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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 164 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Cushnie et Ochs

Suit of the Week

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For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.  When you come across a lace-up suit, 95% of the time it's not going to be work-appropriate and will be crossing into the territory of something a madam would wear — not the kind of thing you would wear to the office. This one, I think, can at least walk the boundary, and if you've got a work event in the evening it might be perfect. You could also wear it around the office — but with an actual blouse underneath, of course, not as it's styled here! The jacket (Lace-up stretch-twill peplum blazer) is $1,495, and the pants (Stretch-twill straight-leg pants) are $975. Here's a more affordable option and another in plus sizes. (L-all)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Comments

    • Sydney Bristow

      Sad. I loved her and have watched so many episodes of the Mary Tyler Moore Show over the years. Watching her push back on Mr. Grant in her interview has stuck with me forever.

    • Senior Attorney

      She was a hero of mine. My first name starts with “M” and I have an “M” on my wall in honor of her bachelore*t*t*e apartment…

      • anon anon armani

        So cool, Senior Attorney. She also was a hero of mine and inspired me to be all I can be. Along, with John Molloy’s treatise “Dress for Success” which was groundbreaking as well. Wish I had an “M.” Wasn’t her apartment amazing, view and all? Made my graduate school apartment, all 1950’s danish old and turquoise small fridge so really disappointing in the early 1980’s … but it was mine, all mine.

        Beret Toss to you Senior Attorney!

        • Senior Attorney

          Yes! Even if we did have to suspend our disbelief to think she was comfortable sleeping on that pullout sofa!

      • Ellen

        I LOVED Mary Tyler Moore! As a little girl, Rosa and I watched Reruns of her on TV, and I think I must have seen almost EVERY episode! She paved the way for us to be professional women, so I am VERY sad. Dad told me he had a crush on her b/f I was born and even MOM loved her. I think we all will miss her VERY much! YAY for Mary Tyler Moore!

  2. Cruising Alone

    I am the poster who just recently got her first passport. I am thinking of doing a Western Carribean cruise to Mexico as my first trip. However, I will likely travel alone. Do any of you have tips for getting deals on cruising solo? Would love some insight if any of you have done this.

    • ITDS

      Look at Norwegian Cruise Lines – they have special small cabins for solo travelers so they don’t charge you double. Not sure of their itineraries, but I’m sure their website will be helpful. You can also check out cruisecritic dot com which has TONs of message boards and info on cruising. Once you’ve booked a cruise you can look it up and connect on their message boards with other folks on your sailing if you want to try to make friends in advance.

    • Anon

      I would avoid a Carnival cruise. They are usually cheap for a reason. I only went on one and it was terrible!

  3. i know this is crazy

    but i remember stories about people who withheld portions of their taxes based on federal policy with which they disagreed (namely, wars). i’m a non-profit employee working for an arts/environment organization in a sanctuary city. (also i support, y’know, dignity for all people except the f*ing trump supporters.)

    vote with your dollars, they say. can i vote with my taxes? is this still a thing?

  4. Blonde Lawyer

    Thought provoking thought of the afternoon. Do you use the word woman/women? If not, why?

    About a year ago, I filed a lawsuit on behalf of a client. I had an associate proofread it for me beforehand. This was not a gender case. I included a statement made from a medical provider that said something to the effect of “when treating ladies, I …..”

    The associate, not realizing it was a quote, wanted me to change it to women. I decided not to because it was important (for reasons I won’t post in a public forum) to use the providers exact words.

    That associate no longer works with me but in light of the women’s march it really got me thinking. I know not to call adult women girls. But I do find myself frequently saying ladies instead of women. Why do we as a society hate the term women? Does it sound too old? Too strong? F that. There is nothing wrong with being an old strong woman or a young woman. Anytime I catch myself using a word when I could use woman/women, I’m trying to stop and fix it.

    So thank you former associate and I hope everyone else considers their writing/speech too.

    • Anonymous

      I call me pre-teen daughters ladies.

      It is always the ladies’ room.

      I want a ladies’ maid.

      Lady Mary Crawley. Lady Edith. Lady Sybil.

      Ladies means something other than simply gender. Probably not something relevant in a legal document.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        I agree all of your examples are fine! I guess I shouldn’t say I will never use ladies! I’m just making a conscious effort to use women more and not shy away from the word subconsciously.

        • Anonymous Poser

          My standard is that if I would use gentleman/gentlemen for the masculine version of, whatever, then lady/ladies would be fine. As I see another commenter has already observed.

          I clinched my jaw just typing “lady/ladies” though.

          I think the word “woman” has been sexualized. There was a perfume commercial years ago…something about frying up the bacon in a pan? And never letting him forget he’s a man? Because she’s a woman! Seriously, though… I’m failing at articulating this concept tonight, sorry.

    • AEK

      I also HATE “female.” Both as a noun and adjective, for human women— but especially as a noun. Cops use it a lot because it’s ingrained in their lingo, e.g., “suspect is a white female.” But other people actually talk like that.

      As an adjective, if for whatever reason identifying someone’s sex is necessary, I vastly prefer “woman lawyer” to “female lawyer.” “Lady” would also be horrible in this context!

      • Anonymous

        Female is an adjective.

        I can fix it: Suspect is a white female *person*

        This is better: Suspect is a white woman

      • Anonymous

        In no way would the suspect be a white female who is also a lady. They seem to be mutually exclusive terms.

        • Anonymous

          Suspect could be a white female person wearing a skirt suit, pearls, and Ferragamo Varas with a handbag held by a handle in the arm bend opposite her left elbow, no?

      • ac

        I hate this too! But I’ve been told that in some communities of color it’s more acceptable? Which seems to imply that I’m racist for finding it offensive. (Hopefully not.)

      • LAnon

        One time, someone referred to me as “the young female [who was in the meeting]” – my boss told me about it because he thought it was a super weird thing to say.

        It was super weird! Being described as “the young female” made me feel like I was in a nature documentary. The young female WHAT?

      • anon

        “Female” makes me want to hit and kick.

        “Female” is an adjective used to describe animals and electronic parts.

        It comes across as dehumanizing. It is also a favored term of Men’s Rights (sic) Activists/PUAs/MGTOW internet communities. Usually when I read the word “females,” it’s in service of expressing a misogynistic thought.

        • Sydney Bristow

          When I see someone simply use “female” to describe someone I immediately hear it in a Ferengi voice. As in, “you HUMANS allow your FEMALES to wear clothes?” Ferengis are not supposed to be role models.

        • Cb

          I correct this in student essays “female voters” should be women voters, etc.

      • Anonymous

        I’m actually the opposite and it really bothers me when I hear “woman lawyer” or “woman doctor” or what have you. You wouldn’t say “man doctor” (I think that probably means something else.) She is female, so she’s a female doctor. He’s male, so he’s a male doctor. Etc.

        Female as a noun is ridiculous. I’m ok with it in law enforcement situations, but that’s about it.

        • Sydney Bristow

          They actually both bother me. For the most part, I can’t see why you need to describe someone like that and it always seems to happen when someone is in the minority gender for the job (or perceived to be). I hear things like woman/lady/female doctor or male/nurse. Thinking about it, I think you’re right that “man” is never used to describe someone in that context so I’d prefer female, but it still almost always makes me cringe anyway because it always seems to come up only when describing someone who is less expected to be in that role.

          I almost never use “lady” and always try to stick with “woman.” Lady feels old fashioned to me as someone upthread mentioned unless someone is saying “ladies and gentlemen.”

        • Senior Attorney

          I agree: “Woman” as an adjective is ridic.

          I’m with Sidney Bristow: I use “woman,” not “lady,” unless the context is such that I would use “gentleman” if I were referring to a man.

          • AEK

            I think it’s technically an apposite noun, not an adjective. Same function. I guess I just hate female because you can have a “female dog” but not a “woman dog,” you know?

          • Senior Attorney

            Heh. I should know better than to try and discuss parts of speech. I am a good speaker and writer but it’s like a musician who doesn’t read music — I do it by ear! ;)

        • DifferentAnon

          When I hear Woman Doctor, I assume they are talking about a doctor who treats women. I’m confused about Woman Lawyer.

          • anon again

            My dad uses the term lady doctor for OB/GYN . Which I find funny because my “lady doctor” is a man :) .

            Honestly, lady/women/female, doesn’t bother me at all.

    • Lazy cook

      I always use the term women, and never use the term lady, which sounds ?? old fashioned and a little condescending to me. In my experience, lady is used more by waiters in stuffy restaurants, or by old men with big cigars and not anywhere in my work/social life.

      I will sometimes use girls when talking casually with my closest girlfriends, and that is rarely and lovingly done (and with tongue in cheek).

      Where are you living?!?!

      I am a doctor and I am put off by your medical doctor saying “when treating ladies….” and would never say that. At all.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        It IS out of the norm. It’s a malpractice case hence why I wanted to include the actual language. Even though it’s a publicly filed document at this point, I won’t be adding anything else out of respect for the parties.

    • Anon in NYC

      I don’t have a good answer because I use women/woman. But can I just gripe that I hate the term “females” used in reference to women, not in a biology sense (i.e., “The problem with females” or “Females be crazy”). No.

    • Anonymous

      Of course! Always. I only use ladies’ to refer to the ladies’ room, to actual Ladys, or pejoratively to ladies who lunch. Always women unless I’m in a particular circumstance using it in conjunction with gentlemen.

      • Anonymous

        I will say lady parts / lady problems when waiving off my gentleman caller.

    • True rumor I heard in DC

      A club in DC was men-only (redundant for the time). A member’s wife sought to enter and was denied, being told “No ladies allowed.”

      “Stand aside,” she commanded, “I’m no lady.”

    • Anon

      I do sometimes use the term but not in a work setting. I have a group of friends I meet for dinner regularly. A lot of people would call this a girls’ night out but I don’t love the term girl, and besides, the youngest of us is 49. So I say, “I have my ladies’ dinner tonight.”

      Other than that I use the term somewhat sarcastically, like “lady problems” for GYN issues.

      I would NEVER refer to women at work as ladies.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t use “lady”. Ever. At all. FWIW, I’m in the Silicon Valley.

      The word carries a lot of weight and is only used by old people and creeps (“m’lady”). Whenever anyone uses it, I feel like they are shaming me and all the other awesome womyn I know for not following gendered expectations: having short hair, not wearing make-up, sitting with the wrong posture, using swear words, being self-supporting.

      I would try to avoid using “ladies” in a legal/medical statement. First, because no doctors treat ladies–they treat women or female people. Second, for me, it would lead me to believe the expert is biased towards women, and thus I would discredit any statements he made. I don’t think I am alone in this. But, if that is the statement he agreed to, you are kind of stuck. So, yeah. It’s tough.

      • anon

        Concur. I use ladies only when addressing my friend groups to discuss drinks or brunch or similar. It’s friendly, not patronizing. Just like when I address them as Nasty Women, or B*tches, they know where I’m coming from. But it’s not ok at work. It’s not ok anytime it connotes gendered expectations. My secretary addressed an email to me and other admins (I am a lawyer) using “Ladies.” I wanted to scream. I’m your BOSS.

        OP, to answer your actual question. I’d quote testimony from a medical provider as-is. Especially if this doctor is old and/or southern, it wouldn’t be surprising to me as a member of the court/jury that he used the term “ladies.” If it’s a direct quote, they’ll know it’s on him and not you. I would never use “ladies” in a brief or other submission instead of women. Gah.

    • Snick

      This whole thread reminds me of a conversation that happened in my second grade classroom at the height of Women’s Lib Movement, as it was then called, in 1972 or ’73. My teacher asked the girls in our classroom (7 and 8 year olds) if we considered ourselves “ladies.” Not a single girl raised her hand aside from one smart ass who screeched “I am!” and made a mocking face. Those were the days.

  5. Sydney Bristow

    One more reaching out to your representatives question. I’m starting to write letters to my senators and representative (and planning to include the people who represent me at the state level too). Does it matter whether I send my letters to their D.C. Office or their local office? Is one better than the other?

    • Hill staffer

      DC. The people who write the replies will be in the DC office. Generally, policy staff are in DC and district/state office staff are more focused on casework (so, helping constituents get Social Security/VA benefits, helping with passport and immigration issues, etc), community outreach, and district or state-based events that the legislator is attending. I know of a few exceptions where some of the policy-oriented people are not in DC, but the Legislative Correspondents (staffers whose only job is to write responses to constituents) are always in DC.

      • Anonymous

        Is writing the best way? I keep seeing that calling the office is the most effective route.

        • Sydney Bristow

          Thanks Hill Staffer!

          Anonymous, I’ve definitely been hearing that calling is more effective. I get extremely anxious on the phone, especially if it’s a stranger. Instead of trying to psych myself up to call and possibly not ever doing it, I’ve decided that writing letters is something I can easily do and follow through on. I don’t want perfect to become the enemy of the good in this case.

      • Anonymous

        This may be office dependent–my district office forwarded letters it received to the DC office, and they actually got there quicker because of enhanced screening for DC office mail.

      • pugsnbourbon

        Just want to say, Hill Staffer, you rock. Thank you for responding to all these threads.

        • Hill staffer

          Aww, thanks! I’m happy to help. I hate that the way Congress works can seem mysterious from the outside. I’m so glad to see so many people here being engaged.

          • pugsnbourbon

            I spent some time on my lunch break going through the bills/resolutions coming up in my state’s general assembly … it’s so overwhelming.

  6. ac

    Has anyone ever worked with a physical therapist long after an injury? My husband has some old sports injuries (for which he never received physical therapy) but is looking to find more exercise options without incurring further damage. Who is his best resource at this point? Doctor? Chiro? Trainer?

    • JayJay

      Anecdotal, but my insurance would cover physical therapy as long as it was prescribed by my doctor first. So that might be a good first step.

    • nutella

      Get a doctor to give a prescription for physical therapy, that way your insurance will (at least partly) cover it, as they should. The hardest part about PT is doing the “homework” but it is what makes the difference — 2 hours a week isn’t going to do it, it’s the work he does every day.

      This is not shady, by the way, if the pain or injury limits his abilities to do things within the normal bounds of someone his age and his life (i.e. he’s not striving to have awkwardly bent knees for 15 years as a professional goalie or catcher but simply wants to run for health), then it is a medical concern and he should tell his doctor about it and ask to do PT to treat it.

      In the US, physical therapists have a doctorate degree because it is a medical treatment. After the PT prescription runs out (and most PTs can write a script for more PT, too), then would be the time to consider a personal trainer, but I would shop carefully for one that has worked closely with PTs or doctors or others post-injury (i.e. there are some personal trainers that work closely with college football and basketball teams). They don’t have the doctorate degree but understand how to get you exercising safely with an injury concern. A good personal trainer will want to make sure you have been ‘cleared medically’ to exercise so as not to re-injure and will work carefully to strengthen surrounding muscles so as to prevent re-injury.

      Personal opinions may vary, but I don’t really believe in chiropractors.

    • ace

      I was told that in Illinois that you must have a prescription to being physical therapy, so another vote for “start with a doctor”

  7. Tetra

    We’re getting new photos done at the office next week, and the office manager told us to wear more make up than usual or else we’d look washed out. Is this true? I normally don’t wear anything on my face except light concealer over red spots and some eyeliner. Do I need to get a powder or something like that? Thanks!

    • ac

      My guess is that a new makeup routine on photo day is probably not your best bet. I’d stick with your regular routine plus, perhaps, a flattering neutral lip color.

      • Anon

        +1. Don’t wear new makeup on photo day.

        Getting washed out from photos can happen with bad photographers who use too much flash. (See: my budget mall portrait studio headshots from law school ha.) An experienced, professional photographer shouldn’t have that problem.

      • Anonymous

        It can, but too much can make you look like a clown. I’d stick with what you do normally and trust that the photographer will create a flattering image.

      • ELS

        +1.

        Tetra — I do wear more makeup when I’m having a headshot or other professional picture taken because of the bright lights used (I am also extremely pale). However, I’m a regular makeup-wearer (I just don’t always wear foundation/eyeshadow, etc). I wouldn’t try out something you’re not totally comfortable with for the first time on picture day. If you’re interested in trying more makeup for the photo for fear of looking washed out, I would pick up anything you want to try and do some practice this week/over the weekend.

        I find the things that make the most difference for me in photos are a light to medium coverage foundation, a little bit of blush and a neutral/light eyeshadow. I also always wear mascara. I’m jealous of you ladies who do not regularly wear it — while my eyelashes are long, they are blonde, despite my hair being much darker.

    • LAnon

      Your office manager is right; it’s up to you on your comfort level with wearing extra makeup for the picture. I’m vain enough that in my mental image of myself, I look pretty good, so I hate seeing photographs where I look washed out or tired. So I always wear a little extra makeup for professional portraits – it makes me look how I imagine I look, if that makes sense? The most important thing for me is a little heavier eyeliner and mascara, and to fill in my brows.

      Agree with the advice not to try a totally new makeup routine on the day of pictures, but maybe play with it a bit over the weekend. Do you have a makeup routine for special occasions?

      • Anonymous BigLaw Associate

        I think playing with at home first is a good idea. Agree with other posters that blush is a good idea for photos. Do you know if the photographer will photoshop the photos? A lot of things can be done in photoshop…

    • Sharon

      Your routine sounds good but I would recommend a light application of blush. The flash used for indoor photos tend to wash out people. I have noticed this for my own professional photo as well as pictures I’ve taken of other people.

      • anon

        +1 Just add a touch of blush. If you have light or sparse eyebrows you might want to brush a bit of similar-colored eye shadow into the brow.

    • Shopaholic

      I would also add mascara to your routine on picture day. Besides that, you’re probably fine as long as it’s a good photographer.

  8. Doctors Office Vent

    I’m starting the journey of seeing a reproductive specialist for infertility testing and possible treatment. There is only one location near me that does this. They are will a very reputable hospital. They have one very kind nurse who does all of the scheduling. I haven’t even had my first appointment yet and there have been so many scheduling f’ups. I can’t even.

    I was scheduled for a test for a Monday. The office calls the week before to confirm my test on Thursday. I say, nope it was Monday. They say nope, doctor doesn’t work Monday. Whatever, maybe I screwed up but my cycle doesn’t work out for a test on Thursday and does for Monday so I know I wouldn’t have scheduled it for Thursday.

    I get rescheduled for just an office visit, no test, for date X. I get a letter in the mail confirming date Y. I log in online and I am schedule for both X and Y with a test on Y day. I have a sudden work commitment I can’t get out of and cancel date X. Call to see what the day Y stuff is all about. They say my letter was wrong, I’m not seeing the doctor on day Y but they had rescheduled my test for day Y. Okay, I leave that on but need to still book an actual doctor’s appt.

    We book for day Z. I then get email, replying to my email canceling date X proposing new dates including date Z. I respond that we have already booked date Z.

    OMG. If they can’t this straight, do I trust them handling test results? Yikes. No other option really so I’m just in for the ride. If you read it, thanks for letting me vent. Not really looking for advice. Just commiseration.

    I’d complain to the hospital but the woman during the scheduling is very nice and it seems like she runs that whole office. Pissing her off seems like a suicidal move if I want to ever get in to see the very busy doc.

    • givemyregards

      As the administrator for a hospital department I can’t believe I’m recommending this, but if this office is associated with a hospital (not just private practice group) I would call and see if you can get the name of the administrator for the department and give them a call/send them an e-mail. I would want to know about this just in case there is some bigger problem happening that I don’t know about – it wouldn’t in any way jeopardize the job of the scheduler.

    • Anon

      Currently going through infertility stuff… on month 13 to be exact, so I’m familiar with all that comes with it. It’s slightly concerning they won’t do testing on certain days. 99% of what I’ve done is cycle dependent and I’ve been in on early mornings, late nights, weekends, national and even international holidays (NYE/day) to get the tests needed on the specific cycle day. I’m in a major city with a world-renown hospitals, so maybe they’re just particularly (unnecessarily?) flexible. I hope this is just a blip and givemyregards above’s advice helps give you some insight as to what’s really going on.

      Best of luck to you!

      • anonnynonny

        I’m late replying, but yes to all of this. Timing and scheduling for this stuff is essential and a bunch of tests can only be done certain day or days once a month so if you miss it…you just lose the month. Even on Thanksgiving 2015 I had to go in to my facility and give some blood. I would strongly urge you to find a doctor who can be scheduled when you need it–this is already a long, painful, drawn-out process, and scheduling pains shouldn’t make it worse.

      • Amy

        Yeah, this is worrisome. Our reproductive endocrinology clinic was open from 7a-7p, 365 days a year. There just isn’t any other way to do it. Follicles are ready when they’re ready and if you’re not triggered (or your eggs aren’t harvested) at the right time, you can waste a cycle.
        I think the suggestion about going farther up the chain to tell someone what’s going on is a good one…not sure what else to suggest other than finding another clinic. Are you sure there’s not another one proximal to you? We are in a city with one very large, well-known RE clinic but ended up at our local university hospital’s RE clinic, which I wouldn’t have known about if my gynecologist hadn’t told me about it. Also, if you’re just in the testing/figuring-out-possible-problems phase, it is possible to get a lot of testing done by your gyn – not all will do extensive testing, but it’s worth exploring.
        One suggestion: if you have a male partner, please make sure they test him early and they test him more than once if the initial interventions don’t seem to be working. Have heard waaaay too many stories about women going through hell getting tested/treated and somehow, no one thinks to check the guy’s swimmers until later. My husband’s morphology was so low it was a miracle we even got pregnant with IUI. Between his issues and my PCOS, there was no way we could have conceived without help, but if they had just focused on me, they would have missed a large component of why we weren’t getting pregnant.

    • cbackson

      Once you start actually getting treatments you’ll need them to be very reliable about scheduling, because it’ll all be time-sensitive. As in, you call them Tuesday morning and they need (for cycle reasons to get you in Tuesday afternoon or Wednesday). That kind of thing. So you need scheduling to be both reliable and accessible.

      It’s worth mentioning that you’ve had hiccups and asking them how scheduling is handled if you need to do egg retrieval/IVF/IUI.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Minor suggestion. If you do this by credit card, they may have a $3-5 fee they pay for processing electronic donations to both the credit card company and the company that handles the online forms. Could you set the money aside in your own account for each sort of thing and when it reaches $20 make the donation?

    • anon

      Ugh, sometimes I hate being from Texas. I love my home state, but we really like to export our crazy.

  10. Anon

    Is it rude to call people out re their privilege? Is this the new “insult” these days amongst the educated? In just the last few weeks I’ve been called out for my own privilege bc I don’t understand how hard it is the lesser educated to navigate the system/paperwork required by the gov’t for benefits; for my privilege that I can care about investments/taxes when so much other stuff is going on. To which I say — um well I was the same person before the election (and no I’m not a trump voter) — why are my views suddenly SO objectionable? Is looking out for yourself/your interests suddenly the mark of privilege or is there some assumption that one cannot be self interested while still caring about the world?

    • Anon

      Yes it’s horribly rude and an excuse used to justify one’s position by intimidation. And I say this as a breeding heart liberal from Berkeley.

    • ELS

      Define what you mean by calling someone out for their privilege.

      Because privilege does not mean you don’t care about the world. It means that you had/have advantages that have made it easier for you to succeed. For instance: I am an upper middle class white woman. I am also also able to, at least to some extent, care about investments/saving while all the chaos is going on around us. But I recognize that other people do not have that luxury, and I also, realizing that they do not have my privilege, care about what happens to them (while also caring that I am still able to meet my obligations).

      I also have no personal experience with navigating the system to get benefits, but I used to work with a population for which that was an issue. The system can, in reality, be very confusing for applicants. I was confused several times when social workers would try to explain it to me. Not understanding why or how it is confusing is a form of privilege, but doesn’t mean that you don’t care (provided that you listen and recognize that it’s not super simple after hearing that).

      I think privilege is more on everyone’s mind (it is on mine, at least) in the past few months. Populations that are not mine (and maybe not yours) feel that they are under attack. Privilege isn’t an insult — it’s just a reality that some people have more than others.

      Just my take.

      • ELS

        Reply to say: I think it’s very rude to actually say the words, “Wow, that’s because of your privilege” or something similar. I think a discussion about the issues around the privilege themselves is not rude, however.

    • anon

      It depends. I mean it’s pretty obviously not polite to call someone out, period. That’s why people have such a hard time standing up to bullies, racists, misogynists, etc. It’s never polite to say, no you’re wrong and you shouldn’t say that nonsense. The key is that if someone is being a bully they relinquish their right to be treated with politeness and, imo at least, everyone around them has a moral obligation to speak out against their abusive rhetoric. Being impolite is sort of the point.

      It crosses the line into rude when you’re cutting off a dialogue or when you’re shutting someone down when they’re not saying anything objectionable. Idk the context in which those comments were said to you.

      • Anonymous

        Standing up to a bully isn’t rude though. [The veneer of manners, well-twisted, is how a lot of child abusers get their victims to comply. They rely on the victims not wanting to seem “rude.”]

        This drives me so nuts.

      • fadsa fds adfs

        Come on, don’t be rude. You don’t really know the whole situation. Everyone has advantages and disadvantages, and putting down others helps no one.

    • aBr

      When done appropriately it highlights that your life experiences are not the norm. For example, I was called on it when trying to explain something using riding a horse as an example. Perhaps, a more innocuous thing but still making the point that not everyone grows up with horseback riding lessons. Alternatively, it can be a good reminder that your bubble includes nannies, etc. but that isn’t the norm. Which is all the long way of saying, it can be insulting but it can also be appropriate when you are actually in need of “checking your privilege” compared to the norm.

    • Anonymous

      It’s not rude that they popped your bubble. Could they have done it in a rude way? Maybe but we can’t know that without knowing the conversation. I would hope that you would approach the feedback you received with open eyes but I can understand that if the delivery caused you to feel defensive, then it would be hard to take.

      I would rather someone speak up and let me know that I’m showing my privilege vs continuing in ignorance but i can see how it would be hard to hear in the moment.

      • ChiLaw

        I agree with you. There’s probably a rude way to say just about anything, but saying, “this comes from your perspective, which is privileged in this way you may not have noticed, so maybe you should consider ____” is not inherently rude.

    • cbackson

      I think it’s often used in a way that’s intended to cut off conversation and undermine the speaker, which is a shame, because it’s a very useful lens. When it’s part of a more fulsome statement that “you’re privileged [fortunate, basically] to not have to know how to work the welfare system/understand public transit/worry about what President Trump will do to your relatives” I think it helps people understand why an issue feels different to differently situated people. But as it gets shorthanded, it gets less productive (i.e., telling a dirt-poor rural white male disabled veteran that he is “privileged” feels insulting given how rough his situation otherwise is; telling him that he is “privileged not to be faced by racism or sexism on top of everything else he’s dealing with” is more helpful in terms of helping that person see that others carry additional burdens to his).

    • Godzilla

      Need more context. If someone is calling you out, politeness isn’t their goal. So your question/point is moot.

      • fadsa fds adfs

        Is there really not a way to have this discussion in a polite and non-accusatory way? I have definitely talked to others about issues like this before without being rude, but I guess I also didn’t use the word “privilege”. I do think the phrase “check your privilege” is obnoxious and there are better ways to phrase that. If a person is on your side but has made a mistake in what they said or what they thought about it, no need to attack them for it.

        • Godzilla

          I think there is a way to deliver this message politely but I don’t think the recipient will take it very well no matter how “nice” and “non-accusatory” it is. It will feel like an attack, always. Nobody likes being told that their understanding is imperfect because of who they are as a person/product of their DNA/upbringing.

          As an inflammatory example, if one is over a weight limit based on some established threshold, someone could describe that person as “fat”. No judgement, just a descriptor. Still doesn’t sound very nice, though.

          My advice is the following: if someone tells you that your privilege is interfering with something, shut up, listen, process, and walk away. Be hurt and angry by yourself and try to understand why the person said what they did. They honestly did you a huge favor. Once the initial shock wears off and you find that you disagree, then revisit the conversation. Demanding an explanation is just tiresome.

          • fadsa fds adfs

            That’s if you assume that the statement is automatically a remark on the person. “I imagine that it would be more difficult for a child with parents who don’t speak English to navigate these forms” is just a statement, as is “Orangutans live in Borneo and Sumtra”. They are just remarks about something you didn’t know about, just data points, doesn’t automatically mean anything about anyone.

    • Anon

      I consider it rude. And yes, amongst my (liberal) crowd it IS the newest insult. If I want to live in my bubble and form opinions and vote based on my bubble — that is entirely my right. No amount of calling out or talking about “my privilege” will change my mind.

      • ELS

        And so is everybody else is right to tell you when you express an opinion that is potentially discriminatory or tone deaf.

        I live in a bubble. We all do. Some of our bubbles are more diverse than others. But, because I care about people who are not in my bubble having good lives, I care about making sure that I consider other perspectives when forming my worldview.

        Every major religion teaches some form of this. It’s really not that controversial.

    • Torin

      The way you’re framing what it means to be called out for privilege and that you assume it has anything to do with being a Trump voter makes me wonder if you understood why you were being called out in the first place. Need more context though.

      • context

        Not the OP, but a few days ago she posted a positive comment on the stock market rally. The response was basically ‘how can you be happy when Trump has been elected’. Honestly, even before the election we could have said ‘You can’t be happy; there are children starving in West Virginia’. #Imwithher

    • Sloan Sabbith

      I’ve “called people out” on their privilege, but I try to do it as gently as I can, because it’s often not something people recognize- like that, for example, they’re lucky their chronic illness allows them to work, but some people are actually too sick to work, so it’s not always fair to equate their situation with someone else’s.

      I think it can be used as an insult, but I try to do it more as a “Have you thought about this angle?” Thing than a “Wow, you privileged SOB, you don’t get ANYTHING,” because that doesn’t help at all.

    • KS IT Chick

      I always like John Scalzi’s description of privilege: it’s playing the Game Of Life on a lower difficulty setting. As he put it, he’s an upper-middle class hetero$Exual cis white male without disabilities. No one is taken more seriously by the Western world than he is. Each piece of the identify he carries has a privilege that goes with it. If any one of those changes, such as economic status or disability, then he loses that privilege. Nothing he did (with the possible exception of changing his economic status) gave him those identifies, they were just part of the package as how he was born. He doesn’t face the challenges of a queer woman of color who has a disability, and he never will.

      I am always aware that I am a person of privilege in most ways, as an educated, middle class, white woman. I also believe I have the responsibility to use the privilege that society bestows upon me to assist those who aren’t granted the automatic lower difficulty level. It is why I strongly support public education & healthcare for all. When someone tells me to check my privilege, I listen, because it means that I didn’t live up to my own self-imposed responsibilities.

      (John’s blog is called Whatever, at Scalzi dot com. The entire piece about it is worth a read.)

    • Amy

      I appreciate it when people help me remember that my particular worldview, and the way I experience the world, varies vastly from the experiences other people have had, and continue to have, every day.

      I hate Trump and didn’t vote for him. There hasn’t been a day since the election that I haven’t felt a combination of sad and terrified. However. I am not an immigrant, and do not have immigrant relatives. My childbearing time is over so I will not be personally affected by attacks on reproductive rights. I have a good job with excellent benefits, so I will not be personally affected by a repeal of Obamacare. I am not LGBTQI, although I do have relatives who are. *I* feel sad and terrified? *I* am scared for the future? Wow! I need to check my own privilege. My angst and agita seems like melodramatic attention-seeking by comparison. Not to mention, if I were to celebrate my own financial gains in the face of what so many other people are faced with losing (which includes: their lives; their freedom; their ability to self-determine their own future; their dignity, etc.) What I am feeling is nothing compared to the fear felt by people who will be directly impacted by what’s coming. I need to take the focus off myself, and how I feel, and focus now on being a good ally and fighting alongside people who need solidarity and support right now.

      I am a Buddhist and Trump’s election has been the biggest test of faith I have ever experienced. I have had to read, meditate and contemplate more in the last few months than I ever have at any other time of my life. I have struggled so much with accepting what is, detaching myself from the cherished view of the future I held, and many other things. What it comes back to are the words of Pema Chodron: “When life is pleasant, think of others. When life is a burden, think of others.” IMO, “check your privilege” is a not-so-gentle reminder that I have not been thinking of others the way I should.

  11. Anon

    This is a gorgeous suit. I had an Armani Collezione suit like this, except with a skirt, that I wore the heck out of until I gained too much weight to wear it anymore. :( Should I be trying to sell it? If so where?

  12. NYC Bridal Shower/Bachelorette

    Any suggestions for a bridal shower location in NYC/Brooklyn for ~20 people (brunch/cocktail hour)?

    Also, any suggestions for a spring bachelorette getaway weekend in the NY area (within max 3 hour drive of the city)? Looking for somewhere low-key (likely will stay in an airbnb) but with activities (wine tasting, spas, hiking, etc.) nearby.

    Thanks all!

    • anon

      I hosted a bridal shower at Franchia once and it was lovely. Unique and delicious food and tea, reasonable prices, and a quiet calm private space so we could actually all talk. Probably not for every group (and it was a smaller party, so I can’t remember if 20 ppl would work), but worth checking out. (Also the caveat that this was ~6 years ago, so who knows what has changed).

    • S

      A bit further than three hours, but Saratoga Springs fits your bill for a getaway. If not, maybe Mystic CT?

  13. Sydney Bristow

    Can someone give me some sort of a primer on meal planning? This is one of those adulting things that I’ve never bothered to figure out. My husband and I are trying to cut down on our grocery and takeout expenses. We typically get 2-3 nights worth of prepared meals from Fresh Direct (salmon, quiche, chicken, etc) that just require heating up in the oven, but the rest of the week we resort to takeout and sometimes just heat up pasta.

    So I’m looking for a strategy to start planning easy to make dinners that could replace most of these takeout nights. My husband is normally the one who cooks but neither of us is a very good cook. He is unwilling to get a crock pot because he doesn’t like things to run when we are not home. I’d like to have meals that focus on protein (that’s my problem with our pasta backup).

    So what kinds of things should we keep on hand at home and what would we need to purchase weekly-ish? Recipe recommendations? Any advice on how to do this?

    • AEK

      Meal planning is a long subject that depends so much on your time / circumstances etc., so I’ll leave that topic for someone else. We do our best, all I can say.

      But as for slow cooker, my husband is like yours. My solution is for us to run it overnight. It’s not like we’re actively monitoring it, but we run all kinds of other appliances like the dryer or the dishwasher overnight, so why not one more plugged-in thing? If some disaster occurred in the slow cooker, I’d know about it before work and have time to think of backup! Plus we have more time at night after toddler is asleep to throw together the food than we have in the morning.

      • goldie

        I can’t handle it running overnight. My nose wakes me up like, “what is that?” And then my brain has to wake up to tell me: pulled pork, you idiot.

    • Tinkerbell

      I did Fitgirls once. I did it imperfectly one month and still managed to lose weight. You literally plan out every meal and snacks. An easy way would probably be Blue Apron or Hello Fresh.

    • goldie

      I usually make soup ahead for one weeknight. This is a favorite recipe (I don’t bother with the crostinis) and I add more salt and herbs: http://www.tasteslovely.com/potato-white-bean-kale-vegan-soup/

      I also do Asian-inspired stirfry with ground turkey or chicken (it doesn’t get as yucky reheated as diced chicken, IMO) and veggies. Reheat in a skillet and make rice. Done in 15 minutes.

      Tacos! Make the meat or bean-based filling ahead of time, along with a poor man’s pico de gallo (chopped tomato, red onion, lime juice, olive oil, salt and pepper) and tortillas.

    • Anonymous

      I run the slow cooker on the weekend. Most of my recipes cook for 6 hours, and I’m gone for 12 hours a day. I don’t want to set the timer and let the raw chicken sit in the pot for 6 hours before it starts to cook, nor do I want to start it when I leave and then have the food sit on the “warm” setting for 6 hours after it finishes cooking.

    • Walnut

      I like to meal plan so I use up ingredients I buy. For instance, we’re rather fond of tex mex, so I usually plan to make enchiladas and tacos during the same week so I use up the lettuce/tomatoes/avocados, etc.

      Another thing I’ll do is make a crock pot of shredded chicken and then use it for chicken salad sandwiches, bbq chicken and chicken tacos. That way I make sure I use up the key protein.

      This week we’re making pork tenderloin with mashed red potatoes and I plan to follow that up with bbq pork sandwiches and red potato salad. Since I already have buns, I’ll likely make hamburgers later in the week to use the rest of the bag. This way I’ve utilized several ingredients in several meals to reduce waste.

      • Sydney Bristow

        Trying to use up the ingredients is definitely a goal and part of what seems challenging. I like your suggested uses for things and could work that in.

    • CHS

      CookSmarts! I’m a broken record but it’s the best. Choose # of meals you want to make, any dietary restrictions/considerations, and # of servings and you get a customized shopping list, prep breakdown (some stuff can be done on the weekend, making weeknights that much easier), and easy instructions. Food is delish.

    • Torin

      What do you mean by meal planning?

      For me, “meal planning” means I pick a few things to cook on Sunday that will last 5 or 6 meals and eat them all week as leftovers for lunch and dinner. Basically any recipe on any food blog will be for more than one meal so you can just start with what you’re interested in eating. My back-ups if I run out tend to be things like chickpea pasta with a jarred sauce (protein in the chickpeas!), scrambled eggs with roasted veggies (from frozen, sliced vegetables) or a freaking peanut butter sandwich if I feel like it cause I do what I want.

      I think some people get more complicated with their “meal planning” because they don’t like leftovers. So they make a grocery list that involves ingredients for many more smaller meals and cook more often. I can’t be bothered. It’s too much effort. Also, I have never minded leftovers, and some things, like chili, even taste better the second day.

      A few of my favorite cooking blogs are:
      http://smittenkitchen.com/
      http://minimalistbaker.com/
      http://cookieandkate.com/
      http://www.homesicktexan.com/

      Generally speaking the recipes on those blogs are accessible as far as skill level for most people I think.

      • Sydney Bristow

        We don’t mind leftovers but typically just eat them the next day and not after that. I do prep my lunches for the week on Sundays but it’s typically just mediocre as far as a meal goes and not something I’d think of doing ahead for dinners. For example, I’ll make a bunch of chicken breasts on Sunday and throw in some BBQ sauce and canned veggies and then heat it in the microwave for work. Reheating chicken in the microwave for dinner just doesn’t seem as appealing. But if I could prep things on Sunday to throw in the oven on Thursday night, that would be fine. I just didn’t think that meats lasted that long raw.

          • Sydney Bristow

            It doesn’t get too dried out? See how much cooking is out of my comfort zone?

          • Anon

            No, it doesn’t.

            I mean this gently and not in a mean way, but I think it might be a good first step to learn how to cook 5 simple meals that you can go to in a pinch. Based on your original post, you aren’t really cooking anything, and you’re probably spending a sh*t-ton on prepared meals.

            So, something like:

            – Baked salmon, baked sweet potatoes, green vegetable (I like asparagus), rolls
            – Roast chicken with potatoes and carrots in the same pan, big green salad
            – Pasta with marinara and turkey meatballs, green vegetable
            – Breakfast for dinner! Egg scramble with cheese and veggies of choice, side of bacon, side of pancakes (if I cook) or waffles (if my husband cooks)
            – Roast pork loin, potatoes (or pierogi if I have them), sauerkraut, sautéed apples, green salad

            All super easy, come together fast, minimal “hands on” time required. The roast chicken obviously takes the longest to cook, but once you’ve prepped it and put it in the oven, you’re done with the work.

            Also, a big pot of soup on Sunday that will last for a few meals is your friend. Lentil soup with ham, chili, white bean/kale/sausage/potato soup, thai coconut soup, beef stew, and chicken with a ton of vegetables are all staples for us.

          • Torin

            You can reheat most things using the method you used to cook them without ruining them. If you’re reheating in the oven and concerned about drying out, use the broil setting and wrap it or cover it in foil. Or use a toaster oven.

          • Sydney Bristow

            Thank you both. Anon at 5:32, you are exactly right. We aren’t cooking anything! Your suggestions are really helpful and exactly the kind of thing I’m looking for. “All super easy, come together fast, minimal ‘hands on’ time required” is exactly what I want.

            And Torin, I seriously had no idea what the broil setting on the oven was for. Definitely cooking challenged!

      • Torin

        Oh, also, if you’re worried about not wasting ingredients, your freezer is your friend. Basically any vegetable freezes fine. Just chop it up first. Then when you use it, don’t defrost it first; just dump it straight from the freezer into what you’re cooking. I do this all the time.

        You can also freeze anything that’s already cooked if you made too much and are sick of it before you finish eating it.

        • nutella

          Yes!

          Step 1: learn to cook some basic meals, we save multi-step meals for weekends or special occasions, but we are also people who are fine eating the same thing 4 days in a row, with slight variation. I will literally eat the same meal 5 night a week, but that’s me. Both of us know that if the other one is cooking for us, you can’t complain.

          Step 2: the freezer really is your friend. We will often make it to mid-week eating everything we made Sunday. So, we will marinate a ton of chicken on Sunday and actually cook enough of them for the first 2-3 days; the rest we freeze. So, come Wednesday or Thursday when we are out of what we cooked on Sunday, we grab what we prepped on Sunday from the freezer.

          For us, food prep solves our biggest concerns: not having food at home to eat when we (I) get hangry and not wasting food we buy. There are some things we will always buy to have quick and light meals: deli turkey, deli cheese, eggs, bread (also goes in the freezer), peanut butter, greek yogurt, salad mix, dressing ingredients (oil, red wine vinegar, lemons), and I like to have a small stockpile of frozen meat. If we haven’t defrosted something (we don’t have an instant pot – yet!) or are feeling particularly lazy, there is always a turkey sandwich or scrambled eggs. If you also have the concern of portion/calorie control, eating at home is great because you can more easily monitor what goes in and I find that the easiest foods to cook are also the healthiest (i.e. learn to grill chicken and prepare an arugula salad and you have a delicious, easy, and healthy dinner in 10 minutes)

    • Walnut

      Also on meal planning, give yourself permission to not be fancy. It’s okay to plan grilled cheese and tomato soup. Sometimes I get caught up in thinking I need to put a gourmet meal on the table, when the important thing is that I’m eating in, rather than takeout.

      Also, start off with a couple meals. There’s nothing worse than being super ambitious in meal planning, lapsing, and then eating takeout all week anyhow. Double whammy on the budget.

      And, finally, always have frozen pizza or another favorite frozen entree on hand.

      • Torin

        +1 on not being fancy!

        Is it food? Is it reasonably healthy and does it taste good? If yes, put it down in the win column.

    • Julia

      I have two suggestions –
      1. In lieu of a slow cooker, consider an Instant Pot. There was a whole post on this here a little while ago.

      2. Platejoy subscription. I will let you Google that, but I can say it has worked out well for many in my life and you might find after a year’s subscription you get the concept well enough to grab some cookbooks or find websites and plan on your own. It can be completely personalized as opposed to just following a random plan.

    • Sydney Bristow

      Ok adding CookSmarts, Fitgirls, PrepDish, and Platejoy to things that I’ll be researching this week.

      Thanks for all the suggestions! Keep them coming if you have them!

      • Anonymous

        I’d just say slow your roll. You cook nothing now! Don’t jump in over your head. Meal planning for me looks like making enough food for dinner Sunday-Tuesday on Sunday, having frozen meatballs and broccoli in the fridge for Wednesday, and eating eggs on Tursday. Yogurts for breakfast, salads for lunch.

        • Anon

          +1 to this. Before you can learn how to meal plan effectively (and that will differ for everyone based on time constraints, taste preferences, etc), you need to learn how to cook a few basic things.

          • Sydney Bristow

            Point taken! I’m going to try and figure out a few simple meals that we can work into our schedule over the next month. I’ll aim for actually cooking something 1-2 times per week, which will cut down on our takeout budget a lot.

            I’m thinking I’ll make a soup on Sunday and have the items on hand to make tacos one night (which I love and feel like I can make pretty easily).

          • Sydney Bristow

            Oh and I did make pot roast 2 weekends ago with help from all the advice I got here! It turned out pretty good. I’ll definitely give that another try some weekend.

      • Wehaf

        Some good easy meals, minimal prep time, hard to mess up, don’t have to measure precisely:

        Spinach (or other veggie) quiche (google “easy spinach quiche recipe”)
        a whole bunch of soups (google “mark bittman’s customizable soups” for 12 good option)
        curries (google “easy ___ curry” where ___ is tomato, chickpea, broccoli, chicken, cauliflower, etc.)

      • Amy H.

        There are some great suggestions here — posting just to add two more recs I haven’t seen above:

        100 Days of Real Food blog — free, and has great basic recipes with some meal planning posts interspersed

        “Small Victories” cookbook by Julia Turshen — teaches basic techniques, like making your own salad dressing or roasting a chicken, and then gives options for mixing it up/trying that technique or recipe with different ingredients/using what’s on hand and substituting things in/out.

    • techgirl

      We’re really lazy, so essentially base our week day meals on: protein + seasoning + 1 or 2 veggies. We generally either bake chicken breast or pan fry pork loin chop, or use soya mince or canned mixed beans. We keep soya mince, peas and corn in the freezer and beans in the cupboard.
      So for example tonight was pesto chicken with corn and peas. Yesterday was chicken topped with chopped tomatoes and cheddar (like an unbreaded parmigiana), with baked broccoli and peas. You don’t have to be delivering amazing restaurant style food every night. These dishes generally produce for us one baking sheet and one microwave bowl of washing up. Weekend meals are either more relaxed or more time costing, maybe pre-prepared dishes we just pop in the oven, a long cook stew, or a more complex multi pan dish like lasagne.

      Each Friday night/Saturday morning we go through a populate our meal planner that hangs in the hallway. We write the meals down, write the ingredients on the shopping list that’s on the planner plus anything else needed. Then Saturday morning we go buy the items on said list. We’ve reduced our food spend by 30% and have next to 0 food wastage (just perishable sauces/condiments etc really).

    • P

      Long reply because I have thought a lot about this topic and I love your posts generally :)

      I think the TL;DR message is: learning how to make food efficiently and on a budget is going to be a long-term learning experience that will eventually pay off. You’ll be cooking for the rest of your life!

      Meals that focus on meat protein are more expensive, unless you buy cheaper cuts of meat. Cheaper cuts of meat are better in the slow cooker or slow-cooked in the oven. You can do this in batches on the weekend, if you prefer, but then you’re going to be refrigerating or freezing them and reheating them, which it sounds like you don’t like. You might have to get over this hurdle, for your budget’s sake. Alternatively, you can buy fancy cuts of meat and put them on the grill. In some ways, this is the easiest way to cook. But it is also more expensive. Would it solve your problem if you, for example, poached a chicken in the slow-cooker over the weekend, and then used it in various recipes (soups, stir-fry, even pasta) during the week?

      Everyone has a different cooking style, so recommending kitchen staples is hard. I think you should experiment with some cookbooks and blogs and see what you like. My two favorite blogs are smitten kitchen and 101 cookbooks (the last one is vegetarian and the best recipes are all in the archive). NY times has great recipes. For a beginner cookbook, I love the Splendid Table’s How to Eat Supper, although it is not meat-heavy at all. Rick Bayless’s Mexican Everyday is also fantastic for easy recipes, especially if you like Mexican food.

      As I’ve become more confident in the kitchen, I have also gotten a lot better at using up random vegetables etc in the refrigerator. That helps me cut down on my food waste. I am also better at eyeballing quantities in the grocery store. When I meal plan, I try to put the recipes with the best leftovers at the beginning of the week – stews, chiles, hearty soups. Toward the end of the week I have my flex recipes — for example, a stirfry where the only fresh ingredient is broccoli rabe, and the other ingredients are all pantry staples. If we get invited to last-minute dinner with friends after I’ve gone grocery shopping, I don’t feel like I’m wasting as much food, because I won’t have to throw out my rice, my tofu, or my sauces — I’m just potentially putting the broccoli rabe in jeopardy of going in the compost.

      Another tip: commit to only going grocery shopping once a week. If you’re missing an ingredient, see if you can improvise with something that you already have. Grocery shopping is a huge time suck and it’s easy for beginners to spend way too much time making sure they have exactly the ingredients that are listed in the recipe. When you’re forced to wing it, you’ll get more confident in your cooking.

      I really like to cook and try out new recipes. But, if you cook the same recipe a few times, you’ll eventually get a lot faster at preparing it. So it sort of makes sense to do what a commenter suggested above – pick a few things to master.

      • Anonymous

        These are helpful things to think about so thank you!

        We get our groceries delivered, which is more expensive but something we’re willing to pay the premium for just for convenience sake. Plus it cuts down on impulse buys I’m likely to do when shopping in person.

        Winging it is the hard part for me. I love to bake and am very good at it, but baking is all about precision and that feels comfortable to me. I think I can learn to deal with it though by trying to master a recipe by making it several times. Trying to push through if I’m missing an ingredient is a good idea to force myself to stretch a little.

    • Bonnie

      We rarely cook full meals. Instead we roast a ton of veggies at once and use them during the week. Same thing with grains like quinoa or rice. For protein, I like individually frozen fish and Costco. We decide which one we want when we get home and put it in a bowl of water. By the time we’re ready to eat, the protein is thawed and ready to cook on the stove or in the toaster oven. I’ve also discovered that Amy’s dressings have better ingredients and can be used in moderation to change the grains or veggies.

  14. Anonymous

    I have a coworker who swears by PrepDish. It is a weekly newsletter with a meal plan and recipes, a grocery list, and prep-ahead instructions. It is gluten-free and paleo, but the recipes I’ve seen look like they’d appeal to a general audience.

      • Anonymous

        We’re a 2 person household. I cook one thing on Sunday in the crockpot during the day. That’s for Mon and Wed. I cook one thing in the oven on Sun. that’s enough for Sun. dinner and Tues. dinner. For Thurs. dinner is either fish (usually frozen left in the fridge to defrost while I’m at work) + veggies or tacos or the crockpot dish if we worked late and didn’t eat it earlier in the week. Fri. I make fish if I didn’t make it on Thurs. or we go out. Sat. we almost always eat out. One I started slotting meals by category (1 crockpot dish, 1 oven dish, 1 fish dish, 1 wildcard) it make the whole process a lot easier.

  15. Kanarpski

    I’m having trouble figuring out how to manage expectations due to health issues. I have unpredictable, potentially severe health issues. After a year of being too sick to work, I got an entry-level job in an industry that’s new to me. I love it and I’ve been doing great! I’m working on training needed to move into a professional position and I’m getting noticed by the higher-ups. All the recognition and support has been great, but it makes me really anxious at the same time. If my health takes a turn, it won’t be obvious. I’ll be in pain, won’t have much energy, and will have trouble concentrating. I’ll still be able to meet expectations, but won’t be able to do the extras that are getting recognition or study outside of work. I’m worried that the positive buzz that I’m creating now will come back to bite me if I can’t live up to the hype. Any advice?

    • been there, lived that

      Do your best now and learn all you can… also work to figure out how to most efficiently do as many of the “stand out tasks” as possible. Assume you’ll get sick again and, while you’re healthy, work to try methods of how to conserve energy while still doing the best job possible. This way, if you get sick again, you’ve got a plan, and if you don’t, you’ll have at least helped to calm some of the anxieties and fears of “what if I get sick again” which should help you too.

      You may also want to look into the FMLA options and get to know folks in HR if it’s possible, so you can talk with someone who knows you if you ever need to take time off or try to get accommodations to help you during any potential future illness.

      Lastly, check out whether there are any programs, discounts, or benefits for working at the company that could be helpful with managing your mental and physical health. <3

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