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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Supima MicroModal Elbow-Sleeve Top

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An Asian woman with long black hair wearing a peach colored shirt and gray pants (legs mostly cropped out)

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

There’s nothing groundbreaking about a T-shirt, but when I find one that fits well and looks nice enough to be layered under blazers or cardigans, I feel the need to shout it from the rooftops.

This elbow-sleeve tee from Lands’ End is made of a cotton/rayon blend that drapes beautifully and is thick enough to be completely opaque, even in light colors. I’ve been wearing the striped version with a sweater blazer, ankle pants, and loafers for casual Fridays in the office.

The shirt is $9.99–$25.95 at Lands’ End and comes in 10 different colors in regular sizes XS–XL and plus sizes 1X–3X.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 4/18/25 (Happy Easter if you celebrate!):

  • Nordstrom – New spring markdowns, savings of up to 50%!
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off + extra 15% off your entire purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 10% off new womenswear
  • The Fold – 25% off selected lines
  • Eloquii – extra 40% off all sale
  • Everlane – Spring sale, up to 70% off
  • J.Crew – Spring Event: 40% off sitewide + extra 40% off all sale
  • J.Crew Factory – 40%-70% off everything + extra 20% off orders over $125
  • Kule – Lots of sweaters up to 50% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Earth Day Sale, take 25% off eco-conscious fabrics. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Rothy's – Final few – Up to 50% off last chance styles; new favorites added
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns

Sales of note for 4/18/25 (Happy Easter if you celebrate!):

  • Nordstrom – New spring markdowns, savings of up to 50%!
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off + extra 15% off your entire purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 10% off new womenswear
  • The Fold – 25% off selected lines
  • Eloquii – extra 40% off all sale
  • Everlane – Spring sale, up to 70% off
  • J.Crew – Spring Event: 40% off sitewide + extra 40% off all sale
  • J.Crew Factory – 40%-70% off everything + extra 20% off orders over $125
  • Kule – Lots of sweaters up to 50% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Earth Day Sale, take 25% off eco-conscious fabrics. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Rothy's – Final few – Up to 50% off last chance styles; new favorites added
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

344 Comments

  1. lawyers and writers – how do you get rid of passive voice once and for all? I got hammered in legal writing class but still don’t fully understand the concept. I’m out of school five years now. Clients praise my writing but lawyers in my firm seem to hate it. I’m sure if lawyers hate it, judges will hate it. (I think I need remedial help to understand. For context, I grew up in a small town that let me “skip” English/grammar classes after high test scores in 2nd or 3rd grade – I just went to the library and read. I also tested out of college requirements, so I took literature and speech writing but not grammar. Honestly, I barely know what a noun is vs. adjective / etc.)

    1. Order Wariner’s Grammer off of the river site. Maybe also Texas Las Review Manual of Style and also Strunk and White (these last two are short).

      Active voice: you can tell who did what: I stole the jewels.
      Passive voice — a way of shirking responsibility or saying you don’t know that happened (just the result): The jewels were stolen. Also politicians: Mistakes were made (vs the honest: “I f*cked up. I made a mistake.” or more likely “Mistakes were made under my watch and I take responsibility for that.”).

      When precision matters, passive voice muddies the water. Active voice clears it up or at least is straightforward.

      My children: The cookies were eaten . . .
      The nanny cam: . . . by you.

      1. Yes, this exactly. Passive voice should only ever be used intentionally when you’re trying to be squirrely. Instead of “Client abandoned the project” (active), you can say “The project was not completed”(passive).

        1. +1000 – I love the description as squirrelly. You can be strategic in deploying the passive voice :)

          1. And yet when I find people using it in a squirrely manner on TV or radio without being challenged on it (is that not the reporter’s job?), I want to throw things at the screen/radio or register my objection.

    2. there is the online module called core grammar that we had to do in law school which might be helpful. i also didn’t really learn grammar in school (except in espanol) and i found that it helped. also the ridicule of grammar nerds helped me clean up my legal writing. the active voice is easier to communicate with, so maybe if you focused on that it would help overall?

    4. Warriner’s is good, as is the Little, Brown handbook. (I still occasionally use my Little, Brown from the late 1980s.) Essentially whatever textbook your school would have used for 9th grade English composition will be great.

    5. You need Struck and White as a guide. Also, read news stories from NPR and similar sources. Journalists haaaate the passive voice, so media outlets are a good way to see active voice in action. And, just practicing.

    7. I like Brian Garner for legal writing. He wrote a book that’s a good desk reference and also hosts webinars, and has a daily newsletter.

    8. Unpopular opinion but I think passive voice can be appropriate and a blanket ban on it is unnuanced and dumb.

      1. Agreed. I have to use passive voice in agreements sometimes and Word marking it as a mistake and trying to correct it annoys me. Sure, make it active to the extent it makes sense, but sometimes there is a use for it.

      2. Agree. I don’t default to it, but I do strategically use it in emails where I have to let clients/stakeholders know they’re wrong and get their buy-in on what we actually need to do.

      3. Yes, it’s really useful for establishing topic and stress position to create a strong sense of flow.

      4. Yes, definitely. Sometimes it’s the preferred voice, and the bugaboo against it is weak and lazy. It’s often something that people seize on–even editors–as an “easy fix” or a power play.

        Sometimes WHAT happened is more important than who did it. Sometimes the actor is unknown or beside the point. Sometimes it CAN’T be rewritten without looking foolish.

        It’s not always to deflect responsibility.

        You can turn off the passive notifications in Word.

        1. I think that that was said (heh) previously — it is OK for unknowns, but when it’s not an unknown situation, perhaps consider why passive voice was used (heh again). Often, mistakes were made.

      5. I agree! But then again, I’m not much of a “there is One True Way to write” kind of person. Unfortunately, I’m pretty far down the hierarchy. :(

    9. Find yourself a freelance editor or English teacher or grammar nerd and ask them to go through several things you’ve written, flag every time the passive voice is used, and rewrite it as an active-voice sentence.

      I have a very hard time translating rules from somewhere else into the actual stuff I’ve written. I need to SEE what I’m actually doing wrong and then see what it SHOULD be instead.

      1. In grammar speak: is the subject of the sentence doing the action that the verb speaks to? If not, your Passive Voice Alert (TM) should light up.

        Mistakes were made: No.
        I made a mistake: Yes.

    10. For a fun, accessible grammar book (yes, I said “fun”–I have a sentence diagramming app just for funsies), try The Transitive Vampire.

      As others noted, your sentences should have a clear subject. Who did what? Not what was done.

      I rode the bicycle.
      Not: The bicycle was ridden.

      The student remembered all the items in his backpack.
      Not: All the items were remembered.

      Seriously, though, watch some YouTube videos on diagramming sentences to understand an almost mathematical approach to grammar.

    11. Isn’t it just removing the “to be” verb? I majored in journalism and professors trained us to write in the active voice by never using any form of “to be.”

      1. I don’t understand this.

        “I am going to be 27 next month” seems fine. “He is going to be flying to Madrid” is wordy, but all of this seems future oriented. “He is flying to Madrid” is true, colloquially, but only literally true if he is a bird that can fly across the ocean.

        Clearly not a journalism major.

        1. I think the rule is that you’re using a gerund (-ing) so that by definition needs to be paired with “to be” if used as a verb. It’s been a hot minute (cough, 15 years…) since said journalism/copy editing training and related jobs, but whenever I’m unsure about whether I’m writing too passively or not, I immediately start rewriting sentences and removing “to be”.

        2. You’re talking about present progressive tense (I am going to) which is not the same as passive voice. I am going to buy a bagel has a subject (me) and verb/action (going to go) and the object (bagel). In passive tense, the sentence would be, “The bagel was bought.” You can see that the original subject was removed.

      2. Journalism strangely defines passive and active completely differently from grammar/linguistics. Maybe they really mean active/passive style or that they want writers to use stylistically stronger verbs, but they conflate it with grammar in a confusing way.

        Part of the confusion is that the English language forms its passive voice by combining the “to be” verb with a passive participle. But it’s definitely false that every use of the “to be” verb is passive.

      3. The rule of thumb that I learned was to ask yourself, is it a sentence where you can add the phrase “by someone/something” to it? If so, it’s likely passive voice, and in many cases you should consider whether switching the sentence around to active voice might make the sentence deliver more impact.

        “My 9th grade English teacher taught me this rule of thumb” (active) versus “This rule of thumb was taught to me” (passive) — the second version of the sentence is just pleading for the writer to add “by my teacher” to it.

    12. One easy way to start would be searching for being verbs (am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been) in each document you write. Not every use of a being verb is passive voice, but every passive-voice construction uses a being verb. Figure out what verb you would use in that sentence if not the being verb. And then ask yourself if the non-being-verb sentence is better than the one you’ve written. It may be better with the being verb! But that could get you started consciously thinking about verb use, and it will sweep in all passive-voice use while you’re at it.

    13. I would actually recommend the book “Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace” by Williams (there are a lot of editions). It does a good job of explaining the relationship between grammatical subject-verb and actor-action — so in the example above, “the cookies were eaten by the child,” the cookies is the subject, but the actor (who actually did what’s important despite being the object of a prepositional phrase from a grammatical perspective) is the child.

      Also, check out the Purdue OWL (online writing lab) for a lot of great free materials.

    15. For a quick fix: you can solve a lot of this by just doing a search for “was” and “has” and then rewriting those sentences to be active. Other responses have given good examples of active sentences.

    16. I was a terrible writer for many years. The book that I found the most helpful was Style by Joseph Williams – it has specific exercises to do that really help you understand how to improve your writing. I did not find Garner or Elements of Style or any of those helpful.

    17. You have advice about grammar, but I want to add that law firms have different writing cultures, and each partner you work with has his or her own personal preferences. If you are a junior associate, tailor your work for the specific partner / supervising attorney. At my largest firm, I routinely worked with 5 partners. The same type of document (e.g. motion to dismiss) would look entirely different based on who was leading the case. Search for and review the filings that the attorney has approved in the past and adjust.

      1. This (What No Face said). Not at a firm but in government. We actually had Garner come in and lead a workshop that my boss pulled strings to get me in to. Actually ended up not doing much good- not because anything he said was bad or wrong it just ultimately doesn’t matter if that’s not what the person signing off on my work wants. The “right way” to draft X document ultimately depends on your reviewer. Until you are actually lead on something it can be helpful to think of yourself as a ghost writer instead of an author.

    18. Passive voice can be very useful, and has it’s place in writing.

      The problem comes when the text you are writing is supped to be very clear and unambiguous. If you are describing a set of actions and are supposed to make it clear for the reader “who did what to whom” you need active sentences.

      An active sentence tells who did what.
      A passive sentence tells what happened, but may be unclear how. In passive voice, it can appear as something just happened out of the blue, with nobody responsible or nobody doing anything leading to the event or status.

      When you are reviewing your own texts, try to think about whether the person or company doing something is important. Is it important to say that “Bob hit Rob with his car”? Is it important to say that “an unknown person hit Rob with their car”? Both of those are active.

      If you just say “Rob was hit by a car” (passive), there is no information on the person driving at all. But if the setting is at the doctor’s, and the important bit is that Rob was hit by a car rather than a bicycle, or that Rob has a bad neck because he was in an accident, the passive voice could be just what you need. In that case it might not be important who was driving.

      If it is important to know who does what to understand what happened, either for clarity or to show who’s responsible, it’s a good idea for you review your texts with that in mind.

    19. Ok what is it called when my husband says “the dishwasher was loaded incorrectly so the dishes were not cleaned,” when there are only two of us in the house? Is that the passive voice or the passive aggressive voice?

      1. That is passive aggressive, for sure, and while passive voice has a place, I have a blanket rule banishing passive aggressive from my life.

  2. My fam has taken a trip to Breckenridge Colorado every summer for a few years, but we are looking for a change. The problem is we are coming from the south so we want somewhere reliably cool in July. Any ideas? I was thinking about the Oregon coast or northern California. Any other ideas?

    I would love any particular suggestions for towns or areas, as well as just comments on the heat!

    We are a family of five with three kids aged 5-9. A VRBO or a hotel with suites would be amazing.

      2. Maine is more affected by climate change than any other part of the United States, and summer temperatures have increased dramatically in the 35 years I’ve been going there. July in Acadia is now regularly in the mid-80s and quite humid. It’s going to be better than the south for sure, but not what many people consider “cool.”

        1. You can always go inland/further north. We had a great time staying at one of the Appalaichan Mountain Club lodges near Katahdin in the north woods.

          1. Weather averages are based on a century or more of data, so they don’t fully capture current temperatures, especially if there’s been significant warming lately. I’m in Bar Harbor every summer, and can tell you that in three out of the last four years we had temperatures well above 80 for most of the two weeks we were there. Last year was the exception, it was noticeably cooler than the previous few years and we had many days with highs in the 70s. You may get lucky with 2021 weather, but based on recent weather patterns it would not be at all unusual for it be mid-80s and very humid in July or August. I’m not saying it isn’t a nice place – I love Acadia, but it’s not a destination I would consider “reliably cool” in July. Particularly if your comparison is ski towns out west with low humidity. Keep in mind humidity can easily add 10 degrees to the “feels like” temperature. 80 and humid is unpleasantly warm for me; 80 in dry heat is fine.

    3. Custer State Park in South Dakota (stay in the State Game Lodge or in a cabin-type accommodation); fly into Rapid City; see Rushmore.

        1. Depends on where you come from. Even 10 degrees color and less humid is a win for me coming from the swampy SEUS.

    4. Nothing’s a guarantee anymore. We had a massive heat wave last June in the PNW where it was 100 on the coast and 116 in Portland! We’ll see this year if it’s the start of a new normal or not.

        1. Lake Tahoe was lovely last August but very smoky. And then half of it burned the week after we left.

        2. If you go to Tahoe in June you could probably bet on it being pretty cool. July/August I think of it as hot during the day.

    5. White Mountains in NH are lovely that time of year. So is Stowe, VT or Saranac Lake, NY.

    6. Depends on what you mean by cool. Russian River (Northern CA in Sonoma County) is a wonderful family summer place. Usually reliably cool at night and in the morning save for a heat wave. And it’s close to the coast.

      1. Yeah, at this point you really have to go to Alaska or Canada if you want reliably cool weather in July.

    8. Park City area is similar in climate and activities to Breckenridge if that is what you like. also other areas of Colorado – Aspen, Vail, Boulder (though my family went to Boulder two summers ago and it is actually hotter there bc it is not in the mountains). How about western Canada? Banff or Whistler area

      1. I love Park City, but July can be hot and many rentals don’t have ac. August is a reliably cooler month there.

    9. Maine? Jackson, WY? Both can get warm during the day, but are cooler at night. And both definitely would be cooler than the south.

    10. Maine? Jackson, WY? A ranch in Montana? All of these options can get warm during the day, but are cooler at night. And definitely would be cooler than the south.

    11. What about Minnesota or Michigan on the lake? Might be too far from an airport.

    12. Russian River area. The further west you go along the River, the cooler it will be. We go every year.

      It’s all rental houses by the way. No giant hotels.

    13. I just had a long comment that got deleted, so here’s the short version:
      1) Santa Cruz. Stay in an AirBNB.
      2) Pacific Grove. Stay at Asilomar. Tons of room for kids to run, suites for families, on the beach, gorgeous. Day trip to Point Lobos or down to Big Sur. Minutes away from the fun restaurants and aquarium in Monterey.
      3) Cayucos. Adorable classic California beach town. Stay in an AirBNB.
      4) Avila Beach. Close to San Luis Obispo for day trips. Stay at the Lighthouse Inn and Suites.
      5) Carpinteria. South of Santa Barbara. Stay in an AirBNB (probably a condo) and walk to the beach for boogie boarding every day, then down to The Spot for burgers and shakes in bikinis.

      All of these places are beautiful, fun for families, and reliably cool in the summer – you’ll be hoping for it to get a little warmer for more beach time. Great for redwoods, hiking, exploring, and so much more.

      1. Oh hi, fellow Californian. I have vacationed all of these places except Asilomar (and anyone originally from the San Joaquin valley grew up going to Pismo on the regular) and want to vouch for your list. Great suggestions.

        Point Lobos is an absolutely breathtaking spot too few people know about! Part of me wants to keep it that way….

        1. Hey hey, I grew up in Fresno! Nice to see you, fellow Central Valleyan.

          1. You know what, I mentioned the valley because of the places you listed. Born in Fresno, raised in Visalia! But I’ve been in the Bay Area since graduating from college.

      2. Asilomar is so great. I would love to go back there.

        The Oregon Coast is reliably cool and places to rent should be pretty plentiful if you reserve within the next month. Every coast town has its own vibe, but my favorite is Manzanita. And it’s less than 2 hours from the airport.

    14. This is probably obvious, but San Francisco proper is *pretty* reliably cool in July (there can be a couple freak warm weeks, but you can probably take your chances here more than anywhere else for that, and even then it should cool down at night). Bring your puffy jacket in fact!

        1. +1 the saying about the coldest winter being an SF summer is so true. There’s always a really hot week in September or October but you should be fine in July.

  3. If you had a week to go on vacation the first week in March, solo, where would you go? Must be in the US/another location that doesn’t require a Covid test to return, leaving from NYC, budget $5000 all in. I want to go to the Four Seasons Lana’i but my back account says no. Want primarily relaxing, great food.

      3. +1 god this sounds wonderful right now

        Specifically I’d go to Sedona to a resort that offered both a spa and yoga classes onsite. I haven’t been there myself, but the Enchantment Resort looks amazing and I want to go right now.

        1. Okay I just really looked at the rates and it’s out of budget. There’s some good airbnb options if you feel like renting a car too. that doesn’t feel as appealing to me.

          but an Airbnb in a beach town in Hawaii sounds awesome, low key and from a cursory glance looks doable.

          1. It was a little over $600 a night when I went in January, so actually it is pretty doable for a week on $5k assuming you can find reasonably priced flights to Tucson.

    2. Went to Miami last year in June on a very similar trip. Hung out on the beach and in the pool, ate really good food, went to some bars but you can skip that. Extremely relaxing, would do it again.

      2. Wait are there some international destinations where the US doesn’t require a return test?? (Based on the OP’s question and this response…)

        1. No, you need a Covid test to return from any international destination. Puerto Rico and USVI aren’t considered international but Mexico definitely is.

        2. Somewhat related fascinating tip I learned from someone in our LA office, though logistically challenging if you don’t live in Southern California: there is a pedestrian bridge type thing from San Diego into the Tijuana airport (cross border xpress). Since you don’t need a Covid test for land arrivals, just air (which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but whatever), you can fly in and out of the Tijuana airport and walk across the border without a covid test, and flights to other destinations in mexico are cheaper because it’s domestic from tijuana.

    4. To make you feel better, my best friend’s family has a house at the Four Seasons Lanai. It’s awesome, but not more awesome than hotels on the other islands that are easier to get to. Go to Maui instead!

      Hawaii is never the wrong answer.

      1. +1 to Hawaii is never the wrong answer and also that there are equally fabulous hotels in Hawaii that are much easier to get to than Lanai.

        1. +2 VRBO a condo in Hawaii. You’ll be fine with your budget.

          I’m partial to poipu beach area, Kauai.

    5. I love Hawaii, but Puerto Rico is a good choice too. I love Puerto Rican food.

      The resort I stayed in appears to be closed though, so I don’t have any specific recommendation.

  4. Good recommendation! I desperate need to weed out my crappy, pilling t-shirts from Target and replace them with something better. Paying $40 for a breton tee at Boden hurt my feelings, but it has been such a workhorse.

    1. I really like the cropped shirts I’ve gotten from Banana Republic Factory and express also has nice ones if you want a more fitted look.

      1. I like the cotton linen shirts with a scoop neck from BR. Lots of nice colors, look cute, hold up well.

    2. Last summer I was actually impressed with the quality of t-shirts from the Gap, after having many misses there. They’ve brought back their thicker cotton – not quite as good as Boden but not as expensive either. I was really disappointed in Madewell – their tees get good reviews but I found them really thin and the stitching fell out after several washings.

    3. I just purchased two long sleeved tees from Joules and can tell they will be workhorses – and at $45 it hurt as well, but I am with you with wedding out crappy t-shirts that make me feel like a slob.

    4. Land’s End. I tried tees from Old Navy but as much as I like them, the quality is not great and they are not holding up well.

    5. Thanks to you all I am somewhat addicted to replacing my entire wardrobe with Boden from Poshmark…

    7. Uniqlo Crew Neck Short-Sleeve T-Shirts are great: very thick, run a little small.

    8. I tried out the tees from Duluth recently and have been very impressed. They have the length and the weight of the quality shirts I’ve been looking for, and thus far (after 2 months of heavy wear and wash) have held up. Highly recommend.
      Note: the lightweight tees are ok, but the real winners are the regular longtails.

  5. COVID question:

    Our area’s testing is still about 1/3 positives (n.b., we did home tests and those were negative; we never called those in).
    But our R # is now 1.04, which I think is really good (down from much higher).
    I’m not sure what to make of this, but it seems to be good news from the R#; I guess you can’t control for testing a random sample of people, so maybe that’s a bit of a red herring?

    2. The Omicron surge is waning dramatically places that were hotspots over the holidays- given the high number of acquaintances who have had surprise asymptomatic positives I’d be surprised if we haven’t ALL had it at this point. (We tested for travel over the holidays so know we didn’t have it then, but after we returned we’ve just been WFH and going for masked grocery runs anyway, so have never bothered taking any “just in case out of curiosity” tests.)

      1. Eh I don’t think we’ve all had it. That would mean the majority of people who had it had no symptoms, and I don’t believe that’s the case even in a highly vaxxed population. The people I know with confirmed cases essentially all we’re triple vaxxed and all had symptoms, many of them quite severe. I know precisely one person who had it and was fully asymptomatic and it was a triple vaxxed 25 year old. And yes I realize testing is biased towards those with symptoms, but lots of people are being tested regularly for work or testing because of an exposure and I think we’d be capturing more asymptomatic cases if lots of people were getting it without any symptoms.

        1. Agreed, I’m tempted to think it but vaccine plus booster was still somewhere around 60% effective in preventing illness completely. It seemed like everyone we knew got it too, and we did test out of curiosity, and never got a positive. It’s easy to forget the vaccines do actually work.

        2. I agree. I think a lot more people have had it than realize, but not close to all of us. For various work events etc I was testing periodically and never had a positive.

          I would say my early/mid 30s boosted friends have mostly had symptoms, but a lot were mild and could have been confused with something else.

        3. Agreed — my husband and I are both triple vaxed and definitely knew we had it. Kids vaxed/not boosted and they did too. And that’s consistent with everyone we knew who had it.

          1. I know people who were asymptomatic (thankfully) while testing positive recently (including people with significant risk factors including old age).

            I also know people who were fully vaccinated and who now have significant long term symptoms from their breakthrough infections (including people who were young without risk factors, and including one person who had been fine with a previous COVID19 infection).

            Within the world of outcomes that didn’t require hospitalization, it all seems so unpredictable!

          2. It’s so random. My boss is 40ish with no serious health conditions, triple vaxxed, and he was hospitalized, got monoclonal antibody treatments, and is still incredibly sick (to the point that he’s off work) three weeks after his first positive test. My 75 year old in-laws just had a cold. (All Omicron, fwiw.) The unpredictability is terrifying!

        4. Agree on this. Weirdly, I know very few (maybe no?) people who were entirely asymptomatic from Omicron compared to earlier variants where I knew many who had no symptoms. Maybe the messaging about symptoms being cold-like helped people pick up on what would be otherwise brushed off as “asymptomatic” or close to?

        5. Triple vaxxed and got Omicron. I was really, really sick – like couldn’t get out of bed for 4-5 days.

      2. I know a bunch of people who had it, but every last one of them knew they had something. All were vaccinated. A couple tested positive through tests for work or travel before they knew they were sick, but they didn’t remain asymptomatic and started showing symptoms shortly thereafter.

        “Mild” in current news speak just means the person didn’t need hospitalization, but my friends and acquaintances have all described what they went through somewhere on the spectrum from “the worst cold” to “hit by a truck”

        1. Same story here – I know quite a few who were asymptomatic when they got the positive test, but zero who remained asymptomatic.

      1. They seem to be consistently at 90% where I live. I think that 90% now represents less capacity than 90% of 2019 capacity due to rotating staff out sick, staying home with kids out sick, people who burned out and quit during all of this. So, no spike. Capacity has been trucking along at 90% for so long I don’t think it’s alarming but just the new normal.

        1. I would be extremely alarmed with hospitals reporting that they’re at 90% capacity! It’s horrifying to me that society has decided to place this burden on healthcare workers. I really thought the last administration couldn’t have done a worse job, but at least they cared about flattening the curve.

          1. In pre-Covid times, many hospitals operated above 90% capacity, especially during flu season.

          2. What? The leader of the last administration knowingly and purposefully exposed others after testing positive himself, so I wouldn’t call that being mindful of flattening the curve.

            Regardless, yes it’s scary. I’m not sure how to affect it as an individual other than by getting vaccinated and boosted, so I’m alarmed in the background but not letting it prevent me from getting out of bed in the morning.

          3. Yes, and like many people, I know more than one person who died a preventable death because of understaffing and inadequate hospital capacity both during and before the pandemic.

          4. Can we stop with trying to conflate Covid with flu–especially if you’re talking impact on the healthcare system in this country? Nationally, there are serious capacity issues that are much different than managing flu. If you don’t believe mainstream media, then read the industry trades–Modern Healthcare, Fierce Healthcare, Becker’s, the AHA, etc. I waited two extra months for surgery this fall PRE Omicron because of capacity challenges in my large urban area. You have national guard helping out. This is not normal nor should we treat this as normal. I know this intimately not just from working tangentially but I’m currently on an indefinite wait again for another hospital procedure. A critical care nurse friend with 25+ years of experience told me she has never seen so much death in her career–they’re meeting 4-5 times a day to assess who gets a hospice route. This is 100 percent not like managing flu.

          5. “I really thought the last administration couldn’t have done a worse job, but at least they cared about flattening the curve.” What on earth? If the administration had “cared about flattening the curve,” the leader of said administration would have modeled mask-wearing and not deliberately exposed other people in large-scale rallies, political events and when he himself contracted it. In other words, don’t be a tr*ll.

          6. Hey Anon pretending that flu season materially impacted hospital capacity pre-pandemic? You’re flat-out wrong. Hospitals did not need to bring in refrigerated morgue trucks to handle flu patients, and even the largest of hospitals might have only had a true handful of flu patients.

          7. You’re misunderstanding. I never said “Covid is just a flu.” But it is a fact that many hospitals routinely operated at >90% capacity before the pandemic, which makes it very hard to absorb any increase in hospital patients. The business model is to operate very near capacity and not have many empty beds or extra staffers. I understand why they can’t have a lot of excess capacity in normal times, but it is definitely a major factor contributing to the current pressure on hospitals.

    4. I’m in the Chicago area and we’ve definitely peaked. That said, there’s still a lot of cases on the way down the hill/mountain from the peak. I think the truth is that there’s only so many available bodies, and with super cold weather and the return to a normal January schedule, spread is getting under control.

      1. Yeah, people seem to forget that the peak is the halfway point, and as many people test positive after the peak as before. Actually more, because the ascent is usually steeper than the descent.

  6. Posted this week about having two job interviews, was considering posting the one today but I kept it. After interviewing at both places, at the moment I feel torn between the two. For context I am a career changer, leaving academia to go into industry. I have mainly been interviewing for data analyst roles, the interview process has been interesting because in the process I have discovered career tracks I didn’t even know existed. For Company A the role is part project management, part business intelligence – creating dashboards in Power BI for a large non-profit involved in clinical trials. Company B is data analysis for a consulting company in the software asset management domain, basically they help companies optimise their software contracts i.e. properly manage their licenses, negotiate on behalf of clients to reduce fees owed etc. I may be pre-empting things but I am thinking hard about which role I would take in case I was offered both. Both companies promised to get back to me within a week. I know the obvious things to compare e.g. salary(the range might be similar), location (both are easy to commute to from my current location) but mulling over other aspects of the job. On the tech side, with the consulting company I would continue working in data analysis languages I am used to e.g. R but the health non-profit means stretching my capabilities to working in Power BI and a SQL database. There is an IT team in place to do the maintenance of their tech infrastructure and to help with things I may not know. More broadly I am thinking of career progression, I am leaving academia somewhat late, I am 42 yrs old now, even though by switching career paths now I might take a step back, I do want to be in a decision making role in my next career move. Posting this because I would input from people who have made similar moves later in life, regarding other things I should keep in mind. Thanks in advance.

    1. This is tough without a bit more info. Is there no IT team at Company B? At Company B would you be on a team of analysts? A cross-functional team? Would your leader have analysis background or something else? My initial thought is that Company A would be a less technical role for you, which can be good or bad. Are you interested in exploring project management? Would you be responsible for all of the analysis and product requirement solicitation for the dashboards? SQL is “easier” than R but it may be good to learn about the business analysis part of tech. At Company A would you be on a team of analysts? A cross-functional team? Would your leader have analysis background or something else?

      Are you interested in going deeper in your current knowledge and becoming more of an expert or are you interested in widening your skillset?

      1. OP here: At Company A i.e. the health non- profit, I would be responsible for knowing the requirements, these are for the different projects or people involved in the clinical trials, and building the dashboards. They are currently using an Oracle BI tool and want to move to Power BI. At this health non-profit, the people I would interact with are the current BI team, they are currently 2 or 3 as I remember, all from an IT background. The other person would be someone with more of a science background, during the interview she mainly wanted to know if I would be able to handle the requests from the different project teams. I have a science PhD so in a way I think I would be sort of the translator between the two sides (IT/tech & clinical research scientists) in some instances. I am interested in working in a data – focused role, for context in my recent academic position, I mainly did environmental fieldwork and lab work, anything data related was secondary. But it is in that job I realized I enjoyed data wrangling, creating data visualizations etc. and it would not have been possible to go in that direction in that job. At Company B, the interviewer did share with me that some of their analysis is in R, the scripts are already written and just require maintenance. And the rest is in Excel. There is a separate team that can develop applications, but it seems like for the moment what they have already is sufficient for the work.

        1. “translating requirements between teams” is core product management work, so that’s a possible career trajectory. Product often pays more than project management, though not all companies use the titles the same way, and true PMBOK project management often does pay well. Maintaining scripts is lower level work. Dashboard creation is also lower level work. Developing new analyses and metrics is higher level work allowing you to showcase business understanding. Can you tell which job is most likely to offer you that type of work?

    2. In switching careers, unless you know that you would love Company B, I think the paths at company A offer more growth potential — either into project management or business intelligence, which could lead to strategy if that’s something you’re interested in. It also seems like it might be easier to move from a PM/BI role into a data analysis role but might be harder to move from data analysis into the company A role if you were to change your mind. That’s in my field though – may be different in yours. But I think you are right to think about longer-term growth and development, and if you are weighing two offers, even reach out and ask those questions to help you better understand how the companies view those roles.

      1. OP here: yes growth potential is something I thought about with Company A. One of the challenges I have had is that in academia I wore multiple hats, did some project management, also data analysis. When interviewing for jobs I have had some people say I was “technical enough” because my previous job was not all data or tech. I actually had one interviewer tell me I am not at all a technical person–I have a science PhD(chemistry) it is not an IT degree but I do consider it to be a technical subject. Job at Company A (health non-profit) is one of the few that seems interested in both sides of my background.

    3. Personally, I’d go for-profit over nonprofit. Nonprofits tend to pay less on average and have a lot of management drama. Not that you escape the latter anywhere automatically, but at least you get paid to deal with it. I don’t need a mission, I need money.

      1. I would also say that you can get pigeonholed in a nonprofit because staffing is so lean. You usually won’t have much of a team around you that understands your work. As much as I grouse about working in higher ed right now, I have interviewed at several nonprofits and walked away thinking, “this is a lot of work for a) less pay and b) fewer resources at my disposal and c) a political board to answer to.”

      2. Yes, and small to midsize non-profits (this includes e.g. Sierra Club, for a sense of size) tend to have two levels: line staff and executives. It can be hard to move up because of the lack of middle management roles. With the data you presented, I’d go for for-profit using R, which is harder than Power BI, and focus on ensuring your analysis shows a deep understanding of business problems. I expect you’ll be able to ladder from there. That’s actually what I did 8 years ago (physics undergrad) and I’m now a senior manager.

    4. My opinion, based on a long career at two Fortune 25 companies, is option A (excluding salary, which you don’t know yet). Optimizing software contracts is interesting, but it doesn’t have much room to grow unless you can maybe leverage into procurement. You will likely work with people who are annoyed at the interference in whatever software they’ve chosen. Option A will expose you to more things, and as said, force you to learn more skills. I suggest considering taking this role with a plan to move on to something better in 2 years or so.

  7. I have an $80 credit to LL Bean. The sweater I want to buy is sold out and I don’t need boots or slippers. Any recs of what to spend it on? Prefer ideas for warm clothing and need something in petite. Thanks!

      1. that wouldn’t help the OP use the gift card, though.

        I like LL Bean for sturdy home products. Their waterhog doormat is fantastic at trapping gunk at the entry. You might also check out their gloves or boots.

        1. oh yes, the waterhog doormat! Someone on here recommended that one time for my cat that likes to play in their water bowl and was ruining my wood floors. They’re great!

          1. +1 on the doormats, we have several. Unfortunately, they’re also one of our cats’ favorite spots to throw up and they’re a little hard to clean (our are dark, so paper towels leave a weird residue), but I assume that would apply to any doormat, so I can’t really hold that against them. We also have some nice tables we got from LL Bean and it’s one of my favorite places to find things like fleece jackets and puffer vests because they’re one of the few places that actually sells outerwear in petite sizes! All of mine are old, so no specific recs, but they hold up well.

    2. I have the petite full-zip sweater fleece and love it. Also, their wool blend socks are great workhorses.

      1. I own two sets of their premium supima flannel sheets. They have been washed going on 1000 times and they are as nice today as they were the day I bought them. They aren’t “sticky” too warm flannel. They’re just cozy and nice. I often use them even in the summer in Texas.

    4. I have their flannel lined canvas cargo pants for winter yard work/hiking. They aren’t the most flattering thing in the world, but they are warm. They also have flannel-lined jeans, though I don’t know how they fit.

    6. Ah, I am an expert in underappreciated aspects of the LL Bean product line (and also would like to live in the world of an LL Bean catalog, where impossibly attractive multiethnic families frolic in Fair Isle sweaters through the Maine woods with their bounding golden retrievers). Check out the following:

      -Need family entertainment? They have a great selection of yard games (kubbe, bocce) in sturdy, attractive editions, as well as puzzles and indoor stuff.

      -Got dogs? I totally covet the Mountain Classic dog vest, but my little guy hates clothes. The waterhog mats are also great if your pooch is a messy eater/drinker.

      -Traveling? I swear by a zip-top Boat and Tote as a carry-on (and the new high-bottom ones are super cute), but they also have fantastic toiletry bags, travel organizers,etc. I’m thinking about getting the Mountain Classic school backpack to use as a diaper bag when traveling, now that my kid is more mobile.

      -Need supplies for your socially distanced outdoor winter hangs? Their camp blankets and outdoor blankets are cute and look really warm; they also have a great stock of battery-operated lanterns for giving your suburban patio a festive campout vibe and Yeti mugs/tumblers/etc. in tons of colors for your spiked hot cocoa.

      1. I used to hoard the LLBean catalogs as a tween and daydream about moving to that world, too! Ha.

      3. Also: packing cubes. We have different colors for each family member. Some day we will travel again.

      4. When my kid was in elementary school, her friend group was as multiethnic as you could get. All the colors of the rainbow. The mom group of that friend group, all of us Gen X, used to call them a Benetton ad.

        Maybe we need to update to an LLBean catalog since no one knows what Benetton is any more!

    8. The boat totes are absolute workhorses. We have several of the giant ones in the biggest size and they’re great as family beach bags, corralling stuff, schlepping a bunch of things places. The more medium size ones would probably be great and more versatile.

    9. I have a flannel lined zip hoodie. Love it. Not sure if it comes in petite, but the XS fit my petite proportions very well. Literally wearing it right now, lol

    10. I have a flannel lined zip hoodie. Love it. Not sure if it comes in petite, but the XS fit my petite proportions very well. Literally wearing it right now, lol

  8. Urgently need suggestions for a bday gift for my SIL’s 30th bday. Must be able to have it shipped to NYC by next Friday. Budget is ~$100.

    She’s living the single fabulous life in NYC. She has her own (studio) apartment. I’m a mid 30s mom living in a less exciting city and have no idea what to get her :/

    TIA!

    4. Living my late 20s single fabulous life in a different city, here’s my suggestions:

      – at home gel nail polish kit. I am obsessed and save so much money this way
      – something stupidly practical but saves me money like a grocery store gift card, paying for my entry fee for a triathlon , replacing / giving backups of my makeup/skin care etc.
      – nice lounge clothes/bathrobe (maybe from Cuyana)
      – a stupidly fancy basic (like a very very nice candle/balsamic vinegar/Athleta workout gear/whatever)
      – flowers! Or a flower subscription
      – an annual book of the month subscription
      – gift card for massage or facial
      – gear for a specific hobby (but check with her first)
      – nice liquor + cocktail supplies

    7. The studio apartment is a big flag to get a consumable. I live in a small apartment and people giving material items is just not a gift when we have so little space, unless she doesn’t already have it decorated or stocked the way that she likes (and you know very specifically what she would want – not just what she likes in the abstract). I’d be thinking something more like a Cocktail Courier kit, fancy olive oil / balsamic, gift card to a workout studio she likes, gift card to a nicer grocery like Russ & Daughters, nice bottle of champagne and chocolate covered orange peels, etc.

    8. What about tickets to a show? A lot of places you could get two for approx $120 right now

      1. There is a Broadway 2 for 1 promotion going on through mid-Feb (look at the nycgo website), and TodayTix will have discounts to lots of great shows. Theaters are begging for ticket buyers.

    9. Highly recommend something consumable. A studio in NYC is normally really small, so please dont make her store something unless you know it’s something she wants

      1. +1 on food/beverage. I have always lived in small spaces and I want to keep gifts for sentimentality, but my space is much more livable if I have few things.

        I wouldn’t do a candle unless you know she loves them. They’re really not healthy for indoor air quality.

      1. Did you know that bougie means candle? I didn’t till recently when I saw my Diptique candle was labeled “bougie parfumee.” At first I thought, “well at least they know who they are,” but then I googled it.

        1. And now I have “Joyeux, joyeux noel/Aux mille bougies…” running through my head.

  9. It’s cold outside and I have the noon dog walk today. I have the worst outfit on today — every solid neutral color. This is really visually tragic. When I leave the all-black goth-in-leggings mode, I am truly stumbling. But at least I am warm and in practical clothing for the weather / day’s activities.

    2. I say embrace the goth-in-leggings look! I’m more goth-in-sweatpants myself, but who cares if we are warm. Our dogs certainly don’t mind.

    3. Isn’t all solid neutrals in varying textures very on trend right now? Sounds as chic as being warm and practical can be!

    5. I’m in Canada and have a dog and my sense of fashion just completely goes out the window Dec-March, especially now that I don’t go into the office. I live in North Face fleece leggings, wool socks, and thick sweaters. Add a heavy parka, beanie with a fur pompom and Sorels.

      1. Yeah, it was -6F when I went on my walk this morning – I was wearing studded boots (for traction on ice under snow) with foot warmers, a mid-calf insulated coat over a thin primaloft jacket, both hoods up over my wool hat. And wool socks, a long-sleeved tee, fleece leggings, and insulated mittens. I was toasty but I think it was probably hard to tell there was even a person in there!

          1. Icebugs – I sized up a half size so that I had enough room for custom insoles + wool socks. They are great, very much recommend!

    6. I will be firmly goth-in-leggings until it is warm again. The most visual interest anyone will get from me is a scarf.

    7. “All black, goth-in-leggings”. Thank you for this. Now I can label my default look! As for your today outfit, I’ll bet it’s just fine. Not everyone is, can be, or wants to be fashion-y!

    8. This outfit sounds completely fine. There is nothing wrong with solid neutrals. I assume you aren’t walking your dog down a runway at fashion week.

    9. I mean, my husband and I have totally had the conversation about whether it’s ok to walk the dog while wearing pajama pants and slippers. We came down on the side of solid PJ pants are ok, snowman PJ pants are probably not. So you sound extremely fancy compared to us.

  10. Pregnancy Rant: I’m in the first trimester of my first pregnancy, and sooo frustrated with the advice directed at me from medical professionals about what I can and can’t do. Upon doing a deep dive, much of this advice is not evidence-based, not individually tailored in terms of risk balancing, and essentially fear-mongering. Is there any other condition where medical treatment is based on what we don’t know for absolute certainty? For example, I have VERY VERY severe migraines that totally disable me for weeks if untreated. It has been extremely difficult to get all of my doctors on board with prescribing me a very well-studied medication that has no evidence of harm to a fetus (Sumatriptan). How does the unlikely remote possibility of harm to a clump of cells outweigh the actual certainty of me suffering for months and possibly losing my job? I feel like I’m no longer the patient and have been relegated to incubator status. Thank you for reading my rant. Good day.

    1. I’m sorry. That’s so frustrating. I hope someone will have helpful advice.

      On the much lower stakes question of foods that might be harmful in pregnancy, Emily Oster’s Expecting Better was the best resource I found. She goes through the risk each food on the “no” list is thought to present and why. It really helped me prioritize.

      2. I would really not trust Emily Oster w/anything medical; she doesn’t understand the data she’s handling.

        1. At least she understands the math and risk assessment, which is more than I can say for most doctors.

          1. And she explains her rationale clearly, which allows you to make an informed decision.

        2. 1. Give examples. She is doing a standard data analysis.

          2. Heidi Murkoff is completely uncontroversial, but she’s not a medical doctor. She’s not a Ph.D. She’s not a statistician, mathematician, engineer, or scientist. She’s a former freelance writer. But we are supposed to listen to her and not the woman with a PhD in health economics and a Ivy League teaching position. LOL.

    2. Ugh, are you stuck with this practice? The midwives in my city were great about, e.g., keeping me on my antidepressant. Is there a university hospital where you can get care? They are sometimes.more advanced.

      And good for you for advocating for yourself while presumably also nauseous and exhausted.

    3. Ugh. I’m so sorry. I, too, get migraines and pregnancy really kicked them up another notch. None of my doctors were willing to prescribe me meds. So…here’s my trick if you haven’t tried it already.
      -Double espresso. Drink it fast.
      -At the same time, take two extra strength Tylenol.
      -Lay down in bed with blinds/curtains drawn, on the side that your migraine is localized on. (For instance, mine is always on my right side above my eye.)
      – Put a gel ice pack covered with a washcloth on your pillow and lay on it with the part of your head that hurts.
      -Try to sleep for an hour.

      Basically all of these things need to happen at the same time. It is nowhere near as effective as sumatriptan for me, but it did help. Sending support your way. It’s super hard and frustrating.

    4. I’m sorry, that stinks. Without knowing about your OB’s practice, trying to balance major medical conditions might be a reason to see a Maternal-Fetal Medicine specialist who will have more experience in complex cases and be more up to date on research.

    5. It is awful and you’re not crazy. I’d also look in to midwife care. Everything is a risk-reward calculation, of course, but you shouldn’t be disregarded in it.

    6. Realistically they don’t have to all agree, you just need one doctor to agree. They’re worried about malpractice because presumably you’re planning to carry to term. If the OB is giving you trouble and is not reviewing solid evidence, or can’t provide a satisfactory explanation, then definitely switch to someone else.

      1. Exactly this. Med mal is a huge business, and from what practitioners have said, dead or disabled babies result in the biggest jury awards (by far). This is even true when it’s not clear that the harm to the baby was the result of what the doctor did.

        Back when they did categories, Sumatriptan was category C. Just FYI.

    7. I felt the same way! I didn’t have the migraine issue, but it was so frustrating to read, “you shouldn’t do X because it is baaaaad,” and then when you got to why, there was NOTHING or it was “there was a study of 23 patients in England 20 years ago.” Some of it seems more like folklore and less like medical advice. I was in a big practice, and wound up liking an OB who had a bunch of super-high-risk patients because my relatively minor issues barely rated a raised eyebrow from her. It’s so hard, it’s going to get better I promise!

      1. FWIW, it depends a lot on the midwives and how their practice handles various issues. In my area, midwives in large health systems (e.g., Kaiser) see a lot of people with a lot of different risks and situations, while one of the freestanding midwife practices routinely “risks out” people for relatively minor stuff, so you wind up having to meet a whole new set of providers late in the game.

    8. I tried to always keep in mind that every person you have ever seen was birthed by a woman, and that has been so since the beginning of time. Not all of those women are perfect and you don’t need to be either.

    9. I was able to get better help by finding a GYN that was not OB. GYN can prescribe most things or refer you to someone they trust. I have found OB training means the medical professional might be more invested into the fetus than the actual living human in their office.

      1. I’m sure you’re not reading any longer, but there is literally no difference in training between a GYN and an OB/GYN. They’re the same thing and both spent years learning how to treat pregnant women and deliver babies. A “GYN”is a graduate of an OB/GYN residency who chose not to deliver babies any longer. Some OB/GYN’s choose to do additional fellowships for further specialization (eg, minimally invasive surgery) and are less likely to still deliver babies.

    10. Incredibly frustrating but the reason is that they do not want to get sued if something goes wrong. I can tell you from experience as a medical malpractice defense attorney that nobody ever describes a lost baby as a “clump of cells” when they sue their doctors because something went wrong. So the medical professionals default to “no” if they are no solid clinic studies on pregnancy (and there are almost never clinic studies on pregnant women). They might win 9 cases out of 10 but that tenth will be millions unless you live in a state with a limit on emotional distress damages in med mal cases.

      Having said all that, you do not need all of our doctors to be on board – only the one who writes the prescription.

      Signed – a woman who was literally driven to tears by the “Best Odds Diet” when she could not keep down toast.

    11. Is this coming from your OB or from your neurologist? Or a PCP? Sometimes my doctors do the annoying thing where they both refuse to consider anything outside their specialty, which is infuriating when it comes to situations like this where one doctor needs to prescribe meds that can affect the condition another specialty treats. But if you’re just getting this from your OB, see a neuro and see what they can do.

      That said, I have chronic migraine and my understanding is that there are some real concerns with a lot of common migraine meds, it’s not one of those totally trivial concerns that happen with a lot of things in pregnancy (many of them affect vascular function or are known to cause developmental abnormalities). Even if meds aren’t a great option, though, they should be able to help you with other options- magnesium/riboflavin (this really helps me), heat or cold treatments, acupuncture, physical therapy or massage, nerve blocks, I’ve even had some luck with green light. They shouldn’t just refuse to treat you at all. They could also help you request accommodations from your employer, if you really are concerned about your job and there are things that would help (WFH, flexible work hours, changes in light, noise, or scents, etc.). Good luck!

    12. In case it is helpful – I have chronic migraine and am trying to get pregnant. I spoke with three doctors who all said triptans are totally fine in pregnancy (my obgyn, my neurologist, and a maternal fetal medicine specialist). I would try to get triptans no matter. I haven’t tried Cove but I think it’s an online migraine specific company so maybe try them, and maybe not mention the pregnancy in case it’s an issue. I highly recommend a maternal fetal medicine doctor because she really got into the data about each drug I asked about, and ones she was not familiar with she was able to look up. I am actually trying to stockpile triptans ahead of time since I won’t be able to use my other medications during pregnancy. There are other treatments that they’ve told me are fine during pregnancy like trigger point injections and I forget but maybe nerve blocks too. They also said that botox is likely fine so if I am really suffering with migraines during pregnancy I will definitely consider it. Having medication options is very helpful to me mentally even if I don’t use them as much because the thought of having no option to help is so scary. Sending good luck that you get this sorted out and make sure to advocate for yourself!!

    14. I’ve never been pregnant but I get severe migraines so I feel for you. My BFF is an MD and took triptans throughout her two pregnancies, and as others have said there are plenty of doctors who say it’s ok, so hopefully you’ll find someone who will prescribe it.

      If you want to go the sketchy route, I use Cove for my triptan prescription and they are very easy to get through there. They don’t bill your insurance, so it would be easy enough to circumvent your regular doctor and not mention your pregnancy.

      1. those struggling with fertility and loss find this sort of posting really hard. can you post in moms instead please?

        1. I am sorry you are struggling with fertility and/or loss, but trying to regulate what others post in an open forum based on your feelings is not reasonable. She isn’t even a mother yet, and you want her to change her behaviour because you get hurt by a very reasonable (for this forum) discussion of medical issues?
          The scroll button is your friend here – or the collapse function.

          1. There’s a Moms page for maternity questions, please be more sympathetic and kind.

  11. So looks like I will be doing my taxes this weekend. Normally I do a quick look at things and we are fairly good about witholding so we owe ~$500 around tax time and I file on the deadline.

    This year, DH must have goofed up something because we sent *way* more money into the state than we should have, plus our child tax credit was underpaid, and we are getting a massive (5 figure) refund. I will be filing the minute our final forms come in in mid-Feb.

    FWIW our tax situation changed a lot between this year and last year and DH had to make a ton of adjustments– we’re still not sure exactly what he did but it all checks out.

    hope you all have some unexpected good* news as well coming your way.

    *yes, it stinks to have paid all this in early. but feels pretty good to get it back!

    1. Yeah between state and federal we got a $12k refund, although that’s actually a little smaller than last year. I think the pre-payments of the child tax credit reduced our refund.

      1. Adjust your withholding if you are getting that much back! That’s an extra $1K a month in your pocket!

  12. Is a cashmere throw a total waste of money for a family with an allowed-on-the-couch dog and a baby on the way? It’s under $200 and I know they would like one.

    2. Dog on couch person here and I say yes. I firmly believe in continuing to have nice things. Maybe something gets ruined and replaced, but not often enough to say no, keep me in crummy blankets. Can you be my friend?

    3. Dog on the couch person here and I say give it to them anyway. Throws are so easy to put in a chest or something if they want to store it where the dog can’t get it. I have throws I will leave out for my dog to snuggle in and other ones that I put away when I’m not using it.

    4. This wouldn’t be my first choice, as a mom to a 2 year old with a baby on the way and an allowed on dog on couch. If you want a nice warm couch blanket that is more kid and dog friendly, I like the Company Store’s cotton fleece blankets. They are super soft and warm and have held up well to weekly washing over the last year or so — still very soft and haven’t faded. Also, the dog hair comes off in the dryer, which is the best. Lastly, its light enough that my 2 year uses it to make forts in the living room which is fun.

    6. No. I think it sounds like a lovely gift for an expectant mother, especially if you know she’s been wanting one. Even if she only enjoys it for a few months, it will be worth it.

    7. If they’d want one then it’s a good gift. It’s not like the dog or baby has to use the blanket, right? I have some $$$$ blankets that I just don’t let my kids use and it’s fine.

      1. +1 maybe in an easier to care for color, or maybe a pattern that would hide hair/etc?

    9. They don’t have to use the cashmere throw on the couch. It sounds like a lovely gift.

      FYI I have an absolutely gorgeous thick cashmere throw (bought waaaaay after the season at Nordstrom a few years ago) and I machine wash it on gentle, hang to dry. It got even better after washing.

    10. Dog on the couch person here and let me tell you, my dog would claim this as her own in a heartbeat and I probably wouldn’t fight it either. We joke she rules the house with an iron paw.

    11. I’m a bit late here but just wanted to throw in that someone gave me a cashmere blanket/throw when I was pregnant and it eventually became my son’s most precious possession, ie his blanky. 8 years old and still going! So I am team great gift :)

  13. Since whoever mentioned the mannequin clothing models with skin Photoshopped on…CANNOT UNSEE. This lady is unsettling.

    1. I saw the original conversation and now this comment and I can’t see it. Am I the only one? What am I looking for?

  14. following up on above – has anyone been to Miraval Austin during Covid? They seem to require masks everywhere by everyone which is great and unusual for Texas, but their primary dining room is indoors, which makes me uncomfortable as we have yet to dine indoors. DH and I are debating between that and another resort where we would stay in our own mini villa and masks are only required by staff, but there are outdoor dining options. which do you think is safer covid wise? (i realize both involve some degree of risk)

    1. Call them and ask about outdoor dining options. It’s a luxury high end spa they will have someone soothing to discuss with you.

    2. The governor insists businesses can’t require masks, so I would not expect compliance with the indoor masking mandate, frankly. I live in Austin but have never been there. I think most Austinites are relatively compliant but there seems to be a swath of tourists who visit because there’s no mask mandate.

      1. This is not true. The governor said that city/county/etc can not require masks, but businesses can do what they want. I live in Dallas and there are load of places still requiring them, with good compliance.

        1. Coming back to say you’re right, ha. I am behind on my governor’s orders.

          But I will stand by the statement that I wouldn’t expect compliance. I think APD is unwilling to enforce, and businesses are unwilling to put their foot down.

    3. Indoor dining is one of the riskiest things you can do. Even if you have to walk through a lobby of maskless people, if you’re in an N95 and eye protection, you’re very well protected. But in a restaurant you have to take off your own mask to eat, and no one else is masked, so the odds of transmission are very high. If you’re at all concerned about Covid, I would choose the resort with the outdoor dining option.

    4. You could do Lake Austin Spa which has outdoor dining and is a very “outdoors” resort. Anecdotally several very covid cautious people felt comfortable going there. Generally speaking in Austin, I wouldn’t expect 100% mask compliance, but a good number of people will be wearing masks even when not mandated. On balance, Austin/Houston is striking a good balance of wearing masks when scientifically necessary but not everywhere.

  15. Does anyone have a good recommendation for foundation? Here’s context: I’m mid-30’s, wear fairly light “natural” looking makeup, have very light skin with neutral undertones, and I’m prone to redness. I prefer something that isn’t overly cakey or matte because I like a natural finish.

    I used Clinique “even better” foundation for years because it was a really good color match and I liked how it looked on me, but they changed their color scheme a while ago and now I can’t get a good match.

    2. I think Hourglass has some very nice neutral fair and light shades. Some of their foundations are too matte for me, but I layer their illuminating powder over, to get the glowy look. It’s not a dewy/moist glowy, but nice.

      I also like BB-cream for this, and like both Maybelline and L’Oreal. I have very light skin, but not the translucent ginger kind of fair, I’m maybe 1.5 to 1.8 on the Fitzpatrick scale. I can tan a bit, but very little.

    3. Smashbox only offers a couple formulas, but they come in 900 shades. They’re a perfect match for my skin – something other brands struggle with.

    4. My current favorites are L’oreal Studio Secrets Magic Skin BB Cream (it oxidizes darker though, so go one shade lighter) and Fountain of Youth Perfect Skin Illuminator.

    5. I really like Bare Minerals barePRO liquid foundation and Lancome Dual Finish Multi-Tasking Lightweight Pressed Powder foundation.

    7. I love the ordinary foundation, it’s a bit tricky to match, but it works for my pale, prone to rosy skin.

    8. Iris and Romeo, Best Skin Days. I have similarly light skin and am prone to redness and Best Skin Days is my Holy Grail natural finish, glow product.

    9. I like Yensa light neutral. I have the full coverage, but they also offer a BB cream. Sold at Nordstrom, but ig you go to yensa.com they have a million reviews with some pics. They also sell “travel” sizes so you could get a small one to try.

    10. I feel like Bobbi Brown is the one to beat in terms of having a great range of light skin tone shades. I am also quite fair skinned, neutral to cool, and prone to redness.

      I currently use the Bobbi Brown serum foundation in shade Cool Sand. It’s expensive but I use one pump, which is a single drop, and my bottle will probably last me 6 months. I apply with the Bobbi Brown full coverage face brush (I put the single pump right onto the head of the brush, dot it on my nose, cheeks, and chin and then start blending) and it’s a very sheer not-obvious foundation look that just evens out my skin tone.

      I also like the Bobbi Brown stick foundation for touch ups or on-the-go makeup.

      I tend to apply a tiny tiny tiny bit (can’t emphasize how little) of NARS concealer on any areas that are extra red. My current shade is Crème Brûlée. Sephora sells a half size of this which is a low commitment way to make sure it’s the right shade.

      Someone on here turned me on to Sali Hughes’ Instagram account. She does product videos for skincare, makeup, and fragrance. I got all my Bobbi Brown tips from her, but you have to go fairly far back in her videos to find one. She loves the full coverage face brush and watching her use it to apply her foundation/tinted moisturizer really helped me learn how to do my own makeup better. She and I also have a similar skin tone, though I think she’s a shade darker or just likes to wear it slightly darker (very slightly) than I do.

    11. Bobbi Brown’s foundation stick has been a best seller for years and it’s easy to see why. I either apply it directly to my skin and buff it out with a foundation brush, or use the brush to apply like it was a powder. It makes redness-prone skin look fabulous.

    12. I have almost the exact same profile as you. I tried a few and loved Armani beauty luminous silk perfect glow flawless oil-free foundation. It’s super liquidy so you can use just a bit for light coverage or more for a full face and melts in!

    13. This is my problem too. I wish Clinique would go back to their original formulation for “even better”.

    14. You’ve gotten some great recommendations, I’ll plug my favorite – MAC mineralize satin wear. It’s very light and a little goes a long way just to bring some color to my face.

  16. Boots that have the best traction for ice? I’m a southern transplant so I have all the northern winter gear but walking the dog and shoveling the driveway is a special kind of icy torture down here. Suggestions?

    2. Microspikes. I’ve heard reviews that they last longer (break less frequently) than YakTrax.

      2. +1 Kahtoola microspikes are the best IMO. It’ll feel like overkill when you first see them but trust me it’s like gaining a superpower.

    3. The less smooth the bottom of the boot, the better. I like Sorel out n about boots which have a nice jagged bottom.

    4. I have a pair of the Icebugs with integrated metal studs and they are a lifesaver this time of year!

    6. Or go the super cheap DIY route and put screws in the treads of your boots (g oo gle “screw shoes” without quotation marks and look at the first link). Years ago when we had enough snow and ice to shut down transit, I was able to run to work by doing this.

  17. Coming here to thank the commenters who helped with the Russian phrase I’ve been trying to remember how to translate for 10 years. I can’t believe I didn’t ask Corporette sooner. Because we do paint colors, hair ties, mortgage advice, 401ks, translation, and NO DON’T DATE HIM with equal aplomb.

    2. I was the commenter who said the first pancake is always a dud and I never knew that phrase came from Russian, so thank YOU!

  18. Favorite things to have for long haul flights? We’re finally getting to travel to DH’s home country after, obviously, years of delay. I’m very excited about it and excited for him. Not terribly excited about a 14 hour flight though.

    2. compression socks, comfy eye mask, lots of layers (planes are either freezing or clammy, no in between), downloaded movies in case in-flight system is misbehaving.

      if you don’t want to pay for a higher class of service, the $100 per person or so for Main Cabin Extra (American) or whatever equivalent “coach but better” seats on your airline? Completely worth it for that length of time.

    3. Some sort of pillow, ear plugs, eye shades, headphones, book/kindle, chargers. Maybe snacks but some airlines are really good about supplying that kind of thing so ymmv. Also recommend aisle seats so that you can get up. 14 hour flights aren’t as bad as you’d think.

    4. -High socks with some sort of compression (like at least normal bombas socks)
      -Over ear Bose headphones. I think I prefer these to my AirPods for airplanes, although AirPods have the bonus of easy to carry.
      -for that long of a flight I’d be sure to take a thin blanket to drape over my lap
      -kindle loaded with books
      -trail mix (must include chocolate in the mix and be salted)
      -I would just plan on spending the $$ on big bottles of water after security. I hate not having water and wouldn’t want to rely on flight attendants to keep me hydrated. normally I’m 100% hydroflask/no plastic bottles all day long but for a 14 hour flight I’m going to need several big bottles of smart water

      1. I take empty bottles through security, and fill them up at the fountain (annoying that some countries still don’t have water filling stations in public places). I mostly take disposable ones to be safe, but don’t remember them ever taking the empty bottles away from me.

    5. The in seat entertainment center usually has movies and that helps me pass the time. But agree with the comment above to download movies in case it doesn’t work. I love reading so I always have books loaded on my phone.

      Some kind of neck pillow for sleeping. I also bring my own blanket. I wear shoes I can slip off easily and change into warm socks. I dress for comfort. Usually leggings and a knit top with a cardigan because I get cold easily. Wear easily washable stuff.

      I know the advice is to stay hydrated, but I find airplane bathrooms disgusting so I don’t drink too much. I will also drink wine if offered because it makes me sleepy.

      I keep a backpack under my seat with a pack of meds (Aleve, pesto, tums) and some hand cleansing cloths, chapstick and hand lotion.

      If you wear glasses, bring a case to store them. Next time I travel long haul, I’ll also pack some kind of sleep mask.

    6. Most of the in-flight entertainment has TV now, so I like to find a series or mini-series and binge it. Although that is not without its drawbacks: Once we landed with literally 5 minutes to go in Nine Perfect Strangers and I had to pay for a month of HBO at home to find out who got killed!

      Enjoy your trip!

    7. I flew internationally a couple months ago and was reminded that you need wired earphones to listen to the movies – I only carry my AirPods now.

      I’m also old fashioned and really love a big fat book. No worrying about what’s charged. I also like a little book light – the overhead lights can be overly bright. I have a little USB one from the river site with “amber” light so it doesn’t have blue light to mess up your sleep for non-plane times.

    8. 10 mg edible to take right before I go through security and knock me out for 6 hours
      downloaded Spotify playlists
      large scarf to use as blanket
      neck pillow

    9. Toothbrush, toothpaste, and/or mouthwash. Portable charger for airport in case it’s needed. If you use wired earbuds for an iphone, bring an adapter or a pair that connects to a laptop if you want to use with the aircraft headphone jack.

    10. I’ve done many long-haul flights to & from home country with and without kids (12-14 hours then 8 hours or so; by the time you’re halfway through you have no idea whether you’re coming or going). Just be prepared to kind of live out your day on board. My essentials:
      – Toothbrush, toothpaste and a small hand towel in your carry-on
      – Lip balm and hand cream. The older I get, the more I am bothered by dry air in the cabin. I used to wear a surgical mask even before Covid because it actually helps with the dryness for my face, oddly. Some people like a face mist spray, but I don’t like feeling too cold…
      – …which brings me to the next point: warm socks and a wrap.
      – Tablet/ Kindle/ phone loaded with books (that I ignore and spend my time catching up on movies)
      – Hydration: Bring your own water bottle, leave it empty to go through security, and fill it at the gate. There are usually water fountains scattered throughout the airport after security.
      – Dehydration: I also like to splurge on something froofy and caffeinated at Starbucks, along with a salty snack. Some airlines really do have a strong snack game; Japan Airlines will give you mini cups of instant ramen…

      1. the dry air and the cold is an issue for me as well. I buy mini bottles of saline eye drops that are helpful.
        Last Christmas I flew for the first time with a heated Ororo sweater (thanks for the recommendation!) and it made a big difference around hour 7, when I am usually super cold and miserable and want this flight to end.

    11. Ambien or an edible, comfy socks, lots of layers, a good neck pillow, sanitizing wipes, an eye mask, and maybe this is just me because I have short legs that don’t rest comfortably on the floor, but this portable footrest made a world of difference:
      https://www.amazon.com/Andyer-Portable-Adjustable-Accessories-Footrests/dp/B072VJ9BKX/ref=asc_df_B072VJ9BKX/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=198077686494&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=2093744039223859380&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9021727&hvtargid=pla-349561455520&th=1

    12. Hello! It’s me, the person who can’t sleep on airplanes. I have had 20 hour trips without sleeping.

      Movies and ebooks are your friends. And don’t be afraid of all the wine from the beverage cart. Totally worth it.

      If you’re a non-sleeper like me, try to get an aisle seat so you can go to the bathroom without waking up your row mate.

      Comfy clothes (I am not a sweats or leggings person when traveling but yes to presentable clothing with some stretch), shoes you can slip on and off, and your own headphones are key.

    13. If your local library system offers access to the Libby app, download that onto your tablet. There are probably thousands of magazines available for download on there.

    14. Honestly? Ambien – with the caveat to not mix it with alcohol (even one drink), wait until you have actually reached causing altitude, and to try it in advance (it made my travel partner have hallucination, fortunately at home and not in the air).

      Besides that, my flight list is: noise cancelling headphones, a pashima (I put it over my head to create a tent, because I cannot sleep with an eye mask), an inflatable pillow, charging cords, snacks and water, antibacterial wipes (I wiped everything down even before Covid), Neutrogena hand cream, a hydrating mist spray (unscented), and some lavender scented cream I can put on my neck (both because I associate lavender with sleep and to block out any unpleasant smells), Plus my toothbrush, toothpaste and a small package of face wipes for when I wake up and a clean shirt/undies. I wear compression socks on planes for anything other than a very short flight.

      And mosquito repellant wipes if my destination has mosquitos because I have been eaten alive at airports. (Hello Papeete!)

    15. Despite dry air and dehydration, my other big issue with long flights is the noise level (in economy at least). Loud noise over a longer time can give me migraines. Noise cancelling headphones have made this much more bearable. I have the big, over-ear ones.

      1. the best!

        plus that flight poncho and a long wide scarf. it’s a hood blanket pillow skiing bag whatever

        extra socks for security lunge Ave changing before deplanung. rose water spray. wearing perfume that makes you happy because sometimes traveling smells bad!

        1. No perfume! One third of people (Melbourne University study) have health problems caused by fragrance and we can’t escape on a plane. Please be considerate of those prone to migraines and asthma from perfume.

          Empty refillable water bottle, eye mask, unscented hand cream and lip balm, noise cancelling headphones and download lots of audiobooks. Even if you can’t sleep on a plane, listening to an audiobook with your eyes closed makes you look and feel more rested upon arrival.

          A foot sling if you have short legs and your own pashmina for a blanket.

  19. Oh, inspired by the post above, what shoes would you recommend for brisk fitness walking through woods? I’ve sort of worn a 1/3 mile trail in the woods behind our house, and I love love love doing laps to clear my mind after a day of Zoom, but the terrain is a bit uneven – roots, pine cones, twigs. I need more firmness? than my running sneakers, but more flexibility than my hiking boots. My classic Bean boots are great when there’s snow on the trail – I can really get up to a brisk walk. I twist my ankle a bit in the duck slip-ons. Any suggestions? Thank you!

    1. Honestly I’d just wear the hiking boots if you’re afraid of twisting an ankle. I live off a network of trials and realistically, unless you’re doing something weird, running shoes, trail runners, or hiking boots are all perfectly serviceable options for a walk in the woods. You don’t need ultra specific types of shoes unless you’re in the mood to buy new shoes.

    2. This time of year I’d always wear the classic Bean boots, regardless of snow. When it gets too warm for them, maybe some trail runners that have some ankle support? I get not wanting hiking boots for just trails behind your house – we have a couple acres I usually just wear boots in the winter and old sneakers in the summer.

    3. Trail running shoes? But really I wouldn’t buy a whole new pair of shoes for that kind of thing.

        1. I am not a super experienced hiker but this is my answer too. Basically they did

          (sneaker + hiking boot) /2

          and it seems to work for everything.

    4. I wear low-top Merrills on my walk and they come up just high enough that I feel supported. If you are worried about balance, you could also consider adding a hiking stick instead of just adjusting your shoes.

    6. I love my Altra Lone Peak trail runners. They have great grip, zero drop, wide toebox and are super comfy. I don’t have twisty ankles, so not concerned with them being low, but Altra do have them in mid-height, as well.

    7. trail runners or hiking shoes (as opposed to boots). I have Merrell hiking shoes (I think they’re an old version of the Moab) that are probably my most-used shoe and surprisingly versatile (waterproof, so I’ll wear them if I’m just doing errands and it’s raining)

      1. Merrell Moab. Super comfortable and supportive, and has better traction than any of my other footwear, including hiking boots.

    8. I like my Saucony trail running shoes for this. More tread than my regular sneakers, lighter and way more flexible than my Merrill hiking boots, less clunky than my snow boots.

      I tried Merrill trail runners and they were like thumping around in wooden clogs compared to the Saucony pair.

    9. I have a pair of Merrell Zions that I love. They’re closer to a sneaker than a boot, but give me great traction and support on trails. Perfect for “more than a stroll, but not really a hike”

    10. Thank you all! Yes, “wooden clogs” describes how I’ve felt in some boots I already have that I’ve tried out, and “more than a stroll, not really a hike” is a great description, too, since the terrain is flat. I’m looking forward to checking out everyone’s recommendations!

  20. I suspect that I’m so overwhelmed that I’m having a stress meltdown. I am crying randomly, losing track of (personal, not professional) deadlines, and just having a hard time of it. My partner is being a champ, but I’m not sure what to do with myself.

    1. Oh honey, I know exactly how you feel. A few basic things:
      1) Have you talked to your doctor about anxiety? When this happened to me, I went on Lexapro and it changed my life for the better in all ways.
      2) Are you getting enough sleep? If the stress is interfering with your ability to sleep, that’s another sign that medication might be warranted.
      3) What are the smallest possible things you can get done? Can you take one specific project and cut it down into a tiny piece and just do that?
      4) Finally, can you take things off your plate?

      Please talk to your doctor about meds as soon as you can. It does not have to be like this.

      1. 1) No doctor, but I talked with my therapist about anxiety. (She brought it up, not me.) She hasn’t suggested medication yet.
        2) I’m getting enough sleep, but I don’t wake up rested.
        3) and 4) Yes, I can. Honestly, the list of things to do isn’t even all that crazy; I’ve had far more intense periods of things to get done. It just, for reasons unbeknownst to me, feels totally unmanageable right now.

        1. <3 it's okay not to be performing at your mental best 2 years into a pandemic while the world is warming out of control etc etc. One thing that can happen if you have anxiety is it really feels hard to get a break, and breaks aren't restful, so normal self care doesn't help. If that's happening for you, meds can really help de-escalate your body to the point that sleep is restful, you can actually take deep breaths, etc. Mindful eating, walking, and showering, even in 2-minute chunks, can also help. Please take care. You are not broken and not alone.

          1. Thank you so much. I hadn’t thought about “One thing that can happen if you have anxiety is it really feels hard to get a break, and breaks aren’t restful, so normal self care doesn’t help.” But that feels very true.

        2. I think you should call or email your PCP and ask for medication. One of the ways I knew that I needed medication was that there was this huge gap between what I actually had to do and what I felt about it. Small things at work were turning into giant, epic balls of worry that kept me up at night and made me cry all the time. I checked in with a trusted mentor who pointed out, objectively, that I was far more upset than I should be. That was very helpful for me to realize that my problem wasn’t the work, it was that my brain was spiraling. The only cure I found to that was medication.

          For whatever it’s worth, my husband has always struggled with anxiety as well. For him, the best “medicine” is about 30 minutes of very hard cardio effort every single day. (He runs or Pelotons.) Just offering this in case exercise feels more accessible than a Lexapro prescription right now.

          1. Thank you. I recently moved states and don’t have a PCP. But the hard cardio resonates, as does the “That was very helpful for me to realize that my problem wasn’t the work, it was that my brain was spiraling.”

        3. Definitely don’t wait for your therapist to do something and take the reigns on this yourself. Why weren’t you the one who brought it up to her when you know you need help with this? Are you following the suggestions that she gave you for managing anxiety and are they working?

          2. @Anoka. My apologies! Had a bad experience with a therapist personally, so would just mean to make sure you’re getting what you want out of it & not hesitate to talk to your doctor as others had mentioned. I know it’s hard & wish you the best.

          3. Thank you, @TDS. To be honest, I like my therapist (and didn’t think I had anxiety until she named it!)

    3. See your doctor and talk about your mental health. Be completely honest.

      You don’t have to live like this!!

      Hugs to you.

    4. I had my meltdown at 4am in the shower this morning when I couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to worry DH. Unlike you, I AM dropping professional balls – big time. I am a seasoned expert in my field and I’m barely registering the embarrassment. And I’m already on an anti-depressant. It just seems to have quit working in the midst of other chronic health issues I’m trying to come to grips with. I’ve known my clients for a very long time – they will be understanding but disappointed. With this performance, I may not see any future work from them. And while I’m trying to care about that, I really DGAF. I could retire from my self-employed consulting work but I hate to go out like this.

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