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How do you stock your closet full of “fun” clothes when your time and energy is usually spent in working clothes or lounging clothes? Is there a way to shop for special occasions — on a budget? Reader A wonders:
I spend most of my clothing budget on work clothes (I'm a D.C. lawyer) and casual weekend wear (even going-out clothes are fairly casual here, imo). But when something “special” comes up — a bachelorette party, New Year's Eve, a trip — I feel like I never have anything fun or sparkly or special to wear.
I'm wondering how readers stock their closets with things that are frankly, impractical, 99% of the time. Do you buy things on sale when you see them, not knowing when you'll wear them? Shop specifically by occasion?
For example, I have a pair of very sparkly, very high, peep-toe pumps at home that I found on sale, with no occasion (or even outfit) in mind to wear them. The practical part of me says to return them and save the cash, but then I wonder if I'll be kicking myself the next time I have a fantastic party to attend and nothing to wear.
This is an excellent question, and while we've talked about shopping habits (including moratoriums and “crop rotations”) and shopping for non-essential items, we haven't talked about this specifically with impractical, fun clothes. (For example: The necklace pictured above is definitely fun — but how often will you wear it? And can you wear it twice?) Erickson Beamon Girlie Queen Necklace, retails for $1728, but available for rent for $250 at Rent the Runway.)
Part of the reason I started this blog was because I was frustrated with media that seemed to celebrate an $80 slouchy T-shirt. My theory at the time was that my entire wardrobe was either work clothes, working-OUT clothes, or GOING-out clothes — and the $80 slouchy T-shirt had very little place in that world. I have always had a FEW going out clothes, though — sexy, fun things that I certainly wouldn't wear just to lounge about and watch TV.
Personally, my approach has been to buy them on deep discount, to always buy things that would generally work with jeans (tops) or were outfits in and of themselves (knock 'em dead dresses), and to keep my “going out” collection small enough that I could keep track in my head of what I had. For a BRIEF period (many many moons ago!) I even had a “hanger system” — each garment had its own hanger, to which I'd taped a Post-It note where I kept track of when I wore the outfit (and who had seen me in it). A few other thoughts:
– Fun tops — I think this depends hugely on where you are in your life, and where your friends are in life. Before I met my husband I went out several times a week with girlfriends or on dates, and I had a large-ish wardrobe of fun, flirty things. After we met we did the “couples nesting thing” where we were far more likely to stay indoor and play board games than go out. (Now that we're parents, well, we're lucky if we can stay awake through an hour of television each night.) I still have at least a few tops that I can wear out on our occasional date nights or out with girlfriends, but I'm down to 1-3 tops from what was once a collection of 20+ tops.
– For party dresses — every woman needs at least one dress that you can wear to a wedding, fancy dinner, or other special occasion. I've never spent a lot of money on these, to be honest, but I've always had at least one or two — dresses from Donna Ricco or Muse or even a lucky David Meister or Kay Unger on sale can all be budget-friendly buys. If you're on the society circuit or somewhere else where you feel like you really do need a different “party” dress for every occasion (and a designer one at that), then consider Rent the Runway. Consignment shops can also be great, provided you know which ones in your area have the good stuff. If you have friends in the same circuit, consider setting up a borrowing circle.
– Re: shoes — you want to have at least ONE pair of shoes for each major “going out” category that you know isn't going to kill your feet. Sometimes you can repurpose work shoes or casual shoes for the occasion — I've flaunted the “satin shoes only for black tie” rule many a time and worn regular leather pumps — but only because I never found a pair of satin shoes that I was comfortable enough in to want to purchase for such limited wear. If, in YOUR life, you have multiple black tie events to go to every year (or you know that you have the same one every year), then make the investment in a great pair of comfortable-but-cute versatile satin pumps. I've always had at least one cute pair of sandals in nude-for-me leather for the summer (great for those dresses, but also for those jeans), and, in the wintertime, I've had at least one pair of boots that was fashionably sexy enough to wear out and about. If you've had your eye on a much more expensive shoe, you can frequently find pieces “inspired by” much more expensive shoes at budget-friendly places such as Sole Society (or even shops like H&M, Forever21, or TopShop).
– Re: bags — You can get away with “cheap” bags or clutches at a lot of fancier events — simple satin bags seem to go on deep discount often; for years I had a plastic (I think) clutch I got from H&M. If you're not wearing them often, or wearing them out to places where they might get dirty, you don't necessarily need to go designer/leather/etc. Depending on where you're going (bar or restaurant with friends, for example), you may even want to re-purpose a wristlet for the job.
– Re: jewelry — I'm of two minds here. I have a pair of sparkly, dangly diamond earrings that I love and, honestly, will wear most anywhere I get the opportunity to wear them. So even though I keep BUYING fun jewelry, I almost always end up in my diamond earrings. I've worn them with jeans; I wore them on my wedding day. Ditto for my right-hand diamond ring. On the flip side we have super cheap, fun jewelry from spots like Bauble Bar; Rent the Runway also has a fun collection of jewelry for rent. Particularly for big statement necklaces, which can be just as memorable as a dress or top, it may make more sense to go with an “I'm only going to wear this once” approach.
Readers, what are your thoughts? How many pieces do you have in your wardrobe that only fill one “slot” in your life? How much did you spend on them?
Anonymous
Dresses: Rent the runway!! My one friend has literally just run out of closet space for fancy dresses, so now she uses rent the runway all the time for New Years Eve, Company parties, weddings, you name it. and she always has on a fabulous designer dress. That’s what I’m doing from now on. I’ve bought too many dresses to only wear them 1-2x for weddings.
Susie
I just can’t get behind it when renting a dress costs more than buying one on sale. Even though I know I may only wear it a few times, I feel a lot better about being able to keep it. Same reason I would not lease a car.
Romey
Maybe, but some of the dresses are pretty fabulous that it would be hard to find that exact same one on sale! I love RTR b/c I hate wearing the same thing multiple times!
Anonymous
Yeh but you could be renting a $400 dress for $50, and you wouldn’t find it on sale for that.
Romey
Exactly, or even a 1000+ dress for retail price at a rental price of 40 (Herve Leger).
FP
I get what you mean – I’m a sale shopper too – but I love RTR. Dry cleaning a formal dress that you own is a good $20 or more so I factor that into the price of the rental since you do not have to send it back clean. Plus – I don’t have a ton of closet space so this is a great service IMO.
TBK
I just cannot figure out how you’d know if a dress looked good on you without being able to try it on. Whenever I shop for a c-tail dress, I’ll bring a pile into the dressing room and still have none of them work on me. I probably need to try on 20-30 dresses to find one that fits right, and even then it usually needs tailoring (and I’m not really a weird shape).
Diana Barry
YES. How do you avoid that? I would feel like I would need to get 5 of them. At least if you buy a bunch then you can return!
Romey
When I rent from RTR (and I’ve rented about 6 or 7 times at this point) I always take a careful look at the reviews. You can sort reviews by women with similar height, weight and measurements as you. People will say whether something fits small, big, etc. They also post pictures. When you rent, RTR lets you have two sizes and then if nothing works, you simply call them and tell them it didn’t work and you get a store credit. Amazingly, everything has always fit me just fine.
FP
I look at reviews from women with similar body types to me, I also pay a lot of attention to the measurements of the dress, AND I will use the chat function to speak to a stylist about concerns or whatnot. Stretchy fabrics help, and once I hiked it over to BCBG to try on a dress before renting the same one. I’ve had great luck with everything I’ve rented so far.
CountC
I also have never had a problem with the fit of the dresses. Granted sometimes the alternate size is the one that fits better than the one I thought would fit me, but I’ve never had this problem either. I do what the other posters do – look at the pictures of other people wearing the dress and seek out reviews of those who have a body type that is similar to mine.
I also love RTR for jewelry!!
B
I’ve always wondered the same thing. And I usually need alterations – shortened hem on long dress, shorten straps for sleeveless, etc.
Ginjury
I’m with Susie. I guess my tastes and lifestyle are such that I don’t need an expensive, knock-out dress that can be worn only once. I’m happy with cheaper, simpler dresses that I can keep and rewear.
Sure it’s
ning
LOVE RTR! I even rented a fancy necklace for my wedding day, and I rent a dress for any special occasion. The dresses, overall, are good quality, and I stick to rental prices that are comparable or slightly lower than I’d otherwise pay for a sale dress to own (which would likely be less-quality).
I’m over having nice dresses hang in my closet only to never wear them.
Don’t know if they still do this, but last summer, I was able to try on dresses at their Manhattan office, so that might work for some ladies who want to try it out first. Also note that if your dress doesn’t fit, just get on the phone or chat with a stylist, and they’ll get you another dress right away, and refund the first dress’s money. They’ve been fantastic about that with me.
Diana Barry
For NYE, holiday party, etc. I usually get something from Forever 21, ASOS, Last Call, etc. – something that is cheap (under $50) and sparkly etc. I also found a sequined J Crew cardigan on Ebay this year that was great for ALL holiday occasions.
I used bluefly back in the day when I was going to a lot of weddings – so I have 3 dresses that I can still wear for those. They are kind of old though, so probably next time I’ll have to get a new one. I would spend $100-$120 on each of those.
Have never used RTR so can’t comment on that.
preg anon
I wish I had this problem! I’ve somehow accumulated a large collection of c*ckt*il dresses that I look at guiltily as they hang there unused. My hubs says collecting c*ckt*il dresses is my hobby. Can I put that on my resume?
zora
exactly this, I am the WORST, I find myself going through sale dresses on Nordies/Last Call NM All. The. Time. .. because I really like to go to the opera and theater and i like having fancy dresses to wear, except now i have at least two fancy dresses hanging in my closet that I still haven’t worn to anything! And I have many normal days when I am staring at my closet with “nothing to wear” … it is a sickness… a sparkly dress sickness ;o)
Wildkitten
Sounds like you need to go to the Opera!
zora
i DO!! If only I could afford tickets right now :o(
Anon in Minnesota
I may have the same hobby!
As a PSA for any other plus-sizes, I’ll recommend Nordstrom as an excellent place for evening or cocktail dresses.
s-p-c
Great topic! For the sparkly shoes mentioned, I’d keep them if you love them and you could wear them with something you already own. I keep an eye out for sales on cocktail dresses, shoes, and sparkly jewelry, but recently have started giving away (and not buying) anything short of amazing because the opportunities to wear them are infrequent. Ann Taylor has some great statement jewerly that you can almost always get for about 40% off with a sale – this necklace (http://lover.ly/image/416090) was perfect for Thanksgiving and an Oscar get-together, and has a similar impact to the one that Kat posted.
Orangerie
I’m sort of torn on this issue. “Fun” clothes (especially special occasion dresses) are often way more memorable than work & regular weekend clothes, so it’s hard to get a ton of wear out of one item. For this reason, I have more c-tail dresses than I need.. but I try to minimize the impact buy purchasing on sale.
However, purchasing on sale does not necessarily always coincide with the timing of an event. AKA it’s hard to find what you’re looking for at a reasonable price when you’re under the gun, but awesome stuff tends to magically appear when you have nowhere to wear it.
Even though I normally dislike buying more everyday items without a place to wear it in mind, if I see a great c-tail dress or pair of formal shoes that are my style, fit me well, and are on a good markdown… I’ll take it home. Ex: the awesome Joan & David blush/gold snakeskin pumps that I found at Bloomingdale’s after Christmas 2012 for $35 (retail $200). They sat in my closet unworn for almost a year until I wore them to my company’s holiday party this year, as well as a few other festive events.
Romey
I have 3 ways that I shop for dresses for special events (weddings, bachelorette parties, etc.):
1. Rent the Runway. This is becoming the #1 way that I get a special occasion outfit. I’ve used it for weddings, a special work event, and my own bachelorette party. I LOVE it. I hate wearing the same thing twice so this is perfect for me. You’re spending so much less money on something than you would if you bought it.
2. Finding something on amazing sale at a random time. Sometimes when I’m in the mood, I’ll try cute things on that I don’t need for any particular reason. I found my own wedding rehearsal dinner dress this way. It was originally like 300 dollars and I got it on major sale at Nordstrom Rack for only 35 dollars! It was a beautiful deep blue c**ktail dress. I’ve worn it to several gala and similar type c**ktail functions since then.
3. Going out in a last second panic and getting something for a specific event. This is the worst because I hate shopping for a particular item for a particular event under time pressure! You usually end up getting something that you don’t love and that’s above what you want to spend b/c you’re desperate. Don’t recommend this route!
4. This is at the bottom of the list b/c I’ve only done this once, but I borrowed a dress from a friend once. We’re the same size and I loved the dress. Only problem is my husband dropped it in the mud so we had to get it dry cleaned after and it was just kind of stressful b/c I was worried that it would stain (fortunately it didn’t) so not sure I would recommend this route either but maybe in a last second bind from a very good friend.
Anon
I am getting married this spring about 3 hrs away at a beach town, so it is a mini destination wedding where people will stay overnight at rented beach houses and go home the next day. The ceremony and reception are all at once and will start around supper time.
I’m not a baby lover (I know, I know, so horrible to admit) so for my wedding, I wanted to not have any children there. It is a night time wedding, and not really a kid appropriate venue. Most of our guests don’t have kids but I have a sister with a baby and so does my fiancée. My sister asked me whether she should bring the baby and I said that I prefer that she not, so that she could enjoy herself and relax, that the event wasn’t baby appropriate because it is at night, and who would she get to babysit at the destination, etc. She totally agreed and arranged for the baby to stay with relatives.
Fast forward to last week, when F’s sister made some comment to us about bringing her baby to the wedding. I have told F how I feel about all of this and that I really do not want her to bring the baby, and he agrees that it is reasonable. Childcare will not be an issue for her if she decides to leave the baby at home. She is also not breastfeeding so that is not an issue. But F refuses to have a talk with her and tell her about our concerns.
My concerns are this: 1. I don’t want a baby crying at our ceremony or reception (shallow, I know), 2. even if they could get a sitter at destination, they are staying at shared accommodations that will mean other people are sharing a rented vacation property with a baby, and 3. especially since I already told my sister to leave her baby at home, I would feel really horrible if she showed up at the wedding and saw the other baby and questioned why one sibling could bring a baby but not the other sibling.
How do I get my F to address this with his sister and not cause a big fuss? I offered to speak to her directly but he didn’t want me to. Am I being super unreasonable in this? Should I just give up and get married to a chorus of crying babies?
FWIW both of these babies will be between 7-10 months old at the time of the wedding.
Anon
Just want to lend my support to not having a baby at the wedding. It may be inconvenient for the parents of the baby (I have a toddler), but it’s perfectly appropriate. Your F needs to man up and tell his sister that babies are not invited to the ceremony or the reception. It’s not unheard of.
Personally, I ONLY invited my nieces and nephew and DH’s nephews to our wedding because I love my nieces and nephew to pieces and my excuse was that they were all in the wedding party. All other guests were invited to engage babysitters and I got names for a few who asked.
Lynette
Has F’s sister ever left her baby overnight? I traveled for work when my kids were that age, but I probably wouldn’t have traveled for fun/events without my baby if my spouse/siblings/parents were with me. I wouldn’t have had an adult I’d trust to leave my kid with overnight. I would have travel having fun that far from my baby all night…I would want to remain very very sober so I could drive the three hours home in an emergency and I’d be checking in all night long. I strongly suggest the sitter route.
Are they sharing the rental with family or close friends? If so, I’m guessing the others won’t mind. At any rate, as they are all adults, it’s for them to work out with rental-mates. As a mother, I have a lot more fun at these things without my children (now as kids and then as babies), but I can only suspend my responsibilities so long.
In summary, since I am rambling as my 3 year old discusses her boo boo issue with me: let them bring their babies, help them find a sitter (or let them find their own). It’s compromise that takes into account everyone’s needs: no babies at ceremony or reception, but babies close to mom and dad for the night.
Lynette
Ugh. I’d have trouble, not travel.
Mrs. Jones
You are not being unreasonable by not wanting children at the wedding and reception. I banned babies/small children from our wedding and even went so far as to literally bounce from the church a friend who showed up with his 3 small kids. His wife still won’t speak to me but whatevs. :) It’s your wedding so you make the rules. But I’m not comfortable banning someone from bringing baby on the trip as a whole. Definitely get some babysitters if that would help.
Ginjury
I hope this is a joke. Sure, it’s rude to bring your 3 small children to a wedding, but to tell your guests to leave the ceremony because they did so is, in my opinion, a far greater offense.
blue
Seriously. This is alarming.
anon
Wow — +1,000,000.
Meg Murry
What is more important to you & fiance? That there be no babies there? Or that your sisters can attend? Because if you told me I couldn’t bring my less than 1 year old baby to your overnight wedding, I would be skipping your wedding. Especially since its your immediate family, which means your future SIL can’t just leave the baby with Grandparents – because the grandparents will be at the wedding too.
Could you rearrange the shared housing so the 2 families with babies are together (possibly with your & his parents)? And see if your sister & SIL can arrange for a sitter to come to the beach house to be with the babies (upstairs perhaps) during the ceremony.
I feel like if this were a distant cousin or friend from college that would be different – but your sisters deserve some accommodations.
OP
The baby has other grandparents and ants/uncles that aren’t going to be at the wedding! The family of F’s sisters husband. Not like it would be left with a stranger!
wolverine
Just because they are not strangers doesn’t mean they are all well versed in taking care of a 7-10 month old baby. Would you feel completely confident taking care of your sister’s baby overnight if she had to be away, especially since you don’t even like babies? Don’t assume that just because there’s other family that all of them are competent caretakers. You can ban babies from your wedding (although it should be a joint decision with your husband and it sounds like he doesn’t feel as strongly about it as you do) but you cannot tell your SIL not to bring her to the beach town… it’s up to her to figure out logistics. You are not the Mayor, just a bridezilla.
Lynette
Not all grandparents and aunts/uncles are created equal. I left my infants with my husband or mother over night, and that was it.
Rosie
You don’t get to decide what childcare situation other people are comfortable with. You just don’t.
You sound like a Bridezilla.
Sally
+1
With my baby that age, I would never have left him overnight, much less 3 hours away, relatives or no relatives.
OP, FWIW, we took the same approach as you for our wedding except that our siblings’ kids were invited. We told them that they were invited, but that it would be an adult event and likely not that much fun for them. Some of them came, some not (I have six siblings).
Over time, I have come to regret setting that tone for our wedding. Weddings are about people, not appearances and aesthetic details (visual, auditory, or otherwise), and I chose the latter over the former. What a mistake. Even now (18 years later) I feel ashamed of myself.
FWIW.
anon
Sally has some wise advice. Your finance probably doesn’t want to tell his sister not to bring her baby because he knows she’ll be very upset. Leaving a baby overnight is not as easy as you may suppose — either emotionally or logistically — and she’s sure to think you’re being unreasonably inflexible and inconsiderate. Why taint what should be a warm and happy family occasion with this type of unnecessary discord.
Anonymama
It’s reasonable to ask that she not bring baby to the ceremony and reception, but with the understanding that she may need to leave earlier because of it. It is NOT reasonable to tell someone that they can’t bring their under-a-year-old baby to the destination of an overnight destination wedding. It might also be prudent, in the interests of long-term family relations and being an understanding and reasonable person, to try to see if there is any way to help both sister and sister-in-law coordinate childcare for the evening.
Many people are not comfortable leaving their child overnight with a non-parent at that age, and often babies of that age have issues with teething, or sleeping, or separation anxiety. And I’m rolling my eyes at the idea that if the groom’s sister wants to bring her one baby that the only alternative is for you to throw up your hands and “get married to a chorus of screaming babies.”
Silvercurls
+1 to the other comments to the effect that babies grow up, but strained family relations can last forever. Is there truly no way to work out a solution that pleases parents, babies, and you?
Nonstop screaming usually only happens on airplanes and in other situations in which babies are unable to relieve their distress (e.g., hunger, diaper needs changing, extreme fatigue, ear infection…). Most weddings don’t occur under these conditions and most parents have enough common sense to scoot themselves and their small one out of a formal ceremony before any childish vocalizations cease to be charming. How about you tell both your sister and SIL that they can come with the babies and that you or someone else will help to arrange evening child care? Can you share with them both your delight that their entire family will be present and your (gently worded) expectation that, in the unlikely event that their small one progresses from cooing to howling, the sitter or some other appointed person will help them and the baby exit quickly? I understand not wanting the ceremony drowned out by shrieks, but most infants cry to communicate distress rather than out of malice / boredom / inappropriate excitement.
Disclaimer: This isn’t necessarily true if somebody has a colicky baby or one not yet diagnosed with autism/sensory intergration disorder/whatever else might distress the infant. Under these conditions the infant’s cry seems to have no explanation only because the reason hasn’t yet been discovered. If this is the case, YMMV and double up on your diplomacy. People with not-yet-thriving babies are miserable enough without also being excluded from the weddings of close family.
Miz Swizz
I have a special occasion dress that I really love but it’s a touch too low-cut and I’m not sure if such a thing as a special occasion camisole exists. Any suggestions? The dress is a deep navy satin and I’ve already asked my wonderful tailor if she could tack it together more but the vee is too wide.
Philosophia
A fichu! (I know: Gesundheit. Google it and images will come up instantly.)
AIMS
You could find complimentary fabric and have it added to the dress. I did this with one of mine (it was a very low neckline so I just got some lace in a complimentary color and had it sewn in).
Anonymous
Or use fabric from the hem (if you have enough) to add a second v-neck strip layer peaking out udner the normal v-neck; or an origani type insert in the same fabric. You can also add appliques, like flat flowers the same fabric on the neckline. Also http://www.lyst.com/clothing/alexander-wang-double-layer-v-neck-dress-black/ or http://www.ebay.com/itm/PD13-3X-Plus-Size-Lace-V-Neck-Peplum-Layer-Office-Club-Fashion-Dress-Black-3X-/380852819495#ht_3797wt_966
Ask your tailor. There are many ways.
Anon
Can you bring it up at the shoulders?
Miz Swizz
I already tried bringing it up at the shoulders but the vee is still a little too deep. It’s not obscene or anything but if this is going to be my go-to dress, I’d like to be able to wear it to my sister’s wedding and not feel like I’m showing too much cleavage.
Anonymous
How about a great chunky necklace that covers / distracts?
ss
For black tie, vintage can be really great for plugging some gaps – evening handbags, for example, seem to end up in vintage/ consignment shops in good condition and very reasonable prices. Dresses are also possible but the winning trifecta of great design, condition and fit is pretty rare – you really do need to be buying when you spot it, and giving yourself plenty of time to figure out cleaning, repairs and alterations. With shoes, I like jewelled flats with a long dress – easy to find nice ones, substantially cheaper than a properly-constructed high-heeled version, fine for standing around at cocktail time and dancing.
For all other going out, I usually re-purpose my day-time clothes – a blazer with jeans, a tailored shell with cropped trousers, a silk tank with leggings and a cardi, amped up with jewellery if need. Why pay up for impeccable basics if you can’t work them hard ?