Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Ottoman Fit and Flare Dress

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Washable Dress with Sleeves: Talbots Ottoman Fit and Flare Dress Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Ooh: I like this simple ottoman flare dress from Talbots, on sale and available in multiple colors and sizes including regular, petite, plus, and plus-size petites. Nice! I like the darts, the trendy thickish ottoman stripes, the ¾ sleeves, and the fact that it’s machine washable. It’ll be great for fall, and it’s only $45 (down from $149!). Talbots Ottoman Fit and Flare Dress (Like bright colors? This dress also looks cute.) Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-3)

Sales of note for 2/7/25:

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

238 Comments

  1. Help please! I’ve been invited to a Muslim Indian wedding in Chicago, two-day event, including nikkah and walima. I’m not Muslim or Indian. My mother-in-law (also not Muslim or Indian) is now asking me if I’m planning to wear a sari, which probably means she’s considering it too. I hadn’t thought that was an option at all, because wearing a sari isn’t part of my cultural background.

    I recall having seen threads on this issue here in the past, and wanted to ask you all for current advice. What should I wear? Is there any reason that not wearing a sari would cause offense? Should I be steering my mother-in-law away from the sari? Thank you for any and all opinions.

    1. I’m Indian but not Muslim, and in all of the Indian weddings I’ve been to, I’ve always seen people in Western clothes and can’t imagine that it would cause offense. That said, just ask the bride or groom what they prefer if you’re worried about it. If it were me, I’d just wear a nice and colorful appropriate dress since that seems a lot easier (even for me). I think this is not worth stressing about.

    2. My good friend is Indian but not Muslim. Most non-Indian people wore Western clothes to her wedding. The only non-Indians in saris were people who were in the bridal party or who had previously been bridesmaids in Indian weddings (and thus owned a sari). I don’t think it’s offensive for your MIL to wear a sari, but keep in mind that even if she has or purchases one, she’s not going to be able to put it on by herself. So I wouldn’t do it unless she has an Indian friend (who is not the bride, the bride’s family or a bridesmaid, since those people will be really busy) who can help her get dressed.

    3. First, ask the bride or groom. Something about wearing the attire of a cultural you don’t belong to feels cultural appropriation-y unless you know that it’s appropriate. Second, there are lots of non-sari options. A sari requires complicated draping and pinning and isn’t the most natural thing to wear if you’re not used to it. Just get a regular dress (“suit”) or a lehenga. Third, make sure you know what type of attire is appropriate for each event. The last nikkah I went to was during the day so people wore more daytime-appropriate attire, not their blinged out party attire.

      1. ^ Agreed. If you’re non-Indian, there is no need to wear a sari, too much risk of cultural appropriation and awkward pinning and you probably wouldn’t be all that comfortable. I am all for the pretty, conservative Western dress (‘What would Kate Middleton wear?’).
        Is this the wedding of your spouse’s close family friend, or something? (I’m trying to think of an occasion where you would be attending a wedding with your MIL.)

        1. I wore a Sari to my brother’s wedding. My SIL’s family hired people to pin them for us. There is no way I could have done it alone. Even with professional pinning, an aunt helped me mid-wedding to fix it.
          Anyways, at that wedding, there was a mixture of clothing. Many of the Indian people, especially those who were Christian as opposed to Hindu, wore western clothing, but many of Indian women wore Saris and a few the men wore Indian clothing. Close relatives and friends of non-Indian descent (including me) were asked by the bride to wear saris and dress our children in saris and we happily acquiesced. that was a 500 person Indian wedding, where the bride’s family was predominantly Hindu. Cannot speak to Muslim-Indian wedding.

        2. I would not wear what Kate Middleton would wear. Indian weddings are colorful! And bright! And blingy! I love me some Kate Middleton but her lovely, conservative dresses would look stuffy at a typical Indian wedding.

          In my experience a sari is totally appropriate and non-cultural-appropriation-y for a westerner at an Indian wedding. If you have one or can borrow one from a friend (my Indian friends have TONS of saris and are always happy to lend them out), and have someone to help you pin it, go for it. Saris are beautiful and you will not look out of place.

          That said, you certainly don’t have to wear a sari. A formal (more than a sundress/ less than a black tie gown) and colorful dress is completely appropriate. I like wearing floor-length maxi dresses, but cocktail length is also ok.

          Jewel-tones are a good bet, but avoid red as the bride will likely be in red.

          1. I would actually check out some of the dresses Kate Middleton wore on her recent tour of India – western clothing with an Indian influence that would be perfect for this kind of occasion!

          2. Yes, my friend’s parents have an entire bureau filled with traditional Indian clothing, and despite an 8″ difference in height, she was able to lend me an embroidered tunic w/ matching pants and scarf (not sure of the proper name) that were similar to the wedding colors.

      2. Agreed. Ask the bride or groom about appropriate attire for all of the events.

    4. I’m Indian Muslim — honestly there is NO need for you or your MIL to wear saris or any Indian attire. Do you really want to buy it (expensive esp in the US), deal with the hassle of wearing it, and then wear it once? If this is something you or your MIL just want to do — go with a “suit” — which means a silwar khamiz (super long shirt with a pant like think underneath so it’s easy to put on like western clothes; they come in bright colors, blinged out; and totally easy to wear w/o a million people helping you put it on and keep it in place).

      Some dress advice though — Indian weddings (Muslim or not) are known for BRIGHT colors. The bride wears red/pink traditionally (though many in the U.S. don’t bc they want a white dress like American brides so now you see beige etc.). So this isn’t a type to break out a sedate navy or black dress. Go with bright colors; personally I don’t do red/pink so I don’t match the bride — but even that isn’t a faux pas in Indians like it would be to wear white to an American wedding. And since it’s a Muslim wedding — try not to go strapless or backless. Sleeveless is ok if everything else is covered, but if you can find it — sleeves (even tiny cap sleeves) are the best choice.

      1. A lot of Muslim brides wear white (the red tends to be a Hindu tradition) so I would check with the bride.

        1. In the U.S. the trend is towards white/crème etc. It is absolutely Muslim tradition to NOT wear white. I know my grandparents are still stunned that Indian Muslim brides are wearing white in America — bc it’s a color associated with sadness/sad life events.

    5. Agree with all of the advice above. Ask the couple/bridal party, if you can. If you go western wear bright colors except for red, white, or black, and bling it out with awesome Indian jewelry. And LOTS of it.

    6. I wore a sari to a friend’s wedding but only because she asked me to. Keep in mi d that saris are hard to put together for the inexperienced. I certainly needed the help of her auntie to get dressed. All the other non-Indian guests wore colorful dresses. Definitely appropriate to wear more color at Indian weddings.

    7. It is absolutely NOT cultural appropriation to wear desi clothes to a desi wedding. I will echo what everyone said – a sari is really difficult to wear. Salwar kameez all the way. Also, since this is a Muslim wedding, it’s better if shoulders and legs are covered. If you don’t have a full length dress, wear the fanciest thing you have. Bling it up the wazoo. Beat that face.

      1. Exactly, I don’t get the cultural appropriation comments at all! I find it awesome when non-Indians wear Indian clothes and frankly who doesn’t love to dress up in beautiful colors and fabrics?

        I would see if you can borrow a salwar kameez or modest lengha from a friend if you are interested in wearing an Indian outfit. A lot of my non-Indian friends wore Indian clothes to my wedding (not because I asked, because they wanted to) and I loved it.

      2. I’m Indian and I do find it a little cultural appropriate-y when non-Indians wear saris messily and everything is falling apart, and particularly with they get a bit wild with bindis (which wouldn’t be a factor in a Muslim wedding). But in all our family weddings, the non-Indians wore non-Indian clothes. For a Muslim wedding, I might keep a wrap or a cardigan to cover my shoulders — though I would do that for a church wedding too.

        1. I respect your position but I disagree with you. It’s not disrespectful to our culture that someone is wearing clothing from our culture at one of our cultural events. You can’t blame them for being uncomfortable in very difficult-to-manage attire. That’s like thinking it’s rude for a woman to wear heels that she can’t walk in – she doesn’t look great but it’s not rude or disrespectful. If a non-desi wears a sari to a toga party or something like that, yeah, totally not okay.

          If you’re not from the Indian subcontinent, you don’t *have* to wear cultural attire to cultural events. But you may. In any case, check with the bride and groom.

        2. Oh man, I think this just gets rid of what cultural appropriation means! I am Indian too and please wear sarees and lehangas and salwar kameezes to our weddings. (As my friends did to my wedding).

    8. Why not wear a salwar kameez? Long, tight trousers paired with long tunic. You could wear a lot of bling and dress it up.

      I’m Indian (not Muslim).

    9. Thank you all so much for your insight! Very helpful. For me, I think wearing a sari would feel a little appropriative, so I’ll probably stick with a modest and colorful Western-style outfit (unless I find a lovely salwar kameez). Wishing you all a great weekend!

  2. I really like this dress and went to the website to buy it. Alas, it’s sold out in all but a couple of sizes.

    1. The black is showing up as available in most sizes.
      I like the dress too, although not so much the back zipper, but what the hell is an ottoman stripe? I can’t tell from my computer. It just looks like a knit with obvious seams.

    2. I own this dress in three colors and may buy more. It hides a multitude of sins and is super comfortable.

      1. Does it run big? I am a BananaRepulic size 6 and wonder if I would be the same with talbots?

        1. I don’t have this dress, but Talbots in general runs big. I am an 8 in most mall brands and a 6 in Talbots.

        2. I’d take a size down unless you are hippy. I went up a size but I was wearing it to hide a pregnancy.

  3. Y’all,

    My 20-year old leather couches have passed the point of no return. Any recommendations for leather couches that could go the distance as replacements? I like the look of some of the Restoration Hardware chesterfield ones, but am concerned about them (and other things) going the distance. Any *leather* couch recommendations to make?

    Thank you!

        1. Terrorist? Not helpful. Plus since when was it cool to disparage science? Veganism respects sentience, human health and the environment.

          1. Please don’t equate veganism with science, they are so not the same thing. One is a life philosophy and the other is a method of understanding how the world works.

            Science will also tell you that humans are, by nature, omnivores.

          2. Um – science isn’t involved here. Vegan is a choice about diet, science is the study of the natural world based on fact and experiment.

            Unless you want to know the facts of how/why the animal died, science is pretty much silent on the topic of killing animals.

          3. Well, silent is probably the wrong word. But the discussion about the morality of killing animals is not the purview of science. Science kills animals all the time for research. That’s why you have medicine that works.

          4. Have you ever read any medical journal regarding nutrition? They unanimously regard Veganism as healthier with benefits ranging from weightloss to lowered colesterol to better insulin control especially for diabetics. Any environmental journal will tell you that cows are the biggest concern to the environment with their methane production and then the CO2 from processing, transporting and refrigerating. Especially with the water shortages animal products are a very real threat to the environment. But you know… not science. Because how dare I object to tradition, because tradition dictates how you should live and not hard facts.

          5. Snort – when have scientific journals ever been unanimous about anything? Or did you only read the studies that you agreed with? You don’t get to be a name in research unless you have an idea that is different. I don’t disagree that there is evidence that weighs on the side of people who practice a vegan diet correctly being, on average, healthier than the general population. But I would wager there are people that are practicing an omnivorous diet that are also healthier than the general population. It doesn’t translate to everything vegan being better than not vegan – science generally doesn’t make grand pronouncements like that.

            Yes, there are environmental concerns with the amount of meat production happening, but that doesn’t mean meat shouldn’t be raised at all – just that the current scale is problematic and probably not sustainable in an environmentally-friendly matter. People have been eating meat for millennia before it was an environmental concern, so it’s not the fact of meat that is problematic to the environment, it’s the scale.

            Being an omnivore is not a tradition – it’s a fundamental biological fact of being a homo sapien. I am happy you found a work around that works for you, but my understanding is you have to be really careful with a vegan diet to make sure you are correctly supplementing micronutrients. In other words – being a vegan is not the natural state for humans. It’s not bad, it just takes more work and not everyone has that luxury.

          6. I’m actually not a vegan, but I am aware of my own bias that my diet is incorrect. I don’t relentlessly defend my own diet because I know it’s wrong. I defend veganism (despite not being one) because the evidence supports it. It’s actually very easy to be a healthy vegan. It’s even supported for the healthy development of children. The only thing that could be a problem is b12, since the only plant based source is sea vegetables which are uncommon in a western diet. However sea veggies are very common in most Asian ans SE Asian diets. “Being done for millennia” is the very definition of an appeal to tradition. How things have “always been” doesn’t mean a thing. I am glad you try to pretend your omnivore diet is okay to make yourself feel better, but it really isn’t.

          7. How are sea veggies more sustainable and better for the environment if I live in the middle of North America and have to ship them halfway across the world to me? Isn’t it better to eat locally – which for me, means beef. Or poultry and eggs. I am closer to my local farm raised, locally butchered and stuck in my freezer beef as a protein source.

    1. Okay this is random, but I bought this stuff called “leather honey” to treat a leather wallet with and it is amazing. If you like your couches that you have right now, you might what to look up leather honey on amazon. Someone bought enough to treat their entire leather couch with and it came out looking great. There are photos of it in the reviews.

      1. Thanks! I do love them, but various parts are actually torn (through the leather, not just on a seam) in way that is both visible and unfixable.

    2. What made your couch go bust? It could happen to another leather couch; I mean 20 years is a pretty good life. If the leather peeled or flaked off, then you need to avoid bonded leather. Go for top-grain, full-grain, etc.

      1. Costco! we got ours theres a few years ago and they’ve held up great, have to order online.

    3. Could you have them re-upholstered? usually not cheap, sometimes the cost of new, but they take it down to the frame and you essentially get a new couch. I’ve bought new for a replacement and re-upholstered and I’d re-upholster again in a heartbeat.

    4. We have a leather couch (with power recliners) from La-z-boy. Have only had it for a couple of years, but have been very satisfied with the quality of it.

    5. I have had a leather sofa from Plummer’s/Scandanavian Designs for over 15 years. WAY lower priced than the higher end chains and I simply don’t see a difference in quality-have tons of furniture from them.

  4. Guys, I get to go to Vail over Labor Day weekend! What should I do? Where should I eat?

    1. If you’ll have a car, drive a few miles over to Minturn. It is a teeny tiny town, but has good, affordable restaurants (Greek and a barbecue joint), and the world’s greatest consignment store (not kidding. Lots of wealthy Summit County folks sell their designer stuff there, which is then resold for pennies on the dollar). Hiking around Vail, and on the mountain itself, is of course great.

    2. Vail Village! The Farmer’s market is amazing on Sundays, we just wandered around bought food from the vendors and people watched. Mountain standard had amazing food/drinks, and is right by the creek, so gorgeous at night time. Definitely take a walk to the Betty Ford Alpine Gardens (easy walk from vail village).

      Just a word of advice – I got altitude sickness, and although it passed after 1-2 days, I wish someone had suggested I go to one of the many local spas – they’ll do pure oxygen treatments by the minute and are supposed to alleviate symptoms much much faster. And if you do get altitude sickness for goodness sakes, don’t drink alcohol!

  5. So many serious threads lately about 401ks and mortgages. So here’s hopefully a fun one for Friday — now that most of you have been in the working world for a few yrs, what would be your DREAM job that you would quit your job/take a paycut etc. for — if you could? What do you wish you had pursued but you didn’t have the nerve to do it bc you had loans to pay or you didn’t want to be paycheck to paycheck? Or are there new industries that have struck your fancy that you just couldn’t have expected?

    I’ll start — real estate development, esp. hotels. Or something in restructuring — like turning around struggling companies. Not sure why/how I got interested in this stuff (though I did a stint as a bankr. lawyer) — I wish I had pursued it at 22 with my finance undergrad degree; bc at 36 I don’t know where to start, don’t know if those options exist in my city (DC), and can’t afford to financially start over at a 22 yr old’s salary.

    1. Ooh, I know someone who does an exact hybrid of your dream job — re-developing and turning around struggling luxury hotels! I envy this person’s life in some ways, but I don’t know that I have a dream job the way that you do.

    2. Novelist. If I could write fiction for a living and have awesome health insurance and know that I could always make my rent and feed myself, I’d do it.

    3. I wish I had done one of the following: gotten a degree that would have allowed me to pursue forensic science or gone to mortuary school instead of law school. The latter may be a bit weird, but that’s me!

      I worked in sports prior to law school, which is the dream of many but it was long hours for little pay. Sure it was fun, but for me it wasn’t going to work for me for the long haul.

      1. I feel like people are doing this, no? You hear of all kinds of law school/b-school grads giving it up for baking. Obviously it depends on your risk tolerance, competition in your city etc.

      2. Friends and family have recommended I do this at various times in my life. It would have to be a bakery where taste was the only important thing because I’m not so good at the pretty baking.

        I’ve always thought that I wouldn’t want to take something I love to do that relaxes me and turn it into a business though. I’d be scared it would take some of the joy out of it. If I could sell my stuff whenever the whim strikes me though, I might be on board with it.

      3. You don’t even necessarily have to have a high risk tolerance. I have a couple friends who started baking as a side gig while working full-time. One decided that baking as a job killed her passion for baking (I think that’s what would happen to me too), but the other loved it and kept growing her business until it was eventually bringing in enough money to support her, and then she quit her full-time job.

    4. I used to be convinced my dream job was being a travel writer, but after getting to know someone who does it, it’s not as glamorous as it sounds. She travels a ton but not always to terribly exciting places, and she’s glued to her laptop while she’s there. I think I’d rather just work a traditional office job, travel on my own dime, enjoy my vacations and write about them for myself, my friends and family if and when I choose. I would also love to write novels but it’s such a hard thing to make a living at, I have no desire to go back in time and try to be a novelist.

    5. I think part of my problem in planning out my career path is that I honestly don’t know the answer to this question aside from astronaut or writer. Sadly I lack the ability to do either.

      If I could go back in time I’d become an electrician or plumber instead of a lawyer.

      The closest I can get to a real answer to this is some sort of quality assurance position at a fashion house where I’d be tasked with making sure all licensed products are up to quality standards.

      I wish I could somehow get paid to travel and just read books all the time since that’s what I love to do.

    6. Honestly, even though I went to law school and am no longer a lawyer, I wouldn’t skip law school if I could go back in time. I didn’t really like being a lawyer but I also wasn’t totally miserable the way some people are and I made a million bucks in less than six years at it (I was really lucky to graduate with no debt and get a job in Big Law…I know it doesn’t turn out that way for everyone or even most people), which gave me the freedom to take a low-paid job I love. The way I see it, the few years of unpleasant, hard work were worth it in exchange for a lifetime of following my passions without not worrying about money.

      1. OP here — This. Didn’t walk away anywhere near $1 million, but still a solid financial start going into my mid 30s and the rest of my life. And I liked the race of biglaw. But that financial start is what’s causing me to dream — could I do some in real estate development? In restructuring turnaround? I still want/need to make six figures though — so I really can’t be starting at a 50k salary as a 22 yr old would.

        1. Why not?

          Do you have golden handcuffs?

          Well then break them!

          You are still very young and can easily do a career change like this. You are smart. You work hard. You have financial security. And I live easily on a lot less than $50k, which is still a very very good salary in this country for a young single person.

          1. OP here — I don’t think I have golden handcuffs — no expensive real estate or cars or whatever. But I live in a HCOL east coast city — and likely to do something with real estate, hotels, and/or restructuring, I’d imagine I’d have to be in a similar HCOL place. And I’m in my mid 30s, I’m not suggesting I need a palace — but I want to live nicely in at least a moderate apartment; I’m just past the point in my life where I’m ok living like I did when I was a student. So in order to live well plus save some, you need to earn a certain amount in HCOL cities.

          2. Fair enough. But 50k is not a student salary. Not at all.

            Only you can determine your priorities. Or are you making excuses?

            It’s up to you.

            A more modest apartment and/or housemate in a good area with public transportation is totally do-able.

            So start scanning housing options, and start putting feelers out re: your field. Try to have an info meeting with someone. Just to get a nudge…..

      2. Thank you for this! I’m not a lawyer but am in the middle of a similar slog – I’m 31, looking at 3-4 more years of a job I don’t love or even like that much (but also don’t hate). But if I stay on track and focused, I’ll have a similar level of financial security.

        For obvious reasons, I don’t tell many people about this plan, but for some reason, friends and family that I do mention it to like to chime in with, “But what if you DIE before then??” or “Yeah but are you really going to be able to leave? What if you just get sucked into in forever?” Ugh. Glad to hear of someone for whom this has worked out! Thank you :)

        1. OP here — I take it your family doesn’t know many biglaw people? Most people do leave biglaw — willingly or not. But it’s up to you whether you just go on to a similar life at a smaller/midlaw firm, in house, gov’t or if you actually take your financial security and do with it something that you want. Honestly for most of my associate friends, the problem is/was the golden handcuffs — they hated law so much that they compensated to make themselves feel better with expensive condos, vacations etc. And once you get used to that stuff it is mentally pretty hard to downsize to vacations on the Jersey shore. So their exits HAD TO be other things in law and now they’re at those places feeling pretty iffy.

          If you have the financial security, it’s up to you to decide whether you’ll take a chance on something you want. Truthfully I haven’t yet. Left biglaw 3 yrs ago for a traditional exit (bc I actually don’t hate law at all) where the money is good (junior associate type of money). I see it as STILL building up my financial security. But now I’m getting to a point where I’m really starting to dream (and convince myself that a dream involving finance or real estate isn’t insane bc those dreams will still pay even if they don’t pay like law; it’s different than dreaming of being a writer or professional traveler).

    7. Sorry if this posts twice. I have my dream job working with great people at a fantastic institution that hits almost all of my criteria. I’d been working for this for five years between graduation and when I got hired, so I plan to keep doing it as it still makes me happy!

      Sometimes I wish that I’d been braver coming out of undergrad. I took a very safe job so that I’d be employed when I graduated; I enjoyed my time in that position and it set me up well for the career I knew I wanted, but if I had a do-over I think I would have applied for a Fulbright or gone to teach abroad immediately, instead of waiting two years. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t dropped out of the State Department application process. Sometimes I wish I’d gone abroad for grad school. But at the same time, I honestly am so happy where I am professionally and personally, and I know I made the right choices according to my decision-making criteria at the time. Whenever I start to feel wistful, I remind myself that I can still apply for a Fulbright if I want to, or to a PhD program in the UK, or that State will still be hiring in 10 years if I want to make a career change. What’s the hardest for me, honestly, is that my SO is such a fantastic partner for me in so many ways, and we share so many goals–but he just has no desire to ever live outside the US.

    8. Out in the field with working dogs for conservation. I actually saw this job listed recently. I’m in Biglaw so of course the job sounded wonderful for me (dogs! nature! no desk!), but no doubt it is also physically demanding and involves sleeping in a tent in remote and exposed locations many nights of the year. The working dogs are trained to find invasive species, or specific animals for conservation purposes (it’s basically “canine data collection”) and you get to have your working dog live with you.

      Another dream job would be rangeland management – working with ranchers to conserve rangeland and monitor wildlife.

      I think I want to be outside.

    9. I came very close to opening a dog daycare and went to law school instead. Dog daycares weren’t really a “thing” just yet, at least not in the state where I was living. There was one near me that charged just $5/day. There was a local ski resort that had done a plea on the news asking people to not leave their dogs in their car while they are skiing because, duh, it is too cold for them, and stating that they would be calling the police going forward. I envisioned opening a destination doggy daycare near this ski resort. The issue was hotels let you bring your dog but they don’t let the dogs stay alone in the rooms. I found the property I was going to buy/rent. I planned out the layout for it. My dad was going to build indoor dog houses for it.

      But, my husband would have to quit his job, find something near this location (which is very travel industry oriented and not his field) or I would have to commute 1.5 hours each way/day. We would have to sell the house we had just bought. I knew most small businesses fail. It just seemed like too big a risk. When I got the letter that I was accepted to law school, that seemed much more responsible.

      I still hope to open a doggy daycare in retirement and often wonder “what if”. I do like what I do now and my loans will be paid off in a year. I laugh though that I thought a SBA loan was too risky but a giant student loan wasn’t.

    10. I have a unicorn of a job that I have no intention of evvvver leaving, but if I were to go in an imaginary world where $ didn’t matter, I would want to work in practical education — teaching adults or young adults life and professional skills with an emphasis on communication, probably with an ESL component. I’ve done it as a volunteer in different places, and I love the work itself (though not always the logistics). To compromise, in a few years I plan to ask about taking on an intern.

      1. +1. I honestly love my job (appellate lawyer) — intellectually challenging, prestigious, flexible hours, great work/life balance, good money. I would never leave and can’t even think of a dream job I would do instead (maybe Supreme Court advocate, but not sure I would want all the stress).

        1. I’m an appellate lawyer and love my job too! (And would never want to be a Supreme Court advocate. I do want to go watch though!)

    11. I would be a financial educator. I have visions of myself running a by-women for-women financial advising thing. Or teaching women whose dead husbands always handled the money what to do when they are left to pick up the pieces.

    12. Disaster relief. Fly to meet the big Red Cross ship wherever it may dock (I hate the idea of actually being at sea). And my kids can come with, because what an amazing learning experience. And I’d miss them otherwise.

        1. I joined the Navy to see the world,
          but what did I see? I saw the sea.
          I saw the Atlantic and the Pacific
          and the Atlantic’s not that terrific
          and the Pacific’s not all it’s cracked up to be!

        2. Lol, never put that together! I’m a civilian, and was once in the Army…no love of boats.

    13. today I want to be the guy outside on the riding lawnmower. It is gorgeous out there. This time of year I also think being a dog walker would be pretty cool.

      Mostly I want to be a queen.

          1. Why not combine the two? You could show up with a flower delivery and then off the unsuspecting sucker.

          2. Bounty hunters catch fugitives, not kill them… you usually don’t get the money if they’re dead (right?)

          3. I think she was in a rock band with Sally and Lula for awhile too. That would be more fun.

    14. Real estate agent, in part because I feel that the bar is set so low and I would blow other agents out of the water. But mostly because I LOVE real estate and spend most of my free waking hours perusing listings, going to weekend open houses, etc.

      I am a real estate lawyer with a law degree from HYS, so…maaaaybe one day? Also 35 and barely have 1M saved. No golden handcuffs for me!

      1. Man, I am currently at war with the real estate agent/broker profession. What a joke. That lobby has to be one of the most powerful lobbies that flies under the radar. In Texas it takes 180 hours of “classes” to become a licensed real estate agent. There’s no real standard of knowledge, expertise or professionalism, the forms are all dictated by the state’s real estate commission and you get to shoot off a couple emails and phone calls and collect your un-negotiated 3% of sale price. Oh, and you also get to tip-toe on the edge of unauthorized practice of law.

        1. Completely agree, it is a scam. I’ve personally bought and sold property many times now and most agents I’ve worked with represent zero value-add. They can’t even complete a financing addendum correctly. Makes my blood boil.

      2. You should totally do this!

        Actually, there is a real estate lawyer in my town that I almost worked with when I considered buying my condo who is both a real estate lawyer/agent. He does both.

    15. Opening up a BBQ joint. Preferably in Hawaii. Preferably on Kauai. Preferably also serving shave ice.

    16. I don’t really understand why my dream job would be one where I don’t make any money.

  6. How much should you be saving aside from retirement funds? Right now, DH and I are both maxing out our retirement funds to the IRS limit and then putting close to 50% of our joint take-home (post-tax) pay into our mortgage payment (we’re paying more than twice our minimum payment and plan to pay off a 15 year loan in five or six years). We have a $50k emergency fund – which is at least a year of living expenses for us – but no other assets except equity in our house and our retirement accounts. We pretty much spend the other half of our take home pay ever month. Some of that spending is obviously necessary – food, gas, insurance, property taxes – but lots of it is also fun money that we could definitely cut back on. I guess I’m wondering how much we should be making an effort to cut back on that fun spending. I feel like we’re in pretty good shape. We’re saving aggressively for retirement, while also building significant equity in our house every month. But DH feels like we should be saving/putting into the mortgage more like 75% of our take-home pay and I can kind of see where he’s coming from. We definitely buy a lot of things that we don’t “need.” But at the same time, who knows how long we’ll live and I want to enjoy our lives now, so long as we’re saving responsibly for our future, which I think we are. Curious to hear everyone’s thoughts.

    1. Omg what?!? You are saving an insane amount of money. Absolutely insane. 50% take home on your mortgage is absurd. 75% is delusional. It prob doesn’t even make financial sense- your mortgage rate is likely lower than what you would make on an index fund. You are losing money doing this.

      No. Tell your husband that the ladies of the Internet are concerned about his sanity, that you will not be putting any more money into savings/your mortgage, and if he has a problem with that too bad.

      Good grief.

      1. I agree that you are saving at a good rate and could probably ease up a bit.

        However, that’s pretty harsh. Some people are more risk averse than others and some are not inclined to have assets in many places or in places they cannot ‘see’ like a home. I think you can sit down with a financial adviser once and get some great guidance, but I am not concerned about your husband’s sanity.

        1. Yeah, I’m a tax accountant, so I totally get the the whole “benefit” of having mortgage interest, etc, and investing in the market rather than paying down low interest debt, but at the same time I understand the desire to pay off your mortgage ASAP. In fact, even thought it’s not the “smartest” thing to do, my husband and I are paying about double the minimum payments on our mortgage at the moment and should have it paid off in 5-6 years. For us it’s part of a plan to be able to cash-flow our daughter’s stupidly expensive private school tuition, especially once she starts middle school and it’s twice as expensive as elementary school.

          We do things in “chunks” though. For instance, instead of putting $400 in our Roths each month, we do a lump sum of the max contribution. Finances are hugely psychological, and if you are making progress, you do what works for you. For us, the idea is to finish one major financial commitment in a chunk (the mortgage) before starting another (insane tuition).

          On the other hand, even doubling our mortgage is only 13% of our gross income, so we’re not throwing even remotely close to 50% of our income, let alone 75%. Good lord. I can’t imagine. We blow a lot of money on fun things, and I don’t regret it. We could totally cut back if we had to, but… meh. Probably wont. FWIW, we both have healthy retirement accounts and a fair chunk of change in the market as well. It’s just that the mortgage is a big priority for us too.

        2. Yeah and that’s fine and all but the cray part is being worried about your finances because you aren’t saving enough while doing this. Bonkers.

    2. I aim to save 33-35% of my after tax take home, after maxing out a 401k. So I think 50% is HUGE. I think the poster above is right — I assume you have a low mortgage rate; if you actually put a little bit less extra payment into your mortgage or invested some of your fun money — you’d actually make money at a rate > your mortgage interest rate. Of course this depends on your risk tolerance, and I get the sense your DH is risk averse if he wants to pay off a 15 yr mortgage in 5 yrs.

      Personally you’re already putting in so much effort financially, I would live a little and NOT cut back my fun money. Is there a reason you’re doing this? Like do you want a paid off house and aggressive retirement savings so you can retire at age 45 or downshift from 100 hr week jobs — bc it sounds like you could if you wanted to. If you will make your goal of finishing off the mortgage and still continue saving like this, I guess I question WHY — unless you are REALLY getting a lot of enjoyment out of saving.

      1. I plan to retire at a normal age and he will probably work much longer than the average American (he’s in a job where it’s common to not completely retire until you’re in your mid-late 70s as long as you’re in reasonably good health and he absolutely loves what he does). So no, there’s no goal of early retirement. That said, we’re both pretty comfortable with the 50% saving. We’re both very risk averse and hate having debt, and feel like we will have a huge weight off our shoulders when the mortgage is gone (which is why we’ve been throwing the savings at that, not at index funds). And we have high salaries for our low-cost of living area, so that 50% of take home pay for spending still affords us some pretty amazing luxuries and I don’t feel like we’re really making any sacrifices to save 50% after-tax. I do feel like if we were trying to substantially up our savings we would have to cut back on some things I really enjoy and that’s why I’m pushing back on his desire to save more than 50%.

        1. Ok so it’s about personal choices. That’s fine. Get rid of your mortgage in 5 yrs and that’ll give you the “mental freedom” you need. Why can’t you compromise? If he wants to take the savings rate from 50% to 75% — can’t you take it to 52-55% for a yr and cut out some eating out or wine or a long weekend or two and see how that feels? If that’s ok, go for more; if you find yourself miserable, then talk to him about how that’s not working. You don’t have to go from 50% to 75% next month.

    3. 50% is definitely not enough. You should be putting more like 85% towards debt payoff/savings. If you start making your own coffee and packing your lunch, that will help.

    4. The other thing to consider is that by putting more money towards your home, you are skewing your portfolio (outside of your 401k) almost entirely to real estate. What happens if there is another real estate crisis? If it were me personally, I would consider what your full portfolio of assets looks like ($50k cash/liquid, X% equity in 401k, X% debt in 401k, X% in real estate) and take a more balanced approach to the full portfolio by putting some of the additional savings into a brokerage account.

      1. This. I really wanted to pay my mortgage down to nothing when I bought my house. In my HCOL area, it would mean that 80% of my money was invested in local real estate. Scary!

        So instead of extra investments, I have a “mortgage sinking fund” in a 70/30 allocation (stock/bonds) that is just $20k short of covering my entire mortgage payoff. I hope to have it to 100% of my mortgage payoff by the end of the year.

    5. We are refinancing our mortgage now and our financial adviser told us to do a new 30 year rate to extend the mortgage. He sees it as good debt. We can write off the interest and use the lower payment to invest more money. It also gives us the option of making extra payments if we wish but without the obligation in case everything goes to hell.

      1. Do the math on the writeoff before you bite, it doesn’t always work out. This is particularly because the writeoff is not dollar-for-dollar off the tax bill. It works out better if you’re in a HCOL area. And it works less well every year as you gain equity. If you invest more instead of putting it at debt, your financial adviser makes more too (unless he’s fee only)

  7. Hi all,

    I’m considering getting veneers on my front two or four teeth. I have no medical need for them – teeth are healthy – but there are a variety of cosmetic issues that I’ve been hoping to correct. My front teeth are slightly discolored from a bad bonding job I had done a few years ago, and they are slightly crooked and unsymmetrical (they’ve been filed to slightly different lengths/shapes because I had a chipped tooth at one point.

    My question is – what should I be asking / considering before making the plunge? Does anyone have any experience getting veneers when there was no medical need? I realize they’re pricey and have done some shopping around with dentists in my area, but it’s the irreversibility of the procedure more than the expense that frightens me. I want to make sure I’m considering all the pros and cons before deciding to go ahead with it. Thanks, all!

    1. I’ve looked into getting them but haven’t taken the plunge for the reasons you describe. It’s my understanding that you can’t really get just 2-4, you pretty much have to get them for your whole smile line. But I’ll be interested to hear if others have had a different experience.

    2. I had the front 4 done by my orthodontist as a teenager, without really knowing what was actually happening. It was done due to both a broken front corner and uneven size between the front two and the next two. As it was NHS I didn’t get the chance to have more done.

      I finally chose to have them replaced last year after years of thinking about it. It was purely cosmetic as they were the wrong colour for the rest of my teeth. I wish I had done it years ago. I can now wear all sorts of lipstick colours that I just couldn’t before. It has totally changed my confidence (although I’ve only realised it lately) and it’s brilliant. I understand that I may have to have them replaced but three of the originals lasted 20 years so I’m hoping I’ll get a fair time out of these new ones.

  8. A couple of my friends have them. I believe they have to be re-done every 10 years or so.

    1. That was supposed to be a response to “Let’s Talk Teeth’s” question on veneers. Missing the edit button….

  9. I’m trying to gauge interest for a meetup in Philly – I organized one a couple years ago and it was a lot of fun. Please email me at gingery87 at the google mail if you would like to be included in planning/coming to a Philly meetup sometime soon!

  10. I am starting to realize that I have no decorating sense.

    I have a dining room table. It has leaves that aren’t usually in it to make it larger. If we have company over, we’d use the leaves. We do use the table without having company over (it doubles as home office and/or homework space). The room its in can handle the table’s length with and without the leaves in.

    I want to buy a new rug for underneath the table. Do I measure table + chairs + some allowance for chairs to be pushed out a bit? Or include the leaves so it all fits on the rug?

    I feel so lost (or like I need some higher level math algorithm for figuring out the rug v table v table+leaves calculus). Also: I am not sure rug stores would follow all of this (or mail order help #s) and the interior decorators in my hood (there are a staggering #) just seem to be either PT people really want to sell you things and not the type would answer targeted questions like: help me size a rug that I want to buy from someone else.

    1. I recently went through this and the general consensus (which I learned from googling) seems to be table plus 24 to 30″ on all sides. It’s nice if the legs of the chairs never catch on the rug, so you can push out a chair like you normally would and then measure how far the back legs are from the edge of the table to see if 2 feet is going to be enough for you or if you want closer to 3.

      If I were you, I’d base it off of maximum length of table. I have more excess rug on the sides than the head and foot and it’s fine.

    2. I would base the rug off the size of the room rather than the size of the table. Measure the room and figure out what standard sized rug would fit the best. You dont want the rug to be almost up against the wall, but maybe a foot or two from the wall, depending on the size of the room. Look at a decorating magazine to get an idea of what that would look like.

    3. Definitely size the rug so that its borders contain the table with leaves and chairs pulled out for seating.

      Domino: The Book of Decorating is a good resource for things like this. How tall end tables should be, how much of your furniture should be on your rug, how high to hang your art, etc. Of course there are exceptions to some of these “rules,” but it’s great for someone who needs direction in the basics. I follow a bunch of designers on Instagram, too, and often see helpful tips on decorating.

    4. Personally, I’ve never understood the whole “rug under the dining room table” thing (or a carpeted dining room). Am I the only one?

      1. Rugs are great for textural interest and make a room look finished, but I agree that having one under the dining table is not usually super practical. I don’t have one because I have young kids and we eat in our dining room every day. It’s much easier for us (and the dog! ha) to just clean the floor. In houses with a less-used formal dining room or where half the food served doesn’t end up under the table on a regular basis, I think a dining room rug can be nice to pull together the decor, soften surfaces so that the room isn’t too loud, etc.

      2. You are not. I had a rug under my dining room table at the house I just moved out of, and it got really dirty. Never again.

      3. You need the right kind of rug. We have a low-pile rug that’s easy to clean (no shag rugs for sure), and obviously you don’t want white or cream. We have a dark gray, patterned one and it still looks great and hasn’t been any higher maintenance to keep clean than the hardwood floors it sits on. There are also rugs marketed as being for outdoors and while those may not look quite as nice, they are super durable and easy to clean.

    5. FWIW, when I was shopping for a dining room rug, I was worried about food or liquids falling on the rug. I ended up getting an outdoor rug. They’ve come a long way. It’s a really pretty light blue pattern and no one guesses it’s an outdoor rug.

  11. Blue Apron VS Hello Fresh- any thoughts on which one you prefer? I like the idea of this every so often to switch up dining at home and to get my family used to portion size control… but we don’t have adventurous palates so I think this idea won’t go? Anyone want to weigh in?

    1. I liked the meals from Hello Fresh but found that it often took longer than 30 minutes to make the meals, and there was a lot of ingredient prep so it ended up not being any faster or easier than going to the grocery store and cooking what I wanted to cook. I found the portions to be medium/large (we did the box for 2 people).

    2. Not the service for boring and or picky eaters. Sorry. Maybe look at some of the southern mom type blogs. Lots of them have simple meal plans with basic ingredients that could serve a similar function

    3. Blue Apron portions are large, in my opinion. I ordered the 2-person box a few times and was usually able to stretch the food for any particular dish to feed three adults. I usually ended up sharing my boxes with my parents because it was too much food and because at the time I did it, I didn’t really have the time to cook, so they had to do it for me so the food wouldn’t go to waste.

      Regular Blue Apron meals are probably not for unadventurous palates, but I would check the family plan to see if they have anything appealing to you.

    4. I’ve tried both. I think Hello Fresh offered less adventurous flavors than Blue Apron (although I liked the Blue Apron meals better – in part because of the different types of cuisines). I agree that both options take a little bit longer than the estimated time. Hello Fresh also lets you choose from any of the meal options they’re offering that week (or at least they used to), whereas Blue Apron restricts your choices (i.e., you pick the fish meal and then you can’t pick the two vegetarian meal… it must be some algorithm they use to minimize their cost).

      I’ll also put in a plug for Cook Smarts. They don’t deliver ingredients to you but they come up with recipes and you buy the groceries, so the hard part (to me) is done for you. You can pick and choose which recipes you want to make, and even when they have different flavors the food is usually not so unusual that I think a picky eater wouldn’t like it. You can do a free trial for a week with them.

      1. I’m subscribed to Cook Smarts. It’s affordable and I like the idea in theory but the recipes aren’t really my style. Very few appeal to me and of the ones that do I’d say the results of the recipes are very hit and miss. I’d recommend doing the trial first.

    5. For a third option, a friend just tried Chef’d and she highly recommends it. You can select and purchase by the individual meal. I looked online and the meals look more basic than what I’ve seen from Blue Apron.

    6. Ask again next week! I have used Blue Apron for a while, but just ordered my first Hello Fresh box thanks to a $ off deal.

    7. I haven’t tried those services but have tried and liked Sunbasket. The meals are generally pretty adventurous, though. I just looked at Marleyspoon, which is Martha Stewart’s version of Blue Apron, and may try that next. They have a “family” option with meals that seem a little less adventurous and more appropriate for eating with kids. My kids are good eaters and will try new things, but some of the Sunbasket meals were a stretch even for me!

    8. I’ve used both. BA is a little cheaper and the customer service is great. HF is a little better suited to quick weeknight meals. For example, they do helpful little things like group all the ingredients for each meal together so you’re not rifling through your fridge for a turnip exhausted after work. Overall, neither is perfect but can be good for when you want to cook but don’t want to plan anything/go shopping. I’d say I skip 4/5 of my deliveries, but I am happy enough to get it once in a while.

      Both allow you to somewhat customize your meals so that you can omit anything you really don’t like. For stuff like spices, it’s easy enough to use less of something or omit it altogether if you don’t like it.

    9. I’ve used both, sunbasket is the best. Blue apron is good but sometimes annoying. For many meals they would send a whole squash which took us forever to cube but hello fresh would send it pre cubed. Sunbasket tastes better and is more flexible. Hello fresh and blue apron are more limited in which meals you can choose, for example you may say you don’t want the lamb but then if you try to change it to the chicken then all of a sudden the steak option disappears. Whereas sunbasket you can choose any combination.

  12. I did it! I got Botox yesterday – just wanted to say that here since I probably won’t tell anyone in real life, for a while anyways. I posted here a few times over the past couple months asking for others about it and finally pulled the trigger.

    It’s going to take a few days to officially settle but about 24 hours later I can see some initial results on my forehead – and I’m loving it right now.

    Maybe this isn’t something to be so excited about, but I’ve been wanting to do it for a long time and finally got up the nerve to do so.

    1. Be excited!! I was so happy when I started to see the results from my first time. No judgment here AT ALL.

    2. I wonder what cosmetic application of botox feels like but the 40ish injections I get for migraines freezes my forehead and I feel my muscles trying to resist it. Like internal duct tape holding everything in place. So weird. And I miss my eyebrows being able to move.

      1. This is exactly why I haven’t done it (other than the cost and hassle). I am afraid I will focus on this the whole time — and end up with a migraine.

        1. It’s ironic but unsurprising that my botox injections for migraines actually trigger a migraine since it’s freezing the muscles near nerves that make the pain. But then 3 months of not taking medication for migraines or tension headaches? SOLD!

    3. Oh- thanks for the post and reassurance. I have been thinking about this since the last post a few weeks ago. Will take the plunge next week :)

    4. Be excited if it’s something you wanted for long. I had my teeth whitened for the first time few months ago. I just couldn’t stop smiling (for days).

  13. Help. I am stuck. I’m 36, single, no debt, no kids. Job I enjoy that pays well (high five figures, which I know isn’t a lot for many on this board but it’s more than enough for me in my MCOL city. I max out retirement and save plenty more on the side. I don’t own property, but I rent a cute and affordable place.

    the problem is that I live this stable life of a person with a mortgage and two kids and I feel like I should be taking more risks and shaking it up… but how? I might not like another job or industry as much as the one I have. I considered moving, but the idea of starting over at 36 in a new city isn’t that appealing. I thijk the real answer is that I just want to meet an awesome partner and THAT is the shakeup I long for, but since I can’t make that happen (I do try; I date a decent amount but nothing’s clicking), should I shake something else up or just enjoy what I have? Anyone else in this situation who made a major change? How did it go for you?

    1. Would travel or pursuing a new hobby or taking a class scratch that itch?

      I’m definitely a person who seeks out routine, but when I find I’m just going through the motions I schedule a good vacation to somewhere foreign that gets me out of my element.

      1. And I think it’s very normal to not want to move or start a new job when where you are and what you do are just fine. Those are major, stressful changes with a lot of unknown factors.

      2. I actually wish I was you. Keep the job and stay in the same city. I don’t see any reason to move when there’s nothing wrong. If I were you here are some things I would like to do:

        Volunteer–find something you believe in or would like to contribute to
        Learn a foreign language (in my case it would be improve my French)
        Learn a programming language
        Mentor a younger person in my career
        Take creative writing classes
        Spend time with siblings/friends kids – I realized that even though I don”t have any of my own it is still enriching to spend time with others kids.
        Train for a 10k or half marathon
        Travel–do a long road trip or visit a country/continent I have never been to
        Start a book club
        Exhibit some of my photos–/get better at photography
        Get better at baking

    2. You are me. I am 36, single, no debt, no kids, nice job, and a mortgage. I’ve decided to try 3 new things a month until 37, so that it adds up to 36 new things for the year. So far, I’ve done a cooking class, signed up for regular massages, hit up a new theme park, and I am trying to determine which football game I am going to see this fall (it has to be a city/stadium I haven’t seen so far). I’d love to have a guy to do these things with, but I do not. So I recruit my friends, godchildren, nieces, and nephews. They are usually excited to do these things with me…

    3. +1 to travel or taking a class. I took the class to get my motorcycle license a few hrs ago and it was actually really fun. Ditto to sailing. (Although I own neither a motorcycle or sailboat.) Is there anything you’ve always thought looked cool and wanted to try?

    4. I was basically you at 36, but I owned a home. I went the “shake things up” route. I quit my job, sold my home and traveled for a year. In hindsight, I have mixed feelings — I still regret selling my home, rather than renting it out. That is purely financial regret, although somewhat coupled with emotional attachment. The home ended up more than doubling in value. However, that doesn’t apply to you…the point is try to mitigate risk and analyze the downstream impact of your choices. I work in a high-demand field, so it was easy for me to find employment when I returned.

      I had some great experiences, but the takeaway for me is that it didn’t fix my life. I still longed for a partner; didn’t happen for six more years, after I had given up on it happening and gone back to living my life in responsible-adult land.

      I would do it again with the caveat mentioned above. I should emphasize that I really wanted adventure and change, and the wishing for a partner was secondary, and it wasn’t part of the plan to meet someone while “out there”. To me, it sounds like you’re on the fence — I would say to first try some new routines, new experiences, etc. while keeping your home and job. If that doesn’t work, THEN take more extreme measures.

    5. Oh boy I would travel for sure. Does your job have room for a Big Trip every year or so? It can be so great to go somewhere and not have to rush feeling you’ve just got to bop around to the big tourist sites. And it is good to have that reminder of how big and exciting and different and amazing the world is!

    6. What makes you happy? I love learning new things. I realized after grad school that I was in a bit of a rut, so I’ve started taking classes that interest me. So sorry, so nerdy, but I can’t believe the wonderful people I’ve met and skills I’ve developed. Seriously, ranging from academic to practical to super impractical – it’s all been so fun

    7. I am in a similar position. To shake things up I (1) got a Little Sister through BBBS (2) started traveling and (3) pursued a hobby, even when it meant doing it alone. I’ve also determined each year to do something that year that will shake things up/expose me to something new/make me smarter and more interesting. The Lil Sis means I have a mentoring outlet and now, after 8 years, a second family that is nothing like my own. The traveling means I have something to look forward to, something to talk about, and something to reflect upon. The hobby means I have somewhere to be out and about once or twice a month (and sometimes gives me a basis for a trip). And the annual adventure challenge has just been fun (and I think made me more interesting).

  14. So, politics. I’m a registered independent in a dark blue state but I’ve historically almost always voted Republican in national elections (exception: voted for Obama in ’08), and always in local ones.

    I’m voting for Hilary this go-round, and it doesn’t really matter in my state (see: dark blue.) The only other time I couldn’t stand the Republican candidate was ’08, and I voted for Obama and called it done. But this time feels different, like I need to do something that actively prevents Trump from being president. I’m not volunteering for an HRC campaign, but I’m considering donating. MY QUESTION: is it possible to do this in a way where it’s anonymous/ the democrats never ask for my money again/ my name doesn’t show up anywhere as having donated to political campaigns (of any kind)? Any orgs you’d recommend I check out?

    Any other recs for how to get involved for someone who really isn’t a democrat, who really doesn’t like Clinton at all, but all that is overcome by a deep fear that my kids will know a President Donald Trump?

    1. You can’t make political donations anonymously. What you can do is be public with this. Tell people you’re voting for Hillary. Tell them why. Tell them why you are #nevertrump.

      1. I think this is an oversimplification. Sure, be public with your friends and tell them why you’re pro-Hillary and #neverTrump. But not wanting your employer to know who you support seems like a pretty reasonable thing and doesn’t mean you’re ashamed of your vote or afraid to speak up.

        1. What? I don’t think she should be ashamed? Where did you even get that. She can’t donate anonymously and doesn’t want to volunteer- totes reasonable. I think what she can do is share her views personally with people she knows. I think it’s powerful and helpful.

    2. +1 I’m wondering this too. I usually vote Democrat but have never donated before. I want to donate to Hillary because #NeverTrump but I don’t want anyone having my phone number and address and asking for more money and I don’t want to appear on public donation lists.

    3. The easiest thing to do is to just launder the money through a friend who’s a Democrat. I’d happily do that for a Republican friend.

      1. You’ve just described a federal crime. Seriously, don’t do this.

        You can’t donate directly to a candidate anonymously.

    4. HRC’s website says “Federal law requires us to use our best efforts to collect and report the name, mailing address, occupation and name of employer of individuals whose contributions exceed $200 in an election cycle.”

      But it would seem that they have to collect everyone’s info – how else would they know who contributed more than $200. Not clear that the list would be public at all, especially if you contributed less than $200.

      I guess you could just mail cash in an envelope to the mailing address listed. If you didn’t include a return address, they can’t send it back.

      1. The list of donors is published and searchable on the FEC website. Candidates are not permitted to accept anonymous, direct donations in cash in excess of $50 for purposes of the federal election. They can’t use it for the campaign.

        1. So does this mean that if I mail the candidate $49 at a time in an unmarked envelope, she WILL get to keep it and use it?

      2. I would think that if you just mailed an envelope filled with money to a candidate they would not be able to accept it. So you would lose the money and the candidate would not get anything, and it would just be a huge waste.

    5. I think PACs are required to disclose their donors. I would look into donating to a 501(c)(4), or giving money to a trusted Democrat friend who can donate for you.

      1. No, do NOT do this. Giving money to someone to donate for you is called a contribution in the name of another, and it is a federal crime.

        Also do not anonymously mail cash. If it is above a small amount, the campaign is legally required to dispose of it without using it.

        OP, contributions over $200 will be reported on the candidate’s report. Contributions under that amount will be reported in a lump sum and will not include your name. Though why you care is kind of beyond me. The data on campaign reports may not be used for commercial purposes — i.e. you will not receive spam as a result aside from all the followups from the campaign itself, and if you don’t want those, just unsubscribe from the mailing list.

        1. It’s really the spam- I don’t ever want to be asked again for anything.

          I am also very anti-telling friends. I’m about ready to block even close friends from their ranting on Facebook. Obviously , I will participate in an actual political discussion but I’m not going to start spewing the virtues of a candidate I really can’t stand but am voting for anyway.

          1. No one says you have to spew her views. If you actually want to help, telling people “I’m not a big fan of Hillary, but of the two choices we have she is the only one who is competent” is a powerful statement. And since you won’t donate or volunteer that’s what you are left with.

        2. “though why you care is kind of beyond me” — you must be someone has never worked for an employer who doesn’t share their political views. Private sector employees don’t have free speech rights.

          1. Is you employer actively monitoring their employees donations to political parties? Frankly, I’d be more annoyed by follow-up phones calls from the campaign (as my reason for anonymously), than worried about my employer finding out I donated to a political party.

        3. Another reason someone might care is that political donation information is aggregated into many, many wealth databases, which are then used by nonprofits to make predictions and plan for fundraising campaigns. As a fundraiser, we definitely approach Republican donors and Democratic donors differently due to assumptions about the donor’s ideological preferences based upon their previous donations. If someone is at all involved in major philanthropy, they will be wealth screened and their political donations will be examined.

    6. I’m a journalist — I looked up campaign donors just a couple weeks ago. Some states have databases that are easy to use and open to the public. If I couldn’t get what I needed there, I’d file an open records request. But honestly, I wouldn’t care about your name on a list of thousands unless you were Someone Prominent in the area or my coverage area.

  15. Corporette coffee lovers, help!

    In an effort to save money, I’ve decided to make my own coffee as much as possible because at the end of the month I always ended up shocked by how much I was spending at Starbucks and other cafes. I have a French press and want to love it but am having a hard time making a good cup.

    I’m grinding my beans in a manual burr grinder right before use, ensuring that they’re coarse, letting my boiling water cool for about a minute before pouring over grinds, stirring with wooden spoon, waiting four minutes and then plunging. But I’m finding my coffee has a really unappealing “watery” texture (not more smooth and rich) and tastes kind of weak. I’ve tried multiple different brands/roasts and even adjusted the grind without success (too fine and it gets silty and even more coarse and I get less flavour).

    Does anyone have any tips?

    1. Weigh your ground coffee, then add 17.3 times as much water (by weight). You can adjus that ratio to your personal taste, but that’s a good starting point.

    2. My tip: Buy either a drip machine, or an inexpensive pour-over cone. Deposit the french press in the trash – you’re not doing it wrong, they just make terrible coffee!

      1. Ha, I agree. I don’t like coffee that comes from a french press — I just don’t!

        The Sbux coffee you like is either brewed with a paper filter (like your Mr. Coffee would be) or you’re drinking espresso drinks (which is a whole other level of work).

        1. Nope I always just get their regular brew. Any recommendations for a good drip maker?

          1. I’m currently using a Mr. Coffee from Target with in-machine grinder, reusable filter, and a pre-set option. The most important thing to ensuring I drink coffee at home rather than picking it up is to set the coffee to brew the night before. Also, if you’re not loving the flavor of your coffee, try switching up to another brand and experiment with strength.

          2. +1. We use a Mr. Coffee with a pre-set option as well and I set it every night and wake up to coffee brewing. It is wonderful! And really helps me to not buy coffee in the morning.

          3. Walnut (somehow I can’t reply to you directly), for some reason I thought I could only get what you described at a fancy kitchen gadget store for $$$. So glad to hear there are more reasonable ones. God I love the preset.

        2. Word. I am cheap w/r/t my coffee (it’s really the volume of coffee that matters to me!) but I have a Target brand Mr. Coffee and we buy pre-ground Trader Joes stuff for regular occasions and it is fine. A much better drinking experience than my mom’s fancy just-ground French Press.

      2. I’m happy to hear someone else say that because I feel the general consensus is that they’re GREAT and I have been experimenting for months trying every tip on the web with blah results. My post here is my last ditch effort to find a secret to success before sending the press to Goodwill.

        1. I love my French Press, but I find that you have to use more grinds; I also leave it in for five minutes, not four. With the profile that you’re looking for, I’d go with a pour-over setup, maybe a Chemex? Or if you want to get fancy try an aeropress. I worked in Real Fancy Coffee ™ so happy to go into more details if you’d like. You could also go to an upscale local coffee shop (not a Starbucks) and ask the baristas what prep methods they use at home, and then ask them to talk you through how to replicate the effect. Leave a big tip and don’t go at a high-traffic time obvi, but these people are huge coffee nerds and love to share their craft with people.

          Also…if you like Starbucks drip coffee, why haven’t you just gotten a drip coffee maker? I have a profoundly non-fancy one that punches well above its weight class (https://www.amazon.com/Mr-Coffee-4-Cup-Programmable-Coffeemaker/dp/B0008JIW8U/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1470419181&sr=8-1&keywords=coffee+maker+automatic+timer) and am totally happy with it for daily use.

        2. Naw, I’ve never liked French Press. My vote is pour-over with an automatic kettle. Takes about the same amount of time as a press, much better quality coffee, less cleanup, can grind it super fine for a really robust coffee, and they take up so little space.

        3. Nooooooooooooooo!!!! French press is the best! You’re doing it wrong. Which one do you have? Some are terrible but the good ones are great. I have a bodum. I use about 6-8 heaping TBs and it’s so much better than the crap at Starbucks. I’d say for a standard size press you want at least a full inch to inch and a half of coffee in there. At least experiment with more grounds before you give up.

          1. I have a Bodum too with a glass beaker. Well, I actually have two. My everyday one makes 16oz and I use a quarter cup of beans that I grind fresh. I have a Hario manual grinder and the 1/4 cup of beans comes out to be exactly the amount of output they recommend for two cups (though I read about the 1/4 cup recommendation online). I think I am using enough coffee? It’s certainly already more than what Bodum recommends. My biggest issue is the wateryness.

          2. Just because someone doesn’t like that method’s results doesn’t mean they are doing it wrong. I’ve had plenty of French press coffee myself. I don’t like it: period. I brew my own at home, grind and brew (Cuisinart, 2004, still going strong).

            I never realized that there were coffee drinkers that ONLY drank coffee they bought at stores like Starbucks! I just assumed that they, like me, sometimes didn’t make it at home for whatever reason or needed more later. Mindboggling that there are coffee drinkers who lack the capacity to make it at home.

        4. I love mine, but I find I have to use a higher ratio of grounds to water than I would with a drip coffee maker.

      3. +1 – I recently got a nespresso machine and it makes coffee much more like fancy coffee shops, is easy to use and clean up. Highly recommend it.

    3. I would try another coffee maker. I’m far from a connoisseur but even I can tell the coffee I make at home in my $40 Toddy cold brew is better than Starbucks’ bitter slush, and I don’t even grind my own beans or anything like that. I just throw the ground coffee and water in there, let in brew overnight and in the morning I have coffee concentrate that is really rich and dark. I mix it about 1 part concentrate to 2 parts water (could be boiling or cold depending on whether you want hot or iced coffee) and it tastes great.

    4. I am not very picky about my coffee but I really like the density and texture of coffee from my Italian style stove top espresso maker (bialetti is the most common brand). I set it up the night before and turn on the stove in the morning. I use it to make a full cup of coffee rather than espresso shots.

    5. I love the coffee I make in my aeropress. See also Melitta pour over (which is only $5).

    6. The New York Times had an article recently about the best way to make coffee that you might want to look at. It gives the coffee measurements in grams, which is more accurate. That said, I’m with the others who prefer drip. I love my aeropress coffee maker.

    7. Consider the water you’re using. Starbucks has a very specific recipe for what the water should have in it (minerals) and what it shouldn’t (chlorine). The chlorine is removed with filters; sometimes everything’s removed and then the minerals, if needed – calcium carbonate, usually – might get added back in. This was supposedly the reason Starbucks pulled their coffee off the airplanes; they couldn’t get the right water and the coffee tasted off. If you’re on municipal water, the amount of minerals will depend on the municipality’s water source characteristics. The municipality is also adding chlorine or chloramine for residual disinfection. A carbon filter – pitcher, under-the-sink, refrigerator filter – will take out the chlorine/chloramine. The disinfectants usually give the coffee an extra sour taste. Some automatic drip coffee makers include a little carbon filter, but it would likely have to be replaced fairly frequently. The mineral concentration is significantly more of a hassle to address. Too high a mineral concentration will make the coffee taste like dishwater. A reverse osmosis unit will take out the majority and one with a mineral filter on the back end will add minerals back in. If it really bothers you, look for a local residential water treatment company to give you some guidance. They’ll know your local water chemistry and can be more specific with the solution.

  16. I’m gearing up for my first “real” handbag purchase after years of TJ Maxx / eBags / $15 Longchamp knockoff… I have a longish walking commute (20 minutes + train) and need to carry small umbrella, lunch, book, water bottle, makeup bag, shoes, etc. I’ve been happy with the weight of nylon bags in the past but am looking for something sleek, professional, and structured, preferably with 1 exterior pocket for keys/phone/Kindle. I’m replacing a Lipault City Tote bag stained by spilled ink — I loved the bag itself but would like something a little nicer.

    Right now I’m torn between the Fossil Sydney Shopper and the MZ Wallace Small Chelsea tote. I like the looks of both and I’ve heard great things about both brands. I like the Chelsea’s shoulder/crossbody versatility but have a hard time stomaching the idea of $300 for nylon. Thoughts, recommendations, and experience are welcome!

    1. MZ Wallace, definitely. I have the regular Chelsea tote and it’s amazing. I want a smaller one, but am hoping they’ll put it out in purple soon.

  17. Hello Hive:

    My husband and I are trying to plan a trip to Seattle and Vancouver for our 10th wedding anniversary (and, ahem, my upcoming 40th birthday). We have 6 days of freedom that we wanted to split between the two cities. I’m looking for advice on how much time to spend in each – and where to start/end (or perhaps start and end in the same place with a trip in the middle)? Also, any recommendations on places to stay and restaurants are most welcome. It’s been about 15 years since my last trip to Seattle and of course everything has changed.

    Thanks!

    ap

    1. I feel like there was a thread about Seattle a couple of days ago with lots of responses and some this summer about Vancouver BC. Worth searching.

      With that much time, you may want to consider adding San Juan Islands and/or Victoria BC. If you add Victoria, definitely go to the Butchart Gardens, even if you’re not a garden person. I recommend going late afternoon so that you can see it in daylight and at night.

    2. I am from Vancouver and live in Seattle so feel free to ask away. if you want a very memorable anniversary dinner I would suggest Willows Inn on Lummi. So Romantic! If you rent a car in and drive up you can stop by and spend a night. I would do 1-2 days in Seattle, take the car ferry to Victoria /San Juan Islands and then do 3 days in Vancouver. IMO more interesting things to see in Vancouver (parks, Asian restaurants- the best Asian food north of LA , Whistler, Stanley Park etc).

    3. Hello from Vancouver! What time of year are you planning your visit? From late September on, expect some rainy days. When you ‘re in Vancouver, check out Granville Island near downtown. It’s got a great market, restaurants, craft breweries, and artsy shops.

  18. I want to move to Boston for personal reasons. I work in a professional service that is transferable across industries (corporate communications/PR).

    What are the “growth” industries in Boston these days? How easy are they to get into?

    1. Yeah, subscribe to BostonInno and you will get a lot of info on what’s cool. Biotech, Life Sciences are probably your best bets. Also note that GE is moving to Boston in the next year or so, so I’d check for jobs there too.

      Please know that our weather is generally terrible. Do not let a few nice days here and there fool you. It’s either hotter than heck or freezing or humid. I miss California weather A LOT. If you are used to humidity and winter weight gain, this is the City for you!

      1. Thanks! I am guessing that biotech PR probably doesn’t pay that much, but more than medicine or academia.

        I grew up in CT, so I’m not unfamiliar with the weather! Fortunately, my stick-straight hair looks better in the humidity!

    2. Tech sector isn’t bad either, specifically healthcare tech. Also anything related to hospitals- administration, technology, fundraising, etc. Boston is also a hub for many consulting firms (again, bet bet is the healthcare angle but others exist!). Fidelity, liberty mutual, BoA, and now GE all have a big presence here.

      What do you do now?

      Also as someone who grew up in coastal CT and still has family there….the weather is worse. Not different-wardrobe worse, but colder/harsher winters.

      1. Right now I do financial services PR. It’s fine, but I really want to work in the highest growth industry in the city/area. I don’t love science, but if biotech/medicine are the way to go, then that’s what I’ll do.

        Also easier to be a woman dating in Boston than in NYC, I assume?

    3. Tons of lawfirms based in Boston, many are increasing their PR staff/presence

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