Coffee Break: Tammy Pump

120 Comments

1. Who should I talk to about this? Two secretaries who sit outside my office (neither is my secretary) are very loud at times. I can tune out the chatter, but they sometimes play off each other in a way that’s very distracting. My #1 annoyance is one (not sure which) leaves her cell phone ringer on full volume even when she’s away from her desk (and someone frequently calls her multiple times in a row). She has a number of annoying, very catchy ringtones that get stuck in your head all day (think – the song that never ends). To make matters worse, the other secretary will then sing the song periodically throughout the day – so just when I’ve gotten Lamb Chop out of my head, back in it goes. They’re both very nice and I don’t want to get them in trouble, but the ringtone thing has got to stop. Will it seem overbearing or pushy if I ask them directly? We have an office manager type person who manages the secretaries – should I ask her to remind everyone to please put their phone on silent or vibrate?

   1. I don’t think it’s obnoxious to ask them to turn off their ringers because the noise is distracting, but I also totally get not wanting to address it directly, so if you’d prefer to bring it up with the office manager, that’s probably fine as well. That said, the office manager sending a general reminder may not solve the problem. “General” announcements that are really aimed at one or two real offenders usually result in the people who are already following the rules being hypervigilant, and the actual offenders ignoring it or assuming it’s about someone else. Or the person who’s leaving her ringer on may genuinely not know she’s doing anything wrong, and may feel embarrassed seeing a general announcement that she knows is really about her, and wonder why no one spoke to her directly about it.

   2. Speak to them directly like all of you are grownups.

   3. I’d ask directly – I think you can be polite about it, “Hey Sue, would you mind keeping your ringer on vibrate while you’re at work? Your ringtones are so fun, they totally break my concentration!”

      1. Yes, ask directly, but no don’t lie to soften the blow. “Sue, can you make sure your cell phone is on silent? The ringtones are quite distracting.”

   4. You talk to the person with the offending ringtone and ask her to turn it off while she’s in the office.

2. I had asked for feedback on Mark & Graham convertible backpack. Thought I’d give an update in case anyone else was interested. I ordered it and it went on sale right after. I emailed customer service and they did an adjustment right away. The bag came, it seemed like good quality and structure, color was as expected. A little heavy, but no more than expected since it was a solid leather bag. I ended up sending it back because it was not really big enough for all the stuff I have to carry when I travel. Would have been good for everyday (even with laptop), but I really want something I can use for both. Open to good backpack recs if anyone has them. I have looked in past threads, and I haven’t found anything that fits what I want functionally and is somewhat attractive. Trying a little longer before I just accept looking like a middle schooler, but without a sore back.

   1. I went on the same search and ended up with Caraa Studio 2 Medium. They also have a large and XL. It’s pricey. I got a 15% discount but it was still around $300. I really love this backpack. It’s much lighter than other backpacks I tried (and I did the online order roulette with a ton of bags) and it has good organizational features. The materials are top notch. Mine is a very light color (basically beige and ivory) and the nylon still looks new after 6 months of heavy use. Once my kid spilled a shirley temple on it. The red just beaded on the nylon and was so easy to wipe up. It looks very sleek and I love the leather details that are really sturdy. The straps are very comfortable. I love that I can wear it as crossbody when I’m carrying the kid carseat on my back traveling. I would get a large for more room but I am petite and need a smaller bag for everyday so I don’t look like I’m moving out. It does fit a good amount (including my 13.3″ laptop) for such a small neat bag. I flew with it maybe 4 times and it was great. I loved having accessible side pockets for passports etc, actually easier than a purse. Tons of room left under the seat. However, I really really wish it had a luggage strap. The XL does have one and I’ll probably buy that one for travel eventually. FYI I emailed them and they said their models holding the bags are 5’9 and 5’10 for reference. I think I have some sort of a referral code – I can look if you decide to try.

      1. So late, so you probably will not see this, but thank you!

3. I was just thinking this morning that I want a more comfortable, block heeled pump. Does anyone have any idea how this brand compares to Cole Haan in terms of quality?

   Also — would you get the leather or suede? I wear black dresses almost every day, in the winter with tights and in the summer with bare legs. I would prefer a shoe I can wear year round.

   1. Paul Green is excellent quality, better than Cole Haan.

   2. Cole Haan and Paul Green shoes are my work go-to’s.

      1. Cole Haan has 40% off right now

   3. Better quality but damn, these shoes are so frumptastic.

      1. Agreed. This heel height and this color is not good.

4. If I wanted to do a driving day trip from DC (Arlington Va), where would I go? Likes — being able to park the car somewhere and walk around a small downtown/town square etc. with a coffee in hand; go into some shops (not necessarily to buy just to look). All that comes to mind is Richmond and while I may do that, I’d be open to places that are closer. Arlington to Richmond is 100-110 miles for reference. Just looking for a place that’ll occupy my time for 2-3 hours at min (it can certainly be more) because to me the drive there and back is also part of the outing. Any towns like this before you hit Richmond? Anything going on in the Stafford, Fredericksburg etc. areas or are they just regular suburbs of Va with strip malls etc.

   1. 3:02 here — wanted to add, I don’t drink at all so wineries etc are of no interest. More of a coffee shop kind of person!

   2. Baltimore

      1. +1 Inner Harbor (and Fells Point and Federal Hill), Mount Vernon/Walters Art Museum

      2. Baltimore is mixed for this kind of thing, but Hampden, Fells Point, and Mt Vernon/Bolton Hill would all be good bets.

   3. Luray, VA is super super cute. Annapolis is also nice, lots of little shops and it’s nice to be so close to the water.

      1. Yes, Annapolis is perfect for this!

      2. Annapolis is great!
         Occaquan is cute and very close (maybe too close). I don’t know if there’s enough to occupy you for a full afternoon, though.
         Love Charlottesville but it’s almost as far as Richmond.

      3. Staunton, VA is very cute or Charlottesville is a bit bigger
         Annapolis is a great day trip from DC. only about an hour’s drive and cute by the water with good coffee shops and walking around

         1. And see a show at the AmericanShakespeare theatre!

   4. Frederick, MD? It’s no Richmond, but it’s cute?

   5. Annapolis, MD or Frederick, MD might be nice for what you have in mind.

   6. Frederick MD although I haaaate the drive there even more than driving to Richmond. Strasburg VA is also nice and has a new-ish coffee shop that’s really good but you’d probably need to combine that with another nearby stop (Winchester maybe?) because I’m not sure it could possibly take up 2-3 hours especially if you aren’t going to the brewery.

   7. Frederick, MD, though the drive there is not particularly long.

      1. Yup, Frederick is my go-to when I’m in this space. Annapolis is also cute, but the downtown seems a lot smaller to me with less to see or do.

         Leesburg has an old downtown and some shops that might be cute?

   8. Winchester’s cute. If you go out 66 toward Port Royal, there are all sorts of cute towns (and good antiquing, if that interests you).

      1. Winchester is on the way to Berkeley Springs, WV, which is 2 hours from you. I personally haven’t been to BS, but have heard good things.

   9. Middlburg, VA. Park at Salamandar Resort. Walk the grounds, visit the horses. Take the shuttle into town and visit the local shops.

   10. Are you a horse person? Middleburg, VA is supposed to be beautiful and horse-centric.

   11. Don’t miss Fredericksburg, VA!! George Washington’s mother’s home and his sister’s home, Kenmore, are walking distance from the quaint historic downtown that has shops and a sweet vintage ice cream parlor. George Washington’s childhood home is a few minutes out of town and is FANTASTIC. It’s newly rebuilt (the original has been gone for decades) and they worked with Colonial Williamsburg to do it, so it feels so authentic. It’s called Ferry Farm and is definitely worth the visit.

       And in case you need to get some shopping done, F’burg has every chain store imaginable in the big strip malls on its outskirts.

       1. Haha I live in Ferry Farm and was about to say we have nothing going on here…so jaded!

   12. Much closer is Warrenton (with a driving side trip to Paris for lunch or dinner).

       Charlottesville also meets the criteria, but is a long drive for a day trip.

   13. I’m a fan of Harper’s Ferry! Heart of the AT, easy drive from NOVA.

   14. Go to Skyline Drive in the Appalacian Mountains. It is about a 2-3 hour drive out route 66, and it is very pretty. My freind Bill from college took me out there one weekend day, and I nearly agreed to stay over in a hotel with him until he thought that I would wind up in bed with him. When I found that out, I told him I did not feel well and to drive me home.

5. These are hideous grandma shoes.

   1. Couldn’t agree more.

   2. +1, no one wants their comfort heels to obviously be “comfort heels”!

      1. +1
         These ones are VERY obvious “comfort” heels!
         Great for a 100-year-old at church.

   3. I don’t see how these are that much different than the Everlane Day heel, which plenty of companies have copied, and which I have and love. (A heel that narrows does feel very late 80s early 90s.) The Naturalizer Whitney is pretty awful with its chunky toe though.

      1. +1

      2. I’m wearing shoes very similar to these right now, but they’re red, should I burn them?

      3. Oh they are quite different. The Everlane is a narrow ballet slipper at the front while this is a semi-almond point which just screams “frump”. A lot of the Everlanes have a stacked black heel and not the flesh coloured nothing of this shoe. Hard pass.

         1. That’s funny, as I think the high vamp round toe of the Everlane looks really frumpy. Would never wear in my 30’s or beyond, and it looks like a Mom Jeans alternative for a heel. Almond point toe has always been the more stylish alternative for those who don’t want / can’t wear ultra pointy

            It shows you how trends just throw everything to the wind.

      4. The Everlane isn’t attractive either

   4. As a GenX’er that was so deeply influenced by the Carrie Bradshaw movement in my 20’s, I just can’t get behind the shoes that are being made today.

      1. +1

   5. These look like the Queen’s last choice.

      1. Hahahahahaha! You slay me

6. Has anyone here had low AMH levels at a young age and still gone on to get pregnant without intervention? Would also like some commiseration from someone with “low” levels under 35 and wrapping your head around it. Before my test was done, my doctor had no concerns about my age (32) but my ovaries seem to have had other ideas. I’ve always been very healthy and if anything my doctor thought we were just timing it wrong. I have to go in for more tests, Day 3 labs and Day 12 ultrasound to see if there are any other snags. I haven’t been able to talk to my doctor yet but with regard to the AMH levels, she said it was just a flag some assistance might be needed. I guess if IVF is the only option forward, I’d like to know.

   I’m not familiar with the moms page (sadly), so if there is a good time to ask there, please let me know. Thank you.

   1. What exactly is your AMH level? You need the full picture of your fertility, especially if you are going to do IVF (so Day 3 FSH, AFC and Estradiol). AMH is important, yes, but it is not the end all, be all of fertility, especially for younger women such as yourself. In general, IUI is not much more effective than well-timed sex, although medicated cycles can give you multiple follicles/eggs and therefore multiple chances. Depending on how many children you want, IVF may make more sense because you can test and freeze embryos now, while you are still under 35 and before your numbers drop further. I would not stress just yet, you need more info and all of your labs before you can figure out the best way forward. Hang in there.

      1. Also, how long have you been having unprotected s*x? Are you using OPKs/temping?

      2. Thank you. It’s 0.7, sigh. :( She didn’t say there was anything concerning from the initial tests about my ovulation, but I have to go in for the more comprehensive tests. Thank you for your kindness. I cried in my office yesterday; it was such a shock because we all just thought it was a matter of timing. I realize it’s a privilege to have been so used to always having healthy results from my doctors, so it really threw me.

         1. Got it, 0.7 is low, yes, but again, it’s not the only determinant of your fertility! In general, age really is the most important number, especially for egg quality, and I’ve seen time and time again on fertility message boards where younger women with bad numbers routinely can get pregnant with healthy babies, as opposed to older women with great numbers who still struggle (I count myself in that group). I know it doesn’t feel like it, but try and take comfort that your age is still on your side for at least a few more years. In the meantime, I recommend picking up a copy of “It Starts with the Egg” – it has great tips on improving egg quality, whether or not you choose to do IVF. (((Hugs)))

            1. My warmest hugs to you, too, dear. May the odds be in our favor.

         2. I had low AMH at 35, 0.4 and was pretty sad about it too. When I had my day 3 tests they found polyps and I had a hysterscopy to remove the polyps. After that, I decided to just stop thinking about it and let it be, I got pregnant naturally that month. I think the stress of knowing my numbers was taking a toll on me. I also recommend reading about how to improve egg quality, I liked the infertility cure. Find ways to meditate…I did acupuncture which was very relaxing during that time. Hugs and best of luck!

   2. If you want to ask on the moms page, do it early tomorrow. The thread is always dead after 3 pm. I don’t know why, since the vast majority of commenters work full time. Good luck!

   3. You can’t know from this info whether IVF is your only option.

   4. I have low AMH, although I was 38/39 when they tested it. The IUI cycles showed 2-5 little eggs on my ovaries each time. I did one IVF cycle, and only ended up with 5 eggs which led to 2 viable embryos, although they were both high quality. Sadly neither took. I did get pregnant naturally after that, though. I second “It Starts With the Egg” to improve egg quality and quantity. There are things you can do. And like the book says, you only need one good egg.

   5. My AMH was undetectable at age 35. I went on to have two babies with my own eggs. One from a natural conception at age 36 and one from IVF, egg retrieved at age 38 and 9 months. Egg quality is very important and the odds are in your favor at your relatively young age.

   6. I didn’t have a low AMH but did IVF for other reasons. I just wanted to write that the infertility subreddit was my safe haven in dealing with infertility, and I highly recommend it for no frills, science based info and lots of commiseration.

   7. I’m commenting late so you probably won’t see this, but I was you. I had 0.7 AMH at 33 and was devastated. It wasn’t the easiest path to pregnancy but we did end up with two amazing boys after a couple of IVF rounds. When we did IVF at 35, my doctor told me that despite my dismal stats, I was almost certainly going to leave there with a baby because of my age. My advice to you is to freeze embryos right away and then try for a baby with a fresh IVF cycle. If you can’t afford to do the fresh cycle, I’d still do one freeze cycle and then try naturally for a little while before going back to either a fresh cycle or your frozen embryos. Good luck! If you send me a burner email, I’d be happy to email you through it! I have done a TON of IVF and have coached a lot of friends through it as well (they all have babies now).

   8. Super late to this but in case you circle back to check for further replies…

      I was almost 39 when we started TTC. My AMH was .4 and my doctor broke the news to me and told me of the wonder of donor eggs in the same conversation. It was jarring, to say the least.

      She said we could start with interventions right away or we could try for three months but given my age and my results “it’s important that we don’t waste time.”

      We successfully conceived the old fashioned way two months later and now have a healthy kiddo.

      I’m the sort who reads medical research when faced with a health challenge and I found this small but reassuring study:
      https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/2656811

      The study looked at time to pregnancy in a sample of women who did not have a history of fertility problems and whose ovarian reserve levels ranged from average to low. The study concluded that “After adjusting for age, body mass index, race, current smoking status, and recent hormonal contraceptive use, women with low AMH values (<0.7 ng/mL [n = 84]) did not have a significantly different predicted probability of conceiving by 6 cycles of attempt (65%; 95% CI, 50%-75%) compared with women (n = 579) with normal values (62%; 95% CI, 57%-66%) or by 12 cycles of attempt (84% [95% CI, 70%-91%] vs 75% [95% CI, 70%-79%], respectively)."

      Hugs and good wishes to you! I hope your journey to parenthood is swift and untroubled!

7. I’m about to go into a meeting to ask for a raise after only one year at this new employer. It hadn’t crossed my mind to ask for more than the standard, but I was encouraged by someone higher up (not my supervisor) to ask for one. Based on prior recommendations here, I am prepared to discuss what value I’ve added over the past year to justify this raise. Wish me luck!

8. A man I work with is refusing to give me access to project information that I need to manage my own work product. I have asked several times in the last month and gotten no reply. Today I have asked via email three times. First he simply refused and now as explanation he says that he ‘doesn’t have time to walk me through’ the documents. I have 10 years of experience in my area and I do not need him to explain anything to me. I just need the items I asked him for.

   I am so tired of being treated this way by the men I work with. Does this board have any advice for me? Do I escalate to his boss, a woman I don’t know?

   Luckily my contact with this particular individual is not regular. I am just sick of the stonewalling and the condescension.

   1. Email him again replying to his last email and copy his boss this time.

      1. I don’t eff around with this nonsense anymore. Copy the boss.

         1. Know your culture — for me, it would be better to give my own boss a heads up that I was escalating, and allow her the opportunity to say “let me give other boss a call” rather than have me do it.

   2. Super patronizing. I also wouldn’t be surprised if he’s hiding something–like that he never created the documents in the first place, or doesn’t know where they are. IME nobody who’s good at their job tries to keep their work secret from others.

      I’d forward his most recent refusal to his boss, introduce myself, and say lightly that I’ve been requesting the documents since Date but haven’t been able to get them. I need them for These Reasons. Can she help?

   3. Absolutely escalate. Reply to his reply with the email chain, cc’ing his leadership and yours.

9. What a Grandma pump.

10. I’m sure it’s been asked before, and I’ll probably need to ask again on the morning thread, but how do you prep for an interview for a position that does not relate very much, if at all, to your prior experience? The position I’m looking at is an in house gig for labor and employment – a friend passed along my resume and I was able to get a screening interview with the HR person. I have a very strong background as a litigator, but definitely not in L&E. I do have a few transferable skills that I can try to frame positively, and I actually am interested in the area itself, but I know my lack of substantive knowledge/experience will hurt me. Would love any advice from people who have crossed this bridge successfully before!

    1. Ugh as an L & E lawyer trying to get one o

    2. Find out everything you can about the job duties and expectations and prepare to sell how your skills and experience fit. Talk to others who do in house work for ways to frame and answer questions so you can demonstrate you get the role of in house (which is very different from litigating).

    3. I am an in-house L&E lawyer. I would encourage you to ask a lot of questions about what their workforce is like and what their in-house needs are. Do they have a union, where there will be collective bargaining? If so, that requires negotiation (and knowledge of traditional labor law). For example, my organization does not face much employment litigation, so my role is largely compliance/advice driven. Some other companies may have a slate of ongoing employment class actions, where your litigation experience would be more directly applicable. L&E often requires good investigation management skills. If you get the job, you will need to educate yourself on employment law. There is a lot to know, but honestly it is usually more breadth than depth. I really caution you to interview them even while you are trying to make a good impression to decide whether you would want a job in an unfamiliar area. It’s one thing to be hired as a generalist and have to learn some aspects on the job–it’s another to have no foundation in the substance.

       1. OP here, this is really good advice, thank you. I actually have dabbled in employment law in my current position, but only over the course of the past year, so I am by no means an expert. I think it’s a stretch to think they will hire me, assuming they have other candidates with the relevant experience, but my academic/professional credentials plus my connection probably got me in the door. I have also run multiple complex, year-long investigations before at my prior job, so I will definitely play that up.

    4. I have not crossed this particular bridge, but just accepted an offer that is a big career shift where I had to emphasize my transferable skills a lot. All my interviews focused a lot around why I am making this shift, and whether I am a good fit for this (subjectively) less prestigious trajectory. I had a really good pitch for why this isn’t just a fallback plan after failing at the first career, but a genuine personality fit. I think that was really important to the hiring manager.
       I also posted yesterday about asking for more money. They came back with a tiny increase, but I am so glad I got over myself and asked!

11. Im curious. For those in the US, if we ever got some form of reliable universal healthcare implemented, how would it affect your career choices? A big part of what keeps me in my current job is the excellent health insurance. If that were taken care outside of work I might very well try for a lower paid lower stress part time position doing something else. Related: how do you think it would affect salaries if health insurance was no longer an employer provided benefit? I am assuming taxes would increase significantly to cover government run health ins, but in asking if employers would end up increasing salaries to get competitive hires since they would no longer be able to lure people with health benefits. Curious to hear everyone’s thoughts!

    1. Post this again tomorrow for more responses, but I would definitely drop to part time if health insurance were taken care of.

    2. Tax rate actually doesn’t need to increase that much. It’s a myth that countries with universal healthcare pay way more taxes.

       1. Yes, but they also spend much less on things like the military. Unless we drastically cut other spending, taxes will need to increase in the US

    3. I’ll answer from the other side, as someone with universal healthcare already. My two criteria for a job are 1. meaningful and important work 2. good salary. Because I am not beholden to an employer to be healthy or retire I have so much flexibility in pursuing a job I’m passionate about and aligns with my values.

    4. No, because everything is at the whim of the governing party and I would never believe it was here to stay for the duration of my lifetime.

12. Quick question on LinkedIn etiquette surrounding name changes! My boyfriend and I will be getting engaged in the next month or so (just to clarify, this is not wishful thinking on my part haha…he already has the ring and has told me to expect a proposal next month). We don’t want a super long engagement and plan to get married with 7-9 months. I will be changing my last name to his. Should I wait until after engagement or after the wedding to announce my new last name (and the happy reason for it) on LinkedIn?

    Because context probably matters deeply here, I work in PR and have built up a semi-large regional/local network of reporters, producers, radio hosts, etc who I work with. The vast majority of them are NOT on my personal social media accounts, just LinkedIn. I don’t want my emails to go unread or be sent to spam folders after the name change, as I send time-sensitive press releases and news pitches daily. On a professional network like LinkedIn, is it oversharing to post within a week or so of the proposal that I’m excited to announce my engagement and pending name change? Is it tacky to share a ring pic or a picture with my new fiance?

    1. I have never seen anything like that posted on LinkedIn (but I am in law, which may be more conservative). I would honestly find it a little weird if a colleague posted something like that on linkedin, especially a ring pic. Regardless, I would wait until after the wedding since you’re not changing your name until then anyway.

    2. Change your name on LinkedIn after you are married. Say nothing about the reason. Many women, even if dropping their maiden name entirely, keep using it in this context – so your LinkedIn would read Kate Middleton Cambridge even if your legal name is now Kate Cambridge.

       Your second paragraph is wildly out of professional norms. Keep schmoopy relationship stuff off a networking page.

       1. On the email point — I’ve seen people send a “heads up” email to their contacts that after X date, their contact info will change to Y. And add the same thing to their signature block. You or your company can set it up so that your old email address auto-forwards to your new one so you don’t miss anything incoming.

       2. +1

    3. So incredibly weird. Don’t announce anything until you’re married and definitely don’t share ring photos on LinkedIn!! Just change your name after your wedding. People will figure it out, since marriage and divorce are by far the most common reasons for a name change.
       I work in comms/PR, for reference.

       1. +1 I would definitely think way less of someone, in a professional sense, if she posted a ring pic and a name change announcement on LinkedIn.

          No one cares about your engagement ring or the fact that you got married.

    4. This is not an announcement for LinkedIn. When you change your name, send them an email from your work account with the new email and name change. I would hard core roll my eyes at this on LI.

    5. You don’t announce a name change until after you’ve changed it, which is typically after the wedding. I would find it weird to see a ring pic on LinkedIn.

    6. A friend of mine in recruitment posted a non-sappy wedding picture as a sort of ‘out of office’ on his LinkedIn – I’d be tempted to do that when you change your name (and add ‘formerly Jones’) to your summary under your name

       1. I like this idea! Based on the group’s (helpful) responses, it looks like a ring pic and/or post-engagement announcement are both very much out of the question. I’ll wait instead until after the wedding and will consider posting a non-mushy wedding picture at that time.

          Curious to see…do most of you see a single wedding picture as appropriate?

          1. No. I’ve never seen any kind of photo on LinkedIn at all, other than a professional headshot. It’s not the social network for sharing photos.

          2. No, if I saw a wedding picture on LinkedIn, I would assume that person doesn’t know the difference between LinkedIn and other, more personal forms of social media. That said, I’m in law, and norms in PR may be different.

          3. I’m sorry, but please don’t do this either.
             I might get flack for this, and I’m not saying it’s right…but I think there would be a perception difference between a man doing this (like is implied in Ribena’s post) and a woman doing this. In a not good way.

             I’m also not sure I would encourage a man to do this either though.

          4. I’m in law and have never seen anyone post a personal picture on LinkedIn. Weddings, deaths, divorces… the most I ever see is a simple, unexplained name change.

             If you frequently see this type of update among the people you are trying to stay connected with, then YMMV, but sharing a picture would seem like a weird overshare to me.

          5. Yes why would a wedding picture be on LinkedIn? Incredibly weird.

          6. OMG no, no wedding photos or couple photos or ring photos on LinkedIn!

          7. No! Please! No wedding photo on LinkedIn! Water bottles are professional, hair ties are professional, FLEECE TIGHTS are professional, but a wedding photo on LinkedIn is NOT professional.*

             *Unless you are a wedding planner or photographer, maybe.

          8. I work in media relations/PR and also have a deep network, part of the reason I haven’t changed my name yet and also may not ever. I would absolutely never post this kind of photo on my LinkedIn. I think it’s weird they’re sending me notifications for birthdays now.

          9. Linked In is not the place to mention your wedding or engagement, full stop. Facebook, and Instagram, yes. On Linked In, leave your head shot, and change your name, and for a full year leave your maiden name in he middle–Kate Middleton Cambridge. This will help people find you. I know you are excited to be married, but this has no.place.at.all on any professional pages.

    7. I’m not in PR but I’ve never seen a ring pic on LinkedIn from anyone in my network in any industry. If you just want to get more attention by making an actual post rather than just changing your name I would make a SHORT post (like 2 sentences max) with a single picture of you and your fiance not in your wedding outfits or anything.

       But really, your company can set your email so in the inbox it still says your old last name in addition to your new last name even if you aren’t hyphenating or keeping that old last name in some form.

    8. Ring pics on social media are always tacky.

    9. What??? Wait until you legally change your name to notify anyone. No you do not need to post about your engagement on LinkedIn. AFTER you legally change your name, change it on LinkedIn. No explanation needed — most people get what it means when women change their last names.

       1. I would never change my name. Dad says there is equity in the Barshevsky name, where we are decended from royalty in the days of the Czar. Moreover, I have built up good will in my name as an attorney at law, so why would I want to loose that? For what? To change my name to Sheketovits? No way hoze!

    10. On LinkedIn, I’d feel better if my profile name was always whatever my legal name is at the moment. I think I changed my name on LinkedIn when I got married, but only because I planned to update my social security card immediately (and I did, within the month).

        And I wouldn’t post personal life events on LinkedIn either, despite the more touchy-feely nature of your work.

    11. omg What how is this real? You don’t change your name until you are married, if at all, and you don’t announce an engagement on linked in. How could you possibly consider this okay? Astonishing.

        1. I am certainly capable of good-naturedly laughing at myself and I appreciate reading everyone’s perspectives, but (in my defense) I can’t imagine why anyone would doubt the validity of my question. I have seen much odder questions on this forum and many others haha. I’m in my late 20s and have never been married before, so this is all new territory for me :) I post on LinkedIn about once a week with links to news articles related to my industry (usually articles that I myself successfully pitched to media) and I include personal commentary with language that includes politically-correct, non-controversial yet warm and emotionally-charged language. I have occasionally seen people in my industry and other non-law industries (sales, recruitment, etc) post LinkedIn announcements about new babies and the like, so I wanted to learn how best to announce my own personal “big news.”

           That said, though I may have used the last paragraph to defend my own line of thinking, I appreciate learning that most people are turned off by the idea of an engagement announcement and I have decided to refrain from making one. I agree that the ring picture idea was quite silly and it looks like my best bet will be updating my last name without sharing any accompanying commentary. Thanks very much to all who answered without calling my question “incredibly weirdly” hah. However, no hard feelings to those who did :) Thank you all for responding.

    12. Why would you announce the name change before you change your name? That would be very weird. Do it afterwards and don’t make a big deal about it. And for the love of god, no ring pictures on LinkedIn!

        1. i didnt think ppl still did ring pictures on social media at all. i thought we’d all moved on to girl scout cookie sales. i guess that’s just my friends and me getting old.

           1. This comment made me LOL.

    13. Yes, its oversharing and tacky and cringey af. Announce your name change after you get married, especially because that’s when you’ll actually change your actual linked in page and email address. Announcing it early serves no benefit –because you’re not actually using the new name yet–and it will probably only confuse people if they even notice it. (What name is she using now? Wait, I thought her name was X?) It’s not like they are going to see this in March and then be on alert in November to update your email address in their contacts. Announcing a pending name change is just an excuse for you to go on about your engagement, which is obviously your goal. No, adding context doesn’t help you. We are all professional women who want to make sure people know what our names are and how to contact us. Your engagement is unrelated to your job.

    14. Do not change your name on LinkedIn when you are merely engaged and not married. That’s weird.

        Consider keeping your maiden name professionally or going by your maiden and married names.

    15. I recently got married and changed my name. On LinkedIn I just updated the last name and moved my maiden name to the former name field so someone can still search for me. I didn’t update my LI till I changed my name at work, which took a few weeks as I needed a new social security card first.

        I splashed engagement and wedding pics all over FB. That and Instagram are the proper channels for wedding pics.

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