8 million is enough for parents to retire on, it’s not enough money to give to four kids such that they will not have to work. It can be quite jarring if they grow up seeing Mom and Dad volunteer or stay at home, and then have to work 80 hour weeks to get the kind of lifestyle they had growing up.
This is not judgement on you, just what I would do.
As for where to move: what climate would you like? What would you consider paying for a house? What kinds of school systems would you like? What are your college plans for your children? (For example, do you anticipate putting them all through private college, or are you considering public universities? (Also, have you run the numbers on putting your kids through private college in 9-15 years?) If it’s the latter, move to a state with good and inexpensive public universities.) Do you want a red, blue, or purple area? Do you anticipate ever wanting to return to work, and if so, are some cities more amenable to your current field but with a more sane quality of life? Are there any geographical features you would like, e.g., near the ocean?
anne-on
It seems like you’re taking a very all or nothing approach for some reason – is there any way instead of doing the ‘burn it all down and move to Fiji’ approach that you can just…scale back? Like instead of C-level work maybe look for something less demanding in the financial world?
If you truly are committed to stepping out, I’d have long conversations with your financial advisor (you have one, right? right?) about how you’ll insure yourselves (yay US healthcare system), pay for college, and retirement. THEN if it is truly feasible I’d do some joint therapy sessions to try to ID what you as a couple and as a family want and value out of a community. Art? Culture? Proximity to water/mountains? Lots of land and no neighbors nearby? What type of climate would you ideally want – still 4 seasons but less extreme winters? No snow ever again and you’re ok with 110 in the summer? Once you know your answers go from there.
Good luck :)
Anonymous
No perspective to share as I’m several years and millions behind you, but please repost this question! I hope to be in your position someday and would love to read more responses.
Anonymous
This is basically my biggest nightmare
Tennessee
I would move to Williamson County, Hamilton County or Knox County in Tennessee. The weather is warmer, but we have four-ish seasons. While WilCo. is not super diverse, it is not far from Nashville (you get the city life, the low taxes, and really great schools–and if you need to work, they have lots of white-collar jobs). Chattanooga is an incredibly fun place and living on Lookout Mountain is our retirement dream. Knoxville and East Tennessee are a special place, but a little more removed from a larger city.
Anonymous
I would 100% take a couple years off to travel in this situation. You could even stop for 4-6 months in UK or Aus or Canada and let your kids attend school. Most places have IB schools now.
I would continue to work in some capacity when you are back. Maybe he could go back to teaching if he enjoys it and you could self employ as a consultant part time during the school year? That would leave your summers free for travel
Anonymous
Don’t decide where to live until you are back from travelling. Travelling can change your perspectives on things and may change the type of location or lifestyle you are looking for.
Anny-on
Thank you for the perspectives. Health care/a health emergency is my major fear (not college, which is paid for and not included in the total). We have talked to our financial advisor about this generally but not in granularity- I’m trying to gather more of a sense of our options (travel for a year, travel for a few but have my husband continue teaching for insurance reasons) before we sit down with him. I appreciate all the suggestions and I going to do a deep dive into Tennessee real estate after I get home/the kids are down.
ceej
I would look at Mr. Money Mustache, The Frugalwoods and other “FIRE” (Financially Independent- Retire Early) type blogs. They often discuss the benefits or disadvantages of various cities for a lower cost of living but still providing lifestyle benefits. Also, I think Dan Kois’ recent book “How to Be a Family” addresses some of the international travel options.
I wouldn’t worry a lot about specific schooling during a 1 year travel break assuming you are generally “educational” parents, talking and reading to your kids, taking them to museums and stuff like that. With more than that, I would probably make sure the younger kids learn to read and the older kids learn some math and do some writing.
Anon
I think it would be hard on your kids to do extended traveling. Kids (generally) thrive on routine, and want to be with their friends and doing activities of their own choosing. Traveling around sounds like it could be socially isolating, and once they’re in middle school I’d worry about the academic aspect too (yes, travel can be educational, but you need to learn certain subjects to prepare for SATs and college).
To answer your question, if I had $8M, I’d take a low stress, possibly part-time, job, but I’d keep working. I’d take 4-6 really (really) nice vacations/year, but I’d want to keep a home base and not be away from home for more than a few weeks at a time.
NYCer
We had good friends move to Davidson (Lake Norman), North Carolina, and I think it is a really nice area. It definitely has milder weather and is way cheaper than a HCOL northeast city.