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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 235 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Teaneck Pumps

Coffee Break

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Taryn Rose Teaneck PumpsThese lovely Taryn Rose heels are on sale in both leopard (pictured) and a solid dark ruby; Zappos still has them full price in black. Just looking at them I would have guessed they had a 3″ heel, but they actually have a 2.75″ heel — and a .5″ platform (who knew?), which makes these very walkable heels. Nice! They were $219; but are now marked to $175.99 at 6pm. Taryn Rose Teaneck Pumps (L-4)

Sales of note for 9.16.24

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Comments

  2. Lab coat dilemma

    Can you guys help me find my winter coat?

    I wear a hospital/lab coat often underneath it, so it has to be long enough to cover it (eg. just above the knee or so). I already have a full length coat I love, but would like something shorter for everyday.

    Wool/cashmere/blend… ideally something with a belt or a cut that is waist defining. Simple but classic darker color (eg. black/navy) or a deep jewel tone. Always appreciate a twist though… I don’t want to look like every working woman in my downtown wearing the belted wool p-coat.

    Looking for a staple that will last, and will pay for it… but wait until after Xmas sales.

    • TBK

      How cold is it where you live? J Crew’s Lady Day Coat is lovely, but, even with thinsulate lining, not terribly warm (okay for mid-Atlantic and south, but wouldn’t cut it in Chicago or Boston).

      • Anon

        As someone who regularly wears her Lady Day with thinsulate lining in Chicago, I beg to differ :)

        • Lab coat dilemma

          Wow – this coat is well cut and classic. I may need to go and try it on in person to figure out my size, with the lab coat underneath. I can even choose a tall to make sure it is long enough for my coat. And it’s warm enough for Chicago? Great….

          I actually find that with just a few layers, and scarf/hat or hood/gloves/warm feet I am fine. The last few Chicago winters have been so mild… it’s crazy… global warming…

          • Eleanor

            Size up! It is a closely-cut coat. If you want to wear a lab coat underneath, I would probably go up two sizes from your usual so you can move your arms.

      • Lab coat dilemma

        Thanks all. I’m in Chicago, so yes a bit of warmth helps. However, I layer and for crazy cold days I wear my full length Shearling.

        I do like the idea of a fit and flare for coat/shape. Trench might be a bit more casual of a look then I’m going for, although it is classic and I had never thought about a cashmere one. May need to look at one up close… thanks for the suggestion.

        • Pancakes

          I really like the Stadium cloth Cocoon coat from J.Crew. It’s warm, has an interesting shape, and might cover your lab coat, depending how tall you are.

          • Pancakes

            Oh P.S. I find the stadium cloth coats from J.Crew to be warmer than the coats with thinsulate. I’m in Chicago.

          • Mir

            Doesn’t wearing a lab coat outside the lab (and worse a hospital coat outside the hospital) defy the purpose of the coat? Protective wear that then contaminates/stains the inside of your nice new coat? Why not just buy a nice bag to carry the lab/hospital coat with you and put it on when needed?

          • Frugal doc

            What an interesting coat. I like it, but it may be a bit short…. I will try it on.

            Good points about the lab coat outside the hospital issue. Unfortunately, no office conveniently located to leave the coat and often have to walk from hospital to clinic etc.. outside. I am carrying so much with me already (large bag and medical stuff). Just stinks and back is not happy…. How I long for simple conveniences of an office, a safe place to leave things briefly. I’ve been robbed in the hospital… Stinks.

  3. Anonymous

    TJ from prior post. How do you deal with paper at work? I’m drowning in it. In finance. I prefer hard copies for a lot of my work, versus reading off a screen. I have a number of banker boxes (generally organized by subject) and several stacks of paper at least 12 inches high each (not organized at all, except by time). This dates back several years. I probably won’t ever need most of it, but I may need to retain some of it. It would be a big investment of time to go through it, and it feels wasted since I don’t really refer to most of it at this point. Chief issues are when I get busy, I don’t go through it; when it’s slow, I don’t want to go through it. I’m not good by nature at “doing a little all along”. Tips/tricks?

    • AnonInfinity

      I relatively recently started implementing Getting Things Done. If you haven’t read it, it’s a method of list making and organization to help you stay on too of these kinds of things. It honestly took me a long time to get on top of the paper mountain. I devoted an entire weekend in the office to culling and organizing. I got a small filing cabinet for the office, and I use that a lot. I take about 30 mins every Friday afternoon and go through the piles on my desk and add to my task list or file away my rogue papers. Good luck. I’m not a naturally organized person and it’s a struggle for me.

    • Anon

      Do you have an assistant? This is something they could help you with (getting the papers organized and out of your office in filing cabinets, etc.). I’m at a law firm so we have a “Records” department, whom we can send this sort of stuff to. My assistant also has huge filing cabinets that I can use for storing papers of that nature.

      • Anonymous

        I wish! I am looking into “on desk” access to a scanner. I’ll check out GTD and trying for at least one 30-min chunk of time per week.

      • Hel-lo

        The absolute best scanner out there is the Fujitsu ScanSnap. It comes with Adobe Acrobat. Cost about $500. You may be able to convince your office to buy you one if you can convince them that it’s more secure to store documents as pdfs on their secure server than laying around in your office for anyone to yank.

    • Divaliscious11

      I need to read off of paper as well. One thing I am trying to do is file the electronic document, but read and shred. I’m a work in progress…….

      Then, once a month, I take an afternoon to sort, shred, give to my admin to pdf

      Now if only she’d come to my house…

    • Tara B.

      Get a good assistant to organize your paperwork for you. I am not kidding. If this is at all possible, it may save your sanity. Someone posted taskrabbit earlier. Might be worth a look for an admin assistant.

  4. NOLA

    I have been coughing for a month. It’s making me crazy. But the thing is, I know why. I have asthma. It’s been well controlled for years, but I had a period where my steroid inhaler prescription had expired for a week or two and, in that time, I picked up a cough. So the problem is, people at work cannot stop commenting on my cough. Yeah, I know it sounds bad (it’s a deep cough) and, yes, I have an appointment with my doctor on Monday. But I am so tired of hearing about it and how people don’t want to get near me or whatever. I’ve been coughing for a month! And it’s not contagious! I’m drinking herbal tea and water and trying to control it. Medication doesn’t help (at least nothing I can take during the day). I swear, I think I should just send out a message on our internal listserv explaining the whole thing.

    Thanks for letting me rant.

    • Babs

      I feel for you; you must be tired of explaining / defending.
      But this came up recently from another commenter who was being told to see a doctor, etc., and I think the same answers are true here: people are annoyed by the noise. Since it’s a health issue, they have to put up with it; you can’t tell a cough to shut up. But, the comments are most likely a passive-aggressive way of telling you that you’re disturbing other people and they’re annoyed and can’t do anything about it. So no amount of explaining the circumstances is going to make people feel better, because all they want is for you to be quiet.

        • Babs

          If they can’t hear you, then how do they know you’re coughing all the time? Didn’t you just say people are commenting because your cough “sounds bad”?

          • NOLA

            Well there are public areas where I work and the staff lounge. And meetings. But what I’m trying to say is that when I’m in my office, the door is closed, so I don’t think I’m disturbing the work of other people.

    • zora

      Rawr! srsly, people just need to shut up. I think you get ONE time to express sympathy, and then STOP TALKING ABOUT IT. And you get ZERO times to express annoyance about it. There is nothing anyone can say that is going to make your involuntary bodily reaction stop happening. You’d think they would just get sick of saying something! ugh, people.

    • Anonymous

      I think the next time someone says something just say “I have asthma I’m going to the doctors on Monday”. Hopefully then the word will get around. The good news is that it’s thursday afternoon and you only have one more full work day until then. Next time don’t let the cough go for more than 2 weeks. We have a lady at work who has a disgusting cough but doesn’t believe in doctors in it drives everyone bonkers.

      • NOLA

        The thing is, going to the doctor may not accomplish anything. When I had this in the past, I could cough for three months and I just had to let it run its course. Throwing prednisone at it didn’t work. That’s why I started the maintenance drugs in the first place. My doctor tried to schedule me for the next day but I couldn’t take the appointment because I had classes I couldn’t reschedule.

        • Anonymous

          I’m sorry :( I would just keep repeating that it’s asthma and you are seeking treatment and there’s nothing you can do. I had an asthma cough one winter, it was only in the morning, and it was so annoying.

        • rosie

          Sorry, this happens to my SO, too. When people comment, I would keep it short (“Yup, it’s my neverending asthma cough.”) and change the subject/get back to what you were doing. I think saying it’s asthma will get across not contagious.

        • NOLA

          Thanks so much. Yeah, I’ve just started saying “The short answer is that it’s asthma.” But then last night (at choir, not work), I got “oh, if you need to borrow my inhaler.” No, albuterol is not the answer. At any rate, you’re right, it’s not contagious and I can just cut it off.

          • Anon

            I have asthma as well, so I understand. Every cold I get turns into bronchitis which turns into a cough that just sits in my chest. My parents (who also both have asthma) have been on Mucinex for years, and it has helped them (they take it daily). I have a terrible reaction to it, so when I get my cough, I do a combination of steroids + antibiotic + benzonatate pearls, and it is the only way to get rid of it.

        • Tara B.

          I know an asthmatic who has an electrostatic air cleaner in his office. He swears by it.

        • Anonymous

          If the cough that remains is an annoying tickle, consider asking your doctor if you might have injured a nerve in your trachea. I responded to the last poster about this too. I have suffered with similar issues for a long time (asthma under control, ruled out reflux, seemingly endless uncontrollable cough after every round with a cold). I finally saw a young doctor who specializes in voice issues. She prescribed a very low dose of amitriptyline (which at higher doses is prescribed as an antidepressant). It worked to calm down the inflamed nerve that was causing my endless cough.

    • Asthma

      I know how annoying this is. I have allergies. I sneeze at the office several times a day, and people are always asking if I am getting a cold. No, I just have allergies, leave me alone! I also know what it is like to have asthma. Maybe you already know this, but some corticosteroids do not work for some patients. You might have to try a couple different inhalers before you find the one that controls your asthma. I took Advair for YEARS and it did nothing for me. Finally a doctor told me it doesn’t work for about 30% of patients!!! Ask for an exhaled nitrous oxide test. Insurance usually doesn’t cover it but it’s not expensive and it can tell you if you have asthma-triggered inflammation in your lungs, even if you don’t feel wheezy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exhaled_nitric_oxide

      • NOLA

        Thanks so much! I am on an inhaled steroid (Pulmicort) for maintenance. It has worked really well for the past 8 years or more. I just went without it for a couple of weeks and left myself vulnerable. I just lot track of when I had seen my doctor and when my prescription would expire. Stupid, so I kind of did this to myself.

        • pnkrokhockeymom

          Sorry if this is assvice, and please ignore it if you’ve tried these drugs already: When Pulmicort alone stopped working for me as maintenance, we added singulair (tablet) and Serevent (an inhaled medicine that works different, but is neither steroid nor rescue inhaler). The Serevent really improved the ridiculous never-ending coughs. Now I take Symbicort, which is one inhaler that combines the Pulmicort and the Serevent.

          We figured out that it was the Serevent keeping the cough at bay during my latest pregnancy. I tried to come off of it, but the cough came back and wanted to kill me, so we settled with halving the dose.

          I hope everyone just shuts up.

          • NOLA

            Oh that’s great! I haven’t had a pulmonologist since about 2005 because I haven’t needed one (it’s been well controlled on the same medication). I may need to push my GP to send me to a new pulmonologist. My previous one left several years ago. And I didn’t know that Symbicort combined Pulmicort and Severent. Thanks for your help! This is making me crazy. I had been taking Mucinex but it’s just too drying and gives me a dry wheezing cough. it’s making me so tired.

    • Hel-lo

      I had an asthma attack at the gym a few weeks ago, during a particularly tough “boot camp.” Some women felt bad for me and said, “Don’t you hate it when you start coughing and can’t stop?”

      Uh, yes. But I also need my rescue inhaler when that happens. I barely was able to squeak out, “It’s asthma.”

  5. Anon for this

    Looking for advice from the Hive. I have an interview for an associate attorney position tomorrow morning at a small, local law firm. Yesterday was my last day at my current job, which I only started several weeks ago. I handed in my notice after less than one week for various reasons.

    My current job was not on the resume I submitted to this small firm (hadn’t even interviewed at most recent company yet). However, tomorrow’s interviewer knows I am/was working recently BC I had a hard time scheduling the interview due to work obligations.

    What do I say to interviewer about this most recent position? I can’t be forthright about my reasons for leaving BC I would be badmouthing the company. Additionally, I sort of don’t want to even admit the company’s name BC it has a bad reputation in many circles.

    (Yes, I know I made a huge mistake taking this job at all, but I didn’t know how bad the situation was until I started, and then I extricated myself as soon as possible).

    • preg 3L

      Can you say something vague about how you took a “temporary” position? I feel like this very short employment could be anything from helping a relative to a hospital stay that you don’t want to disclose. Hopefully others will have brilliant solutions… good for you for getting out! Good luck at your interview tomorrow!

    • mascot

      You may be asked to disclose the position as part of a conflicts search. So I’d be ready with a short answer as to it not working out. Fit or whatever. Then turn it back to how excited you are for new firm.

    • Anon

      I would just say something like “I had been working at the Death Star since October 1, but I realized immediately that it was not a good fit and have recently left.”

      • Anon in NYC

        Haha. Agreed. You don’t have to badmouth the company. Plus, I think saying that you “immediately” realized it was a bad fit emphasizes the point that 1) it really was a temporary job, and 2) you will be less likely to be tarnished by their reputation. But I agree that this could be something you need to disclose for conflicts reasons, so I think you should/have to disclose.

        • Anon for this

          OP here. Lol. But seriously, Death Star is an understatement. Thanks for the advice, ladies!

          • TBK

            While it’s good to be aware of your company’s reputation, I also would be wary of assuming that everyone thinks your company is yuck-awful-terrible-evil. I mean, I’m assuming it wasn’t, like, working at KKK HQ. You could say that you found your values didn’t align with your employer’s, but no matter what you say, you should be ready to explain why you accepted a job with an employer who has a bad reputation.

    • Anne Shirley

      I think you should hand the recruited an updated resume with the position listed and tell the recruiting contact and anyone who asks “unfortunately, once I started it became clear that job would not be as described when I applied because [insert vague truth here].”.

  6. Men's Suits/Annual Sales

    My SO is searching for a suit for our March wedding. He has a number of suits in his closet, but most them don’t fit quite correctly as he purchased them at a time when he was about 20 lbs heavier (he is now slim but with a bigger chest and tends to buy around a size 36/36S in suits). For the wedding he’d like to treat himself to a beautiful suit that will fit him correctly, but neither of us really knows where to start. Does anyone have any recommendations about where to start in terms of purchasing a nice suit? And does anyone know when stores like Neiman, Barneys, Nordstrom, Saks, etc. have annual sales? Since the wedding is in March I think we have some time and I would love to purchase at a discount if possible since suits are so. expensive. He doesn’t have a set budget in mind from what I can tell. Thanks in advance for any help!

    • mascot

      The next Nordstrom’s half yearly mens sale is in late December. I imagine that he can ask the sales associates at some of the stores if and when suits are discounted.

      • A Nonny Moose

        DH got his suit for our wedding at a Nordie’s sale. It was Hugo Boss. I think it may have been anniversary sale, not half yearly, because it wasn’t in December. He saved several hundred dollars and has worn it many, many times since. The salesperson was very helpful in picking it out.

    • Anon

      For our wedding, DH got a beautiful wool suit at Brooks Brothers from their Saxxon wool line. It’s the most beautiful suit I’ve ever seen – it drapes like soft silk. They have in-house tailoring, too, so it fits him perfectly. They usually have a big sale every January.

      • MH

        My husband bought from Brooks Brothers also. It was expensive, but it’s a beautiful suit and fits him like a glove. He is super tall and slim, so the suit was either made-to-order, or very heavily tailored. I’m not sure how the process went, though, because he and his best man took care of all of it.

    • BB

      Brooks Brothers is a pretty safe choice, especially if you want a more classic and less fashion-y suit. They also have ones at very different price points, which the salesperson should be able to explain to you. They have a massive holiday sale (not sure when exactly, ask the store), and the biggest one is usually on 12/26 – 40% off everything in store, even things already on sale. The trick here is to go a few weeks earlier, find a friendly salesperson and have them order in the size/suit you want to have it there on 12/26.

      Now, if you want an amazingly nice suit, you can’t go wrong with an Isaia from Barney’s (but it’s very pricey).

    • AEK

      Have you tried bluefly? They sell Boss, Zegna, Burberry, etc. As long as you spring for a good tailor, he might find something that works.

    • Anon

      Have you considered a custom suit? Depending on some brands, it could be approximately the same price. Check out Alton Lane (if you’re in one of their cities, they are fantastic). My husband got his wedding suit there, and liked it so much he started buying other suits and custom shirts from them. Also a good groomsman gift, if you’re doing those.

      • P Funk

        MySuit is also a good option for custom suiting. My husband had his suit for our wedding made there is and now fully onboard with custom suits as much as possible. Their store in NYC was great.

        • New Atty

          My boyfriend got a tux and suit from Indochino. It’s also custom — you send in your measurements and they send a suit back to you. They also give you something like $70 to get it tailored near you. He went over that amount last time, but even so, it was still less than other suits and it looked perfect.

    • Men's Suits/Annual Sales

      Thanks everyone – these are so helpful!! He hadn’t considered Brooks Brothers or a custom suit, both of which sound like great ideas. Hugo Boss also sounds like a great idea as they have 36S which fits SO a bit better.

    • rosie

      I recommend checking out Sym’s if there’s one near you (and they’re not all closed).

    • Ellen

      I would go to Brook’s Brother’s. There suit’s are the best. The manageing partner’s suit came back and he is wearing it today. He actually look’s more SVELTE in it and the tuchus looks great, not like his other’s which are all worn thru. I think he asked for a DOUBLE seat b/c he does NOT wear a coat on the LIRR, and he rub’s his seat alot. Also, he also does alot of scratcheing, if you know what I am saying, and that causes his suit to wear right in the tuchus. Also, the old ones are realy old (with doubel vent’s), and that is a real FOOEY after he get’s up from his chair. I told him he look’s great and he is strutting around like a PEECOCK! YAY! Now Margie can spend some money b/c she need’s to match him when they go out. Margie is very happy that I got the manageing partner into a new suit. YAY!!!!!

      I am goieng to meet Fred alone b/c Myrna is in the Marathon. I forgot. FOOEY! I can onley be in one place at a time and I must be with my sister, b/c she is not feeling well. FOOEY!

    • Wannabe Runner

      My DH got his wedding suit at Burlington. It’s much more budget-conscious than any of the others mentioned here.

  7. Calibrachoa

    I’m 28, I am too young to feel like I am recapturing my lost youth by going on a trip that involves backpacks, hostels and overnight might-as-well-be-a-cattle-truck buses, right? Because I feel ridicuulously unreasonably excited by the idea….

    • Cb

      I’m 28 as well and have sworn off hostels after someone tried to kick our door in in Dublin but if it sounds fun, go for it!

      • Calibrachoa

        I’d say that wasn’t the hostel, that was just Dublin *ducks*

        I used to do this a LOT back in the day, when I had a lot less money and a lot more time… granted that was something like 6, 7 years ago but it feels like forever!

        • Cb

          Haha! True though. I went with friends and my commentary was that it was ‘less pretty Edinburgh’

    • zora

      Nuh Uh!! I went on a trip like that when I was like 32 and it was SO FUN! there’s no rule that says you have to do a certain kind of trip when you are a certain age! that is just the kind of exploring/adventure trip I love to do, and I plan to continue doing trips like that for the rest of my life forever and ever amen. ;o)

      • Calibrachoa

        Thanks for the reassurance! It feels weird because I never realized how I’d stopped doing it, you know? Like somehow somewhere along the line it became a thing to spend money isntead of time and appreciate comfort more than the price… guess the whole “actually having money” part was to blame XD

        This one is just a short excursion – bus over to Wales, puttering about Cardiff for a bit, then another cheap bus up north to see my friends. But it’s still more of me-time I’ve had in a long time!

        … and yes. I will be going to see the TARDIS in cardiff. :D

    • I am a banana.

      I just took a trip like that. I’m 28. It was fantastic. Why not?

  8. ezt

    Advice please!! I recently found out that I’m pregnant. I’m 8 weeks along right now, which puts my due date in June. So this question might be a bit premature, but here goes. My one and only sibling, who lives very far away, is getting married next summer. Until I told him about the pregnancy two days ago, the plan was for the wedding to be in late July. Complication: he’s having two ceremonies, one in India, and one in the Philippines. I live in New York. At this point, I have given up on making it to both — my goal is to attend the bigger, our-side heavy wedding in India, if possible.

    Soooo….is there any way I can go to this wedding? My brother suggested pushing it to August or possibly trying to move it up to February, when he and his fiance have time off. I told him I don’t want them to plan around me, only to find that I still can’t make it for some reason…I am thrilled about this pregnancy and that’s my priority, but I would be pretty devastated to miss my brother’s wedding. I don’t know what is realistic, and I don’t want to piss of my future SIL or be difficult…help!

    • preg 3L

      Aaawwww congratulations!! I don’t know about traveling outside the US, but I’m told that traveling with a newborn baby is actually doable. You won’t be able to travel in your last few weeks of pregnancy (possibly longer, depending on you / your doc / your pregnancy), but as soon as the baby is out and you’re well enough to walk around, you can travel (as far as I know….).

    • OCAssociate

      Congrats! (I’m due next June, too.)
      In my experience 2-4 months old is the sweet spot for traveling with infants. Their sleep schedules aren’t very settled, and they might actually sleep for some/most of the plane ride. Plus they eat every 2-3 hours so you can keep them occupied. If you’re due in early June and the wedding is late July, that might work perfectly.

    • tesyaa

      I think it’s nice that your brother wants to plan around you, but just as for you the pregnancy should be the priority, for him and his fiancee, the wedding should be the priority. I know it wouldn’t be the same, but I think you could Skype and enjoy at least a taste of the wedding that way (if no other way around it).

    • anon

      Just being really honest here, I wouldn’t travel internationally with a newborn, and definitely not to a country where disease is more prevalent than the US. Plus, having a newborn is already pretty difficult– a super long flight would have been totally beyond my abilities when my first was born. But people do it.

    • Anonymous

      I would not travel with a newborn (especially before their 2 month shots) and especially to India or the Philippines where childhood diseases can be more prevelant (nothing against India or the philippines this is just a fact). My SIL wants to travel to her home country, which is 3rd world, when her child is 2 months old at the height of flu season and we are all very upset by it. It’s just putting the baby at an unnecessary risk. You are in an enclosed space with stranger germs for like 12-14 hours (or more?) going to India. Could they do it in February?

      • Samantha

        +1 for February. Since they’ve been nice enough to consider your needs/circumstances, I’d gently express that February would work way better for you than July or August. A month from my firstborn I couldn’t even think about going away for the weekend. Breastfeeding, bottle refusal, lack of sleep, hormones out of whack, always tired, and still trying to figure out what the different cries meant.
        Ask nicely, and if they can’t do it, that’s fine. Second choice would be August or a little later.

        Childbirth, recovery, and newborns are not easy.

      • Anne Shirley

        You’re upset because your sister in law wants to take her baby to her home country where she grew up during flu season?!? That strikes me as overinvolved. We have flu here. And, thanks to crazy people, whooping cough and measles too.

        • Anonymous

          Her home country has a high incidence of malaria, hepatitis, measles, mumps, rubella, whooping cough, etc….The baby wouldn’t have his 2 month shots yet AND it would be flu season. So a baby would be traveling 24 hours (because it takes that long with the multiple flights) in planes with recycled air at the height of cold/flu season. Maybe you aren’t aware of how at-risk newborns are for infections, but it’s not a great idea. Everyone is concerned here, not just me. We have whooping cough and measles in the US yes, but at a much lower rate than 3rd world countries. I think the issue is that the baby will/would be less than 2 months old. If he was a year old no one would bat an eye.

      • Anonymous

        That the baby will not be old enough to have all the recommended vaccines for travel to somewhere like India or the Philippines would be my biggest concern. Also, I’m not sure what the options would be, if any, for malaria prophylaxis in an infant. As for February, you should check with your OB as to whether you would be able to get all the recommended travel vaccines and take malaria prophylaxis while pregnant before your brother changes his plans.

    • Laurie

      My mom and I traveled internationally with my younger brother who was 3-4 months old at the time (we were abroad for 2 months), and we had to do some prep in terms of boiling water, preparing food in advance of traveling anywhere, traveling with the full baby paraphernelia, convertible pram/strollers and so on, but it was worth the effort. Of course, he doesn’t remember a thing about the trip but his being there made it more memorable for us.

      • Laurie

        Speaking of third world countries and germs, to clarify, we traveled from India to Thailand, and back.

        • Nonny

          Just out of interest, how did you deal with travel in taxis, cars, etc. while in India and Thailand? I am curious because we will be travelling with a 3-4 month old next spring, going to Thailand and Singapore, and while obviously we will be taking the infant carrier on the plane, it doesn’t seem practical to carry around an infant carrier wherever we go in Bangkok. Because of the broken sidewalks, etc., we’re mostly going to be using a sling or wrap. I have been reading up on parent travel blogs etc. and the consensus appears to be that you do as the locals do – i.e. don’t carry around the infant carrier for impromptu taxi rides – but I am curious as to your actual experience and the practicality of these sorts of things.

          And to the readership in general – no judgement, please, I am simply looking into the options and am well aware of the risks involved.

          • Calico

            I was in Bangkok last year and I actually think it would be relatively easy to get around with an infant there, no different than any big city really. The train from the airport into the city is efficient and easy to navigate. The sidewalks were like any other city really. They were quite crowded near large shopping centers but I can still imagine using a stroller there with no problem. I didn’t get to Singapore but did go to Kuala Lumpur and feel that it was also stroller friendly.

    • Divaliscious11

      I traveled to Europe with both of my kids at 6 weeks.

      You may have challenges:
      – if you have to buy plane tickets further out than your due date (you’ll need baby info) and you’ll want a seat for the baby
      – you are a bit at the mercy of getting your formal birth certificate and getting your child social security number (but both are doable, you will just need to do it)
      – talk to your doctor about travel plans so your well baby appointments can be fit in properly

      With my oldest, I was only gone for 10 days, but with the younger, we were there for four weeks.

    • NYC

      I think it is doable. You might want to get the baby a seat so you can put him/her in the carseat at times (unless the airline offers bassinets near the seat, which some international airlines do). Agree it would be better if it was after the 2 month shots. But the baby won’t be drinking water or eating any food (assuming you are nursing), so I wouldn’t be as concerned about diseases. Good luck sorting it out. Oh, and make sure you future DSIL is on board with whatever changes your brother is offering!

    • ezt

      Thanks all! These are all very helpful thoughts. I have definitely told my brother that they should make no changes unless he is 100% sure they are ok with his fiance, and I will continue to emphasize that! I don’t want to stress them out at all and have told him to focus on what works for them — but we are only siblings and very close and I flatter myself that my brother is trying to change things not only for my sake, but also his :)

      Also, not sure how much difference this makes, but if I were to go to India only, I wouldn’t be staying in hotels or eating questionable food — my whole family is there and I’d be at home and comfy and close to doctors I know well, etc. But still, points taken re: health and safety. Thanks again!

    • Frou Frou

      Yes, you can go. In fact, my good friend is traveling in India right now and she is 6 months pregnant.

      • Frou Frou

        Aww. crum. Sorry, misread your post. Thought it was about going while pregnant. I think you can still go with a newborn. Plenty of NRIs do this all the time. I think the biggest issue will be pushing back on family that wants to man-handle your newborn.

    • anon prof

      Congratulations! If you want to go after having the baby, find out from the State Department (or your embassy if you are not a US citizen) how long it will take to get a passport. You’ll need one for the baby and it will take a bit to get it processed after the baby is born.

      • anon prof

        Oh, duh, of course the baby is eligible for a US passport (as long as you’re not here as a diplomat or such). But if you and the baby have passports from different countries, then going through immigration might be a challenge?

    • AN

      Feb would be ideal if it is in India. Weather would be perfect.

      A summer wedding in India (July/Aug) would SUCK for all because it is the height of the monsoon there and it can get really BAAAD. You do not want to get married then, baby or no baby. Please don’t schedule India wedding either in Apr-Jun (too hot) or Jul-Sep (rains).

      Don’t worry about the illness factor either in India or Philippines. You and baby will be in sanitary surroundings and it should be fine. I am not sure how many of the posters here have been to either country but trust me, the illness factor is the least of your worries.

      • ezt

        Thanks again all! Just to clarify, I’m from India – the weather is very pleasant in July/August in the part of India that my family is from, and I have spent the majority of my Julys and Augusts there. I’m not overly worried about diseases since I grew up there and have never in my life dreamed of taking malaria pills or anything before I went home. But obviously, a newborn is a different matter, so thank you all for your advice on that front!

    • In House Lobbyist

      I have a 3 month old and am not brave enough to consider it. You never know if a newborn will be sleeping well, eating well, like new places, etc. I would also be worried about the vaccines. My dr recommended keeping baby at home as much as possible until the first round of vaccines. I would be hesitant to take a newborn on a crowded plane for such a long period of time. And you will be tired and I would hate to travel that far even for such a happy event. But all that, babies are tough and people do it all the time.

  9. FormerDCgal

    Anyone have good ideas for how to wear scarves? I know some are thin and silky and not meant for outdoor wear. I have no clue how to wear them and make them look elegant. I usually see women look too much like a flight attendant in them.

    • Sparrow

      Check out scarves dot net. I found it linked from one of the posts from You Look Fab. I haven’t spent much time there, but they had a lot of tutorials.

    • HnH

      I don’t know what type of scarf you’ll be wearing, but there’s a youtube video for how to wear scarves by someone named Wendy. It should be the first thing to pop up in the search for “scarf how”. I thought it was the most useful vid ever. As for the traditional square scarf like Hermes, I’d check Maitai’s blog.

    • hoola hoopa

      Wendy’s look book has a youtube video with something like ’50 ways to wear a scarf’. It’s good.

    • Monte

      How old are you, and where are you trying to wear the scarves? Despite the instructional videos, I can count on one hand the number of times I have seen a woman under 50 wear a scarf that looks professional and not elderly. You can wear a fun looking a scarf, but rarely will it look like something you should wear around colleagues. It is easier to wear something fun looking (and there are a ton of blogs out there) as long as you are not worried about looking professional. Fun and competent (without looking like a flight attendant) is almost impossible.

      • New Atty

        Might be a little late, but…

        I disagree! I wear scarves all the time and am in my mid-20s. I think smaller scarves (think neckerchief size) are what can look like a flight attendant. I also try to avoid scarves that are predominantly red, blue, and white — it looks very 90s flight attendant to me.

        The traditional hermes size is big enough that you can wear it longer and it doesn’t read flight attendant to me. The traditional hermes knot can look really nice. I think it can look a little too old with the colors (think lots of browns and English countryside colors) or the design. I tend towards more modern or geometric designs, as some of the ones with horses, chains, anchors can look a little too traditional.

  10. Cb

    Can a tailor add a lining to a pair of men’s trousers?

    As an aside, why would you make a wool blend trouser without lining? That just sounds itchy.

    • BB

      Technically yes, but it depends on the waistband construction. It would also probably cost a lot and you might have a difficult time finding someone to do it as it would be pretty involved. To do it properly, they’d have to make a new pattern based on your pants so the lining fits, then take apart the pants and put it back together with the lining.

    • hoola hoopa

      Does the blend contain spandex? Typically pants with stretch are unlined.

      It’s always worth asking as there may be a tailor secret or shortcut, but I agree with BB about the proper process. I’d recommend simply wearing silk long underwear under the pants.

  11. Famouscait

    Legal question: If one is subpoenaed to testify in a felony hearing, are they speaking for or against the person on trial? Or both?

      • Famouscait

        Does the party that did not issue the subpoena get the chance to ask them question under oath?

        • preg 3L

          Once a witness is called (and appears), both sides get to question the witness under oath.

        • Anon

          It depends on the type of hearing, but typically each side gets to cross-examine the others witnesses. Also witnesses can be called without subpoena and often times “favorable/non-hostile” witnesses are not subpoenaed unless there is some reason to do so (their work requires the subpoena or something). So the side issuing the subpoena does not always mean the witness is for that side, if that makes sense.

      • Famouscait

        Forgive my clumsy phrasing. I agree that under oath one should always tell the truth, and wasn’t meaning to imply otherwise.

        • Wannabe Runner

          You should call the attorney that subpoenaed you to figure out what they want. They can also tell you if the case settles, or if the hearing is moved.

          • Bonnie

            +1. If a witness is cooperative with me, I’m also more likely to put them on call and accommodate their schedules as much as I can.

    • Maggie

      I have no idea about whether or not it’s trendy but I rarely wear gold (I prefer silver) and recently discovered that I really like rose gold and was looking at rose gold watches. I like that one!

    • ExcelNinja

      My 10-years-younger sister reassures me that big rose gold watches are so passé, but I think if you like it, you should get it!! I think it’s lovely.

    • MH

      There was a slimmer rose gold watch by Michael Kors at Nordstrom a few months ago. It was very pretty.

    • New Atty

      I have a rose gold larger watch that I wear for fun (i.e. not at work). And I get complimented on it all. the.time. And by all sorts of people, which I find charming/interesting. Men, women, older, younger, hip/trendy as well as more traditional/conservative dressers!

    • Anonymous

      I have the Michael Kors version of this – as a warning the rose gold is plating that will wear off over time. Their service center can replace it (the band or the case not the plating itself) but it does cost $40 or something around there.

      That being said – I love the rose gold/silver combo. If you like it and won’t be driven crazy if it starts wearing off go for it!

    • Tara B.

      I don’t believe a metal trend is every over IF it matches your personal coloring. Otherwise, once the fashion gods say its over, then the fashionistas will say you are dated. I guess. I have been ignoring fads or fad-like trends for a very long time.

      In fact, I am like to wear what ever the opposite of “it” is because I hate feeling like a clone.

  13. Maggie

    Home-buying advice needed! My boyfriend and I are thinking about buying a house together. We have been dating for 4 years and have lived together in an apartment for the past 1.5 years. If one of us bought a home alone we would be stretching our funds, whereas it’s definitely affordable if we buy together and for various reasons we think it’s the right time to buy instead of continuing to rent. We are on the same page about our plan to get married in the next few years but we don’t have a defined timeline. This is relevant because although I’m very confident we will be together for the long run, my concern is that if we do split up down the road there are more legal systems in place for dividing assets between homeowners who are married than those who are not, and it could be very complicated. We plan to speak to a real estate lawyer to draw up an agreement about % ownership, etc. beforehand, but other than that I’d appreciate any advice or stories from those who have purchased a home with someone they were not legally married to.

    • Anon

      I did not, but my brother did. He and his girlfriend had been together for about 5 years when they bought the house and are still together (now 3 years later). They took title as joint tenancy (with right of survivorship) with the understanding that if they split up, they will either sell the house and split the profit or one will buy the other one out. They did not also enter a contract, though that is something to also consider.

      It has been a while since I took property law, but from what I remember when there is a dispute amoung joint tenants or tenants in common, the parties can ask the court to dissolve the tenancy in a partition proceeding (court typically orders the sale of the house and the profits split). So if you do split up and cannot come to an agreement on what to do, you can get relief through the court. From what I remember.

    • Anonymous

      I just wouldn’t buy a house if I wasn’t married to the person. If you are both so confident you will end up together long-term, then just get married legally now.

      • Statutesq

        Same. I know this isn’t the advice you asked for, but I almost bought a house with my boyfriend when we were “on the same page about marriage.” We ended up breaking up a year later, and I am so so so happy I didn’t have to deal with splitting a home we owned. If you don’t plan on getting married/aren’t able to legally married but are committed to your SO, then go for it. However, if you want to get married, and your SO is holding it up for one reason or another, I’d wait. The home prices in my city are inflated right now anyway.

      • Orangerie

        Cosigned. To me, this is just such a huge risk to take without the formal commitment you say you both want.

      • Anonymous

        I just think that purchasing a house with someone is almost scarier than marrying them! (I mean not really). But I’m amazed how people can purchase a house with someone or a have a baby with someone (on purpose and coparent) but put off getting married. Aren’t the former scarier than the latter?

        • posey

          totally off-topic, but having a kid with someone is a much bigger commitment than getting married (or buying a house for that matter). You can undo a marriage but you cannot undo a kid. Marry whomever you want but think long and hard about whom you reproduce with.

          • tesyaa

            Exactly. You can sell the house – it’s only money – but once you have a kid you are tied to the other parent for life.

      • Diana Barry

        Eh. I bought a house with my now DH before we were even engaged. We got engaged soon after and married a year later….we both knew it was coming.

    • Anon

      I bought a house with my boyfriend (now husband). Honestly, I don’t think dividing an asset like that is any more complicated among unmarried people. Track how much you personally put into the downpayment, monthly payment, and any repairs so there can be no question in case for some reason your relationship doesn’t work out. Get the agreement about % ownership in writing. And have fun!! Home buying is stressful but very exciting!

    • Anon for this

      My brother did. He put up the down payment from an inheritance, but he and his girlfriend were both on the mortgage. They shared the mortgage costs pretty much equally. They broke up fairly soon after they purchased the house. It was a bit of the mess trying to sell the house (and for a variety of reasons they had to sell), because the girlfriend had almost no skin in the game. She wanted to get it sold as fast as possible to get out of the situation, but my brother had to protect his down payment.

      There wasn’t really a question about who would get proceeds from the sale (they also weren’t going to make more from the sale than he had put down, because of a short holding period and realtor fees), but there were different motivations when it came time to sell. Just something to consider.

    • Baconpancakes

      I would not suggest making that large of a joint financial investment without being married, but that’s just me. If you have a very specific, well-planned, legally-binding agreement about division of assests should they need to be split, it might actually be simpler than dividing assets after a divorce.

    • Maggie

      Thanks everyone for the input! Including the advice I “didn’t want to hear”, that’s helpful too and I do want to hear it! :) I completely agree with those who have said buying a home is a really big, scary decision to make, whether with someone else or on my own. We’ve considered a lot of factors but I appreciate the ideas from others that I hadn’t thought of yet.

      • Wannabe Runner

        Agree with all the others – if you’re married, financial split-ups pretty much go by some legal rules. If you’re not married, depending on your state, all bets are off. (And you might not be protected financially.)

        I would not invest money in a home until you were married.

    • Anne Shirley

      You don’t have a timeline for marriage, but are considering sinking most of your assets into a big non-liquid property because . . . ?

      • Maggie

        For a variety of reasons. Two big ones: (1) We have had to move apartments multiple times for various reasons and want to settle in a space that better suits our needs (a house). (2) We would rather put our money towards a mortgage on something we own than pay rent that we’ll never see again.

        Our timeline is within the next three years but we don’t have a more detailed plan than that. I intend to be legally bound to this person but I don’t think that’s critical for us personally to feel committed to each other. I’ve already changed jobs and moved across the country for the relationship, we adopted a furbaby, and we’ve been planning our lives together for a long time. I’m typically a very risk-averse person so even though I feel ready for this I totally appreciate hearing the opposite perspective (and try to play devil’s advocate in my own thought process!).

        • Anon

          Ah, for what it’s worth, divorcing is messy too & could involve fights over property if you own it together. I’d probably approach this the same way I would getting married – work out ahead of time who gets what in the event of a split and talk to someone who knows how to make that happen in a way that’s binding (contracts/agreements, etc.). I don’t see the real difference between being married or not in this case – if it works out in both cases, great, if it doesn’t, then you’re dealing with the problem regardless of marital status.

        • MH

          I think people get worked up about stuff like this when someone says “we’re waiting to get married for X reasons (subtext: someone won’t commit), but are ready to buy a house together now.” That’s when it gets a little strange because it’s hard to imagine why a couple would want to wait to get married, but would be fine with otherwise entwining their financial lives.

          BUT, not everyone wants or needs to get married. It may be something that you do in the future, or it may not, and it sounds like that’s what OP (Maggie) is saying. I say get the house if you think it’s the right time for you as a couple, but take the time to make sure you protect yourself and your assets.

          And, shouldn’t it always be easier getting out of a relationship and dealing with splitting assets if you aren’t married, because you don’t have to go through the divorce process? It’s still going to be complicated, but it’s not going to be MORE complicated than if you were married, right?

    • hoola hoopa

      We did, but closed around the same time we got engaged. We very much had a timetable. I would absolutely recommend against doing it unless there was a 100% chance of marriage in the *near* future. Break ups are hard. Break up when you live together are harder. Break ups when you own a home together are hell.

      There were no complications in the process because we were not married. In other words, no one from the real estate agent, mortgage broker, or title company blinked an eye and we didn’t have any more hoops to jump than a married couple. The mortgage and deed were in my maiden name, but that was not an issue while we owned the home or when we sold.

    • why is marriage so important?

      When you are married, you can still get divorced. If you are both committed for the long haul, I don’t understand why any non-legal consideration should play into this.

      • Anon

        My thoughts exactly. I don’t get the “get married” pearl clutching here.

        • Mary

          thank you for saying that. I feel that some commenters here see marriage as the holy grail. There are many cultures where marriage is just not that important. There’s a relevant article on slate about this too: http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/roiphe/2013/10/marriage_and_the_dutch_what_americans_could_learn_from_the_conjugal_indifference.html

          It takes all sorts, and marriage really isn’t the end all, be all for everyone. There are many, many people in meaningful relationships, but not married.

          My SO and I own properties together; you’ve to think about how you want to hold title, who puts down more for a down payment, and what the agreements are should you split ways. Other than that, happy house hunting!

          • Maggie

            Thanks! I may be overly focused on the legal part from reading articles online. I won’t pretend to know anything about legal ownership in the event of divorce but it seems like the default splitting of joint assets is a bit more defined, so it’s important to put it in writing if you aren’t married since it may be more ambiguous.

            Anyway, I suppose I may have phrased my initial question poorly. I’m really looking for that kind of concrete advice like “you’ve to think about how you want to hold title, who puts down more for a down payment, and what the agreements are should you split ways.” I don’t want to miss something that we should have talked about ahead of time.

      • Deep End.

        I agree. Certainly do what you need to protect yourself financially, but if you have both discussed it thoroughly and feel this is the right time for you, then do what is right for you. Best of luck.

    • ExcelNinja

      Sorry, but I agree that there’s no point taking this risk. I bought a house with my ex-fiance and it was a huge pain to split it all up when we broke up 6 months later (we also put a considerable amount of money into unfinished renovations). I wouldn’t buy a house with anyone that I wasn’t actually married to.

  14. Question for the german audience

    If you’ve spend the day with a CTO and a CFO of a midsized German IT company, how would you address them in a thank you email? Dear Hans-Peter, Dear Mr. Wolfram?

    My impression is that Germans are rather formal, so I don’t want to insult anyone.

    • anon

      Granted, I am not a native-born German, but I would say Mr. Wolfram. My experience with workplaces in Germany is that they are rather formal with names and titles.

    • Nonny

      Yes, with Germans, use the title and surname until you get positively chummy.

    • EB0220

      My husband worked for a German company for a while. Make sure that you are aware of any advanced degrees that Mr. Wolfram has – that might change the formal address. My husband’s co-workers with PhDs were very particular about being addressed as such!

      • anon

        Absolutely agree with this! Herr Doktor Professor/Frau Professor So and So is a real thing over there.

        • Mir

          But be careful: “Herr Prof. Dr. So and so” yes, “Herr Dr. Prof. So and so” no. Order matters!

    • MJ

      Agree–stay formal. Note that almost _everyone_ is doctor, so I would be very sure before addressing with any sort of Mr-like title (English or German) until you have confirmed they are not Dr. Dr. is the correct title for anyone with a PhD, even when, for instance, in the US, it might not be custom to address such a person with Dr. Germans do get pretty offended if you are too chummy too soon…your gut is correct here.

    • Question for the german audience

      Thanks everybody for the input.
      Based on their business cards I used Dr. and Mr..

    • Tara B.

      I would opt for formal in pretty much any instance, but especially if they are older. I would let them correct me and tell me when we are on a first name basis.

  15. Sydney Bristow

    Related men’s suit question to the above. My boyfriend can’t seem to find a suit jacket that fits. He really needs something like a 36 extra long because the sleeves are very short on a 36 long (which he says is hard to find in the first place) and he swims in a 38 although the sleeves are longer, though not quite long enough still.

    He recently got a 36 long from Jos A Banks and they are letting the sleeves out but they are still going to be too short. Any ideas on where to look for something slim with longer sleeves? Or brands that have more extra fabric in the sleeves that could be let out?

    • Divaliscious11

      Have you tried a Tall shop? Even if he isn’t tall, if he has long limbs, he may need a smaller size in an LT (Long/tall) size

    • EB0220

      My husband has had good luck with Calvin Klein suits at Men’s Wearhouse. They have a slim fit and I think they come in extra long. He’s only 6’3″ though.

  16. Eti-Q

    I’m going to a conference with a judge I clerked for that is a bit out of the way, location wise. He is driving. This is not for work, but it is somewhat work related/useful and probably a great networking opportunity. Immediately after the conference, he and his wife and a few others from the conference are going to dinner. Because he would also be my ride back to town, he’s invited me along. My question: how would you handle the bill situation. Normally when we would go out to lunch as a chambers, he always picked up the check. I’d love to pay my own way and would like to avoid any awkwards and am worried it will inevitably be tricky given all the people involved. I’m sure I’m overthinking but what’s the proper protocol in this situation? Do I just reach for my wallet when the time comes and ask my share? If someone offers to pay, do I say yes? This is a constant problem for me & why I hate new dates; I’d love the Hive’s take. My other option is to try to take the train back into town and avoid the whole dilemma but I feel like it would be a good opportunity to attend a dinner with some pretty interesting people and I should go.

    • AnonInfinity

      Do not, under any circumstances, take the train back and miss this! What a great opportunity to hang out with some interesting folks.

      I give myself a (cheesy) pep talks before these situations to convince myself that it’s not an awkward situation, and I just need to remain calm.

      About the actual bill — If someone else at the table requests split checks, I’d chime in and agree. If no one says anything, I would just offer to pay my share once the bill comes. Be sure to bring various denominations of cash just in case. If the judge says no, let him pay. A lot of people really enjoy treating others and it’s much more awkward to make a fuss or resist than to just let him pay. Depending on whether you practice in his jurisdiction, you can offer to get him next time.

      • frugal doc..

        Would definitely reach for wallet, have sufficient cash in hand, and have the appropriate money out (your portion with generous tip) even before being asked. If they offer to pay (likely..), insist once more or offer to leave tip, ……then say thank you.

        Then write a very nice thank you note after the adventure.

      • Wannabe Runner

        Expect that your judge will likely pay. Offer anyway, and be ready just in case.

        And sometimes, it’s ok to let others pay. They are showing you their ability to pay, and it’s ok to recognize that.

        That $40 meal means something different to them than it probably does to you. It’s ok to accept meals others pay for.

      • Tara B.

        Having been in a remarkably similar situation, I did this exact thing. When the check came I asked, How much do I owe you?” while reaching for my wallet and the let the boss tell me it was his treat.

    • Monte

      Go to the dinner, but do not just reach. It almost always reads as some lame attempt to pass the bill off to someone else. Not only would I have a card available but I would have a reasonable approximate of the cash available (i.e. twenties if needed, etc). Your judge will likely be gracious, but do not rely on him to do it. Have the money/card and have him reject it, rather than make him feel like he has to bail you out. There is no need to fight over the bill, but be prepared to pay.

  17. zora

    There is a Fraggle in my office!!! I am kind of unreasonably excited now, even tho I thought I was super bah humbug about halloween.

  18. Kat G

    Random idea of the day: What would you guys think if I found some “experts” in various topics for you guys to address questions towards (instead of the vast majority of Qs being answered by me)? Some initial thoughts on the kinds of areas I’d be looking for — fitness, personal finance, relationships, beauty (someone who knows the products on the market as well as the trends but specializes in classic looks), etiquette, maybe black-tie… anything else?

    • MH

      Do you mean guest posters, or would you redirect the questions to another site?

      • Kat G

        guest posters, but of a more permanent sort — bringing people on the roster to answer every etiquette Q, or every personal finance Q. i’d be open to doing a cross-posting if the “expert” is a blogger (posting it on their own blog as well as here) but would have to hammer it out.

        • hoola hoopa

          I like the idea if they are blogging for blogging’s sake, so to speak. I’m generally not interested in guest posts (here or elsewhere) where the guest poster is just doing the marketing circuit for their new book, etc. I do like the idea of having a specialized voice, though.

    • Bewitched

      I thought Kanye West’s guest post was awesome and I liked that she answered some questions (storage of pearls), so if something similar, that would be great.

        • cbackson

          True story: I’m so out of it that I really thought North West was named Kimye for…a long time.

          • LH

            That’s hilarious! I can totally see them naming a baby Kimye after themselves. My mom is the least pop-culturally aware person I know – she actually does not even know who Kim Kardashian is (I’m kind of jealous of her for not knowing actually).

    • Coach Laura

      Kat, I like your posts but also enjoyed the guests that you had during your maternity “leave” so if it’s similar, that would be good, IMO.

    • DC Wonkette

      I like the idea for specialized topics! It might also be interesting to have them available to join in the follow on discussion in the comments section…

    • Samantha

      On beauty and fashion topics, sure. On finance, fitness etc. I think maybe not, though it really depends on the tone of the expert.
      I have other sites I go to for that information, though I appreciate your perspective as an “overachieving chick.” Just as I like to read how others plan their day or weekend, or what they like to cook, in the spirit of girlfriend chat, I’m not sure I’d like to have the FlyLady here telling me how to plan my housecleaning sessions in an I’m The Expert tone of voice.
      A lot depends on tone and style though.

      • MH

        My preferred topics are actually the ones that are more specific to “overachieving chicks” – ETIQUETTE, relationships, and some personal finance. But I love love love personal finance blogs, so I don’t mind reading more than one.

    • Monday

      I think this could be great. And it doesn’t mean you couldn’t still weigh in alongside the guest post, in fact it would be interesting if you had a different view.

    • MJ

      Kat, I really like this idea, much like the awesome guest posters we had during your mat leave, as someone mentioned (I’m looking at you, Coach Laura!). However, before they become permanent features, these folks need a trial run. For instance, you recently had an expert who suggested bringing outside food/flask to a bar to save money. A number of us found this tremendously offensive/wrong and then this expert lost credibility, in my eyes. That’s the kind of person that it was great we had a trial run with, so we could say, “No thanks…do not want to see this person every week.” Also, I generally hate patronizing, “this is for women” advice when it comes to finance, so, please, by all means, get us finance experts, but make sure they are watching the tone when it comes to being patronizing or “special” because we’re ladies. Thank you!!!!

      • Kat G

        Ha, yes — the flask bit was my fault — totally missed that line when I read it over before posting it. (And let’s not even get into the guest poster who suggested we all meditate while driving home — another error of judgment on my part.)

          • JJ

            Love and fabuliciousness! I still sometimes sign some emails with other ‘r e t t e s with that signature.

          • Kat G

            hahahahahaha. Sadly, you guys only saw a drastically reworked version of the post — the original drafts were so, so much worse. So much for my attempt to add Oprah-like spirituality to the mix. :)

          • Sydney Bristow

            I cannot believe I forgot about that!

            Kat, I like the idea but I’m not sure I’d love it if it was a frequent thing. Maybe not more than about once a week. I like the part about using the same person over and over for a specific topic because then its like a relationship that gets built up over time instead of a one-off post promoting something.

            I also like the idea of getting readers to blog. Kanye’s post today was great.

    • Kat G

      While we’re talking random ideas, here’s another one I’ve been batting around for a while — what would you guys think if I asked READERS to blog? I would think it would be things like a) buying an initial work wardrobe (or a significantly new wardrobe because of weight loss/gain, new job, etc), or b) job hunting (or c) something I haven’t even thought of but would strike me as totally appropriate for this audience when I hear it). Kind of in the style of Weddingbee (where they have guest bloggers take you through their wedding). I’d ask for a minimum of 10 posts I think from each reader/blogger spread out over 10 weeks.

      I don’t want to inundate you guys with too much content, though; I know everyone’s busy, so I’ve also thought of having it in a separate tab.

      • preg 3L

        I really like the idea of readers blogging. They know the audience much better than a guest poster.

      • Bonnie

        I love this idea so long as the posters would not be promoting their own blogs.

      • OCAssociate

        I like this idea – the regular readers definitely have the best insight on the audience.

        I can’t remember Kat, have you talked about a separate maternity/’R-e-t-t-e mom page? It seems like it would be popular with a large segment here.

        • Kat G

          I had originally announced that I would be starting a Corporette/maternity newsletter back 10,000 years ago when I announced I was pregnant with my son — then got stuck by tech problems with the program I wanted to use — then realized newsletters are a totally different business than blogging — then realized I couldn’t monetize it until I built it — and then realized that hey, I had a newborn, and time/energy/brain cells were kind of limited. It’s still on the menu of things I desperately want to do but until I extricate myself more from the day-to-day blogging stuff it’s hard for me to focus on the business expansion stuff.

    • dancinglonghorn

      I actually really don’t like this idea. I read plenty of blogs that are coalition blogs – I read this blog for your opinion. I’m not sure what would make this blog unique anymore if this was the case.

      I also understand that it is difficult for you to produce a ton of content every day.

    • Tara B.

      I will depend on how good you are at vetting them. The internet is full of “experts”. If they turn out to be totally crap, your brand will suffer, too.

  19. Woods-comma-Elle

    Squee, I’ve discovered there is another Finnish person who appears to be commenting on Corporette – you know who you are *waves*.

  20. Woods-comma-Elle

    Ugh, why did I use the c word… now in moderation.

    Squee, I’ve discovered there is another Finnish person who appears to be commenting – you know who you are *waves*.

  21. Home Improvement Financing Q

    So, I have a 90-year old house. It needs about 50K worth of work (a structural / water intrusion issue plus a covered front porch that we think we’d use a lot because the weather is generally mild here and we would have a place to sit when our children play outside). This is a lot of $! Do people typically pay cash for this sort of home improvement?

    Our mortgage was refinanced at a good rate and I don’t want to touch that. I could tap a home equity line for about 1/2 of the cost and pay cash for the rest (would they bump up our ceiling since we’d be using $ on the house and not to do something like pay off credit cards or buy a boat)? I’m not sure I’d want to pay much more in cash because it would lower my cushion beyond what I’m comfortable with. Save for another year if we can limp along so we can pay all cash?

    • hoola hoopa

      The short answer is, yes, people pay in cash, home equity loan, or a mix of the two. The right option for you depends on the equity you have, your intent to stay in the home, the market in your area, savings potential, preference for saving/lump sum payment vs monthly cost for life of loan, etc.

    • MH

      I’m kind of in the same boat (102-year old house, that needs about $100K of work to restore), but I have to constantly remind myself that there’s a difference between things that have to get done, and things that I just want to do to make it prettier. DH and I got a HELOC for $20K of energy upgrades. That includes three new windows upstairs, a new furnace, and attic insulation. We had decided that it was a must to do those upgrades, because the house as-is was basically leaking heat and was unbearable in the summer (no A/C).

      Other than that, though, anything we need to do to improve the house requires us to have the cash. We’ve been doing little projects here and there, spending $3K to get some new pipes on the main floor; $5K to paint the exterior; $1K to landscape the front yard, etc. But, it takes time because we just can’t do it all up front.

    • Anon

      I’d do it in two phases. First I’d do the things that you NEED to get done (water/structural issues) immediately. Those are only going to get more dangerous/expensive the longer you wait to address them. Not really know your overall financial situation, but I’d try to pay cash for these if they didn’t over extend you too much.

      Then, I’d reevaluate your finances and set out a plan to fund all of the rest of your house “wants.” Again, I don’t know enough about your overall finances and whether these improvements would actually improve the value of the house to a commensurate degree, but I think there could be good arguments for either doing it in dribs and drabs with cash or all at once with a bank loan.

    • Bonnie

      The line of credit is generally limited by the equity in the house so a bank would only give you at most the difference between the mortgage and the value of the house. Our house was/is a fixer upper and we have tackled the projects based on level of urgency over the years. How you pay depends on a lot of factors including the interest rate of your savings account or credit card and at what rate you can get a line of credit. Certainly don’t empty your savings because with an old house there is always potential for an emergency.

  22. mintberrycrunch

    Hive, I’ve just found out that a close friend did not pass the bar. What can I do to support her? What do I say? For frame of reference, I’m a current 3L, so I did not take the bar with her and she’s not in my city anymore (so it’s not like I will run into her). Should I reach out? Ignore it?

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      My instinct would be to be there and be supportive, but steer clear of practical solutions like ‘you can do it again in February’ and ‘lots of smart people fail first time’. She knows all this stuff but, unless she is a super-rational, reminding her of these facts will likely not help. The time will come to be practical, but right now, she probably just wants you to go ‘oh wow, that sucks, another tequila?’ The best way is probably to let her know you’re there and to ask her what she wants/needs right now.

    • LH

      If you’re in very regular contact with her I think it would nice to reach out & let her know you’re there for her, but I’d be cautious about rubbing salt in the wound if you don’t talk her regularly. If I had a friend (even a fairly close friend) that I didn’t talk to that much suddenly contact me after I failed, I’d probably be embarrassed and feel like she was calling attention to it, even though rationally I’d know she was trying to be kind. But one of biggest fears about the possibility of failing the bar was having people pity me or feel sorry for me, and I know lots of others don’t have that hangup. Just keep in mind that even if its meant with 100% good intentions, it may not make her feel good. Personally, even with a close friend I talked to regularly I probably wouldn’t bring it up, but would wait til the friend brought it up. But since you won’t see each other in person, I guess its a lot less likely that she’ll bring it up.

  23. SH

    Suggestions Needed: I’m making a presentation for a professional society in a couple weeks, and I’m having trouble spicing up the presentation. It’s going to run about three hours, and it’s on some super-technical, foreign, regulations – in other words, not the most exciting material to begin with. Right now, it’s me running a three-hour lecture (blah). Instead of me talking to them for three hours on boring stuff, I wanted to spice it up with some quick group exercises or discussions, but I’m sort of at a loss of what to do. In the CLE/presentations you’ve been in, have there been any good exercises/games that you’ve played that have kept things interesting? All suggestions welcome! TIA!

    • New Atty

      SH– Late response, but I’ve been doing a bunch of CLEs lately, so I thought I’d chime in.

      First, will it be recorded and viewable online? Or archived? If so, the written materials might not be available or simply won’t be viewed if they are, so don’t rely too much on those. On that same note, some online lectures hardly/don’t show the screen, so relying on people to just read the powerpoint is not helpful. One CLE had just stock photos of famous lawyer movies/tv shows and the topic/question superimposed on it. Not very text heavy, something more fun that dull powerpoint colors, and gives the brain some relief but still gets through the material.

      Some of the best ones I’ve seen explain the topic and then have some good exercises. Think teaching methods! For example, you are talking about HIPAA. Explain the relevant provision and then give little scenarios and offer them a chance to answer if it violates/doesn’t violate HIPAA — it breaks the boredom and gets people to remember the material later. Another example would be to put two pieces of text and show why one is better than the other for say, contract-drafting in compliance with HIPAA. Just an example.

      Occasionally I will see people put some comedic relief in the talk (think a silly website). It’s nice to break the pace, yes, but I’d prefer the lecture being 20 mins shorter than spending that time cracking jokes.

      If it’s feasible, panels can be nice and help the time go by while offering different perspectives to the topic.

      Good luck! The fact that you want to make it interesting is already a good sign!

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