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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I’ve seen a variety of techniques over the years to prevent button-up blouses from gaping at the bust. Some are sophisticated (The Shirt by Rochelle Behrens, I love you!), and some are a little more crude (a binder clip works in a pinch).
Spanx has come up with a new solution: What if we just got rid of the buttons altogether? This poplin blouse is a pull-on design with a faux-button front. It looks like your classic, crisp, button-up, but without any of the button-related issues. Plus, the fabric has just a hint of stretch to ensure a perfect fit.
The blouse is $128 at Spanx and comes in sizes XS–3X. It also comes in navy blue.
As of 2024, some great dress shirts for women with large breasts include The Shirt by Rochelle Behrens, Lands' End No-Gape shirts, Spanx's No-Gape Button-Front, eShakti's made to measure tops, Tradlands' “Boob-Gap Improving Button-Up,” and specialty stores like Exclusively Kristen, PerfectDD, and Miriam Baker.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Anon
When a new company offers you a lower compensation package than what you currently have, they know you’re going to decline the job right? *end rant*
Anon
Ugh. I’m sorry — that’s so insulting.
Anon
A few months ago, I mentioned looking into a job that would be a step up in terms of workload and responsibilities. They offered a salary that matched my previous one and was *absolutely not negotiable*. I politely declined, stating that I was interested in the job but couldn’t possibly accept without a raise. Lo and behold, a few days later, they came back with a significantly better offer, and I am now happy in my new position. But definitely don’t take a new job with a pay cut unless you are deliberately taking a step back for work/life balance reasons.
Anon
Agreed. At this point, I’d accept a new job with a pay cut only if it came with a workload cut. Otherwise, I’m sticking with the devil I know.
Anon
I accepted a job with a pay cut when I transitioned from private industry to federal government. However, my hours are much better and I feel much more excited about the mission, type of work, etc.
Anon
That’s good news – I’m happy it worked out in your case!
Anon
Not necessarily. Some people want to trade less hours or stress for less money, some move to mission based work from the corporate world, some pursue a passion.
I work in government, but in a role where most people have come from industry. Pretty much everyone takes a pay cut to come here, because we love the mission and the benefits.
At my private high school I’d say over 50% of teachers had previous non-education careers and then transitioned to teaching, surely taking pay cuts. Our science teachers had worked as scientists, many history and English teachers were lawyers (and a few were journalists). They all (except maybe the journalists) took pay cuts to teach.
Anon
Yup. I took a pay cut to move from the private sector to a job I loved in the public sector. EVERYTHING about being in the public sector is better (besides pay, but it’s so worth the trade off to not be miserable 40 hours a week)
Anonymous
Eh maybe. From the hiring side, what you want isn’t all I’m considering. I also have a budget and other employees to think about. I’m in a non profit and actually nearly all of our new hires are taking a pay cut so while I do the best I can, I’m hoping you do otherwise want the job and certainly understand if you don’t, but I’m not making the offer to be insulting and get you to say no.
Anonymous
This. Or other circumstances like moving to job with fewer after hours expectations or in a smaller city. We assume people are taking a pay cut to move here as it’s a MCOL area or they are already here, because they want to take a real two week vacation without their work phone every year.
Anon
Why would you assume that people who already live in the low-cost area would be open to a pay cut to work for you?
Anonymous
Because the reason I mentioned in my answer? Even in a smaller city, people in private practice are generally not able to leave their phone behind and take a two week vacation every year. Plus rarely having to work on the weekends or evenings. Lots of people want to know they will be off and don’t want to work extra hours even if they are billing that time. Sometimes it’s necessary but not often. See the post yesterday where someone asked about checking email on vacation and a ton of people said it was the norm to check a lot.
Anonymous
Probably because her experience has shown that people are taking the jobs!
Anon
Can people at least put in the minimum salary that the job pays, like “starting at X, depending on experience, etc.” and be as transparent as possible on the way in? I don’t want to waste my time or your time applying for some jobs that just won’t ever be a good fit.
Anon
From the hiring side, we put the range in every job listing. Repeatedly, we get to the point where we make an offer and the candidate is shocked! shocked! that the salary offered isn’t tens of thousands of dollars higher than the top of the range. I agree that the range should be provided, but candidates not expect that the posted range only applies to others and not to them.
Anon
I sing the praises of government all the time (truly one of the best decision that I’ve ever made), but I do love how clear and transparent government pay is. If I see a job that’s listed as a GS-12 in NYC, I know exactly what it will pay and have a rough idea of my annual increases (aside from COLAs). Or if it’s an 11/12 or a ladder, I know what it’ll be.
Anon
Seriously. Everyone should consider this.
Anon
Same. State level, but everyone has the same pay based on years of service.
Anonymous
Yup we list a range in every job posting. Required by law!
MJ
CA, NY, CO and a handful of other states are required to list ranges by law nowadays. It’s really helpful, although, IMO, it’s leading to salary compression for in-house counsel.
Anecdata
I live in Colorado and appreciate the ranges but the laws need some refining -right now there’s essentially no enforcement, so you still get companies just straight up not complying, as well as companies listing unreasonable ranges (80k – 300k ???) and also companies that *actually do* expect negotiation above the range and will make offers above the listed range if pressed (and, no surprise, it turns out white men are most likely to ask for more than the listed top range).
Anon
That makes sense in that case, but this is not a non-profit at all. It’s a private, for profit corporation. I do wish salary ranges were posted on the job ads.
Anon
I once took a lot of satisfaction in declining a job (even though I didn’t have other offers yet) that was way below what I had previously made and where the boss kept saying to say “but if you consider the 401K, it’s like it’s more.” They all seemed so baffled I’d rather stay unemployed. Got a new job in my preferred range 6 weeks later. Say no if you can and force these companies to step up.
Anon
You’re lucky, but I also find that baffling given that you were unemployed. There’s a lot of reasons companies pay less for similar jobs. Lifestyle, expectations, budgets, etc.
Anon
It’s not that baffling when I think back to the strong state of the job market at that time and the three or four other promising applications I had out. I am lucky that I wasn’t in a desperate situation like I was during the great recession. I ultimately ended up with two offers for jobs that would’ve worked well for me and I went with the best one. The one that paid way below market was nowhere close at all.
Anon
Also, to be clear, the job I turned down was 25K below competitive jobs with less flexibility and a very average benefits package. The location was also somewhat unsafe, although I would have lived with that.
Anon
Yeah. I admittedly have anxiety about unemployment but I can’t imagine turning down a decent but not great job offer when I’m unemployed. And I certainly can’t imagine doing so and feeling so satisfied about doing so.
Anon
You can’t imagine feeling satisfied after getting a far better, fair job less than two months later? Different strokes, I guess. I could imagine being very dissatisfied taking a job that doesn’t pay the bills.
Anonymous
I can’t imagine either. I’m old enough to remember how 9/11 completely gutted a strong job market when I was out of grad school. And then 2008. And again with Covid. Strong job markets can turn on a dime. Maybe it’s also a matter of industry. I work in a high paying and niche field and so it can be more vulnerable. But usually you can negotiate much better when employed—so riding out an acceptable job for a year to negotiate the dream job is better longer term unless title or experience isn’t equal as well.
Anon
Amen 10:43, I’ve seen strong job markets turn on a dime my entire career, and I go back to the dot com bust and recessions of the 90s. It’s insane to me to turn down a job when you’re unemployed.
Anon
I’m surprised everyone is so distressed at my choice – it brought me happiness. I’m no stranger to unemployment; I struggled for months to find a job, any job, during the Great Recession. I don’t live my life like catastrophe is around the corner, though, especially not for choices as important as where I work. Please rest assured that everything worked out great. I’ve been at that same job ever since and I now make $40k more than when I started, plus bonus. I have NO regrets. As it happens, someone I went to grad school with took a job at the place I turned down and stayed less than six months.
Anon
Anon @ 11:10 am – I completely understand why you turned down that offer and I would have done the same given the information you provided. This is the whole reason I have a robust savings/emergency fund. So I can continue to be picky about jobs.
Anonymous
It’s great it worked out for you. But I still think it would be a bad decision for many folks unless they are in a field that tends to be in high demand and are somewhat early in their careers. I’ve seen too many folks have months of unemployment derail or at the least poorly pivot their career paths, especially once they hit their 40s and should be in prime earning. Literally can think of a dozen or so folks director-level and above, and that’s without even trying that hard. Same goes for those who decide to take off six months or whatnot before looking without much reason. It can work. But still probably bad advice for most folks. Fair or not, you’re just not as desirable when you’re not employed.
Anon
Not the OP: I’ve been through several restructurings that left me unemployed, and that has often lead to dysfunctional or underpaid jobs for just the reasons you describe: who can turn down a job when unemployed? There is something to be said for holding out (reasonably) for a better situation.
anon
I too am baffled you’d prefer to stay unemployed, especially if it really was more money with the 401k. Why wouldn’t you have considered that as part of the comp?
Anon
Because other jobs in my field had fair market rate salaries AND 401(k)s. Got one six weeks later. If I hadn’t diligently saved money for a very strong emergency fund for years, I probably would have been forced into taking the crap job. Never regretted those savings.
Anon
Did the salary not come up in an inital call with a recruiter? I won’t move forward in interviews without a salary range and being clear that benefits/RSUs are NOT part of the comp number I’m looking for. I’m lucky that in my state it is required (NY) so fewer employers are playing games around this now.
Anonymous
This doesn’t make any sense. Why would you look only at salary dollars and not retirement/pension benefits? The financial difference of a job with defined contribution, defined benefit or fully indexed defined benefit is vast. The difference between DH’s pension plan and mine is such that I could earn 30% less in his org. and still come out the same. Most people need to factor retirement planning into their compensation ranges.
Anon
Yes but most people also have cash flow needs that can’t be solved by benefits
Anonymous
Benefits affected cash flow. Like DH doesn’t have to pay health care premiums for his plan but mine are $400/month. Salary alone doesn’t give you a picture of your take home pay. Lower salary may be the same take home as a higher salary job with expensive benefits.
Anon
Of course benefits can be relevant but your situation is actually supportive of them not. If you get insurance through your spouse for no or limited premiums, excellent health insurance at a new job doesn’t affect your cash flow.
The comment was in response to retirement benefits. If someone has minimum cash flow needs, an extra 4% match on retirement doesn’t really help.
Anonymous
If someone has minimum cash flow needs then they need to know what their take home pay will be not their gross salary. Mandatory health or retirement/pension costs will affect that take home pay. Depending on the job, sometimes you can’t opt out.
A 4% match doesn’t add value if you need cash flow number but a mandatory pension contribution or health care cost will reduce take home pay and affect the cash flow number which is why it doesn’t make sense that Anon 9:32 said benefits are not part of the comp number they look at.
Anon
+1. If an employer plays games (“the value of the health care premium payment adds $4K to your salary!”), I’m out. I’ll consider lower offers that have other benefits as long as there isn’t trickery involved.
Anonymous
Is it trickery though? It’s total comp. Someone who is going to contribute to my 401k and match at a higher percentage is giving me better pay than someone who is not. A strong healthcare plan with a large network that also has low premiums can easily mean $10k more in take home (and less hassle). Bonuses also are very real. I won’t even consider smaller companies because it’s hard to get a base salary to make up for good benefits. Yes, gym membership isn’t the same as hard dollars but those things I just listed are.
Anon
If you try to act like health insurance is “salary,” then yes, I consider it deceptive. Be straight about what falls into what buckets and there’s no issue.
Anecdata
I don’t mind a company talking up those things or giving the candidate the info to help them make their decisions, but describing it as “salary/compensation” is outside the common meaning of the word enough to count as trickery.
Example:
“What’s the range for this position?”
Recruiter: “$120k-140k. Does that fit with what you’re looking for?
“Yes, I’d be looking for the higher end of that range, based on my experience with whatever…”
3 weeks later:
“Here’s an offer for 90k, but we offer health insurance and parental leave and 401k matching so it’s a value of 130k”
–> Deceptive, disrespectful, and I don’t want to work with this company
It’s an entirely different situation if the recruiter says upfront: we are unlikely to meet your range but we offer (100% paid health insurance for dependents; or this pension plan; or XYZ bonus plan or some other unusually financially valuable benefit); does it make sense to continue the interview process?”. I might still decide not to continue, but I wouldn’t feel tricked or treated unfairly in the second scenario.
Anon
Because I (and I assume many people!) budget off of take home pay/salary – telling me the role pays between $200-$250k and then the recruiter goes, well, $125k is the base, most people make anywhere from $100-$125k per year in RSUs/bonuses is not what I’d call salary. Especially as bonuses/RSUs are taxed differently and are NOT guaranteed. I need to make X to pay my mortgage/bills, not X minus $100k in variable comp.
Anon
Unless a bonus is guaranteed and written into your offer letter it isn’t real. It’s called variable compensation for a reason and taxed differently because of that.
Anon
I mean I pay $200 per month for my portion of health insurance (single person). If an employer coveted 100% of premiums or had really low employee paid premiums (my last job i paid $30 per month) then yeah I count that because that’s more money in my pocket.
anon
Your salary isn’t likely to go down. Your health insurance coverage is likely to change, and not to your benefit. It’s apples and oranges.
Anon
Cash bonuses are not taxed differently. Withholding may change based on what your company has on file but cash comp is cash comp when it all settles for your tax bill
Anonymous
All of this is representing factors quite differently from what was stated. Looking at total comp isn’t a bait and switch. In fact, I think ignoring it is one of the biggest mistakes early careerists make.
You want the salary AND the good benefits. That 401K match (and time it takes to be vested) can really make a difference. I’ve gone from minimal healthcare cost to paying $700 or more in a check and I definitely felt it on my cash flow. Sometimes you think a smaller company with a great base is going to be good–but then the math just isn’t mathing when you look at whole picture.
The best employers will tell you upfront not only salary but also what the total comp situation looks like. I’ve definitely made switches where the health insurance change was like getting a massive raise (or cut) even though base pay didn’t change that much.
Anon
No one is saying total compensation doesn’t matter. People are saying that employers should not say “the salary is $70K” in the initial interview and then when it’s offer time, say “actually the compensation package is $70K when you consider the value of the on-site dry cleaning we provide.” The latter is a bait and switch and it is all too common.
Anon
It came up, and I said I needed my current compensation matched. I was under the assumption they knew I wasn’t joking. I’ve learned my lesson.
Anecdata
Eh, basing offers on past salary history has historically contributed to gender and race based gaps. I am all for “are we talking similar ranges” conversations early in the process to save everyone time, but I don’t think it’s intrinsically offensive to offer someone less than they’re currently making – let the candidate decide if it’s worth it to them. If you are claiming there are “great benefits!”, give the candidate the actual benefits package so they can run the #s themselves for their own situation
anon
I have definitely been offered jobs that I had said ‘no’ too before. Who knows if people were willfully not hearing you or what. It’s the same as everywhere else in your life. You can’t control other people, just you. Say no if that’s how you feel and if you had worked with a recruiter and been clear with them about salary parameters I would tell the recruiter that you feel your time was wasted.
Anon
Recommendations for under-bed drawers that have lids/tops? I need something to block my cat from midnight feet ambushes and I may as well increase our storage at the same time. In googling for options, it seems that most are open-top and I definitely don’t want that – I had them in a previous apartment and everything got dusty.
Anonymous
If you can’t find what you want, use the large vacuum storage bags to keep things clean.
Anon
Walmart has some that zip. Do they need to be attractive? These are not, but I like that they have clear, zippable tops.
anon
Not drawers, but I have and love these canvas storage containers from Lands’ End:
https://www.landsend.com/products/canvas-under-bed-storage-bag/id_320663?attributes=4717,43316
Anon
These look promising. Hard to tell from the picture, but are the sides kind of stiff? I’m hoping for something my cat can’t crush with ease.
Anon
I have lidded Sterilite bins that fit nicely under my bed. They make ones with lids that hinge in the middle (mine don’t), and I would opt for those if I were purchasing again so I don’t have to pull the entire bin out in order to open the lid. They also make ones with wheels but if you have carpet or a rug under the bed the bins slide just fine without wheels.
ALT
I have these too and I don’t think my cat has ever even investigated them (shocking since everything else gets closely inspected…). They seem sturdy to me and fit under the bed well!
Booster
+1 to the sterilite bins, and yes splash out for the hinged lids.
Anon
We have some from the Container Store. They are boxes, not drawers, but work very well. Fully lidded, and we use them for the same reason.
Anon
It’s the Clear Storage Bins Long Underbed storage bins.
Anonny
I use something similar that I buy at Walmart or BigLots
Anon
I have those too and like them.
NY CPA
I used to have underbed bins similar to these: https://www.containerstore.com/s/storage/plastic-bins-baskets/our-long-under-bed-box-with-wheels/12d?productId=10009994
Anonymous
These drawers from Container Store!! Comes as a single and you can stack them. I still have my four from my Freshman year bought almost exactly 21 years ago! https://www.containerstore.com/s/storage/storage-drawers/under-bed-drawer/12d?productId=10000201
Anon
Thanks all! I think I’ll go with some basic bins with the hinge – seems solid enough and the price is right. Now to go measure to make sure there won’t be residual cat-sized holes…
Upgrading Cookware
I’m starting to enjoy cooking more and want to invest in a new set of cookware and a really nice set of knives. Do you have a recommendation? I like cooking in ceramic pans but I’m pretty open. I’m not limited by price if the quality is really spot on, but I don’t want items that are finicky or require a lot of maintenance. I need a truly excellent set of knives and a few varying sizes of pots and pans. I already have a perfect Dutch oven. Thanks!
Anon
For pans, I love cast iron and heavy stainless steel. For knives, I like my Global set.
Anon
I’d avoid sets. I cook a lot but really only use a couple pots, a couple pans, and three knives for 95% of what I cook, plus I don’t necessarily want the same thing for all of my pots or pans or knives. Figure out what you use the most or what you wish you had (A bigger pan? A serrated knife?) and then look for a good version of that specific thing.
emeralds
+1.
Anonymous
Agreed. I love to cook, and only two pieces of cookware that I have “match” – I prefer different materials for different purposes at different sizes.
Anon
+1 you don’t need all the stuff in sets.
I love All Clad pots and pans and Wustoff knives. Buying a few great pieces keeps the cost down, but they are both definitely worth the cost.
Anon
Avoid sets. Find whatever All-Clad is at TJ Maxx. Buy it. Go back a month later and a different size/shape pot will be there. It will probably have a tiny scratch on it somewhere, which will not affect its usage, and will be 20-40% off retail.
NY CPA
All Clad’s D3 line is the default for this for a reason. The quality really is wonderful. My parents have both had their sets for decades, and I’m looking to upgrade in the future when price is less of an issue for me.
Otherwise, I just go with whatever Cooks Illustrated / America’s Test Kitchen recommends. I have their best buy cookwear set, which was the Cuisinart Multiclad Pro, the knives they recommended from Victorinox’s fibrox line, and a few OXO Pro nonstick pans, and have been very happy with the performance of all of them. I know people like cast iron pans, but I can never get the seasoning right, so I just avoid them generally and use a stainless steel pan.
Anon
Avoid non-stick cookware for health reasons and invest in stainless steel. Once you learn how to use them correctly (basically boils down to heating them enough before adding the food), they become non-stick. Seriously, I make fried eggs in them that slip right out of the pan with no residue. They last forever, look good, and are non-toxic.
Anon
+1 from another stainless steel convert. It has the benefits of cast iron (no non-stick chemicals, can withstand high heat, lasts forever) without being ridiculously heavy. Cast iron is great for stove-to-oven but a pain to maneuver. A little barkeeper’s friend instantly gets the brown gunk off of stainless, it’s so easy to clean. I got a random brand from Homegoods that’s going strong
Anon
I gave up on my expensive stainless steel. Maybe it takes ?perfect stove/heat/pans/chi/whatever but I just burned too many things.
Some of us have more an innate sense of some of these “basic” cooking skills, or just really great teachers.
Anonymous
You don’t need a set of knives.
Start with one really good chef’s knife that is comfortable for your hand. I like the Japanese ones, and use a Shinkansen knife sharpener from Global on my Japanese knives.
Hand-washing is important to keep the quality.
Next knife: a serrated one for bread
Possibly a small paring knife, possibly a small tomato knife from Victorinox.
Moose
This is the way…I like my Mac Mighty chef knife. Then I use a paring knife and a serrated bread knife. After that it’s just any specialty ones that are specific to you.
Anonymous
Yes. I have a set but only use my chef’s knife, small paring knife, tomato knife, and bread knife.
Anon
This is a great set.
Although honestly, I use my sharpened chef’s knife on my tomato often…
anon
Other knives to consider once you have the basics – a good heavy cleaver for squash or breaking down chicken and a good filet knife.
LadyB
I use a Le Creuset everyday pan, a chef knife and a pairing knife for 95% of my daily cooking. For the knives, I use a Shun 6″ utility knife, and a Shun 8″ chef knife.
Anon
I’d start with three knives and not buy a set. Go to Sur La Table and see what feels good in your hand. My Henckels / Zwilling knives have lasted 25 years now and they’re still my favorites even though I’ve tried others during this time. Spend the most on your chef’s knife, then get a less expensive paring knife and a serrated knife, also called a tomato knife. A bread knife is nice to have too, also serrated. Once you have these you can see if you’d like to get a block or a magnet or a drawer knife holder.
Recommendation from me – store a box cutter near your knives so you’re not tempted to use them to open shipping boxes!
In terms of cookware, I think most everyone needs one small nonstick pan for eggs, beyond that, don’t invest in anything nonstick. It does not last. My All Clad pots and pans have stood the test of time. My favorite is the lidded saute pan (straight sides.). I also have a few Le Creuset enameled cast iron pots – a Dutch oven, a braiser (most used pot), and a skillet. Staub is also great for cast iron.
Anon
Agree with most of this, other than the non-stick pan for eggs. Just learn to cook them properly in whatever normal pan you prefer and you will never go back. No more babying pans or avoiding metal utensils, no worries about toxic chemicals leaching into your food.
Anon
Most normal human beings cook eggs in a nonstick pan!
Anon
I agree about the non stick pans; it’s bad for air quality, they don’t last long, and there are better alternatives. A lot of things are popular because they’re low investment or zero skill, but sometimes a very slight investment in initial cost or in skill pays off.
Anon
I guarantee there is no correlation between how “normal” a human is and what cookware they use for their eggs.
Runcible
Disagree — get a nonstick frying pan for eggs and never look back. It’s unpleasant to cook eggs in a stainless steel pan and have them stick. If you feel you need to avoid non-stick, consider a small Lodge brand cast iron frying pan for eggs. (Never wash the cast iron with dish soap!)
Runcible
Take a look at Lodge brand cast iron frying pans, plus All Clad “Signature” line of non-stick pots. No recommendations for knives, as I am a Philistine who likes department store or big box store chef’s knives that have a bit of serration. You should have on hand a bread knife, a “chef’s” (chopping) knife, and a smaller paring knife, at a minimum. Enjoy!
Anon
I’ll second the Shun reccomendation as well. I love mine. I have an 8″ Chef and 8″ Santoku that I use for almost everything. I also have a paring knife from Shun that sees a lot of use. As far as pans, love enameled cast iron skillets from Staub. That sees a ton of use in our house as well. We also have some stainless steel pans for braising, etc. I actually don’t know what brand those are- we got them hand me down from my MIL.
Anon
I have a favorite sports bra and I’d like to get a few more spares in case it gets discontinued, which has happened with three other fave items lately. I’m six months pregnant and the old ones still mostly fit (since they’re old and got a bit stretched out…). Should I expect my size to be about the same in the future if I breastfeed or is it really variable for each woman? I’ve heard they may increase in size and then shrink again.
Anon
It’s hard to say. I’d get some and expect a year of great changes to trash them (but I have some basic ones I used with the washable pads that are indestructible 15 years later, but I am pretty small usually).
anon
I returned to the same size after BFing and shedding some of the baby weight. That said, I wouldn’t buy for the body I don’t currently have, especially a postpartum body. YMMV, but for me it was hard enough to feel myself again, let alone potentially finding out I don’t fit in to new clothing I anticipated I would fit in to…
Anon
I normally wouldn’t buy for the body I don’t currently have either, but finding a decent sports bra was literally a years-long search!
Anon
My breasts went down to mostly the same size after BF, but my rib cage was permanently expanded due to pregnancy
Anon
My side didn’t change but they just seemed to be more floppy and I wanted more support. And I’m tiny, so this could really affect you if you are larger.
Anonymous
Same here!!! Still small cups but went from consistent 32 bands to 34/36. Especially while b-feeding, felt like anything with a tight band impacted my milk supply.
OP—this may be extra, but if you can afford it, I would wait for a sale and just buy that bra in your current size and a size or two up. Sell on Poshmark if it doesn’t fit later.
Or the opposite, perhaps they will not discontinue it when your body settles out. Or even if it’s discontinued, scour eBay and PM !
Anon
+1 on ribcage expansion. My cup size is the same but now I need a wider band.
Anonymous
It’s likely to be about the same size in the future. It will increase when you are nursing and after you wean you’ll be back close to your regular size. I would buy your regular size and then one in a size up.
Anon
I would wait since your body shape may change after BF, even if you go back to the same size.
anon
I’d get it now. My body returns to the same size and shape relatively quickly and I still regret not buying certain clothes when I was pregnant for the same reason as you!
Anonymous
My bra size stayed the same post pregnancy/breast feeding but I needed new styles of bras. I’ve been going to an amazing shop for years (Iris in Brooklyn) – I assumed I needed a new size because I was having back pain post pregnancy (and I’m not a large size), but when I went back I really just needed new styles in the same size but with different levels of support. So you may end up needing to look for new sports bras even if you return to the same size.
Anonymous
Okay I’m curious, what bra is this? Sounds magical!
Anon
It’s the AC sports bra from Title Nine. It’s my unicorn for my size and shape and it doesn’t have those awful loose pads!
Former Junior Associate
This is late, but I own that bra! For what this is worth, it’s Anita brand and Anita makes a huge range of sports bras; I think you’re very likely to be able to find something quite similar in the future if need be.
GCA
I’m a runner who has birthed and nursed two kids. My pre-pregnancy starting point was a 34A or a solid XS-S in sports bras depending on brand. During pregnancy I went up a couple of sizes, but nursing is what really produced the biggest size change. I then used those sports bras for the following year or so. After that, things deflated but my ribcage stayed the same size.
I would buy a couple spares of your favorites, but not stock up too much – I think the elastic may degrade anyway if they’re sitting around for 2+ years waiting for your size to stabilize. I’m sorry to say my own favorites were discontinued long ago – ahem, Moving Comfort! – but that just feels like part and parcel of being a clothes-wearing person these days.
Anon
I’m currently breastfeeding my second and my ribcage and bust is very different than before.
If I was going back during pregnancy, I would consider buying some Kindred Bravely sports bars that allow for working out, nursing and easily pumping. They’re a little expensive compared to an normal sports bra but very convenient in this phase.
Anonymous
my breasts are about the same size after nursing but, er, deflated. i do feel like things fit differently than they did beforehand and i wear different bras, but my comfort level also changed.
Anon
Same here. My rib cage is larger even at my “fighting weight “
Anon
Pregnancy is the absolute worst time to invest in a bunch of bras for your future size. It doesn’t make any sense. You do not know what size your boobs are going to be after you give birth, possibly breast-feed, lose weight or not, too many variables. Don’t do it.
anon
Yep. This is impossible to predict, so don’t waste your money.
Vicky Austin
Don’t expect to have the same size WHILE breastfeeding. Like others have said, too tight bras can cause breastfeeding issues. Most folks I know have the same size if not the exact same, ahem, consistency after weaning. Maybe go up a size for possible ribcage expansion.
Anon
My rib cage stayed the same and I dropped from a D cup pre-pregnancy, DD while breastfeeding, to a C when I was done. I think it’s a gamble, and personally would avoid buying anything I didn’t need to.
Induction Stove
We’re thinking about replacing our early 2000s electric stove/oven (inherited with home purchase) with an induction but have to admit I don’t know a ton about them. I’ve done some reading online but looking for real experience or endorsements. FWIW, I absolutely love to cook and we don’t have gas in the street so it’s electric or induction. I also understand you need a specific type of pots and pans, which we also happen to need to replace badly. We’re likely to get the pans before the stove, but want to buy the pans with the potential future induction upgrade in mind.
So, are inductions really worth it? Any favorites?
Anonymous
Yes we made the switch to induction and I could never go back. We have a Bosch and I love it. Boils water in less than a minute which is super handy on those nights I’m in a rush to make pasta for the kids. Heats more evenly and simmers well.
Most higher end pots are induction friendly. Just double check the label before you buy. It will be listed.
Cb
We have a bog standard induction and I burnt everything the first month, but have now adapted to it. My 7 year old make eggs and porridge on the stove, and it feels safer with a child than gas or electric. My Always (Anyday? Averywhere? Whatever that social media pan was called) pan doesn’t work consistently on it. I tend to buy pots and pans at TJ Maxx but most things seem induction compatible.
An.On.
I vastly prefer our induction to the electric one we had before. It cooks worlds better than the electric. One of the biggest issues I had with the electric was how slow it was to make temperature changes versus gas. The induction we have is really great at that – it heats up incredibly quickly and cools down much much faster than the electric. It’s also much much easier to clean, even than our electric (which was also a smooth top), because things don’t end up baked in as much, because the temperature adjusts so much faster. We had to replace almost all our pots/pans and that turned out to be more expensive than I had expected, so if you can do them gradually over time, that might be cheaper.
Anon
The cleaning factor has to be a huge plus. I just moved into a house with gas after living in a place with a flat top electric stove for years, and I hate the gas stove so much. It’s such a pain to clean and makes the kitchen so hot compared to electric that it makes me not want to cook all summer. I can’t wait to replace it with induction (probably in a year or two, once we take care of all of the other things that actually need to be done in the new house).
anon
I just upgraded to induction from gas and love it. It was 100% worth it.
I had a lot of health concerns with gas, which isn’t your issue, but I have used an electric stove. Here are my more relevant thoughts:
-induction is way more responsive than electric or gas
-induction is way easier to clean than either (the glass surface gets warm because there is a hot pot on it, but it is not heating up to transfer heat, so spills don’t get baked on)
Anon
I love to cook too and my ranking would be gas, induction, electric. If gas isn’t an option, induction no question.
OP
So, I’m sold. That took less than 60 minutes. We have a great local independent appliance store that I trust, so ultimately will lean on their recs. But, any favorite brands here? Or, perhaps more critically, any to stay away from?
Anon2
We have a GE and like it a lot. Ours also has an air fry function (for the oven, obv) that we use all the time.
And I’ll add to the chorus that induction is amazing. I especially like the safety features – the burner shuts off when there’s no pan, the stovetop doesn’t get hot to the touch, you can even cook with a towel directly on the burner and the pot on top (to catch splatter)!
A
To add to that, we have a GE induction with the air fryer. We have used the air fryer function maybe 3 times and almost had a fire twice.
I no longer use that setting, and use a standalone air fryer
Get the induction, skip the air fryer feature
Anonymous
I have a Bosch that I’m very happy with. A few years ago I would have said go with a European brand as they have been making induction stove for ages but I think other brands have likely caught up.
Anonymous
I love my Cafe, which is a higher-end GE brand. I chose it for the double oven and because it had physical knobs, and because our local independent store told me it’s very easy to get a GE repaired locally as opposed to a few other brands we were considering. I have a friend who just got a Bosch and also loves it, but when I looked at that one, the oven capacity was smaller than I wanted.
anon
Ask what’s in stock! We had a situation in which we ordered a GE Monogram earlier this year and kept getting strung along, where the day before install day would come and we were told it’d be another 3 weeks. Neither GE nor the appliance store (which I later learned is the crappier local appliance store–we’ll stick with their competitor in the future) were of help in giving us real information. A few cycles of that and we cancelled the order and ended up going with a Wolf. I’m happy with the Wolf, though don’t have information on whether the premium is worth it.
Anonymous
I switched from gas to induction. Best decision.
I did a slightly atypical set up however. I purchased individual induction burners (they just plug into regular outlets when you need them, and you put them away when you don’t need them), and a separate *lab grade* electric oven (very precise temp).
Where the gas range was, I installed a granite countertop.
2 induction burners off Amazon was about $100 each.
Lab grade electric oven was maybe $2000? But I’m sure you can get one for less.
Granite counter to replace where the gas range was about $700 from a remnant stone warehouse.
NY CPA
The induction cooktop I had in a former apartment was super glitchy and a total PITA to use. Maybe if you have a higher end one it works well (lots of people on this board seem to love theirs), but based on my experience, I plan to avoid in future if possible. The issues I had were related to overheating and shutting off mid cooking (not able to turn it back on until it cools itself down, which can really mess up your cooking), and liquid getting on the surface (e.g. splashing out of a pot or pan) and messing with the controls and again turning off. Also not all pots and pans marked “induction ready” would work with it.
For pots and pans, just get a good set of tri-ply stainless steel and cast iron or enameled cast iron, and you should be fine. Avoid very lightweight pots and pans.
Anon
We inherited an LG induction cooktop with home purchase and absolutely despise it. Works with only half our pans (which we are not in need of replacing), and the controls are touchscreen – a very unresponsive touchscreen where you have to mash repeatedly on the spot to get it to go up or down in temp. Happily going back to electric when we remodel.
Anon
We just replaced our electric stove with induction. Our previous house had gas. Most of our pots/pans were cast iron or steel already, so the only thing we had to replace was a single non-stick pan. I hated the electric stove– though I suspect part of why I hated it was the time it took to cook something in a cast iron pan (which was most of what I have). Gas was not a great option in our kitchen because there was no vent in place, and we didn’t have a great way to install one. We also have a toddler and a baby and were sold on some of the safety features.
If you go to an appliance showroom, they should be able to demonstrate induction to you– that is what sold me as we had never actually seen one in the wild. My understanding is that some of the original technology had issues, which may explain some of the negative comments here. You can also buy induction hot plates (which we’ve been using during our kitchen remodel) if you want to test out the technology yourself at home for a bit.
Anonymous
I recently upgraded to induction from electric. The pans heat faster and more evenly, and when you turn the heat up or down the response is very quick. Highly recommend.
Anon
I looked into it when my current gas stove seem like it was gonna kick the bucket. I would have to upgrade my electrical to get an induction stove. They can’t use the standard plug. It turned out not to be worth the money to me.
I can’t tell you my experiences with an induction stove because I haven’t used one, but I would really miss the immediacy of turning and turning off a gas burner. And it seems like I’d have to replace a bunch of my cookware
Anon2
On the immediacy point, the stovetop of an induction doesn’t get hot, so turning off the burner would have a similar immediate effect (unless I’m missing something?) We cook a lot and had gas for 15 years, but recently switched to induction and like it just as much
Anon
Compared to gas, turning off an induction stove is much more immediate because the burner does not hold on to the heat they way a gas burner’s armature does. If you remove the pan from an induction stovetop, you do not leave behind a hot burner.
Anonymous
An induction stove can use the standard outlet that’s already there if you are replacing an electric range.
Anon
I also have been looking at replacing a 15+ year old electric Bosch stove to Induction. We saw a demonstration at our local appliance store of an Electrolux that was pretty nice. They had some tips and tricks on selecting pans, etc. One aspect I didn’t know was it’s important to measure the footprint of the burners and pick pans that match. So talking to someone IRL was helpful.
The one thing that stands out to me with induction is that very few options come with knobs. We’re mostly looking at the $4k+ Bosch induction stove and Electrolux now mostly because both have knobs and they are available. Both have mixed reviews online.
One of the sales people we talked to about induction said she’d stay away from Samsung and LG. Or at least plan on buying a long term warranty plan, because she had seen a lot of issues with both.
Great idea to ask here. I’ll keep watching for more input!
Anonymous
Just adding an option, since I also cared about this: the Cafe induction range has knobs as well.
Anonymous
Travel recommendations for smaller cities you’ve liked in Europe? DH and I are very much city people – love walking around looking at architecture, getting coffee, browsing shops on vacation while staying in a luxury hotel. So far we’ve only been to London and Paris and would love to try some places that are smaller – assuming they’ll be less crowded, less time spent in traffic or public transport, and just cleaner cities. Any ideas? Ideal if they’re easy to get to from a major international city – so we can fly in from the east coast and take a few hour train ride or connecting flight.
Anon88
Copenhagen! Such good food, I had the best time wandering.
Anonymous
Bregenz or Innsbruck in Austria are both lovely for this. You can fly into Zurich, train to Bregenz, stay a couple days (August is nice for the opera on the lake), and then train to Innsbruck and fly out of Munich or go south to Italy for a few days and fly out of Milan.
I also love smaller cities in Italy but those are less train accessible. Austria/Switzerland/Germany are quite good for both city and longer distance public transit.
Anonymous
Cosign that Bregenz is heavenly, but would only do it in summer–it’s especially magical.
Three that are harder to get to, but also magical:
Krakow, Poland
Vilnius, Lithuania
Talinn, Estonia
Absolutely adored all three.
Anon100
I enjoyed Lisbon! We stayed at the Marriott so not luxury hotel, but definitely enjoyed walking around taking in the architecture, the beautiful tiles, and popping into cafes for coffee and pasteis de natas. It was very easy to navigate their subway and trams as someone who never learned any Romance languages.
Cb
Lisbon is gorgeous. My parents retired an hour’s drive up the coast, so we spend a decent amount of time there. We’re staying in the Solar de Castelo for my 40th at Christmas.
Anon
Smaller cities I’ve loved include Prizren (Kosovo), Ohrid and Skopje (Macedonia), Bratislava (Slovakia), Galway (Ireland), and Windsor (England).
Bratislava is the easiest to get to – about an hour via train from Vienna.
Woods-comma-Elle
You can also get a boat between Vienna and Bratislava along the Danube which is very fun!
Anon
Kitzbuhel, Austria. It is in the Austrian Alps, about 1.5 hours drive from Munich (direct flights from Newark) or 1 hour from both Salzburg and Innsbruck. Stay at Stanglwirt. It is amazing.
Many smaller cities in south of France are also quite nice – Antibes, Cannes, Saint Paul de Vence are all an easy drive from Nice which has direct flights from Newark and JFK in the summer. You could base yourself in one of them and do day trips to all of them. They are all very busy in the summer though. Cap Ferret and Annecy are also worth a visit in France – those are accessible via train from Paris.
Anon
Really hard to beat Krakow.
Anon
I commented FLorence and Salzburg below, but yes, Krakow is beautiful and often overlooked
Anon
I was lucky enough to be in Krakow when it was experiencing beautiful spring weather, which is no guarantee of course. I haven’t been back, but I’d go back in heartbeat. Prague is a train right away so we went to both. Both beautiful cities.
Cb
I did my MA in Krakow and haven’t been back, and really need to prioritise it. I keep thinking I can convince my grad school BFFs to do a reunion with our kids.
AnoNL
Depends on the time of year – the air is unbreathable in winter (pollution).
In spring/summer, I agree, Krakow, Wroclaw (my top), Gdansk are great. Polish people love design and food, you won’t be disappointed.
Prague can be crowded in summer, but so worth to see. Bratislava is tiny, but I keep so many positive reviews, might be worth to check (to be fair, I am Slovak and I have mixed feelings about BA – it is a nice 1.5day trip, but then you’ve seen it all).
I would also recommend Amsterdam, Rotterdam, Haarlem, Hague. And you can hop on a train and continue visit in Ghent and Bruges.
Coppenhagen and Stockholm are great choices too. All of the above are easily accessible by train from major airports.
Anon
Munich is a hub and a fun city, and also easy to take the train to Salzburg. Seconding Copenhagen as well.
But really the trains are so good in Europe that I might just find a good flight deal to whatever city and then google “day/weekend trips from X city” and see if there’s any places that appeal.
emeralds
Agreed, this is a great way to go. I’ll cosign the recommendations for Munich, Copenhagen, Salzburg, and Lisbon, and add Porto, Valencia, Florence (if you go in the off-season, otherwise it’s mobbed but fits your other criteria), Edinburgh, and Freiburg (smaller but lovely).
Anonymous
My husband, kids and I recently spent 5 days in Salzburg and loved it. Beautiful city that was a perfect size for exploring for this length of time. Great public transit, but a compact, walkable downtown area with nice shops and restaurants. History and art (especially music). Just lovely. Husband and I can’t wait to go back without kids for a more wine- and dine-centric trip.
Woods-comma-Elle
Helsinki – very walkable (and good public transport) and great food and coffee scene as Finns LOVE coffee. Design is a big thing in Finland so lots of funky architecture interspersed with older, classic buildings and a lot of cool independent shops. Direct flights from NY and Miami. It is a capital city but much smaller than most others in Europe and there aren’t that many people in Finland so it’s rarely crowded anywhere.
It is beautiful in the summer and you can take boat trips around the archipelago, but Finland knows how to handle winter so even in the middle of winter it is cool as everything is prepped for it.
Anon
Oh, co-signing this. I love Helsinki.
Runcible
Just jumping in to say that if you like design, and are looking for a more unusual city to visit, I would recommend Taipei in Taiwan (yes, I realize it is not in Europe, which is the topic of this thread).
Anonymous
Copenhagen (you can also take a quick train over to Sweden), Seville, Florence (not necessarily cleaner but definitely hits your interests and is very walkable), Porto/Lisbon. Berlin is a big city but I found it extremely clean and walkable – one of my favorite places I’ve been.
Cat
Lyon & the Loire, town-hopping in southern Spain, Lisbon, Venice (gets a bad rap as touristy but truly lovely to stay for longer)
Anon
Freiburg, Germany with side trips opportunities to Colmar, Strasbourg, Basel, Tubingen, Heidelberg, and other fun cities.
Seafinch
I went to university there, the entire region is gorgeous. Black Forest and Lucerne are great. The baths in Baden are fab.
anon
I think Spain gets so over looked! Seville, Grenada and Toledo are lovely.
Runcible
And Granada, Valencia, Malaga.
Anon
not necessarily less crowded, but Florence, Italy and Salzburg, Austria
Anon
I love Stockholm and took the train down to Copenhagen. Just be mindful that it’s cold! It was much cooler than I expected at the end of August. I also love Lisbon. Really can’t beat it in Europe and it’s very expensive compared to London/Paris.
Anon
Florence and Seville are my favorites.
Anon
Reykjavik is lovely, very easy to navigate, and short flight from the east coast. Lots of airlines do basically free layovers for a night or two there onto a Nordic country, so easy to combine with another city.
Seafinch
Hamburg is a sleeper of city. Absolutely stunning architecture with canals etc, very walkable, great food etc. I would also suggest Seville. We also favour slightly smaller cities.
emeralds
Ooh any recs for Hamburg? I don’t know a thing about it, but I’ll be going for the first time in a couple of months for work.
anonanonanon
I lived in Hamburg for 6 years, alas in the 90s so I have no current recommendations. Seconding that it is a fabulous city, but it’s certainly not a “small” place (it’s Germany’s 2nd largest city, after Berlin), just less on the tourist radar. There’s good shopping, good museums, good music, and a full slate of cultural events. Depending on what you’re after, there’s both a very elevated (what I’d probably call the German equivalent of posh) side and a very, very punk, anti-establishment side. The nightlife was incredible (no closing times).
anonanonanon
Also going to add for the OP who likes luxury hotels: the Hotel Louis Jacob in Hamburg has long been on my list. It’s not in the center of town, but it’s accessible via S-Bahn. If you’re not in Hamburg for nightlife (or plan on staying out all night, so the trains will be running again in the morning by the time you’re going home), it would be my choice.
LB
Will echo Seville and Krakow! Walkable and gorgeous!
Anonymous
Bruges
Anon
Ljubljana in Slovenia! Gorgeous, charming, walkable, and a short day’s drive to the Adriatic or the Alps.
Hypatia
Seconding Ljubljana and the drive to the coast or to the lakes
Dawn
And it has bust darts! Amazing!
FE
I just bought a similar shirt to this from Boss at Nordstrom. It has a zipper in the size, so it looks like a button up but is not. I love it. It is only a bit more expensive than this one.
Anon
Would you ever use a small sideboard on legs as a hallway table? What about a more cabinet-type piece? Struggling with putting good older family pieces in my place (and I have a sideboard already in my dining room that is too big to live, so the obvious spot is out initially).
Anon
Of course! Why not? If the piece fits in the area and looks good, I say go for it.
ALT
I would! I like closed storage and a sideboard seems ideal for keeping hats, gloves, scarves, dog leashes, etc. contained but also in the general area. Same thing for a cabinet. I use my tv stand for this purpose as it’s right next to my front door and it works well!
Anonymous
Of course! If it works for your taste, why not? I’d take color / tone / size / practicality into consideration (e.g. too big or small for the space, too precious for the family to throw keys and packages on, too formal for the look I was going for, etc.) But I wouldn’t be bothered by “but it wasn’t meant to be used that way.”
Cat
yes this exactly!
Anon
I have an old buffet in my entryway. For some reason, my house has a really wide foyer, which was wasted space, and you also need someplace to drop your keys and the mail. So it’s always messy on top. It also contains our phone chargers right on top out in the open. But it’s very practical with all of its drawers and cabinets, we keep hats, gloves, masks, batteries, just random things that didn’t have a place. One of the lower cabinet doors has behind it a ridiculous number of scented candles because I’m obsessed with them. Things like that you have no other place to store.
Vicky Austin
Yes! In fact, we did. Last house this piece lived in our (much bigger) foyer, now it lives in the dining room.
Walz Service
RE: recent convos here, this was insightful for me as a civilian: https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2024/08/12/military-terms-walz-vance-debate-00173529
Anonymous
I saw the conversation about this too late the other day. I didn’t see any reports from anyone living in a red area with a red social media feed. I used to live in an extremely red, rural area, and I’d say 90% of my social media feed is deeply red. This is absolutely all over my social media feed, to the extent they are calling him a fraud and a liar. There’s a lot of anger that he’s even claiming he served at all and a lot of comparisons are being made to Vance who they say served with honor and sacrificed so much and was a real soldier compared to the fake one.
I know it’s not true. I am just reporting what is going on outside of the blue bubbles that exist. And because people are sharing it (often, I’ve seen social media posts written by veterans so it lends a lot of credibility to the message ), people undecided are probably seeing these messages also.
Anon
It’s going around among Republicans from places like “NYC” too. I agree that people should be aware of their bubbles.
Anon
It’s not like any of your “deeply red” crowd were going to vote for Harris/Walz under any circumstances, so I’m still not convinced it’s an actual election issue.
Anon
I’ve witnessed one undecided independent ask about it as if it were a concern. I don’t know if that adds up. There seems to be more undecided/red social overlap than undecided/blue in my world (I also don’t know if that’s typical).
NaoNao
Just an FYI about The Shirt: it runs small and it didn’t do what it said it would for my not-all-that-large (38DD) bust and I was *furious* about it. The brand only goes up to an XXL, which is already a flag to me (that means it caters to a straight size range, and most straight-sized women don’t struggle with bust gap issues the way plus or “W” sizes do), but I read the size chart and got an XL and it *still gaped*. The placement of the extra buttons on the placket was not well thought out (too high, like mid-sternum. Um, that’s not where a full bust or bust gape issue is typically!) and the shirt was overall at best department store quality and it’s in the 3 figures. It arrived so wrinkled it was almost comical, it had been shoved/packed into a poly mailer type package and it had to be both steamed and ironed to get the wrinkles out.
Some may have had better experiences but word to the wise! It’s also baffling to me that I can get a 3X or a 2X and the shirt is bagging off me in every other way and the placket is straining or gaping. I promise I’m not all that busty!!! I’m not wearing push up bras or cantilevered underwire Polish contraptions, what is going onnnnnn?
Dawn
Agreed! The Shirt is not made for busty women IMHO. I tried it when I was 34DD and it gaped too much for the price . Really only for women D or smaller.
Anon
Thanks for this comment. I’m a 38G and will not even try then!
Anonymous
The size chart shows that the shirt is made for somebody with up to a five inch difference between waist and full bust. Given that underbust =/= waist, I would estimate that this would work for a B-cup bust, but no bigger.
txatty
I’m the person who was talking here last week about being scheduled for a week-ish of meetings and lunches with bosses, and c-suite and execs and who is doing some wardrobe revamp as part of this. A few years ago, MMLaFleur was the hot thing but I don’t feel like I see it mentioned here that much anymore. I haven’t bought from them since like 2019, is the quality still good? I know it’s expensive but I was looking at this jacket https://mmlafleur.com/products/janette-black-ivory for over sheaths.
Anon
I’ve never liked their quality and have returned almost everything from MMLF. Veronica Beard is having a great sale at the moment and I’ve never gone wrong with one of their blazers.
Mm
I still like them but prices have continued to go up so typically will buy second hand or shop their fairly frequent sales.
for suits, Argent is another NY women owned brand.
Anon
I think their prices are insane and the quality has only gotten worse post-pandemic. I’d take a look at Saks – they are having a big sale with plenty of workwear brands included. You can easily get Frame, Reiss, Rag & Bone, Theory, or Veronica Beard on sale at that price point.
Anon
When it was fairly new, I even went and visited their showroom near Bryant Park in New York even though I live in San Francisco. I bought a handful of dresses that were absolute work horses for years.
The pandemic and lockdown kind of killed my wearing them, but I would still wear them today if I needed them. I also bought a few skirts and some blouses later. I haven’t liked any of the knitwear I bought, and one of my blouses didn’t hold up, but the rest did really well. Hard to say on the skirts because I’d just rather wear a dress so I didn’t wear them as much.
I guess I did have two issues with the skirts. One, the hem fell out right away. On another skirt, the lining constantly showed when I walked in the skirt, so I complained to the company and they gave me some money to take it to a tailor, which, honestly, I never did because it was probably, January 2020 when this happened, and we know what happened after that.
Needless to say, I have not shopped with them since then, although I’ve kept an eye on their sales. I work from home nine days out of 10 now and I just dress differently. I also now wear pants to most conferences and external meetings now, so my style has shifted away from the clothing I bought there. I should probably try to wear my 3-4 really excellent dresses from them!
Anon
Re: interviews with low salary, why oh WHY do interviewers say things like, “We’ll reach out to all the candidates next week and let them know our decision, positive or negative,” and then ghost candidates? It’s rude as heck! “You spent hours preparing for three rounds of interviews with us, but we can’t be bothered to send you an email.” 😒
Anon
In my experience, it is usually because either we have not made a decision, or we have extended and offer but are keeping our second choice in play until the offeree accepts. Others may ghost. We don’t but we are often overly optimistic with our timelines.
Anon
Been job hunting for a while, and ghosting is the norm, not the exception, and it’s as awful from a job as it is from a date.
anonshmanon
I feel like this is the business version of ‘next month I will work out consistently’. Aspirational, and not realistic in a lot of cases.
Nesprin
Because it takes us literally 2 months from sending an offer to getting someone in, and we’re not going to send the thank you no email until we have someone start. Yes, I find this as frustrating as you do.
Anonymous
ISO unicorn hair product. I almost always air dry my hair. After washing, I spray detangler, brush out, clip up with claw, then go about my business. This works really well if I wash at night; by morning it is smooth and falls nicely (chin length semi-wavy hair) but when I wash in morning, as I must many days, it gets frizzy. Any unicorn styling product I can put on while the hair is towel dried that will control the frizz but not make hair feel heavy or attract dirt? I usually go two full work days between washing, but when I use a lot of product, have to wash it out next day as it gets so limp. Help!
Anon
I really like the Kristin Ed’s air dry crème
Anonymous
most air dry creams will have alcohol, which can be drying to your hair — FYI if that’s not what you want. i did like the caviar cream before i figured that out. (tried to find a link but mine is a gold bottle, not purple, so maybe they changed it significantly.)
go for it
curlsmith air dry cream
anon for this
+1 this is my holy grail summer product. I refresh on Day 2 with water in a spray bottle.
312
I like Redken Frizz Dismiss Instant Deflate Oil serum. it’s a very light oil and helps with frizziness and depoufs my hair.
312
I also like the Bumble & Bumble don’t blow it creams for this if you are looking for something other than an oil.
Anonymous
You’re looking for Olaplex No. 9. It’s an all-in-one hair serum / detangler / heat protector / leave-in conditioner in the vertical airless pump bottle. Lightweight but somehow manages to tame all frizz, and gives shine and bounce to boost! I only wash my hair in the morning, towel dry then claw clip, and Olaplex makes it look like i had a blowout!
go for it
I wanted to like the Olapex 9 , but it made my scalp sore after a few uses.
Anonymous
Oh, that’s interesting! I never apply it on my scalp – just on the last 3/4 of my hair. I avoid products around my roots, including conditioner, because they weigh my hair down and make it dirtier faster.
Anon
JVN air dry cream. You can get it at Sephora, also in a travel size, which is key for me! It is a leave in product that prevents frizziness.
H13
Cross-posting from mom’s site:
Does anyone have a book or resources for teaching kids environmental/body awareness in public places? (Not even sure those are the right terms!) My 11yo in particular tends to be lost in his head A LOT and, try as he might (and he does!) , he struggles with being cognizant of things like the flow of traffic, passing appropriately, etc. I find that when we are out, there is already so much going on that it feels hard to focus on teaching/reinforcing. I’ve thought about taking an outing to focus on it exclusively and then ending with a treat of some kind. Other ideas? He’s matured a lot in the last year but this still needs work and modelling the behaviors and verbal reminders aren’t cutting it.
Anon
I don’t have a book to recommend, but a pilot friend of mine one suggested that kids should be taught “situational awareness” like a pilot is. I found the pilot analogy really helpful for helping my kids understand that they needed to be focused on everything happening around them.
No Problem
No suggestions for resources, but can you describe in a little more detail what he’s doing, and how that creates an issue? Like is he not looking both ways before crossing a street and therefore causing a safety issue? Or swinging his arms around him, potentially hitting someone walking past him (not a safety issue but maybe a rudeness issue)? Stopping in the middle of the sidewalk instead of moving to the edge of the sidewalk to stop, possibly making someone behind him walk into him or need to swerve around him? Something else entirely? How often does this kind of thing happen? I think that yes, practice outings would be a great idea, where you can maybe people watch for awhile to observe how other people exist/move in space relative to others around them and then have him practice. Also, have you asked him what’s going on? Is it really that he’s “lost in his head” (thinking about other things, etc.) or something else? Does he display this kind of lack of awareness of others in any other ways, or have you had teachers or other adults comment on this before?
H13
He’s pretty good about looking both ways before crossing but I do think there is a safety element as he gets older. He talks about walking home from school alone but I need him to be more focused on the task at hand. I love the pilot analogy above.
It is more that he is often looking down and telling stories in his head. He doesn’t stay consistently the right so will veer toward people. He will dart through an open door that someone else has opened but he’s actually become more aware of holding door in the last maybe 6 months. He darted toward a revolving door without thinking it through recently.
I really like the suggestion of doing some observation in addition to the practice. Thank you! He really, truly is in his head. He tells himself elaborate stories; he also does this at recess. He has a combined type ADHD diagnosis, not medicated and has go-to techniques for school particularly for movement overflow that work great. No IEP anymore.
Anonymous
I mean. Unable to walk safely is a pretty good reason to try meds.
Anon
I wasn’t medicated because I was ADHD inattentive and academically successful and well behaved at school. I was overwhelmed in crowded halls but just waited it out a lot or stuck close to the walls. My school didn’t honestly care about how I was doing outside of school. In retrospect, I really should have been on meds.
Anonymous
My 8 year old is like this (and I have an 11 year old as well who is not!). I find myself doing a lot more practicing with her. She took a lot longer to lean to bike- not the riding, but the awareness of herself as a rider.
Books don’t help. Real world practice (and consequences) have been what’s worked. We supervise her a lot and let her fail in low stakes scenarios so she learns. God help me when she learns to drive!
FWIW she has adhd and is not far enough from the median to be diagnosed but is further out from the median than my other kids on the autism spectrum.
H13
OMG. Learning to drive. That’s terrifying. I’ve wondered about ASD too but this is the only thing he does that feels connected to ASD to me. He does have an ADHD diagnosis but it is mostly for movement overflow. I keep thinking about him navigating the halls of middle school and want to make sure he’s at least working on these skills.
Anon
Hi! I have a 9 year old with similar issues. He can be standing on my foot and not notice. He also will have food all over his mouth and not notice, so we are working on both. He went to an OT, and she suggested certain sports to help him train himself to have better body awareness in space (there is a fancy word for it, but I basically recall it’s learning where your body is in relation to other items near you) — fencing, swimming, karate, and gymnastics. He loves fencing and swimming, and I do notice he’s more situationally aware when he’s in season for swim team or doing fencing camps (we can’t swing year round fencing where we live).
In the shorter term, I offer incentives :) I’m not sure if this is proper parenting, but it works! He hates being reminded/nagged during meals or to avoid bumping into other people when we are like in an airport (I’ve learned it really embarrasses him bc he legit doesn’t notice or feel it), but I will pick certain low stakes meals and tell him BEFORE dinner I’ll put $5 in his account if he can finish his food with no food on his face or shirt. If you don’t want to offer money, you could offer to do one of his chores. Same with walking without bumping into someone in a crowded setting. Anyway, I’d say I do it once a week with eating, and over the last six months, there is a noticeable improvement in his eating. He’s essentially being incentivized to practice eating mindfully without being punished for not, and it is definitely improving the other non-incentivized meals.
Anon
Oh, and on the driving front, I’ve always known he’s going to need a much longer runway to be ready to drive, so on the recommendation of someone here actually or the moms s i t e, I’ve started to talk to him about all the things I’m doing/noticing/taking into consideration whenever he’s in the car. I figure we have years before he’s going to drive, but the things I’m verbalizing are actually sinking in. He’s a bigger kid, so I’ll let him ride shotgun as soon as he’s physically big enough so he can see some of the things I’m telling him about.
Anon
As a 39 year old who can’t get through a meal without spilling on myself, I wish someone would pay me!
No Problem
I think it’s pretty likely that the middle school environment will teach him really quickly how to pay attention in the hallways! He’s going to bump into a bigger kid who is going to “accidentally” elbow him in the face and he’ll learn to start paying more attention. Harsh, I know, but still a relatively low consequence way to correct behavior, at least compared to what could happen when he starts driving.
Anon
This isn’t how attention deficit disorders work. We could just punish kids with ADHD to fix their inability to pay attention if it worked this way.
No Problem
Anon, I think you misinterpreted what I was saying there. So far it seems like he hasn’t encountered many natural consequences of his actions, and the OP wants to work on this issue so that he doesn’t face those consequences. The OP doesn’t want to punish him in any way and I agree that’s not a move that would be likely to help, but helping her child identify natural consequences and learn to avoid them might be helpful. The specific issue of navigating hallways in middle school will be self-limiting by the nature of middle school hallways (in this case, getting elbowed by bigger kids is the natural consequence of veering around when walking; if the hallways are crowded enough he might not even be physically able to veer around, which will teach his body over time how to move in that kind of space). Enough time spent in that environment will reinforce the need to avoid swerving all over the place when walking in a crowded place more generally. I’ve lived my entire adult life in cities and don’t see adults – many of whom must have ADHD – veering all over the place when walking on crowded sidewalks like kids tend to do. Kids with ADHD are perfectly capable of taking lessons learned in one context and applying them to others, especially once they learn there could be a natural consequence to their actions.
Anon
I’m not sure it’s getting elbowed that makes a difference so much as hitting developmental milestones. All kids improve at this not because of school (kids who don’t attend school at all improve at this too) but because of getting older, though they’re not all on the exact same developmental timeline. Consider whether ADHD kids successfully learn from natural consequences or just get elbowed a lot to no end until they developmentally catch up with their peers.
My observation is that adults with ADHD absolutely do still navigate space and crowds differently than adults without ADHD, though not the way children do.
Anonymous
A book won’t help because he’s not unaware of the issue, he can’t just change how his brain is wired. And if you give him the medication he needs he can grow and become independent including maybe learning to drive.
Anonymous
Some other suggestions that work for my 8 year old- that may work if yours has adhd too- are things like talking about what might come up and make her aware of it. My other kids naturally do this, but she needs a heads up like “hey, it might be crowded, please focus on keeping your hands close and not walking into other people.” Or when biking, “the trail is crowded, remember to focus on how you are steering so people passing you know what to expect.”
She isn’t autistic but when she had her full neuropsych there were things that were flagged as ASD-ish and having that context has helped us with how to help her.
Anon
Statistically ADHD increases the risks of driving significantly (and for some reason it’s riskier for women than for men despite men opting into riskier behaviors).
Anon
I have ADHD and my son does as well. We’re both medicated. My meds are less effective around certain times in my cycle (shockingly, this is not well studied but my doctor acknowledges that it’s commonly reported). I am a markedly more distracted/clumsy/error prone person at those times and it is harder/more effort for me to drive. I would strongly suggest thinking about medication if your kid wants/needs to drive and prepare yourself for a longer/harder learning curve. It took me years to be comfortable driving and it’s almost like I had to drill the muscle memory of driving into me vs. just ‘getting it’ like many peers did.
Anonymous
Yeah, I was going to note I know of multiple kids with ADHD for whom driving was just not an option.
Hyacinth
Re driving later than the “usual” age 16: It can be done. I got my license at 17 because I didn’t feel ready at 16. For some in my suburban high school it might have been a big deal but my parents were 100% supportive and my friends didn’t seem to notice. Decades later I had no problem telling my then-19-year-old child with ADHD and ASD “I don’t think you’re ready.”
The timeline was longer than expected (thanks, pandemic and unrelated family illness & bereavement) but eventually my now-early-20s kid got the learner’s permit, *way* exceeded the state-required # of supervised driving hours, and is now a fully licensed driver. Parents’ “extra” years of chauffering kid to/from school, social events & work were a challenge but we survived. Additional blessing #1: Kid became an expert passenger on public transit. ( Additional blessings #2 and #3: Our area has good public transit; We live within walking distance of major bus & rail lines.)
Sending you solidarity (and internet hugs, if you want them) for the future years with your neurodiverse child. It’s definitely an adventure but it’s not all bad by any means. :-) <3
Anon
For me this is ADHD and cannot be taught or reinforced; only medication helps. (I’m currently unmedicated for reasons and it’s been a struggle.)
Anon
the other week (i think last week) someone posted about how to disconnect from a job when there is no call schedule and they are always on call….i guess i’m super naive, but i did not realize that so many of these jobs exist (i mean i know like you can always be called in big law, but you are allowed to like take a shower, and obviously very high government officials are always on call), and i would literally be having panic attacks with a schedule like that as i’m too much of a planner, so i just wanted to say thank you to all of those of you who are in those jobs that have to do with emergency management, etc. and do things to help keep the rest of us safe.
Anon
I commented last week but I had a job when I was on call every third week and for me it was much worse than Big Law. Big Law I could reliably be offline overnight and I didn’t have any problems sleeping at night, but my “on call” job I was regularly woken up at night and struggled with insomnia because my body was anticipating a call and couldn’t fall asleep. It was horrible for me.
Anon
My husband was in IT management for a hospital system and they had a regular on-call schedule. There was a 24 hour staffed help desk that was only supposed to escalate to the on-call people at the next level if it was a really major event, but most of them ended up using the on-call number for everything. The ring tone of my husband’s on-call phone is burned into my brain forever. The whole thing was really bad for his health and he ended up doing early retirement.
I worked in regular, salaried corporate America & didn’t have a call schedule per-se, but I was never able to take a real vacation in the 20 years I worked for that company. I could sleep, mostly, but there were so many times I woke up at like 7am and the emails had been flying for hours and I was already behind.
I didn’t retire when my husband did, but I did step back from that intense environment and I don’t regret leaving it at all.
Anon
That was me! It’s definitely a downside of my job, but I do love the rest of my job so here I am!
A few years ago I was on a job where I was only on call 4 months a year, but it was 24/7 on call for those 4 months and we had to be ready to deploy overseas within a few hours of getting the call. While I liked being off call for 8 months, the total lack of control over your schedule for 4 months was insane!
Public safety, emergency management, humanitarian aid, and related fields are awesome and much needed jobs but man do they take a hit on your personal life.
Anon
Thank you! As someone who works in one of these fields, its nice when people recognize the personal sacrifices that need to be made to keep us as a society safe!
It’s not glamorous, the pay usually stinks, the work life balance usually stinks, but someone has to do it.
I remember a post a few weeks ago in which a divorced mom was upset about her EMT ex-husband’s schedule. I was pretty upset about how many people were blasting him for his shift work schedule, as if we don’t need EMTs overnight!
Anon
Are we not going to talk about the absolute brilliance of this “button-down?” Where have you been all my life?
Anonymous
I’m on vacation and DH and I are planning next summer. Our kids are now old enough (7-12) that we are up for more than our usual beach vacation.
How do family vacations work for you, especially things that require hotel stays? Do you get one room/suite and cram everyone in? Two connecting rooms? We are a family of 5 and spending a week or two crammed into one hotel room in Europe or the carribean sounds awful. Two seems expensive. Is the answer to bop around airbnbs? Same for renting a car- SUVs aren’t a thing in Europe, so it looks like we’d be in a sedan. Do-able but crowded with all the bodies and luggage, no?
Anon
We rent houses on VRBO or through a local agency. We go to the same place every summer and that area is littered with dedicated vacation rentals. I love it.
Anon
We rent houses on VRBO or through a local agency. We go to the same place every summer and that area is littered with dedicated vacation rentals. I love it.
Cat
Kat – this is an example of what I mentioned yesterday. When replying to a comment, the original comment’s text replaces what I typed.
Cat
We always stayed in condo-style rentals for family vacations for this exact reason, plus you don’t have to go out for Every Single Meal. The only time we crammed into a room was if it was a driving trip and we needed to crash overnight at a highway Holiday Inn type place.
Anonymous
AirBnBs are terrible for locals, please don’t book them. Yes the answer is two connecting rooms or side by side rooms. Car rentals someone just has to sit in the middle seat, I would suggest doing a rotation and not always forcing the youngest to get the short end of the stick.
Anonymous
Hotels will rarely if ever guaranteed side by side or connecting rooms. I had to stay on a separate floor of a hotel in Germany when I was 12 with my 7 year old sister and I would never rely on connecting rooms for elementary age kids.
NY CPA
I grew up in a family of 4 and we usually had interconnecting rooms, occasionally one room with two queen beds.
In Europe, two rooms feels like it would be a necessity unless you get an Airbnb. The large “family” rooms I’ve typically seen are triples (one full or queen + one twin bed). Two queen beds is just not that common in Europe.
I’ve rented SUVs and station wagons (“estate cars”) in Europe when I knew we’d have 4 large adults + luggage and it worked out fine, so I think you could make it work with 2 adults + 3 kids. They’re more expensive and not the most spacious SUVs, but you can squeeze in and make it work; you just have to set very strict rules about packing. No carryons except a backpack/handbag that can sit on your lap or the floor of the car. Can everyone pack in a carry-on size bag only? When I was a kid, my parents often made me and my sister share one suitcase, so if you could cut down from 5 suitcases to 3-4 that would help quite a bit as well.
anonymous
I’d also ask if you’ve considered the carbon impact of having a family of 5! Completely unnecessary (not to mention unethical) in the 21st Century!
Anon
This comment was unnecessary. It’s okay to make new people.
Anon
Thank goodness she had 3 kids. She had one for me. Thank you OP.
Anon
I think it’s a little late for that kind of comment, since the family of five already exists. What do you expect her to do about it?
Anon
What a great point! Now we just need to crowd source which family member(s) of hers to eliminate!
Anon
What?? The kids already exist… Should she kill one off?
Anonymous
lol.i’m the OP. I’ll just throw one of my kids in the river I guess. Maybe the one that eats the most red meat.
Anonymous
lol.i’m the OP. I’ll just throw one of my kids in the river I guess. Maybe the one that eats the most red meat.
Anonny
OP, god on you for having an excellent sense of humor! I want to be your friend!
Anonymous
OP: love your sense of humor.
Anonymous at 12:09 pm: I agree with Anon at 1:06 pm that the time to make your point is way before folks start having *any* children. But you can still relax a little. In the post-industrialized world, many of us will have or have already had no kids or 1 child maximum for other reasons related to our hectic modern life (no parenting partner; primary or secondary infertility; limited parental money or energy when both adults have to keep working fulltime; first child becomes the only child because of serious special needs; parents’ marriage ends in death, divorce, or other disaster…). In less “developed” areas, the idea is slowly spreading that if you educate girls & women and encourage family planning, your society will be more prosperous.
Anonny
Holy moly. This comment is completely inappropriate. First, OP already has the children. Do you think she should just kill one off? Second, it’s not your place to comment on other people’s reproductive decisions. Third, many demographers are very concerned about the impact of shrinking populations, particularly in developed countries. OP, please ignore this person.
Anonymous
LOL – this is like the answer to ‘tell me you don’t spontaneous twins without telling you don’t have spontaneous twins’. Some of us wanted a family of 4 and have a family of 5.
Anonymous
I took this as humor at the AirBNB comment above….? Because adjoining hotel rooms for a large family versus somewhere that affords more privacy and ability to cook some meals easily is hands down better.
Anon
in Europe – go places you don’t need a car, especially for a first trip. also if you are up for more than your usual beach trip the answer doesn’t automatically have to be Europe. Was your usual beach vacation like driving somewhere and spending a week renting a house on the beach? There are many many places to visit that are more than that, but less than 2 weeks in Europe. I have lots of ideas depending on what your family likes to do
Anon
Airbnb or VRBO or local apartment rental. I don’t buy the bad for locals argument at all. I know many people with second homes who rent them this way and they’d never be local housing stock, especially in vacation areas. Feel no guilt about making the right choice for your family and bringing your travel dollars to town.
Anonymous
Especially in Europe where it is super common for hotels to have a rooms section and an apartments section. It’s like saying resorts are taking away housing for locals in Cancun.
European
Dont come to my city then,
here the majority of Airbnb places are illegal and the owner is not a “second home owner” but investors buying hundreds of working class people flats. The company is avoiding its duty of disclosing the identity to the gobernemet these owners.
Of course there are legit business of apartments. Most of cities have a website where you can find them and the website where you can rent them should show in the adv their license number.
Anon
Growing up as one of 4 kids, my family crammed the 6 of us into a single hotel room (usually with 2 beds that we just made work). Even when not traveling we had a bench seat Buick sedan with 3 seat belts in the back, 3 in the front. Long road trips involved one small suitcase each in the trunk or the rooftop carrier; anything else had to fit on our own lap or in space negotiated ahead of time from our siblings.
It didn’t matter much if we were very cozy in the hotel room because we were not there for much more than showers, piling everyone in one bed to watch a movie together, and sleeping. Even if we were not leaving the hotel, we were more likely to spend the day in the pool than in the room.
Anon
We rent houses or condos rather than hotel rooms. Or do 2 adjoining rooms with 5 people. When there were 4 of us we always all stayed in one room.
We have luggage that fits in the trunk – everyone in a carry on duffel (easier to stuff into a space than a suitcase) or 2-3 people sharing a larger suitcase.
In Europe we’ve never rented a car, just used the excellent public transit.
Anon
Public servant married to a teacher here: we have a lot of time off but not as much money so our choices are to travel cheaply or travel less. We choose to travel cheaply so have always made it work staying in one hotel room, only traveling with carryons, avoiding rental cars or choosing basic sedans, etc.
Anonymous
Regarding cars in Europe – even if you are able to rent a massive car, remember that the streets are not massive. You don’t want to drive around narrow cobbled streets in SUV! There’s a reason a tiny Fiat is a great car for Italy and a little Mini is easier to reverse in narrow hedges in England….
Take public transport if you’re staying in cities jn Europe – the trains are great and parking non-existent.
The American chain hotels will have connecting rooms, but double queen rooms is not a thing in Europe. Try bed and breakfast places, guesthouses, pubs & inns as fun places to stay if you do go by car in more rural areas.
Anonymous
We’re a family of 5 (kids are 9 and 12) and we go to Europe every year. Don’t be afraid to ask your kids opinions about what to do. I’ve been to London a ton but not with the kids and had rarely taken a double decker bus until this year. They were obsessed and I realized how easy it was to navigate the transit system with g00gle maps.
There’s something in the hotels regulations that makes it basically impossible to find a hotel room for 5 people in Italy (maybe other places? I know Italy is an issue for sure). BUT many hotels outside cities have short stay apartments on the hotel property. Farm stays (agritourismo) in Italy are also great. Read the details carefully. Many accommodations will allow an extra bed in the bedroom if it’s part of an apartment even though you can’t add a bed to the hotel room at the same accommodation. People love to hate on AirBnb but it’s hugely helpful for families of 5. I will often find places on AirBnB or Booking (dot) com and then book direct with the accommodation or via a private rental agency.
European brand cars are generally more spacious inside so you can comfortably fit 5 even in a regular sized car or small SUV. My kids constantly complain about this at home. Just filter for 5 passengers and learn to pack light. Bigger cost issue is if you need an automatic. When we travel with DH, we generally rent a car. If it’s just me and the kids, we train and taxi. I usually arrange taxis through my hotel which may be pricier but I prefer it when travelling on my own with kids. Kids under 12 are super cheap or sometimes even free for train travel. Kids are free on the London Transit system for the most part.
If you don’t read on the moms site – pop over as there’s a ton of posters who travel in Europe with their elementary age kids.
Anon
We are active traveling family of 6, and we absolutely love rural lodging that usually has a main lodge with lots of smaller standalone cabins. Our typical trip will be a night or two in a destination city (we upgrade to a suite, which is almost always cheaper than two rooms, plus feels more fun), then we drive out to a rustic resort style lodge. The kids meet other kids from around the world playing in common areas, and we have our own cabin for lodging. I have blow up beds we pack that have internal hand pumps, so often two kids will end up on the floor in a cabin. We’ve done this trip in Italy, Canada, and are hoping for Germany next year. We have to rent an SUV, and I’ve always had luck calling the rental agency at the airport when booking if I can’t find a larger option online.
Anon
With three kids, I think most people get two hotel rooms or rent an Airbnb. I would favor the former for a variety of reasons, but I’m not a big Airbnb person. With one kid we fit easily in a hotel room and I think two kids is doable too, especially if you can get a junior suite or something like that with a bit more spce.
Anon
We did not travel to Europe growing up, but my parents took us on several big domestic trips when we were around this age. When we stayed at a hotel, we typically stayed in a room with two queen beds. However, we typically wouldn’t stay in a hotel for more than a few days of a trip. For example, we did San Francisco (hotel) + cabin in Northern California. In Wyoming/Montana, we stayed in a family cabin for most of the trip on a ranch but then hotels in Montana/Wyoming for a few days on the ends of the trip. In Alaska, we did a cruise where we were in a separate cabin from my parents and then stayed in hotels in Seattle, etc.
Anon
Hi–I am getting surgery in a week and need to not be “looking at things” too much during recovery, so the doc has recommended audiobooks. Please hit me with your favorite recs besides anything David Sedaris!
It’s not cataract surgery where I can’t open my eyes at all–it’s an upper blepharoplasty because my eyes are getting really droopy!
Thanks!
anon
I was just about to post a question about upper blepharoplasty! Would love to hear your experience with the surgery and recovery time. Also, if anyone has a recommendation for a surgeon for this in the SF Bay Area let me know.
How about Tina Fey’s Bossypants for a recovery audiobook? It’s a few years ago now, but I really enjoyed it, and it doesn’t require much concentration. Also recommend binge listening to the City of Rails podcast.
anon
Bay Area Rec: Dr. Lorne Rosenfield in Burlingame. He’s one of the best in the country at bleph, came recommended by a friend and by a friend’s uncle who is the former head of the American Society of Plastic Surgery, who knows what’s what. He has a lovely bedside manner, and teaches at Stanford and many other top med schools, so I know he’s highly experienced. My surgery is later in August and I will report back! He’s not the cheapest, but that’s not what I’m shopping for.
Thanks!
anon
Amazing, thank you!
Anon
I’m currently listening to Tom Lake. I saw it was recommended here and is narrated by Meyrl Streep. It’s a very cozy book to listen to.
Anon
In a similar vein, The Dutch House is also by Ann Patchett and is narrated by Tom Hanks. It is very calming.
The Lessons in Chemistry audiobook was very well done. LIC is not my usual genre, but it was better for me as an audiobook.
Anon
These Precious Days audiobook is a collection of very personal essays narrated be Patchett herself. That was my most memorable audiobook of 2023.
Anon
I think Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett is a particularly well done audiobook, as are The Doomsday Book by Connie Willis.
Anon with Emotions
Wild to recommend Neil Gaiman right now! Wow
Anon
If you like nonfiction, I highly recommend the audiobooks of The Art Thief and The Feather Thief.
Anon
Neat! I listened to This American Life (“The Feather Heist”), which is about the same theft and it was compelling. To the OP, I’d also spend some time catching up on podcasts (TAL is one of my favorites).
Vicky Austin
I’m close to the end of Anna Karenina as narrated by Maggie Gyllenhaal and it’s so good! (Only available on Audible, unfortunately.)
Anon
Unique YA fiction called One Two Three has three different narrators in the audiobook that really lends itself to the experience. I just finished Retta’s memoir, which was great (So Close to Being the sh-t, y’all don’t even know), read by her. For my beach read, The Five Star Weekend by Elin Hilderbrand. Three very unique books but I enjoyed them all!
Anon
They can be violent, so ignore if not your thing, but the Cormoran Strike books are narrated exceptionally well, and the stories/ characters are engrossing. I have a commute I hate and they have kept me calm and entertained for hours.
If you like “cozy mysteries,” the Agatha Raisin books are terrifically narrated by Penelope Keith.
I haven’t listened to it, but I heard good things about Michelle Williams’ narration of the Britney Spears memoir. For a 90s trip, Mariah Carey’s narration of her memoir, complete with her breaking int9 bits of song, is kind of fun.
Anon
+1 to Cormoran Strike novels. I love them and so does everyone I’ve recommended them to.
ALT
Britney’s memoir was really good and that’s coming from someone who hates audiobooks.
eertmeert
The Cormoran Strike books are so good on their own, and Robert Glennister’s narration takes it to another level entirely. I so highly recommend. Also, the last few books are very long, so lots and lots of listening time. And book 8 should be released sometime in the next 6 months I hope!
1:16 Anon
I love them so much! I’m almost done with Troubled Blood and don’t want it to end, but can’t wait to start the next one either!
eertmeert
They just get better and better. I am jealous you are getting to read them for the first time! Actually, now that i think about it, I am the most jealous of Robert Glennister who gets to read them ahead of everyone else!
Anon
I very much enjoyed the Appeal by Janice Hallet on audiobook. It’s an epistolary novel, so the chapters are very short, which makes it easy not to get lost when listening (always my problem).
anon
question for those with older kids– do you mandate vacations and similar? my high school aged sons would just as soon stay home on school vacations sleeping late and hanging out. how much pushing do i do to, say, go away for a week of a two week winter break?
Anon
i don’t have older kids, but growing up it was just like this week we are going on vacation. I think the vacation was also for my parents?
No Problem
Right, same. Parents would just say “we’re going to X for these days” and we’d go. We actually didn’t go on a lot of vacations, so if something was planned we’d be excited for it.
Is there a reason they don’t want to travel? Are they exhausted from school and other activities and really need the relaxation time? Do you/they do lots of other travel/camps throughout the year so they just want to have that week or two at home unscheduled?
anon
OP here. Right, I think they’re busy during the year, they’re both pretty serious students and one does sports and one is in plays. I think they’re happy to just veg. that said they’d also be happy to just veg all weekend and at some point i make them put pants on and get off the screens…..
Anon
IMO, it’s very, very worth it to plan things and have more fun as a family than vegging can provide. One day is one thing, but vegging for two weeks isn’t restorative for 99% of the people I know. Plus, kids and teens need something better on offer than the lure of the screen – skiing, travel somewhere new, or the beach (learning to surf!) are just three examples.
Anon
For winter break I would definitely plan a vegging vacation. We normally just go to the beach at winter break. We save active things for spring and summer break. Kids – especially teens – are burned out at the end of the semester and need a break.
Anon
I would never blow a winter break on a vegging “vacation” (even if we’re home, we’re out doing stuff). I’ve found that it leaves me frustrated and resentful when it’s time to go back to work because I didn’t do anything but fun or restorative. What works best for me is doing active stuff in the first half of the day, whether on vacation or home, and then if I really need some time to just sit on the couch and read a book, I can have it in the afternoon, but it’s not all day. And it’s not staring at the wall. Maybe others who have much more vacation time than I do feel better about wasting some of it, but when you’re stuck with very limited PTO, you make the most of it.
Anon
I guess this is personality dependent – few things are more restorative for me than reading a book a day with a beautiful view, so vacations don’t have to be active to feel very worth it to me.
Anon
Reading is great, but I’m not sure that these teen boys are going to be doing that.
Anon
I wasn’t suggesting that the teen boys would be reading that much, just saying that a beach resort where they can chill in the pool or lie on the beach might be nicer at that time of year than dragging them around a city, to museums, etc. The teens I know are really burned out at the end of the semester, so I think there’s something to be said for low key vacations at that time of year, but low key doesn’t mean staring at a screen all day.
Anon
Yeah, I’m shocked that kids apparently consider family vacations to be optional?!
anon
op here. why is this the tone? if i book a trip of course they will come. the question was whether to book a trip…
Anon
That’s not how you phrased the question at all.
Cat
we never traveled over breaks growing up and I honestly enjoyed the chill downtime at home – teens live such scheduled lives during the school year!
stray thought- could grandparents come stay as fun-supervision while you go on a shorter adult getaway for a few nights?
anon
they’re really close with my parents and they do stay and i can go away without them. It’s more that i have a sense there is some benefit to us spending some quality time together (like when we travel the kids spend time together, when we’re home they’re both in their rooms)
Anonymous
Limit the time they can veg alone in their rooms? I’m an introvert so I get why they want space but it doesn’t need to be 24/7.
Anon
+1 No electronics in bedrooms rule, and suddenly everyone will hang out in common areas
Anon
My kids are much younger than OP’s but we’re staying home for winter break this year for the first time, and I’m not going to lie, I’m incredibly psyched about it. I definitely wouldn’t want to stay home all the time but once in a while it’s nice to just relax and not go anywhere.
go for it
IME mandating vacations is a lose lose proposition. Teens are angry at again having to function, grown ups are angry because they spent $ to travel/whatever. Mine just wanted to have a breath and do nothing.
Anon
We are definitely going to mandate vacations at that age. We (the parents) deserve vacation too.
Anonymous
My kids would never opt to stay home when the alternative is go skiing or to an island or whatever. I mean, if they want to then we’d discuss- but they are the ones pushing for vacations!
anon
how old are your kids? bully for you if this is true but most teens i know would chose “stare at wall alone” than “go on a tropical cruise with my parents”
Anon
+1 pretty much every teen I know would rather stay home than vacation with their parents. Implying that OP is doing something wrong is crappy. (To say nothing of the fact that not every family can afford fancy vacations that would impress a jaded teen.)
anon
OP here. Thank you! Right?
Anonymous
Mine are 12, 14 and 17. All their friends travel during the vacations so they want to, too. In an ideal world they’d go with their friends or have them come with us- and sometimes we make it work.
Anonymous
This is our situation. Major complaints of ‘we never go anywhere’ unless we’re doing an international vacation each year.
Anonymous
Where I live you can’t leave a kid home alone overnight until they are 18, so unless your kid turns 18 very early in their senior year it’s not even a possibility. If the family is going on vacation, they go.
anon
i find this impossible to believe.
Anon
+1 at least in the Us
Anonymous
It’s true. A co-worker got a visit from CPS when she went on a business trip and left her 17-year-old home alone and her kid mentioned it to a teacher.
Anon
What state? Illinois is the strictest US state about children being alone, and their only official age limit is 14 to be home alone at all (which is absurd for non-overnights!) I don’t believe any US state has an official cutoff of 18 for overnights, but that doesn’t mean a busybody won’t report it to CPS.
Anonymous
Virginia. The law doesn’t mean anything. It’s all about CPS’s own rules, which seem to be 18 for overnight and 12 for short periods during the day.
Anonymous
For vacations we usually involve the kids in the planning so they are just as psyched to go as we are.
For school breaks, we do a combo of vegging and activities. Some week long activity camps followed by a week of nothing but meet ups with friends, some weeks with half day camps. Rough rule is you have to be up and out of your room and dressed by noon and you can’t just stay inside by yourself on devices more than one day a week. Sometimes they’ll have a friend over to watch a movie etc. Our kids are involved in enough different activities that usually it’s more an issue of making sure they get enough down time in between.
Anonymous
Personally, I wouldn’t do any pushing. I’d leave them at home with a trusted person and go off and enjoy myself on a trip. i will say, there is something glorious about a whole two weeks off from school and not having a requirement to go and do. Veg, see friends, sleep in, turn into a sloth — it all sounds good. Especially if you guys travel as a family at other times during the year. If this is your one week of family vacation, then of course everyone goes.
If you’re a “go and do” person, or strongly value creating family experiences/memories, then I can see that it would feel painful for you to have all that time off and nobody is doing anything. These sound like good kids (serious students, intensive activities), so I’d just let them be.
Anon
Do you give them some say into where you go on vacation? Is there anywhere that they would be excited to go? I was always excited about vacations when I was in high school, and my own kids are still in elementary school, so I have a hard time wrapping my head around a kid not wanting to go on vacation!
anon
I did. the trips that are on the table are both trips that we’d talked about wanting to do. My older one says “if we have to go somewhere that’s where id want to go but i would just as soon stay home”
Anonymous
Is the middle ground having them come but letting them opt out of activities? I struggle to travel with my own mom because she wants to have each day packed with activities so travel feels like a checklist without space to rest.
anon
op here. I think the middle ground is we’re not going away but we are going to plan a few activities together as a family. like they can’t just sleep late, sit on screens, and then be heading out to meet friends as i’m coming home from work every day….
Anon
OP, do they break out of their wanting to stay home mode once you get there and they get involved in activities and sight seeing? If so, I would make the effort to go, and maybe even if not. To me, these are valuable family memories for all of you. Sitting around the Thanksgiving table when they’re 30, saying “remember the time we went to (place) and (funny thing happened) is a lot more fun than remember that summer we never left our rooms, even if it’s more of a hassle in the moment.
Anon
+1. No one reminisces 30 years on about “that time we sat on the couch all day” or “that summer I didn’t go outside once.”
Anon
Oh it’s completely normal. Teens would rather do pretty much anything than hang out with their parents. My parents took me on some epic trips in high school (Europe, Japan) and I hated them. And I was a generally “good” kid who got along fine with my parents and followed the rules, I just wanted to loaf around at home on my breaks and not vacation with them. Although kids always want what they don’t have.. my high school BFF was left home alone when her parents went on a big Europe trip and she still (we’re 40) talks about how much she resented that.
If you have elementary age kids that’s a *completely* different animal. I agree it would be odd for a kid that age to not enjoy a trip unless it was planned entirely without their preferences in mind.
AnAnon
I think both sides can be “normal”. I have teenagers, and they have never once protested a family vacation or expressed that they would rather not go…
Anon
Yes I agree both sides are normal, but I was responding to someone expressing shock that OP’s kids are like this, and it’s very normal.
anon
I would maybe split the difference and spend a few days at home and the rest on vacation, but I personally wouldn’t allow my teen to skip a family vacation. There is so much value in being together and having experiences as a family.
Anon
I’d probably let them stay home if they don’t want to go and you’re comfortable with them home alone or you have alternate caregivers. If you don’t feel comfortable leaving them alone or with a caregiver, make them go but give them time and space on the trip to do their own thing. Don’t sacrifice your vacation if you want to go.
Anon
FWIW, my brothers and I are all very grateful that our parents “made” us go on ski vacations – of course we didn’t appreciate how lucky we were then and just wanted to grumble. Now all three of us choose to ski, drawing on the skills we developed on those trips. Don’t let teenage moods stop you from doing the fun thing.
Anonymous
Yes. It’s a family vacation and they are part of the family.
Anonymous
My teenager is always complaining that we don’t take enough vacations.
Anon
I think it’s a case of “kids want what they can’t have.” If the family travels a lot, the kids complain they want to stay home. If the family travels not that much, then kids want to travel more. Also matters what peers are doing. Kids don’t want to be the only kids left at home when their friends travel, but they also don’t want to be forced to vacation with their parents when all their friends are hanging out at home.
Anon
Yes. We take kids’ vacation preferences in mind (destination, length, timing) but we require them to join family vacations.
We don’t travel every year (maybe every 3 years?) and go to a family beach house frequently in the summer so even on non travel years we still get a family vacation.
I find family vacations very important for family time and making memories.
That being said, my kids have never expressed that they don’t want to take a vacation.
Also, when we travel it’s usually for 1 week of summer break. Spring and winter breaks are out due to sports.
Anonymous
What kind of pampered rich kids are these that they are bored of taking fancy vacations and would turn one down? Or are you proposing a trip to Grandma’s house where there’s nothing to do but stay inside and watch TV?
Anon
Plenty of teens aren’t enthusiastic about a vacation with their parents. It doesn’t mean they’re spoiled and rich, that’s unfair.
Anon
I would go somewhere with options to veg, swim (indoor pools or warm weather), outdoor activities (cross country ski, ice skate), and let them choose their activities or their vegging every day.
Anon
We vacation under the redwoods at a house with a hot tub and a creek nearby. There’s plenty of veg time. It’s not like we’re in a foreign city and need to see A, B, and C on day 1 and D, E, and F on day 2. My kids have never resisted going on the annual week trip there, and in fact look forward to it all year. They’re early 20s now and still going strong. We all call it our favorite place on earth, so I am pretty sure they don’t mind being there with the ‘rents.
Norah
I’m late to this sorry but I wanted to chip in as I have the same issue with my children although they’re younger, 8 and 10. I’ve traditionally been quite pro small vacations but lately I’ve been personally finding them a lot of effort and like I just want to veg a bit myself, and get some house jobs done! A good compromise for me is to stay at home but each day plan some sort of relatively chunky activity for 3-4 hours so you’re out doing that for part of the day and then can feel a bit better about the vegging. Also I make them help me plan out the days at the start of the holiday. It doesn’t always help – they still complain about the various activities we’ve collectively planned when it comes to actually leaving the house to do them – but it’s better than nothing. Not a perfect solution but it feels good for where we are.
Anonymous
does anyone have a white noise machine that also flickers like a candle? my son’s favorite nighttime sleep thing just died and i can’t find one that combines them both
anon
i just basically entered your request in amazon. looks like plenty of options.