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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 260 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Mimi Inverted Pleat Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Mimi Inverted Pleat DressReader S writes in to sing the praises of this Rachel Zoe dress: “I've just found an amazing shift dress that I thought I would pass along in case it would benefit someone else for fall. The designer is Rachel Zoe (I was very surprised!!) and it's available at Neiman Marcus, Bloomingdales, online sites like shopbop and piper lime, and Holt Renfrew (in Canada). I bought the dark magenta but it is also available in sand.” Cute! It looks a bit short in some of the pictures (and the back seems a bit low to me for work), but I can see how it would be a great on the right frame (or with the right tailoring). I think it's particularly rare to find a shift dress that doesn't have a straight pencil skirt. The dress is $425 at Piperlime. Rachel Zoe Mimi Inverted Pleat Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-4)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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Comments

  1. Linked in

    Tj – I think it’s time I make a Linked in profile. I just got my masters and am beginning the grueling job search and everywhere I turn is Linked in. But where do I start? How do I make connections? Who should I make connections with? What about recommendations? I’m so overwhelmed in general with finding a job that any guidance would be wonderful.

    • momentsofabsurdity

      I would say LinkedIn is reasonably user friendly. You just fill in your past work history and the companies you’ve worked with, as well as your degrees, and it “suggests” connections. I put my work responsibilities/accomplishments for everything except for my current job (since that just feels weird in a mode where I am still working there and adding coworkers, I guess). I would look for old coworkers and managers.

      I think the “recommendation” part is super hokey. But they say it helps. I don’t know, I kind of avoid it.

    • Former MidLevel

      LinkedIn will provide you with “people you may know”–classmates, collegues at places you’ve worked, etc.–when you have completed your profile. That’s how I got started. But I wouldn’t recommend using the impersonal auto-text LinkedIn provides for requests to connect–try to add something personalized so people know you’re interested in reconnecting with them/keeping in touch, not just trying to amass connections.

    • Associette

      Think of Linkedin as your casual online resume. Try to put as much information up as possible about your education and professional credentials, and definitely use a photograph (a professional one if you have it). Start connecting with those you know from college and graduate school, but don’t connect with strangers. Once you start making connections and see your connections’ profiles, you will start to get a flavor for what a good one looks like and they type of things that you can put on your profile. Don’t worry about recommendations at this point.

      Rachel Zoe has a great line. IMHO she keeps coming out with knock-it-out-of-the-park pieces. Love this dress, but would never wear it to work. It is too short for the office!

    • Kontraktor

      LinkedIn was invaluable to me during my job hunt. I’d say probably about 80% of leads for interviews came through there. I would focus on building as robust a profile as possible if you want to really use it as a resource.

      Make sure you have a photo. Make sure you take advantage of all the different places you can put in skills (because the more you have, the easier it will be for you to come up in people’s key word searches). I would say to list as many of your relevant positions as possible (especially if you haven’t worked much and have a few internships). Make sure to describe your work like you would on a resume, keeping in mind key words so that your profile is more searchable. I made sure to put a blurb about myself and job hunting goals in the ‘summary’ section so that a person coming across my profile would immediately see I was job hunting.

      As for connections, I would say start sending invites to mentors, managers, and supervisors at previous jobs. Then any old coworkers you can think of. Then do friends. I actually got a lot of connections by just inviting people on my gmail list. Join relevant groups (that gives you access to more people’s profiles/a larger network). As for recommendations, I think it can’t hurt to have them. I would say just ask a former supervisor to write one for you once you’re connected. I found that between groups, sending invites to people as they popped up in my head, and using the ‘suggested connections’ promptings it was pretty easy to get connections.

    • NOLA

      If you have gmail, LinkedIn will suggest connections from your gmail contacts. It’s a little creepy, but I have found a lot of people that way. I’m not on FB, but I found an old friend on LinkedIn because I knew where she had worked and where she had gone to school.

    • Bluejay

      Definitely link in with your master’s program classmates. Presumably, they’ll be working in the same field as you, and they might be able to introduce you to new contacts. When you attend networking events, link in with people who give you their business cards. Also, join LinkedIn groups for your alumni association and whatnot. Linked In is really useful for organizing your professional contacts, and my employer uses it for recruiting too.

  2. Diana Barry

    I think this is a cute dress for weekend, but definitely not for work. Too short and the vibe is weekendy rather than businesslike.

    I am back at work today. WAH! Plus I only have 3 outfits of fat clothes that fit. Darn you, postpartum body!

    • AN

      I think we both gave birth within a few days of each other, so i empathise! I’m back to my old weight but with a tummy:(

      Still have 7 weeks before I go back to work though.

      • Diana Barry

        Lucky! I am nowhere near my regular weight…still in size 10-12 rather than normal 6-8. :(

    • ANP

      Aaagh, big hugs! First week back is killer. I recommend lots of takeout food for the next five days to ease the burden.

  3. momentsofabsurdity

    Hmm, I guess I’m crazy – I always thought the term “shift dress” implied a straight fit, or at least, no serious waist definition. Learn something new every day, I guess.

    • AIMS

      I thought the same, I still do. Google also agrees.
      “A loose-fitting dress with no waistline seam or darts, also known as a chemise” …”A shift dress has a loose fit and lacks a defined waistline; it is usually a short dress, similar to a chemise”
      I also think it is way to short for work. And even assuming you are very petite and this would not hit you mid thigh, the back would then be even lower. I suppose you could wear it with something underneath, but then it would cross over into schoolgirl jumper category for me (and this is coming from someone who loves wearing blouses under dresses). Fantastic color though.

      • DC Jenny

        I keep seeing this style referred to as a “skater dress.” I guess because it kind of looks like a figure skating costume?

      • eek

        That is such a pretty color and cut. I’m not sure about the back of dress being longer than the front (I tried a similar Tahari one on a few months ago and it looked out of place).

      • Bonnie

        There’s not much of a difference actually; it looks more dramatic in the photo.

  4. LilyB

    Isn’t this dress more of a “fit-and-flair” type than a shift dress?

    TJ: Is anyone else gearing up for the bar? I know I should be studying like 8+ hours a day, but I can’t bring myself to focus for that long! I’m doing well on the practice MBE questions so I’m trying to focus on the state subjects, but there’s just so much material. Anyone else freaked out a little bit?

    • Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler

      I’m in the same boat. I’ve been doing short 3 hour chunks. Also, I’ve been telling myself that it is okay to take 30 minutes to do something else when I can’t focus since 30 minutes of brain break is better than an hour of studying without focus, right?

      • LilyB

        I support that line of thinking! At this point I’m just worried about the essays because how on earth are we supposed to memorize the 100s of 3- or 4-part tests in the material? I’m hoping it’s okay if you just bs it a little bit and act like you know what you’re talking about.

        • TCFKAG

          The best essay advice, if I remember correctly, was to focus your studying on the most frequently tested subjects. Practice your time management as much as possible. And practice making up tests, even if you don’t remember the exact test. So no matter what, if you get a fact pattern and you don’t know the right test, you can confidently state with some measure of gravitas “The test for xyz is bladity blah blah” even if it is BS, because half the time, everyone else won’t know either and who knows, you might be right.

          God. And people think we know something. You’ll be fine. Take breaks. Go to yoga class. Eat ice cream. Don’t let yourself freak out too much.

          • LilyB

            Haha I certainly hope you’re right! My biggest fear is that I’ll get an essay question and have absolutely no idea what they’re looking for. My strategy thus far has been to focus on getting 75%+ on the MBE so I have a wide margin on the essays, but your strategy gives me hope!

          • TCFKAG

            A really important thing to do, when practicing your essays (and I do think practicing is important…no matter what AIMS says…haha). Is that if you hit an essay you just don’t know…don’t put down the book and look up the answer. Actually write the BS out. Because you need to practice.

            And yes. Sprinkle that “In PA” all over the place, even if you’re just using the MBE rule. Who knows, you might be right.

          • SF Bay Associate

            You very may well get an essay topic you don’t know. We did my year for CA. It’s ok. The good news is that 1) if you don’t know it, odds are no one else does either, and 2) just make up a law, set it forth, and apply it. That gets you points in CA, though I have no idea about other jdx.

          • KK

            Yes, agree with those who said practice writing essays when you have no idea what the answer is. This is guaranteed to happen to you at least once on the actual exam, and the more prepared you are for it the better. My tips for this situation: (1) watch your time- give it the same amount of time as your other essays, if not a bit less (to cut your losses), do not waste an hour trying to figure it out, (2) Focus on the facts. Write about all of the facts and how they do or do not support what your supposed to be arguing for- this is the part you can’t prep for in advance so not knowing the law won’t be a problem, just use a common sense where you don’t know the law.

            Here’s my real life example: When I took the bar, my strongest essay topics were crim and con law. To my dismay,on my actual exam, there was one crim/con law combined question and no other crim or con law questions. To make it worse, the question wasn’t about robbery or murder or equal protection. Instead, the fact pattern involved the date of the arrest and a series of delays/continuances, then the question at what point, if ever, was his constitutional right to a speedy trial violated? I had no effing clue. To this day, I haven’t talked to a single person who had a clue what the answer was. So I drew from the one SCOTUS case I remembered (which I think just dealt with reasonableness) and discussed each delay/continuance at a time for reasonableness. I vaguely recalled there being a state rule, but didn’t know what it was, so I picked something out of nowhere (1 yr from arrest) that put me somewhere in the middle where at least one delay in the fact pattern would be beyond it (because if you were writing the test, wouldn’t you do it that way?).

            Anyways, I’m pretty confident I got most of the points even though, as I later learned, the actual state rule is 6 mos (I didn’t look it up, someone else did). More importantly, I wasn’t shaken by it. Just mildly annoyed that I didn’t get one of those great spot-all-the-crimes fact patterns. I credit my test prep (non-bar bri, but I’m sure they do the same) for making sure I knew there would be at least one WTF question on the test. This is a super long post, but I hope it is helpful to illustrate how you can approach these questions.

          • KK

            Oh and to put my other response in context- this was in a state that had nine or ten essays or something like that, worked out so that you had about 25 minutes per essay. So it’s all very quick and dirty anyway.

        • AIMS

          I didn’t study for the essays almost at all and I passed just fine, two states. Don’t worry about it. Just focus on studying the subjects and outline a few essays — I literally just quickly read the questions, thought about them for a minute to see if I spotted the issues and then took the BarBri model answers and made them into reverse outlines, that way I could get a feel for structure and how they wanted it done without having to spend a lot of time doing the actual essays. Remember, you just have to pass, you don’t need an A! And, TCFKAG is right, you can just make things up. For my second state, I did exactly that and just started every sentence with, “In New Jersey …” and “Under NJ law …” and it totally worked.

          • LilyB

            Excellent! I’ll remember to insert “In PA…” as often as I can to make it sound like I know my stuff.

          • JessC

            This. When I was studying for the essays, I think I only actually wrote out the entire essay a few times. You’ve gotten through law school, you’re probably more than capable of writing a timed essay. (FYI, I’m in Florida where we have 3 essays to write in 3 hours). If I wanted to cover/review the most essays, doing the outlining method was the only way that was really feasible without being a massive time-suck.

          • Anonymous NYer

            I did this exact same thing. I took (& passed) 2 states (NY & MA) and I didn’t study for MA at all. I just said “In MA…” yadayada and either made up a rule or used the NY one. I also didn’t really practice essays at all – just outlined all the subjects and over the course of july shortened the outlines until they were bare minimum rules with no explanation, and I knew how to explain all of them. (well, some of them)

        • Em

          Here’s my favorite bar exam story ever. A lawyer I know (who’s had a long and successful career) says she got a tax question on the bar exam but hadn’t even glanced at the tax section of the bar prep materials. So she wrote: “This is a TAX question. If I received this question in practice, I would refer my client to a TAX attorney, who could give them specialized TAX advice.” She’s convinced to this day that she got full credit.

    • TBK

      Assuming you’re doing a bar review course, learn what’s taught in the classes and ignore the rest. I did Bar/Bri and there was a small book (called mini-something — conviser?) and then two big long books — one for MBE and one for state. I never cracked the long books. I made flashcards of the stuff from class and reviewed the mini book. What state are you doing? I took MA and studied with a friend. MA does MBE first then state (so you can take NY at the same time if you want) so we didn’t even look at the state stuff until the night before (seriously). And the state questions were ridiculously easy (like a family law question where it specifically ruled out all the complicated stuff and it came down to a divorce between a middle aged couple with no kids and equal assets). Not to tell you to slack, but if you do what the review course tells you, you should be fine.

      • LilyB

        I’m doing PA, which is not said to be a particularly hard state (except that they test federal income tax every year, ugh). The first day is 6 PA essays + the PA performance test, the second day is the MBE.

        • TurtleWexler

          I took PA and completely blanked on about half the tax rules. I just made up something that sounded plausible and rolled with it, and in the end I did better on that question than on some where I straight-out knew the answer — probably because I did a better job applying my “rule” throughout the essay because I knew it was BS, but didn’t explain the stuff I had down pat quite as well. The only thing you really, really need to know for tax is that EVERYTHING counts as income.

          • wit

            Turtle, that absolutely made my morning.

            Bar takers, you’ll be fine. Keep breathing, take breaks, it all works out in the end. If you are typing on a laptop and there is a word limit, 1 thing you should know is if the program stops you from typing. That happens in Illinois. Mid thought and then BAM, character limit. Being prepped for that helped because you don’t panic, just edit your essay a bit and move on. Also, if there is a bizarre essay question, chances are almost everyone else is thinking WTF as well so don’t worry about it.

            GOOD LUCK, its almost over!

    • Bonnie

      Make a topic specific study schedule for yourself to keep from getting overwhelmed with the amount of material. Remember to build in breaks. You’re almost there!

    • Ellen

      Do NOT freak out! I did NOT have the right attitude the first time, when I was takeing BOTH the DC and the NY Bar’s, but got VERY focussed on the NY bar when the manageing partner said I could work for him if I passed it. So I gave up all of every thing execept studying, so I passed in the WINTER time.

      Now, I have been aksed back to school to talk to the 3L’s and act as a MENTOR, but they said they will NOT pay for me to travel back there. I do NOT nt to spend $300 for an AMTRAK ticket NOR do $200 for a hotel room just to speak for 1 hour to 3L’s about workeing in NYC. FOOEY!

      For $500, I can have a GREAT shoppeing trip to Lord and Taylor, so I told them FORGET IT this MORNING.

      What NERVE they have! THEY WANT ME!!! Akseing ME to come ALL the way to DC on my own, stay OVER on my own, and speak, on my own, for NO compennseation? DOUBEL FOOEY!

      • ELLENWatch

        If anyone with knowledge of George Washington University Law School can comment on the plausibility of this story I would greatly appreciate it. I can’t find anything on the website soliciting alumni speakers as a general matter, leaving me to wonder whether they do indeed WANT Ellen specifically. (If she exists.)

        • karenpadi

          I don’t know about GWU, but I have been invited by my alma mater to talk on a panel to students about the bar or networking or what makes a successful summer clerk. Usually the coordinator emails me via work or LinkedIn (so it’s not a public announcement). If I decline, I think they just find someone else, no biggie. But my firm sponsors a bunch of events for the school and they are just down the street.

          I think this Ellen post is plausible.

        • GW Law

          I 5 years out of GW Law, and they have never contacted me to speak or serve as a mentor in any capacity — I’m not in NYC but I’m in another non-DC city. When I was in school, we did not have alum mentors, nor do I recall alum speaking to us. Could have changed… but still… not especially plausible.

          Also, I’ve lost track of how long Ellen has been PRACETICING law but thinking of her as my “classmate” has me laughing.

          • GW Law

            And I am connected to GW via LinkedIn, etc… they call me frequently enough (at the office) to ask about donations, but not to “mentor” or speak.

        • E.

          It’s implausible that she took both the DC and NY bar at the same time. Apart from the fact that unless she can bilocate it would have been physically impossible, there’s no reason to take the DC bar if you take another state because you can waive into DC from any state.

          • JessBee

            Except that waiving in can take up to a year, as I recall, so folks who actually need to be licensed in DC right away may take the DC bar to speed the process. That’s so rare, though, that you’re probably right.

          • Bluejay

            @JessBee – it’s the C&F that takes so long, and it takes just as long if you take the bar. A couple of my coworkers took the DC bar because they didn’t need to be licensed anywhere else and it still took 7 or 8 months.

          • SH

            Unless you didn’t score high enough on the MBE to waive into DC, and yet passed in your original state…womp womp :-(

    • Anony

      I am sitting in a coffee shop prepping for the bar right now. I tend to fluctuate wildly between absolute panic and zen-like calm, if it makes you feel better. I’ve been hitting between 70%-82% on MBE, which I feel okay about, but like you I am crazy worried about the essays. I’m not sure how hard my state compares (NC), but I worry constantly about being blind-sided by an issue or just having no clue what they want from me.

      In more cheerful news – 8 days and we can actually enjoy our summer!!!!

      • KSouth

        I have that back and forth, too. The crappy thing is I still have to work because I am taking a new bar because we are moving. Insane work schedule the past 2 months (of course, after it had been chill for 2 months) and sometimes I feel like Iknow nothing, other days I am calm. I felt the same when I took my first 2 bars, so it’s completely normal. But, ugh, this can’t be over soon enough.

      • NCatty

        I took NC’s bar, and did fine. But, as you know, essays are weighted 60%. My last week of bar prep, I focused only on essays, and that helped a lot in my preparation. I wouldn’t say NC essays are *harder* than anywhere else, but they do count for more, and I think they’re graded a bit tougher in general. Just remember to elaborate, pick a side, and argue it.

        And most of all, relax. You’ll be finished, and you’ll get your cold soda and warm cookies on your way out the door, and you can put it all behind you.

    • anonfish

      In NY (and soounds like some other jurisdictions), it’s really mostly about structure. State the rule, apply the rule to the facts, come to a conclusion and state the rule again. That Barbri IRAC (Issue, Rule, Application, Conclusion- holy cow I can’t believe I remember that!!) is exactly what they are looking for. True story- the first time I took the bar, I passed NJ but failed NY (by 4 points). I had a really good MBE score. I had been working in Jersey so I knew how to do Jersey style pleadings, briefs, etc. The Jersey essays are just that- what you would write if you were actually working in a firm. NY was completely different. All they wanted was IRAC. I didn’t have the hang of it then unfortunately and that’s why I failed. I took the retaker class but the most important thing for me was the essay writing workshop. I followed those instructions to a T and passed. Now, trust me, I’m not the biggest Barbri fan in the world, but the point is- just know how to structure your essays. Even if you don’t have the rule right, as long as you show the logic of how you are applying it to the facts to come to your conclusion, you get plenty of points. They are looking at your reasoning skills as much or maybe more than they are looking to see if you memorized the law. Good luck!!

      • Hel-lo

        Practice practice practice your essays. They want structure, organization, and transitions. If you are a little off on the law, you’ll still be better in a well-organized essay than someone who has the law right, but hasn’t written a good essay.

        In general, remember that you can only do what you can do. You are only human. If you can’t study for 8 hours (who can?) then give yourself a break and watch reality shows for the rest of the day.

        The most important advice for the next couple weeks is: Keep yourself sane. Exercise, do yoga, make music, dance, take a hike, whatever works for you as a destresser. For me, it was drinking beers with friends. Eat healthy and drink lots of water. Get some sunshine. You’ll do ok.

  7. Fiona

    Where can you get fully lined, quality dress pants in modern/flattering cuts? My go-to store used to be BR, but I went this weekend and everything was either wrinkly cotton or unlined. J. Crew had suiting pants, but they were all unlined. Ann Taylor pants seemed polyester and cheap. Brooks Brothers had high quality lined wool pants, but they were too high-waisted and felt like mom-jeans. Where are these elusive pants? My husband has about 10 pairs of quality pants in his closet and I can’t find any for women.

  8. Banker

    I did a lot of searching for lined pants this spring. I checked the shops above, and note that Talbots didn’t have any either. Harder and harder to find!

    • Kontraktor

      I’ve gotten a couple pairs of lined pants from Talbots, but it was in the winter, so maybe check back!

  9. Dealing with female hair loss

    Early TJ–

    I was recently diagnosed with female pattern hair loss, at the age of 26. I’m trying to stay positive by just being grateful that I don’t have any life-threatening disease, but I have to admit I’m pretty upset at the diagnosis from a superficial perspective. It’s already really noticeable and is unlikely to get better.

    If anyone else is dealing with this, could you share your experience? My doctor is handling it medically, so I’m not really looking for advice about treatment, but any commiseration or coping mechanisms would be greatly appreciated. I’m especially looking for tips for haircuts or styles that would make it look better. Thanks!

    • Crosssfit

      My sister has that. Poeple have been horribly rude and awful about it.

      I wish you all the best and I wish I could give you a hug right this instant.

      • Lumiere

        If you are comfortable sharing what sort of treatment you are taking, I would love to know. I suspect I am also dealing with this — I have lost a LOT of hair over the past ten years — and I’d love to know how your doctor is treating it.

    • Jacqueline

      So sorry to hear that. I dealt with short-term hair loss last year, and the emotional effects were probably harder to deal with than the actual loss of hair. Some things that helped me:

      *Trying not to touch my hair or brush/style it any more than necessary
      *Wearing my hair up or away from my face so I didn’t notice the loss as much
      *Thickening shampoos/volumizing products — anything to fluff the hair and make it feel bigger
      *A shorter, layered cut will help disguise the loss more than a longer, blunt cut

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I lost hair while on a med. My derm had me use men’s rogaine, just once per day instead of twice. I also used thickening shampoos with Biotin and took biotin and folic acid supplements. Recently, I accidentally bought an awesome thickening conditioner when I went to buy a tea tree conditioner. I’m not sure how I got the two mixed up. I used it once anyway and my hair ended up huge. I have thick hair again so a thickening conditioner won’t work for me. If you are comfortable, email me your address to projectmundaneart@gmail.com and I will mail you the conditioner. I haven’t thrown it away because it is expensive and I was waiting for the right person to give it to.

      • Amelia Bedelia

        This is why I love this community so much. Such an awesome group of women we have.

    • January

      If you’re willing to go this route, a friend of mine who has thinning hair got a lace wig about a year ago. She got it to match her natural hair cut and color. It looks fantastic on her, totally natural, and I know it’s been a huge confidence-booster for her.

    • Anon Analyst

      Sorry to hear that. I have dealt with alopecia, where I get random bald patches. It crops up randomly, but appears to be stress related. I totally get what you’re saying about being grateful it’s nothing serious, but being a woman and dealing with hair loss is difficult.

      My hair stylist has been sympathetic and helpful – she reccommended short, layered styles that I could move around to cover the thinning/bald spots. Volumizing products can also help. I read a tip that using volumizing conditioner at the roots (as opposed to just the ends) can help. I have fine hair, and I’ve actually noticed that this works. Lately, I’ve been using the Pantene volumizing line. There is also a John Frieda volume spray that works well.

    • anon for this

      I use Rogaine (men’s), Flax oil, and Zinc. My hair is thicker and fuller than it’s ever been.

    • OP

      Thanks so much everyone for the advice and support. Lumiere, my doctor prescribed a shampoo called Nizoral (available in generic) as well as men’s Rogaine once a day like others mentioned. I’d recommend seeing a dermatologist sooner rather than later– I wish I’d gone much earlier before the loss got this bad.

      I’m going to give the supplements and volumizing products a try for now, and consider more drastic measures like a short haircut or a wig as it gets worse. Thanks again!

      • anon for this

        Good luck! I saw a derm a few months after I started losing hair in clumps (probably from stress, although my hair was already thin). Definitely a great idea. I use Rogaine twice a day – I’m curious why your derm says once.

        • Blonde Lawyer

          If you use the ladies brand you use it twice/day b/c it is a lower dose. Men’s brand is twice/day for men, once/day for ladies due to strength. Obviously though, follow your doctor’s advice.

    • Anon

      First: I second the poster who wanted to give you a big hug. I also suffer from this, and while you’re right that it’s not life-threatening, it’s still really hard.

      There are a LOT of cosmetic options available to help mask hair loss in women. Toppik, volumizing products, shorter/bob haircuts, etc. I’ve told myself that when the time comes that volumizing products and a little bit of well-placed Toppik doesn’t work, I’m going to get a lace wig.

      Have you found any of the online forums for female hair loss? There are several, and all tend to be full of really supportive women.

    • Anon

      I’m a longtime lurker, posting for the first time here because I know how hard this is! I am 30, and first discovered that my hair was thinning at 27. My doctor gave me the same diagnosis you received. I was *so* upset — like you, I was glad it was not something physically harmful, but it is still hard from a superficial perspective. A couple thoughts:

      *Joan Rivers Great Hair Day is AMAZING. It’s basically like make-up for your scalp — a powder that you apply with a brush — it matches your hair color and keeps your scalp from showing through. It’s really quick and easy, and so it feels more like part of your make-up routine than like a “treatment.”
      *My biggest fear when I got my diagnosis was that my hair was going to continue to fall out steadily and never grow back in. That didn’t happen. I’m a little thinner now than I was then, but it’s been gradual and not nearly as dire as I expected. Particularly since you’re on Rogaine, your hair loss will likely slow and maybe even reverse itself.
      *Finally, even though I didn’t believe people when they told me this at first, I really do think hair loss is much more noticeable to the person going through it than to anyone else. My husband thought I was crazy when I first told him about it (he probably still does!), and the few close friends I told swore up and down that they’d never noticed anything, even though it was so obvious to me.

      It sounds like you’re on a good treatment plan, and hopefully everyone’s tips will help (or at least make you feel like you’re not alone!). Good luck!

    • anon for this

      I’m checking in as a WOC to say that, for completely different reasons, I wear a half wig every day. No one notices! Seriously, wigs are ubiquitous within the AA community and (just like hair pieces, weaves and chemical hair straighteners before them) will eventually find their way to the mainstream. They look completely natural and you get really used to them.

  10. d

    Over the weekend, I saw a statement from a life insurance policy that my husband bought last year, before we were married, from Western & Southern. It looks like he is contributing $100 per month, but that ~$35 per month are going to “expenses.” I asked him about this, and he said that it was an “overfunded life insurance policy.” This seems like a terrible deal, and I know I’ve heard people counseling against these types of policies.

    Am I wrong in thinking he should cancel this “over funded” policy, and use the $100/month to buy a term lifepolicy, and then put the remainder in an IRA or something? What’s the plus side to the overfunded policy?

    • Data

      Ask the carrier for an “illustration” — a document that shows what will happen in each year in the future as he continues to pay premiums and if and when he dies. Then you can sit with him and compare that “investment” with anything else you might do with the money.

    • Divaliscious11

      Probably. Who did he buy the policy from? If he has an insurance guy – I’d ask him to explain the policy – if its anything but term – ask to get it converted. Separately, I check around for what the term policy equivalent should cost – I bet its less than the $65…..

  11. JessC

    Had an idea I wanted to throw out there and see if anyone would be interested…
    I know there have been some comments/jokes about setting up a C*rp*r*tte clothing swap. Is this something that you ladies would actually be interested in? I have a friend who’s been cleaning out her closet and posting pics on facebook of stuff she wants to get rid of. Which gave me an idea…
    There’s already a facebook group for those ladies who want to discuss dating issues – so my idea was that we set up a facebook group for a clothing swap. People can post pictures of the items they’d like to sell (along with relevant details as to size, fit, quality, etc) and what they’d like to sell/barter it for.
    Is this something you ladies would actually be interested in? If so, I’d be happy to set the group up. :)

    • momentsofabsurdity

      I would totally be interested. I’m moving so I have a fair amount of stuff to be rid of (especially shoes!). However, I work in a business casual office, so I don’t have a ton of work clothes, so if it was work clothes related, I probably wouldn’t be a useful participant.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I love the idea but I’m not on facebook for a variety of reasons. Is there another website we could use that everyone could access? Bonus if there was a way it could be anonymous? I’m thinking like a photo sharing site where we describe the clothes in the comment and include an email address to contact if you want the item.

      • Same here!

        In the same boat, and would really really appreciate business clothes in a size 14 petite!

    • lostintranslation

      I would be interested! I did a little digging, and it looks like we could use the service Rehash, and create a group for fans of this site like on Weight Watchers, Sparkpeople, Goodreads, etc. The other clothing swap sites didn’t seem to have the group functionality. Then, people could sign up semi-anonymously.

      • JessC

        That’s awesome! I suggested facebook because, well MOST everyone is on it and it seemed pretty easy. But this site looks pretty great. I’ll tinker with it a bit over the next day or so and get something set up!

  12. Nevadan

    What is a “shift” dress? I thought it is a dress without an articulated waistline which is narrow from top to bottom. I think the word has something to do with old fashioned underwear. Sort of like a “slip” people used to have.

  13. May

    Thank you so much for all the great advice about flying long distance just before an exam.
    I can’t get melatonin though because it’s not licensed here. Oh well!
    Shall definitely try the candle, and maybe take a…well… Comforter… Avoiding TMI :)
    Stopped getting up at 4 to study this past week and keeping up later to make the transition easier.
    Thanks all!
    I am intrigued by how this site has become a reference group for so many of us!

    • Bluejay

      Seriously, you can’t get melatonin? That’s weird. It’s just a supplement, not a medication. At any rate, you can find it in any drugstore in the US so if you want to pick some up upon landing you can. You likely can even get it in an airport drugstore.

      • May

        I hadn’t realised… Assumed it must be prescription. Thanks a bunch! I’ll try to pick some up at the airport; I get there around 9pm local.
        Nope definitely none here :)
        Apparently there’s a scientific reason why flying East is harder. Just thankful I’m flying West :)

        • Bluejay

          It’s just a hormonal supplement – melatonin is the hormone your body produces to tell you it’s time to sleep. It works like a charm for me and for many others as well, so I hope it’s as useful to you.

        • May

          Gosh! This is strange ; according to what’s on the Internet it’s prescription only in the UK. You lucky Americans :D

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Even though it is a supplement, I’d be careful w/ it. My 6’5″ husband gets super groggy and loopy the next day after taking even one melatonin. I would not take it for the first time the night before a test.

  14. Batgirl

    I have a very dear friend who is dealing with some serious, ongoing health issues that, while not life-threatening, really reduce the quality of her life. She’s very depressed and has a lot of mobility problems right now.

    Yesterday, another friend and I went over to her NYC apartment and cleaned what were hoarder-like levels of trash, collected mail, etc. The place is MUCH improved, but I’m concerned about her ability to keep up with it. She’s interested in hiring cleaning help, but can anyone recommend a place in Brooklyn that not only cleans but maybe helps with organization and/or pseudo personal assistance (dealing with some errands). I know the last part would cost a lot, but if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

    • TCFKAG

      If the problem is medical — perhaps she should be looking into whether her health insurance or something else could cover some in-home assisted living care. Home health aids do this sort of thing all the time.

      • Banker

        Unfortunately, health insurance generally does not cover in-home care that is not directly related to provision of medical services (e.g. nursing, etc.). So she’s probably on her own for this one.

    • Batgirl

      Yes, I would assume she’s on her own, though it is medical.

      Really, I would just love some recommendations for cleaning services that would also fold and put away laundry and maybe help with organizing a room full of junk.

      Thanks!

    • Silvercurls

      No specific references, just two general suggestions and brief experience with the e-newsletter of one NYC-based organizer. Good luck in helping to take care of your friend.

      The National Association of Professional Organizers (www dot napo dot net) has regional chapters, including one in New York (www dot napo-ny dot net). You can request a referral from either the national group at www dot napo dot net forwardslash referral forwardslash or the NY chapter web site at www dot napo-ny dot net forwardslash referrals. The NY site also offers a directory of members at www dot napo-ny dot net forwardslash publicDirectory.

      Both directories & referral sites offer you the option to customize your request depending on whether you need business or residential organizing and/or help with specific issues such as chronic disorganization, ADHD, etc.

      A couple of years ago I signed up for messages from Jordana Jaffe, an organizer based in Brooklyn. (No idea if this is geographically helpful or unhelpful for your friend.) I remember her tone as kind, but decided to unsubscribe because it didn’t seem helpful to work with an organizer in or near NYC when I’m a resident of Maryland. Her web site is www dot liveorganized dot com. One of the services she offers is “maintenance.” (See www dot liveorganized dot com forward slash services dot html.) My guess is that other organizers would also offer this service.

    • anonBrooklyn-ite

      I would start by finding a neighborhood laundromats to pick up and drop off laundry. Also, there are cleaning services that will bring their own stuff, and some will run errands too. I don’t have any names off the top of my head, but I’m in Brooklyn and I know I found some a few months ago. I can look it up tonight if it’d be helpful.

    • regular but anon for this

      I have a chronic illness that keeps me at home a lot. It’s serious and ongoing, like your friend’s. Honestly, what I really need is friends to come check in on me, hang out with me, etc, and none of them ever really do this. They’ll email, but it’s rare someone will stop by. It’s lonely and demotivating being alone for days on end. I have no interest in getting out of bed, let alone doing the dishes, on day three or four of an extended at-home stay. If she knew she’d have daily company, she’d probably be motivated to do other things too. So please consider not spending money to buy her a service, but rather spending some time to hang out.

      And I know people are busy and don’t mean to sound judgy of friends who don’t have time to hang out – but if people could come by just once every two weeks I’d have a visitor most days and that would help so much.

      • Batgirl

        That’s been part of the problem–her place embarrassed her so much that she wouldn’t allow us to come over. Now I feel like she’s finally at the point where she’d let us come visit more. Good luck to you–I hope you can keep your spirits up. I know it must be very disheartening.

    • Anonuk

      My boyfriend lives in Brooklyn and uses Joanna Cleaning Services every 2 weeks. They get pretty good reviews in Yelp. Not sure if they do errands, they certainly do re-organisation.

      They make you get a deep clean to start, which is more expensive than the normal clean. I haven’t seen the place (long distance relationship), but he raves about it how spotless it is and clean it smells.

    • Amy H.

      Hope this is not too late for you to see it — you might suggest your friend check out www [dot] taskrabbit [dot] com. It has people who do cleaning, or errands, or organizing, or odd jobs, or whatever anyone puts up a request/bid to hire people for. I haven’t used it yet myself, but it seems like the company vets its people quite thoroughly, and it also seems like an inexpensive way to get the equivalent of a personal assistant/organizer (though the person wouldn’t be certified or anything).

  15. Betsy Bee

    First time calling on the hive’s help! I need a maid of honor dress for my sister’s wedding. It will be a Sept., late afternoon wedding on a beautiful lawn overlooking the ocean. She told me to wear what ever I would like and am the only person on her side in the wedding party.

    The frontrunner is the Zarita dress in grey: http://www.saksfifthavenue.com/include/Zoom.jsp?default_color=GREY&PRODUCT%3C%3Eprd_id=845524446463344&bmUID=jye3s75

    Thoughts? And help with shoes please! Will need wedges due to the lawn and preferably under 4 inches…

    Thank you!

    • Former MidLevel

      I think the dress is lovely. It looks a little bit short on the model, but that might be because she’s very tall.

    • oclg

      I have this dress in dark teal and it is probably the most flattering dress I’ve bought in the last 5 years. Im 5″7′ and it hits a bit below mid thigh.

      • Betsy Bee

        Thanks for the feedback. I tried it on and think the length is a tad short, but will brave it considering the long sleeves seem to balance that factor out.

        Shoe ideas?!

        • A

          I have this dress too in blue and L-O-V-E it!! I am 5’9″ and it is short on me, but absolutely 100% flattering.

          I wear mine with nude colored shoes usually.

    • anonfish

      This is a beautiful dress but I don’t know if it’s formal enough to be a maid of honor dress. It just says “guest” to me. Even though it’s an afternoon wedding, I think the bridal party needs to be a little more f0rmal. Also, make sure she likes the color- that it matches with her scheme, etc.

  16. Jcrew

    I bought some final sale items on Friday and now there is a 40% discount code! If I call will they retroactively apply this to my order on Friday! The same colors and sizes are still available today.

    • Jcrew

      OURTREAT

      And that last one was supposed to be a ? not an !

      Does anyone know if JCrew does this?

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      Maybe not, but you could just buy all the same stuff with the discount code and then return the first batch.

      BUT if it’s final sale, will there be another 40% off?

      • Woods-comma-Elle

        Also just ignore my message because I just realised that ‘final sale’ means ‘no returns’ rather than ‘final discount’.

        Facepalm of the day.

    • MissJackson

      Worth calling CS and asking — I occasionally read the comments at jcrewafficionada and people seem to get mixed results — which means that if you call once and they say “no” you might want to try a second time.

  17. Anonymous

    Has anyone who has had bad side effects with birth control pills switched to Mirena and had side effects? I’ve stopped taking the pill because it caused moodiness/depression and migraines. Obviously this is something that I will discuss with my doctor, but I’d be interested to hear from other people as well.

    • rosielo

      If you’ve had bad experiences with birth control pills, you could also consider the copper IUD (I forget its pharmaceutical brand name). No hormones! I just got one a few weeks ago.

    • Merabella

      I don’t have Mirena, I have the copper IUD, but I ABSOLUTELY LOVE it. Sorry for the Ellen Caps, but seriously, it changed my life. I don’t have to worry about forgetting pills. I chose the non-hormonal version for personal reasons, but if you are worried about hormone side effects this might be a good option for you.

        • rosielo

          Yes, it hurt. A lot. But the initial “oh HOLY #$^$!” cramps lasted under a minute, and I was sidelined the rest of the day with normal-intensity cramps. So, overall, not a big deal.

          The copper IUD does not help with cramps. In fact, it can make cramps during your period worse. It depends on the woman.

        • Divaliscious11

          Mine (Paraguard) didn’t hurt at all – they kept saying its going to pinch… and then they were done and I said where’s the pinch.

          Also, my cramps disappeared – so much so that I have to calendar my cycle because I no longer have the tell tale signs that its coming.

          Alas, my youngest will be 10 soon so it got to go – trying to talk the husband into a vasectomy…..

        • Left Coaster

          I also have a copper IUD and love love LOVE it. I’ve had it about six years now, and it’s great — nothing to forget, no co-pays, nothing to insert, etc. Mine did hurt when I got it put in, but only for a split second. Like rosielo, I had cramps for the rest of the day, and then that was that.

          The copper IUD can make cramps worse. For the first few cycles I had after insertion, my cramps were worse, but not markedly so. Over time the crampiness decreased, and now I hardly have any cramping at all with my period.

          • Merabella

            I agree with this assessment. It hurt when I got it, but I also didn’t take the cervix softening meds that the doctor recommended before I went in. I think it would have helped. I had slightly heavier periods for the first few months, but I have had it for almost 3 years now and things are pretty regular. I do track my periods now, because I have trouble remembering the last time I had them, and I don’t have crazy cramps anymore. Usually I look at the tracker and think “Oh that is why I was so short with my husband/was craving chocolate covered potato chips”

    • Anonymous

      I switched to Mirena because 1) BCPs weren’t effective in controling my cramps and 2) BCPs put me in a “fog.” Mirena has been life-changing for me. I have gained some weight (about 5 lbs that I’d attribute to Mirena), but I haven’t had any hormonal symptoms the way I did with BCPs. And after spending decades planning my life around my cramps, I no longer have any period of note (a bit of spotting a couple of times a year).

      • Anon for this

        It doesn’t make you paranoid to not get any period each month? How do you know you’re not pregnant? I am not all that peachy about my BC pills but at least I get my fake period once a month and I know I’m not pregnant. I feel never getting a period would freak me out.

        • Anonymous

          (Anonymous from above) I don’t use Mirena for birth control. If I did, I can imagine that I might have bought HPTs in bulk for the first couple of months. :) However, it’s become such a groove that I’ve gotten used to it and I don’t think it would phase me any more even if it were my birth control. One thing I would definitely be really good about is writing down the date it was placed and making sure that I had it swapped out by the 5 year mark.

          • Bluejay

            I’m not really going to be using mine for birth control either (at least not in the near future, since I’m single), but rather to help minimize some medical issues I have. Are you happy with your decision to get it?

          • Anonymous

            Yes. As I said above, it was life changing for me. I had pass-out, throw-up cramps that even BCPs didn’t control (cut down on the number months they were that bad, but I never knew whether I was going to have “these suck” cramps or “it’s not safe for me to be in public” cramps ahead of time). Because of this, I was not a candidate for a copper IUD.

            I have my life back. I don’t count days, I can plan events without worrying I will need to cancel. I don’t have to worry about taking sick days at work. On top of this, I don’t have the hormal fog I did with BCPs. Best decision I ever made.

          • Bluejay

            Thanks for sharing – “getting my life back” is exactly what I’m hoping for, too.

        • TCFKAG

          Now…this is far from scientific. I guess I worried a bit the first month or two. But here’s the thing, if you’re pregnant with your Mirena or IUD in, you have WAY BIGGER problems than an accidental pregnancy. And I believe it will cause serious pain and stuff.

          So I think you’ll know if you’re pregnant with the IUD. But….that’s something to talk to your Dr. about before insertion. I don’t personally miss my period at all…

        • Bluejay

          Mirena has something like an 99.8% success rate at preventing pregnancies. My gyno said getting pregnant on it is virtually unheard of – the only real concern is if you accidentally dislodged it somehow (pulling on the string, having s-x with the world’s longest man [yes she really said that], etc), didn’t notice, somehow managed to ovulate despite the hormones, and had s-x while ovulating.

          • anon

            My cousin actually did get pregnant on Mirena, and it was terrible for her. First, she had absolutely no intention of having a fourth child (though of course she can’t imagine life without her now). It made her pregnancy very high risk, and she had to go on bed rest about halfway through the pregnancy. It is very rare though.

          • Bluejay

            Yikes, anon – I didn’t mean to sound dismissive about this in my post above. I’m glad your cousin’s pregnancy went ok.

      • zora

        This. Same for me, I have had no hormonal symptoms with the Mirena. I do have periods sporadically, but even when I have them, they are very light. I track other menstrual cycle symptoms on a moon calendar, so I can see when I’m definitely on my cycle even when I don’t have any bleeding. The Mirena changed my life, I love it.

    • TCFKAG

      I switched to Mirena because the full-hormones in BC were a risk for me because of my health history and its been amazing with few or no side effects. I’d have a serious discussion with your doctor about the differences between Mirena and the copper IUD. For me, I preferred the benefits of the low-flow hormones, because it tends to lower the risks of cramps and it means that you either get no or very light periods. The copper IUDs can mean cramping and periods can be increased, which worried me.

      But — if you are extremely sensitive to hormones, its possible your doctor may recommend the copper IUD instead, which might be preferable. Either way, I love the IUD for the non-daily pill and the confidence.

      Finally, ask if they’ll prescribe a pain med or a muscle relaxant for insertion (especially if you’ve never been pregnant). It hurts like a B going in, don’t believe what they say.

      • Anonymous

        I agree that you should ask for a pain med or muscle relaxant beforehand, but I think the pain of insertion varies woman-to-woman. I had kids before and the gyn thought insertion would be a piece of cake — unfortuantely it wasn’t. All sorts of weird instruments were used to get it placed and they made me stay laying down for an extra long period of time (for fear I’d pass out or something). BUT it wasn’t really that painful (and I’m a wimp). On the flip side, I’ve heard from women who had “easy” insertions, but found it really painful. So be prepared, but don’t feel that a terrible experience is inevitable, even if it does prove to be more challenging.

        Oh, on that note, ask your Dr how many they have placed. You don’t want to be a guinea pig!

      • Bluejay

        Ugh I am so worried about how much it will hurt. They’re prescribing me a muscle relaxer and told me to make the appointment for when I’m on my period because it’s easier at that time, but I am still so, so nervous. Were you able to walk home and do your normal routine afterward?

        • rosielo

          I didn’t walk home (took a cab), but I would have been able to. Same with routine, though it’s nice to take the rest of the day off, if you can arrange it. Definitely have Advil, pads, and a heating pack on hand.

          • Anon

            I have a Mirena, and concur that it’s been awesome. That said, it was very painful for me. I’ve never been pregnant and did not have a muscle relaxer, which I now realize may have helped. I stayed at the office laying down for almost an hour before driving home, but about halfway through my drive home, I felt faint and nauseous and had to pull over. I took the afternoon off and rested in bed. For the next 4 months I had terrible cramps, but after that (I claim my body adjusted to having it in), I was fine. I’ve been super happy ever since and would do it again, despite all the initial pain/discomfort.

        • Anonymous

          Muscle relaxer should really help!

          Even with my complicated insertion, I left on my own, drove myself home, and continued on with life as normal. (I did spot for about 6 mos, which is much longer than average, but it was completely worth it.)

        • anon

          I had Mirena put in a month ago and, despite spotting and perhaps some acne (although that could also be summertime sweat and sunscreen-related), I love it.
          I was so paranoid about the insertion I took advil an hour before my appointment. Literally all I felt was a “pinch” when it was actually inserted. It was basically like a longer pap test for me. The nurse told me they have women who cry during their annual exams from pain, and those women would find insertion painful, but if you are ok with your annual you will be fine with the insertion. Honestly, looking at all the “tools” being prepped was the worst part for me.
          I was a little uncomfortable that evening (I think until the strings adjusted themselves and stopped poking me internally) but by the time I went to bed didn’t know it was there, and haven’t ever since.
          As far as the acne side-effects, the nurse also said they could go away as my body gets used to the hormones.

          • Bluejay

            OK, thanks! I am always fine during my annual, so I hope I will be fine for this. I’ll pop some advil beforehand.

        • cbackson

          This might be too late for you to see, but consider asking them if they’ll prescribe misoprostol for you. It’s a pill that softens the cervix (also used in medication abortion, FYI), and you insert it something like 12 hours before the insertion to make it easier to get the IUD in. I’ve had Paragard and Mirena, and used misoprostol with Mirena. It was a bit easier. The Paragard insertion was so horrible for me that I wouldn’t have done it had I known how much it would hurt, and then I expelled. But after I talked to the doc about steps to make the insertion easier, I was comfortable getting Mirena. It still hurt a lot, but it wasn’t as bad.

          • Bluejay

            Thanks cbackson – I think this is what she prescribed for me. She said it was a cervix softener.

      • Lawyeur

        I too love my Mirena. I can’t take BC pills b/c I have a high risk of blood clots. The hormones in Mirena are localized (i.e., confined to the uterus) vs. the hormones in pills, which enter your bloodstream. I love not having a period (which is why I didn’t even consider Paraguard). Insertion wasn’t bad at all. I’m on my second (well, actually my third… the first one I had perforated my uterus, which I didn’t even feel (was able to tell only because of prolonged bleeding and b/c the doc who inserted it must have known she did it wrong b/c she told me to come back for an ultrasound). So just make sure you go with a doc who is experienced in inserting them, and you’ll be fine.

    • ols

      I switched from one bc pill to a different low-dose pill as opposed to an IUD. I had terrible migraines at the start of my period and my dr said that IUDs wouldn’t really help with that. So if a big concern for you is migraines, that might be something to consider

    • Bluejay

      I’m getting a Mirena next month, partially for the obvious reason but also because of my terrible, terrible menstrual cycle. Like you I can’t tolerate hormonal BC, but my gyno says that the hormones contained in Mirena are local and do not spread throughout your bloodstream like the BCP does. I’ll report back once I get it. You’ll have to wait probably a month between your first consult with your doctor and actually getting the IUD, so you’ll have time to consider all your options.

    • anoooon

      I don’t have an IUD, but I use Nuvaring and find it has a much lower instance of side effects for me. The hormone levels are the lowest in the non-IUD bc market. I still have some side effects, but they’re not life-altering like they were on various bills.

      I know its not what you asked, but I love to tote the benefits of the Nuvaring.

    • eaopm3

      This is a late reply, but I have to chime in with my experience:
      After trying various kinds of hormonal birth control methods, I decided to get a Mirena IUD. The insertion pain was terrible. I passed out, then threw up repeatedly and had to have pain medication prescribed and then be driven home from the dr.’s office. I do not have a low pain tolerance. (I have gotten tattoos and piercings and never had any such trouble.) I do now know if medication prior to the insertion would have helped, because I didn’t take any.
      The side effects for me, were bad. I felt like I was constantly cramping, but it was hard to tell if it was a period type cramp or an intestinal cramp/ gas pains. I called my dr. and she told me to stick it out for a few months for my body to get used to the IUD. For two months I was on pain killers, and I don’t mean Tylenol. When I could tolerate it no longer, I made an appointment to have it removed. The removal was quick and painless and I was completely back to normal after that.
      My advice: Go for it. Sounds weird right? The reason I say that is because plenty of my friends have them and love them and had none of the side effects I experienced. I have never been pregnant, and the friends of mine that have IUDs have all been pregnant before, so that might have something to do with my body’s intolerance of the device. Since the removal process was simple and painless, it’s worth a try. Just be aware of your body and make sure you go to a doctor that has inserted a number of IUDs.

  18. SunnyD

    What do I write on a card that I’m sending to a debutante? None of my friends were debs when I was that age and Google has not been helpful. The debutante is the daughter of my dad’s business associate so I don’t know her well. I plan to enclose a check as a gift if that matters.

    • Merabella

      I would write something similar to a graduation note. Like “Congratulations on this part of your life. I hope you enjoy your time as a deb. Sincerely SunnyD.”

    • Bluejay

      I’d write something like “Congratulations, beautiful! Can’t wait to see photos of your big night! XOX, SunnyD”

    • Emily P.

      You need to consult an old-fashioned etiquette book to find out what the right phrase is. Go to the bookstore or library and look at Emily Post and Letitia Baldridge.

    • Senior Attorney

      I’d keep it short and sweet:

      Congratulations on your debut! With warmest wishes from SunnyD.

  19. Mondayed

    Ugh, I am an idiot. I forgot to pack a bra in my gym bag. The nearest place I could buy one is half an hour away and my house is an hour away. And I have a big deadline today and can’t imagine my boss would look kindly upon me disappearing for an hour and a half. Oh, and I’m wearing a silk blouse. And I’m nursing. Ugh. Going to hide in my office. Oh wait, it has a glass door. So I can’t even do that. *endrant*

    • d

      I might call a local retailer and give them your sob story–they might bring one out for you.

      Can you wear your sports bra? get some tape or bandaids?

      • Mondayed

        I wore a gym shirt w/a built in bra today, but your message inspired me to create a bandeau style by wearing my hands-free pump holder backwards. I’m going to call the nearest store when they open in an hour and a half (I’m on the West Coast), but I’m not sure what size I am now, so I think a trip to the store is going to be necessary. I hate myself sometimes!

        • JJ

          This is pretty genius. I’m nursing and I wanted to complain about forgetting br@est pads today and having to stuff my bra with tissues…but you clearly win!

          • Mondayed

            Thanks, guys! I’ve now spun the band around and am using nursing pads to cover the openings. I also found a cardigan hidden in my desk, so I feel less exposed. I have to say, I am kind of loving how much faster I can get set up to pump. Not enough to do this everyday, but in a making lemonade sort of way.

        • Working Girl

          This made my day. The exact same thing happened to me last week. The only thing I had was the sweaty sports bra I had worn to the gym, so I wore that under my suit. To court. I had a hands free pumping bandeau in my office left over from my pumping days, and your brilliant idea did not occur to me!

    • Crossfit

      Worked retale for years. If you call and are polite they will have a bra in your size waiting for you at the closest department store register when you get there.

  20. another anon

    Where is a good place to get small, lightweight cosmetic bags – the kind you can carry in your purse? I’m thinking maybe something like those lightweight pouches that come with le sportsac bags (except they aren’t sold separately?). I recently had an embarassing incident where I dropped a super absorbent t*mpon in a very public setting, while searching for something in my purse. So I’ve vowed to become more organized!

    • Kontraktor

      Any drug store, pharamacy, or Target type place. CVS/Walgreens always have cute ones and Target has a good selection.

    • Merabella

      I love Sonia Kashuk’s make up bags at Target. There are cute patterns and they come in a variety of colors/styles.

    • AN

      I use the tiny cases by Le sportsac. They have side zippers and are lightweight, washable and super cute.

      • another anon

        Where can you get the tiny le sportsac cases, without having to buy a set with a big bag as well?

    • lostintranslation

      The LeSportsac pouches are available on their website. I like both the boxed travel cosmetic and 3-zip travel cosmetic. The rectangular ones get really huge, but somehow never fit everything I want in them (weird?). They’re also periodically available at TJ Maxx. Otherwise H&M is very cheap if you want something cute and aren’t picky about the exact shape/size/pattern.

    • D Train South

      I’ve used pencil cases from bookstores and also found great pouches of various sizes at The Container Store.

  21. rosielo

    My gran is in the hospital with a broken hip. She is having surgery this morning, but will be there for at least a week to recover. I want to send her a little care package, but I’m not sure what to put in it. I wanted to send fancy chocolates, but figured they would not survive the mail. I would like to buy something here, in NYC, that is harder to find where she is (exurban Midwest). Any suggestions? I’m already planning on getting a word puzzle book. iPad apps are a possibility.

    Thanks!

    • TBK

      This might sound odd, but what about a lipstick or nailpolish in a fun color (or a better brand than she typically buys)? My gram always had to have her makeup bag in the hospital, even when she was 98. I think you can feel frumpy, old, and ugly very quickly and she might like something to make her pretty even just in her hospital room.

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      I don’t have any sensible ideas, but I love that your gran has an iPad!

    • TCFKAG

      I think a really nice thing to include in a care package for an older person would be maybe something a little sentimental as well as something to make her more comfortable for her stay in the hospital. So maybe a picture of the two of you in a frame (or one of those frames that cycle through a bunch of pictures of the family). And maybe a nice throw blanket and a comfortable neck pillow (the pillows in hospitals are the worst). Also, a nice thing of cosmetics or hair stuff and a little mirror and stuff would be nice — I don’t know about you, but my grandmother never went anywhere without her face, but hospitals tend to be pretty demoralizing in terms of personal hygienic (can’t get into the bathroom, all your stuff is at home). So some fun, nice travel cosmetics to play with might be nice, if she’s that kind of lady.

    • lostintranslation

      I used the photo book function on iPhoto to send a photo book to my Grandma recently. It was easy and not that expensive for a smaller book, and she was so happy. I assume that you could do the same on sites like Shutterfly, and there’s probably even a discount code somewhere to boot.

      • TCFKAG

        If you send her a photo book of all the grandkids and everything, she can show it to all the nurses. She’ll be everyone’s favorite. :-)

    • Hel-lo

      Does she like tea? You could send her some fancy teabags, and she could get a nurse to bring her hot water.

  22. KSouth

    TJ: It’s a long shot, but I may end up interviewing for an in-house position with an apparel company. My inclination is to wear a suit, but make the accessories, shoes and shirt more fashion-forward. Any thoughts, recommendations? Thanks!

    • Former MidLevel

      That’s what I would do. And I’d definitely wear at least one piece from the company itself.

    • anon

      I worked in an apparel company and I would say this is right on target. Boring black suit + white button down wasn’t uncommon for interviews, but people were definitely looked at as a better fit if their interview attire displayed some interest in fashion and clothing.

      • Suzer

        Agreed – I worked in that business for years. The culture was sort of a corporate/fashion hybrid. My uniform for meetings was conservative suit with trendy top and trendy shoes/accessories.

        Hope you like their stuff – employee discount!!!

      • KSouth

        Thanks so much for the confirmation that I am not way off base! Fingers crossed the interview even happens!

  23. Anon 3L - GRADUATED!

    TJ – just wondering if any of you ladies have used OTC progesterone cream and if so, what kind of results/effects did you experience? I’m looking for something to help with my lowered progesterone levels/peri-menopause. I can do a progesterone RX pill or an OTC cream. My OBGYN said a lot of his patients “swear by” the OTC stuff, but I don’t know anyone who has used it (I’m young to be in peri-menopause, and thus, have no GFs IRL who are going through the same).

    • anonymous

      I did an RX cream and it made my b*easts swollen and a little sore. Periods were lighter and shorter.

    • anon4this

      I am interested in any replies to this as well. Been struggling with (age-appropriate) peri-menopause myself for almost the last year. Nighttime hot flashes almost gone but zero libido. Tried a combo of HT drugs, not much helped and gave me the worst acne of my life (testosterone=horrible skin!). Any others have this experience and if so, what next?

      • anon for this

        I am struggling with hormonal issues in perimenopause as well, but not what you’re experiencing (in fact, I have the libido of a teenage boy). I get horrible headaches when my hormone levels drop so I’ve tried the Vivelle dot. Frustrating still and not entirely working. I have some night sweats as well. I’m planning on having a conversation about the hormonal issues with my gyno when I see her.

        • Anon 3L - GRADUATED!

          Hmmm. I’ll ask about the vivelle dot. My libido disappeared a few years ago but now it’s back. Like crazy back. ;0 I don’t really have the night sweats very often, but my cycle is slipping out of whack. It was really out of whack awhile ago (bleeding all. the. time. Flooding multiple times throughout the day and I couldn’t leave the house without packing extra clothes that I would eventually have to change into). I really want to stay on top of it this time and not let it all go to pot. I have migraines, too. But, I can’t tell if they are made worse by my hormones or life in general right now (bar exam, eating ALL of my trigger foods, too much caffeine, not enough sleep, but apparently, a lot of s*x. Go figure).

          anon4this: Have you tried seeing an herbalist? It’s not as cheap as getting a prescription, but I found some relief for both the physical issues (bleeding) and the hormonal rage when I saw one for awhile. You can also make diet changes (CW is that a vegetarian diet helps reduce symptoms) and try acupuncture.

          Bluejay: no pets, but I’m glad you mentioned this because I do have a young child who regularly clambers into my lap and arms (wasn’t this an episode of House?).

    • Bluejay

      If you have pets, I’d lean against using the cream. Apparently pets can lick it off or rub it off when they snuggle on you, and this causes bad effects for them. Happened to my mom’s dog when she was using the cream years ago, and the vet said it is not that uncommon.

  24. Elle

    TJ — Longtime lurker/occasional poster here, stumped on what to get my boyfriend of three years for his birthday next month. He’s turning 31, works in finance and is into cooking/music/reading/biking/golf. He’s tough to shop for because he has a high disposable income, so if he wants something, he can just buy it for himself!

    In the past, I’ve gotten him trendy items that I know will look good on him (he likes to look stylish but doesn’t like to shop and doesn’t have time to figure out how to interpret trends). But I want to mix it up! I was thinking maybe one of those make-your-own-beer kits might be fun? Looking to spend ~$100. Oh, also, we live in NYC so anything that takes up a lot of space is out.

    Any ideas would be much appreciated. TIA!

    • rosielo

      I think a homebrew kit would be a great idea, but look into the process before you buy it. I don’t mean to be a downer, but I’ve had friends who have homebrewed but didn’t really find it worth the time.

      If he likes looking good, but not shopping, look on Etsy for something. You would most likely find something unique that he would not buy for himself because he’s not Etsy-savvy. I just got my boyf a custom-made hat for his birthday.

        • TCFKAG

          Another cool guy thing on Etsy are custom cuff links or custom belt buckles. We looked at both when looking at gifts for my husbands groomsmen, there are lots of really fun options on there.

    • TCFKAG

      What about an experiential gift? Like a cooking or wine tasting class? Or I don’t know…a sky-diving coupon or something (have no idea how much those cost).

      Make your own beer actually takes up a ton of space, unless you take him to one of those places where he kind of makes in on site there and then they ferment it there. Plus, as the wife of a beer dabbler…once they get into it, you’re stuck with a lot of glass bottles and gear hanging around the house. :-P Maybe instead a wine or beer of the month club?

      • Elle

        Yeah, that was my concern as well! I think they usually take about 14 days to brew, and you have to let it sit. Maybe not the best thing for a small-ish NYC apartment.

        Love the cooking class idea! A beer/wine-of-the-month club might be fun too.

      • petitesq

        This was my thought too — I’m taking the bf skydiving this weekend for his birthday. That said, it’s something he’s been wanting to do. But I like the idea of giving experiences rather than items.

        • Elle

          You’re definitely more adventurous than I am! Have fun, though :)

          But you’re right – experiences make great gifts!

  25. In the Pink

    reposting from late Sunday…

    So I can’t find the thread on the changes to The Skirt. I struck out with the search engine on this site. Why? Dunno.

    Anyway, anyone who’s gone and tried it on, can you be more specific? In the catalogue I see the color blocked one and I agree it’s not appropriate for work. However, later on in the book (on a page of caslon items) someone is wearing it with a cardi and it looks to be the same, The Skirt.

    I don’t want a debit card (horrors, the safety of it) and I can’t get a Nordie’s card because we’ve had identity theft so have a “hold” on any new applications by our own request. Just use a ax and v and that’s it. Easier and faster to track fewer cards.

    So the upshot is that I have to wait until this Friday and deal with madness at the store or on line. Would love to know what’s changed before I go through that.

    Where will I be without The Skirt?

    TIA!!!!!!

    • Two cents

      I went to Nordies this weekend and tried it on. The fit has changed. I don’t think it’s awful, but it was way better before (at least for curvy me). No need to size down anymore. I used to wear a size 2 in the skirt, and the size 2 was ridiculously tight in the new version, but I was swimming in the size 4. The fit was sort of more matronly on me, if that gives you any idea. I found the length to be the same as it was before. Hope that helps.

    • Anonymous

      I tweeted Nordstroms last week when I noticed The Skirt had changed… they claim its the same fit and that the seams are the only cosmetic change, but that’s not what I experienced trying it on…

      No more The Skirts for me :-(

  27. Wannabe Runner

    I started doing Couch 2 5K with my BF, but around week 3, I started to have horrible knee pain. (About 10 years ago I had bad shin splints, ultimately resulting in orthotics in my shoes, which I still wear.) I’ve made an appointment with an ortho doc.

    I’m really sad, though, that I don’t get to keep running. My BF and I were doing this together, to encourage each other to get back in shape. And I was really liking it.

    I’m mostly worried that I won’t find any good way to exercise that isn’t expensive. In my area, gym memberships are like $150/mo, and more if you want the classes or trainers. Running seemed so convenient – don’t need special equipment, and if there’s a road, I can go.

    Any suggestions for good, cheap, convenient ways to exercise that won’t hurt my knee?

    • Anon 3L - GRADUATED!

      You should ask your doctor about whether the pain is because you did too much too soon, or whether you need to find something more gentle on the knees before signing off on running/walking for good. If it’s the former, then you might just need to slow down and build up strength in the muscles, tendons, ligaments surrounding your knees. You might need to add some strength exercises to your routine, too.

    • rosie

      Can you swim? See if you can go to a community pool or join the local Y–may be cheaper than most gyms. If you have a community pool, see if they have adult swim (our old pool used to have it for an hour on Mondays, our current pool has it for 15 minutes at the end of every hour) where you can actually get some laps in.

    • Elysian

      You may have already done this, but have you have ever had your gait checked to see if you’re wearing the right shoes? While running is certainly less expensive than a gym membership, a good pair of supportive running shoes is pricey and can make all the difference.
      As counter-intuitive as it seems, you might also want to try minimalist shoes (like Vibram 5-finger shoes and others). Their lack of padding actually changes the way you run, shifting your stride from a heel-strike (which can really create havoc for knees and hips) to a toe-strike, which is demanding on calves but better for your joints. You might also try running on paved roads instead of concrete sidewalks, because road pavement has more “give” than cement/concrete.

      By all means check with your doctor, but it sounds like you’re sad about losing running, so many some of these might help.

    • Wannabe Runner

      Awesome. All of these suggestions are wonderful. Thanks, ladies! Keep ’em coming.

      • IVO

        I am incredibly late posting, but I just wanted to say that, re: reoccurring injuries, very rarely is someone’s body just ill-suited for the activity of running. Almost, almost always, it is a problem that can be fixed. So, don’t give up.

        I, too, gave up on gym memberships in favor of almost-daily exercise outside. It’s the best. So, in that regard, I completely understand.

        Now, from personal experience, I think the advice you’ve been given so far has been wonderful (shoes, etc.), but I think that there is one thing you *have to* try before committing yourself to the “injury-prone” category: start a regular weight-lifting program focused on your lower body and core muscles.

        1) Focus on strengthening all the major and minor muscles in your legs. I emphasize hips and glutes here. Simple things, like leg raises and squats, will help immensely here. (I couldn’t believe it, either.) The following video saved me life (forgive the drama, he he he, but running has been quite important to my life):

        http://strengthrunning.com/2011/02/the-itb-rehab-routine-video-demonstration/

        2) Do varied, non-crunches-based core exercises. Plank, superman, etc. – this will strengthen both your core and lower back, making it easier to run with supportive natural form.

        Finally, try using a form roller on your lower body, and regularly.

        One more question (if you ever do read this, he he he): what is the nature of the knee pain? (Lateral, on top, behind, etc.) If it hurts laterally and hurts more when going down the stairs, it is very likely IT band pain – which is commonly misdiagnosed by non-specialist doctors – and the above video should totally take care of that. :) :)

  28. Anon for This

    Semi-regular poster, but going anon for personal reasons.

    I’m a new attorney, and since adolescence have suffered with anxiety symptoms. I’ve been on and off medication for the issue. I was in an “off” time (with my doctor’s blessing) up until Friday, when I had a pretty severe panic attack. I went to the ER because I was unable to breathe, etc, and was given a short-term prescription for an anti-anxiety med until I can get in to see my PCP.

    I agree that, given my level of anxiety in general in this new job, I should be trying meds again. However, the meds that are commonly used for anxiety, such as Xanax, Ativan and Klonipin, really just knock me out, and make the afternoon really difficult to navigate.

    Has anyone had good luck with other (either “emergency” or maintenance) anxiety meds? Any tips for slogging through the fog?

    • also anon

      I’ve been on Zoloft for about 4 months now, and don’t find that it makes me foggy (but it has been effective for my anxiety issues).

    • ChocCityB&R

      I haven’t had any luck with finding meds that work without making me drowsy. So I’ve avoided the meds altogether and focused on non-medicinal treatments. Your doc should be able to recommend some things (meditating, taking a walk, etc.) but I have to admit none of it has been helpful in emergency situations. It’s helped to decrease my overall level of anxiety, but when I feel a panic attack my only option to stop it is Xanax. If I can’t risk being drowsy later in the day, I’ll step into a restroom and ride it out.

    • IA_Eng

      I was on Celexa for several years and switched to Zoloft when I was pregnant two years ago – both helped control my anxiety (as well as depression symptoms) with minimal side effects.

    • Anon

      I found Paxil helpful. I took it for about a year or so while doing cognitive behavioral therapy. I did notice a little dampening of my libido, which is common with Paxil, but no other side effects. I never took any emergency meds- just rode out the attacks.

      Identifying triggers has been helpful (for me: being overtired or in dark, crowded, hot places after consuming rich foods/alcohol). Reducing overall stress is difficult, but necessary because everyday stresses will gradually build until I have an episode. Exercise has been somewhat helpful. I find that I can often head off an attack by taking a shower or bath. Weird, I know.

  29. Lizbet

    Declaration of intent! In honor of my 45th birthday, I am making a vow to get rid of all the uncomfortable underwear I own. I’ll still keep some of the sexy stuff (for obvious reasons), but I’m getting rid of all the all of the didn’t-quite-fit, crotch-without-enough-cotton, rides-up-terribly pairs. I kept them for emergency back-up and they made me uncomfortable every time. I’m going to buy a bunch of pairs that I know fit beautifully. Let’s hear it for herroom.com!

      • Lizbet

        I’ve got a belly thing going on and like cotton underwear, which is hard to find in attractive (to me) styles that actually fit. I’m in love with Calida panties (these in particular http://www.herroom.com/calida-21901-lycra-lace-hi-cut-brief-panties.shtml). They don’t come up nearly as high in front or back as on the model, so usually not a problem having the back show in lower-rise jeans. Crazy expensive but they last amazingly and are extremely comfortable!

    • Leslie Knope

      Go, Lizbet! I keep saying I’m going to do this and never get around it, which is especially ridiculous considering that I buy underwear in 3-packs anyway.

  30. Boardroom Belles

    I am sorry to hear about your hair loss. My mother has been dealing with that on and off for all her life and it’s a tough thing to deal with.
    Three things you may find helpful:
    – http://www.sephora.com/root-concealer-P282611
    (to cover up smaller bald patches)
    – Bumble and Bumble’s Wave Spray with Sea Salt, thickens hair like nothing else (and you may be able to compensate for a few sparser sections)
    – Osis Dust Hair Powder http://www.amazon.com/Schwarzkopf-Osis-Dust-It-10/dp/B001CN5S4C/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1342466518&sr=8-7&keywords=root+powder+hair

    She also found caffeine shampoo and B12 as well as Provitamin B shots/pills helpful

    Best wishes as you deal with this.

  31. Erin

    I have this dress and love it! I’m 5’4″ and it hits me just at the knee. Great find!

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