Suit of the Week: J.Crew

89 Comments

1. mid 30s, never married. Became single not long after the 2016 presidential election. Have been on a few dates but nothing major. I want to be in a relationship, I am open to dating, but in addition to being 100% childfree and highly educated (2 things that lessen my odds statistically), I worry about every time there’s a s3xual assault in the news where seemingly decent men go into “but what was she wearing?!” or the statistics of date r@pes or the “she was just an affirmative action hire” or “they deserve to lose their kids to cages, they’re illegals” secret thinkers.

   Equality and feminism and respect for all people and the time since 2016 seems to be revealing more and more problematic or misogynistic men. How do I weed all of these out without ending up with no prospects?! I want to weed those out and then have a decent option of people to consider things like commonalities, personalities, chemistry, etc.

   1. It’s not like a computer game where you just get to pluck and display selections. You can’t game your way up to a premium selection of men. You meet people. You get to know them. They work or they don’t.

   2. I’m sorry to say that it may involve educating or opening the eyes of an otherwise decent person. It’s so deeply ingrained.

   3. My best piece of advice is to be open to people that may have opinions that differ than yours but haven’t really thought through everything and are open to changing their minds when they did. Have you always been this woke or did you grow up with some differing views from racist relatives or internalized misogyny? I have not always been woke and it is things like reading this page that have made me learn and grow. Few people have the time or inclination to do this. I didn’t read here to fight the patriarchy, I read here to find deals on clothes and broadening my horizons was a positive benefit. At the same time I have changed some friend’s minds and families minds just as we all evolve on social issues.

      TW – $3xual Assault

      I didn’t believe a friend that was $3xually assaulted when we were younger. The facts didn’t add up to me. She was in a public place wearing jeans and a belt. Surely they must have at least been fooling around first otherwise couldn’t she just yell for help? As I’ve gotten older and read more about other women’s experiences I’ve learned about “freeze” in addition to fight or flight. I’ve learned about fearing for your safety and deciding staying quiet is the safer bet. I’ve evolved.

      Don’t write someone off just because they haven’t yet had the life experiences to consider these things.

      1. I notice that your change in views came from reading and learning. IME, the problem is that so many men are not willing to do these things on issues that affect women disproportionately. I agree that anyone who is willing to read/listen/learn gives reason for hope and could become an ally.

      2. Yes, I agree with this. I’m ashamed by how little I understood — or at least could articulate — about these issues until after it was apparent that sh!t was hitting the fan in 2016. And then I started to understand even my own past experiences a lot differently.

         I don’t know, this is hard stuff. My DH, for example, has always been loving and kind and a standup guy. But, we’ve been together 20 years now, and his thinking on many social issues has evolved a lot in that time. To his credit, he didn’t expect me to guide him through that process, but he definitely listens to what I have to say about all sorts of issues related to sexism and misogyny. Did his lack of awareness make him a sh!tty person 20 years ago? No, I really don’t think it did. He’s evolved. I’ve evolved. Society has evolved. When you know better, you do better.

         1. +1.

         2. +100 My DH had a professional mom, so he has always been about equality in bearing household/childcare burdens, very open to being fair and a kind man who goes above and beyond for those he loves.
            But he was one of the many men who think – some r@pe allegations are just made up for the limelight, he thought my stance was too hard on Kavanaugh, and we’ve argued tons about this and I’m happy to say I’ve changed his mind on both topics. I had him read the Atlantic article An epidemic of disbelief that was posted here sometime back. So I totally agree with the poster above who says that people evolve, don’t draw black and white lines here. About 10 or 20 years ago even otherwise reasonable people didn’t agree on gay marriage, and that has changed for most of the US population.

   4. IME men who call themselves feminists… aren’t. I think you just have to go on a lot of first dates and get a feel for who’s a Good Guy. Ask your friends. Avoid Republicans.

      1. Really? My husband self-identifies as a feminist (and did before he met me) and completely walks the walk. I’m not saying they’re aren’t some guys out there that are fake “woke” but I definitely wouldn’t make a blanket statement that men who identify as feminist aren’t.

         1. I’m not saying I wouldn’t date someone who called himself a feminist on a dating app — but it would be a mark in the WTF column until I met him.

            That said, I never in a million years would have dated my husband had I come across his profile on a dating app. So really – be open to things, especially so in offline life. Look for cute guys waiting in the line for your Starbucks order or at friends’ parties… talk to everyone at networking events. It’s much easier to get a good/bad vibe off someone you’ve meet for real rather than just online.

      2. My dad is a republican, and if I could find a guy like my dad, I would definitely marry him, and I am a very liberal person. Why brand 1/2 of this country just b/c they are republican’s? If you enjoy somebody and can deal with them $exueally, who cares what political party they vote for? FOOEY on narrow minded people who brand people based on their political registrations!

   5. I’m 37 and divorced. I’m about to say something radical! But I promise I am walking this talk myself.

      More and more, the only “dating advice” that I think is valid for women is to get completely comfortable with the specter of no prospects, as you put it. To make a life of your own that’s so rewarding that you see clearly who is and is not worthy of bringing into it. Being ashamed of being single, or having goals or hopes pinned on a future partner, clouds our judgment.

      To get more specific with your question, my app profile describes my politics and states I am looking for someone similar. A lot of guys seem to ignore it, but I wrap things up when I realize that. Otherwise, I think you’d be surprised how quickly someone’s views start to show in a conversation. Bring up a news item in the messaging phase and see how they react. Mention your creepy, harassing former boss. Whatever is on your mind anyway, the right person will engage with in a way that earns your respect and trust. Are most guys up to this perfectly reasonable standard? No they are not. Hence my prior paragraph.

      1. No. I loathe this advice. There’s nothing wrong with hoping and dreaming of a romantic life partner. There’s no hidden secret where if you figure out how to change your desires enough you get them.

         1. None of this is what I said.

            1. Yes it is.

            2. You’re really digging in there, Anonymous. It’s not what she said, and if that’s how you’re so strongly perceiving it, you might ask yourself why.

         2. No, she is saying don’t be so desperate that you settle for a loser, because you’re better off on your own.

            1. There’s a wide spectrum between “don’t be so desperate you settle for a loser” and “get completely comfortable with the fact the specter of no prospects.” I suspect it’s that sentence that Anonymous is reacting to. Seriously, I’ve been single for a long time (see, not settling or dating someone to avoid being lonely/single) and while I thoroughly understand the sentiment behind advice like this, I also am so tired of hearing it. It makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong for wanting a partner and feeling sad about it sometimes. And like those thoughts are going to impede me from finding that person. My life *is* so rewarding. I’ve done all the things– jobs friends travel family hobbies exercise therapy meditation volunteer– I still want a romantic partner.

               This advice isn’t radical. It’s trotted out all the freaking time. Honestly, it feels like any time a woman expresses discomfort or sadness about not having a partner she’s beat over the head with instruction to fill her life up with more better everything, or she’s told that being sad is self-sabotage or wrong because she’s “depending” on someone for happiness.

            2. But I never said not to want a partner or not to feel sad about it!

            3. Re-reading my post, maybe the “goals or hopes pinned on a partner” part came across this way? What I meant is, don’t have desires or goals in your life that you see as off-limits *just* because you are single. NOT that it’s not ok to want a relationship or feel lonely.
               The aspect of my comment that I think is not “trotted out all the time” is the part where you accept there may not be anyone appropriate, or at least not for months or years. I think most advice to women involves lowering our expectations and doing extra work to accommodate the men that are available.

            4. anon at 6:00 pm, you’re not “doing single wrong” if you have a full life but want a partner. Sometimes, it just takes a long time to find someone – I was 36 when I met my husband. One of my best friends is an amazing guy and is 41 and single.

               You’re setting yourself up to be lucky, and that’s the only thing you can do.

            5. I am not asking this in a snarky way. It is something I have always wanted to understand: how am I supposed to become completely comfortable with the fact that I may never find someone, never have kids, never get married, etc etc. —–but also be sad about it. Aren’t those things contradictory? Doesn’t the first preclude (generally speaking) the second? I am supposed to some how *want* a partner but be totally okay with knowing it might never happen? I’m supposed to muster up the time and emotional energy to date while simultaneously being completely okay with the fact that it may never happen? Trying to think of an analogy– I do not particularly care if I ever have kids. So why would I bother trying? I don’t particularly care if I ever run a marathon– so why would I start training? I’d rather just go hiking.

               I’ve been going over this general concept in therapy for a while now. That’s why I say I understand the advice and its nuances… but I’m truly stuck on how to simultaneously hold the desire for a partner with acceptance that it may never happen. I want to be clear- I’ve been single for a long time and intentionally not dating at the moment. I’m really good with being on my own, not about to make any poor choices. It’s the long term “acceptance” that’s much harder.

               “The aspect of my comment that I think is not “trotted out all the time” is the part where you accept there may not be anyone appropriate, or at least not for months or years. ”

               No, I really do see this a lot. The “live your best life!!1” side of that coin is perhaps trotted out more, but believe me, be single long enough and you will start to hear “accept that it may not happen for a while” a lot. Maybe you’re thinking about women who can’t seem to stay single at all? I’ve got friends like this, and it’s not pretty- constantly jumping from average guy to average guy and doing a lot of damage in the process out of fear of being alone. That’s the type of person who can benefit from the message of “get comfortable being alone.” But it’s a much taller order to ask someone to get comfortable with the idea that they may never find their person. Yes, some degree of comfort is necessary or you’ll make bad choices.

               “What I meant is, don’t have desires or goals in your life that you see as off-limits *just* because you are single.”

               There just are some desires and goals that are off limits if you are single. No, not “travel! go to the movies alone! buy that house! or be happy!” but more fundamental stuff. I can’t have s*x with my super great friend group. Going to yoga isn’t as fulfilling as getting a hug from your SO when you had a rough day at work. I’m not going to be a single mom by choice. The experience of being in love with someone can really only come about when you are… in love with someone.

               Based on the first Anonymous’s post, she’s probably also reacting to the “it’ll happen when you least expect it!” nonsense, which is a dumb platitude that implies that if you quit caring you’ll get the result– boom. The nuance behind that sentence is more complex. All I’m really trying to do here is elucidate why this advice stirs up more reactions than you might initially expect. Just seeing it here put a pit in my stomach, for sure.

            6. Anon at 7:53, I obviously don’t have the answers. You’re already thinking about this deeply and working on it in therapy. You will find the answers that add up for you.

               But this is why I started out saying I am walking the talk. I just wanted to state that this isn’t hot air coming from someone who is cozily in a relationship or even dating–I’m not. We can agree to disagree on how common these statements are, but personally I still find it extremely rare to hear from women *who are actually single,* mid-30s or above, and are ok with it and unwilling to settle, ever.

               I definitely did not say, nor do I think, “it’ll happen when you least expect it.” I’m actually focused on it NOT happening, and planning for that scenario emotionally and logistically.

            7. It’s hurtful and smug and you don’t care that you’re harming other people and you don’t care to listen when we explain why. I’m glad you’re happy with your life! Enjoy that. I’m miserable being 36 without children when I Want more than anything to be a mom. It’s crushing to me to go to bed alone every night. I’m tired of always going everywhere alone, and doing 100% of the household management, and having no one who truly sees me and loves me and no, I’m not interested in become completely fine and accepting of the fact that I might not get to have a basic fundamental human experience.

               Reflect on that Monday. I’m crying here and you’re busily explaining why you’re perfect.

   6. Be open to any situation and all conversations. Take yourself out for dinner or a drink. You may meet a Republican here and there. But the rush of putting yourself “out there” and meeting someone who wants to talk to you and listen to what you have to say is very refreshing. I’ve used dating apps as much as anyone, and we all know the stigma behind them. When you just start chatting with someone at the bar, coffee shop, restaurant, ect., there is literally no expectations or preconceived notions. Just people talking for however long they agree to. Ironically, I met my current SO after a bad Bumble date. I was already dressed up so I took myself out for a drink. The bartender was friendly and funny, I gave him my number and here we are months later.

      1. I agree with this. If I can find a decent guy, I do NOT care what political party he is registered in. If he cares about me for me and does not just want me to have $ex with him on the first date, I will consider it a success. If I do like him, I am not averse to having $ex, but NOT on the first date. I think it takes a while to get to know someone before you let them get to know you ($exueally), so take it slow and if he is any good, he will wait b/f doing anything with you $exueally.

   7. If you do volunteer work or activist work (not really political work), describe that early on. “I spend every Saturday morning volunteering at a shelter for victims of domestic violence.” The guy will usually either say something that’s a deal-breaker if those are his thoughts; if it’s online, he’ll skip your profile; and if he’s on the same page, you’ll have a good discussion about it.

      I’m going to distinguish volunteer work from political work, because I think it’s easy for people to “score good person points” with the latter, and it’s harder to tease out the all-important *why* of how someone voted.

2. Just did the math with some friends who are adjunct professors at universities ranging from community college to Ivy level and the pay rate for adjuncts is almost comically low (many under 3k per class with 30+ students, for a 15-20 week time school term with mandatory written assignments to grade plus tests and quizzes). These jobs seem tougher to land than usual so many are working 2nd and 3rd jobs too. (It also means students don’t have options for office hours or consistency of experience since adjuncts have no office, no job security, and do not often know if they are teaching until a few weeks before a term begins)

   Do y’all think we will ever have prestigious Professorship jobs and positions in our society anymore or is everything going the way of the Adjunct with 3 jobs where no one thinks much of those in that role and with students who never have the experience of a strong Professor and Student relationship or mentorship the way they used to exist?

   1. We still do. Loads of good private colleges and universities out there. Hopefully we will have dramatically fewer people deciding to get PhDs

   2. The entire job market seems to be going in this direction. There are a few high-paid, prestigious positions with benefits and at least some job security (tenure-track). These go to the chosen few who have been prescreened by the admissions departments at elite universities (and elite law schools, law review ed boards, federal judges who hire law clerks, etc.) because employers are too lazy to do it themselves and want only shiny fancy things they can brag about. Everyone else gets pushed into the gig economy (adjuncts).

   3. I think there will always be professors and there will always be adjuncts, but they will always be separate. I taught as an adjunct for a few years but will never do it again because what it paid wasn’t worth the time it took. I enjoyed it a lot but could not justify the cost. This was law, though, so there were no written assignments to grade unless I wanted there to be. I would have liked to give some assignments but would never have had the time to grade them because they don’t pay enough for me to create that time. I would stay late after class if a student needed to talk to me, but I would never have even considered devoting time to office hours because, again, they don’t pay enough. That said, I don’t think EVERYTHING is going the way of the adjunct– adjuncts teach adjunct classes, at least in law. They teach classes about courtroom presentation, or small firm management, or other hands on skills classes, at least in my area… and professors teach the lofty conceptual (and required) courses. I don’t think they’ll ever concede something as intellectual as Property or Contracts to an adjunct. Then again, I never got the feeling that “no one thinks much of those in that role;” there are full time professors and then there are, for example, prosecutors who come in once a week to teach a courtroom evidence class. But the professors don’t think poorly of the adjuncts– they are just in totally separate careers.

   4. I mean even “real” profs aren’t paid amazingly well ($50-100k is standard starting salary, depending on field (excluding the professional schools that pay more) and raises are modest and don’t far exceed inflation). Those jobs still exist and always will because a professor’s real job is research, not teaching. But they’re rare and very hard to get. My husband got his PhD at a top five school and only 3 of the 16 people in his class ended up with tenure track jobs at research schools.

      1. Liberal arts professors at state schools are paid $50k to $65k starting. That often involves moving to an area of the country wherein it’s tough for your spouse to find a job. My advice to people considering that route is to understand that their best (realistic) scenario is to move to the middle of nowhere and get paid slightly more than a high school teacher. If they still want to do it, power to them, but even the “good” outcome isn’t all that great. It’s so stratified – the professors who have six-figure starting salaries, then the ones paid a bit more than teachers, then the adjuncts.

   5. I don’t have an answer, but when I was a first year law school my private, not well ranked but not horribly ranked law school announced that it was forcing many of its (beloved) tenured professors into early retirement and replacing them with adjuncts. I, and several students, transferred and never looked back. Ridiculous.

   6. In my field at least, colleges are still hiring tenure-track professors. I think this is a bigger problem in some fields than others, and most people I hear about who are career adjuncts are in the humanities. Truthfully, I just think the likely return on investment for a humanities PhD is low and hope that less and less people will go that way is it becomes more well-known how bad the job prospects are.

   7. My mother is an adjunct professor. She puts on 2000 miles per term on her poor old car and makes maybe 10-20K per term for teaching 3 to 4 classes at 3 or 4 colleges, often in different ends of the Bay Area (so 2 hour commute). It’s really bad and I’m just scared daily. She can’t retire for another 4 years.

      https://splinternews.com/the-revenge-of-the-poverty-stricken-college-professors-1835381061

   8. I’ve noticed similar trends in home nursing (replacing professional nurses with gig economy caretakers). I think there has been some “lowest bidder” gig economy pressure on trucking/shipping too.

      In academia, it’s definitely not just about PhD overproduction; tenure track lines have been replaced by adjuncts, and universities now spend money on other things that they used to spend on faculty.

      Part of me thinks that when women and minorities enter a profession, the rewards of the profession start to be withdrawn. It’s a little similar to primary care (where we have NPs and PAs replacing MDs and DOs, and even being an MD isn’t what it used to be–lots of answering to admin, worse, debt, worse pay, and worse quality of life).

3. Bostonians, I am going to Boston for the first time for work next month. What’s the best app to use for navigating public transit? Or should I just use Uber/Lyft? I’ll be going mainly from the area around Mass General to area around Fenway Park (sorry, don’t know neighborhood names). I’ve lived in both NYC and DC, so I’m generally comfortable with public transit.

   1. Google maps

   2. It depends on how long you have to get from one place to another! The T can be slow as molasses, but you don’t want to uber near Fenway if there’s a game.

      To get from MGH to Fenway you would take the red line to park st and then change to outbound green line (not the E train) and go to Kenmore. The T map is self explanatory if you know where the closest stations are.

      1. +1 the T is sometimes as fast as or faster than driving. (I have gone from Cambridge to Logan Airport at rush hour in 40 minutes door to door, using public transit.) Google Maps is pretty reliable. You probably won’t need buses, but I use the Boston Bus Map app for those.

   3. Uber, Lyft, walking, or the MBTA if you don’t have to change lines too many times.

      I must say, all of the Boston questions are so much nicer than the endless b-tton down shirt questions.

   4. If the weather is nice, it’s beautiful to walk on the Esplanade (park along the river) between those two areas. About 30 minutes, I’d estimate.

   5. There is an app called “Transit” I like that shows the nearest T stations, buses, ferries, commuter rail, etc. I don’t recommend Uber or Lyft in those areas during rush hour because traffic is so bad. If you have enough time you can probably even walk most places!

   6. Depending on the weather, when I worked and lived in Boston I just walked (lived near MGH, worked near south station). It’ll be cool and the T can take a bazillion years. MGH to Fenway is a hike but you could walk for a chunk of it and hop on the T for the last bit. Boston is a pretty small city. Bring comfy shoes and enjoy the scenery :-). If it’s rainy or cold, take the T. I wouldn’t mess with uber or Lyft or a taxi unless you are needing to get somewhere >.5 miles from a T stop. Traffic stinks.

4. After many years of scientific intervention, a very close friend just had her first (and will be her only) child. She lives on the other side of the country. The father is a putz at best, someone with some significant need for intervention at most likely. (They decided to procreate because she was running out of time due to age and her worst case scenario is that he’d leave and she’d end up single parenting, as she would had she gone that route but doing it this way meant a chance he would step up and at least baby would have a father’s side of the family to know and be loved by.)

   I am not a parent and I don’t have disposable income to visit much or to send much but I want her to feel supported. I don’t want to burden her with causing her to feel like she has to check in with me while she is juggling a newborn and dealing with an unhelpful (and often very difficult) partner. What can I do or say to be the best friend to her in times of need? (I already don’t bring up the bf stuff, that’s obvious, but she already knows I’m here to vent or listen any time she needs.) I just want to do everything for her that I can!

   1. Postcards. Letters. Instagram messages of pretty flowers. “Thinking of you!” texts!

   2. If you can afford it, an Uber Eats gift card for like $50 would be appreciated and you could put a note like “Wish I could be there to cook for you and cuddle little Madysyn” or whatever. Then just send texts every few days and say “Thinking about you! No such thing as too many baby pics!” She’ll know you are thinking of her and care.

   3. I would send a baby gift if you haven’t already. Doesn’t matter how much science went into the conception or how much the dad sucks, if she’s happy to have this baby, celebrate within your budget (board book, hooded towel, cute outfit, whatever). Send a food gc if it’s in budget. I also like the ideas of frequent texts with no obligation to respond/respond quickly.

      1. As someone who has had some sexist cr@p surrounding her pregnancy, massive and horrible family issues, and a few other things… THIS! When my friends hug me or do a happy dance or sound all excited when I tell them, it reminds me that there is joy to this as well. It’s so nice to be reminded that all the other nonsense doesn’t define this child.

   4. Send her some Netflix and podcast recommendations for when she’s bfeeding

      1. Yes, she will need to watch something escapist as she faces both the rigour of motherhood and having to deal with a doosh for a husband. She would do well to start off on the right foot with hubby, making sure he does something positive — other then what he may have been doing. He needs to take an active role in bringing up baby, as would my husband if I had one and a baby. The OP should also try and do the same for herself. OP should go out and try to find a decent guy for herself. I can tell her there are not many of them out there, but we all have to keep going out and seeking that one special guy who can be a husband, lover and father, not necessarily in that order. Keep your chin up, OP, and you will succeed. YAY!!!

5. I’m planning to replace a pair of Theory pants that are 5+ years old. I used to always size up one size in Theory, but looking at their current sizing chart, it looks like they might have changed their sizes to be more in line with lower-priced retailers. I am a 4 in Ann Taylor, J Crew, BR, etc. I used to always get a 6 in Theory. But their current size chart indicates waist size of 27-28” for a size 4 which is similar to mall brand retailers.

   Has anyone purchased Theory lately who can comment on their sizing? Thanks!

   1. Omg just buy the darn pants and return them if they don’t fit.

      1. That’s not helpful. Are you having a bad day?

      2. You don’t want to see questions like this, get yourself off a fashion blog. Or take a nap little crab cake.

         1. Haha good answer!

   2. I think they shifted. I used to be a size 2-4, and now I am consistently a 0 in Theory. (I have not changed size.)

   3. I wear a 4 in J Crew and 6 in Theory. (I would probably be more like a 4.5 in JCrew and a 5.5 in Theory if there were in-between sizes.)

   4. I feel like their size chart was always off, not sure if it changed though.

6. This suit has a bit of shiny thread running through it, FYI. I was disappointed when I saw it in person.

   1. Thank you for that! I have the ‘twinkle tweed’ (or whatever they called) black and white blazer from JCrew last winter and you just saved me from three sparkly black and white blazers (one is…slightly dressier….and I’m kind of a magpie apparently).

      1. Hey, nothing wrong with liking shiny things!

         Signed,
         A fellow magpie

7. Outfit thread! What’s everyone wearing today? I’m wearing a black tee and black ankle pants with bright red Rothy’s loafers; a long gray cardigan is my third piece.

   1. The same pajamas I was wearing at 2:00 a.m. when I finally finished the report for a horrible, horrible project.

   2. You sound simple & pulled together. Working from home, in faded ankle jeans, tucked in white tee, tan sandals. Added a tan cotton blazer to go out to lunch.

   3. Navy pleated skirt that belonged to my grandma, short-sleeve yellow sweater, grey suede heels. (I’m buried under a pile of audit requests and dressing nicely means that at least something in my day is happy!)

   4. Halogen sleeveless top with black, blue and ice pink zig zags. Ice-pink Talbots sweater jacket. Black betabrand straight leg pants. Black Sofft wedge sandals Kat featured here this spring. Kendall Scott necklace and earrings. One of my favorite summer outfits. I’ll take whatever I can to get me through the day.

   5. Skinny jeans, magenta tank, a pink tweed cardigan/jacket and Coach beadchain pumps in burgundy with pewter beadchain. I feel really good and have gotten lots of compliments today!

   6. Spectator shoes! Also other clothes. But last call for spectator shoes before Labor Day it that’s how you roll, and yes it is how I roll.

   7. Oh, thanks for starting this today of all days!

      It’s our Rotary Club president’s birthday today, and it’s meeting day, and he’s a bow-tie wearer, so we all wore bow ties today in his honor. I am wearing burnt orange BR Sloan pants, white button-up shirt, burnt orange bow tie with navy pattern (borrowed from my husband but I actually am the one who purchased it!), navy linen blazer, navy kitten heel pumps. Oh, and a fabulous rainbow stripe Etienne Ainger satchel that jumped out of a shop window in Munich and followed me home. SO FUN!

   8. Gray slacks, black buttondown blouse, pink linen blazer, black wedges.

   9. Tommy Hilfinger polka dot skirt (white dots on navy), Joe Fresh pale blue blouse, and Town Shoes nude flats. It’s a hot one in our neck of the woods (Pacific northwest) – enjoying the heat while it lasts!

8. Where do you want to live when you retire? We’re 15 years away but I’d like to start city-shopping now with small trips to cities. Probably looking for FL or NV for income tax purposes (we have a ton in our retirement accounts).

   1. Close to wherever my kid settles down (not in her house or even her city necessarily, but within an easy drive) assuming she’s ok with it. Given that restriction, we’ll look for something LCOL, close to a major airport and with good food. Napa would be my dream if she ends up in Northern California.

   2. Near my family. I hope to be able to travel for a few months at a time, but I want to be near my kids and hopefully grandkids.

   3. When we get a little closer to retirement and start making those recon trips, the first place I want to visit is Lake Tahoe.

      1. Visit soon, but buy later. Just heard a podcast about how Tahoe is losing its snow so losing its economy.

         1. Meh. Tahoe resident here. Snowpack is unpredictable and fluctuates year to year. Some recent years have been absolutely epic, but we’re not immune to global warming. It’s also not a one-season destination . The summer and shoulder seasons seem to be busier every year and the real estate prices are absurd (and only getting higher). I seriously doubt you’re going to score any real estate deals by just waiting for a few bad snow years.

   4. I recently started looking at Tennessee (specifically Nashville area).

   5. Yep, near one or hopefully both of my kids. LCOL, no taxing of SSI and hopefully west coast/mountain west near family.

   6. This is so tough. We would also like to retire somewhere cheaper tax-wise, but unfortunately we don’t really like any of those places. It’s the downside of being native Californians I guess. I would like to retire to Sonoma county but that is certainly not going to save me any tax money.

   7. We plan to age in place even though the taxes in California are insane.

      I guess we might reconsider if my son moved away.

   8. WA or OR coast. I want to GTFO of the east coast, but I feel claustrophobic if I get too far inland.

   9. I would never leave Toronto. Maybe a summer home but I love the city so much.

   10. Ideally we’d have two homes, one near kid(s) and one in a seaside community of our choosing. Maybe kill two birds- if kid(s) end up in MA, then seacast NH or Cape Cod (and maybe a FL winter home). If kids are in CO, we’d retire there. If the kids are in DC, we’d probably look for seaside MD.

       But we are a long long way out as my middle just started K ;).

   11. A day late, sorry. Climate change is real here in FL. We are worried when property values will reflect it and whether our biggest asset–our house–will be almost worthless within our lifetime. And evacuating for hurricanes when elderly would be hard. I wouldn’t move here to retire unless it’s to Tallahassee or Gainesville areas.

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