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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 127 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Elie Tahari

Suit of the Week

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elie tahari suit.indexedFor busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. Leather is huge for fall, and a lot of it looks way too Mad Max (at least to me) for the office. That said, this Elie Tahari leather-trim peplum jacket kind of looks awesome — modern but still professional and ladylike. I actually love it as styled (all black/gray), but that's me. The jacket (Elie Tahari Martina Leather-Trim Jacket) is $448, and the pants (Elie Tahari Logan Pants) are $198, both at Saks.
Elie Tahari Martina blazer Elie Tahari Logan pants
(L-5)

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. perfect timing

    the good news is, I’m soon to start a really great new job. The less good (to me) news is that it’s not business casual and I need to buy some suits pronto.

    Has anyone seen any recently that have no or minimal shoulder padding? I really hate the way I look in most jackets even after I’ve gotten them tailored because I’m short with broad shoulders and really don’t need any additional structure going on. I just want to look sleek and competent like Carrie on Homeland, is that so much to ask???? ;)

    • Orangerie

      I’ve had good luck with Ann Taylor tropical wool suits. I also find their suit blazers are not as long as those sold at Banana Republic & J.Crew, which is nice.

      • Monday

        I don’t know. She does a very inspiring “F___ this s___!” My husband and I are always trying to reproduce it as accurately as possible, including the gangsta hand motion she did over Saul’s head. It has many applications.

    • Mpls

      Well – most (if not all?) suits (including Carrie’s) have a little bit of padding in the shoulders. It’s necessary to maintain the shape and draping of the shoulder/sleeve. So, you won’t find a no padding structured jacket (not that looks polished, imo).

      Most silhouettes don’t seem to be shoulder pad crazy, though (unlike the 1980s), so you probably okay at most stores. Do make sure that the armhole seam at the shoulder is AT your shoulder and not past it – that is the proper fit. The padding in the suit jacket sleeve is meant to mimic what is already there, not exaggerate it.

      • ss

        This is correct – a jacket without padding at the shoulders will just look like a blouse in a heavy fabric and odd details like lapels. If you are after a sleek narrow silhouette, it helps to look for a high tight shoulder and your tailor may be able to take in the back for additional shapeliness. This high shoulder is a tailoring signature for Chanel, Armani and Helmut Lang – not very helpful for a regular working wardrobe, but perhaps as a visual guide ? The padding can actually be quite substantial and may take getting used to – it’ll come much higher up your neck than you may be used to although as Mpls says, it should sit at your natural shoulder – but the visual effect is one of fluid tailoring since the fabric is hanging off the structured shoulder, not wrapped round your toro.

  2. Window Seat Wanderlust

    Related to this mornings vacation planning discussion….

    I am in my mid twenties and want to take a trip to South America. I have traveled solo in third world countries before, but with my demanding ish job I don’t really feel up to planning and organizing. I would like to use some tour guide/travel group where I can meet some young, fun people and be on a pre planned trip. Any recommendations?

    Or maybe I should just suck it up and travel solo like I always have done and enjoyed..

    • Anonymous

      A law school friend went to Peru last year with G Adventures (I think they might have been called Gap Adventures before) and really liked it. The website is the company name dot com. She said it was younger (ie: not seniors on a bus) but not Contiki like. They have small groups and you can add different trips together to customize location/activities.

      • Anonymous

        Second G Adeventures. I just got back from a trip to Central America with them. The age average was mid-twenties, mostly young professionals, and the guide was excellent.

    • springtime

      oooh south america is my next big destination!! i am in the same boat.

    • Equity's Darling

      I also really really want to do South America. I’ve been researching G adventures there for a while, and a friend did one with them a couple years ago and loved it. I think I’ll likely go with them, whenever I end up going (probably sometime in the next year or two…).

      The thing that’s stopped me so far is that I want to see SO MUCH of South America (basically all of it…), and flights are so pricey from here (I haven’t seen cheaper than $1500), so I’d love to go for a month or 6 weeks, probably bookending a G adventures tour with a week or two on either end in different parts of the continent. I worry I’d feel very unsatisfied with only 2-3 weeks there

    • Susie

      Sounds like you have several potential travel companions right here… can we make Corpor*tte Vacations a thing?

      • A-nonny

        Yeah, because that’s just what we need – to worry about our fashion choices and critique others’ choices on vacation…

        • Susie

          Yep if you don’t pass the fashion test you will be suspended from this forum for a length of time determined by the level of offense, and if you don’t come to this mandatory event you are banned for life.

        • Wildkitten

          I’ll be wearing a bathrobe/wrap the whole time and loving my life, so whatev.

    • Calibrachoa

      I admit, the urge to drop everything and go to Peru to herd Llamas is high around these parts. I know several people who did stints in south America working odd jobs and call centers and so on and part of me is highly tempted to follow in their footsteps…

    • TCFKAG

      I can’t recommend a group, but I’m currently planning a trip to Buenos Aires/Argentina/hopefully Chile and I’m very very excited about it. Anyway – hope you get some good recommendations (and if anyone has some good recs for trips in that regions – especially into the mountains – I’d appreciate it too!)

        • TCFKAG

          Thanks Tuesday! I’ll check them out (we’re actually hoping to see Patagonia – we’re just trying to figure out if we’ll have the time for the distance.)

          • Tuesday

            Strongly recommend Patagonia if you can make it. It’s like nowhere else I’ve been. The travel agent was able to get in-country flights that I couldn’t get from the US, at much cheaper prices than I was seeing online. She also arranged the city hotel and transfers for us. She had city tours etc on offer, but we weren’t interested in those.

    • Trixie

      Check out Intrepid Travel. I’ve done a couple trips with them before – once with a group and once solo – and found them really fun and not stodgy / sedate. (In contrast: I took a tour of Ireland with a tour group with my grandparents. I’m still not sure when I was awake and when I was asleep.) Another friend did an Intrepid trip to the Himalayas and loved it as well. Generally young people and physically active itineraries.

    • cbackson

      I don’t have recommendations, but I feel you. I’ve traveled to all kinds of places (some totally sketchy, some not) alone, but now I’m so busy, and there are so many demands on my time, that I REALLY just want someone else to take care of the arrangements for me.

    • Aria

      I’ll let you know in about a week — I’m off to Peru tomorrow with G Adventures :)

      • Cali CPA

        Definitely report back – I’m thinking about doing that! Which trip are you going on?

  3. Calibrachoa

    Well I did not get that second interview and feel like a thirty ton bucket of bleh as a result. Incompetent, useless, you know the drill. *sigh* Right ow i just want a big bottle of wine and a hug but neither one is in my immediate future :(

    • Marilla

      Aw, sorry to hear it. At least Nick Cave still loves you (that was you that met him, right?). Interviews and job offers can be so weird and unpredictable so don’t take it to heart or as an indictment of your capabilities! You never know if they had someone in mind already, if they were looking for something they didn’t communicate well in the job ad, or perhaps they are secretly dysfunctional and you escaped a nightmare job (that happened to me once – I cried for 2 days after being turned down for what I thought was my “dream job” and then a few months later bumped into the successful candidate who was having all kinds of trouble with indecisive management). I hope you can get yourself the wine and hugs in reasonably short order and then get ready to try for the next thing. :)

      • Calibrachoa

        Did’t meet him but he keeps molesting me at gigs… or offering himself up for molestation. But I felt horribly neglected when I saw him in Helsinki because he didn’t single me out… well okay i still got a few hand grabs and a “Hey sister!” during Stagger Lee but not the kind of attention he usually pays me. I have chosen to believe this is because his kids were watching the show from the sidelines (and bringing him cups of tea while he was on stage. My ovaries just about combusted from the adorableness) or possibly some crossed wires as I was being good and not gabbing him every time he came within reach because I like to think if he wants me to grab at him he can keep inviting me to do so… I am sure this makes me some sort of a Queen of Entitlement B***ches but grrr. He’s the one who started it. And yeah i will probably never stop talking about it

        It just feels like this was IT – I have a friend there who tells me how awesome they are, they were brilliant on paper and when Iw as in there and all I can think of is all the ways in which I screwed up the interview. part of me is actually thinking I blew it because I am too corporate – I showed up in a suit and all of my career has been B2B, not dealing with consumers. But ugh it is like… hammer blow in the gut. :/

    • hellskitchen

      Will an internet hug work? I feel your pain… I just got a rejection from a job that I spent a LOT of time interviewing for. It wasn’t my dream job and I am still in the running for one that I like more, but still… being turned down doesn’t really help my self esteem and make me feel good about my chances for the second job. A bottle of wine is not in my future either but I did gobble down half a bar of chocolate and the serotonin is already helping take the edge off of this rejection

      • Calibrachoa

        Internet hugs are always good and also not going to damage anyone’s clothing.

        I wish I had something else in the running…. part of me wants to start applying round again but places that would actually be feasible for me to move onto are so far and few between, it just depresses me more to go looking. :(

      • January

        Similarly, I got crushed a couple of times by jobs I thought would be good for me and that I thought I had a serious chance of getting — I did eventually land a great job, but it wasn’t one that I had in the running at the time of those rejections. Hang in there! Have some Internet wine… no risk of hangover!

        • Brant

          I would agree with this. I got rejected from two jobs after 2-3 rounds of interviews. Both times I was the second choice.

          I ended up continuing on at my firm, then got a call out of the blue from a colleague-of-a-colleague looking to hire someone like me. I interviewed, met the team and four weeks later was sitting at my desk at a new job. I’m still here, and kicking @ss.

        • hellskitchen

          Thank you for sharing that… I am consoling myself that I was rejected from this one so I can land the one I really want. I should know about the other job in a couple of weeks but these will be a very loooong two weeks!

    • zora

      Ugh, I am so sorry. I totally hate that feeling, and it just makes everything else suck too. :o( I am sending tons of internet hugs if that helps at all!

      • Calibrachoa

        thaks. Internet hugs are great for a lot of reasons.

        I jsut wish I had something to show for this year but nope, i have managed to lose my boyfriend, lose out on this job, probably going to lose my flat too soon enough… :( it’s all stupid and horrible and I want to throw the biggest tantrum imaginable.

        • NOLA

          I’m so sorry and while I haven’t gone through the same thing, I feel like, in the past year, I’ve lost a lot of the things that used to make me feel very blessed. Right now, I’m just trying to power through the mess and enjoy the things that still make me happy and laugh when my cat peers at me through the gap under the door at the top of the stairs (she’s so mad that she’s confined). When I go through really bad times, I just try to keep telling myself that if I do good things and I make good decisions, things will eventually work out and fall back into place. You just have to be able to have faith that they will and be okay with not knowing exactly how it will happen. That’s really hard! And it’s hard to be patient while you’re going through the bad stuff.

          • Calibrachoa

            Thank you. Give the kitty a snuggle from me? it gets so had to try after a while when it fel like every step i take in the right direction turns out to be on something crumbly and squishy that sends me reeling backwards in a big fat cartwheel.

            Maybe I should get a cat once the flat situation is sorted….

    • Veronique

      Internet hugs!!! I know that it doesn’t seem like it, but there will be other jobs! I also got bad job-related news this afternoon and I’m resisting the urge to feed my feelings with wine and chocolate…

      • Anonymous

        Same. Bad job-related news this afternoon. Reading these comments helped some.

    • Ellen

      Ooooh! I love TAHARI! As for the OP, hug’s to you! If they did not call you back, you do NOT want to work there anyway! FOOEY on them! Veronique is RIGHT. There is other job’s, just like there willbe other boyfreind’s, b/c they need us as much (IF NOT MORE) then we need them. DOUBEL FOOEY!

      There is nothing wrong with eateing alot of chocolate at this time. You can work it off later. You will find another boyfreind. Look at me. I had a job, but my ex abused the privilege of having ME as his girlfreind, so I lost him to alcohohol, and was without a boyfreind for along time, and now this guy Sam is pursuing me. He has a job and money and a car and the onley thing is that he pick’s his nose alot. FOOEY! But dad wants me MARRIED and MOM says he could be OK if he control’s his NOSE pickeing. I have NOT even slept with him but Dad wants me to marry him. I did see his winkie when he sat down, but I do NOT think he was doeing that to flash it to me. I hope he is goeing to keep sending chocolate’s, but this will all come true for you too. I am sure you will find a guy and with any luck, you can marry him and have kids and he can work while you watch the kids and you can get a nice house and your own car. That is what I want so I want for you to have it also. YAY!!

      • Zaine

        Ellen, you are wise beyond your tender years. Any decent guy will be lucky to catch and marry you!

      • Anonymous

        Girls, can any of you give Ellen one of your better guys. I think the hysteria will be over once a well hung guy puts the blocks to our girl.

  4. AIMS

    I’m really glad that I am going to be away from the computer this weekend and unable to do anymore online shopping. Saks Fashion Fix is having some interesting sales and I am sure there will be more LD sales to come.

    If you’re into St John, they have this gorgeous blazer (looks like skirt is sold out but I think it would look amazing on its own) for the still high but not wholly unreasonable $299: http://tinyurl.com/o32y3lz
    I usually find St. John to be a little stodgy for my taste (and it’s not like it’s frequently in my budget, but I’m tempted. I will be strong though and maybe just live vicariously through one of you…

    • sharpest

      oh wow. I’ve decided that blazers are going to be my fall fashion item that also conveniently hides my pregnancy for as long as possible. can anyone opine as to how St. John fits?

      • Hollis

        Go for it! St. John’s runs pretty true to size. I am a size 4 or 6 on top, but long waisted, and a blazer size 6 fits perfectly and is not boxy at all.

    • Bonnie

      There’s also a ton of St. John’s at lastcall for an additional 50% off.

  5. Equity's Darling

    I really do not love this leather trend, and particularly its execution on this suit.

    I liked the dress with the leather top half more than the leather peplum fringe on this suit, but really, I just don’t know if I’m into wearing leather anywhere except on a belt or shoes.

    • hellskitchen

      The peplum fringe looks like it was tacked on as an afterthought because the jacket was too short. And perhaps it’s the way it’s photographed but it would look a tad better if the leather were smooth and glossy instead of looking crumpled and wrinkly

    • B

      I agree, it looks like she forgot to tuck in her leather shell.

      I don’t dislike leather clothes, but the execution here is just odd.

    • Sydney Bristow

      Even reading the discussion, I completely thought I just didn’t see the trim in the small picture (I’m on my phone) and that it was the shirt poking out. I agree that this is poorly executed! I do like the leather trend though.

  6. B

    Reposting from the travel thread as I’d love to get more tips!

    We are flying into dubrovnik, then fly out of Zagreb 8 days later. We’re renting a car and planning on hitting up Hvar and Istria…

    Any tips/recs etc most appreciated! Thanks!

    • Camping Near DC

      I spent two weeks in Croatia last year. We flew into Dubrovnik and out of Zagreb as well, and went to Korcula, Split, Zadar and Plitvice as well. Honestly, I’d think about limiting your trip to dubrovnik, Hvar and Zagreb-travel to and from Hvar will eat up some time and there is a LOT to do in the Dubrovnik/Hvar region.

      We rented an apartment, through dubrovnok apartment source in Dubrovnik and it worked our really well. Unless you are going high end boutique hotel, the hotels leave something to be desired and we got a great unit with amazing views for a very reasonable price. Do the city walls early, go to Buza bar (one and two), eat a lot of Gelato. Sveti Jakov is a great beach and a (long) walk from the old city.

      We really liked the ferry from Dubrovnik to Korcula, slowe than the catamarans but being outside was a huge plus. definitely check out the ferry schedules and plan those logistics in advance, the are often very early in the morning.

      Zagreb we stayed at the Hotel Esplanade, which was great. Plitvice was a great stop between Split and Zagreb (if I could do it again I would not spend the night there though). Loved Korcula but did not really enjoy Zadar.

  7. zora

    wow, what a great look! I would totally buy this suit if a) i had money for nice suits b) i wore suits more than a few weeks a year, and c) if I made enough money to have this tailored, AND specialty cleaned every time. I like the leather details trend, but the dry cleaners just haven’t caught up. ;oP

  8. Julia

    sharpest: The great thing about St.John is that it’s a knit and can be blocked up or down in size. I worked at nordstrom and the alterations department could do that. There are also some high end dry cleaners who can block St. John. So if the size is close, you can have it made perfect.

  9. Richmond, VA?

    Does anyone have ideas for things to do in Richmond with a 4 year old and 1 year old? We like good food, museums etc, but probably also have to do kid-friendly places to eat and children’s museums in there. Also, what part of town is good for us to stay in?

    • KLG

      Maymont! Beautiful gardens plus a petting zoo! I’ve only been to the science museum there for fundraisers and movies so unfortunately, I can’t say whether it’s good for small kids, but it might be worth googling.

      What part of town to stay in probably depends on why you’re there, although honestly, the traffic is nothing like DC, etc. so even in rush hour it doesn’t take ridiculously long to get from Short Pump (large outdoor mall plus every chain store you need) to downtown.

    • emily

      Second Maymont. The Museum of Fine Arts is also great (if not particularly kid-oriented) and admission is free so there’s no pressure to stay once you’re there. For great food, I especially recommend Pasture (southern) and Rappahannock (oysters/seafood) – both are near the sort of old downtown area and if you go early, would be fine for kids. Pasture in particular serves food really quickly so you don’t have to wait around starving. Stella’s (Greek), in the outer fan/inner west end, is also amazing, but reservations are a must and can be hard to get. If you’re going to be actually in the city for your visit, I’d recommend the Omni in Shockoe Bottom for the best location; the Short Pump area has every chain hotel/restaurant/store you can imagine but the location is not otherwise that interesting.

    • CapHillAnon

      Right next door to the science museum on Broad is a really wonderful children’s museum perfect for a 1 and 4 year old. It is a better bet than the science museum for those ages (although the science museum is really cool).

  10. Ann Taylor suits

    Any thoughts on Ann Taylor suits? Decent quality? Sizing? I need two or three moderately priced suits to start out my Big Law career. I generally wear a petite size 8 or so. I’d welcome other suggestions as well. I’ve tried on the ones at Banana and J Crew and have not found a great fit.

    • AIMS

      I find that BR and AT suits fit pretty similarly and neither one works for me. I can do the bottoms, but the blazers tend to be a little too frumpy on me. I think it’s the shoulders/arms – they are just not cut right for me.

    • B

      For both BR and AT, I have to try on a ton and sort through their racks, but I find that if you can find one of the better fabric (tropical wool) suits, it can look great and be very economical. I wear petites in both as well.

      However, you do have to try on each style and I usually know from feeling the material/looking at the cut whether that style will work or not. Since both come out with a variety each season, you might have to go past the ugly wrinkle prone cotton wierd stretch stuff to get to the better wools, but it’s worth it for me to find the pant/skirt/dress/jacket for about $150-200.

      IMHO the fact that I go for the better fabric/lined options at both leads me to better looking suits than what you find at Macys (Anne Klein, ARthur Tahari, CK).

      Maybe once I can afford Reiss and fit into clothing meant for ppl without butts or boobs, I’ll have a different opinion, but I heartily recommend AT/BR suits for now.

    • anon

      Ann Taylor used to make suits out of a fabric called “tropical wool” – I believe it was 98% wool and 2% spandex or something similar. They have recently discontinued this fabric (which they have been using for at least five years) and now what they call “tropical wool” contains a very high polyester content. I think the best bet for your money is j.crew stretch wool suiting, especially if you can get it on sale (every month, J. Crew has a 25% off sale). Buy the size that fits the biggest part of you and then get it tailored to fit.

    • mascot

      AT tropical wool pants modern fit works well on my short, curvy self (although I am pretty sure they are the mostly wool blend) and they usually offer a few basic colors in petites. I’ve actually had good luck with some suits from Macys, especially Tahari. They are usually on sale so I don’t mind if they only last a few seasons, espcially for trendier details.

    • LH

      I’m also a size 8 (although I’m tall not petite) and I have found suits from The Limited to be cute, professional and good quality for the price (which is a lot less than AT/BR if you get them on sale). I know the brand isn’t really thought of by a lot of people as professional but I always recommend it for “starter suits.”

    • Flying Squirrel

      I find that AT is better for shorter people than BR or J.Crew petites. That is, if you get a cropped style jacket. Some styles even there fit long, though in the last couple of years they’ve had shorter tropical wool jackets too (can’t speak to the fabric change).

      Standing at around 5′, my biggest pet peeve is stores who make “petite” clothing that is meant for someone taller than me. Yes, I understand that petite means someone 5’3″ or shorter, but most 5’3″ people don’t shop in the petite department because they can fit regular clothes too. Why, oh why do some places design their “petite” clothes to optimally fit someone 5’2″ or 5’3″ instead of 5’1″ or so? BR and J. Crew, I’m looking at you!

      Another thing I’ve had luck with is finding “trend” suits from higher end lines like Nanette Lepore or Rebecca Taylor. They often have cropped jacket styles you can find at decent prices at places like Neiman’s or Saks outlet or during department store sales. These won’t be standard black/navy/charcoal suits…but sometimes they can still be pretty conservative in style.

  11. Rainforest Brand

    Anyone have one their jackets? What is the sizing like? I am between S and M in most letter-sized outerwear and trying to decide which size I need. Any comments re: quality also appreciated.

  12. Sydney Bristow

    Does anyone use a site like ebates for online shopping? Is it really as easy and great as it seems? It would be nice to get cash back for the shopping I do anyway, but I’m curious about any drawbacks. I’m not sure if there are other sites that do it, but if there are does anyone have any recommendations?

    • I am a banana.

      I’ve been having much better results with it since I installed the toolbar through Chrome. I’d forget to activate it all the time otherwise. I have been using it for about six months and don’t see any drawbacks. Sure, it might be tracking my shopping activity…but I don’t really care. I consider it my sales tax offset for the most part.

    • Leopard is a neutral

      I also use MyPoints and the points you accumulate for purchases vary according to retailer (Nordstrom is particularly high value). You can cash in the points for gift cards. It has essentially supported my Starbucks habit for the last couple years and I will admit to trying something on in a store and buying it online, sometimes while in the dressing room, if shipping is free just to get the extra bit back.

  13. ezt

    Hi Ladies — skip if not interested in TTC issues.

    I posted a couple of months ago asking advice about dealing with TTC for (at that point) six months, and you all gave me some great advice. Quick background –I’ve been recording my temperatures since February, using the fertility friend app, have also used the predictor kits for the past two cycles, and I was not on hormonal BC before we started. Following the advice of some of you here, I went to see my gyn, who I’d also seen before we started TTC. She was very nice-but-condescending, telling me she knew “it’s hard when you want it to happen” but “these things take time” and that, since I’m 30, they wouldn’t do any testing till a full year had passed. The thing is, I understand that’s the general policy, but that’s a matter of public policy rather than science (since really, it should be *easier* to conceive if you’re younger, so it’s more indicative of a problem that it hasn’t happened yet) – and when my doctor talks about how it takes “many” couples “up to a year,” I just wonder how many of those couples are temping, using the kits religiously, etc., versus just going off BC and seeing what happens. One additional detail: a few months ago, my husband had a diagnosis of a minor health issue that sometimes indicates infertility, so he actually got tested last month by his doctor, and is completely fine – so if there’s anything up, it’s me.

    Anyway, here’s my question: I am tempted to just go to a new doctor and say we’ve been trying for a year. Is this completely outrageous? I would normally never lie to my doctor, but I feel the whole forced year-long wait is so unnecessary. Should I go to another doctor and be honest and hope for a different attitude instead? Or am I being overly obsessive, and should I just suck it up and wait a year? Thanks.

    • Brant

      Ask your doc to test you anyway, even if insurance won’t cover it (this may be the issue). If she says no, let her know this is important to you and you’d like to find a doctor that WILL test you, could she please refer you. Say it nicely–because she really may not think there is anything to worry about for you yet. If you like her otherwise, you should give her another chance.

      You can also shop around and go to antoher doc, but I’d do it under the pretenses of “we’ve been trying for almost a year now and I’d really like to be tested because X, Y, Z. is this something you are comfortable with?” And choose your doc that way. It’s not that I have an issue with the stretching of the truth…but that you probably want the sort of doctor who is going to OK a test at 9 months vs 12 if it’s what you want.

      You should also check w/your insurance to see what they will/will not pay for, in case that is an objection of the offices’

    • mascot

      Hoesntly, it may take a few months to get an appointment with a specialist at which point you would be that much closer to the year mark. It doesn’t sound like your physician specializes in RE so she would have to refer you to someone anyways. Might as well get that name and see if they will talk to you.

    • Anne Shirley

      Everyone thinks they are special, but there are good reasons to wait a year. I’d try to stop obsessing, and even consider not temping and charting etc. Unless you’ve learned that your cycle has issues, it’s not clear that you’re getting any benefit from the added stress that you would get from just lots of gardening. It’s not just a public policy thing- a lot of infertility never gets a diagnosis, so pushing on into testing and intervention before you’ve tried a year can just lead to unnecessary wear and tear on your body.

      • anon

        I’d be interested to hear the good reasons to wait a year. At my preconception appointment, my OB suggested using my husband’s history of cancer (which probably does not affect his fertility but certainly could affect his fertility) as a way to get in to see an RE after 6 months of trying if we weren’t pregnant by then. We were 31 and 32 at the time she told me this and both in good health.

        • TTC takes time

          I’ll bite. The advice that “it can take a healthy couple up to a year to conceive” seems reasonable and sound to me. First, it’s not that easy to conceive because there are so many variables that could change when you ovulate or even if you ovulate each month (diet, sleep, stress, meds, weight gain or loss, etc.).

          Two, even if you’re temping, checking cervical mucous, using OPKs, etc. – sometimes the signs conflict and, again, there are lots of variables that can affect the efficacy of your tools (you wake at a different time, you don’t really produce any CM that month, etc.). Using these tools doesn’t guarantee a quicker road to conception. A couple’s timing could still be off.

          And even if your timing is spot on, and you’re ovulating, you still only have a 20% chance of getting pregnant each month. The movie the Great Sp*rm (will that word catch me in moderation?!) Race is fascinating. And kind of frightening. Our bodies are amazing, but it’s a lot of work for a woman to conceive. If you want to check the movie out – it’s on youtube.

          On age: OP says that the fact that she’s 30 and still hasn’t conceived seems to be “indicative of a problem.” Sure, it might be. And she won’t know until she is tested. But 30 is not old. There have been a number of studies that show fertility begins to decline slowly when a woman hits her 30s. But the decline is not rapid. (Please inform me of studies that say otherwise. If that’s the case, then I’m in trouble….)

          OP, I don’t have great advice for you. I guess if I were in your shoes, and I felt confident that our timing had been strong for many months, then I would start the process of researching REs, with the goal of scheduling an appointment to begin testing around the year mark. It sounds, unfortunately, like you aren’t that far from the year mark anyhow.

          I know how frustrating and nerve-racking TTC for many months can be (I’ve been there, close to the year mark, and it was definitely getting me down the closer I got to that date). I hope you are successful very soon and, if not, that you get some helpful answers and a good plan with an RE.

          • Anonymous

            I completely disagree with this. There are very simple, non-invasive tests that can rule in or out many causes of infertility. Waiting until a year for many couples is a futile pursuit that adds to anguish and frustration for no reason.

            It rather amazes me that fertility screening is not a part of an annual physical for all couples when they decide to TTC. Ignorance is not bliss and suggesting that couples should operate without critical information about their own bodies is patronizing.

            Also, 1 year is a date I only hear from OBs. REs (actual experts in conception) usually recommend testing after six months of actively trying and earlier if there is a reason to suspect there may be an issue.

    • Betty

      I’m not going to weigh in on whether to say that you have been trying for a year, but I will weigh in with my own experience. My husband and I started trying when I was 27. When I went to see my PCP, we had been trying for about nine months. When I told my PCP this (who was not my GYN), she promptly referred me to the hospital’s fertility clinic. When my husband and I saw the RE, she said that while we should wait a year before beginning treatment, we should go ahead and start the process of getting tested. It took a couple of months to get the testing completed (waiting for the right day of your cycle, etc.) and by the time we were ready to start treatments, it had been a year. (We conceived our son via IUI after three cycles. He is now an adorable and frustrating toddler.)

      When we were ready to start talking about no. 2, knowing our history, my doc said that we really should only try for three or four cycles before heading back to the clinic. (It took 2 to our shock and delight.)

      Another aspect to this is that what is considered normal by a general OBGYN may not be by an RE. If I were in your shoes, I would see if there is a clinic that you can call and ask about their policy for length of time trying (also no. of cycles), age, whether a referral is needed, etc. Also, check out your insurance coverage and whether they cover testing but not treatments and whether there is a time limit imposed. Good luck!

    • TBK

      You might want to check with your insurance company and see what they cover. In my case, my insurance wouldn’t cover the tests to determine infertility until after we had been trying for a year. Sure, you could just say you’d started earlier, but that would techinically be insurance fraud and could have consequences down the road if it ever came out (especially since you already told one OB in your area that you’d been trying for less than a year).

      By the way, I realize I sound like a total plant for this author, but you might enjoy Expecting Better. (She has a chapter on conception, so it’s not all for after you’re already pregnant.) Her analysis is so much like what you just wrote above and I find it to be incredibly useful/comforting.

      But, yeah, I hear you. I don’t pay my doctors to say “there, there, I know it’s hard.” I pay them for the medical expertise I lack (which, last time I checked, was a field driven by science and, you know, data). And your argument makes total sense to me. Still, there are people who go a year or more and don’t conceive and then, bam, baby. (See, e.g., the author of The Small Things Blog, who I think is in her 20s and tried for something like 14 months.)

    • DealCube

      I would schedule an appointment with an RE right now. First, it can take awhile to get an appointment. Second, testing is not invasive and information earlier rather than later is better. I know so many couples who have wasted so much time working with OBs. A good RE will give you information and options. Decisions, including timing, are up to you.

    • anon

      I’d go to a new doctor and not be 100% truthful about how long you’ve been trying. I’ve never TTC’ed but I have found that stretching the truth with my doctor helps get me much more effective treatment options. Honestly, I view it as being an educated healthcare consumer. Doctors have only 15 minutes to see you, don’t know you from Adam, and want to charge you for a follow-up visit.

      • ezt

        Eek – Kat, I accidentally hit “report” on Anon @ 5:39’s comment, when in fact I meant to hit “reply” – nothing to report! Sorry Anon @ 5:39 – I was actually trying to thank you for your comment!

        As for the reply: Thanks ladies, as always, for your calm, helpful and reassuring feedback. If anyone has recs for a great RE in NYC, I’d really appreciate that as well.

    • Flying Squirrel

      People lie about the amount of time they’ve spent TTC all the time. It’s really not outrageous.

      Also, I would not get fertility testing done from a regular OB/Gyn. Go to an RE. Many OB/Gyns are remarkably uninformed about fertility issues. Whether it’s covered will depend a lot on your insurance. For the insurance I had at the time, testing after about 7 mos of TTC was covered (though fertility treatments would not have been had we not discovered male factor issues that make it almost impossible to conceive without treatment (IVF)).

      Another thing to keep in mind is that TCOYF says that with temping most couple conceive within 4 mos. From what I can tell, the 1 year assumes random trying without OPKs etc. Of course, most of the medical establishment still assumes that all women have 28 day cycles and ovulate on CD 14…so perhaps those guidelines don’t take into account that you’ll never get pregnant if you time intercourse consistently between CD 12-16 but actually ovulate on CD 10 or 11 (very common and not a fertility issue).

      If I were you (and I once was in the same situation), I’d go to an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) right away. I truly hope you don’t end up in our situation, but it’s now 3 years later, 2 IUIs, 5 rounds of IVF, one surgery later, and I’ve finally kept a pregnancy into the second trimester…21 weeks today!

      • Flying Squirrel

        Sorry, I meant to say that TCOYF says 4-6 months for conceiving is typical if you are temping etc.

    • Anon

      Are you happy with your charts? Do you feel like you’re hitting your window? I always had pretty good charts where I was confident in the data, but I saw many charts on message boards where the person had been trying for a long time, was frustrated, and had almost useful charts. Missing dates and inconsistent temperatures just make the whole thing useless.

      Personally, I would count by “good” cycles where you hit the window, rather than months. My cycle was long, so six months was really only three cycles for me. I’d also throw out any cycles where you miss the window. After 4-5 good cycles I’d consider a sperm analysis, which you’ve already done. I’d probably wait for 6-8 good cycles I’d try to start some testing on you. Testing is expensive, invasive and emotionally draining. No need to look for problems where there aren’t any.

      If your doctor is up on charting (mine was), it would be worth bringing in your charts and discussing a timeline. If your doctor is not comfortable with charting, I’d consider finding another doctor. Mine would have been fine referring for testing after so many “good” cycles with no result since I had the data to back it up. He would make others wait a full year if they were taking a more relaxed approach.

      In short, find a doctor who understands charting so you don’t have to lie.

      • amsb

        Where do you find templates for charts? My temp runs low (97.01 when I wake up), so I cant find a chart that has those temps. Thanks!!

      • Wannabe Runner

        Is the OP just checking temperature, or the other signs too? Read Taking Control of Your Fertility (TCOYF) and look for all of it. Temperatures by themselves don’t indicate ovulation that well.

        The Lily app for iphone seems to have all the chart details.

        As for a lower temperature, can’t you just write that on your own chart?

    • Anonymous

      Go to a new doc. I agree with the above advice re: how your charts look, but I would just go get tested now if I were you. Good luck!!!

    • Anon

      I would go and see an RE… they typically have a fairly long wait for your first appointment. I started TTC at 25 and am STILL trying at 27 after 5 months of clomid, 1 round of injectables, 1 rest month, and on my 2nd month of injectables. I wasn’t ovulating on my own at all, I would develop an egg but then it never leaves my ovary (without medical assistance obviously). You may have nothing wrong, you may have something… No matter what an RE is the person to help you, not your GYN.

    • hellskitchen

      Thanks for posting! The author is right about there being an inherent roadblock for female travelers to truly have an adventure while traveling

  15. anon

    UGH so annoying. I’m on the market for new opaque tights (odd when it’s 100 degrees outside, but I like to do my seasonal shopping a few weeks/months in advance so that I have everything I want when I need it and am not in panic mode/settling for stuff I don’t like)

    Anywaaaay, last season I found THE PERFECT pair of black opaque tights at Target. I machine washed the heck outta them and they never developed weird fabric balls (no idea how else to describe it) or runs. The problem? I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT BRAND THEY WERE. I think they were Spanx assets, but I checked those out in store today and they aren’t as, shiny/thick as the ones I’m obsessed with.

    UGH. I’m pissed. Seriously tights need some sort of marking as to brand/size on the insides for situtations like these.

    SO BUMMED.

    • Marilla

      I am so with you on this rant. I often buy a few brands to try.. and then I never know which were the good ones! Calvin Klein tights do have a tag inside and are pretty solid, fwiw (I picked them up at Winners, so not sure how much they are full price). If you figure out the brand of the magic tights, let us know!

    • a.k.

      There are a couple of different assets tights on the Target website – possibly they aren’t in stores yet, or have moved to online only? Check the fiber content of yours — I hope there’s a match to something online.

    • Anon

      I bought two pairs of these last year. That’s too bad that they aren’t available in store anymore! I’m pissed too!

  16. Bewitched

    I was in the same situation years ago, with the added fact that I had fairly irregular cycles and possible pelvic inflammatory disease in the past so was concerned about fertility and whether I was ovulating regularly. I was able to convince my OB/GYN to start something sooner, so he put me on Clomid. This as you probably know, has the potential side effect of hyperstimulating your ovaries (thus, risk of multiples, risk of possible future ovarian CA). It did work for me in month 2, but I guess that the question becomes, how comfortable would you be with a twin (or more) pregnancy vs. waiting another 5 months to see if things happen naturally? In retrospect, I wonder why I rushed things but YMMV. If I had waited and found I had a blocked tube (thru hysterosalpingogram) I would have been pissed about the wasted year. Also, this was more than a decade ago so perhaps Clomid would not be the first approach today.

    • Flying Squirrel

      It seems like Clomid is what most OBs turn to…generally not having the expertise to really diagnose fertility issues. I think it’s rare for that to be the first thing an RE would try. another reason to start with an RE.

  17. Windy City Ann

    Ugh, really? That stripe on the bottom of the jacket hits at the worst possible spot…very disconcerting. I am not fond of pantsuits to begin with and somehow this just looks….wrong…

  18. Denim help

    I just tried Zara jeans for the first time and would really like them were it not for the back-of-thigh creases. I often have this problem with stretch denim – they fit great all over but dig into the backs of my thighs and make awful-looking creases/wrinkles/rolls. People tell me they’ll stretch out after I’ve worn them a couple hours, but I don’t know. Does any one else have experience with this? I usually just refuse to buy jeans that do this, but I like the Zara pair so much I’m considering giving them a shot.

    • zora

      Zara jeans stretch A LOT. I have to wash mine frequently, because they look stretched out after a few wears. And they start to look so stretched out in less than a year I have to replace them. I still buy them because they are so stretchy they are actually comfortable, and not too expensive. But you should definitely buy the size that looks too tight, because they will stretch out.

      Try buying them and wearing them around the house with the tags on for a few hours to see what they look like. Then you can still return them if they aren’t working.

  19. StressedLawGrad

    Have any of you ladies failed the bar? I took the July bar exam and honestly think there is a good chance I failed. The MBE seemed (to me, at least) much harder than BarBri’s practice exams, and I did a ridiculous amount of blind guessing. My firm allows one re-take, but as far as I know no one at the firm has ever had to use that option. Any tips for stopping the “holy crap I’m going to fail and be shamed forever in front of my coworkers” stress? My state doesn’t release results for ages, and I want to enjoy my break rather than spend my nights awake in a cold sweat.

    • Anon

      A) Everyone thinks they failed. Most people pass.

      B) “As far as you know” no one at the firm failed, but if it’s a decent sized firm I guarantee at least one person did – they just don’t talk about it.

      C) I know a few people who failed for various reasons. They all passed the second time around, and it appears not to have impacted their (very successful) careers at all.

      In conclusion, it is very unlikely that you failed, but even if you did it’s not the end of the world. Try to relax and have faith that you can handle whatever the result is.

    • k-padi

      If you are in California and feel like you failed, you probably passed. Also, in California, failing the bar exam the first time is really not a big deal like it is in other states. Many excellent attorneys failed the California Bar Exam including the Dean of Stanford Law School, Kathleen Sullivan (but her fail appeared on the front page of the Wall Street Journal back in 2005). Honestly, it’s only a big deal if you don’t have a job already that pays the bills. Firms offer a second chance because otherwise they’d have to fire significant chunks of their hiring class.

    • tk1

      No advice on failing, but I took the July bar too and the MBE was very hard. The gossip the day after (I took a second bar the next day) was that it was crazy hard. Dont stress too much we are all in the same boat!

    • anon

      calm down. everyone feels this way. enjoy this break. forget about the test. be realistic: you’re not going to know whether you failed or passed for a while–so what does stressing out do? nothing! it doesn’t change anything. so just relax and enjoy free time. i took the exam last year and felt the same way. the actual MBE was way freaking harder than Barbri and I guessed on well over half. guess what? I passed. MORAL OF THE STORY: CALM DOWN. AND DRINK TO EXCESS.

      The end.

    • anon

      Like everyone else said: you probably didn’t fail. I, too, was convinced that the MBE was my downfall. And I was fine.

      And even if you don’t pass, in the states where results are released later (I’m guessing you’re CA or NY), you will not be alone. You’re lucky to have a job where you get a second chance!

    • Em

      The MBE is always harder than BarBri. I was pretty consistently decent at BarBri’s questions. When I took the MBE, there was not a SINGLE QUESTION where I was sure I had the right answer. I still passed. Do not worry about it for now. (And if you fail it will still be fine.)

    • Anonymous

      I failed the first time I took it – it was the multiple choice that got me. Right now, I would tell you to do what you can to get your mind off it, since you can’t go back and change anything. There’s no point in worrying when you can’t do anything about it. Failing doesn’t mean you can’t get a good job after you pass the second time :)

    • Gail the Goldfish

      If you think you failed, you probably passed. I took July and the MBE WAS really hard. This was the second state I’ve taken, and I thought this July’s MBE was MUCH harder than the last time I took it. BF also agreed. Remember the MBE is curved, and if everyone thought it was hard, you will be fine and did not fail.

      (Luckily, the state I took this time sends out results like next week, not months down the line. I’ll let you know if I passed. If I passed, you’ll be fine, because I, too, felt like I failed).

      • ABC

        Me too. Second state, MBE seemed way harder this time. To be fair, I probably studied more the first time around, but still.

    • Wannabe Runner

      Even if you failed, your firm won’t fire you. You should tell your boss, family, and whoever else on a need-to-know basis, but other than that, it doesn’t need to be big public knowledge. (No need to post it on facebook.)

      And then buckle down, do everything BarBri tells you to do, and churn it out next time.

      There are tons of successful people who failed the bar the first time. And no one ever cares.

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