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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Sleeveless Ruffle Top

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A woman wearing a white and blue floral sleeveless blouse and green pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

It’s a little hard to get excited about spring when we’re still getting walloped with snow and ice in the Northeast, but I’m trying.

This floral-print top from J.Crew Factory will be perfect for that first sunny day when it feels like spring has actually arrived. I would pair it with dark denim if your office does casual Fridays, but if not, it would also look great with your favorite trousers. 

The top is $39.50 at J.Crew Factory and comes in sizes XXS–3X. 

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

239 Comments

  1. As follow up to yesterday’s thread. I went looking for our financial documents last night and they were all gone, it was an empty drawer. I’m going to leave but unfortunately I have to wait until August when I get my work bonus. It’s going to be hard to keep up the facade until then.

    1. In the meantime, take him off any of your accounts to which he has access. Think of what other steps you should take to protect yourself/your assets.

      1. +1000. Change all of your passwords to your accounts, including your retirement accounts, insurance, credit cards, Venmo, your phone, literally anything he can spend.

      1. It sounds like she doesn’t have the money to leave otherwise, but OP, please, call a friend or a family member. Maybe they can help you.

      2. Without my bonus no landlord will let me rent. He’s alienated me from all my local friends so I don’t have friend support, and my family is in a different city but due to the nature of my job I must stay in this city.

        1. Those friends he alienated you from have been probably anxiously waiting for you to leave him. Give them a chance to help you, or at least support you emotionally.

          Absolutely no type of solution, but I recommend putting on headphones and listening to the SALT playlist on Spotify very loudly.

          Sending you lots of strong vibes over the internet. This is a hard thing that you will get through and it will be better on the other side of all of this big giant hard suckfest.

          1. Completely agree, call whoever you used to be close to. I’d absolutely show up for a friend in your shoes.

          2. 100% agree with this. If anyone I’ve ever been friends with reached out to me and said they needed help leaving their abusive partner, I would drop everything to help however I can, and rally others to help too. Call your friends.

          3. This is terrible advice. While SOME of them might take her side, the husband has absolutely brainwashed some others into thinking OP is the problem. Abusers excel at getting out a very twisted version of events *before* they ramp up the abuse. They will immediately text him to tell him that his crazy wife is making up accusations.

            Don’t ask me how I know this.

          4. Anon 10:52 AM, that sounds awful and super traumatizing. I can see why it would be really hard for you to trust anyone. Perhaps my advice to contact the friends should be cautioned with a – contact the ones that were OPs friends that have been alienated, not the couple’s friends. Use your best judgement.

            My basis is from the other side, outside of the toxic relationship – I know of two different friends that I can think of off the top of my head that seem to be in problematic relationships (of course no one knows the inside of the relationships, but also…) and have slow faded away. If they contacted me saying they were leaving, I would help them with no judgement.

          6. 10:52, with all due respect to what sounds like a very rough situation, your experience isn’t typical. This is a know your friends situation, and perhaps the advice would be better modified to call your friends who were your friends before the relationship, not his friends who became yours or yours who became his. I promise there are at least a couple of people who’ve been worried about OP in this relationship who would absolutely help her. Staying isolated isn’t the way out.

          7. Yes, agreed. I have a friendship that is very distanced because I wont’ be around her husband, who I know abuses her financially and emotionally. (This isn’t me being precious about a jerk, he has made openly racist comments to my husband and as a partner, I won’t put him in that situation again.) If she reached out to me and said she was leaving, I would move heaven and earth to help.

          8. With all due respect, the advice to which I was responding was:

            “Those friends he alienated you from have been probably anxiously waiting for you to leave him. Give them a chance to help you, or at least support you emotionally.”

            That is awful advice, precisely because many of them are on his side. It isn’t the OP’s job to give them a chance” and hope for rainbows and happiness; it is to protect herself.

            If you have more issue with my commentary than with pink nails’ dangerous foolishness, I’m sorry for you.

          9. And to the extent that your projecting onto me because you have lost friends to controlling husbands:

            The phone works both ways. Call her up when he’s at work and tell her that you miss her, love her, and are concerned for her.

          10. I’m someone who left an abusive marriage.

            Yes reach out to alienated friends BUT only after you leave the marriage. My ex husband is worse now than he was during my marriage. Also, if you have children it’s a whole other ball game and you absolutely must consult with legal help from a domestic violence group. If you can, I suggest moving in with your parents or another family member you are close with who can support you/the children, through this separation period.

            These men are over confident and courts accept their allegations as fact all too many times. The domestic violence charity will have excellent therapists available. I highly recommend them as they got me into a better space relatively quickly where I’m not struggling with high anxiety.

        2. Call them anyway. Reach out. You never know. And maybe if you post a general area someone here will have specific places you can go or be able to help you personally. You can get out of this situation and you deserve to. Let us help.

          1. Also, you could quit your job. It’s not worth your life if he decides to be violent again.

        4. Are you in Atlanta? If so, I’m your friend now. I’ll take you to lunch/dinner next week.

      3. Yes, regardless of how the timing ultimately works out, you need to know your rights and your options and you also need somebody on your team.

    4. This may be worth a consult with a lawyer first, but consider quietly sending a portion of each paycheck to a different account for a head start on your escape fund.

      2. My pay cheques already go to a personal account, but the bills are auto pay from a shared account. I’m going to have to be careful and just transfer enough to the shared account right before bills are drawn and hope it doesn’t go missing.

        3. Good plan! Also, even if the drawer of documents is empty, can’t you get copies online? Or by going in person to the institutions?

    5. Also get therapy. It is wild you started a thread about McDonalds when actually the problem is that he steals and hits you. Get some professional help to work through your feelings on this. Because this conclusion that you can’t leave until you get a bonus is wrong and dumb.

          2. Hugs, Broken. You deserve so much better than this. And although my former husband never hit me, he did everything else you describe (the gaslighting, the blaming, the lying) and I am here to tell you that life is SO MUCH BETTER on the other side!!

        2. Yeah she somehow led with him eating fast food and then slipped that in. I hope she gets help. None of this is healthy or ok.

          1. That actually kind of made sense to me though. It’s way easier to talk about your husband eating fast food than to talk about how he hit you.

      3. As someone who grew up in an abusive home: I acclimated to so much that things like hitting, punching, and threats to end my life were kind of baked into the cake. “Normal” means “what happens regularly,” not “what is healthy.”

        When I talked about what a horrible person my family member was, it often came out as “This person stole $30 from me,” because that was the thing that was… not normal, as in, not part of that person’s standard operating procedure.

      4. Yeah. I was someone who was fully on OP’s side even before the hitting update was made and I find it very concerning that OP lead with the food/smoking stuff. OP, you can do this, and yes, please don’t wait until August.

      5. Oh wow. This is straight up abuse and domestic partner violence. Start stashing away money asap.

        Call around and see if there’s a women’s shelter. They may have resources, provide guidance, and temporarily house you if needed.

    6. Talk to a lawyer as soon as you can and if you can’t afford one, reach out to legal aid. Now that he knows you know, things may accelerate. And if the only thing keeping you are the financial obstacles, is there anyone in your life who could lend you money or a place to stay to get you by?

    7. Can you confide in a friend or family member who can lend you some money to get you through the first few months, or with whom you could stay? The missing financial documents makes me think he knows you’re going to leave and is going to do everything in his power to make it impossible for you. August is a long ways away.

      I posted yesterday about divorcing my alcoholic ex. No one knew what was going on and I was afraid to tell anyone. We were broke, unbeknownst to me (he was in charge of finances). On a Friday, I opening a new bank account and moving my direct deposit there, then told him I was leaving that night (consult with a lawyer before doing this if you are not familiar with divorce law in your state). I told my friends the next day and one immediately came to my neighborhood to take me out for coffee and handed me a check “just in case” I needed it. I ended up taking a loan from my 401k to be able to put down a deposit on an apartment. Other friends came to help me pack my stuff and move and put together furniture in my new place. I wish I had reached out to friends earlier, because I wouldn’t have been as scared to leave.

      1. Also — it’s much better to start from scratch, financially, than be unsafe and miserable. It was scary leaving with almost nothing (I eventually got some money when the divorce was finalized) and my apartment was pretty bare for a long time, but it was so so worth it. It’s 6 years later now and I consider the day I left to be one of the best days of my life.

      2. In case it’s helpful — sorry I keep coming back here if it’s not — and consult with a lawyer familiar with your state divorce laws — here’s what I did

        1. Open new bank account at a different bank, deposit $100, keep $100 cash (I normally take out $200 at a time so this wouldn’t flag as weird)
        2. Change direct deposit to new bank account
        3. Remove him as an authorized user on one credit card and change login information for it.
        3. Come home early, pack a bag, including passport and other important docs, and some clothes. Put bag in closet.
        4. Book a cheap-ish hotel room on hotelstonight
        5. Tell ex we need to talk as soon as he got home. Tell him I’m leaving (he’s never been violent so I was not worried about doing this).
        6. Leave, go to hotel, cry, google, sleep
        7. In the morning, text friends to tell them
        8. Meet a friend for coffee, then go to stay with another friend who offered
        9. Request a loan from my 401k, start looking at apartments
        10. I used the cash from the loan for the apartment deposit and moving costs, put everything else on the one credit card. I ended up with some debt, but was debt free within a year, and had built up decent savings 18 months out when my divorce was finalized and I got a cash settlement.

        1. Do not talk to your violent and abusive husband alone FFS. Don’t even talk to him. He can find out after he comes home to an empty house. Or you can have a police officer with you as you pack up your stuff.

          1. I did not read all of yesterday’s commends and the original post mentioned nothing about violence. I just listed what *I* did, and clarified that *I* was not worried about telling him in person alone.

          1. Yes but the most dangerous time for a woman is right before and as she leaves. Please speak to a local domestic violence hotline who will have a place for you to go and guide you how to do it. Many prayers 🙏

    8. Please call or online chat today with www – thehotline – org

      Come back later and tell us how it went.

    9. This is hidden/emotional abuse. You have more options than you think and you have a job which is great.

      Get legal advice. If you leave now you are separated before your bonus, which meant for me, I didn’t have to share it with him. Each state is different.

      It’s tough but there is free legal help at you domestic violence county division and they can also help with housing. If you share where you are city, state, I’m happy to post who you should contact so it’s not on your phone search history.

    10. Broken, please look up your local domestic abuse support organization and contact them today. They are likely to be able to help you leave more quickly, including helping with housing and accessing financial assistance.

      1. +10000. You need to reach out to a domestic violence resource today. They will help you.

    11. Can you get a safety deposit box for personal items of import or financial docs or anything else? Jewelry? Get stuff to a safe place if he might take it, sell it, or destroy it for revenge.

      Do you know if he’s going through your phone or email? Search history? Consider only researching stuff at work, and getting a new email account, What’s App account, or burner phone to reach out to friends (depends on your generation for this, I think).

      Is it possible you could find summer housing? If you live near a college area that might be an option with vacating students, or if you’re in a city there might be intern-like housing. If you’re in NYC there are women’s apartments like the Webster that are really affordable; when I lived there it was week-to-week.

      https://websterapartments.org/international/

      I’m sorry you’re going through this.

      1. At absolute minimum you can mail things to
        your name,
        general delivery,
        your city
        and the post office counter will hold them for you and only release if you go in person and show ID.

    12. Frankly, you may not still be here by August if he escalates. He’s already hit you at least once, and now he knows the jig is up and you may leave. If you are still around, the bonus may not come through. Follow the tips above on how to get out now.

    13. I was harsh on you yesterday and I apologize for that. He is an abuser and you have to get out! Call your local DV hotline.

    14. Dear Broken, please remember what Mr. Roger’s taught us. “Look for the helpers.” There are lots of people in your life – your family, old friends, even your co-workers, the local DV organization – that will show up for you (and some you may never guess are there). Don’t ever let him think that they won’t and you are alone here. Now, a couple more practical ones – call your EAP. Chances are your work may have some other resources that you can access on an emergency basis (including financial assistance).

    15. This sounds so hard and isolating, but you have resources, from at minimum domestic violence hotlines through family, friends, work EAP, and your financial companies.

      Do you have a trusted friend you could ask to help you?

    16. A friend I’d fallen out of touch with reached out a while back to ask if I knew how to change a lock, because her husband had started hitting her. I know it took a lot for her to reach out- he’d been able to convince her that no one would want to help and that she was entirely alone with him and she was ashamed of needing that help.

      I was so happy she reached out and so happy to be able to help- she now has a restraining order and a divorce lawyer and new locks. You are not alone in this.

    17. Huge hugs. Please call The Hotline. They can help you safety plan. I’m so proud of you.

  2. After two failed purchases from Amazon, I turn to you.

    I need a low profile/flat plug power strip that gives off no light. It’s for my bedroom and my preferred sleeping set up would be a sensory deprivation chamber. Any recs?

    1. Can you instead cover the light on the strip with tape (black gaffer, blue painters, silver duct)?

      1. Cut out a small circle of aluminum foil, stick that on some tape, then tape over the light. Put on more layers of this as needed.

        3. I have so many little pieces of black electrical tape all around my house. Now if I could just turn off the sound of electricity in the house. I am obviously more sensitive than the average bear.

      3. Or they make specialty perfectly sized stickers to dim out these lights. Double / triple them for extra darkness. We’ve been using the same sheet of stickers for going on 5 years. Ours are “LIGHTDIMS Original Strength – LED dimming Covers” from Amazon.

        1. +1 these work really well. I have them on anything that gives off light in our bedroom – tv button, air purifier, power strip, and even DH’s noise cancelling headphones (haven’t found anything as annoying as the tiny bright green light on those).

          I’d also recommend an eye mask to help block light. I’ve really enjoyed the cup-like eye mask from Ostrich

      4. I tried this and then I ended up with a glowing bow, because the light diffused through the white plastic. Given that evidently the light is required, the answer is a black strip.

      5. you can buy specific stickers for this purpose (I got them on Am*zon)… one sticker dims, two totally black it out. I got some that Cap HIll Style recommended years ago.

    2. This is why I hate Wirecutter. They always have some strange requirement that is completely at odds with my personal preferences, and for power strips, they only include ones that have a light. Who wants a light in an item that most people have right next to their bed, or at least somewhere in their bedroom?

      3. So interesting! I have some archaic electronics that are still useful without power lights like this and sometimes I’m not sure if they’re on or off – so, I mean, it is helpful. Thanks for sharing

      4. As a former metrology engineer, I swooned seeing a nist article linked on here today. Thanks for the smile.

    4. If it’s not for your computer desk and just for charging various things, have you considered one of those table lamps that have outlets and USB ports in the base? My husband and I have those by our bedside table.

      The light on the TV in our bedroom bothers my husband. He put electrical tape over it but then the remote didn’t work right. So now it’s on one of those outlet timers – ours are controlled by an app, and they are on a schedule, so this one goes off at 11pm and back on at 8am. No light while we’re sleeping. I don’t know if that would work for your power strip or not.

    5. For a different angle, I have a similar need for sensory deprivation sleep and solved it with a blackout 3D eye mask. I got a pack of 3 for $10 on Amazon and they are comfortable, washable, and extremely effective against even the backyard security light coming through the window.

  3. Halp! My cuticles are awful. Overgrown onto my nails but so thin that I hate pushing them back (and I hate cutting them, even with my own equipment). Is there another way to handle cuticles? I’ve never liked polish but my natural nails feel raggedy.

    1. I would stop cutting them. You aren’t cutting your cuticles, you are cutting the proximal nail fold. The look of my nails is better without the cutting, especially because I’m not great at it and have cut too far in the past. You need to get yourself some cuticle oil and apply it religiously, multiple times a day. I like the Deborah Lippmann one in the purple tube/pen. Instead of cutting them, I would use a cuticle softener once every two weeks or so to push back the cuticle. I would not push them back dry.

    2. I push mine back in the shower when they are soft and only trim if there is a snaggy edge.

      1. I push mine back with a towel when I get out of the shower, while they’re soft. And I agree trimming seems to make them worse.

    3. I keep cuticle oil at my desk and apply it during meetings where I am not presenting. It is my favorite little workday treat. I get mine at Sally Beauty.

    4. The Sally Hanson cuticle remover (which I heard about here) is really amazing for this. I’d never used any other cuticle oil or moisturizer that made a difference, but that really helps a lot. Probably the best bang for your buck beauty item I’ve ever used.

    6. Definitely agree on not cutting them–I follow That Salon Life on YouTube, and highly recommend her as a resource. Once a week, I put on cuticle remover about a minute or two before showering, then put back gently with a damp washcloth. The real key, though, is cuticle oil every time your hands get wet. I keep a small tin of balm at my desk, one at home, and an oil pen in my purse. Once you build the habit, it is amazing how much better they look.

      1. +1 to The Salon Life! I started following her after someone mentioned her here, and found her advice sensible and helpful.

        (FWIW, one of the reasons I dislike frequent manicures is because they often scratch the nail while scraping away the cuticles.)

    7. It will take time. You really do need to push them back once a week. Over time, they’ll become less “stretchy.” The Sally Hansen cuticle remover gel is a three-dollar miracle. Don’t cut the proximal fold (which most people think of as the cuticle). It’s OK to nip any super scraggly bits but definitely keep cutting to a minimum. Cuticle oil several times a day. I get a bottle of jojoba oil at trader joe’s and it lasts forever. Apply directly to the cuticle area, or even mix it in with your hand lotion. The lemon butter cuticle balm from Burt’s Bees is really nice, too. I keep one of those Olive and June cuticle pens at my desk. They’re kinda expensive but work well when you don’t have time for the whole oil routine.

      My hands and natural nails used to be a wreck, but after keeping up with them consistently for a year or more, I’m actually very happy with how they look.

      1. And trust me, I am a bull in a china cabinet and am constantly doing things with my hands.

    8. The Polish Life on youtube has a video on how to fix overgrown cuticles. No cutting and it’s helped me so much.

    9. What about clear polish? as I work to improve my cuticles, it keeps my hand looking well-groomed.

    1. Where are you going? If you’re going into the office, maybe try to cover up with makeup. The grocery store? Pimple patch would probably not be a big deal.

      1. Thanks for the reply. Office. I just covered it up and my makeup skills are pretty inadequate but it looks fine.

    2. I’m pretty good with makeup but sometimes you get a zit that just will not be hidden. I am over it, and just wear the pimple patches to work. It always looks better than me trying to cake foundation and concealer and color corrector over it, and it actually helps it heal.

    3. If it’s still oozing, wear the patch. Makeup won’t stick to it anyway and it’ll get crusty and look way worse than a patch.

    5. I sometimes put one of the tiny round band-aids (and neosporin/benzoyl peroxide) on a pimple if it’s red and inflamed — people tend to assume I had something removed by the dermatologist, and I feel more comfortable than worrying the make-up has worn off

  5. Is there an app you can put n your phone to limit SM or gaming apps to a set amount of time a day? For a kid’s phone.

    1. Some phones have this in their settings; check your device. (My previous phone, one of the last LG smartphones, called this Digital Wellbeing.)

        4. you can set this by app specifically in the settings menu. It’s easy to by-pass by just selecting “remind me in 15 minutes,” but it at least pulls you out of it for a moment.

          1. Since this is for a kid’s phone, I would first set up an apple profile for the kid then manage from that if OP hasn’t already (as opposed to using a parents profile). Then when you set up limits a) they need a code to add time which ideally only the parent knows (it’s different than the unlock phone code) and b) then you can add much more robust limits on everything overall without it affecting the parent’s limitations.

          2. And correct to carrots, once this profile is set up it’s all manageable from settings. You can get pretty granular in how you limit things (by app, by category of apps, differentiate limits by day, etc). No external apps necessary.

        5. Since it is an iPhone, check out the built-in ScreenTime permissions. You can bake in granular app access, limit the total time spent on them, set certain hours for use, all kinds of stuff. It’s easy to make changes on the fly from your own iPhone, too.

    2. Yes we do this on our Apple devices. Probably google for the instructions. It’s related to ‘screen time limits’

    3. the easiest way to do it in the iPhone app is to look at “screentime” settings (you should be able to see your child’s on your own phone) and look at usage history to see what apps they’ve been spending time on. (weirdly my phone isn’t showing me any history from either kid, which isn’t right, not sure why… but in the past you could then click the app and add a screentime limit for that specific one. you can also put screentime limits on entire categories, but depending on the app it might be surprising what category it is.)

      Just a warning that the screentime cuts the kid off immediately – I think they get a 5-minute warning but if they’re in the middle of a game they can get very upset. You can add more time (1 min, 15 min, all day), but their game will be screwed up, and some things don’t work right after the screentime interruption.

  6. Single mom of 2 boys, 11 and 9. I would like to take them on a ‘nature’ vacation this summer where we can hike and see the stars. I am looking for a luxury hotel or resort – anywhere in the United States, but I live in Ohio, so anything driving distance would be great but not required. This board is great for ideas. Any suggestions? Thank you!

    1. I’d do a dude ranch in Wyoming or Arizona.

      I’m a Midwesterner too, and I might get flamed for this but if you have a ‘luxury’ budget you should not stay in the Midwest. A Midwest road trip is fine if it’s all you can afford, but our local nature doesn’t compare to what’s in the Northeastern and Western US.

      1. I’m in Texas so I hesitated to post, but I agree with you. If OP is looking for serious star watching, it would be best to go somewhere with dark sky, which is going to involve flying or an epic road trip. My kids are too little but McDonald Observetory is on my “someday” list. I also second AZ but don’t have specific recommendations.

        1. Re: AZ, you might want to consider the Grand Canyon. The hotels in the park are not luxury, but when I stayed there the star gazing was the best I have ever seen, and probably the best part of the trip. In addition, you can do some short hikes into the Canyon (e.g. Oh Ah Trail) or walk along the Rim Trail which is flat, along the entire South rim and something like 11 miles long so there is plenty of walking The views on the Rim Trail are awesome and a lot of it is not crowded (it will be crowded near each shuttle stop). You can do a few miles and then take a shuttle back to the hotel.

      2. A dude ranch is on my bucket list. That would be the top of my list.

        I went to Yosemite last summer and it was stunning.

      4. I also am not sure you can get a luxury accommodation in a place dark enough to see really good stars, but I’ve always lived in rural areas so I might be spoiled for star watching (and not for hotels).

        1. Idaho Rocky Mountain Ranch is in a dark sky area with tons of amazing recreation around. I’m personally not spending any more money in Idaho because of the state’s anti-woman policies, but tbh, I miss it a lot.

        4. Every National Park I have ever been to has had a luxury hotel on the grounds: Ahwahnee, Volcano House, etc.

          1. Yes, I was going to suggest Ahwahnee in Yosemite. It’d be a long trip from Ohio, but so so worth it.

      2. all I’m going to say about Nemacolin is that the toilet paper holder fell off the wall while we were staying there (like, the nails came out of the wall), wallpaper was peeling, the window shutters banged loudly in the rain, and the people next door kept us up for hours. it felt like Trump’s version of what “nice” was.

        I always hear amazing things about Hocking Hills in Ohio; they have some geodesic domes that are on my bucket list. they all look better for couples, though… i think some other cool airbnbs around that area too.
        https://innatcedarfalls.com/hocking-hills-lodging/geodomes/

      2. Devil’s Thumb is a great memory. I was there the last weekend of the leaves turning a few years ago. You could hear the wolves at night. Loved every bit of it.

    4. I’d take things a step further and book a rafting trip on the Middle Fork of the Salmon River in Idaho. You’ll be able to hike too and the stars are incredible. The most luxury outfitter I know of is Far and Away – they set the tents up and the meals are supposed to be super gourmet. Unfortunately they may be booked up (these trips book years in advance), but you never know because cancellations are super frequent.

    5. Without knowing where in Ohio, it is hard to know what is driving distance, but I love the Appalachians. My sister got married at the Grove Park Inn and it was beautiful.

    6. Yellowstone or the Gallatin river in Montana have some nice ranches, but I’m not sure if any of them would qualify as luxury.

      1. would recommend Flathead Lake Lodge or Paws Up (both extremely pricey but very nice). Chico Hot Springs is a place actual Montanans go (in the Paradise Valley, near Yellowstone). If your kids are obsessed with trains, you can stay in a caboose at the Izaak Walton Inn (all of these are in Montana!)

    7. I haven’t been there but my husband raves about the Broadmoor in Colorado Springs.

      1. My work group used to have an offsite there from time to time and everyone absolutely loved it.

      2. I don’t know that it would be dark enough in downtown Colorado Springs to get the kind of stargazing that OP wants, but if you are willing to drive into the mountains, there’s something really tremendous about seeing the stars at 9,000 or 10,000 feet altitude. They are just so close! Look into resorts in Aspen or Vail – I haven’t been in years so can’t recommend anything specific, but some of my most memorable stargazing has been at altitude.

    8. PARI in Rosman NC is an amazing facility. You can rent a cabin and hike. They have summer camps, so your kids could go to that or you can schedule around the camps. I camped there a few weeks ago. Dark skies.

      1. To add: amazing geek out science facility. Not posh clamping facility. It’s close enough to Asheville that you can get luxe if you need luxe.

    9. If you have a luxury budget and the kids have passports, Fairmont Lake Louise in Canada. The hiking trails are at the foot of the hotel. Fairmont Banff is also well set up as a more resort-y hotel close into town.

  7. Re tongue scraping. If you floss daily, what else does tongue scraping add if you brush after meals. FWIW my morning breath went away once I started flossing, so not dropping that ever and only looking to add to the routine for a clear benefit. Dentist never mentioned anything like this so maybe it’s a tradition culturally with the same effect from flossing?

    1. Stuff gets stuck to the back of your tongue, and scraping removes it the same way that floss removes stuff from your teeth. That said I’ve always just used a regular old dentist giveaway toothbrush for this and it’s worked fine; no need for another tool!

    2. I tried an actual tongue scraper a long time ago and found that it caught on some of those tongue bumps way at the back. Instead, I just use my toothbrush to scrub my tongue as far back as I can see and it works fine.

    3. Your need for this probably varies depending on how much bacteria grow on your tongue, which depends on the environmental conditions in your mouth. I have post nasal drip and dry mouth from allergies, and the combination makes my tongue super gross (I’m also more prone to cavities). If you can breathe through your nose normally and have good saliva production, brushing and flossing might be enough.

    4. If you’ve never used a tongue scraper before, just buy one. They’re cheap. Once you do use one, and you realize how much further back on your tongue you can scrape than you can brush with a toothbrush, and how much different your mouth will feel, you’ll understand why people use them. Is it 100% necessary? Of course not. Do I use mine all the time? No, but my mouth does feel noticeably fresher when I do.

        1. Not for me. I can’t really brush my tongue very much without gagging so much I actually vomit a little sometimes, but have no problem with a scraper.

        2. When I brush my tongue with my toothbrush I exhale while doing it, it works for me to prevent gagging.

    5. It has a totally different function. I mean, try it and see what you think? It’s not like it’s an expensive investment.

  8. Happy Friday!
    For those who accessorize with silk scarves, where do you get yours? Love Hermes, but looking for lower cost options.
    TIA!

        1. Etsy is pretty reliable compared to other sites. Maybe I’ve been scammed but I don’t think so.

    3. I just bought three good-quality vintage scarves (silk, made in Italy) on ebay–large squares similar to Hermes 90–and I’ve been enjoying playing with them this spring. One is a heavier silk twill and two are slightly lighter weight. I find the weight affects the drape and what kind of knot works best.

    4. I got mine from Jim Thompson–beautiful patterns, great quality, also a great souvenir if you are on vacation in Thailand.

    5. Vintage Liberty of London silk scarves are lovely and you can find them on Etsy. I have a few I’ve gotten that way.

    8. Actual answer, Grandma. She had a treasure trove that she used to let us play dress up with (then we use as adults). It’s worth an ask with your mom or grandma if there is a stash in their dresser that they don’t use anymore.

  9. Happy Friday!
    Where do you get your silk scarves? I love Hermes, but also looking for lower cost options.
    Thanks in advance!

  10. I learn by asking questions. This has gotten me far. I am now in a position where, due to various personalities, I need to be quiet in internal calls.

    Looking for advice on how to fight my extroversion, desire to engage, and preferred learning style.

    1. Can you take notes about questions you want to ask, and then follow up with a trusted person later?

      1. +1. And mute your phone while actually on the calls if you really don’t need to say anything.

    2. Force yourself to take notes and while you’re doing it, write down any questions. Knowing you’ll have an “release” point later helps. Also, I’d encourage rethinking things a bit. Instead of framing this tendency as a preferred learning style and extroversion (largely positive connotations), think about it as possibly throwing off the presenter’s train of thought and disrupting the experience of others in the room. The reality is that things likely are somewhere in the middle, but being more attuned to potential irritation of others can help you regulate better. If it’s really important, you can always schedule a 1:1 later—this can also help separate true information sharing need versus enjoyment at speaking. You’ll quickly realize a lot wouldn’t merit the additional discussion.

    3. Hot take: don’t. These are your assets. These are your strengths.

      At my last job I used to get scolded by the partner in charge for, wait for it, making polite/innocuous conversation when he introduced the associates to a client. Literally, it came up in my annual review. I guess he wanted all the (young, female) associates to stand in a line, look pretty, say our names, and troop back out again. The more time passes, the more I realize what a terrible person he was in all these small insidious ways.

      1. Agree with don’t change, those are assets. For your immediate situation, observe who you might click with and talk to them after your bigger meetings.

      3. I wouldn’t jump so fast to consider it an asset. Consider who you received the feedback from and perhaps why. There is a time to lead from the back of the room and a time not to. You need to know the difference, or you’ll be seen as a bull in a china shop derailing conversations. There are certain colleagues or reports I exclude from meetings now or choose not to strategize with specifically because they take everything into rabbit holes. You just may not know when it’s happening.

    4. Turning your microphone off is a good start. That split second it takes to find the mouse and turn it back on lets the impulse to speak wane.

      For tough calls where I disagree on a lot of the points raised, I actually sit with my head resting on my hand in such a way that my mouth is covered, but in a natural looking pose that comes off as attentive. It really helps keep me quiet for reasons I can find no rational explanation for.

    5. If this is some sexist thing company-wide, ignore the rest of my post. But if you personally got specific feedback that you need to talk less, consider why that might be. We work with a subcontractor who never uses five words when 5,000 will do. She always has 60 questions to confirm things that were already said and a detailed explanation for why she’s asking each question. She takes up so much time trying to be conscientious that it’s a struggle to get through the agenda otherwise. If that’s you, then you really do need to find ways to listen and get the information you need from what is being said already.

      1. There is this, too. Sometimes the constant talking and questions derail the conversation or can really irritate others and make you come across as an adversary rather than an ally. You know your situation best, but think about why you received this feedback. There is a time to ask questions and a time to just not, because the decision has already been made and you need to figure out how to deal with the request.

    6. I am Secretary for a board where I’ve realized the situation is that my opinion is welcome less often than I think it needs to be heard. It’s the “people who have been around a while” vs “newcomers” thing, and I am a newcomer. I also have specialized knowledge and experience, but oh well. At the top of the page where I am making notes for the minutes I write “Take Notes and Keep Your Mouth Shut” in large, bold type. Works for me.

    7. This sounds almost like I’m being sassy, but it works: I literally cover my own mouth. I prop my hand in my chin and discreetly place 1-2 fingers over my own lips–not tightly pressing down, just draped there above the upper lip, especially if I’m tempted to interrupt or mouth off or say something impolitic. It’s like a “Thinker” statue pose, and it really does work for those times when it seems impossible not to speak up.

  11. I need some good scripting for how to tell someone he’s coming across as a jerk in meetings.

    Background: I’ve hosted a bi-weekly meeting with a tightly knit team for several years -they explain their issues related to my area of expertise and I help them work through them. It’s a long meeting, but I try to keep it moving, make a lot of jokes, encourage keeping it light, and I think it works well. I’m taking on some new duties, and I am trying to transfer this duty to another person in my field – I’m senior to him but not his boss, and he did volunteer to take the role.

    I’ve worked with him for several years and know him to be very friendly, but often sarcastic in a way that might be hard to read. I’m overseeing the meetings now but trying to get him to take the lead, and he’s coming across not warmly in general, and has said several things that I don’t think are intended to be rude but are really not playing well. You could certainly say they just need to get over it, but it’s causing a lot of stress on the team, and I’m really frustrated as I want this all to go well.

    1. I’d frame it as inside info about this particular team and how to successfully engage with them. Like sarcasm doesn’t go over well with this crowd because they’re true believers in project X, noticed their expressions and you might want to consider a different approach. Make it neither good or bad.

    2. Is this really your responsibility? Has he asked for feedback? If you supervise this person you should give them constructive feedback; if you don’t, you stay out of it unless they ask and if people are coming to you and complaining you need to direct them to him.

      1. If you want him to take over the meetings, don’t expect that the meetings won’t change. Even though your approach was working, leave some room for him to bring whatever his style is to the meetings. It may be just different, not worse. Don’t be the person who is so invested in how the thing used to be done, that they micromanage the new people.

      2. Yes, my job is now to supervise his work on these meetings. Should have mentioned this.

        They are coming to me complaining, so, while they might all get used to it and start seeing it as different not worse, it’s a big problem right now.

        2. Well in that case, you just need to bite the bullet and spell it out. You may feel awkward about it but it’s part of your job, and he might not enjoy hearing it in the moment, but it’s kinder to say it than letting him continue step on people’s toes.
          ‘Bob, here is some feedback that will help you run these meetings more successfully. I’ve noticed that you use sarcasm when you need to decline the team’s requests, and while you don’t intend to, this comes across as dismissive. With this group, you will build a better rapport if you [tell him how to act]. An example is last week when you said x, which didn’t land well.’
          But only do this if you share the concerns that people bring to you. If it’s just different not worse, then consider more gentle guidance (not necessarily change Bob’s behavior but communicate more clearly), and also instruct the team to give him a chance and get to know his style.

    3. As a long time veteran of meetings that are too long I encourage you to think about whether everyone needs to be on this meeting rather than having one on ones to ask their questions about your area. Perhaps your sarcastic coworker would be better one on one as well.

    3. I did not (Midtown, up a few floors), but based on the numerous group chat responses from local friends, many did!

        1. Seriously. Around here (very near the Hayward Fault in Berkeley) anything under 5.5 or so is just kinda fun. But check for new cracks in your residence.

  13. Thanks to the recent poster who mentioned choosing clothes in colors to fit the season in a fabric that fits the temperature!

    This week I used that idea to combine old pieces in new ways and got compliments on every outfit. My ego enjoys it AND my wallet is glad I am not buying new clothes only find out they don’t really do anything to fix my style funk.

    1. YES. I used to hate dressing for seasonal transitions. Now I find it kind of fun because it forces me to come up with new combinations.

    2. I’ve been shopping my closet lately too. It’s because I get in a rut, wearing all my warmest things when it’s really cold.

      Now with the transitional weather, I am also doing lighter colors but still warm fabrics and it makes such a difference in my mental health to not wear that same dark, heavy sweater I’ve been wearing since December. I know I will look forward to wearing it again once I get everything out in the fall, but for now it needs to hibernate.

  14. I have a seasonal side hustle that is usually very fulfilling. I don’t make a ton of money from it, but it offsets some hobby costs, so it still feels worth it to me. The problem is I am feeling so overwhelmed by my actual job and life in general that it’s sucking the joy out of the side hustle because it’s one more thing on a full plate. I have more ideas than time and energy, basically. I’m not sure what the answer is. Keep moving forward with the side hustle, in hopes that it’ll give me energy for the things in my life that are less fulfilling? Cut back on the side hustle and focus on other stuff? Would love to hear how other people with busy jobs balance this.

    1. Focus on your main job. That’s your source of income. If the side gig is serving stress rather than joy and energy, stop doing it.

      1. +1 you can presumably (?) go back to the side hustle when the other stuff lets up. I’m sorry to say that we cannot have it all and be well rested, not throw money at things, etc.

    2. This season, cut way back on the side hustle. You have the energy and time you have, and right now you don’t have margin for a side hustle.

    3. Give it up if it isn’t bringing you joy or significant income that you really need. Your mental health is worth a lot. You can always come back to it.

    4. Skip a season! If it is wedding cakes, for example, skip 2024 weddings and enjoy more free time. If you miss it, do them in 2025.

    5. also, write down or sketch out ideas, and when you have energy and motivation to get back into the hobby, the sketches will be waiting for you.

    6. Just take a short break from it, with the intention to come back later. Life moves in seasons, you may get in a lull and then want to engage with it again.

  15. What nail polish colors do you like for spring and summer? I started wearing nail polish this fall and the color and brand suggestions from this board were great! I got some wonderful shades in latte, and darker blues and greens. But now it’s 90 degrees where I live and the only spring colors I have are a light pink and a lavender (both lovely, but I would like more colors to add to the mix).

    1. This is where Essie Bikini So Teeny really shines! I am wearing it now and love it oh-so-much.

      Coral, lavender, and mint are also great spring and summer colors.

    2. OPI: Hue is the Artist, Funny Bunny, Lisbon Wants Moor, Let’s Be Friends, Coastal Sand-tuary, Bubble Bath, I Cannoli Wear OPI, You’re Such a Budapest

    4. Le sigh. I never thought I’d be wishing for the 90s in April, but it’s still 30s and snowing here so….

    7. It’s bold but for sunny seasons, I love OPI A Good Mandarin is Hard to Find. Clear true orange and It always gets compliments. And for more understated but still pretty, lightly sparkly pink – Princesses Rule.

  16. I found a great pair of jeans for my specific figure requirements and wanted to share. I’m 5’4 with a very small waist, big bottom, big thighs. Most jeans are way too big in the waist and still too tight in the legs. I went out on a limb with jeans from Land’s End, of all places, and they fit like they were custom made for me! I got the mellow indigo color in the petite length. They just skim the top of my shoes, so they’ll be perfect with sandals or birks in the summer. They have more stretch than I expected and I’d say they run a half size big. And they were under $50!
    https://www.landsend.com/products/womens-recover-high-rise-wide-leg-blue-jeans/id_367581

    1. Thank you! I’ve found that Lands End can be very good for those of us with this shape. They just look regular on me, rather than too tight, out of proportion, etc.

      1. Damn I need recommendations for my shape. Tall, post menopausal, carrying weight in my lower belly. I used to be shaped like OP (but tall) but now everything is more straight up and down.

    2. I just ordered these based on your rec! I have a similar shape and always struggle with jeans.Would never have thought to look at Land’s End, but these look perfect AND they’re on sale. Thanks!!

  17. Help! I’m going to my first in-person professional event in years and need help dressing. I am a lawyer in a big coastal city who will be attending an all day CLE with other lawyers. Do I need a blazer or can I do a swacket? How about jeans for a smart casual look?

    1. If the big coastal city is in California, then swacket and nice jeans will be fine. And remember the a/c will be FREEZING so be prepared with layers.

      1. I just went to a meeting like this in Oakland, and I wore a sweater, not even a swacket, over a dress. Like a cardigan. I was totally fine. I would’ve been even fine with the same cardigan and some sort of pants that I would wear to the office.

        The most valuable part of my outfit was a pashmina type shawl, because I was absolutely freezing all day

          2. I used to say that if I didn’t make it in my career I could make my fortune selling sweatshirts at Fisherman’s Wharf in July. But the Pashmina vendor is next level brilliant.

          3. A conference I attended gave out pashminas as swag—the most appreciated conference swag I ever received.

    2. You don’t need to worry about being too informal. Most people just wear pants and a nice top or sweater to stuff like this. Average office day attire. A third piece if presenting.

  18. No-show sock recs? Looking to wear with low top sneakers for a trip with a lot of walking – Thank you!

    1. I like Bombas for everything. And apparently The Young People are wearing socks that show these days — I’m wearing Bombas “quarter” socks.

      1. As a millennial who used to fold my crew socks under my heel, I just can’t get on board with the visible sock trend. I know it’s irrational.

        Moose – I tend to check out Target and TJMaxx while I’m there. I like thicker ones with the sticky tab at the heel.

      2. Me too – Bombas for everything.

        And the show sock trend along makes me like The Young People trends a lot. I’m a millennial that has always hated no show socks so much, and it makes me so happy to wear taller socks. I’m a little cautious about it since I do still tend to match my shoes or pants so they don’t stand out, but hallelujah warm ankles.

    2. Someone on here recommend Feetures when I had the same question, and they are indeed excellent. Wore them with fashion sneakers on a trip to France last summer with like 20k steps a day and they did great. I now have a bunch of their socks, both no-show and not.

    3. No show never stay on – I don’t care how many people swear by them online. I get Zella’s gray ankle socks which barely show over most sneakers, and call it a day.

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