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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 212 Comments · by

Thursday’s TPS Report: Ponti Pencil Dress with Zip Detail

The Personal Shopper (TPS) | ·

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. ASOS Ponti Pencil Dress with Zip DetailI've been admiring this dress at Asos for a while now — love the clean, almost sharp lines. I like the fact that Asos has it in seven colors, as well — it's always a vote of confidence when the retailer does that, but where else are you going to find a bubble gum pink pencil dress, or a peacock green pencil dress? It's also available in burgundy (pictured), navy, black, white, and the almost-sold-out fiesta. It's $81.81 at Asos (now offering free shipping both ways, no minimum spend). ASOS Ponti Pencil Dress with Zip Detail Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)  

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. anon

    For you Corporettes in NYC, if you have any money left in your shopping budget you should check out the designer sale at Saks (3d floor, I think). Admittedly the prices are still not cheap, but they are 40% off the already-discounted price, and as of the other day there was still an excellent selection in all sizes. I got a gorgeous Max Mara jacket that was originally close to $1000 for a little over $300.

  2. EPLawyer

    You know when we talk about polyester looking cheap? Well, viscose, rayon “ponte knit” is what I think of when they say that. Viscose isn’t even a fabric, it’s an adjective to describe a substance (yes, I know it is spelled differently). If only this dress came in cotton or wool. It looks lovely, but heavens that fabric.

    • Anona

      I knew it was too good to be true. This dress is perfect for me in every other way…

    • Always a NYer

      Agreed. I find myself checking out fabric content and more often than not putting clothing back because it’s made entirely of polyester or rayon. I’d much rather pay more for cotton, silk, or wool.

      • Bee

        Isn’t viscose about the same as rayon? It’s made from cellulose.

        As for polyester, it depends. I don’t like shiny synthetic looking fabric, but higher quality microfiber poly can be attractive and practical. Polyester is not the uniformly cheap looking stuff it used to be.

      • Liz (Europe)

        My greatest objection to both polyester or rayon is that it doesn’t breathe, and it doesn’t warm you. So basically, it’s either too cold or too warm, no matter the weather. I mean, really, what’s the point then… That aside, polyester on anything knit also makes those annoying little balls on the fabric…

    • Miriam

      I think we should have a post about fabrics! Which ones are good and which ones to avoid and why. I think this would help those who are clueless about fabrics like me!

      • EFL

        It’s really hard to make rules about fabrics, because all of them come in so many qualities. I’d rather wear a high-quality polyester microfiber dress than a low-grade cotton one.

        As for rayon/viscose, it can be pretty awesome when of good quality. I pretty much buy all my summer tops in nice rayon – it breathes and drapes well, colors don’t fade and it can be tossed in the washing machine.

        Pontiroma can be great or awful, too. When good quality and properly handled, it’s a soft and strong fabric that’s non-fuss, very flattering, holds well and looks good for a long time. For $82, I hope it’s the case, although I’ve never been impressed by ASOS products.

        Basically, you have to trust your hand, your eyes and your experience.

  3. V

    Hi, I hope this isn’t inappropriate to ask, but I was wondering if anyone knows of any blogs written by women working in finance (of the cutthroat Wall Street variety – i.e., banking, private equity, hedge funds, trading, etc.) or consulting? Of course, this may be a non sequitur, since the people working in those industries are notorious for having no free time whatsoever, but if such blogs do exist, I’d love to know. I should mention that the blogs definitely don’t have to be all about work – I’m just interested in seeing how the heck these women juggle their hectic work schedules along with everything else in their lives. Thanks!

    • fresh jd

      I LOVE Vivia Chen of The Careerist (although it’s mostly targeted at biglaw, which I would also describe as cutthroat).

    • Susan

      I used to love Equity Private – http://equityprivate.typepad.com/

      Although that blog has been abandoned for awhiles, as she’s done more and more for Dealbreaker, where I think most of the audience are the impatient “too long, didn’t read” (or worse: tl, dr) variety, so they always rag on her for writing anything that’s not a sentence fragment that could be grunted out by a grumpy trader.

  4. AIMS

    This seems a bit clingy for the office but maybe that’s just how they fit the model? I also find sleeves like that often fit oddly on me. I actually happen to like my arms most of the time, but in sleeves like this I always feel like I am blowing up as a result of an allergic reaction…

    • anon

      i like it except for the sleeves. too puffy.
      it’s also probably too long for 5’4 me, but that’s what tailors are for.

    • Bonnie

      I LOVE the color of this dress but am concerned that if it looks poochy on the model, it would be a disaster on a regular body.

      • Susan

        “if it looks poochy on the model” …
        THIS.

        I think the “ponte” type material doesn’t help. IME, it is clingy, and usually wants to cling in the wrong places.

    • E

      Not aiming this at Bunkster in particular, but as someone who grew up poor and is white, I wish the term white trash would just die. Why is it socially acceptable to use slurs for poor people, so long as they’re of the ethnic majority? And what in the heavens is a “white trash party”?

      • anon

        i always thought it referred more to people with bad taste, as opposed to lack of money. then again, i guess nobody was referring to Carmela Soprano as white trash.

        • E

          If one wants to call out someone for bad taste, there’s still no reason to make their skin color a part of it.

        • Always a NYer

          FWIW, I always thought Carmela was white trash. Money doesn’t buy good taste.

      • Anon

        “Why is it socially acceptable to use slurs for poor people, so long as they’re of the ethnic majority?”

        THIS. This, thissity this this this.

  7. MelD

    I like the style of this dress, but am not sure that the knit is thick enough to avoid looking too sexy for work. Unlike EPLawyer, I think there are some ponte clothing that are really flattering, so it may just be that this dress is too small for the model.

    Question about wedding invite etiquette- what’s the appropriate way to approach it? I have a friend who has been telling me about his wedding since he planned it- complete with date and venue- and it gave me the impression that I would be invited. I know another friend got a similar impression. It got to be that time where I was expecting an invite (and needed to book tickets since it’s out of town) and then he’s like “Well I might as well tell you, you’re not invited.” I’m glad not to have the expense, but I thought that was a rude way to go about it. I can completely understand small weddings with just family and very few close friends, but don’t lead people on for months and fail to tell them you haven’t sent them an invite. Anyone else think this is poor etiquette?

    • anon

      I agree it’s not the best way to approach it, but I could also imagine that the bride/groom had planned for an event with 200 guests and been excited to talk about it with friends, and then realized after costing it out or whatever that it wasn’t going to happen and had to downsize or make last minute adjustments. No real way to get around the awkwardness, other than to be blunt about it. Hopefully they let you know as soon as possible, which would be common courtesy in my book.

      (Anyway .. wedding planning and the whole wedding industry have gotten so out of hand these days, I think it’s better to just elope. But that’s another discussion!)

      • Em

        Agreed, though I think in that case, the best thing to do would be to explain to your friends that you’re significantly downsizing the whole event so nobody is left thinking it’s just them.

    • Dorianne

      This is tacky. I agree with Em below: if you have to cannot invite someone you have been singing like a canary to, you need to find a more tactful way to do so, such as saying the list needed to be cut, etc.

      Not that this excuses being considerate, but some people lose all sense of appropriateness when it comes to their weddings.

    • BAB

      Was he volunteering this information, or were you asking him about the wedding during his engagement?

      As I was planning my very small (26 people) wedding, I had a lot of coworkers and people I considered acquaintances ask me about details. I felt a little awkward giving out the information to people I knew we would not invite, so I tried to be very straightforward about the fact we were planning a very small wedding, so that feelings weren’t hurt. Also, this is why I didn’t announce my engagement or broadcast any of the wedding planning on Facebook.

      If he was giving you the play-by-play of wedding planning though, I agree that was leading you on, and probably could have been more tactful.

      • Anonymous

        This!! If one more darling, dear, wonderful friend who I cannot afford to have at my wedding asks me about my plans I will scream. Basically I keep saying, well we can’t afford anything in NYC (oh god, can we not!) and in this economy it is pretty awful to expect anyone to have to fly. And honestly, I feel bad for the couple of friends who I will invite. I honestly don’t know if they can come or if it will be too expensive.

        Wedding planning seems like an easy topic of conversation, but it is really fraught. It’s half of what I hate about this (the other half is how god-awfully expensive everything is).

    • Anona

      If I want to go to a friends wedding, I send them a really expensive gift off of their registry before the invites drop. It’s always worked. I get that I am not family and hey, I am bad for the open bar cost.

      But don’t take it personally. It was rude but planning wedding is stressful and he probably was short because he lost in the battle to invite you (I already told her all about it! Who cares new husband?! We can’t fit her in! etc.).

      Just send a $50 gift after the wedding so that your friend’s bride to be doesn’t keep excluding you in the future.

      • Anona

        I would just add re: the comments above, maybe the reason he didn’t go into details is b/c he doesn’t want to say we fought about it and I lost. A man is a man.

        • Always a NYer

          This. I also am not in the habit of trying to include myself where I’m not wanted. Maybe the friend did lose a fight about the guest list with his fiance but if the OP was his good friend, he should have said so. IMHO, this isn’t a friend you want.

          • Anona

            I agree but it is a difficult dynamic for a man to fight hard to include a platonic female friend in a wedding where space or money is tight especially if the bride’s family pays for it.

        • Anona

          True. Depends on how good the friend is. I say this because I have a lot of close guy friends (no history or anything) and it is awkward to stay included in social events in the future if you aren’t invited to the wedding (see my proactive strategy on getting invited above!).

          I guess it’s more of a courtesy to the wife to show that husband and I are good friends, I am not mad (anymore ha) that I wasn’t invited, and I still want to hang out in the future. It’s a double standard but I too am initially weary of my boyfriend’s really good “girl” friends.

          If it is just a work associate or something then, no gift.

    • eaopm3

      We had a small wedding (75 people) and I took great care not to talk about the wedding to those who were not invited, even though it was hard when people asked, or, even more embarrassing said something like, “I’d better be invited” or “I can’t wait until the wedding!”. My then-fiance didn’t really understand the etiquette of weddings, though, and invited about five people to his bachelor party that weren’t on the wedding guest list and had to be added once I found that out. I think you can assume that your guy friend either a) didn’t know he wasn’t supposed to go on and on about a wedding you weren’t going to be invited to OR b) as PPs have said, lost the battle to invite you.
      I wouldn’t give it a second thought, but I might send a gift… because I am a kill-them-with-kindness sort of person. Or maybe that’s called spiteful? ;)

    • MelD

      This is a close friend. He is one of those people who doesn’t really have a grasp of how expensive things can be and I think he realized that his budget really didn’t allow for more than just close family (he has a very large family). I have no issues with that, but I do have problems with him not being upfront with me once he sent out the invites and I wasn’t on the list. He indicated that he’d sent the invites out a few weeks (minimum) before I happened to ask about it.

      • anon

        I’d write it off as your friend’s poor judgment. I’m sure he felt awkward and clearly did not know how to handle the conversation properly, and (as many people do) put off doing anything at all until he was basically forced to say something. Regrettable but not inexcusable.

        Hopefully that doesn’t hurt your friendship, as we all do stupid things from time to time.

        • Research, Not Law

          This.

          I’m sorry. These things are awkward and I understand how it can hurt. However, if he’s normally a good friend but can be a bit dense at times like these, just cut him a break.

    • A Regular Lurker

      I had sort of a similar experience with a female co-worker with whom I was friendly. She went on and on about her wedding as she was planning it, and though I initially did not expect to be invited, I started to think that I would be when she started talking at work like our group of co-workers would be invited to the wedding. Turns out they were all invited, just not me. I did feel slighted, but what can you do. I guess it was nice that he did eventually tell you you weren’t going to be invited to the wedding after all.

      • rb

        Eeek! Reading A Regular Lurker’s comment hit really close to home for me. When I was planning my wedding, I definitely spoke about it at work with my coworkers because I was so excited about it. However, I took care not to discuss it in front of those coworkers who I did not intend to invite to the wedding. However, sometimes, there was no avoiding discussing it in front of others – someone would ask about it, and they would happen to be there (at a lunch with coworkers, for example). There was one coworker in particular whom I had considered inviting, but did not because of the number of people already on my list – over 310 (yes, I do think this number is ridiculous) – and because I did not feel very close to her. I had no intention of asking my parents to add two more people (she is married) to this ridiculously enormous list. I did not actually tell her that she was not invited because I did not see her often at work or outside of work. I felt like it would have been more awkward to make a point of seeing her just to bring it up than to have not addressed the situation with her. I did feel bad about the situation but, at the end of the day, I don’t think my parents should have had to shoulder additional costs because it MAY have made things awkward for me at work.

        • A Regular Lurker

          I hope I didn’t upset you! I know there are two sides to every story, and in this particular case, I think it was partly (1) I hadn’t known her for very long, and (2) it costs money to have people at a wedding. There are social dynamics and details about my job that I didn’t want to share here for the sake of anonymity. I don’t necessarily think it’s wrong to talk about your wedding with people who won’t be invited (I like weddings and I like hearing about them, actually). In retrospect, I suppose I wish that she had been a little more sensitive about carrying on about what a great time everyone from the office was going to have at her wedding when not *everyone* was actually invited to it. Just venting, don’t mind me. :)

          • rb

            Oy! You definitely didn’t upset me! Your comment struck a chord with me because that is exactly what I had feared my coworker would think when I decided not to invite her. I would have also felt left out in your situation. Hearing the other side of the story gave has given me some much-needed perspective. I think I was so caught up in the practical reasons for not inviting her that I forgot to consider her feelings – very short-sighted of me. I wish I could have a d0-over right about now :(

    • Sydney Bristow

      I think it was poor judgment on his part and it makes sense that you were expecting an invite at that point.

      A close male friend of mine from college got married the year after I graduated. Early on in the process he sent me and a few of our friends a very nice email thanking us for enriching his life and being great friends and then explaining that they were keeping the wedding small so unfortunately we weren’t going to be invited. I found it a little off putting at first, but in retrospect I think it was nice of him to do. It might have been delivered better in person or on the phone, but it was much better than letting us assume we’d be invited and requesting time off work. Also, at that point I could speak to him or his fiancé about their plans if I chose to without feeling like they were leading me on.

  8. K

    How does ASOS stuff fit? I see it here all the time, but am nervous to order from a brand i’ve never tried things on from. This dress is really pretty and seems like a great day to night option.

    • Govvie

      Like a glove! I was in your shoes and could not find an answer, so I ordered three items in three different sizes. Even though the largest one fit me, I think it was meant to be skin tight, which is a look my 30-something self is not going for. Maybe others have had better experiences?

    • SC

      I noticed that the website says the model is wearing a size 4. She looks like a size 0 to me. Assuming she hasn’t been photoshopped (which is a real possibility but would make the model sizing info completely useless), I’m guessing it runs very small.

      • Tina

        It really runs very small and most of ASOS brand clothes are meant to be skin-tight.

      • Susan

        Is that a British Size 4, or an American Size 4? ASOS is a UK company, so it may be a British Size 4, which is roughly the equivalent of an American Size 0 or 00, depending on the cut.

    • Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler

      They have free shipping and free returns though, so you may want to try. I order from the Asos Curve section and (usually) keep what I purchase.

    • Anon

      Not sure if anyone is still reading this, but I ordered this dress in a 4 (my normal size) thinking that I could wear it to work, and it is absolutely skintight. Cute for a nice dinner, but definitely not work appropriate (especially in that you can’t wear anything under it).

  9. Midwest

    OK, handbag lovers … anybody want to go hunting for me? :) I’m looking for something 1) leather; 2) that has decent organizational features; and 3) is big enough to hold my iPad. Bonus points if it’s versatile enough to pass for work or casual, is an interesting color and is around $200.

    • found a peanut

      I do not have any specific models in mine, but B. Makowsky might make a lot of handbags that fit all your qualifications. They’re available at a wide range out retailers – Nordstrom, Macy’s, QVC, and Zappos.

    • JJ

      Check out Elliott Lucca handbags. They sell them at Nordstrom and have their own website. I own several and love them because of the organizational features on the inside, the quality of the leather, and the price. If you sign up for emails from the website, they often have 25-30% deals.

      • Accountress

        Second Elliot Lucca. I got my mom a gorgeous pink leather purse last year, and she wears it constantly- no sign of wear.

    • Anona

      Midwest, look at Kate Spades’ sale today, then call Kate Spade outlet closest to you today. It is 40-50% off todayin addition to any other discount the particular store is having. I would recommend the Knightsbridge large handbag in teal which meets all those features. They ship for $5 and easy to return. The only thing about this bag is it has those hard rope like handles and those hurt my shoulders so it depends on that preference. Most outlets will e-mail you a picture of the bag, I do not see it online anymore on the regular website.

      They also have cute ipad covers on sale…

      • SF Bay Associate

        $5 shipping from Kate Spade outlet?? And they will send you pictures?? I really did (not) need to know that. One of the few stores the bay area is missing is a Kate Spade outlet. How do returns work?

        • Anona

          They send a return label but I have never actually done it hahaha (I have a problem…). It is $5 UPS shipping and I do not remember if shipping back is free or if they only provide a label. But since it is an outlet, they are not bad about returns within the timeframe because I have returned other things to them before in person.

          Plus if you have to call to get them to ship it, (sometimes for one day sales I do this because I do not want them to run out or miss the sale day) I am sure they would let you know.

          Of course this is for the one I have been to, so I guess I do not know if it is company wide policy. Since I am also in the midwest, I thought it might be helpful to the cause. :)

    • Kelly

      I’m interested in what people turn up also! Fwiw I prefer a shoulder strap that fits over a jacket, not a satchel with short strap.

    • AB

      I just picked up the ‘Pippa’ Modalu and loooooove it. Amazing pockets, available in muted but nice colours. It’s rather trendy though and I only managed to snag one by going by the store the day they had received the shipment.

    • Mere

      I just purchased the Michael Kors Hamilton. I bought mine at TJ Maxx for $180, but I believe nordstrom also had it on sale. I highly recommend it

      • R

        Rebecca Minkoff makes good quality bags in interesting colors. Her stuff is usually around $400-500 but is often on sale on Gilt Groupe for $200-300. I have several of her bags and have found them to hold up well to how I abuse my bags

        • Anon

          I hate to suggest that you aren’t a real person, but I feel like someone posts this exact comment every time a bag request is issued, and I swear that “R” (and her prior incarnations) are a Rebecca Minkoff employee trying to drum up new business/buzz for a brand whose best days are, sadly, behind it…

          And I say this as a proud owner of an old school RM MAM, but also as someone who will never buy another RM.

          • AIMS

            Out of curiosity, what’s your reason for writing off RM bags in the future? Has quality declined since inception? Or just seeing too many of her bags everywhere (that’s usually my no. 1 reason for disliking a brand I previously enjoyed)?

          • Anon

            A few reasons:
            – Declining quality overall (both in terms of leather and in terms of hardware)
            – Brass hardware no longer used and it is my favorite
            – Difficulty in resolving issues when problems arise (thankfully I haven’t had any, but have had friends who’ve gone through h*ll and back to get a repair or refund for a brand new bag that breaks within 2 weeks of use)
            – Don’t like the recent styles as much as the old classics

            In my city, I think I can count on one hand the number of RMs i’ve seen (total) so it isn’t a popularity thing.

          • anon

            I agree. RM bag quality has gone downhill. Too bad, as there are some nice styles.

          • anon

            Ditto on RM going downhill…when they shifted production to China, it went off. My US-made MAM and my China-made Beau tote have a significant difference in quality (Beau has fallen apart 2x).

          • Kady

            I’d never had color transfer issues with my old MAB, but my most recent MAM (magenta) totally transferred onto two white Ts and a cream sweater, all of which I had to throw away (I tried washing several ways, except bleach, since the shirts were patterned). So yes, I’d agree that the quality has declined.

          • R

            I am real! My point about RM bags being good quality are in reference to the price point. I don’t expect a $200 bag to hold up for more than a year or two, whereas I expect $1000+ bags to last for 5+ years. If you don’t want to pay more than $200 for a bag, I don’t think it is realistic to expect it to be the best quality.
            I do agree with you about missing the brass hardware.

          • Anon

            I think you have to look at original retail price, not sale price. A new MAM is approx $500, as is a new MBMJ Groovee. The groovee, in my opinion, holds up far better than the newer RMs. The older RMs, in comparison, wear like iron (except for the handles).

      • Jen

        I have this bag, too (though mine was full price at Macy’s! Can’t believe you found one at a TJ Maxx), and I ADORE it. It is the perfect size for fitting an Ipad, a pair of shoes, a small makeup bag, wallet, and sunglasses, plus the pockets organize your phone, compact, etc. And there is a key chain clasp. I am obssessed with it.

      • Alanna of Trebond

        There are always oodles of Cynthia Rowley bags at TJMaxx. I’ve never really found most of what is on Gilt to be a particularly good deal though.

  10. anon

    It’s hard to tell in the photo, but this dress has a zipper from the bottom of the v-neck down to the waistline. Not for work, IMO.

    • nona

      I wouldn’t discount it for that reason alone. It’s an invisible zipper, so it otherwise looks like a seam – and all you can tell is that the seam stops at the waistline.

      Let’s not start the zipper histrionics.

      • Anon

        Visible zipper renders invisible zipper, visible.

        Seriously, click on the white one, add a hat with a cross, and tell me this doesn’t look like a naughty nurse costume with that zipper.

        • Anon

          Visible zipper PULL, I meant to write. If the zipper pull is visible between my boobs, then it’s pretty obvious that the zipper pull is attached to something…a zipper.

        • nona

          Eyeroll – heaven forbid there be evidence of the fact that I am not magically poured into a dress. Its not an exposed zipper, so I don’t think it invites the same “unzip” me vibe. And it looks way classier overall than any naughty nurse costume. I’m not sure most guys even know what an invisible zipper is, since it’s rarely used on men’s clothing, so no – a tiny zipper pull doesn’t scream zipper to me, or render an invisible zipper visible.

          I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      The zipper is practically invisible. Zoomed in, the fabric looks pretty heavy and substantial too. I love the burgundy and would wear that with a dark charcoal gray blazer and pumps. For a night out, I’d wear it with patterned tights, knee high boots.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        The other bonus – it would be way easier to zip up by myself than a back zipper.

        • RJT

          I’d avoid this look for work; I once sat on a mock jury where one attractive female lawyer wore a heavy sweater dress with a (largely concealed) zipper all the way down the front. After the exercise was over, all the guys on the mock jury (students at the time) could talk about was “Did you see that dress? The zipper went _all_ _the_ _way_ _down_ _the_ front_.”

          I’ve been wary of front zippers (and visible back ones) ever since.

  11. Suddenly Single

    **Sorry if this posts twice***

    So my SO of 4 years and I are calling it quits. I love him to death but I’ve been ready to move forward for a while (we’ve been living together for two years) and he still doesn’t feel ready to take the next steps and get married. I just turned 30 and am really getting the maternal itch and am ready to start a family. So after much thought (and endless cry sessions) I’ve decided to move out and move on. The thing is that I’m so afraid I’ll never meet someone as great as him. Soooo I was thinking of joining an online dating site just to get some reassurance that there are other, great, fish in the sea. Any thoughts on match v. eHarmony? The other thing is that the wounds are still fresh and I definitely not ready to date. I simply think it may be good to look to help me to move on. I know nothing about these sites and wondering if it is silly to join if I’m really only ready to look?

    Thanks in advance!

    • anon

      heartache. so sorry. don’t go online just yet. take a few weeks or a months to just chill and sort yourself out again. you will find someone “as great” as him – and in fact even greater, in that you’ll find someone who wants what you want.

      eHarmony is more suited for you than match IMO. feel free to go on and look around but i really wouldn’t start setting up a profile, contacting people, going on dates etc. until you’re at least a month or two out of this. (anyway, not much goes on on those sites during the holidays.) if you don’t want to pay the fees yet or whatever, ask a friend who is online if you can browse a little with her. there are tons of people out there.

      good luck. you’ll be OK. good on you for moving out – hard to do, but follow your gut.

      • Miriam

        I agree with this. You should probably take some time to digest what happened. I know it can be tempting to go on these sites, but you may end up confused and missing you ex even more. There are great guys out there, but there are also a lot of not so great ones. If you go on these sites and go on some terrible dates it can make things worse for you. Take some time to heal and lean on some close friends. Also, you’re still young and you will find someone! It just takes time and a good attitude.

    • momentsofabsurdity

      I am so sorry about the end of your relationship. It sounds like it was a longtime building. FWIW if you aren’t sure you want to jump into another serious relationship right now, I would use a free dating site, rather than a paid one (but a paid one may be worth it when you ARE ready to look for something serious). I have friends who have had good luck on OKCupid, PlentyofFish, etc.

    • Eleanor

      I don’t think it’s silly. Don’t those sites have some kind of space where you can indicate what type of relationship you’re looking for (casual dating, serious relationship, etc.)

      Also, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Props to you for knowing what is right for you and following through on it.

    • MelD

      eHarmony seems to be for people who want to get serious fairly quickly. I have a few friends who went on and were engaged within about 6-8 months. Match seems like it is a little more casual. If you’re really ready to start a family, then eHarmony may be a better pick for you.

    • eek

      You will find someone just as great or better than him. It just doesn’t feel like it now! I think you put a lot of thought into this decision and you may realize over the next few weeks how happy and free you feel. It really might surprise you!

      Good luck and get out there!

    • Anon5

      I had a friend who was in a simiar situation with her SO a few years ago, except I think it had been six years and the guy moved and obviously wasn’t making staying with her a priority. She just browsed match, until one day when she saw a guy who caught her eye and joined just to talk to him. They were engaged six months later and have now been very happily married a year and are talking about starting a family. You can join match and not have an active profile just to know that there are other single people out there. I think on eHarmony they match you with people they think are compatible, so it’s not as good for just casual looking around.

    • Batgirl

      I would stay away from online dating for a month or so. I think you’ll find it more depressing than encouraging–not because you wont’ meet someone great (I have a few times) but because you’ll find guys that aren’t all that great, too, and it may just make you feel even more like you’ll never meet someone again. But you will! Online dating can be great…or it can be a bummer. Just depends on who you meet.

    • Research, Not Law

      Hugs. I’ve been there. You’ll find the right person, I promise.

      First, grieve for the lost relationship, then date.

      When you’re ready, I recommend eHarmony over Match for you. People there are serious – plus, I just liked the system. And keep in mind that you’re not looking for someone who is “better” than ex-SO; you’re looking for the person who is *right for you*. I definitely recommend that you take time in step one to consider the traits in a partner than are crucial to you, so that you can quickly assess the pond for the right fish.

      • Anon

        Sending you internet well wishes and hugs. I’ve dated online before and it can be pretty discouraging. So I echo those that say it’s better to wait a bit before delving back in. When you’re ready, why not try different sites? I had the best luck with eharmony, but depending on your city, maybe other sites would be better for you. Hang in there and good luck!

  12. Legally Brunette

    Where can I buy an elegant picture frame online? Hoping for free shipping if possible. I went to three stores yesterday and everything was so tacky, so I’m trying the online route. Hoping to spend less than $40 for a 5×7 frame. This is a gift for my judge. Thanks!

    • Govvie

      I love the Martha Stewart frames at Macy’s. I think they look as nice as the more expensive brands, but on sale and with a coupon they are much cheaper! Not sure what the shipping deals are at the moment. If you want to spend more, Macy’s also has Kate Spade, Ralph Lauren, etc.

    • new poster

      Pottery Barn. Crate and Barrel always has nice ones, too, but much smaller selection.

      • AIMS

        I like PB frames a lot. I also like Tizo frames, which they have at Bloomingdales dot com for around $45, on sale. Not sure about the free shipping though.

    • jr

      I’ve purchased a few frames from Amazon. If you read reviews, you should be able to tell what is cheap-looking and what is tasteful. If you are buying through Amazon, free shipping over $25 (or free two-day if you have Prime).

    • Anona

      Things Remembered has nice ones if you want it engraved. They just sent an e-mail about their sale today too.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t have the Mazy boots but I have two pairs of La Canadiennes and they’ve been worth every penny. One pair is now seven years old and they’re still among my go-to winter boots. They’re stylish, comfortable and warm–and I live in Chicago, where winter counts. Go for it!

    • Kady

      Same here. I have 2 pairs of La Canadienne and just ordered a 3rd pair yesterday with Endless’ 25% boot discount. They are high high high quality, just excellent leather and soles. And they really are warm and waterproof. They tend to run narrow in the shaft, so I don’t recommend them to gals w/ wide calves, but otherwise, they’re great.

    • Nonny

      I don’t have the Mazies, but I have one pair of black suede Canadienne boots and love, love, love them. They are now about 4 or 5 years old, they are holding up really well, and I have never had any problems with them. I have feet that are wide at the instep and narrow at the heel, and very muscular calves, and was happy to find boots that (a) fit around my calves, (b) didn’t go all slouchy around my ankle, and (c) didn’t pinch around my instep. They have lived up to their initial promise.

    • A

      I have an old pair of La Canadienne boots and just bought the Mazys. I bought my first pair 5 + years ago and they have held up fabulously and are still among my go to boots every winter. They are incredibly comfortable and warm. Very high quality. Still look new, and I have walked miles in them. The Mazys are also super comfortable and stylish. Highly recommend. Like a previous poster said, they have been worth every penny. Also agree with the previous posted who said they run slightly narrow in the calf…which I like because they don’t look slouchy or loose. They fit perfectly over tights or a narrow pair of skinny jeans.

  14. SunnyD

    I realized this morning that everything in my closet is black, white, gray or pink (seriously, not an exaggeration). I think I’m afraid of color because I think all colors look pretty bad on me (irrational, I know). Anyone had this problem and overcome it? I’m getting so tired of wearing my four colors.

    • anon

      maybe start with accessories, like a scarf or jewelry or handbags. or stick with a color that’s pretty subtle, like navy, camel, etc. Color doesn’t have to mean bright pink or emerald green or etc. At least not at first.

      as for what colors look good on you, you can browse through photos of people with similar coloring, or keep an eye out as you walk down the street or in a store, or ask a store salesperson (at a good store, that is!). everyone has colors that look better or worse on them.

    • Vegas Baby

      I am the same way (as I sit here in an all black/white outfit today). I started branching out by going with jewel toned shirts, purple and teal mostly. Not a huge change, but it certainly made me feel as if I wasn’t wearing the same colors all the time.

      Colors I stay away from: yellow and orange. I just can’t seem to pull them off. Probably doesn’t help that I don’t wear a lot of brown either.

      • SunnyD

        I feel ya. I’m wearing a black skirt, black tights, black shoes, white sweater, and a pink scarf. Hit all the high points of my closet today!

      • Exactly Me

        This is me, exactly, Vegas Baby. Black and charcoal suits, dresses and skirts (rarely wear pants, but when I do, black and charcoal). Only color is tops in:

        * garnet red
        * teal
        * eggplant and amethyst

        No yellow, orange or brown. Ever.

        We must have similar coloring: caucasian, fair skin, dark brown hair and eyes.

        Makes life very simple: I know what works, easy to buy, easy to mix and match because it all goes together.

    • V

      I had a similar black, white & gray problem. I’d suggest finding a patterned scarf (or two) that you love, and then getting a couple of different solid color tops (tees, shells, sweaters, whatever) that either match or “go” with colors in the scarf. I found I was much more comfortable working in color once I had a sense of what color combinations I liked. (I eventually picked up The Skirt in several different colors and wear them with various caridgans and scarves – its a brand new rainbow-filled world for me). For inspiration, you might look at the outfits Capitol Hill Style puts together.

    • anon

      Maybe you should get your colors “done” so that you’ll know what looks good on you. See, e.g., http://12blueprints.com/ (this includes a directory with people all over the world). I’ve never done this, but my sisters and I messed around with the old “Color Me Beautiful” books years ago and it was helpful. You could also go to a personal shopper at a nice store, like Nordstrom, and ask her to show you what colors work best for you – no charge except for whatever clothes you buy.

    • Kelly

      im actually trying to get wardrobe more based on black/white/grey with a few accent colors / pieces just for simplicity. I also think it looks sophisticated and elegant.

      Look online for the seasons thing, and figure out whether you’re warm or cool, with high or low contrast. Its a good guide. I’m officially an autum, but high contrast. I can’t wear all the autum colors though and I look good in a lot of winter colors, so there’s some trial and error. So I agree observe some street style and maybe go to norstroms.

      Also, idk if you dye your hair. Changing the tone can have a great effect on your look and how certain colors look on you. My hair varies between a neutral black and a dark auburn, and with each hair color certain clothes look better.

    • jlf

      I had this exact problem for many years (well, almost exact– I would buy blue instead of pink and I had some brown/khaki type neutrals as well), and I finally overcame it by deciding to buy two things that seemed okay and were bright colors. After I got used to wearing those two things, I bought other things that were those same two colors and then after that I kind of felt that buying colored clothes was okay.

      I will still never buy brightly colored patterns, though. Never.

  15. Hmm

    Totally baffled by H&M. I follow a few fashion blogs where the women wear a LOT of H&M and look great – I’m thinking Girls with Curves and Extra Petite. However, I went in there last night and everything looked terrible — just really cheap quality and unflattering. Anyone else feel this way about H&M?

    • Anonymous

      Exactly my thoughts. H&M is best for basics and clothes you plan to wear only once or twice – like a party dress or shirt. The men’s stuff is for skinny hipsters only – IMO!

    • cbackson

      I used to love H&M but last time I went in there the music was so loud that I had to leave, feeling old and lame. Ah, the days of my youth when I shredded my eardrums without fear…

      • JJ

        They just opened two H&M in my city and I went in the other day. I’ve been to H&M in New York a few times and bought some things there. At the new store, it was so crowded and loud (they had a DJ-who was also blocking half of the entrance and that was annoying in itself) and the clothes weren’t in any conceivable order that I got frustrated after 5 minutes and left. I then mourned my 20s as I walked to Brooks Brothers.

        • Godzilla

          I HATE how everything is so disorganized in all H&M’s. There is really no rhyme or reason to how they place clothing. You can find work appropriate stuff all over the place – a sheath dress next to a glittery cardigan, sneakers and a feather headband or something. Grrrrr.

        • Bonnie

          I have this same problem with the big Macy’s near me. Because everything is organized by brand not type of item, and all the racks are jammed close together, I get overwhelmed.

          • Nancy P

            I loathe Macy’s. I grew up with Daytons, which became Marshall Fields, which became Macy’s, and the Macy’s is so much more poorly organized. It just looks like a mess, which makes me want to run away.

        • Research, Not Law

          “I then mourned my 20s as I walked to Brooks Brothers.”
          Love this. So true!

          I agree with the OP that the stuff isn’t the highest of quality, but there are gems to be found. I like getting party attire there, since I wear it so rarely and they have fun stuff. I have some cheaply constructed metallic kitten heels purchased 7 years ago that garner me tons of complements when they make a rare appearance.

          But honestly, I haven’t been in for years. I don’t think I could handle the music or the filtering required. A friend recently dragged me into Forever 21 and it was miserable and fruitless.

      • Tina

        Most of it looks cheap, but you can always find a gem in there somewhere. It also depends a lot on the store – some of them have nicer stuff and they also display it in a more organised manner, at least in Europe.

    • MelD

      H&M varies a lot from store to store. Some are trashier and/or teen oriented while others will have a lot of nicer, work-appropriate attire.

      • AIMS

        This. I have 3 H&M stores that I go to, and about a dozen that I would never step foot into.

      • Nonny

        Agreed (and unfortunately the one nearest me is one of the poor ones), but strangely, in general I think H&M is way better in Europe than it is in North America.

        • Susan

          Not strange at all. Europeans demand better quality and get it. The retailers know many American shoppers are ignorant about the quality-aspect or know-but-don’t-care, so they sell the crap here. I find GAP to be CRAP, but it was less so in the UK, I discovered. (Still not good enough to buy, but less objectionable than the stuff here.)

          • Nonny

            Agreed re Gap (though I also didn’t buy anything there).

            I have bought about 6 or 7 items from the H&M in Geneva (in multiple clothing categories – underwear, shoes, sweaters, accessories) and wear them regularly, but have never found anything worth buying in my local store.

      • CSF

        This is very, very true. The one near me is new, well organized, and well stocked. It has a section for women, men, kids, maternity, and baby. However, you have to know how to look through the clothing and find good pieces that will last for the right price, or if you need to buy cheap, and just get a few wears out of it. I bought some of the bras and underwear (very inexpensive) when I just wanted something sexy–not everyday wear stuff. and I have a floor length ball gown that I wore on a cruise. Absolutely gorgeous, and cost me $50, no need to tailor it. H&M is the kind of store you have to approach with the right mindset, and you’ll leave satisfied.

    • Nancy P

      It can be really hit or miss (maybe that’s what the H&M stands for)? Sometimes I go in there and it all looks like trashy cheap stuff for 19-year-olds. Other times I go and find a cute cardigan, or tunic, or whatever. And agree, it can be great for staples, like thin sweaters to wear under suits or blouses (I love their blouses, they have great stretch).

    • Anne-on

      Their merchandise does vary widely from store to store. I can’t deal with the more tween/teen/clubby H&Ms, but some of the ones I’ve liked had really good work basics.

    • a.k.

      My BFF says that H&M means Hit & Miss, which I totally agree with. Their collections turn over so frequently that if you hate everything now, wait a month and you never know.

      That said, I pretty much only buy things like tank tops, gauzy scarves and tights there. Maybe the occasional summer dress. Never anything that I expect to last more than a season or two.

    • EFL

      This.

      I just don’t bother to go to H&M anymore. In my city, all of them are messy, and they all have that weird smell of plastic shoes.
      Pity, because I have found some gems in the past, but it’s just too much of a hassle.
      I guess you have to go often and browse a lot. And have a good photographer, too :)

  16. Lynnet

    Question for DC corporettes- My brother is getting back into the dating game in DC and is looking for good first date ideas. Since I’m one of those rare people who married their high school sweetheart, I can’t give him any advice. Does anyone have ideas for fun metro- accessible first dates? He’s 24 and works a lot, but probably wouldn’t be able to spend lavishly.

    • Littlest Attorney

      Just went to a newish restaurant that I think would make a great date restaurant — its called El Centro and is between Logan Circle and U Street. The restaurant is huge, but split into levels. The downstairs has fun lighting and a nice bar and the food (I had brunch there) was great and reasonable by DC standards.

    • Alana

      I no longer live in DC, so some of the advice below may no longer be accurate.

      low-no cost events include: The Kennedy Center has free concerts daily at 6, if I remember correctly. There is outdoor ice skating at the Sculpture Garden and indoor miniature golf and games at a place that might be named the H Street Country Club. There are gallery openings listed on dcist.com. Eastern Market is a fun place to visit on weekend mornings.

    • Lawyer Bird

      Here are some ideas right off the top of my head – all are low-cost without seeming “cheap”:

      -Ice skating at the sculpture garden (winter) or concert at the sculpture garden (summer) followed by drinks/coffee

      – Concert/coffee in the atrium at the American Art Museum/National Portrait Gallery and a visit to the exhibits at the museum

      – Free concerts at the Kennedy Center’s Millenium Stage every single day at 6pm, followed by dinner

      – Movie at E Street Cinema followed by drinks

      – Mini-golf and drinks at H Street Country Club

      – Walk in the National Zoo followed by lunch or dinner

      • L

        National tree and hot coco at coco sala

        Picnic in gravelly point park on a bright and sunny day and watching the planes fly overhead (not terribly metro accessible).

        The National Cathedral also has cool low dollar events

        Mini golf at H street is like $35 each if I remember so I’m not sure if that gets him in and out where he’d like to be. RW is also coming up in Jan so that’s an opportunity as well.

        • Lawyer Bird

          Actually it’s $7 for mini golf, and some days it’s free with dinner.

      • Locomotive

        ZOO LIGHTS! The national zoo is doing this thing where it’s open at night and all the lights are up. And there’s an ice skating rink. It’s kinda cheesy but I’m a huge cheeseball and love that kind of stuff.

  17. Govvie

    I’m not sure myself. I bought a $20 jacket there last week and wore it out with designer jeans, heels, nice jewelry, etc. I still don’t know if it looked cheap or not, but it sure was easy to run and and buy it at the last minute.

  18. Always a NYer

    I wouldn’t think twice about wearing a dark teal or burgundy pencil skirt. However, I would pause before wearing dark teal or burgundy trousers. Am I overthinking this or can you get away with a wider variety color on skirts than pants?

    • MissJackson

      I completely agree. I’m currently wearing the j.crew no. 2 pencil skirt in viridian green, and there is no way I would wear pants this color to the office. I might wear pants this color… um, maybe to the mathas vinyard? But to the office, no.

      Depending on the deap hue, I think you could possibly get away with dark teal or burgundy trousers, but I really do think that the exact color matters. Lafayette 148 has some great burgundy pants (the high waisted style was a feature here, but they come in other styles, too) that would be perfectly fine in my business casual office. And if “deap teal” means “almost black” this might also be okay… but I can’t say that I’ve ever seen a pair of teal pants that I’d wear to the office.

      • MissJackson

        ha. “the” marthas vinyard is just like THE ohio state university? editing fail.

        • anon

          Somewhat random rant of the day: many many people say THE Ukraine. Drives me nuts. It’s not The Canada. Or The Italy. (Granted, it is The United States of America)

          • Lawyer Bird

            It started because Russia tried to make Ukraine viewed as a part of Russia – hence the Ukraine, a region of Russia. For some reason it seems to have held over. See also the Congo (the Belgian Congo and the French Congo during colonial era).

    • anon

      i think you’re right. skirts read similar to dresses. teal, wine, purple .. all good colors for dresses. for pants, not so much.

      the fact that people are used to seeing pants in more neutral tones (since men wear them all the time) means that brightly colored pants seem more unusual to the eye.

      • Nonny

        I also think the balance of colour has an effect. For instance, if you wear a brightly coloured, knee-length skirt with a neutral top, the colours balance each other out. However, if you wear brightly-coloured trousers with a neutral top, there is a visual imbalance because of the sheer amount of colour on the bottom (since most of us wear full-length trousers!). It would also draw the eye to the lower half of the body, which is not necessarily what most of us want.

  19. Maddie Ross

    So how many others are stuck in the office today? It feels like a ghost town in my building, but alas, I am here.

      • AnonInfinity

        Same here. Maybe Monday — not sure about that yet. Stupid weekend Christmas.

      • Bunkster

        Me, too. I’m taking a half day tomorrow, though. Going to The Nutcracker with my nieces, sister, sister-in-law and mother in the afternoon and then The Teddy Bear Tea at The Four Seasons. Counting the hours until 11:30 tomorrow morning.

    • MissJackson

      I am, but apparently the partner that I work with decided to skip town and not tell anyone. So I stopped by his office about half an hour ago to talk to him about an assignment and his secretary told me he’s out until after the holiday.

      So, my plans of working all day and tomorrow just went out the window :)

    • TXAtty

      As am I. Tomorrow and Monday too. Apparently if Christmas falls on a weekend, that means no official “closed” days. My favorite are the HR guys making the rounds on every floor this morning to mark off who is or isn’t here. It’s like a junior high roll call.

      • PHX

        Oh TXAtty — I worked for one of those places too — freaking senior partner would “take roll” everyday at 8:30 am — staff AND attorneys.

        I haven’t worked there in years, but I still have nightmares…..

      • m

        Our office had the same idea… until we received an email from the building saying that there will be no lights, air conditioning, security, or janitorial services on the 26th or 2nd, in observance of the holidays!

    • eek

      Here. Work party at 3pm – only going to network and eat my weight in free food. Tomorrow is my last day at this place!!! WOOT!

    • Nonny

      I’m in the office today! Tomorrow as well, though I think there will only be two of us here. My goal is to not be in at all next week, which will only work if I get everything done before the weekend (and if no clients decide over Christmas that they *must* do a corporate reorg before December 31).

      Luckily we get Boxing Day off here as well as a day in lieu of Christmas, so the office is *officially* closed on Monday and Tuesday.

      • meara

        This is me too! I need to get a bunch of (long-procrastinated boring) work done today and tomorrow, so that I can in good conscience not do anything next week!

    • Susan

      Still here. Will be here another 6hrs, easily. Too much crap due at the end of the year, bureaucratic reasons, so much slog away. *le sigh*

    • Cali CPA

      Also stuck at work. Not a lot to do, but I only have a couple of vacation days and I’m saving them for the hope of a nice vacation next year. At least the office is closing at 1 tomorrow.

    • JessC

      Here today AND tomorrow. Making every effort to do as little as possible. ;)
      Half the staff/attorneys have tomorrow off and I’m seriously considering ducking out a couple hour early… or just go to lunch and not come back.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I’m in the office today. It’s quieter but not totally a ghost town. Unfortunately it will be by 10 pm when I can finally get out of here. Trying to fit 60 hours into 4 days wasn’t the best idea. :-(

      Luckily I have tomorrow and Monday off and I’m flying to my hometown tomorrow to spend the weekend with my family!

    • Research, Not Law

      I’m in today and tomorrow morning. We’re “unofficially” excused early. I’ll be back on Tuesday. I’m actually a bit weirded out by how many of my coworkers are here. It’s almost a normal Thursday staff load.

      In all honesty, I’m here, but I’m not exactly working.

      • Backgrounder

        I’m here and so are lots of others. You wouldn’t know it was even Christmastime around these parts. Luckily off tomorrow through New Year! #cantwait

  20. cbackson

    I love this dress, but I fear that were I to buy a size that would fit my rather ungenerous bust, my somewhat more-generous rear would be bringing s*xy back in a manner note entirely office-appropriate…

  21. eek

    Sleep Cycle cell phone apps.

    I think it was Blonde Lawyer that mentioned using the android sleep cycle app. I downloaded the Sleep Cycle alarm clock by Maciek Drejak Labs (99 cents) for my iPhone. It’s pretty cool to see my sleep cycle and it seems fairly accurate since last night I woke up once and the graph reflected that. Also, in the 2 days I’ve used it, it has selected the optimal time to wake me up. Example: I want to wake up at 7:30, and the app selects the best time to wake me up in a 30 minute window between 7-7:30 (i.e., not during a deep sleep). It makes a difference to wake up when I am almost awake, rather than a deep sleep which makes you really groggy and disoriented.

    Thank you for the recommendation.

    • zora

      thank you for paying it forward with the iPhone rec! I have been wanting to try one out, but I hate paying for apps that turn out to be total duds. I will definitely give this a try.

    • Herbie

      Question re Sleep Cycle iphone app… does anyone here with pets that sleep with them use it? ie., will a cat jumping on your bed jack it up? … not that I’m asking, you know, for any particular reason.

  22. MeliaraofTlanth

    Hive mind, I need advice for the boyfriend.

    Boyfriend, class of 2010, has been deferred from his BigLaw firm since graduation. They are paying him 1/2 his salary to work for a public interest organization, which he enjoys. His fellowship was supposed to end at the end of this month and he was to start at the firm mid-January. He did his last day at the fellowship yesterday, said his goodbyes, and took the rest of the month for vacation. As he’s waiting for his plane home today, he got a call from the firm saying they were extending his fellowship, and he could either chose to extend it to the end of March, or for another entire year.

    What does he chose? Does he go with March and hope he actually starts at the firm in April and risk that they don’t actually hire him at the end of that time? Or at this point does it seem obvious firm doesn’t actually want him, and he should stay at the fellowship for another year with a decent salary on the theory he’ll never start at the firm and can be looking for another job in the interim? (I think either way, he’s going to start sending out resumes)

    (This has completely thrown a wrench in our plans. We were going to finally give up on a roommates and move into a 1 bedroom by ourselves once he got that nice BigLaw salary. Sigh. So much for that. And I was going to get a kitten once we moved, too. I need chocolate)

    • Susan

      First of all, big hugs, and a big block of chocolate, too!

      Sorry to hear about this– how rotten to be jerked around like this, and the collateral damage, too.

      As for me, I’d go for the full year, instead of ’til March. And I heartily agree that he’s going to start sending out resumes! Good luck and keep us posted!

    • Ann

      I think he should stay until March. This conveys that he is still interested in the firm. He can still send out resumes and take a better offer if he gets it.

      • Miriam

        I disagree. They know he is still interested in the firm otherwise he would be working at another firm rather than the public interest organization. The only reason he is working there is because he is waiting on the firm job. I would go for the whole year because of security. Also, not sure if this is appropriate, but I would want to set up a meeting with the hiring manager/partner and have a serious discussion about when/if he is going to be hired. I would have to make it clear that I want to work for them, but also want to be realistic about whether that will ever happen.

    • Lawyer Bird

      Go back for the full year. It seems obvious the firm doesn’t have enough work to support him and it’s unlikely that will have changed by April. At least this way he has a guaranteed income for the next year. I agree that he should look for new jobs during that year.

      • MissJackson

        I’m inclined to agree with this advice, especially since he “enjoys” his public interest job. A guaranteed income with time to hunt for something else sounds like the best deal. Any hope of his public interest gig turning into a paid position (at a manageable wage)?

        However, it may be slightly relevant what the firm is doing for the rest of his class. If anyone at all is starting in January, that does not bode well (it says: we have enough work for some new associates, but you’re not one of them). If everyone is being deferred, that is marginally better news in terms of how much the firm might still “want” him, but not especially great in terms of the firm’s ability to support new associates any time soon.

        The problem, regardless, is that the longer that this goes on, the more graduates there are. He’s a 2010 grad who is now competing with the 2011 grads — by March/next December, he’ll effectively also be competing with the 2012 grads. (On a related note, what did this firm do in terms of summer associates in 2010 and 2011? Did they simply have no summer associates? If not, are they all being deferred, too? When will the cycle stop?)

        You definitely deserve some indulgent chocolate and a glass of wine. I’m so sorry :(

        • MeliaraofTlanth

          Not sure about the rest of the class. A few were asked to start before the end of fellowships over the past few months, but he hasn’t talked to those that were supposed to start the same time as him.

          The 2011 summers were supposed to start at the same time as he was. Now, who knows?

          Thanks for the advice, all. I’ll pass it along.

          (and alas, I can’t still get a kitten. One of my roommates has a cat that does not mix well with other animals. Or people, for that matter).

          • MeliaraofTlanth

            Oh, and I told him to call one of the partners and talk to them instead of the HR people, and he said he didn’t really know any well enough to call them up. (which I’m sure is part of the reason he hasn’t been called back earlier, but sadly that’s water under the bridge now)

          • AT

            Per your comment below that he doesn’t know anyone well enough… I would recommend that he identify a partner he worked with that he knows would remember him, and email them asking either to discuss career possibilities at the firm, or for a referral to another attorney at the firm that the partner would recommend. This elevates it above the HR level, and allows the partner to punt it to someone else (who might actually be able to give advice). If nothing comes of it, the BF hasn’t lost anything, but he MAY get to speak with someone who can give him some better advice. Granted – partners/sr associates may not have a lot of say, but they probably have at least an inkling of what’s going on. It can’t hurt.

          • ss

            Also do pass on to your friend that it is NOT the case that the firm doesn’t want him since someone has clearly made the decision to continue paying for the option of getting him in later.

            I’m in financial services myself so things may not work the same way. But FWIW when we last deferred our incoming class, we had a firm-wide hiring freeze. But as the year rolled on, specific businesses were able to justify new additions – for most part, this would be businesses which were already ahead of their revenue targets for the year and had wriggle room to add cost. When this happened, the HR folks would pass round the list of deferred candidates with their CVs and the individual hiring managers made their pick from this list. The HR folks were generally very good about making sure the whole list got a proper viewing whenever an opening came up but the actual decision on who to pick was made by a line manager.

            In this case, it was definitely a good thing for candidates to have kept in touch with all line managers whom they met during the interview process so that they stayed ‘top of mind’ in event these managers were in a position to hire. But it would have been a bad thing for a candidate to seek their attention only to discuss when/ if that candidate could be hired because the main reason to keep deferring from a line manager’s perspective would be “my unit isn’t making budget”.

            Hope this helps !

        • springtime

          I don’t know much about this stuff, but it doesn’t sound good that others were asked to come back early and he is being asked to defer again. Now, that might be because different practice groups have more openings, but it still doesn’t look good.

          Whether or not that means I’d take the 3 month internship or full year, I don’t know. It all sounds so sketch and I cannot believe law firms are allowed to do this.

  23. a.

    Just wanted to say thanks to all the people who plugged Kat’s Bota Box recommendation a couple of days ago–I got the Malbec last night, intending to make mulled wine (festive! seasonal! even though it’s 65 degrees outside!) with it, but upon tasting, decided it was too nice to fool around with, and used a crappy bottle of Cabernet my mom had sitting around instead. It was DELICIOUS. Granted, I’m not a wine snob, but it had a lovely, fruit-forward nose and a very smooth finish. I will probably be keeping one of those suckers on hand from here out.

  24. Research, Not Law

    I love the dress, but I feel like it’s something for a TV office, not a real office.

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