Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Stephanie Wide-Leg Ponte Pants
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
As I’m tentatively dipping my toe back into the world of wide-leg pants, my main struggle is that they look very different on my size 14-18 body than they do on a size 0 model — so buying online can be tricky.
Universal Standard is one of my favorite brands because they actually show their clothes on a wide range of sizes, so there are no surprises. These ponte pants would look great for the office with a slim-fitting top to balance out the wideness on the bottom.
The pants are $87, marked down from $145, and they come in US’s unique 4XS-4XL sizing, which is roughly equivalent to sizes 00-40. They are also available in three other colors, but lucky sizes only.
P.S. Happy Thanksgiving!
Admin Note: Yes, we're doing some tech changes, thank you for your patience! The changes here are big ones behind the scenes (switching WordPress themes) and will take a few hours to totally complete — we're on the schedule for a redesign with a designer but I wanted to live with the new theme for a bit because this one has a lot more bells and whistles than the previous theme (which we've had since 2012!!). We're also going to be trying out a new commenting system (the one currently in place on CorporetteMoms) — both of these changes should help the caching problems we've had, such as duplicate comments. As always, I'll be listening to reader feedback and we'll go from there.
Hunting for more wide-leg pants to wear to work? We just rounded some up, and general favorites include pleated pairs like Favorite Daughter, Everlane*, Reformation*, and Abercrombie*, with flat-front pairs from Good American,* M.M.LaFleur, and Ann Taylor (* = plus sizes; see the post for notes on petites and talls). We've also shared our thoughts on what shoes to wear with wide-leg pants! Our latest favorite wide-leg pants include these (as of 2024):
Sales of note for 12.5
- Nordstrom – Cyber Monday Deals Extended, up to 60% off thousands of new markdowns — great deals on Natori, Vince, Theory, Boss, Cole Haan, Tory Burch, Rothy's, and Weitzman, as well as gift ideas like Barefoot Dreams and Parachute — Dyson is new to sale, 16-23% off, and 3x points on beauty purchases.
- Ann Taylor – up to 50% off everything
- Banana Republic Factory – up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off
- Design Within Reach – 25% off sitewide (including reader-favorite office chairs Herman Miller Aeron and Sayl!) (sale extended)
- Eloquii – up to 60% off select styles
- J.Crew – 1200 styles from $20
- J.Crew Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off $100+
- Macy's – Extra 30% off the best brands and 15% off beauty
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
- Steelcase – 25% off sitewide, including reader-favorite office chairs Leap and Gesture (sale extended)
- Talbots – 40% off your entire purchase and free shipping $125+
whooooaaa what’s with the font change? Feels like I’m in Outlook here now :(
I like it! The moms site has been like this for a while I think.
The mom’s site has had this layout for a bit now. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don’t
Wait can we not collapse comments anymore? @Kat you need to fix that please! It’s critical to how many of us read comments!!
Please bring back collapse comments! NY CPA is right!
Please do bring it back.
+1 add me to the petition to please please please bring back the collapse comments.
Just so long as they’re not all autocollapsed like on the moms’ site. I don’t want to have to uncollapse every comment thread just to do a quick word search to see if someone replied to a question!
+1. This is absolutely how I use the site too (word search to check for replies). I wouldn’t be a fan of auto collapsed threads; I think it would discourage me from coming back to engage.
Adding my +1 to having comments NOT be auto-collapsed. It looks like there are no threads at all and it really disincentivizes engagement. Although maybe if it stays this way my work will become more productive.
I agree. Don’t autocollapse. It promotes just skipping the thread, which makes me read less and spend less time on the site. Seems a risky default for the web designer.
Yikes, yes please! Collapsing threads is a necessary feature if I’m going to keep reading here.
You can — it’s the carrot on the bottom right of the comment.
FWIW this wasn’t there when we all commented before.
So funny — for me the comments are all collapsed as a default now and I don’t like it!
And on the flip side, I love having them collapsed as the default! I used to use the collapse all feature at the top of the old set up as general practice and then just open the ones I was interested in.
Font change is trippy
I feel like I walked into the wrong party.
Is it different now?? It’s different now right? That’s quick!
The mom’s site changed this way awhile back. The collapse feature came back a day or so after the font change.
Omg no Kat! This makes one comment take up the whole screen on mobile! So hard to read!
And so much white space between everything. No thank you.
Oh this is bad, very very bad.
I’m assuming the changes here are supposed to end up looking like the mom’s site, and there’s just going to be a lot of tweaking until it gets there. The comments and fonts are different there, so I’m guessing (hoping!) that this very large sans serif font and big spacing that we’re seeing isn’t actually what Kat is going for.
I see a very small serif font, it’s quite terrible to read.
Agree. I read on my laptop and it is small text, lots of white dead space, and severe appearing.
Really, really do not enjoy this change, sorry.
It’s so hard to read!
Oh man. I hate this update.
Kat, for those of us who read the site during our public transit commute, having all the threads collapsed without an option to expand all is unmanageable. I often don’t have cell signal on parts of my commute
This font is very uncomfortable to read on a mobile screen – sans serif styles are default for screen use for a reason…
Would strongly prefer a sans font, or at least an easy button to switch to one.
Mini fashion rant:
I feel like DWTS did not do right by Ilona Maher, costume-wise. If ever a celebrity could pull off edgy designers like Iris Van Herpen (also work well by Gwen Christie from GOT), it was she. But the costumes really didn’t seem to suit her even though they seemed to have been custom made for her. IDKnif Jayne that is what she likes (in which case, all is fine) but I feel like they used cookie cutter costumes for someone who just is so much more than who they usually get. Christian Soriano from Project Runway dresses women of all types well and maybe someone like him could have done much better.
My daughter and I have Big Thoughts about DWTS and this is one of them. We were wondering if dressing someone for the type of dancing is different than regular runway? Like she needs to be supported and able to move.
We are also just generally in awe of all the women’s footwear, and annoyed generally that the nation voted for Joey. My 11 year old declared it “another thing that we mess up by asking the public their opinion.”
I didn’t hate that Joey won, I thought he was the second-best dancer after Chandler. I loved Ilona, though, she is a treasure.
I also didn’t know if it was necessary for dance or what but thought they could have been much better. Especially did not love the encanto outfit
I have been taking ballroom/rhythm dance lessons for about three years now, and I can say that dance costumes are SO different than runway/designer/couture clothing. First, all of these dance dresses have a built-in bodysuit, which is what allows the dancer to move without risk of wardrobe malfunctions. The bodysuit is tighter than a swimsuit. All straps are reinforced with space-age material to keep the dancer held together while allowing enough flexibility for movement. As far as the design, dance costumes have a very particular look, verging on gaudy. It is definitely a particular aesthetic. Also, most of the costumes that professionals wear to competitions range in the $6,000 range. Even amateurs pay that much. I have not bought one of these costumes because it is just utterly insane to me to spend that much on an item of apparel.
Hey dance friend! Shop Facebook. Look for ballroom dress sale groups. I got a great Latin dress for $700 that was probably 3k new. And check out Michael Chen. His designs are exquisite and cheaper than some of the big American designers. I’d go with him or, obviously, Vesa when you decide to buy new.
Fascinating, thank you! Literally just said last night as I was watching dwts, “I wonder how much tape is involved with keeping these costumes in place?”
Oh yeah probably none!
I went to some Broadway musicals last week and sat way down front, and I noticed that all the dance costumes on the ensemble members had built-in body suits. So they looked like they were half-naked but were really covered from head to toe. Very space-age!
I really liked the black gown she wore at the end of the show!
Looking for a soft sweater with a very modest V neck – preferably not boxy, not ribbed material, natural or synthetic fibers OK. Have been looking at cashmere but the Tuckernuck, Quince, Everlane, and Ann Taylor cashmere V necks are all too low on me. Open to solid or pattern.
Try the Aqua brand at Bloomingdale’s, the Nordstrom house brand, and Boden.
This is the type of thing that’s a dime a dozen from European knitwear companies, but the sizes tend to be more limited. I’d reccomend checking woolovers.
Lands End
Absent a moth attack, their wool sweaters are indestructible. I have some that are 15+ years old that I run through the wash and dryer (even for cashmere).
You really put wool and cashmere sweaters in the dryer?
I have a cashmere J Crew from a couple of years ago that is not too deep. I apparently have high cleavage (judging by the number of Vs I can’t wear), and this one I can.
Not sure if this will be your style but perhaps check the men’s section? The v necks there tend to be much higher.
I checked out my prior years’ cashmere. The v neck on my Nordstrom/Caslon brand one is higher than the one from J Crew and higher than the one from Macy’s.
Uniqlo recent restocked the v-neck, 100% cotton, 3d sweater, and it is available in black in all sizes. It’s cotton, not the softest but it holds up very well. I truly love this sweater and it is a workhorse in my wardrobe, so I renewed with an new, unfaded black sweater.
I am visiting my fiancé’s family in Iowa this weekend. We are all going to an Iowa State College Football game. It is supposed to be very cold. I love him and like football, but I’m from AZ and have no idea what to wear. Budget $100 and I can borrow items from his cousins and sisters, as long as I know what to ask for. Help?
I’d just send a “help” text to the cousins and sisters, saying what you said here — that you have no idea how to stay warm — and let them lend you what they know you need. Don’t worry about buying anything until after they tell you what you need and what they can lend you.
(Kat, the box I’m typing in has a very large font size for what I’m typing. Maybe check font size in the comment-typing box?)
Do not buy anything for this game. Wear layers and rely on the cousins and sisters! But seriously though, layers.
Hat and scarf for sure, plus warm gloves or mittens. Mittens are warmer than gloves. If you can get the footwarmer/handwarmer packets that will help a lot. I swear by the uniqlo heat tech stuff for very cold days too. The turtlenecks and pants liners are great.
Go to a camping store or somewhere like Walmart and get a 10-pack of HotHands. They are things that you shake and they heat up and if you put them in your pockets (NOT next to skin), they will help keep you warm. Wool socks. And thick-soled shoes. Hat should cover your ears. Solid gloves. You can likely borrow everything but the shoes and hot hands.
+100 to the hot hands. And get something to sit on!
Thanks! I’m doing a 5K tomorrow morning in Atlanta and it will be cold and rainy and I forgot about Hot Hands – good idea!
I live in that general area and it suddenly got cold here! It doesn’t sound like you’re not going to be very active, so you don’t need to worry so much about getting sweaty and having high quality materials that wick sweat and it shouldn’t be snowy or wet, so you just need to focus on covering up with warm layers. I’d try to borrow as much as you can, but you definitely need a hat, scarf, and mittens, and as warm as a coat as you can borrow (I definitely wouldn’t try to buy one in your situation) with a sweater or fleece underneath and your warmest pants with leggings or long underwear underneath. A blanket to wrap around your legs also helps, plus warm socks (merino wool unless your skin is sensitive), and decent shoes. You can also get those little handwarmers to put inside your mittens.
all of this, especially the leggings under jeans/pants tucked in there.
I always wore Under Armour cold gear at cold weather football games. The turtleneck top and leggings. It really makes a difference in being able to enjoy being outside all day. It’s likely they would sell these or similar garments at college apparel stores near campus. Wear them under warm but normal clothes, a coat, hat, gloves, scarf, and warm socks (maybe double up).
Wear the warmest coat you own, a hat and gloves. Bring a stadium blanket or mile if you have one. Borrow from his family if you do not have any of those items.
If you happen to have a team color hat, great. But the priority is warmth.
I went to college in Ames. You’ll have fun but this is a super valid concern!
I feel like the other poster’s recommendation of Underarmor or some type of thermal underlayer is going to be the most important part and the best bang for the buck with $100. Both upper and lower underlayers. I guarantee most people there will have a thermal layer under their sweater and coat. It’s a little under the radar but there is a well stocked camping/hiking store in town called “Jax Ames Outdoor Gear”. It’s on the west side of town. They would for sure have good thermal wear there on hand.
You need thin layers that you can put under your normal clothes. Think a thin turtleneck (like J Crew tissue turtlenecks) under your sweater, tights/ leggings under pants, etc. Plus you need a coat that fully covers your bum (the seats will be COLD), hat, mittens, and cosy boots.
pantyhose under your pants are also a big help.
Hello hive,
I am looking to up my at home leisure game. My house runs cold. Currently I change into jeans, a long sleeve t, and a flannel… I am bored and feel shlumpy, and aspire to feel easily put together and feminine. Looking for 2 or 3 outfits and do not care for synthetics.
Size XS or S.
Budget is $300 or less. Is Old Navy the place to go here?
Yes, start with Old Navy. Jeans aren’t warm, for me, and neither is a shirt. I’d be wearing soft pants in a think ponte. (You could wear good old fashioned sweatpants, but I feel schlumpy in those, so i stay away from them). A t-shirt underlayer, and a thick sweater, fleece, or sweatshirt over it. Socks. slippers.
If you’re wanting to feel put together, look for colors that look really good on you and look good with each other, so that they make an actual outfit. And pay attention to fit — it’s hard to feel good if you’re wearing clothes that don’t fit well.
I like Old Navy athleisure, but it’s pretty heavy on synthetics, so I’m not sure it’s really what you’re looking for. My house is also cold, and I spend winter in fleece leggings from Old Navy, Athleta, and LL Bean, which are warm and cozy, but not exactly the height of fashion and 100% synthetic, though more feminine than jeans and a flannel.
I would skip Old Navy and get some high quality basics.
LuLuLemon flare leggings in a ribbed fabric: https://shop.lululemon.com/p/womens-leggings/Align-Rib-Mini-Flared-Pant-Extra-Short-MD/_/prod11710127
Thick cotton tees from Uniqlo for layering (these look and feel much more luxurious than the price point): https://www.uniqlo.com/us/en/products/E424873-000/00
One or two structured top layers in feminine colors:
https://www.sweatybetty.com/us/shop/tops/jumpers-hoodies/radiant-half-zip-sweatshirt–SB9938_NeutralPink.html
https://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/502972?page=womens-shirts-and-button-downs
(check Poshmark for Varley) https://www.varley.com/products/mentone-half-zip-knit-pullover
https://www.quince.com/women/100-organic-fisherman-crew-sweater
Personally I don’t think of Old Navy when I think of put together, feminine and non-synthetics. But I’m not an Old Navy huge fan, so I might be missing it.
I’m thinking Olivia Pope leisure-at-home style…I remember thinking she had the best hang out clothes. No jeans. Soft fabric sets that layer and drape well, with warm merino wool socks. Last year I got a few matching sweater sets that I only wear at home and I really like how put together it makes me feel.
Search for “CashSoft” on Gap – you could mix and match several different pieces in the same color. It’s a Cotton/Nylon material mix, so perhaps the nylon nixes it for you – but this is what I would get – this entire cart is 276.87 before shipping/tax right now.
CashSoft Sweater Pants in Cobblestone Beige or CashSoft Seam Joggers in Cobblestone Beige
CashSoft Turtleneck Sweater in Cobblestone Beige
CashSoft Shaker-Stitch Sweater Pants in Charcoal Grey
CashSoft Shaker-Stitch Crewneck Sweater in Charcoal Grey
CashSoft Cable-Knit Sweater Pants in Cream Beige
CashSoft Waffle PJ Cropped Tank Top in Cream Beige
CashSoft Waffle PJ Joggers in Cream Beige
CashSoft Waffle Robe in Cream Beige
Look at the east coast old school outdoorsy clothing stores and get real material clothing that properly fits and is classically cut. Brooks Brothers used to have a line perfect for this, but it looks like they cut it. I’d check Orvis, Vineyard Vines, maybe LL Bean. Tuckernuck may also have options. If people would wear it on a boat off the East coast in November, it’ll be warm enough for you in your home, and I feel most feminine in clothes that properly fit and are well made. There is a high risk of frumpiness if you get the wrong size or cut, so prepare to return.
I go to Kotn for all-cotton loungewear, not super expensive and feels great on the skin.
I keep my house on the cool side so my uniform is: knee socks under either corduroy or slightly thicker twill pants, A long sleeve tee, a pull over sweater, and then a puffer vest. Yes i wear the puffer vest around the house. Somehow, keeping my core warm keeps everything else warm.
I have never liked the flannel shirt look personally. I wear earrings and lipstick most days and that keeps everything feminine enough for me.
I’m turning 40 this weekend and for many reasons, will be celebrating on my own (no kids or family, new to town). I’d like to use this occasion to bid a firm goodbye to my awful thirties. I haven’t celebrated a birthday, solo or otherwise, since I was 28 because I hated being alive for another year. I’m determined to hail my 40s differently. What would you do for a day? A solo luxury lunch etc., a small decadent gift – anything else?
I would spend the whole day at a Korean day spa, breathing deeply and relaxing.
Go to a fancier day spa if you do this – there are more practical/traditional ones that would not be the vibe for this.
I also don’t love my birthdays but I tend to do the opposite and over celebrate it so I’m distracted that day. I usually take the day off from work and go to get a massage at a nice spa, luxurious feeling lunch out (easier to get difficult restaurant reservations for lunch!) and then a museum exhibit.
Agree – go to a spa that has space to let you hang out before/after your treatment. Things like plunge pools, aromatherapy showers, even just places to grab a drink while you’re still in your spa robe, etc. Canyon Ranch has that kind of thing — you can also sometimes buy a day pass to a hotel spa
Buy something special for your home?
Tennis lessons with a pro
I’m a writer, so I’d journal about all the things I’m saying goodbye to or putting behind me (and maybe destroy it). Then I’d journal all the things I’m dreaming of in the future no matter how wild (keep it secret but maybe save it long enough to develop some practical steps/goals from that one).
I’d schedule an event for the evening, in addition to the luxurious lunch and whatever it is you like to do during the day. So maybe that is theatre or a sports game or a comedian or movie in the fancy premium seats, etc.
I might be boring but I would cook myself a delicious dinner with a great bottle of wine and stay home all day to organize and decorate my new home. Other than that, I would take a few days and travel somewhere new.
What’s on your list of things you wish you had done already but haven’t? Go do something off that list.
On the day, do what makes you feel special. Spa day, 1-1 personal session for yoga/pilates/gym, art class, lunch/dinner at one of the best restaurants in town, are all types of things I do for myself on my birthday now I’m on my divorced living well away from friends and family. This past year I gave myself a birthday week!
I want to give you the biggest hug. It’s tough trudging through life for 12 years. I hope you are able to access a good therapist to help you enjoy your 40s and beyond.
Last birthday I grabbed my camera, went to a couple museums, gardens, explored and took a gazillion pictures interrupted by a decadent boozy lunch. It was so lovely to just pause, look around and see what I could create. And, also not have the pressure of other ppl waiting around while you take pictures.
I’d go for adrenaline if I were trying to break from the past. What about skydiving or a flight lesson taster session?
Then I’d spend the evening with some wine and a book.
hugs to you for “hating being alive for another year” for the last 12 years. are you in a better place now? your 40s are the “no fucks detected” era so really look at what’s holding you back from happiness. let go of what you thought your life would be.
I always try to do a solo luxury lunch and buy myself a decadent gift. I haven’t celebrated a birthday with others in a very long time, and now I look forward to my special treat day. I always get what I want!
We are doing 360 reviews at work and I’m writing one for my boss – and I don’t really have anything to say! Lots of good things, but in terms of “improve” the only issues are my own pet peeves or like slight differences in personality/approach. It’s all really very minor. Okay to just leave a “Nothing really”? I don’t want to blow a slight problem up.
I would just say that your boss is a very good manager and you don’t have any substantive areas for improvement right now.
The purpose of a 360 review, IMHO, is to ferret out people who “kiss up, kick down.”
I would say you don’t have substantive comments and leave it at that. I’m very jealous you are so lucky
OMG so jealous. I would love the opportunity to do a 360 review for my own boss.
Sometimes a safe way to do this is to say something that you like that the boss does that they could continue to do or do more of.
I never ever say anything negative about my boss in those reviews.
Hive, I think my husband has an anxiety disorder and is in denial about it. It came about partly once we had a child and he started to feel a lot of pressure to protect us both. Then he was involved in an angry road rage incident that ended with a 911 call (from DH). Then the algorithm started feeding him a lot of videos of randos assaulting people and that really fed into it. We are also Jewish and it all got worse after Oct 7th. We live in a pretty safe city. He doesn’t want to walk anywhere, he is on high alert wherever we go anywhere, I see him clenching his fists at random time. He is taking Krav Maga classes which I thought would help with his confidence, but I think it’s actually feeding into the anxiety – there is a lot of “here is what to do if someone approaches you with a knife” talk in the class. I have suggested therapy and he claims he is fine. I just feel like he is hyper tense all the time and refusing to do very normal things – like go to the park in the middle of the day – because maybe something bad will happen. I love to be out and about and don’t want to live holed up in our home. Any advice?
If he won’t go to therapy, treat this like he doesn’t have anxiety. You don’t think you have a problem? Cool. I do though, you refusing to go do normal things has an impact on me, our family, and our marriage, and I’m scheduling couples counseling.
This pressure he feels to protect you, and the fact that you don’t want to be “hold up in our home.” . . . Is he concerned about you going places without him, because he’s concerned you and the baby will be harmed? Is he putting on pressure about not going anywhere if he doesn’t go, or isn’t there “to protect”?
I mean, he is not forbidding me to do anything, but he seems a bit uneasy when I suggest going out without him. There’s a lot of “are you sure?”. And I do go lots of places without him (with or without our child, as appropriate). But I enjoy spending time with him too and am worried about him – I feel like it started out not a big deal but is slowly ramping up and getting worse.
Just an outsider’s validating comment: Lots of “are you sure” seems more than “a bit” uneasy, especially if it seems specifically directed at you being out and about by yourself. “Are you sure you want to go to the park? It’s freezing out there,” is common-sense questioning. “Are you sure you want to go??” with no reason, is different.
Look out for guilt trips. You want to go to a friend’s BBQ and he doesn’t? He may start talking about how he’s barely going to see you that day.
I have a lot of sympathy for both you and your husband. I think this would be incredibly difficult to live with, and I have also gone through times that I felt a lot of anxiety about safety (which started with a very reasonable fear reaction to scary events and then escalated) so I know how much it sucks. I’ll say two things about it. First – I actually managed to shove that anxiety down and make it mostly unnoticeable to other people after a while, but it still ate at me badly even when it wasn’t visibly changing my behavior or my life. Therapy helped me enormously, and so I very much hope your husband pursues it, and with a therapist who doesn’t invalidate him, which I think damages trust. (This was key for me – I initially tried one who seemed to me to think that I was just being silly, and I felt like she didn’t respect how I was being affected by what had happened. My second therapist was like “dude that’s completely understandable, and also let’s help you feel better now,” and that was much more effective.) Second – when my husband got hit with a bout of depression, what helped nudge him to address it more than anything was sharing my own struggles. When I told him how not okay I’ve been at times that I seemed outwardly to be totally okay, I think it helped him admit that he wasn’t either. I don’t know if you’ve gone through issues with mental health yourself, but if you have and you’ve worked through them, I think this can be an effective way to convince a partner that they don’t have to pretend.
Does he have a primary care doctor he trusts and would be willing to see? I would start there – and email the doctor’s office your notes here (even if the office can’t discuss your husband with you; they can read what you send them)
post partum depression & anxiety can be diagnosed in men too – obviously different from a woman giving birth but men do have hormonal changes when caring for a baby, and sometimes that goes wonky
Sounds like post partum anxiety. My spouse had an episode of this after our first child. Those are all real, scary things that your husband encountered – he just needs more helpful tools to address them so it’s not disruptive to your lives.
Maybe send him articles about PP?
Or provide anecdotes about how your “friend” also had a spouse with PP anxiety and their spouse had some real help adjusting with limited time talk therapy and meds.
Social media is so dangerous in this way. I had a client who went down the police brutality reels rabbit hole and it culminated in him killing two police officers. Whatever normal anxiety your DH feels after having a baby, it is being increased by the barrage of tiktok reels that can truly influence the brain. Maybe start with suggesting a detox from that if he won’t do therapy,
You are right to take this very seriously and I agree it sounds like anxiety/depression. My perspective on this comes from my experience with my husband, who also became very concerned about safety, didn’t want to leave the house and ultimately died by suicide when our child was 6. I’m most concerned about protecting you and your child from the consequences of his untreated depression here. On your end, I strongly encourage you to start journaling. At some point everything became my fault. It’s very hard when someone you love starts telling you that, and I, at least, believed him part of the time. When I started journaling I began to have a clearer picture of what was actually happening in our home.
I hope very much that your husband either seeks treatment or gets better on his own. But ultimately it’s his choice whether to seek treatment or not. Your job is to support his efforts to get healthy, not make them for him. You are not responsible for his behavior or his mental health.
Ok… well this is not very helpful. When you are a small family unit sometimes laissez faire is not good enough.
I have a friend who, after 10/7, has started behaving this way… she is on high alert all the time everywhere. Look for a therapist who understands that angle of it, I think it’s huge. Anxiety meds can help. Maybe try having a discussion with him about “when will this heightened awareness end” — what set of circumstances will make him feel secure. I suspect there are none, and that’s why he should go to therapy.
Another format note – I can’t actually reply to any comments. I have a big Leave a Reply box at the top of the comments, but there’s no option to click Reply to any existing comments.
Also can’t collapse comments. Using Safari on an iPad, if that’s relevant.
It’s working for me in Safari on iPad. There’s a reply button in the right corner next to the username of the post to be replied to.
Oh derp, just noticed the Reply button on the other side. Sorry!
Also, when I click on “show replies,” they all show up *above* the next topic, not below. Weird formatting.
Hi – Is anyone familiar with the brand Benaar LA. Thanks.
I did google but would like some practical advice. I have a 23lb frozen turkey that has been in my fridge since Thursday AM. It has been thawing for 6 full days and is still IMO very far from thawed. I’m about 24 hours out from cooing time so getting nervous.
Do I start speed thawing it now? Give it another 12? Trust the process and get up early tomorrow and thaw in water if needed?
I talked to a friend this week who said she always cooks her turkey from frozen — never thaws it. She puts it in a cooking bag, seals it up, cooks it. I hadn’t heard of it, but google around. I found this:
https://www.msn.com/en-us/foodanddrink/recipes/dont-worry-heres-how-to-cook-a-frozen-turkey-on-thanksgiving/ar-AA1uQTeN
I would put it in cold water for a few hours Thursday morning, just to confirm full thawing.
6 days is a very long time, even for such a big turkey. Tomorrow morning I would run some cold water through it and I’d be surprised if it’s still fully frozen inside.
Have you unwrapped it and removed all the giblets from inside? You can do that now and then put it back in the fridge to continue thawing. Having the cavity hollow rather than full of semi-frozen giblets helps it thaw faster.
Butterball has a free turkey hotline staffed by grandmas and other great cooks! Give them a call.
Start thawing in cold water now.
Agree with the comment that said unwrap the turkey. The advantage of unwrapping turkey is that you crisp up the skin a bit in the fridge. Just let it sit in there with no covering for a day and it will be great. As long as you’re not stuffing it, it will be perfectly fine to start cooking tomorrow morning. I promise.
This new font is not to my liking.
I strongly dislike the way comments are now nesting. This undermines the very strong and lovely participatory dialogue of this $ite. Please change it back.
Can’t agree more! kat, yes please!
It looks like the font already changed.
I’m frustrated by the inconvenience of checking for new comments. I don’t know how other people check, but I usually just refreshed the site at searched for “at 10” (for instance) to see comments that were left since 10 AM. There’s no “at” anymore, and just searching for numbers results in seeing product prices and other numbers that aren’t times.
Well I am not smart; I can just search for “10:” or “11:”. However now the issue is that this type of search only comes up with new comments, not new replies, unless I click “View Replies” for every thread.
+1 that I really appreciate the community here, but the changes aren’t for me.
Also, the required email field has been discouraging me from posting over at Moms and will here. I know I can (and do) put in something random, but I feel more comfortable with just “anon” for some things.
Just put anon@gmail.com for the email.
You can just type different random letters every time!
I didn’t even notice where to click to see replies!
I only read on mobile and I too hate the format changes, both the font and comment display. Please consider leaving it alone/changing it back.
Ha ha I know people don’t like change but come on. It’s a font, people, you’ll get used to it.
Yes, I barely remember the old font since I spend much more time on the moms site. Not to gaslight people or whatever, but you will get used to it! I feel like this group of women is prone to anxiety about change (myself included)
I can only speak for myself but part of the OMG reaction is because I don’t recall getting a heads-up changes were coming. Changes tend to be more palatable if you know they are coming. Yea we don’t own the site, but the readers do keep it in business. That sais, it’s entirely possible I missed the announcement! But given the number of responses about the change, I suspect there wasn’t one.
She has been giving a heads-up on changes underway for months now, particularly when those behind the scenes changes were potentially causing glitches here.
I like the new format, especially now that the collapsing is clear. It’s easier to read each comment. I haven’t checked on mobile though, so that may be different.
The moms site has been like this for a while. It took some getting used to, but I actually like it a lot now!
It’s easier to deal with over there because there’s just less overall. Here it’s annoying to click “View Replies” so many different times.
Ehh, I used to collapse all the comments as general practice and then open up ones I was interested in, so I actually prefer the new set up.
Maybe there needs to be a collapse all or uncollapse all button? I don’t want to take the time to read through and assess individual threads, especially if I’m returning later in the day to look for replies.
If you refresh the page, the comments will re-collapse.
Yes, this is really frustrating when checking for new replies to a specific thread.
I got used to everything on the moms site, except having to expand each individual thread. That’s just annoying and I read there less as a result
I really like the way it works on Ask a Manager – comments are not collapsed by default, but at the top there’s a button to collapse all comments.
We had that already though. I always collapsed all and then only opened what I was interested in as I scrolled down.
I am on mobile, just seeing it for the first time and I think it’s fine. If the change is gonna stop all the caching errors that have been so annoying I’m all for it. Thanks for all the hard work, Kat and team!
Now when I uncollapse the replies, it takes me to the last reply. So I have to scroll all the way up to start reading from the top of a thread, if there are more than a few replies. That doesn’t work for me. The comments also take noticeable time to load which is no good. My teenage dial up internet using self is cringing at the entitlement to want to see things with zero load time but that is the reality.
I am now on a computer in firefox. On my phone in Brave browser it doesn’t do the thing to jump to the bottom of a thread, but it is slow to load comments.
Why are comments requiring a name and email and requiring approval?
They always have.
Nope they never have before. It’s always been optional.
I think you always had to write in “anon” or maybe it was defaulted to something like that, but the email was optional. However there was a trick posted somewhere that in order to avoid mod, to put in a fake email with the right email formatting. Since I did that, it’s worked better for me.
No you absolutely did not
Help! I need to cook and transport a traditional turkey dinner to a homebound relative who lives about 1.25 hours away. I’m experienced at cooking Thanksgiving dinner but always at home and always timed to finish cooking everything by meal time. What should I take hot? What should I take cold? Any hacks to make this easier?
My suggestion would be to cook the full dinner well before you hit the road, plate, things up or put them in Tupperware or whatever kind of containers you have and then reheat items once you’re there. Don’t try to take a whole turkey on the road, for instance.
+1. It all tastes better as leftovers anyway.
+1, this is the only way to do it. I’ve done this before. It will work.
Since I haven’t looked at the Moms site in years, I didn’t know its change was a thing. However, I do not care for this look. It’s just weird. Like, change for the sake of change. You’re not Microsoft.
I imagine the impetus for the change was better functionality behind the scenes and to get those improvements the look had to change too.
Are expensive hair dryers worth the money? My hair is fine, thinning and shorter. Will a fancy 100 dollar blower do less damage? DH needs a wish list from me. ps: don’t like the font or giving my email. Boo.
My husband gave me a Dyson dryer a few years ago and I thought he was nuts for spending that much money. But guess what? I love it, especially because it’s a lot quieter than regular blow dryers. It’s way more than $100 but if it’s in the budget it might be a good thing to put on the list.
I love my shark pro flex. I have not tried the Dyson, but I definitely think my shark was worth the money. I have fine but thick straight hair. Your hair type might make a difference in which is best for you. And you should hopefully be able to snag a holiday sale!
I love my shark too. Got it after trying and hating a friend’s Dyson
My $500 Dyson Airwrap was definitely not worth the money. My $100 Babybliss Pro definitely was.
My T3 round brush hair dryer has been life-changing and it was about $100 on sale. I can’t believe I’ve been blow drying my hair since the 80s and finally found a better solution this late in the game.
Fine hair does better with hairdryers that have more heat but less power. Dyson does not work for me at all. Makes my hair look super flat. I like the Harry Josh (green) hairdryer.
Feeling like I might cry at work today. A big project milestone was delivered that I worked very hard on and my boss doesn’t have one positive thing to say. Not even a thank you. It’s really hard never ever getting positive feedback.
I am so sorry. That’s crappy. See if you can pat yourself on the back a bit — you worked hard & delivered something big. That’s worth noting, even if it’s just to yourself. But I agree that not getting a thank you and recognition (even if there’s critique, too) is a really cruddy thing.
Agreed. Sorry OP, you deserve better!
Must be how Kat and team feel today with everyone bitching about the changes that were clearly a ton of work to make.
I cried WFH the other week. It is hard never getting good feedback. Hugs.
I’m looking to buy a new car, and it needs to fit three adults and two kids in car seats. I’m going to test drive the Honda Odyssey and Toyota, sienna (as soon as any of the local Dealerships have them back in stock.). Any other cars I should look at?
I have heard good things about the Pacifica hybrid from friends with them (had a base model as a rental didn’t like it; ditto the Sienna). My thoughts are that the Odyssey (I have) is a better driver’s car and the Sienna is plusher (sort of the BMW and Mercedes of minivans). Have loved my Odyssey. Holding off getting another until I can get one with AWD and hybrid. A friend raves about her Sienna and is on her third leased one.
We have a Pacifica Hybrid- it is definitely bigger/ roomier than the Odessey and Sienna. It’s like driving around in my living room.
But the plug in option was a big selling point for us.
“Driving around in my living room” got a genuine laugh out loud from me.
I accidentally swayed my reddit account to the Toyota Sienna thread. Just a heads up, is sound like a lot of people are having to pre-order and then wait for them to come in. But luckily there are a ton of loyal fans out there that post information about it on reddit.
Luckily, we don’t actually need a new car yet. We’re planning to have the second kid next year/early 2026, and are worried about the impact Trump’s tariffs will have on car prices. So figured we would look now. I’m happy to wait a few months for delivery to get the car I want
If you have the budget, BMW X5 could work.
You might also consider a Toyota Highlander or Honda Pilot. Although the adults will probably be more comfortable in a van and you’d get more cargo space. When our kids were little we had an Odyssey and loved it. We have a Highlander now and is great except for cargo space when the third row is up. Our last rental car was a Pacifica and I didn’t love it. I have liked the big SUVs we have rented sometimes when traveling (Tahoe, Expedition) but I wouldn’t want that as my daily car.
I recommend the X7.
Changing my health insurance this year and my new provider has Husk for gym benefits. I can’t find any info online on what might be covered . Anyone know?
Anyone have success getting a nordstrom package shipped/diverted to a store for pick up after tracking numbers are assigned by a carrier?
Im out of town til Saturday and put an order in yesterday, thinking it would be fine, theyd be delivered to my home after I get back in town. Packages get stolen from my building lobby so I prefer to be home for deliveries.
They put 3 items, including a $$ pair of boots, into one free expedited shipping package. The rest of my order is scheduled for regular delivery into next week. I called CS just now to have the shipping address changed to the store close to my home for pickup. Chances that actually works?
…the one time I wanted slower deliveries.
I don’t think they can do anything after the shipment has been prepared. Can someone pick up the package for you?
What carrier did they use? If it’s LaserShip you are out of luck. For USPS you can set up a mail hold. For FedEx you can have the package held at a store for pickup or set a vacation hold on all deliveries. For UPS you can have the package held at a store for pickup or schedule another delivery date, but you may have to pay a fee.
They used UDS, a chicago area carrier that has terrible reviews haha. I’m either out of luck on changing the delivery address, or they’ll be so delayed it wont matter.
Fedex, USPS and UPS i havent had issues in the past catching deliveries in time to hold the delivery or reroute to a pick up location.
Can your leasing office grab the package for you? Mine would.
Since I mentioned this yesterday in the thread about where to meet a boyfriend, I wanted to share this fun site about LL Bean boyfriends:
https://www.tumblr.com/yourllbeanboyfriend
I think I’m too jaded at this point. How many of those rugged outdoorsy types are spending their evenings on the internet in the “manosphere”? I’m originally from a rural area (though the guys would be more likely to buy Carhartt or Dickeys) and what the internet is feeding these dudes is just toxic.
I work in state government and we have a new IT vendor, which is a smaller startup. Their CEO joins many of our meetings. A few people on our team hate the CEO because they think he is arrogant, chauvinistic, a blowhard, and disrespectful to his staff. They hate him so much they can barely stand to look at him or talk to him. I have a completely different impression of him. I think he is considerate and reasonable, intelligent and provides good customer service. There are disagreements, but usually the position the company takes is reasonable and they look for a middle ground. I am going a bit crazy because I usually have a pretty good radar for this kind of thing but my impression of him is so starkly different from my coworkers’ (two women and one man). Our PM mostly has the same impression of the CEO as me. We are all in the same meetings.
Is this dynamic interfering with the work you’re doing with the vendor?
Have you asked your colleagues about their opinion? Something along the lines: “I noticed you seem to have reservations about this person – is there something I should be aware of?”
Maybe there’s a history (professionally or personally) that you are not aware of?
Perhaps this dude behaves differently toward your team members vs you and people more senior. If you have three people all thinking the same thing, I’d take them seriously.
Favorite audiobooks ever? Need to use up some Audible credits. Thank you & Happy Thanksgiving!
I just listened to Ina Garten’s memoir -was great.
Piranesi
Some favorites recently:
The Monsters we Defy (Historical Fantasy)
Good Omens (the full cast version on Audible)
Brandi Carlisle’s memoir Wils Horses (she sings between chapters!)
Thank you for Listening, written and read by Julia Whelan. Really anything read by Julia Whelan
Ten Things that Never Happened by Alexis Hall, read by Will Watt- like your favorite British Rom Com in audio book form.
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever read by Elaine Stritch- a must listen every December at our house.
Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey on Audiobook is pretty enjoyable. I think possibly more than physically reading the book.
Born a Crime by Trevor Noah
Good Omens
Here are some of my favorite audiobooks from the past few years. I have listened to and loved all of these. The fiction books are all over the map in terms of genre and mood, so choose what sounds good to you! I’m noting that a lot of the fiction is told from the first-person perspective, which I think works particularly well on audio. Most of the memoirs/ essay collections are read by the author, except A Ghost in the Throat, which is read by Siobhan McSweeney, aka the nun/headmistress in Derry Girls.
Fiction:
– Project Hail Mary
– Warrior Girl Unearthed
– Tom Lake
– A Love Song for Ricki Wilde
– Wrong Place Wrong Time
– A Land More Kind Than Home
– The Adventures of Amina al-Sirafi
– The Arsonists’ City
– The Weight of Ink
Nonfiction (all memoir or personal essays):
– A Very Punchable Face
– Managing Expectations
– Congratulations! The Best is Over
– This is the Story of a Happy Marriage (or These Precious Days– love both collections)
– Find Me: A Memoir
– A Ghost in the Throat
– The Anthropocene Reviewed
+10000 for Project Hail Mary. Really great as an audiobook. Daisy Jones and the Six was also great as an audiobook.
+1 for Piranesi.
Other fave audiobooks have been:
This is Happiness by Niall Williams (really fabulous Irish narrator)
Tom Lake and The Dutch House by Ann Patchett (narrated by Meryl Streep and Tom Hanks!)
Endurance by Alfred Lansing (suuuuch good narration)
The Splendid and the Vile by Erik Larson
I really liked The Guernsey LIterary and Potato Peel Pie Society. It’s an epistolary novel and all the letter-writers are voiced by different actors. Also in a similar vein, enjoyed the audiobook of The Rose Code.
Oh, and I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jenette McCurdy, read by the author.
SuperPowereds, by Drew Hays, in the Graphic Audio adaptation, if you like super heroes or speculative fiction. There are 4 books, covering 4 years of college life.
The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, by Taylor Jenkins Reid.
I’m currently listening to The Corrigan Brothers series by Cotton Smith. His son is completing the series and happens to be a neighbor.
Lights Out is #1 on Audible for a reason, great book. Very explicit sex scenes, though.
And now you have to expand *each*comment*replies* separately.
Yes, but you get to + people’s comments! I like it!
No, just no, on the individualized default collapse of replies. Please fix the changes so that the reader can collapse all replies or expand all reply threads, because that makes returning for updates much easier. We don’t have the time to run around expanding each individual set of replies to comments.
I would like both options – collapse or expand all, and at the individual thread level.
Yes please. Not seeing the comments (and the tiny view replies button off to the side) is really negatively affecting the experience.
I don’t think expanding replies to comments you’re interested in is much of a time burden relative to the time saved by not having to scroll past the comments you aren’t interested in.
No, it is a burden.
The issue is the missing “collapse all” toggle button at the top, which made it easy to skim quickly as desired, not forcing everyone to either collapse all or not.
Nah, it’s a real PITA.
Collapse all / expand all option needed, please.
New format feedback:
Both new fonts are hard to read.
The post font is slightly fuzzy, and it’s weirdly spaced. This means it’s more difficult to read quickly. It’s slightly blurred when seen on a mobile device. The same font has very low contrast in the comment box, this can be an issue for some readers in terms of accessability.
The comments’ font is terrible. Sorry, truly terrible. It’s so narrow and tightly spaced that it’s a pain to read. It’s very off-putting. It’s also slightly fuzzy, and the narrowness, blurriness and the serifs together is a very uncomfortable combo. Positive: the changes will be a great help to spend less time on corporette.
Comments’ functionality: the expand arrow is hard to hit right on mobile devices. The thread sometimes expands upwards instead of downwards, probably a bug. There is no expand/collapse all. There is a random comment pop-up thing that has no obvious address – is it a comment to the post? whatever comment is at a specific part of the screen? All pop-ups are annoying, this one is also confusing. Positive: colors to show comment tree level is successful.